Mouse pads are for poor people. Rich and genuine developers always use laptops.

*Walks off in a cloud of gold dust

I'm not angry, mostly sad.

At my workplace we don't use git.
There are constant overwriting, sending code via email or USB stick and forgetting passwords to zip-files shenanigans going on.

I already use git for all my local projects (literally git init in the directory) but my coworker and I thought that it would be a great idea to have a local server with a Gitlab running on it.
So I started looking into running a self-hosted Gitlab (for about 15 minutes) and then our boss who was sitting right next to me almost shouted at us: "Such stuff should be coordinated with the boss! We don't just do something and burn my money because it's _cool_!"

No, git is not cool, it's necessary for crying out loud! Gitlab is cool but at the end of the day also just another tool too.

I guess I have some persuasion to do.

I don't know what version control has done to our boss that he has such a deep dislike for it.

I just spent an hour debugging my company's web app. More specifically, I was trying to fix a bug that made a label on a comment I just made say "Posted 3 days ago".

After confirming timestamps on the server are correct with a calculator, fiddling around with the js debugger, and ruling out weird timezone-related shenanigans, I came to a conclusion.

The bug was in fact sitting, quite comfortably, between the chair and the keyboard.

Yesterday I had moved the date on my computer roughly 3 days into the future, because I was testing out some unrelated code that was dealing with Redis, and I wanted to expire all of the keys stored inside of it.

Don't blame me, my parents told me I had fallen onto my head as a child.

#2 Worst thing I've seen a co-worker do?

Back before we utilized stored procedures (and had an official/credentialed DBA), we used embedded/in-line SQL to fetch data from the database.

var sql = @"Select
FieldsToSelect
From
dbo.Whatever
Where
Id = @ID"

In attempts to fix database performance issues, a developer, T, started putting all the SQL on one line of code (some sql was formatted on 10+ lines to make it readable and easily copy+paste-able with SSMS)
var sql = "Select ... From...Where...etc";

His justification was putting all the SQL on one line make the code run faster.
T: "Fewer lines of code runs faster, everyone knows that."

Mgmt bought it.

This process took him a few months to complete.

When none of the effort proved to increase performance, T blamed the in-house developed ORM we were using (I wrote it, it was a simple wrapper around ADO.Net with extension methods for creating/setting parameters)

T: "Adding extra layers causes performance problems, everyone knows that."

Mgmt bought it again.

Removing the ORM, again took several months to complete.

By this time, we hired a real DBA and his focus was removing all the in-line SQL to use stored procedures, creating optimization plans, etc (stuff a real DBA does).

In the planning meetings (I was not apart of), T was selected to lead because of his coding optimization skills.
DBA: "I've been reviewing the execution plans, are all the SQL code on one line? What a mess. That has to be worst thing I ever saw."
T: "Yes, the previous developer, PaperTrail, is incompetent. If the code was written correctly the first time using stored procedures, or even formatted so people could read it, we wouldn't have all these performance problems."

DBA didn't know me (yet) and I didn't know about T's shenanigans (aka = lies) until nearly all the database perf issues were resolved and T received a recognition award for all his hard work (which also equaled a nice raise).

hey there, long time no rant.
remember that manipulative, sociopathic angry manchild turdface PM, the kind that gives you a never ending rant inspiration? the one that got immortalized in like 90% of my rants?

well... it's time for the final update.
i decided to leave the team some months ago. my boss reacted very cool and supportive and suggested topics i could work on instead. when i told my colleague, he decided to leave the team at the same day. we both also complained at HR and added some papertrails about PM's shenanigans.
shortly after, another guy from the team quit and left the company, and i know that it was 100% because of this PM.
so, there were 2 devs left from originally 6 in PM's team.
some other people in the environment of this PM quit, one of his subordinates and someone from a greater project in which the PM's project was embedded.
after some internal investigations and discussions, the PM's team was completely kicked out of this greater project, since after ~ a year, this team was neither able to deliver anything useful nor to define what it actually was what they wanted to provide. instead, they actively blocked the project, solution finding and cooperation between teams. and this is quite very much PM's fault.

the final move came this month when PM got fired. i think, management finally realized that he is a total fraud who has no clue about the whole matter (neither what devices we build nor about software development). or management. or leadership. and that all he can do is produce hot air and bullshit people for some time to make them believe he knows something.
not sure how long he'll still be around, but i'm happy when i don't have to see his face ever again. i'm just sorry for the next company he'll be moving to...

Shit! I knew buzzwords were overused, but I just saw an ad and it is fucking jesused jambled bananas in the ass.

Starts with a woman looking out the window and there’s a tornado (seems ok for now)

The tornado approaches and IT IS MADE OF FUCKING NON MONOSPACED IN MY ASS FONTED 0s AND 1s. Bonus point: they are green !!

Switches to lines of GREEN code (kill my fucking brain with a pistol attached to your dick right now)
Probably JS or something similar in syntax.

And then: A FUCKING GUY LEANING OVER POINTING SOMETHING ON THE SCREEN! HIS NAMETAG:

Logan Paul
Blockchain

👏👏👏👏

And then some other buzzing asses armagedon en d of the fucking world bleeding edge vibrator buzzwords shenanigans.

Finishes with drones shot flying between businesses building with 3d floating words like

Blockchain!

Artificial Intelligence

Deep learning

Etc.

KILLLLLL MMMEEEE FU748-KFJV ING 3I6HT N0W $)&(&($8#;&(&8 jeiebc

I might lose my Job. Thanks to Central Bank of Nigeria's shenanigans, a promising FinTech startup might be about to go under.

Last month I got married, last month I got a raise. This morning, got told I'm being put on compulsory leave without pay (same as everyone).

Expecting no salary this month. I guess I'll be fine with some Laravel/Flutter freelancing.

Now, how to break the news to my wife. She knows I love my job, she's gonna be even more heartbroken/worried than I am. We were supposed to move to a bigger apartment next month when yearly rent here is due.

I guess we'll be alright. It is what it is.

!!oracle

I'm trying to install a minecraft modpack to play with a friend, and I'm super psyced about it. According to the modpack instructions, the first step is to download the java8 jre. Not sure if I actually need it or not, but it can download while I'm doing everything else, so I dutifully go to the download page and find the appropriate version. The download link does point to the file, but redirects to a login page instead. Apparently I need an oracle account to download anything on their site. stupid.

So I make an account. It requires my life story, or at least full name and address and phone number. stupid. So my name is now "fuck off" and I live in Hell, Michigan. My email is also "gofuckyourself" because I'm feeling spiteful. Also, for some reason every character takes about 3/4ths of a second to type, so it's very slow going. Passwords also cannot contain spaces, which makes me think they're doing some stupid "security" shenanigans like custom reversible encryption with some 5th grade math. or they're just stupid. Whatever, I make the stupid account.

Afterwards, I try to log in, but apparently my browser-saved credentials are wrong? I try a few more times, try enabling all of the javascripts, etc. No beans. Okay, maybe I can't use it until I verify the email? That actually makes some sense. Fine, I go check the throwaway inbox. No verification email. It's been like five minutes, but it's oracle so they probably just failed at it like everything else, so I try to have them resend the email. I find the resend link, and try it. Every time I enter my email address, though, it either gives me a validation error or a server error. I try a few mores times, and give up. I try to log in again; no dice. Giving up, I go do something else for awhile.

On a whim later, I check for the verification email again. Apparently it just takes bloody forever, but it did show up. Except instead of the first name "Fuck" I entered, I'm now "Andrew", apparently. okay.... whatever. I click the verify button anyway, and to my surprise it actually works, and says that I'm now allowed to use my account. Yay!

So, I go back to the login page (from the download link) and enter my credentials. A new error appears! I cannot use redirects, apparently, and "must type in the page address I want to visit manually." huh? okay, i go to the page directly, and see the same bloody error because of course i do because oracle fucking sucks. So I close the page, go back to the download list, click the link, wait for the login page redirect (which is so totally not allowed, apparently, except it works and manual navigation does not. yay backwards!), and try to log in.

Instead of being presented with an error because of the redirect, it lets me (try to) log in. But despite using prefilled creds (and also copy/pasting), it tells me they're invalid. I open a new tab container, clear the cache (just to be thorough), and repeat the above steps. This time it redirects me to a single signon server page (their concept of oauth), and presents me with a system error telling me to contact "the Administrator." -.- Any second attempts, refreshes, etc. just display the same error.

Further attempts to log in from the download page fail with the same invalid credentials error as before.

Fucking oracle and their reverse Midas touch.

Microsoft be like :
"Oh, you're moving away from your computer for a while with all this stuff open? It would a shame if some were to.. UPDATE it!"

It asks with a pop up, and if you don't answer it, it thinks "Oh, you're not telling me if I should update now or not, but I think you probably want me to update. UPDATE!"

For me, if I keep ignoring the update, it starts to create problems for me out of nowhere. It starts to lag and then the task manager starts to lag. EVERYTHING IS NOT RESPONDING.
When I finally update it, it acts like there were no issues at all. Everything is fine..

Even with Xbox, if it wants to update, it doesn't let you go online until you do. If it loses connection mid-update for some reason, it begins the update again from the friggin START. All that time updating gone to waste. Recently, I'm having a lot of issues with it. It doesn't let me sign in a lot of times. "We couldn't sign you in" for some reason. It JUST CAN'T. If you have a slow internet connection, you can't play any game at all. I contacted Microsoft Support about that issue and they concluded that it was all because of the slow internet connection and there were no issues on their end and they told me to GIT GOOD (Not exactly those words). If it does sign you in, it kicks you out mid-game for some reason with the evil pop up saying "Bye User_Name". The game says that YOU signed out (Dumb game, doesn't understand Microsoft shenanigans) and returns you to the main menu. If your game didn't save, well, GOOD luck to you!
Everything takes forever to load, if it decides it's not gonna load, it gives me a really helpful error saying "Something went wrong".
Maybe it's just me, it just hates me particularly. It makes me think that Microsoft intentionally acts like a douche just to get attention..

(In the end I think, maybe, this all is not a big deal if you surrender and accept Microsoft as your overlord)

I tried a few ways to stop Windows from updating automatically, but nothing worked (Maybe, I should try again).

Maybe I should dual boot Linux, but that brings a whole new set of things that I'd have to deal with, doesn't it?

Sigh

Really just an average week.
Just feel I need a bit of venting. (:

@meet: (monday)
- mgr: we need video transcoding and VOD ASAP.
- dev: on what server? It's expensive, especially without a GPU.
- mgr: prod is beefy. Put it there.
- dev: everything else is gonna crawl then.
- mgr: you have till the end of this week.

@demo (Friday)
- dev: k, it's ready.
- mgr: Why is everything slow??!
- dev: transcoding. Expensive.
- mgr: Why do we transcode? Never said I wanted transcode!
Can't we upload to YT?
- dev: ...yes. But will then each customer that wants VOD will need to setup YT studio and provide an endpoint and stream key.
- mgr: OK. But we're now behind schedule because of this and the customers will not be pleased.
- dev: oh, didn't know we're into gaming.
- mgr: ???
- dev: nvm, see you Monday.

...
Later Friday evening
...
*ding* mgr has added 5 new tasks to your list.
*ding* mgr subtracted 30 points from you.
reason: deadline over due.

Ya ya, the usual shenanigans.
Time to mute for the weekend.

Overheating The Javascript Ecosystem

Paranoid thought: You know, in the course of every day, being the corrupt piece of shit that I am, whenever I see a scandal or what looks like shenanigans-in-the-making, I ask myself

"Wisecrack, is this a fucking scam or con of some sort?"

I was recently asking myself this about javascript.

Not the language per se, but the ecosystem.

I noticed how there are a thousand CLIs for simple shit. Another four thousand for page long libraries, for simpleton level shit (because prototypes are designed after satans own aborted love-child of object models). I noticed another eight thousand guys imitating steve jobs, talking at conferences and 'change the world' high-on-huffing-my-own-shit TEDX talks like rubyists that don't realize the world has moved on, all to hawk books and inflate CVs for cushy positions at major tech firms and the herd of dicksuckers following the next fad off a cliff like lemmings. And another eight thousand 'tech journalists' pushing them off the cliff while begging for outrage and hype dollars and slowly circling like vultures above the drain that is the ad-based economy.

And I thought to myself.

"Wisecrack, who benefits from all this noisy self-indulgent horseshit? Where is all the money coming from for all these books, conferences, meetings, publications, media, bread, and circuses?"

"I don't know wisecrack. But if I were the CEO of a big company, threatened by the prospect of a universal language, or universal platform, like flash, but one I couldn't kill like flash, I would try to do the most corrupt thing I could think of."

"Whats that wisecrack?"

"I would try to 'overheat' the ecosystem by selectively hiring people from that ecosystem, pumping money into a boatload of similar products, all in the hopes of provoking the equivalent of an immune overreaction, imitators all flooding the ecosystem with the same shit in different packages, self promoting sycophants, aggrenadizing social media idiots, tools sold as tools, hyped as 'the next coming of steve jobs', overcooked shit that focuses on ceremony over functionality, ritual over productivity, documentation over innovation like some sort of amazonion infinite nesting doll hellscape of documents linking to documents linking to documents, each one a new circle of dantes inferno, where the definition of anything links to another document that says "see also xyz", and I would convince them that they had done it to themselves."

And then I would push typescript as their lord, savior, and master. "

"How do you know all this wisecrack?"

"Because I am a piece of shit, and, this is what I would do in any executive's shoes."

You know that the mobile ecosystem is completely fucked when you have to open up your device just to do a hard power cycle.. and what for? What's the fucking difference between a connector inside of the device, and one that's outside the device? A couple of cubic millimeters? If it's even that much?

update of after i got fired: after the fuck developers company llc was left with no developers, there was a girl there that i didn't mention earlier because as i said: the story is more complex. she came there with good intentions but after she knew the cruel nature of fuck and shit she became notoriously mad, we're still in contact with her so it's nice to hear from her some of the gags that happen there, one of which my really intelligent ex-boss the wordpress DEVELOPER himself told her to finish one of the projects i was working on, and a friend of mine who is infamous of his coding shenanigans left it in my hands before he left as well a couple of months prior (well he was fed up before us, and when i told him to stay with us he said "dude just listen to the motherfucker's voice, i can't do this anymore", my lovely ex-boss has this equally lovely screechy high pitched voice that caused me tinnitus), it's an asp.net project, uses web forms, and a lot of apis, the database is sql server, standard shit but there's no original creation script and i fucked up the only existing database which was in a local computer he used to like calling a SERVER, now to the point: this girl is not a developer, she was however working as a reporter?? kind of like jaspersoft the human or sap crystal woman and she claims that she's pretty good at it, and she's a genuinely good person who was dragged to hell just because she wanted to be close to her daddy (she was working in a different city with more than double the salary she's given now), but she's rich and her dada convinced her to come. she's currently learning java ee on her own so she'd probably leave in the next two months, in her resume she wrote that she know php, well i know php you know php we all know php (the syntax) kind of like mr. shit who passed the sololearn php CERTIFICATE and couldn't stop telling his boss and his boss a.k.a my ex-boss goes "sweet!". going back to the punchline of this rant: she told us that he came to her and asked her to finish the project with php.

Gave the marketing team access to JIRA and gave them permissions to create tickets. Don’t know if that was a management’s design or what. Tickets were poorly written and I had to make frequent follow ups to figure out what the heck was actually being requested. I did get accused of “questioning the request” at least once. It was a big WTF because I think marketing thought they managed dev team but they didn’t.

Marketing also didn’t give a damn about agile processes despite being told some simple rules, such as don’t change your ticket details after a dev has already begun work on it. I would pick up a ticket thinking it’s just html and css updates, then it would change to include an api update. No no no. You’ve just turned a 1 day ticket into a 1 week ticket. I don’t have time for these shenanigans.

I would also submit tickets for code review and marketing would say it’s not ready for review. Then why was that ticket in the to do column for the past two days?! They couldn’t make a decision and would submit revisions every single day.

And they would think devs could do everything. No, never assume the front end dev can pick up back end tasks.

No one on dev team really cared because we were all looking for new jobs anyway. The company was planning to lay us off in a year. Every month a dev gave notice and left.

devRant' s algorithm is up to its shenanigans again!

I'll just start off with how I really feel. Fuck big corporations with their career robots and retarded practices!
Now for a story. So I work remotely for most of the time nowadays, since my company has as clients big corporations. Used to be embedded with said clients, but it became kind of painful to work with them all so I asked to be reassigned to a remote position.
Now for the retarded part: The fucking Klingons I'm working with have two tiers to their VPN, but won't let me have the full version because it would be too fucking expensive. I checked and it's fucking 50 bucks per year difference.
So for that the Klingons are making me code through a remote connection that has a "best effort" priority.
Fuck.
Anyway after 3 weeks of writing code at a 400-600ms latency I finally snap.
I try to use a proxy and it. I write one myself, gets balcklisted in 2 days.
After about another week of writing code through a fuck straw I start working on node socket with 2 clients and a server that encrypts the send data, and syncs 2 folders between my workstation and the remote one.
It's been a month now and it is still working. It's not perfect, but I can at least write code without lag.

Question for you peeps: What shenanigans have you pulled to bypass shit like this?

Our new virtual ai..

RSpec:
Undefined method 'agent_authorization=' for #<Periodic::Payment:0x000000C0FFEE>

Rails Console:
> Periodic::Payment.last.agent_authorization = "PPD"
=> "PPD"
> puts "Hmmm."
=> "Hmmm."

Somewhere in the svalbard vault where github buried all our code is about two hundred megabytes of pictures of my ass and other pornography stenographically hidden in innocous pictures hosted on github. Why? Because I can.

I did the same thing with stock photography back when I used to be a photographer. If you've used pixabay or a dozen other stock sites theres a good chance you've unwittingly looked at my magnificently sculpted ass (and other parts of me).

Future shenanigans include massive (and unsolicited) deliveries of half finished dildos (courtesy of dildo factory dumpster rejects), public accesible blue tooth speakers put in inaccesible spots, deepfakes of opposing politicians banging uglies, public book burnings not because we hate books but because who the fuck reads anymore?

And orgies, lots of orgies.

Its the end of the world. Let loose with the craziness and party.

> be me
> be developing a react native app
>realize the iPhone X notch is clipping your content on the first/home screen of the app
>google says: simple fix
>find a built-in react native thing to add safe area padding
> refresh the app
> ohno.png
> the other screens with navigation bars already have built in padding
> TOOMUCHPADDING.jpeg
> remove safe area thingy
> finds a clever, not particularly hacky way to pad the home screen without showing the header bar by setting its height to 0 and the color to match the content background
> more-problems.app
> there’s a small 1–pixel light colored line separating the header from the content clearly breaking the otherwise continuous single color background
> google.sh
> wtf.txt
> stackoverflow.html
> no responses except something I’d already done
> keep experimenting
> tries basically everything to figure out where that line is coming from
>sets borders to thicccc and bright red
>no bottom border? Ok that’s not it
>opacity?
>forgetaboutit.mov
>try shifting the header position around by a few pixels? Maybe it’s misaligned with the white parent layer underneath?
> nope.jpg
>it’s past bedtime
>Sleep.jpg
>thenextday(today).zip
> what about the content? Is that misaligned?
> nope2.jpg
>Maybe its an iOS feature not a react thing?
> make a test Xcode project, completely native to test
> negative.dng (pun intended)
> more-furious-googling.mp3
> find a native iOS stackOverflow question with the same issue (1px line)
> realize your Xcode test wasn’t done properly.
>atleastimmakingprogress.iso
> start looking into the SO post
>it’s native so I have to find out how to do it in react-native
>invent a bunch of style parameters that don’t exist in the documentation to see if there’s an undocumented thing
>loadsaloadsaerrors.log
>googles for a react native version of the iOS only SO post
> somethingpromising.tar.gz
> *tries it*
> “Haha nope” -my code
> whataboutthisotherthing.bin
> KENSISHSBUCNEGWISBVSIDNRVSIDNFIRJRBDKFNFIDJFIFKFNR
> HOLY FUCK
> IT WORKED
> AFTER TWO FUCKING DAYS OF SHITTERY AND SHENANIGANS
>AND MANY STACKOVERFLOW EDITS TO A NOW VERY MESSY POST
>THEREISNOMOREBORDER(final).zip
>*screams of relief*

DAPHNE: We finally caught the mean old Edge Browser! Now let's find out who you *really* are!
SCOOBY: Ruh-roh!
SHAGGY: Yoink!
DAPHNE: Gasp! It was Old Man Trident Rendering Engine all along!
VELMA: We could have worked it out from how Edge has exactly the same bugs and performance problems is IE!
OLD MAN TRIDENT: And I'd have got away with it if it wasn't for you pesky kids!

The fuck is up with venv, conda, pip, pip3, python3, CRYPTOGRAPHY_OPENSSL_NO_LEGACY and "you can't install packages in docker based environments" DUDE STOP WHAT THE FUCK

How the fuck is that the scripting language of choice? It has by far the most confusing and messy runtime setup. Like it's easier to make sense of Javas version-shenanigans than this bullshit.

And then you think well what gives. Runs > python ...
"This environment is externally managed and you can go kill yourself, JUST LOOK UP PEP-666" LIKE NO YOU FUCK, JUST RUN THE FUCKING SCRIPT!

It's nice you thought about separation of versions but DOCKRR DOCKER DOCKER THERE ARE CONTAINERS WHY THE FUCK DO YOU DO SOME BULLSHIT WITH ENVS IN FOLDERS REQUIRING SOME RUNTIME BULLSHIT WHAT NO STOP WWHYYY

What office shenanigans do you guys do?

ZNC shenanigans yesterday...

So, yesterday in the midst a massive heat wave I went ahead, booze in hand, to install myself an IRC bouncer called ZNC. All goes well, it gets its own little container, VPN connection, own user, yada yada yada.. a nice configuration system-wise.

But then comes ZNC. Installed it a few times actually, and failed a fair few times too. Apparently Chrome and Firefox block port 6697 for ZNC's web interface outright. Firefox allows you to override it manually, Chrome flat out refuses to do anything with it. Thank you for this amazing level of protection Google. I didn't notice a thing. Thank you so much for treating me like a goddamn user. You know Google, it felt a lot like those plastic nightmares in electronics, ultrasonic welding, gluing shit in (oh that reminds me of the Nexus 6P, but let's not go there).. Google, you are amazing. Best billion dollar company I've ever seen. Anyway.

So I installed ZNC, moved the client to bouncer connection to port 8080 eventually, and it somewhat worked. Though apparently ZNC in its infinite wisdom does both web interface and IRC itself on the same port. How they do it, no idea. But somehow they do.

And now comes the good part.. configuration of this complete and utter piece of shit, ZNC. So I added my Freenode username, password, yada yada yada.. turns out that ZNC in its infinite wisdom puts the password on the stdout. Reminded me a lot about my ISP sending me my password via postal mail. You know, it's one thing that your application knows the plaintext password, but it's something else entirely to openly share that you do. If anything it tells them that something is seriously wrong but fuck! You don't put passwords on the goddamn stdout!

But it doesn't end there. The default configuration it did for Freenode was a server password. Now, you can usually use 3 ways to authenticate, each with their advantages and disadvantages. These are server password, SASL and NickServ. SASL is widely regarded to be the best option and if it's supported by the IRC server, that's what everyone should use. Server password and NickServ are pretty much fallback.

So, plaintext password, default server password instead of SASL, what else.. oh, yeah. ZNC would be a server, right. Something that runs pretty much forever, 24/7. So you'd probably expect there to be a systemd unit for it... Except, nope, there isn't. The ZNC project recommends that you launch it from the crontab. Let that sink in for a moment.. the fucking crontab. For initializing services. My whole life as a sysadmin was a lie. Cron is now an init system.

Fortunately that's about all I recall to be wrong with this thing. But there's a few things that I really want to tell any greenhorn developers out there... Always look at best practices. Never take shortcuts. The right way is going to be the best way 99% of the time. That way you don't have to go back and fix it. Do your app modularly so that a fix can be done quickly and easily. Store passwords securely and if you can't, let the user know and offer alternatives. Don't put it on the stdout. Always assume that your users will go with default options when in doubt. I love tweaking but defaults should always be sane ones.

One more thing that's mostly a jab. The ZNC software is hosted on a .in domain, which would.. quite honestly.. explain a lot. Is India becoming the next Chinese manufacturers for software? Except that in India the internet access is not restricted despite their civilization perhaps not being fully ready for it yet. India, develop and develop properly. It will take a while but you'll get there. But please don't put atrocities like this into the world. Lastly, I know it's hard and I've been there with my own distribution project too. Accept feedback. It's rough, but it is valuable. Listen to the people that criticize your project.

I am almost done with the recyclable Rant View structure, but now I understand the matters at hand.

Dynamic height UICollectionViewCell’s.

I am not even using UIKit, I’m using SwiftUI.

Welp, off to StackOverflow and days of UIViewRepresentables shenanigans.

Fuck.

I mistyped cap (from Capistrano) so often that I made an alias for it. Now bash history is full of... Crap. Literally.

My boss seen it once.... Luckily, he's already seen so many of my shenanigans that he didn't even care...

So yeah, I made an alias that changed one single character so I don't need to learn how to type.

crap staging deploy

So, I move house with my amazing, already configured and stable router with built in VPN, DDNS, Port forwarding and DHCP addresses.

Received ISP shitty router at new address and want to use as modem only, so I go read the manual.

"Bridge mode requires you to configure your other router with PPPoE and the ISP's credentials"

Landline is not working, so I cannot call the number to retrieve my password. After 2 days of waiting, engineer visits, installs master socket, dial tone yaaay.

Call number to get password, automated voice message has such a bad sound quality that I cannot figure out if it's saying F or S, and there are two of those letters.

Put ISP router in bridge mode, set other router to PPPoE and put credentials, nothing. Try with F and F, S and F, F and S, S and S... Nothing. Put it back to dynamic IP address, it works.

I resign myself and manually configure everything I had on the good router to the ISP one. A few issues with my server and DDNS, but hey, internet works.

Start missing the other functionality, try the password idiocy again. Nothing.

Next day, go to work, talk to a colleague that lives close and has the same provider: "I just put it into bridge mode and it worked".

Go back home, bridge mode on ISP router, Dynamic IP on good router, no credentials. It works.

Why do I always overcomplicate stuff?

Another case of "couldn't you've told me BEFORE I started working on this?"

I'm making a training in Unity3D for a client, and they want it to integrate with their learning management system (LMS).
I made a simple SCORM package that gets the userID and then uses a custom URL scheme to launch the app with the user data from the LMS.

Tested on multiple platforms, all works perfectly fine.

Than, during a meeting, some says they "can't download it". I ask "which browser are you using?" and he says "I'm using the LMS app."
... the LMS has an APP?

So I start figuring out ways to launch the system default browser from within a app's embedded browser, and nothing so far has worked.
target=_system, nope.
all kinds of weird javascript shenanigans, but the LMS APP browser just blocks everything.
Probably to protect students from malicious software that could be injected in courses, but now I'm stuck trying to find a workaround for this too.

But what sucks the most is that this happened DAYS BEFORE THE DEADLINE!
Well, at least the deadline won't be my problem anymore soon.

RAAAAAAH fuck fuck fucking shit!!! Fuck jest Typescript "on the fly" compilation esModuleInterop typeroots, missing definitions jest ts-ignore and xtest everywhere, manual npm linking with different pkg mgrs & pub to a private registry, building docker images locally and doing tag management across git, docker & kubernetes then cross fingers that prod which has 0 common setup with local & test somehow works, open architecture "tickets" and wait months before they resolve, then repeat ad infinitum. How the fuck can I be productive when I need to be all over the place all the time and deal with these meta-code shenanigans. I just wanna code, damned

Just added a group to my user without the -a option....

Result: my user no longer belongs to the sudo group and I do not have access to the root user or sudo.

Hopefully the group I added was docker, time for some container shenanigans to escalate my privilege back.

I work in huge corporation. Got an offer for smaller company and gave 2 week notice. My corporation offered me better base salary and retention bonus to stay. I accepted (mistake) and now they are not coming back with retention bonus or salary increase. I found out they did same trick with different person. Wtf... huge corporation is doing those kind of shenanigans?

Just been to a hackathon and made a react native app with lots of shenanigans without having used js before. Feels good :)

hey devs, quick question:
does rust support branchless conditionnals and jump tables, and if yes where to look for syntax?

i found no example for branchless so far and jump tables are scary in rust (and i need a library to use them, it seems).

inb4 "why in the hell/ what possible use those have?!":
i use branchless to make a looping array and jump tables whenever there's more than 4 if statements with equal probability, and the deciding factor is a numeric value, so quite often.

Alright, epic throwback to high school
-So I'm taking this CS course on java
-Teacher seems legit
-Knows his shit
-Gets the job done
-Introduces the class to an IDE
-Such wow
-I whip out my Eclipse Oxygen (with Hello World preloaded, obviously) like the nerd I am
-Suddenly:
-BlueJ
-Literally the worst editor ever
-And teacher somehow expects us to work in it with git

WTF.

For those of you who have never worked with BlueJ, thank God you haven't.

/end rant

What new languages should I learn? I'm working on C++, but PHP seems fun...

I was refactoring a 4000 lines JavaScript file, turning whatever I could into components. It was a pretty old project that I ended up being one of the few wizards to actually know how most of it works.

At one point, I noticed that login into a user account redirected us to the dev-test server, even when working on a local Docker container.

I never quite understood the issue, but ended up having the bug mysteriously disappear.

Until it came back two months later, then disappeared again.

At one point, all of the dev team on the project (four developers, me included, and one project manager) was investigating the issue, and we never figured out how or why this was happening.

Just Symfony routes shenanigans I guess.

<!doctype confusedRant 😕>

Plot: we need to release our website in two weeks which holds at least a thousand pages. All these pages are manually migrated from the old website, which doesn't have a database. Current status: 650 pages/1000 are completed, 40 different templates need to be adapted. I'm alone on these templates, my colleagues create the pages and fill the new database

So I'm working on the templates a WebDev coded for our website on a licensed CMS, and had this decently simple html block that looks like a square and consisting of roughly this (Emmet style):

a.area > blockquote > strong.title + p

After adding another <a> element inside the p, I noticed that my <a> wouldn't display and bust the whole look of the square.

Just for more details, the CSS the dev made is ultra specified (meaning each element is too precisely "described" : div.class .child .child2 { /* styles */ } when it could be .class .child2 for example). Also, the templates he made need to be compatible with any "module" the website has, thus the need of this high specificity

So I fired up the DevTools to check what happened, and had:

Expected: a.area > blockquote > strong.title + p > a
Actual result: some new a.area were wrapping the <strong>, the <p> and the <a> I just added. The source code was not showing any of this but just the rules I initially wrote - the expected result

Wtf?! I thought the JS the dev made was adding elements. I disabled said JS, and bam, these a.area were still wrapping everything!! What black magic would add these stupid tags I never asked for.

So I went looking in the CSS files in case some wizardry was happening, but everything was OK.

I tried changing my structure, changing tag (swapping a.area to p.area or without .area), HTML just said "nope, have those please".

Eventually I rewrote my own module out of frustration after three quarters of an hour fiddling with this stupid "module". I hate losing time for such shenanigans and under a lot of pressure because of deadlines.

Still haven't figured why those <element>.area would wrap everything out of nowhere...

Hey guys, quick one.

Frontend guys,
I need some CSS library that I can use for project I need do ASAP.

I have +- 1h to learn it, I need frontend and I need it NOW. It can be ugly. Prefered flex grid or sth along these lines. But please, if it has more than 15 minutes of reading through doc's its disqualified.

Any suggestions?
Im backend guy and know no shit about frontend.

NoJs. No Jquery. No JS. Nope. Im not having time for any line of shenanigans of JS.

Thx; peace.

Atomoxetine 40mg here we goooo
I’m so tired of that autistic shenanigans that don’t let me live properly

God I hate slow burn in projects.

Trying to do something with a feature that's still in beta for the language. No docs so I asked for this.

Seems like a cycle of days where I'd be trying random ass solutions to no avail when suddenly one time I mistype the Google search and it brings me to this obscure ass blog with a potential solution that raises some new issue all over again.

It's been modification/addition/removal of over 10000 lines in different local branches and commits and only 200 of them actually are going to make it into the final code.

I was told to be more inclusive.
So from now on, i (void *) everything and compile with -w

So, i have that assignment about docker stuff. nifty piece of software i must say.

anyways im installing docker software on windows bc im thinking if i have something that gives me at least the correct structure and some skeletal syntax i will have a faster grasp of the thing. expecting some sort of high level ide but end up instead with what looks like a blank window, with the only obvious choice being sign into some bullshit i dont need. but thats another story

my point is:
when installing the thing it prompted me to install WSL2. which i supposedly am not supposed to have because my cpu doesnt support intel virtualisation. but being impatient (thats why i came to look for an assisted solution), i pursued the installation.

lo and behold: i end up with a shell prompt at the root of a linux filesystem!
i ran 2 or 3 muscle-memory commands and closed the prompt, i was in docker stuff up to the neck.
later on, when i go back to my project, in a virtual machine its sluggish af and screams at me that amd-v is not supported because of something something nested pages (will look up later how that one works).

dont have time to explore it some more yet, and especially experiment or even barely look at this glorious mess because i have something barely working and no time to have it fail.
but this story definitely left me perplexed.

and also : you can run WSL2 on an fx8350

Clearcase....why oh why must my company work with this shenanigans

The crazy shenanigans you can do with C++ standard libs are fascinating.
Like implementig multithreading with just a foreach, and bindings which can make member function pointers to simple function pointers, and placeholders in bindings. Also lambda functions are cool.
Something between the lines:
my_crazy_class *tmp = new my_crazy_class(...);
std::vector<type> my_array = .....;
std::for_each(std::execution::par,my_array.begin(),my_array.end(),
[&](type in){
auto fn = std::bind( &my_crazy_class::my_crazy_fnc,*tmp,_1,random_static_value);
return fn(in);
});
ps:
It's pretty much pseudocode, and please don't do things like this, it's bad for your mental health.
pps:
I need to learn how to use this tools wisely.

I need help understanding the differences in VM HDD images...
I use VHDs as I can mount them in Windows as the difference in speed doing large copy operations, bidirectional transfer, partition shenanigans, etc. inside and outside the VM is *HUGE*, but what's the difference between VHD, VDI, QCOW2 and VMDK?

A friend of mine studies mathematics and he told me about a project he has to do and we worked on it together a bit: Numerically calculate the arctan.
He dug out a nice series by (the one and only) Euler and we started massaging the thing to get it into a bit of a nicer form (there were (n!)^2 and other shenanigans) and we eventually succeeded after some stupid simple errors and arrived at a quite simple recursive progression. After that he also found a formula to transform a given value into the region where our formula actually mimics the arctan and we proceeded to proof this formula. The programming was straight forward and now we only have to find the radius of convergence which I suspect is pi^2 (but no proof).
I had a lot of fun doing this, fiddling around with the formulas and then programming it to see it actually becoming real.

I've been thinking about ways to improve my workflow for my personal projects.

I'm getting to grips with continuous integration and deployment etc, but I want to also automate, or at least semi automate my changeling generation.

I don't like using any sort of gitlog shenanigans, and I quite like the girls way of doing it.

I.e you run a script which generates a yaml file with your changeling info in, and then all the files are written into the changelog.md file.

How do you guys handle the generation of your changelings?

man if i could figure out how to do stuff and had the money to do stuff i'd be dangerous as fuck, but as of now i can only posit questions... it sucks.

Examples:
- What do modern browsers/crawlers do when hit with, say, an "HTTP 450 Blocked by Windows Parental Controls" or an "HTTP 374" status code?
- What happens if I do <xyz minor edge case thing> on <system?> (just use your imagination, this happens for every edge case i can think of for every system and the list wouldn't fit in a few megs' worth of half-byte ASCII, much less *here*)
- What if I made like a board to fuck with busses while systems were on? Press a button and for like five bus clock cycles pins like 6 and 7 are shorted? That sort of thing. As for system/bus types, *literally any* (old consoles with expansion ports, PCI/-e/-X/whatever, southbridge, etc.)
- What if I did <filetype> shenanigans by doing <something indescribably horrible> to this file? How do things react?

Our company (non tech) made Python available to install on company PCs sometime last year. Great! Only vanilla Python. Not so great. I opened a ticket to ask for the possibility to install additional packages, or if thats too much to ask, if they at least make some packages available (code review and somesuch was mentioned). Today (!), after several responsibility transfers, I finally had a conference call with someone in the company who
A) wanted to help me
B) was authorized to help me and
C) actually knew wtf I even wanted from them.

And after a goddamn hour of command line shenanigans and stackoverflow visits on both sides, I FINALLY have access to pipy.org and can download and install to my hearts content. However it was so long ago that I made that request that I kinda forgot what I wanted to actually DO with those packages...

I have this instructor at the moment, and I've had this instructor before but this semester is almost intolerable because of the instructor. He is good with processors and knows the history of how computers came to be pretty well, mostly because he lived through it, but for the 2nd year in a row he is teaching how to create games. This class is mandatory. We are creating games using html5 and Javascript. He refuses to give any game engine a chance. He gives inconsistent grades (i.e. we did everything right but got 17/30) only to go to his office, sit there for about 45 minutes watching him struggle to operate a computer and nitpick our code. He asks us what certain things do in our code, but not as in a teacher-student questionnaire, he just plain doesn't know what any of it does. Then after the shenanigans, you see your grade updated a few days later and he gives you maybe 5 points back, so you go back until you get the grade you deserve. It's a mess. This is my last semester with him and I've mapped out my last year at the uni to make sure I DON'T take any classes with this him.

I feel like instead of disallowing people to pull their packages from npm the actual solution should've been to have another company crop up that just cached packages on npm

then the devs that think this level of security applies to them can pull packages from the cached service and there's no such shenanigans like the "everything" package

and people on npm can still unpublish

not being able to unpublish is so authoritarian... but caching is "I'm not responsible for this anymore so who cares"
similarly the cached service shouldn't pull in everything but only things people called for

because in a bunch of my project if something is pulled I'm totally fine with rolling my own or finding something else

but for corporate projects that would be hell for them. they have different needs.

let's be real, there needs to be the 4chan of packages

doing an assignment.

me, thinking to myself: "why the heck everybody pastes over an nginx config when they want to script switching the autoindex on or off?

thats not linux at all you sed the fucker that's how its done...", feeling all smart

> type it
> test it

looking fine, as always. im born for this shit

> run it

>restart nginx

restart fails.
i check if i didnt sed any whitespaces, everything seems fine

>restart nginx
fail again.
look closer
.
.
.
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4 lines below intended target: "locatioff" lmfao