so i just got fired 🔥 🔥 🔥 because i wanted a 200 fucking dollars raise after 1 year of work and sacrifices and feeling like shit.
200$ because i live in the 3rd fucking world, working with a stupid motherfucking boss (you know the fat old tone deaf cunt), he's american, and he brings projects from the US from clients paying thousands of dollars, and he pays us 300$, and by the fucking way he used to pay us 100$ (we are 3 developers, a dick who does nothing but report our behavior, and a shit who does shit. we are a development company and we are the only developers and we got fired because he thought we didn't deserve the raise and that he sees no reason in giving us more money because we're already wasting the company's money and time).
So now the only people left there are the dick, the shit and the fatass boss who's in the states rn.
the funny thing is after we left by an hour or so we got calls from many other companies that we refused to work with because of our loyal-fucking-ty.
the motherfucker thinks we're conspiring against him, that we don't trust him, well of fucking course we don't, he lies about having a company in the US, well it's there but it's suspended (we looked it up), he says he's a microsoft, intel, adobe, dell, lenovo partner, and he's not.
well fuck i'm kind of happy that i left, i'm sitting with my friends in a cafe right now thinking about finishing our personal projects.
forgot something: the projects we were working on are unfinished, and there's not a single fucker to finish them, so he's ball deep in shit. hope this rant is relatable

Rant after a long time...

A week or two ago, I posted how my ISP is fucking up the net neutrality law by fast laning Google/Facebook while rest of the internet struggles for me.

I did the speed test multiple times and confronted them. This time I was really pissed and the support guy tried to fool me by saying that there's some download going on which is affecting the speed. I said that should not occur at all no matter the download. And there was no download going on in background.

He asked to share my screen via anydesk and I did. We tested the speed.

Now the son of a bitch says that my laptop is crappy and I need to get a new laptop in order to use their service or else I will struggle with speed.

I finally lost my patience. I was literally shivering and ripped his ass off for fooling me.

Motherfucker did not stop there. He now asks me how many devices are connected to the router, and I say 4.

He blames the router for not being able to bear the load.

I told him that if he doesn't stop fooling me I would literally grab his throat and punch the shit out of him.

To which he says, he will send an 'engineer' too check the issue as it is probably with local hardware and nothing from their end.

The so called stupid engineer arrives. Grabs the lan cable, clips off the connector, fits in a new one and asks me to test it.

DO I FUCKING LOOK LIKE A DICK SUCKING DONKEY?

HOW THE FUCK IS THAT GOING TO SOLVE THE SPEED ISSUE WHICH IS EVIDENTLY FROM THEIR END?

Anyways, he has done it multiple times and I know their trick. They throttle the speed for an hour or two for customer to calm down.

Shit works but this time I am gonna chop his dick off for sure.

Internet starts lagging again. I call him up and experiment in front of him that Facebook clearly works faster than Reddit.

I show this to his engineer as well. We speed test and the results fail.

I am not even getting the speed I paid for, let alone using Google/Facebook on fast lane.

I ask him the reason and why they are doing this. This is fraud and clearly illegal.

I said, that I will register a police complaint to which he says they have 'special certificate' and are allowed to do this.

I THINK THESE ASSHOLES CONSIDER THEIR CUSTOMERS AS MINDLESS PIGS.

I ask him to produce the certificate to which he says that he has the privacy right to not show it.

FUCK YOU MOTHERFUCKER.

I posted this on Reddit seeking help.

I registered a consumer forum complaint.

I tweeted the net neutrality organisation of India seeking help.

I contacted IT ministry of India seeking help.

Looking forward to sending them a written legal notice and contacting few more authorities to teach this bastard some lesson.

If any of you can help in anyway to fuck this assholes, do let me know.

Let's DDoS them, if that's possible. 🤣🤣

Lost the password to the main modem/router of our apartment (live in a normal flat of which the rooms are rented out to three students and me) which is in my room and tried to reset the fucker for a trillion times but couldn't get back in, the password didn't reset.

Took a closer look at the reset button and suddenly noticed some text under it saying "wireless connect". Then I noticed a tiny round "hole" above the reset text.

Fuck my sideways, I've been pressing the "wireless connect" button instead of the actual reset one every goddamn time 😐

I can now port forward again 😊

Excuse the profuse amount of profanity below.

Fuck this fucking fucked up motherfucker of a fucking director. Money does not make you a fucking decent person, and you come in here and tell me that you pay my fucking measly salary so I must be fucking grateful.

Starts off with a boardroom meeting this morning. Wireless connection on my laptop takes two minutes to connect, I get told that I am wasting company time and that the salary of everyone in the meeting is quite a lot ("with me being the highest"- cuntface director) so stop wasting time. Fuck you man, it's a fucking wireless connection. I am building your motherfucking company applications and doing web design and for what, so I can earn fuckall and be told that I am fucking wasting time. I am presenting your fucking site you wanted, so give me a fucking minute extra to start up the fucking wireless connection.

The fucking mails are taking long to send, great, let's come down and fucking scream at the dev who regrettably said he would try and assist IT (by calling the provider). I literally just got told that I am the following. 1) Fucking stupid 2) He is going to close the dept down because I apparently fuck up (yet again cuntface, your fucking mailserver is NOT MY FUCKING PROBLEM) 3) He is going to contact an external company to come and check my work. 4) I am fucking useless. 5) I telling him lies (yeah fuckface, I worked as a sys admin, I know what a motherfucking DNS server is and what it does. you don't - so don't fucking tell me that I am lying when I tell you there is a DNS fucking issue, because you don't know what the fuck you are talking about - to top that off motherfucker, I FUCKING BUILT YOUR FUCKING SERVER AND YOUR FUCKING NETWORK. I FUCKING KNOW HOW IT WORKS AND WHAT THE FUCK I AM TALKING ABOUT).

On top of that, I got pushed out of the way of my own PC, my code got some fucked up gibberish in it (because he was trying to minimise my editor and he typed some in it, and now I have to fucking roll-back. He told me I am wasting company time and he will take my shit away from me if I download something again. It is an open network. I downloaded JAVA and fucking updated Sublime. Jesus man. What the fucking fuck.

"why is your gmail open?!?!" because I was testing your emails from an external network. "DON'T FEED ME BULLSHIT" (even though the top mail states "test"). It's the whole fucking "my money determines my dick size" mentality.

That being said, I got told that I need to work overtime, without pay, to resolve IT's issue, even if I have to on the weekend.

That being said,my new Dell that I had just bought (my own) got thrown on the floor and he fucked out of my office. Stupid motherfucker. I fucking earn nothing but cannot leave. I will find another job, and when I do - you can go and fuck yourself and your fucking degrading opinions. I am not fucking stupid, so fuck you.Fuck your company and fuck you. Cunt.

As I was walking to the store, I found yet another piece of evidence of nature rape (aka fucking nature by littering of harmful substances). Just like last time I brought it home for proper disposal.

But if I ever find the motherfucker who did this, I have a nice punishment for you. I'll knock you unconscious, drag you home, take your phone and desolder its battery. Then I'll strap a plastic bag around your stupid face, and put the battery in there while it's being shorted. Quickly it'll heat up and you'll start to turn blue with that little bag being your only oxygen source. And when that battery puffs, boy are you going to fucking gasp it all in. Hopefully that'll be poisonous enough to kill you on the spot. If not, I'll have some fun watching you die from oxygen deprivation. Or I'll jam that very same AA battery that you dropped down your throat - you choose.

Call me a psycho all you want, but what does that make you, whoever attempted to further fuck nature by uncaringly dropping a battery on the sidewalk? Oh and let's not mention the results of it - a heatwave that's been going on for over a month now. Thank you so much for bringing the place that you deserve to be in - hell!

Whoever thinks that coding is easy.

Fuck you motherfucker stupid chicken head nugget sized brain faggots. You think all we do is smash keyboards in front of our screen and it poops code and creates beautiful applications? Fuck you in particular.

One of my friend says sitting on computer for whole day is the easiest thing. What the fuck motherfucker.
One fucking string can fuck your life forever. Innumerable hours will be wasted behind one simple fucked up logic. And u shithead say its easy.
Get into my shoes and let me bang your head on the keyboard and we will see how beautifully it poops code.

Stupid people.

Monday morning, went to the local grocery store to get myself some croissants and 2 bottles of wine.

Cashier: "Already at it in the morning, you sure about that?"

Me: "Long story short, I've got a Wi-Fi driver from Intel to debug and rewrite, and it's a fucking piece of shit.. can't go at it without hitting or preferably exceeding the Ballmer Peak... Also I'm awake since yesterday evening already."

Why even ask? Yeah I'm a fucking alcoholic, and guess why that is.. stupid nontechnical fucks, certified enganeers like that motherfucker at Intel who wrote this pile of garbage called ipw2200, and technology that can't be arsed to work properly on its own unless I build the fucking thing myself, just to name a few reasons.

You know what, fucking piece of shit from Intel, whoever it is? How about I let you choke on my dick while fucking hanging you with a sharp metal wire that's carrying 2kVAC from a microwave transformer, just to see whether I'd nut first, or you either choke, get electrocuted, or get your fucking throat slit first. Certificates aren't an excuse for committing this fucking pile of shit and calling it a fucking product!!

Now, it's time to dive into this giant stinking fucking turd I guess.. first glass of wine to get myself prepared for the shitstorm that's a giant 20k LoC C file with barely any comments, to look what the fuck causes this fucking pile of shit to disconnect and ask for WPA credentials after a while, despite having them stored.. and not reconnect after that, because why the fuck would you?!

Saw some cheapie little radio in the dollar store, bought 2 of them for reverse engineering. Powered it from my lab bench power supply as usual, and tested whether it actually works before doing anything else.. then I noticed that the tunes were actually quite catchy, so I just ended up listening.

Then I started to notice that the audio wire I was using (the one I've spent a couple of days building earlier) had intermittent audio issues where the right driver would drop out when the wire was held in certain positions. Oscilloscope probing showed that there was some sort of disconnect, with only the 50Hz noise from the power lines showing up. Opened up the connector and noticed that the ground wire had detached. An 28AWG electrical wire that was inside a jack that was meant for stress relief! Yet the copper strands must've detached one by one regardless. What do I need then, huh?! 18AWG which wouldn't even fit on the connector, only to see the strands in that eventually detach as well?! You know what, let's go fancy.. 1AWG which is meant for extremely high current applications!!

At that point I was literally shouting "FUCK!!! Why does this shit always happen to me?!! ONE FUCKING PROJECT THAT FINISHED SUCCESSFULLY, YET STILL BROKE?!!!! WHY!!!!!!"

Clearly I need some fresh air to cool down. On my way to the fast food restaurant to get some Bicky burgers. More shit, humans. One stupid driver who slowed down on me, which of all things I hate the most. GO FASTER ALREADY YOU SLOWFUCK, AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY SIGHT!!! Next a pedestrian with a dog.. I swear motherfucker, if that dog comes anywhere near me I'll personally turn it into fucking fricassee.

Ah and then comes the killer.. in this stupid fucking summer, all that's needed to fix any issue is a fucking stupid DESPACITO, right?! More like DeSPASTICo!! FUCK!!!!

.. Back home, rather tired. So essentially a wire that was specifically built to have high endurance broke on me. Back to Bluetooth I guess.

WTF BOSS?

STOP WRITING THESE FUCKING OBVIOUS SQL INJECTABLE CODE YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT!!!

BURN MOTHERFUCKER, BURN!!!

Motherfucker, every fucking meeting on this project we have a fucking 3 week deadline to accomplish the fucking impossible.

And now they practically want me to rewrite the whole fucking application.

And my fucking boss can't fucking shut the fuck up and keep having "ideas" on new thing.

YEU FUKCING STUPID PIECES OF SHIT!!! HOW CAN WE ADD SHIT WHEN EVERYTHING IS HALF ASSED BECAUSE WE DONT STOP ADDING SHIT? FUCK YOU!

So I got an e-mail from a recruiter (a.k.a. recruiter spam) today looking for a candidate with four "essential skills" and my head almost exploded when I read what they were. I have regained my composure just enough to be able to write this rant, but I'm still not myself. I recommend sitting down for this. Are you ready?

The four "essential skills" were:
Java, Jenkins, Eclipse, IntelliJ

I don't know where to begin. Motherfucker, where do you get off telling me which IDE to use? Oh wait, you didn't, you expected me to be an "expert" with two completely different ones, you numb nuts. Why the fuck would I be? I swear to fuck these idiots would probably screen out the best programmer in the world because s/he uses VI/emacs/Atom/Sublime/fucking-Notepad.

I can hear them saying "oh, you don't know IntelliJ? Sorry, we need an expert in that."

Fuck off you filthy cunt! No, sorry, I take that back, I shouldn't be mean to the mentally disabled.

Also, Jenkins? Really? Any developer can pick up how to use Jenkins to its full effect in a matter of hours, or a couple of days at most.

Why do companies hire these jackasses to do a job as important as recruitment? Why do they write job specs that are so incredibly stupid? I almost replied to express interest so I could go to the interview and throw a bucket of red paint on them (because they're making me bleed inside).

Where's the Tylenol?

Godmotherfuckingshitpissballs fuck software development. Seriously wtf.

I learned c# and Unity for 4 fuckin years. Now I want to learn Electron and i just cant get it to fuckin work that motherfucker!

Installed node.js into a folder on my Desktop, git cloned the quick start app, copied the files, npm start and wow it starts.

ONCE.

It does not start anymore wtf? Also the stupid tutorials that I bought dont fuckin explain how to set it up properly wtf...

Doesnt help that im a windows noob and the guy in the tutorial is a macSnob.

Goddamnit I hate this phase of learning stuff. It fuckin sucks.

Also software development is around for like what? 30 years and electron is the best solution for GUI that people came up with? Fuck me.

Software Engg here, applying for PhD after working 2 yrs @top5 giants.

Everyone is saying, without any "research experience", I stand ZERO chance of admission.

So, I'm expected to leave my 7 figure job, be someone's bitch for 6m to get a paper , and then maybe, JUST maybe I will be eligible for admission. WHY CAN'T I JUST LEARN IN THE 1ST YEAR OF PhD ?

STUPID MOTHERFUCKERS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD GET INTO PhD ALL THE TIME. EVEN SOMEONE WHO CANT CODE FIBONACCI USING DP, GETS IN BY SHOWING FAKE RECO LETTERS(CASH), HIGH GPA (GATHERED BY LICKING EVERY TEACHER'S ASS), AND "RESEARCH EXPERIENCE" FROM PRIVATE UNIVERSITY BECAUSE THEY ARE TOOOO DUMB TO GEY INTO GOVT UNIVERSITY . (Seen myself)

I SWEAR TO GOD, IF I Don't get into PhD, this year, I'll probably loose my shit.

So we are completely burned out with this project that had a fucking generic contract and my boss never had the balls (and never will) to say no to the client's endless requests and changes...

We are about to deliver it once and for all and they complain about one thing that I have already agreed to my boss that we would not do...
We tell the client that it is the case...

They email everyone involved in the project with a high level of drama on it...

I ask my boss, who is on vacation, on directions as to "how" I should tell them the fuck off...

My boss answer: I'm making a script to solve this issue and to avoid further trouble with it...

Ooo you stupid motherfucker! Can't you see you only bring more trouble with that attitude?

Living in student accomondation :
Me doing whatever on my Laptop (coding, YouTube ...) minding my own business enjoying silence or music or whatever...
EVERY FUCKING TIME I GET TO GET COMFY, MY STUPID FUCKING ROOMMATE DECIDES TO COME IN, LAUGH LIKE A DUMB FUCKING IDIOT AND EITHER STAYS FOR X MINUTES WATCHING OVER MY SHOULDER AND IS EITHER CRITICIZING MY CODING OR STARTS WATCHING THE VIDEO SITTING NEXT TO ME LAUGHING LIKE A DUMB FUCK.

He does that at least 3 times a day, while he should be studying himself(He almost failed all of His CS classes and does not even know how to create a fucking constructor in Java).

MOTHERFUCKER, GO AND LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.
MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS

Had to get that off my Christ :)

PS : told him multiple Times to fuck off. If i go and sit somewhere else (like library or somewhere) dumbfuck just follows me.

FUCK HIS LAUGH, SOMEBODY CUT HIS TOE OFF PLEASE.

Cant even change Apartment as accomondation ist completely full :)

YOU DENSE MOTHERFUCKER!

If anyone read my last rant, I talked about how I wanted to buy a new phone with a subscription line, but they didn't allow me because "the system says you already have one and you're over due with the payments"

FUCKING MORONS, I don't know who coded the system but I will find you and bury your head in your own shit!

They use people's RFC (Mexican Tax ID number) to create an "account" and allow buying a phone. The ID it's composed by:

NNNNYYMMDDXXX

Where N are letters from our name, then they use our birthdate's year, month and day, finally they generate three unique characters to avoid ID clashes.

Well, this stupid fucker who coded the system thought it was OKAY TO STORE ALL BUT THE CHARACTERS THAT MAKE THE ID UNIQUE.

Fucking fucker...what were you thinking?

Follow up to previous rant:

Now after I realised that I'm a stupid motherfucker, today was release day. Or so it was planned.
Because turned out my colleagues/supervisors didn't tell me to test the app on Android 6 devices and I was sure that if it ran on the device they gave me (which I assumed was the only device of our clients) it'd be sufficient.
Now it was tested on an android 6 device and crashed constantly.
Wow... I mean... Just wow... Now because I don't have a working android 6 device (a colleague of mine is on vacation and locked our development devices for a different app into a drawer) I have to get the emulator working which took me about 2 hours because that dumb shit face of a laptop first didn't have the android-sdk-root set (took me a good hour to realise) and then the kernel for the avds was missing.
Also: windows updates.
FUUUUUUUUUUUU....

(PS: yeah I should have tested it on various devices and made sure it worked on at least most of them without being told so. Another example for my stupidity.)

EDIT: Now I don't have enough disc space for the kernel I need to install. Absofuckingfantastic

A beautiful monday morning, and just after an entertaining amusement right after daily stand up, today *was* a good day,

As usual the supid motherfucker (SM) was doing his antics, and even worse than usual because our PO is on honeymoon leave (it’s still bad even with both of them in but at least not this bad lol)

On today’s incident, the SM was having a discussion about the dashboard we’re making for our CMS (content management system) with all the charts and whatnot,

I overheard the dev in charge of the dashboard was arguing with the SM, and the SM was getting all technical,

“You know HTML tables right? tr, td, and use the colspan, give it a colspan of 4 here and 5 here”

And my thoughts were like “wtf are you doing with tables? The layout is already done with flexboxes” but I tried ignoring it,

Next the SM asked one of my colleague who’s also working on the CMS, again arguing about tables,

D: “bruh, we cannot do that, it is an entirely different component”

💩: “well can you try modifying it using table”

D: “like I said, it’s impossible to modify”

💩: “at least can you try it first? I’m sure you can do it”

Then the two devs seems reluctant to continue the discussion, thus ending the conversation, and the SM still enforcing his idea

“Try it first, use the colspan 4 adn colspan 5”

2 minutes I was thinking to myself and I pieced it all together, then it hit me and I got mixed feelings,

...the stupid motherfucker was referring to a chart, from a library, that is rendered using canvas, to be modified using table elements,

*sigh, what a fucking idiot,

"Let's just add a logging system to our dependency"
No. You fucking idiot. DON'T INCLUDE A CUSTOM LOGGING SYSTEM INTO A DEPENDENCY FOR IMAGE MANIPULATION. I DON'T WANT YOUR FUCKING BULLSHIT LOGGING WHEN I'M FUCKING HANDLING IT MYSELF FOR MY ALREADY EXISTING SOFTWARE!! HOW DUMB CAN YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKER BE TO TELL ME TO JUST "IGNORE" THE MESSAGES IN THE CONSOLE WHEN I'M BUILDING A FUCKING CLI BASED SOFTWARE??!!

Bug raised: "Please investigate these CRTICAL issues immediately, the system is not working properly"

Translation: "We're too stupid to use our own system, the system that we created the specification for. Please re-educate us and explain that these are not actually issues (immediately). But we're gonna CC every motherfucker in the company so they KNOW you fucked up and the pressure is on you to fix it, bitch! Huehuehuehue"

Whiny ass devs who complain ALL THE FUCKING TIME about "I wish we did this" and "ugh that's so stupid the way we do that". This motherfucker complains more than a two year old. We have been improving so much of our processes and codebase lately, yet this motherfucker still whines DAILY, bc we're not doing everything his way. Stfu you are not the whole team! If I even slightly acted the way this asshole does, I'd get a one-on-one meeting about how I'm bringing the morale of the team down. Kiss my ass. I'd like ONE day where I didn't have to listen to his toxic mouth.

I'm getting pretty tired of all those fuck faces calling themselves "evangelists" and are talking constantly and euphorically about "digitalisation" and "industry 4.0", as if their "skills" (using a smartphone to share kitten videos and making pointless PowerPoint slides using stock images showing some stupid motherfucker with VR goggles making weird gestures) would help them to rise to the pinnacle of "the future" (as conceived by them), while those stupid shit heads are exactly those we'll get rid of first as soon as somebody develops a bullshit generator AI for technobabble (with an export function to PowerPoint), putting those morons out of business for good.

The 'lead' developer is unable to comprehend why sending an empty string when it doesn't exist (instead of not sending it at all and setting it later when it becomes available) is not the best idea to do. Instead, everything is the fault of ElasticSearch (which I oversee in some capacity) because it doesn't read stupid! And so any error being caused is due to ES. YOU DENSE MOTHERFUCKER!!! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Okay, I know this is not the first rant about web development, but here we go.

Let me get started with CSS. You need so many fucking workarounds to do something as simple as, let's say, centering an image. Vertical alignment is hell. Mostly you just need JS to make adjustments like this and that just feels wrong as fuck to me. CSS should learn how to do their fucking job properly instead of fucking everything up.

Then let's talk about JavaScript. The illogical motherfucker. null == 0 is false but null >= 0 is true? Fuck you. Just pack your suitcase and get the fuck out of my eyes.

And now everyone's worst enemy. PHP. No internal logic. Stupid fucking error messages, like "unexpected ) to close line 245" instead of fucking "expected ; on line 244". Enough said.

This rant was such a relief. I'm no longer going to create websites in my free time if I don't have to.