Boss: “Our YouTube channel doesn’t look at all like our website.”

Me: “I’ve made it look as close to our branding as YouTube allows for with its limited editing controls.”

Boss: “This is unacceptable. I expected more from you.”

Me: “I cannot accept the blame for this. YouTube is setting the design parameters for all channels and I can only do so much.”

Boss: “You can call the YouTube, can’t you? Why didn’t you call them?”

Me: “.......and ask them....what?”

Boss: “You don’t ask! You tell! Our company has been around for 140 years. Our brand name carries that weight. They’ll change their design to what we need if you’re assertive enough.”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s just not how this works. That’s not how any of this works.”

!rant

Customer: What's the difference between an antivirus and an antimalware?

Me: *thinks for a second* So an antimalware program is like if you're on a beach with a metal detector. You're looking around for metal that's already buried in the sand. An antivirus is like actively watching people for if they drop metal on the ground.

Customer: That's an interesting analogy.

Coworker: *quietly* That's a actually a really good analogy...

So someone is constantly ddos'ing the privacy/security blog.

Just wondering if they really think that 500 hits a second will bring the site down?!

500 h/s consumes about 0.1 percent CPU and 1mb/s.

At least give me a challenge 😥

TL;DR: Got a really horrible supervisor temporarily fired, maybe permanently fired, got a laptop, and realized that senior devs are amazing when they stand up for the little guys

Omg... I love my coworkers!!! So like, I'm an incredibly shy dev, like, I only managed to get my internship purely because of my familiarity with c#, Android/UWP app development (although never apple, which you can read about in my last rant lol), and the API Management framework that they were using, so, long stories short, I'm insanely shy and I get anxious quite quickly in social situations, that'll be important in a bit. Anyways​, so, in my previous rant (my first one actually, it was "that" bad...) I had a run-in with a rather unfair supervisor situation where he expected me to work on an iOS app without a Mac machine.
Yup.
So, this is currently a little bit before my shift end, where I'm anxiously trying to get a MacOS VM up and running to be able to copy paste some psudo-code so as not to get in trouble, which is when the senior dev of the team walks by and sees me tearing hair out of my head and being really sad. So what does this god amongst men do?
He comes over and asks me what I'm doing.

Now, I didn't actually notice him, so when he asked me, I was insanely jumpy and scared that my supervisor would appear and be mad at me for not having things done, so I kind of half scream half yelp when he says something, so now he knows somethings up and he acts kind of like I'm an injured deer and slowly asks what's going on.
So, of course I tell him everything that had happened and how the supervisor got really mad about me not being able to develop iOS apps due to not having a Mac, and his expectation of me to get it magically working and getting to work on my module, and the selenium portal automatization, and after a couple seconds of me rapid fire nervous squirrel-like explanation, he holds up a hand and says "He what?!!!!? God dammit, how the hell are you supposed to do that? Jesus, you were supposed to get a company laptop when you got here, where's that??? And if you don't have that then how the hell were you working on the cross platform portion? You need a Mac machine for that, so let me get this straight... You've been frantically trying to find a workaround so that AS (let's call him AS for asshat supervisor (missing an s)) doesn't get mad at you... Who the hell... And this fuckers in charge of the interns??"

He was incredibly pissed off at this point, like, REALLY pissed off... But-

This man had just spoken miracles to me.

Mother...

Fuckin...

Miracles...

So I do what any self respecting intern would do, I start cry laughing and hug said BSD for a quick second (badass senior developer), and I say yep, pretty much ;-;.

And queue AS walking into my workspace and saying
AS- "are you done with the iOS a..."

BSD- "You've got to be kidding me, shut up for a second and sit down"

AS- "?" *Sits*

Me- *hides in corner and cinches up hoodie*

BSD- "Excuse me, but what did you ask benlion to do?"

AS- "Um, I simply told him to start working on the Xamarin app"

BSD- "Yes, but according to benlion, you angrily told him to start working on the Mac portion... Let me ask you something first, why would you do that? It's rude and inappropriate to be hostile to anyone at the workplace, in fact, if he wants to pursue to matter, you can get demoted, actually, if he wants to pursue it, you're fired, and there's no way I'm letting you get a management job again"

AS -"Wow, did benlion really say that? He's obviously lying due to his dislike for me, BSD, it's rather unfair to take his word over his superv..."

BSD-"Oh you did NOT just go there. That's it, stay here. And benlion, come with me." *Points at me*

Me- *Terrified out of my mind, almost to the point of a nervous breakdown because of the argument that I had started* "O-okay o_O"

Long stories short, we come back with his supervisor and he is now relieved of his duties temporarily while this whole thing gets settled...

Oh, and I get my Apple Laptop tomorrow ^-^ so I'm really happy, albeit kind of sad that its my fault that AS doesn't have a job right now ;-;, but he did yell at me and expect incredibly impossible things of me, so, not as bad as I might feel.

*Working on Friend1's laptop*
*Friend1 leaves and his laptop gets locked unattended*
Friend2: Now what? We need to finish that thing on his laptop..
Me: Let me try..
*thinks*
*Enters Friend1's name*
*Laptop unlocks!*

Really? 😂

"could I get admin privileges to reboot this server?"

Sounds valid enough, right?

OH YEAH SURE, YOU'RE A TINY USER ON A HUGE ASS SHARED SERVER, OF COURSE I'LL GIVE YOU ROOT ACCESS TO REBOOT THE WHOLE FUCKING SERVER.

Worst part, he didn't understand why that would be weird.

Can I buy a little common sense somewhere for this guy?

Designers be like...

Don't you just love macOS when you click on 'Get Info' expecting to get information about all the selected files combined and this shit happens?

Sitting outside, in the park, sunny, warm, music, writing a new blog post for the security/privacy blog.

I actually love this 😊

FINALLY
GODDAMNED
FIXED

I'VE SPENT OVER A GODDAMN WEEK SWIMMING THROUGH DEMON EXCREMENT WITH A MAGNIFYING GLASS TRYING TO FIND THE SOURCE OF THIS SHIT.

I FINALLY FOUND IT. IN A FUCKING. CONDITIONAL. OVERLOAD. OF A MODEL GETTER.

THAT ABSOLUTE NONSENSE RETURNS EITHER THE REQUESTED COLUMN FROM THE DATABASE, OR AN ENTIRELY FUCKING DIFFERENT COLUMN, ALL DEPENDING ON THE VALUE OF A THIRD FUCKING COLUMN.

HKJSDFASKFJ

TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE.
THE VALUE IT RETURNS. IS COMPLETELY WRONG. FOR ALMOST. EVERY. FUCKING. CASE.

BECAUSE THAT FIRST COLUMN? IT NEVER GETS UPDATED. EVER.

AND THIS DEALS WITH ACCOUNTING AND REAL GODDAMN MONEY.

AARRGHHHHH
WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!

A little while ago I was on my way home from work sitting on the train and then this guy sat down next to me.

Pulled out a laptop and suddenly opened a code editor!

I just tried to determine what programming language he was doing and after about 5 minutes I finally was about to ask him...

Then he copied his 'code' into excel.

Well, all the excitement went to a pub to get drunk at that moment I think.

Just wrote a Python script to generate me a JSON file.

I forgot the 0th command line argument is the file you're running...

On first test it overwrote itself.

Really?!

Mother of god, as if the new mass surveillance law in the Netherlands wasn't bad enough, one of the politicians who likes the new law has come up with an even more redicilous idea.

an 'Internet Authority. To put it short, an authority which surveils the internet in real time and sees where all social media shit is coming from/going.

Meaning that it wouldn't just be 'targeted mass surveillance' sometimes but fulltime online monitoring.

This guy has lost his fucking mind.

I just found new band called "localhost". They recently published their new album named "127.0.0.1" with an awesome song "It works on my machine".

It's awesome :D

Really? 😐🤔

It was a screenshot of reddit thread.
So, I didn't deserve it anyway!

So a group of 'researchers' (you'll get later why I call them 'researchers') conducted research to find the most secure browser.

Their result is Google Chrome!

Few minor details:

- THE WHOLE FUCKING RESEARCH THINGY WAS (mostly?) SPONSORED BY GOOGLE.

- THEY COMPARED IT MOSTLY TO INTERNET FUCKING EXPLORER AND EDGE.

Are they fucking retarded or something?! Yeah if it's going to go like that, Google Chrome will certainly become the winner/number 1.

Mother of fucking god.

Me: we only got 40 minutes notice that we had to stay in late for a meeting with the USA team. Can we politely ask them to give us like a days notice in future? I can’t just stay late at any time, neither can the guys with kids to collect.

Manager: oh ok. I’m very sorry this has affected you. Here, let me explain why this is going to keep happening and you’ll need to deal with it.

Root interviews for a job

So I've been interviewing for fun lately (and for practice), and it's been going mostly well. This one company in particular looks interesting, and they seem to really like me. This morning was interview #4 with them; tomorrow morning is #5.

The previous interviews were pretty enjoyable, especially the last one where I interviewed with one of the senior devs who gave me his "grumpy old man rails quiz." He actually asked some questions I wasn't able to answer! (Mostly dealing with Rails' internals.) Also when showing me the codebase, there were a few things I hadn't seen before, so it's exciting that I'll actually be able to learn something if I sign on. We ended up talking for almost an hour past our allotted time, and we got along famously. He said he was very surprised I did so well on his quiz because most people don't. Everyone else I interviewed with so far has liked me and gave positive reviews, too.

I don't know if I want the job, but that's beyond the scope of this rant anyway. The real reason for this comes next.

My interview today was with the VP of engineering. It was more of a monologue, as he wanted to give me perspective to see if I actually wanted to work there, but it was still very much a monologue. He's an old white guy who seems to loves to drone, and he never seemed very happy when I responded, so I let him drone and drone. Good information though.

But he's very set in his ways in some regards, and two of them were pretty insulting. We never really talked about technicals, and he just assumed that since I wasn't old and graying that I was a junior dev. He said, and I'll quote: "We run a lean but senior team, so we typically only hire senior devs here. But the dev team is all old white men. There's no diversity in talent, age, sex, race, religion, etc, and I'm looking to change that." He made several more allusions to my more junior level, too. He made a lot of assumptions (like how I'm not comfortable with structure because I've been the only dev so often) and got annoyed when I countered them.

I realize he has no idea of my skill level -- even though he should if he was listening to his team -- but to just assume that I'm not talented because I'm young, and bloody hire me just because I'm female? I don't want to be your diversity hire, old man. 🤬

So I'm feeling angry.
I might still take the job because the it offers considerable benefits over where I'm working (despite being quite happy here), but it will absolutely be despite him.

The voices made me do it.

I just walked passed 2 technologically impaired ladies in my office (the kind who think google is on their actual computer) having an avid discussion about how "You can find Ajax everywhere on so many websites!".

I was super impressed until I realised they were talking about buying dish soap :/

So I've been pulling my hair out as for WHY ON FUCKING EARTH MY CHANGES DON'T SHOW WHEN I RUN THE RSS FEED GENERATOR.

Oh right maybe I should upload the file first 😅🔫

Lost the password to the main modem/router of our apartment (live in a normal flat of which the rooms are rented out to three students and me) which is in my room and tried to reset the fucker for a trillion times but couldn't get back in, the password didn't reset.

Took a closer look at the reset button and suddenly noticed some text under it saying "wireless connect". Then I noticed a tiny round "hole" above the reset text.

Fuck my sideways, I've been pressing the "wireless connect" button instead of the actual reset one every goddamn time 😐

I can now port forward again 😊

Worst hackathon experience? Probably that I have never attended one.

Oh, wow.

Really...

Project manager : I want you to do the job by tomorrow.
Me : I can't, there's some problem with MySQL.
PM : Then use somebody else's SQL, but I want the job done by tomorrow!
Me : *weeps in silence*

I'm getting so pissed off by this client, here's the gist

We signed agreement defining the following deliverables:
- news page and news article page
- releases page and release info page
(it's a guy from a record label)

After the signature we (me and my colleagues) went to work and finished all that (+ a little more actually, yea I know never overstep your agreement right but we did) and we got paid (all good)

Now after payment he's asking us to do more (some kind of mail installation thing), so I obviously tell him, as I actually have many times before, that our agreement only stretched as far as those 4 deliverables and we wouldn't work without a new agreement defining a new set of requirements or an hourly rate.

Next he goes and tells me the following
==
We already have an agreement. I'm not paying you on an hourly rate as you are not next to me. Let me know
-- First off no we don't, the agreement only covered the 4 pages
== immediatly after
Also you really need to work on your costumer service. Your attitude is very rude. I don't know how many clients you have but all this distrust attitude is not in your favours. Let me know if you want to proceed?
-- Are you fucking kidding me? I am rude and distrustful? I JUST DO MY FUCKING JOB YOU PRICK

Sorry just need to let off some steam

So, I was out cruising in my sports car the other day. Porsche, two seater, about 400 hp.

When I stopped at a red light I was next to a man driving his family of four in his Volkswagen. I revved my car to show my power, but he seemed unfazed by my superior engine. When the light became green I floored it, he didn't have a chance of catching up, I just left him behind and laughed. He's so stupid for driving that slow car.

I can't understand why anyone would ever want to drive a Volkswagen when they are just so obviously slow?

👆This is how you sound like when you compare languages only based on how fast they are.

Back in my teenage , a friend of mine asked me «Can you make me a software that guesses the result of a football match ?» I said «Sure, but you have to tell me how to calculate the chances of a team»
«Yeah, use the previous performances in the league»
«Ok, but you have to tell me how to calculate the expected result using previous performances» He laughed at me and said «If i knew how to calculate chances of winning/losing, i would not need a software!»
I tried to explain it simply «Computers can execute basic operations like sums or subtractions, and they know how to follow a list of basic instructions to give you a result»
He looked me like «If computers are so stupid like you are telling me now, are we all crazy idiots trying to learn how to use stupid machines??» and stated that i obviously misunderstood the real power of a computer. I walked back home thinking how funny was my friend believing in some kind of magic inside box called pc.

Few years later, i start studying IT at university. In the free time i look for small jobs like website development, small office network setup, pcs repair.
I continue noticing people believing that pcs knows what to do and how to do it.
«You sure I lost my data ? No i didn't do a backup. You sure my pc didn't do a backup ? No i hadn't a backup software»
«Why antivirus asks me what to do with the viruses it found. It should delete them obviously! Change my antivirus, it's too stupid for my pc»
«I want more people finding my business thanks to my website. How I imagine my website ? Yeah it has to be cool and full of cool stuff»

All that boring stories leads to my final question :

is our job dealing with persons who think we are some kind of wizard, well learned about dominating the pc magic ?

Please answer no.Please.

Olivia Wilde's jawline is better structured than my code :-/
*internal screaming*

A lot of people think that the Johnny Depp vs the Sun is just gossip column garbage, but it exposes a harsh truth - a man's life can be ruined just because a woman accused him with 0 evidence, and while she proves to be an unreliable witness on multiple accounts.
Everything that was done to promote equality is being destroyed by cases like that, and I am fairly certain that many male employers will prefer not to employ women, because it's not worth the risk. And for the first time in my life, I can't even blame them.
Working in this industry is hard enough as it is for women, but this sort of shit makes it impossible. Thanks MeToo, for completely losing your mind, and screwing up women and men at the same time!

Just looked at the anonymous analytics I collect on the security/privacy blog.

No SQL Injection attacks yet (would be useless anyways as I don't use MySQL/MariaDB for the databasing.

Directory Traversal attacks. Really? 🤣

Nice try, guys.

There are people in my workplace who ask "why did you set your IDE to dark theme?". How do I convince them that turning off the lights above my cubicle, lowering the screen brightness and having a dark theme is the best thing ever to concentrate?

Not to mention earbuds and a hoodie.

How do I convince them that once you turn to the Dark Side, there's no coming back?

Boss: Hey squares, I need one of you to select a new volume control, if you spot anything let me know.
Me: Say no more

Dear IT world,
As long as it still happens that women who attend IT lectures are referred to as "visual upgrades" by the lecturer after class, then nobody needs to wonder why IT isn't considered a welcoming field for women to work in, for many women.
Sincerely, a dev who loves code but is done with sexist bullshit.

We've started a new betting system in our office. Every time you lose a bet, you have to optimize atleast one project for Internet Explorer 😂

Generating SQL scripts using Excel. That's the practice at my company.

Really!

Really?

Meme is a meme!

Really..

+1 to websites that disable right click. Come on, they tried :)

I hate all of these rants about JavaScript being a terrible language.

In reality, it's one of the easiest languages to work with. This makes it easier for new programmers to write messy code, but is it the language's fault?

People get mad about the things that happen when you multiply "undefined" and a string...what do you expect?

You also have the freedom to choose from a variety of tools the community has created to solve existing problems. People just don't realize that they don't *have* to learn everything, you just learn as you need them.

Don't blame JavaScript for you bad programming, terrible type conversion needs, and great tooling.

"Can I use toothpaste for my CPU cooler? I ran out of thermal paste."

-_-;

Got the iPod and music synchronisation isn't working well with Linux (I've synced quite some iProducts and it always goes great so this is a new one for me).

Bought a windows pc a few days ago and haven't installed Linux onto it yet so booted it up, installed Firefox and then downloaded iTunes.

Nearly done with installing when an error message pops up and the entire fucker blue-screens. Now it doesn't boot anymore 😡

Go die in a fucking corner, windows.

Worst part of being a "IT guy":

Don't know how to fix my broken car

Confession: devRant is addictive af :|

I took a one month intern position for a company doing data entry. They had thousands of rows in dozens of spreadsheets, and they needed the data entered, row by row, into two different sites, and then link the two entries together.

After the first day I was ready to lose my mind. But... I'm a developer. You know where this is going 😉

At noon the next day, I emailed my employer: "hey, I finished all three spreadsheets you gave me, and I'm ready for more." A few minutes later I received an absolutely astonished phone call.

Long story short, I had all the spreadsheets entered by the end of the day (unfortunately putting the rest of the interns out of a job!), got paid a decent sum for the thousands of $ I saved them, and received a permanent position, where I'm still working today :)

@dfox Feature request: more features please.
Thanks.

"This website has to work in IE"

Fuck Development...I'm becoming a beekeeper!

So I just found this app, called LifeRPG. It lets you play your life as a game, compleating quests for exp and "gems"(which you can then trade for custom rewards.. I'm thinking.. Ice cream~ <3) I think this will help keep me motivated more to do actual things in my life. Maybe.. We'll have to see. I already set up a bunch of daily missions, and continous missions.

Why do I keep seeing children in every workspace I go to..? I can admit that I'm childish at times but... and this is just life advice?

You're adults.

Don't lie. Don't cry when you don't get your way. Don't claim I am lying when I prove you wrong.

Most importantly?

Don't make a false accusation. You ALMOST LOST YOUR LIFE TODAY with that bullshit. One more word from your mouth to tarnish my reputation with a good group of people in that manner and frankly, I would've shot you dead in front of everyone.

Short version of the story behind this rant:

Someone accused me of sexual harassment because I (I wish I was joking about this) held the door for a female employee that works with me. I brushed off the bullshit that happened at the door but the customer went to the manager who, as a result, nearly fired me and sent me to court.

Fortunately we have a camera at the entrance which disproved the allegations of "he grabbed my ass while I walked through the door" and our security guard is a badass and kept the tape.

Customer: So I have operating system corruption? What does that mean?

Me: *thinks for a moment* Okay, so you have a bag of potato chips, right? And you're looking forward to eating those potato chips. However, when you open the bag, there are only crumbs because the guy in front of you in line had accidentally stepped on the bag and crushed them all.

Customer: ...Okay...

Me: So what we can do is we can grab a can of Pringles--because Pringles are delicious--and dump those in the bag. That way you have a good, full bag of uncrushed digital potato chips.

Customer: I like that, let's do it!

Coworker: ...why are you talking about digital potato chips?

Fuck Linux I'm going for windows.

Is it just me or is stack overflow full of dicks?

So IT just blocked all web browsers at work apart from internet explorer.....

I have been using it for 2 hours and I think I'm about ready to end it all....

My psychiatrist has recently taken me off paroxotine which i was taking for anxiety. As a result, I'm wide awake unable to sleep cos my head is running at a million miles an hour. You know what I keep thinking?

1.) Sweet hairy balls of Mary Theresa I'm getting married in 3 months.

2.) Installing Arch sounds like fun. I wonder if I can do Unity3D and C# dev on it.

3.) @Gitpush, @Alice, @Linuxxx, @Bluenutterfly, @ThatDude, @AlexDeLarge Love your rants, keep up the good work!

Maaaaaaaa man has been programming in Swift since 1997; assuming the description was written this year.

To put that into perspective, that's two years after the founding of both Java and JS.

I'm sure he's programming with his mind right now while we mere mortals are waiting for it to be standard by 2120 😭

Finally recruiters can hire someone with 20 years of Swift experience. This position has been void for awhile now... Catch up guys!

Hats off to you man!!!!

I was once asked to embed a movie into a PDF..

Finally...

It's 6 a.m. Time to sleep.

Dude just broke GitHub:D

Storytime!

>purchased Sublime Text a few years ago
>used it a bit, mostly on Ubuntu, but eventually fell away
>mostly because notepad++ or just not coding
2017.apng
A wild DevRant has appeared!
>see people using Sublime Text
>remember the good old days(tm)
>download Sublime Text
>search email for key
missing-key.html
>work up courage to send email to Sublime Text team
theyRespond.jar
>turns out I was looking in the wrong email address
>still sent me my old key to the email address I sent the email from
i-am-ok-with-this.svg

10/10 would purchase Sublime Text code again

Worst data loss? Probably back when I was working at gitlab and accidentally dropped a production database....

So... I was watching this ad of this University offering a software course... Can you notice something weird about the code? Hahaha
The subtitles say: "I'm a Programmer"

Really

Me: This shouldn't take too long.
NPM: Hold my beer. 🍺

A guy asked me to develop an uber-like app... he offered me 1000 bucks to do it

I've dealt with dusty computers, REALLY dusty computers, computers owned by smokers.

I've seen dead beetles and earwigs and spiders with their cobwebs in computers and dealt with them.

I've even seen live moth larvae wriggling about in a computer.

But never, have I ever had to deal with fluids. Until today.

I had to take apart a laptop that had been used as a toilet by a cat. It was still wet, but not warm.

And I had to try to get data off of it. But no, the urine was not compliant.

So, already pissed off customer was less happy about the fact that her data would still be a few days away from recovery to a new computer.

At least her frustration wasn't at us.

Client: "Help me I can't find my programs"
Me: "Have you installed them right?"
Client: "Yes, I have"

Basically I spent an hour explaining him that dragging an installer from the download folder to program folder isn't actually installing...

*** don't use compiler ***
Question in class today:
int n = 0;
for (int i = 1; i < 10; i++) {
n = n++;
System.out.println(n);
}

what will be printed?

Whenever I Google Ajax it gives me search results related to the Amsterdam soccer team called ajax. I mean really Google, I search for webdev related stuff all day and you give me this...

No Wi-Fi = No Food.. Great motivation to pay your internet bill on time... This 'smart' shit is going way too far lol..

The Linux desktop marketshare. Every year support gets better and better and soon I think it will be higher than the Mac desktop marketshare.

Oh yeah, the app does nothing and yet it's still 14mb in size. Like bruh, 'The app does nothing', nothing as in mine bitcoins? 🤔

Also, 1M downloads? Screw good app ideas and make this instead.

;( really?

!dev
!!vodka!
!batch files. because they're stupid.

Preface: I may be drunk. If not, I'll keep trying ~

Update: no, i'm already kinda wasted.

I told @AlexDeLarge that I would try Reyka today and let him know how it is. So, let's have at it!

At the recommendation of a friend, I tried Deep Eddy (vodka) a few weeks ago. It's extremely smooth and very good. Totally recommend. I can drink it straight, or with a tiny bit of water.

The same friend also recommended Reyka, which I bought earlier today (among quite a few other things, because alcohol). Here's what I discovered:

With Reyka, I was expecting something extremely smooth and almost tasteless, but tasteless it is not. Reyka tastes halfway between vodka and a good gin, like Bombay Sapphire. It actually has a *lot* of flavor, but the vodka itself is actually pretty high quality. I haven't found anything to mix with it yet, and I don't really like it straight. I might try lemon or lemonade next.

If I was to recommend vodkas, it would be either Tito's, or Deep Eddy. (Reyka is kind of strange, so I don't know if I can recommend it yet.)

Tito's is smooth and tasty -- absolutely not a gross vodka flavor, but ... nice. All alcohols have different effects and make me feel different. Grey Goose makes me tired, Tito's makes me happy.

Deep Eddy is incredibly smooth, and has almost no taste at all. It's wonderful.

UPdte: I took awhilfe to wrte this and... I'm getting a little tooo drunkt o conitinue so i thnkg oin going to nd this rannt here. ssorry! ^^

Hmm, Tinder with code samples instead of pictures...

>.>
<.<

I graduated last weekend. Walked in the commencement ceremony, took pictures, posted a !rant here, the whole 9 yards. Then what happens? I get an email from the dean of the engineering college at my university stating that my degree check was done incorrectly and that I am 3 credit-hours short of graduating, it is too late to sign up for an intersession course, and there are now 3 credit-hour courses offered as 8-weel courses. So here I am, with two Job interviews coming up, without my degree, wondering why the hell I found all this out A WEEK AFTER I "Graduated"! DA FUCK!!!!!

I had some fun once with "inspect element" while I were at my ex-girlfriends house. She asked me what I was doing and I told her about changing websites locally. I wanted to show her an example and so I went onto her school's website and played around a bit. I than changed the latest "News" post to a post about a food fight event organized by her school. She than took a photo from that post and send it into her schools WhatsApp group. They all went crazy how the school could do something like this and we had a good giggle. After a few minutes she told them that it was a fake and that they should stop believing everything that someone posts on WhatsApp. (Around this time a post was going around that was used to spread Missinformationen about the Berlin police)

I love my notebook but still...

Fuck you to the person at Lenovo who thought that it would be a great idea to support 16gb of ram and then put 4gb internal ram into it.
I can add an 8gb stick to it, totalling at 12gb. There are no 12gb sticks (as far I am aware of) so yeah, fuck 16gb "supported" by the mainboard, 12 is the maximum.

I just published my first npm package, then accidentally spilt a cup of water on my MacBook.

For real! Forgive me if this was already posted.

Okay so this is just a rant about my personal life because if I post it any where else no one will really care.

So I graduated from a vocational high school where I learned about basic IT and networking skills but I mostly focused on my programming. and I LOVED that school honestly the environment was so amazing and everyone and everything about it was amazing. then I started college recently hoping for the same thing and its just depressing me, and my depression is coming back and I cant stop it because I cant distract myself from it. My friends are always off playing Monster Hunter Ultimate and Im just wishing theyd hop back on Warframe so we can play again.. They say they will but they really wont so im usually just playing alone or going online which is sometimes fun if you have people that talk back.

so i took myself to the official warframe discord to find people that would help but everytime I ask I just get ignored. So Im stuck playing alone.

while thats happening Im not really getting any messages from anyone besides my girlfriend which is nice but she isnt able to really keep up a conversation and shes often busy with school as well. when I try to talk to any of my friends they arent really interested to talk or just send short replies that obviously tell me to go away. one friend in particular she and I used to talk everyday not even in a romantic way just straight up besties for life, but after one of my relationships ended she basically took her side and never talks to me now. Ive just been really lonely and wanting to just have my friends talk to me again or just have some programming friends I can chill in a discord server while we code but I cant bring myself to ask anyone on the specific server im in for programming..

Honestly idk if anyone on devrant really looks at my posts and thinks "oh look Bubbles posted again". I feel like im not good enough to be here because Im not nearly as good as all of you, Im mostly just here asking questions or posting extremely fucking long posts no one wants to read. and yet this is still where most of my interactions are and I love that this devRant community makes me laugh or feel better about myself sometimes. and I thank all of you for that and I remember your @ 's all the time.

honestly the only real highlight of my week was when my teacher of my vocational class asked me to come back as an unpaid intern to help teach his new programming class and It made me happy but other than that I havent been too happy.

if anyone actually got through this holy shit youre awesome and thank you a lot its appreciated.

Now,how should i reply to this one

The Humble bundle currently offers a bunch of Linux related books. Some gimp shit, and some blender shit.

The thing is, they have the Linux Programming interface by Michael Kerrisk for 30 dllrs(in total for everything)

Ladies and gents, that right there is a DAMN good deal. That book is fucking gold. Used it during Uni, didn't get to keep it. 30 bucks for a bunch of pdfs, ebook and mobi plus a book that for itself is worth more? Shiet son. It will pump up both your Linux and C chops I would tell ya that much.

I'd made that deal.

What about you Utivich, you'd made that deal?

Utivich: I'd made that deal.

I don't blame you. DAMN GOOD deal.

Dear Windows users: instead of upgrade to Windows 10, why don't you downgrade to Dos? It appears to have less issues.

When a PM assigns me something with a due date of the same day

That's it, I'm done. My sincere condolences go to the poor soul that will have to maintain this complete and utter crap of code, as I have been doing the past 2 weeks.

3-4 big 4K+ lines files of completely unindented, practically undocumented, interspersed HTML, PHP, JavaScript and CSS! All in the same file.

All the function and variable names are complete nonsense. You might as well have smashed your head against the keyboard and let whatever came out be the names.

You took all the naming conventions that you could find and unleashed your seriously damaged imagination. lowerCamelCase, UpperCamelCase, snakecase, everything in the same fucking function name.

I really needed the money from this project. But I'm done. My mental sanity is more important that try to figure out how to make a decent and usable webpage of THIS COMPLETE DISASTER.

You, the one before me. If you wanted to make sure that no one else besides you could work with this crap, then congrats, YOU FUCKING DID IT WITH HONORS. FUCKING SUMMA CUM LAUDE. PhD and all.

You left me a tiny hole to look through, I can’t even PUT FUCKING AWAY that garbage and you expect me to trust you on design! Fuck you!

Black is the new dark.

There. I had to vent that off. It sounds so catchy.

On other news I got my stickers!!! Wohooo!

After eating nothing but fresh food/ingredients for the past year, I ordered a carne asada burrito from Cafe Rio. I remember liking them, and it tastes just like I remember, but I'm amazed at how little flavor it has by comparison. It's maybe a third as flavorful as my salads? A quarter? ☹

Eating well really spoils you.

PayPal password length limit is 20...

Memo on August 4th: Staff, we're moving to the new building. IT, make sure the building is ready by September 15th.

IT: But the entire networking, surveillance, fire suppression (yes, we do that too) and power management systems have to be installed/redone.

Management: What's so hard about that? Just get it done.

Memo about a week ago: Timeline for move shifted to September 9th

IT: Sir, this request is unreasonable especially since you still want us to go through the usual procurement process of hiring vendors to deal with stuff.

Management: So you mean to tell me you can't handle that in the next couple weeks?

IT: We're a large organisation with ~300 employees. The data centre in the new building isn't even usable yet.

Management: I don't care. Make sure everything is placed and operational by the 5th. Stop making a mountain out of a mole hill!

I wish the apple review team shove them white polished apples up their fucking asses

A problem solved over a month ago... Ipv6 works it's tested.

Now you come back with a very specific old iPad on a very specific os and say it doesn't work !?

The topping on this shit (apple) pie? They sent me a screenshot of the issue.

It's a screenshot of the fucking login page. I know what the fucking thing looks like you assholes.

Absolute tossers

I found an old project on which I hadn't version controlled, so I decided to manually commit progress on a past date. Only problem GitHub calendar wouldn't show it.

I emailed them and because it was private repo I added them as contributor. Then I got this reply.

Really?!

he: checkout my crazy FUD hack (a token stealer which turned out to be far more malicious than i anticipated)
me: executes it (yes in a VM)
windows defender: lemme delet this
he: ooh i forgot the word stub in there. microsoft detects that lemme fix that sends new file
me: here we go aga..
ms defender: nononono virus 117% delet this
he: i forgot it still!!

later i deactivated ms defender and analysed the traffic of the vm. in addition to stealing my fake tokens he also tried to read my Firefox/chrome history, IP.
when i asked him (2 days later) what this was all about in his "educational only" "token stealer" he threatened to
a) publish my IP
b) publish my browser history and with that my real name and address
b.0) when i asked him for proof he said he knows that my real name is "Roman Gräf" and i live in Frankfurt. (btw i do live in Frankfurt and that is in the profile of the discord server where he found me and i have the same username on discord as i have here)
c) to kill my machine and all my projects
got bored, blocked him, shut VM down.

A customer had spilled beer on his Macbook and brought it in for us to run diagnostics on.

Me: So it looks like his Mac got cultured...

Coworker: I'm not even going to respond.

My gf (she is a dev too) gets mad at me, cause i ask for her help and it usually ends up as plain rubberducking...

Not my fault!

Last week our department drama queen was showing off Visual Studio’s ability to create a visual code map.
He focused on one “ball of mud”, vilifying the number of references, naming, etc and bragging he’s been cleaning up the code. Typical “Oooohhh…this code is such a mess…good thing I’m fixing it all..” nonsense. Drama queen forgot I wrote that ‘ball of mud’

Me: “So, what exactly are you changing?”
DK: “Everything. It’s a mess”
Me: “OK, are any of the references changing? What exactly is the improvement?”
DK: “There are methods that accept Lists. They should take IEnumerables.”
Me: “How is that an improvement?”
<in a somewhat condescending tone>
DK: “Uh…testability. Took me almost two weeks to make all the changes. It was a lot of work, but now the code is at least readable now.”
Me: “Did you write any tests?”
DK: “Um…no…I have no idea what uses these projects.”
Me: “Yes you do, you showed me map.”
DK: “Yes, but I don’t know how they are being used. All the map shows are the dependencies.”
Me: “Do you know where the changes are being deployed?”
DK: “I suppose the support team knows. Not really our problem.”
Me: “You’re kinda right. It’s not anyone’s problem.”
DK: “Wha…huh…what do you mean?”
Me: “That code has been depreciated ever since the business process changed over 4 years ago.”
DK: “Nooo…are you sure? The references were everywhere.”
Me: “Not according to your map. Looks like just one solution. It can be deleted, let me do that real quick”
<I delete the solution+code from source control>
Me: “Man, sorry you wasted all that time.”

I could tell he was kinda’ pissed and I wasn’t really sorry. :)

Yknow what the best part about Unix is? (Not Linux. Like old school Unix. AIX, HPUX, or in this specific case: Solaris)

It never needs to be updated. like ever. Even when new features are added 5 years ago to add features that GNU has had for literally decades. Updates are for the weak. Because why should I be able to type "netstat -natup" when instead you can enjoy several hours of developing the nightmare one-liner that is:

Pfiles /proc/* | awk '/^[0-9]/ {p=$0} /port/ {printf "%.4s %-30s %-8s %s\n", $1,$3,$5,p}' 2>/dev/null

Isn't that just so much more fun?!
Thanks guys. I'm going back to GNU now if you don't mind.

That awkward moment when you can't figure out the shortest solution in the Google Code For Kids doodle thingy.

Am I seriously the only person that has no trouble exiting Vim? :P

So I never had a proper education in IT. Started web development as a hobby, then some people started giving me money for it, and here I am, working as a fulltime web dev since 2001 and SEO expert since 2010.

Still, I sometimes wonder how much I really know compared to some fresh coder who just got out of university.

I know how to create great software from A to Z, but still I sometimes get the feeling that I am missing the fundamental basics.

Is that weird?

How i feel right now...

>Download a mod from Nexusmods
>2,1GB
>200kbps connection
>gets to 90% after 3 hours
>fails with http 416 error
>???
>Check file integrity
>Fails horrendously.
>fml.

Friday, 3pm, job interview.
Friday, 8pm, mail from the company owner:
'we liked your profile very much, so we'll make you an offer on Monday'.

No signs of life since then. I guess you didn't like my profile THAT much... 😅

kinda coding i guess, company specialising in making statistics for other companies, analytic stuff or such, wanted stack: php, mysql

Interviewer: so here is our tech guy, who will be your boss if... so he would like to ask a few questions
techGuy: how would you ask for all the rows in a table? * looks at me *
Interviewer: * looks at me too *
me (learning inner, outer, left, right joins and transactions yesterday): * am i a joke to you? *
also me: * they must be making fun of me or something * well the query should be SELECT * FROM tableName; but one should really not use that, as * in theory really slows things down, because it loads unnecessary meta data bla bla
they: * look at each other * You're really good young man! Yes of course we know that, haha!
Interviewer: You said you just finished Uni, you doesn't seem like a junior to me! good job!
techGuy: so how would you LIMIT your results to 100 rows?
me: sigh * looks at door without turning head, so they wont notice *

when devRant users are currently at war and it is mostly your fault

really?

No Google, this isn't useful to me right now.... Or ever.

> be me
> work on a nice project with friends: A, B and C
> joined in a bit later, but before any real progress was made + we scrap the existing code, because it was Python2 or something
> decide on a framework
> A wants to create one himself, instead of using an existing one
> we fight for a little, but let A do his thing
> 2 months later
> been waiting the whole time
> +1000 lines on github, but still not finished
> "Wouldn't it be better if we would use the normal framework?"
> "No, mine is hand-crafted for that task"
> "But it is full of bugs"
> "If you find one major bug, we'll ditch my framework"
> finds major bug
> "That's fixed, just give me a min-"
> finds another bug
> "Thats just because you don't know how to use the framework"

- Documentation inside ONE gigantic README
- Library is missing the core features we needed/those which are implemented don't work
- Both B and C were on my side from the beginning (in that we should use "Already Existing Fully Documented Popular And tested Framework Which Does Everything We Need")
> "But i dont understand this framework so explain it to me"
> send him a few code examples + a tutorial??? (dont remember if i actually sent im the tutorial before i left)
> "explain it to me, i can't understand it"
> I CANT UNDERSTAND YOUR FUCKING FRAMEWORK DUMBASS
> ragequitted the server+project

To this day i still don't know, which framework they are using..
Also that Python 2 code in the beginning was because A didnt know the difference and copied (yes by hand) the code from atom to github without testing anything.

!rant && thanksgivings.

Sure we troll here. Sure we preach strangers here. Sure we hug unconditionally here. But everything is all cool.

I haven't been here very long but I found this community very good to communicate. In fact, we are talking more than dev related things. But I literally don't see any conflict or well.. shit posts/comments.

Really thankful for that. To everyone.

Stop asking which Linux distro is best. Seriously there is no "best" one. Arch is best FOR ME. Debian or Fedora might be your cup of tea. But I have great news for you, they are all FREE and there is free virtualization software you can try them on. Stop asking a stupid question that only gets opinionated answers and flame wars and go try them for yourself.

Also, while I'm on the topic. Ubuntu, Ubuntu Mate, Ubuntu XFCE etc. are all the same distro, they just have a different DE (desktop environment for you noobs). It's like on Monday I wear a suit but Tuesday I wear shorts and a tee shirt, it's still me, I'm just dressed differently.

I don't know how i should feel about this....

Honestly only reason i am on FB is bcd i need to use Messenger....

Any non tech people think you're crazy when you talk about time in decimals?
I said 1.75 years, I nearly got sectioned. Lol

Saw this today...
Why didn't I die before?

Sure you know this one:

* Mobile project with realtime notifications
* CEO asks for push implemented with own sockets instead of using firebase or gcm
* Spends loads of time of money and time
* Asks to dev why It costs so much
* Blames the dev for socket implementatiom

My bank sent me THREE identical letters for switching my account!
So what do we think, system or user error?

Really?!

devops

true story

Really!!??

Using Joomla makes you want to use WordPress, that is just sad.

Oh shit, a 16 yo guy come with a MacBook Air to repair.
“My mom hide the Mac in the oven. And my dad to preheat the oven...”
Really?? Yep, all keyboard keys jumped but he boots normally after disconnect/reconnect internal battery.

Phew! I'm so happy that I can use dial-up Internet connection just by connecting my laptop to this telephone! Who would have imagined I was going to be using such advanced technology in a 4* hotel in Germany! Such an improvement from the amazing 450kb/s on the free WiFi.

So this happened:

Client: “I just checked the page and the background video isn’t playing anymore. There’s just a play button in the middle”

Me: “It’s doing that because you are on low battery mode on your iPhone. Take it off”.

😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐

I just realized I haven't been using MacOS on my iMac for more than 4 months
I guess I won't buy new Apple stuff in the future😅
Awesome machine but I just like Windows more

Cool, now my mom and dad are on SnapChat too.

Messing around with the source code to chromium. What is everyone else working on?

Really??

And sometimes it works well too!!

Sorry mate 😉 can't get away with saying you use Dreamweaver and not expect some evil banter 😈 I mean it's nearly as bad as saying java is javascript

Surprinsingly Linux (Elementary OS 0.4) handles Intel HD Graphics 3000 better than Windows 10. Games runs actually better on Elementary, than on Windows on my laptop!

Ads in Window 10?... owh why not put in every apps or files open....

Cousin: So what are you learning at school?
Me: Programming, PC Networks, Hardware and so on.
Cousin: Oh really? I just have to make presentation to school. I will send it to your account thanks I appreciate it... 🤔

Today I got a email from a person using comic sans as a email signature. And he works at a Big company!!! WHO uses that as a signature?

I give out ++ like their candy. What can I say I like to increment

So I just decided I'd hotspot my phone to my laptop (as I have no WiFi) and stream a film I've wanted to watch for a while.

Turns out my shite ass mobile provider wants credit card details to prove I'm over 18.

I'm sorry, what?

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? YOU NOSY OVER CONTROLLING SHIT STAINS! THAT IS A PARENT'S JOB, NOT YOURS.

fucking hell. What is wrong with this fucking race?

Oh, and I can't torrent it because that's blocked too.

Friend: You're good with computers right?
Me: well...yeah why?
Friend: can you have a look at my microwave? something's wrong with it...
Me: ::face palm::

So about a month ago I started this project for myself and decided I would work on it almost everyday, even if it was just for 30 minutes!

But when I get home I'm always so tired all I can do is sit, almost brain dead and watch something (youtube, netflix, whatever).

Anyway, haven't touched it since that first week.

Open source amazes me all the time.
My eyes water with the amazement of what people are willing to accomplish and then share! Sharing really is caring.

Just got stood down today.

The company I'm assigned to at the moment gave my employer a days notice that they are halting the project.

Time to hit the vodka.

I'm an advocate of free software, debian specifically, hell my business runs on it!
But sometimes you just can't get around to use proprietry software. One of those is nvidia....

WHAT THE FUCKING MESSED UP NAGGING NARK SHIT NVIDIA!!! YOU FUCKING BREAK MY SYSTEM! YOU WONT PROPERLY COMPILE YOUR KERNEL MODULE, YOU BREAK MY X, AND ONCE I FIXED ALL THOSE THINGS MANUALLY(!) YOU HAVE THE FUCKING GUTS TO NOT EVEN DETECT MY SCREENS PROPERLY

WHAT THE FUCKING SHIT!!! NVIDIA YOU SUCK!!! MOTHERFUCKER DO I REALLY HAVE TO FALL BACK TO INTEL GRAPHICS??? FUCK YOUR FUCKING COMPANY AND ESPECIALLY YOUR LINUX SUPPORT

And no i am not planning to use ATI since they dont support EGL, what is a dependency for the gnome desktop...

Buuuuullshiiiiiiit.

(Sorry for the picture of a screen, can't take screenshots when updating I think)

Hur dur, java is so bad that I'm gonna rant about it on a social network backed by a java database...

!rant
Reddit comment on a thread about Joomla! sites being vulnerable to SQL-injections:

"Joomla sites are so infested they became sentient.

Joomla sites needs no webmaster, some one else will administer it for you.

Joomla sites have very good SEO, specially in "v1agra c1alis p3nis size"

Traffic count with Joomla is high, all the bots breaking all the vulnerabilities count for somethin'."

😂 Pure gold.

That moment when you teaching your coworkers about vba:
Me: and you close the formula with a curly bracket
Co-worker: Wow that's easy, and you say coding is hard
Me: you're right, here try to learn Java

C#: the only language where you have 0 based arrays and 1 based collections, just to mess with you... Damn you M$!
(spent hours trying to understand why collection[0] was raising an out of range exception...)

We've never tried the website we're working on on IE yet. I'm so scared...

My boss just gave me a task that Stack Overflow tells me is impossible. He's a senior architect.

-__-

that would be:
1.) when a co-worker belittled me for asking a question about a piece if code he wrote in a technique that I'm not familiar with, and mainly:
2.) when my contract wasn't extended and I received an invitation to improve the onboarding process for new employees the next day

"I am a freelance web develope-"

"CAN YOU HACK FACEBOOK ACCOUNT?"

Unfortunately, I was causing the bad experience of the group project.
Had a 3D modelling class at university. I was totally overwhelmed and had no time to do anything for the project. I was too scared to face my team so I decided to just break the contact and didn't show up to the presentation.
I thought I would get a bad grade and that I will have to take the class the next year again.
But the worst part is, I got a better grade than the rest of the team because someone did the part, I was responsible for, so well.
I felt so bad for my behaviour, I cut my hair and shaved and hoped they won't recognize me at the university.
I'm sure there are or will be some rants about me this week -.-'

A burden has been lifted off of me. The burden of social media. I hate it with every ounce of my soul(except twitter and devRant). The amount of time wasted it is unreal. Deleted my instagram last night and my snapchat this morning. It feels so good!!!!! Sure my classmates think I'm crazy but it is worth it. No negativity more time to focus, work and game. I think it is a huge win.

*some* devs with their multiple monitors are like my 3 flatmates with their multiple shower products.

I am 99% done with my academic project, but still the workload is heavy, and I've got too much on my plate already, mom's spaghetti

Past me is a dick.

Really?

My professor today:
"The problem with SQL Server is that it's Microsoft."

...cry.

Monitored at work via Skype for business because a colleague deems conversations around ordering food for lunch is 'Personal and inappropriate use'.

Pathetic.

Seriously?

I'm pretty sure people here might have noticed this by now, but why is it that the button is '++' but the notifications say '+1'? Shouldn't it go "<someperson> has ++'d your rant/comment"?

FUCKING HELL.
Im supposed to report a fucking bug when i see one but once i do NOBODY fucking responds to the fucking bug and its sitting there for 3 days now without a fucking message from them.
I know kernel devs have a lot of work but ffs when i report a high priority bug then it most likely means that its fucking breaking entire system.
This is fucking crazy.

Report a bug when you see one but ffs respond to it when you get it FFS !!!!!!!!!!
This would give me an idea that its being fixed.
But its sitting there from 5.0 rc1 and no fucking message from anybody and i dont know if they are doing something or not.
I mean when my fucking machine locks up just due to watching video then i mean something is fucking wrong dont you think ?
I even posted them full dmesg of the issue and just nobody.
On one bug i got a response to send them dmesg so i did. After that they havent responded to it. And no fix. I would agree if they were fixing it but not responding but it doesnt seem like it.
This is fucking driving me nuts.
I just want to make the laptop stable but i cant like this.

Me: Scattering the whole place for paper and pen to jot things down.

A funny story I just remember while my code is compiling :

Back in high school, in Math, we were taught how algorithm works, and we made some exercises with practical examples.

I didn't know anything about it back then, so was curious. Was pretty fun, but one day, my teacher said that a IF is a loop. I said "no, this is a test" but she keeps saying that it was a loop, ignoring me (I dunno if she actually heard me) and no one actually noticed it as she repeated it several times (while I was saying that it's not). I just gave up trying to say it's wrong.

Boss: we need to standardize the CMS we use.

Me: well 90% of what we build are custom Wordpress deployments...

Boss: yeah but Wordpress is best suited for all our clients.

Me: well yeah, I know...we could use Django or Rails and give the clients more customized solutions...

Boss: yeah but not all of our developers know those frameworks, and they require maintenance...

Me: -_- we could really use Jekyll for most sites we build

Boss: yeah, but what about our clients that want a blog?

Me: ...we can build a blog with anything...

Boss: ...we just need to standardize what we use.

took me 20min to realize why windows wasn't recognising my flash drive:
it wasn't the usb stick I plugged in but the mouse's dongle... stupid me😜

Got my program hooked up to an external sql database that’s ready to be fed into by PHP, hosted on an SSL website, fixed up all the other bugs with TONS of other stuff.

4:23 A.M. and feelin’ good.