*Me Calling the NSA..

[NSA]: Hello, how can I help you !
[ME]: Hello, this is the NSA right?
[NSA]: Yes
[ME]: Since you are recording all phone calls, I have a little request.
[NSA]: And What is that?
[ME]: My mom called me couple hours ago to bring something from the supermarket, her phone is off.. What did she told me to bring?
[NSA]: beep..beep..beep

Fooling people at the supermarket

My first project and the reason I learnt to code. I was a manager at a supermarket and wanted a discount card for the old people so just wouldnt have to walk to the tills.

First I wrote hello world, then a calculator and then a loyalty card system for my store. It was wildly successful and the fact my scrap code even ran is a miracle. Shortly after launching it in my store I met a like minded investor with an actual dev team hooked it up to a web service and I spent the next 3 years rolling it out nationally to 480 stores. It's still running today.

Watching the Dutch government trying to get through the public procurement process for a "corona app" is equal parts hilarious and terrifying.

7 large IT firms screaming that they're going to make the perfect app.

Presentations with happy guitar strumming advertisement videos about how everyone will feel healthy, picnicking on green sunny meadows with laughing families, if only their app is installed on every citizen's phone.

Luckily, also plenty of security and privacy experts completely body-bagging these firms.

"It will connect people to fight this disease together" -- "BUT HOW" -- "The magic of Bluetooth. And maybe... machine learning. Oh! And blockchain!" -- "BUT HOW" -- "Shut up give us money, we promise, our app is going to cure the planet"

You got salesmen, promising their app will be ready in 2 weeks, although they can't even show any screenshots yet.

You got politicians mispronouncing technical terminology, trying hard to look as informed as possible.

You got TV presenters polling population support for "The App" by interviewing the most digitally oblivious people.

One of the app development firms (using some blockchain-based crap) promised transparency about their source code for auditing.... so they committed their source, including a backup file from one of their other apps, containing 200 emails/passwords to Github.

It's kind of entertaining... in the same way as a surgery documentary about the removal of glass shards from a sexually adventurous guy's butthole.

Imma keep watching out of morbid fascination.... from a very safe distance, far away from the blood and shit that's splattering against the walls.

And my phone -- keep your filthy infected bytes away from my sweet baby.

I'll stick with social distancing, regular hand washing, working from home and limited supermarket trips, thank you very much.

I hate it when people say they want to "GET a new girlfriend"...
Shouldn't it be "FIND a new girlfriend"?
I mean you can't just go into the supermarket and get some butter, milk and a new girlfriend. You can't buy them. By saying that, you seem to me as if you're treating women as objects. I know it's technically possible to buy a girlfriend, but that's prostitution.
I think that "GET a new girlfriend" just doesn't sound right...

Your opinions?

"When we have clients who are thinking about Flash splash pages, we tell them to go to their local supermarket and bring a mime with them. Have the mime stand in front of the supermarket, and, as each customer tries to enter, do a little show that lasts two minutes, welcoming them to the supermarket and trying to explain the bread is on aisle six and milk is on sale today." - Jared Spool

The pain in a dev's heart when a long queue keeps growing at the supermarket and they don't open another checkout

Sat on the street in the rain doing server maintenance over VPN, using WiFi leeched from the Albert Heijn (supermarket).

!Dev. Just back from the supermarket. Seriously there should be a special place in hell for people who leave their trolley at right angles to the aisle. The place was full of them today. Still it was fun ramming their trolleys out of the way, preferably sending them scooting away down the aisle.

I did it - I went outside! Felt strange, like Y2K and Maya doomsday would have been together. Of course I went out only during daylight because THEY hide in the dark. Infrastructure was mostly still intact, I've even seen some houses. Occasionally, survivors scrambling the area.

GPS didn't work so I used my magnetic compass. OK, it was because I forgot my mobile at home, but anyway. Should I take petrol with me so that I could burn my clothing upon return? Or would this attract THEM? Occasional gunfire in the distance. Might also be some pneumatic hammer, that's what the media would try to tell me.

The local supermarket had still trolleys outside. I took note because I might need them to bar the stairwell, along with the land mines that I still have left over from New Year's Eve.

Deserted cars standing around. Looked like neatly parked, but that doesn't mean anything. When Germans turn into zombies, their last human action is to park their cars. That's so genetically hardwired that no virus can override it.

Dusk set in. I better returned home.

When you skip breakfast because you're running late, forget to go to lunch because you're in the zone, go home, work on your latest personal project and now it's 10 pm and you realize you have nothing to eat at home, so you have to rush half across town to the only supermarket that's still open...

While compiling LLVM, you have enough time to go get a beer.
Out of the fridge.
From the supermarket.
Two town's over.

Had a nightmare last night that I had to give up dev and go back to managing a supermarket. Think this deadline is starting to get to me.

I found and bought this floppy disk in an old supermarket. This brings back my memories where flash drive are so expensive I can only afford to buy multiple floppy disk.

Things to do in today

1. Go to post office
2. Send post
3. Go to CVS
4. Buy drink
5. Go to movie theater
6. Watch movie
7. Come back
8. Go to phone store
9. Buy something
10. Go to supermarket
11. Buy supplies
12. Go to McDonald's
13. Use coupon valid til today
14. Run back home befor parents come
15. Act normal

so today at supermarket I was asked if my credit card has wifi ... apparently she meant if it's contactless

I attended a 2-days scientific conference last week which lasted from 9 AM-7 PM.
I submit my travel expenses today and the university adm got guts to tell me that
I should commute 6 hours everyday to that place instead of staying in a hotel.

Please people, I contribute making our research and name renown to the public. I don't even get paid doing that (did it for the sake of experience).
The least you can do is to support the accomodation. The penny pinching you did in the name of cost saving is embarrasing.

I didn't like every hour spent working in the uni, yet people still ask me why I won't continue to PhD.
No offence to all PhDs out there. It's just that my practical and money-oriented ass couldn't
stand all the free work I have to do if I do that.
I'd rather work in a supermarket, at least I'm getting paid of what I'm worth.
😕

css at the local supermarket

Sometimes I think there are a lot of people that just don't deserve a blog.

Headline: "Which supermarket is the best??"

Text: "This bored dude bought butter in two supermarkets, but which one is cheaper??? Click the video to find out"

My dude. You have a fucking blog. You type stuff in it. Write the fucking result in a sentence AND STOP TRYING TO WASTE MY TIME.

In the porch of a local supermarket, in the rain, leaching thier WiFi to fix a live bug.

Me with estimations:

*enter the supermarket
*take a small basket because I need just one or two things..
*realizes I needed more things, basket get full, me getting tired.. oh shit..

Boss asks some changes
-ok boss, one hour at most, it's just adding few lines..
*then I realize that it's not that simple

Any fun self-hosted app or useful services you guys use on your own server?

For some weeks I have started to host my own git repository with gogs and take continious development into my control with jenkins and feel pretty neat.

Now I understand why my grandmother loves to raise her own food even when she could buy everything in the supermarket.

Had to go to a toilet real bad at a supermarket-restaurant combo, there was only one stall and someone hadn't flushed.

I can't believe I'm about to say this, but the toilet bowl contained the most impressive turd I have ever seen in my life.

You should've seen it. I went to the handicap bathroom instead

Let me tell you a very sad, sad story:

I was standing in the line at Lidl (a supermarket here in Germany) and was listening to a podcaste peacefully, minding my own business.
As I was the next one, I took out my AirPods and than it happend:

One of my AirPods felt down, jumped from the floor into a shelf under the cash register and sliped through a FUCKING HOLE WITH ONE FUCKING SQUARE CENTIMETER SIZE!!! WHAT A FUCKING MISFORTUNE!!! No way to get it back. And the biggest shit is that Apple wants FUCKING-80-FUCKING-€ for one single new AirPod.

Hey look what I found in the supermarket.
Java Java so much Java!!!
I can’t handle this.

Me, thinking, at the supermarket at 12:00 buying lunch:

“Doesn’t all these people have jobs?”

Seriously, I can’t be the only one thinking like this 🧐

!dev
This boring story with stupid ending started on Monday with me going out to buy some food and cook something delicious, day like always until my mind went nuts.

I work from home and cook my meals by myself cause I love cooking.
To buy ingredients I go shopping couple times a week always making the same steps, doing this for over a year now and by this time everything was automatic so I could think about work problems and solutions.

I start usually by getting up from my desk around noon, not many people doing shopping at that time and I can proceed quick.
Algorithm is like this: go to kitchen and look at the fridge, go out, wait for traffic lights, take tram, ride two stops, wait for the traffic lights again, go to supermarket, do shopping and finally go back the same way. Boooring.

When I get out from tram that day l looked at traffic lights to go green, as always and that’s the place where everything started to go bad.

So I was waiting there doing nothing and then stupid idea got me.
I figured out I can stop looking at light to make this day different and look ahead.
Then simply start walking when people from other side start walking.

It worked smoothly on those lights and I was happy I can do things differently from now on. I proceed with this idea on the way back and motherfuckers started walking on red. Twice !!!!
Almost died.

Since then three times some car was driving on green near me in those places and people started walking on red.

It got me worried about world determinism instantly. I might increased some entropy to much and some world developer changed some line of code while I was shopping and from that time death is passing by me.

Now it got me to the point where the more I follow this way the more I am worried about my life. Started thinking about ordering ingredients online.

So if you read this you know that I know your plan and I will be changing supermarkets and paths to it randomly starting from next week.

Or not I hope nobody hacked my mind and only thing that read and write to it is my consciousness.

I feel relief now.

A woman sends her programmer husband to the supermarket.

"Bring a carton of milk, and if they have eggs, bring 12".

He returned with 12 cartons of milk.

We have gotten an email saying we need to use our Teams channel to place our food orders less. A random colleague then goes to the local supermarket and buys the food orders. This group chat has around 15 people that often need something from there. If you don't need it, you ignore the channel.

So we need to use it less. So we follow the orders and now we privately message everyone for their orders. Talk about a real "time gain" :D

I offered a girl sex to cycle to the supermarket and get a pizza. She offered the same to me. Apparently we're both whores and nobody is getting sex or pizza. What an outcome

I wish I was good enough at programming to quit my job at the supermarket :/

Well, I posted this rant a few days ago where I was expressing my desires to get a job as a Software Developer... Here I am again re-posting.

________________________________

FFS! Can I get a remote job as soft-dev?? I know a little bit of java, I mean I have a GitHub repo for a project if anyone wants to see what I'm doing.

If anyone knows or feel that can help me, please lend me a hand, I need to start working (to get real experience) and earn a little (prevent from starving in this fucking shithole country).

I'm not asking for money, I'm asking for a freaking job, a task, anything.

Little brief of my situation... I'm from Venezuela... Done!

Now for real, I'm a freelancer IT technician for almost 8 yrs, now I'm studying software engineering (8th Semester), I'm 31 years old, have a family (7 yrs old daughter, newborn baby boy), work is not flowing since the hourly price got high due to the economic crisis and clients are hiring people instead of outsourcing.

I'm not expecting to earn the minimum wage of UUSS, 150$/month can do the job! This due to the black market price of the USD (10X.000BsF so far), where 1$ represents the 1/8 part of the minimum wage here, to put it in perspective, toothpaste cost 200.000Bsf, 1/4 of the minimum wage.

Perhaps you will be asking yourself "Damn! so how do you do to survive!?" well, at least once a week a client calls and that saves the entire week, this isn't life my people, this is surviving... And if you don't believe me, I can show a receipt from the supermarket, and show you the average salary or my incomings.

Anyway enough drama and whining for today, I'm not doing this again in my life, I'm a person who achieves goals and earns what deserve (even this situation, I know that I deserve it for not thinking properly in the past, but we can't be victims of our past or do we?)

Month passed so I looked at job offers and I am tired again.

All of them look the same and all of them look like crap. Some require stupid online tests preparation ( cause everyone likes to traverse tree 10000 times a day ).

Seriously I think I will go to supermarket and work there.
It’s more pleasant then getting input and pushing it in some stupid places all over again.
Finding some shit in shit pile, then moving this shit pile back and forth between different shit holes.

AI should start writing this stupid code, robots should provide food and build shelter.
The sooner the better for all of us.

Do you ever watch someone using the self checkout machine at the supermarket and think: this person would make for an awful programmer 🤔

So I just did my morning shopping and only one register was open. There was an older gentleman in the front, who took some more time getting cigarettes and paying his total. Well Mr. Important in his nice suit decided that took too long: "Lady! Please open another register! People don't have time, I have to go to work!"
The cashier called in for another register to be opened and once that guy made his way to the other line, she said "My mother always told me, if you don't have time for shopping, don't." 😂
ALSO GUESS WTF THAT GUY WAS BUYING, JUST A SOME CHEAP FUCKING CIGARILLOS HE COULD'VE GOTTEN EVERYWHERE ELSE THAT'S NOT A SUPERMARKET

So, I had to took a 4 hours bus today. I woke up ealry and prepared everything. Left home with time because I didn't wanted to fuck anything up and lose the bus. I went then to the bus station and went to order the ticket, they told me the bus leaved in the other bus station of the city (that is in the other side of the city). I had like 20 mins left. I had to take a train to arrive at the other bus station 5 minutes before the bus leaved. There were 4 people buying tickets. The first one was quick. The second one was that person that is slow as fuck and drops the money, like those old people in tje supermarket. I nearly lost my nerves and asked to those two persons ib front of me like "my bus is leaving in 3 minutes, can I get the ticket first?". Then I bought the ticket and ran to the bus. It was closing the doors. Luckily I could get in. I don't think that I was never close to lose some transport like this.

The good thing is that it has charger and wifi :D

PD: the station is huge, like 50 different buses. I was really lucky to find it at the first try :D

Amazing supermarket for customers, but the worst company to consultants:

- You have to badge in-out using wall-mounted computers running a MAINFRAME app using number and F keys to enter your times.
- They have an internal mailing system that they dubbed 'Notes' because making 'Mails' available to all superiors would be breaking privacy law.
- They won't let you work 1 day from home when there's a national public transport strike and you have no way of reaching the office.

maaan its such awkward, if you're chilling on a supermarket parking lot, with your 20mph moped drinking your one end of work beer and also have long hair and long beard 😂 im always thinking the people think im a homeless or something like that.. fml what a world

I wanted to create and use Docker from scratch but I have little time so I'll just use Laradock. Will just study the details of docker as create my project. And while typing this lining in a supermarket cashier I feel the urge to poop damn. Good to thing my condo is just near.

Poop = progressive object oriented programming

I've build a gaming station with a raspberry pi for a supermarket. I was running a quiz i also created with red blinking lights for false and green blinking lights right answers. Featured by cool 8-bit retro gaming sound and score printing to win a small prize if you answered everything correctly. It was so much fun building it and testing it in the office 😁

Actually I've never really drunk coded (eventhough I can be a bad drinker lol), but one time I was apparently discussing a problem I encountered with a friend of mine and we came up with a solution. All I had to write it down was a reciept from the supermarket though, but I totally forgot about it the next day, until months later when I was cleaning out my wallet and to this day I have no clue what I was trying to tell.

How do I resolve this conflict of interest?

TLDR: I want to go out for exercise/health. But I also need an immediate goal. So when I go out, I will always end up buying some junk food.

----

It's such a nice day today. Let's go for a walk, get out the house and some exercise because I also love deals.

Hmm… where should I go? (Need a motivation)

I know let's go shopping! (Only reason to leave the house)

Takes a walk to Duane Reade (supermarket) 10 mins away.

It’s so hot/I want a reward!  I'm out already why not get a treat… let's see I can get a large Iced Coffee for $1 (or some other deal) at McDonalds (which is pretty much next door now that I'm here).

I mean isn't that a great deal! I could make coffee myself but only the KCup and well they wouldn't be cold. I want it cold now, not in an hour… (i probably won't when want it then). So that dollar is just for the coldness mostly and i guess the service cost.

Also since I'm here already, i save the food delivery fees (this also applies whenever I order for pickup: I save so much on the delivery costs and I get exercise too!)

Healthwise and financially, this negates any benefit of going out and probably would've been better had I not gone out and just ate the plain salad at home.

!dev

Personal rant, but as one shouldn't bottle up emotions, probably not so bad idea....

Started with diet and exercise in the vacation, as finally a certain thing starting with C calmed down...

Its maddening how fucked up the world is. Now as a lil private info (that might not be so unknown, shared multiple times here) - my body is a train wreck.

Lungs are fucked, muscle distrophy, some other things are fucked.

I'm the kind of thing every gym trainer dreads - the client that needs not only a lot of ass whooping, but also has a lot of problems that need to be taken care of.

Which is why I rather do exercise at home, cause... My experiences with humans in gyms are bad. Most trainers behave like fucking chimpanzees screaming commands while not listening what one tells them...

First challenge: Find a low impact cardio training.

What one mostly finds is a female chick (which is sad cause I like men more for obvious reasons), that should gain some weight, screaming at ya how great sport is while jumping around like a bunny on ecstasy.
Low impact isn't really low impact when you jump around, lil bunny... And it isn't low impact when you just let yourself fall to the floor and start doing push ups.

If an obese person like me did that, it would end in pain, frustration and an empty fridge TM.

So one has to painfully look and skip through 20 min vids of "Non low impact low impact YouTube / ... vids" to find one that is doable without wrecking the body even further... Yaaaay. That makes one totally not feel depressed :-)

The other thing that I always hate is dieting. Note that I don't have to change much - I'm basically on a diet since years, holding weight the whole time.

The jolly fun is that I can't take off with just an diet. If you never heard that such thing is possible, a lil advice: It is possible. Nothing hurts more than being told that eating less solves all problems magically - cause it doesn't.

What I usually need is added protein, as I suffer from muscle dystrophy in my left side. (hence the low impact vids).

If you go to a grocery store, you most likely find *tons* of protein stuff.

The fun thing is that roughly 80 % of that are - like all things in a supermarket - completely bullshit.

I know one could avoid using protein powder / ... - but that makes dieting a very very very hard task, as one has to not only do a lot of planning, but cooking and eating becomes a depression palooza... It just doesn't make fun when you have to scale components for every meal or force yourself to eat e.g. 250 g of low fat curd cheese to gain the necessary proteins.

Why is supermarket stuff so shitty....

Added sugar / saccharides . When one has been dieting for long for health reasons, one finds out pretty quick that most products (especially those labeled as healthy / fat reduced / "weight loss") are perfectly made to lead to a sugar crisis and binge eating.

I've found protein drinks containing up to 25 g of sugar per drink (330 ml).

A coke has 27 g of sugar per 250 ml...

:) Now isn't that jolly...

I've found my stuff of joy not so long ago (not advertising here, but depending on flavor it has only up to 3 g (!)) of sugar per drink)...

It just annoys me and pisses me off how much money is made - in my opinion deliberately - on the suffering of other people...

Most laws by the way end up being blocked by lobbyists - most nutrient scores etc are just "wrong" or better to unspecific... Making exploitation pretty easy.

It's funny how everyone has an opinion on obese people, everybody is pointing fingers and explaining how stupidly easy it is to take off... And at the same time no one gives a damn about shit like that.

That's all folks. Feeling better now.

By the way, I'm doing fine. I lost 7 kg already, though the train wreck of body was pretty pissed the last two weeks as everything hurts.

Another reason why motivational speeches are dumb in videos: Pain isn't fun. :)

I've been trying and testing all kinds of frameworks to get up to speed with modern development. Tinkered with VUE. That was fun. Tinkered with Laravel. Also fun.

Now I'm looking at Agular. Sweet mother of christ, they want me to learn all this shit just to do some Javascript?

I would rather stock shelves at a supermarket then learn yet another crappt framework that will be redundant in 5 years. I'll wait for the next one.

For a small project for one on the customers i have to install android studio. I had time go get a snack at the supermarket and to clean my workspace and its still installing.