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Search - "moms"
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Boss: "I don't want to comply with the GDPR"
Me, DPO: "I've told you the house rules. You must comply, stop arguing"
Boss: "But I don't want it. Bobby doesn't have to, and Eve doesn't have to, their moms are cool"
Me: "I don't give a crap about the other kids, you're going to be GDPR compliant. Bob and Eve will end up being raped in prison. It's that what you want?"
Boss: "What if I just pretend to do it."
Me: "I'll take away all your marketing toys. No more mailchimp for you young man."
Boss, crying: "You wouldn't touch my Facebook pixel!"
Me: "Especially your Facebook pixel. I'm so sick of that thing...."
Me: "...Look, you can still play with your toys, all I'm saying is you need to be honest and ask your buddies for consent before you put your pixels up their various holes"
Boss: "But they will never agree!"
Me: "Maybe that is good thing"
Boss: "But how will we get people to like us if I can't feed them pills and insert probes into their holes to measure their responses?"
Me: "Maybe you should focus on being a nice kid, someone people like to play with. Your buddies will tell other kids that you're a nice guy. Now, I'm not going to lie to you, it will be hard work. Much more effort than what you're doing now. But you know, those friends will stick with you for decades, instead of just until the marketing-drugs wear off"
Boss: "I think I want a new mom"
Me: "You signed a contract. You're stuck with me for the next 2 years. And as long as you're living under my roof, you will follow my rules."14 -
After my previous PC bursting into flames when I changed my input voltage to 120v on the power supply my dad never bought me one again this happened when I was aged 12. I was so much in love with computers that I would visit my friends who had ones at home and not leave till their moms asks me to. I remember collecting my lunch money and buying a Pentium 4 mb for dog cheap at a local store and as soon as I plugged in the mb short-circuited and died (I had the other parts as I was scavenging the junk yard for them). I'll never forget the moment I burst into tears seeing my hopes for a PC dieing. So after all the years passing when I was 16 I spent my whole summer vacation working in a construction site doing so much heavy work. There were days that my body couldn't bear and I just fell but somehow by the end of that summer I managed to collect enough money to assemble this 3rd gen dual-core. This is my baby. I'm using it till this date.
**Sorry about the bad English15 -
im a programmer.
Moms : Son, please fix my phone
Me : what the...
Moms : Cmon ur the IT guy right?
Dad : My laptop must be broken, can u fix it ?
Me : i can't..
Dad : ur degree is useless
Me : ....
Friend : hi, ur the IT guy right ? can u help me ?
Me : Sure ...
Friend : please hack my BF facebook account..
Me : *face Palm.17 -
Sister comes into my room
"Can you look at moms laptop, it stopped working I'm scared I broke it"
Ask why
"Idk it just stopped working, all I did was install adobe flash player I dont think that could do it could it?"
Top kek
Take a look
"EFI IPV4 0 (error code) failed to boot"
Weird. Enter bios
"Hard drive: [Not detected]"
Well, that's no bueno
Pop open back, hard drive is loose
Pfft, push that fucker back in
Boot -> works
"Mom is going to kill me I broke it im so worried" -> relieved laughter
Adobeflashplayerkilledmyharddrive.jpg
Shook.exe14 -
Me: Mom, I'm learning a new programming language
Mom: How is it called
Me: go
Mom: do u like it?
Me: yes, it's pretty
Mom: do u like it more than linux?41 -
Dells XPS are made of magic. [long story, major fuckup, 10k+ damages]
It all started in December. One morning I was late to work, drove there as fast as possible. (I live like 3 minutes away so me being late really meant *late*) Parked my car in a secluded car park, grabbed my backpack and ran to work. The car park is like 100 meters away from work so I took my feet into my hands and ran. Next thing I know my heels loose all grip while I go down a small slope and I drop on my back full force. On a sharp edged stone. With only my 1700$ XPS in it. Fuck.
I paniced, but got up and ran to work. I checked on the notebook, praying it would boot. It booted! Holy shit. I flipped the notebook and saw two small dents in the aluminum shell. I was thorougly impressed. I later discovered that it left a small shadow on the display, but given what a hit that was (I am not exactly a lightweight), impressive would be a massive understatement.
Fast forward to February, I am weighing my options to get the screen replaced maybe, as damage on my hardware (even if neglectable) triggers some sort of OCD and makes me feel bad 24/7. Also my laptop tends to shut off from time to time, looked into the Event Viewer and saw kernel panic. I figured that the battery probably still took a hit and that it drops voltage from time to time and the kernel assumes a critical situation, thus shutting off.
It stayed quite snowy in Austria up until March, so occasional snowing wasn't rare. Got out of work one day, saw it snowed a bit. Whatever. I had my moms car at the time, so I tried if it would slide a bit if I donut on the now (5pm) empty parking space. Nothing. Drove done a small hill, ABS triangle lit up red (board computer can't outbalance the snow). I drove out to the main street where everything was salted and drove along towards my house. Took a turn into my street, accelerated for a bit and then went off the gas so the car would smoothly drive along with the speed slowly degrading. So I went off the gas and noticed I was a bit to the right, no wonder, centrifugal forces.
*steers left*
"Huh seems like I need a bit more"
*car still doesnt move much*
"What the- go to the left!"
*steers left hard*
"Fuck that wall is coming closer"
*Breaks*
*car doesnt break*
"FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!"
Everything got quiet in seconds, me waking up to an open airbag, ripped pants, a hurting wrist, the radio somewhere on the ground and fumes that smellt like burning wires. I grabbed my backpack that was now somewhere on the floor instead of on the seat and ran outside, tears in my eyes and the phone on my ear calling my mom. I walked inside as she walked outside, hearing a weeping scream that I haven't heard from her since I am alive. While walking inside I noticed my backpack was wet on the bottom, my 2 litre water jug shattered when my backpack hit the dashboard. I tried to stay calm and act rational, knowing that every second counts when It comes to water damage. I hastely searched for some rice and a bag to put my laptop into, stuffed the bag with both and went outside. The car was totaled, my mom pissed and crying. And I was in shock, sad, angry and hurting.
I kept the laptop on my heater for a few days, bagged in rice. I dared to try a boot after a while and you wont believe me, it fucking booted. Even the keyboard backlight worked, just the screen was obviously broken in the back (no color distortion or bad pixel rows though!!) and the aluminum shell had a dent on the front. I talked with Dell Support a few days later, asking if it would be ok to open the XPS up so I could drain all of the water. She said yes thats fine, as long as I dont touch anything or screw around with it.
She said I can send it in and get it checked, but the pickup and analysis will cost 150$ and I can go from there.
I sent it in and estimated that, because battery, screen and other things probably needed changing, it will be around 900$.
Got a call a few weeks later:
"Hello beggarboy, the repair team reported back to us and said that they will have to replace everything, which will be 1700$."
"Fuck... Buying a new one is cheaper.."
"Yeah I know I am sorry about that, I can offer you a voucher so you can buy a new one for 250$ off if you would prefer that"
"Sorry but I will need some time to consider"
"I understand."
The agent clearly noticed I was bummed about it.
After going back and forth what to do I got another call a few days later.
"Hello beggarboy, we talked a few days ago. I have good news"
"Hello, yes, speak up?"
"I was able to get a special offer for you after putting in a few words..."
The next thing she said seemed unreal to me.
She was able to cut 600$ (!!!), making the new offer 1100$, instead of 1700$ or a new one for 1500$. I figured the reason she probably did that was because I am always very polite with support members. Always.
My XPS is back and healty again.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
Dells XPS are made of magic.13 -
Someone replied to the Christmas party invitation using REPLY ALL... his family personal details sent to hundreds of people. Wait, it gets even worse: he works in the SECURITY DEPARTMENT.5
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My mom had forgotten her cellphone with me, and of course it rang. So I answered to be greeted by a "Microsoft" support employee. *thinking, this is gonna be good*
- Bla bla bla there is a virus on your computer which I am calling to assist you in removing.
- Oh? Great! But it's running Ubuntu! (my moms windows drive crashed some weeks ago, so I installed Ubuntu on replacement instead)
- Oh you think you're so smart with Ubuntu and your bullshit! You are lying.
- Oh, yeah I do love lying!
- You are a liar! You should be ashamed of yourself!
I didn't get to give him a piece of my mind before he hung up....
So today I got called a liar by a scammer... Not sure if I should be happy or disappointed in myself 🤔😂3 -
Guys I need some help here! Google can't seem to help... opened up my moms boyfriends laptop to upgrade his RAM and to my surprise there was a SIM Card fitted inside, my first thought was that it could be chipped?17
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manager: we had great feedback last week, real users were testing our app! However, we have noticed a lot of issues regards database performance and data replication...
me: oh, that's great news!! How many users? Like hundreds?
manager: no, 6 users so far7 -
Haha this happened to me once! But it took me a week to figure it out and after re-writing the code and hours upon hours of googling2
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Seriously? Javascript is the best?Javascript is the future?
Dont get me wrong. I have to use angularjs and nodejs in my work so I am quiet familiar with them. Js csn be usefull and make things easier and simpler but it comes with a price... You can do someting in third amount of effort but you have to debug three times more. Yes you can use typescript but thats not an option always. What about single threaded design yes you can use callback and promises but really? Thats the way it is should be working? And what about that if you need one functionality than you dowbload a module but with that you are started to depend from other 737373737 packages.
I am just simply not getting this hype around JS.24 -
I have one! Once upon a time (about a year ago) my mom went online shopping on her own. Her husband was out of town and so she had no assistance. At about 10.30 pm she called me, freaking the fuck out that she entered her credit card details on a sketchy site and they charged her for more than she ordered. She was in hysterics, didn't know what to do. Superwoman to the rescue, I tell her to go and deactivate her card and jump on a train back home (she was crying on the phone she was so scared, couldn't just leave it until morning) fast forward an hour, I'm in my hometown, she picks me up and we head home to check out the situation, and... She had just received the email invoice twice. They hadn't charged her twice, just some email mishap made the email appear twice and she never thought to check her bank account before summoning me home 🙄😂 we laughed for a while and I got a home cooked meal so it's all good but Jesus christ mom. What would you honestly do without dad?1
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My mom once called me telling me her internet was not working. Prankster me told her that the whole internet closed at 7 pm. She was like "okay, I'll wait until tomorrow morning then" (it was around 8pm)
I couldn't help laughing like crazy as I didn't expect her to believe me.
Of course I helped her out so that she could have her game of poker. (She won $10.000 that night) :-)2 -
the nurse just called to say that my moms heart surgery is done and it went well. shes now sleeping under heavy narcotics and anesthesia in the shock room. thank you GOD and Doctors 🙏🙏🙏❤️❤️❤️5
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Time for moms to start asking kids to play GTA V to get some piece from the outside world.
Legit GTA V is less violent than many places in America right now.1 -
She is my "dummy test" for me to make sure that I explain things clearly enough so that anyone could understand. So far, I taught her how Docker, Ansible and CSS work 👌
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I grew up on a farm in western KS. My parents bought PCs when I was in grade school. First was a trs80 , then an Epson Equity 1+, where I built a spare key for it, and built levels in willy for my brother to beat. Then a 486 and pentium which I broke often. I ended up working at the same store in college for extra cash. While I'm an adverage developer, I do on and make decent $$. I still help them out with keeping their PCs running, for moms sewing, and dads Linux box. I figure I owe them for their investment in me. They gave me the tools to figure out what I want to do with my career and my life.2
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I don't get attention from single women at the gym, But I catch some moms staring at me from a distance.
It's a weird phase I'm going through.19 -
Resolved issues with iCloud and my moms massive photo library...
Months later. "What's Apple Music?"
It's just a streaming service mom.
"I've been paying $10 a month for it, why am I paying for it?"
"Do you like to listen to music a lot? Do you want it?"
"No I don't even know what it is, you must've done this with that apple cloud thing"
"Mom those are different things, I helped you with your cloud storage it's not the same"
"Cancel it for me!!😡"
All I did was clear my moms iCloud storage enough that she could do some photo backups from her phone, months ago. Never even moved her into the paid tier for the cloud storage, let alone an Apple Music subscription that she had for months and didn't want or use. Don't worry, I cancelled it for her.1 -
She doesn't understand that most smartphones are capable of calls and navigating menus simultaneously.
So whenever my mother calls in need of help with her smartphone, can be anything from installing a new app to posting on FB.
I have to explain 2-3 steps, then she will hang up, and call again in 5 minutes, where I will then explain the next few steps, and so on.
How she even manages to navigate that much and calling in between, and then struggling with simple task is unimaginable to me..1 -
- Hi, I need this config set up on the server. What do you think? Could you do it?
- Yeah seems fine. But we need to assess it properly.
- Ok, let me show you in details.
- Err.. hmm, reach out to me tomorrow.
...
** Then he stays offline all day. **
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO **REACH OUT** TO YOU???? VIA SMOKE SIGNALS??!! Some supernatural powers??
Oh man, I hate depending on other people to finish a fucking job.4 -
I'm the youngest person on my team, and I mean significantly younger, most of my teammates have kids older then I am. So should I be bothered when one of them calls me "kiddo"?9
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So. It is that time again. The last week of the semester for college students. Paper due for all, presentations for everyone and their moms and final in a week for which no one had the time to study and I'm here wishing death so I can code in piece in the afterlife.4
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I am looking for a job. Ok, alright. This woman calls me with her phone. After a bit of a coordination effort, she proceeds to give me the most pyramid scheme speech that could pyramid scheme. And she said I was fucking chosen because of my IT knowledge... Which I feel fucking insulted about.
This is not my first time brushing against pyramid schemes. Oriflame, if you've heard of it, is another one of the pyramid schemes that, confusingly enough, has product.
But my whole point is, they literally hunted me down because of my age, asked about my goddamn zodiac sign which is always a really good sign (/s), asked me shit like if I have children etc. Like, really. And left no space not to answer most of these.
The whole pyramid scheme industry is basically marketing itself to usually stay-at-home moms, promises an opportunity, etc and they are hard to weed out because they are making their way to normal job hunting websites. Which is how I ran into my first one.
I feel insulted that they'd do this stuff to me but here we are. At least I get the choice of blocking and maybe reporting.
But it really discourages me that that is how things are...5 -
Hi guys!
How much sleep do you need to have enough energy for the day?
Specially interested about the daily sporting coders.15 -
After God created man what did He do?
“So God created Man in His own image.
In the image of God He created them.
Then God blessed them. . ,”
Genesis 1:27–28.
I love the blessing that Aaron pronounced on the Israelites:
“The Lord bless you and keep you;
the Lord make His face shine upon you, and be gracious to you;
the Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace,”
Numbers 6:24–26.
Years ago I ran across a piece that is based on a true story about when the court system made a decision about a school in Washington, IL. The valedictorian had gone to the ACLU for help and the ruling was that they could not have an invocation and benediction during graduation.
This ruling came down just three days before graduation.
I want to share this story with you because this it illustrates how the power of words is almost physically felt. I’ve included it here so you can see how it makes you feel.
They walked in tandem, each of the ninety-two students filing into the already crowded auditorium. With their rich maroon gowns flowing and the traditional caps, they looked almost as grown up as they felt.
Dads swallowed hard behind broad smiles, and Moms freely brushed away tears.
This class would NOT pray during the commencements, not by choice, but because of a recent court ruling prohibiting it.
The principal and several students were careful to stay within the guidelines (https://mcessay.com/research-papers...) allowed by the ruling.
They gave inspirational and challenging speeches, but no one mentioned divine guidance and no one asked for blessings on the graduates or their families.
The speeches were nice, but they were routine until the final speech received a standing ovation.
When Ryan Brown walked proudly to the microphone he quietly protested when he briefly stopped and bowed in silent prayer.
At this point the audience began to stand and applaud. He replied to the crowd, “Don’t applaud for me, applaud for God.”
When he reached the microphone he stood still and silent for just a moment, and then, it happened.
He faked a sneeze!
As planned, almost the entire class yelled,
‘GOD BLESS YOU’
As he walked off the stage the audience exploded into applause. This graduating class had found a unique way to invoke God’s blessing on their future with or without the court’s approval.
Now, you don’t have to wait until someone sneezes to bless your child. You bless them each time you tell him you love and affirm him.9 -
I was really bad in physics and we had energy, force and all that stuff, when I got to C, my very first programming language. I learned the formulas by writing a program calculating all the stuff we learned about in school.:D
Back then I didn't have a computer and wrote the code on paper before actually compiling it at my moms computer. -
I had a few products that I was working on, put myself really hard into those products, started a business and was ready to take a first round of investments when suddenly I lost my job in mid May because I had to take care of my mom that suffered a Stroke and since then I've been helping her.
This is driving me crazy because I'm engaged and had to use all of the money I was saving to pay my moms house and medical expenses; Now my fiancee is handling everything alone and not being able to help her and my mom, because I'm broke right now, is driving me crazy.
I only get crappy dev projects that put my mental health down. Don't really know what to do, I've been putting all my stress on my fiancee since last week and now she doesn't want to talk
I thought that even in this whole situation going on, I wasn't going to be so affected mentally and emotionally and honestly I don't know what to do nothing makes me feel better and start to think straight1 -
#momtexts
"I don't know what button got pushed but I can't type with my laptop key board now. Can you tell me what buttons to try?" -
How is it that every laptop my mom uses always seems to have Windows Defender AND MalwareBytes uninstalled? The thought of her work laptop always needing to be connected to a super public airport network while she has no AV bothers me to say the least, especially when that laptop then connects to our home network every night. Looks like I'm gonna use Sophos and guard that laptop like everything else on our network depends on it...5
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Hi fellow devs!
As a developer it is a crucial to be productive. Obviously the most effecient way is to get in the flow.
What is your rituale to reach this state?7 -
Me going downstairs.
"mom, I have a problem! "
Big rant over how my code isn't working.
Mom giving general advice on how you should deal with a problem.
Moms: earliest versions of Devrant! (without the informatics advice) ^^1 -
Do you guys know brain.fm? Its superb making you more productive. I have found it yesterday and it is look promising to my productivity.2
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I am trying to start my career in the world of web development currently I am 16 and in 2 years I have to move out (moms orders) what would be the first move into getting a job as a web developer is it best to freelance or work full time for a company and what certification's would you recommend getting I am already very good with computers both windows and Linux (windows can kiss my ass tho ) and I know html css as well as some php and jquery I even know a little MySQL (I am also very talented at cybersecurity mainly infosec and OSINT )
(I know this question probably sounds stupid but I would like some advice from people in the area recently I told my dad I want to be a web developer my dad then told me I should get a real job )
Any advice would be great7 -
Oh china, you always know how to snap me out of long stints of mundane and/or annoying, chore-esq work.
//...and letting me excuse a 10min, otherwise purely wrong procrastination down a current political rabbit hole
I gotta say, at least in china they are bold enough to put their image and identity on whatever they make... but in that 'im selling pseudo-sex, not because im sexy--just the opposite, so you know I relate' way.
Side note: i got an automated spam call survey yesterday*... it ot got to the 1st (of claimed 3) question.. which had a surprising amount of actual reiterations before looping... it was determined to get opinions(and totally incept the lemmings, soccer moms and politically ignorant into their stance, plus intense rage/disgust/dreams of standing on a soap box and fighting about this new issue they were totally unaware of.)... about this actively serving, politician's demand that china sell tiktok or totally stop allowing any operations/use on american soil... because of the heavily implied heinous nature of controlling and twisting society via media to it's explicitly declared communism... even directly called china, as a whole, communists, with impressive dramatics (and i coached public speaking hs and college kids then over a decade of business consulting, typically involving coaching vocals and implicit vocab)
I actually listened to it because it's what a typical subject, brought out of the koolaid fog, would view as ridiculously ironic(assuming they knew the actual, and therefore inherently ironic, def if irony... most dont. It's disturbing)... but it you have decent common sense, and dont emotionally view your entirety as wrong/broken/needing to be fixed in a cult-like manner, it's the oposite of irony. History of/and politics pull this crap all the time. It still works.
It reminds me of how my moniker, awesomeest, came about. In 3rd grade i realised that even adults, knowing they were chatting with an 8yr old, even if they knew/used the correct spelling of a, less common, term... if i misspelled it as if i thought it was right, theyd actually change their spelling to match (in perpetuity) albeit my vocab was easily high school level by then...likely at least in part to my flawless(aka blind/ignorant) demeanor of confidence that whatever i said/thought was totally correct, as a matter of fact. Not like the insecure ppl trying to prove something
I used to find it so comical... now it's just sad.
This bs automated political spam/manipulation is the modern version of i remember of kids farting in the late 90s... the culprit quickly accusing someone else of their offense, but even extra immature kids 25+ yrs ago figured that out... and even made the retort a catchy rhyme..."the one who smelt it, dealt it"
*i basically programmed in a counter attack/something akin to immature passive aggressive ' who"s really the one wasting the other's time and resources now?!? Ha!' ...odd numbers automatically go into a sort of echo chamber instead of ringing, with a manual escape to actually ringing/calling prompt built in.
I can listen in at any time without it having any effecf/sound too.
I'm curious if anyone participates in these minor acts of terrorism to complete an unrequested, intrusive, and human-less format of a proclaimed opinion poll? And if you do, are you honest? Why do you do it?
Annoyance at spam aside... the real victim I mentally mourn, and view it's method of demise akin to a cardinal sin (assuming religion...blah blah)... is the data! I <3 data... good, unobscured, not contrived, simple, pure, raw data... killed before its birth :'(5 -
Just askin:
If you have a method which returns a value from an array. What do you prefer in a case when the item is not found?
A)Throw an exception
B)return null
C)return a special value like a null object or some primitive type edge value like Integer.MIN_VALUE14 -
Maybe not specifically "dev" but certainly a relatable rant to anyone here:
Moms small business gets "hacked," or standard spyware phone call from India let us save you for only $149 kind of crap. She obviously gets upset had a panic attack and thinks about all the sensitive shit on their network. Then, ONLY THEN, does she call me and the rest of the cavalry i.e. over payed and undermotivated IT guy to ask what's up why it happened and whose fault is it.
All is well, no ransom paid, no data lost or tangible damage done, but I am positive it will happen again, because it is impossible for people to internalize that they're the problem that money can't fix.
You clicked the unsolicited link. No amount of antivirus bloatware will ever be able to stop the monkey from trying to see what's in the box.
TheBut keep not paying me or people more qualified than me, and then scream and yell and pout when your shits gone and we can honestly say with a grin and a clean conscience that there is nothing we can do. -
What's up guys any devs from San Diego? I'm currently looking for a job or projects to work on. I'm fresh out of code bootcamp at LEARN Academy. Any Ruby devs out there?2
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I'm the tech support of my whole family. Grandmothers, mom, dad, uncles etc.
But every time my mom opens a facebook account, she calls me for gathering a new e-mail...
I am a friend of my moms 8 different facebook accounts. (probably she uses this account for games credits or like this)
¯\_(ツ)_/¯ -
I dont see any advantage of TDD. I use integration tests and unit tests for very complicates modules.
Change my mind.5 -
My older sister is trying to flirt and its honestly going to make me gag. Asking so many questions knowing moms in the car and said dont take long ..acting purposely childish5