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Search - "peace of mind"
I honestly have no energy to even type this out because this is so draining, but here goes.
I am usually very calm and can keep my composure well, but boy do you push my limits. Do you think my work is so easy that it’s just “a bunch of queries and simple logic”? Well, fine. YOU FUCKING DO IT.. right before I grab you by your fucking neck and shove your face repeatedly into the keyboard. You even have the audacity to give us a project and come the very next fucking day and repeatedly keep asking us “iS iT FiNisHeD yEt?” so much and annoy even the calmest in our team even when we clearly stated that it was going to take us 30 work days to fucking finish it. Do you not know what a working day is? 30 work days is not the same as 30 days you dumbfuck. You have no idea how any of these work and yet you preach your bullshit and waste our fucking time when we could have used that time better to finish our work. THIS IS WHY EVERY SINGLE EMPLOYEE KEEPS LEAVING AND WHY THIS COMPANY HAS A VERY LOW EMPLOYEE RETENTION RATE. You won’t even let me finish my fucking lunch in peace. We have 45 minutes for lunch and since I’ve been eating out for almost the past year (I live alone and don’t usually have time to make food at home because of my hour and a half long commute), a close friend of mine’s mom reached out to and said “Hey, since you’ve been usually getting food from outside, why not join us for lunch?”, so I did and it was the most amazing food ever. Mind you, this was the first time I’ve ever left work myself to have lunch since I joined. I did get 10 minutes late because lunchtime tends to fall around the time where the schools close for the day (no shit) and school traffic is usually insane, and you unsurprisingly decided to make an issue out of a non-issue especially since I’M THE ONLY FUCKING PERSON WORKING IN THE COMPANY and also dock my pay for that. Let me also include the time where our one of the others in the management gave us a quick project that was to be quickly finished while we working on an existing project so we put aside a day just to complete and ship the app and the features and as usual, you decided to make an issue out of a non-issue and decided to shame us publicly and even made (my now former) colleague cry. You’re just a spoiled, selfish, ignorant nit-witted fucking imbecile who has no idea how to even properly run a business. Get fucked in the arse with a cactus. I'm done. I've held on for so long but this is the last straw. I'll be handing my letter of resignation soon. Good luck with running a company without any employees.20
Went into bed with peace in mind. Updated my website and everything working perfectly. Tonight I'll have a good sleep.
Jumped from bed all of a sudden :
GIT COMMIT! GIT PUSH!1
A programmer once explained Nietzsche like this:
A long time ago, god created the world, but forgot to leave a developer documentation, thus the whole world was like legacy code...
And humans are like the end user of this world, and some among them spent time studying it, using the Moral API, hoping to get a result of "http 200 ok" from our world for the peace of mind. But the true operation of this world is still yet unknown...
As time passes, humans begin to find that in Moral API, good and evil are two base classes, and all the other moral properties (like ethic, justice and stuff) are just other classes based on those two classes through multiple inheritance.
One day, when programmer Nietzsche was observing the world's runtime behavior, he came up with a question:
"Did god really use good and evil as base classes? Could it be that they are actually derived classes?"
Most of the world is currently in the favor of mankind, and god must've wrote individual user cases for it's end users, he thought.
This made Nietzsche thinking: if end users are considered into two cases: the strong and the weak, how would the world be designed base on its user story?
Let's think about the strong, they can bully the weak as they please, and there's nothing the weak can do to stop them. In this case whether the Moral API exists or not doesn't fulfill the need of the strong.
But when it comes to the weak, Nietzsche thinks that because the weak cannot fight the strong, they need to belittle bullying and praise the strong for being nice. When the weak does this, it covers their powerless state to some extent, making them look somehow equal to the strong by being capable of commenting.
God might have coded the Moral API to fit the weak's requirement, also adding some public methods for the weak to comment on the strong. If the strong takes care of the weak, they call him nice and good, if the strong bullies people, they call him bad and evil.
That's when Nietzsche realized, that good and evil are both derived classes from the weak, and the base class should be the strong and the weak.
Then he started a series of studies about the Moral API, and got some thesis that persuaded lots of other end users...7
Your daddy Johnny is pissed off again.
My therapist advised me to do some things for myself after I told her that I'm finding the simplest tasks overwhelming again. This is after a month of studying, coding, and working on some personal projects on my free time. I thought "Fine, I'll buy new clothes since I have very few of them and also get a massage."
But guess what these activities involved? People. I went to the mall and some attention-seekers yell at a high-pitched tone when their dumbass friend taps them on the shoulder. Then goes the screaming match "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH" because they saw their friends. OMG. FRIENDSHIP! So exciting! Let's scream in public for absolutely no fucking reason because it feels so damn good when everyone turns around to look at our ugly asses.
I went to a shop and two women are talking in the most annoying fucking made-up accent I've ever heard. If you want to know, social distancing is no more than a suggestion at this point. I go to the fitting room and same women are talking loudly in that curly, rich-wannabe, bitch accent. "Emergeeeeeeerd, you lost so much weiiiight!" Then another ugly fuck man joins them and they start screaming flirtatiously, "Emergeeeeeeeerd, why are you heyyre?! Geit outttttuh! Ugh." In my head, "My pussesyyyy is so wet rightt now and my labia flaps are as green as my haeeirrrr!"
I tried to finish the day off by having some tiramisu pancake in this Japanese shop, to make up with the stress of having to co-exist with these people. Two girls sat at the table near me and started talking loudly again but some dumbass gossip. There is no way not to hear the shit they're talking about. I thought about wearing a headset but then I'd hear myself chew. Classic gossip about some other girl they know being a slut and some guy they know who is cheating on his girlfriend plus the casual sexism, "He doesn't know 'cause he's a guy." Non-stop "he's just a guy" bullshit.
I didn't finish my meal, went home, and decided that I should stick to online shopping and food deliveries. I know it's considered healthier to get out every now and then but not in this fucking country. Then I went to go get that massage in my favorite massage place. Guess fucking what? Two couples went in and started chatting and laughing loudly. Keep in mind, there are signs everywhere "Please observe silence" and it's a fucking massage place where people go to relax in peace with just the relaxing music.
Again, another set of stupid goddam gossip that just can't wait for a fucking hour. Even my therapist got pissed up and started shushing them. She did that three times and they started whispering but you can still hear it. Fucking hell, you bitches can't keep your mouth shut for a fucking minute. You have nothing of importance to say and you just ruin everyone's day. You are inconsiderate and you're all a bunch of uncivilized fuckwits.
How fucking ironic that these activities that are supposed to relax me just reminded me of the reason I was burning myself out in the first place and why I hate, hate, absolutely hate going out or doing anything that involves people.
Fuck you all. I'll get a massage at home. I'll fucking do everything at home. I can't stand you annoying fucks.24
Been reading devRant for a while now and I have to say I'm sad about the way the future of the software engineering looks like. Everyone seems to have a lot of hatred towards certain techniques and/or platforms and sad to say, but you are missing a lot.
I have been in the biz for around 15 years and have worked on Win, Linux, Mac, Unix, Symbian, Embedded etc. using all sorts of tools and languages and I must say it has taught me a lot and given diversity on my career and I hope you could also open your mind and start educating yourselves. Theres a world behind your bubble!
Peace and love!13
This goddemn telephone keeps on ringing like I will never have peace of mind ever! I couldn't even write 10 lines of code straight. 😤11
About 2 years ago, our management decided to "try outsourcing". I was in charge for coordinating dev tasks and ensuring code quality. So management came up with 3 potential candidates in India and I had to assess them based on Skype calls and little test tasks. Their CVs looked great and have been full of "I'm a fancy experienced senior developer." ....After first 2 calls I already dismissed two candidates because they had obviously zero experience and the CV must have been fake. ..After talking to the third candidate, I again got sceptical. The management, however, started to think that I'm just an ass trying to protect my own position against outside devs. They forced me to give him a chance by testing him with a small dev task. The task included the following statement
"Search on the filesystem recursively, for folders named 'container'. For example '/some_root_folder/path_segments/container' " The term 'container' was additionally highlighted in red!
We also gave him access to a git repo to do at least daily push. My intention was to look at his progressions, not only the result.
I tried the task on my own and it took me two days, just to have a baseline for comparison. I, however, told him to take as much time as he needs. (We wanted to be fair and also payed him.)
..... 3 weeks went by. 3 weeks full of excuses why he isn't able to use git. All my attempts to help him, just made clear that he has never seen or heard of git before. ...... He sent me his code once a week as zip per email -.- ..... I ignored those mails because I made already my decision not wanting to waste my time. I mean come on?! Is this a joke? But since management wanted me to give him a chance .... I kept waiting for his "final" code version.
In week 5, he finally told me that it's finished and all requirements have been met. So I tried to run his code without looking at it ..... and suprise ... It immediately crashed.
Then I started to look through the code .... and I was ..... mind-blown. But not in a good way. .....
The following is what I remember most:
Do you remember the requirement from above? .... His code implementing it looked something like this:
Go through all folders in root path and return folders where folderName == "/some_root_folder/path_segments/container".
Alone this little peace of code was on sooooooo many levels wrong!!!!! Let me name a few.
- It's just sooooo wrong :(
- He literally compared the folderName with the string "/some_root_folder/path_segments/container"...... Wtf?!?
- He did not understand the requirement at all.
- He implemented something without thinking a microsecond about it.
- No recursive traversal
- It was Java. And he used == instead of equals().
- He compares a folderName with a whole path?!? Wtf.
- How the hell did he made this code return actual results on his computer?!?
Ok ...now it was time to confront management with my findings and give feedback to the developer. ..... They believed me but asked me to keep it civilized and give him constructive feedback. ...... So I skyped him and told him that this code doesn't meet the requirements. ......... He instantly defended himself . He told me that I he did 'exactly what was written in the requirements document" and that there is nothing wrong. .......He had no understanding at all that the code also needs to have an actual business purpose.
After that he tried to sell us a few more weeks of development work to implement our "new changed requirements" ......
Footnote: I know a lot of great Indian Devs. ..... But this is definitely not one of them. -.-
Management wants to outsource to India and gets scammed.9
The startup life culture is probably killing a lot of talent and taking away peace of mind.
Everything is needed
- too fast
- to work well
Forcing people to compromise on personal life and health.
It also takes away the interest to work on something as an interesting problem and makes it feel like "just another job to get finished".7
Imagine if you will, a fictional world outside our own.
In this world, the requirement for getting a drivers licenses is 4 years of research into quantum mechanics.
- Was it interesting? Yeah.
- Did I learn it because I had to? Yup.
- Will I use the harmonic oscillation calculations of a particle when driving my car. Fuck no!
- Did it cost me an ungodly amount of money? It sure did!
- Will some dumb people still say it was useful because it is the minimum (fictional) barrier to entry for driving a car. You bet your sweet ass they will!!!
It was about as useful as any made up requirement, make-work, self-funding, circle-jerking, waste or time and money to feed the pockets of people who are too scared to do actual work so they teach, can be.
I paid all that money to be taught technology that was old when my mother was in school.
In the first year out of school, with only a $300 subscription to PluralSight some uDemy courses and hard work, I learned 100X as much as everything they put in front of me in school.
School has its place.
Children who don't understand the importance of learning and need their hand help.
Adult children (some of which on on their 3rd or 4th degree) who also need their hand held.
People too afraid to enter the real world.
I would do it again because it is the minimum requirement of entry, but thats nothing more than a bullshit make-work project.
Play their game as long as you need to. Keep your own game in mind. Don't drink the koolaid, just fake a sip. Then when the time is right, play by your own rules.
Had a talk with my mentor and the CTO today.
They made very clear that they'd want to keep me employed after I finished my bachelor and briefly asked about my plans.
I am happy and this kind of gave me some more peace of mind concerning job security.
Thing is though, I don't know yet what I want to do in two years from now. There are some possibilities and of course I don't know how my private life will develop.
If I stay there, I could finish my bachelor and then do a master halftime, like I do now with my bachelor - or I could stop at my bachelor and start working full-time again.
I rather want to stay there - though I strongly dislike the 9 to 5 job model, the work would be in a field I'm interested in. My colleagues are a nice bunch of people and I respect them a lot, especially the team I work with.
On the other hand, I always thought about freelancing and was researching possibilities during the last year. My skills are not so easy to translate into a freelancing job, though, if I don't want to do at least 50% software development.
Or I could get a job somewhere else which would have the charms of starting from scratch. Many new experience, much new things, wow.
Maybe also a better salary though if I'd be doing the job for the money only, I'd probably have worked elsewhere.
I'm usually quite relaxed about my future plans but some of these things were on my mind for some time now, also, I'm not sure whether I can "define" my future just yet.
Also, I'm overthinking it, yes.
I will have another talk in about a month.
No pressure, right?7
I'm so pissed off by the people I'm working with right now asking me for shit that they should be asking the business analysts. I'm working on other things, you know, like writing actual code? I can only answer the technical side in the backend. Stop asking me what you should return to the user and how your goddamn user interface should work. I gave you the APIs. Whatever the fuck they require you to display is not my call.
"What are we gonna do?" No, sir. What are YOU gonna do? You know what I'll do? I'll ask the fucking guy who requested this component because while I believe in fucking team work, I can't read that guy's mind for you. You have so many resources - complete UI mock-ups, API documents, sample payload, JIRA issue, etc. Why the hell are you asking me?
It's been like this for the whole week that I can barely remember anything anymore and it affects my own output. Even the tester counts everything as bugs because it doesn't work the way he imagined it to work. Have you considered asking whoever the fuck gave the requirements how it should work?
I get confused, try to fix it, and then realize that it wasn't a bug. I can't remember all these things. All these things that happened in the past few months. And most of all, with the every changing requirements that aren't coming from me, I JUST DON'T KNOW ANYMORE, OKAY? STOP FUCKING BOTHERING ME. I have done everything I can. I asked for clarifications via call, messaging app, email, and I even update my own ticket with all the details but none of those efforts matter because someone flicks a switch on their brain and they change their minds.
We've been discussing this problem in the retrospective so many times. The least you can do is not add to the problem and start messing with your co-workers' head. Let me fucking code in peace. Now I have a feeling I'm gonna be highlighted on this fuck-up. I'm exhausted.
Leave me alone. Leave me the fuck alone, please. Please just fucking stop talking to me.5
So lotta shit happened lately, life-wise and i don't know why but i have to share it:
There is a point after depression and being stressed out - it's this "well shit will work out someway.."-state of mind, where you have like an inner peace and everything is fine.
It's nice here.😪4
Non-dev *random* annoyance:
Today in leave me the fuck alone, establishments have opened but social distancing still applies so don't go around approaching me while I mind my own damn business waiting for a car.
I rarely go out unless I have to pick-up food or buy groceries but there is this place I visit once every few months. I don't loiter in the streets, at the mall, or anywhere. I get out of the apartment, go straight to a specific place, do whatever I went there for (store - buy groceries, salon - get a haircut, etc.) and then go home. In short, I limit my time outside even before this whole pandemic so people don't get a chance to talk to me about shit I don't care about.
I thought it was perfect. I've been to this place a couple of times now but this time, it was different. The car pulls over in front of the salon. I get out and was walking straight towards the door when this random guy in front of the hotel nearby starts talking to me "Hey, where are you going?" Confused, I pointed out to the door in front of me then went in. After an hour, I got out, booked a car, and waited for it to arrive. Same guy approaches me and starts up the shittiest excuse of a small talk.
Guy: "Did you go there?" (points at the salon)
Guy: "Did you get a <insert random service that my brain filtered out 'cause I don't care>?"
Me: (no answer but internally, "I got a happy ending and had my balls trimmed, what do you want?")
Guy: "What are you doing here?"
Me: (polite but cold, signalling that there's nothing to talk about) "I'm waiting for a car."
Guy: "What address did you put for this place?" *moves closer and starts looking at my phone screen*
Me: "This building. It's fine. I've been here a couple of times." *walks a couple of feet away*
Guy: "Oh no, you should put this blah blah street instead because that one is on the other side."
The fuck do you mean, man? You saw my fucking pin, it's right there and like I said, I've been here before.
Me: "No, no, it's arriving." *starts ignoring every other attempt he makes to start a conversation*
Guy: *starts mumbling about how I put in the wrong street*
Car arrives, I ignore the guy and walk straight to it.
Guy: "Oh, that's you." *mumbling other shit like we're good friends parting ways*
I know some of you will say that maybe he's just trying to help and I'm being a cunt. First of all, I already told him that I've been to this place several times and I know where I'm going. Second, an old lady got out of a car at the time I said I didn't need help but I didn't see him talk to that woman once or try to help her.
You can say that maybe he's lonely and in desperate need for a conversation. I don't care. It's not my responsibility to talk to random people just because they feel lonely especially when they're hassling me and not following the social distancing rule at all.
You can go ahead and preach that I should be kind but I think I've been kind enough not to lash out and stay polite with this guy even when he was already being rude asking questions that are none of his business. I'm just so stressed out and annoyed that people in general seem to never leave me in peace. It doesn't matter if I go out or not, be on social media or not, nothing works. I just hate people in times like this and wish most of them would turn into cats.10
A fight story (separation of concern) : work vs life
IT Director (IT'D) forwarded a client message (false detection) to my whatsapp (personal number). I am sitting next to his cabin.
After an hour,
ITD : what was the issue with the client x?
Me : (proved false detection),
ITD : did you emailed client?
Me : no, don't send me these in WhatsApp, if any issues, email me since I won't check whatsapp and there is no guarantee that I will reply you back.
ITD : why, don't be negative. Either you have to or me have to do it.
Me : Tell them to email.
ITD : That is not right.
Me : I don't care if you provide support via WhatsApp. But I don't. Unless you provide a separate mobile and connection.
End of story.3
Inspiration to code kicks in!
Kids asleep, everybody’s asleep, house is quiet. The kind of peace ive always wanted and wished! (Parents here will understand.)
Get to my laptop, opened up code editor, start fresh and clean! Created new file, about to type my first code and.........blood dripping from my nose. It doesn’t stop there, its like flowing for a while!
I noticed it keeps flowing while im projecting the inner excitement to code. When my mind drifted a bit, the nose bleeding stops. Wth? Its like my body is ejaculating when im excited to code, yeah.. it ls blood shot out of my nose, wtf!
...and i have to stop what im doing. Then the ideas just spoofly gone. Suddenly i dont know why im staring at an empty code editor.. (what was im about to code again?) i totally cant recall, it simply gone. Damn it. That could be a million dollar apps! Wish i can go back to an hour ago and record myself when i received that historic inspirational moment. 😔9
I once built an app because my girlfriend travels a lot and I was worried she might be kidnapped. App becomes a big deal, now I have to add more features. I really just wanted a holiday and peace of mind.1
I swear.. Whoever comes up with a better and fixed version of CSS that makes sense when you use it should probably get a Nobel Peace prize for the peace of mind it would give to its users..!!!2
Finished side project last month. It was hell of a ride, about 300-350 hours of programming and solving problems per month for over half a year, including my regular remote job.
Side project was 1 hour commute time from my house.
There were days where I was working over 16 hours per day.
During this roller coaster I also changed my diet to keto and lost about 12kg / 26 lbs.
Kept my regular remote job where I am the only backend developer.
Donated to eff.
Started listen to audiobooks and exercise to keep my mind clear and focused.
Finally I discovered devrant.
It was all crazy shit and I feel happy I did it because now 5 days after I finished this side project I started to think that my life is not so fucked up I thought it is. This gave me my confidence back.
Now it’s time to rest before some new crazy shit would hit my life.
Calling all bored js devs...
So I just noticed that rantBlock is the most ++'ed collab on devRant! This was totally unexpected since it was just another proof of concept of a random idea I had while bored.
The problem is I do not have time in the next few months to develop it further. I would love to see it ported to uBlock and officially released on the chrome/mozilla/microsoft stores so I am posting an open invitation for devRanters to take it over.
Realistically though while the collab is popular on devRant the repo was not cloned enough times to even show - it only had one watcher and 7 stars so I am not sure if it will get much usage once released, but I promise to download it.
Even with that in mind it's a pretty fun side project if your into ad blocking (ad how it works) and browser extensions for the holidays and you have a community of devs to get feedback from.
Leave a comment if you would like to see it properly published or would like to contribute and you guys can network from there.
Inspired by Max Payne's
"The Things That I Want"
I present Polaroidkidd's
"The Things That I Love"
A sleeping girlfriend.
A terrace in a warm summer night with a power outlet.
A cold beer.
A pack of cigarettes.
A working WiFi.
A pair of charged Bose 35 QuietComforts.
A minimal electro playlist.
A peace of mind, attainable solely through solitude.7
Fuck I wish I knew what to do about low motivation!!! I have some ideas I think are really great, some that might be profitable, and fuck I just don’t do any of them. I spend more time panicking about what to do than anything else. But damn so much time wasted when I just needed a little guidance or a little planning or a little like less than $100 more money. That frustrates me to no end.
There’s so much bullshit to everything. This does follow up to my wk106 rant, where I’m trying to rationalize the tons of code that are behind the smallest features. How many thousands of builds go into a deploy. Just swallowing how much rite in software.
I feel like a failure at my job at times but what sucks is I’m just in the middle. Not the most experienced dev, not the least. I’ve got my feet wet in a number of things, but not a solid enough stack for a lot.
BUT SOMEHOW I GOTTA BE MOTIVATED TO LEARN. FFS I CAN DO BETTER BUT MY INSIDE IS BROKEN SOMETIMES AND I JUST WANK OFF FUCK GET IT TOGETHER.
Yea, I fight with myself a lot. I have a big ego and I’m a piece of shit at the same time. Idk. That is annoying too. If only I could get really motivated and focused on some of these projects I could do amazing things. I’ve never struggled with a subject I applied myself to. I just wasn’t motivated. I don’t know how to fix it and I wish I did. I also don’t know what the end game for me holds.
This whole complex really scares me for later life. I will have regrets because my mind builds impossible plans for good, but if I achieve any of it I WILL THINK damn I should have not dealt with this and done x. Like I could make world peace but be like damn coulda rebuilt cars or some stupid shit.
So I’ll conclude with that I’ve done a lot of jobs around the house, and yes working with drywall sucks. So sometimes I’ll think about that. But damn. That doesn’t last because I know I can do it well if I apply myself.
All this leads to getting overextended which is another huge motivation killer. I’m trying to learn self control and focus. But also I need small victories along the way. Very annoying.
Well at least I was motivated to finish this rant. I have a few weekly rants I wanted to participate in but couldn’t even find the motivation for that. There was a toxic person in my life then and I’m slowly getting back to normal but I know that even normal me struggles with motivation. Plus that toxic person was my friend and I’ve lost a lot of (long term) friends recently and that is a real drag. But they needed to go. But I wish they had just shut up sometimes then they wouldn’t have been so toxic. But I digress.
I know I have so many ideas I can’t do them all even if I am motivated and for some time is of the essence.
So look out for some collabs. And grab that motivation wherever you can find it.1
iiiii fffffuckingg hate articles that just explain something
put a piece of code
that piece of code uses X amount of classes/models
they never mention what structure are those models/classes made of
what is inside them
i cant continue following the article because i dont know what is inside them
they just put it in ur face and say Fuck you
my nerves are torn
what is life
what are doing
why are doing this
what is the point of living
how long does it take for a man to die
why are some people blessed with luck and some are not
u know what is even more frustrating
ohdont get me started on this topic
well i warned u
the path towards abundance lies upon the few; thou who shalt not risk high; shalt always stay thus low
girls also frustrate me bc
i always do every thing nice and im always nice
so i realized
being nice is fake as fuck and doesnt fuckin work
being urself doesn't do a Fckimg tHING
in this hardlife
only the strong survive in this world
- tupac shakur
so yes bavk where i was saying girls frustrate me because i always do what im supposed to
i tried being thou who shalt i am not
guess what mothrfucker
it works when u be a gofdamn fkig low mothfckr a u know a goddmn fkig punk then they respect u and want u
back i fckked up
i turned back to my real me, the nice me
and then they left me
they think being nice = means being weak
kindness != weakness
U FCKING WHORES
i just wanted to have a walk outside and thenit started raining
so i had to stay inside bc of the rain
i am very lonely
u know i was very fine when i was lonely at a very young age but now i need a living entity beside me
i fking need
wait i will cuddle my fluffy dog rn maybe i will feel better
br b wait for me ok
i feel better now
i remembered that goddamn girl again
man i feel so heart broken
i have sunk into the deepest depths of endless depression I think
it doesnt feel nice
it feels very lonely and depressing down here
but i thimk tjat is be because i care too much
some people say i overthink
I dont overthink
i am like the stealth people
the shadow people
i stay quiet and observe
i always know what is happening but i rarely speak about it
and people dont realize
so they think they can fool me
everything has its limits
so much lies that im sick of it
i always tell it how it is
i always reward those who help me
i always help those who help me
i never forget those people
why is it that people who dont give a single fucking Fffffficxkkckck about me
are the ssame people i almost care the MOST?
i cross hundreds and thousands of miles to visit a person, invest hours of my time to do that
i do that....
and they wouldnt even step 1 foot in front to see me....
what kind of life is this
feel like cryin rn
i dont understand what one must do
what is the point
all i want is to be happy
that is it
but being happy is.... i wanted to say the hardest part of life but now my voice told me being happy is a state of mind
myself answered me that being happy ? is a state of mind?
so that means if i want to be happy even if everything around me is falling apart
in my mind i can create a psychological world that would make me.... happy ....?
i dont understand what did myself tell me
why do i care so much if im lonely
u know my friend from college we go to same computer science college
hes a very smart man but a fake FUCKING friend, plastic as fuck
he reads philosophy booms and told me
"when a man is lonely for long enough, he will slowly start to fall apart"
that is me...... that is ...truth......
he quoted a philosopher from some book
he also said a quote he read about the meaning of life
"this life is endless pain and the only purpose of life is to reduce this pain as much as possible so we can be happy"
what the fck that is incredibly depressing
what the fuck im actually crying rn
i feel stabbed in the back and left behind and cheated on, all of those happened and some of them are happening right now
dont know what to think about the reasons
all of this causes me such huge anger and depression and that is whT keeps me going
going by working harder than i am supposed to
without all this hurt there would be no glory
all this effort..... it better pay off at the end...... please God..... i beg you....
i have completed 50% of my life purpose, let me do the rest so i can die in peace...13
I've been working on the ecommerce website from hell for over a year now. I should have heard the alarm bells when the studio who were running the project took a month to pay my deposit but still expected me to start working, but I explained that I wouldn't start without some form of security and they were cool with it, so I carried on.
It started off as a simple build with simple products, no product variations etc and a few links on the designs which appeared to lead to external links, and checkout and cart pages were nowhere to be seen. It wasn't a big money job so I just build them in as plain and straightforward as I could, in line with how the rest of the site looked. They then changed their mind about how they wanted these to look, and added loads of functionality to the site throughout the build, so by the end of the line, the scope of work had completely changed. I also had loads of disagreements in terms of design and useability, as their designs straight-up weren't going to function otherwise, plus every round of changes meant that I had to prolong the job further and fit it around work for other clients.
Fastforward a few more months and I get sent a really angry email with some of the client's complaints, including one that raised an issue with the user journey, and the finger of blame was pointed at me. The user journey had been a part of the designs from the start, and this was never raised as an issue for A WHOLE YEAR. They then said that it had to go live on Monday (three days after they sent email with these huge new structural changes). I told them I could no longer work on the project but was happy to waive the rest of my fee (3/4 of the total fee, when I had essentially completed the site, minus 2 minor bugs), so they could find another developer in the limited time they had. At first they refused to hire another developer, claiming that it would be too expensive, which made no sense, as for a few minor fixes and out of scope additions he could get paid a wage that would have otherwise paid for the majority of the work I had done on the site. I stood my ground and finally they found someone, so I sent over all of the files and database to their new developer and asked him to give me a heads up when I could remove the staging site from my server. The next day, I received an email from the studio asking me to fix some bugs the developer was requesting I fix so he could carry on with the site. They were basically asking me to work more, for free, to enable him to walk off with the majority of the money and do less work. They also forwarded a suuuuuper shitty, condescending email from him, listing all the things he thought was wrong with the site (he even listed 'no favicon' although they'd never supplied a graphic for this). He also wrote a paragraph at the bottom EXPLAINING MY JOB TO ME and telling me:
Not sure if I'm being oversensitive here but it felt so patronising, and i couldn't even go for an angry walk to get it out my system because of social distancing lol.
Let a girl quarantine in peace!!!!!!2
Participating in a non-profit project related to corona outbreak. It should help thousands of people to say at home, have a peace of mind and stay healthy.
Our project should go Live this/next week and we already have a blessing from our government. They are already making some legal exceptions to us.
That feels good!5
I am pissed at the way the our current SDLC is happening . i have been giving builds every 2 or 3 days since last week and their have been no major bugs. but just today, thursday, a day before final build, we get a million bugs, most of which are as follows, alongside my inner thoughts:
- requirement changes : "The design showed that there is a new ui for textbox, it didn't showed how much lines should it take. I am not an idiot to change it to 1 instead of 2 from the old design, out of my own mind QA karen!"
- lack of requirement understanding of the requirement : "Dear QA dave, I made the code using same ticket that you used for testing. how come i understood and made it and you couldn't? Why should you be asking me about this and not the PM?"
- lack of understanding of old behavior: "Dear QA dave, I spend fucking 2 days licking the boots of seniors to understand how the code work. I had just 3 days to provide first build. you had 7 days to understand the story. you should have licked someone's dick too to understand the story!
- miscommunication: "Deary karen. i appreciate your female balls to get even the story changed , even though you are a QA and not PM, and the way you did it oh so strongly by calling me 2 hours after the office hours with PM kim in the meeting. I will gladly do the changes now you got so many witnesses. but its not my fucking job to inform other devs to make changes. you or kim should be doing that and informing ios/web/embedded or all the fucking townhall !"
- bugs from old code: "dear karen, that's very nice of you to revisit old code and suddenly find a bug. but keep in mind that yours and dave's stupidity has also causes my ticket numbers to flood. I have to identify the valid bugs out of these, comment on your stupid shit , break out of all the current logics and stuff running in my mind in regards to current sprint and then i could look into this"
- reporting same bug again and again : "Deary karen. that's a very good thing that you caught an already known bug , clappings!! but we have said it once and we will say it again: if you wanna get it fixed, keep it for 1 particular sprint where i will be focusing on researching the root cause and possible solution. if i couldn't , then fuck this bug. STOP acting like a sales person trying to reach your targets by raising stupid shit as bug , before the release"
- lack of better testing and validation of code before merging: Dear TL John ,I respect you as the most awesome, reliable person of this ... company. you have been in this game for years before i even got my computer. i am just a humble out of school guy in front of you, with a tiny inch of knowledge. I took all the knowledge from you regarding the code, but i may have missed some paritcular thing, that you already would know.then why are you not mentioning those in review? even I, the guy with just an year of experience building apps, will politely inform you that you missed setting a fallback image while making this call, but you won' tell me that i missed updating my list somewhere? are you trying to intentionally get me into QA's shit??
- someone else's bugs on me: ugh.. senior bro randy... you seem so calm, and i always have peace when we are both working on some stuff. but why the hell team tries to discuss your bugs with me? can't you jump in even after i try to tag you a million times? and once again dear TL john, I am making PR to randy, not vice versa. i don't know any shit he added in code, don't think i can handle his bugs when he is celebrating holiday for their local festival . even you would know more as you reviewed both of our codes as a single branch before merging.
Now if i have to play blame games , i can easily point 1 finger at our QA team, 1 finger at our reviewer and remaining fingers at myself for getting into this situation. But I am lowly junior fresher dev who just started seeing decent money for the first time in life.
So instead i yield and show up my bare ass to them to fuck and make me sit on laptop for 14-15 hours even after the office hours10
For the one I currently have. Spent about 2 weeks looking to get as much of my PHP skillset in the right place since I knew PHP was their main technology as well as JS, C# and VB.NET, we seldom use them tbh, and it is mostly extension or maintenance stuff, so I focused on PHP.
I was not panicking, I rarely ever do, but my body tends to disagree with my state of mind and I can feel myself trembling in certain situations, such as the interview.
The interview was on Monday and my last day of preparation was Sunday (obviously) so what I did was drank a lot of beer and played videogames, I just wanted to take my mind off things. I was, and have always been annoyingly confident in myself and could not understand why I was feeling so nervous internally.
Everything went away when the manager came to greet me, lovely looking gal with an awesome sense of style and a big smile, we clicked instantly and to this day the place is kinda like my second home, as hectic as it is to work in an institution of this size it is really my peace and quiet zone. The entire I.T department is a big family, before the pandemic we would go to bbqs together all the time, would go to a friend's ranch to shoot shit and just chill, parties and gatherings, it really is a nice place to be at and they take the "we are family" very fucking seriously, I fucking love it. The boss lady ain't here no more, but she recommended me for the position and well, here I am.
I severely hope everyone here finds the same kind of place, there are a lot of assholes in this industry and a lot of places that seem very into the idea of making you absolutely miserable with no chance of leveling up, I know because all other jobs previous to this place was the same way for me.
Have faith, keep them chins up, and don't ever fucking let anyone make you think you are something you are not. You glorious beautiful basterds!3
Fuck this, I'm done, I'm leaving Facebook. Not messenger tho, all my friends are there (fuck 'em). But when you realize the thing you'll miss the most are meme pages, you can leave with peace of mind.6
Okay then, ex-android user there.
It started with Xperia TX - it was flagship Sony phone back then. It blew my mind when I touched it for the first time. You know, exploring android for the first time in my life was amazing.
It ran just well for about a year. Then it started to fall apart. I need to clarify that I kept it non-rooted, full stock. I'm not into that customization things.
At first, I noticed significant lags. They were everywhere. The longer I used smartphone, the more lags I encountered. I did factory reset, but lags haven't gone anywhere.
Year 2. Front camera stopped working. Battery became unreliable as fuck, going down to 40% and then instantly to zero. What?
Year 3. Camera broke. It refused to start, just giving me "Camera is not available" error.
I tried factory reset again. It helped at first, but month have passed and all that issues came back. And it also became sluggish as fuck.
Got Meizu m3s year ago. The exact same story. Long story short, in one year I got this:
1. Black spots on every picture I take. Much likely a matrix issue.
2. Camera also became slow as fuck, requiring about 10 seconds to even start.
3. Vertical stripes all along the screen. I never dropped my phone, it just appeared once and became brighter and brighter every day I used the phone.
4. Two huge yellow spots on screen. I think it happened because phone's cpu heat up the screen and it broke.
But the most important thing is that fucking lags chased me in every app, they were everywhere. Fucking tiny-ass lags. And they're not going anywhere, they're become more and more significant with time.
Don't say me about oneplus, samsungs and other top android phones. They are conceptually the same, the only different thing is hardware.
That's why I switched. IPhone has its downsides, but it's silky smooth. And my friend's iPhone 4 (not s) feels just as smooth as my brand new se.
I'm not going to jailbreak it. I don't need customizing the hell out of it.
I just needed quick and reliable phone, and SE seems to be exactly what I wanted.
Peace to android folks tho✌️17
So I'm sitting there in Android practice. I already have some experience with Android, so the exercises they make us do are quite easy for me. Nevertheless I start doing the exercises, when the teacher tells us that whoever implemented last week's exercise well gets a + point (and a pat on the back).
Implementing it well only means that you used a Model class for your Model (basic stuff). I raise my hand, hoping to get that sweet ++.
Teacher comes over. My laptop dies. Can't boot for shit. All the while I'm losing my shit. Then I remember that I have the code up on Github (I started using git for these small projects, to practice it). I showed the teacher my code on Github and the app on my phone (I debug from my phone because there is no way I can run an emulator on my laptop). I got the ++ and the teacher was delighted that someone was using Git, even though they didn't *have to*.
I definitely learned my lesson there. I'll be using Github for all of the small shitty projects we have from now on. My Github repo might look like garbage, but I will have peace of mind.6
After seven years of search, I’m dropping all my efforts to find a suitable concise ideology for myself to live by.
So what made me try to design it in the first place?
Simplified reasoning based on pre-calculated opinions? Your response is irrational instincts at first, irrational emotions at second and sometimes rational, but flawed and biased mind after.
Peace of mind? Constant search through such ephemeral matter is a huge stress itself.
Concise reasoning apparatus? World is changing and so are you, and I doubt that any concise system that isn’t based on absolute truth can withstand the test of time.
The interest itself to find such ideology? People try different kinds of reasoning from the beginning of human history and nobody was able to come up with universal solution.
A human being is a bunch of contradictions.7
"I need help"
I joined this new service based company and they dumped this giant messed up jquery/php spaghetti project on me, with no comments or any technical documentation. It's completely unmaintainable.
It's been a couple days, and it has already started to take a toll on my health. I feel anxious, causing me nausea at times. I wanna quit, but no other developer is free to takeover in their company.
Am I a crying little bitch? I wanna man up to it, but it's shaking my peace of mind.
It's pile of garbage, and they want me continue working on it.
I know some of you would say, it's an opportunity to fix something. But they don't want changes or fixes. They want me to continue piling it up with more features, ultimately increasing the technical debt.6
So there is this guy with a startup, who wants me to work with him like a co-founder, putting innovations in to the startup. But I want to work like an intern, I will code, you will pay me money, if something breaks, I'm out.
Idk for how long, we can continue like this. Sometimes I feel I should leave, but then I think about the extra pocket money (I am a student). But he calls me like 10 times a day, talking for 15-30 minutes on phone, repeating the same things again and again, which really pisses me off as an introvert.
Should I leave the extra pocket money for some peace of mind?1
Ok, so I'm a daily Linux user, recently I've been using Antergos, but there are certain things that haven't been working for me. I'm looking for a Linux distro with sane defaults and with which I can have peace of mind in the security aspect (Fuck Canonical and Redhat), any recommendations?4
What do u do when u feel hopeless
What do u do when something is out of your control
But u can not sleep with a peace of mind if it is not resolved
But it can not be resolved because it is out of your control
What do you do2
Ok so it turns out i have to get mad so i can be driven to go out and work out, u know to just do some physical exercise
I have no motivation to do that when i am at ease and peace of mind in comfort
I have to get vicious and fucking mad so can someone make me mad?? Preferably a girl cause girls have perfected the art of making me mad8
I feel so aLIVE
AFTER A HOME WORKOUT
I feel like i can walk my ass up on the street& hit up a bitch on the street like hey girl u dtf and she says yes and i flatout fckk her on the street raw aint none of yall nibbas tell me what i can do cause what i want to do turns into reality
Now i can finally code with so much peace and cleansed mind🙏🙏🙏🍆🍆💦💦💦💦💦3
I have become very fond of React, but the pushback I've experienced when suggesting typescript is crazy.
I think this is the reason why so many enterprise apps are written in Angular. Type safety isn’t a crutch, it's a tool. Plus, interfaces are a dev time construct, and will not bloat the codebase since it doesn’t transpile into js.
But Ts also gives us a lot of other goodies that allow for cleaner design patterns and a better adoption of oop principals.
Also, generics/constructor types, whatever you wanna call it, are your friends. An Array<SomeEntity> or SomeEntity will give you peace of mind I’m so many scenarios.
Anyway, I have bitched enough.
Have a wonderful Christmas, everyone.
Ps. This isn’t aimed at anyone in particular, but a the react community as a collective. :)3
So I'm writing my compiler and I decide to test error handling, see if I'm catching unexpected tokens and whatnot. I try duplicating a semi-colon at the end of a line, for sure it'll give me an error since that's an unexpected token, isn't it? So I run the compiler and... No errors? I start debugging for a few minutes, snoop around, everything seems ok... "Huh, that's weird" and then it dawns on me, a semi-colon only marks the end of a statement. So, technically, it's not an unexpected token if you have an empty statement (which wouldn't break any rules about statements). I decide to try out my theory. I put ;;;;;;;; at the end of a random line in my rust code, hit compile and... it compiles! So that means it is not a bug anymore! I mean, if the big guys that actually know a tad about language design, compilers and all that cool stuff allow it in their languages, why shouldn't it? So I did it, I turned a bug into a feature and now I can go to sleep in peace and stop dreaming about fucking abstract syntax trees (don't mind my kinks >:) ).
Yeah anyways thanks for reading, till next time! Bye!1
I have never felt like this before.
I'm feeling this intense urge to shell out over $2000 for a laptop purchase. It's a one of a kind laptop. It's the zephyrus g14.
I can't sleep anymore. The original model I want is out of stock. I keep refreshing amazon for see if it's back in stock.
The next available model costs $500 more just for an upgrade to GTX 2060.
And I'm growing impatient day by day to play FS2020 and Snowrunner in it, not because I'm crazy about those games but for the peace of mind that i can play if i want to.
My consuming cycle:
1. An urge to buy a new shiny thing. No peace of mind if I refuse to buy it. My brain starts to generate sentences like "Treat yourself", "Why are you even living if you can't buy what you want", etc.
2. Acquisition. Immense guilt about the money spent. My brain somehow classifies any non-electronic thing that costs more than $30 as "ridiculously expensive", no matter how much money I make, no matter my reserves.
3. A short period of... no, not peace of mind. It's just an absence of that urge. I can't quite call it "peace".
4. goto 1
Hyperconsumerism is hell. I don't want my life to be ridden by guilt. I want to break that cycle, but when I try, it's just me asking that blaming questions to myself.
Somehow I probably got an answer. I should make my everyday thought process and patterns independent of buying stuff. Money shouldn't define what I do and what I think about.
Everything I need with an exception of medicines is both factually cheap and perceived as cheap, and I don't feel guilty about buying medicines.
What should I aim my thought process to? I'm tired of programming, because it provokes an entirely different kind of guilt, the guilt of "you shouldn't be resting, go write that article, go study that new web shit, go build that another open source thing (that nobody cares about)".
Art makes me a bit happier though. I studied 20th century progressive art a bit, and appreciating the ideas behind certain pieces of design, architecture and fine arts make me feel superior than other people, and also superior than my past self. I don't know if it's healthy or not, I'm just being honest now.
I think I need more art in my life. For now, I'm fine with knowing that I'll probably never create a real piece of art (aside from programming), so at least I can consume art instead of buying worthless shit that doesn't make me happy anyway.5
What the hell am I!? I wonder if you guys can help me...
I've been programming most of my life but I've never actually been a developer by title or job role. I thought maybe if I list what I do and have done someone here could help? I'm sure there are more of you in a similar boat.
- C# and VB dev for some quick DBMS projects to help me understand and mine databases and create a nice simple view for project teams to show findings from the data to help make certain decisions.
- Automating a lot of my colleagues work with Python and if very restricted then just VBA macros in Excel and MSP. This did also include creating tools to gather data during workshops and converting the data for input into other systems.
- Brought Linux to the office with most team members now moving over to Linux with the peace of mind to know that though they do need to try solve their own problems, I can help if need be.
- Had to learn AWS and then implement an autoscaling and load balanced data center installation of a few Atlassian toolsets.
- Creating the architecture diagrams documentation needed for things like the above point.
- Having said that, also have ended up setting up all the Jira/Confluence etc. servers we use and have implemented so far whether cloud (Azure/AWS) or on prem and set up scripts to automate where possible.
- Implemented an automated workflow view in SharePoint based on SP list data and though in an ASPX page, primarily built in JS.
- Building test systems in PHP/JS with Laravel and Angular to help manage integration between systems. Having quite a time right looking into how to build middleware to connect between SOAP and REST API's, the trouble caused more by the systems and their reliance on frameworks we're trying to cut out of the picture.
- Working on BI and MI and training a team to help on the report creation so that I can do the fun creative stuff and then set them to work on the detail :)
Actually it seems safe to say that it seems that though I've finally moved into a dev office (beforehand being the only developer around) I seem to be the one they go to when a strategic solution is needed ASAP and the normal processes can't be followed (fun for someone with a CompSci degree and a number of project management courses under the belt... though I honestly do enjoy the challenges)
But I always end up Jack of all but master of, well hopefully some at least. let's not even get started on the tech related hobbies from circuit design and IoT to Andoid / iOS and game dev and enjoying a bit of pen testing to make sure we're all safe at work and at home.
As much as I don't like boxes, I'm interested to know if there is in fact a box for me? By the way, the above is just a snapshot of my last two years minus the project management work...2
Not gonna lie but i feel so much more peace of mind after blocking all whores from my contacts and leaving little to no but good and high quality people left2