Its Friday, you all know what that means! ... Its results day for practiseSafeHex's most incompetent co-worker!!!

*audience: wwwwwwooooooooo!!!!*

We've had a bewildering array of candidates, lets remind ourselves:

- a psychopath that genuinely scared me a little
- a CEO I would take pleasure seeing in pain
- a pothead who mistook me for his drug dealer
- an unbelievable idiot
- an arrogant idiot obsessed with strings

Tough competition, but there can be only one ... *drum roll* ... the winner is ... none of them!

*audience: GASP!*
*audience member: what?*
*audience member: no way!*
*audience member: your fucking kidding me!*

Sir calm down! this is a day time show, no need for that ... let me explain, there is a winner ... but we've kept him till last and for a good reason

*audience: ooooohhhhh*

You see our final contestant and ultimate winner of this series is our good old friend "C", taking the letters of each of our previous contestants, that spells TRAGIC which is the only word to explain C.

*audience: laughs*

Oh I assure you its no laughing matter. C was with us for 6 whole months ... 6 excruciatingly painful months.

Backstory:

We needed someone with frontend, backend and experience with IoT devices, or raspberry PI's. We didn't think we'd get it all, but in walked an interviewee with web development experience, a tiny bit of Angular and his masters project was building a robot device that would change LED's depending on your facial expressions. PERFECT!!!

... oh to have a time machine

Working with C:

- He never actually did the tutorials I first set him on for Node.js and Angular 2+ because they were "too boring". I didn't find this out until some time later.

- The first project I had him work on was a small dashboard and backend, but he decided to use Angular 1 and a different database than what we were using because "for me, these are easier".

- He called that project done without testing / deploying it in the cloud, despite that being part of the ticket, because he didn't know how. Rather than tell or ask anyone ... he just didn't do it and moved on.

- As part of his first tech review I had to explain to him why he should be using if / else, rather than just if's.

- Despite his past experience building server applications and dashboards (4 years!), he never heard of a websocket, and it took a considerable amount of time to explain.

- When he used a node module to open a server socket, he sat staring at me like a deer caught in headlights completely unaware of how to use / test it was working. I again had to explain it and ultimately test it for him with a command line client.

- He didn't understand the need to leave logging inside an application to report errors. Because he used to ... I shit you not ... drive to his customers, plug into their server and debug their application using a debugger.

... props for using a debugger, but fuck me.

- Once, after an entire 2 days of tapping me on the shoulder every 15 mins for questions / issues, I had to stop and ask:

Me: "Have you googled it?"
C: "... eh, no"
Me: "can I ask why?"
C: "well, for me, I only google for something I don't know"
Me: "... well do you know what this error message means?"
C: "ah good point, i'll try this time"

... maybe he was A's stoner buddy?

- He burned through our free cloud usage allowance for a month, after 1 day, meaning he couldn't test anything else under his account. He left an application running, broadcasting a lot of data. Turns out the on / off button on the dashboard only worked for "on". He had been killing his terminal locally and didn't know how to "ctrl + c a cloud app" ... so left it running. His intention was to restart the app every time you are done using it ... but forgot.

- His issue with the previous one ... not any of his countless mistakes, not the lack of even trying to make the button work, no, no, not for C. C's issue is the cloud is "shit" for giving us such little allowances. (for the record in a month I had never used more than 5%).

- I had to explain environment variables and why they are necessary for passwords and tokens etc. He didn't know it wasn't ok to commit these into GitHub.

- At his project meetups with partners I had to repeatedly ask him to stop googling gifs and pay attention to the talks.

- He complained that we don't have 3 hour lunch breaks like his last place.

- He once copied and pasted the same function 450 times into a file as a load test ... are loops too mainstream nowadays?

You see C is our winner, because after 6 painful months (companies internal process / requirements) he actually achieved nothing. I really mean that, nothing. Every thing was so broken, so insecure / wide open, built without any kind of common sense or standards I had to delete it all and start again ... it took me 2 weeks.

I hope you've all enjoyed this series and will join me in praying for the return of my sanity ... I do miss it a lot.

Yours truly,
practiseSafeHex

I saw a guy building a website today.
No React.
No Vue.
No Ember.
He just sat there.
Writing HTML.
Like a Psychopath.

How do you call a mentally fucked up path in Linux?

A /psycho/path

Some psychopath in my office keeps refilling the toilet rolls so they roll out towards the wall.

What kind of psychopath comments code UNDERNEATH??

Violent psychopath knows where you live

How to Code...
“Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live”
― John Woods

What a great start to 2019 for me.

Uncles and aunties who don't understand a thing about development critiquing my work and offering their advises and vast wisdom based on their 1 second knowledge.

I almost turned to a psychopath.

Lol.

"Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live" - J.F. Woods

Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live. 😂😂

"Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live." - Rick Osborne

"Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live."

John F. Woods

(found this in a demo snippet)

I saw one guy in Office writing unit test cases and documentation for his code .
Such a psychopath!!!

The worst work culture I've experienced was at a local security company.
There was a reason why over 15 people come and go within 6 months (just 30 people work there):
The boss is a fucking psychopath and should be (mis)treated in a high-security mental health institution.
There has not been one sane day during the 90 days I had to work there.
A friend of mine still has to work there because he can't find anything else in his current situation...

What is the longest time you spent for a single bug fix?

3 days and going here, this piece of shit doesn't seem to reveal itself until I go bald and be a psychopath. 😲

Thank to DevRant I can post content and people don't mistake me for a psychopath. Maybe.

I once observed one guy and he just... lived. Without owing anybody and himself anything. With nothing to achieve and nothing to prove. Without any kind of guilt when he chose just to stay in bed and do nothing or when he couldn’t finish a readme in more than three months.

He was just living, creating digital things he kinda liked. Without seeking for approval. Without making big plans. Like a psychopath.

Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live.
— Rick Osborne

I've run into problems with the app I'm working on, the problems are related to issues regarding code.

No in fact it's related the last guy who wrote the app, the code has no comments and the variable names make no sense, the only comments in the code are blocks of code... With no reason as to why it was commented.

I have to add in some checks to determine if a person that has logged in is a full member or not (full member has access to the feature I've added) and the way the guy has made this app works makes no sense to me at all.

I've tried my best to avoid all contact with his code because it makes me want to yell out in frustration.

But for this one case I have to work with what's there.

I know I've mentioned this before but I've hit my limit yet again.

And for those who don't know this guy managed to scrape together skeleton code from two apps to make part of this app, rather than using parts of the other apps he left out code that was specifically made for the other apps, (majority of the commented out code).

One app was a taxi app and from the looks of it the feature he used was to get GPS location (which I don't understand before Google maps is a think after all... The taxi app USES Google maps), the other app is some sort of funeral webcasting app (I found code imports for it, without any actual code).

I don't actual understand how this guy could put this together without not thinking "maybe this is a bad idea"

Always code as if the person who ends up maintaining your code is a violent psychopath who knows where you live

I'm that psychopath right now..... Fuck that guy (don't know where he lives though)

Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live. - Martin Golding

Wordpress.
In my opinion you have to be a psychopath to actually like learning WP at all.
It makes me wanna jump off the closest bridge, taking a header.

fuck you, man. eat a bag of dicks, a bag of shit and a shit load of dead animals.. you dumb fucking cunt ... go and die ... who the fuck modifies state of 3rd party object and think it is ok to do so.. the fucking prick deserves to get castrated with rusty, old school, gardening scissors...

through some mysterious, obfuscated, buried deep in the asshole code, the fucker decided to set a user-specific value in the default query params of guzzle so that every fucking object using it passes the fucking thing around like a cheap hooker at a dorm party... causing the API calls to misbehave because of the fucking thing.

you send the parameters you want to send but mister sucking-dick-up-the-ass-smarty-pants decided you don't want to do that and because of that I almost broke a core library a week before a fucking major feature release because half the functionality got broken automagically, worst thing is I have no fucking clue where the bloody thing gets inserted ...

I swear if you do that I will find you and I will get a rusty razor to cut your balls into paste and rectally infuse them untill your shit start to come out of every oriphise of your fucking empty head

I used vs code for a solid 3 years, but my friend has been using notepad. No color coding. No dark theme. No auto commenting. No suggestions. Just plain black text in a white box.

Like a psychopath.

When I was having Introduction to Programming in the first year of college, the teacher said something that stuck to me:

"Always program as if the guy who ends up mantaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live."

I later found out that it was a quote by Martin Golding. But it really motivated me to keep decent documentation of every method o.o

Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live

Looking back on my Christmas holidays while waiting for my train to come.
I wrote my last exam on the 22, took the train home on 23, spent Christmas and the 25 with my family, searched for a new apartment for 3 days, had two days left to do an assignment due to the 30, was packing till 3 in the morning today and will have my first day of work tomorrow. (Yeah, I spend new year's Eve home alone and completely sober...)
I wonder when I will have an entire meltdown and become some Joker level psychopath... Also happy new year everybody 😁

They see my state machines and say I code like a psychopath. The best compliment I’ve ever got

fuck it; at 10K updoots i'll reveal my identity

then everyone will know i'm a closet psychopath

it may be risky!

it may be ruinious to my career!

let's do it!

I hope I never make it.

It sounds to me like I'm finished or achieved some kind of perfection....

As if my job is done.

In the nightmare category, it's definitely in the top 3...

Not working for more than 7 days and I'll turn into a psychopath.

My longest hospitalisation was 3.5 weeks. After 5 days I talked with the nurses. I played / entertained elderly people, with permission of course...

I guess that saved me from going bananas....

"Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code is a violent psychopath who knows where you live", which as I end up maintaining my own code, happens to be true.

Would you call me a psychopath for doing this?

Fucking mobile single player online games.

So there I am, sitting on the tube, being passed around London like a unit of sweet corn taking a ride on the mud salad that decorates the interior of the common worm.

Game can't boot. Sorry, You paid but it wont start until you pay with your personal data we're trying to upload first things first.

One day some psychopath who sees what they're up to is going to find out where they live and then there will be no where that they live.

On another note. This is devrant. Vent, be angry, let it out.

It's turning into some pathetic joke.

Stop pussy footing around you bunch of pussyholes.

Have a shout, have a bout, have a laugh none of us nerds have ever had a bath because none of it is real, it's just a nerfed/gussied up forum you waste of cum.

Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live... because if I don't know now, I will find it out.

I have a colleague that prefers to develop (web) with only one monitor, either just the laptop or a mirrored secondary.

Like a psychopath

I was brought into my new position as part of an transformation of waterfall to agile methodology.

We are now running 4 while projects and need to restart the remaining 29 projects using agile principles. The business management type people love agile, but somehow the people inside the current waterfall practices doesn't.

They are afraid their silo work will either expand or not exist thus making it hard to transform the company. Also the company have been subjected to the dead sea effect.

Therfore, the project that is currently in the space of transformation is making my blood boil because people just ain't passionate enough about software.

Either you craft software, or, well you sit and suckle other's money. People suckling should please grow up and start venturing beyond there cozy 9 to 5 and transform to be a professional software doer rather than a BA, DEV, IT GUY.

YOU BASTARDS GET A SHITLOAD OF MONEY AND DON'T DESERVE IT FOR THE EFFORT YOU BRING.

It is your software, own it, be proud of it. Read up to make it better. And as always, the people debugging your code can be a violent psychopath

Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live.

The worst guy I worked with: Ex Military from USA, psychopath creating SaaS, B2B solution. The business idea was good and also got funding. He was so fucking racist.

When I joined his project there were 4 developers already working for him. One by one they all leave. I worked for the first 3 months taking over all the project.

Between the next 3-4 months I onboard 10-15 different developers and do knowledge transfer for all 10-15. Nobody works with him for more than 2 weeks.

He wants to developer do fucking 4 hours of meeting each day, repeating the same thing each time and expecting 8 hours of output. hire 3 project managers in 6-8 months. each one left.

I also told him i want to leave the project. By different ways he manages to keep me approx. 1 year. At end I told him this is my last month find another developer, So I can hand over the project. He was not able to find one. I leave the project he fucked up my profile.

Till date he has been looking for a developer, even trying to onboard developers in profit sharing.

I just spent an hour and a half installing a cpu cooler for my new server. I got so pissed my brain just switched to happy mode and I genuinely felt good and started laughing like a psychopath for no reason.

All in all, terrible experience, fuck cpu coolers. I've had terrible experience with them throughout the years.

Some bitch posted a story "Fear God and obey God's commandments, because thats the only thing asked from mankind ❤️"

This fucking story fueled me

It enraged me

Blood boil

So fucking much that i had to let this shit out here

First of all, "FEAR God..."

If you fear someone who is supposed to love you, does that look like a healthy relationship to you?

"I love you so much", said the boyfriend to his girlfriend, "but if you dont love me back then I'll set you on fire so you can burn in flames and torment"

In that case do you love him because you genuinely truly love him, or do you HAVE TO love him because of fear from burning alive in fire and torment?

Think about that fucking scenario for a while. Imagine if that scenario happens in our world. The guy would be labeled as a psychopath and get arrested IMMEDIATELY.

But it's completely ok when God does THE EXACT SAME THING, just because hes God?

I'm a christian and even this fucks me up when i think about it. The more logical mind and critical thinking i acquire the more i see through the non logical bullshit.

My faith is shaky.

Im genuinely starting to think over 50% of religious people believe in God not because they genuinely believe, but because of fear of being set on fire and torment forever.

It smells to me like its a fucking MIND CONTROL FEAR DRIVEN CULT.

Life is like a box of choc... FUCKING MORONS, that you have to deal with or be a psychopath and kill them all

The beginning of my next blog post... at 6am.... Guess who hates his job and why?

<h1>Thinking Before You Code<h1>

The choices you make when you code a part of a program, or even the program itself, impacts everything around it. The importance increases as the size and the scope does.

Quick and dirty simple scripts that get a simple job done and rarely needs changing… fine.

A bunch of quick and dirty hacks all pieced together as part of a giant application... that constantly changes? That's duct tape code that will bite you in the ass later or will give birth to a maniacal raging psychopath that wants to kill you.

<b>SOLID, design patterns: saving yourself and others from you</b>

TBC...

When your boss is fucking psychopath that yells, swears and hector the team :(

Today I saw a guy building a website.
No React.
No Vue.
No Ember.
He just sat there.
Writing HTML.
Like a Psychopath.

Reviewing VBA code with least comments possible and out of nowhere there is an Application.Undo which crashes the macro
*Write comments as if the next dev is a psychopath who knows where you leave*

Interviewed a dude to join our grad program the other day and he had the choice to program our simple algorithm question in any language, he chose PHP, spent a long time coding it, like a psychopath

"Always program as if someone who has to work with your code is a violent psychopath who knows where you live."

I am very close to being a violent psychopath from "Always code as if the person who ends up maintaining your code is a violent psychopath who knows where you live."

Foreach within a foreach with counters and a check if the counters match in the inner foreach and in that case do something.... And that's not even the worst part of the code I have to modify ever so slightly... Fml

Code like the next guy to work on your code is a psychopath knowing where you live

Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live!

!dev

How would u react(.js) if I come to u @ say some public event, tap u on the shoulder and start whispering in ur ear :

- Hi, I'm the psychopath next door. Merciless, highly intelligent, ultra unpredictable and funny as Hell... ooh and btw u so happen to be my next target...

1. run *dramatic music*
2. slap/kick/elbow... choose ur weapon... FIGHT
3. drop dead and gorgeous
4. ...

So I’ve got a teacher that supposedly does web development. Very basic, nothing too complex. He says we’re gonna learn python, which I’ve been learning for a while now. First this man says we’re gonna make a game. Simple. I ask him what api so I can study it and this man says he’s not going to use an api/libraries. He then proceeds to say that he didn’t use any other coding languages.

He’s a psychopath.

Today I watched Grave of the Fireflies and I didn't find it sad.

I have seen so many reviews online that people cried like a bitch. But nope, none of that for me.

Am I just a psychopath?

Bloody ISO7816/EMVco contact is a huge pile of exceptions to the rules.
I'm still not sure if there are any rules at all. Maybe it's just exceptions.

I will become the famous violent psychopath if I get to know where those guys live that invented such crap.

Write your <insert language here> code like the person who's going to be maintaining it 6 months from now is a vicious psychopath and knows where you live.

i can see a very thin line between me remaining the same good natured person as i am right now, and me turning into completely chaotic no remorse psychopath , in upcoming future.

the universe follows the rules. planets revolve in a pre defined manner, day and night comes as expected. however being a human for last 24 years, i have come to experience 2 different phenomenons : being rule bounded and being random.

randomness is fun. randomness is guilt free, randomness is a wonderful feeling for someone . but at the same time its worse for everyone else. try slapping a random kid in park or eating food at a restaurant amd running away, assuming there will be no consequences against you whatsoever. such a nice evil feeling

at the same time, rules are boring , unrewarding, guilt filled words of hope.
- "do not eat pizzas or you will get fat" :boring + guilt
- "go to gym, you will become appealing and get a good sex " : boring + hope
- "if you perform well, you will get appraisal and you will earn enough to afford your family a home" : hope + guilt

see how these rules are full of hope/guilt/boredom for you while being good+rewarding for others? that's how you are categorised as being civil , as being part of a society of semi evolved apes.

and as if those rules weren't enough , there came this unnecessary concept of faith, religion and spirituality.l, with its own set of rules and hopes.

and it seems like such a great capitalist idea , since the hopes provided via these are not even realistic : keep on doing good stuff, following the rules and you will get a better afterlive/next birth!

i have tried being a good person for my whole life. my parents are religious and i try to be one, I don't drink , smoke, eat other animals, or randomly start slapping kids in the park. i have been a boring personality, i studied , ran in various races od educational life, failed most of them, landed in a decent paying job , and now trying to even gain back a decent body to look respectful and worthy of a future family. feels like i did so much for so many hopes and am still doing it. we all do , no?

but i have seen companies laying off people and leaving them in turmoil, marriages getting ruined, and some person never getting the love, respect and rewards they deserve for all these shitty rules they kept up with

my life book is somewhat even-steven. i did get a few rewards and respect for some of my hard work, but my overall portfolio is negetive : a lot of investment on just the hopes of a better return

let's see if i can keep up with my sanity for next 50-60 years before i am dust again.

=====
ps : try playing bitlife : life simulator mobile game ( download the cracked version from the web though, original one is full of ads) . it just have a single big button and shows text about how an imaginary child(you) os growing every year on click. so far i tried to play the life of kid like a criminal, a heavily educated person, a politician and a job worker. almost all of them recieved "miserable" and "unsuccessful" as the final result. very fun game to play without being evil

got to love them assessment tests...

wondering will they figure based on my answers that I'm a psychopath who can burn to ashes their infrastructure ( remotely from other pc ) if they don't play cool

... or imagine after finishing one of those a msg apers on the screen : please remain calm and on spot, a swat team is dispatched to your location...

So a few notes.

"I" am a failure and a thief and a mimic

"I" never have any actual ideas

"I" tried to distance people from their knowledge base and expertise to make it look like they didn't have any skills and it blew up in my face

"U" are not like me and "U" are indeed skilled and intelligent

"I" spread my legs for a whole generation to keep "U' idle. "I" must now lose my resources and hand over what "I" stole from you

Had "I" not been a nasty little fucked up psychopath, none of this repeat crap wherein "I" act like a fucking hamster with an exercise wheel pellet dispenser and water bottle would be happening.

Just setting the record straight

Distancing people from their skill base and introducing emotional troubles and repeating a loop that had been manipulated does not change the truth. "I" need to do the honest thing and restore all the original people to a state of financial well being and security or more of "Me" will fucking die.

Anytime "I" sabotage "U" to keep you unproductive and underpaid "I" am guaranteeing "I" will be sucking more dick and often asking if you want fries with that

I think using their retarded nomenclature this about sums things up

Also "I" should stop pretending to be the desirable one. Nobody wants "Me" who knows what I'm really like. "I" always mimicked the best and worst versions of "U". Because "I" am not real and noone could ever love "Me" who ever knows "Me"