Sigh, Microsoft we need to talk...

Hey, Root? How do you test your slow query ticket, again? I didn't bother reading the giant green "Testing notes:" box on the ticket. Yeah, could you explain it while I don't bother to listen and talk over you? Thanks.

And later:
Hey Root. I'm the DBA. Could you explain exactly what you're doing in this ticket, because i can't understand it. What are these new columns? Where is the new query? What are you doing? And why? Oh, the ticket? Yeah, I didn't bother to read it. There was too much text filled with things like implementation details, query optimization findings, overall benchmarking results, the purpose of the new columns, and i just couldn't care enough to read any of that. Yeah, I also don't know how to find the query it's running now. Yep, have complete access to the console and DB and query log. Still can't figure it out.

And later:

Hey Root. We pulled your urgent fix ticket from the release. You know, the one that SysOps and Data and even execs have been demanding? The one you finished three months ago? Yep, the problem is still taking down production every week or so, but we just can't verify that your fix is good enough. Even though the changes are pretty minimal, you've said it's 8x faster, and provided benchmark findings, we just ... don't know how to get the query it's running out of the code. or how check the query logs to find it. So. we just don't know if it's good enough.

Also, we goofed up when deploying and the testing database is gone, so now we can't test it since there are no records. Nevermind that you provided snippets to remedy exactly scenario in the ticket description you wrote three months ago.

And later:

Hey Root: Why did you take so long on this ticket? It has sat for so long now that someone else filed a ticket for it, with investigation findings. You know it's bringing down production, and it's kind of urgent. Maybe you should have prioritized it more, or written up better notes. You really need to communicate better. This is why we can't trust you to get things out.

*twitchy smile*

Most ignorant ask from a PM or client?

So, so many. How do I chose?

- Wanting to 'speed up' a web site that we did not own, in Sweden (they used a service I wrote). His 'benchmark' was counting "one Mississippi, two Mississippi" while the home page rendered on his home PC and < 1MB DSL connection (he lives in a rural area).
- Wanted to change the sort order of a column of report so it 'sometimes' sorted on 'ABC' (alpha) or '123' (numeric) and sometimes, a mix of both. His justification was if he could put the data in the order he wanted in Excel, the computer should be smart enough to do the same thing.
- Wanted a Windows desktop application to run on an android.
- Wanted to write the interface to a new phone system that wasn't going to be installed for months. Even though we had access to the SDK, he didn't understand the SDK required access to the hardware. For several weeks he would send emails containing tutorials on interfacing with COM libraries (as if that was my problem).
- Wanted to write a new customer support application in XML. I told him I would have the application written tomorrow if he could tell me what XML stands for.

Worked with a European consulting company to integrate some shared business data (aka. calling a service).
VP of IT called an emergency meeting (IT managers, network admins) deeply concerned about the performance of the international web site since adding our services.
VP: “The partner’s site is much slower than ours. Only common piece that could cause that is your service.”
Me: “Um, their site is vastly different than ours. I don’t think we can compare their performance to ours.”
VP: “Performance is #1! I need your service fixed ASAP!”
Me: “OK, but what exactly is slow? How did you measure their site? The servers are in Germany”
VP: “I measured performance from my house last night.”
Me: “Did you use an application?”
VP: “<laughs> oh no, I was at home. When I opened the page, I counted one Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi, then the page displayed.”
Me: “Wow…um…OK…uh…how long does our page take to load?”
VP: “Two Mississippi’s”
Me: “Um…wow…OK…wow…uh, no, we don’t measure performance like that, but I’ll work with our partners and develop a performance benchmark to determine if the shared service is behaving differently.”
VP: “Whatever it is, the service is slow. Bill, what do you think is slowing down the service?”
NetworkAdmin-Bill: “The Atlantic Ocean?”
VP got up and left the meeting.

I love it when a fellow "dev" asks about some interesting security topic (full disk encryption) and I'm like "yeah I use LUKS pretty much everywhere".. and then takes an entire arm when given a hand.

Performance in LUKS? Yeah sure you can benchmark it within cryptsetup. Here's how to do it and choose a good cipher for your CPU.

D: Oh also how do I check my battery life?
M (thinking): you lazy fucking piece of shit.
M: FUCKING GOOGLE IT
D: Obviously that means that you don't know it.
M (thinking): so not only lazy but also disgustingly ungrateful, fucking twat.
M: acpi. Next time fucking Google it.
D: You know what? Never mind.

As if I'm the one that's fucking wrong now!! But you know what, never mind indeed. Because you've successfully wasted my fucking time instead of fucking googling "check battery life Linux" like a sensible dev would.

Fellow "dev", if you're on devRant I hope you read this. You can seriously go fuck yourself.

I just discovered that my dedicated server is a tamagotchi laying around at somebody's home. While benchmarking cpu I discovered that it performed worse than my 4yr old chromebook with mediatek processor.

The next one who tells me “MacBooks are superior” will take mine in the face at a speed no benchmark ever recorded.

everyday another damn js library with a godamn benchmark claiming kicking every major library's ass by a factor of 10!
just GTFO dude.
I'm tired of seeing that shit :/

It fucking pisses me off when people compare experience as a benchmark of his performance or knowledge while hiring for job and even salaries depend on that. How do you know that, that guy has jerked around while the younger guy with less years of experienco would work better and harder.
What is your experience with people like that?

Who am I?

Some of you, because of the hyperbolic, outrageous, trollish, and often self-satirical nature of my posts, might doubt me. Thats completely relatable.

Heres the truth:
I was diagnosed in childhood with ADHD, fucking everyone, every male, these days is diagnosed with that. I was diagnosed bipolar. Hell anyone reading my posts could see that from a mile away. I was diagnosed on the borderline personality spectrum. Yeah, I could see that.

I was tested. They said I was in the 98th percentile for clerical ability, not extraordinary but pretty good, mathematical ability a little higher than that. My SAT was 1491. Not yale material, but I coulda been someone.

Over the years I studied a LOT of politics and read a metric fuckton of books. (40+ books over the course of three years).

I predicted every single presidential election since bush juniors second election. Three supreme court picks. Senatorial elections. Congresional elections. More than that.

I have a better analysis track record than some of the multidecade analysts sitting in the fucking NSA.

No I am not shitting you. No I am not exaggerating.

It's about the only claim to fame I get to legitimately make.

People ask me, "then why aren't you famous?"

How do you know I'm not.

Look I'm gonna tell you my actual name.
My real name is Lawrence B. Lindsey

Okay, I'm bullshitting for fun. But words I have written on alt twitter accounts have legitimately come out of presidential hopeful's mouths. No, this I am *not* bullshitting you about.

Imagine that. A guy who lived in his parents attic for five years, writing words that came out of presidential candidates mouths.

At one time I was about as popular and influential as that fuckboy catturd.

yes, really. No I am not fucking joking.

Under normal conditions I wouldn't talk about this or reveal it, because who the fuck cares? I'm just some dude on the internet, drunk, both on alcohol, and the pseudo-anonymous equivalent of bragging rights.

You know how many women I turned down because I could? You know how fucking drunk I am? They say a drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts. Well, I'm not usually honest like this because the internet is full of false braggarts, and you tell people the truth and they don't fucking believe you.

I swear, it seems like I made some faustian bargain at some time, and can achieve no fame or lasting wealth in my life--to save my life.

Shit, I was talking to a chinese women who ran a bank in china (yes, really), who advised me to buy into bitcoin early on. Didn't have the money to. Woulda been a fucking millionaire if I did.
*Non-obvious* Ideas that major corporations are now persuing? Yeah those were sitting in my card index since the early 2000s.

I helped two people build and sell businesses. One for me tens of thousands. Another for millions. Yes, really. Got zero, and I mean, *zero* credit for it.

Point is, doesn't matter how famous you are, or coulda been, Doesn't matter the ideas you have, or had.

The world doesn't promote runners-up, or hasbeens, or wannabes, or could-bes.

What matters is execution.

If you're wandering through life, wondering when you're lucky break will be, stop. You have to realize, you make your own luck. Recognize the difference between what you can control, and what you can, and work on promoting your own ideas or business or values, instead of other people's dreams.

And for those wondering, yes I am drunk, and no, I ain't fucking kidding you in anything I wrote here.

The most important lesson I learned is this:
First work on your own success, before you work on the success of others.

p.s.

I give surprisingly good advice for someone who doesn't benchmark well on traditional measures of success. I know, even I was shocked when I looked at the statistics.

The guts of Microsoft:
"Microsoft Edge is faster than Chrome
Based on a Google benchmark. Change immediately your browser"
Yes, when hell will freeze 😂

*Runs MySQL benchmark on a new server*
Result: 30 read queries a second.
*Hmm.... that can't be right...."
*Creates simple node benchmark script and runs it*
Result: 400-500 read queries a second.

Wtf mysql...

Friend: I'm making a benchmark programm for CPUs. Wanna help me?
Me: Yeah sure, what language are you using?
Friend: Java.

Discovered pro tip of my life :
Never trust your code

Achievements unlocked :
Successfully running C++ GPU accelerated offscreen rendering engine with texture loading code having faulty validation bug over a year on production for more than 1.5M daily Android active users without any issues.

History : Recently I was writing a new rendering engineering that uses our GPU pipeline engine.. and our prototype android app benchmark test always fails with black rendering frame detection assertion.

Practice:
Spend more than a month to debug a GPU pipeline system based on directed acyclic graph based rendering algorithm.

New abilities added :
Able to debug OpenGL ES code on Android using print statement placed in source code using binary search.

But why?
I was aware of the issue over a month and just ignored it thinking it's a driver bug in my android device.. but when the api was used by one of Android dev, he reported the same issue. In the same day at night 2:59AM ....

Satan came to me and told me that " ok listen man, here is what I am gonna do with you today, your new code will be going production in a week, and the renderer will give you just one black frame after random time, and after today 3AM, your code will not show GL Errors if you debug or trace. Buhahahaha ahhaha haahha..... Puffff"

And he was gone..
Thanks satan for not killing me.. I will not trust stable production code anymore enevn though every line is documented and peer reviewed.

It all starts with a small regex script to automate my coding session. Now I start to automate every shit I used to hate (without notice it).

Where was Python all my life. Where was it when I have to configure my server, run integration tests or benchmark all by myself. The past was really scary 😂

Just did a performance benchmark of my project written in OCaml and I have to say, I'm really surprised by how fast OCaml is.

There are several other implementations of the same algorithm in other languages and the OCaml code beats almost all of them.

If you've ever tried using Go plugins raise your hand.
If you've ever tried doing plugins in Go, raise your hand.
If you think that the following rant will be interesting, raise your hand.
If you raised your hand, press [Read More]:

This is a tale of pain and sorrow, the sorrow of discovering that what could be a wonderful feature is woefully incomplete, and won't be for a very long time...

Go plugins are a cool feature: dynamically load pre-compiled code, and interact with it in a useful and relatively performant way (e.g. for dynamically extending the capabilities of your program). So far it sounds great, I know right?

Now let me list off some issues (in order of me remembering them):
1. You can't unload them (due to some bs about dlopen), so you need to restart the application...
2. They bundle the stdlib like a regular Go binary, despite the fact that they're meant to be dynamic!
3. #2 wouldn't be so bad if they didn't also require identical versions of all dependencies in both binaries (meaning you'd need to vendor the dependencies, and also hope you are using the right Go version).
4. You need to use -trimpath or everything dies...

All in all, they are broken and no one is rushing to fix it (literally, the Go team said they aren't really supporting it currently...).

So what other options are there for making plugins in Go?

There's the Hashicorp method of using RPC, where you have two separate applications one the plugin, one the plugin server, and they communicate over RPC. I don't like it. Why? Because it feels like a hack, it's not really efficient and it carries a fear of a limitation that I don't like...

Then we come to a somewhat more clever approach: using Lua (or any other scripting language), it's well known, it's what everyone uses (at least in games...). But, it simply is too hard to use, all the Go Lua VMs I could find were simply too hard to set up...

Now we come to the most creative option I've seen yet: WASM. Now you ask "WASM!? But that's a web thing, how are you gonna make that work?" Indeed, my son, it is a web thing, but that doesn't mean I can't use it! Someone made a WASM VM for Go, and the pros are that you can use any WASM supporting language (i.e. any/all of them). Problem inefficient, PITA to use, and also suffers from the same issues that were preventing me from using Lua.

Enter Yaegi, a Go interpreter created by the same guys who made (and named) Traefik. Yes, you heard me right, an INTERPRETER (i.e. like python) so while it's not super performant (and possibly suffering from large inefficiency issues), it's very easy to set up, and it means that my plugins can still be written in Go (yay)! However, don't think this method doesn't have its own issues, there's still the problem of effectively abstracting different types of plugins without requiring too much boilerplate (a hard problem that I'm actively working on, commits coming soon). However, this still feels to be the best option.

As you can see, doing plugins in Go is a very hard problem. In the coming weeks (hopefully), I'm going to (attempt to at least) benchmark all the different options, as well as publish a library that should help make using Yaegi based plugins easier. All of this stuff will go (see what I did there 😉) in a nice blog post that better explains the issues and solutions. But until then I have some coding to do...

Have a good night(/day)!

¡rant|rant

Nice to do some refactoring of the whole data access layer of our core logistics software, let me tell an story.

The project is around 80k lines of code, with a lot of integrations with an ERP system and an sql database.

The ERP system is old, shitty api for it also, only static methods through an wrapper to an c++ library

imagine an order table.

To access an order, you would first need to open the database by calling Api.Open(...file paths) (yes, it's an fucking flat file type database)

Now the database is open, now you would open the orders table with method Api.Table(int tableId) and in return you would get an integer value, the pointer.

Now for the actual order. first you need to search for it by setting the search parameter to the column ID of the order number while checking all calls for some BS error code

Api.SetInt(int pointer, int column, int query Value)
Then call the find method.

Api.Find(int pointer)

Then to top this shitcake of an api of: if it doesn't find your shit it will use the "close enough" method of search.

And now to read a singe string 😑

First you will look in the outdated and incorrect documentation given to you from the devil himself and look for the column ID to find the length of the column.

Then you create a string variable with ALL FUCKING SPACES.

Now you call the Api.GetStr(int pointer, int column, ref string emptyString, int length)

Now you have passed your poor string to the api's demon orgy by reference.

Then some more BS error code checking.

Now you have read an string value 😀

Now keep in mind to repeat these steps for all 300+ columns in the order table.

News from the creators: SQL server? yes, sql is good so everything will be better?

Now imagine the poor developers that got tasked to convert this shitcake to use a MS SQL server, that they did.

Now I can honestly say that I found the best SQL server benchmark tool. This sucker creams out just above ~105K sql statements per second on peak and ~15K per second for 1.5 second to read an order. 1.5 second to read less than 4 fucking kilobytes!

Right at that moment I released that our software would grind to an fucking halt before even thinking about starting it. And that me & myself and I would be tasked to fix it.

4 months later and two weeks until functional beta, here I am. We created our own api with the SQL server 😀

And the outcome of all this...

Fixes bugs older than a year, Forces rewriting part of code base. Forces removal of dirty fixes. allows proper unit and integration testing and even database testing with snapshot feature.

The whole ERP system could be replaced with ~10 lines of code (provided same relational structure) on the application while adding it to our own API library.

Best part is probably the performance improvements 😀. Up to 4500 times faster and 60 times less memory usage also with only managed memory.

Yay your shit loads in a second on the latest iphone 69 and samsung 30 or whatever, so does everything, that's not a testament to your awesomeness. Why the fuck don't you test and benchmark on low end devices!?? Guess I'll optimize your shit myself... Oh and what's this? FUCKING SPAGHETTI EVERYWHERE!!!! You fuck knuckle find another job cunt.

TL;DR: TIL for heavy queries use PDO and not some frameworks DB class

ffs I was trying to save 300k+ lines at once with Laravel for weeks. Mind you from a text file. 1gb ram on the vps so while trying to prepare the text to save: Fatal Error: Allowed Memory Size of bla bla Bytes Exhausted

ok so lets put it in a loop: Fatal error: Maximum execution time of 30 seconds exceeded (set_time_limit(0); lol)

optimising, varying the code got me into a situation when the content got saved in the BD but inconsistent (duplicates) and the table had often more than 1,5M rows. That was what told me its not a performance issue, my code is the issue. (dah)

I was starting to think it would be easier to export a prepared query to a sql file and load the file into the db as thats the fastest possible option...I even started to think about switching to python, then it hit me, Laravel has a shitload of routes to the DB so I switched to PDO

benchmark on 1vCPU, 1GB RAM VPS with SSD
379k lines with 11 columns in less than 10 sec with a loop of saving every ~6000 rows (if i tried choking it to save the whole thing at once it went up to 16-17sec)

Why is it that the tech Youtubers of this world (and tech reviewers in general) tend to completely skip development as a use case, and instead (if they do ever move off gaming) focus on things like Rendering & Modelling / CAD work? I'm sure there's *way* more devs in the world than CAD guys, surely?!

And if they *do* give it the light of day, it's always a quick benchmark based on "Firefox compile time", "Linux kernel compile time" or similar. Dude, it's 2020. Much as some would like to believe otherwise, most guys stopped compiling swathes of heavy C & C++ as part of their normal workflow over a decade ago.

Real-world tests I want to know about are things like docker performance, common IDE startup performance, compile performance of different sized applications on a bunch of langs like Kotlin, C#, Java, Clojure - or node.js performance, Tensorflow performance on NVidia's vs AMDs latest GPUs, etc. I care about how many IntelliJ instances & VMs I can have open way more than how many Chrome tabs I can forget to close.

But noooo - forget that, here's how fast Blender can render a BMW! 😬

I’m living the dream. Lightweight, powerful, beautiful gaming laptops are a thing (have been for a while) and I have the pleasure of owning one.

I remember one of my college peers having a BRICK Alienware laptop in 2010. Don’t get me wrong, It was awesome at the time and I was super jealous, but it was insanely loud, heavy af, and as thick as a calculus textbook!

But now with the amazing RTX GPUs, and TB SSDs I can game on max settings, benchmark fairly well and take it with me when I travel for work alongside my work laptop all in the same bag without breaking my back.

🤘🏼 I love my Asus Zephyrus 🤘🏼

The fan is still hella loud though 😆

Maybe by mid or late 2020s we will have a revolutionary cooling system that would rid our dependence on fans for cooling. Just dreaming out loud here. It sure would be great to not have to clean the dust out.

Gamers Nexus has a really unique benchmark for the new AMD GPUs where AMD actually manages to pull ahead of Nvidia:

Avast stoping my benchmark and reporting it to me is like a dog that proudly brings a bone to you while you walk with him on a cemetery.
I know about it before I started the benchmark so i deactivated it for 30min, but then for some reason (i may have accidently clicked on the symbol) the ui opened and everytime it does that it for some reason resets the option so it was active again. Now it deleted parts of the Software and I have a hard time making it run again. Fml and fuck monday. Why isn't there an option to make a fucking exception or remove something from their fucking virus container if it was a false alarm?

VMWare be like: "hey lemme just benchmark your primary host disk there... wait a sec..."

*selenium tests continue with 1 keystroke per seconds*
*slow clap*
i'm gonna cry in the corner of my room now.

Is it just me or the so-called Cloud (or more accurately not our servers) allowed terribly inefficient technologies to exist as backends? Just google "clear grpc benchmark reddit" - I think there should be another column "price per hour in AWS for given resource usage". (sorry, can't post links yet)

Spend several months designing an alternative approach to string matching/parsing not based on parser combination or Regex. Benchmark and profile the ever living hell out of it. Find out the performance is highly competitive with FParsec and far easier on memory than either approach. Discover FParsec responds very badly when failing. Document all of this, do a presentation on the design. Upload video of presentation with links to it on a few sites. Presentation gets downvoted, and receive hatemail. Yay.

I started running a Database benchmark yesterday morning, with my system configuration, expected time to complete was 36hrs(arround), so I left it and made sure no one disturbs (I stuck a note in the monitor) because it was on common system in the lab.
Then I went to my other work.
Evening ,I came to check the progress, my monitor was switched off, I thought its in power saving mode!
Fuck, I bend down and see the CPU is off!
Wtf!! Who shut it down ,even after the note.
Then I saw the electric outlet was off!
Then after wards asking ppl in the lab, they told ,the cleaning person was cleaning the switches, so yeah she could have by mistake!
* I facepalmed *
So again, I set it up with frustration!
Today morning ,I came to see the progress
FML, from no where ,
" It's in Windows automatic repair loop! "
It's been 3hrs, trying to get out of that loop without loosing the data.
1TB of data is there, took 1month to setup all the things
Fuck Microsoft for adding these kind idiotic stuff in windows.

Is there a spirit in the lab not allowing me to do benchmark?

What is a normal write speed (docs/second) for mongo db?

Can't find a benchmark online and well I'm trying to prove my point to my boss that our speeds are insanely slow due to index bloat,..

Every day in our standup bullshit, we have a few of our offshore team join via Skype. It always fucks up somehow, bad connection, quiet volume or dropped connections, all of which are quite hilarious but today a new benchmark was set.
We (the humans physically there) all did our standup, then it was over to the offshore team.
A voice came out of the speakers which sounded like someone had applied an effect to a spoken mp3 which slowed it down to about 10% speed. It was deep AF and slow AF and I couldn't speak properly after it for approximately 40 minutes 😂
My eyes were all red and puffy from literally crying with laughter.
Best. Standup. Ever.

Sigh...this is kinda stupid.

I'm getting a new ThinkPad at work after 4 years. At first I was like "oh yeah...a new machine!". But they are replacing my quad core T540p with a dual core T560. The T560 CPU has a 30-40% less multi core benchmark score (surprise).

So...dear IT: We are not a small 50ppl company that builds some console apps or small shiny hipster web sites. We are developing fucking large business applications with dozens of projects. Our IDEs and our compiler platform are benefiting from raw CPU power and multiple cores. So can I pls not getting A FUCKING DOWNGRADE AFTER >4 YEARS FFS? THANK YOU!

(before anyone asks: keeping the current notebook is not an option because of warranty/support contracts)

Damn, I'm conducting some benchmarks on go and php...

A php page that simply returns "hi" with no framework is a lot slower than 1000 calls with 200 concurrency to a go function that queries redis and returns a json.

My dev goal for the new year will be teaching others, and I could use some help!

For quite some time I have been thinking about setting up some kind of community project in my area teaching people who are having a hard time finding a job in their field how to program, specifically web development, in order to advance their job prospects. There is a lot of demand here in Holland and as we all know it doesn't take much more than dedication, disambiguation skills and an almost fanatical fondness for solving puzzles to lead a very happy life as a developer. I'm hoping 2019 will be the year.

What complete courses can you recommend to teach someone how to code, that are fun/inspiring enough to keep someone motivated (and able to go to school and/or make a living in the meantime) until they can use their built up skills and portfolio to get a first job (perhaps 1-2 years)?

I plan on tutoring once or twice a week for a few hours and being available for chat the rest of the week when not working. I have enough experience (and curiosity) to help with any assignment but I do not have that much spare time, which is why I need this resource to be as good as possible, and to need as little extra explanation as possible.

My benchmark is the excellent freecodecamp, but I'm wondering if anything else is available. Bonus points for anything in Dutch, or anything that stands out by explaining things in the clearest way possible, and with great assignments of course.

Also I'd be very interested in any stories about similar (not-for-profit) initiatives, especially from a learner's point of view.

Thanks!

Wanted to benchmark some Javascript yesterday. Stayed up all night making a Javascript benchmarker and now I can't remember what I wanted to benchmark 😿 (I know jsperf exists but I wanted my own)

It all started with me attempting the interview at a bank only for exposure sake and I wanted to benchmark myself to see if I can make the cut because I was told their interviews are hard.

Before, I was sure I won't ever work for a bank because as compared to a tech firm, the general consensus think banks are filled with red tape and work mainly revolves around their proprietary platforms/toolings which isolates the engineer from what the real tech companies are using.

But when I see what they are offering me, the money is really swaying me now. I never imagined to be offered this much... What should I do or how should I process this...?

Opinions

Hello, I’m considering building a web framework.

My ideal features would be:
Customizable authentication system(considering using a jwt lib)
Embedded DB(bolt db)
ORM( writing my own)
REST api to DB (via code generator)
Code generator(generation of models and views via cli)
GUI to db(some admin dashboard)
CORS(web service right?)

Why?
Ease of development
Fast prototyping of small-medium web services.
Fun.

My question is, do i have to many things on my platter? Should i narrow it down into less featured framework? What feature should I focus on? How should i benchmark it? Should i write tests for absolutely everything or just for exported methods? What should i take into consideration when developing ORM API, Auth API...

The language is Go

Thank you for your input

This partnership gives Google advertisers access to Unity’s mobile gaming network through Universal App Campaigns (UAC). This means Unity mobile app developers will be able to monetize with Google’s ads without any additional required development work.

To date, the partnership has resulted in video completion rates of 87.3% compared to the average benchmark of 32.5% (Source: Moat Analytics Benchmarks: Q4 2017). Furthermore, Unity has consistently scored 97.8% for valid and viewable rates, well above in-app benchmarks of 54.7%, providing a brand-safe environment for advertisers while also creating value for developers and gamers alike.

Caching in Prestashop 1.6 (idk about 1.7) is fucking bullshit. I don't know who made it but he surely must be an idiot. There is no way that the cache is going to speed up your website after a few days of using it.
Memcache/d - For some strange reason, it gets slower and slower after just a few hours. There is literally almost no entries in memcache, but it becomes slower than without cache? WTF
APC - Do you have multiple websites running? You are out of luck. Do you make a change to your website? Restart PHP to see changes. WTF
Redis - Same as APC, but you have to run flushall manually. WTF
CacheFS - God, this is a fucking monstrosity. It rapes the storage drives so hard, it is like running a fucking benchmark nonstop. 400-600MB writes are completely "normal". I have no idea, what is it doing tho. I would expect that writing ~3MB file to disk doesn't require over 100MB/s disk write for 2(!) or more seconds. Also, it doesn't clean up after itself, so after a few days you are out of disk inodes and you have to setup CRON to clean this shit up regularly. In the end, it makes your website fast, but only as long as you have <={number of CPU cores} customers shopping. Then, it becomes a complete disaster and requests are taking 5+ seconds to finish.

see now this is the f-ing shit that pisses me off.
There is this project named dain.

One time I made a project that dropped frames using opencv or ffmpeg i can't remember, creating a test output file and ran them through dain to benchmark it for myself.

alot of things just like this actually I tended to do to get a better sense. Its the reason I abandoned the NN since I think I have a feel for how to design them for certain tasks and remember that with my 'successes' i was still really far off from where i'd like to be.

additionally there are other kinds of ml that interest me more that I am not seeing too much on... point is

I worked all this crap out
got wavenet working to check on it YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARS ago and because the dirty fucks out west kept stealing my stuff, i end up back at square one waiting for some douchebag to steal my stuff again who isn't even going to do anything but pretend he's straight or pretend everything has some faggot meaning. its very annoying. why do these people live this way again ?

Relatively often the OpenLDAP server (slapd) behaves a bit strange.

While it is little bit slow (I didn't do a benchmark but Active Directory seemed to be a bit faster but has other quirks is Windows only) with a small amount of users it's fine. slapd is the reference implementation of the LDAP protocol and I didn't expect it to be much better.

Some years ago slapd migrated to a different configuration style - instead of a configuration file and a required restart after every change made, it now uses an additional database for "live" configuration which also allows the deployment of multiple servers with the same configuration (I guess this is nice for larger setups). Many documentations online do not reflect the new configuration and so using the new configuration style requires some knowledge of LDAP itself.
It is possible to revert to the old file based method but the possibility might be removed by any future version - and restarts may take a little bit longer. So I guess, don't do that?

To access the configuration over the network (only using the command line on the server to edit the configuration is sometimes a bit... annoying) an additional internal user has to be created in the configuration database (while working on the local machine as root you are authenticated over a unix domain socket). I mean, I had to creat an administration user during the installation of the service but apparently this only for the main database...

The password in the configuration can be hashed as usual - but strangely it does only accept hashes of some passwords (a hashed version of "123456" is accepted but not hashes of different password, I mean what the...?) so I have to use a single plaintext password... (secure password hashing works for normal user and normal admin accounts).

But even worse are the default logging options: By default (atleast on Debian) the log level is set to DEBUG. Additionally if slapd detects optimization opportunities it writes them to the logs - at least once per connection, if not per query. Together with an application that did alot of connections and queries (this was not intendet and got fixed later) THIS RESULTED IN 32 GB LOG FILES IN ≤ 24 HOURS! - enough to fill up the disk and to crash other services (lessons learned: add more monitoring, monitoring, and monitoring and /var/log should be an extra partition). I mean logging optimization hints is certainly nice - it runs faster now (again, I did not do any benchmarks) - but ther verbosity was way too high.

The worst parts are the error messages: When entering a query string with a syntax errors, slapd returns the error code 80 without any additional text - the documentation reveals SO MUCH BETTER meaning: "other error", THIS IS SO HELPFULL... In the end I was able to find the reason why the input was rejected but in my experience the most error messages are little bit more precise.

Tl;dr any tips for new scrum team ? How to start with story points with people that dont know eachother?

More:
Its for our team project at uni ( 8 people 1 year). Yesterday we had our first meeting and the hardest part was asigning story points. Or asigning some benchmark value for story point.
Looking for some practicall tips since uni gives us all the theory we need. ( Does not mean I know all the theory :D )

Are there any benchmark tests for testing out laptop capabilities for development uses? Like building an Android project to figure out if one laptop is better than the other?