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When you are a regular at a coffeeshop and you ask for a refill, but, the extra nice barista gives you a free, on-the-house, lattee as a Coffe Day gesture :)
21 -
The brief secound when your broken, broken mind giggles at the fact that the coffe in named after the programming language..
i should really take my holiday vacation now...
5 -
!rant but True story!
OMG, my coworker (rather elderly if it matters), asked if he needs to open webapp in internet exploder.. < - It was intentional, but this happened in convo over morning coffe and me and some other guy almost choked with laugher & coffee..
Fucking brilliant! IE = Internet EXPLODEr! Love it!
Man, I love my coworkers (some)!!!!6 -
colleague: My laptop wont start, I don't know what happend. It worked this morning.
me: alright, Ill take a look at it.
I walk down to another room and proceed to open it up. Some kind of smell is rising from the poor laptop. I know that scent.
The motherboard is completely soaked into coffe, with milk.
I walk up the colleague:
me: do you prefer coffe with milk och without?
colleague: haha, it depends on what mood I am in. ( she is obviously stressed about it )
me: that poor laptop of yours, is dead. You soaked it in your coffe
colleague: haha what? No I have not. It worked last night when I used it ( notice how she changed "this morning" to "last night".
I just walk away, and I hope that the insurance does not cover this shit.4 -
Late in the afternoon right before closing time I wandered into a lunch-having nice little place. There was noone and my sleep-deprived self ordered an espresso. The ~25yrs old barista was kind and smiling and while I was adding some milk to my coffee she suddenly asked:
'Are you an IT guy?'
In shock I said: 'Okay, yes, I do wear glasses and drink coffe, but how did you know?'
'I didn't, but... my printer isn't working at home, can you tell me why?'
At this point I bursted out in laughter and realized that to most people I am a printer fixer. We all are, aren't we?8 -
I have the best reason not to leave my "office-chair"...
More comfort and colleagues bringing me coffee😎☕️
I get great support from my coworkers and friends! Thank you!!!
5 -
You know it's time to solve a bug when you pause the music, take a final sip of coffe, sit up straight in your chair and take off all accessories7
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Trying to get to the weekend like:
If I use the restroom for 10 minutes then make myself some coffe for 5 minutes then
Only 7 hrs and 45 minutes till I can leave! Sweet!1 -
Laying next to my snoring wife... My mind is running on what coding her snoring pattern would be like.2
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Today, the coffee machine gave me only a lump of sugar. Without coffee, without water and without glass. It's going to be a long long day...2
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Story time!
Like I mentioned in a previous rant, I’m (or was) a coca-cola addict. Coca-cola has caffeine, right?
This happened a tuesday. I forgot my mug at home (I wanted to draw it a bat🦇) so I bought a jumbo coffee at a store near my office. I drank it, and then, all my partners went to the kitchen for coffee. I went with them and I refilled my cup.
I was working on my code, and suddenly I felt a strange sensation on my chest (I don’t think I could describe it, it feels like when you have intestinal problems and gases, but in the chest). I didn’t give it importance. One hour later I started trembling. I googled my symptoms and I found I had a coffee overdose 😱 But how? I drank a lot of caffeine in soda, but this only happened to me with coffee. This lasted 5 hours 😓
You, specially the most experienced devs and coffee addicts, how can I drink more than 1 cup of coffe per day without trembling? Btw, I have no heart or pressure problems, so I don’t know... this happened because I don’t drink much coffee?
23 -
Drinking game: everytime someone ++/comments/mentions you on devrant , drink half a pint.
Of coffe
-Said Linuxer4fun, 1421 -
When i'm in a coffe-shop, i always have the same thoughts:
"Hello, friend.
Hello, friend?
That's lame.
Maybe I should give you a name, but that's a slippery slope.
You're only in my head."1 -
Fuck you. Fuck you brain / body / wathever regulate my sleep cycle.
Went to sleep early, 9:30 amazing! Allarm is set to 4:30 I get 7 hours of sleep yay.
But no, let's wake up at 23:30 fully wide awake and do not be able to fall asleep anymore.
Now is 8:11 and on my way to the gym and then work I started yawning and I feel like sleeping.
Seriously? I would pick out that part of my brain, chew it spit it and then throw it to rats to feed on it.
Coffe where the fuck is my cofee??
Oh today is also the day we start an awesome new opencsource project that I was looking forward to. AND I AM TIRED AS FUCK.5 -
IMHO technical dept is kind of like smoking cigarettes for some decades.
You were told that shit will hit the fan but you do not take proper action. And one day you'll realize that you fucked up (or not, also seen that).
Worked for a company in IT, where we maintained an ERP which was "in progress" for over a decade. The basic implementation was done by people with zero technical understanding. To clarify: not self coded. Software was bought. We are talking about integrating the system.
Therefore, the foundation was like a wet noodle. When I joined that company, I told them that they need to address that. I told them that things will get slower and slower and that shit will hit the fan if no proper actions taken.
Even made a list with flaws I found. With potential risk and actions to take, that could then be measured.
At that time, five people worked in said department (including me).
People did not want to listen. "Would be too expensive to rewrite stuff".
Nothing has changed about the wet noodle, but I tried to fix as many things in a working system as I could. Felt like heart surgery, because changes got implemented and "tested" in prod. No version control, no documentation, everyone implemented things like they felt (no guidelines for consistency).
A lot of small fuckups that summed up over the years.
I left the company after two years because I had the chance to land a job as a dev.
Been around two years now since I left. Now 9 people work in that department with around the same efficiency as us 5 people back then.
The new employees struggle to be productive, because things are just implemented poorly and not maintainable anymore.
Had some dialogs with them some time ago. Everything I told them would happen, actually happened. What a suprise :-|
I will not go into too much detail about all the shit that's going on there, as it would be just too much (and my morning coffe is almost finished).
I think that we all know the difference between "not beautiful, but does the job" and "oh, that will backfire - badly". And I wish that my communication skills increase so that people start listening in future.8 -
delete this;
(in the constructor)
Actual line of code I wrote in my code because of sleep need... Coffe isnt always good, kids... Rather sleep polyphasically2 -
Gag SO, tie em up & suspend them in the air in the basement or attic..
Helps if SO is into BDSM..if not it's a bit awkward.. // joke, I don't even have an attic or basement.. :(
In all seriousnes, if anyone knows how to prevent people from knocking on the office door to ask if I want coffe or sth to eat, that'd be great..asking them to not disturb unless the house is on fire or they cut off their fingers clearly doesn't help.. :(8 -
what are the odds of walking with a cup of coffe and a drop falls off right into your pocket of your cowboy jeans and wets a bunch of the money you have in your wallet..1
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My programming desk created from stuff lying in office.
Under pizza boxes is old not working coffe machine
2 -
Today another developer recommends to me change coffe to a green apple and green apple juice today i transform green apples into code... lol.1
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Newbie Agile Team: "Hi Scrum Coach, we studied and implemented the Scrum methodology, but we are late as before and our software is buggy and shitty as ever, how is that?"
Agile Coach: "Scrum Methodology is easy to learn, but difficult to master!"
Newbie Agile Team (chorus): "Oh coach, Fuck yourself daily, with your coffe thermos, standing up and once per week retrospectively. If you'll come at the next review meeting, we will gangbang your ass in front of the stakeholders"5 -
Life is good when you're responsible only for your task, code you write.
While i had souch a beautiful life, I could come to wrk, make coffe, magic and be happy. Sometimes it would be fast, sometimes slow. Sometimes I had to learn before implementing, sometimes I just needed to code it down. I had working hours. I had only TL and client to deal with.
If you dislike working with your collegues, imagine being responsible for their work and feel good.1 -
!rant
*Coffee*
Yes / no ?
If yes, how many cups a day? What type do you fancy?
If no, any other ways you energize yourself up?
If buying from coffee shop I like to order flat whites, otherwise a lil skimmed milk and that's all.
Sorry if this has been discussed before16 -
Give me an example of a cool thing your PM/team leader did for your dev team.
Our douche PM got sacked so i need ideas for my fellow dev team 🤓
*chuggs coffe in celebration*2 -
Pretty tired, plus working on something that at some point needs 4 or 5 for loops inside each other
End result: for (i=0; k<=Nspecies; ++j)
Mhkay time for coffe -
Just how can I get the stressball? I know! Im gonna write down three word. Just... Randomly...
Rant:
Fuck, JavaScript, coffe -
(Question/0.5Rant)
So I am working on a mixed API (aka reachable from anywhere, but also only accessible by specific allowed devices) and I am struggling with the security of it, its not managing anything hardcore (this API is "is the coffe ready?" kind of level) or I would have just enforced per device registration for example already, but the app that goes with that API is deployed remotely and has to be "ready to go!!!" out of the box, so I can't add any registration, verifications of devices etc.
The main thing I am afraid of is, that one of those agent retards will get his spaghetti phone blasted from the inside, so all the https calls will be read out by some random attacker, which then will be able to "abuse" the API via read out api-key, is there any way for me to have a rescue plan if one of those retards does get hacked and the system then get spammed or something, like if I log all devices that use the API I could just deny access from that device (until resolved) and issue a new app update via new api key.
What's the best way of handling this and is my idea really the only way to handle this? this shitfest is really causing shit ton of ideas in my head, which then I deny literally 20 seconds later, because there's a way to bypass it or once you have the old api key to get a new one by just monitoring it etc.5 -
include ::rant
rant::newentry {'new-job-rant' :
ensure => latest,
location => goverment-employment-office-HQ,
job => DevOps,
content => {'
So, i've been at my new job for some time now, almost two weeks (hurray!) but boy oh boy, what a job it is!
I'm working at a goverment office charged with helping the unemployed to get a job or a new education course. I'm hored as re-enforcements for their DevOps team. I get my pay, easy transportation home<->office, coffe is adequate in quality and quantity, so no complaints there...
But the actual job is a FUCKING MENTAL CLUSTERFUCKS OF WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK MULTIPLIED BY TEN TO THE POWER OF GOOGOL!
A few items that make my blood boil to new temperature records defying medical science:
* devs refuse to use linting, say the builder will catch it when there is an error, never look at the builder error logs
* (puppet) modules have NO TESTS
* (puppet) modules get included in several git repo's as submodules, in turn they are part of a git repo, in turn they are replicated to several puppet masters, and they differentiate the environment by bash scripts... R10K or code manager? never heard of it.
* Me cleaning up code, commit, gets accepted, some douchebag checks out code, reverts it back to the point where linting tools generate 50+ lines of warnings, complains to ME his code doesnt work! (Seriously, bitch? Serously?) , explain to that person what linting does, that persons hears the bells ring on the other end of the galaxy, refuses to use it.
* Deployment day arrives (today) -> tasks are set up on an excel sheet (on google docs) , totally out of sync with what really must be done -> something breaks, spend 30 minutes finding out who is to blame, the whole deploy train stops, find out it's a syntax error, ... waiting for person to change that since that person can only access it...
...
the list goes on and on and on. And did you expect to ahve any docs or guidelines? NO , as if docs are something for the luxurious and leisurely people having "time" to write it...
I can use another coffee... hopefully i wake up from this nightmare at my 15th cup...
},
require => [Class['::coffee'], Class['::auxiliary_brain'], Class['::brain_unfuck_tools'],],
}1 -
There is a table right under the fan on which I put a hot cup of coffee add suger to it. Now comes the good part.
I tie myself upside down with sealing fan right above table. Holding a spoon in one hand. Start the fan with a stick. Throw the stick. Just after speed is steady put the spoon in cup and let it stear.
Drink this coffe upside down.
It will increase productivity by 10000million%.
Cheers:)2 -
with all of this experience and working with so many different people I learned.
No, matter where you switch, everything is same the only thing matter in the end is whether you get coffee served on your table or you have to make it yourself. -
Stop thinking about it. Personally I like to take a long coffe break, go out with friends, cook something, or my fav to learn something completly different, like a new word in a foreign language or some random shit.2
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Boss: management needs this applications report changed
-2 weeks later of revamping the program
Boss: So we decided we are going to abandon the program all together. At least you learned some things.1 -
Redoing our web apps to use SSO... Every single page within the app runs LDAP authentication. What is the point of signing in and having session cookies if you are reauthorization a logon on every page?!??? Now what seemed like a simple task of revamping the initial logon has turned into a hunting trip for LDAP queries and creating new sql tables
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