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Search - "coffee dev"
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Some empty-headed helpdesk girl skipped into our office yesterday afternoon, despite the big scary warning signs glued to the door.
"Hey, when I log in on my phone, the menu is looking weird"
"Uh... look at my beard"
"What"
"Just look at this beard!"
"Uh.... OK"
"Does this look like a perfectly groomed beard"
"Uh... it's pretty nice I guess"
"You don't have to lie"
She looks puzzled: "OK... maybe it could use a little trimming. Uh... a lot of trimming". "I still like it though" she adds, trying hard to be polite.
"I understand you just started working here. But the beard... the beard should make it clear. See the office opposite to this one?"
"Yeah"
"Perfectly groomed ginger beards. It's all stylish shawls and smiles and spinach smoothies. Those people are known as frontend developers, they care about pixels and menus. Now look at my beard. It is dark and wild, it has some gray stress hairs, and if you take a deep breath it smells like dust and cognac mixed with the tears caused by failed deploys. Nothing personal, but I don't give a fuck what a menu looks like on your phone."
She looked around, and noticed the other 2 tired looking guys with unshaven hobo chins. To her credit, she pointed at the woman in the corner: "What about her, she doesn't seem to have a beard"
Yulia, 1.9m long muscled database admin from Ukraine, lets out a heavy sigh. "I do not know you well enough yet to show you where I grow my unkempt graying hairs... . Now get lost divchyna."
Helpdesk girl leaves the scene.
Joanna, machine learning dev, walks in: "I saw a confused blonde lost in the hallway, did you give her the beard speech?"
"Yeah" -- couldn't hold back a giggle -- "haha now she'll come to you"
Joanna: "No I already took care of it"
"How?"
"She started about some stupid menu, so I just told her to smell my cup". Joanna, functional alcoholic, is holding her 4pm Irish coffee. "I think this living up to our stereotype tactic is working, because the girl laughed and nodded like she understood, and ran off to the design department"
Me: "I do miss shaving though"68 -
First world problems...
I've been working at this startup as a tech lead for a little over a year, and we've grown from 3 to over 150 employees, and a bit over a million end users.
I've spent tens of thousands on high end displays and chairs for your lazy butts, on external consultants to help and train you, even those fucking dirty recruiters have leeched their shares of the pie. I built an amazing luxury kitchen with a fridge, beer cooler, induction plates and a blender for all your crossfitting bodybuilder meals, but forgot to think of my own needs.
NOW I JUST WANT TO BUY A GOOD COFFEEMAKER AND ALL THESE FUCKING TEASLURPING FAKE DEV-BROS SUDDENLY START SCREAMING ABOUT BUDGETS AND HOW COFFEE IS NOT NECESSARY IF YOU MEDITATE. FUCK YOU, WE'RE LIKE THE ONLY STARTUP IN THE COUNTRY RUNNING A FAT PROFIT. I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR STUPID MINDFULNESS IOS APP. GIVE ME MY FUCKING ESPRESSO OR I'LL BLEND YOUR BALLS INTO A PROTEIN SHAKE.25 -
Not mine, found this on Reddit, still a good read
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I work in IT as a lead developer, as in I run the department. One of my team leads is female, let's call her Ripley. She is young, smart, and a great dev.
Today she met with a new customer to discuss a big project. Project management sent a male project manager (Hicks).
It started perfectly with Customer asking Ripley for coffee. He's informed about her status and mutters something like an apology. He is visibly unhappy.
He then proceeds to ask Hicks technical questions despite having been told that Ripley will answer all the technical stuff. Ripley tries to answer questions. Customer ignores Ripley and continues talking to Hicks.
Hicks tells him politely that Ripley is the one to talk to, since he is not a dev and unable to help him. Ripley tries again to explain stuff.
Customer gets angry and demands another developer, since Ripley is "obviously far too young for a project of this complexity". Ripley rolls her eyes and leaves. Not the first time this happens.
Hicks smoothes the waves and tells the customer that the senior lead developer will personally answer all his questions. Customer is satisfied.
I walk in and calmly introduce myself.
The customer - now far less satisfied - was forced to discuss all his questions with yours truly, the 47 year old female IT nerd. I was very professional, friendly, and businesslike, he was visibly uncomfortable and irritated by the situation.
It's petty and stupid, but man, it felt great watching his face fall when I entered. I've been in Ripley's shoes far too often and today I heard 23 old me cheering me on.
Ripley loved it as well. She made sure to smile extra brightly at customer when she walked past the meeting room on her way to the coffee machine.
======
https://reddit.com/r/...18 -
Here's a list of unpopular stuff which I agree with:
1) I love Java more than any other programming language.
2) I love sleeping more than working.
3) I'm not a night owl. I thrive the most during daylight.
4) I don't like or need coffee. Tea is fine.
5) Webdev is a huge clusterfuck which I secretly wish that could just die already.
6) Cybersecurity is a meme and actually not that interesting. Same passes for Cloud, Machine Learning and Big Data.
7) Although I'm a huge fan of it Linux is too unstable and non-idiot proof to ever become mainstream on the desktop.
8) Windows is actually a pretty solid OS.
9) The real reason I don't use macos is because I'm a poorfag that can't afford an overpriced laptop.
10) I don't like math and I hate that people push math shit into random interview questions for dev jobs which have nothing to do with math.
Post yours.279 -
** Non Dev Rant **
I just need to rant about this because I'm furious.
Last night I had a house warming party. It was mostly, if not all, of my girlfriend's friends. I'm a cranky old developer so I don't have friends.
Everyone was nice and dressed nice and brought us gifts.. all of the gifts were pretty much specifically for my girlfriend.
So this one girl came... she's younger.. around 25. She came with no gift (I wasn't expecting gifts I just need to mention it for the plot), and was dressed in sweat pants. Alright, no problem.. I really don't care at least she's here.
So as more guests arrive I finally get a gift. Someone brought me a case of beer and a couple of yummy cookies. I had to put it down on the kitchen counter for a bit because I needed to grab more chairs.
The basement door where the chairs are is 10 feet away from where I left my present..
I come back from upstairs.. not even 5 minutes later and I see sweat pant girl stuffing one cookie in her fucking mouth and the other in her pants...
Are you fucking kidding me!? I bought desserts and snacks and all the alcohol you can think of and you steal MY fucking present. Not just one of them... but BOTH.
She saw the other guests give me it.. say "here buddy this is for you"... followed me in the kitchen and STOLE my fucking cookies.
I was going to eat them this morning with my coffee and I realized I couldn't because this fucking ass hole took my fucking cookies!!!!
I hosted this party for my girlfriend's SJW ass hole fucked up friends... put a smile on my face... pretended to like people... and for once didn't yell at someone... and the fucking thanks I get is 2 stolen fucking cookies.
Fuck her.20 -
My employer has a dev studio in Cali.
The office is gigantic.
It has amenities.
It has a stocked fridge full of iced coffee, energy drinks, and apparently wine.
All the devs have totally enviable hardware.
And they probably earn twice what I do, or at least 50% more.
Yet they write absolute shit, never test their code, and push broken updates every day, often marked as "ready for final testing." Their codebase is full of hacks and guesses and stale cruft and worst practices. I wrote a rant recently about one of their fuckups, which involved 18 million Facebook errors per. day. So that should give you some idea as to the quality of their code, and their level of can't-be-bothered.
Again, they make 50%-100% more than I do.
Their whiny lead dev is bloody lazy when it comes to building things correctly, and totally prefers to half-ass everything and complain instead. He probably makes 150% of what I do, doing like 25% as much work, and maybe 10% as well. Doesn't quite compare though, as he's a Unity dev, not a backend dev. So his work isn't as critical.
akagdkdafavskakeuxbfh.
Bloody pisses me off.
"But their cost of living is higher!"
THEY SHOULDN'T EVEN BE EMPLOYED.rant root gets angry this is the short-short version overpaid crap-tier devs but i got too angry this was originally to be a comment22 -
How my birthday is going so far:
1. Dropped coffee on my shirt
2. Client is wondering why we removed a feature that he wants yet asked us to remove a week ago
3. Dev server is no longer working
4. Internet connection is shit
5. My VPN keeps on disconnecting (see #4)
Is this day going to end or what?53 -
I am done with people, I just want one single room, with good internet, dual monitor setup... And I can spend my whole life like that... Being social, fuck that shit... I have devRant for that... and rest, I just want to code, listen to music, drink coffee and sleep like hell...
Why is it that I can understand some other dev's code faster that understanding someone's feelings. Why is it that I am good with principles of Programming Languages, but not the basic Principles of Humanity... Yes, I agree I don't have feelings, but is it wrong not to have feelings, I am a dev, I am supposed to be good with Codes, not humans... I want to be in my small space of close people. (My family), and that's it... I am no good with others. I hate Facebook, but love devRant, I spend more time on StackOverflow than that on WhatsApp. Why is it so... Why29 -
!dev
Coffee. I love it.
But with that, I mean *coffee*.
No I don't want a fucking cappucino or a latte or a whatever-the-fuck you call it that is coffee mixed with something not-coffeeish.
I love *coffee* and I want my coffee black and strong as fuck without any bullshit added to it.47 -
2 hours, maybe 2.5.
No one works for more than that, it's not how brains work. Or bodies for that matter, you gotta pee eventually.
OK maybe I'm pedantic and shouldn't count breaks... But then where lies the threshold? A fifteen minute coffee break? An hour long lunch break?
Could we use scrum storypoints to brag then (I once finished 12 points in a day!) — not really, because they're not standardized units of work.
Lines of code then? Well, the dev who copy pastes Java classes would beat the guy adjusting a dense Python script, without necessarily doing more.
No, the only true measure is of course grams of amphetamine per week, and in that metric I win from everyone.
😂😅😶😣😓😟😖😧😵😰🚑16 -
Let's get something straight people, the trend to change terms in programming languages for PC approved ones is NOT for "making the workplace a better place".
If you are one of those who say "oh it's just terms, if it makes them feel better why not?", "I don't care so should everybody else", "the outrage proves we need to change the terms!".
No sir, first of all, since when has programming been about ditching standards to make people "feeel" better? Since when has engineering been about that?! We are engineers, we don't change shit and waste effort trying to fix things that are working.
Second, this word cleansing does NOT come from a well intentioned one, it's not about making the workplace a better place, it's not about minorities, it's about sanitizing language from an ideological and political standpoint to please an agenda pushing minority who doesn't give a shit about any real social issues.
They have done it to movies, videogames, news, political speech, magazines, books and now programming. It doesn't stop and they will never be satisfied, it's not about changing the terms, no one gives a shit about the terms, it's about pandering to ideological crybabies who want to control what you say because it "offends" them or some supposedly oppressed group from which we just hear anecdotal evidence.
Personally I wouldn't give a shit if it was for technical reasons, but it's not and I've seen what this shit does to communities I love and I won't stand it happening to the dev community just because some weak ass, no balls coders decided to pander to the retards on the far left to score virtue points instead of standing their ground.
Are you worried about oppressed groups? Donate money to third world children, speak out about women in Siria, travel to actual shitty 3rd world countries so you realize changing words on a GitHub repo on your expensive ass MacBook, sipping your soy based coffee on an office with air conditioning is not making the world a better place you delusional prick.
You want to ignore the facts be my guest, be willfully ignorant, but I will not police myself and my ideas for your ideological beliefs, not in gaming, not here. Fuck off.31 -
My dev superpower would be the power to magically refill anything.
Out of hot coffee? Refill your thermos!
Bank account running low? Refill with money!
Battery empty? Refill with charge!
Going bald like me? Refill your head with hair!
Bed empty? Refill with beautiful women!
Clients / managers annoying you? Refill their bladders!
The possibilites are limitless!6 -
Very funny/random/weird partly non-dev related story that happened today.
We're selling our coffee machine at work since the coffee is gross.
Someone wants to buy it and wants it to be sent.
Coworker: just the general way through a package?
Other coworker: hmm yeah through post is fine
Me: POSTAL PIDGIN
other colleague: BY PENGUIN
Another colleague: BY LIKE 100 PENGUINS FLYING THAT THING THROUGH THE AIR WITH LIKE WIRES ATTACHED TO IT
Me: just hold on for a second and imagine this graphically...
Colleagues: damn that would be fucking genius xD
Yeah we're quite random 😆30 -
We all once printed "Hello World" & were acting like a pro 😏
Cheers, we all made it till here, more than "Hello World! 🍺8 -
TLDR;
Wrote a slick scheduling and communication system allowing me to assign photography resources based on time and location.
I'll tell you a little secret ... I'm not actually a dev. I'm a photographer, pretending to be a dev.
Or ... perhaps it's the other way around? (I spend most of my time writing code these days, but only for me - I write the software I use to run my business).
I own a photography studio - we specialize in youth volleyball photography (mostly 12-18 year old girls with a bit of high school, college and semi-pro thrown in for good measure - it's a hugely popular sport) and travel all over the US (and sometimes Europe) photographing.
As a point of scale, this year we photographed a tournament in Denver that featured 100 volleyball courts (in one room!), playing at the same time.
I'm based in California and fly a crew of part-time staff around to these events, but my father and I drive our booth equipment wherever it needs to go. We usually setup a 30'x90' booth with local servers, download/processing/cashier computers and 45 laptops for viewing/ordering photographs. Not to mention 16' drape and banners, tons of samples, 55' TVs, etc. It's quite the production.
We photograph by paid signup only - when there are upwards of 800 teams/9,600 athletes per weekend playing, and you only have four trained photographers, you've got to manage your resources!
This of course means you have to have a system for taking sign those sign ups, assigning teams to photographers and doing so in the most efficient manner possible based on who is available when the team is playing. (You can waste an awful lot of time walking from one court to another in a large convention center - especially if you have to navigate through large crowds - not to mention exhausting yourself).
So this year I finally added a feature I've wanted for quite some time - an interactive court map. I can take an image of the court layout from the tournament and create an HTML version in our software. As I mouse over requests in one window, the corresponding court is highlighted on the map in another browser window. Each photographer has a color associated with them. When I assign requests to a photographer, the court is color coded with the color of the photographer. This allows me to group assignments to minimize photographer walk time and keep them in a specific area. It's also very easy to look at the map and see unassigned requests and look to see what photographer is nearby.
This year I also integrated with Twilio and setup a simple set of text shortcuts that photographers can use to let our booth staff know where they are, if they have memory cards that need picking up, if they need water/coffee/snack, etc. They can also move assignments on their schedule or send and SOS for help if it looks like they aren't going to be able to photograph a team.
Kind of a CLI via the phone. :)
The additions have turned out to be really useful and has made scheduling and managing the photographers much easier that it was in the past.18 -
Not entirely dev related.
Just wondering if I'm the only one on here who actually EATS coffee beans regularly?
😐43 -
Small Me(m): learning some basic code
Senior Dev(d): *walks by and sees my code*
m: hey got any advice on this?
d: learn to use regular expression. *walks away*
m: 30min later... *Mind blown*
And coffee of course ☕2 -
The people I work with are so fucking antisocial. Everyone waits until the kitchen is empty before going to get a coffee. Also, the dev next to me seems to think breathing heavily is a great idea. Fuck these people.
Oh...the kitchen is free! Time for coffee!4 -
My Friends say i´m no dev...
Why???? :(
I love do Sports,
I have free time,
I´m eating healthy,
I don't like coffee....10 -
!dev
Me: walks into a coffee shop and orders a latte
Barista-1: can you cover for me tomorrow.
Barista-2: I am busy with family. Do you have plans?
B-1: no.
B-2: are you sick?
B-1: yeah! My throat hurts soooo much and I can hardly breath!
B-2: ahhhhh. That’s too sad.
B-1: commences to make my latte while breaking heavily into it.
Me: Walks the fuck away.
Fuck. That. Shit.
The $6 it costs for that latte isn’t worth missing a week of paying work with the flu!
I got no time for that type of shit. Stay the fuck home for fuck sakes.7 -
How it is to be a dev in my country?
At bit of an odd question this week.
For me (in the USA), it's being technical support for *every* website my family uses.
Over the weekend my wife visited her aunt and I get a call.
Wife: "How do I create an ebay account?"
Me: "I don't like where this is going. We already have an account."
Wife: "Not for me, dummy, Aunt T. She found some books she wants to buy on ebay."
Me: "You go thru the process to create an account? Email, name, password, etc."
Wife: "We tried that, but it's not working."
<few seconds of silence>
Me: "Oookaaay...why isn't it working? Is there an error?"
Wife: "I don't know, we already clicked off of it. Something about the email."
<few more seconds of silence>
Me: "Can you reproduce the error and tell me?"
Wife: "Uggh..are you serious? We've done it like 10 times, its not working. Just tell me what I need to do."
Me: "If you can't tell me the error, I can't help you. I'm not there and can't see what you see."
Wife: "Stop being an asshole."
<Aunt T takes the phone>
T: "Said something about using another email address. Does that help you?"
Me: "Are you sure you don't already have a ebay account?"
T: "No, I don't think so. I hate ebay. but I really want these books. I don't want the same problems as last time."
Me: "Last time?"
T: "Yes, I bought a coffee cup on ebay from China and it never arrived."
Me: "OK, so you do have an account?"
T: "I don't know, I mean, I never got the cup."
Me: "What email address did you use? I'll send a 'remind me' email so you can reset the password and login"
<go thru the motions, she is able to login>
T: "Ahhh...I do have an account! There are the golf balls I bought for <husband> for Christmas."
<face smack>
Wife: "Why didn't you do this from the start? I thought you knew a lot about computers. We basically figured this out ourselves. Goodbye!"
<click>11 -
Apartment owner tells me to get out for a few hours while he repairs some stuff around the house . Get laptop , get wallet , go to kfc , go to order , only have money to get a large coke and a coffee , set up laptop , start working on my 2D game project , one hour later hobo comes in and begs around for 2 mins , before the guard catches him , he goes to order instead and gets a large duo bucket with coffee ...fml being a poor dev before paycheck...2
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I sometimes remember the time when I wrote a Email-inbox-exporter-PHP-script-type of application that collects all the emails from an inbox, "copied" it to a database with the attachements and stuff and moves it to a folder..
I just started at the company for like a couple of months, had no privileges to create mailboxes and such and I didn't want to interrupt our programmer to do this for me, so... I decided.. to save time and resources.. to test run it on our global, live 'support' mailbox.. :D Well.. You might guess what happened.. Apparently I mistyped the name of the move-destination folder (because imap-weird-things) that resulted in a completly empty mailbox and an empty database because the inserts failed due to bad encoding and mime-type issues..
The moment I refreshed my Outlook and noticed that all our mails where gone.. I swear, I can't describe that feeling of fear, cold sweat, intense heartbeat... I just stood up, asked if anyone wanted coffee, and just walked out of the office.. When in the hallway, I heard my collegues ask to one another "do you have any issues with outlook, all my mails are gone?". Everyone was stressing out, the chief was stressing out "what happened?!", nobody knew what happened.. :D
They could partially resolve it via one collegue who hadn't refreshed the mailbox and he could forward all the mails back to our support mailbox..
I dropped the project idea and learned to work with dev environments :D A couple of months later, I accidentially forgot a where condition in my SQL UPDATE statement, but that was the last time I seriously f*cked up.. :D Got to learn the hard way I guess.. Now everything I do runs in dev environments, I test everything before publishing,.. When I look back.. I don't even recognize the (inexperienced) guy I was back then ! :D
Ps. No one still knows what happened that day and they blamed it on server issues :Dundefined learned from my mistakes sorry collegues fucked up live testing fml inexperienced empty mailbox3 -
1. Slack. Pretty good chat app for dev companies, I use it to prevent people standing next to my desk 40 times a day.
2. Unit testing tools, especially when fully automated using a git master branch hook, something like codeship/jenkins, and a deployment service.
3. Jetbrains IDEs. I love Vim, but Jetbrains makes theming, autocompleting & code style checks with mixed templating languages a breeze.
4. Urxvt terminal. It's a bit of work at the start, but so extremely fast and customizable.
5. Cinnamon or i3. Not really dev tools, but both make it easy to organize many windows.
6. A smart production bug logger. I tend to use Bugsnag, Rollbar or Sentry.
7. A good coffee machine. Preferably some high pressure espresso maker which costs more than the CEO's car, using organic fairtrade hipster beans with a picture of a laughing south american farmer. And don't you dare fuck it up with sugar.
8. Some high quality bars of chocolate. Not to consume yourself, but to offer to coworkers while they wait for you to fix a broken deploy. The importance of office politics is not to be underestimated.1 -
I'm a DevOps engineer. It's my job to understand why this type of shit is broken, and when I finally figure it out, I get so mad at bullish players like AWS.
It's simple. Install Python3 from apt.
`apt-get update && apt-get install -y python3-dev`
I've done this thousands of times, and it just works.
Docker? Yup.
AWS AMI? Yup.
Automation? Nope.
WTF? Let's waste 2.5 hours and figure out why this morning.
In docker: `apt-cache policy python3-dev` shows us:
python3-dev:
http://archive.ubuntu.com/ubuntu focal/main amd64 Packages
But in AWS instance, we see we're reading from "http://us-east-1.ec2.archive.ubuntu.com/... focal/main" instead!
Ah, but why does it fail? AWS is just using a mirror, right? Not quite.
When the automation script is running, it's beating AWS to the apt mirror update! My instance, running on AWS is trying to access the same archive.ubuntu.com that the Docker container tried to use. "python3-dev" was not a candidate for installation! WTF Amazon? Shouldn't that just work, even if I'm not using your mirror?
So I try again, and again, and again. It works, on average, 1 out of every 5 times. I'm assuming this means we're seeing some strange shit configuration between EC2 racks where some are configured to redirect archive.ubuntu.com to the ec2 mirror, and others are configured to block. I haven't dug this far into the issue yet, because by the time I can SSH into the machine after automation, the apt list has already received it's blessed update from EC2.
Now I have to build a graceful delay into my automation while I wait for AWS to mangle, I mean "fix up" my apt sources list to their whim.
After completely blowing my allotted time on this task, I just shipped a "sleep" statement in my code. I feel so dirty. I'm going to go brew some more coffee to be okay with my life. Then figure out a proper wait statement.7 -
A brief, and biased opinion of what love is in the dev world:
Love is my employees bringing me something to eat when they know I stay back so that they can all go out do whatever they can do.
Love is my CMS admin getting his ass up and walking all the way to my office when the director walks in to say some STUPID FUCKING SHIT to me that he(CMS Admin) knows would have me 2 fucking seconds away from getting out of my chair and drop kicking the fuck out of him.
Love is the rest of my employees getting up to follow along in case(certainly) one dude is not able to hold me down.
Love is them knowing that I know that their mere presence there will make me chill the fuck out and not choke the fucking director
Love is the CMS Admin proof reading every email I send to a bitch that was trying to get smart, to make sure that I was not being agressive.
Love is said CMS Admin bringing me coffee or a coke congratulating me on listening to him about X email not being aggressive (there is no passive in my vocabulary, just balls out "isn't this your fucking job" aggressive)
Love is my lead developer showing to work after medical treatment fucked up as all hell because he knows that if he is not there I will do a billion things myself in order to give him some rest.
Love is taking my CMS admin and lead dev out to eat when a major stakeholder shits on something I damn well know it took them a while to finish. Love is also letting me open up to said stakeholder to tell them how much of a fucktard they are, sometimes they let me loose, and I appreciate that.
Love is every small person in the company approaching you to tell you of their issues, becuase they care more about the productivity they give to their users, rather than the bullshit numbers their managers care about.
Love is the staff of other places taking care of you because you are not a VP dickhead that treats them like shit.
Love is the HR reps sending you personal e-mails asking you for help because their shitbag of a boss does not count for help and leaves them in the blank with shit software, for which said HR go above and beyond for you later on even though said shitbag manager said no.
Love is your team getting angry and responding respectfully at people when they talk shit about their manager on their emails (manager being me)
Love is your employees closing your door for you when they know you are overwhelmed and you need a quick second to pull yourself up.
Love is not wanting to leave this miserable place because you know some dickweed will be left in charge of the people that care for you, trust you, work for you regardless of the date, and confide in you.
They got me locked in, this shitty institution, for now. Until I find a way to bring my entire team with me.8 -
Ah the day before launch of a new app. And right on schedule the businesses is attempting to completely alter their requirements including a COMPLETE OVERHAUL OF THE DATABASE MODEL TO ADDRESS AN ISSUE THAT HAS ALREADY BEEN FIXED. I wish they would share the drugs they are clearly on so I could also live in this dreamland delusion where you can turn something completely on its head right on the finish line and expect everything to go well.
Manager: Hey I think I have a solution to that performance we talked about last week
Dev: I already fixed it, it only takes 1 second instead of 30 now.
Manager: Ok but I’ve also figured out a solution. If we completely change the entire database model that one query could potentially be even faster according to my understanding of how databases operate.
Dev: I fixed it without the need for that, actually it was just a matter of better conc—
Manager: I think we should go with MY solution. Drop everything and restructure the database immediately! Be quick, as you know we launch this application tomorrow! Have an extra coffee today and just crush it out, don’t overthink this either just do it.
Dev: …11 -
Programming made me addicted to coffee
So here I am at 4am ranting about not being able to sleep after having drank some at 26 -
I started drinking coffee when I started as a junior dev.
I loved its boost, but after a while being on coffee was exactly how I felt before as normal. I incrementally upped the dosage, while my resistance creeped up too. I reached a moment when I drank a liter daily, so I witched to yerba maté instead, which resulted in more potent brews. Then I got used to its strength too plus it tasted like horseshit. I switched to caffeine tablets, takingg more and more. Soon after I reached a level which was described medically as the top one should be allowed to take.
I no longer felt any boost. In between caffeinated moments of normalty, I felt like a brain-dead zombie. When I was caffeinated, I was jittery, my shoulder and eyebrow was glitching, my stomach was flexing like before taking a huge exam.
After some miserable time like that, I quit caffeine entirely. I was fatigued, dull and my mind was hazy for te next 1-2 weeks.
I then finally, became gradually normal again.
I drink tea and coffee only socially, perhaps a few times in a month, and never after too much later than noon.
Now I can't wear my "Programmer. Converts coffee into code" shirt anymore. Apart from that, I'm much better off :)
What's your coffee story?14 -
> Take girlfriend to Starbucks
Me: I'll ask for a cold brewed coffee, what would you like?
She: I don't like coffee...8 -
Where I currently work (and have done for 10 years) we were recently recruiting for another dev, and one of the other devs and our line manager were running the interviews.
After 3 or 4 failed interviews they decided to test the questions on me... I got 3 out of 10 :(
My argument was (and still is) if I get stuck programming I can google, or you can teach me new stuff. And I can make a good cup of coffee2 -
"But...it works locally", said the tired dev who hasn't had his morning coffee yet. It's going to be one of those days.2
-
Friend of mine: so I wonder how do you test your applications in the startup?
Me: testing? *grabs his coffee laughing*
Actually we have a complete build pipeline from commit/pull-request to dev and production environments. No tests. Really. We are in rapid product development / research state.
We change technologies and approaches like our underwear (and yeah, this is frequently). If we settled some day and understood the basic problems of the whole feature palette, we'll talk about tests again.rant early product development test driven development proof of concept don't make me laugh prototype startup3 -
Have any of you already felt that you really like what you do (coding, of course, among other things), but you hate "the place(s)" where you work, specifically some of the people from there...?!?!?
It's 9AM, you already got your coffee, is comfortably sat, with your precious headphones, all ready for some gorgeous lines of code to gain life... but...
... your coworkers are arguing cos one prefer braces when using an single-line if statement, the other not...
... another one is discussing about how bad he's paid after discovering that a dev (at the same "level") receives more...
... the coordinator comes to convince you that the manager is not good, has not all the needed "certifications", and vice versa ...
... the designer didn't like the UX's work, and this is just an enough reason for a BIG gossip with the rest of the team (or even with people from other teams) ...
... the QA complains all the time about everything: the testing environments are a shit, the other QAs are a shit, the system is a shit, his life is a shit (even though he has not yet realized it) ...
Sometimes I miss that time when I got into the coding universe at home, giving my first steps and was creating things all the time... against the toxicity we find in a lot of enterprise "habitats"...1 -
This has been my wallpaper since june, when I had to become a dev at work.
I've been drinking waaayyy too much coffee while hunting those missing semicolons these last months.1 -
I just accepted an offer as a backend dev for a startup in Berlin, Germany. I’m looking forward to all the coffee and beer I will drink while I work. 😆7
-
!dev
I'M SO GONNA GET MY OWN LOCKPICKING SET AND LEARN HOW TO FUCKING PICK LOCKS. I'M SICK OF GETTING LOCKED OUT OF MY OWN FUCKING ROOM. "WHY DON'T YOU USE A KEY?" YOU ASK? GOOD QUESTION. MY JERKBAG ARSEHOLE PARENTS DECIDED TO NOT GIVE ME A FUCKING KEY FOR MY OWN FUCKING ROOM *FOR 6 GODDAM YEARS* SINCE WE'VE MOVED IN. "WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO TO THE LOCKSMITH OR SOME SHIT-" DO YOU I THINK I CAN JUST FUCKING WALTZ IN, ASK FOR THE KEY AND BRING IT TO THE FUCKING LOCKSMITH TO GET A DUPLICATE? AS IF THEY WOULD!!! AND NOW I'M GONNA GET EITHER AN F OR GO FULL SUICIDAL BECAUSE COFFEE THROUGH THE NIGHT IS NOT A FUCKING OPTION FOR ME. BECAUSE ALL THE FUCKING MATERIAL I HAVE FOR MY GODDAM ASSIGNMENT, ALONG WITH MY LAPTOP IS IN MY FUCKING ROOM. THANKS DAD! YOU SURE ARE HELPFUL AS FUCK! FUCK YOU!12 -
Happened to me - an experienced dev with most of the experience on the web.
I apply to this company that I had no idea what they do (big mistake on my part). I ace the technical interview, and they follow up with a request for a presentation on a topic, to see how well I can prove a point or understand a technology. So I do that. Everybody is listening carefully. Most people at the office didn't know the basics of what I was talking about, but there was a guy who knew more and asked the tough questions, but I didn't let down.
So we talk again, and again, and all is going well, we're out for a coffee, talk about the future of my career and the company, in a more casual setting. Got to know the CTO, etc. Everything was going stellar.
I was waiting for the offer, but instead I got a generic "We can't continue with your application" together with a notification that I was being blocked by the contact person.
Weirdest interview ever. And this thing really put me down and struck at my self-esteem. I mean was it really hard to mention whether you didn't like my expectations, or my skills, or my "fit for the team"? Or at least not block me like that, it's not like I'm gonna stalk you or anything. I still get birthday notifications on Skype from people I've interviewed with before, and I haven't written them since because they have other stuff to take care about, as do I.
Anyway. I got up and started again. New company. High expectations. High salary expectations. Rejection. Fuck.
Ok, start again. 2 companies this time. Both at the same time. Both make me an offer. Have to turn one down. Harder than I had imagined. The choice that I made literally changed my life for the better. I'm glad I didn't end up at any of the other 2 companies that rejected me.
Even experienced people get bad bitter rejections. Don't have high expectations, and that will help you keep your emotions in check, and fight on.2 -
I used to work IT in an entertainment startup, and now I’m an iOS dev at a big entertainment company. Several people from my old company have been reaching out to eagerly tell me about their new app idea I just have to hear, asking me to help code their app— and have even hinted at me quitting my nice safe job to join their great new startup that doesn’t even exist yet.
I know this must happen to app devs all the time. What do you say?
How do you deal with telling these nice people who just don’t understand it doesn’t work that way, without crushing their dream? I have a coffee meeting planned to tell one of them “You should learn to code so you can make a proof of concept,” but I fear that won’t be received well.
What’s the standard protocol for telling people you won’t be able to code their magic app idea?10 -
!dev
Slept 8 hours.
Drinking coffee like every day.
Barely able to keep eyes open, fighting against sleeping.
Weather sensitivity sucks....
Add to the tiredness nausea, dizziness and head aches and the torture is perfect.
🤮11 -
!dev !rant
You guys talk about having too much coffee occasionally - enough to where you weren't able to even focus;
I, being the dumbass I am overachieved a little and actually drank so much once and basically seized up
My friend was driving me home and all of the sudden i felt my arm muscles contracting, and then my abdomen and chest
shit was scary
we had to pull over and i had to struggle to shove a bottle and a half of water down my throat before he could drive me home
moral of the story = Make sure you eat in the morning, and there IS such a thing as too much coffee6 -
Sorta dev related.
I work at a service desk for an automotive supplier.
We've once hab out entire mobile phone system crash and for whatever reason, it won't let the phones connect, if there are more than 50 phones trying to connect at the same time. Kind of a problem if there are 400+ phones trying to connect.
My colleagues showed me what to do in order to get one phone to connect to our system.
It was basically: enter some invalid data on out webinterface, save, enter the correct data again and safe again.
It was too stupid for me. So i hacked an AutoIt script together in about 15 minutes, and let it run for the next half an hour. Showed it to my colleagues, they were excited and I went and got a coffee. -
Okay. So my dumbass boss took this project that had a steep timeline. I told him straight up, it won't work because we won't make the timeline. If we do this, I will be the one bending over backwards to deliver. I don't like to promise and fail. I got the oh don't worry let's just try. If we don't make it that's fine. Unfortunately that's not how I work. I refuse to deliberately fail. So I say okay and we begin. I suggested open source is the fastest way to deliver bit the fucked up part is, I am the only senior dev in the team. I will be expected to reverse engineer the open source app to connect our own deployment parameters. Use tech I have never used before. Connect frontend and backend. Handle dns bullshit. I have literally been working on Vibes and coffee for the past two weeks because ofcourse I ran into so many issues. Now I have an extension for Monday and I hate to fail. So I am not sleeping or resting just working on a fucking java app I didnt build and I am expected to make it work seemlessly on our production environment. I made some progress. Deployed frontend, deployed backend. Forgot to connect production dB so I decided to go with azure database for mysql driver since we have credits on azure. Now my java app is pissing itself over ssl handshake. I generate my keystore and add it and now java socket just times out. I want to pummel somebody or a punching bag that looks like my boss.15
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When you dev in Chrome and the UI looks perfect, but the client reports a style issue in IE/Firefox and you are forced to use the dev tools in these browsers to try to solve the issue. I need another coffee2
-
Had coffee in the late evening.
And can’t fall asleep till now.
Browsed fb for abit.
Saw someone shared some scary shit.
Shook to the core.
Opened dev rant.
Heart felt almost instantly at ease.
Thank u Devrant 😭2 -
A frontend dev asked for my assistance in writing a tricky helper function, told him i'd be back in 5, as I was just heading out the door for a cup of coffee.
Came back a little later, maybe 10 minutes instead of 5, and he says:
"Nevermind, I solved it by installing plugin XYZ v4"
Checked out the codebase for said plugin afterwards, and discovers it's around ~30MB of code, and adds a shit ton of "premium version" ads to the backend.
YOU FUCKING TWATFACE! YOUR LAZY FUCKTRUMPET ASS COULDN'T WAIT 5 MORE MINUTES?!!
I NOW HAVE THE MISFORTUNE OF REWRITING YOUR ABYSMAL DISASTER, OR DEAL WITH THIS PIECE OF SHITWARE..4 -
This is what happened today in our dayli:
Lead: We need to profile our software
Me: You can use the chrome devtools as remote profiler, even on prod, or make HAR files for later inspection.
Lead: Yeah but no that’s just collecting data on every tick, we need something like “has been called x times”
Me: Yeah but you can filt -
Lead: Yeah no, so back when I wrote code in Delphi...
Me: *oh god no not this again*
Lead: ... We could have clicked a button in our IDE and it would wrap the function call with the API call to profile that function ...
Me, to the secret dev group in slack: doesn’t a simple method decorator and node performance api help with that?
The people in the group: We had this topic last Friday all day...
Me: oh well *get’s coffee and ignores lead*3 -
This morning, I felt pretty good. I had a healthy breakfast and I took the longer U-bahn journey into work so as to enjoy the Autumn scenery. I get to my desk after greeting my colleagues with the customary "Guten Morgen" and I began to plan my work for the day. I see there is a new ticket assigned to me which relates to a HTML issue. The customer support team are able to use a HTML editor to made changes to a section of a user's dashboard and from time to time, I get asked to fix their mistakes. Usually, it is something small, but it makes me cringe every time I see the markup. "Tables...tables everywhere!!!", sighed the once happy dev.
Time for a coffee break and a sit-down with the support team3 -
Start-up I'm working for as a front-end dev is pretty nice. I have good hardware, free coffee and my coworkers are all decent people. My boss is chill, and I have flexible work hours.
There is this one policy for writing code, however. And I simply cannot understand it, nor can I ignore it because of code reviews: no comments in production code.
I mean, what? Why? Comments are nice, and they make life easier for the future maintainers. At least let me put a small two-liner explaining why I did stuff this or that way. But no, I only get to explain it verbally (once) to the person reviewing my PR. Why, man?9 -
Today was a good day, (day 4 of my junior dev career) I met the only other female Dev in the company , great stuff
And I'm starting to see how well I fit into the company. The only hot drinks options are coffee and green tea- exactly the only hot things I drink 😂(I think they all hacked me and made the work exactly the way I'd like it hm)3 -
> Reading closely the percona-toolkit docs
> Reach for a coffee mug for a nice sip of the dev juice
> Take a sip...
> ... of air - there was no coffee left
The morning is ruined now.5 -
I have adhd and anxiety which means I cant smoke, drink coffee or drink alcohol because that fucks up my sleep and short term and long term memory badly for few days in a row. ADD symptoms become unmanageable. Fuck my life. I guess I will have to cut all stimulants if I want to be abe to function as a decent dev. I will have to cut most of my social circle because they wont understand me not going out for drinks... Fuck my life....14
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My internship is about to end in two months. I was under the impression that I'll start looking for a job towards mid August and then decide what to do. I didn't expect my company to offer me a position so early before my internship ended.
Initially I had liked the place. The work was pretty relaxed and I had quite a bit of freedom. Soon enough, I proved my worth and my team started respecting my opinions and suggestions. They even consulted me on multiple occasions.
The first thing I noticed on the downside was the company, despite being resourceful enough and having a decent turnover and important clients, was quite stingy in terms of employee welfare. There was no coffee. There was machine but you had to buy the capsule for yourself. And that sucks. I know I don't need to say more but the other problems were there was no enterprise subscription (or any subscription) to PhpStorm even though our team handled so many PHP projects. I know IDEs are personal preferences but not having any professional IDEs is not something to let slide. The lead dev uses NetBeans (and not because he loved it or anything). Even though I worked on WebDev and front end, I had no option to ask for a second screen. I had one display apart from my laptop. Usually most companies in Paris provides food tickets for internships and this company did not even give me that. And worst of all, there wasn't really anyone I looked up to. As much as I enjoy responsibilities and all, I don't think I should be in an environment where I have nothing much to learn from my seniors. For some fucked sense of security and certainty, I was willing to overlook all this when they offered me a position. But I recently had my interview and the regional manager, a fuck face who still makes me wonder how he reached his position, made a proposal for some quite a small amount of salary. What infuriated more than his justifications was his attitude itself. There was absolutely no respect whatsoever. It was more like "We'll give you this, I think this is more than enough for you. Take it or do whatever you want". I asked for more and he didn't even bother negotiating. I declined the offer.
Now this would have solved all the issues. But my manager and my lead dev like me a lot. Both of them are pretty nice people. They both were bothered with the fact that I had turned down the offer. My manager even agreed that the offer was too low and had already given me tips to help me negotiate. But after I turned down the offer, she went and discussed the issue with the regional manager and he offered me a new proposal. This time it was decent but still under my expectations. I'm pretty sure I can do better elsewhere. I said I need time to think about it. I get multiple advises from people to take it atleast so that I get my visa converted to a work permit. For some reason, I want to take the risk and say no. And find something else. But today my lead dev called me aside and asked me if was going to say no. He really tried to influence me by telling me a lot of good things about me and telling me about the number of different projects we're going to start next month and all that. Even though I'm fully convinced that I don't want to work here, just the sheer act of saying no to these two people I respect is sooo fucking difficult for me that I can already imagine me working here for the next one year. The worst part is I can clearly classify their words and sentences into stuff they say to canvass me, stuff they're bullshitting about and flattery just to make me stay. Despite knowing I'm being taken advantage of, some fucked up module in my head wouldn't stop guilt tripping me. I don't know what to do. If I only I could find a really better job.
Pardon the grammatical errors if any. I'm just venting out and my thoughts branch in 500 different ways simultaneously.5 -
Dev goals for 2018? Oh my..
#1: Never have to post my own question on Stack Overflow.
#2: Stop fixing everyone's computer for free.
#3: Stop coding while intoxicated (at home worry - don't worry ;)
#4: More side projects.
and..
#5: Buy more coffee varieties 😂😂😍 -
!Dev
Sitting in a bus on 19 hour ride with my class to England a few things to rant about came to my mind:
Why the fuck do you have to blast shitty german rap music out of your fucking JBL boxes and why do you have to turn up the volume so much that I can still hear it although I am wearing headphones, listening to music and sitting 5 fucking rows in front of you.
Also why the fuck do clocks in buses never display the right time? How hard can it be to make the clock display the right fucking time?
Another thing: why does this bus which is especially made for long rides not have a fucking trash can?! Seriously wtf?
Rants aside I am really looking forward to staying in England for a week although I won't have a computer for the next week :(
Another thing: why the fuck is the coffee you get at pull-ins so fucking disgusting ?
Like srsly, it is made by a machine and still tastes like thrown-up.
And why the fuck does everyone look weirdly at you when you buy a can of red bull but everything is fine when someone my age drinks 3+ liters of beer and then throws up? What the fuck? People look at me weirdly when I tell them that I don't drink any alcohol, heck I am actually not even allowed to do so because I am 15 and not 16 (beer is allowed in Germany if you are 16+ but nobody really cares about that). Heck where I am from they even encourage you to drink beer? What the fuck??!!
Anyway looking forward to England and also sorry about the long non-dev related rant. Just had to rant about some people and society.
P.S. do you know any (preferably free) Android apps / games where you have to code or just solve problems with logic?14 -
Yesterday, I started a new job yesterday (yay!), and all of us new employees have gotten a laptop and a docking station.
Today, I was standing by the coffee machine, chatting with a fellow dev about different kinds of automation and efficiency techniques , when he suggested swapping-out coffee for caffeine pills, as a means to promote efficiency.
I immediately suggested we use the mouse as a docking station through which caffeine is pumped directly into the bloodstream, as a means to promote automation :)1 -
Have been working on my project recently, bug fixing, aws configuring, containing the app, etc, etc. I've been sleeping close to 5hrs on average per day, juggling college finals, work, training and project labour, my activity here has been minimal but I figured some people might be going through the same and I wanted to share my last resource dev weapon...the jet fuel of dev fuels imo...DW coffee
I strongly recommend to use it in dire times (not a promo this thing got me through 13 hours of coding straight)6 -
just woke up in the middle of the night dreaming of merging some branches after working a 16 hour shift straight because my company is too fucking broke to hire another freakin' dev...
well fuck it who needs sleep at all! let's get some coffee...undefined coffee to the rescue no sleep oh god why cheap ass company shitty monolithic java crap fml pls stahp2 -
Before I decided to switch careers (PM to Dev) I would drink coffee, black, sometimes with 2+ shots of espresso on those nasty days...
It's been 18 months into this transition and I find that by about 9AM a strong dark coffee with 1+ shots of whiskey is required on any day...
No regrets on the switch, Just didn't see that coming is all...3 -
!dev
At my current work (sports wear bla bla bla) we recently had couple of brands come by (136people) and had a presentation. One of the market lead peps stood and talked about future plans and projects in the following:
👨🏻💼MarketGuy: "we want to improve the e-shop service and direct booking system. Think about it, AI, machine learning and deep network, these are all out there and we should consider working with it!"
👨🏻Me: ... *Thinking* "buzzwords, buzzwords everywhere.. dude you don't even know how to excel..
👨🏻💼: *Continues babbling about website, Blockchain and AI together with sportswear and the future of working together*
MAH GAAAD (┛◉Д◉)┛彡┻━┻
I need a coffee.. ☕2 -
Emergancy carepackage for tough dev days.
- Coffee
- Music
- Dank memes
- And of course: Devrant, to Dev vent my frustration. 😉 -
I made my passion my job, programming servers & web dev. Although it has been productive economically it has sucked the fun out of programming servers for me...so as a way to rediscover my passion I'm giving game dev a try. After a couple of weekends playing with a game engine this is what I've got, a monkey dev with a suit that jumps from project cabinet to project cabinet avoiding hazards, drinking coffee and trying to make some money (someone told me I should express myself and I took that personally).
I'm pretty much done but the hazard placeholders (a box and an arrow) don't convince me so I wanted to see if my fellow disenfranchised developers had some ideas of what my developer should be avoiding/being hit by, preferably something I could draw easily since as you can see I'm not much of an artist although I've also though of just words falling like "deadline" or something.
Anyway any feedback is welcome, take it ez I've never drawn anything more than a stickman and this is my first attempt at something playable. Small Rant plus question. Happy Monday.13 -
The craziest thing happened today
I havemy environment studies test today so spent the last night studying so now even after 3 cups of coffee everything feels like third person. So in the metro i am browsing dev rant and so zoned that i miss my stop by three stops!!
Guess climate change is indeed affecting ourselves -
!dev
Jesus Christ, if the cucks at this company don't start cleaning the coffee machine them-fucking-selves, I'm going to flip my shit.
There's been a chalk warning for about a month now and nobody is doing shit about it.
They leave the excess coffee powder in until either I clean it out or it literally starts to mold.
And it's not like they don't use it, everybody here drinks at least two cups a day, do you not care if it tastes at least a little all right!?
Nobody is ever going to get even a half decent cup out of this janky piece of shit.8 -
Just relocated to work in stockholm to work as android dev. Any devs out here who would like to meet up have some coffee or a beer and teach me the swedish ways? :D1
-
So I do not get why people use ReactJS. I hate it. for 3 years passionately. And I have to work with it every day.
- one-way data binding
this makes you write twice as much code, which will have twice as much bugs, you need to read through twice as much code from other devs.
- mixing html and JS
after all I like to pour my coffee on my omlette so I can eat and drink at the same time in the morning. This kills productivity and ugly AF
- not unified
Every dev uses their own special snowflake framework with React there is no unified way of doing things and you cannot use your familiar tools. Every project you need to start over from zero.
- Bugs bugs bugs
infinite loops, max update depth reached, key not present on list element. Let me ask you something dear ReactJS. If you know that there should be a unique key on that element. Why cannot you just put it there and shut the f up?
- works reeaally slow when compiled with TS
ReactJS was never designed to work with TS and now the tools for it are really slow. And why TS? Explicit contract is always better than an implicit contract. TS helps you in coding time, but for some reason React devs decided to worth 3 seconds to wait for compile and then realize you mad an error. ReactJS is bad and inefficient so stop making projects with it please.9 -
!dev maybe... PSA.... just need to rant...
So I've been damaging my teeth all this time without even knowing it...
Apparently coffee is acidic.... Fck.... And also sugars.... And bread and dairy...
So the problem is not actually plaque.... Just brushing teeth don't help...
Why the fck did no dentist ever say that.... All they say it's brush and floss more....
https://triangledentistry.com/how-s...22 -
*Developer working from home*
Dev -- Make me some coffee
Wife -- *no response*
Dev -- sudo make me some coffee
Wife -- It's not gonna work on me !!!4 -
I’d been working event based and freelance jobs in the security and entertainment fields for years, with odd stints as a bartender sprinkled in. My pay was mostly decent, but I had no job security, and I was more on the road than at home. A few years before this job search experience I had already realised I can’t continue on this path for ever, especially if I ever want a serious relationship (e.g. 16 weeks straight touring Europe with on avg. 16h work days pretty much every day isn’t ideal in that regard, and also really though on both body and mind). So I decided to study. As I applied in autumn, not every line of study accepted students. The closest to my interest I found was BBA in Business IT.
Fast forward 1,5 years. After moving away from my previous base due to then-gfs studies, I had also been able to accept less work. Well, there were really two reasons: I didn’t want to go on weeks long big tours anymore, and I’d had to price up on my freelance job due to reasons. I still managed to keep our household going, but not knowing when the next paycheck would be available was becoming a little too stressful. I wanted job security. So a few weeks after my wedding I scoured the internetz for positions I could apply to, and applied to a dozen or so places. They were a variety of positions I had a vague understanding of from what I’d learned at UAS: from sales to data analytics to dev… I was aware pretty much all of the applications were a long shot by best, so I expected to be ghosted…
Two of the organizations I applied to wanted to go forward with me. Both dev jobs. I can’t even remember the specifics of the other one anymore, but I do remember the interview: I got in to their office (which was ridiculously open), and got marched into a tiny conference room. The interviewer was passive-aggressive and really bombarded me with questions, not really leaving a socially awkward introvert with any time to answer. I started to get really anxious and twitchy, sweating like a pig. Just wanted out. But nooo, they wanted me to do a coding test live. So they sat me on a computer with Eclipse open, gave me an assignment and told me not to use the internet. What’s even worse is that I could literally feel the interviewer breathing down my neck when I tried to do the test. Well, didn’t happen cause I was under so much pressure that I couldn’t think at all… yeah, that was horrible.
Anyhow, the other position I really applied to because it was in my hometown and I recognised the company name from legendary commercials from the 90s - everyone in this country who watched TV in mid-to-late 90s remembers those. Anyway, to my surprise, my present day manager contacted me and wanted me to do a coding test. At the time he asked I was having a bout of fevers after fevers, not really able to get healthy. I told him that I’d do it as soon as I’m healthy. A month went by, maybe more. He asked again. Again I replied that as soon as I get healthy, but promised to do it next week the latest. I didn’t deliver on that, but the next week after that, even if I was the most feverish I had been, I did the tests. I could only finish half of them, cause I couldn’t look at a screen for long at a time and had to visit the loo every 10min or so, but apparently that was enough. Next week I was already going to the interview… oh I also googled what is PHP on the way there, since it was mentioned as a requirement and I had no idea what it was. Imagine that…
The interview itself couldn’t have been more different from the other one. We were sitting in a nice conference room with my manager and the product’s lead dev, drinking coffee, our feet on the table and talking smack. Oh, and we did play a game of NHL<insertNumber> on PS4 during the interview… it was relaxed. Of course the more serious chat was there, too, but I can only really remember how relaxed it was. When I left the interview, I had been promised the position and that I would be sent the contract to be signed as soon as the CEO had reviewed and approved it. Next day, I had signed it and some time later I started at my current job (I gave a date when I was available to start, since there was a tour still agreed upon between the interview and the start).
Oh, and the job’s pretty much like the interview. Relaxed. It’s a good place to be in, even though the pay could be better (I regularly get offers for junior positions with more pay, and mid level positions with double the pay). I do value a pleasant working environment and the absence of stress more than big munny, what can I say?1 -
I like a Product Manager/Owner/CTO who invites coffee when a dev burnout. This is not a story, a hope seems to be.2
-
Soooo
I'm a fresh out-of-college CS grad (in his early twenties) working at a small scale startup and the people in my Engineering team are at least 10 years elder to me. (this is my first job out of school -- ignoring the internships and such)
I have a tough time making friends with them and an even tougher time making conversation which I think is hurting my communication skills in a harmful way.
Don't get me wrong.. because they are so highly experienced engineers, I get to learn a lot more a lot faster and I love that part but I just feel like I don't laugh or talk enough at my office (otherwise, people have to tell me to shut up).
I mean when everyone is not plugged in with headphones and cranking the keyboards, they talk about their wives, kids, and stuff that I have no relation to. Like I know a lot about childbirth and car seats but except being shocked etc., I often don't have much to add to the conversation.
Also, on top of this, after looking at the sorry condition of people throughout my undergrad and my internships, I had decided to not get into the habit of drinking coffee. So, when they go on coffee breaks etc. they don't ask me if I want to come along and the times that I kind of forced myself to come along turned out to be kind of awkward and not something I'd wanna experience again.
What do you recommend? Understand that I absolutely love my job and I love learning so much around such intelligent people but I don't have fun at work. Is this Dev life or am I missing something?
Do you have any recommendations or similar stories of how you overcame this problem?5 -
"The Perils of Overzealous Code Commenting"
In the land of code, where bugs roam free,
There lived a developer, a comment enthusiast, you see.
Their code was a masterpiece, a work of art,
But the comments? Oh, they took it too far!
For every line of code, a comment did appear,
Explaining the obvious with a touch of fear.
Their obsession with comments, though well-intentioned,
Left fellow developers scratching their heads, bewildered and pensioned.5 -
Is the office dead in the dev world? Does everyone prefer to work remote from home, coffee shops or Coworking spaces? Or is there still value in working as a team irl, but modern office culture is killing it?24
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Monday morning server dmesg error before coffee be like : Buffer I/O error on dev sdb ...
Before my coffee...
Oh I am surely being tested here ... -
Well, this happens time to time...
I'm freelancing as a backend guy. I like to take care of all infrastructure before really starting to build anything, this mostly includes dev/staging/prod environments with some linear promotion strategy. So.. I did this API. Still on staging, proceeding with the development as planned, everything goes according the timeline.
And then.. this happens... At some point PM told frontend guy that it's time for production (without notifying me), so the frontend guy does what "anyone" would do in this case - tells PM to create DNS record for production to point to staging app.
Time passes, I'm still unaware of this. But I'm starting to see some quality entries in the DB, not the usual QA crap. I write to them that they're doing good job and continue with my tasks.
One of the tasks required some major DB change. I could've written migrations script, but since we're not in "production" yet, I just wipe the DB and recreate schema as I need it.
In 10 minutes the furious PM starts shouting that "production" is down and I need to fix it ASAP.
I'm lost, I'm asking questions, I'm slowly understanding what's happening...
So I want to grab some coffee, sat back down, wrote politely that they suck, added a finger emoji and terminated the contract.
Felt like the right thing to do as I definitely don't want to continue within the same "team".1 -
So in my company there few small teams all with lead devs. One team is leaded by a girl who changed her profession. She's good at architecture/Dev stuff. But one thing she's terrible at is her leading role. She won't confront any bad behavior, she won't ask about any problem with the tasks. She won't ask her tram how long will the tasks take, so she puts her own valuations.
But the killer is she's whining everyday to the management about her team members. That they didn't do their tasks/don't want to cooperate. Never looking in the eyes even when she whines about a person in the same room.
Another thing is that our CTO is always doing her leading job, confronting team members, giving them reprimends. She lost all her authority by this. Nobody respects her. And after a slight note about her behavior you just gonna get a big talk with CTO and nothing will change.
Another thing is that, she Nevers connect with her team. Don't talk together, won't go with them for the coffee, never at the integration parties.
That CTO connection is another topic...
Oh and I'm by the next month I'm gonna be throwed into her team, so wish me luck...1 -
Best part of being a dev? Converting coffee into code. ☕
Worst part? Dealing with others' shitty code everyday.1 -
rant/!rant
So I just started working at the beginning of January and I have no fucking clue about anything especially Web development.
But now I have a week to figure out how in the world I am going set up a workflow for some secretaries so that the higher ups get a printed coupon with a password on it, so they can log into our WLAN via a captive portal that I also need to set up.
I am thinking about a website that takes a list of names and settings (probably excel or smt) passes them to the WiFi management softwares API and then generates some PDF file for download that just needs to get printed.
Did I mention that I have no Dev tools (I have notepad, yeah the one without ++), no test environment, no prior experience and no clue how to do it?
But somehow I love this challenge and am glad that my colleagues don't send me to get coffee but let me work.
Am I insane?4 -
!dev
I need to stop buying things...
I just bought a Keurig and some coffee because it was on sale for Cyber Monday...
And well I've been buying other discretionary things like crazy for the last few months... including lots of cakes and chocolates...
Which prolly adds up to over $500 in 3 months...
Damn should've gotten a new credit card... All that spending would've gotten me $150 back... -
I work as part of a small international team in a big corp , we work product quality of sorts but work closer to dev than qa , last week we found several giant issues and reported them in . Dev and Qa teams of said project are Indians . Meeting starts , two of my colleagues are indian as well , so dev , qa and all the other involved parties from india decided they should join in from the same conference room . My manager(he's a brit) presents the issues . Dev manager starts talking , qa manager talks over him , they start to formally yell at one another . One of them (couldn't figure out which one) started asking my two colleagues which one of them found these issues . At this point I had already passed a headphone to my ex-colleague who still sits next to me , he looks at me when he hears the question . I panic . Colleagues say they don't know (*phu* I didn't CC them in emails and my manager didn't tell them ) . My manager tells them to calm down , take responsibility and find solutions else he'll veto the product back into fullblown development . Other managers start growling and fighting again (more than 10 people were in the same room arguing) me and my ex-colleague decide to go take a coffee since I didn't have a saying in the meeting . We get back 10 minutes later , indians are still arguing over my manager trying to explain the issues a 4th time . I IM my manager and ask to drop the meeting , he gave me the ok and I dropped out, my head was hurting after an hour long meeting of angry indians arguing in a conference room and it kept hurting the whole day...yeah...meetings...fun time...
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Class normal people:
Def good day:
"Manager was out, had great lunch, got a. special someone's number, successfully avoided traffic, got in special someone's pants"
Def bad day:
"Stubbed toe this morning, rained all day, broke up w. special someone, sat in traffic for 2 hrs"
Class software dev:
Def good day:
"Wrote lots of working code, little to no bugs, checked in no-probs, ahead od schedule for ship, extra time for ping-pong!"
Def bad day:
"Somone fucked up the latest build, coffee machine's broken, ran out of adderall, manager on everyone's @$$ for a fix, 5 hrs later...no fix, no blames, no coffee, board meeting; fml" -
Coworker during standup this morning: yeah i couldn't work saturday on the project because of VPN problems but i'll stay longer today.
Scrum master goes home.
Coworker, literally 8:10 hours later. Goes home.
He bugfixed another project for an hour and told me i had to work on this project instead of helping another client.
Meanwhile he's bragging about all the experience he has and telling he wants to be the lead dev.
I thought he started early but nope. First drank coffee for another 15 minutes.2 -
I like nerdy and cool coffee mugs. Comment with your favorites—bonus points for pictures! My best one right now is a Fermilab mug. Looking to buy a new dev-related mug!
(If only there was a devRant mug...)2 -
Went networking the other day at an event was super hangry but somehow it worked out for me?
Me: *interjects on someone else* i heard you need a dev, im full stack, lets get coffee and talk later
Them: i feel compelled, heres my buisness card, yes i would like coffee with you in a week -
The worst part about being a dev is having to deal with resource allocation of two hands, three keyboards, two mice 😂and a coffee all throughout life1
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How I know I need coffee?
(1) fire up "npm run webpack-dev"
(2) Debug webpack config settings for 30 minutes wondering why it can't rebuild scripts
(3) Realize you ran it on the ~/projects/me/release folder and not ~/project/me/dev-latest folder. -
after a long days work coming out of my dev cave at 11:00 pm. ... I gotta get some sleep....
ZZZZZz
3:00AM Wide awake can't sleep any more thinking about all the shit I still have to get done!!!!!
Okay up and coding again by 3:30 with coffee.
4 hrs sleep okay lets do this all over again:(
Who else feels like they live in a while loop:)1 -
So basically I joined this new android dev job 3 months ago. I did android dev for 2.5 years and then had a gap of 1.5 years where I did game development so Im comming back into android dev as "junior" however Im tryharding to prove myself and reach mid level as fast as I can.
I had it planned like this from the beginning: original plan was to do really good during probation period so I could ask for a raise (which I did). Now while Im waiting for answer (which will take 2-3 weeks) I need to keep the show going so I am sacrificing evenings to accomplish goals. I ham going to these teambuildings, I am volunteering in this job fair event and Im joining bars with the not-so-social devs 1-2 times a week just to "fit in" and be noticed. After getting a raise I plan to take it down a notch and somehow relax....
During the usual work week I rely on stimulants (coffee/cigarettes/concerta) to get me through the days and then I use xanax or alcohol to relax. Worst part is that I am totally drained exhausted after long working week. I dont want to go out with my girlfriend. My libido is at its lowest and we do it maybe max 2 times a week and it feels like a chore to me. It feels like I exist only for this job and only to please everyone around me and it drains me out completely.
I feel like I am burned out. I wish I could just quit this job and run away somwhere warm for 6 months to chill alone and take it easy and recover but I cant. Im stuck in a trap. I have to pay off mortgage, I have to pay off bills. I am approaching 30's soon and I became fat and balding, I want to loose weight, I wanna get a hair transplant to at least enjoy my 30's properly. Im only 28 but I already have a lot of grey hair just because of immense ammounts of stress I have to deal daily because of my ADHD and anxiety. Also my gf is kinda dissapointed that I havent proposed her in 3 years of our relationship. I feel so much pressure and obligations to the point where I feel that theres no point in living if I just exist for the needs of others. I cant imagine getting married and having a child now - life is already complicated chaotic mess as it is.
I dont't know why I throw myself 150% at projects and hyperfocus so much to the point where it becomes my priority in life? Am I compensating for my lack of executive functions by throwing lots of effort and care in hopes that I will be validated? How to learn to take it easy instead of always thinking that what Im doing is not enough?
It's not even the problem of this job. Its just me. I had my own company for 2 years and I was dealing with same burnout problems...2 -
Bonus semi dev related sin:
Unless it's piping hot I'll leave my coffee to get cold and then drink it. -
Best part of being a dev?
Knowing that given enough time, you could essentially get your computer to do anything you want; and if it doesn't, it's because you made a mistake somewhere and not because it just didn't want to!
Before my dev days (when I wasn't allowed to install any software) wrote an excel macro that would email a colleague with a coffee request after someone challenged me saying I couldn't get the computer to make me coffee, hehe...2 -
Okay so there's lots of posts regarding coffee... I don't actually drink coffee, does this mean I can't be a dev anymore?6
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I work in a small team. As the senior dev I tens to focus on important tasks that shape the core of the product but some times I can’t divide my self when there are multiple tasks at hand, so I pass some tasks to the an other mid level dev.
So the task was to create an automation in order to CD (continuously deliver) an order from WHMCS of the (git versioned) product to customers UAT, PROD envs.
To get a background this is an old guy with “constricted” experience in PHP/jQuery/Joomla/Wordpress.
So when we were breaking up the tasks he told me he would like to implement this so i gave him the task as i was busy with core features.
I was like what could go wrong? I know he doesn’t know much about CI/CD but he can read right? He will google right? He will search for CI/CD solutions that do this out of the box right? He will design on paper or what ever and do small POCs right? He will design the flow first before starting the implementation right? RIGHT?
So fast forward to today I had a call with him this morning about some DB staff. And he wanted to show me his progress…
His solution is:
(parentheses is my brain)
1. Customer completes WHMCS order (perfect)
2. Web Hook 🪝 action (YES)
3. cpanel gets source and “automatic!” Init, all using pure PHP code ignoring the usage of the current framework (ok… something is missing)
4. cpanel web hooks(?) WHMCS to send email to customer with the envs initial setup page(?)
5. Customer opens link and adds setup info (ok fuck, fuck, fuck)
(Ok stay cool composed, lets ask some questions maybe he thought it all in a cool way I can’t get my mind around)
Me: So how are you gonna get the correct version from the repo to the env and init the correct schema?
Dev: I haven’t thought about it yet.
Me: Are we gonna save each version to a file system then your code is going to fetch them?
Dev: I haven’t really thought about it we will see. But look on customer init user setup I implemented a password strength validation and it also checks if the password is the same.
So after this Pokémon encounter I politely closed teams. Stood up drank some (a lot) coffee ☕️. Put out the washed laundry while reflecting on life’s good things, while listening to classical music 🎼 .
Then I sat on my office chair drank some more coffee, put some linking park starting with in that order:
“Numb” then “What I’ve Done” and ended with “In the end, it does really fucking matter” -
I can't choose just one so here are my favorite desk things...
In order of appearance:
Coffee, because no dev can dev without.
Mini whiteboards, (one on each side), makes for easy quick notes and helps me organize my thoughts.
Legos, specifically #4070 because of its intriguing geometrics. Tearing them apart and making different shapes helps me think through problems.
Code keyboard, pure excellence.
Logitech MX master mouse, same as above.2 -
Hi devRant. Wanna rant with some shit about my company. First some good parts. I work in company with 600+ employees. It's one of the best companies in my region. They provide you with any kind of sweets(cookies, coffee, tea, etc), any hardware you need for your work (additional monitor, more ram, SSDs, processor, graphics card, whatever), just about everything you need to make your work faster/comfortable. Then, we have regular reviews (every 6 months), which rise salary from $0.75 to $1.5 per hour. (I live in poor country, where $15 per hour makes your more solvent then 70% of people, so having 100-200 bucks increase every half year is quite good rise).
The resulting increase of review depends on how team leader and project manager are satisfied with my work. And here starts the interesting (e.g. the shit comes in).
1) Seniority level in our company applies depending on the salary you have. That't right. It does not depend on your skill. Except the case when you're applying to vacancy. So if you tell that you're senior dev and prove it during interview, you'll have senior's salary. This is fine if you're just want money. But not if you love programming (as me) because of reasons bellow.
2) You don't need to have lots of programming experience to be a team leader. You can even be a junior team leader (but thanks god, on research projects only). You start from leading research projects and than move to billable if the director of research department is satisfied with your leading skills.
As a consequence our seniors are dumb AF. This pieces me off the most. Not all of them. A would say half of them are real pro guys, but the rest suck at programming (as for a senior). They are around junior/middle level.
I can understand if guy has $15 rate but still remains junior dev. That's fine. But hell no, he is treated as a middle, because his rate is $10+ now! And his mind has priority over middles and juniors. Not that junior have lof of good tougths but sometimes they do.
I'm lucky to work yet on small project so I'm the only dev, and so to speak TL for myself. But my colleague has this kind of senior team leader who is dumb AF. They work on ASP.NET Core project, the senior does not even know how to properly write generic constraints in C#. Seriously.
Just look at this shit. Instead of
MyClass<T> where T: class {}
he does this:
abstract class EnsureClass {}
MyClass<T> where T: EnsureClass {}
He writes empty abstract class, forces other classes to inherit it (thus, wasting the ability to inherit some useful class) just to ensure that generic T is a class. What thA FUCK is wrong with you dude?! You're a senior dev and you don't even know the language you're codding in.
And this shit is all over the company. Every monkey that had enough skill just to not be fired and enough patience to work 4-5 years becomes a senior! No-fucking-body cares and reviews your skill increase. The whole review is about department director asking TL and PM question like "how is this guy doing? is he OK or we should fire him?" That's the whole review. If TL does not like you, he can leave bad review and the company will set you on trial. If you confront TL during this period, pack your suitcase. Two cases of such shit I know personally. A good skilled guy could not just find common language with his TL and got fired. And the cherry on top of the case is that thay don't care about the fired dev's mind. They will only listen to reviewer. This is just absurd and just boils me down.
That's all i wanted to say. Thanks for your attention. -
!rant
There is an applicant for a dev position coming in today for an interview and a short coding exam. I'm looking forward to walking by the meeting room while they are doing the exam and seeing the anxiety on their face while I give a completely useless thumbs up.
Hmm...code compiled. I've earned a coffee break. -
me: wanting a clean table to work, the less stuff the better, best would be a single notebook and nothing else
also me: backend dev, so 3 monitors, extern keyboard and mouse, some documentation papers and oh where is this cup coffee of last week coming from? -
A dev needs 2 things to produce a great product: Time and Coffee. If there's not enough time, add more coffee. If there's a lot of it then lessen the coffee. 😏
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!rant !dev
So, following up my last rant.
https://devrant.com/rants/2433162
I quit on Friday, this is what I said to my bosses.
"In the last week I had, 2 panic attacks, and I have 2 theories for this, one is that I have underlying psychological problems, the other theory is that we are under an impossible task, I choose to say now that I have to quit because I have psychological issues, but if you are willing to hear my other theory, that involves saying that meeting the deadline is not viable, then I can tell you that, so do want to listen that part?.
Bosses: No, we heard enough, we are going to have your contract terminated in order, and we will let you know when you can come and pick your paycheck."
So, that's them. Now about me and how I re-discovered GTD, or more precisely how I organized my whole weekend using taskwarrior with GTD, and why I think is going to be useful as a freelancer.
Before I feel good about telling you about my weekend I have to tell you a few things about myself.
I am a very impulsive person, I have a lot of energy in short surges, so I have to be able to maximize my activity when I'm in a surge, and I have to maximize my rest when I am not.
That's hard to do, it requires a balanced lifestyle, I am also very prone to being neurotic, and overwhelmed by the amount of stuff that I want to do.
And on top of that, when I am resting, I have surges of things that I want to have, do, or implement, it could be software related, as "Doing an app that will be the Uber of home services", to house improvements like, "I have to fix that leaking roof", and all the sort of stuff that happens in between hardware and software. That surge of consciousness doesn't allow me to have the proper rest that I need before I engage with activities again.
Because of this I have a very cyclic rhythm, with whole weeks burning my energy into doing stuff, and weeks resting doing very little and thinking too much.
Now about my weekend. Friday night I was browsing the web, and a thought came to my head. "The way you use your terminal, says a lot about your personality", and I got curious, so I searched for, "Show me your terminal", and found a post in dev.to to see all kind of nice terminal setups, from the very minimalist to very feature rich oh-my-zsh themes with plugins for git, aws and what not. One of these pictures really got my attention, a guy had set up his terminal to show him, how many task has he done in the day, and how many cups of coffee has he had.
So by investigating how he set up his terminal to show in the prompt the number of successfully completed tasks in the day, I found out that he was using taskwarrior, he was also kind enough to share the source code of his prompt setup, which I bookmarked to later incorporate that into my oh-my-zsh config.
After reading about taskwarrior, I also got a reference to GTD, I don't remember if this was one of those thoughts that I have and follow immediately, or if I read something that led me to a YouTube video summarizing GTD.
In the end, after watching that GTD video, I decided to give it a try to organize my life, and help me find a remote job, keep my house in order, plan my social activities as "hang out with friends", "visit mom and dad", and give the proper amount of attention to my GF, with whom I am deeply in love, and willing to spend the remaining of my years with her.
So my fist task was.
task add Ask for GF's parents blessing.
Which of course I have no intention of doing right now, but is one of the things that I will eventually have to do.
Then it started, I started adding tasks, and things to do, and go through the whole Capture phase of GTD.
Now it is a good time to write a small summary of what I think GTD is.
GTD is a life habit of organizing your life in todo-lists. And it was a very specific core method, that in the video summary that I watched was called CPR.
Capture, Process and Review.
Capture:
When you capture you just add your tasks to a bucket list.
So I took a notebook and started writing down everything that I wanted to have done. I also started to capture ideas as they came up to me, I did this by writing a telegram saved message in my phone, or directly adding it as a task in TW.
Process:
I read my telegram messages and put them into my task warrior list, then I started to organize my tasks into projects, breaking down every task that was not an atomic unit.
* And different projects started to emerge from this. One of them was project:Housekeeping.
And here's my screenshot of what I did this weekend, also the number of projects that I have, and all the things that I have to do in order to have what I think would be a very balanced, fun, and productive life.
You'll be able to see in the screenshot, that there's a blocked task, yes, tw allows you to organize dependencies too, so one task is delegated, and blocked by the delegation task.1 -
When i discuss about coffee (js) with my dev friends and some other gags be like order one for me.
My reaction -
Open Ye Olde Dev Shoppe, where we hand-code artisian programs that AI could make, except slower, and for twice the price. And where we also serve coffee made by a human barista.