I accidentally sent my bachelor thesis to the 3D-printer. It printed a big peace of shit.

A: you need to learn how to figure out stuff yourself.

B: how do i do that

!rant

Does anyone of you know LOLCODE?
If not let me present you a simple program that displays the numbers 1-11 and terminates:

HAI 1.2
CAN HAS STDIO?
I HAS A VAR
IM IN YR LOOP
UP VAR!!1
VISIBLE VAR
IZ VAR BIGGER THAN 10? KTHX
IM OUTTA YR LOOP
KTHXBYE

You gotta love the okay thanks bye as termination :D
Check it out on GitHub

$('body').append('<noscript>Please enable javascript in your browser to enjoy all web features.</noscript>');

A saw it this morning. Now i can die.

Designer: Can you hide scrollbar and still make web scrollable?
I: Sure.
Designer: Ok fine, i'll do that in next design.
I: Wait, how users will know the web has more content?
Designer: I'll put the mouse icon on the bottom.
I: It is not good idea. People can overlook it.
Designer: It will be fine.
I: I strongly recommend to you not to do it.
Designer: Why?
I: Confusion besides other reasons.
Designer: If you can do it, do it.
I: Ok than.

$request->getIP() == 'his_ip' ? 'hide-scrollbar';

He: Hi Lexter, our client made a website on WIX.
Me: And he wants to remake the website due to SEO, shit code, design and all other aspects.
He: How do you know?
Me: Realy?

Client: Hi Johny, we finnaly finished design of our eshop. Half of year of hard work. Can you code it in week? We have deadline. :(
I: Sure, i can code in speed of light.
Client: How about money?
I: Tripple of sallary.
Client: What?
I: My sallary also grow in speed of light.

Some clients can not understand they can't throw shits on my head. Take it, hire someone else or stop giving mi impossible conditions.

He: Honzo, you are great coder, but can you please stop using those sexy anime chicks as placeholder images in your templates?
I: Ups, i forgot replace them.
He: Don't worry, client also enjoy it, but he maybe is only one. He also want to know where you found them.
I: Konachan.com

What can i say, i have exciting work.

If it takes more than five clicks, learn the command line.

I hate these LINUX AND NOTHING ELSE fascists. Why don't you just let people use what they want? And btw: just using Linux doesn't make you a good programmer...

Ok. Yesterday I finished building my compiler I have to say: it was a pretty darn big thing with 7000 Lines of code.

I did it alone and with almost no help.

I wanted to give some advice in case someone wants to program a compiler. I knaw its useless in times of lex and yacc, but anyway.

-have a good idea for the language
-learn about parser/lexer
-learn assembler
-do it like me: output the assembler to a file and let it assemble/link by the linux standart-tools (call the commands)
-Have fun. Fun is essential in coding

I hope I was able to help people who want to build a compiler alone... Yau can always ask questions ;~)
-

Drunken neighbor: Did i piss you?
I: No.
Drunken neighbor: I know i do, but i want a girl. This is my problem.
I: Go find her.
Drunken neighbor: I can't, i'm black.
I: It's not the reason.
Drunken neighbor: It is.
I: Reason si you are dirty, drunken pig.
Drunken neighbor: You are racist!
I: Och, sorry, i forgot. You are dirty, drunken, black pig. One more time you will wake us at 3am i'll call ku klux klan on you so my girlfriend can sleep at night. Now fuck off and let us sleep.

Happy new year.

The WP Gutenberg editor is really amazing. Clients can now fuck up their websites with much less effort. So yeah, IT IS FASTER.

Client: can you filter boats by location?
Me: Let me see... As you know, there are three remote systems that feed data into your database. I'd have to make a connection between the location records. But I can't rely on coordinates, name, ID or anything else. You'd have to manually create those links for me by remote systems records IDs. Telling me that record XY from system A is identical to record YX from system B, etc...
Client: How many records are we talking about?
Me: 504.

Three days later...

Client: Got it, is that enough for you in excel?
Me: Let me see... Very nice work, I can work with that.
Client: I almost died on it!

An hour later...

Me: Got it, test it and let's run it on the production version.
Client: It works beautifully.

A minute later...

Can we filter the ships by ports?
Me: Let me see... Yes, it's theoretically possible, but it's the same situation as with places...
Client: How many records are we talking about?
Me: 12,647.

Skype relayed to me the sound of something heavy falling, something grunting. Something dying.

Girlfriend: How much water did you drink today?
Me: About 3 litres.
Girlfriend: How much of that is coffee?
Me: 5 cups.
Girlfriend: How can you count coffee in that?
Me: Why not?
Girlfriend: It's diuretic.
Me: Yes, but it's still water that goes through my body.
Girlfriend: You're such a smart-ass, huh?
Me: Well, yes, I am.
Girlfriend: So why are you so tired if you think you're drinking enough water? Well?
Me: Never ask a question you don't want to know the answer to.

Girlfriend slammed the door.

So no, women don't want honest men. Guys, lie, lie, lie.

And now I can look at the error message.

I know, i know, maybe i'm just too old and know shit about readability of code. Seizure coming.

"This code really sucks"
"Well it's not that bad"
"But there is a GOTO"
"Oh"

Honzo, can we make this website responzive?

Looking ito code:
position:absolute; position:absolute; position:absolute; position:absolute; position:absolute; position:absolute; position:absolute; position:absolute;

Response: Sure.
Client: Cost?
Me: Much.

I've been healthy since spring. I follow all precautions. Now I've been diagnosed with covid, at Christmas and I feel like shit. I hope I don't lose my taste.

Realy, fuck me...

The pandemic is more serious than I thought. Out of boredom, I started writing a book. Post-apocalyptic sci-fi horror. I have 75 standard pages behind me and I still have something to write.
I guess a lot of people trying to do the same.

Even with something as simple as pagination, it's possible to create a complete accessibility abomination. Dear designer, you've perfected your flat design style.

Fuck you! I'm not coding this.

It's a website about selling solar panels, underfloor heating etc... Not a single piece of design reminds it.

The leaders of the Windows-army:

Major Failures
General Problems
and last but not least...
Kernel Damages

Working with Facebook api is the equivalent of being at a dentist where a dentist is an ivory poacher.

When designer does not care and when coder do care.

Hi Lexter, we bought a template and we need....
---
Instant job rejection.

I have quite a few of these so I'm doing a series.
(2 of 3) Flexi Lexi

A backend developer was tired of building data for the templates. So he created a macro/filter for our in house template lexer. This filter allowed the web designers (didn't really call them frond end devs yet back then) could just at an SQL statement in the templates.

The macro had no safe argument parsing and the designers knew basic SQL but did not know about SQL Injection and used string concatination to insert all kinds of user and request data in the queries.
Two months after this novel feature was introduced we had SQL injections all over the place when some piece of input was missing but worse the whole product was riddled with SQLi vulnerabilities.

I never understood why designers design radio and checkbox inputs like that. I guess the standard design is too much accessible.

"The word ‘tokenizer’ makes a lot more sense, but ‘lexer’ is so much fun to say that I use it anyway."

No wonders people think a lot of programming subjects are intimidating.

I hate this trend. Take up the whole screen for one big nothing. Yep, 1920x1080 is apparently not enough to show me more than motto, one link and freaking big image nobody care about.

Fuck, i must code it. Oh damn, there is 8 same sections on the whole page. Don't worry, not a single one of them worth reading! FUCK YOU designers!

I: Hi. You are talented. You designed a button bigger than my mom ass, flatter than my girlfriend chest and still almost invisible. What is purpose of this button?
He: Minimalism.
I. One more time...

I bet you, this time will fucking come.

Minimum requirements for access this website:
CPU - 1.8 GHz Intel Core 2 Duo
RAM - 1 GB of ram
Hard Drive - 500 MB of free space
Video - 1 GB RAM

Recommended requirements for access this website:
CPU - 2.4 GHz Intel Quad Core
RAM - 2 GB
Hard Drive - 500 MB of free space
Video - 4 GB RAM

<requirements></requirements>

CSS preprocessors sucks.
CSS frameworks sucks.
Simple truth.

Not even McDonald have burger menu on desktop version of web. Keep it in your mind.

Designers are sometimes too active.

I got caught...

Hi Lexter, we think our web is broken. This message does not seems right:

For Biden.

I love my job, those little things.

When your client gave you double sallary if you will work during christmass... Now i feel like a fucking hero when i looking into my girlfriend eyes in free time during christmass. Bit poorer, but who cares.

Started writing a parser for moonscript. Because I want to do my own syntax highlighting and error support.

I'm sorry, but was this supposed to difficult? Every article I read claimed this was gonna be some impossible feat of herculean effort. I half dreaded it, the other half was kinda elated.

Only it didnt live up to the hype. The tokenizer is a glorified character stream. The lexer is little more than a tokenizer, and the "most complicated" bit is nothing but a fancy transformation of the token output into a tree.

I'm completely to new parsers proper and semantic checking and maybe that's why it seemed easy, but I dont see what all the forewarning in tutorials were ever about.

After years of experience in the industry, I find that I have 1000% more skills and 2000% more knowledge.

I have come to the realization that I need to do 500% less things and demonstrate 1000% less knowledge.

2022, Lex Lexter, a collection of wisdom

When another "front-end developer" appends the entire bootstrap CSS file to your templates because it needs to align two elements. To templates that never included any css framework cuz i hate them... Then he asked me for help because it did not work... I fixed an invalid CSS file reference.

FUCK HIS LIFE

Most of the time just standard XSS.

I heard it, i fucking heard it!

"You must use this web in right way."

Designer: The web design muset be beautiful, clean and follow modern trends.
Me: Actualy no, design should be just functional part of website. There is no need to be beautiful, clean and has nothing to do with modern graphic trends. Sad truth is almost nobody, besides css galleries, cares.
Designer:

Best present i got this year. Ideal for developer. :P

Designer:
Responzivity looks little off:

I:
1) Yep, by default all elements are excesively large, so i need to do many breaks to fit all scenarios and keep important informations in first few screens.
2) Sometimes you follow 1280 max-width, sometimes 1440, sometimes others. It is hard to achieve some consistent look on smaller devices than your biiig monitor.
3) Design is heavily dependent on large and various images with text overlay. In some scenarios text become unreadable.
4) You did not design a responzive version in first place, so FUCK OFF! I just trying to do my best to fix your shit because you suck as hell!

Escaled quickly, but i'm so tired of this idiot.

I: I see, this web contain user functions, like registrations, product adding, details editing and many other stuff. Can i ask one question?
Client: Sure.
I: Why designer did not designed those elements?
Client: You can do it better directly from the code.

Should i be mad or delighted? I have no idea.

1) Read the ticket.
2) Create a branch with ticket number in name.
3) Move ticket to Working now section.
4) Make some changes according to the ticket.
5) Commit changes to branch. Than pull it.
6) Create pull request and submit it.
7) Move ticket into In review section.
8) Move to another ticket.

Tickets:
#7 - Change background size in product item.
#8 - Add icon to info flash message.
#9 - Add adaptiveHeight parameter to the slick slider.

Done, now another 30 tickets...
Yep, this is my workflow i'm forced to now.

Hm, is **website** progressive enhancement still a thing?

Please be welcome into slaughter discussion. I just read some articles today and i'm realy curious what your thoughts are.

1) No, i don't want subscribe your newsletter.
2) Thanks, i know about cookie law. Thanks again.
3) Don't worry, i don't need your help now.
4) You are very kind, but i don't want new subscription.
5) Sorry, i don't have a time for your survey right now.
.
.
.
One of that fucking modal windows should contain fucking phone number i fucking need. Web WhoTheFuckingCareVersion.

Me: So, let me clear this out. On ship course detail page is main header fixed to the top. Phone number fixed to the left side and subnavigation fixed under the main header when it reaches the top. From start it is fixed to the bottom.
Designer: Yes.
Me: Client also want chat icon on right bottom corner and usual cookie bar on the bottom. Both elements has fixed position.
Designer: Is this problem?
Me: Do YOU think this is problem?

Do you prefer:

$order->getShippingAddressCountry();

or

$order->getShippingCountry();

Fuck me, being a perfectionist slows me down.

Beign stuck on: Save that shit as address_shipping_country or shipping_country is purely stupid, i know.

I'm sure this has been discovered before but I just realized that a lexer defined as a set of functions which tail-call each other with the leftover text to switch states can record the location of tokens from the back of the string, thereby eliminating a parameter from pretty much every function. The world is full of wonder.

Bloody cunts at Twitter could provide the fucking grammar for their filtering rules...

Now I have to write the grammar for the lexer and the parser from scratch (in fucking JavaScript to boot 😡).

Mind you, I know my lex and bison, but I haven't done this shit in fucking ages, and the combo of JavaScript debauchery and being rusty, is making me want to send angry tweets to Elon musk, see if they can provide decent tools for their shit API.

Stop fucking argue with awwwards you shithead. I have no time argue back to your tiny designer brain.

The number of concurrent transformations impacting more than half of the codebase in Orchid surpassed 4, so instead of walking the reference graph for each of these I'm updating the whole codebase, from lexer to runtime, in a single pass.

In this process, I also got to reread a lot of code from a year ago. This is the project I learned Rust with. It's incredible, not just how much better I've gotten at this language, but also how much better I've gotten at structuring code on general.

Interestingly though my problem-solving ability seems to be the same. I can tell this by looking at the utilities I made to solve specific well-defined abstract problems. I may have superficial issues with how the code is spelled out in text, but the logic itself is as good as anything I could come up with today.

I thinking about new PC with around 1500 USD budget.

1) I don't play new games, so there si no need for more powerfull PC.
2) I'm mainly coder, PHP developer and sometimes graphic designer, so there is no need for more powerfull PC.
3) PC is also used as multimedia centrum, so there is no need for more powerfull PC.

Sometimes i have wierd thoughs.

Sure, skip this add. Just like you...
.
.
.
As you wish and i want.

Damn, why you don't want integrate twig in your framework? Why you using latte?

{% if blah %}
<div>{{blah}}</div>
{% endif %}

<div n:ifcontent>{$blah}</div>

Fuck TWIG. Give me break already you TWIG suckboy.

---

Sorry guys, i just want to send this to some ass publicly.

My disciple: Hi, i want to learn JS, can you provide me some good resource?
I: I'm not absolute-expert on JS, but i can provide you something you can study.
My disciple: What is it?
I: alert(9999999999999999);

Let me know when you figure it out, i'll give you another resource.

---

This will take a looong time.

Ehm, ok, i'll code this new event calendar concept, but do you realy think it's cool as you think?
.
.
.
At least i can take it as a practice and than throw it to the trash as always.

When grafic designer design a list of products where on top of the page is header with title, category description, big fucking image, big fucking category navigation and on second screen list of the products.

Just why? Why put the important stuff (products) on second screen? Just why? You have three asses of space, you fucker. You can put category list on fucking SIDE. How many time you did this shit?

What about multilevel categories when menu just show current category children? I need to go fucking back or what? FUCK YOU! Stick this stupid boxes into your ass and design real navigation.

What is so fucking great to having big ass monitors and design more and more one column websites, just why you fucking retard?

Can you, dear fuckers, write meaningful subjects of e-mails? Bug in order process on XXX project instead of: Something wierd happened... Programing posts statistics instead of: You will not like this one. GA code insertion instead of: Here is the thingy. Saturday visit instead of Here we go sweety.

Seriously, fuck you.

There are many issues with designers. Let's skip hamburger fuckups, navigations on bottom or other stuff. What pisses me of most are tables. Simple tables. As many times as i remember i told them: plaease, design this table with full borders around cells. Your design will make problems with rowspans a cellspans. Why you keep doing that? This is not like tables list in your fucking IS, where you tracking your shitty designers tasks.

How to talk with them? Blow their dicks off before discussion so they feel happy?

But you know, i'm just coder... I have no main word on design things.

I: You know WordPress suck.
He: No it doesn't!
I: So why i wrote Leximo framework to separate me from the WordPress shit?
He: Because you don't know ho to use it.
I: Google: list of WP frameworks
.
.
.
Discussion ended. Nobody knows how to use WP i gues. I feel hated. WP community hates me because u wrote another framework, Nette and Latte community hates me because i use them for shit like WordPress.

Assumption. Screens are wider and wider, bigger and bigger.
Solution 1: Make more one-page layout sites like there is no space on sides.
Solution 2 support solution 1: Make everything 2-3 times bigger so there can't be space on sides.
Solution 3 support solution 2: If there is some free space, call it neccessary white space.

It's a trend i see around me. Sometimes i don't get it. More than 1 year i have no side menu in designes what i coded.

I swear to god, getting Chumsky to do my bidding has almost taken longer than writing a parser by hand. I'm not looking for operator precedence, I'm not looking for complicated rules or anything, the main part of my language is literally just S-expressions, with some top level bells and whistles.

I don't even have a working lexer yet because I wanted to use this piece of shit library which usually matches the fewest possible characters to parse significant newlines but the Padded combinator takes as much whitespace at the end as it can find, and a host of other atomics don't actually adhere to the library's lazy principle in their procedural implementation. I've had enough. I'm going to bed, and tomorrow I'm writing tickets.

Actually, I'll probably also write PRs because I actually want the fixes to exist and not just complain about the problems, but I also really want to complain before I get started on that because I spent about two weeks just on this bullshit.

I: Sure i can code this event calendar. We have two options. Adjust design and use plugin like fullcalendar. I can adjust the look pretty fast and cheap. Second option is code this from scratch. It will look and act exactly the same as design but will be bit expensive. You know, whole javascript, CSS, HTML and so. Basicaly like entire new calendar plugin or so.

He: Client already saw the design and we do not have high budget.

I: Ok, no problem, let's use fullcalendar.

He: Designer promised to him to be exactly like design.

I: Without asking developer for solution in available price range and time frame?

He: Hm...

I: Good luck.

---

It's just funny.

When your apprentice keeps offering to write regex when all you need is a simple trim(), you know he's outgrown you.

Oh my got, where i have my puzzle shit to put this web together?

So i wrote complex, great WP framework using parts of nette, latte template engin, shit tons of my code, has many usefull features. Is fast, puting barier between me and WP shit. You have no idea how fast my development is now.

Now, i writing eshop component, looking good, working great, is extendable, fast and so.

Reason 1: WP is piece of shit, woocommerce too, CMB has no fucking sense, fuck ACF and many other WP tools.
Reason 2: I'm too lazy to read.

Question: I spent months of coding, looking for ideas, and make tenths implemenations because:

1: WP is piece of shit, woocommerce too, CMB has no fucking sense, fuck ACF and many other WP tools.
2: I'm too lazy to read.

Please decide, i honestly don't know.

I just animating third type of button. Now i have.

.link.type-button - standard button with default, primary and destruct color, small, default and large size, animation on it's back, selectable icon.

.link.type-roll - wierd type of button, with only icon visible and text on hover with some wierd shit animation, selectable icon ofcourse. Various sizes and colors as well.

.link.type-more - More or less static link with right arrow and ofcourse animation on hover.

So one site has three types of buttons with various properties.

And thinking about how overengeneered JS world is.
Fuck you JS world.

Devrant avatar builder is cool, like geek tool for geeks with no real value. They are all the same and not helping with personalization of posts or comments. Is there any chance to upload real image?
Or will be?

Haha, kill me.

It was actualy funny when normal wordpress developer look into my Login page template and see what is in attachment.

He: Where the fuck is template?

When you need to reactivate your Twitter dev account, get surprised by amount of the shit you need to write and simply refuse it. Fuck this. At least i can focus on more fun tasks than social networks implementations.