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If Chuck Norris asks a duplicate question on StackOverflow, the original question is closed as a duplicate.14
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Dev: “Ughh..look at this –bleep- code! When I execute the service call, it returns null, but the service received a database error.”
Me: “Yea, that service was written during a time when the mentality was ‘Why return a service error if the client can’t do anything about it?’”
Dev: “I would say that’s a misunderstanding of that philosophy.”
Me: “I would say it’s a perfectly executed example of a deeply flawed philosophy.”
Dev: “No, the service should just return something that tells the client the operation failed.”
Me: “They did. It was supposed to return a valid result, and the developer indicated a null response means the operation failed. How you deal with the null response is up to you.”
Dev: “That is stupid. How am I supposed to know a null response means the operation failed?”
Me: “OK, how did you know the operation failed?”
Dev: “I had to look at the service error logs.”
Me: “Bingo.”
Dev: “This whole service is just a –bleep-ing mess. There are so many things that can go wrong and the only thing the service returns is null when the service raises an exception.”
Me: “OK, what should the service return?”
Dev: ”I don’t know. Error 500 would be nice.”
Me: “Would you know what to do with error 500?”
Dev: ”Yea, I would look at the error log”
Me: “Just like you did when the service returned null?”
<couple of seconds of silence>
Dev: “I don’t know, it’s a –bleep-ing mess.”
Me: “You’re in the code, change it.”
Dev: “Ooohhh no, not me. The whole thing will have to be re-written. It should have been done correctly the first time. If we had time to do code reviews, I would have caught this –bleep- before the service was deployed.”
Me: “Um, you did.”
<a shocked look from Dev>
Dev: “What…no, I’ve never seen this code.”
Me: “I sat next to Chuck when you were telling him he needed to change the service to return null if an exception was raised. I remember you telling him specifically to pop-up an error dialog ‘Service request failed’ to the user when the service returned null.”
Dev: “I don’t remember any of that.”
Me: “Well, Chuck did. He even put it in the check-in comments. See…”
<check in comments stated Dev’s code review and dictated the service return null on exceptions>
Dev: “Hmm…I guess I did. –bleep- are you a –bleep-ing elephant? You –bleep-ing remember everything.”
<what I wanted to say>
No, I don’t remember everything, but I remember all the drive-by <bleep>-ed up coding philosophies you tried to push to the interns and we’re now having all kinds of problems I spend waaaaay too much time fixing.
<what I said, and lied a little bit>
Me: “No, I was helping Nancy last week troubleshoot the client application last week with the pop-up error. Since the service returned a null, she didn’t know where to begin to look for the actual error.”
Dev: “Oh.”1 -
Power efficiency beyond this world.
I think I got Chuck Norris's laptop.
My MacBook WILL NOT FAIL ME, AT ANY COST. It nearly died... I felt sorry for it, I had to pet it later...
10 -
Chuck Peddle Dies at 82 (December 15, 2019); His $25 Chip Helped Start the PC Age.
His Chip brought digital technology to a new breed of consumer devices and powered early Apple and Commodore computers. 6502 microprocessor; KIM-1 SBC; Commodore PET PC are the notable works.
2 -
Chuck Norris can write Java without wearing glasses. He can C#.
Chuck Norris can compile C++ with just a word editor and K&R.
Chuck Norris can read the comment you almost put in on line 63 (it would have been very helpful.)
Chuck Norris can optimize programs in binary.
Chuck Norris does garbage collection with his mind.6 -
* Chuck Norris once installed windows in his PC.
* After 12 hours of updating, windows uninstalled itself.2 -
The GashlyCode Tinies
A is for Amy whose malloc was one byte short
B is for Basil who used a quadratic sort
C is for Chuck who checked floats for equality
D is for Desmond who double-freed memory
E is for Ed whose exceptions weren’t handled
F is for Franny whose stack pointers dangled
G is for Glenda whose reads and writes raced
H is for Hans who forgot the base case
I is for Ivan who did not initialize
J is for Jenny who did not know Least Surprise
K is for Kate whose inheritance depth might shock
L is for Larry who never released a lock
M is for Meg who used negatives as unsigned
N is for Ned with behavior left undefined
O is for Olive whose index was off by one
P is for Pat who ignored buffer overrun
Q is for Quentin whose numbers had overflows
R is for Rhoda whose code made the rep exposed
S is for Sam who skipped retesting after wait()
T is for Tom who lacked TCP_NODELAY
U is for Una whose functions were most verbose
V is for Vic who subtracted when floats were close
W is for Winnie who aliased arguments
X is for Xerxes who thought type casts made good sense
Y is for Yorick whose interface was too wide
Z is for Zack in whose code nulls were often spied
- Andrew Myers4 -
I was writing simple neural net program which checks if given passenger would survive the Titanic accident and Chuck Norris indeed would survive :D
5 -
I just started work school doing IT administration and development, I was excited, almost nervously anticipating to see the wondrous things I'd being learning and the kickass programs I'd be creating...
Alas I walked into my first lesson and...
Teacher: Today we're going to be learning how to make a square in Excel using VBR.
I thought, well fuck no - I didn't sign up for this shit. Then today I was on this thing called the internet, have you guys tried it? Amazing stuff, I saw a panda dressed as Chuck Norris... Anyway, I was on the internet and found out about this 73 year old man who makes full-sized artworks made in Excel.
Now I know the meaning to life, to Excel programming... It's official, I'm going to make Picasso in Excel.
*Light sarcasm, actual true story.*
2 -
We had a blind auction at work. Selling off 'redundant hardware'
Most of it was old crap but a bit a couple of bids in for shits and giggles. Also, I'm a desktop man but we have rolling blackouts so an older laptop for the simple sake of having something bigger than my phone to browse definitely has some appeal.
So there was an old HP Elitebook 8540W. A chonky boi if ever I did see one.
Spec sheet as listed
4GB DDR3
i7 M 640 @ 2.80 Ghz
128GB SSD
Win 10 Pro
"not booting up/ power button flashing"
So bid R100. Now for context, a petrol is R22 a liter. A Big Mac is R43, a Big Mac meal is R90
So basically I big so I could harvest the SSD. And I won.
Much to my surprise, I simply attached the correct charger and it boots fine. The drive was empty though but that's fine cause I was gonna chuck Ubuntu on it anyway. Also found it was in fact 8GB of RAM. It also has a blu ray drive
So in summary, for the price of 1.1 Big Macs I got:
Full 1080p 15.6"
128GB Samsung SSD
8GB ram
First gen i7
Blu ray player
I'm most not sad about the 900x that I bid on as well. It was a cute little thing, my plan was to steal the ram and ssd out of this thing and put it in that, then boom ultra portable little machine for R400. Oh I also got an old monitor with a feint line down the screen for a grand total of R18 -
Handed off a Markdown presentation to the marketing dept to add some pizzaz too---just to see what happens.
My bet is that they'll redo it all in PowerPoint. Or fire me. Latter is the lessor of two evils.2 -
Do you guys often get upset because of people that ask your job because when somebody asks me what I do for a living and I say "I'm a programmer" this someone says one of these:
1- Oh really, can you tell me HoW tO HaCk NaSa? (It's more often than you think)
2- WOW AWESOME SO I HAVE THIS BiLlIon DolLarS ApP IdeA CaN yOu ProGraM iT?
3- Hm... and... what do you do for a living? (Apparently programming is not a job)
4- Cool! Me too! Bcs once I MaDe ThiS GaMe I prOGraMmed WiTh GaMeMaKer (true story, and it was a flappy bird, but in the place of the bird it was chuck norris with a moustache instead.)(with lasers.)(Also it wasn't really working.)
5- Cool bro, so, can you take a look at my printer?
6- Hm nice * looks away with disgusting face * (that was my own family lol ;-;)9 -
Me: Hmmm, tax time is coming up, might be a good time to finally get my new rig
ATO: You you have $4000 withheld tax money, how great!
Me: Fuck oath! spend $2500 on the PC and chuck the rest towards my house deposit
ATO: Yo that sounds great, well how about we keep 3000 and give you 1000? Sound cool? cool.
Me: ... Well... Guess no new rig then16 -
Riddle:
Alice and bob want to communicate a secret message, lets say it is an integer.
We will call this msg0.
You are Chuck, an interloper trying to spy on them and decode the message.
For keys, alice chooses a random integer w, another for x, and another for y. she also calculates a fourth variable, x+y = z
Bob follows the same procedure.
Suppose the numbers are too large to bruteforce.
Their exchange looks like this.
At step 1, alice calculates the following:
msg1 = alice.z+alice.w+msg0
she sends this message over the internet to bob.
the value of msg1 is 20838
then for our second step of the process, bob calculates msg2 = bob.z+bob.w+msg1
msg2 equals 32521
he then sends msg2 to alice, and again, you intercept and observe.
at step three, alice recieves bob's message, and calculates the following: msg3 = msg2-(alice.x+alice.w+msg0)
msg3 equals 19249. Alice sends this to bob.
bob calculates msg4 = msg3-(bob.x+bob.w)
msg4 equals 11000.
he sends msg4 to alice
at this stage, alice calculates ms5.
msg5 = (msg4-(alice.y)+msg0.
alice sends this to bob.
bob recieves this final message and calculates
the sixth and final message, which is the original hidden msg0 alice wanted to send:
msg6 = msg5-bob.y
What is the secret message?
I'll give anyone who solves it without bruteforcing, a free cookie.18 -
Interview scheduled : 11.30 am
Reached venue: 11.15 am
Waiting for my turn : 2.30 pm
How much time should I wait: some one who is part of team, give me two minutes let me check
Me still waiting for info/my turn: 3.00pm
Chuck this, left venue: 3.00pm
Why do they schedule interviews if they cant manage or provide proper inputs.😤😤6 -
A comment on a handler function that simply says //WTF IS THIS?!
this might be because the last line of the function is:
return @"CHUCK TESTA";1 -
"The advice I like to give young artists, or really anybody who'll listen to me, is not to wait around for inspiration. Inspiration is for amateurs; the rest of us just show up and get to work. ... All the best ideas come out of the process; they come out of the work itself."
--Chuck Close
Motivation, inspiration... works for either.1 -
Just curious on whether or not to open source something or not...
As some would have seen I'm working on a game engine/framework and putting a lot of effort into the development terminal (lumber camp) and had a fair few people show interest in it so thought I might chuck it on GitHub as I go but I don't want to allow for merging until the main component is at version 1 and stable...
Should I release as I go and not do merging or wait till it is at version 1?4 -
Q. Why are the arrays that Chuck Norris declare, of infinite size.
A. Because Chuck Norris knows no bounds.7 -
We had an ADAM/Colecovision unit before this, but I don't really count it, as it was more of a console for us than a computer.
In 1986 dad brought home a Tandy 1000 SX. It had an Intel 8088 processor, 64k of memory, and no hard drive. With dual 5.25" floppy drives, our write-protected DOS 3.1 disk stayed in drive A almost all the time. Games and other software were run from drive B, or from the external cassette drive. For really big games, like Conquest of Camelot and Space Quest 3, we were frequently prompted to swap disks in B: before the game could continue.
Space Quest, King's Quest, Lords of Conquest, Conquest of Camelot, Chuck Yeager's Advanced Flight Trainer, several editions of Carmen Sandiego, and at least a dozen other games dominated our gaming use. We wrote papers with WordStar, and my parents maintained their budget with Lotus 1-2-3.
A year or two later, Dad installed a 10 MB hard drive, and we started booting DOS off that instead. Heady days.1 -
I believe that I have found the worst feeling in the world.
Not when a push to production on Friday fails. But when a few of your teammates don't want to do JACK FUCKING SHIT. The worst ones are where they think you fabricated projected expenses for raspberry pies, and thus believe that you are apart of some communist conspiracy.
They also believe that cheap AWS ec2 instances are crappy for teaching some basic fucking command line and git to high schoolers!!
I feel like a need a brick handy at all times just to chuck it at a wall. -
So, I started fiddling around APIs which returned data in JSON and parse that data in PHP and it feels so good.... Past 3 days I've been in deep learning PHP and practically $this is the best thing....
I need recommendations for such APIs, so far I've used
1. Chuck Norris Jokes (http://api.icndb.com/jokes/random/)
2. User's IP Address and details (http://ip-api.com/php/)
What would you recommend, let me know..1 -
(Fork of the current Chuck Norris wave)
Jack Bauer can assign values to undefined variables just yelling "Gimme a name!!!!"
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Found some funny jokes e.g.:
Chuck Norris writes code that optimizes itself.
Look at : http://codesqueeze.com/the-ultimate... -
A life with no adventure and rough times is like a movie with no suspense. I'd probably doze off half the times.
I mean: no bullets in the air and Chuck Norris is not risking everything for his daughter?
Damn, just shoot me :(2 -
WSL seems really cool from what i've been toying with it. WSL2 seems like it'll be even better and the integration with docker(another thing i'm toying with) looks interesting. as far as i can find though it's only on windows insider for now, and I don't like having telemetry on my main machine.
So i spent a good chuck of my day just setting up Hyper-v, learning about nested virtualization (so docker will work), setting up a win10pro vm, and i'm now in the process of setting this up to be a virtualized dev machine (not gonna be a one use only system cause i spent way too long on this shit) and setting up docker and wsl
I don't know much about docker or WSL beyond just some random stuff i've learned to toy with to simplify some things i do. but maybe this will give me a cool way to actively learn more about them and maybe use them as more than just boredom toys3 -
How the heck do you ever make your managers satisfied. They somehow conspire to make you work and then chuck it by the end, only to use their own shitty solutions and to prove that you are worthless. IF YOU ARE A SENIOR, IT DOES'NT MEAN YOU ARE BETTER.1
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I am building a funtime app with full stack concept where I show jokes on famous personalities.. I have few examples from greats like, Jackie Chan, Rajanikanth, Chuck Norris etc... Do you know any other personalities on whom fumourous jokes are famous?
Please name them...And if possible some links to jokes..
P.S. ++ is guerenteed 😁😁😁1 -
How do you tell someone their code sucks?? Like why dont you indent?? What's wrong with using useful class names? At least chuck a comment in there...
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