Developer (master's degree, -bleeping- smart guy, no kidding) was bragging on how he made a piece of code 3x faster (with the usual pinch that the original dev was incompetent) and spent nearly 6 weeks working on it (wrote his own parallel-foreach library because Microsoft's parallel library was "too slow").
I was the original dev and he didn't know I had my own performance counters where I broke down each stack (database access, network I/O, and the code logic).
Average time was around 5ms (yes milliseconds) and worst case was around 10 seconds. His '3x improvement' was based on the worst test case, which improved by about a second. Showed our boss my graph (laughed out loud, said 'WTF', other curse words) and the dev hasn't spoken to me in weeks (I say 'hi' in the hall and he keeps walking)
Take that master's degree and high IQ and shove it.

I fucking love people like this.

Yesterday I met a 'friend' who I hadn't seen in a very long time. Just a guy I used to know tbh but let's call him Friend anyway. After a while in the conversation this happened...

*Friend doesn't know I have a degree in CS*

Friend: "WHAT?? YOU LIKE PROGRAMMING? NO WAY! ME TOO!"

Me: "THAT'S AWESOME! You've been programming for long?"

Friend: "A little over a year now. I know almost all languages now. C++, C#, Python, Java and HTML. Still a couple left to go. Once you're on the level I achieved programming becomes really, really easy. How long have you been programming?"

Me: "Almost a decade now"

Friend: "Damn dude you must know all languages by now I suppose?"

Me: "I've been mainly doing C++ so not really haha"

Friend: "I can always help when you're struggling with one language. C++ is pretty easy tbh. You should learn others too btw. HTML for example is pretty important because you can program websites with it"

Me: "Yeah... Thanks... So... What project are you working on right now?"

Friend: "I'm making a register page for my very own forum. The only problem I have is that PHP won't save the login details"

Me: "Hahaha I know the feeling. MySQL?"

Friend: "What?"

Me: "What do you use to save your data"

Friend: "Just a txt file. It's easier that way."

Me: "Hahaha true. Who needs safety right? *smiles*"

Friend: "Actually it's 100% safe because only I can see the txt file so other people can not hack other users."

Me: "Yes! That's great! Cya!"

Friend: "I'm working on a mmorpg too btw! I can learn you to make games if you want. Just call me. Here's my number"

Me: "Alright... Thanks... Bye!"

*Arrives at home*

*Deletes number*

I do not make this up.

I can understand that someone who isn't in the CS industry doesn't take it too seriously and gets hyped when their "Hello World" program works.
I'm fine with that.

The thing that really triggers me is big headed ass holes like this. Like how much more like a absolute dickhead could you possibly more act? Fucking hate people like that.

To new beginnings

Project manager: how was the day?
Me: wrote a few lines of code
Me: ran the code
Me: full of errors
Me: I cried

Most of my code solutions came to me while I'm in the shower
🚽🚽

THE WORST PRANK ATTEMPT

If i remember true, it was 2012. april fool day..

me and my co-worker (we were the founders) decided to fool our members (we had a script's unofficial support forum). so, we did the plan. we register another account on march and wrote a few useful messages with it. help guys with that fake account (named as Root).

on fool day, we move the site to hidden folder (but didnt backup it) and added an index file as "hi, i am Root. you know me who am i. i hacked this site and deleted all dbs. cya later" (in turkish of course)

and we sit our chairs, began the watch our messages from facebook,skype,whatsapp etc..

we act like we are in trouble and we cant solve the problem.
at the same time, one of the our crew, decided to help us :D
so, he contact with our server's management crew. they dont know the fool too :)

server management looked up the situation without try to contact with me or my co. and we got an email from server like that
"hello tilkibey and impack, we just realized your site is hacked. so we delete your all ftp and db for safety. please contact with us asap"

we shocked and contact with them, explain the truths and request the recover our site (because we though they backup site before deleting all things). but they didnt backup it :(

so, we recover our last backup which is got nearly 10 days ago :(

I just hate it when clients with no knowledge of developing says I'm looking for "more professional"

FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!

Somebody did that with dedication and you can't just call it that!!

SCREW YOU!!!
😡😡😡😡😡

My partner in crime

Dont get attached to your code at work! Coz it's not your code, you got paid for writing that code and that's it.

My work desktop setup!

Follow me on @cha_m_ra

Finally my fidget cube arrived

Be careful when you go down the rabbit hole of creating custom observables (rxJS).

I wasted half a day just to find out that there are hot and cold observables and that the whole time I tried to use the wrong one.

It finally works. 01:00 in the morning.
My boss will be proud when he pulls the changes and the code looks completely fucked up (clean, well structured code, but he doesn't really know observables).

Now something different: Sleep. Cya.

Google DevFest Sri Lanka

Every time I copy some code I feel like holding I'm something heavy till I past it somewhere!😋😋

Home desktop setup

Working in my underwear

Rant!

Been working on 'MVP' features of a new product for the past 14 months. Customer has no f**king clue on how to design for performance. An uncomfortable amount of faith was placed on the ORM (ORMs are not bad as long as you know what you are doing) and the magic that the current framework provides. (Again, magic is good so long as you understand what happens behind the smoke and mirrors - but f**k all that... coz hey, productivity, right?). Customer was so focussed on features that no one ever thought of giving any attention to subtler things like 'hey, my transaction is doing a gazillion joins across trizillion tables while making a million calls to the db - maybe I should put more f**king thought into my design.' We foresaw performance and concurrency issues and raised them way ahead of the release. How did the customer respond? By hiring a performance tester. Fair enough - but what did that translate into? Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Hiring a perf tester doesn't automagically fix issues. The perf tester did not have a stable environment, a stable build or anything that is required to do a test with meaningful results. As the release date approached, the customer launched a pilot and things started failing spectacularly with the system not able to support more than 15 concurrent users. WTF! (My 'I told you so' moment) Emails started flying in all directions and the hunt for the scapegoat was on (I'm a sucker for CYA so I was covered). People started pointing in all directions but no one bothered to take a step back and understand what was causing the issues. Numero uno reason for transaction failure was deadlocks. We were using a proprietary DB with kickass tooling. No one bothered to use the tooling to understand what was the resource in contention let alone how to fix the contention. Absolute panic - its like they just froze. Debugging shit and doing the same thing again and again just so that management knew they were upto something. Most of the indexes had a fragmentation of 99.8% - I shit you not. Anywho, we now have a 'war room' where the perf tester needs to script the entire project by tonight and come up with some numbers that will amount to nothing while we stay up and keep profiling the shit out of the application under load.

Lessons learnt - When you foresee a problem make a LOT of noise to get people to act upon it and not wait till it comes back and bites you in the ass. Better yet, try not to get into a team where people can't understand the implications of shitty design choices. War room my ass!

My #developer stater pack!

From this day onwards I'm following this technique

Work of a my co-workers good work! It's called colspan you dumb fuck! Best part is that no way I'm changing this coz I work in place where they don't give a fuck about code quality! So fuck it!

If you didn't became a developer what would you be? What's your plan B?

Mine is to be a psychologist.

Even though I have 500 reputation on StackOverflow I'm afraid to ask a question! Coz other devs can be really down right mean! No one knows everything, we are all here to learn. Some ppl don't understand that they too started like this.

Why is it soooo taboo to ask co-workers salary?

What if you were asked to develop something that goes against your morals or beliefs. Would you do it?

PS - they are willing to pay you more that you ask for

True comment!
😂😂🤣🤣🤣

Nested nested if statements!!!
😡😡😡😡😡😡

How do you deal with team members who's not open to criticisms as a TL

Good artists copy but great artist steal
🤔😱🤷

When you got hired

HR: please come to us if there's any problems related work so that we can give a solution.

After years of working you send a mail with you problems, it's been months. Still no reply! And try to avoid conversation regarding that problem.

Yesterday was a day off so I developed a vue, vuex , laravel application. Today back to work and start writing some shity code!

Power cut at the office now I have to talk to my coworkers!!! 🙄😶😑

Have you had any money saved? What is your process when it comes to saving money? What kind of investments did you do with your savings?

Got hooooot pink coloured pair of beats for my birthday!!! Best gift ever! Two most things I like is music and code this is the perfect gift! Pink is the only problem but fuck it. I love theseeeee!!!

බෑ බෑ මට වැඩ කරන්න බෑ

What if programming languages are only available commercially?

You are not real devloper untill you suddenly realized "that's how I should code that"

Did you ever take advantage of clients that has less computer literacy? Like have you ever escape a bug in the system by telling the client heavy technical BS! 😋

PS - fixings that bug later obviously!!

How do you manage your relationship with you partner and work like?

Why do I find really hard to connect with my coworkers?! I'm an introvert but after few months in my old job I connected with everyone. In my new job I find it really hard! And it's almost a year! 😥😫

Finally successfully installed Ubuntu!!!!

Bed to desk, desk to bed

Windows is so magical. I mean it doesn't support syslog which is in a way essential in large environments. Today my coworker told me about a tool named nxlog which has the function to send log messages from windows directly to a central syslog server. It can also read files... well theoretical because nxlog does not accept ":" as a valid character... cya C:\something

Thanks! It arrived sooner than I thought! Thank you! Love the stickers!!
❤️❤️❤️

You don't! Working for a bad company would ultimately give you the experience you need that a good company wouldn't

Hmmm! So I'm passive aggressive person. I don't argue with my fellow devs I post the their faults on devRant!

There's nothing annoys me more that seeing un-indented code. I think I have code OCD

Things you should not say on your last day of work:

If I broke it, I think it would be pretty obvious.

I asked for a front end developer not fucking project manager!

How religious are you?

Working as a team!! I hate working with others! 😫

I got a REALLY nice compliment from my dev team today. But first, the setup...

Tuesday night, I pushed some changes before I left that totally borked the build today when my team pulled changes (this is an off-shore team, so we more or less work opposite hours). Fortunately, my team dealt with it easy enough since (a) it was pretty obvious what happened, and (b) my commit message had enough information to help them know for sure, and they just reverted one file and were good to go for the day (they didn't fix the problem, left that for me to do, which is proper).

It was an absolutely stupid, careless mistake: I somehow copied the contents of a JS file into a JSP and pushed it. Just a simple case of too many tabs open at once and too many interruptions while I'm trying to code (which is typical most days, unfortunately, but this day it had an impact other than just slowing me down).

But, those are the reasons it happened, they aren't excuses. It was carelessness, plain and simple.

So, once I fixed it, I sent a note to the team explaining it. It basically said "Look, that was a dumb, careless mistake on my part, my bad, sorry for the inconvenience, it's fixed now."

I had a message waiting for me in my inbox this morning that said how I'm an inspiration because despite all my knowledge and experience, despite being a long-time lead, they (a) appreciate the fact that I'm human and still make mistakes, and (b) I stand up and take responsibility when it happens and then do what's necessary to reverse the mistake.

That made my day :)

To me, it's just the right way to be (I credit my parents 100%), never occurs to me to do otherwise, but the truth is not everyone can say the same. Some people are insecure and play the CYA game right away, every time. Some people act like they never make mistakes in the first place.

I don't care if you're an experienced dev or a junior, always take responsibility for your actions, especially your mistakes. Don't try and bullshit your way out of them. Sure, it's fine to explain why it happened if there were factors beyond your control, but at the end of the day, own up to them, apologize where necessary, and then put in the effort to make it right. Most people have no problem with people who make mistakes every so often - everyone does, whether everyone admits to it or not - but those who try and shirk responsibility don't last long in this or any endeavor (you know, putting aside the professional bullshitters who build their careers around it... that's not most people, thankfully).

cover your ass 🍑

in which situations did you have to do it and how did you do it? did it help?

Mine was at my school when I was 13 or 15. I didn't have a computer at home because my parents could not offered a one. Back then I didn't know any thing about computers but always knew that I wanted to do something related to computers.

So, when I went to the computer lab in my school I was so dumb, I couldn't even click on a button using the mouse. We were partnered up two students per computer and me try so hard use a computer and my partner take over and show off his talent how he can use a computer.

I was sad and devastated even though I love computer I couldn't use a computer but my willingness to learn about computers science never faded a away!

Few years fast forward; I'm a web developer and I'm happy with what I do. The fellow student who showed off still contact me for his trouble shootings regarding computers.

Never give up on you dreams

No one gives a fuck about clean code in the office. So fuck it! I'm writing bullshit!

Drowning my sadness and loneliness on Netflix

Job satisfaction minus infinity 😣😣😣😣😣😣

What's is the weirdest requirement a client has asked you to develop ?

Launching my own product! Had enough BS from clients!

So this horrible client micromanaging every single thing in the application now suddenly asking me where a menu should go! I'm like why are you asking me that now I think you should take the menu and shove it up your ass?

Hmm! It turns out that my TL doesn't know what rubber ducky debugging is! 🤔🤔🤔

I'm wearing my headset even though there's no music playing!

When is the right time to move on to a new job?

My little journey of regrets:
I remember when I was fourteen, I opened a small gap the door of "programming". It were the first steps of html, tags and what they do, to be precise.
"May, looks good. Thanks for the glimpse. Cya"
For about the other half of my life only magic happened at my desktop.
And now I'm standing once again at the door of programming trying to breach it with nukes n shit.
"Giev me all the knowledge plx, teach me senpai! I will never ignore and betray you again!"

When I started at my first job I was a fanboy for a co-worker who writes codes like nothing and there's is nothing he can not do when comes to coding!! I really admire his work. I always think how does he do it?!

Now I have a fanboy for my work 😎 he admires my work he thinks that there's nothing I can't solve.

I get it now, it's just experience and practice!

What are you working hours?

Working on some documentations on MS word and I'm pressing ctrl+space for auto complete!!🤣🤣🤣 Not only that ctrl+click for multiple cursor!!! 😂😂😂😂😂

Is there a way to implement Google analytics to a specific page.

So, my requirement is to let the user add his/her Google analytics to their page on my application. The page is in sub-route of the application (user/username)

Can I allow a user to do that? Are there any articles related to this?

Recently started working for home full day. I find it really boring. How to keep it interesting?

What's the project you're working now and how do you feel about?

What's your work music playlist?

So I quit my last job because they were only focusing on developing invoicing and inventory control systems. It was really boring same old thing every day!!

When I started my current job they were developing CMS and web solutions. But recently management is considering to develop invoicing and inventory control systems (which now I HATE ).

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE THERE'S MORE THAT!!!!
😫🙄😡😠

Is it just me are I find it guilty to ask for a leave?!

How should you describe your job to a non-technical person?

Is there any system architectures who knows laravel??

Ok! My new project still haven't started and I'm so bored , running out things to look into!!!
So far I have looked into
Firebase
Ethical Hacking
Some web developing concept...

Any suggestions??? Related to web developing, laravel , vuejs ???

I'm not a good person

I forgot every thing and watch funny YouTube videos! And in between watching them I blame myself get depressed get angry!
I think I might be bipolar! 🤔🤣😀😂☹️

Recently I been having temper tantrums!😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😤😤😤😤😤😤

Why do my coworkers use soooooooooooo many if statements and neast nested if statements?! 🤔

So, here's a joke
Terry: hey, Sam I just got a joke for ya.
Sam: yeah
Terry(whispers to Sam): go to devrant and you find the joke over there.
Sam: okay!!
Terry: alright cya

how ya doin Sam(reader)?

About to get my first official freelance job. Any pitfalls or things I should do? CYA tips? Determining price? Would love to hear what others thing.

🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕

hello, mmmm.......ah....mmmm, world :)
cya

Doesn't feel like working even though I have two projects due soon!