I recently started work as a Senior Software Engineer at a top company, I can't help but have this immense impostor syndrome...I just feel like people at work are closely anticipating my failure...it's fucking crippling.

I hate my brain.
Got a compliment, my brain automatically rejected it and judged it.
Then it started to judge the judgement. Then the judge^3.
Then go all the way to the recursion.

For the last few days my brain is making me lose focus on everything because of this.
And the most fucked up thing is, I am paranoid of my own brain, so I really judged my memories and shit. I think I am losing my mind, my uni doesn't have consulting for students either nor I have money.

Any advices from ppl who went to a psychologists will be appreciated. A lot.

Be me, a ret***

Already 3 months in a new position. (check my previous rant)
Storm have passed for a while but another storm is brewing.

C levels are having disagreement with each other.
Caught in the crossfire as one the of C's hire.
Have some chit chats with both side of C, each telling different stories.

C#1 told me there was a demand from C#2 to force tech guys (not defined who or how many) to resigns.

C#2 told me there is no plan to close the whole tech team. But there's a distrust brewing in the tech team especially on the C#1

Be me, C#1 hire...
Me telling them IDK what their real intentions are but there's a high probability for my reputation to be tarnished on the job Market.

I've always had good review amongst peers and confident I did and do a satisfactory job for my previous employer.

Be me:
Resorted to flexing my connection to high ranking (think of C suites) reference who I've worked and have good relations with.
Connected them to my C#2.
Dunno how the C#2 thinks of me and what my value to C#2 are.

Don't know what the future hold for me.
Tried doing one interview but topics of my reputation comes up because of me jumping to executive position without having "Manager" ever in my resume.
Got a bit too defensive on that and it might eff up my chance to have a backup ready in case I urgently need to jump ship.

Depression and impostor syndrome hits like a truck every day.