Not a rant....

I received an email today from a client that reads "I'm so anxious to pay you. This is the best money I've spent on my website."

🤘🤘🤘

TL;DR: Got a really horrible supervisor temporarily fired, maybe permanently fired, got a laptop, and realized that senior devs are amazing when they stand up for the little guys

Omg... I love my coworkers!!! So like, I'm an incredibly shy dev, like, I only managed to get my internship purely because of my familiarity with c#, Android/UWP app development (although never apple, which you can read about in my last rant lol), and the API Management framework that they were using, so, long stories short, I'm insanely shy and I get anxious quite quickly in social situations, that'll be important in a bit. Anyways​, so, in my previous rant (my first one actually, it was "that" bad...) I had a run-in with a rather unfair supervisor situation where he expected me to work on an iOS app without a Mac machine.
Yup.
So, this is currently a little bit before my shift end, where I'm anxiously trying to get a MacOS VM up and running to be able to copy paste some psudo-code so as not to get in trouble, which is when the senior dev of the team walks by and sees me tearing hair out of my head and being really sad. So what does this god amongst men do?
He comes over and asks me what I'm doing.

Now, I didn't actually notice him, so when he asked me, I was insanely jumpy and scared that my supervisor would appear and be mad at me for not having things done, so I kind of half scream half yelp when he says something, so now he knows somethings up and he acts kind of like I'm an injured deer and slowly asks what's going on.
So, of course I tell him everything that had happened and how the supervisor got really mad about me not being able to develop iOS apps due to not having a Mac, and his expectation of me to get it magically working and getting to work on my module, and the selenium portal automatization, and after a couple seconds of me rapid fire nervous squirrel-like explanation, he holds up a hand and says "He what?!!!!? God dammit, how the hell are you supposed to do that? Jesus, you were supposed to get a company laptop when you got here, where's that??? And if you don't have that then how the hell were you working on the cross platform portion? You need a Mac machine for that, so let me get this straight... You've been frantically trying to find a workaround so that AS (let's call him AS for asshat supervisor (missing an s)) doesn't get mad at you... Who the hell... And this fuckers in charge of the interns??"

He was incredibly pissed off at this point, like, REALLY pissed off... But-

This man had just spoken miracles to me.

Mother...

Fuckin...

Miracles...

So I do what any self respecting intern would do, I start cry laughing and hug said BSD for a quick second (badass senior developer), and I say yep, pretty much ;-;.

And queue AS walking into my workspace and saying
AS- "are you done with the iOS a..."

BSD- "You've got to be kidding me, shut up for a second and sit down"

AS- "?" *Sits*

Me- *hides in corner and cinches up hoodie*

BSD- "Excuse me, but what did you ask benlion to do?"

AS- "Um, I simply told him to start working on the Xamarin app"

BSD- "Yes, but according to benlion, you angrily told him to start working on the Mac portion... Let me ask you something first, why would you do that? It's rude and inappropriate to be hostile to anyone at the workplace, in fact, if he wants to pursue to matter, you can get demoted, actually, if he wants to pursue it, you're fired, and there's no way I'm letting you get a management job again"

AS -"Wow, did benlion really say that? He's obviously lying due to his dislike for me, BSD, it's rather unfair to take his word over his superv..."

BSD-"Oh you did NOT just go there. That's it, stay here. And benlion, come with me." *Points at me*

Me- *Terrified out of my mind, almost to the point of a nervous breakdown because of the argument that I had started* "O-okay o_O"

Long stories short, we come back with his supervisor and he is now relieved of his duties temporarily while this whole thing gets settled...

Oh, and I get my Apple Laptop tomorrow ^-^ so I'm really happy, albeit kind of sad that its my fault that AS doesn't have a job right now ;-;, but he did yell at me and expect incredibly impossible things of me, so, not as bad as I might feel.

[Thursday afternoon on a call...]

Client: Before we get started, can you create a sitescape outlining all of the pages and sections of the new website?

Me: Sure! I'll go through the website and shoot you a full layout in xls format as soon as possible, that way you can easily make notes on what you want added, modified or removed.

[Two hours later...]

Client: Hey, did you build that sitescape yet?

Me: Actually, I've been on back-to-back calls with other clients.

Client: So when are you going to get it done?

Me: Well, I have to go through the current website in it's entirety, which I'm guessing is about 1,000 pages. I have to determine which pages work fine on their own, which need to be combined for better presentation and which should be removed due to redundancy. That's something that is tedious and takes some time to complete. That, in combination with having an existing work queue that I need to fit you within and being at the end of the work week, we're looking at Tuesday morning to have it ready.

Client: "Existing work queue"? This is ridiculous. We're paying you good money to make our project your only priority. If we wanted to wait days for work, we would have saved money and paid for a cheaper service. You're already gouging us as it is! If we don't get the sitescape by end of day Friday, we're going with another company.

Me: I would tell you that I'm sorry for the inconvenience, but I'm not. I'm not going to feed you a line to make you happy. I'm also not going to work on my days off just to rush something out to you. You hired us because you wanted things done right, not quickly. Your current website is the result of not focusing on quality, but by how fast you can deliver it. We don't work that way. We only build quality products.

By rushing your project, not only do we alienate our current clients, affecting our reputation, but we build product of less than the highest quality. That will upset you because it isn't perfect, and it reflects poorly on us to use it in our portfolio.

If you want to hire someone to pump out this project to your unrealistic deadlines, be our guest. But you paid a 50% non-refundable deposit, so not only will you lose money, but your end product will suffer.

I'm going to let you sleep on this. If you decide tomorrow that another direction is the way to go, we wish you luck. But please understand that if we conclude our business, we will no longer make ourselves available for your needs.

Please find the attached contracts you have signed, acknowledging the non-refundable deposit, as well as the project timeline and scope, of which a "sitescape" was never originally mentioned or blocked out for time.

I hope that tomorrow we can move forward in a more professional manner.

[Next morning...]

Client: My apologies for yesterday. We're just very anxious to get this started.

-----

Don't let clients push you around. Make them sign a contract and enforce it whenever necessary.

So from hearing all those horrible recruiter stories on here, I am still kinda anxious to contact them/apply to jobs but fuck it, gotta find something.

So this morning, I was browsing jobs and saw one that seemed interesting. Applied through the app and didn't give it a second thought (they usually contact me after a week or so).

Then, 5 minutes later I suddenly got called by a number I don't know so picked up and:

Me: Hello, this is linuxxx (not gonna use my real name :P).
R: Hello, I am {r.name}, from {r.company}. I saw you are interested in {job.name}!
Me: Holy fuck (yeah i about literally said that), I did NOT expect to get a call within 5 minutes! *suddenly realizes I have to act professional, fuck me*.
R: That's alright haha! So may I ask you a few questions?
Me: *okay so that went better than expected* Yeah sure!:

- He asked me about many things but specifically about how I got into Linux and how my interest etc for it started AND where I learned it. He was very surprised to hear that I've learned everything myself :).

So, instead of getting an ass on the line, we talked, laughed and talked job oppertunities for half an hour :D.

I am not that afraid of recruiters anymore.

It happened to one of my friend at work place.

So my friend is a UI developer and was working on a super critical project with very tight deadline. He was waiting for design team to give him mocks and web api team for giving Apis, so he can start his work. Now there are 4 days left for deadline and none of the parties are ready with their work, and my friend is sitting idle. Management is getting anxious day by day. So one program management lady called him the weak link in the standup meeting and started putting blame on him for the delay in the project. Guy tried to explain that it's not his fault and he is stuck. But that lady was not in a mood to listen.

Now come the next day, in morning he got the design ready and complete Apis from other teams. That day he missed the standup meeting, worked whole night and completed the work with two days remaining for deadline. He went to standup meeting after completing the work, and when the turn came for him to give his status, he started with "the weak link has finished the work". There was a pin drop silent in the room. He continued to give his update like this for next couple of days. And finally that lady was forced to apologize in meeting room by him.

My first job: The Mystery of The Powered-Down Server

I paid my way through college by working every-other-semester in the Cooperative-Education Program my school provided. My first job was with a small company (now defunct) which made some of the very first optical-storage robotic storage systems. I honestly forgot what I was "officially" hired for at first, but I quickly moved up into the kernel device-driver team and was quite happy there.

It was primarily a Solaris shop, with a smattering of IBM AIX RS/6000. It was one of these ill-fated RS/6000 machines which (by no fault of its own) plays a major role in this story.

One day, I came to work to find my team-leader in quite a tizzy -- cursing and ranting about our VAR selling us bad equipment; about how IBM just doesn't make good hardware like they did in the good old days; about how back when _he_ was in charge of buying equipment this wouldn't happen, and on and on and on.

Our primary AIX dev server was powered off when he arrived. He booted it up, checked logs and was running self-diagnostics, but absolutely nothing so far indicated why the machine had shut down. We blew a couple of hours trying to figure out what happened, to no avail. Eventually, with other deadlines looming, we just chalked it up be something we'll look into more later.

Several days went by, with the usual day-to-day comings and goings; no surprises.

Then, next week, it happened again.

My team-leader was LIVID. The same server was hard-down again when he came in; no explanation. He opened a ticket with IBM and put in a call to our VAR rep, demanding answers -- how could they sell us bad equipment -- why isn't there any indication of what's failing -- someone must come out here and fix this NOW, and on and on and on.

(As a quick aside, in case it's not clearly coming through between-the-lines, our team leader was always a little bit "over to top" for me. He was the kind of person who "got things done," and as long as you stayed on his good side, you could just watch the fireworks most days - but it became pretty exhausting sometimes).

Back our story -
An IBM CE comes out and does a full on-site hardware diagnostic -- tears the whole server down, runs through everything one part a time. Absolutely. Nothing. Wrong.

I recall, at some point of all this, making the comment "It's almost like someone just pulls the plug on it -- like the power just, poof, goes away."

My team-leader demands the CE replace the power supply, even though it appeared to be operating normally. He does, at our cost, of course.

Another weeks goes by and all is forgotten in the swamp of work we have to do.

Until one day, the next week... Yes, you guessed it... It happens again. The server is down. Heads are exploding (will at least one head we all know by now). With all the screaming going on, the entire office staff should have comped some Advil.

My team-leader demands the facilities team do a full diagnostic on the UPS system and assure we aren't getting drop-outs on the power system. They do the diagnostic. They also review the logs for the power/load distribution to the entire lab and office spaces. Nothing is amiss.

This would also be a good time draw the picture of where this server is -- this particular server is not in the actual server room, it's out in the office area. That's on purpose, since it is connected to a demo robotics cabinet we use for testing and POC work. And customer demos. This will date me, but these were the days when robotic storage was new and VERY exciting to watch...

So, this is basically a couple of big boxes out on the office floor, with power cables running into a special power-drop near the middle of the room. That information might seem superfluous now, but will come into play shortly in our story.

So, we still have no answer to what's causing the server problems, but we all have work to do, so we keep plugging away, hoping for the best.

The team leader is insisting the VAR swap in a new server.

One night, we (the device-driver team) are working late, burning the midnight oil, right there in the office, and we bear witness to something I will never forget.

The cleaning staff came in.

Anxious for a brief distraction from our marathon of debugging, we stopped to watch them set up and start cleaning the office for a bit.

Then, friends, I Am Not Making This Up(tm)... I watched one of the cleaning staff walk right over to that beautiful RS/6000 dev server, dwarfed in shadow beside that huge robotic disc enclosure... and yank the server power cable right out of the dedicated power drop. And plug in their vacuum cleaner. And vacuum the floor.

We each looked at one-another, slowly, in bewilderment... and then went home, after a brief discussion on the way out the door.

You see, our team-leader wasn't with us that night; so before we left, we all agreed to come in late the next day. Very late indeed.

Although this is gonna sound like bullshit, this happened to me for real. Since that moment I use even more backup services AND I regularly check EVERYTHING.

Had a backup of my important data (still used mainstream services back then) on:

- Hotmail email attachments
- Google Drive
(Both link to another email account).
- A few data backup services
- DVD
- USB
- External HDD.

I wanted to copy some backup data over again:

1. Walk to my staple of HDD's, tried to grab it, somehow missed and knocked the whole fucking pile over. HDD broken.

2. Well fuck, let's go put some of my clothes in the washing machine for clean clothes at study/monday. After this shit being in the washing machine for just a few minutes, I realized my backup USB stick was in one of my pockets, in the washing machine. FUCK. Couldn't stop it so I waited till the end, tried it and well, it wasn't working at all anymore.
Fuck my fucking life slightly right now.

3. *remembers about the backup disc*. I forgot to keep it in its case, very deep scratches and so on, unreadable. FUCKING FUCK.

4. Right, I still have those online services! *tries to login to all of them (including hotmail/gdrive) but forgot the password. Well, let's login to my backup account then (hadn't used that one in years). Account was suspended for some reason.
Started to get really anxious because every online backup service was linked to that email address.
Contacted customer support. They really couldn't restore it because of some issues they weren't allow to tell me. Sorry but I couldn't retain access.

5. Well this is fucked up. Couldn't get into any of the backup/hotmail/gdrive accounts anymore.
I tried contacting their support but never got any replies.

This was the moment I realized I fucked up big fucking time because damn, this stuff at this level hardly happens to anyone.

FUCK.

Office politics rant:

I work with lazy ass whose only purpose is to flirt with each other and pass time to go home. Selfish and narcissist people.

Nobody bats an eye on them. My shithead manager doesn't say a word to them because there's a dick amongst them who licks his ass on behalf of all others.

Anyway, I am not much concerned about them as long as they don't bother me or interfere in my work.

Today I came to know that a friend (also a senior team member who hardly works) resigned. Along with him, another co-worker quit. Another one to quit soon.

My manager puts all their workload on me. Well, no problem. I go to office to work and I am okay with this.

Shit hit the fan when 80% of the team is idle and I am overloaded unnecessarily. Why? Because I work. Work responsibly and consider myself accountable for the work I do. I delivere quality with efficiency.

All of the remaining members (except for that ass licker) are my juniors and draw double my salary.

I am trying hard to find another project within organisation. But no success. I tried to get a senior director of other department to help me but every effort wasted.

I am emotionally fucked. My start-up is going nowhere. My other side projects are stuck. I have literally wasted last 10 months and haven't learned a thing. My family is least interested in me. I am incurring financial loss in my stock market investment and missed some great opportunities to invest.

Well I am fine. Not anxious, depressed, hurt, angry or sad. Because I know no matter how bad a person is, there's at least one good thing in them.

I believe there are still people out there who go out of their way to help others.

I see hope and believe that one day everything will turn out well much better than expected.

I believe there is still good in this world and everyone (no matter how good or bad they are) deserve happiness.

At the end of the day, I found this picture on internet which made me feel peaceful which I would like to share it with everyone. 😊

Shine on 💎

As I'm a privacy conscious person and people often call me paranoid, i decided to have a look at the definition of paranoia.

Paranoia appearantly consists of:
- having intense fearful/anxious feelings.
- delusional thinking, thinking that things which aren't true are true.

These are the most common symptoms I could find on every health website.

The interesting part is that neither of those things apply to me... (not delusional either, the things I try to protect myself from are quite real)

................🤔

I've just decided!
I am going to stop smoking.

I'm just afraid of the first days, where I'm going to crave nicotine, be anxious, have cold sweats, be in mental and even physical pain, and have noting to put in my longs when I'm bored or anxious.

I'm just going to smoke this last packet and I'm done with this shit!
I am physically sick of thinking about cancer and other diseases, and I'm sick of feeling like an old man.
I'm frickin' 22!

Please God, give me strength.

So... m starting my internship tomorrow. 4 months, 6-8 hours a day, 5 days a week.
M VERY anxious and quite frightened to b honest.
Wish me luck guys 😨😨😅😅

It is kinda what I wanted though... contains web parts but also C++ 😍
Tech stack: c++, JS, Python 😅

Why am I able to write a quick search algorithm in JavaScript but am not able to talk to girls?

Shouldn't the second one be easier than the first one?

Shouldn't every human being be able to do the first one?

I've always been anxious about putting my stuff on GitHub.

However, I did upload a project of mine there.

Thoughs few minutes after uploading it:

"Omg, is anyone judging how bad my code is?"
"I'm sure they will criticize it."
"O shit, I forgot a // TODO in there."
"O shit did I upload my credentials by mistake?"
"Does this commit message sound right?"
"Should I commit more often?"
"Do I commit too often?"

It wasn't my curiosity that introduced me to programming. Actually, it was my mother.

It was about six years ago, when I'd told her I'd like to make video-games, like all kids do. She didn't just nod and go about her way. She found a free course that taught programming to kids my age and immediately enrolled me. Looking back, it was surely the best thing she'd done for me, because it gave me a purpose and a future to look forward to.

The course was interesting. We learned the basics of C++, then moved on to harder topics like algorithms and data types. But more and more, I was beginning to feel left behind. Like I didn't belong there. It didn't help that I only programmed on the course, with no practice back home.

I felt scared of the future. Thought I didn't have what it takes to become a programmer. I might have broken the last straw when I started playing truant and went to McDonald's to pass the time. Because every time I did go to the course, I felt stupid and anxious. So I simply skipped.

Time passed. I got more depressed, became more antisocial, my self-esteem took a nosedive. And when it comes to depression, people always seek an escape path.

I got my escape in fiction. Started reading books, tried writing stories, and it got to the point where I asked my mother if I could become a writer and not a programmer.

And guess what? She said, "Do what brings you happiness. This is your life."

It's funny, that such a silly line stopped and got me to think. Turned out, I didn't program for fun, for myself or for my career. I'd done it for my parents, for their expectations and I was scared that in failing, I'd become a loser in their eyes.

I dropped out of the programming course. Not because it sucked, but because I wasn't going there for myself, but for my parents. But I didn't quit programming. No, I watched countless tutorials, youtube videos, browsed StackOverflow, read some books, coded every day, and now I can say without hesitation, that I love programming. I'm hooked. And I don't want to stop.

If you've read this so far, I'm sorry for my rambling. I will now leave you with only one tip: If you decided to do something, do it for yourself. Forget about parents, expectations, career, future, time or money and do it only because you want to. Because nothing else matters. Only your happiness.

Scariest Web Page i Made:

So i was outside the hotel where my friend works, as he went away to submit work related papers and i sat in the car.

The car was parked in the middle of two others. To pass time i started working on my Web Page..
To me it was just a simple html,css,js source code..(wasn't even client side)...

To the other non-programmer hotel staff (Prying) eyes it was:

A shady guy, dressed in black in a car parked outside the server room. To top that off i had Dark theme on my editor.

So now two staff members are staring at me from outside the car...

I was well aware of what message this whole setup might be sending.

So i got a little anxious and did one thing that i should not have done i.e started looking at them with coy eyes as i typed.

Next minute i was being asked to step outside the car.
I was scared,not by the situation ... i was scared of their ignorance and how would i explain what those many colored lines on a black screen meant.

However it was solved..... but i knew this was the scariest page i ever made.

What I do when I sit down to work:
Get a cup of coffee or tea,
Sit down open up some music; rock if I'm feeling okay or slow jazz if I'm feeling anxious,
Open my text editor (Atom, I love it so much),
Open git desktop,
Look at what was my last commit,
Remember where I left off,
Look blankly at code for a few minutes,
Then I pull up phone and start writing stupid shit like this on devrant.

'Twas the night before deployment and all through Hipchat
Not an intern was stirring, or a CSM, at that,
The feature design was approved with care,
The business case and user feedback were there.

The sales team was home watching the game in their beds,
Making "Presidents Club" danced in their heads,
The CEO mused over valuation cap,
And how the competition could take a dirt nap.

When in pager duty there arose such a clatter
The night devs logged in to see what was the matter.
Away to the server logs they flew in a flash
To see what had made the primary DB crash.

The pristine backups in the freshly pushed cloud
Gave joy and relief to the now-anxious crowd.
When what, on the CDN status page should appear,
But holly-red downtime and a DDoS severe.

With little fanfare and at speeds none could detect,
In toddy-wreathed glow appeared the Senior Architect!
In mere milliseconds the commands they came,
Were whistled, and shouted, and called out by name:

"Now Traceroute, now Nmap, now Dig, now loopback Localhost!
On Makefile, on Linker, on Tar, on avocado toast!
To the bottom of the Btree, to the root CA,
Now compile! Compile! And restore away!!"

As JS frameworks of the day away fly ,
When the zeitgeist forgets them in the race to the sky,
So up to the network backbone they flew,
The Architect on her PDP-10, with her Dynabook too!

And then in a twinkling, the emergency team
Saw the DDoS reverse, and the bits surged downstream
Packets, like snowflakes, flashed before our wint'ry eyes,
At 1024 GB/s, a wonderland of surprise!

Her eyes, how they twinkled! Her shell scripts-- concise!
Her bytecode so polished it ran on any device!
Her soldering iron swung freely from her hip,
From a hot whiskey toddy she enjoyed a long sip.

She spoke not a word but went straight to her work,
And synced the prod DB where the tables went berserk.
And laying her spanner aside of her nose,
And giving a nod, to obscurity she rose!

She sprang to her PDP, to her mainboard gave a knock,
Rebooted the magnets and refreshed the clock.
She exclaimed as she vanished, giving us her last jabs,
"Remember to always use spaces, not tabs!"

Every time I post a question to SO I feel so anxious.
Did I provide enough code samples and information?
Did I provide TOO MUCH information?
Is my English alright?
Did I really try everything else or will someone point out something totally obvious after that I feel that I need to delete my post because it's just dumb?

Feeling anxious right now... Worst of all: it's an important work related question, so I have to think about a new task because this issue was my only one and a road blocker.

AAAARRGGHHH!

TL;DR: Long, boring, depressive and introspective rant. Don't read.

So I have been an annoying dickhead all my life. I have hurt people with my words and action beyond repair, especially the ones who loved me the most.

I was never good in studies, wasted my parents hard earned cash on trivial demands, never played any sport or participated in any events.

Hardly had any friends. Even today people don't like me. They just tolerate my existence and wish I leave their company as soon as I can.

I have many medical issues and have spend a truck full of cash over illnesses that could have been prevented with just basic precautions. I chose to ignore and suffer.

I have never done anything good in my life. Never been productive or achieved anything, atleast in past two and half decades.

Wasted all my worthless time, mindlessly scrolling internet and watching cats videos. Never even cared to learn something useful on internet.

My side project which I loved the most, now holds no value to me. Sometimes, I wonder is it even worth investing so much time and efforts?

I am not comparing my life's bloopers with limelight stage appearances of others. But I am tired of trying.

This time I won't curse people around me or blame the circumstances. Because the problem lies with myself. It's me and only me who is to be blamed.

I have lost countless great opportunities to turn my life around. Yet life keeps throwing lemons at me again and again. Not sure why even when I am tend waste them.

I am not anxious or depressed anymore. I have accepted the situation, life and the fact that I can never be happy or achieve anything. My existence has no purpose.

I am just sad and angry at myself. I am pissed af.

I am stuck in time and lost in space with nop purpose or place.

Nothing more than waste of matter.

I'm a shit programmer

I'm 29 and I assumed that by this point I'd be successful some way or another, either by being financially abundant or technically complex.

I am not, just mildly accomplished instead.

Here'a list of thing I consider challenges that I have:
* I tend to tunnel vision ideas that are terrible or execute them poorly because of said tunnel vision.
* I don't hone my skills, I usually consider my potentials the same as my actuals, as if I achieved everything already, probably product of ny huge ego.
* I communicate poorly with my boss, I sidetrack into thing he didn't ask
* I'm a mess when it comes to reading documentation online, I have the attention span of a fucking fish.
* I work alone, I have 0 networking status or skills.
* I take huge amounts of time to finish my side projects
* Of all the side projects I started I only finished one, the ones that I couldn't finish usually bevame insabely stressful things, so much and so many that I questioned myself many times if I should be a programmer or not.
* I have little discipline or organization, if I work in more than one thing at a time, i get really anxious and stressed.

I am not saying I'm not competent, I think I am (I'm looking at you imaginary scary recruiter googling this online), I'm just not really proud of myself

FUCK ME. JUST FUCK ME.

I AM SO FUCKING PISSED RIGHT NOW.

I WAS PLANNING MY FIRST OVERSEAS VACTION AND ASKED A CUNT FOR SOME HELP.

BITCH TOLD ME THAT I NEED FLIGHT TICKETS FOR VISA. I BOOK TICKETS AND APPLY FOR VISA.

FUCKERS DIDN'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT TICKETS AND THREW THEM ON MY FACE.

VISA WAS DELAYED AND HAD TO CANCEL MY TICKETS.

I FACED A LOSS OF SOME 115 USD.

I TRIED TO CLAIM IT UNDER TRAVEL INSURANCE. SHIT FUCKS HAD 100 USD DEDUCTIBLE.

FUCKERS JUST PAID ME 15 USD WHICH WAS BASICALLY THE INSURANCE PREMIUM I HAD PAID. SO TECHNICALLY I GOT NOTHING.

NOW LATER WHEN AS I REBOOKING THE TICKETS FOR NEW DATES, I GET A GOOD DEAL.

BEING A LAZY PIECE OF TURD, I DECIDE TO BOOK LATER.

FEW DAYS LATER, KABOOM!!!! NO DEAL IS AVAILABLE.

A DAY LATER THE DEAL IS AVAILABLE. I SAID WILL BOOK ONE WEEK BEFORE THE DATES. YEAH!!! I AM A LOSER CUNT.

DEAL MISSING AGAIN THE NEXT DAY. FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!

I HAVE TO BOOK THE TICKETS INDIVIDUALLY. I WAIT FOR A FEW MORE DAYS. THE PRICES ARE RISING EACH DAY.

INCOGNITO OR COUPONS OR SKYSCANNER. NO SHIT WORKS.

I FINALLY DECIDED TO BOOK THE TICKETS. IT COSTED ME 130 USD MORE THAN THE ORIGINAL DEAL.

SO OVERALL, DUE TO LACK OF PLANNING AND LAZINESS, I ENDED UP WASTING 230 USD FOR NO GODDAMN MONSTER DICK SUCKING REASON.

UGTSUGBZHJHSZHRGVNSURHGUBVHJ.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT MORE SUCH WASTE OF MONEY AWAITS ME DURING THE ENTIRE TRIP.

MY MOOD IS RUINED ALREADY BECAUSE THE PLANNING AND EVERYTHING IS STRESSING ME OUT AND INSTEAD OF EXCITEMENT, I AM ANXIOUS.

FUCK SHIT EATING DONKEY FUCKING TOUTS.

>first day on the job (first ever)
>received job interview email from another company literally the moment I entered the building.

I WAS ALREADY ANXIOUS ENOUGH!

Have a Skype interview in 15min for a backend position. Only the first screening, but I'm anxious anyway.
Wish me luck!

A few months ago, I decided to let go some old clients with bad behavior and/or bad projects, since I noticed this was affecting my mental health (lowering my self esteem, make me feel depressed, anxious, etc).

I was exhausted of doing miracles in projects without git, build files, staging enviroments (yes... you can imagine), and receive all sort of curses when sudenly something stopped to work.

I set some requirements to work with any new project/client: 1) project needs to be under version control, 2) it must have staging enviroment, 3) I must work with build files.

As I still have contracts running, I'm communicating this to clients as soon as I finish my obligations.

Today, one of these clients told me they are leaving to work with another developer.

Reason: They said my new requirements are unreasonable and they prefer doing the old way.

I write loads of services, tools, programs for myself (unpaid) which I could just as well open source.

Only thing is that the code is usually not that clean and refactoring would take time that I don't have so I'm kinda anxious about putting it out there 😧

I get anxious because I have so many things I want to learn 😑

!dev at all

Was chilling with my t mobile rep trying to get some issues resolved regarding what Verizon's bitchass was trying to do after i left their shitty company.

While i was there and my dude was working his magic i noticed this smoking chick walking around the store waiting for someone to help her out. So being that everyone was busy and sorta scared of talking to her( i can sense that shit) i told my boy to go and pick her as his customer, to be flirty and cool and shit.

My poor dude was all like "nah man I dunno how to talk to girls...."

I was telling him "bro, you ain't bad looking, just go, introduce yo ass and tell her that you'll take care of her in a min!"

"But i get all anxious and shit"

"Nah man, just talk to her like you did to me when we first met, she is just a customer, i aint telling you to ask her out on a date, just i dunno practice talking to girls! No harm with that! Specially this one b look at them leeeeeeegs!"

Now, why did I care? The reason is that he mentioned to me after seeing my wife (total babe) that he pictures me as a player. Which I was but that is beyond the point. And he said that he had always had trouble talking to girls.

So i told him what to do, said to be calm and confident. Ninja is an alpha salesman, and great with t mobile services, so he has that confidence, told him to exude that shit as if he was talking to a guy.

Homeboy got ballsy, drank 5 gallons of man the fuck up and went and did what I did. Then she went ahead and stand next to us, and i put on the good words for my dude "ah you got the best rep right here! G boy is bomb with everything!!" She was laughing saying that she hopes that he can help her with her phone.

"Don't worry, i got you, its just a small thing and if you want i'll show you what to do for future occasions"

"Oh so you don't want me to come back if it happens?"

"Haha you can come back any time as long as I am the one helping you out"

DAAAAAAAAAAAMN son!!

"Ok, but only if its you"

Daaaaaaaaaamn

Went better than expected. The dude needs more confidence, he aint bad looking at all and don't want him missing out on some of the babes we got walking around town.

Lord knows I had my fun with them.

WHY AM I SO FUCKING AWKWARD OH MY LORD! LITERALLY ALL I HAD TO DO WAS WATCH A SCHOOL PLAY AND THEN GET A PICTURE WITH A CAST MEMBER AND IT WAS PROBABLY ONE OF THE FEELINGS I'VE HAD IN THE PAST WEEK! GOD FUCKING DAMMIT I AM SO DONE WITH THIS! I'M TIRED OF BEING SO AWKWARD AND ANXIOUS! I DON'T GET HOW PEOPLE CAN DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT WITHOUT FEELING UNCOMFORTABLE. THIS HAS LITERALLY RUINED MY FUCKING LIFE AND I'M SO TIRED OF IT. I KNOW PEOPLE LIKE ME BUT I JUST CAN'T GET MYSELF TO TALK TO ANYONE! THE SIMPLEST THINGS TAKE SO MUCH OUT OF ME AND I'M SICK OF IT! I'M JUST TIRED OF IT! I'm just, tired.

Here I am sitting outside presentation room right before me last presentation of this semester, I've got a bad feeling that I might fuck this up. Wish me luck guys and gals.

I resigned from my job Friday. Boss took it a lot better than I expected and I'll still stay in contact with him as a friend. I was really worried I would get guilted.

My boss seemed to understand that I'm only am intermediate dev any way you look at it, I've plateaued in my curve and cannot seem to get past this hump. I decided to find a team with some seriously smart people to learn from and that is what I did.

My last day is 21 Jun. I leave for northern cali 23 Jun and start my job 1 Jul.

I'm so excited. Although highly anxious as well. I just hope I'm what they expect. I don't have much savings to rely on if this doesn't work out.

But gotta try. Do or die. Jump in with both feet and see what happens.

After becoming so comfortable in the last 2 years, I forgot how alive switching jobs and driving across country makes me feel. Probably why I switch jobs every few years, it's hard for me to comprehend people that stay at single company for 20 years. I get seriously ansy after a year or two like I need something different. Been playing it safe last few years, but I'm back to rolling the dice and it's exciting. I will learn more at this new company in next six months than I learned by myself in last 2 years. They have some amazingly smart people there.

Lastly I am finally leaving Texas (no offense to Texas natives who for some reason think this is greatest place in Earth) but the Western US is where I feel most at home, so excited, been wanting to leave Texas for a long time now and finally have opportunity to do so.

Backstory:
So, yesterday was first time I worked with other developers in like 4 years. I am in Scotland to integrate my library into our Epicor ERP system. I am working with another developer from our company from a different department.

I have always been worried about how fast I can create solutions, I always thought I was a slower than average developer.

I haven't worked on a team or with other developers in years, so I don't have anyone to gauge my performance against. I really have no baseline to judge where I am at on the spectrum of developer experience and efficiency.

It has always made me slightly worried about switching jobs because I am worried about thinking I am better than I actually am, getting a job with a much higher salary, then failing to perform as expected.

After working with this other developer, he is very methodical and meticulous, but sooooo slow!

In fact I was getting anxious just watching him implement simple routines. I cannot judge his code as it was just implementing my library and some debugging, but if the average developer works at that pace, I am a developer god!

One thing I did notice, is, the code he writes probably has much less bugs in it initially than the code I would write. Generally I go through and fix those bugs and expand on the code after I publish, I would be almost sure, he would have less issues with his code, but it would take 2 extra weeks to get his code out vs mine. I could churn out something much more quickly and get it to the same quality standards within a few hours after I've published and get feedback. (generally I cannot stand testing, so I publish and let everyone else (users) test for me and push fixes out immediately.

So are you slow and methodical? or quick and dirty? which one is more preferred in the industry?

!rant

int postsSoFar = 0;

Hello everyone! This is my first post here, so I guess we can do postsSoFar++ on this ocassion.

Let me start off by saying I'm grateful I have found this community! Only devs can understand devs problems. So it's great to have found a place for people to release their anger and frustrations where they're not part of a minority.

That being said, I'm not to keen on commenting too much or anything at all. I mostly enjoy seeing rants from others. But I never find myself to be in a position of being 'helpful' to the discussion.

Reading things that I don't understand make me feel left out. Not only posts here, but even source codes for projects and such. I feel overwhelmed at times and barely get a general idea of what's happening.

That being said, I love programming and started it seriously two years ago. C++, Java and Python are my favorites even though, at times, I don't understand them fully.

I'm more of a lurker on most social media but here it feels like I could share my experiences. But I don't have interesting enough things to say. And I'm anxious of even trying to say my opinion on something without someone else already saying it.

This is not a cry for help on how to be more social. But I am sure there are others like me in here that would love to start on speaking out their thoughts.

I know how welcoming and friendly you can be, guys and gals, to newbies. So, it would be appreciated if you continued to do so, including myself, of course.

Much love from a newbie programmer! <3

So I need some advice from some fellow devs here...

I recently accepted a job offer at a new company and I'll be leaving my place of work for the last 11 years. I'm a senior level dev who comes from a place where software is more of a secondary function and the skills of my peers are very... Atypical of most software developers.

My interview was ok, but I passed the mark barely - in that they recognize I'm rusty and have some gaps to shore up, but have decided to give me an offer anyway. I'm taking a "step down" to enter in as a level below senior to get my foot in the door of a real tech company.

I've got myself convinced I'm setting myself up to fail, despite being told by people that work there that they encourage mistakes and that they wouldn't be offering me a position if they didn't think I'd be successful.

Is it typical to feel inadequate and worried you'll be fired prematurely for underperformance? I've had little to no experience in a fast paced tech job so I have little to refer to. I was a very high performer where I'm coming from, but that's hard to equate to where I'm going. It seems like classic "impostor syndrome".

I've not even started there yet but I'm terrified my anxiety will get the better of me before I even have my first day there. Anyone out there have any advice?

I'm excited for this new opportunity but I can't seem to shake the fear of the unknown.

Boss (to everyone): "we must have a meeting now and discuss about some importants things"
Me: "ok, but..why?"
Boss: "because i'm too anxious"
Me: ...

I've got my new job less than a month ago. On this Monday i've got annoyed by the unhappy faces in the office and said to them, that i'll work from home. But instead I boarded a train from Zurich to Milan. Checked in to a really nice Milan coworking space called Login. And had some google hangouts meetings all while beeing anxious that some might get suspicious that I left the country. 😅

recruiter calls me up about a node position. I agree to a phone interview the next day at 3pm. wait around until 3:30pm...no call. I talk to him and he apologized a bunch and forgot to tell (or confirm the time) with the hiring company. he rescheduled for 2 days later (Fri) at 4pm. I wait around until 4:30pm...no call. this time he tells me I didn't answer my phone and I'm unprofessional. 5 min later I get an email from LinkedIn. (from the ceo of the hiring company) asking if I ever got back to the recruiter because they have been anxious to speak with me after seeing my resume.

He never once actually scheduled anything with them and led us both on.

Friend: 'im really anxious, i need a job this summer and i dont know if i can find one with my stack'
Me:'why, whats your stack?'
Friend:'php, mysql, javascript'
Me:'...DUDE'

No errors/warnings with the first run after a few hours of programming... getting an anxious feeling..

Am I the only dev that doesn't wear headphones? Being unaware of my surroundings makes me more anxious than it's worth

It's making me really anxious that I have to cut down on UI/UX as well as code quality just to meet my deadline.

When you're in your mid-twenties and get the first few wrist aches on your mouse hand and get anxious about possible carpal tunnel syndrome... I can't be the only one.

Man, I'm a second week intern at a company, and the anxiety that I have is making me stupid. I literally lose all of my coding skills, stuff that I could do at home in 15 minutes takes hours at work.

Am I crazy, or will this go away.

( am a naturally stressed and anxious person, I know this is not good)

!rant

I have been at my current company for seven years. I am in a senior position and I am a senior person in the department with a lot of systems that I am responsible for. Anyway I am getting really tired of my management and getting burned out working basically 24x7 on call. My last two vacations I have been called and worked 6 hours each time.

So, tomorrow I have a second interview at another company, I am worried what will happen if / when I leave. I have a feeling I will probably land a side contract with my current employer.

I think I am sure I am ready to leave, just a little anxious about the change.

I'm about to quit my job this week to start my own software company... I have a meeting this friday with the first potential-client and I feel very anxious about it. I also feel scary because if this doesn't work probably I will stay unemployed with a 30K debt because of my Mac

Scary but anxious... Feel pretty excited, wish me luck guys!

the feeling when you have typed up ans signed a resignation letter and still need to turn it in and "the talk" with your boss.

made all the better by the fact that we are opening a new location in the time span of the 2 weeks notice I'm about to give.

oh and the boss will be going on vacation just after that.

SCStudentRant?

I have a subj called "Fundaments of Operative Systems" (or something along those lines), and I have 2 crappy teachers, one for the theory classes, the other for the exercise classes.
The exercise classes teacher is said to be the worst in uni and every time I think about that class I get a bit anxious because I can never do anything in it. Basically we don't get taught code in theory classes and he just comes and says "do this exercise" without explaining anything first. And when he does I still don't understand it.
I bet like 90% of us have no idea how to program in C and we need that for those classes. I hate C with a passion because of this.
In the theory classes, the teacher explains most of the things without powerpoints, and when we don't understand something (either ask about something he said or what's written in the board), he REFUSES to explain or say what's written, because he has "explained it before". He even chuckles as if it was really funny that we can't read his handwriting or just didn't listen because we were writting things down OH MY GOD. So most of the times when I copy things from the boards and then look at them at home I'm like "what the hell is this, this doesn't make any sense, what did he even write" (has some word that looks like what he wrote with ?? around it)
I think they wanna watch us fail. I really do.
I kinda understand the theory classes, but half the test is writing code. How am I gonna write code if I don't understand it? I have a work for that subj to deliver until monday but I can't make it work because I don't know the code I have to write. Damn it all to hell jesus christ

Additional note: they're both in their 60s and should be retiring not long from now so maybe that's why they act so carelessly.
Love the uni, not so much some of the teachers

My most successful project is unsurprisingly the first and only project I ever made public. It's a very simple TweetDeck wrapper based on Electron. It was featured on some tech site and as far as I can tell quite some people actually use it. Feels kind of nice even though I'm anxious about people hating it.

My final exam for Python3. I had previously failed this course, and the exam only had three questions. If I failed to answer one question I would have to take the course over, and my GPA would fall so hard that I wouldn't be able to take the course again. So I was extremely grave, and extremely anxious beyond belief.

I uploaded the two easy answers to the site.

And the last one was so baffling to me I stayed 5 minutes extra to figure it out. I nearly failed so badly.

My GPA is now 3.6 again. (😤 "Triumph" emoji)

Fuck my boss.
He's making me do non-dev work that I'm absolutely not qualified to do and he's even writing to me on Slack to make me do some of it outside my working days.
I'm getting so fucking anxious whenever I'm trying to work with this shit because I have no fucking clue what exactly am I supposed to do.
FUCK

What To Learn?

I'm a beginner in web development and have knowledge about html, css, JavaScript, jQuery, Sass, NodeJS, Express, MongoDB, Passport. You can consider me to be a beginner full stack developer, but I'm confused about what to learn further. There are so many front end frameworks that one can spend his entire life learning them. React, Vue, Angular, Backbone, etc. But I always want to learn backend properly, then there's Rails, PHP, SQL, Python. Can anyone atleast tell me what to learn and why exactly? This thing's making me mad and anxious.

Really wish I could fast forward to working as a developer professionally... the learning process takes forever and I'm so anxious and sick of the job I'm at...

Having the coder anxiety, can't finish code in one sitting, getting anxious, not eating because cannot eat while in the middle of something "important". Trying to finish it anyway, getting more tired, staying up too late, losing concentration on the next day and doing it all over again...

I'm starting a new job in a month!

I'm simultaneously excited and anxious about it.

Excited because I get to work on some new cool projects, use new tech, get great pay and benefits, and it really seems like a great place for me.

Anxious because I am currently on sick leave with stress, because my current job wore me down. Not so much the tasks themselves, but the atmosphere and attitude of management. So I have to hope that I can manage to get enough rest in the coming month that I am well enough to perform well at my new job.

I just noticed that I'm super fucking anxious about whatsapp and such when people take too long to answer.

Although I have to stop looking at my phone every fucking minute (not joking) , people taking 5+ hours to answer is ridiculous too.

I start shaking and getting nervous when there is something I really, really want to say.

Today in school we started talking about Amazon Alexa and privacy.
This topic concerns me a lot and I started talking in front of the whole class about Google and things they do to spy on you. After about 30 seconds of me talking I started shaking because there was so much I wanted to say and with so much enthusiasm and also a bit of anger.

I know this is the problem that I need to work it out. But still I would like to share with you guys here.

I start to feel bored after working in current company for 5+ years. I love my colleagues, I love my job actually. But after 5 years, I start to feel that there is nothing much I can learn from working in this company. And that really makes me feel uncomfortable.

So I get on LinkedIn to search and apply new jobs, I think it's good to talk with experts from other companies, to know more about what's happening in world. And perhaps to find a new opportunity.

Then I happens to find a startup which is doing something fits my background, and more advance. I feel like I will learn a lot working there.

The startup is also very interested in me. So the CEO and me have a quick chat on Skype 3 days after my application. We talked a lot and feel right to each other. Which I think I am highly possible to be hired. I am really exciting.

But later, I just hesitated. Because it is an Europe company and I am born and live in Asia. Going there may sacrifice time with my family and my friends. I am afraid I can not fit in at new company. I don't even 100% sure that I will like most of the things at new company.

I know I need to make decision on my own career. I just want to share the story, it makes feel less anxious. I am talking to my manager (which is my good friend) today. I hope everything go well.

I'm done fighting with my professor over my thesis project. They want me to go slower in building my project and we only have 7 weeks to deployment. Well screw you how in the hell do you expect me to prototype, build, bug fix and deploy all this and go SLOWER. YOU AREN'T AIMING TO BE A CAREER DEVELOPER ARE YOU?

I feel really sick this morning. Between the anxiety of graduating soon and my debt...

I just want live for myself. Not the sake of a school or some corporate entity. When this is over I want to work overseas in Europe. Do something for myself for once.

How do you handle working in a place with people when you're anxious and awkward af.

My most anxious moments are when I don't know why my code works.

Seeing titles on the line of "Vue.js is much better than React and Angular". I haven't managed to learn Angular properly until now and people are already moving on to a new framework.

We are an anxious bunch of magpies, always looking for a new shiny trinket, aren't we?

TL;DR: I'm stressed out over choosing a side project because of the commitment and fear of failure :(

I'm a student and summer vacation starts in 3 days (and actually has already started for me, thanks to a "smartly planned" hospital stay), so I'm currently looking for a cool project to start. This will be my third summer vacation during which I want to make complete a project, and I never actually did it. The first year, I couldn't think of any reasonable, doable project which would be interesting and fitting for the time scope (I was quite new to programming back then, so I probably couldn't have done things that would be interesting to me, an any project that I could've done would just take 20 minutes, cause I wouldn't understand anything more complex). The second time, I chose a project too big with too much new things I had to learn on the go. I actually pushed through for nearly a week, but then I realized that I only completed like 25% in that time, so I lost my motivation, thinking I could never finish it, while not wanting to start a complete new project, because that would've felt like wasting the time I put into my first project. It was still a valuable project and I learned a lot by doing it, but this year I want to actually finish a project; so I'm really stressed out right now trying to come up with a good project.
Usually I have millions of vague ideas in my head, but as soon as it comes to choosing, every single one seems to be the wrong one, or I forget about all of them. Everything that kinda interests me seems way to big and complicated to me, but I sometimes feel like I'm just underestimating my abilities, but on the other hand I have ~25 projects on my hard drive, of which 4 or 5 are finished and most will never be finished. :/
And it's just so overwhelming to choose something like that, because on one hand I really want to do a bigger project that I actually finish, and summer vacation is the only time I have so much time to code, and I love coding, but on the other hand choosing such a project that I will work 2-3 weeks on is too much commitment and also I'm anxious about failing it and never finish it, just abandon a buggy mess. Am I the only one to feel that way, or are you too having problems choosing side problems?

And, I guess if you have any ideas for a suitable project (literally anything, so that I might be exposed to some new ideas), just comment it.

Wait this is crazy!
Well I'm not an anxious or depressed type.
But no melatonin pill = no sleep
Worst part is no sleep during the day cause of sun light.

Even taking pills won't guarantee my sleep .
Yes I told my doc and he said "just relax , limit your caffeine "

Have you experienced this?

1. Find a decent, entry level job at a company for full time
2. Graduate from my two year tech school with my degree
3. Apply/start at a university for my Bachelor's degree.
4. Start actually building my database application project. Its been on the back burner for over a year.
5. Try not to be so doubtful or unsure of dev skills. Try being less anxious to ask for advice or explanations, and dont let lack of knowledge discourage or embarrass me from growing my skills.

So, first: I'm a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to code and love to think I know everything.

We had a group project at university and me being laid back but unknown to the other people, the "rest" of them was together with me in a group. We got to know each other and actually we were a pretty cool group. I guess "the rest" in a computer science course means you get the cool guys.^^

1/6 of us did ever code in C# and 2/6 even knows what an engine is and how unity works. I was in both sixths, got group leader somehow (if you'd know me from school. Omg. I was that one guy not knowing what went on, saying my two sentences at the presentation and took the B-.:D), so what to do to have a nice 2 weeks with them?
We did a crash course, I taught them some basics and everything.

The point is, i was hella nervous and i really get anxious if something is expected from me.

Long story short, I talked a whole week for 5-7 hours straight without real pauses and eating wayyy less a man should. Dude I was literally dead on my way home on friday evening. I felt like I would fall over any fucken second, i was all shakey, dizzy as hell, weird vision, everything. It felt like I was about to die on the spot.

I got home though, ate like 1/2 kilograms of pasta and felt myself coming back to life.:D

What to learn from this:
Keep the fuck calm, do pauses, drink and eat enough and don't rush all in for a fucken week without real rest..^^
It fucks you up and doesn't do anything good for your productivity.

We got an A btw, so in the end, all went good.(:

!rant && anxiousness

So, I applied for several jobs because I started hating my current job and the boss.
On my CV and motivation letter I really only wrote stuff I am confident enough with to show if someone would ask me.
I only have 2.5 years of work experience and a B.Sc.

In 3 days I already got 2 answers out of 3 companys, I applied at, who would like to meet me.
Tomorrow is the first meeting.
Now I am anxious that I might still not live up to my CV or motivation letter although I know that I use the techniques mentioned there daily.
I fear that I might be not as good as they might think now, even feel like I know nothing at all.

I never really believed I would fall in the imposter syndrome trap, but here it is.

Any advice? I really want to find another job and I don't want to screw up the interview because I am too nervous.

Finally got my new MacBook Air. I was beyond anxious to put the first stickers on it.

(The other devRant one is on the inside.)

Pentesting for undisclosed company. Let's call them X as to not get us into trouble.
We are students and are doing our first pentest at an actual company instead of assignments at school. So we're very anxious. But today was a good day.
We found some servers with open ports so we checked a few of them out. I had a set of them with a bunch of open ports like ftp and... 8080. Time to check this out.
"please install flash player"... Security risk 1 found!

System seemed to be some monitoring system. Trying to log in using admin admin... Fucking works. Group loses it cause the company was being all high and mighty about being secure af. Other shit is pretty tight though.

Able to see logs, change password, add new superuser, do some searches for USERS_LOGGEDIN_TODAY! I shit you not, the system even had SUGGESTIONS for usernames to search for. One of which had something to do with sftp and auth keys. Unfortunatly every search gave a SQL syntax error. Used sniffing tools to maybe intercept message so we could do some queries of our own but nothing. Query is probably not issued from the local machine.

Tried to decompile the flash file but no luck. Only for some weird lines and a few function names I presume. But decompressing it and opening it in a text editor allowed me to see and search text. No GET or POST found. No SQL queries or name checks or anything we could think of.

That's all I could do for today. So we'll have to think of stuff for next week. We've already planned xss so maybe we can do that on this server as well.

We also found some older network printers with open telnet. Servers with a specific SQL variant with a potential exploit to execute terminal commands and some ftp and smb servers we need to check out next week.

Hella excited about this!

If you guys have any suggestions let us know. We are utter noobs when it comes to this.

So I have to give a technical presentation in front of 50+ people in 6 days. I'm just about shitting my pants right now. And thinking what to talk about.

Any ideas? Mine are:
1. Arduino and Raspberry Pi--the future of automation.
2. Privacy and how personal information is now another way of profit.

Any app which can save offline public transit navigation and maps?

I tried G Maps, Moovit and City Mapper. All of them need internet.

Also, how easily can I find internet on a foreign land?

Helping your family with their computers would be much more pleasant if they used right language:
"PLEASE, we NEED you superior problem-solving intelligence and self-confidence, because we are too stupid and anxious to do it ourselves! Please help us!!!"

while( battlefield1 != released ) {
thumbs.twiddle = true;
}

Anyone else anxious for something announced at E3?

Hey guys. Next week i wil have my first programming interview (C stuff) aaaand well, as everybody was i guess, i'm very anxious about it. It's my first interview and i want it to go well! Any advices? ^^

Mgmt approves original high-to-low priority schedule, and then gets anxious why low-priority items aren't getting done. 😒... maybe because you didn't mark them as a medium or high priority!

I'm about to graduate and I'm fucking exhausted ALL THE TIME. When I'm not in class, I'm at work. When I'm not at work or class, I'm working on projects. Trying to cover all my bases has left me incredibly anxious and unable to rest, so I don't sleep well and I'm fucking tired constantly, making it more difficult to do *anything*.

And if I hear "it's almost over" ONE MORE TIME :| yes, I know it is, that's why I'm freaking the fuck out, because I have 3 major projects I'm trying to balance on top of my internship.

I'm also trying to lose weight so I have to curve the stress eating. I cut out nicotine but I'm slowly picking it back up because

If I'm constantly stressed
And I can't rest
And I can't enjoy food
And I can't enjoy hobbies

Im basically just sitting here for HOURS every day losing my fucking mind without any distraction. 3 weeks until I graduate and it feels like an eternity. Every day is pain.

After much consideration I've decided to learn and use react native over ionic/cordova as I'm going to rewrite most of my views from an existing Web project anyways (if I wanted to make it work with ionic)

I feel anxious and excited at the same time. Hopefully I made the right call.

Anyone here have good experiences switching from ionic to react native?

So I've been in this dilemma.

I'm a senior like around 10 days from graduation. And I know I wanna do programming but like I dont know what area I want to do..

I'm certified in JavaScript and Python which I'm better with python but I dont have any accomplishments to be proud of..

And I've always wanted to make a game (I have a few ideas tbh) but I feel like if I do I'll be sucked into that only and not ever really program software or web apps..

Am I going to succeed? How can I be good enough to be a professional if the best thing I've made is a bit that barely has original code?

me and my friend got a project from a startup company, its a money remittance company,. boy i feel very anxious, specially because it has something do to with money.

Anyone else around here apply for the Google winter 2017 internship? Does anyone know how long they take to respond? I'm excited and anxious! :) Been studying hard to get this internship!

Today is thursday. Oh no.

At thursdays I have a 8h30-19 schedule (I have 1h30' of free time to go home and cry after I finish a class at 15h30 though) and there's this one class I DREAD. It's a 2h class at 17h and it's an exercise class. This wouldn't be so bad it I actually understood the code behind the exercises, because they don't teach us code in the theory classes (btw it's C. I hate that language because of all this). The teacher pretty much tells us "do this exercise", waits like 10' and then starts to (try to) explain what we're supposed to do. Oh my god.
The other day he was like "write "exec ( ... "text" ... )", compile and execute". It didn't work. Of course it didn't why would it? I was switching around between terminal, manual and text editor, to no avail. In the end he explained but I don't think I got it.
Every time I think about this class I die a little inside and start to become somewhat anxious to be honest. The theory is not that that hard, the practice part is what is killing me (I have test in 2w but I'm just gonna start studying earlier so I can go watch this match LoL).
Does someone know a good book (preferably online, if possible) or a good website on C? I really need to read that, that language is killing me.

Bonus: the other day I had to do a homework that was to be delivered. We had to write a program that read the program and its arguments like this:

./program_name
numArgs
arg1
arg2
etc

I wrote the code, had some bumps in the way, asked a colleague for help because we needed to have a custom function made that was to be done in the class but that I couldn't make because of the reasons above. Then it came the time to test. My VM broke (I think I'm gonna format my PC to try to fix that. Have installed some other versions of the VM but the installations fails or the machine doesn't start) so I sent it to said colleague to test. She said it did OK and so I sent the work to this website we have to send our works to.
"2 errors".
What? What happened? She said it worked just fine.
Looked at my code, couldn't see anything wrong.
Asked the same colleague for help.
Turns out I missed a space. A SPACE. I don't think I've ever felt so frustrated in my life. A presentation error in Java is a good thing, at least we know the program works fine, it's just the output that's wrongly formatted. But C? Nope, errors all around, oh my god. I'm still mad about it.
And I owe her a chocolate.

i legit have ptsd and it gets triggered whenever i see math. it has traumatized me. i become anxious, even more depressed and anti confident.

So, I'm about to be up shit's Creek. I need a new source of income, ideally either a new job or becoming a freelancer. I have been making intranet sites with ASP.NET for a while now, and I can tell two things:
1. It's too corporate minded, so I'll need a fucking degree
2. It's too corporate minded, so I'll be stuck with people like my boss, who still use tables to align content despite the project having bootstrap.

I need to do something more fulfilling, but I probably will have to leave my job by December anyway due to some major fuck ups in my life, do I need to get something lined up. I have been brushing up on my HTML, CSS, and JavaScript skills, but when it comes down to it, I suck at design so my "portfolio" is blatant clones to learn CSS and shitty Spartan things.

Basically, I'm anxious, terrified, and unable to figure out what comes next. Do I keep sending job applications and praying to whatever deity will listen, it do I start figuring out this freelance thing? If freelance, then how do I get into it? I'm terrified and desperate.

I'm having a very hard exam on tuesday, and I am very anxious about it. I feel physical pain in my chest just thinking about it.

Question to all JS Frontend Devs: What light and performant library can you recommend me today?
I'm a C++ dev who is a bit anxious about performance, load times etc. and before I stuck my nose into vanilla js, maybe there is something better/faster. I'm a total frontend noob, e.g. I heard that html tables aren't a thing anymore and that I should use divs?
My task is quite simple, I want to give the users the ability to press some buttons and drag and drop stuff around instead of modifying the URL per hand :/
So if someone could point me in the right direction, that would be awesome!

So, I'm an intern and I'm always eager to learn new things and do new things. I want to give all the knowledge I have to improve the projects at work.
I give a lot of opinions about the projects I'm working. Ways to improve it. I sometimes ask why somethings where done that way, to understand.
My supervisors don't like that.
Sometimes I get very anxious because my life is very fucked up in the moment.
I think no one there likes me.
It's funny because in one of the meetings we had about this at some point in the conversation, I don't remember why, they said that "people are not robots", "people have feelings".
But they are always mad about something I said or asked (meanwhile, everyone else are saying bad things about the projects, about other people, even about HR).
I guess people need to unload their stress into someone.
I just want to finish this internship, get my fucking grade, and get out of this fucking company.

I'm thinking about turning myself into a robot.
A human robot.
I'm only going to say: yes, ok, sure, yes sir, hello, goodbye.
Just work like a robot like they want.

I am sitting here fixing some asshole's fuck up (he went and fucked around with the certificates on the Sonic Wall - now DPI SSL doesn't work anymore and people are wondering why things aren't working as they used to).

I have been offered an opportunity to work in a place that is about 1000 miles from where I currently work. The pay is a bit better, and I get benefits (like health, pension, etc - where here I don't get shit).

The issue is that my family and what not are this side. They are begging me not to leave. They don't know that I have been considered for the job.

Not going to lie, the last time I moved away, I nearly died because I have a family to support, and I was porting all my funds back to them (yeah - the one who cheated).

I am anxious as fuck, and today I have an interview.

I don't know if going is the right thing to do. There is so much opportunity, and I might stuggle for about a year - but is the struggle worth it.

I cannot take it where I am now. They appointed a new guy, and he is monumentally fucking everything up. He also doesn't shut up. Even if you ignore him, or tell him that you are busy - he just goes on and on talking. Fuck my life.

Anyways, will see how things go - I don't know what is right - perhaps it will come to me.

I'll let you guys know what happens, not that anyone might directly care - which is fine.

Time to go fix CA, and then code until I die.

So here's where I'm at:
I was just offered a position as employee #5 at a small startup in my area with stock options. I've never experienced this before and I'm unbelievably anxious. On the one hand I genuinely believe in their solution/product and can see it being successful. On the other hand I know there's a huge risk associated with joining the company at that stage. Heck, they're still only going for their seed round in Q2 of next year! Meanwhile I'm working comfortably in an intermediate full stack dev role with 150+ people where I feel that I can be as much/little seen as I want. In other words I could probably coast for several years (and maybe slowly move up) without any trouble.

Has anyone else gone through this before? The opportunity could be huge but it feels like I'm rolling the dice... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Is there any other there that start getting so anxious when programming that bites all nails like me? 10 years without the need for a nail cutter

Every job interview you do makes you feel less prepared for the next one

Was hoping someone with experience can provide insight or advice on this. It's a long one, so thanks in advance to everyone who took time.

Received a great job offer a few weeks ago and was told I'd get a contract in January. They seemed pretty switched on about the kind of problems I might be facing and even raised my asking price, so I'm definitely not interested in looking elsewhere.

However, I started getting interview requests Thursday last week, one of which is for next Thursday.

Received and signed contract on Friday. Haven't received copy with employer's signature yet, but it's still early so np yet. However, I still haven't replied to the interview requests.

Should I turn down the requests or accept them and hope I get the contract back in time to cancel? I mentioned to the recruiter that I was receiving interest from other companies and I wanted to seal the deal with this company, but didn't receive response yet advising me whether it's cool to keep my options open.

I don't wanna look dodgy to the dudes I signed with in the unlikely event they find out I accepted interviews. I also don't wanna come across as combative or a pain to work with by pressuring them to sign soon.

However, I also don't wanna have a panic attack in the middle of revision season if I don't hear from these guys for a week (they get pretty busy at times). I feel like I could be sentencing myself to short-term anxiety (and I'm already anxious af in final year) if I start turning down offers before I have a signed contract.

Thoughts?

More of a moaning than ranting.

I feel like I care a bit too much.

I'm not a great programmer - I may be decent, but nothing more. I know Java and C# enough to write production code that works but as I gather more experience it's getting more and more annoying that I have no one to teach me in work. All I know is what I have learned by myself, from courses online, books and just writing code.

And what drives me crazy is how I'm being pushed from one project and technology to another! It's been a week since I've returned from my exams and I've already worked in C# (ASP.Net Core, MS Office AddIn, WPF, .Net console app), Java (Spring, some legacy project with JBoss, Android) and to top it all, I had to come back to the worst project I've ever been in, where I'm implementing some third party system to county administration, just to finish it off.

I'm happy to gather experience - invaluable with only two years of real, production experience, but I can't focus on one thing because I'm immediately forced to work on another. For some reason I'm seen as Jack-of-all-trades but I really don't feel like that. It makes me anxious as fuck. Not to mention that my personal development as a Dev is held off because of working all alone with no supervisor.

Post Scriptum
Fuck my boss. He won't let me refractor our biggest project yet (console, C#) because "he can listen to my moaning all day but when clients start complaining he has to act fast". Yeah, right. Wish me luck with fixing sluggish performance without reworking base of the app.

So anxious about my job interview with Google on the morning and that I've been up all night brushing up on my Python. And no, that's not a euphemism --but I did take some breaks };-)

You know, in my limited experience, I find the whole CS degree debate to be quite unnerving. I mean, if you can teach yourself to be a computer genius, I greatly respect you. You're really going placed. Sadly though, learning everything on my own is a bit of a challenge for me. I just find this whole degree-holding VS non-degree-holding conversation to be very confusing. I'm currently enrolled in a 4-year CS program. I personally have learned more there iny first week than I have in months on my own. Now I know all too well that development is often more of a craft or a trade than it is a typical procedural job, but I'm honestly really anxious because I have half of the world telling me to pursue a degree (which I am) and I have the other half telling me to gain experience (which I did). The thing that is stressing me out is the continual pressure to do all of one option instead of a little of both. My life is changing faster than the tech industry, and boy is it a bumpy ride. So unless there is good advice to be said regarding the path you take to become an amazing developer, why fight over the need for a CS degree?

How difficult is it to get an entry level programming job without a CS degree?

I'm gettin fed up with all of my shitty university's bullshit. They constantly try to make a fool out of me, the classes are crap, most of them have nothing to do with programming, and every single fucking day i am constantly anxious about my upcoming exams (that are nearly impossibly hard) and I can never know for sure whether the info that my teachers give me is correct or not.

I am seriously considering dropping out of this fuckfest, but I don't know if I can start making a living after that.

What do you think of online tests (for hiring) with a mandatory webcam?
The webcam part is making me anxious enough to back out.

Memory debugging iOS probably makes me more anxious and stressed out than anything. I have put 11
hours into attempting to figure out this crash, but still no progress. It's like I can feel management breathing down my neck to get it done asap. You ever get so stressed out while trying to figure something out at work?

It's been two weeks since I sent my intern application and still no response. Should I poke the HR and the CS?

What do you do with an anxious dev? Put him under pressure. Way to fucking go!

Every night and every time I shower I think if I will still have a job after I am 35-40 because I have heard that the companies are replacing old age developers with new ones.

It makes me very anxious and depressed every day.

Sitting and waiting for my programming paradigms lab... feeling really anxious...

How long does it take until you’re more confident with coding?

Reading through these horror coworker stories and getting anxious what my colleagues would say about me actually. I only started working part time 6 months ago and I definitely have a lot of moments when my questions are plain dumb. The recurring theme I see in these rants is the stubbornness to learn so to everyone reading these stories and getting self conscious stick to it :) having questions and facing problems the only way to learn something and get better. Thanks for the stories everyone.

I am supposed to join a new team next week. And I'm an intern for clarification. The boss is overloading me with work, while I have to juggle with an ongoing knowledge transfer in current team. I've brought home work laptop for the 3rd time this week, and I'm literally working most of the time. What makes this worse, is I feel guilty because boss is in another country and needs me there.

While, I would've been happy to go there, but I feel burdened that I'm being sent to a different place for my skills; and still, I'm not doing my tasks properly.

I'm anxious and haven't had a proper sleep in 3 days.

Is short, quality rant for y'all.

I'm wondering if anyone worked in Microsoft as Data Labeler?
I'm supposed to have an interview in about a month, but since I stated that I know at least basics of C#, Java, and Python, they said I'd have different kind of interview.
I would appreciate any kind of advice, since I'm getting anxious cause I don't know what will be expected from me now cause u usually don't need any coding skills for that job

Edit: the new position is somewhat of an alpha tester I think

Fuck.

I've just seen work offer in my city for junior unity developer. I'd love to work as a game dev (and currently am finishing my first "real" game in this engine) but I feel too anxious to send my CV.

Also for some weird reason I feel attachment and loyalty to my current employer, even though I'm more often pissed about working there than not. Stockholm Syndrome?

I'll soon start as a web dev intern, I'm looking forward to it, though I'm also a bit anxious/insecure about it.

Do you guys have any tips for my intern period etc?

Ok so my newest project is launching tonight and I feel very anxious, even though I tested everything beforehand. Is it normal?

Not exactly related to the topic but the exact thing is chilling the fuck out .
I always was anxious and was completely paranoid about minor bugs in my application during prod deployments(that is when I didn't know about testing utils and so on) , till the point that I couldn't fix a minor bug in the CSS and I puked 5 times over.
It was rough times but then I got over it and it really helped me alot.
I know bugs are like really not the kind of things you'd want to see in any application but it will arise in every application :3

!dev
So the day started at 12am(lol) when I woke up, because the day usually starts when you wake up, except that for me it started when I didn't go to sleep. No problem, worked on web project, I also do some sysadmin stuff, I love these two fields and I learn so much by just doing it so it is a fucking pain to go to school where I can only sleep coz the shit they teach I already know or not relevant/makes no sense to me and my life. Drains the fcking life out of me.

Question:
Is college the same or it is possible to enjoy because you can focus on what you love in your full time?
I consider myself a self-taught(coz I just sit at my computer and use the internet lolz, no one has helped me in my profession before, mainly coz I hate asking for help) and I see a lot that degree is not worth it, go for a job...
One thing I know is that I'll definitely try to find any job as soon as I get the fuck out of here, I'm 17 and I feel I'm already late (yeah, that's stupid).

I wanted to ask you guys, maybe someone is/was in the same situation or something but I'm just thinking loudly here :D

Right now I'm at a theatre with my class, I am so lonely here I have a whole free row for myself, at least I'm less anxious now. Such bullshit, I could be at home learning and developing.

I've done a social anxiety test to find not-so-surprising results. I shared that to a group of programmers then hm, that's a lot of anxious people. Are we socially anxious naturally or what? are you guys socially anxious even?

Report in CMSC 178 is coming up next. Reporting about the Ontology of Spine Diseases. I'm really nervous and I always overthink and I'm so anxious about how they percieve me

Have been on holiday for 2 weeks now, starting to get to the point where I can’t even sleep anymore because all I can think about is projects I want to start or other things I want/need to do. To the point where I’m typing this at 3 in the morning instead of sleeping.

Even starting to get anxious to get back to work...

Feel like such a workaholic right now.

Now finally im in a phase of my life..... Where.... I dont know what the fuck is going on anymore 🤣🤣🤣🤣