I'm pretty sure Shakespeare didn't say that.

As a developer, sometimes you hammer away on some useless solo side project for a few weeks. Maybe a small game, a web interface for your home-built storage server, or an app to turn your living room lights on an off.

I often see these posts and graphs here about motivation, about a desire to conceive perfection. You want to create a self-hosted Spotify clone "but better", or you set out to make the best todo app for iOS ever written.

These rants and memes often highlight how you start with this incredible drive, how your code is perfectly clean when you begin. Then it all oscillates between states of panic and surprise, sweat, tears and euphoria, an end in a disillusioned stare at the tangled mess you created, to gather dust forever in some private repository.

Writing a physics engine from scratch was harder than you expected. You needed a lot of ugly code to get your admin panel working in Safari. Some other shiny idea came along, and you decided to bite, even though you feel a burning guilt about the ever growing pile of unfinished failures.

All I want to say is:

No time was lost.

This is how senior developers are born. You strengthen your brain, the calluses on your mind provide you with perseverance to solve problems. Even if (no, *especially* if) you gave up on your project.

Eventually, giving up is good, it's a sign of wisdom an flexibility to focus on the broader domain again.

One of the things I love about failures is how varied they tend to be, how they force you to start seeing overarching patterns.

You don't notice the things you take back from your failures, they slip back sticking to you, undetected.

You get intuitions for strengths and weaknesses in patterns. Whenever you're matching two sparse ordered indexed lists, there's this corner of your brain lighting up on how to do it efficiently. You realize it's not the ORMs which suck, it's the fundamental object-relational impedance mismatch existing in all languages which causes problems, and you feel your fingers tingling whenever you encounter its effects in the future, ready to dive in ever so slightly deeper.

You notice you can suddenly solve completely abstract data problems using the pathfinding logic from your failed game. You realize you can use vector calculations from your physics engine to compare similarities in psychological behavior. You never understood trigonometry in high school, but while building a a deficient robotic Arduino abomination it suddenly started making sense.

You're building intuitions, continuously. These intuitions are grooves which become deeper each time you encounter fundamental patterns. The more variation in environments and topics you expose yourself to, the more permanent these associations become.

Failure is inconsequential, failure even deserves respect, failure builds intuition about patterns. Every single epiphany about similarity in patterns is an incredible victory.

Please, for the love of code...

Start and fail as many projects as you can.

HR: I need a Kotlin guy to fix something quick (in a room with 7 people)

First Koltin guy: I can do it tomorrow, I have a delivery today, maybe he can do it? (me)

HR to me: you a Kotlin guy? Can you do it?

Me: yeah sure, what is "it"?

HR: ffs don't ask too many questions, "it" is Kotlin, can you do it?

Me: ok fine, what team? project? who do I need to speak to so I can get details?

HR: omg you ask so many questions!! Fuck it I'll ask someone else!

Me: How am I supposed to fix "it" if I have no idea what "it" is?

HR: leaves the room

Me: ???

Fucking useless piece of shit!

Why do APIs return an error with HTTP 200 (success) as the response type?!

It's like saying:
"Hey, congrats! You've successfully failed."

The story of the $500,000,000 error.

In 1996, an unmanned Ariane 5 model rocket was launched by the European Space Agency.

Onboard was software written to analyze the horizontal velocity of the spacecraft. A conversion between a 64-bit floating point value and a 16-bit signed integer within this software ultimately caused an overflow error just forty seconds after launch, leading to a catastrophic failure of the spacecraft.

That day, $7 billion of development met it's match: a data type conversion.

Holy s**t, I was wondering why my fans were noisy and my computer so warm lately. So I checked inside to see this. The CPU fan is fucking resting on the graphics card like Dr House on his stick.

Things I regret immediately after doing it:
1) Masturbation
2) Overeating
3) git commits

My recent failure to build a responsive website according to a template tells me I should have worked with CSS a bit more.

The thing is, I write the type of CSS that passes the CSS validation with flying colors, but doesn't work as it should. Am I a minority(I hate that word), in that?

Now I have to redo the website or I'm not passing the exam. Lovely.

Days of glory, days of failure.

"Failure is not an option -- it comes bundled with Windows."

I really appreciate devs that aren't complete assholes when you admit ignorance and embrace failure. Be a teacher, not an asshole!

This is why my embedded system keeps crashing

Depression + sad music =

Naming your variables "dying_sounds_fun" and names like that

Forget about it

Commit + push it

"Er... Nelson? You wanna go grab a beer?"

Fail + weird explanations BUT free beer so it's not a complete failure. I guess.

Today I learned that "wtf" means "what a terrible failure" in Android development 😂😂

!dev
!!rant
!!rooting while drunk

I got drunk last night and painted my nails. I bought a really pretty shade of purple that should match one of my favorite shirts, and it's my last day at the office today (EVER; lease is up), so dressing up is a great idea, right? I'll feel better and more confident and it'll make everyone miss me.

Except. I was drunk.
And for some reason thought painting them in the dark was a great idea.

Oh, they look horrible!
and apparently I don't own any nail polish remover, so.

Today's going to be the best day ever!
😄😅😢☹

System failure

Today I was searching Android docs and found something interesting:

To write Android log statements, you use the android.util.Log class with the following methods:

Log.v()

Log.d()

...

Log.wtf() 😮😮😮

According to Google it seems to mean "What a Terrible Failure".

WTF?!?!?!

Well I ended my interviews-adventure finally.

Applied for three companies:
- KindOfBigCompany
- BiggestCompany
- BiggestCompany2

I failed in the last two. But got the job in the first one.

The bittersweet sensation is that I got the job in the first one first and then got rejected by the other two so my last feeling is the rejection one. And I really liked BiggestCompany2.

BUT KindOfBigCompany is actually really cool and has a lot of benefits and also I'll earn much more than I currently am so I guess Happy Ending after all :D

Everything was going fine in the Interview, then:

Company X's HR: "So if you are selected in both X and Y, which one would you choose 😊?"

Me: 🤔🤔🤔 Long deep thoughts...

HR: "😒 I know your answer is X, But why X 😑?"

Me: Oh.. X! Hmm.. 🤔🤔

Result:
Successfully Rejected
#BeingHonest

Moral:
If you are sitting for X's interview, you have to always choose X with no lag, even if Y= Google.

All well; Ends Well: Placed in Y👍

PS: Here, X, Y and Me are real-life entities.

My 1.5 year old 1tb SSD just died unexpectedly. (Samsung EVO 850). It might be under warranty yet.

Fortunately the only data I lost was my debian install, some steam games, bookmarks, and a few unfinshed projects.

I kept everything important on a backup spinning drive -- which is also dying. Joy. But I might be able to save its data.

haha okay

I just found out that there is a method in Java/Android called "Log.wtf()" which stands for...

... What a Terrible Failure!
Don't believe me? See for yourselves! (way to go, guys!)

Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk?

And this is why you do backups...
More pictures in comments.

1) Give every challenge a try.
2) failure is always an option.
3) learn from your mistakes.

Client: "I have a problem."
Me: "No problem, can you say me the error message? "
Client: "No I have clicked the message Away... "
Me: 😣🤐

The proper use of comments is to compensate for our failure to express ourself in code.

Quote of the book "Clean Code" by "Uncle Bob".

#ShotsFired

the official Android documentation says it stands for "What a Terrible Failure"...sure it does Google, sure it does....

As a frontend dev, i love watching our backend devs sometimes go like "hey come on it's just css I can do it real quick, let me do it this time" and get super frustrated with failure. Buddy, one of the reasons frontend is not so easy is that it can be real fucking annoying. I'm keeping my distance and respect for your side so stay the fuck away from my dance floor.

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

"Like Uber fo-"

let me stop you right there, I'm leaving

So just about to head to the pub and I got the dreaded call from my boss.

The support team had developed some fixes. They "tested" and deployed without letting us know... And you guessed it there was failures all over the shop!

So it turned out their testing was running on a local base install with no integration compared to the live system with 15 years of customisation and complex integration. My they thought this was acceptable I don't know...

And the best part was the developers who made the changes didn't understand their own code (I found the tutorial they copied online) they just blindly copied it without understanding how it worked!

So 4 hours later we found the bug, nothing like having a query and s SQL connection but not executing the query....

There goes my Saturday evening. Now we're was my beer!

(Written March 13th at 2am.)

This morning (yesterday), my computer decided not to boot again: it halts on "cannot find firmware rtl-whatever" every time. (it has booted just fine several times since removing the firmware.) I've had quite the ordeal today trying to fix it, and every freaking step along the way has thrown errors and/or required workarounds and a lot of research.

Let's make a list of everything that went wrong!

1) Live CD: 2yo had been playing with it, and lost it. Not easy to find, and super smudgy.

2) Unencrypt volume: Dolphin reports errors when decrypting the volume. Research reveals the Live CD doesn't incude the cryptsetup packages. First attempts at installing them mysteriously fail.

3) Break for Lunch: automatic powersaving features turned off the displays, and also killed my session.

4) Live CD redux: 25min phonecall from work! yay, more things added to my six-month backlog.

5) Mount encrypted volume: Dolphin doesn't know how, and neither do I. Research ensues. Missing LVM2 package; lvmetad connection failure ad nauseam; had to look up commands to unlock, clone, open, and mount encrypted Luks volume, and how to perform these actions on Debian instead of Ubuntu/Kali. This group of steps took four hours.

6) Chroot into mounted volume group: No DNS! Research reveals how to share the host's resolv with the chroot.

7) `# apt install firmware-realtek`: /boot/initrd.img does not exist. Cannot update.

8) Find and mount /boot, then reinstall firmware: Apt cannot write to its log (minor), listed three install warnings, and initially refused to write to /boot/initrd.img-[...]

9) Reboot!: Volume group not found. Cannot process volume group. Dropping to a shell! oh no..

(Not listed: much research, many repeated attempts with various changes.)

At this point it's been 9 hours. I'm exhausted and frustrated and running out of ideas, so I ask @perfectasshole for help.
He walks me through some debugging steps (most of which i've already done), and we both get frustrated because everything looks correct but isn't working.

10) Thirteenth coming of the Live CD: `update-initramfs -u` within chroot throws warnings about /etc/crypttab and fsck, but everything looks fine with both. Still won't boot. Editing grub config manually to use the new volume group name likewise produces no boots. Nothing is making sense.

11) Rename volume group: doubles -'s for whatever reason; Rebooting gives the same dreaded "dropping to a shell" result.

A huge thank-you to @perfectasshole for spending three hours fighting with this issue with me! I finally fixed it about half an hour after he went to bed.

After renaming the volume group to what it was originally, one of the three recovery modes managed to actually boot and load the volume. From there I was able to run `update-initramfs -u` from the system proper (which completed without issue) and was able to boot normally thereafter.

I've run updates and rebooted twice now.
After twelve+ hours... yay, I have my Debian back!

oof.

Meanwhile at HTC:
Dev: Just gonna tweak this function to make our keyboard faster!
Dev: ha! Done, users will love this update

I hate this country!
This was the third time this month that the power cables got stolen. Looks like it is going to be takeouts and project planning on paper tonight.

Early morning I walk in to a build failure email.
"Oh shit! It failed and I'm on the Cc list."
.
"Please don't be me. Please don't be me. Didn't I build it already?" *compulsively launches local build*
*Ctrl-C's current build and feels angry for doubting self*
*Repeats, while trying to replay the incidents of last night in the head.*
"Fuck this. I'm certain I built the module."
.. scrolls email ..
"This is not even my change!"
.. scroll ..
"This is not even my code base!"
*feels foolish, but MAJORLY relieved*

Debug.Log("Works")
Debug.Log("WORKS")
Debug.Log("WORKING")
Debug.Log("WORKIIIIIIING")
Debug.Log("WORKSES")
Debug.Log("WOREJRIE")
Debug.Log("KILL ME")
Debug.Log("TRUE")
Debug.Log("FALSE")
Debug.Log("I NEED TO TAKE A SHIT FUCKING WORK")
Debug.Log("IF YOU SEE THIS YOU WIN AT LIFE")
Debug.Log("IF YOU SEE THIS YOU ARE A FAILURE")
Debug.Log("FUUUUUUCK")
Debug.Log("FUCK ME")
Debug.Log("EICUEF738DKWIS")

The task failed successfully!

devranters account registration could include coding knowledge test to keep out snooping PMs? but instead of denying them access on failure it could just silently filter them all to their own channel >:)

Job Qualifications:
...
Proficient in PHP, MySQL, and PHP Frameworks
Experience in Bootstrap CSS
...

Required Skill:
...
- PHP
- MySQL
- C <----------------- ??? The hell is this!
- C# <---------------- ??? What the?!
- CSS
...

Probably a startup company???

So today (april fools), I was sitting around, chilling, shouting things at netbeans, when I get a notification. I look at it and my reaction was of shock. One of the major, major libraries in my project was apparently being 'discontinued' so that the team behind it could join forces and create a new library that did the same job with a rival team. My second reaction was to rant, complain, etc, then I had an epiphany. A moment later and a quick check of the calendar, shock, horror, it was april fools day. So I decided to play along, trying out the new library, etc, etc. To make a long story short I failed, miserably, in using the library. All I can say that if this is legit I will end my computer.

The feeling when you try to be creative on the first commit message but end up using 'Initial commit'...

Windows didn't check to see if their update process ran auto starting apps did they.

Falcon Heavy launch coming up!
I can't wait. That's something people should watch, fuck the superbowl!
I would say it's 60% as significant as the moon landing was, if not more; a field of technology we should really focus on, but governments rather spend money on stupid war
Make sure to tune in tomorrow, 18:30 / 06:30pm UTC, on SpaceX's YouTube channel
It's going to be spectacular, success or failure

Rather than singling out one person, I wanna present what I see as incompetent/stupid/ignorant:
- no will to learn
- failure to follow the very specific instructions & later asking for help when they FUBR sth & not even knowing what they did to fuck up in the first place
- asking how to solve stuff, then ignoring the suggestions & doing sth totally against recommendations
- failure to remember most basic stuff, especially if not writing it down to look at later when needed
- failure to check logs & 'google' stuff before asking why something isn't working the way they want it
- after two weeks, asking me how feature xy works, mind you they coded it, not me
- asking me why they did something in a specific way - WTF, am I a mind reader?! Who designed that crap?! Me or you?!!
- being passive/aggressive & snarky when told to do something or being asked why isn't it done already
- not testing their shit properly
- not making backups when upgrading (production) servers
- not checking the input value, no validation.. even after many many debacles on production with null ref exceptions
- failure to admit they fucked up
- not learning from (their) mistakes

This isn't really a Dev related rant, more of a life rant. Things have been going pretty badly for me lately, so I apologize if this comes across as complaining or whining.

This morning, I got in a car accident that totaled my car. It was a 1996 Chevy Camaro that I had been fixing up and restoring over the last few years and I had it running pretty well. The accident was my fault and I told the police as much, because I value honesty over screwing over others for my own benefit. Money has been very tight lately because my wife was out of work for the last bit of her pregnancy, so we ended up having to move to a 1 bedroom apartment that I could afford rent on my own. She also has a son who is now 13, so space is pretty tight. Money got even tighter once we had the baby. She's 10 weeks old now.

I've barely made the $1500/month rent on my own here, usually paying 1-2 days late because we're living paycheck to paycheck. Our lease is up at the end of July and they won't let us renew because of this.

The bad part is that I was driving a car that had expired registration because I couldn't fix it to pass the state smog test and my license expired two weeks ago. I haven't been able to afford insurance, so every time I drove, it was a gamble.

I'm now going to have to pay these damages out of pocket for the other car.

We're now having to move into my mother in law's house for about 4 months so we can get out of this financial hole we've gotten into.

I feel like I've failed as a father and a husband.

Equality: no matter what company you are, facing Windows, you will fail!

I closed the lid of my laptop and went for a lunch. When I came back the damn machine wouldn't start and I realised I didn't push anything to github today so wish me luck recovering data from the drive.

(At least lunch was good.)

I have Java 8 installed on both Windows10 and Ubuntu16

My (basic) app compiles fine in windows with javac, and when put into a jar works perfectly. But when cloned to my Ubuntu, javac fails to compile, and the jar fails to run.

Thanks java! FAILURE :java.lang.OutOfMemoryError: OutOfMemoryError thrown while trying to throw OutOfMemoryError; no stack trace available

Reminder (and probably some form of repost)

Food and sleep are key parts of human behavior.

I forgot and experienced system failure

I've got 99 problems.. And a massive failure of a raid 5 array just added to it.. Meh!

Holy fuck my first software built at this job (alone, in 6 months) has gone live.

And it has a shit load of bugs and failure points. There are some mistakes in the code level too (I work at a small vendor and had nobody to review code)

I'm so tensed right now. Identified some problems and solved them, but the issues are countless and the project can't be taken down because people are using it as I type!

I'm afraid that I'll be getting fired soon.

When you wanna join GitHub and fail at choosing a username

At lunch, someone asked a question about our Sunday Hack-a-thon. Our PO said it was a "Smack-a-thon." I told her, "No, don't make stupid names. Let's call things what they are. It's Management Failure Sunday." Manager was sitting across the table when I said it.

If you don't like your HR, upvote.

If you like your HR, please comment.

I was having a nap and suddenly got notification. Guess I'm a failure.

Do you guys dream about programming?

Tonight I was dreaming that I was building a client for some API and suddenly it started responding with 500 and then sent me a 50X "metal sound" (I don't remember the actual number), that meant the server was doing noises because of a mechanical failure.
I thought it was cool (because metal 🤘), until I realised the server was running on my laptop.

I started panicking and then woke up.

There is no other way to put this.

My HR manager just sent out her tax declaration sheet containing all her salary details out to the entire company via email.

The worst part, she makes as much as I do yet fails at the one single job she's supposed to do.

IT is so violent and disturbing when it comes to technical terms in relation to clusters:

- master / slave
- master / master / witness (crime scene?)
- splitbrain (how does that look in reality?)
- stonith (shoot the other node in the head)
- deadtime (no heartbeat)
- slicing (wtf?)
- shard (do they kill with that?)
- active / passive (sex scene?)
- single point of failure (at least they know who is to blame)
- share nothing / shared all (dictators vs communism)

😯

big 2+ years project finally canceled due to failure. About to have a meeting about "the future of the team".
Pray for me.

Make it statistically significant mate! Have fun doing what you love ❤️

Uuuh.... I don't...
Uuuuuhh...

When you have to take a rest cause you're tired & exhausted after a day of coding..

..but your code is not done and you feel empty and you feel like a failure..

I just received a 400€ workstation motherboard like this...

Fake it until you make it? Nyeehh,

Fake it until everyone else gave up and you're the last man standing,

And if you didn't learn anything in the process, then you deserve the failure that comes with it,

Devs aren't solely measured by the amount of "knowledge" they has amassed over the years, it's how fast they can adapt to change, learn and devise the best solution to a certain problem,

This webdesign is actually painful to look at

Logging levels: Verbose, Debug, Info, Warning, Error, What a Terrible Failure

Just got a call from someone claiming to be from an ISP (they assumed we were with them because that ISP is one of the popular options, we weren't) they claimed that someone was using our internet illegally (which they cannot find out from what I know unless it really was an assumption), that were using too much data (we are on an unlimited plan and have fibre LOL)

The nerve of some people, my dad was the one who answered the phone and when he handed it off to me, they hung up LOL.

So in saying that i have their phone number thanks to my router's caller id, anyone want it to sell off to more scammer for some good ol' karma?

Today, My 2011 MacBook Pro stopped working. Got it when I was in 5th Grade and had it ever since. We've been in a lot of situations such as GPU Failure, Dead Speakers, Defective IO Shield, etc and it's my humble request to bless my Mac to recover. My warranty expired years ago and I am all on my own. Please recover my friend - Your true friend :(

someone posted this saying "tor isn't effective". Tore them a new one and explained how each failure point is only worst-case.

I started at a company to develop an "uber" clone. Hired by the company's cto. I was happy initially as i had been unemployed for a while but that's because i didn't see the shitstorm coming. The task was build this using php, well 2 weeks later and db locking issues because mysql only allows 100 connections and the website takes over 200mb per request, i tried using the meteor framework, a lil better but the orphaned process would require me to reboot every 2 days. So enter erlang, built in 3 weeks works amazing problems none here... Well in comes the cto (which came in once a week). Apparently he had been reviewing my code and didn't understand it. He couldn't understand no for loops etc and demanded that it be made understandable to a normal dev. Did normal devs write uber no. Anyhow i spent the next 6 Weeks refactoring trying to make elixir looks like imperative programming, he finally gave up, so now I'm deep committed writing an API, finish in a week cto comes in and "why aren't you using patch" i don't need it, well another day implanting a patch api that will never be used. Ok done. Now we have a meeting with the investors who i worked in the same building with and they want a frontend built. I explained i was a backend dev and they needed a uiux expert. Next week cto comes back with this jquery fire pit and stolen bootstrap theme and take me with implementing it. This time we scrap the api change some of the backend logic and implement rest from the 90s one static page per request. After 3 months working with jquery I'm let go because of finical issues. I told them i was a backend dev but they didn't listen if the cto would've gotten a frontend expert things would be different but what to expect from a cto who's coding legacy is creating WordPress plugins.

Hopefully things will be better soon I'm tired of living on the streets.

Where were you during the Linux Revolt of Fall 2018?

Months after joining devRant, and seeing all the people with 5000 +1s while I'm still stuck at 400, I think of them as people with gold badges on stackoverflow as I bury deep down into the abyss of my social failure again.

That horrible feeling when you have to abandon your small project because litteraly nothing works... Even after 2 straight weeks of work, on a single f***ing function... Fml

yeah Google, What a Terrible Failure

Must be doing something right, Had a hardware near-failure last night (turned out to be my gpu wobbling - didn't die though thank christ) and went into full panic mode "FORCE PUSH ALL BRANCHES FUCK THE HISTORY SAVE THE CODE", 5 minutes later Jenkins pings me on discord, everything built and deployed successfully :D

I was fired by a client about a month back. I had spent about a year building a web application using angular.js for said client. Of course, it was my fault because it took about 8 months longer than I had forecasted but I believe what I was shooting for was something solid. I went as far as giving a full refund of the initial deposit on the project. My take away was I learned something new, going in I wasn't remotely aware of such things as CI/CD. Sad thing though they are trying to rebuild the app using wix.

Reasons why my personal project failed:

1. No target, or the target is "creating perfect software", and you make a lot of optimization before building anyhing

2. No deadline

3. Someone has built something better on github.

Give comments if you believe there are other things that make your personal project failed.

client: I don't want our stuff in git, it's the single point of failure that ruins everything.

me: (weeps)

"I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody." - Bill Cosby

Just came across a job description where the first qualification was:

° Smart and intelligent

Really? Do better HR.

We had a major core router hardware failure in our LA datacenter today and every one of our services has been down since 6am, including all production servers. We have about 15,000 sites down across our entire platform. Our manager came over and told us to just go home because we need to replace the hardware and the process is expected to take all day, and we can't do any work until then because all the production servers are down. So you could say that it's been a pretty easy Friday so far! I'm headed home to play Spider-Man

6 months after starting developing my webapps I found out that I have one competitor that runs basically the same application service 2,5years already. There was no clue of him when I researched the field just came across by accident today. I feel quite desperate now he has features I didn't even think of and which are amazing. I don't know what to do now

When you work hard for something and you are sure that you gonna get it, but some ass licking guy who doesn't even know how to code gets it. Yes, it happened to me. I was working for an open source organization called PROBOT. I was working my ass off to get into GSoC with that organization. I created PR(pull request) after PR and solved most of their issues. But later on, I came to know they didn't even saw my single PR. Life surely teaches you some hard lessons but it's you who should not give up I would say. I do not regret working my ass off and writing those code and not getting into GSoC but I cherish those moments where I learnt many new things. And as for that organization, I would say they don't even know how to manage. This was my exact reaction when the result came

I feel like my Uni is setting me up more for failure then success.

One of my courses needed for graduation is only offered in the spring of even years. Can't wait for 2020!

Epic failure

I’m such a failure

Exams of two weeks starts tomorrow. We'll be doing a project. Only, 70 percent will be documentation :/. I'm trying to keep my nerves, fair of failure and everything else as low as possible but that's not particularly working anymore 😞

That moment you receive an email: your CI build is failing.

Ok. What went wrong?

Three new commits that do not seem to alter anything related to the failure.

*reverts commits and tries again*

Still failing.

WTF?!

*restarts previous builds*

They now fail too.

FUCK! BASTARD! Are you kidding me?

*investigates*

Turns out that repo of dependency changed and is not compatible anymore.

Argh! Son of bitch!

Being the single point of failure for your small business and trying to take a sick day...

a girl from my class made a presentation and it was really good, and now i'm thinking "how did she do it? what came to her mind that she could prepare such a good presentation?"
and also, "i know that no matter how much i try, my presentations will not be that good, because those are MY presentations"...

Another failed experiment! I'm not giving up!

JIRA makes me want to end it all sometimes

Dat moment when your contact person phones you and ask If you delete the whole Release Folder...

YEAH SURE I WAS IT BECAUSE I LIKE TO WORK ON WEEKEND

Fyi: FTP with one user for everyone - harhar stupid bricks

The museum of failure

So do you have any co-workers or teammates who horde tasks and don't share knowledge? I hate those kind of people. Everytime I bring it in team's retrospective and that one asshole remains quite during the whole meeting, agrees to everything and continues to horde tasks again in the future. That affects the team performance and causes to form a single point of failure and recovery which is bad when working in a team. Share your experiences.

Oh my God I'm a failure. Been working on this booking system backend for two weeks, refactored some code, and now it doesn't work at all.

I've gone back through the entire thing, and I can't find the problem.

Open up indeed, start browsing for low-skill jobs. Maybe the carnies will have me back!

*Re-reads error message, adds missing underscore to function call.

I let my studies suffer to build a CRM for a company only for them to say they have no money to pay me. I feel like a failure. That was my first ever successful project.

Oh god what have i done.

GodDAMN, C# 7.0 is so ridiculously feature packed. I can pattern-match inside a predicate on an exception filter. Want to catch ONLY NHibernate's exceptions caused by a SQL timeout? Boom:

catch (GenericADOException adoEx) when (adoEx.InnerException is SqlException sqlEx && sqlEx.Number == -2) { return Failure("timeout"); }

Alright. This is going to be long and incoherent, so buckle up. This is how I lost my motivation to program or to do anything really.

Japan is apparently experiencing a shortage of skilled IT workers. They are conducting standardized IT skill tests in 7 Asian countries including mine. Very few people apply and fewer actually pass the exam. There are exams of different levels that gives you better roles in the IT industry as you pass them. For example, the level 2 or IT Fundamental Engineering Exam makes you an IT worker, level 3 = capable of working on your own...so on.
I passed level 1 and came in 3rd in my country (there were only 78 examinees lol). Level 2 had 2 parts. The theoretical mcq type exam in the morning and the programming mcq in the afternoon. They questions describe a scenario/problem, gives you code that solves it with some parts blanked out.

I passed the morning exam and not the afternoon. As a programmer I thought I'd be good at the afternoon exam as it involves actual code. Anyway, they give you 2 more chances to pass the afternoon exam, failing that, you'll have to take both of them the next time. Someone who has passed 1 part is called a half-passer and I was one.

A local company funded by both JICA and my government does the selection and training for the Japanese companies. To get in you have to pass a written exam(write code/pseudocode on paper) and pass the final interview in which there are 2 parts - technical interview and general interview.

I went as far as the interview. Didn't do too good in the technical interview. They asked me how would I find the lightest ball from 8 identical balls using a balance only twice. You guys probably already know the solution. I don't have much theoritical knowledge. I know how to write code and solve problems but don't know formal name of the problem or the algorithm.

On to the next interview. I see 2 Japanese interviewers and immediately blurt out konichiwa! The find it funny. Asked me about my education. Say they are very impressed that self taught and working. The local HR guy is not impressed. Asks me why I left university and why never tried again. Goes on about how the dean is his friend and universites are cheap. foryou.jpg

The real part. So they tell me that Japanese companies pay 250000/month, I will have to pay 60% income tax, pay for my own accommodation, food, transportation cost etc. Hella sweet deal. Living in Japan! But I couldn't get in because the visa is only given to engineers. Btw I'm not looking to invade Japan spread my shitskin seed and white genocide the japs. Just wanted to live in another country for a while and learn stuff from them.

I'll admit I am a little salty and probably will remain salty forever. But this made me lose all interest in programming. It's like I don't belong. A dropout like me should be doing something lowly. Maybe I should sell drugs or be a pimp or something.

But sometimes I get this short lived urge to make something brilliant and show them that people like me are capable of doing good things. Fuck, do I have daddy issues?

Annoys me so much how obviously lazy my department has been with one of its products. We have an iPad app that does document management and eForms and stuff. Its not perfect but not the worst. Then they decide they need to build an app to handle a specific kind of eForm. They just went "well this app already does eForms so lets just adapt it".
Worst. Decision. Ever.
the app is simply a branch off the original app. despite being a completely different product which isnt even concerned with the same business objects. it has been hacked until it does what it needs to. And i have to somehow maintain this trainwreck.
As a result we have a branch in our main Git repo that contains a completely different product, which is basically an iOS wrapper for an HTML eForm with ~5000 lines of jQuery to further hack on the functionality that the eForm provides.
And they wonder why iOS developers have been leaving and some keep threatening to leave. Even the Delivery Manager wants us to just do what is needed and get it out the door and never look at it again. How are we supposed to care when thats the attitude of the people who are supposed to be invested in it. Im surprised the client hasnt told us to get lost the app is so hideously broken and unmaintainable. Performing an action on the form can break a completely unrelated section somewhere else. We have lost control.
And they just keep adding more scope, ignoring our concerns cos hey its too late to just start changing the whole approach of the solution.

I had a USB WiFi dongle installed and working great. Then someone pulled it out of my computer, without talking to me, so they could use it. I found another in the office...exact same model...plug it in. Drivers don't work. Can't update them. Reinstallation crashes. Try to restart computer, it crashes. Restart computer and now Outlook won't even open. No idea what to do now, but this is going on an hour and counting of no productivity.

WTF Windows? You can't even handle a WiFi dongle right?

Hmmm Netflix is drunk today eh..

that moment when I browse the Internet via mobile phone and have to request the desktop version (chrome) because that fucking mobile view sucks AF

What a big fail if I choose the desktop view over the "responsive" one on my small device

Apple is really worried about their huge failure with the i9 6-cores, worried they won’t sell.

How do I know? Well, this...

Java teacher writes code on blackboard in comp lab

He tells us to try it out at our workstations.

We do. The code does work. We tell him.

He says: "There is something wrong with your compiler..."

Question is...we were around 30 students. Can all our compilers not work if we had used the lab before and the code we run worked clean??!?!?!?

We were flabbergasted

I just tried to install Linux mint on a SD card from a live system for a friend.
I managed to break his windows partition to the point that neither Mint nor the Windows recovery​ tool could read it and the SD card still won't boot.
I feel like a useless piece of shit and a bad friend.
At least his data is backed up but some of his licenses (Win, Office, ...) might be lost.

Oh God.. This is not how captcha works...

Was writing a functional test in AdonisJS that queries an API endpoint with data and my test stays red with a dainty `expected 500 to equal 200` assertion failure.

In frustration, I yelled "What must I fuchen do to get my 500 to become a 200". Then my dev friend, an absolute fuchen genius tells me, "Subtract 300." I hope the prat stays debugging his code for a week!!

1) I don't have to talk to other people while doing it.

2) The computer does exactly what I want it to do and failure will always be an error made by me, not someone else. That makes it satisfying.

3) I'm pretty good at it. It's just fun helping other people at school and creating small programs to solve problems.

Happy 21 to me.... Hope am able to achieve something this time , except maybe fatness and failure

Shit. My ssd died y-day. Got a new one [970evo] today (tx bro!).

Guess who's gonna spend the night recreating the whole env: ui, scripts, triggers, integrations, tunnels, qemu vms, apps, bkup restores,....

Shit

Expectation: Today is the last day before holidays and yesterday I completed a complex task, so today I'll have a very relaxing day involving implementing only some simple changes.

Reality: I've just solved a dependency conflict between the project I modified yesterday and another project depending on it that caused the failure of some tests inside the latter panicking my coworkers who quickly asked me "WTF you merged in the core project!?!?"

Yeah, I really need these holidays.

"Why would you make your own when you can just get one for like $30 online?"

One of the single most disheartening things I've heard from a peer.

Seriously, are you really so incompetent and dependent upon other people's work that you can't even come up with a single reason why I would do this?! Don't you dare try to call yourself an engineer. Call yourself a cheat, cause that's the only way you passed that class.

Even after explaining that making it yourself is one of the best ways to learn about/understand it, they still couldn't understand.

1. Focus on learning; earning should come secondary
2. If it doesn't add anything to your resume, it's probably not worth picking up
3. Do not re-invent the wheel. Explore third parties and libraries thoroughly. Use them as much as you can.
4. If you stuck at a problem for more than 2-3 hours: post on stackoverflow
5. Plan, create deadlines, and focus as if an executive chose you.
Lazy = failure!

Have you ever been interrupted because a marketing workmate had a friend on the phone who needed advice on a WordPress hosting, and wanted your advice right now?

Because I have.

When we had a massive server failure and our production environment was down.

Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with people nowadays.

Failure

Long story short, I have to drop my studies for now bc serious mental health issues. I feel like a failure, but I mean, I actually attempted to.... well, I'm here to say it and not complete the phrase. I need to rebuild a lot. And I would really to make some friends are. I have no one to talk to.

The moment when you are looking at code for a good 20 mins woundering why it isn't working then you realise you havent ran the init function...

I fucking hate HR people !

When you're mentally debugging a module and you have an intuition about the point of failure.
So you start mentally tracking variables, going down functions calls, moving from one class to another until finally you reach that one line of code that you feel is getting the wrong parameters.
You substitute in the 10 different variables you have been mentally tracking and find out that...
THE LINE OF CODE IS GETTING THE CORRECT PARAMETERS, AND IS FUNCTIONING AS IT SHOULD.

fuck.

I'm crying

For being a student and working as freelancer you need to be pro googler, otherwise you'll fail in both.

Agree?

So yeah, it's cool, I only built a process based on years of experience. Just go ahead and completely ignore it. A failure to plan on your part doesn't constitute an emergency on mine.

Don't understand what the hype about Elementary OS was. Used for ca. half a year, do not see any benefit.

If this is supposed to provide "usability" on a Linux kernel, then I am sorry, but in this regard it is a tremendous failure.

All tasks take long, there are all sorts of bugs, today I needed a multi-monitor setup for a presentation "real quick", dear lord was that a shitshow.

Nah, this thing is not for me.

Failure

Commits with errors
Commits with errors everywhere

From a job posting I recently viewed:

"About you: We don't care about years of experience or knowledge of particular technologies, if you have a computer science degree; or a degree at all for that matter."

further down in the same posting...:

"Qualifications:
-MS/BS in Computer Science or related background
-2-3 years of front-end development experience with HTML, CSS, and JavaScript and related JavaScript frameworks such as Backbone, React, or similar technologies"

........

Old but gold. 😂😂

When i first got introduced to programming in highschool, java was the only thing offered. years later i picked up java again to throw together my first project. a 100 lvl java android phone game on my own. needless to say lol it was my utter failure! i remember my phone acting like it was on heroin constantly after install lol fuck that game

Spent 45 minutes debugging an issue. I was calling the errorHandler on success, and successHandler on failure. D'oh!

Sat at my desk this morning, computer incredibly slow, lots of error windows saying files could not be found.

I decide to reboot. Post is slow. And that's a HDD failure. I lost half of my storage. Luckily, almost everything is for projects so it's all in the git repo.

PM: Page load times are up. It might be your API blocking requests.

Me: Possible, though most of my load testing was performed against a random sample of requests at nearly 5 times the expected average per minute rate. I can add some logs but I think this is a red herring theory.

PM: Yes add logs, and New Relic and get it released ASAP.

Me: To confirm, you want me to make a bunch of diagnostic changes to a mission-critical API the day before Holiday break...

I felt like that guy from the Apollo 13 team warning Gene Kranz that the LEM was not built for this and I can make no guarantees... Released an hour before we went home for the weekend.

the coolest project was mine: a dynamic DNS like dyndns, wrote in scala, an API layer in ruby and a lot of sysadmin stuff like ospf any cast. A big technical success, a total financial failure... but I enjoyed and I learned a lot!

So I tried installing arch today. Spent all day trying to fix grub to be able to boot arch,Ubuntu and windows along with Intel microcode working on both arch and Ubuntu. But alas , I could not succeed and I cannot boot into Ubuntu now. I am going to reinstall Ubuntu tomorrow and leave arch for sometime later.

Manager gave me a PHP task today that I straight up could not figure out and I feel awful and like such a failure from just 1 little issue

I just lost all my work. All of it.

The only thing saved is my signing key.
(For those of us who want to know, EaseUS crashed while moving blocks on my hdd.)

My laptop died on Monday. 5 days after it's first full backup in 2 years. I'm almost disappointed it was a power connection issue and not a drive failure

u know when zucc held that motivational interview of when u do something big or new and u need to expect failure by just running through the walls?

well i ran through at least 10,000 walls by now in this one project and i think i stumbled upon the biggest trump-big-dick-tower-level-mexican-wall i have ever seen.

i have to halt here and learn something entirely new in order to climb this wall bc its complex as Ffffuck

Fuck you negative bastard! I really hate when someone "predicts" failure to meet the deadline of some project we haven't started yet. This bastard thinks we will fail only because he is a complete mess at coding and fears learning new things.

As I told I put my resignation professionally yesterday. No bonds all I have to serve my notice period.

So Todag HR meeting

and I was totally harrassed by the hr.She is like who gave you growth?who bring you here? why you didnt you gave ultimate to me ? do you know the process of resignation?and so much unprofessional things she said to me ..

I just cried in the conference room and came back ..

I dont know wht to do.. This is my first switch and i am worried a lot.

After listening her.. I seriously not in mood taking it back.

Anybody else felt a pressing why crisis leading to procrastination, a sense of impending doom, and and constant failures or feelings of failure.

The new project is still in the analysis phase and I can already smell failure, just based on the interaction between analysts.

Just found out I have more work than I can manage stacked up until mid 2018 - all for me and where I am a single point of failure. I have several manager fighting for me and some smaller pieces of work mixed in too.

Any advice on how to get a raise while my stock is high?

Ok so I bought a new phone yesterday and my entire day today has been massive failure and loss.

I have to get various things done but fuck!!!
Help me

Got transferred on to a new team. The team I was on previously was successful, had great processes, and very smart people. New team was floundering, very late, no processes, and crotchety. Did my best with the (lack of) expectations and information given to me. No one gave me any feedback. Get called into a meeting to discuss my lack of performance and failure to meet goals. If I hadn't needed the money I would have walked out. Transferred teams a month later.

I may have watched too much Westworld; I'm naming JIRA tickets with "Analysis - what caused the failure..."

Yesterday, I wanted to create dualboot for my personal desktop. I already had windows 10 and i wanted Ubuntu aswell. So I made disk participation and ubuntu bootable Usb so I could install Ubuntu. After I booted to Usb, selected install, and boom, some kind of ACPI error came and screen went weird. Tried it multible times, same result. Looked for help but didn't find + it was late already and I wanted to go sleep. I hopefully would like to get fix it soon, cause I like Ubuntu alot, even if I have use it for 3 days in my Virtualbox.

Continuous integration is an example that failure is the piller of success :)

Oh come on, checkboxes are for booleans, buttons for actions... *hrmpfgrmlwtfisthisshit*

(note: the resizing is not a ui failure but from cropping two screenshots handsfree)

"If it’s a good idea and it gets you excited, try it, and if it bursts into flames, that’s going to be exciting too. People always ask, ‘What is your greatest failure?’ I always have the same answer—We’re working on it right now, it’s gonna be awesome!" - Jim Coudal

I've just came to the end of my probation in a new role... Been told I've passed it already... But just raised an interesting typo in my original offer letter....

Instead of saying a
"pay increase up to £#####"
it says a
"pay rise OF £#####"
Upon completing your probation

So in half a mind to ask when I'll see my salary more than doubled like the offer letter says!

Build failure on Friday

>Client: Hey, I lost my Facebook password but it's saved on my old laptop
>Me: ...alright, i'll look
>Laptop: won't boot - "No bootable devices found!"
hoo boy
>opens 'er up to pull drive
this is really heavy for an SSD, Corsair, and especially for only 64GB
>plugs into other PC
nothing
fuck me
>sees jumper pins
>jumps them
>BAREFOOT-ROM RECOVERYMODE SSD DEVICE - 128GB
that's twice the size of the disk, wtf?
but ok, i'll take it, any data?
>Win10: *crashes because driver chokes*
>Win7: *crashes because driver chokes*
>WinXP: *doesn't see it, TestDisk doesn't run because Kernel32.DLL issue*
>Linux: *Issues the instant SSD plugged in, they stop instant removed*
fuck it
RMA

!dev

Sorry if this is a bad read, pretty new to devRant and writing in general.

I can't help but think and think of how much I fucked up my opportunities to completely change my life/financial status a couple of times. Damn.

A few years back (it was 2009, I think) I was playing Diablo II online, helped some random guy get through the hard levels. Normally, in such situation the lower lvl player allowed the higher level guy to grab the valuable boss loot; however this time the guy except sharing the loot with me asked me if I want his spare 2000 bitcoin. I asked if it's of any value, he said "not really".

I said I'd contact him later, when I figure out how this thing works and how to setup a wallet.

Guess what, I was too lazy and forgot about this thing completely. Then we lost contact.

In 2010, I made a comeback to bitcoin, but instead of buying it, I downloaded the bitcoin client, the blockchain (it was 800 mb in size, I remember) and have been contributing by running it on my PC for like a year.

Finally decided to get it ~3 years ago. Bought 2.5 BTC for 400$.

Was holding it, until I fell for the "free OmniseGO" scam and somebody stole them off me.

All of these can't get out of my head.
I visit coinmarketcap literally every hour to see how much I could have now. My girlfriend, friends, family, all fail to cheer me up. I still made a pretty good deal buying 5.5 ETH for 45$ and thats like 2500$ soon, its nice but this much I can make by coding

Shit, what do I do to stop being stressed except for seeing a psychologist.

May my failure make you smile today

3 years ago,
Team of 3(team's first and last competition together). ICPC ACM Multiprovisional round.
1st question super simple. Teammate came up with the algo.
I was the one who wrote the code. Missed a brace after a 'if' statement.
Wasted 45 mins, debugging and coming up with new approaches. From a possible top 10 rank finish, we got 44th at the end of the competition.
If I wouldn't have done this silly mistake, our team wouldn't have failed.

Alright fine, maybe having Jenkins auto retry on failure wasn't the best idea. In my defence - it did work that one time.

"Almost everything – all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important." - Steve Jobs

Now it's over and failure seems certain...

In fact I'm certain that the interview app on my browser flickered for a second and showed some form with a red Failed text before displaying a Thank You page...

So it seems if I really want to get a tech offer, I have to focus on algos big time.... Hm....

My lecturer gave us a piece of very buggy software with no API which we use to model computer networks. It literally says in the assignment specification "Your program must run for at least 60 seconds before crashing."

These people are setting us up for failure.

If at first you don't succeed, blame the framework; then the language; then your colleagues and eventually fall into a deep depression when you realise that the only person you truly have to blame is yourself.

Then blame the framework again, and suggest an immediate move to the latest ill-advised JavaScript contraption in spite of horrified gazes from your disillusioned colleagues.

// Do not push to github
aweful_hack = failure(self)

When you testing your exception handling by throwing an exception, but the code throwing the exception has a bug and throws an exception, so you think it works... d'oh

I love 2:30 am support calls, especially for a system I know nearly nothing about and when I'm supposed to be 4th in line for a call.

Hopefully I made the right decision. Now let's see if I can fall back asleep.

So, here at this place ... last person to touch a project is the sole person responsible for it being a success or failure. Wtf?!?!?!
If a client sends me the wrong picture, and agrees that is the correct one, and then it goes to production. Later on to find that it was never correct to begin with ... guess who's fault that is?
Is everybody taking crazy pills?
Don't answer that, I already know the answer.

"What we got here is… failure to communicate." - Cool Hand Luke

Intel CPU + Vega GPU on the same package is the best innovation in years.

We may finally have a MacBook Pro that is not only worthy of the name, but may be the first MacBook with GPU that won’t suffer a common defect failure requiring the threat of a class action before they announce an extended support period.

"We unfortunately live in a corporate world where group decision making is made to avoid failure rather than to achieve success." - Bill Cahan

Wrote my first story. Put my whole soul into it. Sent it off to be reviewed for publishing. Got a "nope" without even one word why or on how to make it better. My life is a failure.

Dear Managers; we do not appreciate how comfortable you are behind a facade of ignorance. Your inaction is directly responsible for the failures of your team; both technical and cultural. You are why we are unhappy, you are why we stop growing, you are why we do not care, you are why we do not innovate; and most important of all, you are why we leave.

Once there was this fucking recruiter who actually had the nerve to call the head-secretary of the entire R&D department of the company my girlfriend works at, to ask to be put through to her after explicitly telling the secretary what the reason for the call was.
I mean, even if my girlfriend wanted to be contacted by some shitforbrains single-celled lowlife like you, how stupid can you be, calling the head-secretary for at least 400 people and then telling them you are headhunting?

"Failure configuring windows updates"

dfox, trogus, can you give us information about the success (or failure) of the new financing? I think a lot of us who care about this app are interested in this.

Developed an app to display examination seats allocated by an algorithm developed by someone else.

The algorithm goes berserk and allocates randomly. Spectacular failure of the system follows.

Everyone blames me for all the trouble.

The algorithm developer smiles in the background. WTH!

I'm interning and working on something above my skill level and it works for the most part but I think I may have done it completely wrong for like the past week :') everyone is on paid vacation and I'm just sitting here like a baby bird with a broken wing

"halp"

Pls no anger if it doesn't do exactly what it is supposed to. I am frail.

Project is dammed, is broken, we complain about it for almost 3 months, daily, code is old and client is full of bad practices and is always searching for a way to blame us for his failure.
Administration decides that best solution is motivate meditation techniques on dev team

A couple of years ago, I was invited for an interview after applying for a part time job as a C/C++/Assembly developer with customer contact to earn a bit of money while studying at university.
Throughout the whole interview they didn't ask me a single question related to the work I was expecting to do. Just a couple of questions about my team skills, how I would react in certain difficult situations and how my studies were going. Nevertheless they seemed pretty pleased with me and asked when I could start.
I was somewhat irritated by that, especially because I was still a beginner in some areas and made that quite explicit in my application. I asked what kind of projects I would be working on and what skill level was expected of me.
"It's pretty straightforward. Just pick up the phone and go through the checklists we'll provide. You'll pick it up quickly."

Wait what?!

Turns out they didn't have an opening for a programmer. They were looking for somebody for a first level phone support minimum wage job and simply used an old ad for a programmer's position "to attract more technically minded people".

I rejected respectfully...

What the actual fuck? Who even does something like that?

Build Failure

I'm taking a year out from my degree to do a software dev placement. I fought hard to get it and totally smashed the interview. But I'm still nervous as all hell and not sure I want it.

I think it stems from not actually feeling like I'm a real dev yet. I feel like I'm a big fish in a small pond at uni, which is why I took the job. That and the fact I never really made many friends there. Still can't shake the feeling that I'm just going to fail miserably...

I guess this is what they call "impostor syndrome".

Moments when you give wrong estimate and then have to sit up all night.
Fuck estimates. I will never get them right.

Last day at work: goodbye overnight sessions breeding over some arcane legacy code that blew up in prod or manually restoring dozens of backups because the customer continued to work while systems went down due to power failure.

Colleagues last commit message at that place: It just works (Friday 8pm then shipping the code to prod)