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Search - "coffee caffeine"
Me: Coffee has more coffee than energy drinks.
Coworker: You're right, coffee does have more coffee than energy drinks.
Me: I meant caffeine!19
Tl;Dr: People who make coffee their entire personality and people who do those shitty "if tired == true: drinkCoffee" type posts really annoy me.
Can I just say how much I fucking hate "rants" like these in my fucking feed?
No hard feelings to the poster, I'm sure you're a lovely person, and this rant is directed towards so many more people on this platform and not just you but oh my fucking god people who say this type of shit make me so fucking bored.
Like, yes, you want to drink coffee, that is a completely normal and basic thing for people who need energy. Drink some fucking coffee and be done with it then, instead of ranting about it on your shitty ass online profile where literally everybody-fucking-else is in the exact same boat as you.
You're not special, you're not interesting because you want to drink coffee, you are literally consuming liquid, that is quite possibly the most primitive and basic thing you can do, why the fuck should I care about your shitty ass caffeine addiction, as if it somehow represents your entire fucking personality?
It's almost like you people think drinking coffee is a fucking developer-only thing now, like no, people actually just drink coffee normally, yet still all I fucking see is "haha look guys I'm a coder I drink coffee aren't I just so original", it's like a fucking coffee cult.
I don't need to hear about your fucking caffeine addiction, I could bet the majority of people on this platform are the same way. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing wrong with coffee or even a caffeine addiction but people who feel like it somehow fucking defines them are so fucking annoying it is unbelievable.
It's almost like a circlejerk of coffee-drinkers at this point, like "haha guys we all drink coffee because we're TIRED haha it's FUNNY guys PLEASE LAUGH".
And that brings me onto another thing, although it's somewhat more justified considering the theme of the platform. This entire place feels like a fucking circlejerk of programming.
Don't get me wrong, I'm no elitist, I'm quite possibly the least skilled person on this site, honestly, but the amount of people who make those shitty-ass "if tired == true: drinkCoffee" type posts confuse me so much. You throw together some broken Python code in like 7.2s referencing how you need sleep or you code all night or some shit and people eat that shit up like it's their fucking religion, like what the fuck?
It's somewhat more excusable since the site itself is based around developers but jesus christ it annoys me for this exact reason, like yes, you can "code". Most of us can. It's why we're here, for fuck sake.
Sorry for such a long rant, if you've gotten this far, I want to say both Thank You and Sorry.48
"Programmers are persons that convert caffeine into code". Every time i see this quote, i ask myself: Am i the only one? (non-coffee drinking programmer)31
🍿🍿 pull up a chair and get comfy. This was a few years ago and anger has filled some details, so bear with me...
One day, during one of rare afternoons off of work, I was in the library to work on a group project for school. This was maybe a month before it was due, so we were tracking for decent progress and one less stressor over finals. It was about 80° F out, with the perfect breeze for the beach, but school comes first.
I'm team lead (which is terrifying, but less important) and my bro C shows up early to be ready to go on time because he's professional. I'M SO BAD I FORGOT DOUCHEBAGS NAME, so he's A (for asshole), shows up AN HOUR AND 15 MINUTES LATE. But it's not the end of the world, C and I worked around our database schema (which A sent us and we approved), so we could iron out kinks as we went.
A gets there... Fucking finally.
Fucker didn't have the database built (had 2 months to do it, we all agreed on schema a month prior. We're trying to be the adults our ages claim is to be).
*breathe in, count to 10* not a problem, A, just go ahead and start it now so we can at least check what we have.
Ok, my queen, I'll have it done in 10 minutes...
We needed an id (sku... Which, in 99.9999% of companies is numeric), a short name (xBox one, Macbook, don't smart tv), a description and a price (with 2 decimals). All approved by all 3 of us.
His sku ranges from 3 to 9 ALPHA NUMERIC CHARACTERS, the names were even more generic than expected (item1, item 2, Item_3), no description, and he somehow thought US currency had 5 decimal places!!! (it's more accurate...)
There was an epic, royal, and expensive fight scene in the library (may have been during the Lenten season I decided to give up caffeine AND fast for 40 days to prove a point to an ass wipe of a history teacher, don't recall). I made him cry, he failed the class because C and I wound up fixing everything he touched (graded by commits, because it was also an intro to git, but also, a classmate saw it all), and I had to buy multiple people coffee for yelling in the library.
A tried making out buttons work (I was fed up and done thinking for the day, so moved to documentation), but he fucked those up. I then made those worse by having nested buttons, but I deleted all his shit and started over and fixed it.
I then cried, but C and I survived and have each others backs still.11
Hello again, everyone. As Sunday comes to a close, and Monday is fast approaching, I'll share with you the likely cause of my death by stroke and/or heart attack:
MONDAY MORNING COFFEE OF HORROR
Disclaimer: Do NOT try this. I am a professional addict. I am not responsible for anything this brew from hell causes to you and/or those around you.
So, I wake up, feeling like I haven't slept for days, or just notice the fucking alarm clock shrieking because I pulled an all-nighter.
Step 1: Silence alarm clock via mild violence.
Step 2: Get the coffee machine to brew some filter coffee (espresso works too)
Step 3: Get milk and ice cubes from the fridge (both are needed, I don't care if you don't like milk, trust me)
Step 4: Get 2 spoonfuls (not tea spoon, and actually FULL spoonfuls) into the biggest glass you have
Step 5: Pour just a little of the warm filter coffee into the glass, just to get the instant coffee wet enough, and start mixing, until the result looks like the horror you unleashed in your toilet a few minutes ago (and will do so again in a few)
Step 6: Mix in 25-50 ml milk, just for the aesthetic change of colour of the devil-brew, and to add the necessary amount of lactic acid to react with the coffee to produce chemical X
Step 7: Add ice cubes to taste (if you are new to this, add a lot)
Step 8. Slowly add the filter coffee while mixing furiously, so that the light brown paste at the bottom get dissolved (it's harder than it sounds)
Now, take a deep breath. Before you is a disgusting brew undergoing a chemical reaction, and your moves need to be precise otherwise it will explode. Note that sugar or any other form of sweetener is FORBIDDEN, as it will block the reaction chain and the result won't be as potent.
Take a straw (a big one, not those needle-like ones that some cafeterias give to fool you into believing that the coffee is more than 150ml). Put it inside the mix, and check that the route to the bathroom is free of obstacles.
Now, clench your abs, close your nose if you are new to this, grab the straw and DRINK!
DRINK LIKE THERE IS NO TOMORROW!
THAT BROWN DEVIL'S BILE WILL HAVE YOUR INTESTINES SPASM AND DANCE THE MACARENA WHILE TWIRLING A HULA HOOP!
YOUR HEART WILL GO OVERDRIVE HARDER THAN YOUR PC'S CPU WHEN COMPILING ON ECLIPSE AND BROWSING WITH IE AT THE SAME TIME.
The combination of caffeine and lactic acid will bring out the perfectly disgusting combination of sour and bitter usually expected in rotting lemons. After you manage to chug it down (DON'T SPILL OR SPIT ANY!) you have 30 - 60 seconds max to run to the porcelain throne, where you will spend the next 30-60 minutes.
After that, nothing can stop you! You will fix bugs, write entire codebases from scratch, punch that annoying coworker, punch that boss! You will be a demigod among mortals for the next 6-8 hours!
Your recipes for Monday morning coffee?15
When you visit your mom's and she made coffee
What is this? Water? Why can't I feel the tingling of the caffeine fighting my fatigue?
This can't be coffee, my vision is still not starting to blur!2
My study organises a hackathon (12 pm to the next 12 pm so 24 hours total) every year and doesn't allow to bring your own coffee machine. Last year, the teachers machine was used but it's so freaking slow (produces one pot an hour or so) that we could hardly get any. Then, at the early night, it broke down. Everyone was going pretty insane without caffeine for that timespan haha. (Loads of people didn't bring energy drink because 'coffee at location' xD)
I started drinking coffee when I started as a junior dev.
I loved its boost, but after a while being on coffee was exactly how I felt before as normal. I incrementally upped the dosage, while my resistance creeped up too. I reached a moment when I drank a liter daily, so I witched to yerba maté instead, which resulted in more potent brews. Then I got used to its strength too plus it tasted like horseshit. I switched to caffeine tablets, takingg more and more. Soon after I reached a level which was described medically as the top one should be allowed to take.
I no longer felt any boost. In between caffeinated moments of normalty, I felt like a brain-dead zombie. When I was caffeinated, I was jittery, my shoulder and eyebrow was glitching, my stomach was flexing like before taking a huge exam.
After some miserable time like that, I quit caffeine entirely. I was fatigued, dull and my mind was hazy for te next 1-2 weeks.
I then finally, became gradually normal again.
I drink tea and coffee only socially, perhaps a few times in a month, and never after too much later than noon.
Now I can't wear my "Programmer. Converts coffee into code" shirt anymore. Apart from that, I'm much better off :)
What's your coffee story?14
Coding without coffee is like driving without wheels: you can do it for a while, but you won't get far and you'll leave chaos in your wake.1
Here's a tip to caffeinated-beverages lovers.
People often make this mistake with coffee.. They take a cup of coffee after lunch and expect it will make them productive and concentrated immediately. That's BS. Wait for the pee.
Digestion takes ~27% of your body energy molecules [ATP], so you will anyway be sleepy.
When you ingest a cup of coffee you ingest a warm beverage. The warmth will most likely make you sleepy and the sleepiness might last 5 to 15 minutes.
Caffeine in the coffee acts as diuretic - it makes your kidney filter blood more aggresively. As a result 20-40minutes after ingestion you will want to pee.
When you want to pee it's an obvious sign the caffeine is working. Now you should be productive.
Brain [cerebrum] uses glucose molecules for energy rather than ATP, like the rest of the body does. So for the best effect:
- have lunch
- have coffee with sugar during or right after the lunch [do not drink coffee if your stomach is empty!! Ulcers, gastritis, refluxes - that's your future if you do]
- wait ~30 minutes or until you pee
- go to do your work.
This way you will not be working sleepy and your brain will have enough pure glucose to operate on [sugar is just 2x glucose molecules bound together]19
I had this a while ago. I just pulled an all-nighter because of some servers issues so I went to a coffee shop at my usual train station on my way to my study to get an espresso. I had some difficulties with keeping my eyes open and then these teenage girls walked towards the starbucks (nope I don't do starbucks) saying something like 'Oh my god I need caffeine otherwise I won't survive today omg'.
Five minutes later they came walking out with a few huge 'coffees' with shitloads of milk and whipped cream.
I kept myself sane but I just really wanted to scream 'THAT"S NOT COFFEE/CAFFEINE, THAT"S FUCKING DESERT YOU FUCKING FUCKWITS'.
I really couldn't stand those girls at that moment nope.6
Like I mentioned in a previous rant, I’m (or was) a coca-cola addict. Coca-cola has caffeine, right?
This happened a tuesday. I forgot my mug at home (I wanted to draw it a bat🦇) so I bought a jumbo coffee at a store near my office. I drank it, and then, all my partners went to the kitchen for coffee. I went with them and I refilled my cup.
I was working on my code, and suddenly I felt a strange sensation on my chest (I don’t think I could describe it, it feels like when you have intestinal problems and gases, but in the chest). I didn’t give it importance. One hour later I started trembling. I googled my symptoms and I found I had a coffee overdose 😱 But how? I drank a lot of caffeine in soda, but this only happened to me with coffee. This lasted 5 hours 😓
You, specially the most experienced devs and coffee addicts, how can I drink more than 1 cup of coffe per day without trembling? Btw, I have no heart or pressure problems, so I don’t know... this happened because I don’t drink much coffee?23
If you're going to host a Women in Tech Breakfast, there needs to be more than one samovar of coffee (even if it's being constantly refilled). Clearly the hosts have no experience in distributed computing.
Seriously, HOW GOOD IS COFFEE THO
The high I get off caffeine is *incredible*
It's like, so good. AAAAND it's totally legal, safe, not frowned upon etc
Then there's the productivity boost.
I feel immortal.4
I just watched this documentary called "take your pills" and seeing the weird programmer they interviewed I got curious about how many DevRanters use Addy as a coding booster? Would you consider it just a normal performance enhancer like caffeine? Have you tried it?
I've only noticed coffee heads like myself here and I was wondering if some of the people that aren't are against the use of Adderall too.
I'd love to hear some thoughts on the subject.40
Made caffeine consumption personal record today. 11 cups of coffee (11*250ml = 2750ml). In each 250ml there's around 100mg of caffeine. 1100mg of caffeine in one day. Huh. Not bad. Yes, I am still alive and I feel so good.22
My mom bought my very Italian boyfriend an espresso maker for his birthday. He bought the best Italian espresso grounds he could find here in Germany, and we just had a cup at 10pm (our sleep schedules are fucked up).
I've had a lot of coffee and a lot of espresso in my life, but right now I feel like if I jumped hard enough I could fucking fly. I feel like bashing my head through my computer screen for no particular reason. I feel like I could divide by zero and be OK.
Holy shit you Italians are fucking crazy.17
Oh hello there, caffeine deprivation headache
was never a fan of caffeine/coffee, neither knew its importance then i started night shift. Now i am like "all hail coffee"2
Yesterday, I started a new job yesterday (yay!), and all of us new employees have gotten a laptop and a docking station.
Today, I was standing by the coffee machine, chatting with a fellow dev about different kinds of automation and efficiency techniques , when he suggested swapping-out coffee for caffeine pills, as a means to promote efficiency.
I immediately suggested we use the mouse as a docking station through which caffeine is pumped directly into the bloodstream, as a means to promote automation :)1
Am I the only one that comes to the sad realization that if I wanna have a happy and healthy lifestyle I have to sleep a lot and avoid caffeine and do exercise on a daily basis and, on the other hand, if I wanna do all the things I'd like to do concerning software development (and hold a regular job) I have to sacrifice sleep, exercise and switch water to coffee?10
Have been working on my project recently, bug fixing, aws configuring, containing the app, etc, etc. I've been sleeping close to 5hrs on average per day, juggling college finals, work, training and project labour, my activity here has been minimal but I figured some people might be going through the same and I wanted to share my last resource dev weapon...the jet fuel of dev fuels imo...DW coffee
I strongly recommend to use it in dire times (not a promo this thing got me through 13 hours of coding straight)8
Need two needles, two infusion hoses and 5 - 10 l of coffee.
The blood must go, the caffeine get in instead.
And yeah. This sounds fantastical in my brain right now, as I'm literally drooling half asleep in front of the PC.
It's 16 o clock in germany and I have gotten done nothing.
And I think I should put on some baby bips or the keyboard fries from drool.6
The traits that compile to form a programmer
-Not good at naming things
-People started asking for you to fix electronics regardless of what you tell them You’re actually studying/good at
-Procrastination through the roof
-Lives off of Coffee, POP, Energy drinks, or what ever source of caffeine.14
New coffee machines at work. Real beans! What's the equivalent of the Ballmer Peak for Caffeine? Posting this at 4.04am, lying awake in bed and not coding, I'm probably past it.. sleep not found2
The coffee/food room on my floor is absurd.
On day, the Keurig machines, microwave oven and convection oven all disappeared. Turns out they were owned by some employees and when they moved to an other floor they took their stuff with them.
In the caffeine-deprived panic that ensued, a bunch of other employees pooled together some money and went across the street to purchase new applicances.
They now charge us 5¢ for each packet of sugar or milk/cream cup. And they announced it with a passive-aggressive poster with an angry dog on it.2
So, it's too hot, but I'm still quite caffeine dependent so: Espresso on the rocks (add milk and ice coffee mix if you so desire)1
I thought other people were weak for having to rely on coffee to be productive. God I was wrong. Now I am the worst caffeine addict in the office.2
Last week I was studying Cocos2d-python, I had been awake for something like 35 hours, kept alive by cocacola and coffee, and while debugging I started to hear my rubber ducks talking, I've written their instructions on a blackboard, and now I'm working on that project...
And I was there like everything was normal, I had more caffeine and sugar in my body than water, I remember clearly saying "thanks weird talking duck!"2
So I can guzzle like 6-8 cups of coffee a day, should I be worried about the caffeine or the sugar? 🤔13
Caffeine is crucial but I’m trying to moderate it! What good does it do if you have to drink 5 cups of coffee everyday to feel normal! I drink coffee like Hobbits eat! Breakfast coffee, second breakfast coffee, elevensies coffee, lunch coffee, onesies coffee...2
Today another developer recommends to me change coffe to a green apple and green apple juice today i transform green apples into code... lol.1
When I'm about to start a late night coding session I like to brew a pot of green tea. In theory there is less caffeine than coffee.1
when you've taken enough caffeine to get the work done and now you just want to sleep but you can't cuz coffee
I'm 17 and I already have a coffee problem!! I drink 5 to 6 cups of coffee a day!! I need to slow down..12
Coworkers at the office kitchen always act so surprised when they find out that I like coffee even though I rarely drink some. Well, I just don't need caffeine to function properly. Simple as that.1
The first time I tried "sudo apt install caffeine" and realized there was a repo I got excited. And then promptly disappointed that no coffee mug showed up...1
Anybody tried Yerba Maté? How does the stimulation compare to coffee? I need caffeine without coffee. I also heard about pills.6
At what point for coffee basically become sugar water?
Seems like I'm craving mines like soda these days... But know if I'm getting a caffeine Rush or sugar Rush...2
What is the best time of day to take caffeine with the least side effects and the most "therapeutic" effects?
And from which source? Coffee, guarana, kola nuts?8
Anyone else digest coffee a little too quickly? I tend to reap the benefits of caffeine (higher energy motivation and focus) for just a few minutes before I need to reload. This doesn’t always happen but when it does it’s annoying as hell3
Coffee. Get wired off your face on caffeine and then you only have three choices, program like you've never programmed before, bounce off a couple of walls or have a severe heart attack.
Rinse an repeat until you're in hospital.
You're welcome 😂😂1
When a coder doesn’t get his morning coffee; don’t mess with him, even the codes don’t try to mess with them. In this programming jokes, relation between programmer and caffeine is explained.
I'm almost through this sugar free Monster and I'm still falling asleep and it's only 10am. I'm going to get some coffee, but it may be too late. No amount of caffeine may be able to keep me awake today.2
Not really a Rant but:
My Productivity Method:
1. Nootropics (Nootrobox Daily, Sprint for 6+ hour work/focus periods)
2. Ketogenic Diet (Ridiculous Energy, Amazing Food Choices, No Crashing, No Cheating!)
3. Moderate Exercise
4. Get Lit (Partying) once a month at least, hard liquors.
5. Nicotine (Vaping 6mg) while coding.
6. Caffeine (Bulletproof Coffee)
7. League of Legends breaks.
8. Weekly Cigar Social with other professionals.
Balance Vice with Virtue is a great combination for getting stuff done.
What keeps you going?2
Initially I was taking Network Security. Didn't like it that much. Figured I should explore and took a diploma in Information Tech.
First programming assignment, stayed up the whole night to solve it accompanied by a couple of Monster drinks. Got hooked on programming ever since. Picked up caffeine addiction along the way.
Oh and I'm now lactose intolerant. Strongly believe it's due to the large amounts of coffee I had back in the day.
How do you eat a proper meal when the caffeine is suppression your appetite? I'm gonna starve. My diet is only composed of coffee, milk, and chocolate. Sometimes junk food.4
Trying coffee for the first time. What should I get. (I have tried sips before and I hated the taste of the caffeine)5
Hell is: having a high tolerance to caffeine. Meaning coffee and energy drinks do nothing for me.
I'm so sleepy.6
When a coder doesn’t get his morning coffee; don’t mess with him, even the codes don’t try to mess with them. In this programming jokes, relation between programmer and caffeine is explained.