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I'm really not much of a drinker, but last night I was apparently.
I thought I played video games until I passed out on the couch and was carried to bed.
This morning, my laptop reveals to me that I had an idea for a web app last night because I made a very misspelled, yet highly detailed to do list for the app, a very blank index file, and 37 open tabs of what looks like research for certain web features.
Project seemed to be some sort of organization thing with a lot of really random and unrelated features like "fruit meterr that scales different fruits you earn" (what does that even mean??) and "sassy bill reminder".
I'm closing out all the tabs I had opened, when I see the tab showing the domain name I chose and bought. I even got the SSL certificate and email domain purchased.
Drunk me seemed to have been really excited about this idea 😶22
"Let's go for the low hanging fruit first" 🤢
"I think we should do some market research" 🤢
"Yeah that is also on my radar" 🤢
OKAY YOU FUCKING CUNT, STOP WITH YOUR PATRONIZING SHIT.
FIRST OF ALL, ARE YOU REALLY SO SMALL MINDED THAT YOU CAN'T REACH ANY HIGHER? THIS TREE IS FUCKING RAW AMD BARE ON THE BOTTOM, WITH YOUR FILTHY CLAWS GRASPING FOR ALL THOSE EASY NARROW FIXES.
SECONDLY, A FUCKING EMAIL SURVEY WITH BIASED QUESTIONS ANSWERED BY 3 HOBOS IS NOT BLOODY MARKET RESEARCH.
THIRDLY, IF THIS NUCLEAR ICBM OF AN INFRASTRUCTURE PROBLEM IS ON YOUR RADAR, MAYBE STOP FONDLING YOUR SWEATY BALLS FOR A MINUTE AND TAKE ACTION.
"Okay lets peel this onion, so we hit the ground running" 😩🤢😞
NO, LET'S NOT "HIT THE GROUND RUNNING", YOU'RE GOING TO FUCKING TRIP AND MESS UP YOUR FACE EVEN MORE. HOW ABOUT GET YOUR PILE OF SHIT IN ORDER FOR ONCE, PREPARE FOR A MEETING? HOW ABOUT THOUGHTFUL ACTION, SOME FEATURE DESIGN?
"No, just implement it quick and dirty" 🤢😡👿
OH YOU WANT IT QUICK AND DIRTY? IS THAT HOW YOU FUCK YOUR DAD AS WELL?
"Let's evaluate the fix in a few weeks. We really had good synergy here team" 🤢😫
YEAH SURE, LET'S EVALUATE THIS.... BUT LET'S EVALUATE IT RIGHT NOW: 😡
1. You're always late for meetings.
2. After 6 months, you still barely know what we do as a company, you still don't know the teams, and you still don't know the product.
3. You do not listen to engineers flooding you with red flags, requiring time for a redesign to fix serious scaling issues.
4. Everything must be a quickfix, nothing is allowed to require thought, because you CAN ABSOLUTELY NOT think ahead for more than 30 seconds.
OH AND IF YOU EVER AGAIN COVER UP ONE OF YOUR MANY SHORTCOMINGS WITH THAT FUCKING SLIMEY DOUCHEBAG MANAGER VOCABULARY OF YOURS, LET'S SEE HOW MUCH SYNERGY YOU FEEL WHEN YOU'RE DEEPTHROATHING A CACTUS."21
I'm a victim of rather severe child abuse, both physical and mental. I've cut my mother out of my life on several occasions, and disowned her husband on father's day a few years ago. Whenever they're in my life they make things slowly but significantly worse.
They'd been using my previous hard times to push their way into my life again, and are now trying to buy their way in -- this time not into my life, but into my 2yo son's life.
I've done everything I could to keep his existence from them. I hid pregnancy from them, dropped any mew mannerisms and cute vocabulary when speaking to them, never let them see toys or hear sounds if I needed to call them, hid the carseat, etc. I did a perfect job. Out of necessity I've been hiding my life from them since I was 13, and I've never done better than this.
But they knew his name, sex, and age. This means they went digging, and a bloody lot. There is literally no public info relating him to me, and nobody that knows us would tell them, either -- they all know and understand.
For years I've refused to tell these people where I lived, too. We've been here for over five years, and three years ago they just randomly showed up at our door. I never gave them an address, and the house isn't in my name. I never had any privacy when I lived with them, either -- literally not even in the bathroom -- but now we have our own house and they still randomly intrude? asldhflakshdf
But. This Christmas Eve, we got two large boxes (fruit flats) stacked full of presents from them. A third for me, a third for my girlfriend, and a third for my 2yo. Name tags and all.
Why can't they just leave us alone? On Christmas of all holidays? Why do they have to ruin everything? Why can't they just go away?
I've made things abundantly clear, and they just. won't. stop. I feel so angry and exasperated and helpless and trapped. I went from listening to "die in a fire" to crying helplessly on the stairs. All I want is to be left alone and not harassed and blackmailed and manipulated and guilted and given expired food as "gifts."
and before you ever even think to defend them, please re-read my first three sentences.
Merry fucking Christmas.47
"You claim you are a developer and don't know what firebase is? Pfft"
Words uttered by one of my classmates flexing on some 4th semester college inmates. I don't know what's more annoying his squeaky voice, the pretentiousness of using headphones as a necklace during class or that I was just like him when I was a freshman (minus the low hanging fruit flexing).
God fucking damn, I'm not even mad at his obnoxious pampered kid semblance, it's the irony of this enlightened fago falling into the god forsaken rat race. Why?
Because he hasn't been magnanimously disappointed by one of the most corrupt systems I've ever been witness of, yeah keep talking about firebase to the teacher who just nods pretending she knows what you are talking about.
I've had this same teacher before and your nice asynchronous ES6 express nosql solution will come last compared to all the WordPress templates she'll approve because they are pretty and all the time you invested, yeah, right into the crapper, seriously it would've been more satisfying to just masturbate everyday until Christmas break. I'm not pissed at him, annoyed by his semblance maybe, but I actually pitty him because the system will take a big shit on his face and he's just smiling.
Damn it, all these careers ruined by lazy ass professors who think leaving a shitload of diagrams as homework counts as teaching. And before any quirky brother interjects with "oh maybe your University is shit", "muh University verry gut u suk", you shut the fuck up! I know my university sucks even tho is "one of the best ones" by the corrupt media's standards, I'm here to vent about issues, real fucking issues happening in real corrupt systems, I'm taking about professors sexually abusing students, not going to classes, no centralized teaching systems, fucking chaos.
I'm happy for you if you feel good about the piece of paper you hang on your wall that certifies you as Bobby the guy who not only learned a shit load about computers, he also bent his ass so far for us and payed us so much money for it, it's funny he thinks himself as smart.
I know, I know, you went to an ivy league college, have a wonderful job and owe some money, good for you, some are not so lucky and I'll make sure those lazy asses who take advantage of the system lose their jobs.
I'm so sick of this shit we call "moodern educashion"8
Life as a developer can be odd. There is a certain constant feeling of insufficiency. You can never learn enough, know enough, or code enough to be the best.
It is like living life as a digital Tantalus - always too far from the fruit, always too far from the stream. We desire, and sometimes attain. Yet still, it is ever enough.
What are we to do?4
So I’m installing all the updates to Xcode and OSX to get ready to make an app update. Get ready, restart for the OSX update, reboots about 3 times. Apple splash screen comes up... Alright that was a pretty fast one...and then FUCKING FRUIT FUCKERS7
My wife is sick, my infant daughter is teething, and my toddler son won't stop begging for fruit snacks. I haven't slept more than 4 hours in the last 48 hours.
And now, I have to work on my weekend, since our division refuses to say "No, that wasn't in the scope of work" to another business unit and put them in their place. They're lucky they're getting the feature they requested 6 weeks from launch _at all_, let alone with the extras that they requested 4 weeks from launch. Now it's on my shoulders to fix this bullshit because they won't pony up extra budget to pay the external dev shop we used (who failed to implement said features in a timely fashion) to fix this shit.
I really need to get my business shit together and start consulting on my terms. Working for other people can suck a fuck.4
😜BOSS in office : Okay guys, today we are going to play a game.....
When I say a name of the fruit, you run to the right side of the hall....
And when I say any color, you run to the left side of the hall....
One who runs on wrong side will not get the increment...
got it ?
Employees : Yes Boss, Got it.
Boss : Okay...Ready, Set...
. ... ....
..... "ORANGE" !
Employees : Ayyo papi nanmaga 😳😳😰😰😡😡 😛2
I was working on a project, it was a race to the finish.
We are all on very little sleep, like none. Everyone is in a haze.
Last minute a bug comes up that we cannot explain. One of a lead guys say he will handle it but we can see him degrading.
We left him alone, until he comes out of the quite room looking like a scolded child.
“I can’t do it guys... I really can’t. I’m stuck and I can’t do it. I gotta go for a walk...”
As he walks away I say...
“Did you push your branch? I’ll have a look”
Now to be honest, I’m fucking running on fumes at this point as well. So I start to think... what’s the low hanging fruit here?
Spelling mistakes. Brackets. Shit like that.
It was a spelling mistake.
When he walked out of the building we were a fucking mess. When he walked in we were all high-fiving.
He looked at me and said...
“What was it?”
I said, “it was a really strange little error but I got it fixed.”
The guy, who is NOT the touchy feely type, hugs me like I saved his life. And in his ear I whispered...
“It was a spelling mistake” then I winked at him.
We high fived, released the fucking code and never spoke of it again. (Except laughing over a few beer)
I felt like a fucking super hero2
Made with coconut liquor, rum, blue syrup and pineapple/passion fruit juice, Azzurro is one of the few cocktails that can make you really freaking drunk while don't noticing it.
Just throw everything in a blender and mix it with some ice cubes.
- Curaçao Syrup
- Barcadi white rum
- pineapple juice
- passion fruit juice13
Anyone else here with anxieties, depression or what-not? I feel this could get heavy, but I feel this is the only place I could write this. So...
My 18-month-long programming course is slowly coming to an end. Time has come for us to be sent out to job interviews at various companies.
Every single time an interview comes up, I feel the exact same mix of my inconfidence, constant anxiety, "I'm gonna throw up", impatience and whatever else is there in my head. I figured it would get easier with each consecutive interview but it hasn't.
The questions they ask make me sick. The atmosphere is unfathomable. Robots are more humane.
- Why do you want to work with us?
I need money for my meds and something to down them with? I willingly put myself through this shit to become a corporate slave, what else is there to say? I can only hope I'll be writing any code here.
- Where do you see yourself in 2-3 years?
Far away from anything remotely related to an HR department of any sort?
- Had you been a fruit, which one would you be? Whatever would come out of my tears blended with semen? What the fuck is even that question?
Of course those aren't my actual responses, but conjuring the IRL ones to finish the process is a serious burden. And those are only some HR ones. After this barrage of questions they want my lifeless, flaccid body to write code. I mean ok, it's a software dev gig, but I already gave all I had on self-clairvoyance.
We'll be in touch!
Is there a strategy you guys have when you go to an interview? Any tips for taming the acrid beast running around in your brain? Is it too much to talk with a human in a humane language without "15 buzzwords to make the recruiter moist"?5
WTF Apple!? Yet another update? I use the iPad mainly to catch up on some light reading while doing a number two. But as of late, I've spend more time watching that line grow under your logo. I blame you for my haemorrhoids, you stupid piece of fruit!!1
At every family outing (I was typing "family function" but that may confuse this audience..
Uncle: That Mark Facebook guy is worth billions now! And the Twitter guy too. When are you going to think of something?
Me: You think of a unique idea, I'll build it.
Uncle: I don't know, that's what you do isn't it?
(This is the same Uncle that shares "Free Holiday" posts on FB and is always quick to answer FB questions such as "I bet you can't name a fruit starting with A"...)3
Working with Drupal is like guessing the meaning of each config/options all the time.
Me: "I wanna pick only bananas from the basket of fruits"
Drupal: "Which one do you want me to look up:fruit_type,
, Type(fruit), FRUIT, fruit_field fruit_reference, fruit_id, id_reference, fruit_fruit"
Me " "1
So instead of drinking shit like Pepsi Max while coding on a weekend, and since it's so hot lately, I thought I'd buy a blender and some fruits and make frozen fruit drinks.
After unpacking the blender, I notice a booklet with a few recipes.
All I can say, is, ":/".
I'm thinking about making a frozen watermelon and peach drink right now. What do you guys like to drink when it's really hot (besides coffee)?12
'nother "teacher" story here.
Little background knowledge: I'm repeating the things he told us about at home and try to learn them by myself. I use the newest Visual studio and .NET framework version.
In school we have pretty old PC's and even older .NET framework. But let this insanity begin...
As normally i entered my classroom a little late (I have a dangerous habit of ignoring my alarms) and sat down on my chair. We were only 3 people including me at that moment so everything was pretty chill. I ask him what our task was and something along these lines occurred:
Me: what's our task?
Teacher: you remember your shopping list program? I want a textbox in it next to the listview and I want it to show every listview item
Me: that doesn't make sense
Teacher: yadda yadda just do it
Me: kaaaaay, anything else?
Teacher: actually yes! Please use inheritance.
Me: *baffeld* that doesn't make any sense at all. We have 5 different fruits; you tell me i should make a class per fruit!?
Teacher: yes of course! This is how professionals do it all the time. Please give them a distinct attribute, too.
Me: *angry* I'm. Not. Gonna. Do. This. This is total bullshit and also really bad coding style. I'm not going to teach myself something that doesn't make sense at all.
(Note: i know how inheritance works and he knows that too)
Teacher: You have to do it, you won't be prepared for final exams otherwise!
Me: leave my exam prep to me. I won't do this.
Teacher: *grumbles* fine
Later that very same lesson i got a .NET compatibility error. I couldn't work because I wasn't allowed to change anything on the installation nor to install a newer framework. So basically he told me I should've used 'sharpdevelopment' (which is not able to do windows Forms, but hey who cares) and this would not have happened. I was so furious at that moment i just took all my stuff, told him that I work 'from a place where i got decent software and space to think' and left the room.
Why did this person decide to become a programming teacher?7
There are 3 incorrectly labeled fruit baskets (all 3 are incorrectly labeled). One basket has only ORANGES, another one has only APPLES, and the other has mixed ORANGES-APPLES. You can't see anything. You can only pull out 1 fruit from 1 of those baskets. With that, move each label to it's corresponding basket.2
Need a phone upgrade. So now the question is, do I want the $1000 version of the phone I am already using but from a hipster fruit based company or do I want a Korean phone that, given their recent track record, will have a battery that vibrates at the exact frequency that cause wasps to attack the user's testicles?
Oh and it should probably be a thing I can make apps for but doesn't require I learn the thing that pretends it isn't Objective-C.11
Legit Apple Interview
There are three boxes, one contains only apples, one contains only oranges, and one contains both apples and oranges. The boxes have been incorrectly labeled such that no label identifies the actual contents of the box it labels. Opening just one box, and without looking in the box, you take out one piece of fruit. By looking at the fruit, how can you immediately label all of the boxes correctly?
Those who got it answer it directly on Saturday/Sunday until then good luck10
Boy oh boy.. Reminds me of good ol college days. I was in my final sem when Amazon came to our university for campus hiring. I was very confident that I will get selected. Funnily enough I went till the final round and I had a feeling that it went well if not excellent. It was a Friday night and we had to wait two excruciating days for the final shortlisted result to come. On the evening of Monday my friend T called me and told me my name is not on the list. I was heartbroken. I asked him who all got selected and he said our friend A did. A was, and still is a good friend of ours and I was happy for him. That night we sat down for drinks and as the night progressed I anguished over my selection. I still remember solving a binary tree problem holding a glass of whiskey in my one hand. The next morning I woke up at 6, detoxed myself with fruit juices and sat in front of my laptop feeling full rage from last night. I sat till lunch and hacked a chrome extension in one sitting. Mind you I had no existing knowledge of extensions at that point of time. I sometimes look how my life has turned since that time and now I am one of the devs in a team which work on a product that itself is a browser extension. :)
What the fuck this fucking shit of an app supposedly went through five rounds of QA and I broke it in 5 minutes? Holy fucking shit How this is the main point of your job. You shitty shits take forever getting this PR to me and now it’s buggier than a haunted house on Halloween?
After this is after wanting to cuss Apple for making me update the os then then xcode then iTunes just to recognize the goddamn development phone. It’s an app built off Cordova it works for like 14 versions of iOS just run the bugger you over priced aluminum chassis dildo riding fruit Fuckers.
Now back to the goddamn cluster fuck I just got delivered. What the goddamn fuck. This level of bullshittery I have not seen before. And apparently Cordova is only partly de-sandboxed? I don’t know for sure because I don’t have time to test it because I’m running the entire technological stack of this company on a junior dev salary!
When you tell me it goes though all this QA and you spend 2 weeks on just QA tickets for fucks sake the first operation I do, the most common fucking operation on the app, the shit we have been building around all this fucking time, should not fucking error out. For fucks sake at least try to get the main fucking thing working. I recognize you did a lot of work and implemented a number of features but what the fuck good are they if I can’t even run them for one fucking time.
Corporate America wasting billions stuffing database projects into spreadsheets cause it's what they know. Quickly becomes an unmanageable mess. Low hanging fruit.3
Hi everyone. I'm a 14 years old programmeer and have made a simple machine learning algorithm. It's sorting fruit. Would you like to help me and spend a minute of your life and visit fruitsort.heroku.com and sort your fruit?
It will be very fine12
I’m really struggling to see WHY IN THE HELL it was necessary to delete my FUCKING NETWORK PROFILES to update this FRUIT FUCKED ALUMINUM SHIT BOX!
How did they test this and be like, oh, yea, you can’t connect automatically to ANY of the WiFi networks you have saved, because we deleted all the network profiles. That is acceptable, it won’t cause anyone any real problems.
Sure you need to update some shit. But why are you even touching that part of the disk? Damn you filthy lying fruit fuckers!1
So I saw many „Merry Christmas“ posts here lately.
But many of you may have forgotten that 25th of December is the birthday of the greatest physician and mathematician of all time — Isaac Newton! So let's celebrate the existence of comprehensible physical laws!
One way to celebrate Grav-Mass is to decorate a tree with apples and other fruits. Glue them or attach them, but not too well! The idea is that occasionally a fruit should fall. Put them on the tree no more than 2 feet up, so that they won't get damaged or hurt anybody when they fall. Investigating and perfecting the methods for doing this is a great way expose a child to the process of scientifically studying the behavior of the physical world.
Merry Grav-Mass and happy New Year! 🍎
Further reading: https://stallman.org/grav-mass.html4
Fruit Machines... Kind of a dev rant, I mean, they have software running them now, but my gripe is the hardware (I think).
Any of you that frequent pubs and use fruit machines notice that many of the LEDs are "broken" / "non functioning" lately? I mean it's rare I see one that doesn't have lights that are out, rendering the entire machine useless, yet it still takes your money.
Intentionally made to break? Or are LEDs really that difficult to get right? Or maybe it's software determining which ones to appear "broken" and there is a way reset it?
It's a rant none the less...7
What do you guys think of my new album called Low Hanging Fruit:
- Screen Scraping
- Let's timebox this
- Personal development plan
- Embrace the prototype mindset
- Decision making progress
- I am 15 minutes late
- Let's take this offline3
i wonder what would be the circumstances which lead to evolution of the most meek , fruit eating creatures (monkey) into the smartest, flesh eating carnivore (humans).
Did they just felt comfortable walking on 2 feet instead of 4?was this just an idea of some curious group of monkeys?
Imagine if in a parallel universe, their are lions who came up with this idea...and
Behold, in a parallel universe instead of us ,big vegan monster lion-humans are reading this post.(Vegan because why not?Its evolution)9
After the "Cloud Computing" trend, the new trends these days seems to be ML, VR and AI. And while I am very excited about all these techs and the possibilities it can bring, I can't help feel that most of us are using the term "AI" a bit incorrectly.
What we are trying to do here, as far as I can see, is VI, not AI. The intelligence we see in the so called "AI"s available so far are simulated and fails to emulate real intelligence, let alone demonstrate actual intelligence and awareness. They are not fully aware. But I guess that is why there is the singularity constraint. It is no doubt that when a VI finally becomes are fully aware AI, that is indeed the point of singularity.
Anyway, leaving the future dystopian thoughts aside, a mixture of ML, "AI" and VR have made some very interesting concepts, especially in the gaming industry, which I would love to see bear fruit in the near future.2
Dudes I got an (in my opinion not just and moral) punishment: I have to invent a choreography over a scene of west side story
@QCat told me to base it around dabs and because he is a a cool guy, I will base it around dabs
Any other ideas? I have 25 people to choreograph, and a rivalry to show between two teams
NOW TO THE RANT PART:
WHY THE FUCK does a teacher think that its okay to make me wait 30 minutes?
WHY THE FUCK does a teacher think that just "not having a text book that complies to all my rules" is enough to even punish people
WHY THE FUCK does a teacher make students do his work?
WHY THE FUCK does a teacher think he has the right to force me to answer to the question "what do your parents work as"
WHY THE FUCK does a teacher think that he may interpret ANY of my doings as "mysogenous" (she litterally interpreted my "being a bit sarcastic" as "macho-comportment")
And to all extents: Why does she give me an usb-stick that isnt completely wiped and thus still has some private information (aka a picture of her when she was 8years younger and was eating a weird fruit)4
So this is a simple calculator I created by using react native. Pretty useful.
A very critical bug was found in this pitty app. Everything works well, but it has this line in it:
For me? Oh I'm a wreck stupid script kiddies who use eval that too lazy to create a so called clean solution...
Also, this funny ecma script foundation put this eval thing so that you should not use it ever...
I heard a similar funny-but-ironic story about a Supernatural Entity who put a pity apple tree in the garden of eden, so that, everyone eat it's fruit become pricky mother fucker who never listen at anyone's argument. They blindly follow everything told by the linter. Because the linter is a perfect entity who knows your use case more than you.
And I'm really sorry, I'm just a sad moron script kiddies, please -- this rant and tell me again why eval is evil.
Because I'm too stupid to understand the risk of using eval, even if it is safe-eval. Also, tell me again this safe-eval is not save if I accidentally put global context as argument. I don't do it, but let's consider this possibility as bug...
No, mother fucker, you are not superior. You are just an asshole trying to act cool. You say something is dirty, and you don't provide any cleaner solution. Why? because you are a knight with shining armor. A certified developer who never goes to real battlefield. It is always fun right?, to see how people doing things "wrongly" and make fun of it without doing anything...
Ah, don't worry, you don't need to know how to do things correctly. You only need to pray to your linter 12 times a day in order to feel superior...5
Damn, missed the Apple presentation last night :-(. What is all the fuss I hear this morning about those new 'AirButts' or something?1
My breakfasts consist of two large soft pretzels and a naked fruit smoothie a day... Look mom in an adult now!7
i wrote a multi thread program for my company and they think its just a single process. i said to the boss: boss, i wrote a multi-thread program pls give me credits. boss said: fruit you you sockitor. do your freaking job. and im adding mybugs now.