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Project manager: how was the day?
Me: wrote a few lines of code
Me: ran the code
Me: full of errors
Me: I cried8 -
A small bug is found.
Chad dev:
😎 *Exists*
> Writes a simple ad hoc solution in a few lines
> Self documenting code with constant run time
> No external dependencies needed
> Fixes the bug, easy to test and does not introduce any new issues
That guy nobody likes (AKA. regex simp coder):
🤡 'This can be "simplified" into oNE LiNe'
> Writes a long regex expression that has to line wrap the editor window several times
> Writes an essay in the comments to explain it's apparent brilliance to the peasant reader
> Exponential run time (bwahahah), excessive memory requirements
> Needs to import additional frameworks, requires more testing that will delay release schedule
> Also fixes bug but the software now needs 2x ram to run and is 3x slower
> Really puts the "simp" in simplified, but not the way you would expect26 -
I just hate it when clients with no knowledge of developing says I'm looking for "more professional"
FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!
Somebody did that with dedication and you can't just call it that!!
SCREW YOU!!!
😡😡😡😡😡15 -
Dont get attached to your code at work! Coz it's not your code, you got paid for writing that code and that's it.5
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I’ve been programming with other languages than Python for so long that when I finally had to pick up Python to help teach my friend some python I felt like I was rediscovering a past life.
With Python I feel like King Fucking Arthur with the Holy Blade Excalibur, armored up and ready for fucking war.
When I’m writing a script I feel like I’m parrying and piercing my blade straight through that fuckers chest and slam them into the fucking ground. And leave their bleeding out cold dying body on the fucking ground with no hope in their eyes.
Although when an indentation error occurs I feel like I just fucking tripped over a fucking pebble and apparently stairs were nearby and I bash my head on all 1024 steps, get to the bottom to just to get some fucking Java Chad punt my fucking head like a fucking football screaming random reasons to not use python.7 -
> Be chad lodash dev
> new security vulnerability discovered in April
> low
> virgin devs ask to fix https://github.com/lodash/lodash/...
> giving no shit, because lodash stronk https://github.com/lodash/lodash/...
> fast forward now
> NPM lists lodash as vulnerability, because no fix
> 1000s of downstream projects affected
> https://github.com/lodash/lodash/...
> surprised pikachu face10 -
"So I have this awesome app idea..."
Proceeds to tell me, "I'll be, like, the face of the company, and you can just focus on the tech stuff, in the background."
Chad called me ugly nerd, so I took his idea, got an investment from his own father, built the company, and sold it.
See Chad got a new job as a sales development rep
At the company I built and sold
Haha epic2 -
I have been on Reddit...
I have been lurking in ProgrammerHumor...
I am not proud of these things...
I got called a "Big Shot" because I didn't think the concept of pointers in C/C++ was ever particularly hard.
If I remember right. I learned in high school how pointers worked when they explained how arrays worked in Pascal. When I taught myself C it didn't ever seem like it was a difficult thing to understand.
Is the concept of pointers really that hard to understand for devs?17 -
Do you think I should give Atom another shot or stick with VSCode?
I've tried it several times but I always found it sluggish, slow in everything and bugged. VSCode is so much smoother and fast.
But damn Atom is so much more good looking, especially with nebula theme.
It's like choosing between the nice, decent-looking guy and the rude but definitely good looking fuckboy chad10 -
New developers. Tip: There is no silver bullet.
If you like Python, please understand GIL's behavior before making a system that handles thousands of requests.
If you like Java, know that "Write once, run anywhere" is a fallacy. Even application servers don't like the same WAR.
If you like PHP, understand the life cycle of a request before connecting to the database from all corners.
If you like C#, don't make it a small command-line application that will be used on FreeBSD.
If you like C, meet valgrind.
If you like C++, templates are cool, but don't overdo it. And take the opportunity to meet valgrind.
Never use the same tool to do everything. Elect the language and framework for the given need with rationality.
Every time I see a "Java Man", a "C++ Chad" or anything like that, it comes to mind that if he were a carpenter, he would be tightening screws with hammers.
Every lock-in is bad.11 -
Work of a my co-workers good work! It's called colspan you dumb fuck! Best part is that no way I'm changing this coz I work in place where they don't give a fuck about code quality! So fuck it!
6 -
If you didn't became a developer what would you be? What's your plan B?
Mine is to be a psychologist.38 -
What if you were asked to develop something that goes against your morals or beliefs. Would you do it?
PS - they are willing to pay you more that you ask for29 -
Even though I have 500 reputation on StackOverflow I'm afraid to ask a question! Coz other devs can be really down right mean! No one knows everything, we are all here to learn. Some ppl don't understand that they too started like this.2
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When you got hired
HR: please come to us if there's any problems related work so that we can give a solution.
After years of working you send a mail with you problems, it's been months. Still no reply! And try to avoid conversation regarding that problem.2 -
Have you had any money saved? What is your process when it comes to saving money? What kind of investments did you do with your savings?15
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Yesterday was a day off so I developed a vue, vuex , laravel application. Today back to work and start writing some shity code!1
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Got hooooot pink coloured pair of beats for my birthday!!! Best gift ever! Two most things I like is music and code this is the perfect gift! Pink is the only problem but fuck it. I love theseeeee!!!
19 -
Hopefully, you already know that the company controlled by the alledged reptiloid subhuman and olimpic testicle juggler formerly known as Mister Zuck My Tits is not to be trusted.
But as is always the case in this bitch, I've been forced into cowjizz flooded swamps' worth of stinking shit platforms for the sake of avoiding isolation.
And so, I've just found yet another way in which Facebook **THUNDERSTRIKE** ... the company, not the geriatric ward, is one of the CROWN ACHIEVEMENTS of human civilization.
Let me tell you something: some people are fucking broke. Hell, some people sleep on the streets, live on scraps, and willingly engage in acts of public defecation when provoked. But I'm not even talking about them no, just plain *broke*.
And so imagine being that guy who doesn't really use his phone much, except maybe for sharing cat pictures with mom because that's what being an absolute chad is all about. You don't get a new phone, because money is a __little__ bit tight. But THEN...
The dreaded CAPITAL strikes, and requests of you to bend and fall onto your knees so as to provide intense, intimate and manual -- as well as oral -- PLEASURE to the [NOT SO] METAPHORICAL PENIS of the """SYSTEM""".
Oh, what an abominable, drooooooling revenant that lies before you!
"Gimme your ass... " he says, menacingly, as you wail about in a futile attempt to guard and preserve the very last vestiges of your own anal virginity.
And so you fight, and kick him in the NADS with everything you have, down to the final shreds of vigor. Victory! Or so you thought...
"You must... " he mutters, mortally wounded "update WhatsApp... "
"Still you breathe?!" you exclaim, suddenly transformed into a heroic, sexy moustachoed arquebusier "After I'm done ~OILING~ my VICTORIOUS CHEST, I *shall* bestow DEATH uppon you!".
But as you rip open your shirt to apply sensual oiling to your marvellous frontal assets, your nemesis reveals it's portentous Portugal: "this new version of Android... " he gasps as he perishes "is incompatible with your device... "
"Ughh! Sacrebleu!" you shriek out in pain, realizing that you are now unable to ACCESS THE FUCKING DATA THAT IS IN YOUR OWN FUCKING HARDWARE BECAUSE OF A STUPID FORCED BINARY INCOMPATIBILITY.
That's right. Now even if I *do* get a new phone, I can't do shit about losing all of the family memes. And contacts and all of that shit, but the stickers are more important. A minor inconvenience, yes, and it didn't need all of this preamble but I was doing the dramatic fight scene bit inside my head as I was writing and I got into it.
Because the only documented way to transfer all of that data is to OPEN THE APPLICATION and scan some code, but everytime I go to do that, IT TELLS ME I NEED TO UPDATE. And every time I GO TO UPDATE, it says that MY PHONE is TOO FUCKING OLD!! AAAAAAAGHGHGHGHGHGHGHG!!!!
And you too, might be a dashing french man from centuries past, with both balls and tits down to your fucking knees, folding your arms in a position that exhumes smugness in a disgustingly irreverent and self-aggrandizing way, looking at me as a mere plebeian who cannot wrap his head around the mystical art of interacting with Google's black deuce box.
And you would be somewhat right in your judgement! But just having to fiddle about with these fucking pocket Elmo screens is such a traumatic experience for me that I'd rather lose my stickers.
[ADBREAK] Are you a debonair victorian undercover butt pirate, taking unparalleled care of your Falstaffian, highfalutin poils pubiens? Need your "sword" sharpened, as you browse through the pages of this magnanimous lexicon? Would you rather allocate final death to your coworkers than learn one more synonym for sonorous, supercilious and pontifical?
We all know that ALL you need to help keep that honor intact is slaying your enemies in high-stakes combat. But how to satisfy less gallant needs, when male prostitution is outlawed in more than sixteen duchies?
Look no further than BloodCurse, the ancient hex that will haunt your family for countless generations! With BloodCurse, you may crawl the earth as a mindless, shameless, piece of shit cockswallowing JUGGERNAUT that craves nothing BUT the consumption of scabbed human ass!
BloodCurse is easily contracted through consumption of the GENITAL fluids of highly-lecherous succubi, conjured through [EXTREMELY CENSORED]! This forbidden arcana allows the user to debour HIS OWN testicles in no time!
Get your bottle of scents, sensual Portuguese chest oils, and fucking designer-drug bath salts for the low, low price of a passionate, unceassing self-blowjob! And use my code FRONTALASSETS for 60% OFF in your next soul-robbing foray into the felational dark arts!
Big ups to BloodCurse for sponsoring this RRRRRRRR~$RRR$$RR%5RRRRR$0000:>A48CC50A E3A1B22A : 330D4750 7C24E5A5|.......*3.GP|$.. 5262E7D5 0D1C24E6 : 85594B39 1CB7593E|Rb......YK9..Y>
:~11 -
Did you ever take advantage of clients that has less computer literacy? Like have you ever escape a bug in the system by telling the client heavy technical BS! 😋
PS - fixings that bug later obviously!!6 -
Why do I find really hard to connect with my coworkers?! I'm an introvert but after few months in my old job I connected with everyone. In my new job I find it really hard! And it's almost a year! 😥😫5
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Virgin Powerbeats™ pro:
- can’t even fit into your pocket, you have to buy special iPants™ with bigger pockets, that would be $1499, thank you
- have buttons so finicky and annoying that you’re really better off with a touch area
- silicone tips deteriorate and are prone to stay inside your ears. Uh oh, anyone but certified iOtholaryngologists™ aren’t authorized to remove them or else they would be put to Apple Jail™. The removal would be $499 per ear, thank you
- you have to be a PhD topologist to figure out how to put them back into their case
- uh oh, one bud just randomly stopped working because of a design flaw in our case, that’s User Error™, would you like to pay for a replacement with your Apple Card™?
- a feel of greasy deteriorating clamshell
Chad Jabra Elite
- a feel of a brass zippo, magnets are just perfect
- firm, real buttons. Improve then just one level and you got the feel of IBM Model M
- you press a button and you hear whatever mics are picking, no need to ever pull them out
- most comfortable buds I’ve ever tried
- small case fits into pockets of my tight booty shorts just fine
- waterproof
- sounds better than anything Noble Audio have ever done
Beats suck i guess 🤷
6 -
You don't! Working for a bad company would ultimately give you the experience you need that a good company wouldn't2
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Hmmm! So I'm passive aggressive person. I don't argue with my fellow devs I post the their faults on devRant!
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Next motherfucker named Chad that sends me an email with a RE: subject line for recruiting is going to be thrown from a helicopter screaming.
If your name is Chad that's okay, we know you didn't choose your name, but if you're a recruiter named Chad and you are trying to slide into my emails, get fucked.2 -
Mine was at my school when I was 13 or 15. I didn't have a computer at home because my parents could not offered a one. Back then I didn't know any thing about computers but always knew that I wanted to do something related to computers.
So, when I went to the computer lab in my school I was so dumb, I couldn't even click on a button using the mouse. We were partnered up two students per computer and me try so hard use a computer and my partner take over and show off his talent how he can use a computer.
I was sad and devastated even though I love computer I couldn't use a computer but my willingness to learn about computers science never faded a away!
Few years fast forward; I'm a web developer and I'm happy with what I do. The fellow student who showed off still contact me for his trouble shootings regarding computers.
Never give up on you dreams -
1. Windows is unreliable and crappy.(I have had a lot of bad experience with windows.)
2. Mac is good but doesn't have a lot of things to tinker with.(Used mac, it runs on specific hardware only, for rich people who don't know how to use computers or for chad programmers )
3. Linux is the best. (The real programmer shit that has it all.)
What do you think?40 -
So this horrible client micromanaging every single thing in the application now suddenly asking me where a menu should go! I'm like why are you asking me that now I think you should take the menu and shove it up your ass?2
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I have switched from Chrome to Firefox in steps to de-google myself. I missed some of the features but I found a workaround apart from the Chrome Netflix Extended extension. I binge watch lots of Netflix series and after a while seeing intro again and again quite frustrates me. With Chrome, I didn't have to worry about that but with Firefox there weren't any add-ons which works properly so this weekend I decided to make my own.
If you are a Firefox user, please give it a try and let me know.
https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/...
If you like to contribute -
https://github.com/chamra/netcham2 -
Hey ya'll back with another college boi question.
I want to develop a web server akin to that of jackbox/among us. Where each session has like an 'ABCXYZ' style code, and i assume are using TCP sockets on the back end.
I'll be writing in Go cause I <3 Go and its a chad language. Anywho, am i supposed to spin up a new websocket server each time someone wants to make a room? Or do i have one websocket server and some sort of map of rooms.
gameRooms := map['id_string']clients
Anyone have any suggestions for this?7 -
Is there a way to implement Google analytics to a specific page.
So, my requirement is to let the user add his/her Google analytics to their page on my application. The page is in sub-route of the application (user/username)
Can I allow a user to do that? Are there any articles related to this?10 -
When I started at my first job I was a fanboy for a co-worker who writes codes like nothing and there's is nothing he can not do when comes to coding!! I really admire his work. I always think how does he do it?!
Now I have a fanboy for my work 😎 he admires my work he thinks that there's nothing I can't solve.
I get it now, it's just experience and practice!5 -
Ok! My new project still haven't started and I'm so bored , running out things to look into!!!
So far I have looked into
Firebase
Ethical Hacking
Some web developing concept...
Any suggestions??? Related to web developing, laravel , vuejs ???1 -
Working on some documentations on MS word and I'm pressing ctrl+space for auto complete!!🤣🤣🤣 Not only that ctrl+click for multiple cursor!!! 😂😂😂😂😂2
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So I quit my last job because they were only focusing on developing invoicing and inventory control systems. It was really boring same old thing every day!!
When I started my current job they were developing CMS and web solutions. But recently management is considering to develop invoicing and inventory control systems (which now I HATE ).
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE THERE'S MORE THAT!!!!
😫🙄😡😠7 -
I forgot every thing and watch funny YouTube videos! And in between watching them I blame myself get depressed get angry!
I think I might be bipolar! 🤔🤣😀😂☹️3 -
Bleh, I fucking hate Arduino. I thought this Chad would teach me assembly for PCs, not Arduino. The boards don't fucking work half the time, I don't give a shit about blinking lights or motors, I don't want to do things with robotics, I just want to fucking code. Ffs, I'd rather write code that just makes a number increment and then quits, because then I wouldn't have to use that useless fucking Arduino "IDE".
Fuck you Arduino, fuck you so much.4
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