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Interviewer: Welcome, Mr X. Thanks for dropping by. We like to keep our interviews informal. And even though I have all the power here, and you are nothing but a cretin, let’s pretend we are going to have fun here.
Mr X: Sure, man, whatever.
I: Let’s start with the technical stuff, shall we? Do you know what a linked list is?
X: (Tells what it is).
I: Great. Can you tell me where linked lists are used?
X:: Sure. In interview questions.
I: What?
X: The only time linked lists come up is in interview questions.
I:: That’s not true. They have lots of real world applications. Like, like…. (fumbles)
X:: Like to implement memory allocation in operating systems. But you don’t sell operating systems, do you?
I:: Well… moving on. Do you know what the Big O notation is?
X: Sure. It’s another thing used only in interviews.
I: What?! Not true at all. What if you want to sort a billion records a minute, like Google has to?
X: But you are not Google, are you? You are hiring me to work with 5 year old PHP code, and most of the tasks will be hacking HTML/CSS. Why don’t you ask me something I will actually be doing?
I: (Getting a bit frustrated) Fine. How would you do FooBar in version X of PHP?
X: I would, er, Google that.
I: And how do you call library ABC in PHP?
X: Google?
I: (shocked) OMG. You mean you don’t remember all the 97 million PHP functions, and have to actually Google stuff? What if the Internet goes down?
X: Does it? We’re in the 1st world, aren’t we?
I: Tut, tut. Kids these days. Anyway,looking at your resume, we need at least 7 years of ReactJS. You don’t have that.
X: That’s great, because React came out last year.
I: Excuses, excuses. Let’s ask some lateral thinking questions. How would you go about finding how many piano tuners there are in San Francisco?
X: 37.
I: What?!
X: 37. I googled before coming here. Also Googled other puzzle questions. You can fit 7,895,345 balls in a Boeing 747. Manholes covers are round because that is the shape that won’t fall in. You ask the guard what the other guard would say. You then take the fox across the bridge first, and eat the chicken. As for how to move Mount Fuji, you tell it a sad story.
I: Ooooooooookkkkkaaaayyyyyyy. Right, tell me a bit about yourself.
X: Everything is there in the resume.
I: I mean other than that. What sort of a person are you? What are your hobbies?
X: Japanese culture.
I: Interesting. What specifically?
X: Hentai.
I: What’s hentai?
X: It’s an televised art form.
I: Ok. Now, can you give me an example of a time when you were really challenged?
X: Well, just the other day, a few pennies from my pocket fell behind the sofa. Took me an hour to take them out. Boy was it challenging.
I: I meant technical challenge.
X: I once spent 10 hours installing Windows 10 on a Mac.
I: Why did you do that?
X: I had nothing better to do.
I: Why did you decide to apply to us?
X: The voices in my head told me.
I: What?
X: You advertised a job, so I applied.
I: And why do you want to change your job?
X: Money, baby!
I: (shocked)
X: I mean, I am looking for more lateral changes in a fast moving cloud connected social media agile web 2.0 company.
I: Great. That’s the answer we were looking for. What do you feel about constant overtime?
X: I don’t know. What do you feel about overtime pay?
I: What is your biggest weakness?
X: Kryptonite. Also, ice cream.
I: What are your salary expectations?
X: A million dollars a year, three months paid vacation on the beach, stock options, the lot. Failing that, whatever you have.
I: Great. Any questions for me?
X: No.
I: No? You are supposed to ask me a question, to impress me with your knowledge. I’ll ask you one. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
X: Doing your job, minus the stupid questions.
I: Get out. Don’t call us, we’ll call you.
All Credit to:
http://pythonforengineers.com/the-p...75 -
Windows: Copying 2,513 items from <here> to <here>.
Me: OK.
Windows: 84% complete.
Me: OK.
Windows: Shit.
Me: What?!
Windows: "Copying" dialog box is not responding.
Me: Fuck you.
Windows: Well, yeah, sorry.
Me: Fuck you.
Windows: Do something else until it unfreezes.
Me: OK.
.
.
.
Me: Fuck you. Everything's stuck. Can't click anywhere.
Windows: You can still use your mouse, though.
Me: Yeah, I guess. Wait a second, it's also stuck. The whole thing is frozen as ice.
Windows: What about keyboard?
Me: I said, THE WHOLE FUCKING THING!
Windows: Well, sorry?
Me: FUCK YOU!!20 -
Client: Why did you use Vanilla JavaScript? Even my child doesn't eat vanilla.
Me: Uhh..., you realise we are not talking about ice-cream right?
Right?
RIGHT?9 -
6pm - arrive home from work, log into my computer and start working on side projects.
4am - Finally go to sleep after staying up all night setting up arch in a vm.
7am - Start drive to work in the snow and ice.
7:20am - car runs out of wiper fluid.
7:30am - round corner so that I’m driving towards the sun, windshield is covered in mud and I have 2% visibility.
7:35am - take off ramp towards gas station so I can buy fluid and wash window.
7:36am - Car mysteriously parked in center of off ramp, nearly smash it but have a narrow miss.
7:40am - can’t find the freaking pully in new car to pop hood
7:41am - found it.
7:50am - drove the back way to work because it cuts out traffic, but includes many steep hills that I forgot existed, come to a skid at bottom of one and am pushed out into the main road, luckily nobody is coming and I’m able to continue on my merry way.
8:01am - sit down in desk, lead staff person comes over evoking Lumbergh from Office Space and lets me know I need to be on time to work and that the snow doesn’t give me an excuse. I agree and smile and suck up and he leaves.
8:02am - pull out phone to write down notes about personal project that I thought of on drive here, phone dies. I forgot to plug it in last night.
8:04am - found power bank charger thing in desk but it uses a micro-b type usb and I only have usb type c on me.
8:10am - borrow usb from old headset in office surplus.
8:11am - writing notes. Have sudden realization that I didn’t shut down my vm and that when my computer went to sleep and subsequently locked it probably halted virtualbox and everything would be lost for the second time.
8:12am - got on devRant.4 -
I have a telephone headset with a "confusing" mute button. Sometimes it works normally, but quite often it will "double-toggle" (toggle twice as though I pressed it twice, which essentially has no effect) - so I'm either left muted or left un-muted, the same as before I pressed the button at all - so I have to press it again, sometimes several times, for it to actuary work.
While I'm at my desk, I have a visual indicator of mute status (a light that turns green for un-muted or red for muted), so I can easily tell if my mic is hot or not. My old headset had a nice audible beep reminder if I was muted, but the new headset? Nope, not-so-much.
I work from home, while my wife works at an office; so each morning she leaves, but I stay in the home office. I almost always see her off one way or another, usually doing or saying something funny as she heads out.
So, one day, I'm on a large conference call with a number of cross-team managers, and my wife is about to head out the door. With the meeting droning on in my headset, I was in the kitchen with her for a while helping finish clean up after breakfast and getting her ready to go.
She needed to pack an ice-pack for some reason, and for the random humor of it, I start screaming something to the effect of "GIMMIE YO ICE PACKS - GIMMIE ALLLL YO ICE PACKS - YEAH! YEAH! IMMA PUT MY BAAAAAAAAALLLLLS ON IT - WHOOOOOOOOO!"
During which time I am jumping around like a crazy person, including actually grabbing one of the ice packs, putting it down the front of my pants and screaming. Loudly.
It was after my own screaming I overheard more than one person yelling on the bridge line "YOU'RE NOT MUTED! YOU'RE NOT MUTED!"
I have seldom felt such raw, unadulterated panic.
I rushed back to my home office - yes, the green light is on my desk - my mic is hot. When I pressed mute at some point earlier in the call, it double-toggled, leaving me un-muted, and I never knew.
Even more embarrassing was the chat session I saw on my computer screen. It was from my manager (one of the managers on the call) - he had pinged me several times while I was in the kitchen.
It read something like:
hey, you there?
is that your phone
I think your phone isn't muted
mute
dude, mute
is that you?
MUTE!
did you just say balls?10 -
Once we were going to present a web service to governmental firm. All is going well so far and my boss asks me to host the web application the day before the presentation.
I hosted it and all was good with demo production tests, but I had a bad feeling.
While it was running on our server, I also ran it locally with a reverse proxy just in case.
* Meeting starts *
* Ice broken and down to business *
"And now our developer will run the demo for you..."
* Run the demo from my laptop to double check --> 500 Internal Server Error *
Holy shit!!!
* Opens reverse proxy link on my laptop. Present demo during meeting. Demo works like a charm. *
Firm representative: "Great! Looking forward to go live."
*Our team walks out*
GM: "Good job guys"
ME:
4 -
Had a random dream last night where different JavaScript Frameworks were different flavour ice creams. No matter which one I tried I kept coming back to vanilla...6
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Dude reverse engineered mcdonalds API to filter out which mcdonalds have ice machine broken https://twitter.com/rashiq/status/...
Result: https://mcbroken.com/12 -
Hello again, everyone. As Sunday comes to a close, and Monday is fast approaching, I'll share with you the likely cause of my death by stroke and/or heart attack:
MONDAY MORNING COFFEE OF HORROR
Disclaimer: Do NOT try this. I am a professional addict. I am not responsible for anything this brew from hell causes to you and/or those around you.
So, I wake up, feeling like I haven't slept for days, or just notice the fucking alarm clock shrieking because I pulled an all-nighter.
Step 1: Silence alarm clock via mild violence.
Step 2: Get the coffee machine to brew some filter coffee (espresso works too)
Step 3: Get milk and ice cubes from the fridge (both are needed, I don't care if you don't like milk, trust me)
Step 4: Get 2 spoonfuls (not tea spoon, and actually FULL spoonfuls) into the biggest glass you have
Step 5: Pour just a little of the warm filter coffee into the glass, just to get the instant coffee wet enough, and start mixing, until the result looks like the horror you unleashed in your toilet a few minutes ago (and will do so again in a few)
Step 6: Mix in 25-50 ml milk, just for the aesthetic change of colour of the devil-brew, and to add the necessary amount of lactic acid to react with the coffee to produce chemical X
Step 7: Add ice cubes to taste (if you are new to this, add a lot)
Step 8. Slowly add the filter coffee while mixing furiously, so that the light brown paste at the bottom get dissolved (it's harder than it sounds)
Now, take a deep breath. Before you is a disgusting brew undergoing a chemical reaction, and your moves need to be precise otherwise it will explode. Note that sugar or any other form of sweetener is FORBIDDEN, as it will block the reaction chain and the result won't be as potent.
Take a straw (a big one, not those needle-like ones that some cafeterias give to fool you into believing that the coffee is more than 150ml). Put it inside the mix, and check that the route to the bathroom is free of obstacles.
Now, clench your abs, close your nose if you are new to this, grab the straw and DRINK!
DRINK LIKE THERE IS NO TOMORROW!
THAT BROWN DEVIL'S BILE WILL HAVE YOUR INTESTINES SPASM AND DANCE THE MACARENA WHILE TWIRLING A HULA HOOP!
YOUR HEART WILL GO OVERDRIVE HARDER THAN YOUR PC'S CPU WHEN COMPILING ON ECLIPSE AND BROWSING WITH IE AT THE SAME TIME.
The combination of caffeine and lactic acid will bring out the perfectly disgusting combination of sour and bitter usually expected in rotting lemons. After you manage to chug it down (DON'T SPILL OR SPIT ANY!) you have 30 - 60 seconds max to run to the porcelain throne, where you will spend the next 30-60 minutes.
After that, nothing can stop you! You will fix bugs, write entire codebases from scratch, punch that annoying coworker, punch that boss! You will be a demigod among mortals for the next 6-8 hours!
Your recipes for Monday morning coffee?15 -
So I just found this app, called LifeRPG. It lets you play your life as a game, compleating quests for exp and "gems"(which you can then trade for custom rewards.. I'm thinking.. Ice cream~ <3) I think this will help keep me motivated more to do actual things in my life. Maybe.. We'll have to see. I already set up a bunch of daily missions, and continous missions.
27 -
Today was the first time I received a donation for one of my git repositories. Good feeling. Gonna buy me a beer for it.3
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I'm really close to just quitting coding all together. This job is sucking the life out of me. I've lost my interest in code and the idea that there are better jobs out there.
My "boss" who's not even really my boss but behaves like he is, is micromanaging my every tag, and is an information hog. He doesn't document, he doesn't tell me anything, I've been here six months and still don't know half of what I need to know to do my job properly!
I'm expected to implement a new responsive design, but we don't have design specifications.
Cool, you'd think, new ideas, complete overhaul! Let's get a good foundation in bootstrap going!
WRONG! It needs to fit in with the old, fuck- ugly pre 2000 design.
Not because of any design constraints in particular, but because HE wants it that way. You know what was fucking trendy in 2000? Tables. Tables fucking everywhere. YOU KNOW WHAT TABLES ARE NOT? RESPONSIVE YOU FUCKING ICE LOLLY CHEWER!
We have no development timeline, no process management, no fucking project management. THE FUCKING PASSWORDS WERE STILL STORED IN PLAIN TEXT UNTIL LAST MONTH YOU IRRESPONSIBLE BANANA DEEPTHROATER! 😤😤😤😤😤😤
I'm doing my best here to get something resembling the old page, but there needs to be some fucking compromise! We are in fucking 2017, let's work with Bootstrap instead of against it, how about that you fucking bald cactus!
I know enough about UI to know that the way we're going, this is just going to be another unusable fucking clusterfuck.
YOU KNOW THE BEST FUCKING PART? I'M A FUCKING BACKEND DEV AND I WAS HIRED AS SUCH! GIVE ME A DESIGN TEMPLATE AND I'LL DO MY BEST TO IMPLEMENT IT, BUT FUCK YOU FOR EXPECTING FRONT END LEVEL DESIGN KNOWLEDGE YOU DUMB FUCKING SPAGHETTI!14 -
instead of ranting why php sucks or your co-worker being an ass in coding, why not have some of this?
12 -
**Overheard new intern struggling with git talking to lead developer
Intern: "I am having trouble with the git repo on my local machine, can you take a look?"
*** Looks at code for three seconds
Lead developer: "Yeah, I suggest you just delete and reclone the repo."7 -
Didn't have the best day at work, to put it mildly. Had a customer threaten me / the company I work for with legal steps because their privacy statement wasn't online "on time" (I put it online this afternoon), and I found out that a couple of colleagues that customers aren't happy with my work, so I have a meeting"to discuss the next couple of months" on Thursday with some influencual people from my company. Totally not up for this. I just about had my private life sorted out, and now this. //I'm out!11
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The freelancer...
We are looking for someone to design a logo with no less than 2 years Javascript, 10 years Intel IO low level engineering in assembly, 2 months pascal, 14 weeks of HTML5, 17.23567 years of ASCII C, and you must have a half pint of strawberry ice cream in your freezer. $20.00 firm.5 -
Great, it's not one security flaw, but two!!
One's a flavour of ice-cream and the other is the title of a James Bond movie.
Bloody FUCKWIT(s)!!7 -
If some yampy bloke ask me bout the origin of my username again imma shove a can of ice cold monster™ energy drink up em ass (: Is it hard to look it up?? (Dont look it up tho, it porn)
So it a funky ass breakbeat/chiptune kinda album. Sod off.
16 -
I was at a college career fair and had a list of 20 booths to visit. There were maybe a thousand other applicants. I was the only one in pink (technically coral) shoes. I'd walked four miles in those heels and had blisters everywhere I could from them.
At my last booth, the guy says "Oh! Pink shoes! I've been noticing them all day! Nice to meet you, I'm X." I gave him my background and resume, talked about the kinds of problems I wanted to solve and was invited to interview with them.
On my way home, I walked barefoot through downtown despite the ice on the sidewalks just to get out of those damn shoes.
A few weeks later, I got the job.6 -
A. Hey, what's your favorite ice cream flavor?
B. Cookies!
A. I accept! Hey, what's your favorite ice cream flavor? -
Lemon juice
Water
Vodka
Limoncello
Splash of gin (I used Bombay)
Sugar/replacement to taste
Ice
Tastes like traditional lemonade, but this one is a great remedy for burnout/reality.
Highly recommend!7 -
The office decided to buy us all ice-cream. I got mine out the fridge put it on my desk and before I sat down was asked to join a meeting, after that on the way to my desk got called over to help someone. Eventually got back to find my ice-cream had melted over my entire desk :(1
-
That moment when you realize that your head looks like an ice-cream cone from the side...
I was in a long meeting when I looked at my little picture and then it dawned on me...
6 -
God, the media is a joke. They can't spell loss, and the chart would seem to indicate that ice loss is decreasing. How do you mess up a line chart? and a four letter word?
16 -
Please, don't take this post seriously. I wrote it from anger.
I hate a lot of humans.
I was at a church today because family ties. I'm agnostic. That sums it up.
And now, I'm at a mall, and it's crowded, and I'm bumping into a lot of people with very low common sense. These fucking apes here have ZERO walk awareness. And a lot of them probably drive, which scares me.
When they make a line in a food shop, and the line gets too big, they curve the line so that the line can continue, like an L, but they leave TOO LITTLE GODDAMN SPACE TO WALK THROUGH!
There's a narrow ramp, next to some stairs, that I use to get to the nursery of the mall, but it also leads to the bathrooms. A lot of these disgusting beings use the ramp. Jesus fucking christ, USE THE SHITTIN FUCKING STAIRS.
tiday I was walking with the stroller the 9 month old which was (thank you alpha omega) sleeping.
I see one of those nice comfy couches, and there's a couple hugging in it but there's an empty spot. I come closer and it's occupied by their trash, some cups with ice cream.
I could not believe my eyes.
That shit's expensive. I would never leave shit with ice cream in my couch, and it's also a horrible gesture because it looks like you're denying it from others with your trash.
I just stared the trash down like really disappointed. They took the trash but I moved on because I was very salty at that point.
I find a seat next to a dad and his kid. I sit down, relieved. His daughter comes over, and almost yelling complains about him buying his brother.
I stared this little shit straight in her face because she could wake up my kid. She and her family was totally oblivious.
These are just minor events, but I come across a plethora of situations like this every day, like people turning on their turn lights 1/2 second before turning, or people that I meet on the street giving me fucking advice on raising kids.
That's the average mall experience. It's a place where selfful people thrive.
I shit you not, sometimes I imagine that a meteor strikes earth and while it makes me sad that all the people I consider kind will die, I orgasm at the thought of these filthy parasites just evaporating.
But then I realize that I'm being very cruel and intolerant. And feel guilty.
Sometimes I think that I should live in Japan or a similar place.
Japanese city people are very organized.
But then I remember that Japan has a suicide problem. And that it has a poverty problem. And a lot of outcasts. And that they barely have sex.
i dunno.24 -
zero motivation for anything, i just want sit outside in the sun at the lake with ice cream and not in front of a screen. And not being bothered by the new vacum cleaner loud deep learning rig of the data science department in this open floor office.
I fucking forgot my noise cancling headphones. FML
2 -
I Love coding in The Sun with some Ice-Cold drinks, but if the Notebook-Screen wouldn't reflect The Sunlight so brutal...4
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Root experiments.
Spiced rum, kahlua, grand mariner, chocolate liquor, milk, ice. Tastes like house paint, and not in the good way like protein bars. Do not recommend. Better with more milk, but still meh.
Spiced rum, kahlua, triple sec, milk, ice. Tastes like orange milk with coffee. Pretty nice.
Spiced rum, ice. Tastes like a faint memory of heaven. Amazing grace, hallelujah.13 -
Alpha
Beta
Cupcake
Donut
Eclair
Froyo
Gingerbread
Honeycomb
Ice cream sandwich
Jelly bean
Kitkat
Lollipop
Marshmallow
Nougat
Oreo
Pie
Q ?
R ?
S ?
T ?
U ?
V ?
W ?
X ?
Y ?
Z ?
And then?19 -
Depression and anxiety is a major challenge in my work life.
I could remember vividly when I was at my last job, any time I felt depressed I'll call for sick leave. It was hard for me to pinpoint the cause of my depression because even while on most sick leave I still felt depressed.
I blamed it on my job, blamed it on my family, on my social circle, on my friends, on my lifestyle, on almost everything. At some point it all felt like it was me versus the world, a fight I could never win.
Thoughts came in... Maybe it's because John is now married with two kids, or because Stella is now the new manager, or that David just bought a new Ross Royce and I'm still riding an ice-cream truck, or its because Steve is always on vacation and PM always complaining about uncompleted task with no acknowledgement for the 2 months task finished in a week, or because Boss is always calling for stupid meetings. Different thoughts in my head... Jealousy, Envy, Disappointment, Tiredness, Confusion, all combined at once.
But I did found a cure for my anxiety and depressed nature...
During lunch hours I visit a beach close to where I work, it's called "Tarkwa bay". I'll sit at the rock formations and glare at the shadows of the rising sun, listen to the sound of rumbling waters and passive the complete overview of nature. The feeling I get there is really calming, It occupies my head with neutral thoughts and a love for nature. 🤗
I truly experienced an improvement overall and it's been a while I felt depressed since I started such a routine.
Nature is really a gift.1 -
I lost all my data from a terrible accident. By using recovery software over the course of a week (because the computer I had to use to recover it was less than adequate), I managed to recover most data. Upon restoring the data to the SSD, there was numerous corruption issues, strange glitches, etc. I tried running many system recovery tools, repairing the registry, disk check, everything. Today, I could not install Visual Studio Community updates because... it couldn't. It just popped up a blank window and that's it. I tried everything. Eventually, that combined with every other issue I've had, apps not working because of corrupt files and having to reinstall basically everything I've tried to use anyway, I decided to do a clean install.
So I'm waiting for many many many installers, right now. Nanite was only the tip of the ice berg. I guess what I'm trying to say is...
How's everyone doing? :)2 -
Modern HR is great. I love the fact that my future as a developer depends on how effectively I can talk over someone and create solutions to shitey ice breaker games.
Fuck off. Code test me, cunt.1 -
Todays best work related question.
How is the stock of ice cream in the fridge?
We are a cloud application provider ;)3 -
@ Developers who don't comply to ISO 8601
I really hope you get to a really nice ice cream shop, get some amazing ice cream, only for you to trip, and fall right on top of the ice cream, ruining your favourite shirt in the process.18 -
A: Hey, let's brainstorm for a good name for our new hipster coffee.
B: Ice-Coffee!
C: Cool-Coffee!
D: Karacho!
A: Take my money!
______
I'm not quite sure, but doesn't Karacho mean Penis in Spanish?
9 -
it's so fucking hot in here and I've got no work and still 3 hours left to go...just let me go hooome!5
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!rant
I get asked about being able to hack stuff, like cracking wifi passwords. Mostly I just go along with them and make up some stuff about how you _could_ do it. And explain how it is done, throw in some "yeah its tough"s and words they wont understand. Yeah with a dictionary attack and a powerful CPU with many threads you can definitely do it! You should try it! I say. Convincing them they can. Ofcourse, download kain and abel and look for something like aircrackng on google.
They won't amount to much and probably won't even try it, but I have a laugh. Seeing the hope of hacking and cracking fade away as a child's ice cream melting on a hot summer day.
Hehe2 -
!dev
Just took out my four wisdom teeth at once. I can't feel my face, I look like a balloon and I'm drooling like I'm about to eat a delicious cake.
Except the cake is a fucking lie, my mandibular joints are hurting and I can't eat solids for a week.
At least I only have one postoperative to contend with. Hurray! 🙃8 -
How to legitely stop falling a sleep at work? Walk around outside. Get some sunlight. Find a store. Buy ice cream. Get back. Feels ok af.5
-
Why do most docs have grey text color over a white background! It's just incredibly difficult to focus on. And my brain is like a potato to begin with.10
-
replaced my coffee with this for the hot days 🥵
- lemon juice
- ice
- water
- sugar
- mint
cheap and tasty 😋
10 -
One of the few good things dell ever made are it's monitors.
They must be good. People never fucking throw them away. Back when I did repairs I came across *so* many customers who just stocked monitors away like squirrels preparing for the god damn ice age. Three dell monitors here. Five there. Every where a monitor. Old McDonald had dell farm, E, I, E, I, O.6 -
#CocktailRant
TODAY: Azzurro
Made with coconut liquor, rum, blue syrup and pineapple/passion fruit juice, Azzurro is one of the few cocktails that can make you really freaking drunk while don't noticing it.
Just throw everything in a blender and mix it with some ice cubes.
Ingredients:
- Curaçao Syrup
- Malibu
- Barcadi white rum
- pineapple juice
- passion fruit juice
11 -
Just started using the Dropbox API. Want to do a simple directory listing of my files. Sends HTTP GET request at https://api.dropboxapi.com/2/files/....
"Error in call to API function "files/list_folder": Your request's HTTP request method is "GET". This function only accepts the HTTP request method "POST"."
What. The. Fuck. Dropbox.
HTTP POST is for creating a new instance of a resource. HTTP GET is for reading. GET guarantees server state is not changed while POST does not. I want to fucking list a directory, not put stuff in it.1 -
Front-end web development in 2018 is a fucking dumpster fire. 4 month old blog post guides are out of date, hipster toolchain APIs change monthly, npm can't find a module that is literally right there in its entirety in the fucking node_modules directory. JavaScript is love. JavaScript is life.5
-
Fucking pain. Can't use my right hand anymore. Stretching it is painful. Bending it is painful. Think it's that tennis elbow, mouse elbow shit finally happening. Currently applying ice at 5am.
Seriously, I got stiff and pain on my left shoulder last few weeks. After a decade of using laptops and mouses in any posture, it is not my 8 years old laptop turning into potato only. This weak ass body is turning into a sack of pain.
Guys and girls take care of your arms and body just like your hardwares.5 -
The new EU copyright reform (article 13, etc.) is getting comical.
After even the big copyright holders retracted their support for the law, it seemed to have no chance and was "put on ice".
After short while it was warmed up again by negotiating some trade offs (which are apparently hated by everyone) and it may or may not be passed in the next few weeks.
So far so idiotic.
It seem that even the initiator - Axel Voss - will not vote for the law. Unfortunately for wrong reasons. Why? It is not strict enough for him.
Anyhow, the longer text he used to present his view he he seems to - copy - his argumentation from Bertelsman (German media group).
It could be funny, if all of that wasn't so sad as there is still the possibility that this stupid law passes. -
Tried flutter for the first time in life, for 2 days, java based Android dev here.
I have some.... thoughts...
Flutter does not feel extremely new to me. It is very much relatable if you have ever tried basic the spring/ other java based gui framework. It is trying to achieve the goods from multiple worlds,its so far good, but mann its playing on thin ice.
Flutter : Yo boy embrace me. I am the beauty. checkout my hot reload.
Me :❤️❤️😍 (But wait. your first execution is wayy longer than a simple android studio build. And AS would generally take smaller time after every rebuild. And you are going to take the same long time as first build, if app gets closed or my usb gets accidentally removed. So I see what you did there ;))
Flutter: Ha. Checkout my function passing as parameter. ever thought your puny java going to give you that?
Me :you got me ,❤️. (Although this style is not so uncommon with web devs)
Flutter: everything is a widget, everything is stateful or stateless, Single Streams FTW!
me: ❤️
Flutter:You kotlin devs are gonna love me, i got Small, concise code
Me: Now wait, This is a thin ice for me, okay? I hated when kotlin replaced everything with symbols & lamdas for a confusing but small code, So be careful,even though your code is still good.
Flutter : Control every pixel , dear! No more xmls!
Me : Yes, what is with that? are we accidentally going in the past?
Java desktop apps, spring framework used to build whole layouts with programming language. The day i stepped into Android, it was xml for ui and java/kotlin for code. was that a bad decision or is this one?
Anyways i liked my stuff seperated, but that's just me.
Flutter : Ugh so much whining. Are you going to work with me or not?
Me : Yes mam! ❤️4 -
If someone asks you something that's easily google-able, they are probably just trying to break the ice with you.
Been reading a few books this year on people skills. We write code to make the lives of people better. To do that we need to understand and emphasise with each other -
- Think YOU'VE got a personality complex? I'm a software engineer who majored in marketing.
- Think YOU'VE got a phobia about failing? I wrote a book on developing for Google Glass. And tech edited another on Hailstorm.
- Think YOU'VE got self-confidence issues? I had a run of 7 straight rejections by companies in the Fortune 500.
- Think YOU'VE got reservations about flexing your certifications? I held a MCP in FrontPage.
- Think YOU'VE got paranoia about your degree? My MBA's from the University of Phoenix.
- Think YOU'RE a glutton for punishment? I - Think Android Content Providers are a good idea.
- Think YOU'VE got a confusing skill set? A hiring manager told me I was "too passionate about technology to work here at Microsoft".
- Think YOU'VE got issues with intellectual property? I was given a cease-&-desist order for the first domain I registered.
- Think YOU'VE got false bravado? I had over 400,000 followers on Google+.
While all of these are hilarious quips and great social ice breakers, they're all 100% true. Enjoy your day. ;)
16 -
Ice King. Lonely, weird, has a penguin for a debugger and doesn't do as he commands... Yup, that's a Linux guy alright.
2 -
Me: **Visits website with lots of ads
also Me : ** right clicks on element
** opens chrome inspector
** finds ad element
** deletes element
#LifeHacks4 -
Been 122 days since my last post, since then I have been working on a game engine on Vala using SDL2 in my free time (Lol I have none)
Decided to put that on ice or just work on it when drunk (very common occurrence) and teaching myself C while working on a game or game engine, hopefully will have some quality rants inbound!3 -
Well, fuck.
Currently I feel like the personification of the term "thrown into cold water"
After I finished my bachelors degree, I started working on first of april. The first full-time job I had. Therefore I had some training in the first 2 weeks and after that I joined a project after easter. Fast forward two sprints:
Currently I am the only dev in that project, tomorrow is sprint review with the clients and I have to present like 5 tickets of the 10 planned for this sprint. Of my 8 working hours a day, 4 are planned for my self-training and 4 for tickets. Actually its more like 6 for training/reading/understanding the code, because its mostly a whole CRM I am supposed to develop... PM said another dev will join the project in one or two weeks. I hope the client didn't slay me till then..2 -
At a developer conference, we were given these "dev joke" card to trade with another person, to break the ice and make a new connection.
4 -
I'm in a dental hospital now, after treatment (not mine) the doctor says “eat Ice-Cream after 10min and take medicine after that.”
I'm like this is the most beautiful words I've heard from a doctor. -
If you throw a dirty gunk-ice-snow-mix ball into my food while I'm walking to school WHILE I AM REALLY FUCKING HUNGRY, I'm going to pour that now non-edible food onto your head, dimwit.
I don't care if your clothes were expensive or if you threw it in there accidentally. Maybe next time at least throw a non-dirty snowball, there was plenty of fresh snow.6 -
So was just reading this article about Chinese people becoming more lonely and it mentioned Xiao Ice which is pretty much like Google's... What's her name?
It said how people can talk to it like an actual person so I gave it a try... Well it's just as dumb as the others...
https://ozy.com/fast-forward/...
4 -
When you are asked to test the whole website and you found a pop-up so deep after a series of conditions that it show a video of Homer Simpsons doing the ice bucket challenge
-
# Don't like ice coffee
# not in a mood for hot drink
# but I need coffee
Most difficult decision
🤦9 -
New job wants me to send them a photo for the ice breaker email they're sending out about me joining...now to find a pic where I'm not making a dumb face or taking a selfie with a dog.7
-
So, it's too hot, but I'm still quite caffeine dependent so: Espresso on the rocks (add milk and ice coffee mix if you so desire)
1 -
Got tangled up on some routing issue with my Rails project yesterday morning so I democratically decided I was allowed to take a break... I launched Diablo 3 and that was the rest of the day...
I just sat there dungeon crawling, eating pizza, ice cream and drinking Monster like a fucking pig... Shame on me. -
I've been in a fucking chat with a Verizon customer service rep for 45 fucking minutes....
Talking about everything under the moon to help the man out from having to do legitimate work. We've talked about phone preference, what phone's we have, what we want, favorite features, ect.
It's fucking hilarious and I'm genuinely entertained right now.
Glad to know I'm helping someone out.
Edit: I was honestly sad when I had to end it so I could eat before my food got ice cold lol6 -
I picture a large, ice cold, crystal pint filled with bubbling ruby red ale straight from the draft... Its majesty overflows as I stare some human shape walk that marvel at my table...
I take a sip. Fuck it, it's not enough and I'm not feeling like manners... I straight up bottom down that bitter odd amount of beer while my hand feels the cold liquid handshake of this heavenly brewed product... It was a shit day at the office, but right now I'm at the top...1 -
Wow, traveling by ICE (German long distance trains) and one of them is running late.
What a fucking surprise.15 -
I don't! I take the rest of the day off and revel in the sweet job security of a high-demand vocation (and ice cream).
-
What coffee do you like, ranters? Or maybe you prefer tea? 🤔
Share the photos/names of your fav. drink, that you love drinking, I'm just curious.
Just drank nice ice cappuccino bought a while ago in Kaufland. Nice, but hot coffee seems better to me.
29 -
Today, my macbook pro 2020 get spilled with my ice coke, i am just looking at the laptop, take some tissue to clean it, and waiting for my mac is getting up again. Feel so sad and very fcking stupid 😭6
-
"Today was a good day, I didn't have to context switch between three different frameworks." -- Ice Cube2
-
What I should do: Go back to doing construction and get into house flipping
What Id actually do: Be salty AF move to some tropical island and sell italian ice on the beach. I am not going back to construction lol
4 -
My very first time was when I first saw a Web page, I really wanted to know how they did it. Two weeks later I built an intranet at home and I thought I was so cool I was shitting out ice cubes.
The very first programme I ever wrote was a secret diary application(C#) for myself I thought it was really secure because I had my own file extension. Not one of my finer moments.4 -
Cordova or Xamarin?
I need to build a mobile app again, mostly for Android, because an interior Official app's functionality is so interior (written but monkeys) that it has finally pissed me of enough to take action.... And possibly be profitable (ads banner).
Mostly targeting Android but hey why not hit them all or at least also UWP.. I ain't paying for the Apple license... (Or maybe dfox could help release it...)
Anyway, which is better? I kinda want to pick up React and maybe try Typescript? (currently work with MEA(v1)N at work)
But I also use C# WPF, but mostly for my own projects these days when I need a desktop GUI.
I don't really feel like relearning Android SDK, I learned the SDK back when it was for Ice Cream.10 -
I am ashamed of myself.
Because despite the fact that I have nothing but hate and contempt towards apple and their money-grabbing paradigm and overpriced hardware and extortionist practices they apply to pretty much everyone, I found myself earlier today thinking:
"this Swift shit wasn't so bad this time around"
Somehow my poor excuse of a brain feels dirtier after this particular thought than it felt 12 years ago when I was running the dirtiest scato animal fetish porn sites of that era.
I think I need a vacation, possibly some months away on an island naked with a couple 22 year old twins licking ice cream off my pole all day long.5 -
when you have coded the sun the moon and the stars. but the motherfucker still wants a universe engraved on a fucking ice cube. AND YOU'LL DO IT ANYWAY. CAUSE YOUR HIS FUCKING BITCH. YOU GUCKING GUCK!2
-
In another country, about to attend a wedding.
Hope the food will be good and that I won't be expected to dance 🤔😅
Guys quick, got some good wedding jokes to use as ice breakers when talking to strangers?3 -
Updated to iOS 12.1.2 (sleazy release 2) after previously getting fucked up the ass by iOS 12.1.2 first release. Yes boys and girls, they tried to cover up their latest fuckup by re-releasing the same release with a modification.
The first time I updated, it knocks my Apple ID out on all my Apple devices when I upgrade my iPhone to 12.1.2. Mother fuckers... gotta log back in for every device, iPads, iPhones, Apple TVs, Macs. And for each service iTunes Store, Messages, FaceTime on each device supporting. Oh yea, it knocks out my Wi-Fi calling and I have to reestablish that too. Then to really ice me, it knocks out my HomeKit system as the Apple ID is knocked out on the Apple TV.
Now after updating just my iPhone to the second 12.1.2 "sleaze release", the thing knocks all my devices out again.
Apple has taken away that which I loved; impeccable engineering and design that could be used as the model for an entire industry. The industry guru. (teacher, leader) Apple has become the new Microsoft.
October 5, 2011, the day Apple died.4 -
Getting a lot of headaches? Try replacing coffee/energy drinks with ice cold H2O first thing in the morning. It works after a week and it shocks your body into waking up faster.2
-
IntelliJ, IntelliJ I love you but please tell me why making a jsp file from scratch doesn't work in the servlet but your template for a jsp does. It makes no fugging sense to me. StackOverflow doesn't know and I went there for help.
I was debugging that shit for 5 hours today over an issue that was fixed in 3 minutes. I need ice cream.
2 -
I keep being called a "melt" by my mates, cause I say odd things .. cause huge geek 😅 or I'm just odd
Aren't most things better when they melt ... Melted cheese? ... Oh ice cream ... 😐 That's not better 🙄 ok.
Sorry I do use devrant to get things off my mind to total strangers -
!dev
First I miss my buss and now I have to wait next to useless bastard that uses a speaker instead of headphones. Do the world a favour and just slip on the ice and break them -
You haven't lived until you've experience the sheer power of a CRT monitor, hooked up to a 286/12, with a 2600 baud external zoom for m00fing the shit out of other users in chat, so your friends with leech accounts can help download the 38 pkzip files via ZMODEM.
Shit... gotta go! iCE just released the latest pack on Sanctuary, and my ANSI art is being featured as the welcome screen on Pair O' Dice.
305, bitches!!1one17 -
Finishing my software to predict ice-hoceky results... so I would finally have a portfolio to show for, just in case I decide to drop off of academia one day 😥1
-
! Dev related rant
I rammed a knife into our fridge freezer to throw ice on my flatmate. And bam! I punchered the goddamn coil, now we've been without fridge for two days and I'm going to lose shit load of cash.
Off goes beer for a few weeks.7 -
Just got home to finish daily work and meetings and now there’s an ice cream truck outside playing shit music as loud as possible.
I think I hate people.3 -
The anti-brigade are at it again !
https://dailystar.co.uk/news/...
---------
Experts want more than 85% of the solar system to be marked as off-limits for those looking to cash in on the galactic gold rush.
---------
I'm sure every country in the world is going to sign up to that treaty..
-------
MOST of the solar system must be protected from damaging space mining and industrial exploitation, top scientists have warned.
-------
No chance this is 97% of scientists is it..
Come on guys, this is ridiculous now to the extreme.
We don't need to protect a bunch of dumb rocks !
What we need is more useful stuff, like car batteries, made from asteroids.
---------
“Once you’ve exploited the solar system, there’s nowhere left to go.”
---------
Except maybe, "another solar system"..
----------
They have estimated an eighth of the solar system’s mineable resources would be used up in just 400 years.
----------
You mean, turned into trash, that we could recycle..
--------
And what about the rings of Saturn? They are beautiful, almost pure water ice. Is it OK to mine those so that in 100 years they are gone?
--------
Oh yes, those are so beautiful aren't they, as I often go out on dark night and watch them from afar...
Sarcasm !
Related link:
https://dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech...6 -
I think I've learnt something worthwhile from nearly every project I've been involved with. If I had to pick one however:
Started an open source project designed for projecting multimedia content during church services as procrastination from final year undergrad revision.
Fast forward nearly a decade, and I've learnt tremendous amounts as a result of starting it - dealing with everything from GStreamer on a native C layer, right through to WebRTC stuff (STUN, TURN, ICE, etc.) at the other end. What started as some odd attempts to show text and images on a screen in a user friendly fashion has grown tremendously, and is now used all over the world. -
The day I accept a management position, please lop off my hands and replace them with harmless ice cream scoops to keep my rusty ass from touching perfectly good code.1
-
I have taken a break from computer to spend it with my wife and daughter. We are the O2 watching Frozen on ice. Times like these make you a better father, husband and dev
-
ubereats is the reason im broke
i will happily pay an extra 7 dollars for a ice cream just so I don't have to leave the comfort of my home1 -
Fucking windows updates...
Went to do a job on a tank in 18 deg F Weather with snow on the ground. One guy brought an ice fishing tent (very nice). This is next to petroleum tank. We got guys on top of tank waiting for me to get data using a Windows 10 lappy.
Lappy comes up and tries to get into bios to do a firmware update. WTF! I reboot and it does it again! Go to look for power adapter as it wont do update without power. Not in bag. It has to have power to do update.
So I drive back to shop (with guys waiting on top of tank) which is 5 miles away. I am pissed. Its snowing and I have to drive slow. I find that adapter. I get back to the tank and plug it in. The AC source (battery based) starts alarming as the lappy takes too much power. Fuck! But somehow it boots Windows without doing firmware update. Fuck you Windows!
I get my job done, but don't fucking trust windows at all. Had this been a field tech he would be pissing his pants. Useless shitty software you have zero control over. Now considering changing their OS to Linux for field work. I am rewriting their software anyway with something can run Windows or Linux.4 -
Lately I had a motivation crisis, that made me almost quit (passing from programming in C# to Visual (*fucking*) Basic).
But I can't quite quit because of personal reasons, so during a break I went out and eat something sweet like an ice-cream (coffee flavour) to explicitly alter my dry low mood(like alcohol does for many... But strangely I'm immune) and started thinking from scratch, thought that I should stop complaining like a little bitch and instead focus on finishing the project at hand as soon as possible, so I can move on, hopefully, to better projects(most of the other projects in the company are in C#).
So apparently explicitly messing with my brain chemicals and resetting the though on the issue worked for me -
Depends on what a tough dev day is. If it was just a tough day usually playing ice hockey helps. If it was a stressful day, board games with my daughter, provided it's not a Wednesday (her Mom's night). If it's a tough problem or bug I'm working on then alcohol, running or lifting, sex, general distractions will do the trick
-
I'm thinking of installing Linux as my 2nd boot os for webdevelopment, simply because I'm getting a linux-based dediserver.
Which one is the best (I know I'm walking on the thin ice) and why?4 -
It's a beautiful day outside. I wish it were raining. We're forced to work Sunday and I already hate it.
There are 52 Sundays in a year, and 1/3 of them are covered in snow, ice and brutal winter. I don't want to be here today. I want to be outside.
Almost everyone in this room has a partner or kids or someone to go home to. I get to go home alone. I hate it here. I can't even look at my manager any more. I hate him. I will never do this again. No amount of money gets you a Sunday back.2 -
Many of the time I mistakenly say DARK FOREST instead of Random Forest algorithm. But it's nt every one's bowl of ice cream. :D
-
Java has a lot in common with ice skating.
Almost everyone can learn it
It looks great if you are pro
It is efficient in rare occasions
If you have to make a living off it it pity you1 -
While you developers are where you are, battling office politics everyday, scrumming, agiling and solving some of the world's toughest problems, I, for the past few nights, have been sitting for hours in-front of my computer, slipping into hour-long day-dreams while trying to determine my favorite ice-block flavor.
All I can say, is, it's either the yellow, orange, green, raspberry, cola, or the fairy-floss one.
And now I'm out of ice-blocks. ;-( -
Hotel Vim
On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair
Warm smell of colitas, rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance, I saw a shimmering light
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim
I had to stop for the night
There she stood in the doorway;
I heard the mission bell
And I was thinking to myself,
"This could be Heaven or this could be Hell"
Then she lit up a candle and she showed me the way
There were voices down the corridor,
I thought I heard them say...
Welcome to the Hotel Vim
Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place)
Such a lovely face
Plenty of room at the Hotel Vim
Any time of year (Any time of year)
You can find it here
Her mind is Tiffany-twisted, she got the Mercedes bends
She got a lot of pretty, pretty boys she calls friends
How they dance in the courtyard, sweet summer sweat.
Some dance to remember, some dance to forget
So I called up the Captain,
"Please bring me my wine"
He said, "We haven't had that spirit here since nineteen sixty nine"
And still those voices are calling from far away,
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say...
Welcome to the Hotel Vim
Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place)
Such a lovely face
They livin' it up at the Hotel Vim
What a nice surprise (what a nice surprise)
Bring your alibis
Mirrors on the ceiling,
The pink champagne on ice
And she said "We are all just prisoners here, of our own device"
And in the master's chambers,
They gathered for the feast
They stab it with their steely knives,
But they just can't kill the beast
Last thing I remember, I was
Running for the door
I had to find the passage back
To the place I was before
"Relax, " said the night man,
"We are programmed to receive.
You can check-out any time you like,
But you can never leave! "1 -
Working code?
Or fake compiler?
Fix a problem?
Or buy a new computer?
Bring a flash drive?
Or bring a hard drive?
Use water cooling?
Or use an ice cube on top a processor and memory?
Drink some coffee?
Or eat a healthy breakfast?
Do you make hardware?
Or software?
These are the problems programmers face from old people as employers or relatives trying to find something to relate to. -
Is anyone else getting a little irrated at the whole Microsoft/ICE thing?
Apparently there's now a petition amonst developers who say they'll leave GitHub if MS doesn't drop the contract: https://github.com/selfagency/...
Now, my question is...why? I understand the humane concerns with the decision, but dozens of other companies have worked and still work with ICE with no controversy. But once Microsoft signs it, everyone loses it... :/7 -
Bespoke paranoia: I don't want to visit the home page here and see the Amazon has purchased devrant. It's a chilling thought. Out of all the things that have rotated through my brain in years, this is the absolute pinnacle of crap. And I'm not even stoned or something, as a matter of fact, I ate some chocolate ice cream, so I should be feeling great.1
-
Not a rant, but was wondering:
If I undervolt Ryzen 5 3600 using Ryzen Master from windows, do I get the changes when I boot into my Linux distro? 🤔9 -
Hey folks,
Is anyone using a Dell XPS 13 (9370)? This is the 2018/2019 model.
Is anyone of you also facing the thing that is gets extreme hot, when charging? And I really mean only when charging. Not hitting it with a Max load.
Mine gets as hot as it can possibly be and it starts thermal throttling.
On battery, everything is fine and the laptop is cool as ice.
Both situations are under normal load. Nothing heavy ... CPU mostly idle - rarely over 25% utilisation / thread.
I run Linux on it. Not Shure if it is a compatibly thing, this is why I am interested if others are having this issue.8 -
Bribing sysadmin with an ice cold Coke hoping he will deploy my latest tag sort of in a hurry since I fudged up last one :/1
-
Dev: putting every single item to the pos is necessnary unless u end up with the report of showing Coffee revenue 20k rather than cafe mocha :5k, cafe cappachino 10k, ice cappachino 5k.
client : You don't do the same way i do this business that why I don't want to use this pos.
Dev: Ok. Fine. How u want to do?
Client : No. i want like this
Coffees = 5$
Frappaes = 2$
Juices = 3$
Dev: so he only want to use App exactly like a paper. -
how is the big sur for mb pro ? all stuff working fine?
And also how do you work with those ice cold pieces of apple metals in these frosty morning? i have caught cold and i seriously suspect this macbook 🥶🥶🥶5 -
C++ Dev Learning Python : Have some ice-cream darling.😁
Python Dev learning C++ : Why darling why ! 😮
Meanwhile Darling - 🙄3
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