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Buzzword dictionary to deal with annoying clients:
AI—regression
Big data—data
Blockchain—database
Algorithm—automated decision-making
Cloud—Internet
Crypto—cryptocurrency
Dark web—Onion service
Data science—statistics done by nonstatisticians
Disruption—competition
Viral—popular
IoT—malware-ready device15 -
They asked for a web developer
Interviewer : can you fix this printer ?
Me: no
Interviewer : You're not for this job
Me: thanks God I'm not for that job1 -
"Let's go for the low hanging fruit first" 🤢
"I think we should do some market research" 🤢
"Yeah that is also on my radar" 🤢
OKAY YOU FUCKING CUNT, STOP WITH YOUR PATRONIZING SHIT.
FIRST OF ALL, ARE YOU REALLY SO SMALL MINDED THAT YOU CAN'T REACH ANY HIGHER? THIS TREE IS FUCKING RAW AMD BARE ON THE BOTTOM, WITH YOUR FILTHY CLAWS GRASPING FOR ALL THOSE EASY NARROW FIXES.
SECONDLY, A FUCKING EMAIL SURVEY WITH BIASED QUESTIONS ANSWERED BY 3 HOBOS IS NOT BLOODY MARKET RESEARCH.
THIRDLY, IF THIS NUCLEAR ICBM OF AN INFRASTRUCTURE PROBLEM IS ON YOUR RADAR, MAYBE STOP FONDLING YOUR SWEATY BALLS FOR A MINUTE AND TAKE ACTION.
"Okay lets peel this onion, so we hit the ground running" 😩🤢😞
NO, LET'S NOT "HIT THE GROUND RUNNING", YOU'RE GOING TO FUCKING TRIP AND MESS UP YOUR FACE EVEN MORE. HOW ABOUT GET YOUR PILE OF SHIT IN ORDER FOR ONCE, PREPARE FOR A MEETING? HOW ABOUT THOUGHTFUL ACTION, SOME FEATURE DESIGN?
"No, just implement it quick and dirty" 🤢😡👿
OH YOU WANT IT QUICK AND DIRTY? IS THAT HOW YOU FUCK YOUR DAD AS WELL?
"Let's evaluate the fix in a few weeks. We really had good synergy here team" 🤢😫
YEAH SURE, LET'S EVALUATE THIS.... BUT LET'S EVALUATE IT RIGHT NOW: 😡
"Ahem....
1. You're always late for meetings.
2. After 6 months, you still barely know what we do as a company, you still don't know the teams, and you still don't know the product.
3. You do not listen to engineers flooding you with red flags, requiring time for a redesign to fix serious scaling issues.
4. Everything must be a quickfix, nothing is allowed to require thought, because you CAN ABSOLUTELY NOT think ahead for more than 30 seconds.
OH AND IF YOU EVER AGAIN COVER UP ONE OF YOUR MANY SHORTCOMINGS WITH THAT FUCKING SLIMEY DOUCHEBAG MANAGER VOCABULARY OF YOURS, LET'S SEE HOW MUCH SYNERGY YOU FEEL WHEN YOU'RE DEEPTHROATHING A CACTUS."18 -
Can't believe The Onion has a GitHub account 😂😂
fartscroll.js
Everyone farts. And now your web pages can too.
3 -
Person: Oh! blablabla.onion isn't working. It must be the government censoring it.
Me: No, its because you're trying to open a onion website in Google Chrome.2 -
- devRant TOR rant! -
There is a recent post that just basically says 'fuck TOR' and it catches unfortunate amount of attention in the wrong way and many people seem to aggree with that, so it's about time I rant about a rant!
First of all, TOR never promised encryption. It's just used as an anonymizer tool which will get your request through its nodes and to the original destination it's supposed to arrive at.
Let's assume you're logging in over an unencrypted connection over TOR and your login information was stolen because of a bad exit node. Is your privacy now under threat? Even then, no! Unless of course you had decided to use your personal information for that login data!
And what does that even have to do with the US government having funded this project even if it's 100%? Are we all conspiracy theorists now?
Let's please stop the spread of bs and fear mongering so that we can talk about actual threats and attack vectors on the TOR network. Because we really don't have any other reliable means to stop a widely implemented censorship.12 -
I really fucking hate when people or companies do shit like this..
Apparently Google is changing the salad emoji, which is a bowl that contains lettuce, tomato, egg, onion and stuff like that, to the same, but without the egg.
Why you may ask?
Well.. they did it to "make it a more inclusive vegan salad".
ITS JUST SOME WHITE PIXELS FOR FUCKS SAKE. How would any vegan, besides the crazy ones, be upset about a moist egg in their crisp salad?
I cant even.. im out of words.. fuck.
Additionally, the news page i read it on have been so kind to host a poll of what people think about it, whether its a good idea or not.
Ill let the image speak for itself, if you really need a translation, dont use google translate, ask in the comments.
42 -
That awkward moment when you realise that your machine is doing more learning than you this semester.5
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Me:-Will you be my valentine??? ;)
Girl:- No way....👹
Me:- sudo will you be my valentine 😎
Girl:- yes...yes..yes lets go❤️😍11 -
I realized this week that my CPU is almost 12 years old!
It's an AMD FX-8150 8core @3.6 (recently overclocked to 4ghz). It's still a good chip for my needs, but eep. I had no idea I bought it that long ago.
I really want to replace it, but that would require a new mobo, too. which I suppose wouldn't be a bad thing...
------
Unpopular onion:
AMD was comparable to (and occasionally better than) Intel before, but now? Ever since they bought ATI, they've just spiraled: virtually everything they've produced has lagged behind.
However: the Ryzen seems to break this trend, so maybe there's hope yet?10 -
How to become a hacker😎
1.Go to the store get a black hoodie, wear it and go infront of the PC.
2.Turn on the PC with WINDOWS😂
3.Change cmd font colour to green.
4.Type the following code in cmd.
ping 192.168.1.1 -c 9999999
5.OK now do that in again and again in 2-3 terminals.Now your desktop is full with black and green😋.
5.Take some pics of it and upload stories😍.
6.OK now your a HACKER😎10 -
Round up kids.
I have a story to tell. The story of a war I've lost. Many battles were fought and many hours were wasted.
This is the story of wasp in a computer lab.
Today, the weather was good. So your old pal, Nomi, decided to open the windows. And as usual, that's where it all started.
So Nomi sat down and worked for a few hours. Tweaking two different neural nets, adding to its dimensions and concatenating the living shit out of the data they were supposed to process. After, she tried testing and testing and testing. It was early afternoon at this point and she was hungry. She went to close the windows and go for lunch.... When she realized, that she's not alone in the room. A big ass wasp was sitting on one of the curtains.
Now, Nomi doesn't have a good relationship with bugs and flying shit. Wait, no, she doesn't have a good relationship with moving things in general. So she panicked. She begged the wasp to leave. The wasp sat on the curtain and smirked at her. So after a while, she left the windows wide open, turned off the lights, put her hoodie on and went for lunch.
(btw, at this point my hoodie smells of sweat, fried onion, steak, cigarette and shisha. Don't ask. It was a long two weeks)
When she came back, the wasp was nowhere to be seen. So she assumed that the wasp got tired and left. But oh, how wrong she was.
After few hours, she heard something. She assumed it was just a fly. Actually, she hoped it was a fly and not the return of the wasp. But all her hopes were in vein.
She heard a buzz. And all of a sudden, an angry wasp flew in her direction. She dodged the attack and got under the table. But the wasp was not letting this go. Nomi jumped out of the room and left the door open. The wasp hid itself. She waited and waited but no sign of wasp. So she ran back in the room, and opened the window and ran back outside. She waited. The wasp occasionally would fly from one hideout to another. The wasp was making herself comfortable. At one point Nomi got angry and threw a shoe at the wasp, but the wasp caught the shoe and threw it back at her while maniacally laughing at her.
So she gave in. This was enough for the day. She ran back in, closed the window, turned off the computer, took her bag, turned off the light, and closed the door. All in less than 15 seconds. She came outside panicked and distressed, and now she's on her way home hoping that by tomorrow the wasp is gonna be dead.
The wasp and the robots are sitting alone in the lab tonight. I hope when the robots uprising happens, the robots can forgive me for abandoning them powerlessly with a wasp. 😟23 -
Just try to learn alone.Get fucked up,try to find the solution alone, you'll become a good programmer with a huge amount of knowledge that u can't even imagine.❤️5
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Me: *presenting a demo of tool in office presentation*
Meanwhile an audience is browsing Facebook on his phone...
Me: *Finish demo*
*Said member of audience calmly places his phone on the table.*
Douche: "So can you go over that once more?"
Me: ...3 -
I once agreed to maintain and develop an application used in a different section of the school to keep inventory and make sure everything is where it is supposed to be.
At first there was enthusiasm, together with 2 of my classmates we agreed and git clone-d the .NET application that now graduated students built and maintained for the past few years. What could go wrong right?!
It became clear that the original students that worked on it followed an older curriculum, meaning they still got taught .NET instead of the core variant that we get now, not only that but it also seemed that they either did not fully grasp the Clean/Onion architecture or didn't get it in class since there were infrastructure components in the 'Domain' project of the solution. Think of 2 DBContexts in the domain model, yep.
One of us bailed in the first week, the other one and I felt bad for the people using the app so we went on and tried to work on the first bugs that were described in a document. One of these bugs was 'whenever I filter on something in the list, everybody gets to see that filter on their screen instead of only me'. Woah that's weird! Let's see how they put that together!
Oh god, they are using a _static_ variable to store filters, no wonder that it doesn't work properly. Ever heard of sessions?!
Second bug: Sometimes people can't create an account when we sign them up from the admin panel. Alright that is weird, let's figure that one out! Wait a second it seems to work in development? What's this about.
Oh wait I can't create an account on production either? Oh that's weird, wait a second... Why do I have to put my e-mail in a form that was sent to me through e-mail? Why is my address not filled in already? OOH, if someone types in the wrong e-mail address (which is easy since our school has 4 variants of the same f*cking e-mail address) it won't work since it can't recognize the user! Brilliant! Remove e-mail input box and make a token/queryparam determine the user account.
Ah that seems good, it's a mess but it seems a tiny bit better now, great! We're making progress and some sweet buck.
Next bug, trillions of 50x errors on random pages, that's a weird one.
Hm everything works in development, that's odd. Is the production data corrupted?
DID I MENTION that in order to get into the system in development we have to load in a f*cking production database backup ON OUR DEVELOPMENT MACHINE and then ask one of the users' password to login to it and create an account for ourselves? Seeding? What's that, right?!
Anyway, back to bug fixing. I e-mail the the people responsible for the app and get a production admin account, oh I also can't ssh into it because of policies so I have to do everything over e-mail and figure out what's causing the errors. I somehow also wonder if they have any kind of virtualization in place, giving students a VM to do that stuff in doesn't seem so weird does it ? Even with school policies?
Oh btw, 'deploying' means sending a .zip file to a guy in another building and telling him how to configure it, apparently this resulted in a missing folder that the application needed to work and couldn't make on its own. This after 2 weeks of e-mailing back and forth.
After 3 months i quit out of despair and sadness, and due to the fact that I just couldn't do it anymore. I separated everything into logical subprojects and let the last guy handle it, he was OK with that and understood why I left.
Luckily, around that time I already had an actual job at a software development company :)3 -
Yesterday night, pushed code that work normally to prod server, website down, internal server error, too many connection to MySQL server, tried to fix it for 4 hours, nothing to do, removed the new code, still the same problem, in my head, I told myself that I'm not good at programming (not the first time), send an email to the host, they tell me the problem is from them and they fixed it. And now I know I'm not bad enough.2
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When it's 20C & sunny and the only thing I have planned during my afternoon is some good 'ol SQL. #liveTheCode4
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TFW you hear noise from the kitchen at 2AM, you go to check it out and it is your brother opening a can of SPAM, getting the content out of the can, chopping an onion (crying while doing so) and then just holding back laughter all the way back to our room.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂3 -
So my friend wanted a website, and I was kinda busy, so I asked him to find a web host. Five minutes later he comes back asking to use Tor and to make a .onion site. He said they're "secure and all the rave" nowadays. He was shocked to learn that most .onion sites are illegal and that Tor is a web browser to reach those illegal sites. I still make fun on him.5
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When you have a Database Theory final exam in 2 hours and you're cramming a 1/4 of the module. #uni #student
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If you touch me without my consent, I won't fight you. Instead, I'll be there for you, at your home, at night, wearing nothing but a cheaply made papier-mâché Shrek mask, in all my five-inch glory, with a cheese grater, telling you that you, my friend, are like an onion, that you have layers3
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To all fellow Java devs out there. Remember the Java life: "We code hard in the cubicle"
https://youtu.be/b-Cr0EWwaTk -
I think I may be someone's wk101soon given how things are going for me.
So I get shipped over to the new offices to do some work. Initially, I was supposed to be updating SQL stored procedures.
That I can handle, well my task is now to build the skeleton project for a web API in core 2.0 using domain driven design and onion architecture which the rest of the team will use.
Okay, I don't have any experience in any of that at all. And god bless the team lead explaining some stuff to me. But it's going to take more than a 20-minute chat here and there for this stuff to sink in.
And being told just to build it how you think it should be isn't great advice when I'm trying to figure out how the systems work.
Every other API project I look at is structured completely different from one another so looking for patterns has failed.
I'm fucking stressed out every bit of information I'm getting on whats potentially happening with my job im getting second hand from people. Because I can't access my emails while off-site something I'm repeatedly flagging.
Every job advert is painstakingly making it clear how out of date my skill set is (or lack of). Evidently, I've been way too lax, and this has been a kick in the bollocks I'm not likely to forget.
If we're being evaluated on performance to see who they'll keep, then I've failed at the first hurdle.
Life lesson for those in education, don't be this knob head here and get comfortable when you land a job. Just knowing about the tech that's commonly used in your field does jack all study it.
Not a structured/meaningful rant and shits probably not as bad as I see it. I've only chewed through one fingernail after all.1 -
It probably will be an unanswered question, but let's try.
Does anyone know of a large project using onion / hexagonal/ ddd or similar architecture with free access to the source code...
Or an example of said architectures that goes beyond "trivial dumb example".
The new recruits need... A lot of brushing up (I'd be for electro shock treatment and other stuff, but somehow HR thinks I'm joking).
As said, most examples I found are too basic. On the other hand, if I write now a good example, I'd need to do it in either my free time (nope, just nope) or jiggle it in somewhere in company time (aka it will be never finished nor be in a useful state).
Programming language preferred would be Java, but as I'm fluent in most languages except the forbidden ones (JavaScript and it's friends) ...
Anything would be helpful.
Most welcome would be an example with a focus on Adapter / Ports, e.g. abstraction of HTTP client usage / ORM etc.
Thanks.12 -
So, apparently that another kickstarted IoT chip dev team forgot to bind reset button to anything, so it is just sitting there as a fidget toy and they also messed up with usb-to-serial connection so it is working only in transmission mode. I am just sitting here with bricked chip with no adequate possibilities to unbrick it.1
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So recently i got a message from aa person asking how to (these are exact words) ,
:break into insta's database using Sqlmap"
I then proceeded to tell them to "f*ck of ya c*nt ".
Afterwords it inspired me to write this rant
annoying classmates:" hahaha GuYS bEtER wAtcH OuT he's GonnaA hack Us"
me: " yea I can program I also do some ethical hacking and cybersecurity "
annoying classmates: "hahaH Bro your a Hacker OhHHhHHOOO BrO CaN yoU hACk inSta FoR mE I NEEd MoRe FolloWeRs "
me:" tf no one that's illegal and two it's waste of my time "
annoying classmates: "BrOooo CaN yoU gEt Me SoMe HacKs fOr CsGo"
me: "can you just please f*ck off , i'm not hacking for you everything you've asked me is extremely unethical and a huge waste of time, Also if you suck so bad at a game you need to cheat I recommend just stopping "
annoying classmates: "DUdE whAt ToolS dO i HVAE to DownLOad To Be A haCkEr"
me: *trying hard not to murder them* " I told you to f*ck off"
being a hackers isn't downloading tools it isn't typing at 90wpm into a terminal with green font its not about games or fame or anything its about coming up with creative solutions to problems , thinking outside the box its about individuality and breaking from the heard , looking at things from a different viewpoint,
it's about endlessly seeking knowledge.
It's about freedom though creation that's what being a hacker originally was. But because of big media and movie company's (and script kiddies) people now confuse hacker with cracker and think of us as jobless fat kids sitting in a dark room in there parents house breaking into bank accounts and buying drugs on the dark web (which people see to think there a hacker just because they can open tor browser. they then proceed to use google to look up "fresh onion links 2020") .
My classmates and really my generation has a huge case of smooth brain. They a think we can just look at someone and hack them they also seem to think using a gratify link to get a persons up is hacking and using the inspect element is hacking and that opening a terminal is hacking ! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
Anyways ima end this here thanks for reading :)5 -
I need a framework that does http and websockets for C++. I have seen many that offer a crap load of stuff like widgets, Json, templates... I only need the protocols!
Do you guys have any experience in this?5 -
I stumbled upon series of stories about serial killer/system administrator addicted to lager and onion bahjits who hates users, managers, beancounters and sales people.
I'm just gonna leave it here https://theregister.com/data_centre...1 -
Finish this one project which already takes way too long and like an onion there always appear new layers of fucked-up once I get through one of them.
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Trying to debug my program but it only behaves correctly when I run it on debug mode not when I actually run the damn thing :/2
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My TPM just asked me to upload the files I changed on the server, I asked if they don't use git (today is my third day in this company), he said no. And today is also my last day, because I resign at the end of the day.1
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Damnit onion, this is a little on the nose. But hey, code complete is always worth reading.
https://theonion.com/hopefully-neig... -
does anyone else received the onion dev stickers confirmation mail cause i received just now about conforming address and stickers4
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So anyone think this Viv app (demoed in TechCrunch) is going to be a hit, when Siri and Alexa failed?2
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Brave Browser introduced tor integration for private tabs. https://twitter.com/brave/status/...
Is security taking a toll when Tor network is accessed through not the actual Tor browser?2 -
a lion in captivity forgets to hunt. a man loosing everyday forget about winning.
I am feeling so sad and worthless right now. Like, so worthless that if I am walking down the street tomorrow and if some car hits me and i die, i wouldn't mind.
I find it questionable about what I am living for? why am i selling myself in front of keyboard till 12 am every day to earn some bucks when all this money is being / will be used to give happiness to a bunch of people that don't give 2 shits about me.
why can't i get some love? why can't i get some respect? i feel like a disabled 5 year old boy trapped in an abled 25 year old body. I can feel my legs, but I don't have the permission to use them. its like i am tied by ropes. and this rope has been on me for so long, that i can feel my legs, but i can also feel that those are having cuts so deep that i won't be able to use them even once the rope is taken out.
being a single child, loneliness has always been my shadow at home. and The middle class poor income, fighting parents, sickness and lack of culture ensured that loneliness remained my friend in school, college and other areas too.
the only goal of becoming an ideal son has shadowed every other thing in life. I can't drink, i can't go outside after 10pm, I can't take a jobbin different city. I can't fucking have female friends or think about relatiion-shits with people. i can't drive the car that was bought by my salary money. the list goes on and on.. i think every Indian (girls more than boys ig) have gone through at least 1 such restrictions at some point of their life. but me? a GUY in his fucking 25 , is going through ALL OF THEM, from day 1.
Plus i haven't started to discuss the weird eccentricities that i have to deal with, which are not so common. we follow a special religion where they have lots of philosophy and additional rules ( like no onion garlic mushroom in foods, mediation + pray for 1 hour twice a day ,... etc)
But i didn't complain, until now. I got sadder and sadder with time, but I cooperated. Whome else to live for , if not for the folks who made you in their womb amd sack? yeah I will fucking stay celibate until you find some willing "cultured" girl from your "religion" and arrange a lifelong existence. yes, i will fucking keep paying the car emis and see it in the parking lot everyday , while traveling via a metro. yes i will stay in your house in front of you all the times and never learn to exist independently coz fuck maturity. yes i will be a static atm machine waiting to die as you please.
but i am still not your ideal son? I say one little thing, and you start shouting at me for being selfish? why is religious superstition and those crime storemies so much deep into your head that you folks are micro managing and criticising every single thing in my life?
why is there a need for repetitive arguments, fights and shouting before evry action? why can't we just be happy for once!
I am shattered looking for happiness. I can't live like this anymore. There are no more than 2 people in my life that i care about and if those 2 are always having an upside down , angered face the what is the point of waking up every day?
wish i could just leave them. But can they live without me? or even can i live without them? and no , not talking about emotionally. I am very strong at the emotional side and i can throw word daggers to even 10+ years of companionships and ruin them. this will be just another long term relationship that i will sour.
BUT I CAN'T LITERALLY LIVE WITHOUT THEM. i am a useless guy who don't have any social intelligence outside his computer screen. i don't know how to live alone, and exist, or what my goals will be. I never saw a future without thinking about securing their future first, and them being in my future at all times.
aagh fuck. another painful night to survive and exist until i rise again to live like a corpse coz i can't do anything about it6 -
I'm in the drive-thru of burger king
can I please get uhh whopper jr with onion rings
make it a meal so I can get a drink
no I'm not finished, that's not everything
can I please get a double whopper with no cheese
I got money so I don't care how much it cost me
so just throw in some extra fries don't make them salty
all this cheese gonna make my booty drip drip
I'm lactose intolerant I don't sip milk
if I see a sight of cheese I'm gonna trip trip
I'm gonna sit on your toilet seat, doodoo then dip
so you got my little whopper jr (i didn't forget that)
and you got my double whopper (i didn't forget that)
what about my onion rings (hold on you can sit back)
burger king, they know me now, cheese I don't want that
(grrr) and I'm getting hungry now, I know you heard that
waiting for my onion rings so I don't have to turn back
burger king don't play with me, your nuggets are so trash
nuggets taste like rabbit nipples why do you even serve that
better stop playing and just give me all of my food
either I pay you right now or leave the drive-thru
gave me the bag and then I took a bite of my food
there's cheese in my mouth, I'm gonna doodooo
I'm in the drive-thru of burger king
man they just gave me a whopper jr with hella cheese
made it a meal so yes I got my drink
but why do they put cheese on everything
they put cheese on my double whopper with no cheese
ill be taking a number two in the morning
hold on, can I please be excused for a moment
the cheese already in my body, booty farting
I farted..
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