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Search - "developers joke"
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TABLE BASED WEB DESIGN
I was surprised there were no rants about this topic before I realized it was more than a decade back 😳
We've never had it better! So to help add a little perspective for all those ranting about what is unarguably the golden age for web developers... let me fill you in on web dev in the late 90's;
JavaScript was a joke. No seriously! - I once got laughed out of the room for suggesting we try use it for more than disabling a button - (I wanted to check out the new XHR request thingy [read AJAX]).
HTML was simple and purely a markup language (with the exception of the marquee tag). The tags were basically just p,ul,ol,h*,form inputs,img and table and html took 10 minutes to learn. Any style was inline and equally crude - anything that wasn't crude could not be trusted and probably wouldn't render at all in most browsers (never mind render correctly).
There were rumors of a style TAG and something called a cascading style sheet which were received with much skepticism since it went against the old ways and any time saved would be lost writing multiple [IE version specific] style sheets for each browser just to get it to work - so we simply didn't.
No CSS meant the only tags you had to work with to create a structured layout were br, hr and table... so naturally EVERYTHING was in nested tables! JS callback hell can't touch this! - it was not uncommon to have 50+ nested tables all with inline style in a single page which would be edited without any dev tools or linting.
You would spend 30 minutes scanning td tags until your eyes bled to find something, make a change, ftp the file to the server, reload the web page and then spend 10 minutes staring at the devastation on your screen convinced you broke
the internet before spotting an un-closed td tag with your bloodshot eyes.
Tables were not just a silver bullet - they were the ONLY bullet and were in the wild west!
Q: Want an inline form or to align your inputs left?
A: Duh table!
Q: Want a border with round-corners, a shadow or blur?
A: That's easy! Your gonna want to put that table in the center cell of another table then crop a image of the border into 6 smaller images to put in the surrounding cells... oh and then spend 10 minutes fucking with mystical attributes like cell-padding and valign to get them flush.
...But hey at least on the bright-side vertically & horizontally centering stuff was a breeze!22 -
1. There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't.
2. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. It's a hardware problem.
3. A SEO couple had twins. For the first time they were happy with duplicate content.
4. Why is it that programmers always confuse Halloween with Christmas?
Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC
5. Why do they call it hyper text?
Too much JAVA.
6. Why was the JavaScript developer sad?
Because he didn't Node how to Express himself
7. In order to understand recursion you must first understand recursion.
8. Why do Java developers wear glasses? Because they can't C#
9. What do you call 8 hobbits?
A hobbyte
10. Why did the developer go broke?
Because he used up all his cache
11. Why did the geek add body { padding-top: 1000px; } to his Facebook profile?
He wanted to keep a low profile.
12. An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, pub, tavern, public house, Irish pub, drinks, beer, alcohol
13. I would tell you a UDP joke, but you might not get it.
14. 8 bytes walk into a bar, the bartenders asks "What will it be?"
One of them says, "Make us a double."
15. Two bytes meet. The first byte asks, "Are you ill?"
The second byte replies, "No, just feeling a bit off."
16. These two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, "So what'll it be?"
The first string says, "I think I'll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy~~owmc63^Dz x.xvcu"
"Please excuse my friend," the second string says, "He isn't null-terminated."
17. "Knock, knock. Who's there?"
very long pause...
"Java."
18. If you put a million monkeys on a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program. The rest of them will write Perl programs.
19. There's a band called 1023MB. They haven't had any gigs yet.
20. There are only two hard things in computer science: cache invalidation, naming things, and off-by-one errors.10 -
If I have to read the "Java developers don't C#, so they wear glasses" joke one more time, I will murder a kitten.17
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As I joke, I put in the requirement for links to be active on a printout. My developers showed up with QR codes. Touché.
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Okay, just because I'm the only one under 35, single, and only white/hispanic guy on this team doesn't give you the right to interrupt me mid sentence IN my meeting. No disrespect to the developers from India and this may just be a culture conflict where I am outnumbered in my company but I don't understand the how some of these guys can't just be polite or respect others opinions(this is just from my experience with 90 or so developers from India and I don't believe in blanketing all Indians as this way just these 90 plus I do love the food).
Don't hijack MY meeting and then completely derail where I was going and disregard my solution without listening to the whole thing for an idea that isn't even solution but adds more work for both parties involved. You may have been working here for 5 years, but I worked in the actual department where we're building the new process and solution to a problem I've worked on. I understand the user since I WAS ONCE THAT USER for a good 8 months. And on top of that you can barely code efficient, or complex SQL statements. You're nothing more than fucking script kiddies and this whole IT department is joke. I apologize if the rant isn't really that coherent, I'm not very good at typing rants with my adrenaline running hot.14 -
/* secret devRant script */
let joke = "why do Java developers wear glasses? Because they can't C#"
//check if rant was posted recently
if ( !recentRants.find(joke) ) {
postRant(joke)
}4 -
I worked with this guy at a startup one time, and just to annoy me, he would write commit comments describing how I was such a bad developer, or how I was such a horrible person. After like the 15th time he did this, I decided to be totally unprofessional and do the same for him... our commit comments quickly turned into a conversation where we would just insult each other (as a joke).
The original developers of the startup no longer work there (including me and him)... I wonder who's reading those comments now.3 -
Inherited project from another company that the owner wants updated rather than rebuilt.
The comments could write a programmers joke book as you can tell it's been passed between multiple developers.
This is a literal excerpt
//Not sure why this line needs to be here but it breaks without it
//Nope I don't know either
//FFS now I have to deal with this. Thanks guys :/2 -
When you're used to hanging out with developers and you hang out with non developers and get a little comfortable and tell a technical joke then spend an hour explaining the joke1
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Someone I know lost a job opportunity to an indian "consulting firm" later to be approached by the developers of said firm to help with a joke of a compensation.
This is glorious and one of the primary reasons why I hate trying to freelance.
Just imagine having an email with a thousand "Sir, please give how to do .....sir please this sir please that"
Absolutely gorgeous.11 -
@MissDirection today I learned what it truly means to be a "codeslut". I understand the decision you made to change your username due to the circumstances but I want you know that I'm now seriously considering prepending 'CodeSlut' to my username.
To be a code slut, in my definition, is to fuck with all things code.
I don't remember the idiot(s) that murked the name with shame, I remember being scornful towards them for their immaturity...But now I know whole the truth, and that what they were also unknowingly shaming was any engineer who has had an interest in anything related to code. Fuck them, in a sense they've fucked themselves, because I personally believe that as developers there's a little (code)slut in each and every one of you. Those who are willing to fuck with all of it and have a damn good time doing it. To dabble in a little bit of this and a little bit of that from time to time. Whether or not we stick with it is irrelevant, it's the experience we gain from it that makes us better people. To shame a code slut is to shame the pursuit of knowledge. And to shame the pursuit of knowledge is to shame my purpose in life. I stand by my pursuit to fuck with it all, no tech is sacred - I will fuck with it!
Please @MissDirection don't let my new username stop you from ever changing yours back to what it was or take this as some form of a personal insult/joke. I'm serious - I understand now. I'm not even sure if you realised it, but QueenCodeSlut held such beauty and truth to it that many(including myself) couldn't even begin to fathom. That is enlightenment of the utmost pulchritude, please accept this username change as a gesture of honor and respect towards you and any other fellow humans with their own endeavors of truth and knowledge.12 -
A girl takes less time in getting ready as compared to windows 10😂😂😂
#WeekendHumour
#myOriginaldontCopy😏10 -
How come it is so hard to find good developers. Have been doing interviews for a couple of weeks now (for a senior PHP developer role).
First round is me talking about the function and company, asking questions about candidates experience, wishes and we usually end in some tech conversations. Most of the resumes I got are pretty fucking good. I mean, experience with low-level languages, experience with the problems we need to solve here, contributions to open-source, experience in R and MathLab etc etc. On paper they look perfect.
For the second round I give them an assessment which they can do at home on their own machine in their own time. It's not a hard one, just some mathmatical problems they need to solve. A quick google GIVES the answer (no joke!!). But that's OK, I look at their code cleanliness, proper use of commenting so I can determine if they are solo-developers or fit good in a team and if they abstract repeated functions and make sure that they take their work seriously, you know the drill.
It pisses me off that I get BROKEN FUCKING CODE WHICH DOES NOT EVEN RUN and that I get code back which I look at and makes me vomit instantly, I mean, DO YOU EVEN TAKE YOUR PROFESSION SERIOUS? How dare you to ask for 50k the year, a lease-car, extra bonusses AND YOUR FUCKING CODE SPITS OUT COMPLETLY WRONG ANSWERS OR DOES NOT EVEN RUN WHAT THE FUCK DUDE GO BACK TO FROM WHICH EVER HOLE YOU CRAWLED OUT AND STOP WASTING OTHER PEOPLES TIME WITH YOUR FUCKING INCOMPENTENCE...19 -
Prior to a tech conference in Las Vegas, the department manager held pre-meetings (yes, more than one)
with the developers to outline their expected behavior (yes, there was an outline in Word). Since
they would be representing the company, professionalism would be expected at all times, not just
during the conference. He knew he couldn’t forbid gambling and drinking, but any unruly behavior
that could reflect badly on the company would be dealt with severe disciplinary action up to and
including termination. He wrote up very detailed itinerary, what track each developer was
expected to attend, meal times (yes, what time to get up for breakfast, meet for lunch, and time
to eat at night). First day was fine, casinos are kinda crazy so having an itinerary wasn’t the
worst idea and no one got lost. Days following however, got interesting. After the first evening
meal, everyone hit the casino as expected (too much drinking, etc..normal single twenty-something
guys do) and the manager especially had a good time.
Next, and following days, the manager could not be found in any of the ‘required’ technical tracks.
Not that they cared that much, but couple of devs decided to check out the casino, and sure enough,
there he was at one of the tables, drunk, and being very loud around at 10 in the morning.
Again, nobody cared much, manager wasn’t very tech savy, and so attending a track on C #threading
would be lost on him. It was more of ‘do as I say, not as I do’ kind of thing.
The manager kept to the itinerary, he met everyone at breakfast, lunch, and dinner, etc, but the
‘WTF’s didn’t get good until the manager was bragging about how wonderful the conference was, how
much he was learning and couldn’t wait to get back and start implementing everything he was learning.
It was such a joke, the guys would bait him on tracks they know he didn’t attend and an amazing amount
of BS could not be believed.
On the last day of the conference several decided to follow him after breakfast to see where he went
and watched him go into a technical track, just to walk back out and straight to the casino floor.
Again, around 10, he was drunk, not quite as loud until he threw up in a trash can (they said it was quite a scene).
He left to go back his room, which they suspected he took a nap before meeting everyone for lunch.
After that, they gathered his daily itinerary was:
- Get up for breakfast
- walk around and make sure it looked like he was heading to a track
- head to the casino
- take a nap
- eat lunch
- walk around some more
- head to the casino
- take a nap
- eat dinner
- head to the casino
- wash-rinse-repeat
Last day caught up with him. After about week of drinking, staying up late, etc, his body (he’s in his mid 50’s, 350lbs+, so imagine)
kinda’ gave up. Could barely walk 50 feet without needing to sit down, and the flight back was worse for everyone,
throwing up occasionally, moaning, you get the idea.
On the following Monday with the VP if IT, everyone was discussing the conference, what they learned,
what they liked, etc, the manager also bragged, yes bragged, on how tired he was because of how much
he learned and the reason why he probably caught the flu (he couldn’t hide how sick he was on the flight)
saying “When you’re in the learning zone, you lose track of time and then you are so exhausted, your
immune system is susceptible to all kinds of things.” . VP was so impressed by his dedication and
fighting through the exhaustion for the good of the company, he gave him the rest of the day off.
Other devs? No, they had to go back to work.9 -
Conversation yesterday (senior dev and the mgr)..
SeniorDev: "Yea, I told Ken when using the service, pass the JSON string and serialize to their object. JSON eliminates the data contract mismatch errors they keep running into."
Mgr: "That sounds really familiar. Didn't we do this before?"
SeniorDev: "Hmmm...no. I doubt anyone has done this before."
Me: "Yea, our business tier processor handled transactions via XML. It allowed the client and server to process business objects regardless of platform. Partners using Perl,
clients using Delphi, website using .aspx, and our SQLServer broker even used it."
Mgr: "Oh yea...why did we stop using it?"
Me: "WCF. Remember, the new dev manager at the time and his team broke up the business processor into individual WCF services."
Mgr: "Boy, that was a crap fest. We're still fighting bugs from the mobile devices. Can't wait until we migrate everything to REST."
SeniorDev: "Yea, that was such a -bleep-ing joke."
Me: "You were on Jake's team at the time. You were the primary developer in the re-write process saying passing strings around wasn't the way true object-oriented developers write code.
So it's OK now because the string is in JSON format or because using a JSON string your idea?"
SeniorDev turns around in his desk and puts his headphones back on.
That's right you lying SOB...I remember exactly the level of personal attacks you spewed on me and other developers behind our backs for using XML as the message format.
Keep your fat ass in your seat and shut the hell up.3 -
Dedicated to Youtube developers who just happened to see us 500 error & some nice monkey joke. :)
I understand that all of you slaughered & only monkies left to fix site. 😁 -
Me: Starting a new project.
My pending projects : New member is going to join our family very soon.joke/meme developers joke rant new project jokes funny funny memes funny jokes jokes memes programmers joke1 -
I have successfully achieved the developers nightmare.
Eating with siblings at the table yesterday and found the printer to be broken, again. Okay, easy fix, I thought; connect it back to the WiFi and its good.
My mom asks to teach her how to fix it, but it was too late because I already did. But then there was my younger brother. He says “Ask Gerry, he is the printer guy.” (No, Gerry is not my real name)
I didn’t take it too hard but I did joke with him by fake attempting to punch him. I think he got the point.😂1 -
Let me tell you a tale, children. Of how one of the mostly ghastly, horrid pieces of software currently on this earth came to be in its current, pitiful state.
It all began on January 28th, 2015.
On that day, Tim Cook, CEO of Apple, sat leisurely in his office. He had just finished watching a live stream for a conference held by Facebook.
Minutes after the stream ended, he quietly sat in his chair, pondering over what was just shown.
The whole keynote was well done, he thought. But something about it just didn’t sit right with him. It was one specific line uttered by one of the keynote speaker that bothered him.
“React Native will help developers easily write code that will work on both iOS and Android”.
Out of all the talking done throughout that conference, it was that sentence, in particular, that stuck out like a sore thumb t Cook.
Those words began to echo in his head. “...Android”, Tim muttered to himself, gritting his teeth.
He immediately grabbed his Iphone from his pocket, and called the Technical Director of Xcode.
On the phone, the two discussed Xcode as it pertained to Facebook’s latest tool.
“Now, I’m not saying that we shouldn’t provide any support for React Native”, Cook told the director; “Just make it a bit more inconvenient for anyone using React, that’s all”.
The director thought his boss was nuts. Why on earth would you want to intentionally make using an IDE as painful of an experience as possible? But the technical director also knew that, more importantly, he wanted to keep his job.
“...We’ll do our best to make it a total pain in the ass to use React Native in Xcode”, the director told his boss with a shrug.
And so began one of the sickest jokes ever played on developers. A joke so twisted and cruel, it would make even the creator of PHP gasp in abject horror.
Who knew that someone would go out of their way to create an IDE that doesn’t even bloody work half of the time.
And don’t get me started on the absolute piss poor excuse for documentation this thing has.2 -
(Warning: This rant includes nonsense, nightposting, unstructured thoughts, a dissenting opinion, and a purposeless, stupid joke in the beginning. Reader discretion is advised.)
honestly the whole "ARM solves every x86 problem!" thing doesn't seem to work out in my head:
- Not all ARM chips are the same, nor are they perfectly compatible with each other. This could lead to issues for consumers, for developers or both. There are toolchains that work with almost all of them... though endianness is still an issue, and you KNOW there's not gonna be an enforced standard. (These toolchains also don't do the best job on optimization.)
- ARM has a lot of interesting features. Not a lot of them have been rigorously checked for security, as they aren't as common as x86 CPUs. That's a nightmare on its own.
- ARM or Thumb? I can already see some large company is going to INSIST AND ENFORCE everything used internally to 100% be a specific mode for some bullshit reason. That's already not fun on a higher level, i.e. what software can be used for dev work, etc.
- Backwards compatibility. Most companies either over-embrace change and nothing is guaranteed to work at any given time, or become so set in their ways they're still pulling Amigas and 386 machines out of their teeth to this day. The latter seems to be a larger portion of companies from what I see when people have issues working with said company, so x86 carryover is going to be required that is both relatively flawless AND fairly fast, which isn't really doable.
- The awkward adjustment period. Dear fuck, if you thought early UEFI and GPT implementations were rough, how do you think changing the hardware model will go? We don't even have a standard for the new model yet! What will we keep? What will we replace? What ARM version will we use? All the hardware we use is so dependent on knowing exactly what other hardware will do that changing out the processor has a high likelihood of not being enough.
I'm just waiting for another clusterfuck of multiple non-standard branching sets of PCs to happen over this. I know it has a decent chance of happening, we can't follow standards very well even now, and it's been 30+ years since they were widely accepted.5 -
The joys of bring a Fullstack developer..
Sometimes beings junior Fullstack developer I find myself in tricky situations.
This past week I was invited to a meeting with all the front-end developers where we were presenting our software when a 500error popped up...( I was day dreaming looking out the window watching two birds hop around)Then I heard one developer ask what the problem was and another quickly replied "backend problem"... Still half asleep and deep in my new found interest in birds I blurted out "maybe the front-end is not sending the request properly".... Immediately the room fell silent... this sent a chill down my spine and I was brought back to reality, I looked round the room and everyone was staring at me like I insulted their mothers... I tried to make a joke of it but saying "Sorry I forgot this was a front-end meeting"... The lead architect who for some reason was also present then said "at least someone sees things differently"... And everyone laughed (although I'm not sure how sincere their laughs were).1 -
So... about how I fell in love with coding
I was 12 years old when I went to mom’s work because I had nothing else to do. There was an iMac. At that time I used to have a PC at home with a Windows OS. When I approached MacOS at my mom’s office I had no idea what to do. Right before my mom had told me that I shouldn’t delete anything, all the documents are really important on there. So guess what I Did? In order to download Counter Strike 1.6 game I decided to install Windows OS on the iMac which deleted everything that was on the computer! Absolutely everything! So.. my mom told me to fix this after, and then I started to do some research and somehow learned python and javascript in next two months. Thanks to my mom!1 -
The moment you realize you've got suboptimal code tattooed onto you forever 😂undefined tattoos developers refactoring optimization jokes motivational joke incompetence motivational crap1
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Why do Java developers wear glasses?
Because they don't C#.
I know this one gets thrown around a lot, but it's simple and a terribly great joke. -
I am programming a site where developers can share shell scripts and other users can execute it via a CLI.
I decided to add a little joke into it: the page where users can view a shell script is https://mukodik.com/scriptid.sh
I use Express, so I just use app.get('/:id.sh') to get the scriptid.
How would someone possibly bug out this page? (the uploaded shell script is not actually stored in a file, it's stored in a mysql database(using connection.escape to escape chars))2 -
Maybe this is naive, but I feel if an application/feature is strategically important to a company, at least two developers should always be assigned to support it routinely. This great resignation is no joke, and I’m getting tired of being the last man standing here. I’m too old for this shit.8
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has anybody made the joke about 31th October and 25th December yet?
Well, my ex boss just ask me, why do developers always get confused with 31 oct and 25 dec?
when I figured out what the hell was she talking about, i laughed and cried.
31oct == 25Dec4 -
Oh my... Downloading dependencies on the hospital's network is a sloooowwww draaaagg. It's almost like hospitals aren't suitable for developers!
Joke aside, I'm enjoying my orange while waiting for that download to finish and it occurred to me - an orange - a food that very strongly associates with a hospital in our country! And a mandarine is a fruit that means "Christmas!!!" I believe that's a legacy in post-soviet countries :)
And here's my question. Do you, folks in other countries, also have any foods (preferably something rather ordinary) that have strong similar associations? Not necessarily Christmas or hospitals though :)
(I can guess rutee's association :) )8 -
A Joke/Meme/Story. Sit down and enjoy
In my job we develop WebApps for any company that uses accounting stuff (like you must be wondering, all types of companies).
Some web developers may understand the problem with Internet Explorer and Bootstrap and some libraries 😂 and yes, we had a situaion where we had to put a message at the login to say that you must use Chrome or Firefox in order to use our system properly instead of Internet Explorer (unfortunately, too many factories in my city only use Internet Explorer)
The last week I had too much deadtime and I found this video (watch it from minute 0:55)
https://youtu.be/dfuMvkaDNfg
I laughed so hard 😂 it represents our situation with those Internet Explorer lovers 😂👊🏻
P.D. The video is in spanish, but don‘t worry. If you don‘t speak spanish, in few words, this video is about two roomies (alternative Bert and Ernie) and Bert is mad because Ernie installed Internet Explorer on Bert‘s laptop, so he ask him to uninstall it. Ernie uninstalled it, but he also erased disk C 😂joke/meme internet explorer compatibility bootstrap bert and ernie internet explorer sucks web development sesame street6 -
My manager asks, in Slack, if we can change the auto-tagger to update the patch instead of the minor version. I respond by saying, "Yes, it's in the Jenkisfile. Really we should switch to just <major.minor> and drop patch."
My manager asks why and I go on to say the last number is useless (unless you ship software externally and need to hotfix or security patch a minor release; internally they serve little purpose).
At my last job we dropped three numbers for two, and most other teams here only use two numbers.
He sends a link to the semantic versioning website.
The next day one of the other developers sends it to me in a private chat as a joke. 😂😅 I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks our manager shouldn't be a manager. -
Tech Twitter is a fucking joke, unless you're a somewhat accomplished programmer, wrote something interesting / useful, or at the least have contributed anything meaningful that isn't just a repository with Markdown documents in then I don't want to see your fucking stupid inspirational quotes or words of encouragement with thousands of damn retweets. The circle jerk is frankly just unbearable.
There are plenty of developers that you can learn a lot from and that's great, and I don't want to put new developers down, but you're really not in any position to be giving advice or motivational monologues, you're still new, or worse yet, you've literally just started. Behave yourself.
I'm convinced they're all just LARPers who jerk each other off and shut people down when they have "naughty" opinions. They spend more time writing articles about HTML tags or some aspect of JavaScript you can just get from MDN and get a million fucking applause for it. Maybe you'd be a better programmer if you actually did some programming.
Okay I'm done8 -
Sydochen has posted a rant where he is nt really sure why people hate Java, and I decided to publicly post my explanation of this phenomenon, please, from my point of view.
So there is this quite large domain, on which one or two academical studies are built, such as business informatics and applied system engineering which I find extremely interesting and fun, that is called, ironically, SAD. And then there are videos on youtube, by programmers who just can't settle the fuck down. Those videos I am talking about are rants about OOP in general, which, as we all know, is a huge part of studies in the aforementioned domain. What these people are even talking about?
Absolutely obvious, there is no sense in making a software in a linear pattern. Since Bikelsoft has conveniently patched consumers up with GUI based software, the core concept of which is EDP (event driven programming or alternatively, at least OS events queue-ing), the completely functional, linear approach in such environment does not make much sense in terms of the maintainability of the software. Uhm, raise your hand if you ever tried to linearly build a complex GUI system in a single function call on GTK, which does allow you to disregard any responsibility separation pattern of SAD, such as long loved MVC...
Additionally, OOP is mandatory in business because it does allow us to mount abstraction levels and encapsulate actual dataflow behind them, which, of course, lowers the costs of the development.
What happy programmers are talking about usually is the complexity of the task of doing the OOP right in the sense of an overflow of straight composition classes (that do nothing but forward data from lower to upper abstraction levels and vice versa) and the situation of responsibility chain break (this is when a class from lower level directly!! notifies a class of a higher level about something ignoring the fact that there is a chain of other classes between them). And that's it. These guys also do vouch for functional programming, and it's a completely different argument, and there is no reason not to do it in algorithmical, implementational part of the project, of course, but yeah...
So where does Java kick in you think?
Well, guess what language popularized programming in general and OOP in particular. Java is doing a lot of things in a modern way. Of course, if it's 1995 outside *lenny face*. Yeah, fuck AOT, fuck memory management responsibility, all to the maximum towards solving the real applicative tasks.
Have you ever tried to learn to apply Text Watchers in Android with Java? Then you know about inline overloading and inline abstract class implementation. This is not right. This reduces readability and reusability.
Have you ever used Volley on Android? Newbies to Android programming surely should have. Quite verbose boilerplate in google docs, huh?
Have you seen intents? The Android API is, little said, messy with all the support libs and Context class ancestors. Remember how many times the language has helped you to properly orient in all of this hierarchy, when overloading method declaration requires you to use 2 lines instead of 1. Too verbose, too hesitant, distracting - that's what the lang and the api is. Fucking toString() is hilarious. Reference comparison is unintuitive. Obviously poor practices are not banned. Ancient tools. Import hell. Slow evolution.
C# has ripped Java off like an utter cunt, yet it's a piece of cake to maintain a solid patternization and structure, and keep your code clean and readable. Yet, Cs6 already was okay featuring optionally nullable fields and safe optional dereferencing, while we get finally get lambda expressions in J8, in 20-fucking-14.
Java did good back then, but when we joke about dumb indian developers, they are coding it in Java. So yeah.
To sum up, it's easy to make code unreadable with Java, and Java is a tool with which developers usually disregard the patterns of SAD. -
My fucking lazy-ass coworkers haven’t made meaningful progress on anything for months. I’m brought in as the tech lead and these stupid fucks didn’t work on any meaningful shit for literal months. Their manager was asleep at the wheel and their old tech leads apparently need months to make a couple of minor database changes.
So I’m brought in to fix it, and… surprise! They’re still lazy pedantic assholes. And they’re shocked - shocked - that people expect them to start completing a project or two per quarter. Like these dense motherfuckers thought that they could be the most annoying pedants this world has ever seen, and also do no work.
I could have done their whole 5 month project myself in a month. No joke. It’s incredibly simple. But somehow the overhead of coordinating people who A. don’t work very hard and B. assume that every ticket needs special attention and 6 hours of ponderous thought has eaten into the time we have.
I don’t respect them in the slightest. They’re such shitty developers. Whoever signed off on their hire was fucking high.6 -
Liferay is a fucking malediction inflicted on the human race, bubonic plague has nothing on Liferay. A staunch advocate of legacy tech, bad documentation, bad APIs and poor UX, Liferay has it all. Scriptlets all day every day. Fuck your hot reloads, a deployment cycle is the shit. Why be productive when you can wait for a deployment? Scientists are still deciphering the enigma of Liferay APIs. Over fifteen arguments per method, some optional, some not, littered with value specific functionality. Happy debugging motherfucker. API design is for hacks and pussies, real developers want to know implementation details. JSP the flagship of frontend tech, scriptlets, the pinnacle of evolution. Liferay has PLENTY of that. Did I mention scriptlets? How about obscure Liferay grown frameworks? MetalJS? A bigger mistake than smoking a pound of meth. Liferay UX, heh, heh, design, user experience hehe, hoho. Best joke I've heard. Liferay and UX, choose one.
I'm out, fuck my life.2 -
Filthy Pollo: import {globalStore} from '../main.js'
Filthy Pollo: is that unstandard javascript?
Filthy Pollo: it makes me think it's from webpack
Filthy Pollo: unforgiving...
Ron Chi: i wont answer these questions again
Ron Chi: i already told u chrome supports imports its been a few months
Ron Chi: modules are evaled once, so if u have some state living in ur module if u reimport it ull just get that same state
Ron Chi: myModule.js - const myShit = { 'a': 'eh?' }; export { myShit };
Filthy Pollo: https://i.imgur.com/1X4Taik.png
Filthy Pollo: gg
Ron Chi: index.js - import { myShit } from './myModule.js'
Filthy Pollo: import and export are unexcepted token
Ron Chi: import needs to be used at the top of a file, before any other code
Filthy Pollo: https://i.imgur.com/myrrIMx.png
Filthy Pollo: Im going to assume import and export aren't supported in the browser
Ron Chi: because ur squigly line in ur editor?
Filthy Pollo: This feature is only implemented natively in Safari and Chrome at this time. It is implemented in many transpilers, such as the Traceur Compiler, Babel or Rollup.
Ron Chi: https://github.com/paulirish/...
Ron Chi: actually i dont think its handled properly by babel, webpack handles it
Filthy Pollo: what the fuck why use import and export that wont work in other browsers like firefox, edge, etc. ?
Ron Chi: because other browsers are slow
Ron Chi: its still standard
Filthy Pollo: your answer is not really professional
Ron Chi: ?
Ron Chi: why because its my fault that other browsers are still working on it
Ron Chi: they fought over implementation details forever, than it has to be implemented properly before shipping it
Filthy Pollo: Im blaming the people who are still using export and import in the browsers
Ron Chi: u wont be using modules without transpiling without some limited market for a couple years, otherwise ull still be using rollup / system.js / webpack
Filthy Pollo: obviously webpack
Ron Chi: thats up to you, it seems the google ppl use rollup
Ron Chi: but most of the community chose webpack
Ron Chi: angular 2 uses system.js internally i think
Filthy Pollo: Firefox 54 – behind the dom.moduleScripts.enabled setting in about:config.
Edge 15 – behind the Experimental JavaScript Features setting in about:flags.
Filthy Pollo: nobody wants to be bothered to change settings in flags
Filthy Pollo: the developers who use experimental features are weirdos as hell
Filthy Pollo: the joke is when they use experimental feature for production and force them to download chrome
Filthy Pollo: Monopoly as hell
Filthy Pollo: Corruption of User Experience -
How can people stand this bitten apple? With this mojave update I now feel in the most unfriendly desert for developers.
Not only did your update render all my VM's unusable, but the new AppStore seems a joke. This new icon there if a piece is downloading or installing or whatever. I cannot tell what it should tell me. That an alien took a crap on my display? There's no percentage, nothing indicating what's actually happening. Is this your understanding of user experience through obscurity? - shunning the user from any useful information, hiding everything behind some nice looking vapourware?4 -
Which development standards and coding styles would you recommend in a development team? My colleague @jacoKotze and I are starting to get larger projects at work and 2 more developers soon (juniors with little to no experience), so we'll need some coherence soon.
Tabs v spaces is more of a joke, looking for opinions on other things please.12 -
I’m at my last hair with this job; I report to 3 (two mid-level; one senior) project managers. The senior PM decided not to fix up the company’s jira and has encouraged “I’ll tell you what to do by mail, text, call. Even outside office productivity apps,” and I didn’t mind it but it’s become unbearable. Each of these PMs manage at least one client that I have to work with — in essence, any given day I’m reporting to these PMs, for multiple tasks for at least 2 clients, especially for MVPs. One of the mid-level PM (let’s call her T) has taken it upon herself to make me look bad. I’m the only developer at the company; when I joined the only two developers had already left a week prior, so I was their replacement (no one mentioned this to me during any of the 3 interviews).
T reports to the senior PM and senior PM, who is friends with T from outside the job, would also give T instructions to provide me in regard to Senior PM’s clients. To made this clearer, Senior PM’s client would request for a feature or whatever, Senior PM would prepare a lousy document and send to T to send to me, just so, T can have things to say in standup daily like “I reached out to the Dev to fix xyz’s something something,” so this means I have had to tolerate T twice as much as the other PMs. (She’s new to the job, a week after me — Senior PM brought her in — they both do not have technical experience relating to work tools for programming but I can say Senior PM knows how to manage clients; talk shop).
Anyhow, T gets off by making me look bad and occasionally would “pity” me for my workload but almost in a patronizing way. T would say I don’t try to reply messages in 5 minutes time after I receive them (T sends these messages on WhatsApp and not slack, which is open during work hours). T would say, “I can’t quite get a read of this Engineer — you(me) are wired differently,” whenever one of T’s requests is yet to be completed because I’m handling other requests including T’s, even though T had marked the completed ones as Done on her excel sheet (no jira).
In all of this, I still have to help her create slides for our clients on all completed tasks for the week/month, as senior PM would tell me because “T is new to this.” We’ve been at the job for roughly 4 months now.
I have helped recruit a new developer, someone the company recommended — I was only told to go through their résumé and respond if they are a good fit and I helped with the interview task (a take-home project — I requested that the applicant be compensated as it’s somewhat a dense project and would take their time — HR refused). The company agreed with the developer’s choice of full WFH but would have me come in twice a week, because “we have plenty live clients so we need to have you here to ensure every requests are handled,” as if I don’t handle requests on my WFH days.
Yesterday, T tried making me look bad, and I asked, “why is it that you like making me look bad?” in front of HR and T smiled. HR didn’t say anything (T is friends with HR and T would occasionally spill nonsense about me to HR, in fact they sit together to gossip and their noise would always crawl to my corner; they both don’t do much. T would sleep off during work hours and not get a word for it — the first time I took a 10 minutes break to relax, T said, “you look too comfortable. I don’t like that,” and HR laughed at T’s comment. While it was somewhat a joke, there was seriousness attached to it). As soon as HR left, I asked T again, “why is it that most of the things you say are stupid?”, T took offense and went to her gossip crew of 4, telling them what I had just said, then T informed senior PM (which I’m fine with as it’s ideal to report me to her superior in any circumstance). Then I told those who cared to listen, T’s fellow gossipers, that I only said that in response to T’s remark to me in front of them, a while back, that I talked like I’m high on drugs.
I’ve lost my mind compiling this and it feels like I’m going off track, I’m just pissed.
I loved the work challenges as I’ve had to take on new responsibilities and projects, even outside my programming language, but I’m looking for a job elsewhere. My salary doesn’t not reflect my contributions and my mental health is not looking good to maintain this work style. I recall taking a day off as I was feeling down and had anxiety towards work, only to find out HR showed T my request mail and they were laughing at me the next day I showed up, “everybody’s mental health is bad too but we still show up,” and I responded to T, “maybe you ought to take a break too”.3