HR: We have received complain that you have been sexually harassing an intern.
Me: No, I wasn’t. Me and the new intern all we talk about is Coding, Apps, and TV-Series
HR: You are lying. I have the words that you said to the intern. Do you want me to read it out.
Me: I have no clue what I said to the intern so please read it out.
HR: You said, “Always pull before you push”. Do you remember saying this?
Me: Yes, I was teaching the intern how to use GIT.
HR: Okay, let me call the intern and let see if he says the same.

** Intern **
HR: Was he sexually harassing you today at any time.
Intern: No
HR: Did he said, “Pull before you push” to you?
Intern: Yes
HR: What does that mean, sounds like a slang for something sexual.
Intern: haha, no it means that I should pull the changes made to the files before I can push the changes I did to the code from my computer.
HR: But he said something else like he was teaching you how to use GIT
Intern: Yes, that’s what GIT is.
HR: Okay both of you can go and don’t use this type of terms in the future it doesn’t make good working culture.

My employer has this really cool thing. Where if I do my job very well, I get to do other peoples jobs too!

This happened few hours ago.

Client: I received an email which says that I won 1 million dollars. They gave me a link in the email, when I entered my credit card details nothing happened.
Me: Wait what? You entered your credit card details.
Client: Yes
Me: That was a scam, you didn’t win anything. They stole your credit details. Contact your bank ASAP and let them know about this.
Client: You guys are handling our email servers, why can’t you guys keep it safe. What type of security do you guys provide.
Me: Wait what? We host your website application not email.
Client: Damn it. My son said the same thing, but I didn’t listen to him. Anyways Cheers.

Thanks buddy!

Can you tell us how did you fix it?

Client: When I hit the “Subscribe” button, it gives me an error.
Me: What’s the error message?
Client: The email field is required.
Me: Have you entered your email before hitting the “Subscribe” button.
Client: Oh, I have enter my email address?
Me: Yes

English is a very complicated language.

Show me the code

I sent this email to client:

Hi Christine,
Can we shit this afternoon and go over the scope of work once again?

In reply she sent me this meme with few LOL emoji

A former colleague made an online shopping app. Boss wanted to promote him to Senior Developer when he still working with us.

14 days ago another colleague checked the code and told the boss that it's ready for production. No one asked me because everyone in the company thinks am the stupid developer of them all.

So what happened?
Well the total value of the cart was being over to payment gateway using a hidden field. Well you know the rest of the story.

The client has sued our company for this issue and boss came running to me and asked me to check if it was our fault or something else.

I checked and found the hidden value where the total value of cart was being stored and send over to payment gateway. The following is the conversation between me and the colleague who checked the code:

Me: So you checked the code and everything was okay?
Him: Yes, all good.
Me: Did you see this hidden field where the total value of cart is being passed to the payment gateway?
Him: Yes
Me: Why didn't you fix this?
Him: What's there to fix?
Me: Well someone can temper the value and let it pass to the payment gateway.
Him: No, they can't we are using https
Me: I' am done with you

He has Masters in software engineering and has few security certificates.

Boss: Every day is a new opportunity to start fresh
Me: Can we start over this project because I fucked it up and I don't want to clean it
Boss: No

Sales Guy: Hey Man, you know what? you should go back to college and advance your knowledge in Software Engineering. This way you will be an expert in programming and handling the Servers.
Me: I started programming at the age of 17 and started handling servers by the age of 18. Can I ask you something if you don't mind?
Sale Guy: Yea sure I don't mind anything
Me: Get the fuck out of here

Bad architecture causes more problems than bad code.

Working alone is great. You won't have to deal with others shit coding and others won't have to handle your shit coding.

Code free, code alone!

devRant has over 30k users within 1 year. Congratulations @dfox @trogus and awesome work. I would also like to thank my boss, project managers, colleagues and clients. They are the biggest contributors in devRant. lolz...

Yesterday all the staff were give a piece of paper with a question.

Question:
What will make you happy at work?

and our answer should be confidential.

My answer was: A Girlfriend

I' ll be going to the HR Office about this. I was just being honest.

Code never lies!

Get ready to change the copyright year in the footer if it's not dynamic.

No money no life!

Someone is changing my chair in the office every time I go for break.

Thank you GDPR because of you we know who has our email and sent us "We're updating our Privacy Policy".

Time to delete some accounts.

That awkward moment when you don’t want to come out of your room because there are strangers in your house.

via Facebook

Without even talking to me, why the fuck did you announce that I would be taking the project manager role. Who the fuck wants to do that monkey job? What the fuck is fucking hell wrong with your fucken brain.

You bloody piece of shit with masters from university and can’t handle fucken projects and client’s. Clients are complaining to me about you. Whole day looks for women to fuck during the night while we are dying virgin over here. Fuck you and I wish your dick falls apart.

That's me currently. Can't understand my own code that I wrote a year ago.

In my defense, no one reviewed my code 😂😂😂

“There are bugs in the code.”
– Said No Developer Ever

Client sends an email after 5 PM. We all left for home.

Client: blah blah blah...We urgently need this app to be done by COB on Monday. Our CEO is going to launching it on Tuesday to the board of Directors.

––Boss forwards me the email––

Boss: Can you get this done by this weekend.

––On Viber––
Boss: I have sent you an urgent email. Let me know.

––My Reply––
Me: This can't be done in a day or 2. Looking at the scope of work, I need at least 8 weeks.

––Boss Replies back––
Boss: You are not performing at the best of your ability. Come and see me on Monday, I need to talk to you about your performance on urgent projects.

!rant
After knocking off from work, I went to nearby Coffee shop to grab a Coffee. I met a girl and we started talking about our day. She asked me to do her a favor and take a look at her laptop, it’s been playing up for sometime now. So, I went. She took me to her bedroom where the laptop was, and the conversation continued on topic romance, sex and girlfriend. You know what happened next…Yes.

For the first time in my life I fixed a hot cheeks computer and got laid.

What was wrong? There was a malware in her computer which was opening random websites.

There is special place in hell for developers who make add-on for Internet Explorer and Edge.

Trues Up!

01. Woke Up
02. Masturbated
03. Took shower
04. Woke up my computer from sleep
05. Windows wants to update
06. I'm going back to sleep

I still use jQuery in most of my projects and I'm not ashamed to confess about it. PERIOD.

Him: Why are you following Linus Torvalds on Github?
Me: This is a very complicated question

When the Sales team fucks up something, they point finger at each other for the blame.

When the Dev Team fucks up something, as a Senior Developer I say to my Boss that we fucked it up no matter whose fault it is and we will fix it up by x time.

When the SysAdmin team fucks. The Dev Team is to blame.

Sorry guys, I got a bit frustrated. All our servers wasn't backed up from last week and the SysAdmin guys are saying it's our fault.

What the fuck is going on? fuck you fuck fuck fuck fuck...

<?php
$_GET['rich'] or die('trying');

Friend: So what's the plan for Christmas
Me: Nothing much just coding
Friend: No apart from work
Me: Yeah coding
Friend: That means, you not getting drunk or laid this Christmas
Me: No, because I can't C Sharp when coding
Friend: Fuck developers

Irony: A robot that clicks for me on the "I'm not a robot" buttons.

(Firefox Addon by prowebmasters)

The latest Windows update puts "Microsoft Edge" on your Desktop as a shortcut.

yuck....

Client: My email not working
Me: What error message you getting
Client: Nothing, it's just stuck on Outbook
Me: Is your Internet working?
Client: Yes, of cause am not that stupid
Me: No! No! just asking as checkup
Client: Okay
Me: Open your Internet Browser and goto Google or Facebook
Client: Okay hold on..I am getting message "There is no Internet Connection"
Me: Yea, your Internet is not working that's why email can't be send. Talk to your IT Guy or Internet Provider about it.
Client: Okay, thanks!

Up next "Silicon Valley Season 4".

!rant
Found this on LinkedIn forgot who posted it. It was beautiful so that to share with you guys.

Choosing programming language nowadays is more like investing in the stock market

I don't know why people call themselves "Developers" when they really just download a WordPress theme and adds bunch of plugins without touching a single line of code.

What the hell is going on?

No offence to Java Developers.

So tell me about yourself.

Forever Alone

!rant
Silicon Valley Season 4 premieres April 23.

Skype for business is a total fucking piece of shit.

Fuck SAP.

Yesterday I was downloading illegal movie from the Internet and found this movie under comedy section and thought to download. After downloading I found out that it was a girl-to-girl porn.

Dear Developers and Content editors
Do your fucken job right and link the correct files.

Thank you.

PS: I enjoyed the porn

Boss: Here's the next project that I would you to start immediately.
Me: So the client wants <Application Name>
Boss: Yes and it's due on Friday after 2 weeks.
Me: Yes can be done. By what time today you can give me the requirements.
Boss: Not today, I will give you the requirements next week Friday.
Me: So I should start the project next week Friday.
Boss: You have to start the project today
Me: Start with what? There is no requirement. Excuse me, I need a break.

Teamwork they said..lol someone fucked the whole repository.

I don't know who the fuck told the I.T. Manager to block the website without informing the employees.

Mother fucker blocked Bitbucket. I' am going to fuck his ass on Monday.

A fucking shit happened.

I finished coding the front-end design of the website and pushed it to the PM and Boss to review. After 5 days, they came back and said that they made mistake. They gave me the wrong sitemap and design. 23rd June is the deadline, I hope they extend the deadline.

Me: I got a new job.
Friend: Can you also fix me a job there

I received an email from marketing manager requested me to extract all the emails from the all the application and compile it into a CSV and make sure that CSV doesn't have duplicate email's. She wants to send newsletter to all those email's which we don't have permission for.

I permanently deleted that email.

We have open office. I had this co-worker Intern who sits right at the corner of the development team and farts silently. Sometimes there's no smell or little but sometimes it smells like he has shit on this pants.

No one knew that he was the one who farts in the office because he was always quiet and doing his job and doesn't react whenever anyone says anything to him.

On a friday evening when we were having drinks with other coi-workers in the office, he got high and told everyone that he was the one who farts silently in the office. Actually that was his last day of Internship too.

My client wan't a app that is bug free. Can anyone tell how the fuck is that possible?

I'm trying to Uninstall Visual Studio 2017 and the uninstaller is asking me to update the installer before I can proceed.

What type of fuck is this Microsoft?

When you are in the zone.

WannaCry hit one of our server and the latest backup we had was from May 2017. You know who got blamed? Developers. I repeatedly told the General Manager that SysAdmin are the once who should be doing backups, Server updates and management as per their job description yet we got blamed for it.

I don't know what the fuck is going in this world.

Ran update query on 1m+ record without where clause. Thank god I missed the commit command or else today would have been my last day.

"a poor programmer will always blames his tools"

When the project development finishes and client gives changes.

My first android app is launching tomorrow. Thanks Stackoverflow, me and you are bro's now.

Happiness is having a girlfriend who can write code.

There will be a special place in hell for those who will use Internet Explorer from year 2017.

I'm 4 days old to this company. I spent 40 minutes debugging why the internet is not working. I asked the IT Guys for the support and they said everything is good.

So why the fuck is the internet not working? I rant at them. The IT Guy told me to calm down and then he will help me. So I calm down and again went to ask for help. He said that he will check it out after breakfast.

It's been more then an hour and he hasn't returned yet. I'm going to complain to the Boss when he comes in. This is not cool man.

Boss: We are going live tomorrow, are you ready?
Me: (Goosebumps and dry mouth) Sorry can you repeat that
Boss: Oh sorry not you, it's Sam whose app going live tomorrow
Me: (Inner me) Motherfucker. You dry dick piece of shit

Remember that "Nokia" will be raising up from grave this year.

A colleague named Sam was really pissed off today at an out sourcing firm from India.

My Boss outsourced an application to India based firm. Sam was the one handling the project after the handover. Sam coded a feature 2 weeks ago and moved to staging server for approval. After the sign off from the lead developer of the outsourcing firm, he moved the feature to production. For the past 2 days the application was crashing over and over again so Sam went to check and found out that the feature he coded was causing the issue. When he pulled the feature to his computer and had a look at the code, it wasn’t his code. The code he wrote was commented out and the lead developer of the outsourcing firm wrote new code.

When Sam emailed to him regarding this he replied that he re-wrote his code to fix issues with the feature. Sam and outsourcing firm lead developer had heated argument about this. It’s turns out that the outsourcing developer re-wrote the code without anyone’s approval and on production server.

The lead developer of the outsourcing firm was fired.

I got laid off.

19/08/2022 - I received an email at 3pm advising me that I'm part of a group of 100 employees who are being let go. All the accounts were deactivated except Slack so we can say final good-bye to our team.

The decision was made based on "Last in, first out". It sucks because I loved the work and team plus work from home.

I quote "One programmer’s code is other programmer’s job"

3 hours of Google Search and finally on stackoverflow someone answers your question with a solution that works.

Thank you SysAdmin for installing cracked version of software x on Windows Servers.

I applied for Software Devloper position but was called in for interview for Systems Analyst (IT). Nothing to do with coding. When I mentioned that I applied for Software Developer role, I was told that there is no vacancy for that role then why the fuck did you advertised and fuck the fuck did I apply.

Fuck

Met this couple at the grocery store. After few minutes we were sharing mobile numbers. An hour later I was at their home. Next I remember switching on their laptop to install audio driver.

This is how people in the society treat me

A client of mine who has a competitor that launched android app this January. Now my client wants me to clone the app to her companies branding. I told her that's it's the best idea to make something unique and gives different experience to the user. She started arguing with me for shitty reason.

So I agreed to work on the app.

PS: She is beautiful, I will bang her for sure someday. She is the one who will take my virginity.

Use the choices below to describe your Project Manager. No. you can't choose multiple it would be rude.

I don't always use Internet Explorer but when I do....

There was a bug that I ignoring to fix for past 8 months and finally Client found the bug and reported back to me. All I said to myself "Motherfuck".

So from tomorrow I will be rewriting a piece of code.

When I was 17 years old. I had difficulties in understanding math problem “Calculus” (I can’t remember which one was it). This one day when we were in a Computer Lab, our teacher was showing us how really software’s are made. During my time, it was vb6. I paid close attention. When I went home, I started to think things that I can make using that software so one day I went to my teacher and asked if I can have a copy of the vb6. He gave vb6 and told me that inside are few eBooks that will help in learning.

Fuck School, from that day I started to concentrate on programming only. Made a small calculator which will help me to understand a Calculus problem and double check my answer. From that day, I love programming.

I’ m 26 now and a full stack software developer. All I want to do it build cool shit, something that will blow the eyeball of my friends and that eyeball should pop out from their asshole.

Joke: The person who scored highest in the computer class was afraid to switch on the PC.

“You only make that face when your dick is on fire," – Silicon Valley S04E10

Managing projects via Excel worksheet. Just fucking great.

When someone says that Node.js cannot become enterprise standard like Java. Bitch what the fuck is Netflix, Yahoo, WalMart and PayPal using. Fuck you!

TEAM is the magic word:
T – Teach.
E – Educate.
A – And.
M – Motivate.

Got 15 days annual leave left from last year. My boss can't afford to send me on leave because we are only 2 developers. The other person really doesn't know what he is doing on coding.

So yes, my boss fucked my annual leave too. I hope he enjoyed it.

Starting from this week my boss started to be pain in my ass. He wants me to do sales more then developer work. I told him on Monday that I can’t do sales because my interest is in coding. My boss said that I have to do whatever he tells me to do because in my contract there is a clause that’s “Any other work that may be assigned by your boss”.

I’ am fucked!

Tomorrow is Monday and I don't feel like going to work. I have an ongoing project that is boring. Its 1AM and and am still awake. Have to wakeup at 5AM. God fuck my life.

When I feel angry I read rants and there you go my mood is back.

devRant a place where people hear your pain. Thanks @dfox

Working from home routine (Lockdown edition):
1. Wakeup at 8am
2. Meeting at 8:30am
3. Next 3 hours just focus on coding
4. Push code to source control
5. Focus on myself

Today I sent email blast to wrong list of 12k recipients. I was given the list by another employee. I crashed the email server. It was fun.

Shit happens!

That annoying co-worker that asks you each and everything about programming and when you tell them, they be like "Oh I already knew that"

WTF Bitch!

The function you are about to write is also been written by someone on Stackoverflow. Copy and Paste, lets call it a day.

Developers Poetry:
"Bed would be lovely, soft and deep,
but I’ve a deadline I must keep
and much to write before I sleep,
and much to write before I sleep."

Cut and paste is a very bad habit.

I HATE my work but I STILL go to work because I need money to pay-off mortgage.

Coding confirmed to me how retarded and dumb I am but I don't give a fuck. I love it!

I promised myself to sleep at 8PM now it's 11PM. Oh great!

Boss: We should use Adobe ColdFusion for our next project
Me: Why?
Boss: Because it's the only programming language that can generate PDF. In our next project we will be generating a lot of PDF receipts on daily basis
Me: Oh no!

They fucked up the project deadline again. I received 5 days to finish up the web-based application without any brief and design. When I asked for it they said it's easy I can just Google for similar app and make it.

What?

Today I was asked if my email was all lowercase or uppercase. I wanted to be sarcastic but I relax this time.

I don't understand why only lowercase and uppercase why not camelcase?

Some people in my company wants reports in excel but doesn't know how to use filter. Their daily job requires them to have excel knowledge. What the fuck is happening over here. Motherfuck!

"Can you hear me?" – This is how my Skype conversation starts, interrupts and ends with long distance Client.

A friend of mine who just started work as an Applications Developer. One of his duties is to I quote "Create and maintain inventory, which may include hardware, software and various items such as toners and peripheral equipment"

We had a good laugh together.

Is it me or Android documentation is fucked up.

While busy writing code, hardest discussion is should I go and pee or wait till a bit of pee is leaked in my underwear.

I'm no longer happy at my current company. I'm deciding to resign once I get another job. Very badly looking for another job.

Goodbye Yahoo!
My very first email address was @yahoo.com.

This former developer made an app 2 years ago which is in production since then. On the 404 page it's throws the database credentials. The database saves personal information about the mobile owner.

Luckily I found out and fixed it. The client doesn't know about this.

Oh boy!

Last year I went to a job interview. Companies senior developer was taking my interview. After few questions, he advise me that I should learn HTML 5.3. I thought he must be fucking with me so I said HTML 5.3 has not released yet. actually HTML 5.1 has not released yet. He looked so serious about HTML 5.3. I don't know why?

Google researchers breaks SHA-1. Next 90 days they will release the code that was used to break this encryption.

Are we fucked?

Too the future website developers, you guys are lucky to be developing website based on new edge (Chromium). You guys don't know what we have been through man.

Peace!

My face when Project Manager gives changes of her own and wants it before 5:00PM on Friday.

My Boss, another employee and me were having discussion on a functionality on the website "How we will do it". After talking to us, my boss called his former employee and asked him the same question "How we will do this functionality".

After talking with the former employee, he comes back and tells us the same that we told him on "How we going to do it". Which pissed me off and I am angry on him, why the fuck does he has to call the former employee about this.

What do you guys think, should I be angry?

Ms Word doesn't support attachments in mail merge and the fucking CEO wants me to add in the support. I hate my job now.

Time to resign...

Maintaining other people’s code is a form of torture

RIP MS Paint...

My colleague is getting a divorce soon because Tinder thought it's a good idea not to add the "Delete" message button.

His wife is a good friend of mine. Finally a MILF I know.

Thanks Tinder.

Next 3 days I' ll be working on moving our email server to new server because the old datacenter is closing down. Clients are pissed and they are fucking verbally bashing me left to right when I told them that their emails will be down since most of them host their own DNS.

I am fucked.

4 weeks in this new job and I fucken hate it. Strict deadlines and non-interesting projects. Only thing is good is the pay. I will wait for next 4 weeks to decide if I want to fucken leave this company or stay.

I was about sign-out and collegue comes running that something is urgent and can't wait till next day.

I said fuck off to his face and told him to go and resume his tik-tok video. I signed out and left office. Next day he reported me to HR. Disciplinary action will taken against me starting next week.

Awesome 😎

Waking up in the morning excited thinking that someone might have answered the question that you posted at night before going to bed. 38 views yet no answer.

I find webpack very complicated especially when it comes to understanding config.js file.

I might give 4th try later.

Christmas 🌲 party at work tonight. It's going to be boring since we are only 9 staffs.

Please give me a good reason so I can ditch this party? The best one I have so far is "I have shit in my pants. going home to cleanup and change. I will come back."

We have an open office and sales team laughing on top of their voice. What's funny? Nothing. If someone says "I have shit on my pants", they'll start laughing loudly. I have made several complains but the GM says that their laughter makes this company friendly.

I really don't get it.

I make shitty coffee...

The client said they don't want the old news to be imported to the new website.

After launch the client said that the news has not been imported over to the new website and they won't pay until everything is completed.

So am busy copying and pasting contents and images.

I want to fuck myself!

!rant
Going to apply for Remote Development Jobs. Wish me luck guys because I really don't have any qualifications just experience and knowledge. As you know some recruiters look for qualifications as well.

I'm feeling so lonely at work. No one is interested in talking to me. They talk only when they need something done.

I've been and I did my best being nice to everyone ☹️

My client requested me to release the source code to their development team today. They are going to handle the further development from now. Client has paid for the app in full.

That wasn't a good news to me.

!rant
Well "devRant Web Cartoon" is really funny.

Designers ehh

Something is really fucking wrong with people in my company. They fucking calling me after 5PM on Friday when the server is down. What part of my role you fuckers don't understand. I'm not a Network Engineer and I don't have fucking access to the fucking server.

Call the fucking Network Engineer. If his not picking up his phone then that's his fucking problem not mine.

(Bang the Table) Fuck this shit

Does anyone still have CD/DVD Drive on their computer?

Today I was going through some old stuff and found a 2 x DVD Drive. Those memories made me cry.

It must be cached. Try clearing your browser cache or try different browser.

My client thinks Internet Explorer is the only Internet Browser in the world. I argued with her for 10 minutes then I noticed she felt a bit stupid. I was afraid she might stop further payment so I said "I was just joking, you can chill now".

I think my manager is angry on me or something.

I told him that I can do mobile app development as well as make API. He said nah, let's just out source it to this India based company and I can do the support once it's on production.

Goodbye 60k

!rant
I only subscribe to mobile data plan just to read devRants. It makes me happy.

What software documentation tool you are using?

Fuck bootstrap 4 for no reason.

Does anyone know of a developer who doesn't like Dark Themes for IDE?

When DBA gives you access to the Prod DB instead of the Dev DB.

There was a yellow exclamation mark over Windows Defender icon on system try, I'm very obsessed due to this reason I opened Windows Defender to check the fuck is going on. Just to get rid of it I had to create an outlook.com account and link it with Windows Defender.

What the fuck is Microsoft up to now.

Why can't you just fucking tell me what type of website you want. Every week you are fucking adding/removing new features and don't want to pay for it. You know what? Fuck you! From next week Monday I' am putting your website on hold until you agree to pay for the changes we made for the past 3 weeks.

On the same note, fuck you to my General Manager who thinks he will get laid for not charging for the changes made to the website. She is just using you dumb piece of shit.

No matter how much we do for client, sponsor, do the app for free. They will still not be happy with me. Always trying to bullying me to get more things done for free. Plus the fucken asshole bad mouth about my company and doesn't recommend us to anyone.

This one client we did a website for free 3 years ago. Just came in today wants to revamp the website for free again but this time they want more features. What surprising is that they don't want our company link to be on the website as they don't want to tell the world that we made the website. According to my boss via sponsorship they have not given any client.

It's looks like this weeks "Weekly Group Rant" is trolling all the developers who have side projects that never finished.

1. CMS like WordPress
2. MVC framework like Laravel
3. Android App like Tinder
and... list goes on.

#1, #2 and few others are still stuck on index page.

It's Monday morning. In our company there are 12 employees. Our work starts at 8:00AM and am the only here. This people are lucky, whenever I come in late, there are always trash talk behind my back.

What the fuck is going on in this world.

Why is that when a project deadline has only 2 weeks left, Project Managers starts the project then. Why not start the project when we have 3 or 4 months left for the deadline?

Our Project Manager has this lame attitude that she will start with the sitemap, wire-frame and designing of a website when we have only 2 weeks to the deadline.

What the fuck is going on in here?

Dedicated to Youtube developers who just happened to see us 500 error & some nice monkey joke. :)

I understand that all of you slaughered & only monkies left to fix site. 😁

Bank Teller: So how was your experience in using our online banking service.
Me: (Me looking at his face in awkward way)

So...Google Plus is finally shutting down after exposing user information. Thanks!

Some people get ego boost when they get positions like team lead or manager for software development team. In a nutshell you don't know shit about programming how the fuck you became tech lead? You fucked up the entire project that you managed and now shifting blame on someone else. Well fuck you!

I worked really hard to make this girl my friend at work. We go for morning breaks around from 10:00 AM – 10:30 AM.

And then this new guy joined the company sitting close to me and we become friends. This new guy finds my girl friend really awesome and they are getting closer everyday and they are leaving me behind now and separates me with almost all the conversations during morning break meet.

Today, during the morning break. My girl friend said that I have changed and don't talk to her much like I used to. Way back when we met I really clearly told her that I have anxiety and social disorder so please bare with me and she told me that she will be there for me as a good friend.

I'm not sure what to do. I'm going to lose a good friend really soon.

Boss: We don't want to use PHP because it's open source we want to keep all the applications secure and want Microsoft to support us whenever some thing happens to ASP.NET applications.

Me: But we will be using PHP on intranet applications and it won't be for public. ASP.NET is also open source.

Boss: No, we cant take that risk.

I'm not sure whose right over here. PS: All the applications we built are for internal purpose only.

!rant
So anyone else likes Scorpion TV Series?

I' ll be getting micro-managed by a client from next week till next 4 weeks.

404 - Alcohol not found

WordPress comes with alot of junks. I want to make a CMS similar to WordPress but for developers which has builtin functions to make websites easily and extend the functionalities easily. Where there is no fear when updating their website to the new version.

My non-dev friends on Facebook are spamming with "Merry Christmas and Happy New Year". I didn't respond to them, I know am being rude but it's worth it.

...and they said AWS never goes down. Well developers this is a good time to sleep or catch up on tv-series. Enjoy!

On Friday. Client and Project Managers arranged a meeting and wanted me to be there. Client said the meeting will be max 15 Minutes but it was around 2 hours. This client project was due the following week. I was happy because everything was done and excited that the client might be coming down to say how awesome the work was.

The table turned around. They came changed the designed and functionalities. The client said, it won't take long to do it, right? and my Project Manager said No! No! No! don't worry its very easy thing. It will take him around 1 day to do it, it's just all cosmetic changes.

It took me more than a week to get it done, test again, check on browsers. The client was pissed and they fired us. Guess who was blamed for it?

I was so in-depth thinking about coding that I didn't realize that the finger I was sucking was prior used to scratch my testicles..

Please god, I hope I'm not the only one.

In this world, is anyone still using ColdFusion?

Our clients are upto date with technologies and website standards. We make all our websites in Joomla using HTML5.3 and CSS3. How much of HTML5.3 do you know?

I just fucking hate compiling this fucking C# (ASP.NET) code and then transferring to staging server. Fuck you.....no no no listen to me fuck you and fuck this shit.

I think overall CloudFlare is doing a great job. Thank you CloudFlare.

2 weeks in my new job. I started hating the work. I'm stuck working on legacy systems. This guys don't work on latest technologies.

My boss was gossiping about all the staffs except me and the other person who was listening to him. I was coding and not part of the conversation.

What do you guys think, is he fit to be a boss and a leader?

I hate my fucking job but I can't resign as I can't afford myself financially. Fuck my life

Fuck ColdFusion. No offense, but this is the worst programming language I have ever seen.

Today I noticed that my colleague is using Light Theme and it's pissing me off. I don't know why but I am really obsessed with it since this morning. I don't feel like talking to her now.

Maybe she's trying to torture me. That's so cruel.

Oh boy, MS Edge is now fucking up the design.

Every developer is afraid of bugs.

At my workplace, we are working on the codebase from 1999. It's built on Oracle Forms and Reports. Fuck my life 😔

It's time to look for new job thinking of doing freelancing

This is very long along. Senior Developer was doing my code and telling the best way to write jQuery and PHP codes.

The funny part is that he doesn't know anything about PHP and whatever jQuery code he told me to correct was very shitty and difficult to maintain.

That's when I knew. This world is fucked up!

I like to stay home and code day and night on my side projects. I don't want to go to work. I wish I had the money to fulfill my passion.

Fuck money, fuck bills

My face when PM checks the project day before the deadline and list down time consuming changes that needs to be completed the next day (Deadline day) before 10:00AM.

During the job interview faking your smile like you understand WTF they are saying. Deep inside your heart thinking why you are not rich and you badly need this job.

Do you guys like working in a team or alone?

Windows Photo Viewer doesn't support GIF animation. Great!

When I am on Computer. I like the room to be dark minimum to no sunlight's and cool. That's why I hate my work environment. The room is so fucken bright. Damn those eye strain.

Client sent in a FREE job request email. I deleted the email permanently.

I really don't understand why Microsoft has created "Media Creation Tool" rather then linking the ISO files directly on their website.

It's Monday and I am back in the office. Going to continue the project from where I left on Friday. Fuck so boring shit.

$rant = false;
Let say you guys are working in a team of 3 and need to share a database. All of you are in different locations.

I am currently hosting my database on online server, which is kind of slow for me because I have poor Internet in my country. How do you guys do it?

My first hackathon, I was the only one that knew coding, the rest of the people where copy and paste from Google. After spending 2 hours I decided to step out and never return back.

My former senior developer thought that including script tags for each JavaScript function you write is efficient. For example: contact function will have contact.js, vacancy function will have vacancy.js. FYI he doesn't merge them in production. What's more shocking was that my project manager thought was the same.

This also applies to CSS when using media queries.

In 2012 during a job interview I was asked how did you learn Photoshop. I said by creating memes. My answer failed because the interviewer didn't knew what was a meme so I took another approx 30 seconds to pitch what was a meme.

Brace yourself "React VR" is coming to town soon.

In the morning PM told me that a project home page skinning is due tomorrow afternoon. Few minutes ago, she said that another project application is due tomorrow.

A friend sends in reminder 3 time to me via Viber message to up-vote his Stackoverflow question.

Yeap bro we all have been there.

Dear Users
USERNAME@example.com and username@example.com means same thing. What the fuck is wrong with you?

I have spent 5 days in Microsoft Excel trying to do my budget planner. I struggled a lot and too much Googling. Google started to show reCaptcha whenever I search for something after that.

Yesterday, I spent 3 hours and got my fully functionality web based budget planner done.

I don't know if I did the right thing or not but am really happy and I have the full control.

We are moving from Oracle 10g to SQL Server 2019 because Oracle doesn't want to provide support to our legacy 10g database.

It doesn't much sense well anyways god bless us during data migration.

Oh one last thing, fuck business analyst team.