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Search - "funny jokes"
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Not a windows hate rant, just a funny encounter at work.
Was configuring KDE on my work pc and got the windows key to work after a little configuration.
Me: YAY I finally got the windows key to launch the application menu bar thingy!!
Colleague 1 (fellow support engineer): WINDOWS?! Thanks for the ear cancer mate 😞
Colleague 2 (fellow support engineer): Hey stop swearing!
Colleague 3 (senior Linux engineer): *grabs nearest waste bin, pulls it open, puts head in and starts to make vomiting noises* *pulls head out: don't do that again 🤢"*
Colleague 4 (senior Linux engineer): *gives me a death stare for about a minute"
Me: *completely losing it* 🤣
I fucking love this place 😊24 -
A tcp packet walks in to a bar and says “I want a beer”, barman says “you want a beer?” and tcp packet says “yes, a beer” .
In high society, TCP is more welcome than UDP. At least it knows a proper handshake.
A bunch of TCP packets go into a bar, until it’s overcrowded. The next day, half as many go in.
A bunch of TCP packets walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Hang on just a second, I need to close the window.”
When I try to send SYNs to chicks, I don’t get any ACKs. Just FINs and RSTs.
IP packet with TTL=1 arrives at bar. Bartender: “Sorry, can’t let you leave…and you don’t get any beer either…”
The worst part about token ring jokes is that if someone starts telling one while you are telling yours, all joking stops.
The great thing about TCP jokes is that you always get them.
The problem with TCP jokes is that people keep retelling them slower until you get them.
I would tell some UDP jokes too but I never know if anyone gets them
The best thing about UDP jokes is that I don’t care if you get them or not.
I had a funny UDP joke to tell, but I lost it somewhere...
The sad thing about IPv6 jokes is that almost no one understands them and no one is using them yet.
I tried to come up with an IPv4 joke, but the good ones were all already exhausted.
A DHCP packet walks into a bar and asks for a beer. Bartender says: “here, but I’ll need that back in an hour!
DHCP jokes only work when there is only one person telling them
The worst part of SSH jokes is that, even when they're not funny, you suck it up and just pretend they were anyway.
The problem with token ring jokes is you need to wait your turn to laugh
I’d make a joke about UDP, but I don’t know if anyone’s actually listening…11 -
"devRant has changed" "I'm so fed up with this site" "Its a bunch of hate and memes, it was so much better before"
A rebuttal.
devRant is approximately the same as it was when it was just a newborn. Remember the days of semicolon jokes being unironically funny?
Look at the top rants of all time, for fucks sake. #2 ever is:
"A different error message! Finally some progress!"
Posted three years ago. That's the second most upvoted rant in history (Remember, this was a "rant" because the joke/meme category didn't exist back then), it made it's way into the app store screenshots, and was a welcome post.
Now imagine that posted today. It would probably go over okay, in fairness, but it's certainly at risk of any number of pretentious pricks complaining about how this is "devRANT not 4chan" or how they had seen the joke before and it's a shitty repost.
And sure, the repost bullshit is fair. I'm not saying that all the reposts are good content. What I'm saying is devRant has always been full of reposts - they just weren't reposts in the early days. The quality of content is the same.
There's also the common misconception that your posts need to be directly related to tech to post on devRant. This is a myth propagated by 0 IQ heathens that don't read any further than the name of the application. Your posts can be anything that isn't prohibited, like porn, spam, and, importantly, politics (commonly overlooked rule)
"All the memes are just too much". Oh you poor fucking baby, let me pour you a healthy serving of pity juice. First of all, you can turn off the memes category, and while they will still find their way to your feed, the concentration will be much lower and it will once again be bearable for your pitiful, weak little soul. Do you seriously get annoyed that severely by shitty posts that you need to leave the app altogether, or do you just want the attention of being a "cool hipster that hates on xyz"?
"This place is just filled with hate! Why can't you just respect xyz technology, it isn't actually that bad!"
This is probably the most stupid fucking thing you could possibly ejaculate from your fingers into whatever device you are using to type. Welcome to devRant, we hate on shit. That's at our core. No, xyz technology ISN'T actually that bad, you're correct. But we're here to tear it apart because it probably has frustrated us in the past. I fucking hate JS because it was my first language and it confused the shit out of me. JS is a great language. But I still talk shit about it, and that's what we're here to do.
Like seriously, I know a lot of people post stuff they're proud of here, and then they're met with "Would be great if you didn't use xyz tech", and that hurts, but holy shit, this is devRant. If you're sensitive to criticism, or even just straight up being made fun of, don't post shit that you're proud of. You won't have a good time. It's just not what we do here.
Quick interlude before the conclusion, "My girlfriend dumped me after I named a class after her. She felt I treated her like an object." is also on the first page of all-time most popular posts.
In conclusion, devRant has not changed. Reposts have been a nuisance since day 0, and just because reposts look different these days doesn't mean the quality of content has decreased in any manner. The two main sources of your frustration are the volume of low-quality posts (Mind you, not the concentration of them, but the volume of them) and your own prejudices about the platform. You're looking back with rose-tinted glasses.
Here are some tips for a more enjoyable experience:
-Make sure you have the "Hide reposts" setting ENABLED in settings. Any posts marked as repost will be hidden in your feed, pulling down the concentration of low-quality posts.
-Keep to the algo sorting method. Obviously, algo is a bot, and there's still gonna be some shit content in there anyways, but if you're in recent, you are absolutely guaranteed to see low-quality posts. It's unfiltered.
-Keep in mind that what you consider a "quality" post is not what others consider a "quality" post. Just because you don't like memes doesn't mean memes are poor content. There are people here who have never seen the bobby tables comic. And they deserve the same experience we got when discovering dev humor.
-Don't be a prick. And if you cannot help yourself, leave. Ironically, you're making the site worse by complaining about how bad the site is. You can always come back if you aren't a prick anymore. And you can leave permanently if you choose as well.
-Downvote and move on. You're not doing anything but making yourself more aggravated by leaving a shitty comment about how shitty the shitty post is.
-Think critically. Obviously optional, and I know not many people like to use their brain when a phone is suspended between their hands, but if you want a better experience, remember to use your head and not to lose it.21 -
DevRant rant:
I am on DevRant for quite a while now and I really enjoy it here. The overall atmosphere is great, as well as the community. (Yes, that includes you!)
Since I came here I've learned some very valuable lessons regarding work (conditions), annoying coworkers and programming itself. I like to think of DevRant as a huge ball of experience by very talented people, as well as a great place for discussions about a topic we all love: code. But lately I am seeing more and more memes on here, with titles like "I think everybody know this", "I think everybody can relate" and "Soo true". Those posts have no value at all and are (most of the time) reposted from 9gag or similar networks. Sometimes those "rants" don't even have anything to do with devs anymore, but are only here to farm ++'es. In the beginning I really enjoyed funny "rants", but now the majority of them just annoy me. It becomes especially annoying when you see the same meme three times in 15 minutes.
I'd be in for some kind of DevFun section, where everybody is able to post his or hers jokes/memes/etc, but the current situation just really gets on my nerves.
I hope that I am not the only one who thinks like that, because I really feel uncomfortable ranting about something I actually love.
end rant12 -
This is not facebook, but somehow yhis site has attracted who are virtually, mentally incapable of differentiating between their script kiddy hacker facebook group and anything that can be called a social media platform.
Sorting by recent and daring to toggle on jokes/memes is a pure shitshow of freshly created accounts who post "memes" of the same purity as their mother. And to finish it off they add that super relatable comment "hahah", "funny" and a couple of emojis. Totally makes me wonder if I end up being called comedy god for posting "peepee poopoo" on the site they "shared" it from.
Yes, shared and not stolen for the sake of that little dopamine rush when they see that 4 other people who try to escape their shitty form of reality thought you deserve to be proud for those couple of finger movements you used to put this on devrant and not to jack off.
Not even that spares you from their awful humor, because thanks to their disability to red, they think they can just smash that big red button and post their garbage in the wrong category, yet somehow they have the obligation to add an absurd amount of tags telling you that they've tried to post a joke and I honestly feel sorry for the database table who has to store so variations of "jokes/meme" for this shit.
Thr quality of these memes degrades with each time I open devrant, just like my patience for these shitposters.
I've seen a couple of people who cancled their monthly subscription for devrant, to show their discontent with these user and my urge to do the same has gotten stronger recently.
DevRant as it is right now is on it best way to stray away further from what it meant to be every day12 -
Programmer's Valentine!
The only date he gets is software up-date.joke/meme jokes programmer life programmer humor valentine funny techindustan coder cartoon programming jokes valentines day comic2 -
If anyone knows us inside out it's our Father! ❤️
He can sense the right or wrong even before we do. He has a special kind of sixth sense and why not, he's our DAD of course! 😅
Happy Father's Day to the Superheros9 -
Well now, I wouldn't want to mention anyone specific since talking about someone behind their back and calling them 'weird' isn't very nice. 🙄 But absolutely HYPOTHETICALLY speaking, if I HAD a weird coworker, they would probably...
- ... strut about the office, telling all how great yet underpaid their work is
- ... write lots of 'concepts' because coding is for lowly programmers
- ... insist that the code they have to do when boss is looking is simply too complicated for unit testing, and 'that's great!'
- ... brag about their/wear to work a ridiculous array of ties in every colour imaginable, when everyone else shows up casual
- ... trap people into listening to them talk for hours about...
-- ... ties
-- ... their misspent youth
-- ... how awesome they are/were/will be
-- ... why it's a good idea to eat cheese
- ... never let me forget I'm female, coz *insert BS reasons why all devs must by nature be male here*
- ... send me little unsolicited notes and mails with funny (sexist) jokes *har har*
- ... be let go, at which point everyone else discovers why they had so much time that they could spend chatting away at the watering hole
- ... earn the eternal hatred of anyone picking up the pieces of their 'work'
- ... try to steal our customers away who will laugh in their bloody face
Just my theory, of course..3 -
Where do you see yourself after 10 years? 🤣🤣joke/meme coder programmer humor funny comic programming cartoon programming jokes funny programmer life techindustan comic7
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Am I the only one that doesnt find a single one of the LinkedIn/Microsoft jokes funny? "Do I have to upgrade to LinkedIn 10 now?" These jokes are already tired as hell!5
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Psst, tech world, fuck you and your so called April fucking Fools jokes. They are anticipated, way too obvious and are not even remotely funny.7
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Ok Now I am getting fed up of
"I am programmer , someone gave me printer/mobile/tv to repair" jokes/rants/memes.
Once or twice is fine. Now they are just reposts with slightly different content. Not funny anymore. Just irritating.
Why do people have to follow a trend here. Have some ingenuity guys.8 -
All the noob jokes about "tee hee I write such bad code exdee" fucking drive me nuts.
There are absolutely such things as good codebases, in any language. By posting "tee hee funny relatable" "memes" about your shitass code you just make yourself look like a fucking idiot who excuses poor quality with "haha so relatable!" bullshit excuses.
Thank you for being the literal cancer of the industry, oversaturating the markets and making all of our managers think we're fucking idiot babies that have to be wrangled like cats in order to get a single feature out the door, devoid of rational thought or a modicum of expertise.
Fuck you. You're the problem. Be better or find another profession where slacking off is acceptable.18 -
I have got so much of free time that this Quarantine has got me thinking What Should I Name my Class?
How Long do You take to name your class?8 -
!dev
What can you say for certain about your argument when you bring it to a discussion and you pretty much lose but it still stands?
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It's not sitting down.
I'll leave now......4 -
"I didn't get the email. I checked my spam folder"
"Did you check your trunk folder? I've heard there's junk in your trunk"2 -
Me: Starting a new project.
My pending projects : New member is going to join our family very soon.joke/meme developers joke rant new project jokes funny funny memes funny jokes jokes memes programmers joke1 -
Before marrying a person, you should give him/her a slow internet computer and check their reaction 😄13
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I've had a shitty day. Spent half an hour arguing with my manager that my disability was something that they have to take into consideration. Literally had to explain that ADHD is protected under the UK equality act. Was fucking furious by the end, did no work for the afternoon, couldn't deal. I literally work for a medical company.
A couple of years ago I got told, "jokingly" by a colleague, that "learning disabilities are made up excuses for stupid people". I have a learning disability (dyspraxia). They lacked both the skills and knowledge to do my job.
Don't make jokes like that. They're not funny, and make you look stupid.11 -
!dev
i think i need to control my emotions and expression around girls. things are going quite wrong and i am not sure i am able to interact with this beautiful gender correctly.
<misc: somewhat unrelated event. need to vent>
- got called out "a creep", "jerk", and "hypocrite" by this girl. she may be totally correct in calling me these but these words made me think about my behavior and therefore this post .
- characters? she: a friend of a friend, to whom i have met 3-4 times, in trips where we drank together, danced together nd talked till late night, among other people.
me : well me . based on previous allegations you can also label me as creep and hypocrite , but i would describe myself as an introvert, nerdy person who talks better on a keyboard than real life (otherwise i wouldn't be typing this post but whatever.)
- action : i made a comment on her insta story
- action details:
• we follow each other on insta. it was 12 am and i was in a half sleep state, scrolling the damn app before falling asleep
• saw her story with his 3 girl nd 2 guy cousins probably, so out of fun, replied her about how all of their specs look the same and if they all take out their specs from the same shop (cheeky comment, i know)
• she just erupted. from asking whether i also wanna buy from the same shop, to why am i talking to her, who gave you the right to compliment, jerk, hypocrite who can't talk in real life but compliments on keyboard, to creep and "stay away"
• I really wanted to say sorry at some point, but i kept making more cheeky comments in between. i was like , yeah she is my friend going through something and bursting her anger on me, she will come back and laugh, but she kept going towards hypocrite, jerk and finally stay away thing
• after that i knew i crossed the line and immediately got out of the conversation. i didn't apologize though.
• as of now am calm and don't mind the current situation of she being angry at a person who means nothing to her and me realising she is not a friend but a common connection . and till the time i was making cheeky comments, i saw her as my homie friend, so i am not bothered if she is angry
</misc>
I think i am a very needy person. i didn't have many friends in school time and i didn't had any relatives/cousins/siblings to get a lot of affection. a 25 yo horny virgin with no relationships till date does give a bad personality vibe from far, but keep in mind that i have mainly focused on personality growth and a conservative chsracter development my whole life. i do not act on my lonly feelings, but i try to be helpful and nice to everyone (which might be a suspicious/bad thing. just trying to defend my character, but feel free to judge)
every girl that talks nice with me, i get very helpful, nice and cheeky with them. most girls likes nd ignores these things, but some also get along, trust me and are willing to spend more time with me.
This makes me not only be more nice and cheeky with them but also start developing feelings for them and imagining my future/relation with them.
as of now i think there are 12 or 13 girls with whom i got into "vibing" (here, assume that vibing means me talking with them, cracking jokes nd compliments, meeting them alone ,etc. no adult stuff ofc), nd then after a few days told them directly or indirectly that i like them ( in a hope of getting some affection back i guess), getting rejected and still trying to keep the "friendship"
i think this needs to be changed. the people calling me creep, despo, perv , whatever might be correct in calling me those till now(based in my behavior) but i don't wanna be that.
i need to understand the girls might not want anything more than just a help at some point and then be done with it. I shouldn't be going out a limb and trying to get i to conversation/flirt/whatever.
i just am too emotional to let any person go away from my life just because our reason for interaction is over.
If I am commenting on a girl's post to whom i met on some trip, i will be commenting on a guy's post (to whom i met on a similar trip) too , in a similar manner,
if i see a post from one of my school's batchmates , and i find it nice/funny/weird, i will comment as if me and this batchmate met yesterday and not for 1 hr 10 years ago (irrespective of the gender)
and even after that if people are so intolerant, then maybe i am wrong and rather should start forgetting every person with whom i have spent less than 50 days alone.
hope this is the correct math and i could expect people with 50 days = 600+ hours of daytime to be enough to not see me as a stranger7 -
Am I the only one who think there should be a separate option for providing reason for downvoting called as i-live-under-the-rock-hence-i-post-old-1950era-jokes-and-memes-which-i-copied-directly-from-facebook.
Like why would you do that. Why?
And more over those plagiarized work have astronomical ++ :(
PS: I hate those memes with laughing emojis 😂 stamped over image. No its not funny. Remotely.4 -
We crack jokes at each other and use profanity at all times. Troll other teams with funny git commits. Our slack channel is filled with weird giphys. Currently the most productive team according to the Chief Architect. How open is your work environment?5
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It’s funny cause I don’t use GitHub much and don’t know git... yet. So basically I don’t understand all those git jokes. I only used GitHub a few times, and it was without the desktop app (which I find fucking stupid since you need to “clone” everything....8
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In August 2021 I asked my bosses for a raise for my extra work that I done for the last 6 months to create the first 4 microservices in the company and deploy them in production on a new infrastructure that is cloud based.
Today 27/01/2022 they reported how happy they are of me and that they will take my proposal *in consideration*.
Now i am searching for a new job.
Funny part: I am simple guy if they would have given me a NAS from Synology with lot of space as a reward I would actually have been happy.
P.S. jokes on them, i left 4 easter eggs hidden in the app, pipeline, db and user manual.3 -
A dude who was constantly saying "jokes" he found funny, but no one else did. They were incredibly dumb and sometimes borderlin offensive.
That dude is tied with a girl in my internship who had some kind of superiority complex and no matter what the interns did, she did it better in her time and we were a waste of resources, according to her. Once, me and my friend got late 10 minutes after lunch time, she complained. Next day, she was late by more than 45 minutes after lunch. Fucking hypocrite.3 -
!dev
„Keep 2m distance“...
Funny.. as if I would get that close to other humans..
Jokes aside, I feel uncomfortable if I’m less than 1.5m to another person and I avoid touching at all cost by nature.. Except for family but they are not in my country anyway. I think I’ll be fine..
#ImALonelyBastard5 -
If A kilobyte would have been breaking down it would say that it is breaking BIT by BIT into bytes😅😂1
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!dev
I was so tired of work last week and weather was so good I ended up in a bar.
People were so nice there so I got there second day in a row.
I met new nice people and cute female bartender who laughed from my jokes.
Was to drunk and tried so much to make her laugh that l forgot to get her number.
Got there next day asked bartender for her shifts, turned out it was last day of her work, she moved out from city for at least a year. So I got drunk again, and so on 5 days in a row.
Well that’s my life. Lucky me... again.
Karma is so funny I can’t laugh for some time anymore. -
"I represent the public opinion" and other funny jokes Axel Voss, tells while he gets money jammed insides his ass.
I hope I don't get a copy strike for using his joke.
But seriously, the numbers in the articles he tries to promote must be a the number of times he was dropped on the head as a child. On a daily basis I suppose -
It's funny how in a social situation, I'm either being awkward as all he'll or just in a corner making bad jokes on devRant.2
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I have been trying to come up with some funny oil jokes. My wife said they were all crude.
I am feeling a bit boolean. I am either on or off.
I shouldn't try to make up jokes. I have to face it that they are a shade unfunny.2 -
!rant
What will happen to programmers/developers now days if there's no search engine/internet connection?9 -
I don't know how much of this can be considered data loss but one one of my uni classmates frustrated by some hellish tasks (cleaning some old code files probably) decided that everything in that particular directory won't be of any further need, so she procede to rm -rf it.. only to discover that the terminal opened in that dir was another one and her current one (the one she bashed that unforgiving rm) was in fact a standard freshly opened term where any term would open.. in the user's (only user) home dir... such a face she had when all her codes, homeworks, projects and everything went to oblivion 😂😂 jokes aside it was a good thing that the semester was almost finished, all hws submited and no important data was there as she dual booted with ubuntu and some windows, but funny thing how such a honest mistake can ruin not only your day, but maybe your entire semester1
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how do you deal with workplace bullies? or is it just me who feels certain types of talks and actions are a bit intimidating and contributes to a hostile workplace environment?
i usually feel this around people of power. like say you are a TL and you are casually flexing the power to impact X guy's KPI scores in response to a funny taunt about holidays, while some guy Y from same team is in proximity whose leaves are not yet approved, isn't it some kind of intentional bullying?
or like there is some discussion goin on with TL and dev, where dev is trying to justify some reason for something, and suddenly the SSE jumps in between, start agreeing with the TL, adds a few jokes deviating the situation and the dev is left with his reasons and justifications undermined?
or like when some messup occurs by the team and TL suddenly pulls out a threatening card citing "people spending extra time in tt/leaving early" or some other reason as cause/punishment of messup?
Why do people of power need to make us remember that there is someone above us? and why does this need to be done in public?
lets say even if there are some notorious elements in team, who does take leaves on important days, and who are giving poor performance due to slacking/TT/early signoff, why should i be also told about it? just to get a warning?
And let's assume that there ARE people whose work is not causing the mess. They ARE doing good timely work and there are no complaints (not even the ones that don't reach public ear) , how should they not get intermediated by such situations?
I will not say i am the most perfect person doing the best of coding, but if i am being constantly kept in an atmosphere of fear and power; and being constantly cut/over powered during my discussions, i might end up doing mistakes as well11 -
Considering moving to a new city for a job. Don't know many people in the new city besides a couple family members.
Thoughts? Stories of moving for a job? Funny jokes? -
weird thought I have rn...
there are people here and on other social media actually seeing what I write?
people on my other public social media accounts enjoying what I do? what I write? enjoying the music I make sometimes? think my jokes I publish are actually funny?
the internet is wild, man.
also, it's 3:24 am, I can't sleep but I'd find easily people to talk to because time zones are a thing. is time a social construct? it is I think.
what am I even talking about?
idk all I know is that someone is looking at this and I wanna thank you for reading it I guess.
gonna go back to post more dev related stuff soon and also prob gonna change my username because no one can spell it right as I found out lately. no wonder because it came up while smashing my keyboard and making an username out of it. gl @ myself3 -
like = 0;
if( youare == "awesome")
{
like = like + 1;👍
}
If( like >= 30)
{
getstickies();😍
}
else
{
printf("Oops!! Next try!!!!");😫
}11 -
To err is human – and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
Found this on reddit once, so true about most people. -
"You're one hell of an exception I would like to try & catch"
What's your programmer pick up lines?3 -
My department head is shitposting in the company slack on the middle day of a 3 day weekend. I guess it doesn't really count as encouraging overtime because it's not work-related, but come on, does he really have nothing better to do?2
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Alright so when I take over the world in my dreams I will burn all non modifiable devices (so many new Samsung phones and every Mac product, though that is for separate reasons, etc) in a cleansing blaze. And possibly their owners because they are witches, but the church of Aquarius has yet to ratify an official position on witchcraft. Also we are fairly green so the cleansing fire is more symbolic than anything.
Anyway, QUICK. Someone give me a good name for my controlled purge/culling. Bonus points for dramatic sounding names that are secretly punny/funny (haha inside jokes in dark times). This definitely isn't for a novel that I don't want to give you any credit for. -
Bored????😒
The quick way to kill your boredom is to🤔
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Kill yourselves so you won't be punished for killing boredom.😆4 -
Funny login screen bug: the title and the jokes changed, but the image did not.
(This is partly photoshopped, since I couldn't catch all the 3 "hot spots" open together in a single print screen)1 -
Found some funny jokes e.g.:
Chuck Norris writes code that optimizes itself.
Look at : http://codesqueeze.com/the-ultimate... -
Thats how my class mate stole a cap 🎩 from the head Master's office.
And Boom!!!,
His father wore it to P.T.A meeting😭😭1