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Today I was asked to make a quality control checker for work, I gave it the quick name "fuckler", next thing I know I've got a whole greeting banner with the name (pictured)
[Manager comes up behind my workstation and sees it over my shoulder]
M: "What does it do?"
[Before I can say anything all the guys around me celebrate how it automates the whole QC]
The manager's whole face lights up and everyones smiling at me
No one's even asked me to change the name, I'm genuinely excited to go in tomorrow. I fucking love this.29
My conversation with my wife today, while I was at work:
Wife: The wifi isn't working.
Me: What's it doing?
W: Not working
Me: Try turning it off an on again.
Me: Is your phone on LTE? Or is it connected to wifi and the internet isn't working?
W: LTE. Aubrey (my wife's sister) said she turned it off and nothing happened.
Me: did she turn it back on?
W: Do you really want me to answer that?
Me: Just making sure. What lights are on on the router?
W: (Sends me a picture of the router with no lights on)
W: Oh it isn't even plugged in
W (after a couple minutes): Its working now!
YES I REALLY WANT YOU TO ANSWER IF YOU TURNED IT BACK ON!14
As a developer, sometimes you hammer away on some useless solo side project for a few weeks. Maybe a small game, a web interface for your home-built storage server, or an app to turn your living room lights on an off.
I often see these posts and graphs here about motivation, about a desire to conceive perfection. You want to create a self-hosted Spotify clone "but better", or you set out to make the best todo app for iOS ever written.
These rants and memes often highlight how you start with this incredible drive, how your code is perfectly clean when you begin. Then it all oscillates between states of panic and surprise, sweat, tears and euphoria, an end in a disillusioned stare at the tangled mess you created, to gather dust forever in some private repository.
Writing a physics engine from scratch was harder than you expected. You needed a lot of ugly code to get your admin panel working in Safari. Some other shiny idea came along, and you decided to bite, even though you feel a burning guilt about the ever growing pile of unfinished failures.
All I want to say is:
No time was lost.
This is how senior developers are born. You strengthen your brain, the calluses on your mind provide you with perseverance to solve problems. Even if (no, *especially* if) you gave up on your project.
Eventually, giving up is good, it's a sign of wisdom an flexibility to focus on the broader domain again.
One of the things I love about failures is how varied they tend to be, how they force you to start seeing overarching patterns.
You don't notice the things you take back from your failures, they slip back sticking to you, undetected.
You get intuitions for strengths and weaknesses in patterns. Whenever you're matching two sparse ordered indexed lists, there's this corner of your brain lighting up on how to do it efficiently. You realize it's not the ORMs which suck, it's the fundamental object-relational impedance mismatch existing in all languages which causes problems, and you feel your fingers tingling whenever you encounter its effects in the future, ready to dive in ever so slightly deeper.
You notice you can suddenly solve completely abstract data problems using the pathfinding logic from your failed game. You realize you can use vector calculations from your physics engine to compare similarities in psychological behavior. You never understood trigonometry in high school, but while building a a deficient robotic Arduino abomination it suddenly started making sense.
You're building intuitions, continuously. These intuitions are grooves which become deeper each time you encounter fundamental patterns. The more variation in environments and topics you expose yourself to, the more permanent these associations become.
Failure is inconsequential, failure even deserves respect, failure builds intuition about patterns. Every single epiphany about similarity in patterns is an incredible victory.
Please, for the love of code...
Start and fail as many projects as you can.29
Client: Hey, you're the IT guy right?
Me: Hey, how can I help?
Client: Yeah for some reason I've lost power to my computer
Me: *Checks power, all computers are down due to a power cut*
Me: You'll have to contact your power supplier as you've lost power to all computers and lights.
Client: What, but the computers are not working right? - that's you're job not mine
Me: That's not how it works.
Client: Fix this or I'll bill you for the loss of money we've encountered during this and report this to your boss.
Me: How about I bill you for my time and advice and inform by boss that you tried to blame me for a power cut.
Client: You can try.
Me: *walks off and puts time in the ticket, requests purchasing to send an invoice*
2 Days later:
The client does not pay the invoice.
Me: (phone call) Hi, an invoice has been sent to you and we haven't received payment yet.
Client: were not paying that, you broke our power and made our computers break
”our PC stick isn't booting up! Come and fix it! (angry)”
”The PC are meant to boot up whenever power is delivered to them. Are you sure your TVs are powered on?”
”Yes! I just pressed the power button on both TVs and it didn't turn on the PC sticks.”
”So you can confirm the TVs are on? Can you change the input and see what happens?”
”Stop wasting my time and send someone down to fix it now! I told you it isn't working!”
”Ok, we will get someone out to you as soon as possible.”
Then a support guy drives 2 hours to their store.
When he gets there he realizes that the TVs power is connected to a light switch and they has the switch off!!!
He said ”can we turn on some lights so I can see behind the TV?” and then all the fucking TVs came on.
These are times when I fully understand the concept of “firing a customer”.
The customer sent an email saying ”the downtime for your product was unacceptable.” even after it was explained to them that the problem was them turning off the power.
These fucking idiots actually expect us to deliver products to display on TVs without fucking electricity to run them.15
Me: Hello, how can i help you?
User: The system is not working
Me: It's because there is not electricity
User: Oh, thanks
10 seconds later
Me: Hello, how...
User: Hi, it's me again, i checked in the building and there is light in the hallway
Me: It's the emergency lights
User: Oh, thanks6
Watched the Winter Olympics opening ceremony where they have 1200 drones flying in unison to make amazing shapes in the sky with lights. Truly astonishing. It took a large team weeks / months to prepare.
BBC commentator “wow that must have taken someone hours”
Fuck you you dumb fuck ignorant cunt. It’s oxygen thiefs like you that put so much pressure on dev teams to do monumental tasks in ridiculous amounts of time.
If you don’t understand what you’re talking about then don’t talk!10
Call comes down from the CEO and through his "Yes Man" that some investors are coming by to visit and he want to show off the data center and test servers. There are four full racks of storage servers filled with HDDs and each server has 4 to 16 HDDs a piece.
I got told to "make all of the lights blink", which can be epic seeing it in action but my test cycles rarely aligned that way.
All morning I was striping RAID arrays and building short mixed I/O tests to maximize "LED blinking" for the boss's henchman.
Investors apparently live/die by blinking light progress and it was all on me to get everything working.22
Another story from that dev friend of mine:
So a client(small company) of theirs insisted on having their own local servers for their web hosting(no idea why). So my friend's company sets it up(after the website was done).(This was on Tuesday.)
The next weekend they(friend's company) gets an urgent support ticket saying the website is down.
(24/7 support is part of their contract/)
My friend gets tasked with that ticket.
And indeed it's down, ssh access to the server doesn't work either.
He calls up the client's CEO(again, small company, no other contact person) and asks him to restart the server. This guy then drives to their warehouse. As soon as he has restarted them(as instructed) the site works again.
My friend then tries to access the server logs(via sshfs) when his connection to the server drops and the website goes down again.
He calls the client again, asking what he's done, this is their conversation:
F(friend): What did you do?
C(client): Nothing, I just left the building.
C: Yes, sure. I turned off the lights and left.
F(suspecting something, knowing that the client is an older person): How did you turn of the lights?
C: Like always, with the breaker by the door.
F: *Facepalm* You can't do that, the servers need electricity to work.
C: Oh.. *Akward silence* *Hangs up*
*5 min later the website's up again and the ticket is closed*6
Someday my toaster is going to have an IP address. A bad automatic firmware update will most likely cause it to get stuck on the bagel setting until I plug a usb key in and reflash the memory.
Grandma's refrigerator will probably get viruses, lock itself and freeze all the food inside, demanding bitcoin before defrosting.
My blender will probably be used in a massive DDoS attack because Ninja's master MAC address list got leaked and the hidden control panel login is admin/admin.
Ovens will burn houses down when people call in to have them preheat on their way home from work.
Correlations between the number of times the lights are turned on and how many times the toilet is flushed will yield recommendations to run the dishwasher on Thursdays because it's simply more energy efficient.
My dog will tweet when he's hungry and my smart watch will recommend diet dog food in real-time because he's really been eating too much lately--"Do you want to setup a recurring order on Amazon fresh?"
Sometimes living in a cave sounds nice...12
This actually happened today
Colleague: Hey man I think there's a problem with my computer.
Me: Alright, I'll check it out.
(I go to his desk and find that his screen was turned off)
Colleague: It just suddenly turned off.
Me: (presses a random key on his keyboard)
(Screen lights up)5
Instead of splitting up engineers by team, they should start by splitting up those who prefer the lights on, and those who want them off.
Then we can all be happy.7
>Be me arriving at work early for my daily morning relaxation as I surf reddit etc in an hour of euphoria without having to deal with employees
>Get a phone call JUST 5 MINUTES AFTER
> User was complaining that we ran an update which totally wrecked his machine as it didn't want to turn on..
>Ask him to check if the switch on
>Says that he can't see in the dark
>Ask him to turn on the lights
>He says he cannot because the whole power to the building is currently out in a blackout
THIS CALL TOOK 30 MINUTES OF MY BELOVED RELAXATION JUST TO END UP IN HIM NOT BEING ABLE TO COMPREHEND THAT A COMPUTER CANNOT RUN WITHOUT POWER
>rant over UGHHHH10
"Can you make it pop more..."
A moment of silence please, for the same fucking, irritating word that every goddamn Joe, Jim and Jenny uses for describing how a site should look. What the hell is pop supposed to mean, you want an epilepsy warning I'll put some popping lights and nausea inducing Nyan cats across your screen. You want it to pop more, sure no problem...
There's a window over there, go fucking throw your PC out of it.11
Linux based operating systems suck
The way we talk about our tools makes we wonder why we do programming in the first place.27
Our coffee machine at work is broken. We're a fucking high tech company delivering unique solutions with millions of requests every second of the day to over 60 countries, how can we not have a working fucking COFFEE MACHINE in the kitchen? How are we suppose to keep the lights on if we can't get our daily coffee god damnit?! It's been broken for over a week.
Sure, I'll just walk to the floor upstairs to get coffee LIKE THEY DID IN THE EIGHTEEN HUNDREDS. Maybe I should just come in to work on a horse with armor stabbing some funny looking fucker because it seems like we're living in the GOD DAMN EIGHTEEN HUNDREDS and that was a totally legit action back then. Get your shit together, call the company providing the coffee machine service and just have them fix it. How hard can it be??15
Bought a Raspberry pi with intentions of making a kickass hacking module. Ended up blinking the LED lights from GPIO pins. How's your life?11
--- GitHub 24-hour outage post mortem ---
As many of you will remember; Github fell over earlier this month and cracked its head on the counter top on the way down. For more or less a full 24 hours the repo-wrangling behemoth had inconsistent data being presented to users, slow response times and failing requests during common user actions such as reporting issues and questioning your career choice in code reviews.
It's been revealed in a post-mortem of the incident (link at the end of the article) that DB replication was the root cause of the chaos after a failing 100G network link was being replaced during routine maintenance. I don't pretend to be a rockstar-ninja-wizard DBA but after speaking with colleagues who went a shade whiter when the term "replication" was used - It's hard to predict where a design decision will bite back and leave you untanging the web of lies and misinformation reported by the databases for weeks if not months after everything's gone a tad sideways.
When the link was yanked out of the east coast DC undergoing maintenance - Github's "Orchestrator" software did exactly what it was meant to do; It hit the "ohshi" button and failed over to another DC that wasn't reporting any issues. The hitch in the master plan was that when connectivity came back up at the east coast DC, Orchestrator was unable to (un)fail-over back to the east coast DC due to each cluster containing data the other didn't have.
At this point it's reasonable to assume that pants were turning funny colours - Monitoring systems across the board started squealing, firing off messages to engineers demanding they rouse from the land of nod and snap back to reality, that was a bit more "on-fire" than usual. A quick call to Orchestrator's API returned a result set that only contained database servers from the west coast - none of the east coast servers had responded.
Come 11pm UTC (about 10 minutes after the initial pant re-colouring) engineers realised they were well and truly backed into a corner, the site was flipped into "Yellow" status and internal mechanisms for deployments were locked out. 5 minutes later an Incident Co-ordinator was dragged from their lair by the status change and almost immediately flipped the site into "Red" status, a move i can only hope was accompanied by all the lights going red and klaxons sounding.
Even more engineers were roused from their slumber to help with the recovery effort, By this point hair was turning grey in real time - The fail-over DB cluster had been processing user data for nearly 40 minutes, every second that passed made the inevitable untangling process exponentially more difficult. Not long after this Github made the call to pause webhooks and Github Pages builds in an attempt to prevent further data loss, causing disruption to those of us using Github as a way of kicking off our deployment processes (myself included, I had to SSH in and run a git pull myself like some kind of savage).
Glossing over several more "And then things were still broken" sections of the post mortem; Clever engineers with their heads screwed on the right way successfully executed what i can only imagine was a large, complex and risky plan to untangle the mess and restore functionality. Github was picked up off the kitchen floor and promptly placed in a comfy chair with a sweet tea to recover. The enormous backlog of webhooks and Pages builds was caught up with and everything was more or less back to normal.
It goes to show that even the best laid plan rarely survives first contact with the enemy, In this case a failing 100G network link somewhere inside an east coast data center.
Link to the post mortem: https://blog.github.com/2018-10-30-...10
So this morning my girlfriend just woke up and pressed the hue "lights off" button over and over again and yelled: "The fuckin light switch does not work". Then she realized, that the light comes from the sun.1
I hear if you say Linux three times by yourself in a bathroom mirror with the lights out. Richard Stallman appears to correct you.2
A guy is sitting at a bar when the guy next to him lights up a cigarette. Horrified, the guy turns to him and says "hey! Don't you know the surgeon general warns that cigarettes can cause cancer!?" The guy next to him replies "I'm a software developer, I don't care about warnings. Only errors"2
I hope you will forgive me for a third hand story, but I'm one of those evil developers, not a support per se. But I thought you'd enjoy this story anyway. So this happened to a colleague of a colleague:
$Hero - our hero. $Cop - A representative of our hard worked law enforcement agency.
So $Hero is happily speeding along in his car, running a few yellow lights a bit late, etc. Finally, the law catches up to him and pulls him over. Here's how the conversation went:
$Cop: Can I see your driving license, please?
$Hero (with smug grin): Certainly. Here it is, officer.
$Cop takes license back to motorcycle and speaks into radio.
$Hero: It's not going to help you any, though.
$Cop (with no reaction): What do you mean?
$Hero (with wider grin): The server you have to check it against is down.
$Cop (still no reaction): And why do you say that?
$Hero: Because I'm the guy they called to get on site and get it up again.
Our hero did not get a fine this time. Instead he got a police escort to his workplace.
Source: reddit r/talesfromtechsupport3
I really, honestly, am getting annoyed when someone tells me that "Linux is user-friendly". Some people seem to think that because they themselves can install Linux, that anyone can, and because I still use Windows I'm some sort of a noob.
So let me tell you why I don't use Linux: because it never actually "just works". I have tried, at the very least two dozen times, to install one distro or another on a machine that I owned. Never, not even once, not even *close*, has it installed and worked without failing on some part of my hardware.
My last experience was with Ubuntu 17.04, supposed to have great hardware and software support. I have a popular Dell Alienware machine with extremely common hardware (please don't hate me, I had a great deal through work with an interest-free loan to buy it!), and I thought for just one moment that maybe Ubuntu had reached the point where it just, y'know, fucking worked when installing it... but no. Not a chance.
It started with my monitors. My secondary monitor that worked fine on Windows and never once failed to display anything, simply didn't work. It wasn't detected, it didn't turn on, it just failed. After hours of toiling with bash commands and fucking around in x conf files, I finally figured out that for some reason, it didn't like my two IDENTICAL monitors on IDENTICAL cables on the SAME video card. I fixed it by using a DVI to HDMI adapter....
Then was my sound card. It appeared to be detected and working, but it was playing at like 0.01% volume. The system volume was fine, the speaker volume was fine, everything appeared great except I literally had no fucking sound. I tried everything from using the front output to checking if it was going to my display through HDMI to "switching the audio sublayer from alsa to whatever the hell other thing exists" but nothing worked. I gave up.
My mouse? Hell. It's a Corsair Gaming mouse, nothing fancy, it only has a couple extra buttons - none of those worked, not even the goddamn scrollwheel. I didn't expect the *lights* to work, but the "back" and "Forward" buttons? COME ON. After an hour, I just gave up.
My media keyboard that's like 15 years old and is of IBM brand obviously wasn't recognized. Didn't even bother with that one.
Of my 3 different network adapters (2 connectors, one wifi), only one physical card was detected. Bluetooth didn't work. At this point I was so tired of finding things that didn't work that I tried something else.
My work VPN... holy shit have you ever tried configuring a corporate VPN on Linux? Goddamn. On windows it's "next next next finish then enter your username/password" and on Linux it's "get this specific format TLS certificate from your IT with a private key and put it in this network conf and then run this whatever command to...." yeah no.
And don't get me started on even attempting to play GAMES on this fucking OS. I mean, even installing the graphic drivers? Never in my life have I had to *exit the GUI layer of an OS* to install a graphic driver. That would be like dropping down to MS-DOS on Windows to install Nvidia drivers. Holy shit what the fuck guys. And don't get me started on WINE, I ain't touching this "not an emulator emulator" with a 10-foot pole.
And then, you start reading online for all these problems and it's a mix of "here are 9038245 steps to fix your problem in the terminal" and "fucking noob go back to Windows if you can't deal with it" posts.
It's SO FUCKING FRUSTRATING, I spent a whole day trying to get a BASIC system up and running, where it takes a half-hour AT MOST with any version of Windows. I'm just... done.
I will give Ubuntu one redeeming quality, however. On the Live USB, you can use the `dd` command to mirror a whole drive in a few minutes. And when you're doing fucking around with this piece of shit OS that refuses to do simple things like "playing audio", `dd` will restore Windows right back to where it was as if Ubuntu never existed in the first place.
Thanks, `dd`. I wish you were on Windows. Your OS is the LEAST user friendly thing I've ever had to deal with.27
The man who runs my IT department. The man who is in charge of all things and people that are technical: IT management software development, infrastructure, training, help desk, system administration, etc. A man with a staff of fifty plus. If you were to peel back the flesh on this man's head and crack open his skull you would find dung beetles feasting on the feces that power his thoughts and motor functions. Underneath this foul membrane, if you could push past the maggots; the meal worms; his undying love for hourly binges of Johnny Walker Black on any day of the week with a name that contains a vowel; his fascination with shiny objects and his endless internal monologue wondering when they would hatch rainbow ponies that fly; his desire whenever he enters a paint store to open all the cans of paint and taste the different colors; if you could push past all of the vile crap that exists where Thomas Aquinas once theorized there was a soul, you would find a colony of paramecia at the end of their short lives laughing hysterically at how much smarter they were than the host they lived in.
This man was in charge of hiring the Manager of Software Development. The manager I report to. After seven months of ignoring this chore; after interviewing the sum total of four candidates; after making a point to tell myself and a colleague that there was no one qualified to fill this position within our company (an opinion that is both untrue and, when spoken, runs afoul of internal hiring policies) this man hired a soulless cretin with no experience in software development or with running a software development group. A man who regularly confuses web servers and SQL servers. A man who asked me how my previous manager reviewed my work, was told by me that said previous manager read my code, and then replied in his capacity as the manager of software development that "looking at code is a compete waste of time for a manager." A man so without any humanity or reason for being that he will sit silently, creepily, in conference rooms with the lights off waiting for meetings to begin. Meetings he has scheduled. That have no reason for being in the first place. Just like himself.
Shortly before the man in charge offered the Dev Manager job to the simulacrum of human flesh that is my manager, he met with me and others who had been involved in the interview process. When I informed him that hiring someone with no technical knowledge for a very technical position would be a mistake that he would suffer through for years, he replied in reference to his future hire that "his managerial experience makes up for his lack of technical knowledge."
Best. Prank. Ever. Worst prank ever too. Fuck.6
The dickhead of this rant is me, and I’m writing on behalf of my coworker.
Stop singing the fucking same song from ABBA again and again, you little nervous cocksucker!
Side-note: in my defence, Super Trooper is really a catchy song :)
Side-note 2 : trooper-per, trooper-per10
There are people in my workplace who ask "why did you set your IDE to dark theme?". How do I convince them that turning off the lights above my cubicle, lowering the screen brightness and having a dark theme is the best thing ever to concentrate?
Not to mention earbuds and a hoodie.
How do I convince them that once you turn to the Dark Side, there's no coming back?10
So my girlfriend was complaining about the lights late night. As a regular dev I code until about 2am in the morning.
So here I present the ultimate dark theme. Darkroom red. No additional light source required, just your monitor(s).16
Our division lead's second in command offered to help me white board and get promoted.
This dude is one of my major role models. He would become my boss instead of the sexist, backwards tyrant of a bastard that I currently report to.
I asked him a question and wound up being told to join their study group and to let him know what I need help with in terms of resume, etc.
There are a few lights at the end of this hell hole of a tunnel. I have a few other options, too.10
A while ago the company I'm working for had this independent designer on contract so I was assigned to set up his workstation. Brand new pc dual monitor Photoshop license gaming keyboard and mouse cause "the lights kept him focused". We're talking about a 2000€+ machine and tools. I don't know exactly what that wanted him to do as I didn't ask. Who cares. The best part is below.
So I set up his things and all and make him a shortcut to the file server on his desktop. I then proceed to explain to him that this server has the files of every dpt in the company and told him where he could find his.
His only response was when he asked "how about my internet access?"
Me: everything except some "very certain sites"
He: Eeeehh well I kinda need those. Just give me access, I won't tell anyone.
Me: Sorry sir, I cannot do that company policy.
He: I'm telling you I need the access, I'm not kidding.
Me: Ok sir, if you really need it, open a ticket to the admin and if you explain your reasons I'm sure you will come to an agreement.
He: That's bullshit kid, if you won't do it I'm gonna report you for denial of service and do it myself.
Me just nodding and walking away: You do that sir.
So ofc I went and informed the admin that this guy might pull something.
Soon enough, a few weeks later the admin calls me over to his desk and points at the screen trying not to burst in laughter.
The guy (designer) brought an HDD and filled his folder on the server with porn. We're talking about 200gb or something.
When confronted he said something about severe anxiety and that porn was his way of calming down. Some guys told me my name came up in the VPs office but after the "evidence" nothing really happened except his contract getting terminated.
I think we learned something that day. Don't jerk off in the office guys :)10
about one and a half years ago I wrote my first application ^-^
it generates a little christmas tree with lights on the CLI.
and I still feel the same joy as back then when something actually works out :)9
Conversations I've genuinely had at work:
Me: "Do you want some advice understanding that function?"
Dev: "Yeah, please!"
Me: "Get a plastic bag and some super glue..."
Dev: "I think I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel!"
Me: "It's just the train of mental bitchslaps coming in the other direction."
... Some time later
Dev:"You were right... "
Dev: "If the system is so unstable, how does it keep working?"
Me: "Do you see any goats in the office?"
Dev: "Uhm no... Why would there be goats?"
Me: "There aren't, now, we ran out."
Dev: "The hell are you talking about?"
Me: "We just sacrifice our own blood to Cthulhu these days, it's cleaner and we didn't have to pay to have all the goats blood and waste matter to be cleaned up. That and it was needlessly cruel to the poor goats and that is why there is no goats and despite conventional logic the app continues to work."
Dev: "So what language is the web app written in?"
Me: "You need to understand I inherited this project, I had nothing to do with it's spawning..."
Dev: "OK, that sounds ominous... How bad is it?"
Dev: "So what's it like working on this project? What should I expect?"
Me: "You'll call your grandmother during your lunch break just to know there's a world beyond this project. You'll go home, nose bleeding and you are gonna sit in the shower and rock back and forth, holding yourself and feeling like you're suffering imposter syndrome. You'll question why you joined this team and it'll get inside your head til it's all you think about..."
Dev: "Damn man, why are you still on it?"
Me: "Stockholm syndrome, it's too late for me..."
PM: "You're such a dark person, we're not gonna find you hanging from the lights one day are we?"
Me: "Impossible, we use those industrial fluorescent strip lights, there's no cord to hang from."
PM: "That really wasn't the comforting answer I was looking for."
Head of department: "So I need to apologize, you were never meant to be left on your to manage the product on your own, it's something someone way more senior should have been doing and we reassigned him. It wasn't professional of us, it wasn't fair of us, we're sorry. Truth be told,we're impressed you've not gone mad."
Me: "I think I have. Wibble."
A card goes round work for a sick member of staff I've never met.
Me: "How would you describe her condition?"
Dev: "She said that she 'survived' the surgery."
Me: "Yeah, I'm not great at being appropriate but even I think writing 'glad to hear that you are not dead' in a get well soon card isn't the done thing."5
I've been a lurker for a long time. However, I decided to make an account to let you guys know I use Arch. Thank you for your time.10
My first dev job was a paid internship at Oak Ridge National Laboratory. But I wasn't in the computing division with the supercomputer and the 30-foot 18-screen wall display. In a way, I was doing something more exciting. I was in the Hollifield Radioactive Ion Beam Facility.
That meant that I was working next to a radioactive ray gun that they fired at different targets to try and make new kinds of particles. To refine the beam components, there was a tower with the world's highest voltage Van de Graf generator at 25,000 kilovolts. I got training on how to put on a radiation suit, and was told that if I got locked in the wrong room and red lights began to flash, I had about five seconds to run to the far wall and push the E-stop, before I got irradiated and died slowly over the next five weeks.
But, I was reassured, that never happened. Radiation leaks are rare too (that's why we wore dosimeters). More likely, there would be a leak in the generator tower. To explain why that's bad, that tower wasn't filled with normal air. 25,000 kilovolts would punch through that like nothing, arc against the walls, and we'd lose the electric charge. No, instead, the tower was filled to a few atmospheres of pressure with sulfur hexafluoride gas. You know how helium makes your voice go up? This stuff makes your voice go down. It's heavier than air, and it kills you by displacing and starving your lungs of oxygen.
So, while I was happily coding away on PHP, CSS and the Bash shell, making a log book for all the ion gun settings and targets the scientists used in their experiments, I was keeping an ear out for the oxygen alarm. I had a blast!3
My penis reduction surgery went really well! I finally can wear regular, human-sized pants.
I also got a USB 4.1 Bionic (for biological, not silicon creatures. see pic related) and they also upgraded my penis with a RGB lights, because everything in 2018 comes with a RGB lights.
They reduced my penis by approximately two pounds — almost the weight of my 12 inch MacBook! And it still a huge fucking pendulum 🍆
Jokes aside, it went really well. General anesthesia is when your body becomes heavy af, you can’t focus your eyes, it becomes harder to breathe and then... you’re waking up, it’s dark outside and it’s over.
Thank you unknown sedative thingy, I really enjoyed seeing about 25 different dreams in just one hour when I slept after the surgery:)31
Since I was little I was fascinated by club light shows I saw on TV shows. I just couldn't find out how they made light react to sound, which were two completely unrelated things to me back then. But I wasn't dumb and somehow figured out that if I hooked some low energy fairy lights to my amp and turned the bass up, they would lightup to the beat.
3 fried fairy lights and angry parents for to loud music later I swore to myself that I would someday build something that could light up my whole room and react to the music I was playing.
I started coding about the age 13 (turned 20 a month ago) with some old school bat scripts. But I wanted something that would generate a .exe so I googled and ended up installing Visual Studio Express (again angry parents for installing without asking) and started copying my first VB.Net program together. From there no one could stop me. I wanted to archive something with an application and googled until I found what I needed and learned to code this way.
I learned writing decent vb.net code and itvwas about this time I came into contact with IRC. I lurked arround there and this is were I came into contact with Linix servers, because I wanted to code IRC (eggdrop) bots, so I learned TCL and got used to Linux. Time passed and I ended uo being a Global OP on some network back then.
I did go further, coded Minecraft Mods, thus Java, changed back to C#, learned PHP and started setting things up on my VPS, Mails server, web server, etc.
Nowadays I work as a Systemadmin / Developer Hybrid, earning my first real money doing what I love to do and guess what? In the meantime I proved myself I can accomplish what I wanted as kid. I bought some Club LED DMX capital lights and programmed a controller for them which can control them in C#, but in a way I can run it on my raspi using mono. I also coded a client which runs on windows which uses some native libraries to calculate the dominant color of the shown picture in realtime (Handels 24fps 1080p) and uses the lights as ambient light, like you see them behind TVs sometimes.
The same app uses Bass.NET and an algorithm to dedect a beat in realtime and switches the light colors. Exactly what I wanted as akid, but better.
I can even control the lights via the new Google Assistant and/or Tasker.
Feels fcking good.
Some of my work lies on github among other, mostly trash: https://github.com/Kimmax - didn't updated there in a while tho.
I plan on writing a new free opensource plugin based modular home automatication server and pretty sure could use some helping hands..
I don't know why I wrote all this, just felt like it.
Also: first Rant
Please don't kill me for errors in the text, I'm to lazy to read through it again right now :P9
Bloody idiot online retailer sent me a used SSD.
I found out with a SMART scan; I was so pissed I wanted to drive over to the store and punch the owner's lights out!9
Well, some time in the future, i will have to sit a computer science exam with C#. It can't be that bad, right?
To start off, Visual Studio 2013. Why the fuck someone would use this pile of garbage in 2018. I have no fucking clue why any semi-competent IT department would decide to skip TWO fucking releases of the software and decide, that it's okay to just roll with it. It's okay to not have any updates. It's okay to just no care at all.
I literally brought in my laptop with a VM installed since Visual Studio 2017 is really superior to the crap from 5 years ago just to do my coursework most lessons.
Second issue, you know thoes desks where the monitor is literally under the desk and you get a small little window to see the monitor? Yeah, well I will have to take my proper exam in one of these all over the fucking room. Pic related.
Today we had a mini mock - - it went something like this:
- There was glare from the glsss on the desk because of the lights in the room and literally the monitor itself.
- The glass was beyond fucking pig filthy.
- There was neck pain from my back because i was constantly looking down and bending over the see the screen.
- There was eye strain because the document given to us was a tiny piece of paper with tiny writing and the monitor was far away and the paper was close i couldn't focus my eyes.
- Literally every desk was as bad as the next.
- I did fuck all work because i just couldn't focus because of the things above.
You can tell how great that felt.
If i was in a room with a man (or if it was a woman, let's just pretend she has balls), who was the creator of the room i just described, Hitler, my College's IT staff and other really bad people while having infinite ammo, i would continuously shoot the creator in the balls while not giving a shit about anything else.
Until heat death.
Thanks for reading.26
Office prank time! It was some years ago when the horror movie "The Grudge" came out, with that creepy Japanese dead girl who made that horrible "aaahhhhhh" sound. A coworker, who was just as shocked by the movie as I was, would occasionally send me emails with sceenshots from that movie.
One day, I upped it. I knew he was the first in the office in the morning, so I arrived even before him. It was still dark. I put a walkie-talkie under his desk, set it to "no beep", switched off the lights again and hid two rooms away.
Sure enough, he arrived. I waited for about 10 minutes to be sure he was sitting at his desk. Then I used my walkie-talkie and "aahhhhh".
WOAH, his scream was loud even two rooms away!3
How to tell a programmer from a fraud:
1. Wait for some idiot to crank up the brightness of the dimmable ceiling lights at the office to the max with the motivation "the difference in brightness between the screen and surroundings is damaging your eyes"
2. You found him/her6
All I wanted was for you to live in harmony with my Arch install on my laptop. I appreciate both of you guys for different reasons. You guys did okay for for 2 weeks. Then, when I was using you, you blue screened quickly and rebooted.
On reboot, the BIOS couldn't boot. I reboot again, but instead of my normal GRUB menu, it just goes straight to you. I call for Arch, but only you responded.
I understand you are a bit possessive, but you really need to learn to play with others.
You are in time out until your brother is fixed. Now nobody is happy.12
Very long story ahead!
Yesterday in the evening a friend of mine (calling him F from now on) became the target of something new to me...
Apparently one can fake his phone number through some fishy ways and call people with that number. Someone (we think we might know who it was, the why is at the end) did this yesterday to F.
Here's the whole story:
We were just talking together on a TeamSpeak Server (a program to talk to others on the internet) when suddenly another friend said: "F, why did you just call me three times in a row?" That was the first thing that was a bit suspicious. After that, F got calls from random numbers (even Afghanistan, we are German), and they said something like "Have fun with the police coming to your house". Then there was silence. 10 minutes later his phone rang and there were a ton of pizza delivery services in his town that apparently got pizza orders from him. Then there was silence, again. Suddenly someone with a hidden number called him, a woman's voice said they were the police and if F doesn't stop calling the police there will be consequences. F then told her what was going on but I think she didn't really care. She then wanted to know where F lives, but I told him not to say that, because if it is the police they can find it out by themself and if it's not, they don't need to know that.
Now, a short break: There is some fake information going around about where F lives. I can't remember when we found out but the attacker thought he would actually live there. No idea what happened at that location...
Now back to the story:
Time went by, nothing really happened. Suddenly F shouted: "There are blue lights outside! The police is here!" He muted his microphone and (the following is what he told us what happened) went down to the door (remember, he is 16) and there were two police men. They were asking about why he called the police. F explained what we knew until then, about number spoofing and stuff... They sent a more technical person to him, he understood what F was trying to explain. The police men drove away and he came back to tell us what happened. (Now we get back to what I heared myself.) The mom came in, screamed something that I couldn't understand, and F went offline. We searched who the attacker could have been. And we are pretty sure we found him. That guy connected to our Minecraft server (that's where I know F from) with his real IP, and his main account, which made it easy to search. He also got a static IP which means it doesn't change. We also got some information that in the recent days this guy was talking about VoIP spoofing and such stuff. Another friend of mine, a bit older, found some proofs and I think he will go to the police.
That's it. Thanks for reading.8
This memory came up as I was commenting on another rant, and thought it was worthy of a better retelling.
So about a year or two ago, I had just gotten a Software Defined Radio, and was tinkering with it and looking around for cool stuff I could do with it. After stalking planes for a while (caught a 747 over my area 😎) I saw this program that decoded satellite images of earth, coming from the NOAA satellites. I thought this was amazing.
So I waited until one was over my area and let the software do its magic. The image was not great, since I had this set up on the first floor and there was a lot of material between me and the satellite.
So I came to the brilliant conclusion that I'd leave the program on automatic more (it will start sampling when the satellite is near) on my terrace, which should yield better results, right?
Perhaps. Who knows. Anyways, couple hours pass and we are running late to a family dinner. So we book it. Family dinner was great, good food and all, and was having fun, so never thought about my poor laptop, sitting alone in the night.
But then, when I was walking home in the rain... It hit me. I started running. I couldn't believe what I had done. Fast forward five minutes, and I'm out of breath, but home. I run upstairs, and see the laptop just sitting there, lid open, no lights on, and of course soaked right through.
I couldn't believe it. My only piece of tech at the time, and my only avenue for programming, gone. And I was 15, so I wasn't getting another one any time soon. Took it inside and drained the water out of it, and just left it there lying on its side.
Next day it worked just fine 🤣 the battery on my laptop only lasted max one hour, so by sheer luck it had lost power before the rain came. That is the one time I have to thank that battery for being such utter trash.7
Procrastinating while waiting for my robot parts to arrive
(The lights make a nice pattern, but I can't upload videos here :()8
Had to go outside to check my balance, but it's thundering right now.. I know that there's street lights everywhere that are a far better conductor than I am. But 1MV at 100kA is most certainly a force to be reckoned with. I made it one way, let's see if I can make it back as a living human. But I feel like I'm teasing nature...
I'm scared.. 😰8
Me: *screwing around in inspect element*
Friend: Woah dude what hacking app is that, can you like turn off the lights
Me: *walks off into the distance*6
Life is mostly about waiting.
Waiting for code to compile.
Waiting for payment confirmation.
Waiting for food.
Waiting for gas to fill up tank.
Waiting for lights to go green.
Waiting for beer.
Waiting for waiter.
Waiting for call.
Waiting for school to finish or start.
Waiting for exam.
Waiting for job.
Waiting for application to start.
Waiting inside prison.
Waiting inside workplace.
Waiting for summer or winter.
Waiting for movie to start.
Waiting for girl to dress up.
Waiting for birthday.
Waiting for birth.
Waiting for death.
Fucking timers everywhere.
Someone got big sense of humor when developing this world.8
Old story, and yeah, it's all true, I shit you not!
So here I am at about age 11 (more or less). At the time, I had an almost brand new 333MHz beast, with 8 MB RAM, 2 (!!!) MB video card and (I think) about 300 MB of storage (yeah, I'm old :)) ).
Connected to this monster was sitting a 14" CRT monitor, mechanical keyboard and a 2 button, ball "powered" mouse.
There was no optical tracking tech at the time.
One evening, I notice my mouse starts lagging. Test it to see if Win95 is stuck. Nope, just mouse problems...
Fiddle with it a little, and at some point it stops working at all.
My room was dark now, so I got up to turn on the lights, sat down in front of the PC, and moved the mouse by instinct.
Surprise! It's working again!
My brother comes in and turnes off the lights. Mouse non responsive.
I tell him to turn them on again, mouse works again.
At this point, we were both scratching our heads at this mystery...
I decided to confirm it again using a desc light.
Conclusion: my 2 button, ball tracking, non light sensitive mouse was working only if light was shining directly oh it AND on my 14" crt monitor at the same time!!!
To this day I have no ideea why.
I kept them both for posterity, and they are still there in my parent's attic.
I've got an Arduino now and I was building lights the last weeks to understand the coding. But when it comes to use full stuff I could do my mind is empty. Do you have any suggestions for me?
I know there have to be FUCKs in a good rant. So I will miss use the tags...14
So you think it's bad when your friends, family, strangers and others ask you to fix their phone or computer is bad when they hear you're a programmer, IT or good with computers?
You think it's bad when they ask you whether you're hacking when they see code or terminal on your screen?
You think it's bad when they ask you to fix a cracked phone screen because you work with computers?
Well, think again because today my teammate was asked to fix a vending machine by X from another department because, according to X the vending was not accepting X's other dollar bill. The first dollar bill was accepted so why wouldn't it accept the 2nd one? Because the 🤬 dollar bill is crumpled. That's it.
What wows me is what made X think this is an IT issue.
According to X.... "because it has power, lights and touch screen so IT can fix it That's what you guys do, right? You can fix anything".
Me: wait!?, what?, uhhh..., are you serious? Wtf? Why? Grrrr4
Sometimes I give someone a ++ on here just to bother them with a notification on their phone. It gives me a sense of power.6
Person: So what do you do for a living..
Me: (here we go)... I am an information security analyst working in an incident response team for x company. I do log collection and manage a large scale correlation engine.
Person: Oh, so are you super smart or something? (Blinks her eyes and continues with blank stare)
Me: Uh... Smart enough I guess.
Person: Can you hack things like a hacker.
Me: That really isn't my job...
Person: What's your job again?
Me: Computer guy
(She lights up)
Person: Why didn't you just say that? I can understand that.
Yeah... I seem to have painful conversations like this often.10
Continued from pervious Rant.
The Drone sends out a signal to the Headquarters. A "Rare Entity Found" alert shows up on the screen. "Quick, load the map", says the General. Map shows the current location of the Drone. "Dispatch the Team", signals the General while his forehead show signs of tension.
Further down the room, a man quickly types on his phone and hides it.
Far from all this, in a quite city where the street lights have faded away. Old buildings which look like they are about to fall and crumble. The sound of wind can be heard for miles as there is silence all around. A light from one of building's room is turned on and quickly turned off. A man, checks his phone in sleep. Awakens and pours a glass of water to drink. Quenching his thirst, he opens his laptop. Laptop's light is the only light illuminating his room. He again gives a second look at his phone. The message is still there.
"It has been found"4
So I am really light sensitive.
I woke up and went downstairs to go eat some food. But somebody left some lights on.
So.. I walk into this room, not realizing how bright it was. Then within a few seconds, I was uncontrollably crying and on the floor because of the pain. Then I managed to crawl over to my desk, grab my phone, and crawl into a dark room (with my eyes closed). Then I just sat there staring at the wall. Eventually I turned my flashlight on and covered it with my hand, then increased the brightness until my eyes adjusted.
It sucks. This happens almost every morning. And also when I step outside.
Any suggestions to help make the effects worse?18
I’m pretty terrible at soldiering and small electronics in general, but I’m kind of okay with how this turned out.
That helmet is my sister-in-law’s, she drives a polaris slingshot. (It’s technically a motorcycle here in the US because it has three wheels.) and she hooked up some EL wire to her helmet and the larger black rectangle in the picture is what the battery pack looked like before. (It takes two AA batteries.) and doesn’t have anyway to recharge them natively.
I did some research and found a neat little charging board (TP4056) and got her a small single cell li-ion battery for it. Now it’s not only less than half the length of the original, but it has a rechargeable battery and a charging circuit built in. The battery is 500mAh and lasts about 65-70mins on a charge. Personally, I feel like that’s not a good enough battery life on a charge, but my sis-in-law says that her and her slingshot friends usually only run with the EL lights on for 30 minute stretches at time so they should be able to get two to three uses before needing a recharge. Which btw, only takes about 35-40 minutes from completely dead.
The box looks like shit cause I literally hacked away at the original casing with a pocket knife and then crammed all the pieces back in and hot-glued the casing together. But I took measurements of the final-ish design and will try to find a small electronics box that will be able to house everything internally. (L: 1-3/4” W: 1-1/4” H: 1-1/4”)7
I already ranted about the elevator at home being stoooopid for opening doors on way up when you wanna go down..
But our work elevator is awesome!
I figured today that I can play with the authorisation light with the chip for the home elevator.. so from orange to green (work card) to red (home chip) to green to red... OMG!!! Awesome!!
Also the look of horror on coworker's face was priceless (work elevators have a tendency to malfunction as it is, without me playing with them)!!! xD xD xD16
Just received a support request that the lift is broken and requesting I fix it... Their reasoning? It has buttons and lights up (I'm dev/IT at small company)4
Ive got three rooms I might work in, currently my desktop is in my VR dev room where the lights are broken.14
Coding has changed the way I think. Everywhere I go, I think of algorithms and efficiency.
When I'm in elevator, I think about what algorithm is running in the background.
When I'm at red light, I think about the algorithm that traffic lights are running.
I notice bugs in websites and apps and try to figure out what the dev might have done.
I find problems in UI design and get annoyed.
I spend more time coding a solution to a problem rather than directly solving the problem. I get a kick out of it.
When I see something uses more resources than necessary, it seriously pisses me off.
Coding has taught me to think and has positively changed the way I live.2
Well here's my new setup.
My desk wasn't big enough width wise, so instead of buying another one, I just cut some wood to be longer. Gotta improvise 🤷🏻♂️🤷🏻♂️
Just got the monitor today. Next item is a mechanical keyboard.
I'll post one with the lights off so the RGB LEDs are a bit more visible.13
Overhauled my desk today, and here's the new setup! Also, the star lights turn on and off with my laptop.18
Been wearing sunglasses to the office for a few months now because I'm sick of bright screens, light themes of co-workers, the daylight outside that shines through the windows (I moved to another desk further away from the windows), the ceiling lights that are always on (even when there's daylight from outside, thanks boss) and people expecting me to have my eyes open in meetings when there's nothing to look at so now I can just close them and switch to "standby" while I'm still listening.
I am a devampire.8
My mum - "Something to do with traffic lights"
Because I told her I was designing an Ethernet traffic generator device.1
What is it with these companies and mandatory updates?
Microsoft with windows 10. Sorry your doing work? Nah, we've decided your going to update now! Sorry, we based our default update time on people not working late at night.
Philips hue. Wanna turn on your lights? Sorry, mandatory firmware update. You'd better install that before being able to see.
YouTube app on ps4. No sorry, can't open this, mandatory 80mb update.
FUCK SAKE PEOPLE.8
>Throw my phone on the bed in preparation for going to sleep
>Turn the lights off and quickly pull the blanket off the bed to straighten it
>Hear this un-earthly sound of my phone crashing to the floor and sliding across the floorboards
Th moment you tell alexa the third time to turn out the lights and then realizes its 5am and the light is the rising sun :P3
I spent $2500 on a paperweight.
AMD Threadripper 1950x
ASRock X399 Fatal1ty Professional Gaming Motherboard
Corsair 32GB DDR4 2666 MhZ RAM
Can't even power up beyond chassis lights
Beyond frustrated, exhausted38
When I got my Raspberry Pi a couple of years ago, I had all these grandiose ideas of what I wanted to do with it. So far, all I've done is get it to flash my lights when my dryer's done.6
This moment when you are laying in your bed trying to turn off the lights and the uncloseable firmware update window forces you to update your lights before be able to turn them off.5
hmm i think is when my game start to blink like a party lights and just for fun i added sound it was cool but then i found The bug and solve it but it was fun
I wrote an application to demo at a convention coming up. Which feeds tcp data from arduino devices to real time d3 maps via websockets.
Demoing today, and the owner starts talking about a project he saw that which lit up some lights to a device in the room via the internet. In this same meeting he casually mentions he wish he had developers who could do that type of stuff.
The disconnect is massive and soul breaking.1
The bathroom in the building where I sometimes VPN from installed motion activated lights. The sensor does not “see” inside the stalls. Unless someone else enters the room you have about five minutes to perform all acts or the lights will turn off.
Then you are left with options:
1) finish all paperwork in the dark
2) finish all paperwork with your phone’s flashlight.
3) Open the stall door and wave to enable the light.8
People have been making fun of me for not having WhatsApp. They say that I am 'behind in technology', 'old fashioned' and that I don't know anything about computers and modern technology because I don't use WhatsApp.
They even kinda make fun of my family. One other family who made fun of us owns both Google Home and Amazon Echo.
What the heck is even going on anymore?
Anyway I am gonna put lights on a fez and wear it to school on monday.
*starts install of creators update for windows*
*Butthole tightens in anticipation of everything breaking*
*Everything seems to be fine*
*Console lights up like Christmas tree*
GOD DAMN IT.3
*starts to work on a new project while others remain unfinished*
*bulb lights up* oh look a new project idea
*goes on to start on that one instead*
Being a student developer is awkward.3
Ooh come on .... The fluecent tube of our bathroom mirror was broken. So my girlfriend bought a new one. Still didn't work. So it must be the starters. Nope they work. So I took the damn thing apart completely and ripped out the PCB and meassured every transistor, diode and capacitor. And even replaced one that gave some fishy values just in case. Still didn't work. Then I opened the side door of this mirror and found a switch that I must have switched off by accident ... Switched on: lights on 🤔🤗😌2
Halloween lovers, get the fuck off this rant, you ain't gonna like it.
MY FUCKING BALLS IN CONCRETE I SWEAR ILL DECIMATE THE NEXT FUCKER WHO COMES TO MY HOUSE FOR FUCKEN TREATS
Story time bitches:
So, I live up a hill (altitude difference of about 300 meters), that I have to bike up every day to get home. Tonight, on the way up, I was thinking "yeah no one will bother coming that high for trick or treating." Boy was I wrong. The only thing I want when I get up that hill is a big glass of water and my chair.
I arrived in front of my house and THERE THEY WERE.
fIfTeEn fUcKiNg cHiLdReN
I left my bike on the floor, far enough from them and hopefully made it to the door. Man, those things jump around and make so much noise. Shouting and begging for candies. I was like "Are your parents so awful they don't give you candy that you have to come all the way up here to annoy the fuck out of me??"
But you know, I'm a nice guy, so I went to the kitchen to get some old madeleines that no one would have eaten anyways so they would leave me the fuck alone.
Now I'm hiding in my room, all lights out, scared that more might come:12
Traffic lights optimizer. Imagine big AI being plugged to all city's traffic lights and changing all durations in order to adjust all of them, if we add smart cars connected to it we might remove traffics at all. It is way ahead in future but would be cool.4
Worked as the hardware QA for a storage company. Some tests took a week to set up and several weeks of scripts to run through for IP-SAN certifications. CEO's little pet came downstairs and asked if I could tear down some of the raid configurations and "make all of the lights on the servers blink a lot". He had some clients he was working pretty hard.
Sure... your blinkin' lights just set this release back almost a month.3
This is stupid but i think is my best idea yet.
So i have an old orange pi, with only 256m memory. Its running a few tasks i need but i wanted to use it for controlling a few things from my phone (lights and powering on my pc) so i thought i would make a server for that. Now mind you, my shirt doesnt say "lightweight backend language", so there was no way the pi couldve handled a struts server. I was digging around and found that php has a shell_exec command. Then it clicked, and i wrote the whole system like
shell_exec("java -jar someprocess.jar"). Now this sounds really stupid but it works and php is really light so it doesnt even slow it down that much.
Thinking about making this into some kinda server/framework/something just for fun.4
I was finishing a program in school, didnt realize that during coding lights went off, next time I know, i was locked inside if school.7
Sitting at traffic lights on my way home from work thinking about the programming behind how often the windscreen wipers are triggered, how to store the values of each wiper setting in a meaningful data type, and how to handle the event of changing wiper settings eg. to ensure the wipers aren't triggered immediately when increasing the frequency.
Wish my mind could rest when I'm outwith work but I experience this sort of thing worse after drinking alcohol. Must have a problem.6
I was working on a game, and my monitor randomly blacked out and my computer stopped dead. My lights were still on so it wasn't a power cut. I look at my computer and I noticed it's completely covered in Diet Coke. So, I take it apart and cleaned them inside out, whilst I waited for any drying. I stole my dad's desktop and just put the hard drive in. Continued coding. So I guess the moral of the story, don't spill Coke on your PC.2
Set wshShell =wscript.CreateObject("WScript.Shell")
A simple VB script I found long long ago on internet. It's fun to see the dancing lights.
Save it as *.bat and open in Windows.
Credits to the unknown author.11
I worked at a company that had timers on the lights. If you were in a stall for 10 minutes it would go pitch black. You either had to hope someone was coming in to pee soon or open the stall and wave your hand hoping the motion detector would see it, and hope no one was about to walk in. Keep your Kingdom Rush games short.7
When you’re use to dark theme and the lights in your car are too bright, you black electrical tape all the things...
I’m either more sensitive to light, or I’ve adapted to dark theme-ing all the things.21
Fuck you cunt colleague.
Hate twats that make terrible programs and then after spending over an hour searching themselves, go "THIS is the problem, you should've seen it. I am miffed you didn't" whilst cc'ing your manager and team.
What was the problem? His terrible program couldn't deal with new line characters in excel, thousands of rows of data and in a tiny ass font in the same cell is two lines of text made to look like one.
If I could have access to the code, (I don't know VB but I'm sure I could fix his program) I would run it through the debugger and I would've found that it doesn't check for newlines
Ah well, guess I'm the cunt because your fragile program breaks so easily. It's only been in use for years. Instead of manually changing the data because you can't be fucked touching the code, fix it so we can save some bullshit every morning and I can make all the red lights turn green.
I don't tell our manager why things are broke because this guy admits he wouldn't get another place and he's been there for 38 years.
FUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKK though. Frustrated.4
Seriously I suspect something boiling in Germany... I may just be getting paranoid, but lately I have seen an unusual amount of helicopters above Hamburg even at night. And not rescue helicopters or TV or anything, dark ones with all lights off in the night. That one night I noticed a distant hum in the air and looked outside. I may just have been tired but I thought I saw helicopters with only red lights on in the distance above Hamburg. It sounds impossible, but I even heard gunfire (a rattling popping sound) and saw light stripes in the air which looked like legitimate shots to me (and I played Arma so I know what I am talking about👉). But it was too far away to be sure and honestly I cant believe myself because other people should have noticed. But no lie, there is something going on. Just saw a helicopter again.11
I'm freaking done trying to get Linux on my machine. I've tried every distro with many different versions of the kernel and I always run into the same problem on my desktop.
The computer super stutters for 2 seconds ish than freezes.
I've spent DAYS looking into this issue trying to find something. The worst part is that it can happen 5 minutes when I boot or 5 hours. At first I thought it was Compton. Then I thought I installed arch wrong. Maybe an update to the BIOS? How about downloading updated microcode? Maybe this obscure bug with AMD processors and setting power idle to typical? Nothing. I'm now behind on my school work because of the massive amount of time ive spent getting this fixed. It works just fine on my laptop, but it doesn't work on the machine I built to code with. I'm done. Give me Force Lightning, a red lightsaber, and call me a Sith baby because I'm joining the dark side. Here I come Windows.
For those who are wondering my setup:
Ryzen 7 1700
Asus x-370 prime
16 gb Corsair RAM
And no, Windows has never had this bug.33
I have a cheap crappy drone and while not using it I hang it on the smoke detector. Neither the drone or the smoke alarm have batteries.
I glance up and see a light flashing, freak out, shoot the drone...lights still flashing and I realize it's the smoke detector. Fuck that, there's no batteries. I shoot the smoke alarm and it explodes...battery lands at my feet still intact...
...the alarm is dead, the drone is crying, the toaster is laughing and I can't figure out why the fuck I shot my drone and smoke detector but the toaster doesn't phase me.
(Some of this is actually true)3
I don't know how others feel about this but every time, when the fan are spinning at full speed as you turn on the routers and they are in boot sequence.the stat lights on switch turning on/off in wave patterns
prepare to take off,
Take off in;T minus 30 second.4
1. Go to my setup
2. Lights off
3. Lamp on
4. Door closed
5. Headphones on
6. Run zone.bat or zone.sh depending (yes, I have a script - it puts on music, at wherever I am in the album, changes sound & display settings, and a few other things.
7. Set breaktime alarm (I forget otherwise)
9. When breaktime alarm goes off:
9a. Get a ginger beer and since biscuits
9c. Repeat from 75
Siting on my balcony, watching the lights of our capital's downtown across the gulf. Life is good...
Man I love Sundays sometimes3
Friend : Hey man lets watch world cup at 5.
Me: Sure why not, we will have a great time
Me: Leaves office early tho having bugs to fix
Me: starts watching the game at frds place slowly pulls up my pc
Frnd: Are you even watching the gamean, it was a goal now , did u see that , come on man
Me: ohh yeahhh goallll, goes back to vim
Game ends and he switches off the tv and stares at me for 20 mins,
Me: what hpnd man did the lights go off?5
God damn it! I have multiple exams that I need to study for, but can't because of my headache that I have had for two weeks now... My mom finally forced me to the doctor, and apparently I have gotten a severe case of migraine... no devices, no books and no lights allowed until it gets better.
Worst part? The exams are next week, and I havent been able to study, not even one page out of hundreds...
Guess who's retaking them this summer... döda mig 😞
Signing off from all tech now until it gets better..5
FUCK HTC, FUCK DYNALOGIC AND FUCK DYNAFIX PIECE OF SHIT FUCK COMPANIES
it started over a month ago, my HTC10 was charging with the included charger from a wall socket, took the Htc and cable to test a new feature I implemented on my xamarin project (see other rant). I attached it and nothing happend, tried another USB port still nothing, then I smelled it. My HTC was burning...
Contacted HTC, they referred me to a contact form and send 3 attachment with it. THE MOTHER FUCKING THING ONLY ACCEPTED 1! Oké calm down... so I went through the trouble of combining the attachment.
4 days go by and get an email if I could resend the attachment because there where non. the FUCKING contact form did not send it after my troubles!
A week goes by without response, I contacted them again, they apologies and promised me to call me the same day. BUT THEY FUCKING DIDN'T after that I thought maybe the next day but no call. After that I did not have time to contact them.
So I contact them after 4 days and get the FUCKING STUPIDEST and not well speaking person on the line that was constantly interrupting me. Finally got RMA and shipping in order but he managed to fuck the entire description of my problem of what I specifically told him.
So now dynalogic (a transport company) comes in place, they should have come to pick up my phone and bring it personally to Dynafix for repair. BUT THEY FUCKING DIDN'T.
Instead they drove by, put a 'you were not home so ship it yourself package' in the mailbox. BUT I WAS HOME and so were 4 others and lights and TV on. Not to mention our DOGS that react to anybody that enters our driveway. he was just a lazy PIECE OF SHIT.
So now I had to ship it myself, what resulted in my paying for shipment, paying for insurance and leave work early to get the the post office in time, since leaving early was not an option (deadline) I asked my parents if they could. BUT THEY FORGOT for 4 days.
Still having had good service from HTC in the past and being a loyal customer for years I was not angry and thought everything would be alright.
so now coming to today 1,5 I get an email that they WONT FIX IT BECAUSE OF FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT BULLSHIT REASON THAT WAS NOT THE PROBLEM.
FUCK THEM, FUCK ME, they won't fix it after over a month for a bullshit reason. I am not gonna buy an HTC ever again.15
Fuck C++. I mean not really I love it but learning it is getting my head really worked up. And if it wasn't enough VSCode just adds more by delayed linting and whatnot. It's a habit now. Code. Get error. Try to fix it. Fail. Turn off lights. Go to bed. Think. Try again. Awesome. Loop goes on.11
One of the projects I develop generates advice based on energy usage and a questionare with 300 questions.
Over 400 different variables determine what kind of advice is given. Lots of userinput and over a thousand textblocks that need to show or not.
WTF do you want me to do when you tell me. It's not giving the right advice for the lights.
Why the for the love of.. do I need to ask you everytime. If something is not working. Tell me what and for wich user. Don't tell me calculation whatever is not working, I don't know that calculation. Your calculations are maintainable in your cms.
And how, like I really wonder, do you expect me, when not telling me what user is having this problemen to find and fix it, You just want me to random guess one of the thousands users that should be given that specific advice?
FCK, like 80% of my time solving problems is spend trying to figure out wtf your talking about.
And then what a miricale the function is doing exactly what is it doing but you forgot a variable. It's not like the code I write suddenly decides it does not feel like giving the right answer.3
So there are consequences to being an experimenter. Currently trying to develop my own smarthome, and last night, I was fixing up some lights. Just soldered some wires together, and hung it up by the outlet on the wall. And it worked!
But I didn't want it to just hang, so I moved it around a bit. And obviously because of my shitty soldering job, not really insulating anything, I created a short circuit, sparks everywhere, and blew a fuse in the electrical box. No problem, I'll just replace the fuse.. Except I didn't have any lying around, and it was 1am...
So I had to get up at 8am when the stores opened, and buy some fuses. Couldn't fall asleep again, so I started cleaning my apartment (I've possibly gone crazy from the electrical shock), and now I'm in my 3:30pm till midnight shift...3
I've spent two days trying to make a LED control system in my room (basically controlling lights in my room).
The thing consists of an Arduino, a Bluetooth module (which i'm going to rant about), bunch of transistors.... yada, yada... you know the drill.
after getting all the parts necessary I figured out that if the lights are powered by a 9V adapter, and the Arduino Uno can be powered by 9V aswell. Maybe the Nano could do too.... 5 minutes of research shows that I can, just use the Vin pin on the Arduino.
And so I did, I wired everything up (quadruple check if there aren't any undesired connections)
It worked (or so I thought).
But the bluetooth isn't showing up. (I wired it up on the 5V pin, which it says that you SHOULD)
But after dismantling the thing and using a resistance meter I found out that there is 0 Ohms between Vin and 5V.
Now I ended up with a dead component because of some lazy motherducker who works at Arduino.
God why do you hate me so much when I try to do something on my own.
I seriously have no idea who to blame here.8
Client visits to Indian IT companies are extravagant affairs. It's Suit Up time, flowers and lights, decorations everywhere, Lavish Lunch and Dinners. While this happens I keep wondering, what goes in the mind of these clients. Are they excited, surprised, or they enjoy the hospitality.3
Today I made some lights turn on and off with Gpio on my Rpi and some php, really happy and I'm going to work on it cause the landing site is really ugly. Would it be appropriate to add "mechanical engineer" and additional to web developer to my resume now? 😂😂1
I haven't been able to work on the computer without getting a headache very soon after for almost 2 weeks straight now.
I presume I have grown a sensitivity to bright light, stemming from the time I dimmed my phone all the way about 5 months ago and never set it back until just now.
In my classes I will get random headaches that hurt like heck and make me feel groggy, making me unable to focus at all. And while doing computer work, I'll get the same thing.
I've tried getting my eyes checked again, and got new glasses about a week ago - still no help.
Prior to this incident I was working hard on a volunteer project with a small team. Since then my progress and commits have dwindled greatly, and I feel stressed out because I can't do what i want to do without hurting and feeling like absolute shit!
I'm currently trying to get my eyes used to bright lights again by setting things like my phone screen to a brighter setting, changing some dead light bulbs in different rooms of the house, and getting more involved outside.
I hope this goes away soon - I don't want to have this stupid headache every time I go to code or work in class.12
This boring story with stupid ending started on Monday with me going out to buy some food and cook something delicious, day like always until my mind went nuts.
I work from home and cook my meals by myself cause I love cooking.
To buy ingredients I go shopping couple times a week always making the same steps, doing this for over a year now and by this time everything was automatic so I could think about work problems and solutions.
I start usually by getting up from my desk around noon, not many people doing shopping at that time and I can proceed quick.
Algorithm is like this: go to kitchen and look at the fridge, go out, wait for traffic lights, take tram, ride two stops, wait for the traffic lights again, go to supermarket, do shopping and finally go back the same way. Boooring.
When I get out from tram that day l looked at traffic lights to go green, as always and that’s the place where everything started to go bad.
So I was waiting there doing nothing and then stupid idea got me.
I figured out I can stop looking at light to make this day different and look ahead.
Then simply start walking when people from other side start walking.
It worked smoothly on those lights and I was happy I can do things differently from now on. I proceed with this idea on the way back and motherfuckers started walking on red. Twice !!!!
Since then three times some car was driving on green near me in those places and people started walking on red.
It got me worried about world determinism instantly. I might increased some entropy to much and some world developer changed some line of code while I was shopping and from that time death is passing by me.
Now it got me to the point where the more I follow this way the more I am worried about my life. Started thinking about ordering ingredients online.
So if you read this you know that I know your plan and I will be changing supermarkets and paths to it randomly starting from next week.
Or not I hope nobody hacked my mind and only thing that read and write to it is my consciousness.
I feel relief now.2
I hate motion activated lights in toilets, i sometimes "might"get stuck on toilet for a longer periods of time and suddenly the light turn off and i have to open the stall door and wave my hand for light to come back on
Why can't there be sensors in stalls as well or something
Or good old light switch
I do all of my best debugging on toilet4
What is up with red indicators?
In America at the moment, and while they’re probably used in many countries this is the first time I’ve come across them.
Having indicators that are the same colour as your brake lights is super dumb13
I am so sad. I've been having problems with Linux installs on my desktop since i built it. It just hangs at random times and the journals don't mention any problems. I finally catch a lead and it turns out it's a bug with the microcode of the Ryzen processors. There was a possible work around, but it didn't work for me.
Guess I'm just going to have to use Windows exclusively on my desktop. I hope for a fix but the bug has been around for a year. :(6
After 8 hours of carefully installing Gentoo in my laptop I ended up with a... Completely unusable OS. Guess I'll try again tomorrow, apparently I didn't set up the kernel with the appropriate drivers.2
Today is Diwali or you can say Dipawali. A festival of lights. The whole country celebrates it by lighting up their homes with oil lamps made up of clay cups.
I wish my devRant community here a very Happy Diwali.5
At Rackspace there are lights on the walls that go off for things like ddos attacks, fire alarm, etc. The being a code rainbow. Meaning "evacuate the building".
Every time we deployed to prod I always joked one day that it would fail so spectacularly that it would cause a code rainbow.4
This rant can basically be boiled down to the name of the software in use/question:
FileMaker Pro 8.5
Please chime in if you have ever had the privelege of working with this gem of a database program, especially the scripting capabilities...
Trying to make it print/save/export an individual PDF file into a folder specified/created by one field with the filename set from another field. Will probably get it to work but the drag and drop scripting style reminds me of setting up an autoclicker for runescape; so fricken painful. Love to hear your comments.
Also happens to be running on an ancient PPC G5 iMac with 1 Gig of RAM running 10.4.11 hidden in the back room of an old warehouse with extra creepy flickering lights...
EFFF EMMM ELLL
So yeah thats my rainy Friday rant, hope you all are having this much fun.5
A small ATM room which is equipped with 2 ACs and 4 tube lights, working 24x7 , is asking me not to print receipt to
save environment 🤔 🤣
I guess I should relate what work experience I have: my internship.
A little backstory I suppose. It's required at my school to do an internship to graduate except under certain circumstances. They encourage work experience a lot where I study. It was around time for me to apply for internships. However, the closest I got was a phone call with Amazon that I biffed when they started asking about stuff like sorting algorithms and other Big O notation stuff. So I was pretty desperate. I found a small company that were looking for internships and got an interview with them. The pay was dirt (I made more as a crew trainer at McDonalds) but I needed that internship and they were only 10 minutes away.
Immediate red flags when I showed up to the address. At first I thought I was wrong, But I noticed the sign of the company pointing up some stairs that were installed on the side of the house I was in front of.
Interview was a bit weird. It was with the CEO and the marketing manager. Again red flags. I show up for work a week later.
Turns out, they have no full time developers. 1st day was getting my workstation ready and 2nd day I was running Ethernet cables to the basement where the phones were connected. Spent around a week doing that.
This was supposed to be a Software Engineering internship?? Excuse me?? I came here to learn how working on Software is supposed to be like! I was also their "tech support" both for their computers and their crappy software that was built 16 years ago that people still pay for that I had NO idea how it worked because I just started and NOBODY taught me anything! To make matters worse, even if I wanted to delve into the code to see how it works it was all made in ancient Perl which didn't make things any easier.
But I needed that internship to graduate. And thus begun my 9 months with them and boy howdy I have stories to tell. Stay tuned in the future.3
I just had the idea for a social network which would care about privacy, don't sell the data of its users and stuff. This would mean the users had to pay for it to keep the lights on, like 1 oder 2 bucks a month.
Do you think this could work? I'm not sure, I think there might already be too much competition in that field.13
Fruit Machines... Kind of a dev rant, I mean, they have software running them now, but my gripe is the hardware (I think).
Any of you that frequent pubs and use fruit machines notice that many of the LEDs are "broken" / "non functioning" lately? I mean it's rare I see one that doesn't have lights that are out, rendering the entire machine useless, yet it still takes your money.
Intentionally made to break? Or are LEDs really that difficult to get right? Or maybe it's software determining which ones to appear "broken" and there is a way reset it?
It's a rant none the less...7
How to fit a WiFi lightswitch..
Spend hours finding someone who actually makes one for 2 wire switches..
Wait 6 weeks for it to arrive..
Find out the switch is that little bit too big to fit where the old light switch was..
Bend metal box pieces out of the way, file, bend some more, break pieces off, file more..
It fits !
3mm of it doesn't fit..
Oh well, a good excuse to buy a finger plate to fill the gap up..
Pity you can't get a Science Fiction finger plate, something like Star Trek for example.. (Well, you can get USA ones, just not UK ones!)
Screws supplied are the wrong size and don't fit..
Good thing I've the old screws, but they need washers..
Trip to garage later..
It's pretty, has a nice little blue light when its on. (Comes with a warning about not to use without a bulb.. so what happens when the bulb blows ? luckily for me it feeds two lights, so the chances of both bulbs not working at once is..)
Haven't even began to approach the issue of how to program it, so I can say 'Computer lights' and they come on.
No doubt in a 2 years time I'll have it working..
Just as its warranty runs out. :-)
But cheaper to buy from:
I used to associate logitech with quality, something you could spend a little more on and feel comfortable knowing you made a safe and robust choice.
For quite a few years now they've done that gamer branding thing where I'd be embarrassed to have that stuff seen on my desk - at ridiculous prices and for features I won't use. Their consumer/office grade stuff is alright but unremarkable.
I'll gladly pay more for quality and I'm super happy with my Das keyboard, but I switch out my mouse probably every year. I can't deal with mushy buttons and I'm not paying extra for marketing, branding, and rgb lights that I'll then be spending time on trying to disable properly.
I digress, but I'm legitimately curious to try a trackball. I know people kneejerk at it, but I've heard from a couple of people who prefer it when they primarily use their keyboard anyway.1
CodingRoom room = new CodingRoom();
room.lights = true;
room.lights = false;
// how do you like it?12
Just finished making an ER diagram for the 5th time now.
It was less painful this time. (Thanks draw.io)
(About the 4th ER diagram - le professor says "It looks like a flow chart, that's not right", but it's clearly not?)
I'll have to submit the draft tomorrow to the professor, I just hope that he green lights it so I could finalize the project report.
I hate making ER diagrams now.
Fun one on the subway:
Make a little prompt script for your phone or computer
>welcome to Washington, D. C., Mr. Davis
>what would you like to view?
Interact with script while on subway, watch reactions. Wearing dark glasses also helps.2
Java Life Rap Video
In the cubicles representin’ for my JAVA homies…
In by nine, out when the deadlines are met, check it.
We code hard in these cubicles
My style’s nerd-chic, I’m a programmin’ freak
We code hard in these cubicles
Only two hours to your deadline? Don’t sweat my technique.
Sippin’ morning coffee with that JAVA swirl.
Born to code; my first words were “Hello World”
Since 95, been JAVA codin’ stayin’ proud
Started on floppy disks, now we take it to the cloud.
On my desktop, JAVA’s what’s bobbin’ and weavin’
We got another winning app before I get to OddEven.
Blazin’ code like a forest fire, climbin’ a tree
Setting standards like I Triple E….
Boot it on up, I use the force like Luke,
Got so much love for my homeboy Duke.
GNU Public Licensed, it’s open source,
Stop by my desk when you need a crash course
Written once and my script runs anywhere,
Straight thuggin’, mean muggin’ in my Aeron chair.
All the best lines of code, you know I wrote ‘em
I’ll run you out of town on your dial-up modem.
We code hard in these cubicles
Me and my crew code hyphy hardcore
We code hard in these cubicles
It’s been more than 10 years since I’ve seen the 404.
Inheriting a project can make me go beeee-serk
Ain’t got four hours to transfer their Framework.
The cleaners killed the lights, Man, that ain’t nice,
Gonna knock this program out, just like Kimbo Slice
I program all night, just like a champ,
Look alive under this IKEA lamp.
I code HARDER in the midnight hour,
E7 on the vending machine fuels my power.
Ps3 to Smartphones, our code use never ends,
JAVA’s there when I beat you in “Words with Friends”.
My developing skills are so fresh please discuss,
You better step your game up on that C++.
We know better than to use Dot N-E-T,
Even Dan Brown can’t code as hard as me.
You know JAVA’s gettin’ bigger, that’s a promise not a threat,
Let me code it on your brain
so you’ll never forget.
We code hard in these cubicles,
it’s the core component…of what we implement.
We code hard in these cubicles,
Straight to your JAVA Runtime Environment.
We code hard in these cubicles,
Keep the syntax light and the algorithm tight.
We code hard in these cubicles,
Gotta use JAVA if it’s gonna run right.
We code hard in these cubicles
JAVA keeps adapting, you know it’s built to last.
We code hard in these cubicles,
Robust and secure, so our swag’s on blast
TL;DR: Microsoft updates break drivers, make unbootable. Hours wasted. Such rage.
Lol. I come home, try booting my windows desktop. Need desperately to play some videogames. Power is on. Monitor lights up. Bios splash. Windows startup spinner.
Suddenly, windows startup spinner gone, monitor shuts off. Wait 5 minutes, no change. Force power off and reboot, same behavior.
Google says it's probably a bad video driver. I don't remember installing any in the last month, but heck I don't use this computer for shit outside of games, so may as well do a full OS reinstall and hope the problem drivers are gone.
Reboot and force power off halfway through boot to let windows know something's wrong next boot. Literally no other way to get to alternate boot methods.
Run the reset. First time, percent-counter starts. I leave the room at 30% to go get a sandwich. Come back and it says it's "undoing changes". Something went wrong and I have no way of knowing what.
Oh well, I'll just try again and see what the problem was. NOPE! Completes windows reinstall without a hitch on the second attempt.
Okay, now let's get my stuff back on here. First things first, Microsoft updates for my processor, graphics card, "security". Halfway through the updates, monitor shuts off and I'm back to square one. IT WAS THE MICROSOFT DRIVER, NOT THE ONE FROM NVIDIA GEFORCE EXPERIENCE!!!!
Fucking Microsoft. To all ye who rail against Linux as a gaming platform because of its unstable drivers, observe here the stupidity of Microsoft and weep.3
I want to build a home automation bot but I don't know what kind of features to give it. I have hue lights and I want a smart speaker/google home mini. Do you guys have ideas? I'm open for everything.9
Does anyone have lower back pain after coding for a few hours? How did you fix it? What chair do you have? It's it a posture problem?9
My favourite bug fix was actually IT based and it was the first time my Eastern European, critical of my skills, family not only praised me but claimed that I was smarter than them.
My grandfather had changed from a telecom to a VOIP device for his landline. For some reason after installation, he could hear the other person on the line but they couldn't hear him. Me and my mother were away during this time so they called in the other family IT guy. This guy is no joke, he's one of the top in his company and makes a sweet six figures and lives in a mansion.
So he started looking things up, googling forum, etc. Couldn't find anything. Started calling the tech support and tried to deduce what it was and their tech support had never heard of such a problem. He takes his lunch breaks to help out my gramps. Keeps escalating, escalating and nothing. His conclusion is that they need to send him a new VoIP stick and they're not giving it to him. At this point, he's so frustrated that he screams at my grandfather to go back to paying 60 bucks a month for landline and to stop bothering him.
At this time me and my mother return and they have concluded that they need a new stick. My mom is great at intimidating people into free stuff so she and I go over to do so. At this point everyone is convinced of the problem and even I don't think I could fix it. But I decide to check if that's the case because I don't want my gramps to get a new stick and it still doesn't work.
I go through the typical forum hunting and there's Nada on the problem. I look at the stick and all the lights seem to be working, no error lights. And I wonder maybe the problem is not the stick, because usually you can't do anything at all if the hardware is broken. So I start thinking, maybe my gramps accidentally muted his handset while talking or something dumb like that. That wasn't it.
Then I decided to see if the problem was recreated on the other handsets. I tried one out and my mom could hear me but I couldn't hear her. What?! That's different! It was the opposite with the other phone. I conclude that it's working and there's something up with the handsets. So I go and do a reset on all of the handsets to make sure.
Lo and behold, the problem is fixed. It took me 25 minutes to solve. That guy gave up after a week of trying. My mom who assumed my IT skills were on par with other kids and nothing special had finally seen me up against an opponent, and not any opponent, a six figure high ranking IT specialist. And I didn't even use any secret, complex software knowledge that wasn't accessible to her or any other normal user.
That's when she finally said that I was smarter than her, that I just used my common sense. She would've needed some kind of prompting, hint or direction to solve the issue but I did it without any.
It was a very satisfying bug to fix.
My setup, seeing that people are posting theirs.
+ BenQ 22" monitor
+ Custom-built PC
+ Fried i7 motherboard :(
+ Working i3 motherboard
+ 2 Green fans (top, back)
+ 2 Red fans (front)
+ (not-working-well) CD/DVD disk
+ 2G WD hard drive (not SSD :( )
+ 4-port USB 3.0 hub
+ SD card reader (with 3 more storage devices it can read)
+ HP DeskJet Ink Advantage
+ Horrible mechanical keyboard
+ Special keys (music player, play/pause, next/prev, etc.)
+ Mouse that doesn't stop glowing
+ Awesome speakers
+ 4 lights
+ Water jumps through the lights whenever audio rises
+ Xbox 360 S (2G internal storage: Ugh)
+ Speakers connected to Xbox 360
+ Desk Lamp
+ Arch Linux
+ i3-gaps (Me)
+ GNOME (full) (for rest of family)
!dev related, kinda
Why did the devs think it was a good idea for the iPhone to have the flash go off as a notification, I feel like the person opposite me was having a strobe light show5
It's gonna be fun but when I was 13yo I learned programming just to control my bedroom lights with my computer, and I achieved it, using python and the parallel port (printer)
Then I realized that I was too simple a finished doing some music controlled lights 😂😂
Today my old professor wrote on my school's slack channel that someone was needing some js and css work on their web page. Even though i have a good grasp of programming (I've been studying for 7 years while working as McDonald's to pay), front end web work isn't my forte, but I might be able to do it.
On the one hand it would be nice to have something to show to potential employers, but I'm a bit too nervous and I'm not interested in doing front end for future employment. What was it like when you received your first client? Nervous? Confident? I want to hear everyone's early experiences.
Turn on colorful lights
Fire up some crackers
Browse places with friends
Reboot your inner system
😀 HAPPY DIWALI 😀
All I wanted to do was program this morning, but I just had to leave my car lights on at the gym...1
Is Ubuntu subsystem for Linux any good? I'm still unable to have a stable Linux install so I thought I would use it because I'm just so used to Linux.7
!rant or at least not dev related
I work at a school. Sometimes we get some weird training and shit we have to attend to. This time it had to do with what to do in the event of an active shooter.
Because you know. The U.S IS full of angry white kids with guns that if fucked up enough will just take fire on people.
Well, as a military veteran. I feel pretty confident in knowing what to do when some asshole is trying to get his expert marksman badge on me. So i requested not to waste my valuable time on such bs. I was promptly denied and encouraged to attend the bs training.
The first dumbshit thing they tell you to do is to turn the lights off and hide(if you decide to not fight) for which I mentioned that it would not work.
You see. Our entire buildings have motion sensors on each room which would TURN the fucking lights on if you move........ and even though you can turn the switch on..some offices would still work through the motion sensor....exhibit A: my office.
Fuck this. Couldn't i just keep one of my guns with me?? It would just take about 2 shoots really....and I promise they would stay in.
This sucks man. I need to move to Canadia. I don't want my kids having to hear about "mandatory active shooter training"
That fucking bullshit should never be a norm.
10 bucks and a life says i have better aim than some crazy kid.10
I work on a small team, and we recently got an artist on it.
The artist has lights on, but nobody is home syndrome and it is driving me nuts.
This guy took 10 iterations on a model where the main request was to fucking change the fucking UV mapping. Here is how that went in a nutshell:
1. Hey, the model is ok, the guy needs a cape with some bones in it. The cape needs to share the material, here is the material, cape already on it. We also need like 8 animations.
1a. No cape visible, animations half done, and done shitty.
2. Correct the animations and all the above points asap. Ok?
2a. Few more animations 1 half corrected wrong, wonky exports. Has cape
3. Again, same.
3a. I got the wrong corrections, cape doesn,t move. Uv wrong and seperate material. Aaaarrrggg
It litterally took 7 more of those loops and now we have it going in 1 material and 5 wonky but workable animations. And the next character half of the same shit happens all over again. Fuck me, fuck him. Fuck this, i hate artists. I made a fucking list what is so hard?!2
I need a fucking crystal ball to know whether something is a reference or an object fuck angularjs
2 functions 100% same logic 1 returns a new object 1 returns a reference to the old one
Anyone knows where i can order one my expectations are that it lights up if the function will return a reference and stays daark if it returns a copy
Since it's a thing, top is my 40" uhd tv monitor with my model m keyboard on my HACKINTOSH. The other is my MacBook Pro with usb lights for late night remote sessions with some light.
Does anybody else have the project where every time you try to change something, no matter how small, you always end up screwing it up and needing a bunch more time to fix it just to get back to the starting position?
I have this project I've done, a custom Ambilight system for my TV, and everytime I try to add a feature the lights stop working altogether... Tried adding detection of when I start my media player to automatically start the Ambilight mode (I made several modes, one of which is just shine a certain color all the time which is great if you don't want to use normal lights and want to be able to control the lights from your phone).
I had the code for detecting app start and stop from before when I implemented it for a slightly different system. I just changed the few things that are different and poof, no more lights... I managed to forget the other system checked a flag after every process exit and overrode the mode and I removed the setting of the flag, but not reading of it...
Every single time I do changes on this it's something... Other projects sometimes go smoothly, sometimes not, but this one just doesn't want to be kind to me....
Results are awesome, though :)5
Left the window open to cool the room before going to bed. A fucking cricket got in. Didn't kill it at first, thought it'd leave.
Nope. It didn't. Lights off, comfy in my covers and there it goes... That noooooise! For fucks sake! It's not even loud, but it grates so muuuch. Agh.
And then it took me foreeeeever to find it. Bastard hide on top of the wardrobe, behind my luggage. Spend a good 10min looking for it. And he kept on taunting me, the fucking piece of crap. Well, at least its dead now. Good riddance, asshole.
So I had an interesting problem... Let's say I have X lights which will turn on or off after I pull a lever. I know the probability of each one of them turning on, but they are all different. I want to know what is the probability of at least half of them being on after I pull the lever.
I wrote this shit show to do it: https://jsbin.com/jizocohebo/edit/...
Can you do better?8
A few years back I was still using a CRT screen and I used to degauss it quite often as a result of having my speakers right next to it. Nowadays I use an LED screen but now I started getting this kind of "degaussing" effect where my vision shakes and waves and I get it quite randomly when looking at lights of different frequencies. (Like the Sun and my phone's screen) It only lasts like 2 seconds at most but I'm wondering if someone has the same problem as me and I would be quite interested to know if this has been caused by the CRT screen or something else.4
I got a guy who was always sleeping and talking about anime and telling bullshit that he is after uni and actually did nothing useful, he was even snoring and always turning lights on, when everyone was in vampire mode , jeeeez
This moment when your PFSense routers IDS lights up like a christmas tree when you try to play a game. Also this moment when you are a programmer and only rant about sysadmin stuff because your programming almost never is a problem.
How do you guys come up with side projects? I'm as creative as a... Something that isn't creative. School starts tomorrow and I need a senior project for my software engineering degree but I'm having trouble thinking of anything.3
I don't know if someone has noticed but I haven't been on DevRant lately. It's not that the community is awesome. In the last month or two, I've had a blast of an experience here. I've just been avoiding screens, specifically texts in screens. I think something snapped on my head last week. Here's why:
As I've said in other rants/comments, I study history, and at the moment, I haven't found any career that has to read more than this one. Sometimes I've had to read about 1200 pages in less than three days. Last week I had to read 6 books which accounted for about 3500 pages. I was actively reading more than 600 pages a day. Now, this was for an investigation, and each of these reads had to be properly summarised with their respective arguments, thesis, etc. So I intensely read everything before Thursday, the day in which I had to present my work, in which I referenced about 10 books.
Apart from that, daily, I spent 4 hours coding. That's been the minimum I've done daily since I started learning.
I wasn't too tired. I'm used to read a lot, and coding is always fun. But the problem came in Friday when I woke up with a strange headache that spanned from my eyes to the back of my ears. Hurting especially on the sides of my forehead.
It eventually dissipated, but whenever I read something, the ache slowly came back. Loud noises and bright lights also brought it back. So you could imagine, everytime I tried to read a Rant, comment, etc, the headache came back. The same for coding and reading. For fucks sake I feel like I'm fucking crippled.
And no, the pain isn't the worst. Pain is pain and you can't do anything about it. The worst is that I'm developing some anxiety here. In all this time I have been learning daily nonstop. Coding was something I craved for everyday. Now I'm fucking wasting entire days in non-productive activities. I'm losing my fucking time here guys!
I'm afraid I have some anxiety problem with time. I've already fucking wasted entire years, now I don't want to continue wasting them and push my goals further away, I want to get to my goals as soon as I can because time and life can't be stopped and once time is lost, you can't fucking get it back. And, considering I'm still 21, I do notice this feeling is somehow irrational, but for fucks sake, I'm wasting fucking LIFE :(
Lights turning on at the same time the wake up alarm goes off, blinds up and such
Centralized and shared calendar in the living room
And stuff that could bring me to jail (I've never done that and I'll never do it, I swear)
EOS is pissing me THE FUCK OFF. So is my drama teacher. Shit keeps crashing, she keeps deleting all my fucking work, and people REFUSE TO STAY STILL while I try and light them. For FUCKS SAKE!1
Just finished watching the 7 minutes worth of HISPASAT SpaceX launch that I can view from my front porch about 60 miles exactly West from Cape Canaveral. It’s a clear night so that 7 minutes is pretty long to be able to see it with city lights. Maybe would’ve been less if not for the good fortune of the moon being behind a tree.
While killing time waiting for the launch, I found this really interesting video on software development at SpaceX.
Stayed up all night to make interactive data visualizations from CFTC data and now I want to show it out.
No one is interested. Why Earth why?
Whatever, where is keyboard, and turn off the lights.
- Dark music plays.
In no particular order:
Educational website on comunicating with politicians
A mobile app game
IoTing my condo (lights, blinds, and thermometer)
My node bot
A website automated testing tool.
Related to queueing theory...
Suburban traffic at a stop lights has developed a tendency to include invisible cars.
You can see where these invisible cars are by the gap between the front bumper of one car the back bumper of the next. Sometimes there is an invisible motorcycle, sometimes there is an invisible semi-tractor trailer. It is becoming an epidemic.
The dumbasses in traffic who do this are usually texting behind the wheel while stopped and they are not always Buffy the ding dong cheerleader nor Sally the Soccer Mom... Suits too... It seems to have gotten worse with pot becoming legal I just realized...
But to the point, you can tell these people would never be able to comprehend software engineering... they have no idea that for every invisible car in front of every dumbass driver like them, there is a real car way back that has to sit through two lights. (side effects of bugs and inefficient hash tables) Worse, these dumbasses do this in the left lane so it keeps a host of others from being able to get past their big fat ass into the turn lane.
Simple queueing theory escapes these people.
Computers will someday take their jobs.
Sometimes it motivates me to code faster... "There goes your job beotch! Get used to mac and cheese..."
But once in a while I am in a position to be able to be stopped at a light, and note that next to me is one of those "gapsters" and then pull my car (or motorcycle some days) into that invisible car's spot. The gapster gets so mad sometimes... >:-> so much satisfaction I almost feel guilty...
Queueing theory rules... LOL
Everyone knows Rudolph the red nosed reindeer right?
He guides santa
Was it made to tell to kids whenever they see an airplane fly at night and they see their red lights?
I've build a gaming station with a raspberry pi for a supermarket. I was running a quiz i also created with red blinking lights for false and green blinking lights right answers. Featured by cool 8-bit retro gaming sound and score printing to win a small prize if you answered everything correctly. It was so much fun building it and testing it in the office 😁
I really want to set up led tail lights for vehicles, the programming is simple but I don't know the hardware at all4
So I know it's possible to run a lot of things from the terminal. Does anyone run their daily driver exclusively on a terminal? Just curious.3
Company shutting down has its perks : after going to the bar with colleagues, ended up doing an after party with HR in the office, drinking cherry flavoured vodka
Tomorrow morning is going to hit as hard as a fucking truck, poor me being the rabbit caught in the lights in the middle of the road..
There's a special place in hell for those who turn the lights on next to you when you are trying to sleep or listens to music without headphones on on the bus.1
Hey all, I'm curious for your opinion on this one. I've got some smart home devices (e.g. Hue lights, Nest Protect) and lately I started to think of the best way to protect them. Now I did see this project on Kickstarter (https://kickstarter.com/projects/...) and it seems to be a nice and easy way. But still, you don't know what they'll do with your data.
Would MAC address filtering in my router / modem not suffice for protection?
Let me know what you think :)5
Bought a Chromecast audio so I can get sound in my bedroom instead of blasting it from the living room where my computer is (I put music from my PC on timer when I go to sleep). Since I still use Winamp 2 had to install an app to send my Windows audio to Chromecast. It works. Already programmed a remote from my phone to turn off the lights, monitor and set the timer... Now I'm too lazy to program a remote for Winamp which I just know I'm gonna regret not doing at some point...
Bleh, I fucking hate Arduino. I thought this Chad would teach me assembly for PCs, not Arduino. The boards don't fucking work half the time, I don't give a shit about blinking lights or motors, I don't want to do things with robotics, I just want to fucking code. Ffs, I'd rather write code that just makes a number increment and then quits, because then I wouldn't have to use that useless fucking Arduino "IDE".
Fuck you Arduino, fuck you so much.4
The weather's beautiful right now. The sun is shining, it's been in the high 60's - mid 70's all month, the cherry trees are blooming, and a warm breeze sighs past every handful of seconds. It's perfect sit in the yard with your laptop, drinking beer weather. I figured I'd forward my desk phone to my cell, so along with email, I won't miss a thing but the harsh florescent lights and stuffy office environment.
I'm forwarding a phone, you wouldn't think it would really be much of a task, but after 20 minutes of following the directions, tracing my steps, testing, and failing again, I had to call tech support. Turns out, I was doing it right all along. The phones are set up so that they can only be forwarded to another phone in the same building. So...Yeah. Guess that's that.
Neighbour/Family Friend/Anyone with a Computer:" So what are you doing nowadays then son?"
Me: "Working full time now as a computer programmer"
(PC owner): "Ah well me interweb and printer has packed up and keeps flashing these lights..."
Is there a unit test for dance moves? I really gotta see some green lights before I move this one into production. Side note: anyone have a UAT environment for this? Thx3
TL:DR I wanna scare the shit out of intruders, do you recommend Arduino or Raspberry Pi?
So, I live in a place kinda like a college, but everyone get their own room. There's staff 24/7, and obviously, I really dislike some of them. Otheres I just like to joke with.
Sometimes, I've thought of putting together a "system" which will probably make them shit a brick.
The way I would do this, is have an Arduino or Raspberry Pi connected to a sensor, which will trigger an airhorn somehow. Yes, and airhorn. They should shit bricks, remember?
That's the beginning tho. Later, if this ever becomes something, I plan on adding some system so it wont trigger when I open the door, along with flashing red lights when intruders opens the door.
I attached a picture. The smaller rectangle is my closet. First circle is the sensor, which I assume can just tell when the door moves, if I place it correctly.
The rectangle is the Arduino or Raspberry Pi, which should control it all as you probably already know.
The second circle is the airhorn. Not sure how I'm gonna trigger that yet.
So, does any of you have some advice or recommendations on how I can make this dream become true? Or even additional components to make it more efficient?
Last and most importantly, would Arduino or Raspberry Pi be best for this, is there a specific model thats better fit?10
Lights coming back on.
(Specially if it was out only for a short amount of time. It just caused you the trouble of relaunching every app you were using.)
The only thing I could think about during the 2017 super bowl halftime show was how they got the hand held lights to be pixel mapped. I mean, the guests of honor could move around, and the lights were still perfectly mapped.
Or they were just told to stand in a very specific place.
My home pc has developed a sudden issue and wont boot up anymore.
Stays stuck on the POST phase and am unable to get into BIOS , just stuck with a big asus logo and a message to press
F2 or Delete to get into BIOS but the system seems frozen as the keyboard lights are on but unresponsive while the
Mobo reads an error code A2
( the manual claims that to be an IDE error although am using only SATA)
Unplugging all usb doesnt change anything.
Unplugging all other sata ssd ,hdd and disk drives except the os drive changes nothing.
Unplugging the os drive results in the system complaining about no bootmgr
(As expected), that allows me to at least look at the BIOS but there doesnt seem to be anything wrong or out of the ordinary..
Booting from a live cd works fine
Booted from a pc boot repair tool and plugged in the os drive into one of the hot swappable sata ports shows me the all the files still there and accessible , check disk revealed nothing wrong. Can't plug in the os drive pre boot as that locks everything up again)
Tried to boot with a windows cd then do a start up repair but plugging in the os drive into the hot swappable sata doesn't work since windows can't see the drive.
Tried to swap the os drive with another one of exact same model filled witb random files resulted in no boot mgr error as expected
Struggled a whole weekend to fix it but alas no progress
Ah and the OS drive's warranty ran out 2 weeks ago 😑
Mobo asus p9x79 deluxe
Os ssd samsung 840 250 gb
No changes in hardware for the last year
No BIOS changes in over a year
I did notice some odd files like 0002Found
On the os drive when i was using the boot repair live cd tool, will bring the drive to
The office where i can get my hands on an ssd sata to usb caddy and take a snapshot of The files there for you guys to see.
Any ideas ? 😞5
I'd rather love to work here, I know it's not really an office buts it's way cool
I slide into my kiddie pool of Nutella, pull my ergonomic mouse and keyboard in nessled tightly around me, dim the lights, turn off Alexa, and... what was I going to do again?
We create home automation S/W and have it installed in the workplace.
For some reason the lights in the Help Desk/Testing department didn't turn on this morning. At the time our lead engineer was there too.
Rather then try sort it out themselves, they called R&D and got us to check the issue out. Turns out the lighting had been tripped over the weekend when the maintenance department was doing some work.
As we were investigating the issue they were just talking about their weekend so could of easily investigated it themselves!
Whenever I laugh about these engineers who can only 'code' in Matlab...
Whenever I hear people consider configuring (of stuff like WordPress or RGB-Keyboard-Lights etc.) as 'programming'...
I wonder, if I'm just like the 'Real Programmers' back in 1983 who truly considered Fortran or Assembly to be much more superior than Pascal and someone who coded in the latter or even used a simple OS like UNIX couldn't get accepted as a programmer.
Found that old article about "Real Programmers".
It's worth a read.
Just consider someone writing modern computer programs without libraries, ifs, for loops and only gotos by hand from top to bottom...
Some day I want to start some modern project everyone else would do in some random modern scripting language and hack it down in assembly just for fun and to tell people, I did it. So I could call myself a Real Programmer too.2