When you're out of options

Is this the code life
Another scrum meeting
Caught in the the Node life
No escape from reality
Open your eyes
Look up to the screens and see..
I'm just a dev boy
Doing some debugging
Because there's warnings here
Errors there
Segment faults
Everywhere
Anytime you distract
Takes another hour from me
From me

*piano starts

Mama. Just committed a bug
Merge the branch to production
Did it fast for milestones
Mama. The repo has just begun
But now they going to throw the stack away.
Mama. U u u uu
Didn't mean to code in LAMP
But it's the only stack i know how to setup
In Ubuntu. Without docker
I really don't get vagrant

*piano

It's too late
My team is done
Some dev is working in Nepal
A UX dev. Now what is that?
Goodbye everybody
I've got to go
Gotta leave this lame meeting
And face the truth
Oh nooooo. I i interns
(they have questions)
I want to debug
I don't want to stay till 3 in the morning

*epic guitar

I see a litlle dev over there
Let's code review, let's code review
Did he do the last commit?
Coding in the white board
Very very frightening me
That's bug(that's a bug)
That's a bug (that's a bug)
What the f*ck did you do that?
Magnificcooooooo

I was just coding and nobody liked it
He was coding and nobody liked it, spare his some time to do his debugging

Easy man. Here go. Will you let me code?
A meeting. No,we will not let you code. ( let me code)
A meeting. we will not let you code. ( let me code)
A meeting. we will not let you code. ( let me code)
We will not let you code
Never never let you go
Never let you code, oh
No no no no no no no
Oh mama mia, mama mia ( dude, you've gotta let me code)
Screw you guys, I'm gonna code and commit. Commit. Comiiiiitt!

*epic guitar

So you think you can review me and spit in my eye?
So you think you can dump me and erase my branch?
Oh baby, cant do this to me baby
I've just have to log out.
I've just have to log outta here

*epic guitar solo

Nothing really matters
The users will not care
Nothing really matters
To them

Any way this code blows

Okay, so get this..

1. I made a hacking simulator in Python2.7
2. I am relatively 6-8k lines in, ready to release EA ALPHA-1.0.0
3. I try to do a test build, and am flooded with errors.
4. I do research into the errors, and apparentally I coded my game in a way that makes it imposible to compile, and have to start over
5. Rages, Crys, and downloads this app.

How to fix error 101

Even at the gym, there is no escape.

Spent most of the day debugging issues with a new release. Logging tool was saying we were getting HTTP 400’s and 500’s from the backend. Couldn’t figure it out.

Eventually found the backend sometimes sends down successful responses but with statusCode 500 for no reason what so ever. Got so annoyed ... but said the 400’s must be us so can’t blame them for everything.

Turns out backend also sometimes does the opposite. Sends down errors with HTTP 200’s. A junior app Dev was apparently so annoyed that backend wouldn’t fix it, that he wrote code to parse the response, if it contained an error, re-wrote the statusCode to 400 and then passed the response up to the next layer. He never documented it before he left.

Saving the best part for last. Backend says their code is fine, it must be one of the other layers (load balancers, proxies etc) managed by one of the other teams in the company ... we didn’t contact any of these teams, no no no, that would require effort. No we’ve just blamed them privately and that’s that.

#successfulRelease

Why are Americans so stupid?

Date format: MM/dd/YY => what is this? It‘s not even in order

Length Units: Inch, Feet, Yard, Mile => good luck trying to convert in in a hurry without a calculator

Cooking recipes: cups, tablespoons, pinches => land of the freedom, especially for measurement errors

Temperature: Fahrenheit. => some dude who thought, „oh this is really hot, lets mark it 100“ and the other day „oh this is really cold, I got the 0 mark, sciene“

Weight: ounces ~ 28.34952 g, ton ~ maybe 907.xx kg, it depends

Time: Americans think the week starts on sunday, so they assume it does so for everyone else (f*** you american developer, designer, I mean you)

Football is football. Everywhere. In. The. World.

Politics: Trump, Weapons, health system, worker rights, ...

God, I hate America and their bs.

After 3 hours of trying to implement a feature, I’ve moved from 10 errors to 7 errors!
At least I’m doing some progress, I guess... 🤷‍♂️

still early to doubt my react skills .-.

My code works in first run , but why ? -_-

When the night is dark, and full of errors! 😅🤞👩🏻‍💻

Something goes wrong

Updating from Swift 2 to 3 using Xcode's "migration assistant"

Business: You should handle errors everywhere
Previous devs: Okay

When it's your job to fix the 15,000 errors picked up after suggesting to add ESLint to an existing project 😣

Yippee, my code compiled successfully.
What possibly could go wrond now 😂😂

1. Fucking MySQL database clusters.

There's nothing fun about MySQL clusters. Sometimes they start producing deadlock errors for no apparent reason... well, there's probably a reason, but it's never a transparent easy to find reason.

What was even less fun is that those errors took down a Sentry server. When your error log server goes down through ddos from your database messages, it's time to rethink your setup.

2. Wiring up a large factory with $2 arduino clones, each with a $2 esp8266 wifi chip, with various sensors for measuring flow of chemical solutions (I wanted cheap real time monitoring as an early warning system next to periodic sampling).

The scaling issue was getting over 500 streaming wifi signals to work in a 55c moist slightly corrosive atmosphere with concrete and steel everywhere, and getting it all into a single InfluxDB instance for analysis.

That weird moment when you write a Python script and errors pop up everywhere, only after an hour of debugging (pulling hair out) to find that you started putting a semicolon at the end of each statement again.

So I once had a job as a C# developer at a company that rewrote its legacy software in .Net after years of running VB3 code - the project had originally started in 1994 and ran on Windows 3.11.

As one of the only two guys in the team that actually knew VB I was eventually put in charge of bug for bug compatibility. Since our software did some financial estimations that were impossible to do without it (because they were not well defined), our clients didn't much care if the results were slightly wrong, as long as they were exactly compatible with the previous version - compatibility proved the results were correct.

This job mostly consisted of finding rounding errors caused by the old VB3 code, but that's not what I'm here to talk about today.

One day, after dealing with many smaller functions, I felt I was ready to finally tackle the most complicated function in our code. This was a beast of a function, called Calc, which was called from everywhere in the code, did a whole bunch of calculations, and returned a single number. It consisted of 500 or so lines of spaghetti.

This function had a very peculiar structure:

Function Calc(...)
...
If SomeVariable Then
...
If Not SomeVariable Then
...
(the most important bit of calculation happened here)
...
End If
...
End If
...
End Function

But for some reason it actually worked. For days I tried to find out what's going on, where the SomeVariable was being changed or how the nesting indentation was actually wrong and didn't match the source, but to no avail. Eventually, though, after many days, I did find the answer.

SomeVariable = 1

Somehow, the makers of VB3 though it would be a good idea for Not X to be calculated as (-1 - X). So if a variable was not a boolean (-1 for True, 0 for False), both X and Not X could be truthy, non-zero values.

And kids these days complain about JavaScript's handling of ==...

WASM was a mistake. I just wanted to learn C++ and have fast code on the web. Everyone praised it. No one mentioned that it would double or quadruple my development time. That it would cause me to curse repeatedly at the screen until I wanted to harm myself.

The problem was never C++, which was a respectable if long-winded language. No no no. The problem was the lack of support for 'objects' or 'arrays' as parameters or return types. Anything of any complexity lives on one giant Float32Array which must surely bring a look of disgust from every programmer on this muddy rock. That is, one single array variable that you re-use for EVERYTHING.

Have a color? Throw it on the array. 10 floats in an object? Push it on the array - and split off the two bools via dependency injection (why do I have 3-4 line function parameter lists?!). Have an image with 1,000,000 floats? Drop it in the array. Want to return an array? Provide a malloc ptr into the code and write to it, then read from that location in JS after running the function, modifying the array as a side effect.

My- hahaha, my web worker has two images it's working with, calculations for all the planets, sun and moon in the solar system, and bunch of other calculations I wanted offloaded from the main thread... they all live in ONE GIANT ARRAY. LMFAO.If I want to find an element? I have to know exactly where to look or else, good luck finding it among the millions of numbers on that thing.

And of course, if you work with these, you put them in loops. Then you can have the joys of off-by-one errors that not only result in bad results in the returned array, but inexplicable errors in which code you haven't even touched suddenly has bad values. I've had entire functions suddenly explode with random errors because I accidentally overwrote the wrong section of that float array. Not like, the variable the function was using was wrong. No. WASM acted like the function didn't even exist and it didn't know why. Because, somehow, the function ALSO lived on that Float32Array.

And because you're using WASM to be fast, you're typically trying to overwrite things that do O(N) operations or more. NO ONE is going to use this return a + b. One off functions just aren't worth programming in WASM. Worst of all, debugging this is often a matter of writing print and console.log statements everywhere, to try and 'eat' the whole array at once to find out what portion got corrupted or is broke. Or comment out your code line by line to see what in forsaken 9 circles of coding hell caused your problem. It's like debugging blind in a strange and overgrown forest of code that you don't even recognize because most of it is there to satisfy the needs of WASM.

And because it takes so long to debug, it takes a massively long time to create things, and by the time you're done, the dependent package you're building for has 'moved on' and find you suddenly need to update a bunch of crap when you're not even finished. All of this, purely because of a horribly designed technology.

And do they have sympathy for you for forcing you to update all this stuff? No. They don't owe you sympathy, and god forbid they give you any. You are a developer and so it is your duty to suffer - for some kind of karma.

I wanted to love WASM, but screw that thing, it's horrible errors and most of all, the WASM heap32.

I think I did something wrong...
At least no warnings😥🙂

Thanks Xcode for making my life easier now.

That is so me 🤤

503 errors... 503 errors everywhere...

It is once again that time of year when we say farewell to our current interns and say hello to a brand new batch.

The two groups overlap for a few days. During this time the old interns show the new interns the ropes, while the mentors silently weep in the lunchroom having realized that nothing that they've said over the last 12 months has had any effect whatsoever.

Some choice quotes:
---
New Intern: It says 'uncaught exception'.
Old Intern: Oh don't worry that will fix itself on production.
---
OI: Did you pull the code?
NI: Yeah, but I have all these weird brackets everywhere... [merge conflict]
OI: Oh yeah that happens sometimes, just delete them.
---
NI: It says "push to master rejected". [we enforce code reviews]
OI: Ohh that means the server is broken. You should tell someone, they have to reboot it.
---
NI: Where did that file save to? [we use ONLY macOS and Linux]
OI: C:\Users\<your name>\My Documents\...
---
OI: You can use either pgAdmin or MySQL Workbench. I like Workbench better but I couldn't get it to work, it kept giving me errors.
---
And of course...
---
OI: No, we don't use Linux. We use CentOS.
---

I did the math today. Only 35 more years and I can retire.

My colleague asked for some help with an issue. I went over and the app they are working on was like

Idiots. Idiots everywhere. The next big trend in software engineering is to take a whole bunch of idiots, give them the basic knowledge to write code, and then dedicate a whole lot of competent developers' time to either fixing errors made by those idiots, or attempting to make "safer" tools so those idiots don't screw up as easily.

OutfofMemoryError thrown while trying to throw OutfofMemoryError; no stack trace available.

What the.... ????
😒

I AM TIRED

warning: this rant is going to be full of negativity , CAPS, and cursing.

People always think and they always write that programming is an analytical profession. IF YOU CANNOT THINK IN AN ANALYTICAL WAY THIS JOB IS NOT FOR YOU! But the reality could not be farther from the truth.

A LOT of people in this field whether they're technical people or otherwise, just lack any kind of reasoning or "ANALYTICAL" thinking skills. If anything, a lot of of them are delusional and/or they just care about looking COOL. "Because programming is like getting paid to solve puzzles" *insert stupid retarded laugh here*.

A lot of devs out there just read a book or two and read a Medium article by another wannabe, now think they're hot shit. They know what they're doing. They're the gods of "clean" and "modular" design and all companies should be in AWE of their skills paralleled only by those of deities!

Everyone out there and their Neanderthal ancestor from start-up founders to developers think they're the next Google/Amazon/Facebook/*insert fancy shitty tech company*.

Founder? THEY WANT TO MOVE FAST AND GET TO MARKET FAST WITH STUPID DEADLINES! even if it's not necessary. Why? BECAUSE YOU INFERIOR DEVELOPER HAVE NOT READ THE STUPID HOT PILE OF GARBAGE I READ ONLINE BY THE POEPLE I BLINDLY COPY! "IF YOU'RE NOT EMBARRASSED BY THE FIRST VERSION OF YOU APP, YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG" - someone at Amazon.

Well you delusional brainless piece of stupidity, YOU ARE NOT AMAZON. THE FIRST VERSION THAT THIS AMAZON FOUNDER IS EMBARRASSED ABOUT IS WHAT YOU JERK OFF TO AT NIGHT! IT IS WHAT YOU DREAM ABOUT HAVING!

And oh let's not forget the tech stacks that make absolutely no fucking sense and are just a pile of glue and abstraction levels on top of abstraction levels that are being used everywhere. Why? BECAUSE GOOGLE DOES IT THAT WAY DUH!! And when Google (or any other fancy shit company) changes it, the old shitty tech stack that by some miracle you got to work and everyone is writing in, is now all of a sudden OBSOLETE! IT IS OLD. NO ONE IS WRITING SHIT IN THAT ANYMORE!

And oh my god do I get a PTSD every time I hear a stupid fucker saying shit like "clean architecture" "clean shit" "best practice". Because I have yet to see someone whose sentences HAVE TO HAVE one of these words in them, that actually writes anything decent. They say this shit because of some garbage article they read online and in reality when you look at their code it is hot heap of horseshit after eating something rancid. NOTHING IS CLEAN ABOUT IT. NOTHING IS DONE RIGHT. AND OH GOD IF THAT PERSON WAS YOUR TECH MANAGER AND YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO THEM RUNNING THEIR SHITHOLE ABOUT HOW YOUR SIMPLE CODE IS "NOT CLEAN". And when you think that there might be a valid reason to why they're doing things that way, you get an answer of someone in an interview who's been asked about something they don't know, but they're trying to BS their way to sounding smart and knowledgable. 0 logic 0 reason 0 brain.

Let me give you a couple of examples from my unfortunate encounters in the land of the delusional.

I was working at this start up which is fairly successful and there was this guy responsible for developing the front-end of their website using ReactJS and they're using Redux (WHOSE SOLE PURPOSE IS TO ELIMINATE PASSING ATTRIBUTES FOR THE PURPOSE OF PASSING THEM DOWN THE COMPONENT HIERARCHY AGIAN). This guy kept ranting about their quality and their shit every single time we had a conversation about the code while I was getting to know everything. Also keep in mind he was the one who decided to use Redux. Low and behold there was this component which has THIRTY MOTHERFUCKING SEVEN PROPERTIES WHOSE SOLE PURPOSE IS BE PASSED DOWN AGAIN LIKE 3 TO 4 TIMES!.

This stupid shit kept telling me to write code in a "functional" style. AND ALL HE KNOWS ABOUT FUNCTIONAL PROGRAMMING IS USING MAP, FILTER, REDUCE! And says shit like "WE DONT NEED UNIT TESTS BECAUSE FUNCTIONAL PROGRAMMING HAS NO ERRORS!" Later on I found that he read a book about functional programming in JS and now he fucking thinks he knows what functional programming is! Oh I forgot to mention that the body of his "maps" is like 70 fucking lines of code!

Another fin-tech company I worked at had a quote from Machiavelli's The Prince on EACH FUCKING DESK:

"There is nothing more difficult to take in hand, more perilous to conduct, or more uncertain in its success, than to take the lead in the introduction of a new order of things."

MOTHERFUCKER! NEW ORDER OF THINGS? THERE 10 OTHER COMPANIES DOING THE SAME SHIT ALREADY!

And the one that got on my nerves as a space lover. Is a quote from Kennedy's speech about going to the moon in the 60s "We choose to go to the moon and do the hard things ..."

YOU FUCKING DELUSIONAL CUNT! YOU THINK BUILDING YOUR SHITTY COPY PASTED START UP IS COMPARABLE TO GOING TO THE MOON IN THE 60S?

I am just tired of all those fuckers.

Nightmare IRL:

Your colleague is in PTO for 2 weeks.

You are in charge of maintaining his project along with yours, CI, code, tests and everything.

Your colleague's code base is a real master piece of shit when you look at it closer. By shit, I mean hardcoded values everywhere, random sleeps now and then, 20 if branches that could be replaced by maps, variables named a b c d everywhere, try catch to silence errors that should not be silenced, etc.

Your colleague left the CI and code broken as shit. Takes forever to run on my goddamn computer.

PMs are spamming you: "What is going on? It's red everywhere. Help! Plz fix this! We are going to release tomorrow!"

FML

*Writes code, doesn’t test* “Ah this works, I’ve done it before”

*Finishes project, runs test, errors everywhere* “FUCK!”

I do it on non-important projects... but I need to stop before I start doing it on important projects 😑

You know shits getting real when google wants to translate the stackoverflow page!

Commits with errors
Commits with errors everywhere

Was getting CORS errors for no reason.
Realized the extension HTTPS Everywhere was the problem

Elasticsearch, from the bottom of my heart...

How can one ecosystem be so batshit crazy inconsistent?

Seemingly every agent does the same (e.g. filebeat vs journalbeat vs packetbeat)… yet there are subtle changes in configuration everywhere.

Plus YML. The most shitty markup language one can use and the cockslubbing durps used it fucking everywhere.

Makes fun to have complex stuff and requiring a python Jinja to JSON to YML converter to be able to write the complex stuff without having the fucking migraine to count like a stupid 4 year old whitespace with both hands...

To make it even more absurd: the ingest pipelines which contain a lot of regular expressions / grok and are thus very prone to quoting issues... Yes. Let's do this in YML too.

If you need to add an fucking manual section how to debug YML errors you should have realized what a fucking stupid idea it was, morons.

Now I have the joy of having a python script regex quoting the shit for a Jinja template which then generates JSON which then generates YML.

Why the JSON part?

Yeah... Because ECS and changes in the upstream YML files / GitHub.

To be able to run diffs in a sane way because in YML distinguishing thing is pretty much impossible, so JSON as an intermediary format solely for the purpose of converting upstream YML to JSON to diff it against modified JSON ingest pipelines downstream.

I fucking hate elasticsearch

Anyone else ever had to install Jekyll on Windows?

Man, what a displeasure the last four hours were. SSL errors everywhere because Ruby versions have differing SSL certificates for downloading gems or something, having to install the devkit three times, messing with Linux Subsystem and finding out the Ubuntu repos do not have a new enough Ruby version to support what you're doing.

All this to have some fun with GH pages. It's physically exhausting.

1st week of doing proj: "hello there sexy, u are gonna one beautiful project. ill be doing all my best to finish you and you may actually one of my best projects."

after a month: "aaaaa ERRORS EVerywhere, tf is wrong with u. imma start another project if u dont start running properly like i planned"

after another month: *procrastinates while debugging* "yaass it works now, lets finish u baby"

takes some time to finish projects but if theyre really good, i usually finish them, especially when i am motivated and full of determination.

When the compiler throw a lot of errors and was a stupid ; missing...

Everywhere I go I see these "Become senior in 3 weeks" courses
That's good and all
But when the fuck will you teach your students to debug and search your errors on google/stackoverflow
This is so fucking ridiculous
Them guys can't even read git push/pull errors and wonder why they make changes to the code but nothing happens

One hour before demo.
clone,compile and run.
Guess what..?
Most of the key module aren't working
Guess why..?
I forgot to push final changes to git (after pulling an all nighter)

Am I the only one who forgets to declare data types in Java after months of coding in only Ruby and Python? 😵

C# has become shit.

I work since 2013 with C# (and the whole .NET stack) and I was so happy with it.
Compared to Java it was much lean, compared to all shitty new edge framework that looked like a unfinished midschool project, it was solid and mature.

It had his problems,. but compared to everything else that I tried, it was the quickes and most robust solution.

All went in a downhill leading to a rotten shit lake when all this javascript frenzy began to pop up and everyone wanted to get on the trendy bandwagon.

First they introduced MVC, then .NET Core, now .NET 5-6-7-8.

Now I'm literally engulfed with all these tiny bits of terror javascript provoked and they've implemented in all the parts of their framework.

Everything has to be null checked at compilation time, everything pops up errors "this might be nulll heyyyyy it's important put a ! or a ? you silly!!!" everywhere.

There are JS-ish constructs and syntax shit everywhere.

It's unbearable.
I avoid js like a plague whenever I can (and you know it's not a luxury you get often in the current state of a developer life) and they're slowly turning in some shit js hybrid deformed creature

I miss 2013-2018, when it wass all up to me to decide what to do with code and I did some big projects for big companies (200-300k lines of code without unit tests and yes for me it's a lot) without all this hassle.

I literally feel the need c# had to have some compiler rule you can quickly switch called "Senior developer mode" that doesn't trigger alarms and bells for every little stupid thing.

I'm sure you can' turn on/off these craps by some hidden settings somewhere, but heck I feel the need to be an option, so whoever keeps it on should see a big red label on top of the IDE saying "YOU HAVE RETARDED DEV MODE ON"

So they get a reminder that if they use it they are either some fresh junior dev or they are mentally challenged.

> wanting to add an embed google maps to a website I'm working on for fun, with React
> Check the API documentation, excepted their iframe they create from your needs, not much info about how to set in a a js framework
> decide to check if anyone has already created something with React
> They did! 1 american dude, one polish, one last from idk where
> The rest is basic doc so let's try each of them
> Errors, errors everywhere
> Screens stays awefully white
> Spend 2 hours checking, checking and checking again each library
> Each of them have a different problem
> Fuck this, let's copy the iframe thingy from Google's doc, adapt 1 or 2 things because of React and run npm
> Google maps works on first try

Funny story...
Got a small college assignment based on Java and Cassandra(database). The database shell was running fine. Spent 5 days removing the random java exceptions and working on the basic connectivity, searched everywhere on Stack overflow and other forums for solutions and still no help.
So, I decided to write a program that would print only the output as I knew what would be the output when it will run. Took a screenshot of it and made up a cover story to tell my professor that I did it on a friend's computer.
But while I was taking a screenshot of the Eclipse with code window and output window, some random syntax errors popped up.(but they weren't syntax error).
So I created a new project and copied the pom.xml file and the code into the new one(I tried this one before and it didn't work). And there were no errors. So I took a screenshot of it with output of different file and opened a different file.

But then, don't know what came across my mind and I clicked on run just to see if this works, and it worked fine. And now I'm like.. WTF JUST HAPPENED!!

A dev in the team just found out about JavaScript promises. Now he is putting them everywhere but never handling errors, so it's impossible to tell where the app is actually failing because the error points to the Babel polyfill and the stack trace is not long enough.

Golangs error handling is really annoying. I'm writing a cli that does a bunch of stuff, and a lot of that could cause an error. Now I have to either explicitly ignore the errors everywhere or write an abundant if, that simply checks if the error exists and print it to console. So I either won't see any errors when something goes wrong, or I will have ugly bloated code... wtf, I want "throw" back

Coworker#1: Our client's website is broken, there are 504 errors everywhere, and their customers aren't able to register accounts.
Coworker#2: Our machine that hosts everything won't start up.

How is your Friday going?

Fun times with postscript:

I have two EPS files that are generated by a program.
In there there is the postscript describing the file (~6000 lines) and then the preview image as TIFF. Each ps and TIFF image on its own renders correctly and looks good.
Now the fun part: The ps in combination with one of the images works, with the other image it doesn't. Somehow the ps-renderer tries to interpret the TIFF-data, which yields nonsense and the renderer stops altogether. But only for one file not for the other. And it's definitely not the ps, because if I switch the preview images the other file doesn't work.

Dontcha love loading up and seeing everything not loading up

Xcode is pissing me off:

- Suddenly it starts force quitting every 2 minutes
- Every second time it doesn't know everything and only can autocomplete words that were already in the document
- Playground pages: Good idea, works horribly.
- when I use modules from CocoaPods the first time, I need to restart Xcode and the computer 5 times till I don't run into build errors
- it likes to just throw random errors everywhere and leaving you unable to build anything
- it only copies new files every second or third time into the project folder.

I'm really pissed. I just wanted to code...

Need advice.

So the class I TA is learning how to use heroku for website testing. It is going up on fire because of a shit tonne of errors everywhere. The professor is adamant heroku is what is used nowadays for testing (over using FTP) so we will have to help 200+ people troubleshoot without knowing much ourselves.

My question is what are some other modern website testing mechanisms? Preferably some that have retard proofing in them.

Design errors, design errors everywhere....

Before I went to school I was copying game code from book to atari computer cause it was faster than waiting for game to load from tape recorder ( especially when people are walking around on wood floor and you have constant read errors).

I probably wrote some magic spell that cursed me on my lifetime cause this shitty programming happened to chase me everywhere I go.

Damn you software you’re everywhere I go, why you’re haunting me all the time. It’s hard to find some quiet place without you watching.

So remember kids don’t write code you don’t understand cause it may fuck your life.

to add a bit of fancyness i print the scripts name and 'by' my 'artists name' whenever scripts are executed. today i got a call 'it says error on line 1, what did i do wrong?' i am still laughing tears. did not consider this programmers joke to have an impact irl.

Going to develop a electron desktop..

saddest part: doesn't even install on my machine.. don't know why... errors errors everywhere 😢😢

npm install -g electron

Code full of errors is still better than having code with zero errors, which still won't work.

OOM errors everywhere!!!

This one is easy: Visual Studio!
More time than I'd like it suddenly stops working properly. For example, without changing anything, it starts to show errors on the code that worked before, or says that included libraries aren't included or are missing and showing errors everywhere. When working with the Win32 API it was a hassle to work with resources. When working in .NET I didn't have a pleasant experience either.
However, most times, all I had to do to get VS magically (exactly the same code) working properly again was to close it and open it again (or reboot the computer).
I had a couple of University projects delayed because of VS 😡
But VS has it's advantages and cool (working) features...

Is it just me or is the error handling in Go and/or Rust just.. tideous?

Maybe I'm biased because I grew up on C# and error handling has always been Exceptions and try+catch for me, but I find having to manually check errors everywhere not only annoying to code, but also horrible to look at.

Am I alone on this one?

About to submit a form to get a scholarship to a government website, and guess what. Errors everywhere. Why are they like this? These government websites are also known to be very vulnerable to hackers

I really hate working with learning management systems (LMS).
I make training simulations for retail companies and some of these have the worst, backwards LMS's out there.
The providers who install and manage these LMSs for the companies always insist we make our training run inside their own environment, but we can't since it's a 3D training made in Unity that doesn't run well in a browser.

Luckily some of these are fine to figure out. Just a few API calls here and there for authorization and reporting progress, but some are an absolute nightmare.

Just now one of the providers provided me with a 2000 page documentation of all the functions of the LMS's API that our customer is using. All I need are like 5 pages that explain what URL to call with what data and the responses, but now I'm stuck spending days trying to find the 0.5% of this documentation that I need to communicate with their API.

And of course, the documentation is vague as all hell. minimal descriptions of what each endpoint does. Subjects names are super vague, as in do I look for course progress or lesson completion state. What the heck is a Learning Event, is it relevant to me?

And the errors in this document, too.
Bullet-point lists with duplicate items.
language errors everywhere.
Property lists where they copy-pasted the description of properties.
An entire EMPTY chapter, literally a page with only the chapter's title.

I just can't stand how these providers barely seem to know anything about the API of the LMS's they provide to customers.
(for clarity, the LMS is produced by some big tech company, it's installed and maintained by some 3rd party which is our main line of communication when rolling out trainings to these).

It always goes like: "Hey, we want to use your training." "Oh, that's great, we have our own, simple LMS where you can view your employee's progress." "Nah, we want to use our backwards LMS. Here's a giant manual about it's API, go figure it out!"
And then I'm left here tearing my hair out trying to figure out which 3 calls I need to send their API from the tons of extra stuff it can do which is completely unnecessary and being unable to rely on the provider because they lack the knowledge and have such thick skulls about the implementation of the LMS itself that they also seems completely unwilling to help to begin with!

Just another day at the office.

Today I was revisiting my first ever WPF project made, turns out that a baboon could have written better code than this.

The project literally has messages going everywhere to every viewmodel even if it's not supposed to.

I'll spare the details, but let's just say I'd rather jump in a mountain of needles than try to add a feature in this mess.

So I am now refactoring without my bosses permission since I am the only one in this company able to work with WPF and I still have enough time for a simple refactor.

Already on about 200 errors by just changing a few lines of code because everything inherits everything.

AHHHHHHHHHHGGGH

I HATE VPN SETUP

- Trying OpenSwan
Installing open swan on a Debian machine.. setting up the config.
Restarting openswan. Syntax error. No syntax error to be found.
Different tutorial.. it starts! Try to connect.. I can’t connect. Look at the logs. No errors.
Tcpdump. My traffic is coming through.. all fine.. try to connect again.. it works! (Nothing changed!)
Try to ping somewhere else.. no connectivity.
Try to ping an IP in the same network.. works fine. So I have connectivity, just no internet.
Spend an hour finding out about traffic directions of which no one seems to know what they really mean.
Boss tells me to stop using openswan because it’s deprecated and replaced by strong swan..

- Strongswan
Reinstall Debian machine, install strongswan. Copy openswan config. Oh, they’re incompatible? Look up strong swan config, and the service starts.
Connect to the VPN.. it works! Again, no internet, just connectivity in the same network. Spend 2h debugging the config, disable firewalls everywhere, find an ancient bug in the Debian package related to my issues.. ok, let’s try compiling from source.. you know what, let’s not. I’ll throw this Debian machine away and try something completely different.

- pfSense
Ok, this looks easy enough! Let’s just click through the initial setup, change some firewall rules, create an L2TP VPN with a simple wizard.
Try to connect to VPN. First, it times out. Maybe a firewall issue? Turn off firewall.. ah, something happens now. I get an error message right after trying to connect to the VPN. Hmm, the port doesn’t even get opened when I enable the firewall.. this implementation seems a bit buggy.. let’s try their OpenVPN module.

Configure OpenVPN. Documentation isn’t that clear.. apparently a client isn’t actually a client but a user is a client.. ok, there’s a hidden checkbox somewhere.
Now where do I download my certificate? Oh, I need a plug-in for that.. ok, interesting. Able to download the certificate, import it, connect and.. YES!!! I can ping! But, I have no DNS..
Apparently, ICMP isn’t getting filtered but all outbound ports are.. yet the firewall is completely disabled. Maybe I need outbound NAT? Oh. There’s no clear documentation on where to configure it. Find some ancient doc, set it up, still no outbound connectivity.

AHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHG

Then I tried VyOS. I had a great L2TP VPN working in less than 15 mins. Thank you VyOS for actually providing proper docs and proper software.

Been working on an Android app for some time. Silly me too lazy to use VCS. Anyway, one day android studio just could not build my project and errors that should not be errors popped up everywhere and nothing I did fixed the problem. Somehow my project got corrupted. 3 hours later of googling and trying to recover my project I had to resort to creating a new project and manually port the old files in one by one :( but all I have to say is WHAT THE FUCK ANDROID STUDIO

nothing new, just another rant about php...
php, PHP, Php, whatever is written, wherever is piled, I hate this thing, in every stack.

stuff that works only according how php itself is compiled, globals superglobals and turbo-globals everywhere, == is not transitive, comparisons are non-deterministic, ?: is freaking left associative, utility functions that returns sometimes -1, sometimes null, sometimes are void, each with different style of usage and naming, lowercase/under_score/camelCase/PascalCase, numbers are 32bit on 32bit cpus and 64bit on 64bit cpus, a ton of silent failing stuff that doesn't warn you, references are actually aliases, nothing has a determined type except references, abuse of mega-global static vars and funcs, you can cast to int in a language where int doesn't even exists, 25236 ways to import/require/include for every different subcase, @ operator, :: parsed to T_PAAMAYIM_NEKUDOTAYIM for no reason in stack traces, you don't know who can throw stuff, fatal errors are sometimes catchable according to nobody knows, closed-over vars are passed as functions unless you use &, functions calls that don't match args signature don't fail, classes are not object and you can refer them only by string name, builtin underlying types cannot be wrapped, subclasses can't override parents' private methods, no overload for equality or ordering, -1 is a valid index for array and doesn't fail, funcs are not data nor objects when clojures instead are objects, there's no way to distinguish between a random string and a function 'reference', php.ini, documentation with comments and flame wars on the side, becomes case sensitive/insensitive according to the filesystem when line break instead is determined according to php.ini, it's freaking sloooooow...

enough. i'm tired of this crap.
it's almost weekend! 🍻

One of the worst practices in programming is misusing exceptions to send messages.

This from the node manual for example:

> fsPromises.access(path[, mode])

> fsPromises.access('/etc/passwd', fs.constants.R_OK | fs.constants.W_OK)
> .then(() => console.log('can access'))
> .catch(() => console.error('cannot access'));

I keep seeing people doing this and it's exceptionally bad API design, excusing the pun.

This spec makes assumptions that not being able to access something is an error condition.

This is a mistaken assumption. It should return either true or false unless a genuine IO exception occurred.

It's using an exception to return a result. This is commonly seen with booleans and things that may or may not exist (using an exception instead of null or undefined).

If it returned a boolean then it would be up to me whether or not to throw an exception. They could also add a wrapper such as requireAccess for consistent error exceptions.

If I want to check that a file isn't accessible, for example for security then I need to wrap what would be a simple if statement with try catch all over the place. If I turn on my debugger and try to track any throw exception then they are false positives everywhere.

If I want to check ten files and only fail if none of them are accessible then again this function isn't suited.

I see this everywhere although it coming from a major library is a bit sad.

This may be because the underlying libraries are C which is a bit funky with error handling, there's at least a reason to sometimes squash errors and results together (IE, optimisation). I suspect the exception is being used because under the hood error codes are also used and it's trying to use throwing an exception to give the different codes but doesn't exist and bad permissions might not be an error condition or one requiring an exception.

Yet this is still the bane of my existence. Bad error handling everywhere including the other way around (things that should always be errors being warnings), in legacy code it's horrendous.

Having not touched my cordova/phonegap project for so long, so many updates... removing and adding of plugins... Ohhh the pain! Errors, errors everywhere!

What is the most impactful mistake you ever did in your code?

Open a file last modified by colleague ... Eslint errors everywhere 😬😬😬

So the company is launching this massive new project, I'm tasked with building a dashboard to track the performances of the whole thing in near real-time.

90% if the data comes from this one somewhat rubbish API (3rd-party).

I'm given plenty of time to build this, everything runs fine prior to the launch, manager happy.

Launch day, happening exactly at midnight.

I go and check my dashboard 5 min past the hour, all excited.

Errors, errors everywhere. "What is going on?" I exclaimed. #datHeartAttack

Took me a fair amount of time to figure out the issue.

Due to the time difference I was technically requesting the 3rd party servers for "tomorrow's data," and that instead of handling that in some sensible manner, the API just threw a "wrong fucking date error."

I mean, we're paying additional money, good money, for this API.

It's so frustrating to explain rxjs pitfalls to the manager.

To avoid the diamond problems and glitches caused by combineLatest and debounceTime(0), I decided to use single stream with nested reactivity.

Then the manager asked me to use withLatestFrom instead of combineLatest.

Sure withLatestFrom makes sense to the original author, when the original author is able to remember the reactive graph and put proper dependencies to combineLasted/withLatestFrom accordingly, but anyone else who touches the component later needs to retrace the reactive graph to avoid the glitch. Sometimes it's just impossible when many dependencies are derived from combineLatest+debounceTime(0). When no one is trained to code reactively, I don't expect people to know where to put a dependency. After many trials and errors, the only way to avoid the diamond problem is to use nested reactivity where child streams are created within root stream each time root stream emits.

The mentioned manager put all sorts of side effects in observable chains. The manager keeps saying the stream is too large when their subscription functions (sometimes nested) are way worse with litered mutations everywhere. Anything in observable can be traced by go to definition but tracing side effects usually requires global searches.

Recently, he put startWith to the end of a synced stream to fix a bug where button would collapse when there is no content (initial null emission). Rather than fixing the default height, he thinks using startWith(defaultLabel) is a good idea. Of course, he doesn't know that a synced stream should only emit 1 value on new subscription and that extra emitted value will cause rxjs glich down the pipe.

I hate corporate jobs

Wtf is this ESP32 shit and it's hype?

I bought one because I thought JS on a microcontroller? That's gotta be fun!

I'm a hobbiest when it comes to MCUs and I do JS as a job, so I tought I'm made for this and I know at least as much as all the kids on the internet doing it.

Nothing makes sense with this shit. You have to flash wildly compiled modules of WHATEVERTHEFUCK with fucken python development-kits which have something to do with Lua to give you some kind of node-REPL which answers you with a bunch of strangely-looking errors starting with "stdin:x:".
If this NODE-MCU shit is made for JS why is there stuff about Lua everywhere you go with this, I don't get a single thing. Now I'm sitting on about 3 different git repos of sdks or what do I know and know less than before.

Oh and there is actually not a single tutorial really targetting the esp32. it's all about that 82xx-model.

Then I start googling around a bit more - It's not even ES6, it's just some ES3/5 shit. Why would you even do this. That's actually harder to manage than classic C/C++. You get no gain with it. Fuck me.

Wtf bro.

Image implementing angular universal which for it self is quite painful... Timeinvestment 8hours
Testing local 12 hours by the team
.. deploying to Google app engine because we need a nodejs server and we do don't have one yet ... Server crashing 24/7 with random errors most are memory related spend 3 days almost rewriting everything ... trying to find the memory leak
Then when I was about to give up stumble over a GitHub issue where someone is saying something about tiers on app engine.
Me going wtf there are tiers everywhere it just says automatically scaling instances ...
Googling .. setting to highest tier .. app works. Apparently I was in lowest tier which only has 156 MB ram app needs 150- 250 MB. Me now crying in corner about my wasted 4 days.

Typescript Question
This is something that's been bugging me for a longer time now.
I did couple of React/typescript project (CRA) and it just keeps on happening and I have no idea why and even better - I have no idea how to query google with about problem.
From time to time I open a file that I KNOW was without any errors and suddenly BOOM - Parameter 'XYZ' implicitly has an 'any' type. And now I need to go and add explicit types everywhere it wants me to. TS Server restart doesnt help. Why does this keep happening? Any Typescript guru please?