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Friend: Man you're a programmer why aren't you a billionaire already like the others??
Me: It's not that easy believe me.
Friend: I have a great idea for an app something like facebook...can be that hard?
Me: :/
Friend: you could do that instead of your no pay opensource shit...
Me: FUCK YOU AND YOUR STUPID BULLLLLSHIT GO FUCKING DIE YOU PIECE OF SHIT !!!! YOU HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE ..STUPID SON OF A BITCH.33 -
Anyone know this bitch hacker 127.0.0.1 story?
WORST HACKERS OF ALL TIME
CONTINUED IN THE COMMENTS BECUASE IT IS SO LONG...
TLdr bitch hacker hacks himself by localhost
bitchchecker (~java@euirc-a97f9137.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)
bitchchecker (~java@euirc-61a2169c.dip.t-dialin.net) has joined #stopHipHop
<bitchchecker> why do you kick me
<bitchchecker> can’t you discus normally
<bitchchecker> answer!
<Elch> we didn’t kick you
<Elch> you had a ping timeout: * bitchchecker (~java@euirc-a97f9137.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)
<bitchchecker> what ping man
<bitchchecker> the timing of my pc is right
<bitchchecker> i even have dst
<bitchchecker> you banned me
<bitchchecker> amit it you son of a bitch
<HopperHunter|afk> LOL
<HopperHunter|afk> shit you’re stupid, DST^^
<bitchchecker> shut your mouth WE HAVE DST!
<bitchchecker> for two weaks already
<bitchchecker> when you start your pc there is a message from windows that DST is applied.
<Elch> You’re a real computer expert
<bitchchecker> shut up i hack you
<Elch> ok, i’m quiet, hope you don’t show us how good a hacker you are
<bitchchecker> tell me your network number man then you’re dead
<Elch> Eh, it’s 129.0.0.1
<Elch> or maybe 127.0.0.1
<Elch> yes exactly that’s it: 127.0.0.1 I’m waiting for you great attack
<bitchchecker> in five minutes your hard drive is deleted
<Elch> Now I’m frightened
<bitchchecker> shut up you’ll be gone
<bitchchecker> i have a program where i enter your ip and you’re dead
<bitchchecker> say goodbye
<Elch> to whom?
<bitchchecker> to you man
<bitchchecker> buy buy
<Elch> I’m shivering thinking about such great Hack0rs like you
bitchchecker (~java@euirc-61a2169c.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)
bitchchecker (~java@euirc-b5cd558e.dip.t-dialin.net) has joined #stopHipHop
<bitchchecker> dude be happy my pc crashed otherwise you’d be gone
<Metanot> lol
<Elch> bitchchecker: Then try hacking me again… I still have the same IP: 127.0.0.1
<bitchchecker> you’re so stupid man
<bitchchecker> say buy buy
<Metanot> ah, [Please control your cussing] off
<bitchchecker> buy buy elch
bitchchecker (~java@euirc-b5cd558e.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)
bitchchecker (~java@euirc-9ff3c180.dip.t-dialin.net) has joined #stopHipHop
<bitchchecker> elch you son of a bitch
<Metanot> bitchchecker how old are you?
<Elch> What’s up bitchchecker?
<bitchchecker> you have a frie wal
<bitchchecker> fire wall
<Elch> maybe, i don’t know
<bitchchecker> i’m 26
<Metanot> such behaviour with 26?
<Elch> how did you find out that I have a firewall?
<Metanot> tststs this is not very nice missy
<bitchchecker> because your gay fire wall directed my turn off signal back to me
<bitchchecker> be a man turn that shit off
<Elch> cool, didn’t know this was possible.
<bitchchecker> thn my virus destroys your pc man
<Metanot> are you hacking yourselves?
<Elch> yes bitchchecker is trying to hack me
<Metanot> he bitchchecker if you’re a hacker you have to get around a firewall even i can do that
<bitchchecker> yes man i hack the elch but the sucker has a fire wall the
<Metanot> what firewall do you have?
<bitchchecker> like a girl
<Metanot> firewall is normal a normal hacker has to be able to get past it…you girl
<He> Bitch give yourself a jackson and chill you’re letting them provoce you and give those little girls new material all the time
<bitchchecker> turn the firewall off then i send you a virus [Please control your cussing]er
<Elch> Noo
<Metanot> he bitchchecker why turn it off, you should turn it off
<bitchchecker> you’re afraid
<bitchchecker> i don’t wanna hack like this if he hides like a girl behind a fire wall
<bitchchecker> elch turn off your shit wall!
<Metanot> i wanted to say something about this, do you know the definition of hacking??? if he turns of the firewall that’s an invitation and that has nothing to do with hacking
<bitchchecker> shut up
<Metanot> lol
<bitchchecker> my grandma surfs with fire wall
<bitchchecker> and you suckers think you’re cool and don’t dare going into the internet without a fire wall
<Elch> bitchchecker, a collegue showed me how to turn the firewall off. Now you can try again
<Metanot> bitchhacker can’t hack
<Black<TdV>> nice play on words
<bitchchecker> wort man
<Elch> bitchchecker: I’m still waiting for your attack!
<Metanot> how many times again he is no hacker
<bitchchecker> man do you want a virus
<bitchchecker> tell me your ip and it deletes your hard drive
<Metanot> lol ne give it up i’m a hacker myself and i know how hackers behave and i can tell you 100.00% you’re no hacker..30 -
Compilation completed. Output file size: 15KB
*Adds a JSON library*
Compilation completed. Output file size: 1.4MB
SON OF A BITCH10 -
Inspired by @h3ll, this is a combination of current and former coworkers:
Awkward Wizard:
This guy has the social skills of a microwaved dog turd. He is a genius, but working with him is about as uncomfortable as sticking a grill skewer in your eye and twisting it repeatedly until close of business. He laughs at inappropriate times, and every time he does, an unborn child tears its own ears off. He explains things in a way that only himself and Satan understand, then talks to you like you're a child when you don't follow his logic. He is the guy you hide when the CEO is around. His code is immaculate.
Backstab McGillacutty:
This bowl of bile is the son of a bitch that takes credit for everybody else's work. When you do something good, he was miraculously involved, but when you mess up, this twat is the dicknose that brings it up in retrospective and calls you out by name to the boss. You can usually find these guys talking shit about the CTO, until the boss quits. Then they buddy up with the CTO and become a Joel Osteen-esque evangelist for everything the CTO wants in a shitty, underhanded attempt to climb the ladder. Fuck this guy.
Professor Fuckwaffle:
This coworker used to teach Computer Science classes. Their resume is amazing, and they can speak to the most complex of design principles. This is the shitstain that you hire because of their skill and knowledge only to find out that ol' fuckwaffle can't apply the shit they spout to save their wretched lives. You'll spend more time listening to fuckwaffle lecture than you will reviewing their code (because they cant fucking write any!) You know the saying, those who can, do, and those who can't, teach? Yeah, that shit was written for Fuckwaffle.
Last but not least:
Scrumdumb:
This guy isn't even a coder. This guy is worse than the the scum you pour out of the bottom of a slow-cooker that you forgot to wash last time you made chicken. He's a non-technical PM. You know the type, right? He usually says "cloud infrastructure," "paradigm," "algorithm," "SDLC," etc but has no grasp of any of them. He often opens his dumpster to spout off something like "You can just create a new class for that" while talking about HTML. I won't waste any more breath on Scrumdumb, he already creates enough work for me.3 -
[This makes me sound really bad at first, please read the whole thing]
Back when I first started freelancing I worked for a client who ran a game server hosting company. My job was to improve their system for updating game servers. This was one of my first clients and I didn't dare to question the fact that he was getting me to work on the production environment as they didn't have a development one setup. I came to regret that decision when out of no where during the first test, files just start deleting. I panicked as one would and tried to stop the webserver it was running on but oh no, he hasn't given me access to any of that. I thought well shit, I might as well see where I fucked up since it was midnight for him and I wasn't able to get a hold of him. I looked at every single line hundreds of times trying to see why it would have started deleting files. I found no cause. Exhausted, (This was 6am by this point) I pretty much passed out. I woke up around 5 hours later with my face on my keyboard (I know you've all done that) only to see a good 30 messages from the client screaming at me. It turns out that during that time every single client's game server had been deleted. Before responding and begging for forgiveness, I decided to take another crack at finding the root of the problem. It wasn't my fault. I had found the cause! It turns out a previous programmer had a script that would run "rm -rf" + (insert file name here) on the old server files, only he had fucked up the line and it would run "rm -rf /". I have never felt more relieved in my life. This script had been disabled by the original programmer but the client had set it to run again so that I could remake the system. Now, I was never told about this specific script as it was for a game they didn't host anymore.
I realise this is getting very long so I'll speed it up a bit.
He didn't want to take the blame and said I added the code and it was all my fault. He told me I could be on live chat support for 3 months at his company or pay $10,000. Out of all of this I had at least made sure to document what I was doing and backup every single file before I touched them which managed to save my ass when it came to him threatening legal action. I showed him my proof which resulted in him trying to guilt trip me to work for him for free as he had lost about 80% of his clients. By this point I had been abused constantly for 4 weeks by this son of a bitch. As I was underage he had said that if we went to court he'd take my parents house and make them live on the street. So how does one respond? A simple "Fuck off you cunt" and a block.
That was over 8 years ago and I haven't heard from him since.
If you've made it this far, congrats, you deserve a cookie!6 -
Web Developer Profanity:
Dreamweaver = Motherfucker
GoDaddy = Son of a Bitch
Wix = Go Fuck Yourselves
SquareSpace = Hipster Assholes
Web.com = Piles of dogshit
ASP = Pain in the Ass.15 -
WHAT THE FLYING FUCK WINDOWS???
You change the icon for the multi desktop button... ok fine,
*clicks*
son of a bitch now contains Bing Ads
Fuck you Windows, and Fuck me for not being able to find a linux distro that will fucking boot after install correctly, and FUCK you acer for not having linux support.
31 -
Fucking son of a bitch force pushed to git effectively deleting 4 hours of my work and was keeping his mouth shut for two days while pushing ontop of that bullshit during these days and completely minifiying that file I was working on to make sure that he makes my life miserable.Fuck this fucking shitty ass retarded fucker for doing this SECOND time already!11
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Client calls at 3AM, telling me an issue he reported which I told him was already solved in a new update hasn't been solved. He tells me that I'm lying because the issue is still there. The son of a bitch didn't even update the flicking app. Sincerely, fuck you.4
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I remember my first "Software Engineering 2" class at University. The teacher, a pompous son of a bitch that later on gave proof of his vast ignorance, greeted us with
"so ... You call yourselves programmers, right? What's the biggest program you have ever wrote? Something along the 100, maybe 200 lines of code? ..... If you've never written at least a MILLION lines of code software, you're not a software developer"
Even at that time, with my lack of experience in software development, I had that feeling in my guts telling me "writing myself a 1M lines of code software .... Brrrr that's something I hope I'll neve have to do in my life"
Turned of he was one of those dinosaurs stuck with the love for gargantuan monoliths of software like they used to do.
Just to dive you the whole picture, the course had ZERO software development and focused only on how to manage wonderful waterfall projects, how to write all types of software documentations and the final project was ... Writing a ton of documentation so boring and useless that even he didn't care to read through.
we still laugh at the episode when another group asked us to borrow one of our documents and after one day they asked "hemm ... Have you really sent this to the teacher?" "yes, why not?" ".... at page 23 someone left a comment saying 'what the fuck is this shit?'"5 -
Fucking teammate who did not know how to read/write a simple class diagram.
We warned him that he have to study or we just kick his fucking ass out of the team.
He just did nothing. When we had meetings he just stayed at home pretending to have an heart issue needing surgery.
After just 2-3 days he was tagged on FB in a photo shooted a few days earlier where he was riding a bike for a competition.
He skipped another scheduled-a-fucking-week-before meeting saying that he was on a surprise trip, when I called him 5 minutes before meeting start.
In the end we just kick him out because he did nothing. He went to professor talking about some relationship problem in the team and asked him if he could continue the project by himself just forking the ours.
Professor said HELL NO SON OF A BITCH.
But our team learned a precious lesson : choose your team carefully.5 -
cw: I need a server to put my node backend
me: sure, I'll run a docker container for you
cw: nice, I've never worked with docker but I learn quickly, I'm already reading the Docker file docs
me: no wait, you don't need to learn anything, you'll be inside the container, so you only need an ssh connection and that's it
cw: this Dockerfile stuff is really complicated, it'll take me a while, but it's ok you don't have to worry, I like learning new things
me: you won't need that, just imagine it's a cloud server with Ubuntu installed, you only have to use it, I'll put node, git and ssh there for you
cw: ok got it, I'll have to learn the commands to run the docker, I'm on windows but I can use PowerShell and stuff I'll figure it out
me: ...
cw: ssh is a linux command right? does it have a push or publish option? how do you upload files there
me: ...you can use a ftp client but you'll need ssh to run the node server
cw: ok, I'm almost done with the Dockerfile, I only need to add git and nodejs, I'm starting to understand this thing...
me thinking: yeah keep doing that, you're such a crack, such a quick learner...
This son of a bitch is either a retard or is doing it on purpose and laughing at me the whole time, making my life so miserable, but I'm about to go insane with this dude, I'm proud of how I've been able to control myself, BUT ONE OF THESE DAYS I'LL LOSE MY COOL AND FORCE THIS MOTHERFUCKER TO DRINK A BIG POT OF BOILING, SALTY AND STINKING VOMIT WITH A SIDE OF STEAMING DIARRHEAL GREEN DOG SHIT WITH WHITE CHOCOLATE CHIPS WHILE I PUT MY OLD CRT MONITOR TO GOOD USE BY BEATING HIS FUCKING HEAD WITH IT!!!3 -
One day at a meeting I proposed a solution and explained it to everyone and everyone agreed to it. And then comes in this motherfucking Mr. shithole who starts talking about a piece of shit approach which had apparent drawbacks and everyone could see it but no one mentions. Why, becuase that bigger asshole is the boss of these smaller assholes. When I mention the drawbacks, all I get in return is, you are right but we think you should go this way. No fucking explanation why should I or any son of bitch should go that way. And every single one of those fuckers in the meeting suddenly became ok with his approach without any question or doubt. I mean WTF! What kind of developer you are if cant fucking express your views.10
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I got a callback for mobile app development, I told them I had only worked in Android. When I got to the actual interview, "ok, your Resume and all is fine and all, but we are actually looking for an iOS developer" I stood up and walked out. I mean what in the name of holy fucking hell were you thinking you miserable son of a bitch.3
-
You fucking son of a bitch!
First you make me do a project in two fucking months, and that's a fucking job-load for only one dev to deliver a SPA with payments and whatsoever.
Then you pushed me to accelerate deployment date and there I am, getting tired and using time I don't have.
But oh no, you prick, that wasn't enough, you had to do just one thing. YOU HAD TO DO ONE FUCKING THING!
What's that? Oh, sorry, I thought I overheard that you wanted to accept online payments but YOU'RE NOT FUCKING SIGNED UP, YOUR BUSSINESS IS NOT LEGAL UNTIL YOU REGISTER IT.
Motherfucker, I can't do anything, you better fucking register your bussiness if you want this to work the way it's supposed to do. -
Son of a fucking bitch I forgot to pay the fucking internet bill and now my connection is down until the fucking payment processes.
Fucking shit I can't do a damn thing without internet bruh.17 -
Son a fucking bitch!
I ordered a brand new shiney SSD for my Inspiron 7573 which came in today. I was all set up with system backups just in case and install media for Debian and Windows standing by. I pull out my tools and realize that the laptop isn't going to have a screw inside to hold the drive in since it didn't come with a SSD. No big deal, I pull out the magnetic bowl of extra screws from all the previous repairs I've done and start looking for the screw I need. I can't find the screw I need so I go online hoping maybe I'll find someplace in town that will have one single screw with no luck.
Now I get to wait 2 more days for the screw I need to arrive from Amazon.
12 -
Years ago I used to work a guvmant site. They had really strict security rules for internet and how you spent your time. Makes sense considering what that site did. I was a support engineer for some of their process control equipment.
I was approached by an operator supervisor to install dvd player software on a business machine (non process related). Basically just a general purpose PC with no function other than time cards and general office use. I was fine with the request, but the reason was for watching movies during a holiday period by the operators. Not for anything official. So I made some noise about my dislike of this request feigning moral superiority. But the supervisor swore up and down it was for "training" dvds.
So I wrote a simple windows script. The script basically popped up a window that said:
"Security has detected unauthorized media inserted into this machine. Please state the reason for this infraction." It provided a dialog to enter a justification. After you entered the justification it said: "Security has been contacted and your user logged. You will be contacted shortly."
This script was then attached to the supervisors Start folder so it ran when he, and only he logged in. We made sure the "training" video (some movie) was already inserted at this point.
He logged in. He just about shit his pants when reading this. He promptly logged and left the building to walk somewhere else in the site. We called him and let him know it was a gag. His response: That son of a bitch Demolishun!2 -
Argh,
Today - you son of a bitch.
It all started with a 2 hour flight out of town for business, and I mean started as in I needed to be at the airport at 4:30am!
Despite 2 coffee's to get me out of bed I proceeded to indulge myself in the magic juice, 3 cups later and it felt like my heart belonged in a Grand Prix.
Now here is the sticky part, we where briefed that we would only be doing 2 site meetings and that was it.
Low and be hold it got worse, turns out that we would be pitching our product to 3 highly regarded CEO's, now bare in mind that my position on this trip is as the lead developer, and don't get me wrong I am well up to date on every aspect of the business, hence why they sent me.
So more coffee down the gullet, and eventually the conversation leads back to a project that I had developed to allow authorization of debit orders online, now usually I'm quite a well presented person in these types of situations, but you don't realize how quick this can change.
A quick jump to the geography of the location I was doing business. Johannesburg, South Africa - its as dry as hell, smoggy and at a very higher altitude "as in above sea level".
Now unfortunately none of the above factors where helping me much at all.
Now back to where I am being asked about my project, and never in my life have I tripped over my own words, I went completely blank, I'm surprised I didn't pass out to be honest.
Now despite the death stare and my colleague kicking me under the table, I am feeling pretty terrible, fortunately I had a kick ass team that was able to cover my ass!
Luckily I was able to recover ( 2 muffins and about 3 bottles of water later). We where able to salvage the meeting and it turned out pretty well, I regained my energy and we made it happen!
Must say the flight back was amazing! Almost empty and we all had a row of seats to ourselves, which resulted in some major comfort stretching!
Thanks for tolerating my essay, I'd love to hear if anyone has had anything of the sorts happen to them.
2 -
I propose that the study of Rust and therefore the application of said programming language and all of the technology that compromises it should be made because the language is actually really fucking good. Reading and studying how it manages to manipulate and otherwise use memory without a garbage collector is something to be admired, illuminating in its own accord.
BUT going for it because it is a "beTter C++" should not constitute a basis for it's study.
Let me expand through anecdotal evidence, which is really not to be taken seriously, but at the same time what I am using for my reasoning behind this, please feel free to correct me if I am wrong, for I am a software engineer yes, I do have academic training through a B.S in Computer Science yes, BUT my professional life has been solely dedicated to web development, which admittedly I do not go on about technical details of it with you all because: I am not allowed to(1) and (2)it is better for me to bitch and shit over other petty development related details.
Anecdotal and otherwise non statistically supported evidence: I have seen many motherfuckers doing shit in both C and C++ that ADMIT not covering their mistakes through the use of a debugger. Mostly because (A) using a debugger and proper IDE is for pendejos and debugging is for putos GDB is too hard and the VS IDE is waaaaaa "I onlLy NeeD Vim" and (B) "If an error would have registered then it would not have compiled no?", thus giving me the idea that the most common occurrences of issues through the use of the C father/son languages come from user error, non formal training in the language and a nice cusp of "fuck it it runs" while leaving all sorts of issues that come from manipulating the realm of the Gods "memory".
EVERY manual, book, coming all the way back to the K&C book talks about memory and the way in which developers of these 2 languages are able to manipulate and work on it. EVERY new standard of the ISO implementation of these languages deals, through community effort or standard documentation about the new items excised through features concerning MODERN (meaning, no, the shit you learned 20 years ago won't fucking cut it) will not cut it.
THUS if your ass is not constantly checking what the scalpel of electrical/circuitry/computational representation of algorithms CONDONES in what you are doing then YOU are the fucking problem.
Rust is thus no different from the original ideas of the developers behind Go when stating that their developers are not efficient enough to deal with X language, Rust protects you, because it knows that you are a fucking moron, so the compiler, advanced, and well made as it is, will give you warnings of your own idiotic tendencies, which would not have been required have you not been.....well....a fucking idiot.
Rust is a good language, but I feel one that came out from the necessity of people writing system level software as a bunch of fucking morons.
This speaks a lot more of our academic endeavors and current documentation than anything else. But to me DEALING with the idea of adapting Rust as a better C++ should come from a different point of view.
Do I agree with Linus's point of view of C++? fuck no, I do not, he is a kernel engineer, a damn good one at that regardless of what Dr. Tanenbaum believes(ed) but not everyone writes kernels, and sometimes that everyone requires OOP and additions to the language that they use. Else I would be a fucking moron for dabbling in the dictionary of languages that I use professionally.
BUT in terms of C++ being unsafe and unsecured and a horrible alternative to Rust I personaly do not believe so. I see it as a powerful white canvas, in which you are able to paint software to the best of your ability WHICH then requires thorough scrutiny from the entire team. NOT a quick replacement for something that protects your from your own stupidity BY impending the use of what are otherwise unknown "safe" features.
To be clear: I am not diminishing Rust as the powerhouse of a language that it is, myself I am quite invested in the language. But instead do not feel the reason/need before articles claiming it as the C++ killer.
I am currently heavily invested in C++ since I am trying a lot of different things for a lot of projects, and have been able to discern multiple pain points and unsafe features. Mainly the reason for this is documentation (your mother knows C++) and tooling, ide support, debugging operations, plethora of resources come from it and I have been able to push out to my secret project a lot of good dealings. WHICH I will eventually replicate with Rust to see the main differences.
Online articles stating that one will delimit or otherwise kill the other is well....wrong to me. And not the proper approach.
Anyways, I like big tits and small waists.14 -
I started doing this internship(my first internship; unpaid). I worked my ass off for the guy. He didn't have shit for a developer and I worked the best to my knowledge. Did all the work given to me during the internship.
After the internship was done, the guy expected me to work even after that because he felt that I owed him something for giving me the internship and I should feel obliged to work more for free. I asked for money. Nope.
Final Talk with him: He says I am a disrespectful fellow who will never succeed in industry.
This is fucking crazy right. He is the son of a bitch not me? Correct? Was I supposed to work after internship if the work wasn't done even if I didn't want to.5 -
Putty, you son of a bitch. Why do you call the logging option "All session output" if you don't include binary zeros in the output? Zeros don't count as "all" or what?
Then call the option "All session output without zeros", that would have saved me some time and prevented handing out false data.6 -
So after the original idea getting scraped during a hackathon this week, we created a slack bot to fetch most relevant answers from StackOverflow using user's input. All the user had to do was input few words and the bot handled all typos, links etc and returned the link as well as the most upvoted or the accepted amswer after scraping it from the website.
The average time to find an answer was around 2 seconds, and we also told that we're planning to use flask to deploy a web application for the same.
After the presentation, one of the judge-guys called me and told me that "It isn't good enough, will not be used widely" and "Its similar to Quora".
Never ever have I wanted to punch a son of a bitch in the balls ever.3 -
!dev
WTF YOUTUBE, WTFFFFFFF!!!!!!
YOU PIECE OF SHIT MONEY HUNGRY SOULLESS CORPORATE CUNT OF A COMPANY.
I already hated all your shitty algorithms and your way of giving the middle finger to creators I love.
You want to be a trend following bitch and have "Stories" on users feeds, fine.
WHY THE FUCKING SON OF A CUNTIFICENT BITCH ARE YOU RECOMMENDING ME CHANNELS I KNOW NOTHING OF!!!!!!
Look at this shit... the fact that I am living in Brazil does not mean I give two fucks about youtubers here, I barely know the language.
I'M SUBSCRIBED TO 20 PEOPLE. IF THEY HAVE FUCKING STORIES, SHOW ME THEIRS. IF THEY DON'T, DON'T SHOW ME ANYTHINGGGGGGG.
10 -
I’m fairly new to maintaining my own webservers. For the past week the servers (two of them) kept crashing constantly.
After some investigation I figured it was due to someone running a script trying to get ssh access.
I learned about fail2ban, DOS and DDOS attacks and had quite a fight configuring it all since I had 20 seconds on average between the server shutdowns and had to use those 20 second windows to configure fail2ban bit by bit.
Finally after a few hours it was up and running on both servers and recognized 380 individual IPs spamming random e-mail / password combos.
I fet relieved seeing that it all stopped right after fail2ban installation and thought I was safe now and went to sleep.
I wake up this morning to another e-mail stating that pinging my server failed once again.
I go back to the logs, worried that the attack became more sophisticated or whatever only to see that the 06:25 cronjob is causing another fucking crash. I can’t figure out why.
Fuck this shit. I’m setting another cronjob to restart this son of a bitch at 06:30.
I’m done.3 -
This motherfucker cocksucker E2E tester first pings me on slack that we are good. And then mails my manager that we are not. I don't mind him pinging me at 2am in night. But atleast he should tell that directly to me first not making me look like a fool. Such an asshole. I might just leave my company because of him. Motherfucking son of bitch.2
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Stupid ass nimble fucker of an old friend talks to me for a whole week after a reunion saying stuff like "I'm glad we got to spent time together bro and stuff", the soul eater of poop being sets up a conversation over a week talking like he was a true friend. He only had to manage it for a week more, hell he had to resist his urge for a puny ass week and I would've considered that maybe good people existed. Well the universe along with this Pseudo-panty fuck decided it was time, they pitch me an "idea". Well after demonstrating kindly that I could technically pull (n) such ideas from my virtual butthole. The guy finally believes his idea was stupid and moves away. A minute later. SURPRISE MOTHER FUCKER! he says, telling me that he got an amazing idea along and if I could help him with some stuff. Well.. What? I jumped at this amazing opportunity. Not because of the dangling-dickina of an idea, because this was my way out of this misery fucks life. Alright should buy me some time right? He would go watch some tutorials, make a logo and call me when there's a problem. We'll in the milli fucking time that even a big bang couldn't have recurred, the bitch calls and says.. Bro, sorry for disturbing you, I need some help... [What did your mother from another son tell you she only gave birth to half of you?]
APPARENTLY, THE GUY JOINED FORCES WITH SOME INTELLIGENT MINDS AND SETUP A LEAGUE OF LIKE MINDED NECROPHILES AND I COULD HELP THIS DREAM TEAM with a name and a logo.
It started, I could sense it. I wasn't THE CHOSEN ONE. Tired, I said I'll see what I can do while attempting to block his number. A few hours later, he calls from another number with no shame and asks BRO? DID YOU. Did me what you bloody dick lubricator. Yeah I watched your mom a couple times, then I got bored when I found out it was an ad.
Unfortunately no I did not tell that, instead I used the kindest words I could pull out of my frustrated ass to tell him I won't do it cause I have better things to do.
The guy comes back a few hours later with an emotional back-story of how this is his way out of his sad ass life and saying stuff like sorry to disturb you bro, I never meant to.
Oh my gawd! Give this douche manufacturer an Oscar. Actually give him two!!
————
After this traumatic experience I often feel for such people. They have around 90 years to live. They have a free fucking brain. They have money. They have less problems.
Why can't they come up with a worthy idea with all these factors to compound the ideation process.
And why on the earth can't they make the Idea on their own. I'm completely self taught so I don't see it being a problem. I could well say that I'm more knowledgeable than a few grads out of my stupid college but I don't wanna compare myself to those stupid beings.
If you have an idea? Make it. Die for it. But never approach another being, either he eats you or you eat him.4 -
Everybody is criticizing Microsoft for leaving too much legacy code in Windows, etc., but let me tell you that I prefer 100% that and have lifetime backward compatibility than having to deal with Google bullshit.
Google sucks ass.
It's one of the most dev unfriendly company on this planet (along with Facebook).
You can't fucking change BASIC stuff in Android SDK every fucking version.
You just can't!
You can't use a system of "PERMISSIONS" each developer has to set in its application and each user has to accept during the installation, that a few versions later become USELESS... because "Hmmm… no, It's not enough, let's make a new privileged permission that makes the old one fucking worthless".
YOU FUCKING, TOXIC, BASTARDS.
It's my app, my code, my device, my fucking conditions. If I want to install viruses on my device, I should be able to do it.
I shouldn't have to call fucking Sundar fucking Pichai fucking CEO of fucking GOOGLE.
USERS != BABIES.
DEVS != CRIMINALS
We are the reason you have a fucking job, fucking food on your fucking table.
I want a fucking GOD_MODE permission in the next SDK, assholes!
You can't REMOVE fucking "Android.OS.getSerial()" making it only for system apps.
It's not sensible data… and if It's in your opinion, you've already created a "android.permission.READ_PHONE_STATE", so what else do you want, fucking asshole?
Right, you want to introduce "android.permission.READ_PRIVILIGED_PHONE_STATE" to make obsolete the other one, son of a bitch!
I don't fucking use you're garbage Google Play Store, no worries! I won't upload my app on your servers, bitch!
They've created a monopoly in the industrial space (PDAs) and they keep making fucking wrong decisions every single year.
My job is already stressful, why you can't just stop making it worse? fml8 -
I used to work with a teacher in my last uni year.
The job consisted on doing a kinda-like management system for a business. It all began kinda "right", we agreed upon a price for 6 months of my work (a very lowball price, but it was just right because I was learning stuff that we were going to be using).
Fast-forward first six months, all I do is code frontend, mockup screens and whatsoever because this "business" hadn't give us proper requirements (Yeah, I told him to ask for them, but nothing came through).
So I was like well, I'll keep working in this project because I really want to finish it. Sidenote: I was doing all the "hard work", he didn't know how to code, and he calls himself a teacher... wtf).
Months go by, and a year goes round, in between these months, he spoke to me, that he wanted me that we kept working together, that we could renegotiate the payment (I asked him to give me my payment once the job was done). I agreed, but my uni residence period was coming along and I got an oportunity to go abroad to another country.
So there I was, in the need of money to buy my passport, plane tickets and other stuff, so I asked him for the payment.
Needs to be noted, that the last 6 months work was me doing tutorials on how to fucking use Linux, how to use PostgreSQL, how to fucking use CSS! He told me he would pay me extra for it.
The day came, and I received my payment... the exact amount we talked a year ago, I was like "Seriously dude?", but well, I needed the money and I didn't have time to argue, so we talked a little bit about me helping him and I told him "As long as I have time, I'll help, but remember that I'm going abroad to work for a small startup, so maybe I'll be up to my head with work" he agreed, we nod and then I left.
First week abroad came in and I was doing a shit-ton of stuff, then his first message comes around "Hey, I need more tutorials! ASAP! Before 6PM"
What.The.Fuck. I told you, son of a bitch, that I wouldn't be able to do them until weekend.. and it was monday!
So I ignored it, weeks went throught and my "angry mood" was fading away so I said to myself "Well, it's time to pick up that stuff again", I open Slack and I find a week old message with a document attached, it was a "letter", I just skimmed by it and read some keywords "deceptioned... failed me.."
Sure dude? Was I the failure? Becase, as far as I remember, you were the fucktard that didn't know how to fucking install a VM!
A week went by, and then randomly a friend of mine talks to me through Facebook:
E: Hey, how are you?
M: I'm fine, what's up?
E: What did you do to TEACHER?
M: Nothing, <explains all situation>
E: Well, It seems weird, that's why I wanted to talk with you, I believe in you, because I know you well, but TEACHER it's thrashing shit about you with all his students on all of his classes
M: Seriously?
E: Yeah, he's saying that you are a failure, irresponsible, that you scammed him
That moment, I for sure, lost all moral responsibility with him and thought to myself "He can go fuck himself with my master branch on his ass"
So when I got back to my country, I had to go around in school, avoiding him, not because I was ashamed nor anything by the way, just because I knew that If i ever had the disgrace to meet him face to face, my fists would be deep into his nose before he could say "Hey".
Moral of the story:
If you overheard that a teacher has a bad rep, not by one, nor two, but more than +100 people, maybe it's true.
Good thing my friends and others know me well and I didn't have repercutions on my social status, I'm just the guy that "fucked up TEACHER because I had the right and way to do it"4 -
tldr: maintainers can be assholes
So there's this python package+cli tool that I found interesting while browsing github and thought of contributing to it. Now this repo has around 2000 issues and multiple open PRs so seemed like a good start.
So i submit 2 PRs implementing similar features on different sites (it is a scraping repo). This douche of a maintainer marks comments various errors in the code convention not being followed without specifying what they actually were. Now I had specified that i was new to this repo so and would need his help (I guess this is one of the jobs of the reviewer). This piece of shit comments changes in the pr with one or two word sentences like "again", "wtf" and occasionally psycopathic replies. That son of a bitch can't tell what's wrong like wtf dude, instead of having a long discussion over the comments section of the fucking pr why can't you just point out what exactly is wrong and I'll happily fix that shit, but no, you have to be a douche about out it and employ sarcasm. Well FUCK YOU TOO.1 -
Had another meeting today. The solution architect said two insulting jokes about developers like:
"The devs will nevertheless mess it up"
Devs are the ones who make chaos
This meeting was with a customer and his developer. I was just furious!
This useless son of a bitch needs to learn his lesson3 -
Windows son of a bitch, motherfucker, moron, fucking dog, sister fucker, RAM fucker, PC fucker, fucking antimalware mother fucking shit motherfucker.4
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BITCH THE APPLICATION WORKS PERFECTLY FINE!!! ITS NOT MY FAULT THE DATA YOU GAVE ME WAS FUCKED UP LIKE YOUR BLOODY FUCKING FACE YOU SHIT HEAD COMPUTER ILLITERATE IN THIS DAY AND AGE SON OF A BITCH1
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PM pushed me to finish all of my tasks last friday because he told me we have a demo with the client this week. He even asked me to OT.
It is already fucking thursday and I am still waiting. I haven't heard any updates from our PM.
I feel pissed because I did my task crudely due to "imaginary deadlines" imposed by this son of a bitch PM. I could have written a better code if I have this week as the deadline instead.1 -
!dev
What a fucking son of a bitch day...
I’m hungover as fuck so i don’t wanna drive, so I want to pay parking for a few hours.
I didn’t find my fucking key, when I pulled up the couch to look under it, my XPS fell of it and smashes the screen. At that moment my landlord knocks on the door to take a look at the kitchen ceiling and t he kitchen is a fucking MESS! You know when you’re drunk and get a late night cooking attack? Yea, that sort of mess.
Completely fucked in my head I got the reserve key for the car, unlocked it and the bloody alarm went of because the keys battery is empty. So managed to turn it off, went back into my apartment and found the key BEHIND the motherfucking couch.. BEHIND THE COUCH, HOW WOULD IT EVEN GET THERE? Ffs...
I’ll just continue drinking now and hope tomorrow is gonna be a better day.. and order a new screen for my laptop, it’s not at all like I’m short on money this month anyway..5 -
Samsung Smart TV becomes Samsung Dumb TV.
Welcome back dear readers, to the next installment of my Raspberry Pi / Pi Hole / MitM box adventure!
For those of you who are new to this story, I'm a long experience programmer who knows very little about his home network or networking in general and has constantly been going over his 250GB data plan because 'rona, and thus, wants answers to "where is the data going".
So, I got the Pi, codenamed Mini-Beowolf, positioned between the modem and router... worked some fuckin systemd.networkd magic (which was sort of easy... but was hard cause I'm new to it) and viola, this son of a bitch passes through the ethernet and doesn't even show up on the router. Fu-King Beastly, I love it.
Now to static IP all my devices so I fire up my trusty TP-Link admin portal. I should add here... I've visited this admin about a total of 10 minutes prior to this when I set this wifi router up and just let it do DHCP.
So I'm getting to know my admin portal... I've got most of my devices connected to reserved IPs... and I find this one fuckin device reporting as "localhost".
Now, I've got a MAMP install... but it hasn't been running. But still I thought for sure it was just MAMP run a bit amok.
But no... it was my fucking Samsung "Smart" TV. That piece of shit is, and apparently has been reporting its device name as, sure as shit, fucking "localhost"... PROBABLY FOR YEARS.
Now, IDK how that didn't cause me any major problems over the years, and I read quite a few forums about people who it did mess up their network. So I resolved to rename the Samsung TV device.
I found the spot in the network settings of the TV... I changed the name from the pick list of rooms in a house like "Living Room" and "Bed Room", then I tried entering my own device name. But no matter what I picked, or no matter how many times I restarted/reset that TV the network name is ALWAYS "localhost".
Even though somehow my network survived this long... I'm not standing for that shit.
My Samsung TV is now blocked COMPLETELY at the router level. (After I ran one last factory reset and update)
The kicker? That Pi I built has a Samsung SSD... so I'm blocking Samsung WITH FUCKING SAMSUNG.
Needless to say, these are likely among my last Samsung purchases.
Join me next time when I FINALLY try to turn Pi Hole on and then get a tcpdump (or some other lesser output from the tcp stream) going.16 -
In this world where everyone is a lying son of a bitch, being truthful is hot as fuck. Be hot as fuck!4
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Fuck you Eclipse! Fuck you OSGi! It is only you that pisses me off like that! You filthy piece o' shit!
Fuck.
FYI: Please stop pretending you cannot find org.eclipse out of a sudden. I know that it's there and you know that too! Why? Because you found it like 30 minutes ago before my break and nothing changed since then!!
Son of bitch! -
Do anybody remember when i wrote a rant about the IT teacher in my high school?
Few months ago we got the results from final exams! (we have precentage based grades)
Another thing to remember:
You can pick basic or extended version of the every test you take.
Everybody has to get at least 30% on basic exams (they are nessesary for everybody) to graduate from the school. The extended exams give you more points at university and they are not mandatory.
In addition to that extended ones dont have the lower limit
The IT exam has only the extended version (because its not mandator, you pick it yourself). It is pretty easy: just basic algorithms, basic C++ programs and general PC things.
I didnt take the IT class because i thougt i can learn much more at home. My friend took it. He is very good. He uses linux he wants to become a pen tester. I know he is worth getting 100% on that extended IT exam. (We did a lot of projects thogether)
Well... NOBODY GOT MORE THAN 20% on that exam! WTF!
That POS teacher should die in that win xp IT class with all ethernet cables stuck in his ass!
He didnt teach anything useful about algorithms to anybody! And that was the easiest and the most important part on the exam!
In addition to that people had to do few tasks on pc as well! And one of those tasks could been a picture in gimp BUT THE GIMP DIDNT EVEN WORK ON THOSE PC'S!
Algorithms are easy! That son of a twat didnt even understand it himself! That is why im telling everybody in my town to NOT go to that hight school for IT exam!
I dont want anybody to waste their life trying to learn something useful when that fucking bitch dosent understand anything!
That teacher is lucky. My friend got rejected from studing CS on university (due to the shit score) but he at least got accepted to study math.
I hope he will be able to continiue his dev dream.3 -
!dev but it is a fucking rant.
Happy new years fucking 2018 already turning off great with me freezing my fucking balls off cause my heater aint fucking working. Top it off my Damn Hotter Than Hell Water Heater froze and i have no hotwater. Fuck somebody find me that son of a bitch 2018 where i can take it out im the woods and shoot that dickheaded cocksucking asshole.1 -
-Had low battery so I put the phone on power saver mode (decreases brightness) and manually lowered it to minimum as well
-Went out
-Couldn't see shit
-Thought something is wrong with my phone
-Reset it completely
-Now the screen is fine
-The light blinked in my brain and I realized I'm an idiot
WHAT ANDROID PENDEJA MADE THIS EVEN POSSIBLE TO BE DONE YOU SON OF A BITCH1 -
School's principle: *is being unclear of what is asked*
Me: *asks lots of questions to try to understand*
SP: *keeps being unclear*
Me: *think I understand, I'll do something that will match with what I'm supposed to do*
-- 2 days before due date --
SP: omg stop it's not that at all
Me: wait wtf you told me that 3 months ago
SP: yOu uNdersdtoOd wHat yOu WaNtEd, tHat'S a ProBlEm yOu rEaLLy nEed To fiX
HOW ABOUT YOU GO AND DIE SOMEWHERE YOU SON OF A BITCH
Now I have until monday to write 30 fucking pages of something that keeps making no fucking sense. FUCK !2 -
"Holy shit, my computer is laggy, what's taking this much ressources?"
> top
"Holy shit why the fuck is Java even running? Let's kill this son of a bitch"
> kill -9 <process>
> Rubymine closes
I'm a fucking idiot. -
Started a new contract:
Dev: "here, take this draft document containing a rough explanation of the requirements and write this service that exchange messages with these two subsystems"
Me 😐"ok"
-- couple weeks later --
Dev: "oh btw, you should go through ALL the fields in those messages described in the 'documentation' and double check them because we use millimeters and they use meters, we measure milliseconds and they use seconds. You should handle conversions when you deal with those messages"
Me (in my mind): "fucking son of a bitch! Why didn't you tell me this little piece of information at the beginning so I could have accounted for that instead of bloating the code now with your spaghetti style, full of horrible hacks, ifs and workarounds?
Me 😐: "sure, I will"
(don't worry, in the end I managed to find a clean solution for that 😉) -
Finishing up the last few edits on the WordPress site from hell, client is here to see the finished product, senior dev looks over at me "so are the registration/login forms and sign out button working correctly again?"
Me: "yeah I'm just checking one thing first-SON OF A BITCH"
senior: "that does not instill confidence that the forms are working"
Wasn't a big deal, forgot to close a div and, well you know how that works -
I really like coding for scientific purposes. It unites my big passions (natural sciences/engineering/coding). And I like the feeling of empowering someone to do research. BUT BESIDES DEALING WITH DUMB FEATURE REQUESTS, THERE IS NO WORSE PAIN THAN HEARING PHD CANDIDATES FUCKING SAY RETARDED STUFF. HOW DID YOU EVEN WON THE SCHOLARSHIP FOR THE PHD YOU DENSE SON OF A BITCH (NICE JOB ACADEMIC ENVIRONMENT BTW). YOU LACK KNOWLEDGE OF HIGH SCHOOL LEVEL EVEN ON YOUR OWN SUBJECT. THE BEST RESEARCH YOU CAN PROVIDE TO THIS WORLD IS THE FLUID DYNAMICS OF AIR WHILE YOU JUMP OFF A SKYSCRAPER MOTHERFUCKER.
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what the mothetfucking fucked fuck of a fucking shit is going on man!!!!?!
FUCK YOU BOOTSTRAP!!!!!
on codepen i just deleted the bootstrap build in, but i had a cdn link in header... i tried different links now and other stuff BUT MY SITE LOOKS NOW UGLY AS SHIT AND I DONT GET OLD SITE BACK FUFUUUUUUUUUJUUUUU
.. spent so many hours in it i was so proud
FUCK YOU SON OF A MOTHRRFUCKING BOOTSTRAP BITCH😠😠😠😠😠1 -
Just created a new project folder. Dropped it into the filing cabinet right next to the folder i already created for this project. Son of a bitch.
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I read this post somewhere where this son of a bitch created 4 5 accounts, then submitted fake PRs across those accounts to each other during Hacktoberfest.
People like these are fucking losers absolutely destroying the credibility of a event like Hacktoberfest.
People like them would sell of their own fucking soul for a T shirt
Do you agree?3 -
Is it just me, or do other people feel like mysqli prepared statements like to never work the same way twice?
I just finished a 3 hour debugging session where the prepared statement just didn't work. Then, just moments ago, I commented out an "echo" that has nothing to do with the fucking statement! And guess what? It works.
one moment please, I need to let my anger out.
GAAAAAAAA YOU FUCKING STUPID COMPUTER! YOU SON OF A FUCKING BITCH!
and to the people who made mysqli...
I HATE YOUR FUCKING LANGUAGE SO MUCH RIGHT NOW!
*sigh*
Ok, I'm back.
Anyways,
I don't know how, but I think php can smell anger and loves to make life miserable.
Please tell me I'm not the only one. -
remember android devs....
The difference between <view> and <View> is enough to make you kill yourself.
and even more if you have used <view> as a divider in your fucking recycler view.
Son of the mother fucking bitch i spend last 2 hrs trying to understand where my age old ,rock-solid , tried and tested code fucked up...
And when i saw the asshole bitch view, i was like wtf am i doing with my life? ;"""( -
That son of a bitch, tbat was supposed to set up home internet, didn't show up. AGAIN! Timeframe of 2h and I was there 1h before and after it. Brain dead pieces of shit didn't call me and I - once again - lost 2h of work. Shitstained ISP hell, these fuckers are within 5 minutes distance from my home, but I have to spend my days without real internet again
3 -
Stupid timeline, there is this company I was working for. It was sub-contracted by another company to do a government project. Government only pays after you deliver in my country. It was a complex system I must say. We were to work with my buddy on this project...now the timeline we were given were not feasible since another company had been given the same project and were not able to deliver. We had a meeting and discussed with our CEO about the project timelines. From the workload the feasible timelines were around 8months if we were to work as two devs. My CEO said that was not going to happen.. The only timelines that was allowed was not more than 3 months. So we suggest use an existing system to customize. .The meetings with the clients were to be weekly demos. So we choose to go with google docs api for the document management part. We were working around 20hrs a day to be able to achieve the target deadline..we management to complete the project within the given timeline..on the commissioning date of the project we faced a government panel and this was my worst disappointment. At the point of login we had to use Google email for business to obtain the API. Just as I was logging in the guy noticed and yelled. "Is that google account ?" and I replied yes..and he said "no need of proceeding since it will be of no use and they won't approve the system". That was my lowest moment in programming. I thought I had done the best project in my life as a programmer only for stupid man to declare my project as null. I felt like calling him son of a bitch but I knew that would have made me more angry...i just walked out. I went to the toilet and all I did was cry for the first time as I can recall.. My question was I was doing weekly demos. Why didn't they raise any questions by then so as to change the entire system??? Later after that demo we went and discussed about the issue and there was time extension. I redid the project using 'open office' but just before deploying the system I got a better job. I wasn't feeling like working on that project anymore. I want to release that project as open source. Recently after one year they haven't yet deployed the system. They are calling for my help. And I don't feel like helping after the humiliation...
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Project got in after months of the people requesting knowing the project needed to ve in a web form.
They didn't let my department know till right fucking now with only two weeks for launch time.
Yeh its a simple formz yeh I can do it, yeh you do own me a bottle or Knov Creek and a steak after this you son of a bitch, i got other shit to do1 -
SQL Developer imports. Fucking SQL Developer imports!
"insert failed for rows 800-899"
y u no tell which row specifically and why, you goddamn hateful son of a bitch!?!?! -
Today our PM planned to deploy in production an e-commerce based on PrestaShop.
A colleague of mine mamaged to implement everything that was necessary, and I made a small script to add random sales on random products every sunday.
We tested it several times in our environment, on multiple machines, and everything was working fine.
BUT
Today we launched the script on production server, and we was a little mistake.
"A bug? Say no more pal, I'll fix it!".
Fixed, tested on local environment, deployed and.... The first steps weren't working.
"Fatal error".
That's what I got. No exceptions, no error messages, no references.. Just "fatal error".
We spent two hours looking for the problem, thinking it was a server error that was just outputting that shitty message.
And you know what? Some fucking fat cocksucker son of a bitch thought it was an excellent idea to stop the code execution with a simple and very helpful "fatal error".
"oh, wait, there is an error here, let me print die(" fatal error"), ao the other developer will be able to find what's going on", he thought.
FUCK YOU MORON.
TL;DR: Avoid French software, they are a bounch of asshole (except some goos guy..) -
Okay chrome debugger extension in vs code where the fuck is my page. Why the hell cant I see it you hateful son of a bitch.
-
Son of a fucking dumbass bitch
Aaahhhh i dont know anything
I cant even fucking use my fucking mf brain
Madarchod bhosda h mera dimag
Ma ki chut bc3 -
Me yesterday: finally weekend is coming, I'll start the research for this cool app idea that I want to make for a side project
Me today: Suma1l you magnificent son of a bitch, that blademail surprise... (I'm watching Dota vods on bed while eating snack endlessly)
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