Today I broke a record 🎉

..in the production database 😅

Me: *puts small piece of tape over webcam*

NSA: Okay guys, shut it all down. No way we can record from the microphone, log keys, access the file system, USB devices, network data or watch the screen. He did the tape.

When you install a program and you realize just beat a world record.

Did you know 8.8.8.8 has a TXT Record to xkcd?

I sang in front of the clients to demo an app for 30 seconds. It's a dating app that allow users to sing and record a song and send it to other person. It's a famous way of courting here in the Philippines.

That was my ridicolous and embarrassing meeting ever. Hahahaha

Interviewer: Who created JavaScript?
Me: ... Seriously?
Interviewer: Completely

WTF? First time I face that kind of question in an interview... For the record, I didn't know the answer, according to Wikipedia Brendan Eich created JS

I thought somebody was hacking my laptop and recording everything I do until I discover this key which is supposed to record my gameplay and I was pressing it accidentally. Feel dumb now.

So i can listen in on calls for my training.

I felt so sorry for a colleague when he spend nearly half an hour explaining that we only HOST someone's site and are NOT responsible for the code. (just for the record, he explained it in 15 different ways so anyone (nearly) would've understood but it seemed like the person in the phone just didn't want to hear it).

Poor guy (my collegue) 😞

Me: "Oh, this duplicate record in the database doesn't look important"

*Research. Check. Investigate

Me: "Looks fine to delete! :D"

*Live website goes down for half an hour

It has been one hell of a busy year for me personally 😥

Collegue: hrrrrrrrrrrrrr *mumbles something*
Me: Rawrrrrrrrrr (the sexual'ish kind)
Collegue: Hmmm what?
Me: Miaaaaaaauwwwww 😏😉
Collegue: Duuuus.... (English something like "sooo...."
Me: x x x x ("kisses") 😏 *😘*

(I know I can do this with him for the record)

So Nvidia doesn't let you use their GeForce Experience app anymore without logging in.
*Uninstalled*
Fuck that, I don't want to login so I can see an FPS counter in my ganes or record them to my local disk or something like that... Fuck you Nvidia and fuck whoever decided that would be a good idea.

I found a healthCheck function while troubleshooting an old application for a large auto manufacturer today. The healthCheck function was running several times a day on a timer. The function tries to insert a record into the database and returns whether or not it was successful. It was written in 1999 and has to date inserted over 2.5 million records into the database! 1/3rd of the data for this application was the same record.

How the hell did nobody notice this for 20 years!!!

Client: We need to add a field to the model that serves as a unique identifier

Dev: You already have one, it’s the _id property

Client: We want another! This one is for a task number so we can make a connection between the database record and our ERP.

Dev: Ah I see. I can add that for you. Is this truly a unique identifier or will you be using the same ERP identifier for multiple database records?

Client: I already said it’s a unique identifier. One ERP record to one database record, end of story! To do otherwise would be absolutely ridiculous! You should think for yourself before you ask silly questions.

Dev: My apologies I just want to make sure to clarify exactly what the requirements are.

**6 months later**

Client: HOW COME I CAN’T ASSIGN THE SAME UNIQUE IDENTIFIER TO MULTIPLE DATABASE RECORDS??? CAN’T PROGRAMMERS GET ANYTHING RIGHT EVER??

Dev: …

Seriously, god bless Laravel and Taylor Otwell.

I've just had a customer foolishly delete all their user accounts. The customer was seriously stressed about this and as it usually goes, this stress was echoed in the call.

I explained how they can easily restore the deleted records in a single click as I have configured Laravel's "soft delete" functionality site wide. i.e. when they delete a record it isn't really deleted. Functionality to physically delete the record is hidden away outside the client's user level.

Customer was seriously grateful and paid for 2 hours of my time (even though the call took 15 mins) and generally gave me lots of kudos.

Laravel, awesome.

What a day and what an achievement!!!

Today ladies and gentlemen I broke my record for number of passive aggressive “as per last email” comments, in a single email.

I now stand at 11

Today is a great day and I’d like to thank everyone not reading my emails who got me to this point. You guys are the real record holders!

Not just developers but this pisses me right off.....

Guy gets upset... Slams pen on his pad... Has to go and have a half hour discussion about his 'attitude'

Girl gets upset... Starts crying... Everyone else has to get lectured about what made her cry.

Both emotional outbursts but apparently one is ok and one isn't.

*For the record no pens or pads were harmed while 'researching' this rant

Boss: We need a new functionality to record company names for now.
Me: Ok. (This will be a quick one)

(few mins later)
Me: Ok, adding/editing/deleting company names.. done. I also added "date recorded" field, just in case we need it.
Boss: Ok, thanks.

(~20 mins later)
Boss: We also need a functionality for the users which has "this" permission to be able to "request" for a company registration. We need to add fields to record the contact person, email, phone, etc.. Once a "request" has been submitted, "this" person-in-charge has to get a notification on the dashboard. And the requesters, should get a notification that they have a pending request sent. Once the registration is done, the requester has to be notified.
Me: 👀

Something is not working with PTR DNS records right now.

It's getting really frustrating and I'm starting to DuckDuckGo the issue.

Just noticed that I typed this:

"how to setup a fucking ptr record".

I didn't type the 'fucking' intentionally.

😆😅

A: dns record.
AA: batery
AAA: batery
AAAA: dns record

*PM on drugs*

PM: The destination list on our Infinity Rider app is not updating even after the user changes their pickup location.

Me: ???

PM: Infinity App not updating after pick up point change.

Me: Not really sure what you mean... Can I get a screen record?

PM: {{sends screen record}}

PM: You see it's showing results of old search. Not good!!!

Me: {{Watch media half way through and saw the obvious}}

Me: Results on available destination are relative to the user's current location and not the pickup address.

PM: Why would that be? Not good enough!

Me: You actually requested that implementation after I had previously made the destination recommendation list relative to selected pickup address.

PM: Please revert immediately!!!

Me: Hmmm... You told me the reason why that implementation was needed was to prevent users from selecting interstate addresses because they could.

PM: Ooh true. You can leave as is.

PM: {{proceeds to delete all older messages but last}}

Me: (⊙_⊙)

{{ 4 hours later }}

PM: I think we need to look into this implementation a second time.

I wrote a database migration to add a column to a table and populated that column upon record creation.
But the code is so freaking convoluted that it took me four days of clawing my eyes out to manage this.
BUT IT'S FINALLY DONE.
FREAKING YAY.

Why so long, you ask? Just how convoluted could this possibly be? Follow my lead ~

There's an API to create a gift. (Possibly more; I have no bloody clue.)
I needed the mobile dev contractor to tell me which APIs he uses because there are lots of unused ones, and no reasoning to their naming, nor comments telling me what they do.

This API takes the supplied gift params, cherry-picks a few bits of useful data out (by passing both hashes by reference to several methods), replaces a couple of them with lookups / class instances (more pass-by-reference nonsense). After all of this, it logs the resulting (and very different) mess, and happily declares it the original supplied params. Utterly useless for basically everything, and so very wrong.

It then uses this data to call GiftSale#create, which returns an instance of GiftSale (that's actually a Gift; more on that soon).

GiftSale inherits from Gift, and redefines three of its methods.

GiftSale#create performs a lot of validations / data massaging, some by reference, some not. It uses `super` to call Gift#create which actually maps to the constructor Gift#initialize.

Gift#initialize calls Gift#pre_init (passing the data by reference again), which does nothing and returns null. But remember: GiftSale inherits from Gift, meaning GiftSale#pre_init supersedes Gift#pre_init, so that one is called instead. GiftSale#pre_init returns a Stripe charge object upon success, or a Gift (and a log entry containing '500 Internal') upon failure. But this is irrelevant because the return value is never actually used. Pass by reference, remember? I didn't.

We're now back at Gift#initialize, Rails finally creates a Gift object using the args modified [mostly] in-place by all of the above.

Another step back and we're at GiftSale#create again. This method returns either the shiny new Gift object or an error string (???), and the API logic branches on its type. For further confusion: not all of the method's returns are explicit, and those implicit return values are nested three levels deep. (In Ruby, a method will return the last executed line's return value automatically, allowing e.g. `def add(a,b); a+b; end`)

So, to summarize: GiftSale#create jumps back and forth between Gift five times before finally creating a Gift instance, and each jump further modifies the supplied params in-place.

Also. There are no rescue/catch blocks, meaning any issue with any of the above results in a 500. (A real 500, not a fake 500 like last time. A real 500, with tragic consequences.)

If you're having trouble following the above... yep! That's why it took FOUR FREAKING DAYS! I had no tests, no documentation, no already-built way of testing the API, and no idea what data to send it. especially considering it requires data from Stripe. It also requires an active session token + user data, and I likewise had no login API tests, documentation, logging, no idea how to create a user ... fucking hell, it's a mess.)

Also, and quite confusingly:
There's a class for GiftSale, but there's no table for it.
Gift and GiftSale are completely interchangeable except for their #create methods.

So, why does GiftSale exist?
I have no bloody idea.
All it seems to do is make everything far more complicated than it needs to be.

Anyway. My total commit?
Six lines.
IN FOUR FUCKING DAYS!

AHSKJGHALSKHGLKAHDSGJKASGH.

When they ask me to add a new employee to the AD record.

We have a new record!!!
23 people on silent call, watching one dude work.

Latest accomplishment. Programming my Raspberry Pi to record my apartment when I leave and stop when I get back.

What is your "up time" record

"We are a privacy focused company that places the user first"

Alrightm, let's check:
dig domain.com MX

Well, another company talking shit, MX record points to google.
Fuck off

Client: *Signs Up* We didn't receive email notification
Me: Okay, we'll check.
*checked if a sign up record is saved*
*checked logs*
*everything is working*
*checked mailing statistics, found 1 email bounced*
...
Me: Are you sure you're using the correct email address?
Client: *tried to sign up again*
Me: *monitors database record, found out that they use incorrect domain on their email address*
Also me: (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

"Error: A record with the name 'testasfasds' already exists."

If they record this job interview as a TV show, it could be the next big hit in Dubai, called “Dubai got talents” 🤔

Ran update query on 1m+ record without where clause. Thank god I missed the commit command or else today would have been my last day.

STUPID RAILS!

WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BUILD THE BLOODY QUERY WITHOUT DOING FANCY UNNECESSARY SUBQUERY SHIT?!

OR PUT THE LIMIT WHERE IT MAKES SENSE AND DOESN'T CAUSE MYSQL TO TELL YOU TO FUCK OFF?

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY

THIS ISN'T HARD

Me when I close all my issues in record time

I got a crap raise — lowest I’ve ever gotten anywhere, and well below inflation — despite busting my butt, having somewhat better health and therefore productivity, etc.

I complained to my boss about it, and said it was insulting. He said that direct managers have zero say in raises, and instead it’s entirely up to execs and HR. Makes sense, since nothing makes sense at this company.

Anyway, he apparently talked to his boss, who talked with his boss, who talked with the execs and HR, and they decided to give me a raise on my raise, a whole $1k/year more, all the way back up to the usual insultingly-low 3%. Yay.

Their reasoning?
“Money is tight.”

The last all-hands?
“Record profits! Record sales! Record numbers across the board! And most of all: record profits! Give yourselves a round of applause for making this all possible!”

Money is tight, eh?
I hope they get smushed by a meteor, given a snuggle-struggle by a roving Somali gang, or kept warm for the rest of their lives by another Hawaiian/Californian wildfire.

Day 1 at internship:

Manager: Can you get this RFID tracking system working? We have the full source we just need it installed.
Me: Sure thing, shouldn't take too long if it's a working system.
Me: (opens VS project)

Code is a sprawling abyss devoid of any intelligible structure, commented with broken one-liners which serve only to annotate method names.

In Mandarin.

For the record the system was broken, took me several weeks to track down all the issues.

34k lines of code i changed today, i call that a record.
</brag>
I need a bed

Product team having a proof of concept demo with client:

Sales to client: "Just for the record, we are not selling this to a rival company. Because we really want this technology exclusive to you"

Me (thinking to myself): "Oh really? We just had a demo with them last 2 weeks"

One of the core values of our company is Integrity, and I am not just seeing it.

* !rant *

So I've been working since the summer on an app that uses NLP to record audio (I was thinking of using it for school classes), transcribe it and summarize it automatically

I've been using it at school and it WORKS

IT WORKS

I've actually put an app that I made to make my homework and sum classes up and IT WORKS

The goal of 2018 is to contribute to at least 100 open source repositories at GitHub and maintain the track record.

What a fucking year it's been.. and it's only the 4th.

Let's see, I've just split up with my girlfriend of more than 4 years (and she's still living with me), my car got whacked by golf ball sized hail stones (and it's not insured), my back verandah at home turns into a swimming pool with heavy rain (and SA is having record high rainfall this season), and I haven't slept since Sunday night.

FML. 🤦 I need a holiday after the holidays..

For the record, Equifax didn't *lose* everybody's personal data. They just made unintentional backups of it, your Honor.

Not 10 minutes in Christmas party and I'm checking the printer, is a new record

If you're a client and abuse the info given to you by any of the platforms to come visit me, I won't hestitate to call the police again, you fucking lunatic.

In what fucking mind does that even make sense, so damn lucky I wasn't actually here and just saw it on the CCTV, fucking trespassing piece of shit.

Waiting for the police to report back, so I can use any possible opportunity to reflect it in his public record, fucking cunt.

does every computer guy has this sitting problem....

for the record i do
and i never notice that unless and until i m finished with my work😂😂😂😂😂😂

Still in “negotiations” to get paid for work I already delivered under a presumption of trust based on a track record of getting paid in the past. My bad for taking them at their word. Now it’s time for them to…

Our boss has a camera in the office to "monitor" us, the developers.
He tries to monitor our movements and record the things we say.

I'm curious, do other people do this?
I find it annoying.

Hah!
I just broke my record and generated (not exported or imported) the biggest SQL file!
A massive 15.7GB SQL file monster.

I hope the import will go well.

So windows wants to be my friend, wants to record my every move, and now wants to record my every everything on the go.

I’m starting to think if the pain of transitioning to linux full time is going to be worth while soon.

Manager: we have reached record sales this month, thank you for your hard work guys.

Employee: can I get a raise?

Manager: your greed is hurting the company.

Employee: but I worked here for 3 years

Day 1 of my 1000 job applications TikTok challenge

Goal:
- apply to 9 different jobs per day
- see if i can break the Guinness World Record of being rejected 1 thousand (1000) times

Stats so far:
- 9 job applications
- 0 replies
- 0 hires

Will be documenting this on devrant too

(internships included as I'm on my first real job)

Best: my current job.

Worst: using Google services at an internship instead of quitting (yes, this is a big deal for me). People call me crazy when they hear that but I've got my fucking ethics/morals/values.

For the record, if I'd have to choose between having an income/using Google services or starving, I'd go for the income part anyways, I don't have a deathwish.

Same days you just need a duck.

Me: map.get(record.Id)

Code: null

Me: no, map.get(record.id)

Code: null

Me: let's grab this record from the map

Code: null

Me: what the flying fuck, take this fucking ID from this fucking RECORD and find it in THIS god forsaken map.

Code: null

Me:.......

Code: 😉

Duck: did it occur to you the ID exists only AFTER the map is created.

Me: you fucking wha..... oh I'm a dick head.

Anyone else realllllllly hate hearing the sound of their voice played back? I had to record some little videos of a short user process today and oof! My accent is much stronger than I thought it was

My boss pays me well and treats me well, but he expects me to do project management (documentation, giving tasks to 2 junior devs, reviewing their code, helping them when they are stuck), coding, architecture and to finish the project in a time record time.

When I told him that this week I will not work on development but will start to do documentation because the project got so big that it is difficult to keep track, and also the other 2 developers are waiting for tasks for me to give them, he looked disappointed.

I noticed and told him that if he wanted to speed up development, he must hire another project manager, or another senior developer because I can not do them both and expect to finish in a record time.

He keeps asking almost every day, "When are we going live?"

A : "The log tables of the licenses is broken, fix it"

Me : "But who ever made this didn't make a relation between master log table and the detailed one. I can't get anything from details table"

A : "There is a relation .. "

Me : "What ?"

A : "The date entry of each record"

Me : "I Quit"

How many times, like a broken record, do I have to tell the managment team that the "what's new" text is 500 characters max for the google play store? How many times? Surely it's more than 5 times, since I've already told them 5 times! I'll report back in when it's 10 times, although by then I may have bashed my head against the wall so many times that I'll be dead, and finally freed from these clowns.

At work:

** fast typing from lead and me fx**

** lead stops typing, scratch record sound and headhphones being taken off fx**

Lead Devel: Yo Al

*still typing fx**

Me: whats good gansgtah

L.D: remember how we talked about bringing in a version manager into that <huge_pilo_shit> program? But we haven't done it cuz we some lazy mofockas?

** now I stop typing **

Me: .....yes......fuck

Him: yes...fuck

O_o fuck....that bitch is huge man.......

Managed to get a fucking meterpreter shell without human help for the first time today!
It was a VulnHub challenge, for the record, but damn that felt good!

For those who don't know; this is a remote command execution thing ran on compromised systems by (malicious) attackers using the Metasploit framework.

I have done tons of pentesting but not on system level so this is quite an accomplishment for me 😊

Pushed code remotely and told a teammate to run it on the target hardware. He then told me he might of blown up $6000 worth of equipment. Then he says "Never mind everything works."

World record for biggest heart attack?

*My friend was piling up her food in a bbq place*

Me: What are you doing?
Her: I'm trying to beat my old stacking record.
Me: Be careful not to get a stack overflow!

. . .I'll see myself out.

I used Dreamweaver to build a PHP Record Keeping system

Look at that. The very fucking smart colleague spent 40 days implementing a repository pattern (WHEN WE'RE USING AN ACTIVE RECORD ORM), breaking stuff left and right. Does he use that fucking pattern at the very least?

Of course he doesn't. And along the way he's making sure to create conflicts with the stuff he broke (and I'm fixing). By the time I fix the merge conflicts of one commit, he pushed 6 of them.

Hi android devs!
How can I record a double[] or byte[] into a pcm in order to convert it to a wav file?
My life depends on this one 😬

Overworked team spends 2 months hacking together a Codecademy clone in record time: avoiding best practices, conflating paradigms, throwing shit at the wall until it stuck.

But today I submit a small UI fix that used a table instead of `display: table`...

Just watched a 30 mins tutorial on youtube and atleast 20 mins of that was debugging his code. Can't you just re-record or atleast cut the part where you go through all the stack overflow solutions!

That's one impressive Formula 1 lap record for the upcoming race in Singapore!

...Time to notify the Formula 1 app Devs.

I'm debugging someone else's 10 year old legacy .asp web application (shoot me now), and I'm trying to find the most recent records in a database table.

Why is the most recent record from September of last year?

Oh.

Because they're storing the datetime value as varchar (40).

Good thing they were smart enough not to waste disk space by using varchar (255)!

I figured out that I like full stack because I don't like ignorance about software layers, when I know how that record goes from DB to the table in HTML my mind is at piece. 😌

*Achievement unlocked*

The award of:
Asking “Can you please fucking enable some way for me to mock the networking requests?” A record number of times to unique third party libraries in a week

Awarded to:
practiseSafeHex

When i participate game jams from the toilet and end in toilet.
(best record is 5 hours in toilet. Literally)

Just because I manually updated a database record, does not mean I can fix your bluetooth headset. Now fuck off.

Today I wrote a mail to the company to record two weeks of illness. Now, the mail started off being about my holidays in a few weeks, but I decided to write the illness mail first. Stupid me forgot to change the subject from "holidays" to "illness"... I'm so fucked. Wish me luck!

This is a short tale that can be summed up as "oh fuck meee".

After finishing an API the night before I settled in for a day of bug fixes and tidy ups. Until slack went off.

The front end dev was getting an error, a code breaking error. After doing the standard process of request checking i went okay must be me. I find the script that is has the error and the line that it is failing at.

Que 2 hours of the full cycle of anger, sadness, pleading, and finally acepting that it had finally happened I had gone insane. The code was to documentation best practise correct and it still had the same error.

I the cheaked the DB on a whim and I found that my code was not wrong and it was doing exactly what I wanted the data however had a single record that was old and the schema had change juuussstt enoigh to break everything at that record. One 3 secound deletion later code ran perfectly.

Made caffeine consumption personal record today. 11 cups of coffee (11*250ml = 2750ml). In each 250ml there's around 100mg of caffeine. 1100mg of caffeine in one day. Huh. Not bad. Yes, I am still alive and I feel so good.

Alright lads. Contest time.

How many times have you been asked to
1) Hack someone's Facebook account
2) Fix a laptop or wifi'

My record is like 10

Today we witness a Guinness record, "most heart attack count in an hour"

When you get a ticket saying that a user can't see a record so the system must be broken, then after an hour of looking into it; said record never existed... Please stop wasting my time -_-

I'm sitting in the computer room trying to program, but my teacher is playing a record of a fucking live concert with his monitor's speakers. Earphones are disallowed here, and we are not allowed to do this outselves, and I can't work like that. TEACHER CEASE YOUR SHIT AND LET US WORK

Salesforce.

I mean I hate to be a predictable broken record, but it really is the biggest PITA thing I've come across. Proprietary stuff across the board, arbitrary limits, ridiculously tedious to get sane debug logging turned on and boy, if you've ever had to go through their process for listing an app...

Sent my changes before everybody for code review, got git blocked because today was demo day, and ... And asshole guy merged his own PR without code review. That conflicted with my PR. I am going to start posting the shennanigans of asshole guy from now on, just to have a record of his stupidity.

1 hour trying to record an image to DVD in Linux...
to find out I was using a CD, that's why it didn't have enough space.

I can't figure out how to get in contact with Firefox to figure out why every time i log into a website i need for work on Nightly, it states that my username or password aren't on record, and i have to change my password (even when switching browsers). Only started after their last update today, and now that I'm testing other sites, it's multiple sites, but not all.

Ideas? help?

At my job in the past week there have been at least one 1 hour-long meeting every day with today hitting the record with 3 meetings.

This is fucking insane. I signed to a developer job, not a guy-sittimg-and-listening job.

*Goes to record a video and upload a demo video*

Hmmmm.. internet is being slow... Let's do a speed test

*Realises our speeds have been caped out to a max of 256kbps*

Why... Why... Yes I understand it should be limited so it's not 'data for free' but at least give us 1mbps so things are actually doable but limited rather than just usable as long as all you want to do is Google something slowly -,-

Operations: Can you exclude some user records for the website? These are obsolete and we don’t want users to access these anymore.

Me: So what are you using to indicate the record is obsolete?

Ops: We changed the last name field to say “shell record - do not use.” Sometimes it’s in the first name. Actually, it gets truncated to “shell record - do not u”.

Me: A…text field…and you’re totally ok with breaking user accounts…ok ok cool cool

Not cool 😳😬🤬 I’m not causing more chaos because your record keeping has gotten messy

Game reviews on Steam are now like, “Not recommended. Seemed like a good game, but the story is linear and there’s really nothing to do.” …with approximately 180hrs of playtime on record for a $25 game.

Do us all a favor and please continue to stare at your phone while walking into oncoming traffic.

1) Using ScreenRecord record a video deleting his work folder(fake one obviously).

2) create command line vlc player to play this video on startup with flags -f and --no-qt-fs-controller

Eg. vlc -f --no-qt-fs-controller file://<file path>

Enjoy the show 👿

Who thought it would be a good idea to limit the length of a dns record to 255 chars?

Is one really not allowed to use a proper dkim key in 2018!

The funny thing was that they just cut off the rest without informing the user!

Had to convince the guy to switch dns „provider“

Got a ticket saying we need our website's record creation wizard to have better validation. No worries, just some regex, right?

Sure, regex for name entry (with the usual white person assumptions about names), and fixing the fact that it's in-page popup doesn't close on save. Or save draft. Or delete.

And also you need to apply the name regex for the fields on this page to all the previous names that the user lists.

And there's that one issue where the address history message always shows no matter what.

Oh and make sure that if they choose to ignore those validation issues then the validation message is in the notes for the record.

And fix the thing where it saves as draft instead of as a normal record.

And and and and and...

Can we just talk about making it 1 problem per ticket? This sort of shit makes me look bad when it takes me a week to fix 1 ticket, when I'm usually a few-a-day kinda person

Fuck everything about Microsoft Dynamics. I'm supposed to use the REST API to make a web front-end. I notice all of the data comes back codified.

null == 0.
boolean true == 100000000
boolean false == 100000001

except sometimes when

boolean false == 100000000
boolean true == 100000001

or other times

string "Yes" == 100000000
string "No" == 100000001
string "Maybe" == 100000003

Hang on. Is the system representing a 1 bit value with base 10 numbers? Did the client set this up like this? Holy crap every number corresponds to a unique record in a table somewhere. That means it only returns numeric values instead of strings and I have to figure out what the number means in the context of the table.

A "key" is user typed? So every time someone starts to make a new record it saves a new "key" without a record? So I can pull a bunch of "0" records if I pull sequentially? So basically I need to see all of the data in Dynamics to have any context at all for what is returned from the Dynamics API? Fuuuuuuuuuu

Had to fix a bug in flask App built by 3 ppl !
So I some how roughly figured out the code and was trying to fix.
The bug was
I click on submit, two times the record was entered into database.
(Second time, duplicate error).

So to figure out ,I just commented the code which inserts to DB!

Whola!
Now only one record is inserted!
I still don't know where it's actually inserting !, And IDC , problem fixed

Shall I boast about my skills!?😂

Had to adhoc re-record couple sponsored TV-ads' voice overs and didn't have time to get to a studio.. True engineer always finds a way to make most out of the resources at hand.

Excellent sound btw, good mic + non-echoing 'recording chamber'. ;)

Client is setting up Google Suite, needs me to create a TXT record. She sends me a screenshot of the record that needs to be created, so I ask her to copy/paste the record values .... she copy and pastes the URL and sends that to me. I ask again for her to copy the values in the fields on the page and send them to me ... she sends me another screenshot. How do these people get through a day?

Yay, our marketing person has quit only after 4 months. New record for the longest staying marketing employee!

This is the third marketing person since I started here and I won a bet with a colleague for how long they will last :D

Android studio is a PATHETIC excuse of an IDE!! And managing a constraint layout inside a scroll view is worse than having my nails pulled out while a bamboo is growing into my spine at record time! Screw this piece of shit IDE!! I suck at front end bad enough to have to deal with its buggy frontend IDE!! Aaaah!!!! - pulls lumps of hair out-

Wrote a SQL stored procedure today to do a complicated query. Decided to make it so that I could pass multiple records into the stored procedure in comma separated format, but the damned thing would only pull the first record. The query worked fine outside the procedure but it wouldn't pull anything more than the first record. After deleting and recreating and spending 30 minutes trying to figure out what was wrong I realized I changed the length of the wrong parameter. Set the correct one to varchar max and it was all good. 30 minutes of my life I will never get back.🐘💨

we were told by the developers of a CRM that they have seen occasions where a user's record gets randomly overwritten with the information of the contact they are trying to create.

Why does email suck so much oh my god, I don't want a fucking lesson in the kinds of domain records, I can set a TXT to prove that I control the DNS record, I have a TLS certificate, what the fuck else would I possibly need to prove!? None of this is contributing anything to security! Just fucking figure it out, it's the internet, not an international border, jesus.

Worst thing in my job is I have to record my daily activities in a Google sheet. Because my boss thinks using an activity app/software will waste more time.

I'm learning today from the big brain managers that elements on our mobile app are "clickable".

Truly amazing, I wonder which of our users are plugging a mouse into their phones and using it to click around.

incompetent 🤡

Our production database has tables that exist only to be recompiled into a single table. Like, one record across 4 tables. Each record is only for one other record in the other 3 tables.

I LOST 2 HOURS DEBUGGING IT BECAUSE IT COULD NOT RECOMPILE THIS FUCKING TABLE. FUCK!

Need a phone upgrade. So now the question is, do I want the $1000 version of the phone I am already using but from a hipster fruit based company or do I want a Korean phone that, given their recent track record, will have a battery that vibrates at the exact frequency that cause wasps to attack the user's testicles?

Oh and it should probably be a thing I can make apps for but doesn't require I learn the thing that pretends it isn't Objective-C.

I've been wondering why I have such big issues with DNS propagation on a website I moved - I just checked and somebody modified the old A record to have TTL of... 7 days.
Jesus fucking christ, why?

Using Zoom to share my screen so my colleague can use his Skype Business to record the Zoom window so that the other people can see my screen and I can call in using my phone

All because Linux does not have skype business :p

It takes so much effort to put a quality video on YouTube.
1. Researching
2. Scripting
3. Recording ( screen record while doing the hands on of the topic, drawing concepts on whiteboard + voice over )
4. Editing
5. Thumbnail

Then upload.

Today I wrote a SQL query with 7 joins. What's your record?

Day 2 of my 1000 job applications TikTok challenge

Goal:
- apply to 9 different jobs per day
- see if i can break the Guinness World Record of being rejected 1 thousand (1000) times

Stats so far:
- 18 job applications
- 3 replies
- 3 rejections
- 0 hires

I think this is a new record... # of "Productionized" personal apps running at once

... Or maybe it means its time for another full reboot...

A co-worker shared his wisdom with me today:
"It's okay for your job to be the side quest of your story, just don't forget the main quest"

And I'm left thinking, that's deep as shit, but if my track record in Skyrim is anyting to go by I'm fucked.

At least the easter holidays are coming up. Back to the main quest :D

So we have this really annoying bug in our system that customers keep complaining about. I've explained in detail, multiple times, why the part they think is a bug is not a bug and the workaround they keep asking me to apply doesn't make sense, won't fix the issue, and won't even stick (the system will notice that the record they want me to delete has been removed and it will repopulate itself, by design).

I've told them what we need to do as an actual workaround (change a field on the record) and what we need to do to properly fix the bug (change the default value on the record and give proper controls to change this value through the UI). We've had this conversation at least three times now over a period of several months. There is a user story in the backlog to apply the actual fix, but it just keeps getting deprioritized because these people don't care about bug fixes, only new features, new projects, new new new, shiny shiny new.

Today another developer received yet another report of this bug, and offered the suggested workaround of deleting the record. The nontechnical manager pings everyone to let them know that the correct workaround is to delete the record and to thank the other developer for his amazing detective work. I ping the developer in a private channel to let him know why this workaround doesn't work, and he brushes it off, saying that it's not an issue in this case because nobody will ever try to access the record (which is what would trigger it being regenerated).

A couple hours later, we get a report from support that one of the deleted records has been regenerated, and people are complaining about it.

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

Accidentally using a MySQL update and not specifying the where....yeah needless to say every single dB record got updated to trash data and the DB wasn't backed up....I was a brand new developer so....

Damn Github. I don't want to sound like a broken record, but feels like you're down more than up these days...

So, this was about 6 years ago, I had a small HDD of only 80 gigs dedicated for projects code, models, textures etc.

I didn't use GitHub or anything as a backup.

One morning when I turned my pc on I could hear a metal on metal-ish sound, no idea what it was, when windows finally booted ... And I wanted to start coding again, the 80 gig HDD was unformated like brand new ...

Few hours later I gave up and opened the HDD, the arm fucked up the disk inside ... Rip

I started backing up my shit ever since

I will give you the money for the server and the domain name (not caring about the conversion rates and transfer charges) and I expect the app delivered in record time. We can talk about payment later.
Note to self: “Never work with people you know.”

I think this might be a record...
My sister asks me what's this, I come over, she shows me a random website she found and starts asking me what she can do on that website...
Fucking kill me now...

hey is there a non code browser automation tool? one with a record and play button?

I have to "copy / create" 16 drupal pages with a gazillion modules manually by hand. And each page takes an hour of tedious click work.
Thank you for your help ❤️

I thought I'd seen the worst possible code.
Until I saw this stored procedure. It was forming a string of JSON by concatenation of double quotes and queries in between.
No wonder it took upwards of 200 seconds to insert just one record.

wk48 best question:

My go to question for dev interviews is how do you find all prime numbers from 2 to x because there's so much room for optimisation.

Start with the basics, loop over every number and check if it's divisible by any number less than it, then record the prime numbers and check only those, then move to something like the sieve of eratosthenes then reduce the problem space and only iterate through 2 to sqrt(x)

debugging a performance issue. basically the original dev had no idea what a database was for. system was generating millions of buffered reads, and paging horribly.

to see if an id existed they had done the following:
fetch all 1 million rows into an array.
iterate the array looking for a match.
if found, set found=true
continue to iterate the rest of the array.
return found.
repeat at every login.

replaced with
return person.get(id)

set world record for most i/o avoided with one liner.

When you mess up the repo, the bestfriend to help out is named "stash".
Personal record: 9 times stash in a row with no commits.
Comment to share your personal records...

Ever have one of those moments where you're running a service you built to update about a decade worth of police records, realize about halfway through that you fucked the loop and you're copying data from the first record onto every other record, and then just really wish that you had checked things better in test before running this on the prod server?

I'm sure the only reason I'm still here is because the audit log contained the original values and I'm good at pulling data out of it.

I'm just getting to know that i can screen record without 3rd party software on windows... Yikes!

What? You've been messaging me for days? I'm sorry. I got a new phone; it extremely experimental, as it's using linux and not android or iOS. I guess I just haven't gotten your messages.

The pine phone gives be the best excuse I've had in years for ignoring people!

For the record though, I *have* been getting all their calls and messages since switching to Postmarket.

RESTful API Question

Let's say when a user do an action, I need to insert a record into a table and then update a record in different table.

Should I write two API routes (PUT, POST) or one route (POST) ?

So this is my first experience of shitty code written by colleague

God, for REST API she used ?id=<int>
Not only that,
if the route was /cms

she used GET method for /cms/get/?id= to get single record and
/cms/getAll again in GET method to get all records

Damn

When you realise a so-called app developer has used nvarchar columns to store every single date record, in every DB table of your platform.
Using d/m/Y format.
Without leading zeros.
And, in just a few tables, m/d/Y.
*sigh*

Close all internet shops tabs, find yourself a nice chill music like Erykah Badu or some ASMR record, measure your time (I use toggl) and have your tasks for today well planned. And set yourself deadlines. Short deadlines. When you fail to fit in one, you get to punish yourself in a mild way. When you do your tasks on time you get candy :D or some other shit like a good coffee or go out somewhere

!rant
It always happen
I always think of great game song melodies, and every single day, when i just hum aloud, there is definitely 1 good one. Many times i have a recorder or my phone, but sometimes, i dont which makes me hum all the way to my cell phoneand when it try to record it, i forget the melody making me so frustrated....

Think I broke a record right here.
This is an actual speedtest on my Internet some days ago...

I just beat my record for most time wasted by a typo due to how TNSNames is parsed by C#

I've been working on an ERP system for several years and we had a module to record your presence time.
The code was absolute shit but at least the method names matched.
The method to record the end of your work was named "outhouseRecord".
One translation for outhouse seems to be a toilet outside.

Client: no, we did not update that record directly in the database...

Bunyan

Bunyan is a simple and fast JSON logging library for node.js services

Server logs should be structured. JSON's a good format. Let's do that. A log record is one line of JSON.stringify'd output. Let's also specify some common names for the requisite and common fields for a log record.

anyone else paranoid when it comes to privacy? i'm already deleting my stack exchange accounts after realising that whatever I do there would be hard to delete. i keep googling myself. this is crazy.

I finally have a quiet Saturday to record a tutorial video for a client. I begin recording the video and every damn lawn mower in my neighborhood starts up simultaneously. The universe is _absolutely_ conspiring against me.

We're hiring contract developers at my office. Just leafing though someone's CV before an interview and noticed it was 10 pages long! That's been a record so far but to be honest so many have been 4-6 pages long. What happened to keeping things succinct and relevant!?

I have a gitlab instance behind a reverse proxy at gitlab.mydoman.pizza (yeah my TLD is .pizza 😎🍕). I have a personal site hosted on GitHub pages. I have a CNAME record in GitHub repo pointing to mydomain.pizza. I have 4 A records on my domain registrar pointing to the GitHub pages server IP addresses. now both mydomain.pizza and myusername.github.io both go to my gitlab instance??¿¿ what the fuuuuuckkkkk?¿?¿

Found God and his offline!

So what am I doing for valentines day? So far, I've walked for 18KM.. 3KM less than my previous record.

My feet are going to hate me tomorrow but my wallet sure will be in love with me 😂

Me: So we're deploying this today on prod.

Junior: Can you record the deployment steps for us so that we can deploy whenever you're unavailable?

Me: Seriously?

I liked their enthusiasm though.

Maybe it's just too early as these chaps don't even know the basic commands right now.

What y'all have on this?

I once had to fix a webservice endpoint another developer added that accepted any file from the public internet and loaded it directly onto an NFS file mount with the rest of the site's image assets and then inserted a record of the file into SQL via a hand-stitched query with parameters from the endpoint.

I was working for a large enterprise company at the time... I was very disappoint.

I hate those fucking websites that reject Mailinator email addresses (including alternative domains).

The other day I was so pissed off that I went on Freenom.com, registered a bunch of free domain names, and pointed their MX record to mail.mailinator.com.

Now those fucking dumb websites don't block me anymore.

When you're writing a function to check whether a record exists before you create it, make you sure check *before* you create it!!

Spent ages debugging something earlier which was always returning a hit even though I wasn't expecting it but then I realised the record was being added before I ran my check, therefore always said it was found.

Sometimes I'm an idiot.

Quickly delete a double record in the production database with a script, just forgot the where statement...

Well my country broke the record of being the cyber bully...

I don't know what to feel.... This is bad..

It's like I'm trying to set a FUCKING record..

Please, send help.

Me: You decided some records in system A should be obsolete, but the records are tied to active user accounts on the website. Now, I have users emailing and asking why their profile’s last name field says “shell record - do not use.”

Stakeholder: Oh…can’t you stop those profiles from loading? Or redirect the users to the right record in system A? In system A, we set up a relationship between the shell record and the active one.

Me: 😵 Um, no and no. If I stop a user’s profile from on the website, that’s just going to cause more confusion. And the only way to identify those shell record is to look at the last name field, a text field, for that shell record wording. Also, the website uses an API to query data from system A by user id. Whatever record relationship you established isn’t reflected in the vendor’s API. The website can’t get the right record from system A if it doesn’t have the right user id.

Really payara? with only 700 record of mySql.
Please'''

There’s got to be a record to how quickly I’ve fucked something up. Most recent record? Twitter API, accidentally archived a glitch project that had my keys in it. 30 minutes.

I was reviewing a Pull Request recently and there was this line
`return josn(202, 'Record does not exists')`

I told the developer that, status code and description does not match.
He just did not want to accept that he was wrong and told me that, since this function is not exposed to public, it does not matter.

Whats wrong in accepting that you are wrong. We do make mistakes, consciously or unconsciously. Huur. I regretted reviewing his codes there after.

The HR for my last employer sucks.

After I left, my employer changed record keepers for the 401k before I could rollover the funds to an IRA. I thought, “It will be fine. I’ll wait until they finish setting up the new record keeper. Then, I can do the rollover.”

When the blackout period was about to end, I didn’t receive any instructions about the new record keeper. The funds had been transferred already and I called the old record keeper to confirm it was done by my former employer. I think, “Maybe they forgot to contact me because I’m no longer an employee.”

I email HR and ask when I can expect instructions on how to access the new record keeper. Idiots send me instructions for the old record keeper and how to file for a distribution. HR had actually called the old record keeper for these instructions when the funds were no longer with the old record keeper. WTF 😤

It takes all of my strength to write a civil email. I remind them that funds were transferred nearly 2 weeks ago by them to a new record keeper. I repeat that I need instructions on how to access the new record keeper and I don’t need instructions on how to file for a distribution from the old record keeper.

I’m effing glad I don’t work there anymore. I can’t deal with that HR’s idiocy anymore.

what's your opinion on search engine marketeers? I think they're smurky and don't know how the internet works. I once had a 'SEO specialist' even telling me that my HTML wasn't correct because it didn't had the same markup as Google's documentation. For the record: it díd have all the microdata, but I used <ol> instead of <ul>. So yeah...

How to destroy all table data:

* Get a database;
* Add the first table;
* Add the second table;
* Create a foreign key in second table that delete a record where there is a delete in the first table;
* Update all data in the first table with a REPLACE command.

Miracle: all data is lost

I will create a 1,000-job-application challenge.

The goal is to apply to 1,000 different companies and see if i can make a guineas world record of getting 1,000 rejections in a row.

Each job application i will record and document it on tiktok. I will do this freely to show everyone my achievements skills and knowledge of why i deserve the salary i want to have (which is btw less than $20,000 a year) -- so im not asking for abnormally high salary.

If you're a company spinning millions od dollars PER MONTH but it's hard for you to spend less than $20,000 PER YEAR to pay me for my hard work -- with absolutely no respect, FUCK OFF.

I want to do this in realistically 4 months.

1000 jobs / 4 months = 250 applications a month

Or 8.33 but lets round it to 9 job applications PER DAY that i will make.

I will record 9 fucking tiktoks PER DAY documenting this modern day bullshit where i struggle to get a job EVEN AFTER GRADUATING WITH A FUCKING CS DEGREE.

I want to show the world how college was really a scam and document the proof how no one gives a shit about degree and everyone treats me as if i have no degree.

I will also shitpost here on the status throughout this journey.

Spent a day debugging low volume of audio record
Just now found a cause of issue
And it was
*drums*
Hardware fault
Mic in my OP5T is nearly dead after I dropped it recently
For fucks sake, why I didn't tested it in the first place

!rant... but just gotta say... this new M1 MacBook feels fucking awesome. And I already had a late 2019 MacBook. The actual feel is different... right? Not just the chip? But it's super super fast. Also NO fan when I record screencasts...

It's super fucking rad... and - yeah. Just kinda want to shout that. Maybe I'm crazy...

The moment you go to record your course's lesson involving Slack and Slack is down 💀

🤡🌎

Has anyone taken filteredai interview test?
I have an invite that I'm planning to reject because while I might be a commodity to the company I don't want to feel like one.

The process is ridiculous to say the least. I'm supposed to record answers on video for a couple of questions, take another couple of programming challenges and then fucking record myself explaining the code.
And that's not enough. I need to 'authenticate' with my social media creds like LinkedIn for instance. Oh and I also need to install a Firefox extension for the interview.

The hell? I checked out their website (filteredai's) and they claim that they cut down on interview costs and hiring time. It's a fucking shitty way of achieving that. I'm not a cam model ffs.

Customer asks us to add an exception report to a file upload process, to show which users failed to be added, and why.

File has 4 fields per record: id, first name, last name, and email.

Customer: "some of these records aren't uploading, and when I look at the new report, it says 'email required' for those users. I don't understand. Does that mean they can't be uploaded without an email?"

19 Oct: EU approves Microsoft purchase of Github
21 Oct: (see attached)
Coincidence...? 🤔

I know Microsoft have an impressive track record for taking promising and/or popular products and turning them to shit but they've really outdone themselves this time with their immediacy.

my own code is confusing me so much that I can't even return what I want to return and been trying for hours

I'm going over stuff like a broken record and seems as though I'm not understanding it at all 🤷🏼‍♀️

A record system containing student's information. A project given by my teacher so that I could get the "Best in Computer" award in my school. He helped me to get that award because my school was unfair in giving chances for other students not in the top class to get the award. Unfortunately, I didn't pass it on time. Even if I was the highest in computer in my level, I didn't get the award just because they never gave me a chance

Holy shit, how come that so many IT-firms are totally missing SPF-record?!

Me being the dumbass I was when I was younger, I decided it was a wonderful idea to record fucking Spongebob over my parents wedding... I’m still pissed with my self 10 years later. (This was on a VHS, in case you were wondering)

Why do people have to have surnames like "Test" and "Sample"? We even have a contact record for an organisation called "Testing Circle", Circle being the name of one of our service providers, but this other organisation is unrelated and genuine.

I think today makes a new record for the number of times I have muttered "What in the actual FUCK is going on with this stupid WordPress plugin/theme/database/etc.?!"

I know. I know. I chose this life. It's my own fault. Don't bother with the anti-WordPress beatdowns in the comments. I've heard every. last. one. and I'm too old and too close to retirement to want to start over again with something else.

Client deletes erp record with a massive amount of aggregate objects. Calls and almost has a nervous breakdown.

Thank god for soft deletes, they make awesome invoices.

Why are there so many testing framworks for JavaScript? Jasmine, mocha, buster ... and for spies, stubs and mocks, there is sinon and for assertions, there is chai. And oh you can record entire external api calls with nock and whatever else I forgot. I am a bit overwhelmed by this overambundancy of libraries. Writing tests is supposed to be easy.

Yes this is about github, no it's not complaining about Microsoft buying it.

Have you noticed Microsoft seems to be buying/working with its competitors on something they failed to do?

MSN inferior Skype
PowerShell inferior to bash
VSTM inferior to github

And if track record continues, github might go down the shutter majorly...

Found out the database was missing a record from the parent table. The app hummed along perfectly, pulling all the data from child records.

TL;DR: This app uses the worst possible database form if everything you need is duplicated into all the child records every time.

Today after a second interview I was asked to complete a code challenge. They didn't say when they would want it completed by, only just as soon as I was able I guess. Anyways, they said ideally they'd like it to only take me 4-5 hours to complete. What should I use to track time? I was thinking just giving them some WakaTime data or maybe screen record the challenge while I do it. What would you do?

Now why the fuck is one DNS record (for the www prefix) working but the other isn't? WHAT THE FUCK???

To me this is when you have that one breakthrough you spend considerable time on and with the divine knowledge of a peer collegue solves it in minutes... That feeling of enlightenment. That is what drives me everyday. Learning from mistakes, record progress, expand your knowledge, and call for help when you're stuck. Every single day.

Do you think your job is fun?

So many boring jobs out there.. Examples:
- .Net services for some financial institution
- Java business applications for invoice record processing

Yeah, bore me more. Thanks. I prefer something more fun.

Waiting for DNS records to update..
It's always a difficult choice; Do I work on something else or do I hope record will be updated in few minutes..

I always choose wrong, will keep you updated :p

finally...after 17 Days... Domain is transfered...

definitely a new record for me

Talk about giving me a headache..
Mmh k, so i want to move my current domain to cloudflare.

Go to current provider, their site report a previous provider has the record but that provider says they have nothing left.

Great.
Contact current provider and they tell me to contact cloudflare, cloudflare tells me to resolve that issue with my previous provider....

Starting to feel like just dropping it and getting a new ...

Who is doing this to me *sobs*, mongoose or MongoDB? 😥😥

I'm adding new records (array) to an embedded document, but the first record to be added gets duplicated, even with the same ID and stuff :(..

Was using Callbacks, switched to promises, still the same.

😥😥😥😥😥