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Yesterday, in a meeting with project stakeholders and a dev was demoing his software when an un-handled exception occurred, causing the app to crash.
Dev: “Oh..that’s weird. Doesn’t do that on my machine. Better look at the log”
- Dev looks at the log and sees the exception was a divide by zero error.
Dev: “Ohhh…yea…the average price calculation, it’s a bug in the database.”
<I burst out laughing>
Me: “That’s funny.”
<Dev manager was not laughing>
DevMgr: “What’s funny about bugs in the database?”
Me: “Divide by zero exceptions are not an indication of a data error, it’s a bug in the code.”
Dev: “Uhh…how so? The price factor is zero, which comes from a table, so that’s a bug in the database”
Me: “Jim, will you have sales with a price factor of zero?”
StakeholderJim: “Yea, for add-on items that we’re not putting on sale. Hats, gloves, things like that.”
Dev: “Steve, did anyone tell you the factor could be zero?”
DBA-Steve: “Uh...no…just that the value couldn’t be null. You guys can put whatever you want.”
DevMgr: “So, how will you fix this bug?”
DBA-Steve: “Bug? …oh…um…I guess I could default the value to 1.”
Dev: “What if the user types in a zero? Can you switch it to a 1?”
Me: “Or you check the factor value before you try to divide. That will fix the exception and Steve won’t have to do anything.”
<awkward couple of seconds of silence>
DevMgr: “Lets wrap this up. Steve, go ahead and make the necessary database changes to make sure the factor is never zero.”
StakeholderJim: “That doesn’t sound right. Add-on items should never have a factor. A value of 1 could screw up the average.”
Dev: “Don’t worry, we’ll know the difference.”
<everyone seems happy and leaves the meeting>
I completely lost any sort of brain power to say anything after Dev said that. All the little voices kept saying were ‘WTF? WTF just happened? No really…W T F just happened!?’ over and over. I still have no idea on how to articulate to anyone with any sort of sense about what happened. Thanks DevRant for letting me rant.15 -
Good Morning!, its time for practiseSafeHex's most incompetent co-worker!
Todays contestant is a very special one.
*sitcom audience: WHY?*
Glad you asked, you see if you were to look at his linkedin profile, you would see a job title unlike any you've seen before.
*sitcom audience oooooooohhhhhh*
were not talking software developer, engineer, tech lead, designer, CTO, CEO or anything like that, No No our new entrant "G" surpasses all of those with the title ..... "Software extraordinaire".
*sitcom audience laughs hysterically*
I KNOW!, wtf does that even mean! as a previous dev-ranter pointed out does this mean he IS quality code? I'd say he's more like a trash can ... where his code belongs
*ba dum tsssss*
Ok ok, lets get on with the show, heres some reasons why "G" is on the show:
One of G's tasks was to build an analytics gathering library for iOS, similar to google analytics where you track pages and events (we couldn't use google's). G was SO good at this job he implemented 2 features we didn't even ask for:
- If the library was unable to load its config file (for any reason) it would throw an uncatchable system integrity error, crashing the app.
- If anything was passed into any of the functions that wasn't expected (null, empty array etc.) it would crash the app as it was "more efficient" to not do any sanity checks inside the library.
This caused a lot of issues as some of the data needed to come from the clients server. The day we launched the app, within the first 3 hours we had over 40k crash logs and a VERY angry client.
Now, what makes this story important is not the bugs themselves, come on how many times have we all done something stupid? No the issue here was G defended all of this as the right thing to do!
.. and no he wasn't stoned or drunk!
G claimed if he couldn't get the right settings / params he wouldn't be able to track the event and then our CEO wouldn't have our usage data. To which I replied:
"So your solution was to not give the client an app instead? ... which also doesn't give the CEO his data".
He got very angry and asked me "what would you do then?". I offered a solution something like why not have a default tag for "error" or "unknown" where if theres an issue, we send up whatever we have, plus the file name and store it somewhere else. I was told I was being ridiculous as it wasn't built to track anything like that and that would never work ... his solution? ... pull the library out of the app and forget it.
... once again giving everyone no data.
G later moved onto another cross-platform style project. Backend team were particularly unhappy as they got no spec of what needed to be done. All they knew was it was a single endpoint dealing with very complex model. There was no Java classes, super classes, abstract classes or even interfaces, just this huge chunk of mocked data. So myself and the lead sat down with him, and asked where the interfaces for the backend where, or designs / architecture for them etc.
His response, to this day frightens me ... not makes me angry, not bewilders me ... scares the living shit out of me that people like this exist in the world and have successful careers.
G: "hhhmmm, I know how to build an interface, but i've never understood them ... Like lets say I have an interface, what now? how does that help me in any way? I can't physically use it, does it not just use up time building it for no reason?"
us: "... ... how are the backend team suppose to understand the model, its types, integrate it into the other systems?"
G: "Can I not just tell them and they can write it down?"
**
I'll just pause here for a moment, as you'll likely need to read that again out of sheer disbelief
**
I've never seen someone die inside the way the lead did. He started a syllable and his face just dropped, eyes glazed over and he instantly lost all the will to live. He replied:
" wel ............... it doesn't matter ... its not important ... I have to go, good luck with the project"
*killed the screen share and left the room*
now I know you are all dying in suspense to know what happened to that project, I can drop the shocking bombshell that it was in fact cancelled. Thankfully only ~350 man hours were spent on it
... yep, not a typo.
G's crowning achievement however will go down in history. VERY long story short, backend got deployed to the server and EVERYTHING broke. Lead investigated, found mistakes and config issues on every second line, load balancer wasn't even starting up. When asked had this been tested before it was deployed:
G: "Yeah I tested it on my machine, it worked fine"
lead: "... and on the server?"
G: "no, my machine will do the same thing"
lead: "do you have a load balancer and multiple VM's?"
G: "no, but Java is Java"
... and with that its time to end todays episode. Will G be our most incompetent? ... maybe.
Tune in later for more practiceSafeHex's most incompetent co-worker!!!31 -
Me: *hours of coding, develops a feature*
Code: I'm working..
Me: Oh good.. will monitor you for sometime.
Code: Ok, I'm done. I'll stop working now.
Me: WTF
Me: *sits for hours to solve bugs*
And when almost done,
VPN: Someone's having a good day, I'll disconnect you now.
Me: WTF
Me: *tries switching on/off VPN couple of times..*
When it starts to connect,
WIFI: Oh wait!! It's my turn to bid goodbye now. Have a nice day sir
Me: Of course !! The wifi
Me: *restarts router/ troubleshoot etc*
When wifi says connected...
Battery: Good job with wifi.. I'm down now..what you gonna do?
Me: Are you fucking kidding me???
Me: *connects charger, wait for laptop to switch on*
Windows: Updating....
Me: *jumps out window*13 -
Boss: make this thing
Me: yeah no worries. Where is the spec?
Boss: We don't have enough one but we outsourced the design so call him
Designer: haven't started yet
Me: excellent
Boss: I'm going on holiday. I'll leave this to you.
Me: erm ok. I'm having a few problems getting stuff out of the designer though.
*2 weeks later and still no designs*
Boss: I'm back. Where is the progress?!
Me: indeed.
*1 week later i get half designs that sort of make sense*
Boss: hurry up!
*1 week later*
Me: designer you're busting my balls here
Designer: yeah lol
Me to boss: still having problems. No idea what I'm doing.
Boss: deal with it
*2 days later*
PM: we are demoing it to clients tomorrow
Me: brilliant. I'll become a magician then.
* Meeting goes well and no one notices the thing is a bit buggy*
*2 days later*
Me to boss and pm: you already know whats going on but I'll keep trying.
Boss: ok it's just a proof of concept anyway.
Designer: yeah here's the rest of the designs lol
*1 week later, the designs made no sense, no idea what they wanted but hey it's a proof of concept so I'll just do my best...*
*suddenly again, hey you have 1 week before we sell it. Lol. smashes a product together as fast as humanly possible, due to half designs and no time to do it right even html classes and CSS aren't right - didn't know things would be repeated at the time. No time to fix entire thing. Luckily just a proof of concept*
New senior developer: hey boss just said this is being sold tomorrow.
Me: wtf..It's a proof of concept and i was given longer...
New senior developer: no
Me: :(
Senior developer and all colleagues: it's full of bugs and doesn't work
Me: yes that will happen without specs, random tight deadlines, no designs that made sense and a total of about a week and a half to make an entire system for multiple user types to make applications, send messages, post jobs, handle all paperwork and move paperwork among different user types as they go through applications. I told everyone what was going on but i get no support...
*Silence*
Boss: wtf i gave you so long! All i know is my entire staff is working on a product that should be done ages ago
Me: ok, however i have said almost every day i need-
Boss: I'm not interested
*I finish my placement year and never get any promised work or the job offer*
Seems legit?16 -
LONG RANT AHEAD!
In my workplace (dev company) I am the only dev using Linux on my workstation. I joined project XX, a senior dev onboarded me. Downloaded the code, built the source, launched the app,.. BAM - an exception in catalina.out. ORM framework failed to map something.
mvn clean && mvn install
same thing happens again. I address this incident to sr dev and response is "well.... it works on my machine and has worked for all other devs. It must be your environment issue. Prolly linux is to blame?" So I spend another hour trying to dig up the bug. Narrowed it down to a single datamodel with ORM mapping annotation looking somewhat off. Fixed it.
mvn clean && mvn install
the app now works perfectly. Apparently this bug has been in the codebase for years and Windows used to mask it somehow w/o throwing an exception. God knows what undefined behaviour was happening in the background...
Months fly by and I'm invited to join another project. Sounds really cool! I get accesses, checkout the code, build it (after crossing the hell of VPNs on Linux). Run component 1/4 -- all goocy. run component 2,3/4 -- looks perfect. Run component 4/4 -- BAM: LinkageError. Turns out there is something wrong with OSGi dependencies as ClassLoader attempts to load the same class twice, from 2 different sources. Coworkers with Windows and MACs have never seen this kind of exception and lead dev replies with "I think you should use a normal environment for work rather than playing with your Linux". Wtf... It's java. Every env is "normal env" for JVM! I do some digging. One day passes by.. second one.. third.. the weekend.. The next Friday comes and I still haven't succeeded to launch component #4. Eventually I give up (since I cannot charge a client for a week I spent trying to set up my env) and walk away from that project. Ever since this LinkageError was always in my mind, for some reason I could not let it go. It was driving me CRAZY! So half a year passes by and one of the project devs gets a new MB pro. 2 days later I get a PM: "umm.. were you the one who used to get LinkageError while starting component #4 up?". You guys have NO IDEA how happy his message made me. I mean... I was frickin HIGH: all smiling, singing, even dancing behind my desk!! Apparently the guy had the same problem I did. Except he was familiar with the project quite well. It took 3 more days for him to figure out what was wrong and fix it. And it indeed was an error in the project -- not my "abnormal Linux env"! And again for some hell knows what reason Windows was masking a mistake in the codebase and not popping an error where it must have popped. Linux on the other hand found the error and crashed the app immediatelly so the product would not be shipped with God knows what bugs...
I do not mean to bring up a flame war or smth, but It's obvious I've kind of saved 2 projects from "undefined magical behaviour" by just using Linux. I guess what I really wanted to say is that no matter how good dev you are, whether you are a sr, lead or chief dev, if your coworker (let it be another sr or a jr dev) says he gets an error and YOU cannot figure out what the heck is wrong, you should not blame the dev or an environment w/o knowing it for a fact. If something is not working - figure out the WHATs and WHYs first. Analyze, compare data to other envs,... Not only you will help a new guy to join your team but also you'll learn something new. And in some cases something crucial, e.g. a serious messup in the codebase.11 -
Client: “Hey this thing isn’t working correctly.”
Me: “Hmm, looks like there was a bug in the last update. The team and I are going to work on a fix. In the meantime here’s a tool to help you get what you need.”
Client:”Yay!”
*A little while later*
Same Client:”Hey this thing isn’t working.”
Me:”Hey, yeah, it’s the same thing. That bug I told you about? Yeah, we’re still working on it. We’ll let you know when it’s finished I promise but we’re trying to fix it without introducing more bugs.”
Client:”Ok sounds good.”
*A little while later*
Same Client:”Hey this thing isn’t working.”
Me:”Bro...we just went over this...”
*A little while later*
Same Client:”Hey seems like there’s a bug in our system that was found by -insert random coworker’s name here-. Are we looking into to this?”
Me:”Wtf dude.”
*A little while later*
Same Client:”Hey this thing isn’t working.”
Me: -smashes my face against keyboard-7 -
Senior Dev: "-bleep- I hate Javascript. It is such a pain to have to debug in Chrome"
Mgr: "Why are you 'having to' debug in Chrome?"
-in an almost 'you didn't know?' condensing tone -
Senior Dev: "Because you can't debug Javascript in Visual Studio."
Me: "Umm...pretty sure you can."
Senior Dev: "No, its impossible. I have to make a simple change in Visual Studio, save it, deploy all the files to the server, restart IIS, open up Chrome and use it's developer tools to find bugs. -bleep- Javascript sucks sooo bad."
-I do a quick search on stackoverflow-
Me: "No, I'm looking right at it on stackoverflow. You can debug Javascript in visual studio just like anything else."
- Mgr looks over and smiles, not trying to laugh -
Senior Dev: "Hey, did you watch that scene in Stranger Things...man thats a good show ..."
- other devs jump in to comment about the show, completely dismissing the VS/Javascript conversation -
Not sure WTF just happened.9 -
Security rant ahead - you have been warned.
It never fails to amuse and irritate me that, despite being in the 2019 supposed information age, people still don't understand or care about their security.
I've travelled to a lot of ports and a lot of countries, but, at EVERY port, without fail, there will be at least one wifi that:
- Has default name/password that has been cracked already (Thomson/SpeedTouch/Netfaster etc)
- Has a phone number as password (reduces crack time to 15-30 mins)
- Someone, to this day, has plain old WEP
I am not talking about cafeteria/store wifi but home networks. WTF people?! I can check my email (through VPN, of course) but it still bugs me. I have relented to try and snoop around the network - I can get carried away, which is bad. Still...
The speed is great though :P9 -
When you are given a task or bugs to fix and your boss will tell you everytime that, "this is so easy this will be done in just 3 seconds".
WTF! Then don't hire devs and do it yourself! And start fixing all the damn bugs in just 3 seconds yourself! There are 28800 seconds in whole fucking 8 hours, I guess if we divided it by 3 you can finish a task or fix a bug at approximately 9600! (Applause) Now we are silently calling him "The 3 seconds man'.4 -
Me at midnight: let's release a demo build
Me at 1 am: why are there so many bugs? Why won't it compile.
Me at 2 am: omg finally compiled. Runs it, buttons don't work. Closes it, reopens it. Buttons work.
Me at 3 am: let's write apologetic posts for the bugs, but post the version anyway
Me at 4 am: why do I advertise in so many places
Me at 5 am: let's update the patreon reward tiers
Me at 5:30 am: nah fuck this, going to bed.
Mom at 9 am: wake the hell up we need you to dig out a hill and build a stone wall around one side of the house.
Me: omg wtf why.
Me at 2:30 pm: why the hell are we doing this, I have so many bugs to patch and everyone knows they are there because I told them all!
5 -
Out of all the bugs, the most annoying are the ones that come out and make me say "WTF?!?!? WHY THE FUCK HAS IT BEEN WORKING FOR THE LAST 2 YEARS??!!?!!??? THERE"S NO WAY IT COULD HAVE!"
When the bug surfaces, you investigate and see that it indeed IS a bug and there's no way it would ever work w/o a fix. But then SOMEHOW it's been working just fine for years....
It's like server elves went on strike and said "no more, it's enough covering that bug - it's time you fix it, lazy-ass idiot!"11 -
My preciousssss!!
Fucking assholes! Just spent 3h debugging for bugs that weren't there.. Our client insisted we must rollback the whole update, because gui was broken.. after analysing data & testing I figure out that there must be something 'wrong' as there was no data to copy from in the first place...so there should be no bug..
Aaand here goes the best part: they didn't want to point out missing data bug, they just wanted one restriction to be removed, because it 'broke GUI', to allow for empty value on save... WTF?! How can you insist that gui is buggy & that you don't want an update, if you just want something to be optional?! Which was done immediately, one change in one js file?! Dafaaaaaq?!
Kids, English is important!! Otherwise you end up debugging ghosts for 3+ hours withou a cigarette...and waking up a coworker with bad news of rollback at half to midnight... Aaaaaaaargh!!!
сука блять
27 -
ARGGHHHH Python!!! why the hell is this a thing... if I specify a default argument, I want it to be a default argument, not get carried over....
13 -
PM: You can cut corners it it's necessary.
Me: Thanks for giving me permission to move faster.
*But as you know, I wouldn't be in this position if you hadn't made us agree to such an unrealistic deadline.*
..
...
*after completion*
.
.
PM: There are bugs in the code.
ME: There are bugs, because you asked me to cut corners. *fu#k you* *wtf moment*4 -
Have you ever had a problem with a partner, but you cannot prove at 100% that he has something against you? But you cannot stand him?
Well, this happened two years ago. I was working as a tester, and “John” (I won’t say his real name) was the dude who tests my tests, but in production.
I ‘m a sociable person, and I don’t mind talking with another people. Suddenly, I noticed that my co-worker started to behave a little bit... rude? Plain? I don’t know, but sometimes he didn’t answer my conversations/questions, or sometimes answered with extra-negative stuff.
“Well, his life is not easy” I said to myself. “Everybody haveproblems”, “I have to understand him and calm down”.
Two weeks later started to report really REALLY absurd production bugs, and with absurd I mean, for example, that he didn’t like the color of a button, a point next to a phrase, etc., things very very simples, but sometimes he ignored big errors.
Once I had to went out of the city for few hours, and asked to permission to go out. I had pending tests, but I left a document with specifications in case of emergency. Even passwords. Before I could finish the thing in the other city, my partner called me two times, and asking me obvious things! I had to go back to the office ealier that I had planned, so f*** angry 😡 and when I arrived to the office, John said “no, forget it, let’s solve it tomorrow” 🙃 WTF?!!!!!!
I decided not to argue with him.
Also noticed that his headaches suddenly increased, and looked so tired ☹️ I felt guilty to judge him
I felt so guilty, and even today I don’t know what to feel about that or what to think. I don’t work there anymore, but, What do you think? What would you do?6 -
Client : We want to develop this particular software. While developing it, we will be following Agile methodology.
Developers: Sure.
After developer achieves few features and decides to give 1st Demo of the software to the client.
Client : Wtf is this? This is an incomplete software, there are bugs in it.
Developer : Yes, you point that out to me and I will solve them.
Client: What do you mean point them out for you l, couldn't you do it yourself?
Developer: As a standard method, we often do unit tests, but we are not testers and with a strict deadline to match, we are more on the core implementation then checking again and again for minor bugs.
Client : I thought it would be a full proof software without any bugs in the 1st demo.
Developer : Software development is a process. It's not straightforward, hence you only mentioned at the initial, it's agile.
Client : If that's so, let's make it not agile and make you rot in hell for the next few fays. Now you next time show me a demo with no bugs, great complicated features and we will not mention you our expectations, predict them by yourselves, and most importantly, here's an impractical strict deadline.4 -
REDIS: Great for cloud, will fuck up your local disk if too many write operations per second.
DynamoDB: WTF 10Mb should not be "too large for a single record"!!
SPARK: NEVER CONNECT IT TO A DATABASE! Wasted A LOT of cluster time. Also, can you be LESS specific on exactly what are the bugs in my code? 'cause I don't think it's possible.
NPM: can't install a package for shit. tried it waaaay to many times.
Makefiles: Just fuck you.
WSL1: breaks more often than a glass hammer.
Python >= 3.6: FUCK ENCODINGS!!
Jupyter: STOP MESSING UP WHILE SAVING!
Living is to collet bugs, it seems.4 -
All I want for Christmas is.... for Windows 10 search bar to respond and work in a reasonable amount of time and not suck so much.3
-
The first things a person tells me when I come over to help them:
10%: I don't understand what to do
15%: Why is there an error? (mostly typos)
15%: I don't understand this error. (debugging required)
60%: Wtf, why is it working now?
I feel like my sole presence makes bugs disappear 😎3 -
So a follow up to my last Mathematica rant:
I have a JSON file made up of arrays of arrays of arrays with the outermost layer containing ~10,000 arrays.
So, my graphing works perfectly the first time for one of my graphs. I fix another unrelated graph, graph the whole file, and suddenly the first one stops working. The file read-in only reads in the array {2,13}. I double checked the contents of the file, they were as large as always.
Then, I proceed to look for bugs, find none, and decide to restart Mathematica. This doesn't help.
So I go back, find no bugs, and eventually am so fed up that I just restart Mathematica again, no changes.
Suddenly, the array reads in fine. Waiting for the graphs to come out but I think they'll be fine.
WTF Mathematica? Why must I restart TWICE to make bugs caused by your application go away?7 -
Pending issues : 5. Deadline is nearing.
Tweaking around, I found some bugs on functionalities that for some reasons have magically passed QA. The bug was quite simple to be found.
Created 5 issues for 5 different bugs. Pending issues is now 10.
Manager : I am not happy. Last week we have 6 and we're going to weekend this week at 10?? Wtf you guys have been doing?? Why isn't there any progress?? Are you guys not doing any work?? You guys been lazy??!
Yeah, we been here sitting around play computer games all day. -
tl : "hey dotenv, we have a presentation with VP tomorrow, do you want to present any of your achievements in product?"
me: "umm, what achievements ?"
tl : "you know, something that you added in app which made a good impact to various metrics like DAU, MAU, less bad reviews etc"
me: "umm... i coded the tasks and features created by you folks. they got shipped at some point of your liking, and are now being tracked by you for its success failure. So i am not sure what to take credit for"
TL: "no, no.. i mean like any bugs or issues that you fixed outside of your daily jira tasks which you tracked to be a sucess"
me: "well as far as tracking is concerned, then neither i know how to track them nor i did. but yea, i identified a bug where an outdated payload was generating bad request and giving a silent failure instead of success which recently got shipped. maybe its helping users get actual response instead of "we will get back to you in some time" , so this might get considered?
TL : "oh that? that we have already added as one of the team's achievements (=PM+TL's achievement) and have tracked it to be a succes"
me : "what th- okay. then how about that api failure which was identified by AVP as "something is not right" in which the api was intermittently taking a long time to respond. he tagged me and i set up logs to identify which type of users got that issue and the actual cause of that api failure. that was definitely a good fox for app as we ended up with good reviews on playstore for our new release?"
TL : "oh that? how can you take credit for that fix? it was identified by AVP, you just added similar logs that we were using for tracking errors and implemented a fix when it came to you as a sprint task? its a team achievement"
me : "but you guys didn't identified the cause through your logs!? my log was more granular. and even if that's the case, we aren't allowed to pick any task just as is, without getting it added to sprint , right?"
TL : "nah, that was a team win"
*6 months later, during appraisal time"
TL : "Hey dotenv, you haven't displayed any leadership skills and haven't gone put of the box to improve the product. Here's your peanut appraisal 🗑️"
me : 🥲🔫🤯🪦
------------
fuck this stupid neaurocrst structure. i hate being a selfish prick than a team player, but either give credits as well as punishment to the team or gove credits as well as punishment to the single person. but wtf is thos culture of giving reward to team and punishment to individual? fckin communists
------ -
Developing a web app that I'm sure was touched by Satan himself. Bugs come out from no where.
Yesterday when I left everything worked. Today when I arrived nothing works! Lots of angular errors. WTF. No one else worked on it . :O4 -
Rewrite of the sync api to REST.
Coworker: “hey, I know you’ve written and maintained our sync module for the past 4 years. Something I need to know? Some hints or knowledge you can share?”
Me: only thing you should not do is x and y. Otherwise you will face problems a and b.”
Coworker: “great, thanks a lot!”
2 months later...
Customer call: “da fuck are you doing? When I do stupid stuff then I face problem z and problem a!!!”
*me checking new code*
*me calling coworker*
Me: “WTF did you do? You asked for my advice and then did exactly what I told you NOT to do.”
Coworker: “oh, let me check the code..”
*coworker calls boss*
Coworker: “Boss, I can’t work with this guy, he starts fights all the time..”
*boss comes to my desk*
Boss: “I don’t want you to work on this anymore, people are complaining.”
Me: “what the fuck, I just asked him a question..”
~ 1 month later
coworker quits because he can’t handle all the bugs he caused and I have to maintain this piece of fucking retard code..3 -
Was talking about how I implemented CI/CD in one of our projects as a starting point to others and how it worked by running tests and deploying to the server and one of my colleagues laughed about having to have tests at all, I explained and asked him what was he gonna do that morning, his answer:
"Well, I'm gonna test the system X and fix some bugs"
To what I replied:
"If you have automated tests you could have those tests automatic(?!) and they also help you finding bugs early"
Wtf do ppl have in mind that they prefer remediation over prevention and they end up wasting their time with shit that could be fully automated?2 -
Does most memorable in a bad way count? 🤔
He left almost 2 years ago..or even more.. left a bunch of bugs and logical fuckups for me to fix.. some already fixed, some still lingering there..
I want to not blame him for everything, since we lack proper code review protocols and all.. but I've asked on several occasions if he understands the problem and what must be done..and the answer was always yes..results, after I got time to check up on him, the code he wrote was most probably copy pasted from stack overflow or somewhere else.. butchered in any and every way possible..
And of course already checked in to TFS.. along with bunch of files that were not even changed (he didn't bother to check that and exclude them) + a bunch of files from other projects... Told him to not do that on several occasions too, but he still managed to fuck things up this way.. leaving all the uncommented debugger; crap and alerts in the js files..
On one occasion I was working on new GUI..api part I already finished..got the order from above to delegate this to him as it is not much he can fuck up so I could focus on more important & complex stuff..
Maybe additional 4h of work + testing for everything..
I show him the prepared files, one controller, one view..explained what parts of code goes where etc.. a little short of writing everything myself.. Ask if he understands what needs to be done & how and told him if he has any problems/questions to ask me asap..
Said he understood what needs to be done.. after a day or two he asks me why something is not workig as expected.. I check the files, correct initialization was commented out and all the code was stuffed in the view file.. Took him another day to move the code to proper files.. Not sure about the possible bugs left there as the client later decided that they will not be using this..
I later found out that years of C# experience on his CV was actually a school course.. he didn't even know why the changes on api are not showing up..because he didn't know that he has to build the code..
I mean, if he was honest when asked about experience with .net, we would've taken a month or two to just explain everything from the start..
But as he didn't and based on his CV (much more experience with .net than me) and 'I understand everything' attitude from the start I assumed he knows WTF was he doing..
Boy was I wrong..
He was also more interested in how much I get payed and if I have a company phone etc..than actually doing his job.. I fucking hate chit chat, and this..well.. he didn't get the hints that this is in no way appropriate to ask.. I've told him that if he has problems with his pay and bonuses that he should talk to the management and not me about this..and that I'm only interested in his actual work and progress..
So yeah, I'll definitely be remembering this guy till the day I die..3 -
99 little bugs in the code
99 little bugs
Take one down and pass it around
127 little bugs in the code2 -
When you have a bug in code that you are trying to fix for a century and then when you fix it you, make 15 more bugs by solving that bug like wtf2
-
Me and the team I manage after fixing bugs,
Me: hey devXY, please send a build to the QA to test it. I am going to a meeting.
*2 hours later
QA guy: hey, we did not receive any build yet.. we are already out of time..
Me to devXY: hello, why didn't you send a build to QA?
devXY: ok, sending it now.
ME LIKE: WTF!!!1 -
This is the most wtf thing that happened me with Javascript, I had a regular expression and it caused bugs only with 4 digits long words, then I just noticed this:
/^.{3}$/.test(null) // false
/^.{4}$/.test(null) // true
What the fuck, I can't believe that who designed the .test method didn't think to avoid null coercion2 -
An amazing git story: A month ago coworkers did research and started with merge requests. Their workflow is as follows: A Feature is developed in a branch, then a merge request is opened. After a very short review it will be closed (rejected) and merged without request. (wtf!) After that the develop branch will be tested later, in case of bugs, a new branch per feature is opened.3
-
Very important lesson I learned while working with Xcode:
Always have multiple major versions installed and ready to be used.
Xcode 9 can't convert old Swift 2.2 project to Swift 4 and can't open the "old" project? Xcode 7 can help you.
Xcode 9 crashes randomly while moving top level packages? Xcode 8 can help you.
Yeah, always funny to find new bugs in Xcode...4 -
- Writes a short decent code. Doesn't work.
- Refactores it with variables and function. Automatically works.
- Changes back to the original form. Freaking works now.
Wtf.!!!
Oh! The lord of bugs and errors, have mercy on me.2 -
TLDR; College group projects suck, not because the work, but the people in your group will make or break you. Fuck having 1 week to do this assignment.
Sometimes working with other students on group projects is great, they actually know how to create a merge a git branch. I've had a decent partner once during my 3 years at university so far. This last project takes the cake on idiots I've worked with...so far at least... It was me and two others, we'll call them Thing1 and Thing2 for now. Anyway so the 3 of us had a week to implement a very rudimentary Invoice system; fine, easy enough. We divided up the work and 'started'.
All seemed to be going well, no complaints or cries for help all week. Until 4 hours before we submit the assignment; Thing 1 sends me a DM saying all of Thing 1's work is useless full of bugs and just shouldn't be integrated with the rest of the code. Umm fine? I guess? wtf?! why did this have to come out last minute?! We could have explained to Thing 1 what's going on and gotten him/her up to speed on everything. Believe it or not, I was sorta ok with this? I mean thing 1 hadn't pushed anything to the repo yet. I mean literally nada, Thing 1 is a collaborator on the repo that has contributed nothing. Seeing as how Thing 1 was contributing nothing I had already started to cover our ass a began Thing 1's work.
That's not even what's pissed me off... at least thing 1 had the gall to message me to say "idk..wtf is going on...continue without me". Thing 2 arguably made my time with the project worse. His code was nothing but garbage...every time...literally spent more time deciphering his incoherent bullshit more than I did rewriting his mess. I shit you not he wrote out this method, and tells the group he's "finally got it fixed and working":
public static float updateTotal(float newValue)
{
total = updateTotal(newValue);
return total;
}
How tf did he test this to see if its working?! I'm a novice and can already see the infinite loop here. You called your method within that method's own definition, what did you expect to happen.
I managed to get things 75% working and turned in 5 mins before the cut off.
Thankfully Thing 1 emailed the Proff as well, hopefully he won't tank my grade too bad. I'm so glad to be done with this assignment, fingers crossed there's no more group work.4 -
wtf...
Ones of the best bugs I love the "most" are the ones where the fix is counter-intuitive, e.g. making smth seemingly incorrect to rectify the issue.
Like today, I crafter an SQL query to fetch some PG metrics. And postgres-exporter refused to accept it until I added an excessive comma [,] at the end of the SELECT block (right before FROM).
Like.. wtf...12 -
Intel, wtf kind of drugs is your stupid site on?
Trying to make an account, the password requirement says "at least one special character".
Ok, no problem.
"Password format is invalid"
Wut? Hmm, maybe it doesn't like that one. Let's try one from their suggested ones.
"Password format is invalid"
WTF? The fuck is your problem?!
*reloads the page, tries again*
"Password format is invalid"
ARE YOU FUCKING RETARDED?
*adds the special at the end of the password instead of the beginning*
It works.
https://youtube.com/watch/...
And then we wonder why bugs like Meltdown and Spectre come up. These guys can't even do fucking password validation properly.
And I've just lost 30 minutes because of this shit.
FUCK! -
So my boss thinks of debugging as a guessing game. As in you just say random things that have not even the slightest relation with the code where the bug is ... now i know why it take days to fix a little bug...5
-
The mechanical team once told me, hey I want this feature on the software - sure it will take approx 1 week. Yea I know, but I want it without any bugs.
WTF?? They sure got some f words from me. 😅1 -
Who else is fed up of memes on Facebook like 'She was upset because I didn't talk to her. She didn't know that it was because I missed a semicolon in my code'
Really?? WTF compiler do you use dude? Because of such shitty memes, couple of my non-dev friends asked me how frequently I miss the semicolon in my code?! I said never because:
1. I am not a dumb coder to compile my programs with any syntax errors.
2. Even if I do, I fix it in a minute.
:| WTF really! These dumbheads don't make memes on bugs.3 -
I hate Intellij so much ...
* it has the weirdest bugs
* like window focus not working properly,
weird comment/uncomment short (jumps one line down wtf)
* It is slow as hell
* doesn't compile properly (or doesn't give a shit telling me about its actual status).
* Not even the build log is working properly. Why can I hide WARNs but no INFOs?? WTF
* Panels are all over the place and keep coming back, regardless how often I close them ....
ARG ARG ARG, *smashing face on the keyboard*
and the worst ... even though I have the F***ING ULTIMATE version, it constantly nags me about BUYING THE F***NG ULTIMATE VERSION AAAAAARG12 -
- Install Overwatch via Lutris on Linux.
- Get absolutely terrible performance and rendering bugs.
- Disable DXVK.
- Get slightly better performance (wtf?).
- Still runs at like 20% of potential performance.
- Give up and try to install Windows.
- Windows install fails.
Aaand so I spent my weekend configuring shit instead of relaxing/gaming. Ugh.9 -
Let me start this off by stating I'm a Java dev, and a noob with C++.
Thought it'd be cool to learn some OpenCL, since I want to do some maths stuff and why not learn something new.
So I sat down, installed Nvidia proprietary drivers, broke my x-org server, purged, reinstalled, rebooted and after a while I got stuff sorted out.
Then on to my IDE. I use CLion and it uses Cmake. C++ noob knows shit about Cmake, so struggle for two hours trying to figure out wtf is going on with the OpenCL libs and why they're only partially detected. Fml.
Finally, everything is configured and I'm set. I start working on a Hello World program using OpenCL. Finish it in 20 mins, all good. No output. Do some googling, check my program a million times. Nothing wrong here. Check the kernel, everything as in the tutorial.
I start checking error codes after a while reported by OpenCL (which I had no clue was a thing) and I get some code saying the program was not created properly (to run the kernel). No fucking clue what's up with that. Google around, find another tutorial, rewrite my code in case I'm using outdated code or something. Nothing.
Fast forward an hour, I find out that OpenCL has logs! So I grab some code from the website I found it on, and voila, I finally get some info on what's going on.
Get a load of this bs.
In the kernel file, so that OpenCL knows that it's a function to run, you have to put __kernel. But in all the places I read, it said to put it as _kernel.
Add the underscore, compile, run and everything is perfect.
Then I tried just putting 'kernel'. Also compiles and runs fine.
Two hours hours and my program was fixed by adding an underscore. IF ONLY C++ GAVE AN INDICATION OF WHAT BLEW UP INSTEAD OF SITTING BACK AND BEING LIKE "oh wow man feels bad, work some magic and try again" THEN THIS WOULD NOT HAVE TAKEN SO LONG.
Then again, it was OpenCL that was being shitty with its styling enforcement or whatever the hell the underscore business is. But screw it. C++ eats shit too for this. Sure, maybe Java babies you by giving you the exact error and position that the error took place at. But at least that way you don't waste hours of your life chasing invisible bugs 😠😠
I'm going to eat some food... Too much energy was consumed fighting the system... Then I'll get back to OpenCL because 😇 but that doesn't make it less bs.1 -
Tweet: Angular is slow.
Response:
vdom is worse than angular.
Then why not fix the stupid change detection strategy, broken form type/validations, late subscription bugs.
"Angular is for enterprise app".
This sentence means nothing.
Wtf angular community is so toxic
https://twitter.com/mgechev/status/...14 -
Just finished a defect fix, and turns out there's another unrelated but harder bug in the codebase. We are in the last few days of the release.
I told my tech leads that it was an unrelated problem and showed them in detail. I told them I was starting work on it now, but there should probably be a new defect entered for it.
They actually said for me to piggyback the old defect and let this go under the radar. Actually laughed it off like it was no big deal. Like WTF! I don't think its very unreasonable for devs to want separate defects for separate bugs. They're worried about analytics and shit, but I'm the one left holding the rug, looking like I spent a week on a trivial defect.5 -
So I was glad that I finally completed the project for my bachelor's degree after fixing random bugs.
Here came this shocking news which left me stunned.
Some other batch bought a similar project from a project centre(lifeline for noobs to pass university project by buying projects made by someone else).
Head of the Department sent me a message that the project done by my team(95%me) is rejected as the other batch also has a similar project. He's aware that they bought it from a project centre. He's defending them that their money would go in vain as they bought it already.
I was like WTF!! Srsly? Do you even know what it takes to make a project functional? I've no idea what I'm going to do now.
#doublestandards14 -
I'm tired of taking breaks, only to find bugs IRL.
I draw the line at my grapes throwing an exception!
Debugging the crane game app, my ISPs aggro DHCPv6 query vs their WAN6 scripting and the label printer at Quest Labs was annoying enough.
I don't even know how to tag this.
A day ago I tried ordering a coffee and doughnut on Doordash. I thought, I must be too tired/missing something. Dunkin' Donuts didn't have doughnuts on the menu, despite the header of "Donuts and Bakery", I called them... A few minutes later the reason was found. Their PoS system upgraded, changing the formatting of the doughnut options so a minor bug caused it to show as fully updated, despite actually disabling the doughnut menu options... today it's the weirdest, possibly inappropriate-looking, grape I've ever seen... and I grow 5 varieties of grapes. Maybe if I get drunk enough(wine?) later, I'll be able to not debug or re-engineer anything for a few hours.
Any suggestions on how to stop iterating through a debugging loop IRL 24/7 is certainly welcolmed.
Now, wtf do I do with this, mildy disturbing, grape?
7 -
1) Had to fix severe bugs in a dynamic UI (configuration-driven forms) component.
Recognized undocumented Copy/Paste/Modify/FuckUp driven variations of the same component all over the project. Unsurprisingly, the implementations covered 99% of the antipattern catalog on wiki.c2.com and could compete with brainfuck in regard to human-readable code.
Escalated the issue, proposed a redesign using a new approach, got it approved.
Designed, Implemented, tested and verified the new shared and generic component. Integrated into the main product in the experimental branch. Presented to tech lead/management. Everyone was happy and my solution opened even more possibilities.
Now the WTF moment: the product with the updated dynamic UI solution never has been completely tested by a QA engineer despite my multiple requests and reminders.
It never got merged into baseline.
New initiatives to fix the dynamic UI issues have been made by other developers. Basically looking up my implementation. Removing parts they do not understand and wondering why the data validation does not work. And of course taking the credit.
2) back in 2013, boss wanted me to optimize batch processing performance in the product I developed. Profiling proved that the bottleneck ist not my code, but the "core" I had to use and which I must never ever touch. Reported back to him. He said he does not care and the processing has to get faster. And I must not touch the "core".
(FYI: the "core" was auto-generated from VB6 to VB.Net. Stored in SourceSafe. Unmaintainable, distributed about a bunch of 5000+ LoC files, eye-cancer inducing singlethreaded something, which had naive raw database queries causing the low performance.) -
What the fuck my friend was telling me about a "awesome" website he found called codecadamy, as a developer I dunno what made him think I did not know how coding works, as I can already do it quite well, but I signed up non the less out of curiosity, immediately I am greeted with a "exclusive" premium offer, and after clicking away from it I find that litterly 90% of the courses are premium only, like wtf? I understand they need to make money, but at that point why make a free Version? I try one of the basics of web development ones, and find it so fucking full of bugs and paywalls that I can not focus on the actual coding. Sense I was fluent in the basic stuff (<h1>hello world</h1> I copied it, and it let me by, after more copying I FOUND A FUCKING BUG IN THERE CODE. I am 99% sure that all the success storys are fake, because the whole think is just one big paywall and inefficient tutorials that I think will only benefit people without knowledge of how to do Google search.8
-
Ok so I had to make a revision on a PDF with JS that was being tested to fix some bugs, I hadn't touched it or Acrobat Reader for more than a month I think but I could work on it well back then.
I had to see the problem first so when I go and open it with Adobe Reader, it crashes. Weird. I can't get it to work.
Well I'm reinstalling it then.
After downloading the (now correct, I tried to use an old one I had and lost some time) installer, I tried to install it and it asked me to close Outlook and Excel. Weirder.
I do, and after finishing it said "you have a newer version, open it?". Super weird. Of course when I accepted it didn't work.
I uninstall my current installation and while uninstalling it asks me to close Chrome. Ok now I'm not ok with this shit.
Adobe wtf?
I needed to fix it in some minutes and it ended up taking hours.4 -
I hate this crap and wish people would stop doing it. It makes my brain bleed and doesn't prevent any difficult to find bugs.
if (TERMINAL_COUNT <= index_thing)
English doesn't work that way, and I don't know about you but this crap is just awkward as hell. Sweet Jesus I wish there was less cargo cult programming in the world. Just because you saw something in a blog that convinced you that reverse comparisons is best doesn't mean it actually is. Use a damn static analysis tool to catch accidental assignments in expressions, don't twist my brain to interpret your weird phrasing of comparison operators. Some of your code reviewers may be dyslexic and have enough problems as it is.
And now for the mini-rant that I'm actually here for: You know what makes for difficult to find bugs? (Hint: It sure as hell isn't an assignment in an expression) Releasing an RTEMS semaphore you've never obtained. You'd think that would cause some kind of panic or assert failure but nope. Instead it causes... misaligned address exceptions? In statically allocated global memory? WTF??1 -
[CONCEITED RANT]
I'm frustrated than I'm better tha 99% programmers I ever worked with.
Yes, it might sound so conceited.
I Work mainly with C#/.NET Ecosystem as fullstack dev (so also sql, backend, frontend etc), but I'm also forced to use that abhorrent horror that is js and angular.
I write readable code, I write easy code that works and rarely, RARELY causes any problem, The only fancy stuff I do is using new language features that come up with new C# versions, that in latest version were mostly syntactic sugar to make code shorter/more readable/easier.
People I have ever worked with (lot of) mostly try to overdo, overengineer, overcomplicate code, subdivide into methods when not needed fragmenting code and putting tons of variables.
People only needed me to explain my code when the codebase was huge (200K+ lines mostly written by me) of big so they don't have to spend hours to understand what's going on, or, if the customer requested a new technology to explain such new technology so they don't have to study it (which is perfectly understandable). (for example it happened that I was forced to use Devexpress package because they wanted to port a huge application from .NET 4.5 to .NET 8 and rewriting the whole devexpress logic had a HUGE impact on costs so I explained thoroughly and supported during developement because they didn't knew devexpress).
I don't write genius code or clevel tricks and patterns. My code works, doesn't create memory leaks or slowness and mostly works when doing unit tests at first run. Of course I also put bugs and everything, but that's part of the process.
THe point is that other people makes unreadable code, and when they pass code around you hear rising chaos, people cursing "WTF this even means, why he put that here, what the heck this is even supposed to do", you got the drill. And this happens when I read everyone code too.
But it doesn't happens the opposite. My code is often readable because I do code triple backflips only on personal projects because I don't have to explain anyone and I can learn new things and new coding styles.
Instead, people want to impress at work, and this results in unintelligible, chaotic code, full of bugs and that people can't read. They want to mix in the coolest technologies because they feel their virtual penis growing to showoff that they are latest bleeding edge technology experts and all.
They want to experiment on business code at the expense of all the other poor devils who will have to manage it.
Heck, I even worked with a few Microsoft MVPs.
Those are deadly. They're superfast code throughput people that combine lot of stuff.
THen they leave at you the problems once they leave.
This MVP guy on a big project for paperworks digital acquisiton for a big company did this huge project I got called to work in, which consited in a backend and a frontend web portal, and pushed at all costs to put in the middle another CDN web project and another Identity Server project to both do Caching with the cdn "to make it faster" and identity server for SSO (Single sign on).
We had to deal with gruesome work to deal with browser poor caching management and when he left, the SSO server started to loop after authentication at random intervals and I had to solve that stuff he put in with days of debugging that nasty stuff he did.
People definitely can't code, except me.
They have this "first of the class syndrome" which goes to the extent that their skill allows them to and try to do code backflips when they can't even do code pushups, to put them in a physical exercise parallelism.
And most people is like this. They will deny and won't admit, they believe they're good at it, but in reality they aren't.
There is some genius out there that does revoluitionary code and maybe needs to do horrible code to do amazing stuff, and that's ok. And there is also few people like me, with which you can work and produce great stuff.
I found one colleague like this and we had a $800.000 (yes, 800k) project in .NET Technology, which consisted in the renewal of 56 webservices and 3 web portals and 2 Winforms applications for our country main railway transport system. We worked in 2 on it, with a PM from the railway company.
It was estimated 14 months of work and we took 11 and all was working wonders. We had ton of fun doing it because also their PM was a cool guy and we did an awesome project and codebase was a jewel. The difficult thing you couldn't grasp if you read the code is if you don't know how railway systems work and that's the only difficult thing.
Sight, there people is macking me sick of this job11 -
Apple denied the bugs that I reported , stating it's a duplicate of a future bug😂😂 I guess bug report id are on a rolling basis nd they jus said 1>2 🤣🤣 WTF!! over it they fixed the bug...heights of cowardly acts😕
-
Working on API part of current project, we were prepared with the API specs. The application that we are writing is supposed to replace the old and expensive on-the-shelf application that they bought licenses from overseas vendor years ago. In short, we writes an application that provides same functionalities at cheaper price for our client.
After it is all done, the client mentioned some of the API calls return wrong/incorrect response.
Furios, went to check the specific API call and confirmed that there's nothing wrong with it - all according to specs.
It turned out that the client didn't check against the specs, but with their current application instead.
That application didn't meet the specs they provide 100% (not broken functionalities but rather it was full with bugs here and there) and apparently the client have gotten used to it.
Now, we are writing our application to provide the same buggy API responses.... because the client doesn't want to introduce change to their clients.
I am writing to provide an empty json array instead of actual data....wtf
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