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That moment when an SEO 'expert' asks if changing ip addresses will put his sites lower in Google.
I'm a fucking Linux engineer, how am I supposed to know that?!
Please live up to your fucking title "SEO *expert*" and don't ask some innocent Linux engineer about this shit 😡20 -
An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, beer garden, lounge, pub, tavern, night club, mini bar, drinks.5
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The moment you realize you're just good at googling and not an expert in programming...
That's when the internet connectivity is down!5 -
"I became an expert in 3 programming languages in 6 months with this new online course! Click here to order now!!"2
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Computer Science education cannot make anybody an expert programmer any more than studying brushes and pigment can make somebody an expert painter
- Eric S. Raymond -
A developer's worst nightmare is having amnesia.
Imagine being an expert in 6 programming languages and you suddenly lost your memory.
YOU'RE IN DESTINATION FUCKED ALREADY.5 -
An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, pub, inn, tavern, public house, Irish pub, drink, drinks, beer, alcohol...
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I’m a graphs designer, hardware expert, free software generator, marketing evangelist, networking wizard, and troubleshooter bot9
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In programming what is the difference between an expert programmer and a noob??
- they both Google when they're stuck but expert knows what he's searching for and noob learns about what he's searching for!!9 -
An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, pub, tavern, public house, Irish pub, drinks, beer, alcohol.1
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Don't apply for a job that you don't like. You're gonna hate your life.
Don't ask for a salary you know you're not worth.
Work in a tech company as much as possible. If you don't, you're gonna be treated as a powerpoint presentation expert, office installation expert, video editor/movie maker expert, IT support guy, loose plug/broken headset repairman, facebook hacker, and a dark magician all at once. Most (not all) tech companies know who you are better. They understand your needs better.7 -
Beginner: I wrote 1,000 lines of code!
Intermediate: I deleted 1,000 lines of code!
Expert: I prevented code from being written!1 -
I dont trust people who have LinkedIn tagline with any of these combinations.
Blockchain
Machine learning
Artificial Intelligence
Expert
Mentor
Advisor
CTO
Startup9 -
Just spoke with a guy who considers himself a PC expert.
He: You can always recover your offline data from your PC, even if you burn it.
Me: You just need to remove your hard drive.
He: Even if you remove your hard disk, offline data can be recovered from from RAM memory.
Me: WTF?? * Trying to explain him that RAM is a volatile memory*
He: Yeah but you can recover it from the BIOS.
Me: r u serius right now??
And I can continue, because we've unfortunately talked for about an hour.
Why these people consider themselves experts and why the fuck do they have to teach you things that the don't know. FML5 -
Those who do not remember history are doomed to have serious backward compatibility problems. -- Expert C Programming2
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Let an expert consultant write your code, they say. It will be all right, they say.
Found this today in a legacy codebase.
3 -
Rant! ✋😜👍
When a rookie is trying so hard to behave like she is a god damn expert in programmng! 😏🙊🙈
2 -
Me: * Has roughly 1.5 years of PHP experience *
LinkedIn recruiter: Hello Java expert with lots of Oracle enterprise experience, wanna call?6 -
Browsing job postings, and some of these requirements are just crazy, and/or wtf. Here's an example:
Front End developer wanted, junior to mid-level. An ideal candidate will be an expert in PHP, C#, and Java. Minimum experience of 10 years. Estimated compensation 30,000 per year.
Entry level full stack developer. Must be an expert in SQL. 5 years experience, BS in computer science required.
Web Developer intern - must have 3 years of experience. Must be an expert in x, y, z. This position is unpaid.
Sheeit.6 -
Me: Decentralized, Transparent, Immutable, Trustless ...
Host: Please give a big round of applause for Blockchain industry expert!2 -
I couldn't figure out why my server went down all of a sudden.This seems suited for this week's rant.
Expert fullstack solutions architect here.
3 -
TLDR Question:
When do you consider yourself an expert at a language?
More details: there is a really cool Data Science internship opening up near me that I want so badly it physically hurts me, but it asks for expert level knowledge of python, Java, or R.
I’ve only been studying R and Java for like 3 months, and Python for about 8 months, so I’m obviously no expert. When exactly does someone reach that threshold, though? When did you realize you were an expert at a language?13 -
After 30 years in IT industry, I am not sure if I'm a novice or an expert. I don’t know anything.13
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They made more of those "The Expert" client parody skits (the seven red lines ones)! https://youtube.com/playlist/...
3 -
My former team had an "ux expert" who made ux templates for new features.
For years since he started his job, the team was told that there will be a first face-2-face meeting.
It never came to this point.
Instead all the team know about this guy is that his name is Thomas and that he does all the talk and decisions with our client without a word with the team, bringing their imaginations to li(f|v)e...
Genius! xD
No wonder the team got mad after some water had ran down the river.
At first they only questioned really poor design decisions.
But after a while the productivity of the team dropped, because they weren't willing to accept any of those design decisions.
Boi o boi.
Things escalated pretty well ;)3 -
I'm not an expert but if you site takes 5 seconds to navigate a step BACKWARDS, consider it inefficient af.1
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An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field.
Niels Bohr40 -
I'm the git expert at my work. This means every time someone has the slightest issue with git (or the git features in their ide), I get interrupted.
😡😡😡
Also I will say it is fascinating watching people who've used centralised version control all their lives struggle with distributed.
"Do you have my changes? I merged them into your branch..."
"You can commit and not push?!"9 -
Linkedin hunter per excellence. They are looking for “an experienced Expert for a position as Junior IT Consultant“.
Well, I have some experience, but someone should really explain them the concept of being a Junior Expert...5 -
Saw a job posting today for an EXPERT React Native Developer.
At least they didn't ask for years of experience Lol3 -
“Computer science education cannot make anybody an expert programmer any more than studying brushes and pigment can make somebody an expert painter.” − Eric S. Raymond5
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It's a job description for an entry level Software Developer role at Apple.
Basically they want
- A Front end dev
- A back end dev
- An iOS expert
- A Gimp/photoshop designer
- A streaming data expert
- An Oracle/Teradata expert
- A Kafka expert ( Not shown in the picture)
And on top of that the guy should be able to learn new tech faster.
Do they want a developer or a fucking terminator?
5 -
When you pay money to Facebook to advertise yourself as SEO expert, but are unable to even properly optimize your own website.. 😬 🤷♂️
2 -
Manager: Oh I also forgot, we also have a red balloon... do you know if you could inflate it?
Dev (the EXPERT): ...4 -
So we've got a gif that doesn't show up in our React Native application. Of course, the designers assume it's me: "are you sure the gif is in the codebase? how are you using it in your component"? yeah ok boomer. I'm like, look at this other gif, works fine. "oh" So I tell them, double check the export options on how you are building the gif, maybe there is something there. so now they are asking ME for those export options. I'M A DEV, NOT A DESIGNER, DO YOUR JOB AND FIGURE IT OUT. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT PROGRAM YOU ARE USING
oh as an aside, I was putting up a website for a client and they are like "my logo is quite similar to many others, is this something to worry about legally?" OH, SO NOW I'M A LAWYER TOO??!!?!? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE GOOGLE IS LITERALLY IN FRONT OF YOU
why do people continually think just because we can code we are fucking designers / lawyers / astronauts
/ god?
man this pisses me off - i think of that draw red lines with blue ink expert video, in the end, just smile and nod: "i can do... absolutely anything... trust me, I'm an expert"4 -
Ever had that meeting where it's expected that you will solve cold fusion, catch rainbows and violate the laws of thermodynamics? Just because you are an expert in your field?
Also beautifully demonstrated here:
https://youtu.be/BKorP55Aqvg3 -
That moment when you're hired as expert of technology A, and the first thing that is asked of you, is to do a PoC of tech A integrated with tech B... and then they assume that you are expert at tech B... and to be as fast as working on thech A2
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Content strategy expert: How long would it take to program an SVG animation intro video
Me: I'm not sure I've never programmed one before.(still teaching myself)
Content expert: iS it even possible?
Me: yeah all things are possible in programming ;)
Content expert: so then how long would it take
Me: no.
Content expert: but wouldn't it be easier if...
Me: no, go away2 -
It's a sad fact of life that managing dynamic memory is a very difficult programming task. Some public domain X-Window applications are notorious for leaking like the Apple Computer board of directors -- Expert C Programming4
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That moment when: you lift your gaze from your phone to understand the sudden quiet is because your expert opinion is needed in the meeting.
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Studying engineering doesn't make you an expert physicist, and studying medicine doesn't make you an expert virologist. Learn the bloody difference, just because somebody has a degree doesn't mean all they say is true and verified, especially if the don't list their sources or talk about it "exclusively" for one media.3
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Sh*t. I think I'm going to lose my job bc the CEO thought I was an expert on React even thought I specifically told him I wasn't. I worked at least 12 hours everyday, sometimes including weekends for 4 weeks now. And still got yelled at for not being an expert.
If you tell your manager: "I only used this tech in my spare time", would they expect you to be working at expert level?
I'm very confused and seems like noone is understanding my side.
Feel like sh*t rn because I really need this job because I'm broke but I dont know how to say to the CEO that I warned him and the team lead that I was not an expert. And yet, they treat me like one....10 -
It's 3 years old but for any of you who hasn't seen "The Expert"..
https://youtu.be/BKorP55Aqvg
Still the closest thing resembling my corporate life 🤣3 -
So I'm no labor law expert or anything, but this just seems off. Anyone know the legality of this?
8 -
Asking for an expert, what do you think about laracast videos, on php and laravel? (Free course only)5
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I shared this video a while back with some coworkers including my PM and another department that was making ridiculous requests. Didn't change a thing.
https://youtu.be/BKorP55Aqvg
They went as far as to ask me if they ever did anything like that. I, in all seriousness said yes. They laughed.3 -
The more I show up to the office to tackle impossible client demands, the more I realize that I am living in the world of The Expert.
https://youtu.be/BKorP55Aqvg1 -
Have my final exam tomorrow.
Main topic is expert systems (XPS).
I don't know jack shit, but I don't care at this point.
Good night.5 -
confession
somewhere deep inside me I know that despite I am programming in c and using linux from ages, still not an expert.2 -
I'm sure all of us have felt like this at some point. I love this video
https://m.youtube.com/watch/...1 -
"Oh, you only know 10% of how these algorithms work? You're now the subject matter expert, so you get to write the code"
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Oh yeah, I'm totally an "expert".
It means I only have a vague idea of what I'm talking about, but I'll talk louder than you to make everyone feel that I know more than you.
It means that if you question me, I'm totally flipping out and call you a bitch.
And your opinion definitely doesn't matter, because well, if it did, you'd be expert wouldn't you?4 -
Just got off a call with Mongo expert... Seems it's not good for large systems that need to be fast and scale...5
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Can anyone suggest good book for learning how an os works
Working of microprocessor
Unix
C
C++
book for complete software development form noob to expert8 -
I just love how everyone on this miserable spinning rock in space has transitioned in the past 3 years from being a virologist and plagues expert to a commerce and finances expert to a
fine art expert to a geopolitics and war expert to an engineering and artificial intelligence expert.
seriously someone messed up something on production in this world, i think we need a reset.2 -
When this video (The Expert sketch) became my reality....so many times 😥
https://youtube.com/watch/...1 -
Why do I keep opening all this shit that has been signed off by an expert yet is completely wrong everytime?!
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I was asked to pretend to be an expert to solve a temporary solution for a client in my company. I agreed because I thought it would be a simple solution.
I was wrong.
They only gave me 4 days to train (Including my f*cking weekend) and the project requires a much more experienced consultant since I'm struggling even with the simplest of tasks. Also, the person who was suppose to help me it's not always available. And they are not actively searching for a new expert.
Today I'll talk to my team lead and the person in charge of the project and let them know that this task will require someone much more experienced.
I may get fired but at least my conscience will be clear.
I just feel bad for the client. They are such nice people.7 -
At PyCon Hyderabad 2018, I realised you don't have to be an expert to present a talk and most people do essays instead of questions.2
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Being on second line support, I don't feel I need to say much else as I'm sure many of you know my pain right noe
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i am becoming our companies excel advanced expert. actually i am just better at internet searching than the rest of us. creating fully automated sheets makes me wonder what all of the office stuff learned during their appreticeship and how they can avoid using office properly while entering everything manually.
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At what point are you an expert in C++?
Herb Sutter's talk tilted "Back to Basics" (available on YouTube) contains the message "it's easy to forget that you're an expert" in the context of writing code that utilizes the latest complicated features of a language to squeeze out the last drop of performance.
So what makes someone an expert? Is it just writing production code? Is it groking the entire panel presented by a standards committee member? Is it contributing to the STL? Is it when you can write your own compiler while blindfolded and juggling rubber duckies in under 60 seconds?
What makes a person an expert in any language, for that matter?5 -
Why the carrot did people keep asking me about their hacked account? I'm only a programmer, not a social media expert.3
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Is there anyone here who is expert in Microsoft Sql server. Am getting error while connecting to local database.8
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These fucking deepshet, spoiled retards
they expert me to build software not from the ground but from the fucking foundation up to release date all by myself
they also expert me to do all required research
also expert me to do the fucking marketing
they expert me to bring new fucking business
They expert me to work at High performance
They expert me to do stock inventory as well
They fucking sit me in shity meetings
WHAT THA FUCK IS THIS SHIT -
How do you respond if someone called themselves EXPERT but you know that his level of programming knowledge is PAR with you?🤔2
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ALTHOUGH A EXPERT PROGRAMMER.DONT HAVE COMPUTER OF HIS OWN SO TRIED
SOME APPS
AND APPS BE LIKE.
System.out.println("hello world");
Le programmer:
5 -
The worst part about being an accessibility expert in these times is getting a redundant flood of a11y stuff on developer knowledge email subscriptions.
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Old but gold. The Expert sketch A.K.A. how it feels to be a developer during a project meeting. https://youtube.com/watch/...
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had a question from a friend of a friend regarding a website with search function but javascript only. did his homework. appealing.
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My first session at Hackhands as an Expert. I feel proud of me and my mentee left very satisfied with my help!
Im pretty excited about this, anyone else here is also a Hackhands Expert?
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