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What if God is actually an average developer working for a company which creates worlds and at first it all ran fine but then the support period expired and wasn't renewed and now shit's hitting the fan and nobody gives a fuck.25
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Our Web Technology professor taught us this in the year 2016, he said and I quote,
"HTML frames are the latest technologies in the www and are supported by new generation browsers only, for example Netscape navigator."14 -
Sister = bee ( who isn't a stranger to Ubuntu)
Me = Cee
Bee: can I use your laptop?
Cee : why ? Use yours ,it's works fine.
Bee : no I want to use yours and I need to work with windows.
Cee: 🤯
Bee : my work can only be done using windows.
Cee : fine do whatever ( doesn't want to argue )
* Le bee opens MS word, and starts her work *
Cee : 😤😤Seriously?
Bee : I don't like libre
Cee : 😑😑😑^∞
* Few moments later *
Bee : my work is done ,you can have your laptop,btw it's updating.
Cee : 😑😑😑😑😑
* 2000 years later *
*Opens Ubuntu *
*Getting a weird bug*
*Tried to fix *
*Can't open OS files * 👏👏👏🎆
* Windows not shutdown properly *
* Opens windows *
* Not able to login via pin *
* Password ? not accepted *
* Changes outlook password *
* Please chose a password you haven't chosen before *
* Logs in *
* types old pin to change pin *
*You've entered wrong pin too many times *
*System hanging a lot *
* Removes pin *
* Gets huge mcAfee restart system popups , every 10 sec *
* Just shutdown , feels irritated for the rest of the day*
* Regrets dual booting, shd have wiped the windows partition 😫😫*
*Wonders,what the hell did my sister even do to my laptop ?*72 -
“Yeah, the database password has to be ‘password’ or the code won’t work”
—My PM
Note: I don’t actually believe this to be good advice.1 -
At last, my vue module for attacking the user with a swarm of animated bees when they put in the wrong password is almost complete.
Best use of my time yet.
15 -
I don't know what's wrong with my project. But somehow, this is the screening when you debugs a React Native app within DevTools.
10 -
Sometimes in my company, I just want to shout "Java is shit". But I am afraid my coworkers will beat me, because they all seem to love Java. 😅17
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Introduce a subject called "proper use of search engines" and make every kid attend it regularly, just like gym classes.5
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First time my laptop acted as a CV.
I've been in a personal project with my pal for like a three months. We meet sometimes at a cafe which is a very nice workplace, we often see more people with laptops, so we are not the only ones that thinks so.
My pal was waiting for me, he got a table early and then I arrived. there was a guy nearby us.
Me: (this guy has a newest new macbook pro, fucking riche)
-- I sit, put my laptop and start to work with my pal --
The guy starts looking at my stickers without hiding his doing at all. I noticed that instantly
Me: (Crap, he's gonna ask something :( )
-- I kept discussing stuff with my pal for like 5 minutes and then it happened. the guy stands up and... --
Guy: hey! how are you? sorry for bother, are you perhaps developers? I'm asking because I saw your stickers
Me: mmm yes
Guy: Do you have a job currently?
Me: We are in a project (No need to mention this is personal project and I got my full time job)
Guy: Oh, ok, no problem, you see I got a company, and currently we are looking for people to work with us, we want frontend developers with javascript skills preferable, but anything is welcome. Interviews starts next week, so if you are interested or know someone that could be, I'll give you my card and please write me at my mail if anything.
Me: got it, no problem.
-- I tried my best to hide my displeasure face(but I think I showed it a little), for him to being a riche with a new macbook pro, and you know, the interruption, I wanted to be focused while working in da project --
-- I got the card, I read it a bit, didn't dig into too much, there was stuff to do at the moment. the guy already returned to his chair and my friend --
Pal: Excuse me Mr Guy, what's the job tittle?
Me: (FUCK! dude!, we're working in our shit, don't give him more reason to try to scout us. we are behind the schedule and I need to explain this shit to you FFS)
Guy: Oh yes, will be frontend developer(again), but if you are a full stack that will be a plus too, we got some stuff with angular 1.x(ugh), and sencha touch(ugh) and ...(don't remember what else was it)
Pal: Ok and the job is full time in site? or are you open to work remotely
Me: (ok man, you sound interested, that makes me look interested too >:( )
Guy: preferable in site, but we would consider remotely depending on the person.
Pal: Good! thank you very much Mr. X
Guy: cool
-- Later on, like two hours, my friend goes to the counter for more coffee --
-- I text him: dude, I feel the guy will kidnap me or something --
-- then the guy start looking again at my laptop and... ---
Guy: hey! Jhon was your name right? Do you have experience with devops? I see your aws stickers
Me: yes
Guy: do you have experience with microservices?
Me: yes, a bit with lambda, also I've done some stuff with kubernetes, opsworks, rds and whatnot. no biggie
Guy: oh cool! we have a devops job too, there is a migration we need to do for an app to micro services. again if you are interested or know someone that it does. please mail me :)
Me: gotcha
There were no further interactions with Mr. Guy the rest of the day.
I'll be thrilled if someone ask me about my bee and puppycat sticker
12 -
Although web developers are widely feared, only a few species are dangerous to people. Web developers will only bite humans in self-defense, and few web developers produce worse effects than a mosquito bite or bee-sting. Most of those with medically serious bites, such as JavaScript web developers and PHP web developers, would rather flee and bite only when trapped, although this can easily arise by accident. There were about 100 reliably reported deaths from web developer bites in the 20th century.2
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Worst guy I ever worked with was a Bulgarian Web dev that had been flown over to work on a few projects to make deadlines run smoother.
He would get offended if I was ever in another meeting without him and send passive aggressive emails then refuse to contribute.
He would storm off if anyone ever criticised his slow work ethic
He went on other team members desktops without permission, under one instance running a command line ddos that the IPS logged straight away and got that person a stern meeting. The Bulgarian guy said he was using it to "learn".
He would take a camera into restricted areas, take pictures and then argue as to why he couldn't do that when security would stop him.
I squashed a bee on his arm out of reflex, he screamed at me that I'm stupid causing a room of over 500 employees to go silent and stare.
Moral of the story, fk that guy6 -
I learnt my college junior some coding and development, and we became best friends.
Later I asked her out, and now we are not talking after that. 😅10 -
Girl: What major are you studying?
Me: Computer Science.
Girl: Cool. Can you hack my boyfriend's Facebook, I think he's cheating on me.
Me: Go to hell. 😡4 -
I used to write HTML line by line.
and then someone showed me emmet.
life has never been the same since.4 -
Not learning data structures and algorithms. Not learning programming languages. Actually not learning anything to answer during a job interview.
I am more of a learn-while-you-do kind of guy. I never learn anything, instead just do it. Interviewers think I am useless because I know nothing. But I can get a job done, any kind of job done. I have no learning period, I can start working from first day in a all new language, in a all new IDE, in a all new OS.
I know nothing, and I learn nothing. I am a problem solver. You got a problem, I can solve it.6 -
So there I was productivity coding away in my office since early in the morning it was about noon when my coworkers kept saying. " Hey have you seen how nice it is outside." "Wow it's really nice out there" and " hey you should really go outside and get some fresh air".
So I'm all ok, cool it's lunchtime I'll check it out. So I go outside and I'm out there for 30 seconds when a bee lands on my face and stings me just under my eye.
Ouch! WTF! No No No it is not nice outside at all. Infact it is painful outside.
so now the rest of my day is ruined all I can feel is my face throbbing and I can't think about anything anymore but my face in pain. Amazing how one little insect can ruin days of coding.
Don't listen to the muggles stay inside.4 -
I am feeling lonely and depressed. Don't feel like to code. I am introvert, don't have friends. Idk what to do. 😫10
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How Real programmers code :
Pfff real programmers use a puppy and have it chase a frisbee where the frisbee hits a flower disrupting a bees honey sucking so it goes home to beat it's wife which again the wife bee gets pissed off and stings my dumb client who mashes some buttons on a keyboard by mistake whilst using my software which fucks up my program and I have to tell him that my program is fine and if he didn't try walking in the garden holding his laptop because of his poor WiFi connection then all of this wouldn't've happened.1 -
So far, no one has surpassed the ultimately blasphemous practice of
Select text -> right click -> copy -> right click -> paste4 -
If it crashes, it's linux :/
Even the OS installation crashes, they call it stable release with LTS.
11 -
I've been using Ubuntu 14.04 since it was first released until this moment (June 2018). What a stable OS i've ever used. Thank's Linux, you're free & awesome.
Thank Mr. Trusty & Tahr1 -
Massachusetts city tells ransomware scumbags to RYUK off, our IT staff will handle this easily
https://theregister.co.uk/2019/09/...6 -
I once single-handedly developed an entire drag-and-drop ui for creation, provisioning and control of virtual datacenters and all its infrastructure. Other people developed backend and database and the whole project took about 10 months, but about three weeks before we had a working, stable release the company decided to cancel an entire project.
We thoroughly researched the market, and at that time there was no better such solution. We would have made something extraordinary.
Especially because it worked with VMWare. -
Caller: Hi, I work with Google. Can I talk to the decision maker of [your company]?
Me: I am. (Ho, my god, this is finally happening, I'm the chosen one!)
Caller: Would you like to improve your visibility on Google by ...
Me cutting short: Thanks but I'm not interested.
*Click*
To myself: Raaah, me too I work "with" Google!
(no my phone doesn't do *click*, it does *bee doooom*, but well)1 -
Wow, Oracle is tenacious... Does this kind of decision mean people will move away from Java?
Oracle vs Google/Android
http://money.cnn.com/2018/03/...7 -
Got praised today by an important guy in my company for writing understandable javascript code. He said he'd gladly learn js if I were to teach it.
feelsgoodman.jpg1 -
If AI can create an email address, register to instagram, post a photo randomly based on AI feeling or conditions, then reply a comment. I will follow that account.3
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Have any of you pitched a directional or starting idea to bosses and have it go well? I feel like I'm at such a low "worked bee" level is have to send a lot of time preparing data to back up the idea. Also not sure if I should go to immediate boss who is cool but a little reserved about ideas like this or boss's boss who has more leverage to put an idea like this in action?3
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This shit is fascinating, especially reading about the variations in function of the various brodmann areas:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/...
My favorite schizo-interpretation of this is "your head is full of bees."
i.e. brodmann area 10, which is thought to be responsible for memory recall strategies (basically an adaptive memory allocator and heap) has about 250 million neurons in a pinprick of a volume.
A bee has about 1 million neurons.
In otherwords: the part of your brain that decides how memory is managed has only the equivalent brainpower of 250 bees, lol.
Obviously a simplification-to-the-level-of-absurdity but it's fun to intentionally interpret something to the level of distortion.11 -
There once was a man who wanted to buy a canoe. He had a friend named Bee that sold canoes. So he went to Bee's outdoor supply store to buy a canoe.
Man: Hey Bee. I would like to buy a canoe.
Bee: You are in luck. We have 10 canoes. I can sell you all 10.
Man: But I only want one canoe.
Bee: Ah, okay, I will tell you what. I will sell you 5 canoes then.
Man (getting annoyed): No Bee, I only want the one canoe.
Bee: Ooh, I got you. I can sell you 2 canoes.
Man (very frustrated now): ONLY ONE CANOE BEE!
Bee: These are not the canoes you are looking for...3 -
I am working on my personal resume website (with a lot of css and jQuery).
Two days ago, I got a job offer, so I started preparing for the interviews, leaving the website aside.
Then, yesterday that company turned me down. So, I left the interview preps and started working on website again.
Then, today there is another job opening and I am now again preparing for interviews, keeping the website on a pause again.
Also, I have my internal exams coming up this weekend.
I don't know what should I do. Idk what I am doing. 😥😥7 -
So.. We probably have thousands of rants on git and muggles here's one from me.
I've been roped into this ongoing project, guys with 1-1.5 years of experience are already working on it.
When they shared repo with me ...
I see 195 branches WTF! What are these idiots up to 🤔
And only handful of people working on project.
This one time I was merging branch with master ( branch #196) with master, guy sitting besides me asks me what I am doing I said it's good practice to pull before you push, right?(the line I remember reading here on devRant, I thought let's bee cool 😎 😋) And I explained him that I am merging 'em locally and will push once everything looks good ( I realized later that I shouldn't have wasted my couple of minutes explaining him)
He says don't waste your time and download (clone) the project folder(repo) from github and then paste or add your change to it.
Fuck you man, you should go fuck yourself instead of telling me that I'm wasting my time.
Sometimes I wonder, What do these guys think of github? Assholes, chutiya saale1 -
I've finally started playing a MUD game in my spare time. I gotta say, it's kinda awesome. And, BONUS: it looks like I'm actually working since the interface is just a text terminal.2
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Why can't people just do their fucking jobs? How hard is it to understand? Managers keep time, resources and risks in check and inform the developers. Developers develop and test the system. How the fuck do we have manager for agile, manager for program a manager for program b, risk mitigation manager, this shit manager that shit manager . For fucks sake with this much management we should be like fuckin bee nest and not an unorganized mess. In the end it turns out that literally there are more managers than developers just because they cannot fire an incapable idiot and they hire the next one. It is plain fucking simple - if you are not fit for the job get lost or make yourself fit. For fucks sake.
It really makes me wonder are there any well organized companies out there? -
I like a Product Manager/Owner/CTO who invites coffee when a dev burnout. This is not a story, a hope seems to be.2
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Earlier I used to help my college batch mates and juniors in coding and development stuff. Sometimes I used to do some projects with them myself to help them learn. Sometimes I used to go beyond limits to debug their errors, even spending hours with them physically or through TeamViewer.
But now I have realised that I had been no more than just stackoverflow.com to them. They just call me when they need me and don't even care about me as a friend.
So that's it. Now I have stopped helping such people. I don't care if that's rude or arrogant. I just don't want to do this. If they still are a friend, well and good otherwise they can leave. I don't care anymore. -
Computerworld: Call me crazy, but Windows 11 could run on Linux.
https://computerworld.com/article/...13 -
I encountered some strange programming languages here =>
https://codegolf.stackexchange.com/...
Then scroll to the bottom.6 -
Once upon a time, I'm in the process of going to a new job. But in the middle of the recruitment process, it turns out I don't like that company, for reasons I didn't know before.
Anyone have a good idea how to escape this pit?
*My CV has been thrown there6 -
What do people here use for blogging and hosting? Everything I can find from searching suggests self-hosted Wordpress, but I am cautious because of its reputation in the dev world and since all the guides I have found so far are directed at non-coders. Thanks in advance for any opinions 😊8
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Career fair update:
At the fair I bee-lined right to a company I'd talked to at a hackathon before. The person I talked to there was extremely enthusiastic, and called me a "really strong candidate," and even talked about providing housing for the summer near the workplace!
I'm contrast, AMD's interviewer looked extremely uninterested. Pretty sure they just grabbed some random engineer who didn't want to be there.
Microsoft had a line so long that the fair ended before most of the people even got to talk to Microsoft. Needless to say, I didn't even bother.
Qualcomm seemed cool, that went alright.
Overall, really happy with how the fair turned out, and really excited with how likely this job looks for me.1 -
So I was installing ubuntu alongside windows in dual boot.
The installer had some problems while partitioning the disk, so I did it manually using GParted. Then the installer had some problems while installing GRUB.
Now I got to know that my windows partition has been corrupted and ubuntu isn't installing.
My fully functional laptop is now reduced to metal crap with no OS being able to boot. Fuck Ubunu. Fuck Linux. -_-4 -
Save enough from my current job to give me the buffer to go solo;
and it’s a cliche, but hopefully be making games -
So there is this guy with a startup, who wants me to work with him like a co-founder, putting innovations in to the startup. But I want to work like an intern, I will code, you will pay me money, if something breaks, I'm out.
Idk for how long, we can continue like this. Sometimes I feel I should leave, but then I think about the extra pocket money (I am a student). But he calls me like 10 times a day, talking for 15-30 minutes on phone, repeating the same things again and again, which really pisses me off as an introvert.
Should I leave the extra pocket money for some peace of mind?1 -
Is it just me or are there more people who get immense satisfaction and happiness resetting their PC and their phone?
Like I was kinda depressed for some 2 days, and today I re-installed Windows in my friend's laptop and now I am feeling up again. Now I am resetting my PC and my phone 😋.
Feeling super motivated and hoping for a better start. 😁5 -
USB sounds to be a backup project just in case USA fails!!!😤😤
.....but at the same time I think that USB is a bee which comes from America🙊🙊 -
So this just happened and I am mystified as to how. When I talk on the phone with my cell phone in my left pant pocket I get a sensation of being poked with a hot pin in my leg about 1 to 2 inches above the phone. It almost feels like the sensation of a bee sting. It happened the other day as well. I did not have this sensation with my 4G phone I just retired. My new phone is 5G. Its the most random thing and I would not have believed it. So I search a bit and some dude has been experiencing some weird phone related pain for like 20 years. Of course, none of the replies are constructive. Just assholes poking fun at someone who is trying to understand what they are experiencing.
I checked all of my clothing and there is nothing like a pin or anything stuck in my clothes. The temperature outside is about 32 degrees. So nothing actually stung me. I am going to be pissed if its actually my phone. Going to try putting it in another pocket to see what happens. My hope is its my clothing pulling on a damn hair or something. But it didn't do this at all when walking around the building without my phone. Just when I walked outside.
I can still feel the pain lingering in my leg with my phone on the desk. I checked and the spot where I scratched at it is red. Just another weird thing to deal with I guess.
I always thought electrosensitives were nutjobs. Now I am not so sure.9 -
bruh what the hell
I've had my doors and windows closed for weeks cuz I've been cleaning and running an air filter for all the dust
and just now I was laying in bed with a headache for 4 hours and I heard a buzzing noise. well that's not a fly. got up and got my glasses and it's a fucking hornet. how the fuck did it get in here. it's fucking October. if it was outside it would be immediately dead due to the cold
I just want less problems, not more, one of these days
now how am I supposed to get rid of this thing. I don't know if I'm allergic to bee stings, but the black mould I found the other day knocked me out with my immune issues... well I'm still recovering 5 days later rn. so anything immune activating is fucking risky4 -
That feeling when you realize how something actually works and you sit staring into one spot wondering how the fuck did any of your code ever run.
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I have tried so hard to add some dependencies on react-native (android). Always fails when build gradle, many dependencies are mismatch.
Go fuck my project.2 -
Aaaand my fucking finger is fucked again.
Same finger!
FFUUUCCCKKKKK!!!!
The weirdest thing is: I DID NOT DO ANYTHING TO DESERVE IT!!! FFS, I was just riding my etwow in the street between cities.
Why... Now my finger is twice the size, itches and hurts driving me crazy.
WHYYYY??!!??11 -
If you ever get tasked with something you don't know how to do, know that it is never your fault. The management, team lead or HR screwed up.1
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Sharing is caring, and continuing the streak, I have 3 invites to enki with the code: ASABE108
Enjoy :)4 -
I didn't use Windows, but my friend encountered this problem. Anyone knows how to handle it? Thank you
(I am afraid to post to stackoverflow)
13 -
Often when i see the annoying as hell t debug exceptionless let’s just bomb entirely but blazing fastness of c and c++ I feel like a nettard
I use c# for its immutable strings clean syntax and beautiful class markers that are redundant compared to c++ but ensure you tell after adding 1000 methods and total lack of all special characters to indicate reference and derreference and pretty lambda syntax... sure it’s lib poor but I get shit done goddamn it and can read my own code later
So why do I feel empty inside every time i run a ./configure and make under Linux like I’m missing some secret party where neat things are being done and want to sob like I do now
I am not a dotnettard even though 5.0 is an abomination in the eyes of man and god ! Even though Microsoft cooks up overcomplex framework technologies that make a wonderful language underused and make us all look like idiots that they then abandon into the scrap heap! We can’t help Linux users haven’t discovered how much nicer c# is and decided to implement it on their own and port their horrible undocumented ansi c bullshit can we ???? Oh god I feel
So hollow inside and betrayed ! Curse
You gates curse youuuu! Curse you for metro direct3d xna wpf then false promises of core ! May you have a special place in hell reserved for you and your cheap wallpaper shifting monitor paintings and a pool speaker that playeth not but bee jees and ac dc forever and ever amen !
Speaking of which do any c/c++ ides have anything that even begins to rival intellisense on Linux and don’t use some weird ass build system
Like cmake as their default ?
Oh sweet memories of time a while back when I already wrote this and still wasn’t getting then tail I deserved
Again4 -
I offered my college junior a referral in my company, and she said she doesn't want to be favored and wants to get a job all by herself.
So I am thinking if applying for a job through referral is really unethical or against someone's self-respect? 🤔🤔
What happens when you see a person offerring referral opportunities on linkedin or other social media and apply there?? In that case, it doesn't seem so wrong. Maybe it was a little too personal offer that made her think about her self-respect? 🤔2 -
Customer (to me): I was talking to [my coworker] and he said to [generic fix]. I just wanted to let him know it worked!
Me: I'm glad to hear that--I'll be sure to let him know!
Customer: Thanks!
Me (to coworker): That person said your fix worked.
Him (an atheist): Thank Jesus... thank Zombie Jesus!
Me: More like "thank Barry Benson."
Coworker: Who is Barry Benson?
Me: *Googles Barry Benson to show him*
We both cracked up for like a full minute. -
Powering off my Thinkpad so I can wipe the greasy SHEEN off of the keyboard / trackpad..
Wash hands, repeat.2 -
Almost stuck with manual state management for JS. Dealing server side rendering manually. [almost crazy]
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Anybody else getting annoyed with VSCode lately? I’m constantly getting updates to the editor and various plugins that add near-forced autocomplete suggestions, cursor hijacking, codelens and inlay hints (messes up spacing and layout), etc. It’s starting to drive me crazy! Just let me write my code! I love the syntax highlighting and autocomplete, but developer tools need to be optional, not have their off button buried behind some 5-layer JSON object that’s not documented anywhere!
I just want to write code, and I want my editor to be a tool, not an annoying little bee swarming my face all the time trying to get me to do things I don’t want to do! Microsoft and plugin devs need to stop enabling these obtrusive features by default and put them behind a “New Features” wizard or something!3 -
Today's achievement, has successfully told my friend to create an account in Devrant. Guess what? My friend instantly love it.2
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When the weekend arrive, i imagine myself as busy... busy as a bee to finish our project, the DFD, and other chapters in our system analysis design. But house chores! Hays, feel sorry to myself we need to rest *tic tac, tic tac, tic tac*2
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I have just allowed '*' on the rack-cors host configuration. Yiiiiihhhhaaaaa.. no cors problems on Rails again.
But hackers will go fuck my api. -
Does anyone have a favorite DNS service they use for their general home / mobile traffic?
For instance: AdGuard, OpenDNS, FreeDNS, Fool, Quad9 etc..
Considering speed, and privacy here.7 -
Immutable.js, Immutable
rb, Immutable.py, Immutable.java, Immutable.php.
Immutable.jpeg, Immutable.mp4. Love you Immutable.
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