Well here's how I see things going:

Intel and AMD ditch their assembly architectures for Scratch, because drag and drop is very popular lately.

The Boolean is renamed to the biggot by SJW leaders for only supporting binary views.

You must first ask consent to add an item to a linked list, because forcing two items together promotes rape culture.

Apple removes the "h" and "7" keys on all laptop models and gives no reason for their actions.

Linus Torvalds grows an extra middle finger, and it still isn't enough.

Nintendo makes Mario gay and Luigi black to be more inclusive.

LG makes a curved monitor that curves away from you rather than towards you. People buy it in confusion.

Everyone makes the same ad revenue on YouTube, and it is rebranded to OurTube. Luckily, they were able to keep the color scheme.

People finally realize that machine learning is just math, and stop using it everywhere. (Just kidding lol)

AMD and Gucci merge. Nobody understands why.

I came early today to the office

Found the office locked

Need fingerprint of Project Manager/CTO

With my mouth saying ah.. i blew hot air into the finger print sensor, 5 to 6 times

There u go.office door opened with welcome message

just hacked the system

Genius me

"Let's do some pair programming! It will be fun!"

... Fuck no.

Either I start coding and you open a beer, or the other way around. And sure, I do not mind doing each other's code reviews. I respect your feedback.

But I can't look over your shoulder while you misspell keywords. When I write code, I search, try, debug and play at a high speed.

I'm an impressionist/surrealist writing messy passionate functions, breaking lots of things with broad paintbrush strokes before finishing it into detailed perfection. I remember all the places in the code I need to work on, and cover everything with tests.

You're a baroque coder, sometimes even a hyperrealist, with your two-finger 10 wpm typing, writing code strictly line-by-line, decorating every statement with the right checks & typehints in advance. You can not keep two functions in your head at the same time. You write tests reluctantly, but you hate that I barely plan. You plan everything, including your pee breaks.

As a coworker I respect you.

But there is no bigger hell than pair programming with you.

For 2 years I tried to make my boss pay me what I know I should be worth. Over the same time the team morale took a nosedive down into an avalanche.
Today I told him, that I am sick of being kept waiting and listening to excuses. I want the payment I know I deserve and I want it before the end of the year. I believe to have stayed perfectly calm and factual, even told him "I am sorry, I really tried it, but I cannot take this anymore".
He found a way to put a (literal) "fuck you" and a verbal middle finger into other people's mounts, so he "didn't say it himself" and shut down the meeting telling me to look for another job.

Actually I have not felt as satisfied in my job for a long time, as I have in that very moment.

Time for a new start.

Google: "Please prove you're a human."
Me: "Hello Google, I'm human!"
Google: "Prove you're a human..."
Me: *Stabbing my finger and dripping blood on the computer*
Google "Prove you're a human!!"
Me: *Crying, laughing, expressing feelings*
Google: "Prove you're a human I said!!!"
Me: "4527"
Google:" Thank you."

SELECT finger FROM hand WHERE id = 3;

when you have to patiently and silently watch a client type on his keyboard with 1 finger.

YELLED AT FOR 45 FUCKING MINUTES OVER OTHER PEOPLE’S FUCKUPS

IF YOU PIECES OF SHIT WANT ME TO DO SOMETHING, FUCKING SAY IT. WRITE IT THE FUCK DOWN IN THE FUCKING TICKET.

AND IF YOU WANT A FUCKING DEMO, SCHEDULE THE FUCKING THING, AND STOP FUCKING CANCELING THEM. DON’T BLAME ME WHEN IT’S YOUR FUCKING FINGER ON THE FUCKING CANCEL BUTTON EVERY. FUCKING. WEEK.

AND SERIOUSLY, DON’T FUCKING EXPECT ME TO DROP MY LAST FUCKING TICKET THE AFTERNOON BEFORE VACATION FOR SOME LOW-PRIOIRTY CRAP BECAUSE SUDDENLY IT’S ALL THE RAGE INSIDE YOUR TINY DUMBASS HEAD. BUT OH BOO FUCKING HOO, @ROOT DIDN’T DO WHAT I ASKED WHEN I WAS BEING A FUCKING MORON! GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU FUCKING STUCK-UP IDIOT

AND FUCK BOZO THE CLOWN BOSS FOR BLAMING ME FOR THE FUCKING IDIOT’S BRUISED FUCKING EGO

FUCK THE LOT OF YOU

I guess unix was made by pervs as I have to command it to Touch, Finger, Unzip, Strip, Mount, Fsck, Unmount and Sleep

If you understand -_-

Why programmers like UNIX:

unzip, strip, touch, finger, grep, mount, fsck, more, yes, fsck, fsck, fsck, umount, sleep😋

I get that fingerprint authentication is very convenient but I'd never use it (not even for privacy reasons that much).

When someone guesses/gets your password you can just say "alright let's change my password"

Imagine that with fingerprints: "yeah sure let me change my fingers"

😆

My boss literally spends half an hour finger-fucking his phone on the mobile site to find "bugs", that I can't replicate. A combination like: swipe, pinch, landscape, portrait, back pinch, open new tab, close tab, ash cigarette on phone, dunk in toilet, dry, double tap... Aha I've found a bug, there's 0.5 pixel line of space between the bag header and the browser bar.

A big shoutout to all software vendors, who, at the top of their product homepage, simply explain to you in 2-3 non-bullshit sentences what their product actually does, and what it is used for. I fucking love you.

And a big fat middle finger to all the rest with your useless buzzword gobbledygook. Go to hell.

So after using my new MacBook I have 1 complaint... This fucking escape soft button being away from the edge, I understand you want to do symmetry with the finger print scanner but Jesus Christ it's annoying!

Edit: yes it's a minor issue but you notice it during use more than you think

Client: why hasnt anything been done for the new site?
Me: because you never paid for the last one thats been put into production
Client: yeah but that was a smaller simple site. I need this one up and done already
Me: it'll be worked on when I get paid for my previously worked time for you.
Client: but that was a month ago. I don't understand why you are asking for payment now
Me: because you never paid me for last months work!!
Client: but its may now
Me: holy shit, -clients name-, I know very well what month it is and dont need a lesson. I also know better than to work for free. I have bills to pay just like you and everyone else so until you have paid the last invoice, I'm not lifting a finger for you. That includes answering your calls
Client: oh well why didnt you just say that to begin with

Motherfucking fuck people are horrid and dumb and make me violent

Yesterday I just secretly added my fingerprint on my friends phone(I knew his lock code too), and today I told him that i can unlock any phone with any kind of locks with my finger and unlocked his phone. You guys should have seen his face LMFAO. He's still begging me to teach him the trick 😁

Looked at my finger nail after coding all day and thought "This nail needs some border-top-left-radius and border-top-right-radius tuning..."

Enough CSS for today.

When the Sales team fucks up something, they point finger at each other for the blame.

When the Dev Team fucks up something, as a Senior Developer I say to my Boss that we fucked it up no matter whose fault it is and we will fix it up by x time.

When the SysAdmin team fucks. The Dev Team is to blame.

Sorry guys, I got a bit frustrated. All our servers wasn't backed up from last week and the SysAdmin guys are saying it's our fault.

What the fuck is going on? fuck you fuck fuck fuck fuck...

Not ++’ing a rant because double tapping / dragging the finger all the way to the side of the screen to the ++ button required too much effort.

Nose picking manager.
I mean this fucker picks his nose even when he’s talking face to face,
And am not talking about just cleaning it,am talking about putting the finger in all the way and probably trying to dial a number...

20+ years of experience and I hate where this industry is headed. Sure, we have second year grads telling us that they're "Full Stack" developers - but, imo... that's a "Full Stack of Bullshit".

I started developing online properties in 1989, at the ripe age of 17. Bulletin Board Systems. I knew the user experience before it was tagged onto some fuckwad's wonder-filled LinkedIn profile.

When I say, "Don't use that" - it's not the result of a control freak mechanism that seems to be built into every Facebitch/Twatter/SnatchChat fool in existence.

I do so, because I care enough to guide team members in the proper direction so they aren't driving themselves and others off a goddamn cliff, drooling onto mobile device like it's God's penis.

So, of course they do the complete opposite. Fail miserably. Finger point like the typical douche bags. And, slowly destroy the income of everyone around them.

At this point, I'd rather be homeless than to deal with anymore toxic bullshit. So, I'm done. Set up an exit strategy, and walked away from the highest paying position I ever had.

Fuck them and the full stack of bullshit they rode in on. Onward and upwards, fucktards. Enjoy finger-pointing into the mirror.

Back to Earth, in... 3 - 2 - 1.

(Takes a sip of coffee.)

So, how's everyone doing this fine morning?

My wife is a teacher doing a technology course that includes basic coding for middle schoolers (11-13 year olds). While she admittedly would make a terrible developer, she just spent her own money on 30+ finger puppets so the kids could practice rubber duck debugging. Maybe something did rub off on her!

I now know another person's password without even wanting to.

He was sitting in the row in front of me, logging into our course page and then *brrrrraaaaapppp* - ran his index finger along the top number row and hit enter.

1234567890

I don't even know what to say.

You can hate me: as a 34 year old php developer, i've never used git in my workflow...
I plan to start today using it on one of my personal project (only because i have arrived at "backup-49.rar")(yes i develop on windows).
Finger crossed

root@gf # date; mv gf $HOME; watch movies; touch; split; finger; unzip; fsck; touch; fsck; yes; yes; fallocate -l20M "cream"; zip; sleep

Happy Valentine's Day everyone 😉

Programming has taught me that time is a valuable and under appreciated resource.

if a task is repeated multiple times per week / month, you have at your finger tips the ability to automate the hell out of it and let your computer deal with the task instead.

Is it just me or does github default avatar is basically showing the middle finger?

I'd love to finish a few projects I'm currently working on:

- An add-on which gives a middle finger to websites which use services/products ran by companies which are known to be integrated within the biggest mass surveillance system ever created (US powered). Not because just fuck those websites but because I think (@PonySlaystation came up with this idea) that its only fair that people get to know which websites 'sell them out'. Oh and "but not everyone cares about that" - you don't HAVE to install the addon.
(will be open sourced)

- Notes service with a fun thing.

- PHP based server/website/whateverthefuckyouwant monitoring system which is pretty much module based and works with json files as configuration. (kinda works but still loads of bugs to solve and gotta improve the module system a lot).
(will be open sourced)

- PHP based pihole alternative which suits my needs (will be open sourced)

- Forgot one 😅

Ah, these classic LINUX commands:

$ unzip; strip; touch; finger; grep; mount; fsck; more; yes; fsck; fsck; umount; clean; sleep

middle finger

I did it! I FUCKING DID IT! I got the new job, where I am paid better and won't get abused! The culture is better, pay is better!

My struggle now! Do I do finger guns to my current boss after telling him? I hate that asshole.

I can _feel_ something is not right here but can’t quite point my finger at it.

Code doesn't work.

Pointing middle finger at screen right now.

I told my friend that he could preview links on his phone by hovering his finger over it.

He's still trying to get it to work.

Drop brother off at a new years party, where he will be until sunrise partying with friends.
Me: Have fun!
Me: *drives back home, grabs laptop and opens up IntelliJ*
Me: Let the finger dance begin!

Have I mentioned I hate parties?

Fvcking project manager wants me to commit my partials code to the master branch just to let our employers know that we did something today! That's why you are there to relay our predicaments to them, you piece of shit!
Now he is insisting it the whole team. Fvck! Are you nuts? Do you really understand what version control really means? Why master branch, why can't we just create fucking different branch and push it there if they want reference! Commits are supposed to be a fix code or update not a broken and unfinished piece of codes! I will fvcking cross my finger after messing up the master branch. Now it looks so disgusting to me.

I cut my index finger cooking, now my typing is crippled.

Plz end my suffering.

Offer me "exposure" one more time and I'll be sure to "expose" my middle finger.

So this client wanted a very specific layout, with a very specific keycaps set. And an ALT function that would print the "shrug" text emoji.

Say hello to this
64 key, full CNC aluminum case
Gateron Ink Black switches (lubed)
Super thiccc 2.5 mm brass plate,

Keycaps set
MT3 profile Susuwatari set.

Love the profile and how they keycaps hug your finger up while typing.

I think it might be time for me to gather pieces to build my own as a gift in the future

So I resigned. After a long and torturing 1 year at my current company, I decided to leave. I wish I would made that decision in first four months.

The company is full of problems. I will explain them as much as I can in following rants. But I can name all of the stupid and dumb things I have seen here people do. If i was writer, I would wrote a book - titled as "which companies not to join EVER". But I am not a writer.

Overall the company was being ran by bunch of idiots. They did not have any experience with product development. But they like to micro manage everything.

I have seen death of agile and then it came back as a evil zombie named "micromanagment".

I am so glad, I am going to be free of all these things in few days. I can't wait to show them middle finger.

Why programmers like UNIX:
unzip, strip, touch, finger, grep, mount, fsck, more, yes, fsck, fsck, fsck, umount, sleep

What's worse than someone pointing their dirty finger on your laptop/desktop screen?

Someone pointing their opened/exposed ballpoint pen on your laptop/desktop screen.

So this happened...phone somehow turned on in my pocket and the fingerprint sensor rubbed against the fabric a lot of times...didn't have access to my phone for FREAKING 2 HOURS!! Why should my phone get locked by the fingerprint sensor?? The way I see it, if you are someone else, you either have my finger...or you don't...like you could kill me and chop my hand off or be crafty and try and use my finger while I'm asleep or drugged...either way, it wouldn't take that many tries to unlock my phone 😒😒.

My finger slipped and instead of 64px I typed 63px.
The horror...
The horror...

What’s wrong with me?... Found myself spreading my finger and thumb on some food packaging cooking instructions hoping to zoom in and read it.

Tech support to family member:

Mom: "App just goes black after 30 seconds"
Me: "remove it and install again"
Mom: "how?"
Me: "tap the icon and hold till icon wiggles"
Mom: "doesn't do anything"
Me: "did you tap and hold?"
Mom: "hold what?"
Me:"Tap and and don't pull your finger up"
Mom: "Nothing... oh wait, yes it jiggles"
Me: "lift finger, tap the x that appeared on the icon, follow instructions"
Mom: "ok did that so what do I do now?"
Me: Grrrrrrrrr
Mom: "ok it's deleted"
Me: "Go to app store, and search for the app. after you tap the appstore icon, in a moment or so you should see a magnifying glass icon with the word search, tap that"
Mom: "nope no magnifying glass"
Me: ggrrrrrrr "yes their is one"
Mom: "nope"
Me: "yep"
Mom: "nope, it isn't their, I'M NOT STUPID YOU KNOW JUST BECAUSE I'M OLD!!! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS THINK I'M SO STUPID? THERE IS NO MAGNIFYING GLASS!!!"
Me: Deep, deep deep breath to the point of bursting my lungs (which is the preferable outcome)
Me: "top right corner or bottom right corner"
Mom: silence.... a few crickets in the background then some giggles followed with "Oh yea, their it is "....

20 minute call. no hi, how are you, how's your day. Just hello, I have a problem, it's fixed, bye.

Sometimes, and I don't want to sound mean BUT I wish we could pick our family.....

Whenever im programming in Python it seems like my finger naturally presses the semicolon key after any statement😂

I've been coding for the last 19 Hours (not including break), and now I am starting to get hand seizure, my finger just start cramming for no reason.

i need a doctor

Outside:
keep staring at the screen with a poker face.

Inside:
I WILL CHOP YOUR FINGER OFF IF YOU DARE TOUCH THE SCREEN AGAIN.

Thanks GDPR, for practically and efficiently unsubscribing me from almost everything I forgot I was ever/not signed up for. My inbox is going to be a lot cleaner after this tsunami of confirmations, and I didn't even have to lift a finger!

I got really pissed off with this company. Why you ask? Well, first off they send me an email for applying with them for a job. Ok, harmless. I wait a couple of weeks and they send me another email. I'm excited, perhaps I got the job! NOPE it's the fucking same email for the fucking same job. I half assed their application the second go around because I was pissed off with them. In their section about uniqueness I essentially gave them the finger.

I did it! My Senior Project is done! Seven months of my life have been spent leading up to the completion of my game engine and it's finally over. It is awful and should never actually be used by anyone, but it's done and that's all that matters.

And as my final middle finger to my school's administration, somebody has to grade a binder comprised of nearly 200 pages. That's what they get for not listening to me when I told them that it was a huge project and adding more to it. Dear administration, f*** you for making my life more stressful than it needed to be.

I raise my middle finger:

- to the past developers of this 4 year old piece of garbage project that we are maintaining, who thought that using StringBuffers to construct html documents as a Http response as a good idea

- to the bosses and managers, who keeps on giving unreasonable deadlines yet passes accountability to others.

I gave you all a Linus Torvalds style fuck you!!

That is it, I decided to resign

So today, I managed to make one of my colleagues feel like an idiot. In this contract, I work mostly for ui integration, while he build the pages with angular before I add all the html structure and fancy css.

We are building the front-end/ui for an industrial device with a touch screen. For that last 2 days he was blocked on a bug that when you click the confirm button on a delete popup, it would somehow select an input in the page before it was deleted and would lock the ui when showing the virtual keyboard (the poor thing didn't know what to do and wouldn't close).

During those two days, he asked all the other devs for help, trying to find a pattern or anything that could help, while I was focused on writing my css and stuff since it was my priority and I was hired specifically for that (I was aware of the bug and gave my input but I never saw it being reproduced)

So today, he start his new routine of raging at his desk and he decides to show me on my device for some reason. I immediately notice a pattern. It would always select one of the two fields behind the popup, in the click area of the button (it's a big button). Then, I noticed that I could press a random spot on the screen, drag my finger on the button and let go and nothing would happen.

It's at this moment I knew I had found the bug. The button was set to emit an event on mousedown while the inputs behind it were set to emit an event on mouseup (like it should be everywhere). So the popup closed when you placed your finger on the screen and the input was selected immediately after when you removed your finger (which was usually faster than the page code which was not yet optimized)

After that, it was just an easy fix to change the listener and I had a free beer.

*Hopefully devRant's compression of images doesn't ruin it.*

The center of the trackpad simply feels smooth because of the oil from my finger.

The keys are oily as well. Specifically the space bar and backspace.

I guess it's time to find a way to clean it. I probably can't save the trackpad lest I damage it.

My school fucking blocked duckduckgo today.

I'm not surprised, I knew this would happen eventually because this school is a prison and the administrators feel that they have to know your every fucking move.

Honestly I thought it was pretty funny too because I don't know anybody else at school using ddg, which means they probably just saw this one kid getting around being tracked and said "that damn kid." (Imagine I'm waving my finger around condescendingly like an old woman.)

It also could just be that they saw me using an unfamiliar url more than normal and assumed it was malicious or some kind of distraction. But I'm willing to bet money they just didn't like that they couldn't track me.

I hereby salute every JS-wanking web dev who uses a pop-up type of dialog *and* display yet hugging blur the actual hugging content behind it, only to become completely visible when you allow JavaScript and allow those hugging cookies.

With my middle finger I salute you, motherhuggers. You filthy hugging pieces of hugging shit.

7 hugs so far, oh wait 8! Will this rant defeat my current record on amount of hugs given that apparently stands at 18 (which is hugging incredible, if I may say so myself)? Not that that's really the hugging point though, the hugging GDPR that's responded at by those motherhugging hugwads is. I hugging salute you, hugging pieces of hugging shit!!!

HUG!!!

FOR FUCKS SAKE, CLEAN YOUR KEYBOARD!

Today we had some presentations on a class, I was near the projector, so I volunteered to control the presentation flow.

Fast forward three teams, arrives this guy, lets his laptop and and I open it... SMELLS, FUCKING SMELLS BAD. Add to that grease and dirt all over the keyboard... I just pressed the right arrow key with the bare tip of my finger...

It's not that hard to keep your workstation clean. Most of all, odourless.

SWIFT!!!!! I understand that you're a relatively new language so I forgave you for all of your wrong doings..BUT WHAT THE FINGER IS THIS SHIT YOU HAVE IMPLEMENTED IN YOUR STRING DATATYPE? WHY THE FUCK CAN'T YOU FORM A CHARACTER FROM AN EMPTY STRING? AND WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK HAPPENED TO THE SUBSCRIPT OPERATOR? WHY NOT JUST ADOPT THE "\0" AS OTHER LANGUAGES? But NOOOOO...We're Apple we'll not adopt it..I WAS UNDER THE IMPRESSION THAT STUPIDITY AND LUCK OF INNOVATION RAN IN THE IPHONE TEAM BUT APPARENTLY ITS EVERYWHERE..Its annoying because the String datatype is one of the most common and basic data types so the last thing you expect is this shit..APPLE........SERIOUSLY AND SINCERELY FUCK OFF

I love the sound a deadline makes as it goes rushing by while I give it the finger.

I was actually successful in one that I literally got from the American version of The Office.

I conditioned one of my employees to want chewing gum after I did a clap motion with my hands: snap the fingers on both hands really quick and do a fist to palm tap and say "hey bud, want gum?" and because I specifically bought his favorite he would always say yes.

Eventually, and after months of doing it, I was walking around the office when I did the motion, but this time without gum. Now, he was on the fifth levek of the virtual world doing his shit fully concentrated and he STILL looked up at me looking anxious. I said "what's up?" and he just said nothing, that he felt that he was missing something but couldn't put the finger on it.

Just like in the show, he then complained that his mouth felt funny. Eventually he waddled his way to my office to ask for gum 🤣🤣🤣🤣

tl;dr I successfully Pavlov'ed one of my employees to have a need of chewing gum every time I do a finger snap clap motion.

I am the best manager in the world.

I finally managed to open a beer bottle using a sheet of paper

My finger is red as fuck but it was worth it

When you're sitting in front of a problem the whole day and cannot put your finger on a solution. Stay 45m longer than necessary, implement and push - yet something tickles your brain - something's just not ... right ... although it works .. but

Get out, walk to the subway, wait for your train - and immediately see the solution as clear as day. Hammer perfect Pseudocode in your phone, get strange looks as you laugh out loud - it was soooo easy and right there in front of you the whole time.You even have already used the exact same function today.
So happy, now you can sleep without a brain-tickle

Day of the interview sr. Architect says: "We have near 100% unit test coverage in our code."

One month later when I tell him there are 0 unit tests written against 300 projects: "Yeah, I knew that was a problem."

What can you do when the people who want to hire you lie outright to your face?

Oh yeah, and not a god damned one was written using any sense of object oriented programming at all. Every single damned project is written like its on a motherfucking punchcard put together by a cs 101 student with a 2 hour fucking deadline.

I can understand if it needs some work, just tell me. Don't fucking lie to me just to get me in the door to fix a problem you know you have. JUST HAVE SOME FUCKING RESPECT FOR YOUR CANDIDATES AND DON'T FUCKING LIE TO THEM!

Off to drink some scotch and think about what it would be like to shove a finger deep enough into my nostril to hear a pop and smell popcorn before going off into that good night.

I said good day.

A project got pushed live before it was finished, the final piece was supposed to enter site visitors into a draw to win a very expensive prize, but the first few thousand visitors hit the unfinished placeholder page...telling them they'd won said prize. Got noticed pretty quickly, not before a few million had to be claimed in business insurance to pay several thousand 'winners' off. The finger-pointing in the aftermath was quite fun to watch.

QA is essential.

So my gf was sleeping and i took the opportunity to unlock her phone using her finger print. Sent bunch of texts and later told her i hacked her cellphone. She now believes i am a genuine hacker. Should i tell her the truth or just drag a little longer?

CODING CODING CODING HAHAHA I LOVE PROGRAMMING BEING A LITTLE CODE SLUT. I LOVE SILICON VALLEY IM SUCH A QUIRKED UP LITTLE CODE SHAWTY LOOKING FOR SOME ALGOASS 🍆💦😩.

“Slams fists on keyboard”

I LOVE BEING A CUTE SCREEN TWINK, IMPRESSING PAPI CEO WITH MY FINGER COMBINATIONS. I LOVE PLEASING EXECUDADDY. 🍑😏🫦

“Takes keyboard in hand and slams it against desk until keyboard keys explode everywhere”

I LOVE WATCHING THE AMERICAN GOVERNMENT AND CORPORATE AMERICA FUCK MY ASS IN RETURN FOR PERSONAL PROFITS. 🤑☔️

*digs fingernails into the wall and claws off paint and then snorts it”
*pees and shits pants*
*cries in corner with extra agony*

Nothing makes me cringe more that some dumb fuck jabbing their finger at any computer screen to show me what they’re talking about. DON’T. FUCKING. DO. THAT. What makes you think it’s even remotely good for the displace? Do you see it freak out the way it does, that’s not a good thing. Stop fucking doing that!

Select finger from hand where id = 2

Well, atleast he didn't show the middle finger to them....

"The client has reported {some problem}. Do we know what has caused it?"
Dev: "{explanation} is the cause"
"Ok, was that caused by a recent change?"
Dev: "No, the system has been like that since the start"
"Ok, but who did it? Was it some recent work?"
Dev: "The system has been like that since the start"
Constant fucking blame and finger pointing.
Fuck off.

I inadvertently stuck my middle finger up at a project manager today when I meant to put my thumb up... whoops.

...i just remembered why I have a MasturbatorPattern repository on my bitbucket, why is it named that way, and what it does.

It's one of the core abilities of that magical AI i've mentioned in my previous rant. And it's called that way, because of how it works:

The Agent has some objects (as in, class instances) available to it, and wants to get some other kind of object. So it inspects by reflection ("touches") all objects around itself, inspecting their public functions, building up a plan/path/tree of "this function takes the object I have as input, and returns this other object which this other function of other object takes as input and returns this different object, which...." etc, etc, until the final function returns the object the Agent wanted to get in the first place.

And then it goes and "does" all those functions, in that order piping the parameters through.

So first it touches them (second layer of metaphor - linux finger command), and then it does those which output (ejaculate =D) something useful to it.

Therefore, MasturbatorPattern =D

Not sure if my sense of humor is just weird or outright unfunny.

Dear fuckface,
Fuck you and your Electron gobbling up RAM like it's free food at a all-you-can-eat buffet. It's not. Please take your Electron and fuck the fuck off from my computer.
Sincerely, with a double middle finger and double middle toes,
PTH

Why programmers like UNIX:

unzip, strip, touch, finger, grep, mount, fsck, more, yes, fsck, fsck, fsck, umount, sleep

Boss: please deleted These vServers since we dont need them anymore

Done.

Me: Starts working today. Got a Mail from my boss.
"Can we Talk about Server xyz123, there may be some important data on it"

Sometimes I wonder if they think that I Just sitting around with a finger in my nose and wait for days before I start doing stuff.

Just dont ask me to delete stuff if you are unsure.

I know this isn’t dev related at all but...

Nor is it a question, as my fat finger set it to...

Eminem just dropped a surprise album at midnight last night. No promotion, no bullshit. Just straight hip hop.

And the album cover is a throw back to the beastie boys!

If you can’t tell already, I am super pumped about this!!!

Confession!

I always have a pice of cloth with me whenever I work on my MacBook or my iPhone. I can't stand the finger prints that I
make on my iPhone or any small amount of dust on my MacBook screen. So I keep cleaning every while. Am I crazy?

Me: I want to be a dev..
Mom: But you only sit in front of the computer to play games.
Me: That's not what I always do.
Mom: Then why are you sitting behind the computer all the time.
Me: To make software. Most of the time you clearly see me typing code.
Mom: No, I can't trust you, you play too much games. Study hard and get another job.
Me: *Middle finger behind a back.*

Google Pay is about to support PayPal as virtual card (at least in Germany)
That's quite the finger to the local banks here
I like it

My current project. Won't reveal anything about it until I've got a usable version (which might take more than a month) but it would be a good way to give a middle finger to a big ass surveillance company.

It won't exactly match with their product since this is impossible for me to do as this would compromise user privacy but it'll come close enough!

   Why programmers like UNIX:
unzip, strip, touch, finger, grep, mount, fsck, more, yes, fsck, fsck, fsck, umount, sleep

Why devs like Linux/Unix :
unzip, strip, touch, finger, grep, mount, fsck, more, yes, fsck, fsck, fsck, umount, sleep

today a developer delivered his code.
and I found
- all "i" variables missing
- all "(" closings missing
- all "k" characters missing

latter I found out that it was because his middle finger was hurting :XD

My mom is scrolling through the news portal, her 2yo grandson is sitting on her lap, watching the screen. Suddenly she scrolls to a Trump's picture. Kiddo raises his hand, points his finger to the pic and says:

"Quack!"

even toddlers are making fun out of him...

Best tool:
Your hands!
- incredibly flexible
- express a lot of commands trough very little code (just raise the middle finger and tell me if you are not expressing something VERY strong with VERY little complexity)
- reusable
- interfaces
- smells of good soap

Worst tool:
Your brain
- highly power consuming
- wrinkly, ehw!
- overthinks a lot
- imposter syndrome
- hooked on sugar like it was cocaine
- hooked on cocaine like it was sugar
- refuses to comprehend chthulu

It's the 21st century. We have this amazing thing called the Internet. It's literally at our finger tips. Any information you want can be found with the tap of a phone screen, and the information will be presented to you in less than a second.

Why is this concept so fucking hard for people to comprehend? Instead of asking me "How do I write a resignation letter?", search the damn internet for resignation letter guides. Like Jesus Christ, it's not that hard of a concept to comprehend. Especially when you've basically grown up with the internet in our lives.

Anybody have the bad habits of biting nails down and sometimes tearing the skin off finger-tips just because licking the blood is somehow calming?

If so, how do you combat it?

today i had to use an old resistive touch monitor.
what the hell how people can use that thing?
i had to literally punch it with my finger to get a click recognized

Yeah, it's fucked. My fuck is fucked. Fuck the world ftw.

Testers be like: "Error when using system (see screenshot)"

Nice one, super descriptive with where and what you did to encounter the error, oh and cheers for the finger nail sized screenshot!

one of my friend has a golden finger👈, he could break your system with one touch, once he borrowed my laptop to update fb status, I saw him literally hit the enter key once, the pc got a blue screen and then rebooted with error, I have to reinstall OS to fix it. I asked around, he did this trick many times😱😱. I guess he could get some profit from this gift😂😂😂

Not devs, but many of my classmates still type with one finger

So went to start working on a side project (Didn't try to take my finger off this time) and then suddently windows hits me with my kryptonite...

'Age of Empires II: Definitive Edition has been installed'

I know I'm late to the party with GPU passthrough, but holy crap is it great! I first tried to set it up with an old GeForce 1050 ti, but damned if nvidia isn't completely worthy of that middle finger Linus gave them. I switched to an older Radeon(rx570) and it worked PERFECTLY. I have a fully accelerated windows desktop running as a VM now that I can connect to via parsec.

Big fan.

This wasn't an interview, but a massive rejection which I've never forgotten...

I was working beneath a director from hell. South African, very intimidating. If I was not able to dictate my work, he would give me an expression like I had just kicked his dog.

I think at the time, I had threatened the development manager when I had challenged the way we were running database queries and linked processes.

The director had pulled me into his office one day and said to me, literally, "not everyone can do what they want to do, if they are not good at it". Like seriously, what the fuck... I was doing a lot more than others even more senior to me, and I had just come on board learning the language on the fly (4th Dimension, don't ask...).

I digress... My heart just completely sank and I was left speechless. Two jobs later and I could give him the big finger.

These days in a development management position for a massive Australian company, so I know we all go through a lot of shit, keeps you humble.

C is like an obsidian razor. Extremely sharp tool, immense power with immense responsibility. You can make art and you can make bloody mess.

Clojure is like a magic rainbow mist. You accept it and it's pure chrysalis, everything is good, everything is fine. You feel cared about, you feel like nothing can hurt you.

Bash is like feeling your stepdad's finger inside your asshole. Shame and shame again combined with extreme perception of wrongdoing that lead to nothing but psychological trauma.

Why THE FUCK is screen mirroring without being in the same wifi network a thing?

Why THE FUCK have all these smart tvs turned this on by default?

Why THE FUCK does the list of found devices SORT itself RANDOMLY if another device is found.

I probably mirrored my phone screen to a random tv in the neighbourhood because as soon as my finger was about to touch the name of my tv, a random tv swooshed into it's place.

WHAT THE FUCK THERE IS NO FUCKING NEED FOR THIS FEATURE IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANY ACCESS POINT AROUND, THERE WILL BE ONE IN 99% OF ALL POSSIBLE USE CASES.

I mean if I got it right, i can share porn with my neighbors now, or at least annoy them?

Nearly amputated my middle finger by smashing it with heavy armoured door. Blood popped and splashed everywhere, as if I smashed a well fed mosquito mid-july. The nail is broken across the bottom. Finger is swolen to twice the size.

Looks like I'm gonna have a fun start on the new project next week...Unable to code 😁

> im an operating system

> when I feel like operating

> lifes good

> i reboot when i feel like it

> i take the entire screen whenever i want

> when im changed from landscape to portrait i still snap windows horizontally

> sometimes, when i know the laptop lid is closed and a keyboard is attached i still ask for your finger

> thats what you get for having the finger print scanner under the lid i say

Hey DevRant Fam! Hope everyone is doing very well! Just would like to ask, for awhile now i have been focusing on languages such as c++, C#, Java, and little bit of python the others I mentioned before were mainly from Uni, but I’d like to step out of my comfort zone a little, I’m interested in learning things such as “NodeJS”.

I actually haven’t laid much of a finger on JS so i do not know much, and i also see things such as Nodejs, react are very popular and would like to step my foot in the door, what would you guys suggest and or recommend :-) I’m open to listen to you guys and learn more!.

Hope everyone is doing well wherever you may be!

Thank you 😊
Milo

Every piece of work I have to do is blocked, waiting on someone else pulling their finger out. 2 days now, and no progress no matter how much I chase. Bored!

Hurt my pinky finger. Now I'm 90% the developer I was

I don't usually curse, but I find myself frequently cursing and giving the finger to my code.

Do not wave you phone around during a video interview. Don't turn it upside down. Don't put keep your hand near it -- I am not interested in your finger nails. Don't pace around. Don't look like a YouTuber that has no idea what they are doing on a video conference.

That is all.

!dev

WTF YOUTUBE, WTFFFFFFF!!!!!!

YOU PIECE OF SHIT MONEY HUNGRY SOULLESS CORPORATE CUNT OF A COMPANY.

I already hated all your shitty algorithms and your way of giving the middle finger to creators I love.

You want to be a trend following bitch and have "Stories" on users feeds, fine.

WHY THE FUCKING SON OF A CUNTIFICENT BITCH ARE YOU RECOMMENDING ME CHANNELS I KNOW NOTHING OF!!!!!!

Look at this shit... the fact that I am living in Brazil does not mean I give two fucks about youtubers here, I barely know the language.

I'M SUBSCRIBED TO 20 PEOPLE. IF THEY HAVE FUCKING STORIES, SHOW ME THEIRS. IF THEY DON'T, DON'T SHOW ME ANYTHINGGGGGGG.

i went to my college bakery and i bought a sandwich (costs 140) and ultra energy drink (costs 90) in my currency

i extend my hand with money and the woman takes a calculator and types with one finger 1 4 0 + 9 0 = and says "230"

So I walk up to my desk, join the zoom meeting for daily stand ups, and then join the other meeting scheduled by the CEO. And I watched a presentation built around how I'll be fired in the next few minutes. My colleagues and I got laid off in the snap of a finger.
Sad much

Being told the "solution" to a technical problem by a non technical person from a meeting I wasn't even invited to participate in. This middle finger goes out to middle management everywhere.

Today in PE i sprained my finger and now my coding/typing speed is slow af. It took <s>my ages</s> 5 minutes to write this rant.

!Dev

the fuck...

I'm not very good in remembering numbers. But I have lots to remember: apartment entrance code, maestrocard pin, phone pin, s few pins at work, and so on. So I remember patterns my finger mskes on a numpad instead [if you have played Ingress, you know exactly how it works].

There is a pattern for a bank card. Another one for phone pin, etc.

I've been using this technique for years... It has never failed me. I never could remember my pins, but give me a keypad and I'll enter it right away.

Last week smth happened. I forgot 2 pins from both of my bank cards... Both at the same day. And I did not have them written down anywhere for years...

Shit

Is there a way to disable the social media buttons and if not could that be built in?

I keep pressing the buttons by accident when I move my finger to the back button. And I cannot even use them because I dont have an account at those platforms.

Fuck! My brain just had a catastrophic forgetting!!

I can't remember the PIN of my Android phone that I'm using right now. Luckily, I'm still in because of my finger print but won't help is phone restarts.

Seems like your can't reset PIN without entering previous PIN.

Help!

Is there any cli tool to train 10 finger typing on linux in the terminal?

SELECT finger FROM hand WHERE id = '3' AND owner = 'me'; DROP ALL TABLES; --

How a linux sysadmin has sex :
who | grep -i hot && grep -i female | date; cd ~; unzip; touch; strip; finger; mount; gasp; yes; uptime; umount; sleep;

BEST DISCLAIMER NOTICE

* I'm not responsible for bricked devices, dead SD cards, thermonuclear war, or you getting fired because the alarm app failed (like it did for me...).
* YOU are choosing to make these modifications, and if you point the finger at me for messing up your device, I will laugh at you.
* Your warranty will be void if you tamper with any part of your device / software.

I hope there is a rusty miniature guillotine wrapped tightly around each microsoft vsCode developers fingers and each time the global server gets a signal that somewhere an extension host froze, instantly cuts a finger off.

Fucken Designers - Have you ever heard of fucken consistency?

Different looks and feels for the same thing in every single page? Wat the fuck man - I am trying to write clean and modular code for components and you guys are making hard -

Bomb Alert:
Fuck Designers *middle finger*

I'm fucking tired of having to explain to boomers why scrolling on the web isn't a problem anymore and why you shouldn't just shove every pixel of content above the fold. And people seem to really hate whitespace on web pages.

I am NOT going to fill up every fucking pixel on your screen with stuff just because you are too lazy to put your finger on your mouse wheel. Don't know why people just get a fucking WordPress site because they clearly don't listen to expertise from a professional with 10 years' web dev experience. I learned this shit so you don't have to, boomer!

fuck it, I'm gonna send them NNGroup research on this.

This e wallet app is weird... Pay with finger?

Constantly touching the display of my laptop, or any display for that matter.

It drives me up a fucking wall.

1. None of these devices support touch
2. You can point the thing out with your finger without touching the glass / plastic. Or just use my damn mouse.
3. Seeing the smears all over my screen is annoying as hell. I always find a new smudge and it's irritating.

Heard sales manager talking to his team to wash their hands properly after using computer keyboard.

And here I'm sinking my face in both hands and occasionally covering my mouth with one hand and biting my finger tips sometimes.

At age 6 I was deemed as an idiot savant. Coding is boring for me now. Age 7-10: I worked for an underground agency that was focused on harvesting people's organ data from MRI machines to predict the economic future. 10-14: I experimented with smoking crack to increase finger efficiency. Since then I've quit, and I've been living in Miami trying to create a lofi industrial folk album using nothing but a TI-84, some wire, and an old fender amp.

100 updoots and I actually post this to my linkedin feed

entertain me, devrant, my finger is itching on the post button already

F*cking morons complaining of privacy yet busy posting practically everything from pictures to finger prints and weird f*cking full details on social networks and some weird online places and platforms...😑🤕😤😤😤 (best safety, never go online)

When your company is sinking, and you keep suggesting to pivot, trying something new or different enough, having some meeting to think about new levers to increase revenue... and the only answer is "we don't have enough time for this. Let's try tweaking <insert random feature here>".

WE ARE LOSING 30.000€+ EACH MONTH!!! WHO FUCKING CARES ABOUT CHANGING THIS FEATURE NOW!!!

Today it's been more than 7 months since "we don't have enough time". Still nothing intelligent has been tried. The company could be closed down in 2 month. FUCK YA ALL decision makers!

Now I'll probably lose my job just because you're too fucking stupid to get your finger out of your ass! The company is in the exact same state since 7 months!!! Go burn in hell!

I was so in-depth thinking about coding that I didn't realize that the finger I was sucking was prior used to scratch my testicles..

Please god, I hope I'm not the only one.

I feel so stressed at work right now.

QA signed off on a fix I made, I signed off on a fix I made, and other people signed off on the fix, but it gets out to production and people find it's broken, I get the finger pointed at me.

It's really stressing me out, especially when our client needs custom logic to make their use cases work, and the BE and FE are scrambling to make it work.

It's really affecting the way I work and I don't know what to do. I talked to my boss and he just tells me to "stay positive". Someone please help me.

I came up with a horrendous Java joke while I was away from devRant.

What happens when someone cuts off someone's index finger?

java.lang.NullPointerException: null

Co-worker: At my last job "I was technically lead dev", so don't mind me telling you what to do and criticizing every line of code you write. (He said that in finger quotes. I am also paraphrasing the last part, but you get the gist).

Me: So the fact that we are both level 3 programmers means nothing?

Co-worker: Exactly! See you understand!

Me in my mind: What a prick!

Just a little context there aren't any lead devs at our company, our boss doesn't want any. Also we have been working at this company together for 3 years, and this co-worker just said that to me today, WTF?

My friend works for my favorite company Apple, his boss ranted Apple is about giving options.

I figured out some missing options in my iPhone X
Need to listen music: sorry can't plug in a headphone we removed that option 😉
Other phones have option to unlock through face or finger print (oops we removed one option)
No option to take a photo in 16:9 aspect ratio (4:3 only)
No option to change themes or layout to personalize your phone

Any positive thoughts on this option statement? If I missed some option examples 😅

Once i worked on an application which has very long form and submit to a soap endpoint (post). I felt my life was so pointless when testing after i made changes. So I automated the testing by generating post request so i can just run it.

I filled the user name with Brandon Boyd, Alan Turing or Ryan Gosling. And it increments like Boyd1, Boyd2.

Once my colleague found a bug, the data never get saved but all the boyds persists. He knew it was me, who uses that kind of name

My barbaric manager (was involved) kind of pointed his finger at me. I sweat a bit though i couldn't find logical explanation why Boyds stay. but turned out someone changed the sqlscript.

Coolest project I worked on was the one that let me learn to code.

It was a mobile calculator for the blind. The app counted the user's taps to come up with the number they wanted, instead of having them hover their finger around the screen to find each digit. Then each operation was mapped to a swipe gesture.

Sometimes I wish there was a middle finger emoji on GitHub PR reviews

Brothers and sisters I have ascended

From my early chilidhood I was taught by my parents & society that I should put effort into doing things that I "MUST", be kind and polite to others

Tis' all bullshit; never lift a finger if you do not feel like it; never help people free of charge; if you dislike a particular undertaking then it is not worth even an ounce of effort.

We live in a society.

When devrant doesn't have a finger hair option for the avatar. #GingerLivesMatter

the worst project I've ever worked on was a BIOS update utility for the desktop techs at work. They wanted a tool to open that would let them know when there's a BIOS update and install it for them. The problem was the file share that held the BIOS updates had no naming convention, Dell doesn't name all BIOS updates with Axx, people would fat finger the BIOS password and model numbers for the computers was a pain to match against the file share. After at least 800 lines of C# code I give it to them. A couple months go by and I still see them going machine to machine upgrading BIOSes in labs even though my tool does it to a lab silently with a switch... hhhhhh.

I'm freaked out like I have never been freaked out before. My pinky finger (don't know what the actual name for it is) started to get itchy about two days ago and steadily got worse and now it's gotten to the point that it's almost numb and vibrates constantly. I guess it's because I use my laptop's keyboard and repeatedly use Shift or Ctrl keys. Anyways just wanted to share my panicky day with you all and wish you healthy fingers.

P.S. I ordered an ergonomic keyboard just today but still, you know how much we need our fingers, I have the right to panic here!

Dude imagine being born in 12/3/4567.
Writing birth date fast af.
You could even slide your finger as a pianist.

Not exactly a data loss, but on server hosting almost all of clients' websites.

$ crontab -e

Except finger slipped and it became -r. *facepalm*

Hired by large prestigious company to do web development. Understanding at the outset, I was not a web developer, just wanted my foot in the door with the company. 2 days after orientation, I am placed on a $20 million contract expansion with 3 other developers. All new to this contract. So: new language, new technologies, new team, no leadership, no mentorship. 2 months later after a month of asking for help, I'm asked why I'm not delivering solid code by the project exec and moved to the testing team. Testing team lead introduces me to people on the contract and answers questions or tells me vaguely where to loom. Spend last 4 months building a professional fuck you by making myself a yes man to everyone and their mother. Left the contract and have been getting regular hours with them since (including developing for them). New contract loves me and despite the project execs attempt to torpedo me, I have an excellent reputation and am positioned for career advancement already.

I couldn't give him the finger, but I made him regret lettimg me go. Original team lead has since been released for unrelated HR complaint.

I want catch previous developer and cut his finger off. If you don't know hot the job should be done don't do that job.

Do you know guys why a programming bug is called so? It's because the very first time a software crashed it was because of a bug ( a real bug stuck in a bus on the machine!) That caused that 😂 imagine if something else was stuck instead! Like someone's​finger : hey I fixed that finger but still got 2 critical fingers and 4 small ones

I used to be in an infrastructure maintenance team, and I worked with an old guy. We had a jump box we all used. This guy would work weekend maintenance windows and still be trying to get changes done at 7am, three hours after the end of the window. He was glacially slow. I remember watching him login to a prod weblogic server. He would open the Windows start menu, move his fucking mouse through two or three submenus, and finally click putty. Then, he would type out the FQDN of the jump server, and move his mouse to the connect/ok button. Then it would prompt him for his username and password, both of which took him about 90 seconds to single-finger type. Then, once loved into the jump box, he would then type ssh user@server.fqdn, rather than copying and pasting the server name.

It took him fully five minutes to get logged into the weblogic server. I could not take it. It would have taken me about ten seconds.

Have u ever opened youtube app on ur phone and started watching a yt video but before u could watch that video u got interrupted with an ad that u can not skip and so u got so frustrated to the point that u grabbed ur dick and slapped the phone screen so the ad can eat ur dick and just before the ad expired u jizzed on the face of that ad and so when the ad was about to finish there was a skip button so u tapped that button not with ur finger but with the tip of ur dick although it was difficult to do that because the jizz kind of interfered with ur touch screen controls so u had to wipe the jizz from ur phone screen with ur dick into the mouth of whoever was in the ad in order to properly press the skip button for that ad so u can simply skip it and finally start watching the yt video that u were initially trying to do ?

If you're experiencing the "can't scroll up on the profile page" bug, here's the solution:

Scroll up until the bug. Put (press and hold) your finger on the "tab bar" at the top. Move your finger up a little, then down to scroll.

This is worked for me.

Translating win32 calls to whatever the hell there is in Unix and Unix-like OSes (well, most of them) in order to port a certain game net code library and dear god why did I volunteer myself for this task

At least pevents is there to help, but too bad cmake doesn’t want to compile it with the flag I need (“-DWFMO”) in order to make the “WaitForMultipleEvents” method to work at all. Instead no matter what options I give it on the command line or how I tell VS Code to do it, it seems to give me the finger to my fucking face.

Doing it for games on the cooler OSes... doing it for the community... come on...

wtf!! That stupid piece of @#$@#$, how does it even work for anybody. EVER. Bundle it in a container, make sure it's ephemeral. Yerterday it worked, and today it fucking does whatever it wants@!!! That fuking fucktard piece of shit!!

Fuck it. Fuck all of it.

It must be a fault in my RAM or something. I mean, nothing has changed since yesterday. I could run the appp in the container yžday ez, and today -- it gives me a finger, completely ignoring my parameters!! Asshole!!!!

Oh ffs, just fucking inject a chip into my finger already for authentication purposes, you can track my every fucking move if you so wish. When a web page like twitch uses 2FA it boggles my mind because its a page where you're watching some fucking videos.

"hey there, so out of the blue, we send you a code to your email, we won't tell you which so good luck. Also, you cannot copy paste this code because we did that fucking thing where each character has its own textbox"

Of course, this is only because we are dumb enough to reuse shitty passwords. THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS.

That feeling when you walk in a room, make a few steps on the floor and hear how all the walls are making cracking noises...

And some people choose to live in apartments/houses like that one.. Where walls can be punctured with a finger

what happened to firm, sturdy constructions...? What happened to strong walls and steady floors?

No way.. My house is gonna be built with rocks. Or at least a better part of it

TIL that you can plug a mouse and keyboard into a Samsung phone and use it to interact with it like you would your finger. Now before you say this is such a useless feature, because of this, I was able to recover my backup from my screen shattered phone (really fucked it up so touch quit working) , and transfer it to another phone in a matter of minutes. To whoever thought of this, thank you so much :).

How to compare fan speeds: hold your finger in and compare how high pitched the sound is.

Coding taught me how to think logically and how to approach problems with a fresh clear mind if your ever stuck like walking away for a bit and returning after a break.

It also allowed me to give my old teachers the middle finger who said I'd never do anything in life... 6 years later and I've owned my own media business and now work for a web agency!

I just fucking hate my fat fingers, every once in a while I'm trying to hit CMD + TAB and I end up with my finger in the Q.

FFS.

It hurts the most when what you close is your terminal that had 20 sessions up.

Too much work. Too much pressure. And I spilled hot tea and burnt my index finger.

Has anyone ever been so close to remembering a really old memory but can’t put your finger on it?

I'm literally laughing my ass off at how Google gave their fat middle finger to Object Oriented programming with Go's Structs, Methods, and Interfaces. F*** you Java and C++! :-P

I had to do a double take... Needless to say I can't sign in for shit, fucknows what mental finger dance I did on the shift key when signing up to these guys...

Also: forgotten password is "please type your email, if there's an account associated to this email address we'll fucking email it with password reset instructions"...

Fucking arsehole fucks, I just wanna pay my fucking energy bill.

Me: Ah, I need to delete /path/to\ some/directory

... starts typing

rm -rf /path/to

finger slips, touch "Enter" too hard for my comfort, heart skips a beat, but nothing is happening. Phew. I dodged a bullet.

I'll never ever learn this lesson.

Today, making a list out loud while in a conversation with a co-worker.
Me:
"thing one" *puts out hand*,
"thing two" *raises thumb*,
"thing three" *raises index finger*,
"thing four" *raises middle finger*

Co-worker: "That's 3 fingers, you said 4 things.."
Me: "I guess I mentally counted in base 0.."

Did so much work today that my ring finger on my right hand is actually sore from pressing the enter key.

Too bad all that code belongs to my job and not me.

Fuck you apache server...
Why did your dumb ass developers decide it was a good idea to not support "expect 100 continue headers". I seriously suspect that the devs were high smoking dragon dildo ashes like they were getting ready to get a whole chair shoved up their asses.
I wasted alot of time thinking i was getting a 417 http code because i fucked up my API implementation... No, it was the dumb apache server that decided to give me the finger.

Also, whoever built the HttpClient for .net framework 4... Fuck you too for automatically adding that dumb header to PUT requests and not properly documenting this or allowing for it to be disabled in a non hacky way.

I appreciate and enjoy solving coding problems... I, however, can't stand dumb decisions like the two above.

> mmmmh this old code I wrote for my previous job could be handy now, lemme just git pull the thing real quick
> clone the repository in my new pc
> can't deploy because I intentionally didn't commit any of my old credentials, no env files other than the example, and everything is smooth clean to prevent some dumb fuck like me from just grabbing the project and do whatever

There's an old IHateForALiving giving me the middle finger.

Part of a little lecture I gave my boss this week: "... you really should stop taking things so casually and so for granted. ALL of this stuff is not just something you can summarize in a single vague word or phrase like "stuck" or "kick the tires" or whatnot. there's no "magic" to any of this. there's no buttons or knobs you just touch with one finger and stuff magically works. it's all way more complicated than you probably think, ALL the time. And making assumptions will always get us in trouble." (To a tech-illiterate boss who always uses vague verbage like "stick this on the server" and has no idea how anything works.)

"=$B1*INDEX(A:A,ROW())"

See this absolute bullshit right here?

This fucking cunt of a problem designed by some dippity-do finger-painting fucking jackass at google doesn't work why?

Because for some *god damn reason* they decided it would be a good idea to setup it up in a way that when you use absolute cell references in a formula, you can't use functions in the formula too. No the other side has to be a literal or cell reference apparently.

Motherfuckers.

Docker with nginx-proxy and nginx-proxy-le (Lets Encrypt) is fucking awesome!

I only have to specify environment variables with email and host name when starting new containers with web servers, and the proxy containers will automatically make a proxy to the new container, and generate lets encrypt ssl certificates. I don’t have to lift a fucking finger, it is so ducking genius

In several occasions I run rm -rf * in the wrong folder (or wrong server!!).
No big deal so far, but I had to spent more time to redo my work since Linux has no fucking recycle bin like Win!
So I created this helper function to give my brain a few seconds to think before my finger hit Enter.

delete_all_files()
{
echo "WARNING:Delete all files? Type fluffycat to proceed"
read x
if [ "$x" = "fluffycat" ]
then
echo "Deleting all files..."
rm -rf *
fi
}
alias myrm=delete_all_files

Hehehe... I am a genius 😎

Client decided today that they want to remove a core feature from their search engine that will not only change the app's functionality but the UI it was based around.

I told they client they can't do that. When they asked why I explained that the app has already been built from the designs that were approved two months ago and to switch it now would be a whole other invoice billed per hour.

Needless to say we are not removing this core feature.

*Finger gun to head. Blam!

Smashed my right fore finger and middle finger in the car the other day. Didn't realize how frustrating it way going to be to type with one hand 😭

I hate extremist to the point where I became an extremist of hating the extremist.

If life is as simple as 1 and 0, we won't even be fucking evolved and alive till this far.

Every story has different perspectives. Different motives. Is it Kingslayer the one to blame? Is it the Queen's fault? Or was it Little Finger?

We look at one piece of the puzzle and we talk and talk and talk. Well not only do we like to talk our own thoughts out loud, we like to persuade others to join our thoughts. Just like what I'm doing now.

Does this all sound simple as 1 and 0?

Week80: Not my family or friend, but last time I used my notebook in a bus to school when I had to finish my homework (because as always, literally evrything is more interesting than programming class homework) random woman came to me, nocked on my shoulder and asked when I had terminal open when compiling "Sir do you know that this is not legal?" pointing at my screen. 😂

My familly thinks that I am a magican that can fix their printer and recover their desktop icons "because I did something wrong with it" after not touching their PC for months. I wonder who deleted those icons (*pointing finger at my father*)

My friends think that I am some magican nerd who can build websites for them all for every single stupid "teen business idea" they have and I can hack all their ex's FB. 😂😂

So I was in a great mood and decided 'fuck it let's try making something, have a couple beers, make some taco's and break out the old coder lxmcf'...

Started cutting lettuce and then BAM! Cut a large chunk of my left index finger off...

So now I am unable to type properly because my finger is making me angry with pain, guess that's what I get for wanting to get back into programming

Trying to learn 10 finger system as a gamer, fucking WASD was burned in my mind for a long time already...

Yeah, I never bothered since I'm pretty fast at typing anyways, but I'm hoping I could get a little faster like this, for the long run
Ah yeah also to stop looking at the keyboard

Now I'm curious, what do you guys type like?
If that makes sense

My daily Unix command list: unzip; strip; touch; finger; mount; fsck; more; yes; unmount; sleep.

Hidden pixel just scratched my finger while I was wiping the screen with my palm. Lesson successfully learned.

I’m trying to learn piano, but keep zero indexing my thumb. When I see I’m supposed to use my 5th finger, for a moment I wonder what species they think I am.

People who are on their computer all day, how do you deal with finger ache?

The finger print scanner on my new phone is slower than my old phone

Do you just click the mouse wheel to close a tab even though it's a pain on your finger? I don't know where I got this habit from. I'm too lazy to point the cursor to the X button.

Microsoft is fucking kidding me with the fall creators update, default onscreen keyboard is so tiny (that little black box below the login form) that the letters are rendered indistinguishable and you can hardly touch them with your finger. WTF?!?!

~just-interesting-hack-things~
I was able to force my phone to work with 2 fingerprints by alternating my fingers during the setup.

Wtf is happening to tech security... Last 4 months

All WiFi is now crackable. .. in short amount of time
Windows . . Annihilated with this new bug might not be fixable... and work back on all of them
iPhones cracked ...
Linux dirty cow ...
Android been suffering.
And everyone knows Mac's security is joke ...
Finger prints ... Made pointless on everything.

Literally all going to shit .. 😐

And I know how to do all this... It's all out in the open not even hard to find

Once a programmer writes his first line of code, he can never undo it.

Despite of no-code mood, I opened the IDE and started typing with a single finger.

What's wrong with us? We breath code

I feel like the "HB Männchen".

Vielleicht bin ich ja auch Manuel Neuere

ALTER WENN MEIN FINGER NICHT SOFORT ANFANGEN JDKDKSKSKS DIE SCHEIẞ RICHTIGDN TASTEN ZU TREFFEN

Vim is like the ten-finger system.
Once you get used to it it's amazing!
#JoinTheVimmingTeam

A Chinese coworker who always brought a tea flavoured hand lotion bottle and applied it before coding on his finger tips and wore the same clothes from Monday to Friday changed only his shoes...

The button radius for the Android Pie pill and back button really pisses me off.

I can't tell you how many times my fat ass finger has accidentally pressed home trying to go back in an app.

Having said that, it's still a looot better than the old soft buttons.

To all those geniuses who keep a finger on my screen to show me what they wanted to be changed ,you need to remove your fucking finger first so that I can see what you are talking about. I fucking can’t see through your finger.
Worst part is when they have huge palms that cover most of the screen

So I'm learning Vim at the moment... and one thing that bugs me is that the navigation arrows are h,j,k,l.
On the german keyboard layout, when I use the 10-finger-system, my right hand is in this constellation: forefinger on j, middle finger on k, ring finger on l, and little finger on ö.
So wouldn't it be better if the navigation would be j,k,l,ö instead of h,j,k,l?
Or is this different in english keyboard layout?
I'm confused 🤔