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//long rant but worth it ;)
In our class, we had some writing in Word.
I was the smart PC guy in the class which everybody asked for info. Even the teacher sometimes asked me.
There was a girl in class which I didn't really like, because she had a snoopy attitude and thought she is a queen.
In MC Word you can hide the toolbar with the little arrow on the top right below the close button.
Somehow the girl hid the toolbar and didn't know to let it reappear again. After half a hour the teacher got to the next lesson.
She held her hand up and reported to the teacher that here PC has problems. After 10 minutes try & error from the teacher he even didn't get it.
Now the teacher started the rant and shout at her: "How did you even manage to do this? Did you upload a virus? I bet it is a virus! Do you know how much it costs to repair this pc? It's sure over 1000 $."
The rant continued for 15 minutes. After that I felt a bit guilty and even I didn't like that girl, but nobody deserves such a harsh treatment.
Without saying anything I went to the computer, clicked the little arrow and the problem was solved. The teacher didn't say anything to this topic. Just said we can go early.
Sometimes dump people make a elephant out of a fly, just because they don’t know it better…
Well the girl still stayed a cunt till the end of my scholarship.16
Stop sending me your freaking PNG. Don't even dare to FREAKIN' make me use Chrome DevTools to get your FREAKIN' color our of your FREAKIN' PNG.
Give me all your colors in FREAKIN' hex, rgba, or whatever you want.
Give me all the fonts you used.
Give me all the sizes, is it percentage-based? Pixels based? Donuts-based?
I don't give a damn that you think you went responsive-first. Show me the damn responsive mockups. Not just the desktop sized with a note: "Don't worry mate, I made so that it all goes well when responsive".
Oh god. Oh god.
I'm not an artist, I give zero shit about how great it looks.
I'm a programming poet, I want to write code without having to open (or download it first through torrent) the damn photoshop, sketch, or whatever you use.
They take freakin' months to dump a mockup and we have days to make it happen. The pain.
The pain is strong with those damn designers.
Management : "How long you think it would take?"
Me : "now this is a rough estimate, but I think building the back-end and database alone could take 6-months minimum"
Management : "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? YOU ARE NOT SERIOUS"
me : "its a big proj..."
Management : "I thought it will be something like 10 days, already told the client it can be done"
me : "but we are not ready"
Management : "how are we not ready? we already have the virtual 3D shop, and we can use this ready-to-deploy eCommerce service as our data base "
... "you need to figure this out, this is not acceptable" he continued
* 2 Days Later -talking to my direct boss *
Boss : "since you don't know how to do it..."
me : "what ? I didn't say I can't do it, all I said it will take six months"
Boss : "yeah yeah, anyway there is this studio, a professional polish studio, we called them and they can do it, we will sign a contract with them, this will let you focus on the front-end. good?"
me : "well alright then"
Boss : "please write a doc, explaining everything needed from the backend"
-to me that was the end of it, took a long time to tell me they made the deal-
* 5 Months later *
- "Abdu, can you come here for a minute..."
- "yes boss?"
- "the document we asked you to do for the Polish studio, did you specify that we needed an integration with the API we are using for eCommerce?"
scared to death I answered : "why of course I did!"
I ran to my PC to check it out because I didn't know, I forgot because no one even comment on my doc. I check it out, and it was clearly explained... I got relaxed...
turns out they didn't even do what we asked them for. took them 5 months, and with no communication whatsoever. all their work was useless to us. complete dump waste.
never mentioned this until a year later... in a heat of moment when they were asking me to make an impossible task with no men and no time... I reminded them of this story... management didn't like it. but it was the truth. they didnt push this crazily this time13
Set visual studio off installing,
Take a dump,
Meet a girl,
Fall in love,
Start a family,
Die peacefully at home surrounded by your family and friends,
My company bought me a new laptop. It has 2 512 GB SSDs.
Our IT set it up with windows 10.
ON BOTH SSD.
OM fucking G. How dump you have to be to install windows 10 two times in the same machine? What kind of mental illness is this?41
Worst legacy code experience?
Well grab your spelunking gear and follow me down this rabbit hole!
It started early this year when our biggest customer asked us to send ETAs for deliveries. Simple enough, how bad could it be? Just need to add an ETA form for the drivers in their mobile app. And yes, that part was easy, but then we had to go from our mobile app to our internal system.
Welcome to the IBM AS/400! Where time has stood still for two decades and the mainframe is alive and well.
The shitshow started in March and, spoiler alert, it's still not working.
We begin by dumping the mobile app data in to a table that an RPG program watches. I'm not sure if it's a limitation of RPG or a limitation on the brains of our RPG developers, but timestamps do not exist here. There are only varchars. There are also a multitude of formats for these timestamps, because that makes life more interesting. This program breaks frequently.
If by some miracle the RPG program processes the data, then the ETA goes to a table that's completely separate from the entity it belongs on. If the data is needed, it is JOINed. The old ETA field is now permanently blank.
Why, you ask? Because RPG programs need to be recompiled every time the underlying database changes, and half our system hasn't been compiled in like 10 years. God only knows if we *can* recompile at this point. We extensively use Synon/2E, which compiles to RPG, which can (and has) been hand-modified to fix bugs instead of fixing them in the "higher" language. So now if we try to recompile, we might be losing those fixes *forever*.
Naturally, there is NO referential integrity between this tables. There's orphan rows all through the system. There's also one-to-many relationships in tables meant for one-to-one. Also there's no unique keys. You have to combine multiple fields to get a (potentially) unique key.
Now, there's a series Synon programs that run every 5 minutes to check if any data needs to be sent out. These Synon/2E programs do *full table scans* of the database and check for changes. And, of course, they're buggy as shit.
But you can't debug it there, oh no no no, the output gets pumped straight to...
Wait for it..
A fucking COBOL program.
This COBOL program takes the data from the Synon/2E programs and puts it in a horrible format called X12. X12 looks something like this:
This shit is why JSON was invented. Yes, that's what an ETA for 2017-06-10 14:00:00 looks like. The timezone is "Local Time", whatever the fuck that's supposed to mean.
So this COBOL program has logs, which should make life easy, right?
Using the 'search and audit' function in the program dumps 90 char lines of text on the screen with no line breaks. Worse, the terminal can only show 87 of those lines, so you have to push Shift+F8 to move to the right by three characters. There's no way to search for the actual ETA events using the program, and while you can filter by reference number all this garbage is sent in 5 minute batches, so you'll get a dump of irrelevant data along with the thing you're looking for. Also there's no such thing is grep in this environment, or anything even close to it.
I have hundreds of these bad data transfers to debug, so there's no way in hell I'm doing this manually.
I never did figure out exactly where the raw data is kept, but apparently it's tucked away in one of a thousand tables associated in something called "multiple member files". It seems IBM tried the "schemaless" thing long before MongoDB thought it'd be hip, and like so many MongoDB projects this too ended up a shitshow. Multiple member files are now deprecated I believe, and IBM documentation + resources are sparse anyway so that's pretty much a non-starter.
But I did figure out that the "Print" function of this program can be called directly with a batch number... So here's what I do:
Get the dates of the oldest and newest bad ETAs I'm looking at. Find those two manually and note that batch numbers. Call the "Print" function with these batch numbers (provided the difference is less than 32,767 because yay 16-bit programs). Take the print file and convert it to a "PC-Style ACII" stream and put it on the emulated file system and ancient SMB server. Copy that file and parse that garbage to find the relevant events, and finally dump it to a CSV for quick and easy viewing.
That last paragraph took me a couple weeks to figure out. Fuck IBM.
Now, finally, after fixing all the bugs I found on our side, we've finally come to the conclusion that the data we're sending is good. But! The customer is still having trouble parsing it...
You see, they're having some problems with their IBM AS/400. There's a lot of old code that's supposed to parse the data we're sending, and they're just not quite sure why it isn't working.17
Just saw an ad:
"I learned to code in 2 months thanks to X School and now I'm working at Google!"
Seems like now is the right time to dump your Google stocks.3
I wrote a Student Information system for my midterm project back in 94 written in Clipper and runs on MS-DOS.
I demoed & explained to the panel of professors how it tracks enrollments, payments, class schedules, grades and attendance of each and every student. Has user authentication, auditing and reporting functionalities.
It has a lite version also written in Clipper that can be installed on a Professor's laptop so that he/she can update records even at home, and would be able to sync with the db at school via a BBS. Telix for DOS (self-taught) was my choice for the BBS as it was shareware, has built-in Zmodem support and comes with it's own programming language called SALT (Script Application Language for Telix) that can be used for automating tasks. The lite version of my project would dump the updates on an ASCII file, compress the file using PKZIP, use the laptop's modem to dial-up the number to the school's BBS and send the file across using Zmodem protocol.
The main version would then download the file(s) from the BBS and proceed to do a sync.
After the doing the demo and answering all their questions the panel asked me to wait outside the room, called me back in after 15mins and told me that I don't have to attend that class for the remainder of the term. The happiness as the my classmates outside of the room gawked at me felt like King Midas himself gave my balls his golden touch.
Then in 97, 2yrs after I graduated, I accompanied my cousins to a different campus of the same school for their enrollment and right there on the bottom of the screen were my initials on a very very familiar UI! They actually used, and were still using, my school project. Needless to say my cousins didn't believe that it was written by me.15
Me(m) vs Apple(a)
m - hey apple!
m - apple?
a - oh yeah, who are u?
m - umm, titan?
a - titan who?
m - titanlan- .. umm nevermind . hi , i am a developer :D
a - developer ? hah.. get out.
m - but wait, I want to develop apps for you! I have been developing android apps for last one year and i love mobile dev! wanna talk more on this ?
a - umm.. ugh ok. so you wanna develop apps?
m- yes!, i am doing great at java an-..
a- yeah wait. we don't have that in here. we use swift
m -Oh. no worries , the principles are the same i will watch some free youtube vids and have a plugin for studio or vsco-..
a- yeah wait you can't do that too.we don't have plugins
m - Really, no plugin? then where do people develop ios apps?
m - Oh , how stupid of me , an IDE of course. anyways i can simply install it in my windows or linux an-..
a - nope, you can't do that.
m - what? then where does it run?
m -Oh, then surely you might have some distro or-
a - nope, buy a mac. pass $3000
m- wha-? i just want to run your bloody IDE!
a- oh honey, your $3000 will be totally worth it, you will love it!
m- but i haven't even started making an app, leave alone publishing it.
a- oh, that will cost you another $100 . plus if you wanna test your apps, make sure it runs in our latest , fragile iphones otherwise we won't publish it. that will cost another $1500
m- what? but I already have a fine , high tech laptop and a smartphone!
a- yeah you can dump that
FML. how the fuck is apple living and thriving? lots of selfish motives and greeds i guess? because i don't see a single place where they are using the word "free" or "cheap" .27
Free advice take it or leave it
A few days ago I completed my one year work anniversary(is that how it's said) at my first job. And this rant is basically stuff I learnt and stuff I wish someone had told me when I was starting out. Here goes:-
When you are starting out your first job you would be a fresh out of college and people around you in college are your friends where as people around you at work are colleagues. Your friends can like you, but you have to earn the respect of colleagues.
If you sit yo ass too long u will become fat(started going to the gym again).
Don't bother your seniors too much. they have their own shit to deal with.
Don't bring your personal shit to office I don't want to hear how cute your dog looked while it took a dump on your carpet.
Avoid the person who gossips.
It's a two way street.
Whatever you find amazing your boss may not you know coz you are a geek and your boss isn't.
Don't talk to people when they are coding.Yeah just don't.
Avoid "below the belt" humor you may look funny but you loose respect in the long run.
Keep upgrading yourself don't stop learning.
Admit stuff you don't know don't Bullshit.
To sum it up it's a game of respect, respect of knowledge,respect of skill and most of all respect of attitude.8
Is this the code life
Another scrum meeting
Caught in the the Node life
No escape from reality
Open your eyes
Look up to the screens and see..
I'm just a dev boy
Doing some debugging
Because there's warnings here
Anytime you distract
Takes another hour from me
Mama. Just committed a bug
Merge the branch to production
Did it fast for milestones
Mama. The repo has just begun
But now they going to throw the stack away.
Mama. U u u uu
Didn't mean to code in LAMP
But it's the only stack i know how to setup
In Ubuntu. Without docker
I really don't get vagrant
It's too late
My team is done
Some dev is working in Nepal
A UX dev. Now what is that?
I've got to go
Gotta leave this lame meeting
And face the truth
Oh nooooo. I i interns
(they have questions)
I want to debug
I don't want to stay till 3 in the morning
I see a litlle dev over there
Let's code review, let's code review
Did he do the last commit?
Coding in the white board
Very very frightening me
That's bug(that's a bug)
That's a bug (that's a bug)
What the f*ck did you do that?
I was just coding and nobody liked it
He was coding and nobody liked it, spare his some time to do his debugging
Easy man. Here go. Will you let me code?
A meeting. No,we will not let you code. ( let me code)
A meeting. we will not let you code. ( let me code)
A meeting. we will not let you code. ( let me code)
We will not let you code
Never never let you go
Never let you code, oh
No no no no no no no
Oh mama mia, mama mia ( dude, you've gotta let me code)
Screw you guys, I'm gonna code and commit. Commit. Comiiiiitt!
So you think you can review me and spit in my eye?
So you think you can dump me and erase my branch?
Oh baby, cant do this to me baby
I've just have to log out.
I've just have to log outta here
*epic guitar solo
Nothing really matters
The users will not care
Nothing really matters
Any way this code blows10
toxic workplace; leaving
I haven't wanted to write this rant. I haven't even wanted to talk to anyone (save my gf, ofc). I've just been silently fuming.
I wrote a much longer rant going into far too much detail, but none of that is relevant, so I deleted it and wrote this shorter (believe it or not) version instead. And then added in more details because details.
On Tuesday, as every Tuesday, I had a conference call with the rest of the company. For various, mostly stupid reasons, the boss yelled at and insulted me for twenty minutes straight in front of everyone, telling me how i'm disorganized, forgetful, how can't manage my time, can't manage myself let alone others, how I don't have my priorities straight, etc. He told the sales team to get off the call, and then proceeded to yell and chew at me for another twenty minutes in front of the frontend contractor about basically the same things. The call was 53 minutes, and he spent 40 minutes of it telling me how terrible I've been. No exaggeration, no spin. The issues? I didn't respond to an email (it got lost in my ever-filling inbox), and I didn't push a very minor update last week (untested and straight to prod, ofc). (Side note: he's yelled at me for ~15 minutes before for being horribly disorganized and unable to keep up on Trello -- because I had a single card in the wrong column. One card, out of 60+ over two boards. Never mind that most have time estimates, project tags, details, linked to cards on his boards, columns for project/qa/released, labels for deferred, released to / rejected from qa, finished, in production, are ordered by priority, .... Yep. I'm totes disorganized.)
Anyway, I spent most of conference call writing "Go fuck yourself," "Choke on a cat and die asshole," "Shit code, low pay, and broken promises. what a prize position," etc. or flipping him off under the camera on our conference-turn-video-call (switched due to connection issues, because ofc video is more stable than audio-only in his mind).
so, so done.
I did nothing the rest of the day on Tuesday, and basically just played games on Wednesday. I did one small ticket -- a cert replacement since that was to expire the next day -- but the rest was just playing CrossCode. (fun game, fyi; totally recommend.)
Today? It's 3:30pm and I can't be bothered to do anything. I have an "urgent" project to finish by Monday, literally "to give [random third party sales guy] a small win". Total actual wording. I was to drop all other tasks (even the expiring cert lol) and give this guy his small win. fucking whatever. But the project deals with decent code -- it's a minor extension to the first project I did for the company (see my much earlier rants), back when I was actually applying myself and learning something (everything) new, enjoying myself, and architecting+writing my own code. So I might actually do the project, but It's been two days and I haven't even opened single file yet.
But yeah. This place is total and complete shit. Dealing with the asshole reminds me of dealing with my parents while growing up, and that's a subject I don't want to broach -- far too many toxic memories.
So, I'm quitting as soon as I find something new.
and with luck, this will be before assface hires my replacement-to-be, and who will hopefully quit as soon as s/he sees the abysmal codebase. With even more luck, the asshole king himself will get to watch his company die due to horrible mismanagement. (though ofc he'll never attribute it to himself. whatever.)
I just never want to see or think about him again.
(nor this fetid landfill of a codebase. bleh.)
With luck, this will be one of my last rants about this toxic waste dump and its king of the pile.
Fourty fucking minutes, what the fuck.38
"This dump is taking forever" - things that sound strange outside of a dev environment.
What are some other good ones?34
PSA: Please don't dump 10GB of your personal photos on your company's shared drives. Especially dont have the photos include such things as nudes and pictures of your social security card.
In my college days i was designing a bootloader for avr microcontroller , i had the idea to flash code wirelessly to avr over bluetooth and also cross compile the compiler for android device so that you can code on android, every thing went well just one thing didn't, i saw that code of certain size is executing properly , greater than that size gives me wired outputs so i have to dump hex from the avr (that is flashed the by bootloader) and compaire it with the original hex of code it got messy as you can see, most fun part of this bug is that error can be anywhere cross compiler may be fucked up , the bootloader may be fucked up , or it may be my bluetooth module , after 14 hours of staring at the hex code i figured out the mess in bootloader instruction that was changing the page address for flashing .
when it worked it was 3am in night i literally burst into tears of joy next day bought myself a cake to celebrate8
Everytime they force me to add and test stupid features. I usually end up making my own version, which they dump almost every time.2
Wow, what a fucking mess this sunday was.
My boss wrote me an email that one route of a RESTful API we wrote for a customer was not working anymore and puking back a status 500 with some error mentioning invalid UTF-8 characters.
Not one single person has had touched nor changed the code on production in some 6 months, so what the fuck could it be?
Phpunit did not give any errors (running only locally), the code had no syntax errors and the DB dump did not contain any invalid bytes (tested with a hex editor).
WHAT THE FUCK?!
OK so I started to comment out lines (all tested directly on production of course) until the error vanished.
Guess what was the culprit?
In the code (PHP) we used strftime(...) to get nice time strings. Of course we set the correct locale on the server, thus having months and days formatted in German.
So, in Geman there is this one mysterious month called "März" which contains an umlaut character.
Calling strftime generated the date with März in it, but the server locale was de_CH.iso-8859-1 and not fucking de_CH.utf8, so the "ä" was returned as 0xE4 instead of 0xC3A4 (valid UTF-8), which json_encode(...) did not want to swallow but instead threw an exception.8
Somehow, the company I work for has decided it is ok for people to have their dogs in the office.
One of the dogs is such a sissy, cries and make stupid noises - I has been so for many many month.
Yesterday, when we had our asses full of stuff to do. The dog decided that it really have to take a dump inside the office and start barking (more like "veff").
So I turned around, to my other collegue and asked him really loud:
"Should groceries really do that?"
He is asian, he liked the joke. But the owner did not.4
"I should really make better offsite backups"
"Right, this service doesn't do client side encryption"
"Oh this one doesn't have a Linux client"
"OK this one only sets up a single directory you can dump shit into"
"Wtf this one charges more than a high class escort girl"
Whatever... I'm sure my house won't burn down.15
I WANT TO POKE OUT MICROSOFTS ASS WITH A FUCKING CHAINSAW. I DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING AND IT KILLS MY FUCKING GRUB, WTF MICROSOFT.
EVERY TIME I BOOT MY PROPRIATERY SHITWARE SYSTEM IT FUCKS WITH MY EFIVARS AND MY EFI BOOTORDER.
So let's calm down for a minute and try to fix that issue:
Replace efivars? Nope, they get wiped.
Replace bootloader? ...nope
Replace bootx64.efi... nope, it gets restored to the M$ one.
Try to change the BCD... nope, permission denied (AS A FUCKING ADMIN)
And also I would like to mention that the event (sorry, I meant to call it "message") structure in WIN32 is a autistic fucking piece of shit that needs to die in a fucking fire. It requires.... IT'S OWN DAMN FUNCTION TO HANDLE INPUT. WTF IS THIS RETARDED FUCKING SHIT.... WHOEVER MADE lpfnWndProc IN WNDCLASS SHOULD DIE IN FUCKING HELL. WHY CAN'T I JUST FUCKING SDL_PollEvent() OR SOME SHIT LIKE THAT, WHAT THE HELL.
ALSO MinGW and VS guys: FUCK POSIX AMIRITE, LET'S MAKE YOUR PORTING EXPERIENCE HARD FOR YOU.
ALSO CygWin guys: FUCK DEBUGGERS AND MEMORY CHECK TOOLS, YOU'RE A FUCKING PUSSY IF YOU USE THEM. (I know there's gdb in the repos but it doesn't fucking work since "cygwin1.dll" makes a crash dump, which is just a fucking register dump you can't do shit with before gdb could track down the breakpoint)
ALSO CygWin: LETS MAKE PULSEAUDIO WORK WITH EVERYTHING EXCEPT YOUR AUDIO OUTPUT.
ALSO MICRO$OFT: LETS MAKE THE SUBSYSTEM APPS WORK ONLY IF YOU USED OUR STORE TO DOWNLOAD THE MULTIPLE GIGABYTE CHROOT JAIL.
Sorry guys, I saw too much retardation in the world of Windows. Not gonna use it anytime soon...22
how to make a feature request
1. dump Db table with 153 column to Excel
3. circle column 47 on page 3, scribble feature description
4. scan! remember to use proprietary file format no one has
5. new e-mail, add "VERY URGENT!!!" to subject line
6. write "will call, discuss details monday"
6.a. attach proprietary-scanned-excel-dump-feature-description (optional)
7. postscript: deadline wednesday!!
8. wait for tuesday
I'm afraid of getting dumped and it's not because i fear rejection or being alone, it's just because the stack trace will be HUGE!5
Like a bad relationship
Be really excited for the first month or so then once the new car smell starts to fade, lose interest and dump it.3
+++ Microsoft switches to the open-source Chromium engine for the Edge browser +++
On December 6th, Microsoft announced that they will dump their own Edge engine and replace it with Chromium, an open-source browser engine developed by Google.
This way they are promising the ~2% of global internet users who prefer Edge over other browsers to experience a better web experience.
The about 2% of market share is one of the reasons Microsoft decided to stop developing their own engine. It's just not worth it.
Joe Belfiore, corporate veep of Windows, said they also want to bring Edge to other platforms, like macOS, to target more audiences.
Web-Developers, like myself, will most likely have the most to gain. Less browsers to target means less incompatibility issues.
There are a lot of HTML5 features that the Edge engine doesn't support...
The new Edge won't be a UWP app, in order to make it usable outside of Windows 10. Instead, it will be build in accordance with the Win32 API, so we can even expect support for older Windows versions, like Windows 7 and 8. A preview release is planned for early 2019.
Because they are switching to Chromium and the Win32 API, Microsoft is hiring new developers! So if you always wanted to work at Microsoft, now is your chance!
Thanks for reading!
You can believe or not but it’s just one of those stories. It’s long and crazy and it probably happened.
A few years ago I was interviewed by this big insurance company. They asked me on linkedin and were interested. They didn’t specify who they were so I didn’t specify who I am either.
After they revealed who they are I was just curious how they fuck they want to spend those billions of dollars they claimed in their press notes about this fucking digital transformation everyone is talking about. The numbers were big.
I got into 3 or 4 phone/skype interviews without technical questions and I was invited to see them by person.
I know that it would be funny because they didn’t asked me for CV so they didn’t know anything about me and I was just more curious how far I can get without revealing myself.
They canceled interview at midnight and I was in the middle of Louis de Funès comedies marathon so I didn’t sleep whole night. I assumed they would just reschedule but then they phoned me at 8 am if I can come because they made mistake.
So at first talk I was just interviewed by some manager I knowed after 5 minutes he would be shitty as fuck and demand stupid things in no time because he is not technical. He was trying to explain me that they got so great people and they do everything so fast.
From my experience speed and programming are not the things that match. ( for reference of my thought see three virtues of a GREAT programmer )
So I just pissed them off by asking what they would do with me when I finish this transformation thingy next year. ( Probably get rid off and fire at some point were my thoughts )
Then I got this technical interview on newest gold color MacBook pro - pair programming ( they were showing off how much money they have all the time ).
Really that was the thing and I was so bored and tired that I just asked in what ES standard I can code.
The problem was despite he told me I can do anything and they are using newest standards ( yeah right ) the “for of” loop didn’t worked and he even didn’t know that syntax existed. So I explained him it’s the newest syntax pointing mozilla page and that he need to adjust his configuration. Because we didn’t have time for that I just did it using var an function by writing bunch of code.
When he was asking me if I want to write some tests probably because my code looked ugly as fuck ( I didn’t sleep for more then 24 hours at that point and wanted to live the building as fast as I can) I told I finished and there is no time for tests because it’s so simple and dumb task. The code worked.
After showing me how awesome their office is ( yeah please I work from home so I don’t care ) I got into the talk with VP of engineering and he was the only person who asked me where is my CV because he didn’t know what to talk about. I just laughed at him and told him that I got here just by talking how awesome I am so we can talk about whatever he wants.
After quick talk about 4 different problems where I introduced 4 different languages and bunch of libraries just because I can and I worked with those he was mine.
He told me about this awesome stack they’re building with kubernetes and micro services and the shitty future where they want to put IOT into peoples ass to sell them insurance and suddenly I got awake and started to want that job but behind that all awesomeness there was just .NET bridge with stack of mainframes running COBOL that they want to get rid off and move company to the cloud.
They needed mostly people who would dump code to different technology stack and get rid of old stack ( and probably those old people ) and I was bored again because I work more in r&d field where you sometimes need to think about something that don’t exist and be creative.
I asked him why it would take so much time so he explained me how they would do the transformation by consolidating bunch of companies and how much money they would make by probably firing people that don’t know about it to this day.
I didn’t met any person working permanently there but only consultants from corporations and people hired in some 3rd party company created by this mother company.
They didn’t responded with any decision after me wasting so much time and they asked me for interview for another position year after.
I just explained HR person how they treat people and I don’t want to work there for any money.
If You reached this point it is the end and if it was entertaining thank YOU I did my best.
Have a nice day.5
Customer: So I have operating system corruption? What does that mean?
Me: *thinks for a moment* Okay, so you have a bag of potato chips, right? And you're looking forward to eating those potato chips. However, when you open the bag, there are only crumbs because the guy in front of you in line had accidentally stepped on the bag and crushed them all.
Me: So what we can do is we can grab a can of Pringles--because Pringles are delicious--and dump those in the bag. That way you have a good, full bag of uncrushed digital potato chips.
Customer: I like that, let's do it!
Coworker: ...why are you talking about digital potato chips?8
So we hired an intern and his first task was to change a few things in email layout for our client, which is an investment bank.
I told to one of my developers to make his local database dump and setup the project for an intern. When intern completed the task, my developer thought that title "Dow Jones index crashed" was pretty funny title for a test.
What he didn't thought through enough, is that he forgot to configure fake SMTP server and he had production database dump with real email addresses.
I had really awkward 20 minutes conversation with our client. Fuck my life.4
So I've been exporting a JSON dump of ~120GB for hours and when trying to processing it, and write it to a new file, I wrote to the same file. FML. Hours of export became 0 bytes in no time. Think its time to get some sleep.4
Taking a dump and showering are my number one non dev activities. They help to clear your head and when your head is empty you will get the best ideas and solutions.5
Why the fuck do people have to be fucking lazy as hell? There is a dishwasher in the kitchen. Please put your fucking dirty dishes there and NOT ABOVE on the tray!
Also when you take a dump at the toilets: BE FUCKING QUIET! You sound like you are fucked from behind by a T-Rex! You can breath without making sounds!
And for christ sake: If you come into the bathroom please check the fucking signs on the locks BEFORE you try to enter! It is annoying as hell to sit there minding my own business while some douchebag tries to enter my rest room!2
Warning : (gross && !dev) == true
Fuck my nose, fuck the unbearably hot weather, and fuck toilet paper industry (above all and everything).
I was taking a dump, sweat dripping from my forehead under these 32°C (90°F) (we Belgians use to live in the rain, that's our natural habitat). When without any warning, my weak and sensitive nose decided to bleed by itself (again). First reflex: take a deep nasal breath to prevent blood from streaming like a depressed single on Pornhub before I can grab a tissue. Great idea! I fucking love having a deep breath of my own shit, especially when it's so hot that every smell is twice as strong as usual! Then, when grabbing some toilet paper to dig it far up my nose, I just put blood everywhere, anyway. So I'm here, pants down, dirty ass, trying to clean the blood before it dries, having to watch for my tissue to not become too soaked.
Done. I can now start to wipe my ass. I use 3 papers, and I can't go on, because my poor anus cannot tell the difference between toilet paper and sandpaper. Because these dumbasses that study their product don't get that scrubbing chemicals soaked paper against sensitive mucous isn't something that people enjoy. I don't care if your paper has 2 or a gogolplex layers, I don't care if it smells like aloe vera or your Down sister's diapers, I just want my fucking shithole to not look like it just got raped by an army of angry gorillas after it has been cleaned.
Now I'm in a cold bath, because my body wouldn't stop sweating, my nose wouldn't stop bleeding, and I had to wash my ass with water and soap and not with lame stinky paper (it got done in the shower, not in my bath of course). And before I could even begin to fill the bathtub, I had to blow my nose to get rid of the coagulated slugs of blood filling it. Told you it was gross.
And my friends ask why I don't shit more than once a week. Well, because that's the time my anus takes to stop bleeding and hurting after I use it, as simple as that.7
Am I the only one who figures out solutions to complex issues only when peeing, bathing or taking a dump? 😂8
So I'm in the middle of the website migration that was made in Wordpress.
Just made a database dump and decided to take a look at it cause it looked really big for a site that only needs internal management. Found out they use contact form plugin which stores binary of attachments directly in database..
And people ask me why I hate Wordpress and so called Wordpress devs..6
... when you ask someone for their IP and you get a 10.x.x.x back ... followed by a dump of their ipconfig, showing this IP as their VirtualBox Host-Adapter ... and this someone is a developer for web-applications ...3
When you write something cool but the problem can be solved in an easier way and you have to dump it 😭1
A new online store for custom PC has opened in Switzerland.
For overclocking they want CHF 10 (around 9.50 $) more for every MHz.
I know that some people gonna buy this shit and pay for that. If that people knew that you only need to access BIOS/After Burner for it 😂😂😂😂
Aaaah, I fucking love it to death, when customers spontaneously decide to hire a separate, unrelated company to add new content pages to the website developed by our company.
That furuncle of a company must have had real pro devs to just create a new /html folder, dump their shit content in there and just manually add links in the existing CMS pages.
As you might already have expected, the /html folder contains:
- static *.html files for every page
- inline CSS in the *.html
- the crappiest PHP mailing script I have ever witnessed
- images with random resolutions, mostly too small
The layout of these puke-ridden pages obviously doesn't fit neither the existing color palette, nor has anything common with the current layout or typography at all.
These bastards don't even use Git!
Come on, dear customer, could you PLEASE fucking NOT hire a completely separate company to do OUR job?
I had to compare the whole deployment folder with our repo to find out what else these brain-damaged cunts changed in our code!4
Me, hacking the sunxi kernel to access gpio on my orange pi:
My friend: "oh, a raspberry, are you using python for that?"
Me, looking up from opcode dump: "you can use python for this?"3
Uhm, alright, but how will you fix them then? (no, there seems to be no automatic crash dump or calling home)7
- be the most productive member in the team and everyone dumps their tasks on you.
- be the laziest person in the team and everyone sees you as a bottleneck.
- be the senior + the laziest person in the team and you can complain about others being a bottleneck and dump your tasks on the most productive member.
fml ( ︶︿︶)_╭∩╮3
Coolest project? Well, one time I had to take a dump while I was coding so I took the computer to the toilet with me and that was pretty exciting5
Feeling awesome after migrate everything from WordPress to Laravel. Kill WP. Fuckkkkkkkk youuuuuuuu. 😣3
Added a mysql-dump file by misstake in a git commit ....
250MB explains why it took so long to push it to the gitlab server ...
WanBLowS Vusta is more stable than this piece of shit that you call code. Yet you call yourself a programmer? Goddammit, even the shit that I dump in the toilet looks better. Because at least that thing is honest about being shit, unlike this craptacular mess that you call an application. Maybe consider kill -9 $(pidof life).3
A few years ago I found a public AWS S3 bucket owned by a fortune 500 company containing a database dump backup with all of their users unsalted md5 hashed passwords.
I didn't report it because I don't want to get sued or charged. I don't know whether it's still public or not.6
My hate for Windows update will never die.
It will live long until eternity and beyond.
I have spent my entire holiday updating to 'April 2018' update which is supposedly having some major changes.
Lots of bandwidth compromise and waste of time, now at the end of the day this motherfucking software is stuck at 6%.
Worst? It somehow deleted all my MS Office files and I can only open the documents in view mode.
God damn fuck!!!
I have work tomorrow and need to use the sleep but I am not sure how long this constipated dump is gonna take to finish itself shitting.
Now when I uninstalled and did a clean install of MS Office, more updates are downloaded because the installed version zillion years old.
All in the name of security and yet Windows is the most vulnerable operating system mankind has ever known.39
Oh yes, today was a fugly nice day.
Fuck you my dear boss.
Your mindless way of taking a dump onto my code, moving my classes (CSS) away and adding new classes to refuck my unfucked fuckery clearly shows how much brain is left in your hollow skull of nothingness.
It took me only 2.5 hours of my precious time to unfuck your refucked fuckery and implement the fix you wanted me to do because you fucked up my code.
Go eat a bag of segfaults and get cast to void* (void pointer).
I am also very thankful having spent the whole day today to fix cross browser fuckups, hacks and #!&$+@.
Normally I really like my boss. He is a cool guy and an innovative and mostly intelligent person.
BUT FUCK HIS CODE.17
You can't call me a "nut job" on Lync then five minutes later dump your fucking work experience kid on me so that I can "tell him what to type" and "let him do some of the work". I'm a paid technical intern, not your fucking babysitter, so maybe you should pay your own kid attention rather than let somebody else to do it to make you feel superior.
You know fuck all and have needed my help numerous times, and been sheepish every time I've known something you don't. If I helped you with something, say thank you and don't act like my presence perpetually pisses you off. Sit down and show me some respect, as I always have to you, or I'll report you to HR for being a demeaning twat. Your call.
Or perhaps I could have a word with the new Director you've been arse-licking. I'm sure he'd love to hear that you have been treating like shit the one guy who can save you from the shit show of having no idea how to do the task you've been set.
I know I'm an intern but come on, I could take your job tomorrow if I didn't have a degree to go back to. If you keep being a shit to people then one day I will actually do it!5
So we have an API that my team is supposed send messages to in a fire and forget kind of style.
We are dependent on it. If it fails there is some annoying manual labor involved to clean that mess up. (If it even can be cleaned up, as sometimes it is also time-sensitive.)
Yet once in a while, that endpoint just crashes by letting the request vanish. No response, no error, nothing, it is just gone.
Digging through the log files of that API nothing pops up. Yet then I realize the size of the log files. About ~30GB on good old plain text log files.
It turns out that that API has taken the LOG EVERYTHING approach so much too heart that it logs to the point of its own death.
Is circular logging such a bleeding edge technology? It's not like there are external solutions for it like loggly or kibana. But oh, one might have to pay for them. Just dump it to the disk :/
This is again a combination of developers thinking "I don't need to care about space! It's cheap!" and managers thinking "100 GB should be enough for that server cluster. Let's restrict its HDD to 100GB, save some money!"
And then, here I stand trying to keep my sanity :/1
My god the wall looks really punchable right now. Let me tell you why.
So I’m working on a data mining project, and I’m trying to get data from google trends. Unfortunately, there have been a lot of roadblocks for what should have been an easy task.
First it won’t give a raw search volume, only relative “interest”.
Fortunately it lets me compare search terms, which would work for my needs however it will only let me compare a few at a time. I need to compare 300.
So my solution is simple: compare all the terms relative to one term. Simple enough, but it would be time consuming so I figured I’d write a program to get the data.
But then I learned that they don’t have an official api. There’s a node module for this very thing based on a python module that reverse engineers the api endpoints. I thought as long as it works I’d use it.
It does work... But then I discovered that google heavily rate limits the endpoints.
So... I figured I’d build a system to route the requests through different tor nodes to get around the rate limit. Good solution right? Well like a slap to the face, after spending way to much time getting requests through tor working, I discovered that THEY FUCKING BLOCKED TOR IPS.
So I gave up, and resigned to wait 5 hours for my program to get the data... 1 comparison at a time... 60s interval between requests. They, of course, don’t tell you the rate limit threshold, so this is more or less a guess (I verified that 30s interval was too short and another person using the module suggested 60s).
Remember when I said the discovery that the blocked tor came like a slap to the face? This came as a sledge hammer to the face: for some reason my program didn’t dump the data at the end. I waited 5 fucking hours to get nothing.
I am so mad right now. I am so fucking mad.4
Friend of mine created a blog from scratch... You could create a post, by just sending a POST request (no authentication required!)....
As an additional bonus: you could dump full unfiltered HTML in a post, which was then executed...
Please kill me5
I was supposed to be asleep four hours ago. But I have to say, screwing around with linux distros on antiquated machines I've acquired over the past two years is much more fun. The oldest computer I have with me today is actually the most recent addition to my collection: an HP Pavillion from 2002. It's got a Pentium 4 2.6, and is currently still running XP, though not for long. Thinking of turning it into a little cloud/web server for entertainment purposes.
I might just harvest the hard drives from it and put them into the other Pavillion I have (it's about 3 years younger) to have more storage in one device. Maybe I'll make them both separate servers, one for cloud, one for web hosting. We'll see.
Sorry for the ramble, I usually ramble to my girlfriend, but she's asleep, so I figured I'd dump it here.
Back to doing research.3
I was scrolling through MySQL dump, at a point I forgot what I was looking for.
Then it reminded me that 'I was just seeing blonde, brunette, redhead.'1
It's 17:55... Did much work that day since I came in earlier than usual, so I could leave in time and do some shopping with the girlfriend.
A colleague comes in to my room, a tad distressed. He had accidentally ran a fixture script on a production environment database (processing a shipload of records per minute), truncating all tables...
Using AWS RDS to rollback the transaction log takes up about 20m. I had to do that about 5 times to estimate the date and time of when the fixture script ran... Since there was no clear point in time...
Finally I get to the best state of the data I could get. I log in remotely run some queries. All is well again... With minor losses in data.
I try to download a dump using pg_dump and apparently my version is mismatched with the server. I add the latest version to aptitudes source list of postgres repo and I am ready to remove and purge the current postgres client and extensions...
sudo apt-get remove post*
Are you sure? (Y/n) *presses enter and enters into a world of pain*
Apparently a lot of system critical applications start with post... T_T4
Cousins came over...
Me: just compiling some python code, opens up jupyter notebook to take a look at some data science code
Little Sis: *looks at jupnb dump on cmd*
Whoa are you Hacking?
Me: yeah. I got bored of whole Hacking command typing thing so I opened up my hacker console.
Me: you know what, typing is too tiresome, I'll connect to it with my mind
*sits in yoga pose*
Little Sis: Screams at the top of her lungs and runs to aunt
"DAVE IS HACKING MATRIX"3
We had a tool to analyze a distributed system. To do that it collected a large data set--basically the entire data set of the system itself, just in a different format--and ran analyses on that. That tool went through three iterations.
First: dump everything into an SQLite database and run SQL queries. That approach failed spectacularly when the tool was used on system larger than the toy examples used for sales demonstrations: if it ran at all, it ran for weeks. Which is not something clients are very happy about, usually.
Second: dump everything into many SQLite databases, one database for each type of thing. To avoid the evil, evil locking overhead of SQLite. Failed just as well as the first thing try, but it did run marginally faster.
Then it was dumped on my desk. With the instructions "make it fast". Nothing else. Ripped out the entire database code and rewrote it from scratch to still support relational queries (code reuse, yay!), then optimized the living hell out of that for an end result of 30dB improvement in runtime. At that point the tool was no longer the bottleneck, but I was still scolded for having changed the code in order to get there. Some people ...
1. Dump Android Studio and use Sublime for a week
2. Realize you don't actually know how to write java anymore
You know a good way to handle all of the issues with W10 force updating your system? Do it yourself FFS!
You know there are updates. Windows has been telling you ...
Pick a damn time, start the update and go get a coffee, lunch, take a dump or go home for the day.
It's *never* going to be the right time if you don't choose it. It will always be an inconvenience or you'll be "in the middle of something important" and then you'll get all pissy about it.
$ mysql -uroot -p > file.sql instead of
$ mysqldump -uroot -p > file.sql
And not checking the result file before reinstalling my server 😭😭2
Let me introduce you all to my debug crew.
Dennis the Pirate and Puzzle the Mystic.
I won Dennis as a prize at the Renaissance Festival (I hated the festival). The attraction was called "Dunk the Wench". There would be a girl sitting on a platform that opens up if you hit the target, and she would drop into a pool of water. I paid $10, hit the target after 3 tries and picked Dennis as my prize. Oh boy she was mad, like I give a fuck. 😂
Puzzle the Mystic
Went on a no Wi-Fi trip with buddies to some rural part of Minnesota. We had booked an entire cabin from Airbnb. Final day comes and I go to the bathroom to take a dump. I see that no one replaced the toilet paper and I open one of the cabinets to get some more. But something catches my eye, I see this weird yellow thing and realize it's a rubber duck. I gave it the name Puzzle, because it puzzled me at first because of its shape. I really wanted to take it, and not steal it. Luckily, The owners came to do some farm work before we left. I asked the owner I'll pay for the rubber duck, because it's unique. She said to just keep it. She must've thought I was weird 😂6
Our relationship is like a diode, you take and never give (I demand sex as compensation).
Btw, I really used this but with simpler words with two girls who wanted a ride to go and have fun with other boys in the clubs...
My best friend gave them a ride for over a year.
When we denied more, they started calling me... Wonder why.
Took them one time, asked for gás money.
Only called me one-month later, didn't ask for gás but said I wanted some snug and fun in return... OK, you can have us both (OH YEAH!!!).
On the club, they go for the muscular guys, leaving me alone.
When I got tired, got to one of them and said, ask your friend a ride home because I'm going now. (they ran for my ride since the guys they picked were all pricks and would probably dump them somewhere).
Never called me again...
Told what I did to my best friend, next time they called he demanded sex for both of us, never called him again.
And that's how you fuck opportunistic people. Fuck them.25
Fuck I hate bloated app permissions but I guess todo lists that know who you most likely to chat to when taking a dump is what we get for demanding everything for free. I get why Snapchat wants so much, I just find it fucking ironic that this is from a company that founded itself on the concept of privacy 🤦♂️7
Searching for random Linux bug.. finds Gist with exact match (thinking, WOW, thanks Google!)..
It's a 2000+ line log dump. : |6
Okay karma, why?!
I made some backup scripts, it should dump our MongoDB every 30 Minutes... Nope I didn't test if there's something in the tar and yes it's my fault but now we needed this backup AND THE ONLY BACKUP SCRIPT WHICH DIDN'T WORK WAS THE ONE WHICH BACKUPS THE DATABASE...
I use a library and it gives me some strange error message. No problemo, just file an issue on GitHub asking the maintainer if I'm plain stupid or the lib actually has a flaw. As it was a question, I have not posted a dump and all the shit.
Maintainer responds with a snarky comment about his crystal ball being broken and I have to submit a log, a dump, debug information and a bunch of other stuff.
Well, what choice do I have, I collect all the requested information, create a wall of text comment, all nicely formatted.
And the issue ends here. Myths say, the maintainer got asked to join Elvis on Mars.
I mean, why do you ask all the shit from me in a unprofessional manner just to stop answering? Just say "I have no clue why it behaves like this" and I know whats playin. But that's just ... sad.6
You thought real fear is deploying to production friday afternoon?
Real fear is forgetting to flock(); a public toilet door while doing a dump();1
Moved to Australia, because it's cooler over there. Pissing on outback stones right now. Who's your daddy?17
Fuck wireless keyboards, way too often now have I gotten compiler errors because it decided to take a dump on the connection and just skip a few keystrokes... And for some reason it just completely stops at times when doing 100+ keystrokes per second.
Best of all is that we're not allowed to use our own keyboard because "it would break the consistency the workplaces have"5
Making a loop is like taking a dump:
If you dont manage all the shit, you'll end up with an overflow.
Want maximum efficiency in python?
You save 2 keypresses everytime you print16
Too many to list
-a collection of compiler tools that are immune to integer width and memory page accessibility
-a Unix OS that is immune to integer widths etc
-produced a few records for various bands, nothing that ever got super big.
-I took a pretty complete dump in the bathroom this morning that I was pretty proud of6
So, I work in a game development studio, right?
We're trying to launch the title on as many platforms as reasonable, because as a social VR app we're kinda rowing upstream.
So far, Steam and Oculus have been fairly reasonable, if oddly broken and inconsistent.
Enter store 3.
Basically no in-game transaction support (our asking prompted them to *start* developing it. No, it's not very complete). No patch-update system (You want an update? Gotta download the whole fsckin' thing!). No beta-testing functionality for most of their stuff ("Just write the code like the example, it will work, trust us!"). No tools besides the buggy SDK (Wanna upload that new build? Say hello to this page in your web browser!).
So, in other words: Fun.
We've been trying to get actively launched for two months now. Keep in mind that the build has been up on Steam and Oculus for over a year and half a year (respectively), so the actual binary functionality is, presumably fine.
The best feedback we get back tends to be "Well, when we click the Launch button it crashes, so fail."
Meanwhile we're going back and forth, dealing with other-side-of-the-world timezone lag, trying to figure out what is so different from their machines as ours. Eventually we get them to start sending logs (and no, Windows Event logs are not sufficient for GAMES, where did you even get that idea????) except the logs indicate that the program is getting killed so terribly that the engine's built-in crash handler can't even kick in to generate memory dumps or even know it died.
All this boils down to today, where I get a screenshot of their latest attempt.
I just can't even right now.8
The Eve V is a Community Developed Windows Tablet which will be released in Ocotober this year.
The best specs you can get is i7 6th Gen, 16 GB Ram and 500 GB SSD for around 1400$.
He wants 32 GB RAM in such a slim and small Tablet. Also wants a 7th Gen Intel CPU and 1 TB SSD in it. He's ready to pay 1000 $ more for his special edition.
The Eve V is already finished with tooling and they are wating for the screens to arrive. They already have all the other parts.
Dude you're crazy and that specs just for VM's? What are you running? 10x WinShitBox?
He's insulting everyone on the forum with a different opinion and says, retooling will be such easy.
That guy is a real douchebag and doesn't know shit. If you would build in different parts like this, you would need to remodel the whole tablet. You can stick your 1000$ in your ass, retooling would cost more than 10'000$
If it's so easy you shithead, then do it yourself and dont say it's possible and say to other people they should do! 😂😂2
List of shit my superior said and wrote in the project:
1. Prefer to write "pure" SQL statement rather than ORM to handle basic CRUD ops.
2. Mixing frontend and backend data transformation.
3. Dump validation, data transformation, DB update in one fucking single function.
4. Calculate the datetime manually instead of using library like momentjs or Carbon.
5. No version control until I requested it. Even with vcs, I still have to fucking FTP into the staging and upload file one by one because they don't use SSH (wtf you tell me you don't know basic unix command?)
6. Don't care about efficiency, just loop through thousands of record for every columns in the table. An O(n) ops becomes O(n * m)
7. 6MB for loading a fucking webpage are you kidding me?
Now you telling me you want to make it into AJAX so it'll response faster? #kthxbye2
Getting close to launch for a complex ecommerce site where you make custom products.
Dumped DB backup, and ran a bulk update query for product/ variations prices temporarily.
Went to revert DB back after testing.
Dropped all tables.
Got errors for expected syntax.
Opened in sublime with 34000 lines.
Edited, and uploaded with no avail.
Spent 30-35 minutes sweating bullets and having series of mini heart attacks.
Within 1 week of launch, and now have no database with over 100 products.
Feeling worried, on the hot seat,so time to fess up.
... turns out the DB dump defaults to using single quotes, with serialized meta data having double quotes within the single quotes.
Noticed that originally, but was looking for the closing quote as the error read.
Needless to say, it brought me back down to earth, and helped me remember we all make mistakes, even silly ones.6
Am I the only one who thinks that the new Linux CoC is actually not bad? I think most of the ppl who are flaming about the CoC didn't even read the text. It literally says not be be an asshole and be polite to everyone. What's wrong with that? I know that man think the author has a questionable background. Even if, so what? Dump the CoC and "pull the code" BS because you don't like the author? Let the politics out of open source and get your shit together... and yes I see the irony, but this is the place for ranting :)35
Today I dropped and updated a database to override it with local changes. Turned out the same dB was used by another project.
I just destroyed a week worth of work and content.
Good thing I took a dump before dropping everything. Got it running in 5 Minutes7
I met someone who worked at google. She gave me a lot of asvice and made me feel like i knew shit...
We were on a discussion and she made fun of me saying thats i livwd under a rock because i didnt know that youtube was owned by google.
And then she shut me down because i asked her about her opinion about Microsoft and git and told me she didnt know wjat git was.....
Im confused because i was okay not knowing something becausei see myself as learner. Yet she laughed at me. Which i can accept because its okay to laufh about people.
But she shut down the git discussion like a bitch “i don't know what it is and i dont want to speak a out it” in front of her friends.
While i would normaly take a dump on that person's front step， i am living in my partners city where everybody knows Each other.
Regardless， im a bit drunk and shes a ducktwit. I had a great night but ahe made me feel like shit coz she acts like she knows all this shit and im realising that she os just full of shit.7
Who the fuck thought "Oh lets put all caches in the options table". This is so incredible dumb. The options table has nearly 8GB and is just unusable. The query for the "real options" takes about 3s. To export this fucking shit I had to block the prod server for 20 minutes to get a db dump. I want to womit in the mouth of the fucking idiot who did this.6
Worst part of being a developer is having to educate IT Admins on how to do their job without fucking up mine!
Yes, just delete the Intrusion detection system ...why not! lets burn the office down while we're at it! here wanna take a dump in my coffee?3
Not really a rant but a hear the word 'dump' quite often during the work day and am amazed at how few people giggle at that.2
Not only Windows can show this "strange" error messages: Today I got this beauty while importing an SQL-dump.
(Translation: "Error on import: error on statement #1: not an error. Execution will be aborted and the db will be reset.")
>6 people in group
>3 devs (including me)
I am in charge of electronics and software to control it as well as the application that will use them.
2 other "devs" in charge of a simple website.
Literally, static pages, a login/registration, and a dump of data when users are logged in.
Took on writing the api for the data as well, since I didn't fully trust the other 2.
Finished api, soldered all electronics, 3d printed models.
Check on the website.
Ugly af, badly written html and css.
No function working yet.
Project is due next week Thursday.
Guess who's not having a weekend and gonna be pulling 2 all nighters2
Is it ethical to force engineers to take an ethics course focused solely on water pollution?
People in my year are working on self driving cars, automation and AI.
I guess if my employer ever decides to dump old computers in the river I'll be ready for it.3
It should not be this difficult to get a database dump.
Can you please send over the schema and data for database X? I want to script together something to import the dump into my local DB and look at the entity relationships. (This is important for later. Stupidly, I thought it would be simple enough to open up SQL Server Management Studio, select all the boxes, and hit Go. How wrong I was.)
*Sends CSV files of the data*
Can you please provide a database dump in SQL format? It would make it much easier for me to import.
*Sends SQL file to create table structure*
*Sends zip containing CSV files of data*
*Sends single CSV file, forgot one oopsie*
Me, frustration building
I'm looking for a .sql that contains schema and data. Can you provide this?
Idk, I've never done this before, let me try
YOU'RE A FUCKING DB ADMIN, HOW HAVE YOU NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE
Vendor one week later:
Here it is *attaches private Google Drive link I don't have access to*
Me losing hope:
*requests access using personal email*
*imports, naively thinking my ordeal is over*
No foreign keys. I feel as though this should be implied by the term "schema dump" and the phrase "I want to look at the entity relationships". I swear to God, db admins are either totally incompetent or SQL geniuses, there is no middle ground.3
Has anyone here seen a mainframe error dump? It's an 8000 line wall of text with maby 7995 lines of fucking jibberish hiding the cryptic fucking error message...
Why the fuck can't they just put the interesting shit at the top of the file insted of hiding it in nonsense!?2
When coworkers have a var dump on a page in production.-_-
I aint saying shit because everytime I mention something they do wrong I get assigned with fixing it. -_-
Co-Worker: How can I see what's linked to x variable in the database for this website? [we can't see the actual back end]
Me: Do a var dump...
Co-Worker: but what var do I dump?
"First of all, Pascal is the best. Everything you learnt beside Pascal, dump it" - Wise words from ComSci teacher
Ok. I'm good.6
One day at the office at whoever built Laravel
Dev: sir, most of devs use php, we can use good old php expressi...
Boss: no, dump all of them, we'll create our own functions that do same job
Dev: ok... So our devs will use mysql, we can use sql quer...
Boss: dump them all too, again, we will make our own functions that dont look anything like that
Dev: we can also use standard...
Boss: NO STANDARDS! Creare every single php method or sql query in another method that does the same job...
By taking one 30 minute dump in the toilet per day to relax and read other people's code on my phone
Sometimes, people you work for are just dump.
Someone ask me this:
"Can you help me find the 'e from the internet'?"
And by "e from the internet", she means internet explorer...
The problem was, she right click it and unpinned it from the taskbar...
Ps: it's the same person who maked me do my first Rant.2
Me: Alright Derwent, don't fuck up this database update. There's no undo button and no way to import a database backup so you gotta be extra careful or you're going to have to spend hours writing a whole bunch of regular expressions and sql statements to sift through an 11mb database dump and figure out how to restore 59 thousand records to the correct state. Let's practice this transition on a staging server first and make sure we get it right
Me: I got you fam *presses the wrong button*
How do you organize your downloads folder?
Personally, I make a new folder with some name(altough the name actually being useful is rare) and just select all of my files and dump them there. Finding a file sucks so much though, I can never remember their names so I just look through the folders at the icons and hope I find the file I'm looking for. This mess that is my downloads folder led to looking 5 times in a folder to find a file.
My DOS VM is more organized than that...
Speaking of DOS managing memory in that is hell. I've never had memmaker detect 64MB of RAM, giving the VM 96MB of RAM made it detect 2 more MB or something.5
When you put your hands together and start chanting almighty compiler gods to have mercy on your soul.
I hate dev politics...
PM: Hey there is a weird error happening when I upload this file on production, but it works on our test environments.
Me: After looking at this error, I don't find any issues with the code, but this variable is set when the application is first loaded, I bet it wasn't loaded correctly our last deployment and we just need to reload the application.
Senior Dev: We need to output all of the errors and figure out where this error is coming from. Dump out all the errors on everything in production!!
Me: That's dumb... the code works on test... it's not the code.. it's the application.
Senior dev: %$*^$>&÷^> $
Me: Hey I have an idea! If test works... I can go ahead and deploy last week's changes to prod and dump those errors you were talking about!!
Senior Dev: OK
Me: *runs Jenkins job the deploys the new code and restarts the application*
PM: YAY you fixed it!!
Senior Dev: Did you sump put those errors like I said.
Me: Nope didn't touch a thing... I just deployed my irrelevant changes to that error and reloaded the application.2
You're asked if you know how to use git, you say you can but you can't.
You decide to change your entire codebase because you realized your previous approach was a bad idea.
You ask how to change the old repository-content for the new project, you receive answer but you can't get it to work, you don't ask again for help.
What's the logical consequence? Create a public GitHub-Project and dump the entire customer-project under NDA into it -.-*
Nothing is more frustrating than having a non-tech person tell you to dump a webpage into a native mobile app because they don't care about good UX design and think it'll just be faster and cheaper, even though the webpage was never designed for mobile usage and it'll often operate like garbage.
Seriously, my hair greys a little more every time someone asks me to do that.1
So I go into Google Search Console to try to determine why its saying pages are not compliant with mobile and whatnot.
No CMSes allowed unless GOOGLE built it.
Let's just all revert to HTML 1.0 and be done with it.2
That shitty moment when you are reverse engineering an app (LINE), but can't find any useful hints.
Web analysis didn't help. Decompiling the windows executable also didn't help. Testing the app on different behaviour with python scripts didn't help. Analysing the android app on windows with the jadx decompiler and other decompiler didn't help that much.
BUT today it worked. I did use a paid "Dex dump" android application. I found some methods that the app receives from the servers with a thrift protocol.
Now I just need to find the right parameters to be finally able to make a bot. Hehehe.
That was a hard way, but it paid out. I did learn so many things. It took me like a whole year.5
People these days...
At a bakery 3 girls didn't bother to clean up after themselves although the only thing left to do was to t aske the tray and dump it's contents into the trash can WHICH IS ON THEIR WAY OUT. Yeah but have enough time to cake on rediculous amounts of makeup...
Someone literally shat at the tram stop at the main station so whenever took leave the tram you might just step into it.
Then there are always those religious people trying to hand out pamplets about how great their religion is and how much it is helping- they stand right next to a crippled homeless begger.
Ugh, since I bought a few domain names, and thus my contact details are public (grrr), I get stupid quotes from people around the world going like: "Hey! I'm a web dev specialised in [insert technology here], I want money! Contact me!", or "Hi, I am [redacted], we are a talented agency in [cuntry] and can offer you the best in web development blablabla".
The only help I need is "fuck off".
It feels like I'm taking a dump in a public toilet and people knock on the door willing to help me clean my ass for me.4
Finally hit chapter 6 of my book's rough draft!
Feels good to be making good progress, had to do a bit of an info dump on the readers but still need to expand everything.
Might even think about publishing in the future :-D2
Oh god where do I start!?
In my current role I've had horrific experiences with management and higher ups.
The first time I knew it would be a problem: I was on a Java project that was due to go live within the month. The devs and PM on the project were all due to move on at the end. I was sitting next to the PM, and overheard him saying "we'll implement [important key feature] in hypercare"... I blew my top at him, then had my managers come and see if I was OK.
That particular project overran with me and the permanent devs having to implement the core features of the app for 6mo after everyone else had left.
I've had to be the bearer of bad news a lot.
I work now and then with the CTO, my worst with her:
We had implemented a prototype for the CEO of a sister company, he was chuffed with it. She said something like "why is it not on brand" - there was no brand, so I winged it and used a common design pattern that the CEO had suggested he would like with the sister company's colours and logo. The CTO said something like "the problem is we have wilful amateurs designing..." wilful amateurs. Having worked in web design since I was 12 I'm better than a wilful amateur, that one cut deep.
I've had loads with PMs recently, they basically go:
PM: we need this obscure set up.
Me & team: why not use common sense set up.
PM: I don't care, just do obscure set up.
The most recent was they wanted £250k infrastructure for something that was being done on an AWS TC2.small.
Also recently, and in another direction:
PM: we want this mobile app deploying to our internal MDM.
Us: we don't know what the hell it is, what is it!?
PM: it's [megacorp]'s survey filler app that adds survey results into their core cloud platform
Us: fair enough, we don't like writing form fillers, let us have a look at it.
*queue MITM plain text login, private company data being stored in plain text at /sdcard/ on android.
Us: really sorry guys, this is in no way secure.
Pm: *in a huff now because I took a dump on his doorstep*
I'll think of more when I can.
I was doing an asset management project for the CTO of a small company in ASP.NET and the CTO decided to stick his crap smeared fingers into the development because he 'developed' a completely different AS/400 system which everyone complained was like having a dog smear it's balls all over your screen while taking a dump on your keyboard. Fucking idiot would have given me 2 weeks extra work with all the shit he broke if it wasn't for version control.
Copies the project from one pc to another,Android studio be like i should dump all the errors unnecessaraily even though there are none😒4
life has been draining me for the past few years...suggestions?
move somewhere new, possibly get rid of most of what i have and start over?
dump all the money i have left into investments, which i see as a random lotto, like a business, real estate, or literally lottery?
bail and become a vagabond?
Well it's official...
I've only got Linux on my computers... except one old laptop that I have win7 on that is just perfectly setup and doesn't connect to the internet anymore because it's just a storage dump/ game emulator rig...
Win10 frustrated me for the last time and I don't miss it one bit.3
Learnt Python Fundamentals while taking a dump...
It might have been due to being in a vulnerable state during that time but I am kind of enjoying the simpletons' language..
Must go to a Doctor for a brain examination... 🤨
I should be concerned1
Yesterday was a horrible day...
First of all, as we are short of few devs, I was assigned production bugs... Few applications from mobile app were getting fucked up. All fields in db were empty, no customer name, email, mobile number, etc.
I started investigating, took dump from db, analyzed the created_at time stamps. Installed app, tried to reproduce bug, everything worked. Tried API calls from postman, again worked. There were no error emails too.
So I asked for server access logs, devops took 4 hrs just to give me the log. Went through 4 million lines and found 500 errors on mobile apis. Went to the file, no error handling in place.
So I have a bug to fix which occurs 1 in 100 case, no stack trace, no idea what is failing. Fuck my job.
Dear Webdevs who are able to use bootstrap and CSS properly. I appreciate ur work but hell fucking shitfuck I can't get my mind about it to work. FUCK this piece of container loving table ruining and not aligneable dump4
When I think my teachers can get any worse after sending me snippets of several Java classes in a single txt, one of them sent me SQL code of a full database dump in a Word document. 8 pages of SQL in its full glory!
I guess using the proper file extension/format or a service like PasteBin or GitHub Gist is way too advanced for them.
Ohhhhh fucking bullshit.
I have an old Canyon router and i decided to install dd-wrt on it since i have it on my main one so why the fuck not.
To my suprise that bullshit is just ASUS rebrand.
Ok that isnt that bad.
The worst is that they dont released the firmware files so i dont have any other choice then to install it via serial connection.
Ohhh tftp doesnt work until you have serial connection.
Why firmware file matters ?
Because when you want to flash factory-to-ddwrt image it fails because of header.
Well and you get header from factory firmware or memory dump via serial. But well i could just install wrt on it when i have serial.
So FUCK you Canyon i hope you get what you deserve.
Hello ranters, I'm looking for advice in regards to a freelancing job which I haven't been paid.
In summary, I got a freelancing job in like March 2018, I had to do a simple platform with an administrator section, simple but "long", it had to be fully customizable, so I did it. I then got another project, which I also finished, both by December. I added some functionality not on the requirements and also some other asked by them, I also deployed both of them, tasks not included on the "contract". The problem is that I didn't sign a contract (my fault), it was all verbal. Since I was "friends" with them, I asked them to pay me with a motorbike (of around 2300 USD) and they agreed. Then they gave me another project which started wrong, they asked me to finish it within two weeks with a language I didn't know and other tools I also didn't know, I told them about this and agreed that could be a delay, besides, the requirements weren't totally clear and they were clarified three days after the project "started". After this, we had a discussion about how I later realized I was totally underpriced, that I hadn't been paid yet and how the dude that was like my main contact for the project told me that "my code was all nice and cool but was useless" because he clearly thought that an excel could be used as a database and din't know that I had to parse it and upload it to Firebase, which in total were about 4 million documents and this obviously took time. To not make it longer, I delivered the project 1 week later and they told me that they had to "assign" a full team of 7 members to do it from zero because I didn't deliver it on time and because when he asked me to "help them" I laughed. I first delivered like the 90%~95% of the project and he was been condescendent, he also blocked me from everywhere (hangouts, slack) and told me to "deliver what I had" to at least have something to prove that I did work. His team of "7 members" was stupid enough to not be able to at least run an npm install and npm run, they were also stupid enought to not understand what a GET request was an all and when he realized this, he asked me for the database dump and for the 100% of the project, so I also delivered it. We agreed that we were not going to work together anymore, so I asked him to pay me at least what had to be paid of the other two projects and he agreed, he also purchased a computer for me which I was paying him and was going to be discounted from the total payment. In the end, I was going to be paid 1430 USD. He asked me for my bank account and like my tax ID, for whatever he needed it. Since then, almost two weeks, he hasn't paid me, replied or even seen my messages. He also had a "partner" which was also "my friend", the huge motherfucker isn't even replying my mails or anything, so, since it was all verbal and they are being such motherfuckers, I don't know what to do. They are being such motherfuckers and I think I can't proceed legally, since there is no written contract. So what should I do? I was planning on going tomorrow but I pretty sure they won't even open the door or will tell me to wait or whatever. I seriously wanna cry, I don't get how people can be such dicks and unfair fuckers. I believe in karma but I don't think karma will give me that money and time back. :(21
TLDR; WINE+me=system binaries gone. (HOWTHEFUCKDIDIDOTHAT) Kernel panic. Core program files gone. I'll never have it fixed right. Will backup, then install fedora tomorrow.
I really like games and I'm sure there are many of you who can relate. Imagine my perpetual pain, being on the job hunt, no money, and only my Linux laptop for games. (It's only Linux because of a stupid accident and a missing windows installation disk, partly explained in a previous rant). My stack of games my dad and I have played over the years, going back to populous and before, looked light enough for my laptop to run them smoothly. I wanted to see if I could get one to work. My eyes settled on simcity 4 and Sid Meier's railroad tycoon, 13 and 10 years old, respectively. Simcity didn't work as many times as I tried following online instructions. Disk 1 went fine. Disk 2 showed up as Disk 1. Didn't think much of it, so long as the computer could read the contents. I downloaded playonlinux as that could apparently do the complex stuff for me. Didn't work. I gave up with it after an hour and a half.
Next was railroads. Put the disk in aaaand it says SimCity disk 1 is in the tray. Fuck right off, thank you very much. Eject, put back, reject, eject, fiddle in wineconfig, eject, more of this, and voilà it read as railroads :) Ran autoplay.exe with wine, followed instructions, installed it, and it worked! Chose single player, then the map and setting, pressed play, and all the models of the buildings and track were floating in the air over a green plane, the UI is weird and the map doesn't represent anything but trains. All the fkin land is gone, laying track is gonna be a ballache.
I quit it and decided bedtime.
sudo shutdown -h now
shutdown not found.
reboot not found
Nope, I don't like this.
Force choked my laptop by the power button. Turned it on again.
Lines of text appear.
Saw a phrase I've only ever seen on Mr Robot.
Nooooo thanks, not today, this is fiction.
I turned it off and on. Same thing. I read the logs and some init files couldn't be found. I got the memory stick I used to install mint in the first place and booted from that. I checked the difference between my stick's bin and sbin and the laptop's, and it was indeed missing binaries. Fuck knows what else has happened, I only wanted to play games but now I don't know what is or isn't in my computer. How can I trust what's on it now?
I go downstairs and tell my dad. He says something about rpm, but this is Linux so it won't work. I learn that binaries can be copied over, so maybe I can fix it.
Go upstairs again, decide not to fix it. Fedora is light, has a good rep for security, and is even more difficult to get games on, which is my vice. There are more reasons, but the overriding one is that I'm spooked by the fact that something I did went into and removed system binaries, maybe even altered others, so I want something I'm less likely to do that with. Also my fellow cs students used to hate on it but my dad uses and recommended it so I want to try it.
Also, seriously, fuck wine/PlayOnLinux/my inability to follow instructions(?)/whatever demons haunt me. Take your pick, at least one if not more is to blame and I can't tell which, but it's prooooobably the third one.
It's going to be 16 hours before I touch my laptop again, comments before I backup then install fedora are welcome, especially if they persuade me to do differently.
P.S thanks for reading this mind dump of a post, I'm writing while it's fresh but I'm tired AF.6
>Raspberry Pi on 16GB SD card
>Plugs in 2 flash drives for space, one 8GB and one 32GB
>8GB is allocated entirely for swap
>32GB is separated into 3 partitions and /etc/fstab edited to mount them on /home, /opt and /usr
>Moves files to the proper partitions on stick
>Kernel panic on boot before keyboard is enabled, kernel panic data taller than screen
>No R/W FS for kernel to dump to
fuck my life4
Who else knows and FUCKING HATES CITRIX? This dump piece of VM software runs like shit in our company, crashes often and destroys my ours of work daily!
I need this frecking piece of shit to plan new Glasfiber connections to customers... Not wondering everyone hates my company because we can't fucking work!2
My laptop just went through a BSOD and I've been noticing a noise from the hard disk even before the BSOD. Dump says the process that failed is ntoskernel. That's no help.
SMART test said hard disk state as OK but crystaldiskinfo says the following which confused me even more. Is it supposed to be this way?8
Personally I like to use very obscene phrases as passwords, just in case some saves it in text.
When they read the "dump file" maybe they will be like well we will not be fucking with this one, that person is just sick.1
Have 4 GB micro SD card for my filesystem project.
Every search I do on the hex dump takes 5 minutes (literally)
Exported hex dump to text
Now have 2 9GB text files
Gonna try to import it into mysql for faster querying, wish me luck3
I can't decide which is worse
I changed the wrong if statement accidentally sent out 15k emails to a clients customers.
Imported a dump of the database instead of take a dump while a colleague was on site training the client on their software.... But found a flaw in our server backups.1
As a developer you're expected to perform all sorts of tasks that don't necessarily involve any coding or development at all. "A web form in Drupal? Uhm, it's got something to do with the web, right? Yeah, let's dump it on 'IT'."
So now I've been given this most frustrating task to use some form engine in Drupal. I have no access to the PHP code itself, and I don't even know what this form engine is called. All I know it's the crappiest of crap. The more I use it the more I hate it.
The customer wants to migrate his old store into WooCommerce. Here's a MySQL dump with 130 tables and no documentation on how they're related.
You also have to scrape all of the couple thousand product images off their site because they don't want their old dev knowing, so you can't just have FTP access...1
October's begun and I haven't even started on my game. Fuck.
My SO's birthday is in December and I wanted to make a small game for her using elements from Limbo and the like because I can't draw anymore and because the graphics automatically become easier to make by myself that way. It's a 2d puzzle solving narration driven platformer where the player finds their way across the levels to his other half (simple and cute, maybe even cheesy).
But see, the thing is, I took on too much work again and I can 'barely' juggle them let alone work on the game and it's going to be December before I'll even know it. And I made sure to plan a really simple game with no extra flowers and shit to make sure I'd finish it on time but I won't be able to at this rate and it just makes me sad, like fuck, should've thought this through before. :/ But now here I am, ranting away while taking the dump of my life on the toilet taking out my frustration in quite the literal sense while verbally slapping my shit on devRant.
Feels bad man.
<sanityCheck> //asking for a friend
Some clever b*****ds wrecked a section of our production mysql db. To fix it I need to rollback the affected records 2 weeks - around 50/300 tables are affected, the other data must remain intact.
Currently my plan is to take a 2 week old dump and cherry pick the data I need from it, then combine it with a dump of the db in it's current state, drop the db and recreate it.
I know this approach will work - but it's risky, a pain in the ass and dealing with 300mb text files is tedious so since I only need to start in around 8 hours I figured It wouldn't hurt to post my approach and see if anyone thinks my plan is borderline retarded.
If you have any advice .etc that will make my life easier I would greatly appreciate it.
So in your opinion...
- is there a better/safer way?
- do you know of any db dump merge tools?
- have a recommended (linux) text editor for large text files?
- have you made any personal mistakes/fuck ups in the past you think I should avoid?
- am I just being a moron and overthinking this?
- if I am being a moron - In your humble opinion has the time come for me to give up all hope and pursue my dream of becoming a professional couch surfer?
Note: Alternatively, if your just pissed that my rant is asking for a solution instead of simply trashing the people that created my situation and your secretly wishing it was on SO where it belongs so you can moderate/edit/downvote/mark the shit out it, feel welcome to troll me in the comments (getting dev advice just doesn't feel reliable without a troll - you matter to me). Afterwards If your panties are still in a bunch I'll post it on SO and dm a link to you to personally moderate - my days already fucked and I wouldn't want to ruin yours too.4
I do a lot of linguistic side projects, and got tired of rebuilding the languages table, so I did a bit of looking around today and put together a MySQL table dump with all of the the codes from ISO 639-1, 2, and 3.
If anyone's interested, here's the link. Enjoy!
When you start your internship with zero knowledge of web development but then becomes responsible of back end web development. #learningthehardway #mybossCCgonnakillme1
going through a rewrite is hell. the first stage you will be disgusted with how they layed out their code, contemplate the dump, eventually rewrite the entire thing, then cry throughout the entire process into your gallons of therapy iced tea.
I don't even know what half of these API calls are for.
I spent an entire morning trying to figure out why my development branch of my web app was taking a dump on itself after I rolled it back to production. Only to realize that a config file wasn't in the folder. So I threw away all my changes for nothing.
This is one of my really passionate issue with the world, ** Food waste **
Isn't it the most dumbest problem? Every time a marriage, celebration, event happens at the end of the day a huge portion of the high quality food is just thrown into a dump. Does just picking up the trash or disposing the waste solve anything or is it just a way corporation schemed us to believe we are doing something for the world by disposing waste.6
Shifted to new office few days back.
Just had to put up with the shitty intermittent internet connection.
SSH failing and coming out for every 50 secs.
Trying to take Mongo Dump and restore for the past 2 hours. Finally! ufff.
When the network is disconnected SSH gets disconnected. Fine. Acceptable. Again, when the network gets connected, it should start from the same place right ? Dumb Enough. But i wanted that today.2
This afternoon I had my first close encounter with a core dump, while working on my C++ simulation. It was brutal and I probably opted for the less efficient solution to avoid the problem, after hours of fighting. But hey. I'm alive and that is what matters most.
We often give access to a product owner from the customer on our Jira to keep up a good communication and everyone stays up to date as everything is on the board and not hidden in emails or paper notes on the desk of the guy that is on vacation.
So far, so good
Our customers really like this as they can comment on tickets and they are integrated in the workflow because they can push into the backlog and can review finished tasks.
It is just getting better for everyone so where is the rant?
One project is just a dump of shitty mixed content tickets. But how? They look really neat. There are tickets like "fixes from meeting 20th of may" which are initially well structured with approximately 4 subtle changes to the UI and some explanation and screenshots.
PM says: Good ticket. There you go ticket, into the customer review loop of doom.
20 comments and 13 status changes later. Point 43 from comment 17 is referenced in comment 20 to keep on hold as a third party needs to give feedback, point 7 is still not solved correctly as dev 2 was not aware that it was already discussed and changed in the ticket "Call from 25th of may" where in addition the resolution of points 5-12 were requested with an additional excel file to import.
By now we have the 8th of august and literally 17 of these kind of tickets.
I guess we need to improve the workflow and request a new product owner. But this far I just table flip everytime I get one of these tickets assigned.2
Ok, this question is related to mysql and php.,
Let me state the current situation
I have a db, say "gd".
That db has several tables all with same columns.(i.e same fields for different manufacturers such as product name, cost , stock etc.)
Now i want to know how many tables have the product 'a' in them and what's the cost of 'a' in each of those table.(tables are generated dynamically so I'll never now how many tables are there, well ofcourse i can refer information schema, but just wanted to highlight this fact). So is there a way to achieve this?.. excluding "dump the whole data and then search it" solution.
Plz help, .. sorry for my bad English, .9
It's so annoying to set up a vm and oracle DB. Just when you think that you are done with recreating a schema from schema dump, four packages won't compile. And of course they are wrapped and it's the most generic malformed or corrupted wrapper unit error...
Señor Zuckerberg's Twitter and Pinetrest password was 'dadada' 😂 jajajaja 😂
trying to analyze and debug code from a wordpress plugin -> fml!
i should just dump this shit and make my own. oh, no time and budget, no problem, i love to spend hours reading someones code and beeing inefficient as fuck ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
(i suggested to do it on our own a few weeks ago, now i should fix it till end of the day)2
Lua users, have you used moonscript?
It's a little language that has it's own interpreter or can be compiled down to Lua and it's absolutely lovely (currently using it with Love2d).
Of course, as with most things, what I love about it also royally pisses me off sometimes.
For starters local has to be declared for variables, unlike lua.
Otherwise the variable goes to _
Also note, that some tutorials literally tell you the opposite.
all variables are local by default
unless you don't declare them
then they go to _ (throwaway)
Some tutorials get this wrong too.
all variables have to be declared local
except tables. failure to declare a table WITHOUT a local will cause things like
table.insert to fail with "nil" values for no god damn reason.
No tutorial I could find mentioned this.
Did you know we call methods with '\'?
By the way, we call methods with '\'.
Why? Who the fuck knows.
Does make writing web routes more natural though.
Variables in the parameters of new are declared and bound for you. Would have loved to know this before hand instead of trying
to bind to them like a fucking idiot.
Fat arrows are used to pass in self for methods.
Unless you're calling a method. Then you use backwards slash. This fact is unhelpful when you're a beginner and dealing with the differences between the *other* arrow, the backslash, the fat arrow, and the fact that functions can be called with or WITHOUT parenthesis.
And on that note..
While learning all this other shit, don't forget parenthesis are optional!
Except when they're not!
..Like when you have a function call among your arguments and have to disambiguate which args belong to the outer call and to the inner call! Why not just be fucking consistent?
But on the plus size, ":" is now used for what it should have been used for in the fucking beginning: binding values to keys.
And on the downside, it's in a language thats built on top of another language that uses it for fucking *method calls*, a completely
different fucking usage.
And better still, to add to that brainfuckery thats lost in the mental translational noise like static on a fucking dialup modem, you define methods with the fat arrow. Wait, was that the single arrow or fat one? Yeah the fat one. Fuck. But not before you do THIS shit..
yeah, you STILL include the god damn colon just so when you're coming from lua you can do a mental double take. "Why am I passing self twice? Oh right, because fuck me, I decided to use moonscript." It's consistent on that front but it also pisses me off.
A lot of these are actually quality of life improvements disguised as gotchas, but when you're two beers in to a 30 minute headscratcher it sure doesn't fucking feel like it.
Nevertheless, once I moved beyond the gotchas, it was like night and day. Sure moonscripts takes a giant steaming dump all over the lua output, like a schizophrenic alcoholic athena from the head of zeus, but god damn, when it works it just WORKS.
Locals that act like locals? Check.
Sane OOP? Check.
Classes, constructors, easy access to class methods, iterators? Check, check, check, check, check.
I fucking hate ceremony. Configuration over convention is for cunts. And moonscript goes a long ways toward making lua less cunty.
If you've ever felt this way while using lua, please, give moonscript a try.
You'll regret it, but in a good way!6
Who the fuck invented the glorified pile of shit people call laravel? Is this actually used in PROD for anything else than load testing a monitoring server by creating loads of error messages?
OOP exists for a reason, not to create bazillions of classes with static methods.
Dump that shit ffs!3
Started new job as software developer in a financial institution... Have to learn c#, c# devs here any good tips??7
So nice, a good, well structured DTAP environment with Acceptance and Test containing a recent dump from Production so that bugs can be reproduced properly........ *wakes up*
I hate when programming books have shit code examples.
Just came across these, in a single example app in a Go book:
- inconsistent casing of names
- ignoring go doc conventions about how comments should look like
- failing to provide comments beyond captain obvious level ones
- some essential functionality delegated to a "utils" file, and they should not be there (the whole file should not exist in such a small project. If you already dump your code into a "utils" here, what will you do in a large project?)
- arbitrary project structure. Why are some things dumped in package main, while others are separated out?
- why is db connection string hardcoded, yet the IP and port for the app to listen on is configurable from a json file?
- why does the data access code contain random functions that format dates for templates? If anything, these should really be in "utils".
- failing to use gofmt
These are just at a first glance. Seriously man, wft!
I wanted to check what topics could be useful from the book, but I guess this one is a stinker. It's just a shame that beginners will work through stuff like this and think this is the way it should be done.2
Please help me before I get mad,
First day with Linux Mint.
Objective: Make a 3Tb Hdd Read and Write, Right now I can use it only to Read.
Finally Installed Linux after some bumps (bad ISO).
I have 2 HDDs, the SSD with Linux and a 3Tb HDD
Right now the 3T has 4 partitions, one for windows, 3 for personal use with lots of personal stuff I can't lose.
I've been looking for videos, tutorials and the maximum I got was to had one partition mounted as a folder
# /etc/fstab: static file system information.
# Use 'blkid' to print the universally unique identifier for a
# device; this may be used with UUID= as a more robust way to name devices
# that works even if disks are added and removed. See fstab(5).
# <file system> <mount point> <type> <options> <dump> <pass>
# / was on /dev/sda1 during installation
UUID=f0a65631-ccec-4aec-bbf5-393f83e230db / ext4 errors=remount-ro 0 1
/swapfile none swap sw 0 0
UUID=F8F07052F07018D8 /mnt/3T_Rodrigo ntfs-3g rw,auto,users,uid=1000,gid=100,dmask=027,fmask=137,utf8 0 0
What am I missing?
PS.: Next: Make fingerprint work in Linux16
Okay guys, after sleeping it over I decided that I didn't need to dump my entire stack of Java/mySQL and instead just slow the hell down on my development time. I'm going from Udemy to a book to help me be a better dev and this is a night and day difference as my book breaks every bit apart and explains it in a lot more depth than having a video walk me through it. What I wouldn't do without Amazon's Kindle service I tell ya...:)
Today I'm starting the project over, but this time breaking it down and going at better pace. Thanks for all the advice guys. :)
...I'm going to need a lot of Jack Daniels for this project aren't I?5
Java is perfect if you are a narcissistic egomaniac with OCD who has to declare a data type for every variable. Back to python11
Adobe Cloud got my computer messed up and it couldn't even be uninstalled! I got so p-o I went to the registry and nuked anything containing the word "adobe" in it. Pheeew, what a relief! Like taking a real good dump! My computer both starts and runs faster now, and without popups requesting me to log in to Adobe Cloud.
I still wonder why there's this "a man writes more optimised code than compiler" stuff. Why?
Compiler is automated work, in the worst case it should be able to create multiple e.g. asms and compare the time, right? You can dump all instructions into compiler, it should be able to choose the right one even if it would compile whole days, right? You can't be possibly serious with such a statement.
No "time" arguments, please.3
Cross post from /r/cscareerquestions
Hey guys how are you all doing!?
I got into university this September (Computer Engineering & Informatics).
Although I've been programming java since I was 14 (github.com/zarkopafilis), discussions with a friend who is a dot net guy and has been working full-time C# for 2 years now got me thinking.
Alright, Java's good. I've learned to love and hate the language. I also like Spring Boot and whole this ecosystem of stuff including Scala and the other Java based languages. Currently I'm in the proccess of completing some personal project of mine.
Alright, here's the big question: Assuming I am going to graduate (and start working) in 5-7-8 years (Masters, PhD - who knows), which language would you suggest I stick with and start learning? - for backend programming of course.
Currently that's what I'm thinking: Invest some more time learning how the JVM works (and probably keep improving my code quality). Also learn some more stuff regarding Spring Boot (and/or Web Services in general). Then advance onto Scala till couple of years pass. In that time I shall keep improving my SQL skills.
On the other hand I may start learning C# along with .NETcore .
Sidenote: Personally I prefer statically typed languages, that's why I dislike stuff like js and python although I occasionally find myself fiddling with small projects like some laser tracker written with python + opencv.
Sorry if this reads like a big disorganized dump of thoughts. Thanks in advance! :)3
I love Django, the philosophy behind it and how smart it is. I hate the Python ecosystem. virtualenv and pip is really dump e.g.4
How do I choose the right distro?
I have a new DevOps job. For that I may switch to a Linux distro of my choice.
I am struggling to make the choice between Manjaro and latest Fedora WS.
I primarily use XFCE and bspwm.
And my job involes a lot of automation tools, docker, kubernettes, python3, tcp dump and some shell scripting.19
Is it just me or is it nearly impossible to get Chrome to dump its cache?
I'm curling a CloudFront distribution from command line and getting a different HTML file to when I clear the cache on Chrome. Firefox browser works fine from fresh install.
Chrome incognito also works3
Reviewing a PHP constant dump I did a while back. Thinking about playing a small prank on the intern by replacing some of the ones used in a project with equivalent, but obscure, ones defined by PHP.
if ($test == CAL_EASTER_ROMAN) ...
$meta = get_post_meta($post_id, $meta_key, FTP_ASCII); ...
i am starting to think that programmers are stupidest semi-intelligent mother fuckers on the planet... simple shit gets turned into spider web of over complicated nonsense ... which simply means if u cant make shit simple... U R ONE DUMB MOTHER FUCKER...
ps. i just tried changing tab from 4 to 3 in atom... those are some dump mother fuckers there...1
I felt pretty smart about replacing that huge php database import script with a bash script loading the XML dump via MySQL's LOAD XML INFILE feature directly.
Why then does the php script only take 35 minutes for all the tables to import, whereas my script takes almost 2 fucking hours for that one table? We are talking an import of the ridiculous size of 70 MB. I don't get it. It's supposed to be fast.2
R&D Lead Architect: "We want this next gen platform to be all AWS."
Us: "Alright, can we talk about automated testing?"
R&D Lead Architect: "Sure, for automated tests you'll want to just dump events from your system into a flat file on S3. It's readable with Microsoft Excel."
Us now: still here.
R&D Lead Architect now: not here.
Scrum standups and standdowns at my university be like: "oh let's discuss everything that comes to our mind and talk about it for an hour" - Professors 2016
(Only ranted this because I had to take a huge dump and had to hold it for a hour ;_;)
Starting a project for work and realized it would be a good idea to use a framework as by my initial anticipations i see this growing fairly complex. I choose to go with Angular 1.x because I'm lile "hey i know that already", but there's one teensie problem--it hit me that i haven't looked at Angular so long that I have no fucking clue how to start up an Angular project from scratch properly. Oh well, time to dump an old project in the public folder and figure this shit out one error at a time
I'm sitting waiting for the interview and I remembered to brain dump whatever here
(secret: I dont know if I want this job!)2
Starting to wonder why I tend to like our QA people so much: they often seem so much saner. Yes, sometimes they quibble as with the complaints about a page that is hidden from the user anyway, but they would usually not creep to deep into the hole creating most unintuitive workflows and abysmal logic.
Disclaimer: We're more like backend devs, but we had to do a UI which was beautifully slaughtered by the CEO messing with it - guess what's happening with the new one - and because of that... thing I already nearly smashed my Mac because stupid entered credentials for updating software would only be applied if you defocused once out of the password entry box. Fucked up stuff like this, which devs meddle with, give up, just shrug it off and dump it on the (l)user.
Or a more recent example: So PM wanted a stupid "Apply to all" buttons on a list that can be filtered. Guess to which items the actions should be applied if you filtered it and you currently only see a small selection in your window! Yes, of course it still applies to all items in the universe. QA guy who's just trying the buttons comes to me: "Hey, you sure this "apply all"-stuff supposed to work like that?"
Third example to end this long QA-praise: So there is this virtual appliance we build and we should support another stupid hypervisor.. and he found the kernel modules I have to activate additionally so we can just convert the existing image without having to create a new build system.5
So late last yearI was made reduantant. Admittedly at the time I was exceedingly conflicted about the whole thing. One one hand it was a toxic dump of a workplace. On the other, I suddenly had no work, a place I'm not overly familiar with.
So a very stressed me started the ring around, posting resumes, meeting with the giant waste of oxygen that is recruitmemt agencies etc etc. Finally, after talking with yet another recruitmemt agency, I had a phone call with my current boss. He informed me that he didn't really have any work but asked me to come in for a chat anyway.
Figuring I had nothing to lose so I drove 1 hour and 15 minutes to meet with him and the senior developer. I was asked 20 questions to assess my technical skill level, of which I got 19 correct. In the end they were so impressed by me that they gave me a position they weren't hiring for. Needless to say I was quite chuffed with myself! 😉
TFW they decide to dump the enterprise application you have built from the bottom unto the wrong hands...
I'm gonna soon start on a gaming project with my team, it's not gonna be something we want to push but it's gonna be an on going project to slowly grow some skills within the whole learning and understanding game machenics. Any advice from any fellow veterans :3 ?2
The moment when your users insist adding a number for custom "ordering" in their e-Commerce solution.
Next thing you know is your PM appreciating the idea and thinks you're dump for not doing it.1
Spent the last couple hours of the day trying to solve issue in my code and fuck I feel so dump after fixing it! A tiny tiny issue can fuck your code and fuck your brain!1
Todays website fail:
Notice: The called constructor method for WP_Widget in FollowMeWidget is deprecated since version 4.3.0! Use
instead. in /home/vapingst/public_html/wp-includes/functions.php on line 3893
Notice: The called constructor method for WP_Widget in FooterContactUsWidget is deprecated since version 4.3.0! Use
instead. in /home/vapingst/public_html/wp-includes/functions.php on line 38931
My experience with Visual Studio Code hasn't been nice and I'm honestly kind of not liking it at this point in time :-(
Maybe it's just me who's being a dump-kop1
Having a dump on a train is the equivalent of sitting on a bucking bronco that vibrates enough for you to feel like you're 1" above the bowl7
Fatal problem in weekly rant 4: Segmentation fault
No further messages available
Core was not dump for reasons unknow
Hm..favourite function.. Just before my apprenticeship as I used php more often, var_dump() was propably my favourite because it saved hours of my life :P2
Any ideas as to what I can do with a 24 port network switch that I salvaged out of an electronics dump?
It's only 100 Mbit though5
Does anyone here knows some efficiant way for stupid Broadcom wifi card to work efficiant on linux? Its Bcm43142. I recently transfered on Manjaro by suggestion of fellow ranters, but little that I knew or I wanted to forget from earlier experiences that Broadcom is bag of balls that noone wants and that it doesnt work correctly on any distro. I'm feeling like protagonist of that meme "C'mon, do something...". I really dont want to give up on linux once again cuz of dump wifi controller.7
The biggest mistake my colleague done is -
update query for admin_reports table without where clause in mysql in production db. Right after that no admin reports. More than 1000 rows affected.
Glad we luckily we have some data in staging machine.. I don't know Why TF our devops team not taking backup. Hope they will from now.
Nom I'm using python to dump the data from staging and save it local file and then export to production.
You dipshits! Yet again...
- use contract X from team WeJustFuckUp
- WeJustFuckUps tell me I "used the contract with the wrong semantics"
- What the fuck how is that possible!? Explain to the fuck ups that if it's the wrong semantics then it shouldn't be documented. Ask what right semantics is... They do not support their own correct semantics...
Fuck you! Just say you fucked up and come to me with a new contract!
Two weeks pass, new contract breaks half the functionality... And they ask me: "is it a problem? Can't you use it as is?"
Now listen here you pile of elephant dung, you have an unresponsive system with an unscalabe architecture... You have twisted contracts and you come to me to fix them!? I have more to do then to babysit your assess!
I am so tired of your bulshit... You are a bunch of prairie dogs hitting keyboards and call yourself developers!? My dog is a better developer, he at least does not break he's own software and when he takes a massive dump he owns it...
I am this close to making a request of changing your work computers to an abacus! It's all you can handle...
Fuck off! You are waste of resources and your parents should be spanked!!
Todays website fail:
Fatal error: Call to a member function using_permalinks() on a non-object in /hermes/walnaweb11a/b2165/moo.hamradiosciencecom/hamradioscience/wp-includes/comment-template.php on line 771
Well thanks a lot for the clarification of WHY I cannot sync my work (Office 365) mail using the mail client in Windows 10!
It's not that it's wrong; it's (probably) very much correct.
It's not that it's not precise; I don't think it could be anymore precise than a data dump like that.
It's not that trying to help me solve the problems; I'm sure it is.
But now that I have all the (debug) info about the security policies in place it would be great if it would show what violated which policy and maybe even what they mean and how to fix it?
The most concrete to go by is the error code, and judging by a google that has meant "your mail has problems" for at least three years...
...not even a single link was found to the (only) page detailing content, possible values, and dependencies between policies.
On Friday I talked about a program that I copied and pasted into my own, and when I was testing it, it didn't work like the original.
If I kept it as the original, it wouldn't even move. If I tried to change it (taking the queries out of the loop. I know I know, I didn't make the original), it would give me a dump saying I was out of space.
So, my solution: delete some records as I go.
Can't wait to see the problems I'm about to have with this 🙃
Started programming with asp classic. Will never forget the first time I ever managed to dump a post request on screen. Oh, the childhood of it...
I can't tell if I'm being clever or a dick here. When I can't be arsed writing a dB schema I switch hibernate to create mode, let it build the database, I then just dump the schema as SQL...2
you want to build a database dump with bamboo.
the job works, everything is green AF - but there are no build artifacts. you check the buildconfig 5 times and then you realize, there are blanks after the copy pattern of the frak'n build artifact.
dafuq is this..?
Obviously worst documentation is no documentation at all when having to interface with something proprietary (source code is kind of documentation). When you have to dump exported symbols and guess what could it do and how to call it. Luckily too old (and hopefully wise) for it now, sticking to opensource.