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Fuck my life...
Okay, so I’m working on a web app with a small group... the app is basically a lead generator for new business in another country. We just need contact details cause they’re a fucker to buy.
Step 1: prototype to the investors, working with the ceo to make this thing look shiny AF.
Goes well as fuck.
CEO: “when can we get this out?”
Me: “it’s basically done mate, get your guys to look at it and we can talk about marketing”
Que a shower of 10 or so bellends with senior in their title going into a room and coming out with:
Bellends: “so on this page we want the user to confirm and accept the contract”
Me: “cool, makes some sense, that’s what it’s already doing.”
Bellends: “afterwards we want to show them the price and have them put in their banking details.”
Me: “Wait, you what when?”
Bellends: “Yeah, well Jenny says we should have as few clicks as possible to get to the final stage and have the customer accept.”
Me: “Jenny’s on fucking crack, moving the contract formation phase to after the contract acceptance stage is not an option”
Bellends: “Oh it’s okay, Andy in legal said that would be okay”
Me: “Andy’s a fucking moron, tell him that online contract formation laws were updated 2014/2015 and you can’t do that anymore”
Bellends: “No, andy’s legal, surely he knows”
Bellends: “We want all of this above the fold”
Me: “OH FUCKING SUCK A DICK YOU ABSOLUTE BAND OF FUCKWADS... which one of you, which one hasn’t looked at a website this millennia!?”
Needless to say I ignored all their shit, got the lead generator out and told the CEO those ten people are certifiably fucking useless.
Bonus round; recent, but “it has to be on internal infrastructure”
“Why? It’s a mobile app sending rest calls to a third party saas.”
“It just has to, we have this thing called the private cloud and w”
“Wait... you what son, priv 🤦🏼♂️ private what mate?”
“Private cloud”
“You... you mean a server rack?”
“Nah we spent £2mn on it, it’s brilliant”
“Hahahaha you fucking dick, you blew £2mn on server infra with fuckall to put on it!?”
“No, no it’s the private cloud”
“Fucking idiot, aye son, where’s the fucking bean stalk you prick!?”
“It has to go on internal infr”
“Shut up, that won’t work”9 -
this is the state of hiring tests:
1. can you take an english sentence, and without a tutorial, write a for loop?
2. okay now write a full parser. but not in the language we want to hire you in.
also we can afford to pay you in bananas, experience, and exposure.
p.s. we also need you to do this backend test because this is a backend job even though the ad is for front end and you specified an hour ago when the interview started that you only trained for front.
on the positive side, we have a ping pong table and a bean bag chair. and a two hour commute. Think of the benefits!16 -
Beginner: I wrote 1,000 lines of code!
Intermediate: I deleted 1,000 lines of code!
Expert: I prevented code from being written!1 -
Really fucking sick of people taking my coffee mugs on the drying rack and taking them back to their desk. It's not yours. It doesn't have our company logo or your company logo. It's obviously not yours so don't fucking touch it.
This is the second coffee mug of mine to go missing in 16 months. You work at a tech company buy your own fucking mug or open your mouth wide and catch your hot bean water you fuck.13 -
I had set my phone alarm to go off at 04:00am, with a very irritating tone, to ring nonstop. Having slept late and with a project deadline fast approaching. The alarm went off OK as programmed, I got up and switched it off, and went back to sleep! Reminds me of Mr bean!5
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My fellow coworker dev just sent a staging site link to our CFO to review some new functionality...
CFO clicks on our corporate HQ link in coworker's email signature instead and berates coworker for sending him the wrong link...
This person is somewhat largely in charge of making decisions that affect our digital marketing, website budgets, and strategy.
I can't make this shit up.6 -
I wanted to be a dev when the only on campus job that paid more than minimum wage was titled "Web Developer". It paid 13 bucks / hour. AWYEAH.
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Top advice to give to a new dev? Go back in time and download devRant, then buy a rubber ducky. Yes, I finally got mine 👍🏻
3 -
Alpha
Beta
Cupcake
Donut
Eclair
Froyo
Gingerbread
Honeycomb
Ice cream sandwich
Jelly bean
Kitkat
Lollipop
Marshmallow
Nougat
Oreo
Pie
Q ?
R ?
S ?
T ?
U ?
V ?
W ?
X ?
Y ?
Z ?
And then?17 -
A junior dev said i look a bit like Mr. Bean which got a laughing approval by many of my co workers.
I mean, i like Mr. Bean, but when it comes to looks, he's not a physically appealing guy.
Self esteem cant go much lower than this.7 -
Had a classmate who loved the innuendo "flick the bean" so whenever he created a Bean class, me made sure to name one of the methods "flick" so he could call bean.flick()
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This one is interesting
- 9 to 5 (including breaks) aka WLB
- Building products in my area of passion (Music, Art, or Travel)
- High paying (I don't care for those perks like free food or bean bags)
- Enough vacations without judgement
- Continuous innovation (fuck your 1830s product)
- Good social capital (teams should trust me for my decisions)
- WFH where I can opt to go in to office whenever I want (so that I can build my awesome battle rig at home)21 -
Spent 3 hours today digging through 3rd party libraries, trying to get them all to work together nicely.
The solution? A one line fix in my own source.
FACEPALM!!! -
Customer: I want to be included in any and all design and development meeting in the future.
Me: OK, I mean, I'm just one person so there's not formal meetings as such...
Customer: Nevertheless, I wish to be included and ensure my needs are met.
Some time passes.
Me: So, I'm thinking of swapping out the old Beanshell interface, cos, really... Interpreted, scriptable Java isn't great and most users don't want to write Java just to run some jobs. Could you help me with creating an API that fits you and your departments needs?
Customer: No, I'm way to busy to deal with this right now!
Me: And when would be convenient for you?
Customer: I don't know, just not now.
To this day, despite successfully integrating the rhino js engine into the app, part of the software I develop has a bean shell interface rather than js, Python or lua.
-_- I hate bean shell... -
German bureaucracy, German tax offices, German pension insurance: of course we should feel very lucky and grateful for those institutions but currently, all they do is keep frustrating me with their kafkaesque bureaucracy. Don't they have anything more useful and productive to do than bother me with their bean counting?!20
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The new CTO promised us better coffee in his introduction meeting. Honestly felt pretty trivial and part of his used car salesman pitch to us.
A month goes buy and he replaces our shitty drip Starbucks breakfast blend coffee with ... Starbucks coffee machines. I shit you not these things have touch screens on them. So I tried two cups of each bean type and ... this stuff is really really bad. It's literally worse than the drip brew. It's so fucking terrible I have trouble finishing a cup.
God damn it!8 -
I'm an angular 1 dev...so already you can tell, im a rare bean...i didn't go to university and i left 6th form (college)after 3 months....have a job due to experiences coding. as it was my passion since i was about 12. so all i can say is FUCK U DEGREES,I DON'T NEED YOUR EXPENSIVE ASS,
also this is my first post :)8 -
Just visited my new office! Tech offices are the best IMO. Open office plan, fully stocked pantry, bean bags, and a lot of cool stuff. Wayyy better than my previous job where we literally had desks and a coffee machine.5
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// This part of the code should never run
Came across that lovely comment when fixing a reported bug. Guess where the bug was? You guessed it XD1 -
Websphere...what a piece of shit! IBM, you really should be embarrassed. Dependency injections stops working when the injected bean is in another jar (even though it's on the class path). Works great in JBoss.
Seriously IBM...go out of business already. You are a joke and your products have never been good. -
How i love US companies and their tendency to just lazily send out a programming quiz as a part of the interview.
Look i swear i can make a fucking java bean, i just suck at coming up with algorithms okay?1 -
So it seems Mr. Bean has still got it :)
Anyone have a good Dev meme for this shot? (He's looking at a fat guy with 2 young girls in his arms.)
8 -
Jesus fucking Mary... I spent 30 minutes debugging why my bean wasn't being fetched and literally I decided to retype the class name for context.getBean(beanName) and it works... there was no difference whatsoever in the fucking spelling!!! Bullshit.4
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O.M.F.G how much longer is that gonna take?!?! It's been 2 days already! 2 fucking days!!!
That's it. Fuck the docs. I'm going hardcore now: hooking up a debugger and diving into the unseen depths of Spring's automatic JPA repo initialization.
Unless any one of you knows how to
1. Manually create jpa repo interface bean
2. Make transactions work [also enable them manually by declaring beans in @Configuration]
and do all this in a single @Bean method. Jpa provider - hibernate.
Nobody? Not a single one? Allright then, I'm going in :(1 -
i had an epiphany today, in a discussion with the software architect of our new project.
i'm having the epic job to design & implement a prototype for a C++ library in a new software project and collected some inspiration in our "old" software, where i'm maintaining the module that fulfills the same functionality (i thought). i've been maintaining this module for around a year now. i analyzed the different features and stuff to consider and created a partial model of the new library.
when i showed it to the architect today, he was like "oh my god, no no no, you don't need all this functionality, this shall not be part of the new library!"
this was the moment when i realized how deeply fucked up the code base of the old module is.
imagine it like this:
you want to automate the process of making yourself a good ol' cup of coffee.
the reasonable thing would be to have
- a smart water boiler where you set parameters water temperature and amount of water to be fetched from the water supply
- a smart coffee bean grinder where you can set type of beans, amount of beans and grinding fineness
- a component where water and ground coffee are joined to brew the coffee, where parameters like duration, pressure etc. are set
- a milk tank where amount of milk, desired temperature and duration / speed of foaming can be set
- a sugar dispenser where amount of applied sugar can be set
- optionally, additional modules with spices, syrup, ice cubes, whatever for your very personal coffee experience
on requesting a coffee, you would then configure and orchestrate all components to your wishes to make you a fine cup of coffee. you can also add routines like "makeCappucchino()", "makeEspresso()", or whatever.
our software is not like this.
it is like this:
- a smart water boiler consisting of submodules that know how to cook water for e.g. "cappucchino with sugar" or for "espresso without sugar, but with milk and ice cubes"
- 5 smart bean grinders that know how to grind beans for e.g. cappucchino, espresso, latte macchiato and for 73ml of water preheated to 82°C
- a very smart sugar dispenser that knows how to add sugar to 95, 98 and 100°C coffee and to coffee made of BOTH coffee arabica AND coffee robusta beans.
etc. etc., i think you're getting the gist.
when i realized this, it was like, right in front of my eyes, this terrible pattern emerged like a foul, corrupted caleidoscope of chaos, through the whole code base of this module.
i've already known how rotten from the core this code base is, but today i've actually identified a really bad pattern that i hadn't realized before. the whole architecture is so bloated that it is hard to have an overview of the whole thing. and it would require a LOT of refactoring to repair this pattern.
but i guess it would also be infinitely satisfying because i could probably reduce the code base for 30% or something...
but unfortunately, this is never going to happen, because screw refactoring.
it's a great feeling to start this new library from scratch, tho...6 -
https://devrant.com/rants/3075536/...
So at the interview this past Friday, they basically said I got the job and they'll send the paperwork. So then yesterday, I got an email saying "we offering x and can review for a 'more feasible' offer after pronation"
Now previously in this story I mentioned that they were offering 47% of what I was making before but it I really need the work. Now they want me to take even less than that. I think that's actually really dickish since numbers were already discussed and with what they offered I'd actually be loosing money!
They said I could be completely remote(I guess to try and justify paying me less) but it's still not good enough and don't actually want to be 100% remote straight off the bat. I've told them I can't take a cent less than the number first discussed and they said they'll need a few days to discuss it which is an additional frustration as I wanted to start on 1st Oct (tomorrow at time of writing) and they wanted me to start on the first as well.
Basically I think the devs like and want me but the bean counters are trying to save every last penny they can. I think they'll probably agree to pay the original amount but only start me in after a while so they can pro-rata the first month and still give me what basically amounts to loose change.
I really wanted this one to work out as I got good vibes from the devs and I am just so tired of looking and dealing with full of crap recruiters7 -
Actually every project we learns something. Consider like, In very recent one project,
First time used bunch of bean classes with layered structure and JS mixture. Had fun and given me confidence for interview. Happy ;) -
Someone should make a movie about three ghosts that haunt a BLOODY CROOK who makes his employees and coworkers burn the midnight oil in the bloody CHISTMAS EVE because the fucker haven't finished something that should have been ready TWO FUCKING WEEKS AGO.
The ghost of Christmas past shows the fucker that he was a bloody LAZY KID who made his elderly relatives cook, host, clean, wash the dishes and everything else all by themselves during family-gathering season.
The ghost of Christmas present shows him his employees' children teary eyed that daddy doesn't get to watch cartoons with them before bedtime (we're not Christians but just because my house is a steak-free zone it doesn't mean my kids don't expect gifts from santa, like most kids in their school!)
The ghost of Christmas future shows a Netflix documentary on how the fucker got arrested for being a BLOODY CROOK that gets played by some actor who is a hollywood-level jerk who beats his wife. And the show gets a 3% on rotten tomatoes, just to salt the wound. Oh, and a voiceover says the real BLOODY CROOK hanged himself in prison or something and his family is happy he did it.
Fuck, I hate, for real hate, people whose tardiness bleeds out on honestly-working people. I had to wake up one of my devs to fix the SHIT that the bloody crook higher-up shat on us.
My guy is getting a raise as soon as I can scream at the bean counters and my boss will be getting some loooooong, data-rich report on how the bloody crook's department is pissing in our soup.
Fuck everything.1 -
AppStore says "We're working hard on getting all the 🐛s squashed so please bear with us."
I says "WHAT 🐛s?!" devRant is the 💣1 -
God DAMN IT!!!!
I swear, every single time I get close to a Spring project I'm elbows deep in shit.
Like this case... I have to explicitly specify @DependsOn for my @Component, so Spring could autowire constructor parameters. If I don't, sometimes the app starts fine (if I start it through IDE) and sometimes it fails, saying bean could not be created (apparently, there's some functionality gap causing PostProcessors not to be called if the bean is first touched by a constructor autowirer)
when they say frameworks are good and fast, I say "LOOK AT MY LIFETIME SPENT WORKAROUNDING THEIR ERRORS!!!" -
What's the difference between Spring Cloud and Boot? And what's a good book to learn either?
And I guess Spring as well. Is that a pre-req? I'm not familiar with much other than Bean and Context and not sure how AutoWired exactly works...
One project I have is to build an REST service but with subservices, and their replicas, handling different paths and on Openshift.
So these sub services need to be independently started but discoverable by the routing app(s).
Not sure how many layers but basically when a call hits the Router, depending on the path in the URL it sends the request to the appropriate subservices4 -
This is brilliant, overdub of the senators and Zuckerberg. “You have a bean head”
you must watch it!
https://youtu.be/_zCDvOsdL9Q1 -
Any non-tech hobby usually helps my coding, because relaxing breaks are far more efficient if I'm not just laying in a bean bag trying not to think about work but rather engaged in something unrelated. During the summer I was storing a really good electric guitar because the owner emigrated, so when I felt stuck I played some music. I used to play the cello in middle school but I was never really good at it nor did I care to practice properly because it felt a lot like yet another class to attend. Apparently music practice works whether you do it in one long or several short rounds as long as the total time is enough.1
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How does Spring Boot/Data create a MongoClient/Template Bean to a **remote** database that requires password, certs, other configs?
These would be set in application properties but how does it get translated to the Beans?
I went through a lot of examples is like @Autowired MongoClient client
And then they just use it.
And I'm like wtf?7 -
Gotta love when you come across an interesting piece of software with a modern, sleek, and snazzy homepage. Then you press "Sign up" and are redirected to an ancient 90's web app whose first element after the body is a table.
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So glad I decided to use Spring Boot... Love it's bean configuration for dependency injections... Also love the RowMapper interface that's used with the JdbcTemplate. No more redundant Exception handling over and over again and I can still get close to the metal with writing my own queries. DOPE.
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1) Guess how many beans (hours) are in the jar (sprint).
2) Pad my estimate with 12 beans.
3) Be high and have to have meetings in which I explain bean counting is not an exact science and insist that meetings about how we count beans will only put us behind further and will never ever make us better bean counters.
or
3b) Be under, have extra time in the sprint, only to have product management fill the jar with more beans until I'm wrong again. -
Sorta just had a realization but wanted to confirm if that's how it works.
@Bean adds the object to global objects collection?
And @AutoWired in a object returned in like @Bean ClassA classA() { return new ClassA(); }
Gets the instance from these global collections?
In which case Spring is just a way to use global variables/singletons... Isn't that like bad?14 -
“Well sir I know for real that you spend 100s of dollars in our store a week on food and the like but I’m a fucking bitch that needs to tell you that if you get one of millions of cups we dispense and millions we throw away that has hot water but no bean carcasses with a little of the milk that is going to spoil and some sugar packets that I’ll have to charge you ! No real reason because 99% of my customers by my overpriced Java beans which you do as well most of the last decade and well the rest of our supplies likely have an element of waste and spoilage that you’re just deducting from etc and who cares anyway really but yeah I thought I’d be a bitch today, maybe I want fucked in my face so I can claim by willingly being a bitch I should be able to hurt my intended victim class which I already did just because you punished me for doing so in the past and saying things just to add some more stress go your day?”
HAND OVER THE FUCKING CUP OF HOT WATER INFANTILE MONSTER DRONE GIVING CUSTOMERS EXCUSES TO BE DICKS TO ANYONE IN A LOW PAID POSITION WHO IS MAKING MONEY THAT SHOULD BE OURS ! -
Fuck its le craxy bean man monster fuck dude shit fuck my pants i mean pls no but go away bwan man monster bubbbbbbs dsmdlkdbs :'(((((((((-(((-(-(-(-(-?-?-?
peace *@*
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