Still true

Programming as fast as you can because of deadlines

If programming languages where weapons...

1. C is an M1 Garand standard issue rifle, old but reliable.

2. C++ is a set of nunchuks, powerful and impressive when wielded but takes many years of pain to master and often you probably wish you were using something else.

3. Perl is a molotov cocktail, it was probably useful once, but few people use it

4. Java is a belt fed 240G automatic weapon where sometimes the belt has rounds, sometimes it doesn’t, and when it doesn’t during firing you get an NullPointerException, the gun explodes and you die.

5. Scala is a variant of the 240G Java, except the training manual is written in an incomprehensible dialect which many suspect is just gibberish.

6. JavaScript is a sword without a hilt.

7. Go is the custom made “if err != nil” starter pistol and after each shot you must check to make sure it actually shot. Also it shoots tabs instead of blanks.

8. Rust is a 3d printed gun. It may work some day.

9. bash is a cursed hammer, when wielded everything looks like a nail, especially your thumb.

10. Python is the “v2/v3” double barrel shotgun, only one barrel will shoot at a time, and you never end up shooting the recommended one. Also I probably should have used a line tool to draw that.

11. Ruby is a ruby encrusted sword, it is usually only used because of how shiny it is.

12. PHP is a hose, you usually plug one end into a car exhaust, and the other you stick in through a window and then you sit in the car and turn the engine on.

13. Mathematica is a low earth orbit projectile cannon, it could probably do amazing things if only anyone could actually afford one.

14. C# is a powerful laser rifle strapped to a donkey, when taken off the donkey the laser doesn’t seem to work as well.

15. Prolog is an AI weapon, you tell it what to do, which it does but then it also builds some terminators to go back in time and kill your mom

All credits go to Vicky from damnet.com

Anyone else here ever used a bit of bluff to land a job?

A software engineer was smoking...

A lady nearby asked him: "Can't you read the warnings? Smoking is injurous to health!"

He replied: "We are bothered only about errors, not warnings!"

Let me guess. I can't touch this?

My dev superpower would be the power to magically refill anything.
Out of hot coffee? Refill your thermos!
Bank account running low? Refill with money!
Battery empty? Refill with charge!
Going bald like me? Refill your head with hair!
Bed empty? Refill with beautiful women!
Clients / managers annoying you? Refill their bladders!
The possibilites are limitless!

Why did the developer quit his job?

Because he didn't get arrays.

When you see a semi bald man with a messy beard, bit too much belly, a dead look in the eyes that carries a pc bag.

And your first thought is "oh, a sys admin" x)

Asking a frontender to build sql queries. This company...

Man : Just give me the bald overhead with RJ45 clips to keep my hair tied at the back
Barber : I got you fam

I HOPED I WOULDN'T BE BALD AS MY DAD BUT AT THIS RATE I WILL BE HAIRLESS FROM TEARING IT OUT ON MY BLOODY OWN

I got hired for cleaning up a 2 year project of rushed spaghetti code , where they previously only had 1 programmer aND HE WROTE 37 THOUSAND LINES OF CODE!

OH WE NEED A NEW FEATURE?! LEMME JUST RESEARCH THIS COMMENT-LESS CRAP FOR MULTIPLE MILLENIA BEFORE I CAN GRASP WHAT THE FLYING FRICKIN FRIDGE CODE DOES

To top it off, I've about ONE MONTH LEFT BEFORE BETA RELEASE TO FIX THE CODE!

I'm super grateful for this job as it's my first programming job BUT I'M GONNA SET THE REPOSITORY ON FIRE SOON AAAAHHHHHH

HOW CAN YOU, THE PREVIOUS PROGRAMMER, WORK IN THIS ENVIRONMENT WHERE MOSTLY ALL FILES ARE +2000 ROWS OF UNDOCUMENTED CODE

OH AND JUST GOT A MESSAGE FROM THE PREVIOUS PROGRAMMER:
"You can just remove the unused code and refractor it some, izi"

IZI MY SHITTY POOP CAR
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!

Now with that out of the way, how would you recommend handling a stressful release deadline?

Fuck recruiters! I told them i want to work in a bigger company and my JS are not the best.

I just drove a freaking hour to a company who wants a diehard JS'er and exists of 4! People.

Assholes!

It would be nice if everybody could just leave me the FUCK alone and let me work.
Goddammit!

Suddenly it hits me.
It’s 01:20 here but i get it.
It’s ALL a budget thing.

No dedicated tester means less expenses.

No personal parkspot?
No expenses!

And no good staging or testing environment? Less expenses!

Meanwhile every developer can setup, work on, and maintain about 20 websites on their shitty local Windows machine, that doesn’t even have a proper SSD installed, and we are setting impossible deadlines to figure out who will sink and who will swim.

Ow, here is a SSD.. Figure out the installation yourself because we have no IT knowledge or budget for people that do.

You want a challenge? How about 40 other people that are distracting you all day long.

Meanwhile everybody has to improve their skills in js, react, html5, ccs3, angular, .net and razor so money can made faster.

It would be nice if you could build apps as well.

You had a question? Sorry, no time. Expect some feedback 14 days later.

You finished the site?
Great!

But here are 101 bugs to solve before next week.

All hail their crazy company!

Goes to first job interview. Great interview but, can you send some code?

-Sure-
Sends requested js, css html files.

Great code, we want to speak to you again!
Goes to second interview, waits 15m, meets the sales department. Sales? Wtf?
Great interview but, can you send more code?
Errr?
We need some native JS to really make sure you can write code.

You could've emailed this request before the interview b*tch. That way id save time hurrying in rain and traffic jams!

It is with a heavy heart that I said aufwiedersehen to my mom last night. She passed peacefully in her sleep, and is now resting in the fields and forests of heaven. She was born in 1932 in Hamburg, Germany, and at age 7 the world around her exploded into one of the most horrific wars that Europe or the world had seen up to that time. By the time it was over, she was thirteen, and had spent many of her formative years witnessing how low humanity can get in the treatement of fellow humans. She survived the post-war years, and came to the US in the late 1950's, and met my dad while in nursing school. She had four chidren, Tim, Chris, Tanya, and myself. She was a doting and caring mom, who dedicated herself to raising her children. She loved to cook, loved animals, especially dogs, and love human beings in general, and had a compassionate and kind heart. There is a small, empty space in the world that she filled, but heaven is a little brighter with her smile and her laughter. I miss you mom, but I know I will see you again some day. Aufwiedersehen, lieber Mutti! Wir sehen uns bald.

If i'd get a penny for every time i typed backgorund instead of background i'd be so rich :)

Clearing the cache.
Tried clearing cms cache
Tried restarting iis
Tried browsing incognito
Tried deleting browser cache...

WHY U STILL SHOW OLD CSS?!?!

Architect of this building is so stupid. The toilet lights are triggered by movement. But they are not hanging in the toilet itself. Im wiping my ass with my flashlight on now…

What is the longest time you spent for a single bug fix?

3 days and going here, this piece of shit doesn't seem to reveal itself until I go bald and be a psychopath. 😲

It's always fun to compare webdesign to car sales.

Client: We want a car with 2 doors.

We: Here is you car with 2 doors.

Client: Why does the car only have 2 doors? This is very limiting and i think 4 doors work way better.

We: Okay fine, here is a car with 4 doors.

Client: Could you please check on the brakes, i think there is something wrong but i don't know what.

We: Ok we checked the brakes and they are working ok. So here is you car with working brakes and 4 doors.

Client: Why didn't you check on the exhaust? The car is generating big black clouds now...

It's never enough

The other day we had a little celebration because a website went live.

It’s weird

Somehow it’s easy to spent €100 on celebration food and drinks but it’s hard to sign a €90 paper and allow me to upgrade my computer just a tiny bit.

Let's do some more of that epic coding! *Puts on Star Wars music*

I fucking love noise cancelling headphone. Not just to block the noise but also to dive elbows deep into focus mode with code.

That is until your partner sneeks up to you on the side you don’t see.

I’m not kidding i just had a fucking heart attack guys!

Just had my first demo here. The resolution of the screen was set at 150% screwing more up then i hoped for.

I didn't dare to show the iPad version. I had seen enough bugs in those 10 minutes.

Don't put this developer in the center of attention. Please.

Why JS developers go bald sooner! ?#%*

1. Keep your rythm: 7/8 hours of sleep each day and DON'T take your work home. Unless you have your own business ofcourse. Still: don't wear yourself out!

2. Put on music. Me personally like fast punk when i'm struggling with a deadline. Makes you want to go faster.

3. Close ALL communication like chats, mail etc. Hell i even thought of a sign "do not disturb"

4. Coffee. Lot's of coffee

5. Use a time tracking method like pomodoro

Working for a company that hasn’t fully implemented git yet.

Servers are a freaking mess.

.old
.bak
Very-very-old
Backup

During resignation discussion with delivery manager at my previous organisation, he told me that I should join a start up. (I was planning to do that, and he knew somehow.)

He warned me in weird concerning way that if I join a start up, I will always be in stress. I will have high BP. And sperm count will reduce. I might never be able to produce child. And similar scary stuff.

Weird bald dude scared me for second there.

PS - I did join the start up and my BP is fine and so is my sperm count.

Clicking "share" on directory in Windows Explorer, digging through config panel, fidgeting with network discovery options, toggling password protection, digging through account management, jumping over a chair 3 times to channel my inner Bill Gates, checking directory permissions, sacrificing 7 virgin unicorns, go into lusrmgr.msc, curse various gods, install CIFS1.0 protocol, reboot computer, disable encryption, checking registry, trying to summon Steve Ballmer using the blood of a bald goat and sweat-scented candles... 5 hours.

Install Ubuntu on spare SSD, mount Windows NTFS drive, start SMB daemon and set up samba users... 15 minutes.

Im working on a big project with a coworker that is working remotely. Basically we chat and call every day.

Today he is in the office.
Comes in, doesn’t even look or say hi.

Nice working with you pal.

Client came in this morning. Not even angry about the results so far even though deadline was a month ago. It's good to see a client as passionate about his product as this one

Fucking idiot lead dev who’s 10 years younger then me doesnt know fucking respect. Dumbass comes with every new framework there is:
- ow we should try abc.js
One week later
- now we should totally get in def.js. It’s soooo much better then abc.js!

Screwing up projects, asking for an extra pair of eyes and then asking wtf is this code.

Im out of here if we’re hiring toddlers for lead developers because they are willing to work 50 hours a week. I better get that raise soon.

After 60+ days of being jobless i had two offers coming my way. Starting my new job next monday! So excited!

git reflog saved me from going bald one time.

So, 5/10 minutes of discussion about a class i need in the code. This was with the backender.

Ofcourse the designer hears this, joins the discussion and causes another 10minutes of explaining that a photo is different then a video...

Meanwhile i took a piss and got coffee because i’m fucking tired of these discusseion. You’re a designer, why care about code other people write. Go draw something

In one of my first jobs i developed an (ugly and heavly under-payed) e-commerce/media platform for a customer.
That customer was constantly making fun of his bald partner telling how he was gay, liked dicks, etc., drawing dicks and bananas as sample website logos or uploading dildo/penis images as images, he was always like this.
Once the website was ready for production i removed all the "testing" posts and images and told the client to insert some real content and alert me when it was ready for release.
Well some time after the release i got a call from that client, for the first time he was serious:

C: Hi, why there are dildo images on the server? (the website in production was full of dildo/penis images instead of actual product images, he even photoshopped the head of his partner on a penis and uploaded it!!!)
R: ehm... i told you it was on production and to stop uploading bad content....
C: Ummm ok, please fix it immediatly, thanks!

Being a developer in my country is great. We have Sam Adams fountains instead of water fountains everywhere, triple - double bacon and duck fat fried cheeseburgers with Twinkie buns, massive desktops that burn coal and dump pure toxicity into the atmosphere. We sit on chairs made from the carcasses of soon to be extinct animals, and instead of rubber ducks, we have majestic bald eagles screeching their encouragement as we pound out our buggy ass code. But we have the best bugs, don’t we folks?

“Although we had a click during our talks, another candidate fits the profile we’re looking for better.”

MOTHERFUCKER THIS IS REJECTION NUMBER 57 FOR ME. BETTER GIVE ME A GOOD FUCKING REASON THEN THE STANDARD PROFILE EXCUSE YOU FUCKING IMBECILE OF A GODDAMN FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!

Disclaimer: i’m truly sorry for my language but i’m going through a though time. I’m gonna go and cry in a corner now and continue being jobless for probably another three months.

Don't need a cat as an avatar. I already have a real one!

Got feedback after job interview #33:
Yeah we don’t think you have enough corporate experience...

YOU COULD HAVE READ THAT IN MY RESUME BITCH! STILL YOU SPEND MY FUCKING TIME AND GAS!

Old, bad quality and not mine. Still just had to share

Me; Develops website. Website is done.

Client; we want an english version as well!

Me; implements english version.

Client; we want to go live but without the english version for now

*Fkc gmfbl gdddmn*

Why do programmers take so long in the shower?
They read the directions on the shampoo bottle and follow them to the letter:
Lather, rinse, and repeat.
If only shampoo used for-loops in their instructions...
while(hair.isDirty){
hair.wash();
hair.rinse ();
}
while(hair.isDirty() && !shampoo.isEmpty()){
hair.wash();
hair.rinse();
}
Come on man, we should still stop if we run out of shampoo even if the hair isn't 100% clean yet.
while(hair.isDirty() && !shampoo.isEmpty() && tap.waterStillHot()){
hair.wash();
hair.rinse();
}
This could go on forever, I mean the adding of special cases.

try {
while(hair.isDirty() && !shampoo.isEmpty() && tap.waterStillHot()){
hair.wash();
hair.rinse();
}}
catch(sexException) { self.f___(spouse); } // spouse showed in in mid-rinse
catch(deathException) { spouse.arrangeForBurial(self); } // user died while showering
More importantly, you also need to catch a hairNotFoundException in the event that the user is bald. Or more properly, wrap the whole thing in "if(hair != null)". You don't want bald users throwing an exception every time they shower.

-- From a reddit feed a while back.

Just had the shittiest job interview ever. Had to do two tests. And since i was nervous as fuck and can't do proper JS i obviously failed!

'Nuff said

Warning deadline over due!Warning deadline over due!

Brace yourselves, long code nights are coming!

Working as a new employee: no wifi. No work. 10 new tools to get familiair with. 41 new people to get to know. No workstation. No desk. No signed contract.
So far so good.

!dev I guess

Stress and anxiety are bitches. I'm sure that mostly everyone here already knows that. Sometimes life is just a fucking mess, and no matter what you do, it just gets worse and worse.

Personally, shit's just gotten so bad lately. A bit more than a year ago life was shit and I started pulling out my hair, then I noticed I had a bald spot after about a week and I did everything I could to stop. Managed to stop, until recently. Right now I have a fair sized bald patch right on the top of my head after about a month of pulling. At least I have long hair (about chest length) so I can just put it up to cover the spot.

This community has been the thing keeping me sane lately and I just wanted to thank you guys for just doing what you do. I'm a fucking mess and just need an outlet

So yesterday i solved 7 tickets on my own for this project while the teammate was "testing".

Solved nothing and checked fb or new everytime i took a look at his screen.

Can comeone please fire this guy?

A big company owned by a bald cynical guy selling stuff especially during the black Friday offered me a job, all I had to do is 5 interviews.
So I found real job instead.

Yeah i applied for a job once without much js experience. I got invited for an interview and a couple of tests. The interview went well. I think the cognitive test wasn’t bad either.

However they wanted to see funky js shit i hadn’t ever done or see before and also was totally useless skill wise.

I asked if i could google answers (who doesn’t in their daily script job?) but i wasn’t.

I tried for like 5 or 10 minutes and then blurted out to the major CTO super tech savy master degree microsoft-o-worthy, that my js skills weren’t up for the task.

He gave me a couple of links to pdf’s with programming basics teached at a high school. Totally cool and understanding.

I walked away ashamed and probably red as a tomato. Excused myself for wasting his time and left as quickly as possible.

So i had the second talk with this company today. The backend developer somehow expected me to know all four benefits of jQuery. What the hell dude?

Nobody knows everything.

I’m not a big fan of jQuery period.

Why does every designer has to be a complete asshole? Wtf is up with them? You take a day on your fucking design, i implement your fucking design, and then when you see it, you want it completely different again.

Started a new job a month ago. I’m the only real frontend developer here. I come from a company with 10+. Now i’m working with a old ux guy. Mr. UX teached me the usage of a styleguide. This styleguide is a fucking mess. The legacy code is a fucking mess. They way of working, up for improvement.
I have a dream...

Me to coworkers tomorrow: best wishes.
Me to boss tomorrow: Go f*ck yourself

They hired a new person to come and help put with the project. This guy graduated a freaking year ago. Common guys wtf?!

Saying he is a full stack developer but unable to get a database running :’)

99 IT recruiters on the phone, 99 IT recruiters.
Take one down and pass it around, 99 IT recruiters on the phone.

Why are my projects NEVER done?

I was in a meeting with the designer, the backend guys and a marketing person this morning. They talk about a frontender like i’m not even here.

I have a job interview this week so hopefully this will soon indeed be the case.

Ow how badly i want to punch the designer in his face

Basically any meeting where "the big bald" (a.k.a our manager) was present...
It always started professional and alright but it often took only around 5 minutes before the asshat started bragging about "his past accomplishments", his life when he was younger and often a lot of shit that wasn't exactly respectful to women...

I'm not an SJW, nor am I the most "female-friendly" person out there myself...
But the things he said repeatedly, made me come really close just punching him in the face.

I was just in a meeting. Making notes on my phone. Appearently coworker thought i was on FB or something and asked if i could focus. I was just making notes?!
He felt pretty stupid :)

Working on projects when you're sleep deprived and your hair is falling out is food for nightmares!
Jesus, why am I shedding hair? I'm afraid to look at my scalp and see bald spots.

Clients are pain in the ass with money in the bag... Have to deal with those bald people daily :"(

Company is celebrating new awards. Whole dev team basically says fuck you we have better things todo and isn’t attending for champagne.

Yesterday I had another job interview. This time from home via Skype. Today I was blown off. I was not technical enough according to the company.

This company was working with an ancient cms nobody ever heard of and made Sass sound difficult and new.

Good luck in the Stone Age fellow devs. Make sure you upgrade your pc to Windows 7.

Designers! Argh. I’ve been busy with a form for over two days and STILL it isnt good enough. I told everybody this CMS is a pain the ass and every element has to be positioned manually.

THAT YOUR FUCKING CHECKBOX ISNT LIKE YOUR PSD ISNT MY PROBLEM.

PLEASE THROW YOURSELF OFF A BUILDING?!

Putting your screen vertical for coding, who does it? I never tried but am curious so maybe i should

If i can make all buttons on the website manageble.

Haha just asking for 300 changes in a single issue. Wtf

I'm a joke/meme myself.
Both physically and mentally.

Always up in the cloud.

Last week: "let's build this page this way!"
Me: styles page
One day later: "no, that's build the wrong way, let's build it this other way!"

-_-'

So i already worked 40 hours this week and i have still 8 more hours to go.

Made a shift from 08:30 till 23:30 and wannabe lead had the guts to tell me i could work from home.

Maybe it's not a bad idea to leave the office.

And fucking quit

Socalled Sr Frontender... doesn’t close div tags. Common dude. You are as junior as they come XD

Coworker; i’m soooo busy please don’t bother me.

Emailbox: full with mails from the coworker that does seem to have time to write all those

Setting up a local website here takes a couple of hours at least. Worst case scenario is 2 or 3 days.

I have to do it in 30m and the pc didn’t even had IIS or Sql Server studio.

Always nice to hear colleages say: great work on this website. Really neat.

Two days later: yeah, i gathered some feedback for the site…

*beware, pile of shit comments incoming*

!rant
Is it ok to add hair to my online avatars, while I'm in fact half bald?

So i’m looking through our backlog... and there is one issue called “gain trust”. No specifications whatsoever. Just “gain trust”. Wtf

So far i've been asked at least three times this week if i like it here.
I consider this a disadvantage...

I find it so frustrating that i have to do my frontend coding in the same sprint the designer is working out what i’m suppose to create.
This isn’t working people!
I have got jackshit to do because all i can do is wait for the design but mr. Designer is pixelfucking his ass off.

Seriously, i’m working here for a couple of months but already looking around for vacancies.

We had some PR’s this morning. Colleage rewrote an app. Restructured everything. Broke some things. Not a single comment and merged to master.

I get questions like: WhY dO yOu PuT a BuTtOnPrEsS aNd A mOuSeCliCk HeRe?

FOR ACCESSIBILITY ASSHOLE!!! SOMETHING YOU OBVIOUSLY NEVER HEARD OF!!!

So, i helped solving 168 bugs for this website. Ofcourse, doubting every step since i'm still new here. Yesterday there was a meeting with the directors. Appearently they where happy a graded the site with a 8.5.
I finished my education with a 6. Not taking credit for any of the above...

Why do recruiters keep thinking they can contact me 5 months after i last spoke to them? Look at me LinkedIn. I have a job!

This guy... starts at 11. Ends at 16:00... And i’m supposed to work with him while my day is 9-17. No communication whatsoever. Great. Fucking great. Im boring my brains out meanwhile.

Lead developer about Project X:

“Focus on responsiveness. That will probably take you the rest of the week”

The next day:

“Focus on functionality Y”

MAKE UP THAT MIND FFS?!

I told myself for 18 months things like; ‘im being here, working here, and i like it here’.

Also when others left, nothing could break my confidence.

Present moment i’m happy to leave this place. This madhouse. This stressed out place where everybody keeps licking clients asses. Fuck this shit, i’m much better off elsewhere!

I am dreaming of leaving this company while the building burns. Or just before leaving, throwing my pc to pieces.

I wish i could scream: FUCK *company name*!!!

Started this day great with the mention that a coworkers contract isn’t suspended.

In August?

Thats in freaking 6 months. Workload is already fucking insane, and STILL you fucking decide to fucking fire another fucking person from YOUR fucking company.
This has been the 5th i think and my contract is due to July. If it is prolonged i’m thinking of screwing this company over my going away myself. Bunch of mother fucking idiots.

Ended the day great as well.
Heard that a new person is going for lead promotion. Haha.
He has been here for only two months. :,)

Left and right projects are exploding meanwhile i’m in the middle trying to cut the right wire!

I saw the asstard just wrote his roles on his screen. Appearently he is a lead UX, and a senior Frontend developer. I wouldn’t be surprised if he thinks of himself as a designer and a brand-manager as well. This site was one big fucking mess before i started here, and this guy is taking all credits.

Every time i got fired. So thats 6. At least in the past ten years. Every time i saw colleages get fired. So double that. Every 10nth job interview i went to. Maybe i should say i doubt my dev future every single fucking day.

Don't be afraid to make mistakes. Making mistakes is the only way to learn from them and grow. F*ck sh*t up and build it back up again but better. Fall seven times stand up 8!

Me VS Dentist:

Me: Hey Doc, it hearts on the left side of my jaw, can you take a look at it maybe?

Dentist: Awh that’s nothing. If you just keep it clean there is no problem. Let’s make a picture just to be sure.

Also Dentist: i can’t see it with my bare eyes but the picture indicates an upcoming problem on the right side. I HAVE TO REPAIR THIS!

No fucking complaints there but still.

This reminds me of IT people and car mechanics. They can tell you anything to earn cash from you.

Best wishes for the new year. Happy 2017 fellow devs!

Another fun thing. This morning one of the first mails i read was a issue about a bug in our software.

This was a bug i mentioned months ago but there was nog evidence where i searched like mails chats or tickets.

If people would just listen to me this bug was solved months ago but back then i got a reaction like: "works over here" while i tested it on two different instances with buggy results each time.

Just writing this because i’m stressed as fuck and i’m currently having my second sleepless night in a row...

Like i mentioned earlier i have 4 projects on my name. Two are on a real tight deadline, the other two are smaller, more support like issues.

Last week i got asked basically to get about 20 storypoints done in two hours by my Scrum master. Ehh no. Impossible. Wish i could do magic...

Yesterday i had to make a quick hotfix between the two bigger projects. Tried to reject this but had to do this any way. (It was basically the clients fault/content)

Also, f’d it up because there are current changes that are ready for deploy but haven’t been approved yet.

Do i get a f’ckin email this morning about how the progress wasn’t followed and the git permissions aren’t right.

You fucking twat! If i i did have ANY freaking minute in my planning to actually take the time for this damn hotfix this didn’t happen any way! You’re fucking restrictions only make things harder you goddamn motherfucking morron!

I'm wondering if recruiters are just as irritating everywhere or that this is just the shitty situation we have in the Netherlands.

I was once called by an unknown number and heard a typical recruiter story. Since i never heard of or spoke to this person i kindly asked where he'd get my information from. Since mr, Recruiter didn't answer and just kept selling his great position i hung up.

He called back.

I picked up the phone again and he told me there were connection issues. I once again asked where he found my number. And again he just acted like he didnt hear me and sells his great position.

Hangs up and blocks the number. Go f(...) yourself damn recruiter!

Appearently on of my coworkers is working while having a day off. Boss answered the chat with the request to shut the pc because he’s off today :)

There are two kinds op people. People who like to help because they feel sorry for you, and people who want to help to proof themselves.

The second one is annoying as fuck. Even though i asked for help, it doesn’t mean you are better in it then me.

You should listen to what i have to say. Stuck up anti social asshole.

I just realized i have a great talent for saying wrong things in a job interview.

Recruiters have gone fucking mad! They are offering me a job in Brussels haha, this is at least a two hour drive away!!

Unless this job comes with a personal helicopter service, hell no!

So stress is back on. Justed wanted to work. Computer crashed.

Deadlines with Windows 10 isn’t a good combo. Booting takes between 15 and 30 minutes ofcourse. Site needs to go live monday.

Joy...

I have nothing against freelancers but this guy... He stinks. He is literally smelly. I don’t think he owns a shower, soap a toothbrush or a shaver.

He looks and smells like he belongs on the streets. And i have to work with him :(

Worst of all is that is is owning way more then i am.

Client breaks website and i’m the one trying to fix things. For two unplanned hours i’ve been trying to help and instead of a thank you i get a thanks for nothing message. I’m not responding to this client next time. Fuckn bitch

I had a half our discussion the other day with a projectmanager about the menu. He wanted to have both inpage anchor links as well as normal links in the main navigation. I found it completely stupid and didn’t get why you would want this. It’s totally unexpected behaviour from a users perspective and tried for 30 minutes to convince him of his stupidity.

Afterwards i gave in, sure, i’ll make it your stupid way. The actual pages that are there now won’t be visible anymore but if this is what you reallllllly want: sure.

Yesterday he came with a remark: the pages that used to be there can’t be reached anymore.

Always trust your developer

By this month, I have been in business for three years. How much pressure have I suffered in three years? I am a programmer. I used to think that writing code is too youthful. I started to know that when I started a business, when a programmer might lose my hair, I would be bald if I started my own business.

In order to develop my own products, I invested most of the funds in the early stage. Later, when the product came online, I struggled with promotion, but promotion was not as easy as expected, especially when you had no money. Those successful people always like to share the story of "without spending a penny to promote and make one million users from zero." I have nothing more to say about this except Ha ha. I am very confident in my product, but if I have no money to promote it, it means that no one knows how good your product is. So I always wanted to get a financing. But if promotion is difficult, is financing easy? The chicken soup said again: "All the money floating on Zhongguancun Chuangye Street is money, and as long as you come, it is yours." Ha ha, I laughed and said nothing.

I have seen a developer implement lots and lots of breakpoints. For basically every pixel resolution a new one. Yes, it’s literally pixel perfect. No it isn’t maintainable in any way

In a team with 7+ Frontenders. Only one is vhecking my Pull requests. *sight*

Without any proper JS knowledge careeroptions are very limited... and i won't be able to pay my rent without a job :/

This place sucks. What happened? (Fuck you rutee, it is probably your fault, bald cunt).

Coworker and dev lead had a discussion about newsletter implementation last friday.
I told them, i’ve tried the setup before, it’s not gonna work, it’s behind an ip-block and they need a backend person.

Lead was convinced it was possible and started drawing stuff.

End result: wasn’t possible.

People really need to start listening around here...

So 10 phonecalls en 6 emails later i’m pretty much done with jobhunting for today i think. Omg, what an insane day this was!

Developing a clothing shop and being bored. Adding clients like Napoleon Bonaparte with the comment that this person is missing a hand.

We have a external demo this thursday. We still need to merge a lot of branches and somehow get a online environment working.
It's 30C and my motivation is dropping by the hour.

At least im not the one to actually have to demo this for people in suits giving you a hard time.

But there are a lot of responsibilities open and no one is taking a lead or having somekind of plan.

Rejections flying left and right and i’m getting tired of it. I’m already applying for a month and have been to 10 companies, made multiple assignments but it’s the same fucking story every single time.

Time for a goddamn careerswitch. Maybe riding a bus or a truck or so.

Crawling around in a legacy project. Need to rewrite 500 lines of SCSS, to regular CSS. Fuck it. Runs compiler, beautifier and copy paste that shit.

deal with oop.

because they made it waaaaay more complicated than it needs to be.

So, i started at this company about 4 months ago. So far i mostly worked in existing project and legacy code.

We started a new project for a pretty big client, and i'm the one who's responsible for setting the project up. The last two days i've been struggling with database issues. Finally got the site running locally about an hour ago.

And now i am running into troubles because i don't know how to set up a project yet since i only worked in existing projects.

Great. Can't say i'm not challenged here!

We are not interested in your skills right now, but is it ok if we keep your details to maybe contact you in the future?

8/9 never hear ever from then again.

1/9 so i wasn’t good enough for you back then, and now that i have a job i am? Go f* yourself!

PC was slow as shit yesterday, but this is taking 1,5 hours...
So far for productivity

Last week i had a talk with my boss. Actually he more had a talk with me. Why i wasn’t able to finish my work the sprint before. I told him i had to run not one, but two project at the same time and on top of that had to show a new coworker around.

Some how i keep thinking about quitting this shit.

hey devs, quick question:
does rust support branchless conditionnals and jump tables, and if yes where to look for syntax?

i found no example for branchless so far and jump tables are scary in rust (and i need a library to use them, it seems).

inb4 "why in the hell/ what possible use those have?!":
i use branchless to make a looping array and jump tables whenever there's more than 4 if statements with equal probability, and the deciding factor is a numeric value, so quite often.

Asked; fullstack developer. Must know .net Core and photoshop. Wtf

Updated my Linkedin status last weekend. The recruiter hell is already starting. Everybody wants a piece of me.

I had a challenge this week. I had to develop a business site in less then 5 days. I’m pretty happy with the result especially since i estimated multiple weeks for a site like this.

Ofcourse the manager had to come over and complain and bitch about alignments of elements. I’m sorry dude but with this kind of abnormal time pressure you don’t have the right to complain. Period.

Was struggling today with some form elements and asked a coworker for help. Coworker start interupting immediately and doesn’t listen to any explaining at all. After trying to get a couple of points a cross he suddenly says: ok, i’m gonna let you finish your sentence...

Thanks twat! Next time show at least a bit of respect and start with that!

So we got back the test results and there is still some work todo on the project that should already been done.

We know we have planned you in for this other project but since we have to deliver them both, can you work on two project at the same time and finish those 20 storypoints in 2 hours?

Faaaaak offfffff

Was driving home last night when I noticed that my car was slowly drifting side to side. It felt weird like when a tire is low/flat. So I gradually slowed down from 50mph to 40mph. Note, I did this carefully and slowly. My antilock brakes kicked in. Like holy hell how slick does a road have to be for a small deceleration like that to kick in antilocks?

So it made me think of a math question:
If a typically sized sedan (weighing 2 tons) decelerates from 50mph to 40mph and the antilock brakes kick in, what it the frictional coefficient of the surface of the road? Also assuming typical non-bald all season tires.
Multiple choice:
a) slick
b) really slick
c) REALLY FUCKING SLICK!

Heard yesterday this is my last week. I have 5 jobinterviews this week. Go!

I got my evaluation today. First time in a year that i had a talk longer 30 minutes. 1,5 hours was a bit too much maybe. After an hour i just wanted to get over with it.
Verdict: average
Meanwhile i could’ve improved my project...

Not sure if coffee or deadline, but i am stressed like hell today

Mondays: the amount of typos os too damn higg!

The procedure of introducing new coworkers here is still not clear to me.
I hear a new person is introduced behind me, so i thought i had to shake a new hand soon. But no.

I probably get an impersonal email in about a week when he/she has been working here for 4 days.

I asked the designer if he had ideas on the hover or active states of the buttons. He came with a pretty flashy codepen: “Maybe something like this?”

I tried making the thing myself. It was pretty complicated since it had a background/foreground etc so i tried a couple of things with :before :after but to no avail. I gave up and decided to give it another try the next morning.

Next morning i started to copy paste the existing code from the codepen.
Quickly i discovered what a pile of shit was send to me. This button had twice as much lines then needed and above all; it wasn’t scalable at all.

I reworked the code removed everything i didn’t need and now have decent animating button. Which is flashing the eyes out of the visitors. But hey, it’s flashy!!

Back in the day when daily standups where still physical, i worked at a place you had to pay a euro if you where late. This money would then be used to buy the team dinner on pizza nights for example. Ofcourse everything changed with the daily standups being digital now.

How would you still implement somekind of correction for people being late unnecessary?

I was promised a new pc with SSD in 2017. I got my own slow but complete pc back in 2018.

The progress is stunning in this company!

Xcode and xamarin! Been busy for weeks to get the ios app aligned in each screen

I had a jobinterview this morning at a small startup, that doesn’t even have clients yet. That sounds too risky to be in right now

lel just noticed a pattern here:

if someone asks newbie questions on devrant about anything - gets shat on

but if that person asks about react - its all roses and rainbows

i say there's a new cult in town and theyre recruiting!

This is getting kind of annoying now. Everytime i am planned for a (small) project, there is less to no briefing and nobody has a clue what to do.
Then how the hell am i supposed to?

Because i had some problems on sites in the past that were iOS specific i configured one of the leftover Macs here as a test device. A week later this laptop has been kidnapped and until now it is gone. I can start installing everything again on a new one because one of the fellow workers here is stupid as fuck

Since i hard problems with a slow harddrive i've been asking for a SSD. It took 6 weeks for a SSD to arrive.
It has been laying on my desk for another 4, because busy projects etc.
Last friday i decided to install it. I have to do everything about the install myself. No IT support nothing.
I've been trying to install windows on the SSD For over a day now. And now im fucking done with it. FUCK THIS SHIT. FUCK THE SSD. FUCK THE FUCKING PROJECT AND FUCK THE FUCKING CLIENT. Goddamn morons around here.

Also: Windows Updates are breaking my solution. Goddamn you Microsoft. Burn in hell!

Working on a bug that in my opinion never worked. “Sr. Dev” dares to say the function has worked before. I’m a 100% sure it never did.
“Yes but everything is being tested before we go live.”

Dude, we have a monkey testing our stuff are you serious!?

Im browsing to webdeveloper vacancies all day today. Appearently every company thinks they are working with or on state-of-the-art technology. This term is raped and abused for sure!

For the past days i’ve mentioned that i need a backender to create me an extra page in the solution. No attention was given. Backenders where too busy. Today we started a new sprint and i got asked what i’m gonna do.

I told them for the fourth time, i need backend work done to continue.
I got pissed.
Backender got pissed.

And in the end nothing will be done for this cause.

Fucking great.
Fuck my life.
Fuck these people.

Lol. Because there aren’t backend resources available, frontenders are now implementing Backend functionalitiet with JS. -_-‘

7 circles of developer hell

Coworker during standup this morning: yeah i couldn't work saturday on the project because of VPN problems but i'll stay longer today.

Scrum master goes home.

Coworker, literally 8:10 hours later. Goes home.

He bugfixed another project for an hour and told me i had to work on this project instead of helping another client.

Meanwhile he's bragging about all the experience he has and telling he wants to be the lead dev.

I thought he started early but nope. First drank coffee for another 15 minutes.

One of those awkard moments you’re together with your boss at the coffee machine.

I made the mistake of showing relieve that it’s friday and almost weekend.

Can somebody just shoot me?

I was told to be more inclusive.
So from now on, i (void *) everything and compile with -w

Yes and we recently opened a new office in Amsterdam. Because because from Amsterdam only want to do business with people from Amsterdam.

Well great. You think i want to go over there? My company has an office in Switserland. And the previous one in Curacao. I got here because i can bike or even walk this distance if i wanted.

IE11 is my fucking enemy lately. We’re trying to keep up with the latest techniques here so we gave CSS Grid a try. Only works partially in IE11 but still important since our old users still use it and it’s responsibe for 5% of all income.

Don't you just love that moment when you see shit,

Flying.
In a bow.
Through the air.

And actually just starting, just starting, to hit the fan.

Three days before your deadline.

And it is crystal clear the project is gonna end up as a mess.
Total disaster.
But the best thing of all: it's not your fault.
So, you are actually celebrating the mess to come a little, and know that you can blame the guy who isn't trusting you as a new guy, and show him, with all his more years experience, he is the one who can't be trusted.

Wow! My rights to merge work is just revoked. This is fucking bullshit. Whenever i want to merge my work the project lead has to do it. And when he’s sick ill have to go to the fe lead, who is in meetings 24/7. Fucking great

Today is the dealine for the project. Monday is D-day basically. WHY is the manager now asking to see me code? I don’t need any more stress then i already have.

Asshole, I told you if i’ll do it your way we’ll have responsive issues. Now deal with it you f*ckhead

Are there other developers who have a version displayed in their test site? We have it now but as a FE i really dislike everything in my viewport that isnt needed or possible to find elsewhere. Feels like the oldschool commercial popup now being red and obvious.

Wow, that was an interview i bombed pretty hard! Ow well, already have an offer on the table =)

After a big part of the day spending in Angular i decided to do something else. I went studying a bit on how to increase conversion. Partially because this was the main goal of the webdev team in the coming months. The UX designer saw it and told me if he where me he would study more code and scripting.

Like dude. Wtf. Im doing this for 1 in the 8 working hours. Get off my back asshole.

I’ve always hated the pixel fucking part in a webdev project. It’s the most frustrating becausing it’s partly about optinions.

I like the pixels better over there

I want this coler greener

Can we make this animation more cool?

Now imagine pixel fucking in 16 devices and 200 resolutions...

So, the wanna be lead FE dev came in late this morning. I asked him if everything worked out with his home. Turned out he didn't have an appointment for his home.

He decided to see a friend for breakfast.
Now... This guy is is going through a tough time with a girl but still... wtf. At least tell your coworkers about something like this. Just made up an excuse "for personal reasons".

No he just stays away and nobody knows how what or why. Like... wtf?

Anyway, he's here now. Surfing tech sites as usual. Instead of working on the project in Jira.

And ofcourse project won't be done by the end of the day
*sight*

Let’s start the week great with a scrum master complaining about a functionality that isn’t working, and a coworker that’s pointing in my direction.

Go point your finger elsewhere (***)

So let's see. We have AWS GCP Azure

Azure -> Microsoft -> Bill Gates. Bill gates is a pedophile who gangfucked little kids at epstein island and tried to kill half of the world with covid19 bullshit vaccine as well as spread propaganda lies and poison minds with fake news. Guy is a clown and works for shadow elite.

Hard pass. Fuck azure.

GCP -> Google -> Probably some indian guy is CEO. I like google and their material design concept. I grew up learning most of google tech. Flutter angular etc. Why arent people using GCP more?

Neutral.

AWS -> Amazon -> Jeff Bozos. A rich multi trillionaire bald ass guy with access to infinite money infinite whores infinite freedom, 50 billion dollar mega super luxury yacht, 50 mega mansions, 5000 super luxury cars and doesnt give a fuck about the matrix. Treats their employees like dogs paying them penies. I like this one. This one is who i want to become.

I'll choose AWS.

I have never seen a bald or long haired( by choice) indian guy.

So i had a challenge with a js slider and i wanted my coworker to think along. I was trying to explain my problem and the steps taken so far but, as always, he wants to interrupt me after to sentences. He somehow always thinks he knows things better.

Dude let me first explain my shit before you start working on your solution. This is pure disrespect asshole!

So i had two jobinterviews at a company and i was basically through for a test. It just so happens that the person who should give the test is sick for a couple of weeks. So instead they asked me to send them some code to evaluate.

Today i got an email telling me that the level of my code doesn’t match my years of experience so the process stops here.

Somehow i can’t help myself but to wish that the guy who evaluated my code now just is sick for at least
another moth!

Funfact: in one of the interviews i was told that they don’t work with junior people. I personally think everyones view on jobtitle/rank is different so i’m not a big fan of it in any case.

However this company LITERALLY has a blog describing how they hired someone without any working experience and thus being a junior.

Guess i’ll be stuck in my current deadend job for a while.

So ive been on this project for months. Project lead did not have a role anymore and now they decide this other guy is the new project lead. This while i am the one having to deploy everything and answer questions from mr Free Lance.

Holy crap i gotta find myself a new job, these people are going nuts.

Trying to create a custom woocommerce store theme, pretty sure I've become bald from all the hair pulling I've had to do over their shitty CSS class names. For example .woocomerce_Store--Front

Witchcraft is what windows update is. Turned my C:\ drive partition to RAW during an upgrade. I had to start over, no files...nothing. I was shaved bald. It was a sad night.

So we’re in a completely bugge stage of the repo and ofcourse the client goes: we want this and that functionality live today. And i can’t say no so now i have to figure out if this is a smart thing to do. I guess its not

Yeah he was officially free today but he still managed to come a couple of hours. Fucking asshole go fix your fucking code damn idiot. This whole site is broken. Thanx mr wannabe a leaddev. Hope you crash with your damn racecar

Im done here with the discussions about the capabilities of a senior person. They are looking for a senior frontender and everything being said makes me feel less welcome by the day. Being a frontender myself.

Mark my words: they are looking for a replacement and i’m fired this summer.

Got a call by a recruiter for a function i already applied at and already got rejected as well.

That was a very fast call!

When you want to ask your colleague a question and he everything he says is max speed and stressed as hell:

everythingisjustreallysimplejustclickclickclickydyclikandyouaredonesir.

Owandwhatyoudidntknowiworkonwindowastheonlyonebutthatshouldntreallybeaproblemyadybladieyaetcetera

...but but i knew halfway already where his answer was going and still he continues instead of having an actual conversation it’s waaaay better to talk as much as possible in the shortest amount of time.

So i’m jobless and looking for something new. I had three interviews today and i always mention i’m doing a self study on React.js atm.

However after this i also got asked how i want to develop myself in the future and i’m like: wtf? Are you even paying attention here?

Three interviews is a lot. Time for beer! Have a nice weekend!

January is always the month of feedback and reflection. I dont mind going to the office x times a week and standing still on the highway every day. But if they are asking me to spend my own time on a course now they can lick my balls. Im already working for two years without a raise. Ik not continuing like this. I understand everyone needs to improve but if im exhausted at the end of the day by all the buzz in the office i dont have energy left for additional schooling. Im learning on the job. Deal with it

So, on top of all my rants from the past... i just noticed that new coworkers, the ones that are just starting in our company are getting brand new macbooks.

Meanwhile i am frustrating the fuck out of my slow Windows machine that i rebooted twice today because it didnt do shit anymore.

I am fucking done here!

Just received an email from a company i applied while searching for a new job. They sended me this little assigment to show my skills since they had the feeling i couldnt show them much.

(they browsed through 3 of my websites while i was there, including a check on the code)

It was a simple layout assigment. Just a responsive page with a hamburger menu (also mentioned during this interview)

It took me a couple of hours to create it and ive send it back in the hope of some positive feedback.

Feedback: assignment was pretty good but it show a lack of php experience. I was clearly more on the .NET side.

....

I just sended html, css and js files as requested. HOW THE F* DO YOU COME TO THIS CONCLUSION?!?!

Damn idiots, im glad i found people that actually do know how to hire people!

today i had to teach a friend of mine that:
"we don't negotiate with the terrorists from artistic department".

plot twist: i am the artistic department:p

Goddammit. I have like 4 projects on my name and a planner who is like; see whenever you have time

I was already done with the company that couldn't make up their mind about JS. I got a mail:
They're stopping the procedure because they're looking for someone that also enjoys coding in their spare time. In other words: work 80 hours a week.

This guy! I have a week off and he decides to rewrite the videos and video popups in this site.

He made it all so general that every video is loaded in every page AND auto plays.

Whenever a user is visiting his or her orders it plays all thos videos simulteously while not showing any video.

This guy....

Couple of years ago i was working on a custom webshop with a third party designer and a manager. The manager didnt do his job right in my eyes. Didn't have overview of the tasks and was way too busy/lazy/stressed whatever.

Eventually i could go figure things out with the designer myself because he wanted some crazy menu structure.

So crazy i knew for sure that the usability wouldn't come to good.

Eventually deadline was past due and the projectmanager got me fired.

While back the brand i made the shop for went bankrupt.

What comes around gets around eventually.

Hey 10 new tickets for me today. Hey all 10 are Backend. I feel like i know sh*t. Let's just not do this and be bored instead.

So I work with a guy that is bald and has a bit of a beard going on. I joked that he looks like Walter White. I made this to give it to him.

Trying to figure out Material Custom Themes. Goddamn who ever came up with this was either a genius or a donkey. I cannot get a grasp of it. I need a custom palette import this in a custom theme and then make sure this theme is included in my Angular installation.
Why god why?

Im getting stalked so much by recruiters right now! Im ignoring a call every 10 minutes and writing back on mail/linkedin ever 15. Fuck offff! Please!

Im collecting all names, mails and numbers and maybe i’ll just fucking mass mail them all haha. And after that sign them up for freaking midgetporn muahahaha

Ok, im hired here as a frontender. Formally the designer did a bit of it. The site is shit. I want to fix everything about it basically. But, the thing is that we are working according to gitflow so someone has to check my code. But backend is like: thats frontend. And the designer is too busy and just wants to see the pixels. So who is check my PR’s now? Guess i’ll do it eventually... it’s going to test first anyway

I’m longing for the day that JS will be my friend instead of my enemy.

Guess who is running teo projects at the same time. F’d up planning over here. Seriously i’m bothered by 5 people at the same time. How the heck am i supposed to work like this?

So we have a demo tomorrow and it looks like i’m going to have to do it all on my own. Thats a first. I can already get a client frustrated whenever they are on the phone.

The last ten days i’ve been working on some animations for this website. Basic stuff but when you make elements move on scroll, people go wild.

The designer had a big opinion on this ofcourse.
So big she hád to scroll through the page herself.

So, multiple times a day, for the past two weeks she came over, checked animations, and gave a bit feedback on what could be improved.

She never mentioned the labels that where only appearing on scroll. Everything was just fine after 9 days.

However on day #10 i got a bug that the labels had to be appearing “just after loading the page”.

Like what?! Are people to dumb to scroll 2mm on a page? Damn ho. Wtf do you mean with “just after loading the page”. 1sec? 2sec? 10sec?

So, i have that assignment about docker stuff. nifty piece of software i must say.

anyways im installing docker software on windows bc im thinking if i have something that gives me at least the correct structure and some skeletal syntax i will have a faster grasp of the thing. expecting some sort of high level ide but end up instead with what looks like a blank window, with the only obvious choice being sign into some bullshit i dont need. but thats another story

my point is:
when installing the thing it prompted me to install WSL2. which i supposedly am not supposed to have because my cpu doesnt support intel virtualisation. but being impatient (thats why i came to look for an assisted solution), i pursued the installation.

lo and behold: i end up with a shell prompt at the root of a linux filesystem!
i ran 2 or 3 muscle-memory commands and closed the prompt, i was in docker stuff up to the neck.
later on, when i go back to my project, in a virtual machine its sluggish af and screams at me that amd-v is not supported because of something something nested pages (will look up later how that one works).

dont have time to explore it some more yet, and especially experiment or even barely look at this glorious mess because i have something barely working and no time to have it fail.
but this story definitely left me perplexed.

and also : you can run WSL2 on an fx8350

We’ve talked to the client a couple of weeks ago that they are totally screwing up the process with changing prio’s and wanting a deploy every other day.

We are in a new sprint and it just happens again. We have this presentation and blabla it needs to go live NOW!

I’m so tired of this project...

Contractmeeting in 1,5 hour. Its either permanent or i'm 'kicked out'. Option two would be the 4th time already. Whatever the outcome, i'll be ok!

So im new here and trying to find my way. There is one colleague who's been sick for a couple of days and just came back.
Note on the appearence of this person: big, tattooed bearded, but im not scared easily ;)

Trying to introduce myself: "Hi, let's shake hands: i'm [name]"

Colleague: "Are you sure about that?"

Yeah. Great week with awkard interactions so far!

I was in a meeting the other day which started with a introducing of the members and a basic explanation about scrum.

The meeting ended with the note form the client that the project was absolutely not allowed to cost more then X.

After the meeting a coworker asked who explained scrum to the client. And it was explained twice by two different people.

If i could estimate a schema issue. I looked at this site once in my time here. Don’t know shit about schema’s.
Estimating haha.

Im not asking you an estimate for example building a rocket. Right?

I don’t know this shit.

We have a nerf gun in the office here and i'm at the point that whenever i here a click, there is a *duck, hide and roll* part of me triggered. I just saw a guy opening a soda can when i noticed this