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Worst dev I've interviewed?
"Archie" ran his own consulting business for almost 20 years. Prior to his interview, Archie sent HR (to send to us) his company's website, where he had samples of code for us to review (which was not bad, this guy did know his stuff).
What I found odd was Archie was the lone wolf at his company, but everything I found about him (the about page, his bio, etc), Archie was referred to as 'Mr. Archie Brown'.
Ex. 'Mr. Archie Brown began his humble career and 'Mr. Archie Brown is active in his church and volunteers his time in many charities ...'
Odd to refer to yourself in the third person on your own site, but OK, I like putting hot sauce on my mac & cheese (no judgement here).
Then the interview..standard stuff, then..
Me: "Given your experience, this is an entry level developer position. Do you feel the work would be challenging enough for you?"
Archie: "Yes, Mr. Archie Brown would have no problem starting at bottom. You see ..."
Almost any time he would reference himself, instead of 'me' or 'I', he would say 'Mr. Archie Brown'. As the interview continued, the ego and self-importance grew and grew.
My interview partner wanted to be done by using the escape clause, "PaperTrail, I'm good, do you have any questions?"
Yes, yes I do. I was having too much fun listening to this guy ramble on about himself. I made the interview go the full hour with the majority of time 'Archie' telling us how great he is.
The icing on the cake was my partner caught his gold cuff-links and tie-pin where his initials and how he kept raising his hands and playing with his tie to show us (which I totally missed, then was like "oh yea, that was weird")
After the interview, talking with HR:
HR-Jake: "How did it go?"
John: "Terrible. One of the worst. We would have been done in 10 minutes if PaperTrail didn't keep asking questions."
Me: "Are you kidding!? I had the best time ever. I wish I could have stayed longer."
HR-Jake: "Really? This guy was so full of himself I wasn't sure to even schedule with you guys. With his experience, I thought it deserved at least a round with you two. You think we should give him a chance?"
Me: "Hell no. Never in a million years, no. I never in my whole life met anyone with such a big ego. I mean, he kept referring to himself in the third person. Who does that?"
HR-Jake: "Whew!...yea, he did that in the phone interview too. It was a red flag for us as well."
Couple of weeks later I ran into HR-Jake in the break room.
HR-Jake: "Remember Mr. Archie Brown?"
Me: "To my dying day, I will never forget Mr. Archie Brown."
HR-Jake: "I called him later that day to tell him the good news and he accused me of being a racist. If we didn't give him the job, he was getting a lawyer and sue us for discrimination."
Me: "What the frack!"
HR-Jake: "Yep, and guess what? Got a letter from his lawyer today. I don't think a case will come in front of a judge, but if you have any notes from the interview, I'll need them."
Me: "What are we going to do?"
HR-Jake: "Play the waiting game between lawyers. We're pretty sure he'll run out of money before we do."
After about 6 months, and a theft conviction (that story made the local paper), Mr. Archie Brooks dropped his case (or his lawyers did).38
11 kids in Sydney recreated Martin Shkreli's drug for just $2. The moral of the story? When you do cool shit like this, it's ok if you don't wear pants!12
Found a guy working at Microsoft with this bio.
"Software Engineer at Microsoft. Loves Linux, the cloud, Vim, and DevOps. But mostly Linux"
Like come on Microsoft, even they choose Linux over Windows26
i was browsing tinder and there was a girl with a bio status that said
"if you are in IT, swipe left, get the fuck away from me"64
My LinkedIn profile bio:
... however I’m not interested in hybrid mobile or contract work.
My LinkedIn “notes to recruiters”:
... I’m not interested in hybrid mobile or contract work.
- ticked full time permanent
- listed native technologies in the tag selector.
Email this morning:
Hi are you interested in the below role:
Role: Hybrid mobile developer
Type: 6 - 12 month contract.
No I am not you fucking fucktard. Read my fucking profile or go fuck yourself with a fucking cactus!9
- Wife logs onto uni website Saturday at 11pm to drop an elective, drop deadline is Monday
- Goes to course list and chooses course to drop
- "Course modification is available Monday-Saturday from 6am to 10pm"
😑 are you kidding me..
Like 😡😠 websites don't have business hours! Servers don't need nights or weekends off!! It's ridiculous to think that someone had to code this block for these hours, more effort than just leaving it always available.6
My bio professor has a word doc called passwords that she keeps on an unencrypted external hard drive.
She leaves the hard drive in the room with all of her other stuff when she goes for a break between classes.16
Install Tinder with high hopes.
Struggle to find good pictures of me, since I don't have many.
Write a really funny description, for example, "Daddy's little disappointment".
Go for a right swipe spree, but set a rule to only swipe right on the profiles with a good bio.
Get one match.
Things go great.
She finds me funny.
She unmatches me.
Self esteem takes a dive
I delete the app.
I’m a .NET desktop fullstack dev these days… Never worked web unless for my own small needs/personal projects.
I started using tech one way or the other by the time windows was version 3.1 and been through quite a bit ground-breaking changes in the industry of software development and the internet but if there’s one thing I cannot understand of it all, no matter how much thought I put into it is: How the fuck did we manage to make it so fucking complicated to develop anything these days?
I remember like it was yesterday that you could stand a website with HTML, CSS and JS, three fucking files and you’ve made yourself a single page site. Then came the word “Responsive”, “Responsive” written everywhere. Fair enough, grid system popped up. All of the sudden jQuery was summoned… and everything that happened after this point has been a fucking circus of high-pitched teens talking on conferences about fucking libraries and frameworks to make integration with real time, highly scalable, eco-friendly, serverless, data driven, genome aware, genderless, quantum technologies to interact with bio dynamically generated organisms, namely fucking users.
Every fucking bit of the process of building a mobile/web application seems to be stopped by yet another incredibly dumb attempt to suicide a developer. Can you go from starting an app and publishing an app without jumping through a thousand VERY specific hoops? No, fuck no.
I fucking hate it… It’s a bit hard to get Desktop dev jobs these days but for as long as I work on IT I will continue to stick to that area, until someone for the love of life comes up with a fucking solution to all this decadent circus of bureaucratic technocracy.
I just converted a massive project from C to cuda, I renamed everything, and it just worked.
What the fuck have I done wrong?3
So I Bought this bio metric pad lock for my daughter. She excitedly tried to set it up without following the directions( they actually have good directions on line) first thing you do is set the "master print" she buggered that up setting her print. So when I got home I was thinking, no problem I'll just do a reset and then we cant start again.
NOPE !!! you only have one chance to set the master print! after that if you want to reset the thing you need to use the master print along with a physical key that comes with it.
What sort if Moron designs hardware / software that is unable to be reset. Imagine how much fun it would be if once you set your router admin password it was permanent unless you can long back in to change it. Yea nobody has ever forgotten a password.
Well they are about to learn a valuable financial lesson about how user friendly design will influence your bottom line. people (me) will just return the lock to the store where they bought it, and it will have to be shipped back to the factory and will be very expensive for them paying for all of the shipping to and from and resetting and repackaging of the locks and finally shipping again to another store. Meanwhile I'll keep getting new locks until at no cost until she gets it right.
when the moon hits your eye
like a big pizza pie,
when a file you don't need
Saw this on Facebook and couldn't help but share here! 😂
A young woman submitted the tech support message below (about her relationship to her husband) presumably did it as a joke…
Dear Tech Support,
’Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as: Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as: NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
The response (that came weeks later out of the blue):
“First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command: I thought you loved me.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)
In addition, please, do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0.Good Luck!’
I have absolutely nothing wrong with the desire to make money. In fact, I'm willing to bet it's inspired some revolutionary technology to be made.
But for fuck sake YouTube, im not some 20ish year old Instagram personality with 15k followers that posts pictures in front of expensive cars at the car dealership or at some hotel you're just touring with the word "entrepreneur" in my bio.
I don't give a flying fuck about trying to make "easy" money. Stop showing ads of those cancerous "I'mma show you how to make easy money. I just need 2 hours of your time and you can make easy money without investing a dime" bullshit ads. It's a fucking scam and everyone knows this shit doesn't work.
My friend tried this shit and surprise surprise: it didn't fucking work.9
Oh gosh.. i can finally understand the CV and application nightmare stories... We're getting new people in, and there are quite a few interesting ones.
0) pages of randomly placed info. PAGES. I'm lost in there!!
1) no basic info whatsoever. Like, no nationality(we're recruiting internationally), no birthdate, barely his name and email. I know that the first ones are not really needed for the job, but they're still customary.
2) entry level back and/or frontend job. This guy's a phd graduate, working research with big data in a bio-something department. We're a web startup.
3) there are some listing so much unrelevant stuff, I'm not even sure if they meant to apply to us.
4) (my favourite) email subject: application, email body: empty, attached: short_application.doc ("hi, this is an application to the posted job. Best regards, Name") WAIT WHAT?6
Hardest part of bring a newbie programmer? Figuring out which keywords to use when you search Google, to get the right answer2
Reasons why I hate the hospital I work for...
1. NO fucking budget, for fuck sakes our telecom system is still running Merlin Magix. (I’ve been working on getting the trunk and everything to at least push FreePBX out... Configuration configuration.) but, that requires a decent server to host said system... But guess what? We’ve still got a few servers online that are running server 2012 r2. NO FUCKING BUDGET.
2. Training. They don’t have the budget to send me to training, but the doctors here are rolling in Mercedes... Must be fucking nice.
3. I have 5 f-I-v-e job descriptions. I’m a bio medical technician, network admin, system admin, programmer, and help desk... I fucked up allowing them to know I program.
4. On call 365 days a year. That’s nice and all, but when I’ve got shit to do and the nearest Walmart is an hour away I don’t want a call from Louis “oh the printer has a jam” FUCK OFF LOUIS! Get the paper out, we’ve been over this, I believe in you!
5. Some of the FUCKING (l)users.... You wouldn’t imagine some of the calls I receive, some of my favorite being late late “Hey *anonyops* I know it’s late but we’re needing a chair moved from one room to the other.” FUCK YOU YOU CHEEKY FUCKING CUNT.
The only reason I’m still here is my direct supervisor and a hand full of people that I’ve grown to love. Also, because any computer related job here is either outsourced or filled by a YouTubing god. - reason 1 why I started my own business. Supply and demand.
Rural Kansas Hospitals = shit, inb4 thanks —insert president to blame—20
"STOP STOP!!!!! IM NOT TRYNA SELL U NOTHING BUT IF U LIKE THIS THEN SWIPE UP"
Instagram bio of that profile: salesman11
I'm addicted to the Visual Studio shortcut ctrl+K - ctrl+D to automatically format my code and hate it when I pull down the latest version and it's not formatted properly. 😲5
devRant broke my relationship.
I am being commanded to put "I love my girlfriend" in my bio to scare away all the 'women' that are apparently on here9
Go find the most cancerous Instagram page in the "coding community" and multiply it by 10.
Bonus points if they:
>>post vague and utter bullshit motivational captions with completely irrelevant pictures.
>>Have the word "entrepreneur" in their bio
>>Have emojis in their bio
>>Mention coffee in their bio
Oh and you know the shitty clean versions of songs that filter out anything that is slightly offensive words? (I recently heard a song that filtered the words "balls" and "vagina." Apparently anatomy is offensive to the snowflakes now.) That's gonna happen to our code. We're gonna have shitty censored versions that remove all "offensive" words.5
PM's? Like private messages? No idea, still haven't figured it out. There's still idiots from technical chats sliding in, often with a question that belongs in the very same chat they came from. My Telegram name has now literally "(No PM!)" in it, and a bio that says in all caps "DON'T FUCKING PM ME", yet there are STILL people that don't get it. September never ended, did it?
... Oh. Project managers.
Oh please SO...
I'm not going to research through a random user's entire bio just to point out a simple code error.57
Yesterday, i had to use neovim for a task on my friend's laptop. There was no WiFi and I couldn't install Emacs. This guy uses Vim a lot. He recently moved to neovim from vim. He had some Ruby codes going. I had to debug some codes(performance issues). I was reluctant to work on it but i had to. After looking at some keybindings and the plugins that guy had written, using vim was pleasure. It was fast. I could shoot up multiple terminals work on that and was instant. I wrote some plugins to indent my code which worked as it's supposed to. I used spacemacs(as it's configured properly) Emacs but there is some load time on spacemacs and there are some issues shooting up multiple spacemacs on terminals. I had just configured and started using prelude which is beautiful Emacs configuration and is fast.
After using neovim that day something hit me that i had blindly had faith in Emacs without using Vim and i use Emacs only for text editing task and terminal. I don't use it for listening music, browser and other task i can always use modern browsers and Spotify for that. Modern browsers and music players are amazing and using those in Emacs there is always a lack of functionality and UI.(modern people don't use those i think and some Emacs users i know use stripped down version of Emacs i.e. microemacs or XEmacs.
I know vi is present by default on every Linux distribution. That keybindings are same as vim and it can be configured so, it is useful for embedded devices and system architecture. I love terminals and love working on tty. That's why i guess i felt instantly tempted to keep on using vim and i loved it's performance. I checked on evil layer before but there are some issues with evil layer in Emacs like it isn't too efficient like vim. I love lisp though and clojure can be edited nicely in Vim.
Is this sin against the church of Emacs? Should i join vi vi vi? I have already dedicated my life on Emacs (check my bio). Am i tempted by the devil?4
So I matched with a girl on tinder whose name is Path. On her bio she has written ”Not ur Path”. I jokingly replied saying that she is the Path to
/dev/null/. She hasn’t replied yet.5
Every day I am reminded that some people just refuse to be helped. Today I saw an article in a prominent Facebook WordPress group I belong to. The author was sharing tips on how to improve presentation skills at WordPress conferences. One tip was to ensure no spelling errors exist in your slides. But the article itself, and the author’s bio, had five spelling errors. I pointed that out in the comments. Aaaaaand now I’ve been kicked out of the group.
Let's play a game.
I'm almost 30. (Like +1 or -1 to 30)
Are you older than or younger than me? Just answer "older or younger" is fine.
I'll reply my impression of our age difference truthfully.
For example, I have an impression that dfox is older than me but trogus is younger. (I seriously don't know their bio, couldn't bother to check out 😬)80
Doing research at my school over summer. Talk to some other researchers from other departments (chem, english, bio, etc). Tell them all about the cool work I do in robotics (I program them, not build them). One by one they proceed to ask me to make them a website/app since I know how to code. *Faceplam*3
interview from the other side. A month ago I was looking for frontend dev for team I lead.
Now I believe that it was a nightmare for one guy, whos bio was full of js, angular and a little of php. Thought that he will be the man we were looking for.
Nope. I've started with classic (I suppouse) questions, like call and apply difference. Guy couldn't even manage to say a word. Went to bubbling, nothing. Ok sth easier, hoisting... Maybe at least you're minifying your code? donno what is. Ok so what you actually did from js? "I know jQuery, did something in this, and did full angular app to build forms, store and send them", but after question what Factory is he covered his face in hands, went still for about three minutes and probably would start to cry but we stopped this. I feel sorry for this guy, but he applied for senior frontend position.9
>coding assembly on Windows in 2.017*10^3
>> omw to put "malware analyst specialist" "reverse enginner" on my Twitter bio
Just want to put it out here... reading this will waste ur time. :(
Having a serious crush on co-worker. I tried not to have a crush on him initially because he’s a colleague and he seems to be much older(max 10 yrs I guess). Age isn’t an issue but ppl say it’s not good to like someone from work.
But then he kept on glancing at me and caught him turning back to look into my cubicle at several occasions. Saw him looking at my direction across the room, hall, turning back to look when he was waiting at lobby, and all the way from smoking corner as well. Could be possible that he just happened to be looking in my direction several times.
Now, haven’t seen him since early feb because of the quarantine. Luckily, I chanced upon his number when everyone in the dept was put into the same chat channel for the Covid19 news. I had this urge to ask what was it all about because we’ve been told to wfh till further notice. Who knows what could happen to us during these period.
So tried to be brave and asked abt why he was looking into my cubicles several times, without coming out weird (I hope). His reply was “dont know”. I don’t know what to make of it. Could have been anything else but how could someone just reply don’t know.
Then came yesterday, my friend was telling me about her experience on tinder. Apparently she’s been using it for fun and she got funny texts from the guys there. So I decided to give it a try. Man, it was so fun swiping left all the way (cuz they couldnt be compared with work crush) till I swiped right for this older guy. We matched!
He was the first one to match, probably abt 5-10mins after I’ve finished setting up profile and all that. It was totally a new experience for me. I forgot abt my work crush in that moment. He had this minimalistic vibe. Didn’t smile much in his photos, gave me calm feeling and looked so cool. He put “Everything is good in moderation” in the bio. He’s the only one comparable for that work crush. Not sure who’s supposed to start saying hi. My friends said wait for the guy, so I waited.
Got a few other matches after him but didn’t like them as much as him. I finally decided to say hi. No respond till today. Given that he put Doctor for his occupation, I assumed he’d be busy. So I waited. Then sent another in late afternoon asking if he plays LoL often (he’s wearing LoL land yard in one of the photos). No reply.
I started to feel weird because this is supposed to be light and fun because who takes things seriously on tinder, right. They’re there to flirt and kill the boredom especially because of the lockdown. And I started to have serious feelings for this one guy whom didn’t even bother to reply. So decided to delete tinder for good. Sent him one final msg that I really wanted to get to know him and I thought he’s a really cool handsome dude. But now that I’ve deleted my acc, he wouldn’t even see my msg anymore.
His profile name is Randolf. I want to get to know him in real life. But is it illegal? :(
Thank u for read this far. I just didn’t know where to put all those feelings. And sorry for wasting your time with nonsense.20
Your company bio says:
"We are a global network of elite, independent software engineers and digital designers"
And then you go ask a native iOS developer if he's interested in an EmberJs role ..... not very fucking elite apparently4
Trying to make friends is hard.
Anyone else here that does c#? It would be great with some people to cooperate with. I got some projects currently going. (On my github. Link can be found in my bio)
Tell me i you’re interested :)19
The Director of my employer's Firmware Engineering department, an older guy, sent out a department-wide email introducing a new hire. IN COMIC SANS.
Even though I am a new employee myself, I cannot let a disgrace like this pass unaddressed. So I politely and as respectfully as possible urged him not to use Comic Sans in a professional setting, and even offered rationale & alternatives.
He essentially responded, "No offense, but I'm gonna use whichever font I choose," but with that one simple sentence riddled with grammatical and spelling errors.
Shortly afterwards, he then sent out a mass email introducing me as a new hire. With my provided bio in a business-appropriate font, sandwiched between two hideous blocks of Comic Sans.
Honestly, how the fuck do people like this make it to a managerial position? >_>5
As soon as you are done, add fullstack to your bio.
So many newbies following this path. Coding up alot of examples with no real depth in any particular language.6
Just got asked to put @company_profile on my Instagram bio .... Because "we are now active on Instagram" -.-3
Does anyone else feels that LinkedIn is a kind of professional trash? Majority of users there are just for posting out their certificates and to but buzz words in their bio.15
Quickly delete a double record in the production database with a script, just forgot the where statement...2
In high school I absolutely hated business and science subjects(phy, chem, bio) as well.
Not to forget fucking maths. Calculas and all that shit I never paid attention to.
I chose CS hoping it would rid me of maths.
Fell in love with programming the very first semester.
Now I'm in my last semester and a freelance Web Dev.
//not quite a rant?
I actually like my manager. They're pretty awesome... All things considered...
But they have absolutely no idea what I do...
Its stupid to define reasons to be something, but even more stupid to define not to be something.
I liked to play games. So today am a dev. My friend hated games , was passionate about bio and today he's also an even better dev. Another person has a totally different story and he's a dev too. We all have our personal reasons to be or not to be something, but the important word here id 'PERSONAL' , not 'reasons'.
"You are girl so you can't code", "you hate maths so you can't code", "you can't sit in front of laptop 24 hours, so you can't code " , "you can't tolerate casual office toxicity, so you can't code" ~~ yo what the fuck ?
Its a job. Its exhaustive, demanding ,tiring thing but still a job; that you can do for next 40 years and expect a living. It demands some knowledge ,dedication and sacrifices. People would find achieving that knowledge+dedication easy or difficult but that doesn't define the profession.
Also its a job that is done by people. And people are social animals who like to work with similar natured people . And its not wrong if a person is not a 100% replica of another . Thus what's "hardwork" and "dedication" and "fast paced" for one is "exploitation" and "negetive-environment" for another and therefore they can't work together. Like a mattress, we just have to reach the job that covers us and our goals comfortably( or settle for one that doesn't)
Surely there could be reasons why a person is a good or successful dev, but there can't be reasons to not be a dev.
I was thinking of writing a small contradictory point like "apart from physical reasons like not having eyes or hands there can't be a reason not to be a dev" but i just remembered that even there the world has proven me wrong. Blind people are coding, disabled people are coding, kids are coding , oldies are coding, what could be a possible reason to not code, except our own personal reasons?
The "job" tag is something that is very difficult to achieve by some profession, but coding and tech have achieved this tag( i wish that just sleeping , eating and fucking becomes a job someday too, but well) . And that too without a dead end. So if anyone wishes to explore the world of computers, they should be welcome, provided they know what this line requires and demands (in general)4
I'm a software developer, but I'm finding myself more interested bio and electro-mechanical engineering. And to top it off, I'd most like to be a bio-mechanical engineer — which is very different from the other two previous mentions. ...But, I'm well paid now, my last retail start-up failed, and money talks. For now my fogponic ecosystem (fish + biofilter + fog + plants) in my backyard will have to suffice. Now I'm actually interested in waste recycling...
Yeah... I get bored while waiting for parts to come from China. Can never have too many hobbies.
Anyways AMA, if you like. It can be about robots, fish, plants, IoT, apps, web, solar power, 3D printing, VR... You name it!
What I can't stand is when someone "name drops" a company they previously worked at. Such as, "...back when I worked at <insert Xxxsoft>" or "At <so and so place> we did things differently..."
We get it, your résumé is impressive. But it especially peeves me when they've been working at their current job for over a year and still mentions their old jobs.
1. I also worked at <XXXX-place> and it wasn't all that impressive.
2. If it was SO great, why aren't YOU still working there?2
I just made my API in my laravel and I understand how it works! It may seem like not a lot, but I got from far.
Just came two years ago in this industry as I worked as a customer service agent for a hostingcompany. I entered a whole new area what I immediatly got into at the time. Mind I already was studying Biomedical labresearch at the same time and was the IT guy in the family. Well, think back then I was just googling and fixing shit most of the time.
I was 21 at the time and began to learn everything I could learn in my position and soon it was not enough and wanted to learn more by working parttime(study already asks a lot of time). I soon applied as Junior System Engineer within the same company without prior education and got the job! And I'm back feeling I entered a new area where you feel you can do so much by just learning how it works. Now I want to learn to develop in PHP so I may make another step further.
Not a rant, but I want to share my experience as labrat starting to someting programming(did some bio-informatics, which was really interesting but with less emphasis on programming but more on data analysis). Still got a gigantic of list I want to learn from languages and frameworks to orchestration systems.
If you want to never find an IT job higher than an internship, change your bio to “I enjoy learning new things every day!”.
you done fucked it up!
I had a god damnit run, finishing the last mammoth task of our sprint.
Then, i decided to take a 3 minutes bio break.
Came back to my machine just to realise that this little OS bitch sneaked up on me, used the few seconds of my break to do a unholy, reboot of doom and damnation.
As a result, my virtual machine dropped it's php-storm settings...
I lost my precious focus on the task and my last nerves to figure out the correct settings again.
To cut a long story short.
We missed the aim of the Sprint.
The Sprint failed and i got a half-baked module.
At least, all the complicated businesslogic is proper covered by unittests.2
I have been working as a freelancer for a little while now. I recently started using upwork. The first job that I got on upwork was titled: “help me”, the bio explained that it was with node.js. Later, during the interview, the client mentioned that it was 30+ hours a week. I was kind of confused. I had no idea what I was getting into. A little bit down the road, he provided me with the project. This is when I almost wanted to jump off a cliff. The code was organised as if it was a c or c++ app and I couldn’t follow anything. The guy thought that “pass by reference” was a thing in JS. I cried. Granted, with objects, there are some reference exceptions, but generally passed by value. The code is like spaghetti... I still have 2 months left on the contract. It’s awful.5
I’m proud to announce my collaboration with IZIPIZI France and Carl Zeiss. Enter the Antibouba Glasses!
Any successful public persona knows how important mental hygiene is. Our product is aimed at public personas who are either mentally special or not yet used to haters.
Antibouba glasses work like this:
1. You put them on,
2. You can’t see boubas and anything they broadcast.
Works like a charm with any medium including real life. Also blocks bouba-insinuations of non-bouba people.
Comfortable lightweight frame, highest grade oleophobic coating, also blocks 60% of blue light.
Dm me to make an appointment. Provide your kiki certificate to be included to the shortlist. My telegram is in my bio.15
(I'm not completely sure of what I'm saying here, so don't take this too seriously)
Settling on a language to write the api for ranterix is hard.
I'm finding a lot of things about elixir to be insanely good for a stable api.
But I'm having a lot of gripes with the most important elixir web framework, phoenix.
Take a look at this piece of code from the phoenix docs:
defmodule Hello.Repo.Migrations.CreateUsers do
def change do
create table(:users) do
add :name, :string
add :email, :string add :bio, :string
add :number_of_pets, :integer
Jesus christ, I hate this shit.
Wtf are create, add and timestamps. Add is somehow valid inside the create, how the fuck is that considered good code? What happens if you call timestamps twice? It's all obscure "trust me, it works" code.
It appears to be written by a child.
js may have a million problems. But one thing I like about CJS (require) or ESM (import) is that there's nothing unexplained. You know where the fuck most things come from.
You default export an eatShit() function on one file and import it from another, and what do you get?
The goddamn actual eatShit function.
require is a function the same way toString is a function and it returns whatever the fuck you had exported in the target file.
Meanwhile some dynamic langs are like "oh, I'll just export only some lang construct that i expect you to specify and put that shit in fucking global of the importing file".
Js is about the fucking freedom. It won't decide for you what things will files export, you can export whatever the fuck you want, strings, functions, classes, objects or even nothing at all, thanks to module.exports object or export statement.
And in js, you can spy on anything external, for example with (...args) => debugger; fnToSpyOn(...args)
You can spoof console.log this way to see what the fuck is calling it (note: monkey patching for debugging = GOOD, for actual programming = DOGSHIT)
To be fair though, that is possible because of being a dynamic lang and elixir is kind of a hybrid typed lang, fair enough.
But here's where i drop the shit.
Phoenix takes it one step further by following the braindead ruby style of code and pretty DSLs.
I fucking hate DSLs, I fucking hate abstraction addiction.
Get this, we're not writing fucking poetry here. We're writing programs for machines for them to execute.
Machines are not humans with emotions or creativity, nor feel.
We need some level of abstraction to save time understanding source code, sure.
But there has to be a balance. Languages can be ergonomic for humans, but they also need to be ergonomic for algorithms and machines.
Some of the people that write "beautiful" "zen" code are the folks that think that everyone who doesn't push the pretty code agenda is a code elitist that doesn't want "normal" people to get into programming.
Programming is hard, man, there's no fucking way around it.
Sometimes operating system or even hardware details bleed into code.
DSLs are one easy way to make code really really easy to understand, but also make it really fucking hard to debug or to lose "programming meaning".7
Not a rant but a question/style.
What do you prefer and why?:
if (condition == true)
if (condition == false)
if (condition != true)19
If only time was open-source, we could just create an Add method. What if we could reverse engineer, and re-implement time and the way we perceive it, through a programmable bio-interface? Imagine the ability to truly multitask, every thought is handled by a new instance of your brain, arguing and developing that thought just as it normally would. 🤔
Just learned the "hello world" of foo language.
Super cool...let's make some changes:
"Foo Programmer and Developer.
23 years of experience,
2 gazillion Foo projects in production" added to bio.1
So im going around the office telling everyone that at some point this week I need them to give me a headshot and a brief bio about themselves for the website. My lord the complaining. Half of them told me to make up something about them for it. AS IF BUILDING A WEBSITE WASNT TIME CONSUMING ENOUGH... I'm not even being paid for this shit.2
Was just fucking around with MyBB in order to figure out how it works on the control panel - whatever, right? Install a crap ton of plugins, and quite a lot of them wouldn't install due to an SQL statement being wrong. I check them, and either:
- the plugin ID is specified (it's auto-increment, it really shouldn't be specified at all)
- the database expected an integer and instead got a word
like for fucks sake, it's either 1 or 0 for being default, yet a lot of developers PUT YES OR NO?? HOW IS THAT EVEN REMOTELY AN INTEGER WHAT THE FUCK
So that was my past hour, running through plugin files, finding SQL statements and altering them. Safe to say that for what I got out of the plugins, it really wasn't worth it.
unlimited time is not the only problem. During that time I'd get hungry, cold and tired -- I need to afford to buy food, have a home with roof and warmth. So with unlimited time, I'll also need unlimited funds.
And if I had unlimited funds I'd spend most of my time AFK: buying a house, making it pretty, setting up my own lab and a solar+wind powerplant, recruiting some folks to finish my project for me. Then travel all around the world, while my code monkeys are busy making me famous for introducing new tech to the world - so new, that it'll change the way we live, that it'll change our communication, interaction and other habits. And then I'll be ready for the EternalLife underground project, where another set of teams of bio-monkeys will be busy making my consciousness alive after my body wears out.
If only I had all those funds...
Care to chip in?
I work in physical sciences, and while a lot of my colleagues hiss and scream at programming and continue bench lab work. I have more freedom, creativity, and financial support for my computational research. So, for that, I'm thankful.
I know it's not really related to development, but I got in a discussion on twitter and one dude tweeted "in science, 1 isn't 1"
And so I was like "mate what? science is highly dependent on math and in math, 1 is kinda always worth math"
And this this girl comes in and just says:
"it's not true that 1 is always 1 because there's binary code as well"
And was was like totally astonished, like, have you even studied something? 1b = 1d = 1x and it's always 1 in whatever base!
(she even says she's some sort of engineer in her bio)8
tl;dr: azure support are utter bollocks
so about late june-ish, my azure student subscription expired, which i wasn't notified about. but that's fine, surely once it's expired i can get my data back, right?
i try to download the .vhd file with my nodejs project on, and then contact their support after failing to mount the vhd. i asked them whether they could get my data for me (or at least provide some clear instructions, in case i mounted the vhd incorrectly). instead i was told to do loads of things, creating blobs, making snapshots, etc... all of which did absolutely nothing.
mid-august, i'm still trying to get my data back, when i get a call from, you guessed it, microsoft azure. a manager had told me that all my data had been lost, and that i was eligible for $500 in credit in compensation. i was angry (and rightly so), and refused their offer. i emailed azure support again expressing my anger, for them to tell me that my data wasn't lost...?
come to mid-september, and and i was fed up of waiting for my project. i wanted to finalise the fucker and launch the website, but azure had stalled me for well over two months. i had to put some money towards azure just to start up the vps, zip up the project, transfer it to another vps, and shut it back down.
and that kids, is why i wouldn't ever recommend azure.
ps: yes, i'm backing up files daily from now on2
someone please tell me what the difference between these three are? apparently there's a difference but i really can't tell :/8
OK, So at my school I work as the assistant webmaster of our school newspaper. I joined the newspaper before my 'boss' but was demoted when he joined because nobody had anything for me to do? Yeah I was confused too. Anyway now I was working on making Bois for the writers and to format it I'm using simple html. So now the scene is that I and my boss are sitting side by side working on these Bois. I finish like 5 bios and look over to his screen and he hasn't finished the first fucking bio and he is still puzzled on how to fucking format it with a fucking paragraph tag!!! Later on he asks me how I format them I just say with p tags and the occasional br. He looks confused still so I ask if he knows html, he quickly googles fucking html and then replies no!!! SRSLY?!?!!!!? yOU ARE THE HEAD WEBMASTER AND YOU DONT KnOW HTML???? WTF NOT TO MENTION THAT HE GOT ALL THE CREDIT1
print ('Hello devRant Community. I'm new here')
print ('I don't know why I am writing like this')
Does anyone know the best way of doing GPU stuff in C? I have a cuda enabled GTX 1050, but the cuda drivers screw everything up on machine for some reason.
Is there a better way to do this without the cuda drivers?6
To solve problems in life, One must be irritated to have a solution or else it will be a norm to the society... We want to propose something that can eliminate our irritation. I, once commute a trycycle who charged me 5¢ because it was too far to fetch other commuters... So i kicked his vehicle and he drove away. I reported to the traffic office because thats where they record the violation and they never issued this case... I can think of a PWA that lets the commuters to report those pesky and annoying trycycle driver.
We won't display the bio of the violated person but we will put their temp number written in their body parts. So that the commuters wont go to the office just to report, instead. Let the commuters immediately report them. Im ranting because of overcharged fee... Even among of my classmates agree... A hundred dollar idea for this. I really need to solve this because it irritates me... And by the way, there wont be report abuse because the officer will confirm if both parties crossed the line of argument via message/call. Its just within the city so its not much of a deal outside the vicinity
PS. dont judge my english. I suck at it.
What are your thoughts about the use of 1st or 3rd person for portfolio's bio?
Thank you guys!1