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Dear people who complain about spending a whole night to find a tiny syntax error; Every time I read one of your rants, I feel like a part of me dies.
As a developer, your job is to create elegant optimized rivers of data, to puzzle with interesting algorithmic problems, to craft beautiful mappings from user input to computer storage and back.
You should strive to write code like a Michelangelo, not like a house painter.
You're arguing about indentation or getting annoyed by a project with braces on the same line as the method name. You're struggling with semicolons, misplaced braces or wrongly spelled keywords.
You're bitching about the medium of your paint, about the hardness of the marble -- when you should be lamenting the absence of your muse or the struggle to capture the essence of elegance in your work.
In other words:
Fix your fucking mindset, and fix your fucking tools. Don't fucking rant about your tabs and spaces. Stop fucking screaming how your bloated swiss-army-knife text editor is soooo much better than a purpose-built IDE, if it fails to draw something red and obnoxious around your fuck ups.
Thanks.62 -
Hello everyone, found this place recently, decided to bore you with one (or many) Navy story... tech Navy story. I'll start from the end.
Little backstory: I've deployed a simple domain setup on the ship I served, nothing fancy, a server, a switch, 10 computers, all Windows (details on that at another rant). I enter the ship Monday morning, and the XO tells me that he can't access his online folders.
OK, I say, I'll get to it. I fire up my laptop, try to RDP to the server (I know, I know, burn me at the stake later) no connection. WTF? Is the service down? I try pinging. No luck. I tried pinging the switch. OK. Looking at the switch admin panel, I see the server's port is dead. "OK, probably the cable." (we have old ethernet cables)
So, I drag my ass over to the server (same room with ship comms) with the cable tester to confirm that. What do I see?
The IMBECILES had pulled the plug from the server so that they could charge their mobile phones. I literally slammed my head against the door (calming exercise in case of spontaneous murder impulses - the things you learn at the Academy). My CO was nearby, and lucky for the guys, he heard me yell at them, while throwing mobiles and chargers around.
"But we thought it was OK, we just wanted to charge our-"
I kid you not, I reached for the firefighter's axe.
My CO grabbed me by the collar and dragged me to his room. I explained to him (between two cigarettes) that we MUST get a UPS and a server cabinet (budget constraints in the military are something that will give you people nightmares, trust me). I carefully explained to him that unless we got those, nothing would prevent the next moron from destroying confidential data and me from murdering him.
I plugged in and booted the server, after installing a multi socket extension. Two days after, surprise surprise, the server was off again. That was the first time I opened the door to the CO's room with a low kick. I must have looked like a psycho on drugs, he gave approval for the purchase in twenty seconds flat.
After that, I installed the UPS and the cabinet. Everything went inside, from the UPS to the very plugs. Just a locked box with cables coming out.
One of the guys came to my room, and asked if I could unlock the cabinet so that they could plug a "device" they needed.
I actually reached for my folding knife.
Disclaimer: The story above is TRUE. Even the almost violent parts.23 -
"Can we make all users computer freeze and allow only input on our website?"
"We" can shove a knife up your ass you fucking dipshit.8 -
Clickbait will never change.
It's the most stable and constant source of mild annoyance.
2019 internet:
"These 3 programming languages will net you the highest salary"
"Ten home improvement tips using nothing but recycled underwear"
"How to cut onions like a real chef"
2020 internet:
"3 programming languages to learn while being bored in self-quarantine"
"Ten ways to use underwear as facemasks during the pandemic"
"Onions might cure corona, click here to learn how to cut them"
2030 internet:
"These 3 programming languages will increase your chances of survival in the wastelands"
"Ten ways to patch up your shelter against radioactive ashes using old underpants"
"Hydroponic onions are a good source of nutrients. Here's how you cut them with your camping knife"13 -
Who the fuck on earth named it Chef. You idiots, if I google Chef I get people wearing aprons on my browser. And what the fuck is cookbooks, cookbooks for chef returns 60 ways of making chicken. Who on earth has such naming convention for IT DevOps. Recipe, cookbooks, knife. Dafuq is wrong.10
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Worst dev team failure I've experienced?
One of several.
Around 2012, a team of devs were tasked to convert a ASPX service to WCF that had one responsibility, returning product data (description, price, availability, etc...simple stuff)
No complex searching, just pass the ID, you get the response.
I was the original developer of the ASPX service, which API was an XML request and returned an XML response. The 'powers-that-be' decided anything XML was evil and had to be purged from the planet. If this thought bubble popped up over your head "Wait a sec...doesn't WCF transmit everything via SOAP, which is XML?", yes, but in their minds SOAP wasn't XML. That's not the worst WTF of this story.
The team, 3 developers, 2 DBAs, network administrators, several web developers, worked on the conversion for about 9 months using the Waterfall method (3~5 months was mostly in meetings and very basic prototyping) and using a test-first approach (their own flavor of TDD). The 'go live' day was to occur at 3:00AM and mandatory that nearly the entire department be on-sight (including the department VP) and available to help troubleshoot any system issues.
3:00AM - Teams start their deployments
3:05AM - Thousands and thousands of errors from all kinds of sources (web exceptions, database exceptions, server exceptions, etc), site goes down, teams roll everything back.
3:30AM - The primary developer remembered he made a last minute change to a stored procedure parameter that hadn't been pushed to production, which caused a side-affect across several layers of their stack.
4:00AM - The developer found his bug, but the manager decided it would be better if everyone went home and get a fresh look at the problem at 8:00AM (yes, he expected everyone to be back in the office at 8:00AM).
About a month later, the team scheduled another 3:00AM deployment (VP was present again), confident that introducing mocking into their testing pipeline would fix any database related errors.
3:00AM - Team starts their deployments.
3:30AM - No major errors, things seem to be going well. High fives, cheers..manager tells everyone to head home.
3:35AM - Site crashes, like white page, no response from the servers kind of crash. Resetting IIS on the servers works, but only for around 10 minutes or so.
4:00AM - Team rolls back, manager is clearly pissed at this point, "Nobody is going fucking home until we figure this out!!"
6:00AM - Diagnostics found the WCF client was causing the server to run out of resources, with a mix of clogging up server bandwidth, and a sprinkle of N+1 scaling problem. Manager lets everyone go home, but be back in the office at 8:00AM to develop a plan so this *never* happens again.
About 2 months later, a 'real' development+integration environment (previously, any+all integration tests were on the developer's machine) and the team scheduled a 6:00AM deployment, but at a much, much smaller scale with just the 3 development team members.
Why? Because the manager 'froze' changes to the ASPX service, the web team still needed various enhancements, so they bypassed the service (not using the ASPX service at all) and wrote their own SQL scripts that hit the database directly and utilized AppFabric/Velocity caching to allow the site to scale. There were only a couple client application using the ASPX service that needed to be converted, so deploying at 6:00AM gave everyone a couple of hours before users got into the office. Service deployed, worked like a champ.
A week later the VP schedules a celebration for the successful migration to WCF. Pizza, cake, the works. The 3 team members received awards (and a envelope, which probably equaled some $$$) and the entire team received a custom Benchmade pocket knife to remember this project's success. Myself and several others just stared at each other, not knowing what to say.
Later, my manager pulls several of us into a conference room
Me: "What the hell? This is one of the biggest failures I've been apart of. We got rewarded for thousands and thousands of dollars of wasted time."
<others expressed the same and expletive sediments>
Mgr: "I know..I know...but that's the story we have to stick with. If the company realizes what a fucking mess this is, we could all be fired."
Me: "What?!! All of us?!"
Mgr: "Well, shit rolls downhill. Dept-Mgr-John is ready to fire anyone he felt could make him look bad, which is why I pulled you guys in here. The other sheep out there will go along with anything he says and more than happy to throw you under the bus. Keep your head down until this blows over. Say nothing."11 -
Laravel is the worst framework ever.
Everything has to be made convenient and easy. That sounds amazing, because developers want to save time, worry less about boilerplate code, right? No more constructors, no more dependency injection, fuck all the tedious OOP shit... RIGHT?
It does one thing well: Make PHP syntax uniform and concise through easily integrated libraries such as Collection and Carbon. But those are actually not really part of the framework... just commonly integrated and associated with Laravel.
The framework itself is completely derailed: You can define code in a callback in the routes file. You can define a controller in the routes file. You can define middleware as a parameter to the route, as a fluent method to the route, you can stack them up in a service provider. Validators can be made in controllers, Request objects, service providers, etc. You can send mail inline, through Mailable objects, through Notification objects, etc.
Everything is macroable, injectable, and definable in a million different places. Ultimate freedom!
Guess what happens when you give 50 developers of various seniority a swiss army knife?
One hammers in a screw with a nail file, the other clips the head from the screw using scissors, and you end up with an unworkable mess and blunt tools.
And don't get me started about Eloquent, the Active Record ORM. It's cute for the simple blog/article/author/comment queries, but starts choking when you want more selective and performant queries or more complex aggregates, and provides such an opaque apple-esque interface which lets people think everything is OK, when in reality it's forcing the SQL server to slowly commit suicide.50 -
Oh RLY? you want me to confirm my email address?
Shift+Tab - Ctl+a - Ctrl+c - Tab - Ctrl+v
Like a ninja...
could actually HEAR the knife swishing sounds there6 -
Dear people,
please be aware that if you touch my screen one more time I will stab you multiple times with a kitchen knife,
Thanks.7 -
I feel that people are quick to blame PHP for a lot of things. But come on, you have to admit it has the most straightforward debugging workflow:
Take a ritual knife out of your desk drawer
Sacrifice some blood to the PHP gods
Clean the knife -
University dorm admin story:
One guy had a problem with his ethernet cable. He broke RJ45 and wanted new one, so he asked on dorms group what to do. He was pointed to admin. So he grabbed a knife, cut the cable as close to wall as he could and walked with it to the admin guy. He said that he had problem with his cable and want new RJ45, so admin applied it on the both sides. Then he asked how to plug it back to the wall :D19 -
long rant = this;
Jesus. Fucking. Christ.
The task: get Windows 7 on my mom's new Lenovo running win 10.
First idea: dual boot. Go into disk utility and shrink win 10 partition leaving empty partition. Easy!
Unfortunately it all went downhill from there.
Restart, can't get into boot menu. Google says you have to do that from Windows. Ok.
Laptop says BOOTING FROM CD IS NOT SUPPORTED. WTF??
Go into BIOS, enable legacy boot, prioritize legacy. Restart. Ok, it boots from disk.
Go to install 7 on the empty partition and it can't because its an unsupported partition format or some shit. Whatever, wipe everything. Ok, installing windows.
Windows installed, need drivers. Go download them with another computer and go to copy them over with USB disk. Windows doesn't detect it. THIS POS DOESN'T HAVE STANDARD USB DRIVERS?!?!?
Of course, the laptop didn't come with any driver software. I end up burning a fucking CD like its fucking 2001 so that I can get the goddamn wifi driver on it.
Ok, I have wifi. Go to Lenovo site, find driver page. Select all the drivers I want for the model/OS and click download. Lenovo site says "hey, use this driver update software." I'm like, hey asshole, why don't you just give me the drivers i asked for. But fine.
Driver update software downloads, I install it, nothing happens. I run it, it says it's already running. Still nothing. What the goddamn flipping fuck?
I go download the drivers individually. I try to install USB driver. It says my system is not supported. .............Try to install chipset driver, not supported. ............ I can install maybe half of the drivers and I still can't even use a fucking USB mouse. Gonna have to wait for windows update to find it sometime two days from now.
I hope everyone in charge of Lenovos fucking ass backwards pointless piece of useless fucking shit drivers gets raped to death with a serrated knife.22 -
When you are a CS major/part time developer and your uncle gives you a swiss army knife as a present "so if you have to fix computers you have the screwdriver ready"
3 -
I just wanna smash their head with a metal chair then shove their own keyboard up their fucking ass... Sideways while they choke on a rusty knife...
Lazy cunts
7 -
How to get six pack Abs (Developer Version):
1. Do 20 bicycle crunches whenever your test fails.
2. 30 seconds plank whenever there's a issue assigned to you for your code.
3. 50 mountain climbers whenever the code breaks while you are giving a demo to client/boss.
4. 12 jack-knife sit-ups whenever you miss your deadline for more than 2 weeks.11 -
Inappropriate experience at work? Here is another one:
After 10 years of service the company gives the employee an anniversary party, complete with cake, drinks, etc.
Preparing for a party, HR set the cake in the break-room and left to get the other supplies, in the mean time the IS department manager 'John' walks in, sees the cake and decides to take a slice.
Not a small corner piece you may not notice by smearing the frosting around, but a big piece from the * middle of the cake *.
'Mary' walks in and catches him.
M: "JOHN! The cake is for Eddie's party! Everyone will be here any minute!"
John: "Oh shit!..sorry, let me put it back..."
M: "NO!, you've already eaten some...the cake is ruined!"
<he had icing all over his hands, so he used the cake knife to cut, but used his hands to dig out the slice, so the cake looked pretty tore up>
J:"How was I supposed to know? All I saw was free cake!"
M: "You are on the invite list for Eddie's party! You have 'Happy Anniversary Eddie' on your plate!"
J: "Party isn't until 2:00...<looks at the breakroom clock> oh shit...it's 2"
About that time, several VPs walk in, notice Mary is upset and after finding out, our IS-VP said "John, I'm not happy about this. I want you in my office after the party. You can leave ...now!"
Our IS-VP is almost always emotionless (mostly just happy and in a good mood), it was the first time anyone had seen him this physically angry in years. We don't know how John kept his job.17 -
Company: We have a fast paced and exciting environment!
Translation: Management doesn’t plan at all and changes their mind constantly so everything is done in a rushed last minute fashion. The excitement stems from a constant need to look over your shoulder in anticipation of the knife in your back after you are blamed for some issue inevitably arising out of the panicked fashion in which the business constantly operates.9 -
(I am an entry-inter-intermediate level dev)
P = Person
P:Hey Can you build me a POS system for free?
Me: Yea whatever. (because... immediate family member)
P:Ok Great.
Me: *starts working on it.. almost done with inventory control and layouts in one night*
P: When will it be done? and I need it in a full screen window not a browser!!
Me: Soon..and I have not worked in ASP yet. So it will be a full screen browser app.
P: Aww you cant do it fast? You are not skilled enough??? Poor you, you are not good enough. I can do it in a few hours. Just write a C program which stores entries in a txt file. I dont want sql shes-que-el on my system. You dont want to use .txt because it will be harder for you. Poor you.. no skill.
Me: *raging to a level where i turn into kryptonium and burn superman to death but still keeping my calm* You will get it when you get it. Period
Inner Me: GO FUCK YOURSELF. IM DOING THIS FOR FREE SO THAT IT HELPS YOU OUT. NAGGING ME WONT HELP YOUR CAUSE ONE BIT. GO FUCKING LEARN HOW TO CODE YOURSELF AND MAKE IT YOURSELF OR BUY IT FOR A FUCK TON OF UNJUSTIFIED MONEY. IM GIVING YOU A BEAUTIFUL LAYOUT, GREAT APPLICATION ARCHITECTURE USING LARAVEL AND GREAT DATABASE DESIGN WHICH WOULD BE SCALABLE AND PRODUCE MEANINGFUL REPORTS. WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU PREFER A .TXT FILE OVER A WELL DESIGNED DATABASE. WOULD YOU FUCKING OPEN THAT HAMSTER CAGE OF A BRAIN OF YOURS WITH A KNIFE OR A SCREWDRIVER?
IF ITS THAT EASY FOR YOU GO FUCKING DO IT YOURSELF AND STOP BOTHERING ME. I AM TAKING MY TIME OUT FROM FREELANCING TO HELP YOU OUT. I COULD BE SPENDING THIS TIME ON OTHER PROJECTS WHICH WOULD GET ME SOMEWHERE. THE ONLY FUCKING REASON IM DOING IT BECAUSE I MIGHT BE ABLE TO RESELL THE POS (PIECE OF SHIT) TO OTHER PEOPLE IN FUTURE AND MAKE MY SHARE OF UNJUSTIFIED SHIT TON OF MONEY.14 -
PSA: if, for whatever shit reason your brain comes up with, you decide to run a webminer in your retarded useless piece of shit website, at least HAVE THE DECENCY TO WARN USERS ABOUT IT. And while you're at it, implement some basic monitoring and safety functions. If you don't, you can set yourself on fire and jump from the top of the tallest building you can find.
Some basic tips:
1) don't run that shit on phones. The fraction of a fraction of a cent you're gonna earn from them is not worth the risk of overheating them and draining their batteries.
2) add low battery/overheating protection: the last thing you want to do is kill some poor sucker's laptop (and potential unsaved work) just because they forgot a tab open. Every time a laptop dies because of you, a knife will slit your throat.
3) WARN YOUR USERS ABOUT IT! You are straining someone else's resources for your own profit: at least have the balls to be open about it. If you try to run a miner silently in the background, I will make you eat whatever is left of your fucking brain, then drown you in the shit that comes out of your ass.5 -
Alright, I've already ranted about this but I feel like that was rather incomplete.. there's some other things that make me want to kill myself every time I enter <!DOCT- WHERE IS THAT FUCKING KNIFE?!!!
First one I've mentioned earlier is its <repetitiveness></repetitiveness>. What was wrong with {brackets}? If only HTML was more like CSS.
But there's some other ones as well.
- Frameworks! Ain't there nothing like a good dozen resources that every single one of your web pages wants to get JS from.
- Quantity over quality. Let's just publish early with tonnes of bugs, move fast and break things, amirite 🤪
- General noobness of apprentice web devs. Now I'm not talking about the real front-end devs here - AlexDeLarge was one of them.. forever holding a special place in my heart - that know how to properly use their tools. But there's a metric shitton of people who think that being able to write <html><body>Hello world!</body></html> makes them a dev.
- The general thought of "it's slow? Slap in more hardware." Now this is a general issue with software development, optimization costs valuable resources while leaving it in a shitty state but released quickly costs pretty much nothing. A friend of mine whose post I'll attach in the image section illustrates this pretty well. You can find it at https://facebook.com/10000171480431....
I'm not sure if this is an exhaustive list, but those are the most important things that irritate me about web development in general.
On a side note, apparently 113 people visited my hiddenbio.html page.. I'm genuinely impressed! I had no idea that so many people on devRant would click through. On Facebook pages this has been an ongoing significant issue of getting people to leave the platform - it's huge but engagement on off-Facebook links is terrible. I guess that I'm dealing with an entirely different community here. And I'm pleasantly surprised actually!
11 -
> writing important email
> switches to another tab to check something
> switches back
Safari: "This page was using significant memory, so we reloaded it."
*knife emote*12 -
Life Before the Computer
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano!
Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3-inch floppy
You hoped nobody found out!
Compress was something you did to garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for awhile!
Log on was adding wood to a fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode!
Cut - you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu!
I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead!3 -
Most ridiculous meeting I've been in? Sooo many. Here is the first.
Mandatory box knife safety meeting. Why? We worked in the same building as the warehouse, and the safety manager made it mandatory everyone in the building be trained.
We walk into the meeting...
Trainer: "What are you guys doing here? You're developers."
Bob: "Adam said this meeting is mandatory for everyone."
Trainer: "Yea, but not you guys. You'll never touch a box knife. Just a sec, let me run out and find Adam."
<2 minutes later>
Trainer: "Sorry guys, Adam is not budging. He said everyone and that includes developers."6 -
I’m pretty terrible at soldiering and small electronics in general, but I’m kind of okay with how this turned out.
Back story:
That helmet is my sister-in-law’s, she drives a polaris slingshot. (It’s technically a motorcycle here in the US because it has three wheels.) and she hooked up some EL wire to her helmet and the larger black rectangle in the picture is what the battery pack looked like before. (It takes two AA batteries.) and doesn’t have anyway to recharge them natively.
I did some research and found a neat little charging board (TP4056) and got her a small single cell li-ion battery for it. Now it’s not only less than half the length of the original, but it has a rechargeable battery and a charging circuit built in. The battery is 500mAh and lasts about 65-70mins on a charge. Personally, I feel like that’s not a good enough battery life on a charge, but my sis-in-law says that her and her slingshot friends usually only run with the EL lights on for 30 minute stretches at time so they should be able to get two to three uses before needing a recharge. Which btw, only takes about 35-40 minutes from completely dead.
The box looks like shit cause I literally hacked away at the original casing with a pocket knife and then crammed all the pieces back in and hot-glued the casing together. But I took measurements of the final-ish design and will try to find a small electronics box that will be able to house everything internally. (L: 1-3/4” W: 1-1/4” H: 1-1/4”)
6 -
So my office manager decided to ban kitchen utensils in the office. Part of the reason was that there was too much stealing. Apparently too many mugs, knives, plates & spoons have gone missing for it to be just through loss.
I tried to reason with this office manager. I asked if we really want to create a culture of mistrust where we ban basic utilities like we’re children.
I appealed to the business logic do we really want freelancers going out to grab a coffee 10 minutes a day over a period of a year.
I tried to appeal to the digital nature of the office can we “source the solution from the office”
The other office have to bring in their own utensils but the other office has a canteen.
Essentially I feel like this was a power issue a decision was made I’m not allowed to question it.
Apparently my “behaviour” has been flagged with the CTO. 🤣🤨
I have to stir my tea with a knife unless I put stuff in my desk.
As a solution I decided to reach out to several green companies that provide disposable cutlery and kitchen where they agreed to send a sample which I put in the kitchen. I have a feeling this will be taken as hostile move in of what is: a solution.
Seriously W T actual F.6 -
devops guy: "Shut up, Perl is awesome. It is the best Swiss Army knife language."
I agree. Let us observe the architect in our metaphor, in charge of building our new building, insists on doing it ALL with a Swiss Army knife.
Yes, I agree with your comparison very very much.
(translation... I want to use Docker, a temporary db, and continuous integration. He wants to continue writing and reading tons of shit to a mess of JSON text files all over the place.)2 -
My most personal rant to date...
The company I work for operates in an industry that might experience the next Kodak moment. The industry is really feeling the knife against it's throat at the moment. The company I work for is a dinosaur, so to say. And almost everyone within fight to continue staying as a dinosaur.
I am the sole dev of said company, and I am so alone. Not just literally, but also in thought and action.
I've been flagging the possibilities and dangers of the digitizing aspect we're experiencing for the last six or eight years (yep, I've been around for quite some time), but I feel that I'm not heard. I am that grumpy, sour manifestation of everything digital that they hate so much. At least that's what it feels like.
I am so fed up with this situation. But my options are limited. There aren't many dev jobs around, and those who've tried to hire me offered a salary reduction of about $12K, which is quite a lot. I've been offered jobs in other parts of the country, but I have family matters to tend to, so I can't move at the moment. I've looked for companies offering a job where I'm not required to work from the office, but in my country these seem to be far apart. I could go freelance, but I am too scared to do so. A stable income is neccessary to put food on the table for my family.
Sigh,15 -
I'm working this whole weekend to rewrite/move an old custom made shop extension to the new shop.
The amount of possible SQL injections is too damn high and this piece of shit the creator calls code is the most pitiable thing I have ever seen!
I don't how you can call yourself an experienced programmer if you create SQL queries by concatenating strings and variables in raw PHP, copying the same fucking includefiles to 10 different folders and use all of them in random places.
I'm not angry at all, I just want to castrate you with a blunt, fake swiss army knife so mankind is safe from you multiplying yourself.2 -
Just had a great interview :)
The guy was really cool, asked actually relevant questions (my learning process, what I specialize in, etc), talked about the tech they'll be using and none of that "wHaT aRe YoUr WeAkNeSsEs?" bullshit.
He seemed to like me, he seemed to like the fact that I've been programming for a long time even though I'm in my second semester in college and he also seemed to like that I'm somewhat of a Swiss army knife, a jack of all trades but master of none.
I just I was a bit too informal in the interview but whatever. I'm not taking this very seriously, if I get the job I get the job, if I don't that's fine too.6 -
Today I met the spaghetti man who wrote the code I work with.
Guess who's sharpening his knife (and d*ck)7 -
Clients defining exactly how they want to build something they don't understand is a bit like me telling a brain surgeon to use a butter knife to perform surgery.1
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I own my grandfather's Victorinox Swiss Army Knife, probably from the eighties. I absolutely love it — it's just like the standard Unix toolkit. Minimalist, multi-purpose, efficient. This is what I have in my knife:
1. Two blades. I call them master (yes) and slave
2. Corkscrew. I call it "ed".
3. Hole puncher, but not just any hole puncher. Mine has an angular sharp edge to carve holes instead of just punching them. Super efficient for wood, plastic and thick fabric. It also has a hole so it can be used as a needle. I call it "vi".
4. Bottle opener which is also a screwdriver. I call it "more".
5. Can opener. This is my favorite one.
It can help you open just about anything. Any type of cans, closed pistachio nuts, oysters, your barely legal girlfriend's virginity — anything. When I eat pistachios, I'm holding my Victorinox in my hand opening tough ones with the speed of rm -rf ripping through your files. Oh, and it's also another screwdriver. I call it "cat".
But let's take a look at modern Victorinox. Maybe it's better? No, not at all. It's totally metrosexual featuring nail files, nail clippers, nail scissors and a flash drive (not even a good one).
Newer doesn't always mean cooler.
(I have the exact same one, photo from the internet because I'm too lazy)
19 -
Installing a GPU is easy - except if it doesn't fit in the case. I had to saw off 3cm of the upper, 5.25" bay. Just removing the bay cage entirely was not an option because I still need that for my DVD drive.
My bow saw wouldn't have enough space, and the cage is riveted. So despite terrible ergonomics, I used the metal saw of a fucking Swiss Army knife for 24cm of cut length through 1mm steel. Then I filed off the cuts so that I won't injure myself later.
However, I was too lazy to take out the mobo and shit, so I protected it professionally against potential metal dust - with a towel.21 -
A real chef will rant about a freaking knife sharpness and weight and handle and all that shit. Because a real chef knows what he is holding.
Us? We are happy as long as the knives in our hands can cut some stuffs or stab some people.
// Disclaimer : I just left this comment on a rant where OP claimed many users (average users) have no issues with a particular OS while a bunch of self proclaimed developers have lots of trouble with that particular OS.2 -
Why must you twist the knife like this Fitbit?
I already know Pebble is gone.... You can't replace them...
6 -
Oh I have quite a few.
#1 a BASH script automating ~70% of all our team's work back in my sysadmin days. It was like a Swiss army knife. You could even do `ScriptName INC_number fix` to fix a handful of types of issues automagically! Or `ScriptName server_name healthcheck` to run HW and SW healthchecks. Or things like `ScriptName server_name hw fix` to run HW diags, discover faulty parts, schedule a maintenance timeframe, raise a change request to the appropriate DC and inform service owners by automatically chasing them for CHNG approvals. Not to mention you could `ScriptName -l "serv1 serv2 serv3 ..." doSomething` and similar shit. I am VERY proud of this util. Employee liked it as well and got me awarded. Bought a nice set of Swarowski earrings for my wife with that award :)
#2 a JAVA sort-of-lib - a ModelMapper - able to map two data structures with a single util method call. Defining datamodels like https://github.com/netikras/... (note the @ModelTransform anno) and mapping them to my DTOs like https://github.com/netikras/... .
#3 a @RestTemplate annptation processor / code generator. Basically this dummy class https://github.com/netikras/... will be a template for a REST endpoint. My anno processor will read that class at compile-time and build: a producer (a Controller with all the mappings, correct data types, etc.) and a consumer (a class with the same methods as the template, except when called these methods will actually make the required data transformations and make a REST call to the producer and return the API response object to the caller) as a .jar library. Sort of a custom swagger, just a lil different :)
I had #2 and #3 opensourced but accidentally pushed my nexus password to gitlab. Ever since my utils are a private repo :/3 -
Fast Internet connection always distracted me to streaming youtube about technology or tutorial, but normally end up with 100% unrelated videos like how to sharp your knife using mug or watching top 10 mistakes in Harry Potter 😖😖😖3
-
So, for the past...what, week or so? I've been working on a side project with @gianlu. It's the PretendYoureXyzzy fork - our attempt to rejuvenate an old shitty piece of software.
I had started working on a fork alone, and then he asked to team up so I was like "Sure, I got nothing better to do." So, he's working on the backend (and hooking JS up to the backend) and I'm developing the frontend.
I don't know why I thought tech would stand still. Google says they're putting MDL on life support and replacing it with a much more complex successor, MDC. It's not hard to use, but what really bugs me is the lack of notice on getmdl.io. If you are switching to another project as your main focus, why the fuck wouldn't you advertise in the most places possible?
Granted, I don't do web design and/or development on the daily. Yes, I can do it, but I'm not always as up-to-date with web technologies as I'd like to be.
However, the screencap captured is the third time I've taken the knife to the UI. MDC is great tooling, at least to me. That dialog? Not something MDL would've had out the box on the first day. You'd have to work for that.
I don't have an issue with MDC, I have an issue with the lack of PR around it.
6 -
My little brother thought he'd have knife throwing practice into a tv box in my room. Just next to the box was my macbook. Long story short, it now has a hole punched into the screen.6
-
IHateForALiving: I created a trigger on the model, every time you perform a save it should fire an event. You're calling the same methods I am, and the trigger is NOT firing. Are you sure we are running in the same process?
TheTeamLeader: I'm manually starting this whole piece of code in your same process, there must be something wrong on your side if it's not working
90 minutes of debugging later
TheTeamLeader: there's the thing! Your hooks are registered in a separate process, of course they are not firing
IHateForALiving:
1 -
Fuck office politics!
Fuck the backstabbers with the knife that vegan black metal chef is using!
Also fuck those blame-gamers that blame other people from the team constantly but stealthy, you know the kind, the one that poisons everyone little by little by its subtle toxicity!5 -
I'm currently pentesting a web app on a Mac Mini with 8 Gigs of RAM and a i5-4620 using OWASP ZAP. Third time the fuzzer got stuck, the RAM's full an the CPU's permanently at 100 %.
Before starting this job, I always said that pentesting on this POS is like bringing a knife to a gunfight.
When I kicked off two fuzzers at once, I started feeling like bringing a cocktail sword to a thermonuclear war.
It's not even 10 here and I already wish for some booze. Damn, I gotta start making moonshine or something.5 -
The best way to describe what I had to do today is I "Channeled Macgyver"... now production is working.
⚪Data wasn't flowing as expected.
⚪Component written by our team was blamed.
⚪Boss asked me to bypass the component so data can flow.
Sure, I can fix that... Give me a car battery, a roll of duck tape and a butter knife. Data will be flowing in production shortly. -
I received a computer to work on for work and needed a knife to open the box. That's when my coworker pulled out this nugget of wisdom:
Coworker: My knife has a knife on it.
Me: Really?! Who would've thought?4 -
Suggestions for a good speech to text program for someone who mumbles and talks too fast?
I sliced my thumb while washing a knife and typing on my computer without it is getting annoying3 -
WHAT COCKSUCKING LUNATICS DECIDED TO MAKE A PDF ONLY ABLE TO DOWNLOAD WITH JAVASCRIPT.
I CANT DOWNLOAD YOUR FUCKING PDFS TO SIGN BY TONIGHT BECAUSE ALL I HAVE IS MY IPad. WHICH DOESNT FUCKING HAVE JAVASCRIPT
THERE IS A TIME AND A PLACE TO USE JAVASCRIPT AND THIS IS NOT ONE OF THEM. GO CASTRATE YOURSELF WITH A RUSTY KNIFE5 -
God....
Bash and substitution patterns is character diarrhea.
And said Bash "script" consists of multiple shitton files with sources and Environment variables and other stuff that makes me wanna poke my eyes out and cram it into my arse.
Still shitty, but more tolerable.
I will have an clusterfuck of nightmares I guess.
All these # will gangup with the ~ and then the ? will start an knife attack to rip out their intestines. But all fails as the ! shred everything to bits by blasting it with anti tank sniper munition.
*dizzy*10 -
i pack my developers' weapon box and take with me:
-- sting, a sword the size of a butter knife --
- awesome for cutting pizza
- +3 luck (while equipped, bug encounters are increased x3)
- it glows blueish when PMs are nearby.
(probs to @Fast-Nop :-)
what do you equip?10 -
I have absolutely no respect for developers who can't properly touch-type.
You don't see many cooks who don't know how to handle a knife, do you?12 -
bae: hey,do you know where did the word 'oops' came from?
me: object oriented programming? 😋
bae: no, its from the noises that we naturally make when we slice our palm with the Night Cheese knife 😝
me:(quick search on the stack exchange app meanwhile) 😑 it's an alteration of upsy-daisy blah blah
and then she's like GOOD NIGHT!
😂😂 -
I fucking hate Google, but made the decision to use it as my primary search engine once again.
Reality dictates that I have already adopted it for well over a decade via searches since AllTheWeb existed along with owning enough Android devices to choke a twelve headed dragon whore.
But, here's the main reason: You.com and DuckDuckGo are so dumb as fuck, they might as well be Ron Jeremy's MySpace page.
You.com, for instance, is "completely customizable" by adding un-customizable "apps" without any control over the content it spews into your SERPS.
Neither seems to have interest in no longer padding results with shit you'd take a knife to. At least Google allows me to block those pages or sites from being seen again.
If you happen to live on Planet Earth (which currently seems to exclude 86.8% of the human population) you've been tracked before you even knew what "Big Brother" meant.
If you're looking to safeguard your security, buy a goddamn sword and time travel to remove the Zuckerberg timeline from existence.22 -
Someone's guts will be torn out tomorrow and put up on a nice clean razor barbed wire ...
I was wondering what the fucking fuck messed up my brain - till I realized that some dev mixed up the timezone on one of our servers. Dunno how the dev managed it - but the end result was not funny.
Due to the difference in time strings the newer backup had an older timestamp - and vice versa.
Which - when you want to do mass clean up and migration - is a very fucked up thing.
I had to manually check dozens of backups to make sure I got the right ones...
-.- knife goes in, gut goes out. Thx Bart Simpson.8 -
You have a cake and a knife. You need 8 slice, but the knife is rubbish and will disintegrate after 2 cuts.
Its a really fun company I worked for.
No spoilers guys...14 -
Tested out parcel.js as webpack replacement and wasted 3 hours because of a missing sourcemap reference at the end of the bundled file. It was not parcels fault, but dear author of parcel-vue-plugin never again override one of parcels core file you fucker or i'll chop of your genitals with a rusty knife.2
-
Yay, life's picked up, feeling better about everything.
My mate fucks up my bike beyond the point of no return, and it's my only transport for interviews.
I'm going to rip his knees apart with a knife then shoot myself4 -
You have a job for 7 days and you will get paid with 1 piece of gold per day. Problem is there's a block of gold made up of 7 pieces, and there is a knife that can cut it only twice. How would you solve this problem? Making sure the employee has the right amount of gold every day!
There are no tricks in the question like buying a new knife or whatever. There is a unique mathematical solution. Go!8 -
Sales: Hey @chenb0x, we told the Client that you were a phone phreak and could make any communication device work.
Me: Well, I don't think that's such a good idea becau-
Sales: Oh, you can do it! Here's the equivalent of a black box and a pocket knife. Have fun!
Me: But, Sales I reall-
*click*
Well then..... t( '-' t)1 -
So a trainee made a website at the company where I also have my internship, he finished his internship earlier than I did. But the problem is I'm now fixing his site and it's literally falling apart! I fixed one problem and a dozen apear! His code is the definition of spaghetti code. It's so extremely bad I can't handle this, I don't want to do this anymore, just someone please drive a knife trough my chest. This is unbearable HE CREADED A HTML PAGE INSIDE ANOTHER ONE flipping heck how could you think that's how things work!1
-
The datepicker saga
Part one
So I begin work on a page where user add their details, project is late, taking ages on this page
Nearly done, just need a component to allow users to put in some date of births. Look for react components.
Avoiding that one because fuck Bootstrap.
Ah-ha, that looks good, let's give it a go.
CSS doesn't exist, oh need copy it over from npm dist. Great it applied but...
... WTF it's tiny. Thought it was a problem with my zoom. Nope found the issue in github.com and it's something to do with using REM rather than EM or something, okay someone provided a solution, rather I saw a couple of solutions, after some hacking around I got it working and pasted it in the right location and yes, it's a reasonable size now.
Only it's a bit crap because it only allows scrolling 1 month at a time. No good. Hunting through the docs reveals several options to add year and month drop downs and allow them to be scrolled. Still a bit shit as it only shows certain years, figure I'd set the start date position somewhere at the average.
Wait. The up button on the scroll doesn't even show, it's just a blank 5px button. Mouse scroll doesn't work
Fucking...
... Bailing on that.
Part 2
Okay sod it I'll just make my own three drop down select boxes, day, month and year. Easy.
At this point I take full responsibility and cannot blame any third party. And kids, take this as a lesson to plan out your code fully and make no assumptions on the simplicity of the problem.
For some reason (of which I regretted much) I decided to abstract things so much I made an array of three objects for each drop down. Containing the information to pretty much abstract away the field it was dealing with. This sort of meta programming really screwed with my head, I have lines like the following:
[...].map(optionGroup =>
optionGroup.options[
parseInt(
newState[optionGroup.momentId]
, 10)
]
)...
But I was in too deep and had to weave my way through this kind of abstract process like an intrepid explorer chopping through a rain forest with a butter knife.
So I am using React and Redux, decided it was overkill to use Redux to control each field. Only trouble is of course when the user clicks one of the fields, it doesn't make sense in redux to have one of the three fields selected. And I wanted to show the field title as the first option. So I went against good practice and used state to keep track of the fields before they are handed off to the parent/redux. What a nightmare that was.
Possibly the most challenging part was matching my indices with moment.js to get the UI working right, it was such a meta mess when it just shouldn't have taken so stupidly long.
But, I begin to see the light at the end of this tunnel, it's slowly coming together. And when it all clicks into place I sit back and actually quite enjoy my abysmal attempt at clean and easy to read code.
Part 3
Ran the generated timestamp through a converter and I get the day before, oh yeah that's great
Seems like it's dependant on the timezone??!
Nope. Deploying. Bye. I no longer care if daylight savings makes you a day younger.1 -
This is gonna be a long post, and inevitably DR will mutilate my line breaks, so bear with me.
Also I cut out a bunch because the length was overlimit, so I'll post the second half later.
I'm annoyed because it appears the current stablediffusion trend has thrown the baby out with the bath water. I'll explain that in a moment.
As you all know I like to make extraordinary claims with little proof, sometimes
for shits and giggles, and sometimes because I'm just delusional apparently.
One of my legit 'claims to fame' is, on the theoretical level, I predicted
most of the developments in AI over the last 10+ years, down to key insights.
I've never had the math background for it, but I understood the ideas I
was working with at a conceptual level. Part of this flowed from powering
through literal (god I hate that word) hundreds of research papers a year, because I'm an obsessive like that. And I had to power through them, because
a lot of the technical low-level details were beyond my reach, but architecturally
I started to see a lot of patterns, and begin to grasp the general thrust
of where research and development *needed* to go.
In any case, I'm looking at stablediffusion and what occurs to me is that we've almost entirely thrown out GANs. As some or most of you may know, a GAN is
where networks compete, one to generate outputs that look real, another
to discern which is real, and by the process of competition, improve the ability
to generate a convincing fake, and to discern one. Imagine a self-sharpening knife and you get the idea.
Well, when we went to the diffusion method, upscaling noise (essentially a form of controlled pareidolia using autoencoders over seq2seq models) we threw out
GANs.
We also threw out online learning. The models only grow on the backend.
This doesn't help anyone but those corporations that have massive funding
to create and train models. They get to decide how the models 'think', what their
biases are, and what topics or subjects they cover. This is no good long run,
but thats more of an ideological argument. Thats not the real problem.
The problem is they've once again gimped the research, chosen a suboptimal
trap for the direction of development.
What interested me early on in the lottery ticket theory was the implications.
The lottery ticket theory says that, part of the reason *some* RANDOM initializations of a network train/predict better than others, is essentially
down to a small pool of subgraphs that happened, by pure luck, to chance on
initialization that just so happened to be the right 'lottery numbers' as it were, for training quickly.
The first implication of this, is that the bigger a network therefore, the greater the chance of these lucky subgraphs occurring. Whether the density grows
faster than the density of the 'unlucky' or average subgraphs, is another matter.
From this though, they realized what they could do was search out these subgraphs, and prune many of the worst or average performing neighbor graphs, without meaningful loss in model performance. Essentially they could *shrink down* things like chatGPT and BERT.
The second implication was more sublte and overlooked, and still is.
The existence of lucky subnetworks might suggest nothing additional--In which case the implication is that *any* subnet could *technically*, by transfer learning, be 'lucky' and train fast or be particularly good for some unknown task.
INSTEAD however, what has happened is we haven't really seen that. What this means is actually pretty startling. It has two possible implications, either of which will have significant outcomes on the research sooner or later:
1. there is an 'island' of network size, beyond what we've currently achieved,
where networks that are currently state of the3 art at some things, rapidly converge to state-of-the-art *generalists* in nearly *all* task, regardless of input. What this would look like at first, is a gradual drop off in gains of the current approach, characterized as a potential new "ai winter", or a "limit to the current approach", which wouldn't actually be the limit, but a saddle point in its utility across domains and its intelligence (for some measure and definition of 'intelligence').4 -
Me picking a knife: does research about types of steel, what screws hold it together, what metal detectors it can fool
Me picking a crush: THIS ONE IS PRETTY!5 -
I think instead of being lazy today and sleeping in until 3, I'm gonna spend my Sunday morning early afternoon learning something new or building something short and sweet. Not sure what I wanna go after though! I started getting into openCV but I'm not good enough quite yet for it to be somewhat enjoyable. I am a swiss army knife so I work a lot of stuff but I'm open to anything.6
-
! Dev related rant
I rammed a knife into our fridge freezer to throw ice on my flatmate. And bam! I punchered the goddamn coil, now we've been without fridge for two days and I'm going to lose shit load of cash.
Off goes beer for a few weeks.7 -
so I am thinking of a couple of projects to put on my portfolio, I could follow along some YouTube "build a ....." tutorials but I hate that, super boring, so I'm thinking of building this web based database client for the browser using react and node, I want something that universal, like a swiss knife of database clients on the browser, I'll just stick to fetching and Inputting data until I realize it's a waste of time and kill the project2
-
It is with great sorrow I am announcing that an Apple Watch can catch fire while on your wrist. I bashed Fitbit very hard for this when they were giving people burn scars for life. Collecting and selling data is one thing, but mutilating bodies because of negligence and wanting to save a buck on manufacturing is a whole another thing. It seems like Apple is not much different.
I am struggling with body dysmorphia, and I told you out loud that if a Fitbit device gave me a burn scar for life, I would've probably committed suicide. I still stand by these words. My body integrity is a big deal to me. Having a scar due to my own negligence, like mishandling a knife, is one thing, but the concept itself that some fucking hustle culture startup can mutilate my body is another thing. It scares me.
I am considering to abandon any kind of wearable electronics altogether. The cost of failure is just too high. I'm probably going to get a mechanical Timex or a Seiko.
19 -
The current finish of the whole network stuff is... exhausting.
We are in the finishing phase...
Like in the Simpsons:
Knife goes in, guts come out.
I've debugged today 4 h DNS...
One of the nodes - and the only node of 5 - didn't resolve one zone of many correctly.
It always tried to resolve via INet / Dot ...
So a _very_ special snowflake.
After going crazy... I decided to isolate the setup and increase verbosity for debugging.
It tourned out that the DNS server answered correctly - but was asked then again for a response by the defective node.
So I ripped out DNSSEC out from the DNS server, hoping the defective node would be fine with it.
Nope. It resolved then by itself via internet...
Well...
A lot of domain-insecure sprinkles later the defective node behaved correctly.
But why the fuck does _ONE_ single fucking stupid cunt machine decide to go rogue? Every node is equal....
It's just... Insane.
And reading the logs was insane too. -
Ironic considering they are literally making money off of GDPR compliance, I can't be fucked to report them, but I truly hope somebody makes them choke a knife.
4 -
Ehhh
Yes I've won a few coding contests. Yes I've emulated clusters using Docker and Kubernetes. Doesn't mean that I can simulate machine learning over network like taking knife out of butter2 -
I just started a new job last week. Old-school sysadmin role for a pretty old-school company, but the pay is nice and the kids've gotta eat.
They gave me a windows laptop. I haven't used windows for work or as a daily driver since 2016, and now, a week into trying to make this machine work for me, I have the following observations to report.
WSL is nice. It's nice to have it installed(though actually installing it was an adventure unto itself), and to set alacritty to open my default user prompt straight into that is very nice. As terminal emulators are by far my most used piece of software, that's nice to have.
Command-line software management through powershell, winget, and chocolatey are also very nice.
I like the accessibility offered by autohotkey, though there is something of a learning curve on it. Once I get better with it, I suspect that what follows will be largely mitigated.
The Bad:
In general, Windows is janky. It feels like it's all kinda taped together without any particular cohesion in mind. As a desktop, it feels decidedly amateur, compared to the feature-mountain polish of MacOS, and especially compared to the flexibility and infinite possibilities of Linux.
Lots of screen real estate is wasted, with window decorations, and fonts that look terrible at smaller sizes, because the antialiasing of fonts is just terrible. Almost all the features I depend on in other desktops: ad-hoc searches and launches(alfred, rofi) are-- again --janky. They work, but they typically require more typing than alfred or rofi. I admit I haven't spent weeks on this problem yet, but I haven't found a workable solution yet with wox, hain, and keypirinha. Quick searches like what you get with alfred, alfred workflows, and the swiss army knife that is rofi, just aren't possible or reliable with the tools I've used so far, and most require some kind of indexing agent to fully function.
It beggars imagination that a desktop in which users are subjected to "default apps" that is purported to be acceptable for enterprise, professional use, does not have a default entry for text editor. I installed nvim-qt, and I want to use it to edit anything and everything I ever edit with text, but all too often, apps have hard-coded instructions to open text files with notepad.
I want to open certain URLs with firefox, certain ones with firefox developer edition, and others with vivaldi, and yet there is not an app available that I have seen yet in my searches that allows me to set this kind of configuration. I found one that's supposed to, but it just ignores everything I put into its config, and just opens MS Edge for everything. Jank.
Simple things take too long. Like the delay between when I laboriously hit ctrl-alt-del to bring up the login and when the actual text field appears, and the delay between that and when I want to start using the computer.
Changing some settings requires a reboot. Updating some software requires a reboot. Updating permissions on something sometimes requires a reboot. And those are all on top of the frequent requests to reboot for updates.
I would have thought Windows would have overcome most of the issues that create these problems, but it's just, as I said, amateur.1 -
I just figured out any emails sent from my Gmail account are sent into the void. Gonna try contacting support.5
-
!dev
Had a strange dream. I was in some place where I looked at some people or maybe one person I don’t know now making some ritual. Some sort of forming a new life being from white piece of modeling clay of something. Telling some spells. Standing in front of big jar. Like you see some old pictures of the witch or something in front of big jar telling spells and this white piece of clay was forming but I didn’t saw it to the end. Those people or person didn’t see me and I was very absorbed by the whole ceremony. I was alone ? I don’t know now but probably. Maybe I was in some sort of jar in the room of this witch as one of her trophy watching it behind the safety glass. So me was very small and this ritual was made by some giant.
As my mind start becoming aware what I am watching suddenly I heard voice of my mother that was screaming to me to get the fuck out of here.
I saw her running and someone was running toward me with big knife to kill her before she reach me.
I didn’t saw his face, before my mother reached me I turned around so he didn’t know my face either. I covered my face with my hands to don’t see him stabbing me with his big knife made of steel. Then I woke up lol. When I woke up I felt like I am slowly going back to my body.
I still have thrills 40 minutes later when I am writing this.
I probably didn’t suppose to see this ritual.
I slept for about 2 hours and I am fully awake and feel rested.
Well some of my dreams are really fucked up.8 -
!rant && offline
I just finished one of my house projects this weekend, I had the initial "concept" more than a year ago, then had to look around for wood that could actually be used, as many projects it also stayed dormant for weeks, so when I had the will and time I'll would go back to it. Yeah I know it could have been done in 2 or 3 weeks probably, but I like to do those things nice and slow, as someone in a movie said: - Slow, long moves. :)
In the next days I'll write an instructable with all the steps, if anyone is interested.
1 -
Fantasizing about stabbing SharePoint in the throat, I'm being forced to contact Microsoft tech support, so I need to obtain our software assurance account info.
Our company's rep sends me our SA account numbers (assuming that was all I needed) and the link to create an incident.
Step through Microsoft support ticket 'wizard' which ends with requiring a login with a Microsoft account.
Me: "What login account should I be using?"
Rep: "You shouldn't need one. Just use the SA account number and access ID I sent you."
Me: "There is no entry for those values. I step through a support 'wizard' and the final page redirects me to the Microsoft login page."
Rep: "Use your work email address."
Me: "I can, but I shouldn't have to use my personal outlook email address. Can I just send you the issue and you submit the ticket? After the ticket is created, all the correspondence will be through email anyway."
<30 min. later>
Rep: "I just linked your work email address to your company's account. You should be able to login now."
Me: "Same error. I think you're messing with me."
<30 min. later>
Rep: "Select the option to create an account with your own email."
Me: "Now I know you're messing with me. Already tried that and received the error 'You cant sign up here with a work or school email address'."
Rep: "Weird...I guess Microsoft changed their policy."
Me: "So now what?"
<1 hour later>
Rep: "You might have to send me your SharePoint issue and I'll get a ticket created. After the ticket is created, I'll change the contact email address to you."
WHY DIDN'T YOU DO THAT TWO HOURS AGO!
Whew! Thanks devRant...that's better. I put the knife down and now only want to punch SharePoint in the face.3 -
SO's accepted answers being "no dont do what you want to do, use this corporate™-certified library instead, we ALLLLL use it too"
Like bitch if I wanna kill myself with a knife, tell me which vein to cut, dont recommend me a gun, I dont want it. ffs.9 -
Depends on which desk we're talking about...
Office desk: an empty can, a tophat well as a demo and some Russian paracetamol I found from a pocket of my winter coat.
Home Office #1 desk: the keyboard for another computer, a plant, a bunch of magazines and newspapers belonging to someone else, a roll of kitchen paper, someone else's meds, a cup of cookies, another cup of small tomatoes, a Swiss army knife, a bike computer and a tablet.
Home Office #2 desk: wife's laptop, a bunch of chargers for a myriad of devices, a Kindle, some envelopes full of stickers, others with bills, a lot of random crap, and usually when I'm at the desk, one or two purring felines -
- I love blowing my mind. Even if it is the most confusing thing. Things like security mechanisms, neurons' behaviors, mathematics (even tho I hate it when I fail lol), electronics, medical terminology and chemistry.
- I love collecting rare coins, personally never-seen stones and put them into my collection. I love to be a designer. Not only on my laptop. I have a book shelf and within that book shelf I put stones that create the yin yang sign while pushing the books to two sides. That makes them look like they are levitating. I have stones (including obsidian) that create a triangle and a knife hanging down the wall of my room.
- I love visiting touristic, historic, naturally-beautiful but also non-touristic (non-touristic? yes. by that I mean visiting e.g. the areas of touristic cities which are dangerous, because you can easily fall down off of a slippery ground and take serious injuries) places around the globe, talk to complete strangers in public (I am trying to be an extrovert), take pictures with my camera and collecting antiquities.
- I love taking risks (no. I don't play any poker games etc on the internet) without trying to put other people in risk. Driving insanely with whatever I have. Car, bike, you name it.
- I love reading books. Books that are about human psychology, fantasy novels and books about programming languages.
- I love to cook (I am at the beginning).
- I love to use the konMari method of tidying up my room.
- I love plants.
- I love having everything in my room tidied up (even if I am too busy with other stuff and skip this cleaning process for a week upto a month sometimes. Sorry, room.).
- I love doing sports. But mostly sport that I have never tried before. This can be, because of my greedy wish for an adrenaline kick. That led me into taking a balloon flight at 4 am (sunrise) and to paragliding at sunset above Mediterranean sea btw. (I am normally afraid of flying, but paragliding was awesome).
- I love swimming. Like, you cannot pull me out of the sea for a minimum of 2 hours, if it is not important.
- I love laying above the sea water and let the sea carry me to somewhere else.
- I love being alone. I love the silence. I love to be free in my thoughts.
- I love watching the sunset, the light that shines through the forest, the moonlight and the stars at night.
- I love dreaming. No, like, lucid dreaming for example.
- I love being open to any opinions.
- I love to learn about other people's views about the world and their religion.
- I love pets and would do anything to keep them alive when they are ill. It hurts my heart seeing them like this.
- I love watching demonic "A: Holy shit! Did you see this thing, too?! B: Yes!" YouTube videos just for the fun of it, but I hate horror movies and games.
- I love trying out new things. The creation of music and video for example.
- I love to give my hair and beard a shape, if I am too lazy to go to the barbershop lol. By that I don't mean just going to the barbershop, but taking an electric razor and cutting my hair myself even if I get bad results from time to time that can be corrected by letting any family member tell me in which area of of my head the hair problem is.
- I don't like disco clubs.
- I don't like toxic people even though I can be a quite toxic person myself without realizing it. If I appear toxic to you, inform me about it. Having so much testosterone in that moment, can make me do things that I don't want to do.
- I don't like drugs even tho I have to admit that I am trying a few from time to time (maybe 6 months in-between) to have a dopamine kick. I am not an addict.
- I hate myself for things that I did in the past.
- I used to watch MMA videos etc.
- I used to use a telescope, but I can't find it anymore.
- I used to have a microscope, but I can't find it anywhere and besides of that the seller did literally piss in it before selling it to me many years ago. Don't want to touch it tbh.
- I used to play games, but I don't enjoy games anymore. That makes me feel sad.
- I miss the old moments of my life.
In conclusion:
I like how things went and go so far. It changed me so much. It made me a good and a bad person. I became more open and confident, but it also particularly made me a leader who can say "fuck off" in a bad way to his family. I would like to undo this particular part of me.5 -
That feeling when you're applying for your first programming job.
And the knife stabs of nerves in your gut fearfully remind the coiled muscles in your sweaty brow of the singular possibility: what if I bullshit my way by the HR filter into this job and it turns out I was completely wrong, and I encounter a bug that my meager coding abilities really can't fix?
"Writing an interpreter in some community college you dropped out of ten years ago" doesn't mean you're a programmer.
"Figuring out where the bug was in a broken bat file that was pages long, for a language and framework you've never used, for a library nobody uses anymore", doesn't count as debugging.
"Writing a tweening library in an obscure tool" doesn't mean you're an expert. This is childs play.
What if they ask about big O? Do you admit that logarithms confuse the fuck out of you because you dropped out in 8th grade and got your GED later on due to being kicked out by your meth head dad?
What if being able to write a few measly cobbled together half-arsed estimate tools in python doesn't really mean you're qualified to do anything?
What if being able to look at code in languages you've never seen and grok it doesn't mean shit?
What if you've used more languages than you can remember?
What if you once lost a job offer casually given because the guy you built rapport with over months made a joke about browsers, and you joked about using internet explorer?
What if you got a job offer from a consultant friend one time and he asked you to write validation and testing code in javascript for amazon's cloud, and you completely screwed the pooch because you spent the entire time thinking you had to make it *work* and not just *look* correct, when all along he just wanted what amounted to *correct looking* code, and your gut had told you the same, but you ignored it, because the world can't possibly work like that, where people give anyone a chance or the benefit of the doubt, and any slip up or shortcoming means you were never really worthy to begin with.
What if you thought you could, but you'd been raised your entire life to *believe* you couldn't?3 -
wondering if I should destroy someone's soul today.
Seriously considering going full drill-sergeant. Complete with knife-hand and shark attack.2 -
Ok... @tosensei you win. I'm gonna start using a knife for all round, orange, citrus fruits. (It's a tangelo)
20 -
Do any of you have suggestions for pin sized tools/objects. Like I already know about laser pens and screwdriver pens but do you guys know of anything else that could fit in a dress shirt pocket?
(And I mean anything. From exacto knife to sonic screw driver)6 -
Started optimising everything. For example last week while cooking, instead of taking another spoon to stir the food, I reused the same knife which I used to cut
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If a job (swiss knife developer) is preventing you from reaching your goal (freelancing) and take all your time so you can't learn new things, you can't go to the gym, all the projects are boring (theme forest wordpress integration, prestashop hack into cpanel ...), make you sleepless at nights, and grumpier than grumpy cat ... will you quit ?1
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This post is going to be long and it might not be the platform to ask for it's mainly for ranting yet I wanted to ask a non toxic community.
I'm mainly an ABAP programmer working on an SAP system for my living. No matter how people inside the SAP sphere look at it, it's not exactly cutting edge technology in the world of software development. (and in my opinion it's not even a knife)
As I work in an enterprise environment I have trouble about finding gaps where I can learn newer technologies and thus, I've decided to learn in my free time.
I tend to tilt toward web development as do many I know because I see potential in the GUI which HTML and CSS achieve. And I do believe that combining that with languages such as JS, Python, Ruby, Erlang and Elixir can give way to a healthy experience both in Web development and even desktop development.
In order to avoid overwhelming myself I wish to start with learning web development. Time is not of the essence because I plan to continue working with ABAP for close future, around the next 2 years, and I'm young.
I wanted to ask the community, is there any developer in here that was in the same position and can give out some pointers to the path they took? Is it wise to start my path from HTML5 and CSS3 without looking back to the older ways? Any resource you'd share will be welcomed.1
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