Do all the things like ++ or -- rants, post your own rants, comment on others' rants and build your customized dev avatarSign Up
Get a devDuck
Rubber duck debugging has never been so cute! Get your favorite coding language devDuckBuy Now
Search - "rockstar"
I believe this is why companies look for Junior Developers who actually know enough to be a mid or senior developer.
One day, a company that doesn't have the technical chops to know the difference between python and ruby hire a developer who is still in school. That developer doesn't know what he's worth, so the company gets him for pretty cheap. He does amazing things, takes last minute requests, learns some along the way, but eventually leaves because he just got contacted by a recruiter telling him how much he's really worth. He leaves, but the company needs to fill his spot. The company asks the former rockstar all the technologies he used to accomplish his job and throw that into a job description. The company could only really afford the junior so they keep all the stuff about being a junior, but because they need to maintain all the hodge podge stuff the previous developer put in, they need someone with experience enough to jump in.6
--- GitHub 24-hour outage post mortem ---
As many of you will remember; Github fell over earlier this month and cracked its head on the counter top on the way down. For more or less a full 24 hours the repo-wrangling behemoth had inconsistent data being presented to users, slow response times and failing requests during common user actions such as reporting issues and questioning your career choice in code reviews.
It's been revealed in a post-mortem of the incident (link at the end of the article) that DB replication was the root cause of the chaos after a failing 100G network link was being replaced during routine maintenance. I don't pretend to be a rockstar-ninja-wizard DBA but after speaking with colleagues who went a shade whiter when the term "replication" was used - It's hard to predict where a design decision will bite back and leave you untanging the web of lies and misinformation reported by the databases for weeks if not months after everything's gone a tad sideways.
When the link was yanked out of the east coast DC undergoing maintenance - Github's "Orchestrator" software did exactly what it was meant to do; It hit the "ohshi" button and failed over to another DC that wasn't reporting any issues. The hitch in the master plan was that when connectivity came back up at the east coast DC, Orchestrator was unable to (un)fail-over back to the east coast DC due to each cluster containing data the other didn't have.
At this point it's reasonable to assume that pants were turning funny colours - Monitoring systems across the board started squealing, firing off messages to engineers demanding they rouse from the land of nod and snap back to reality, that was a bit more "on-fire" than usual. A quick call to Orchestrator's API returned a result set that only contained database servers from the west coast - none of the east coast servers had responded.
Come 11pm UTC (about 10 minutes after the initial pant re-colouring) engineers realised they were well and truly backed into a corner, the site was flipped into "Yellow" status and internal mechanisms for deployments were locked out. 5 minutes later an Incident Co-ordinator was dragged from their lair by the status change and almost immediately flipped the site into "Red" status, a move i can only hope was accompanied by all the lights going red and klaxons sounding.
Even more engineers were roused from their slumber to help with the recovery effort, By this point hair was turning grey in real time - The fail-over DB cluster had been processing user data for nearly 40 minutes, every second that passed made the inevitable untangling process exponentially more difficult. Not long after this Github made the call to pause webhooks and Github Pages builds in an attempt to prevent further data loss, causing disruption to those of us using Github as a way of kicking off our deployment processes (myself included, I had to SSH in and run a git pull myself like some kind of savage).
Glossing over several more "And then things were still broken" sections of the post mortem; Clever engineers with their heads screwed on the right way successfully executed what i can only imagine was a large, complex and risky plan to untangle the mess and restore functionality. Github was picked up off the kitchen floor and promptly placed in a comfy chair with a sweet tea to recover. The enormous backlog of webhooks and Pages builds was caught up with and everything was more or less back to normal.
It goes to show that even the best laid plan rarely survives first contact with the enemy, In this case a failing 100G network link somewhere inside an east coast data center.
Link to the post mortem: https://blog.github.com/2018-10-30-...10
“Our market leading software company has an urgent need on our agile team for a passionate self starter whom is able to work with minimal supervision in a fast-paced and dynamic environment on cutting edge technology. If you are a rockstar developer, let’s talk. “
All credit to Chris Jones.1
when you had to maintain some stranger's shitty codebase, and you couldn't resist looking up his name on LinkedIn, then you found his profile which says he is a Rockstar coder8
The devRant community:
@dfox: Our lord and savior, a rockstar who gets his comments ++'d just for being dfox
@trogus: The designer who lives in the shadow of dfox, but is still beloved
@tisaconundrum: Has 1 ++ for every time someone has tried, and failed, to pronounce his username in their head. (It's a lot)
@letmecode: The most consistently angry rants
@calmyourtities: I see him a lot
@me: I get mentioned every time the google assistant makes the "algo-rhythm" joke
@linux, @linuxxx, and @linuxforfun are linux users.
Continue in the comments!63
aslkfjasf. i've spent 12 hours today (and lots more over the past two days) trying to reproduce a bug that my [sort of] coworker insists is present. I haven't seen any proof of it anywhere, let alone steps to reproduce it.
I've poured through the code, following all of its tangled noodles of madness from start to fuck-this-shit. I've read and reread the pile of demon excrement so many times i can still read the code when i close my eyes. so. not. kidding.
anyway, the coworker person is getting mad because i haven't fixed the bug after days, and haven't even reproduced it yet. This feature is already taking way too fucking long so I totally don't blame him. but urghh it's like trying to unwind a string someone tied into a tight little ball of knots because they were bored.
but i just figured out why I haven't been able to reproduce it.
the stupid fucking unreliable dipshit ex-"i'm a rockstar and my code rocks"-CTO buffoon (aka API Guy, aka the `a=b if a!=b`loody pointless waste of mixed spaces and tabs) that wrote the original APIs ... 'kay, i need to stop for breath.
The dumbfuck wrote the APIs (which I based the new ones on mostly wholesale because wtf messy?), but he never implemented a very fucking important feature for a specific merchant type. It works for literally every type except the (soon-to-be) most common one. and it just so happens that i need that very specific feature to reproduce this bug.
Why is that one specific merchant type handled so differently? No fucking idea.
But exactly how they're handled differently is why I'm so fking pissed off. It's his error checking. (Some) of his functions return different object types (hash, database object, string, nullable bool, ...) depending on what happened. like, when creating a new gift, it (eventually...) either returns a new Gift object or a string error basically saying "ahhh everything's broken again!" -- which is never displayed, compared against, or recorded anywhere, ofc. Here, the API expects a Hash. That particular function call *always* returns a Hash, no matter what happens in the myriad, twisting, and interwoven branches the code could take. So the check is completely pointless.
EXCEPT. if an object associated with another object associated with the passed object (yep) has a type of 8. in which case, one of the methods in the chain returns a PrintQueue that gets passed back up the call stack. implicitly, and nested three levels in. ofc.
And if the API doesn't get its precious Hash, it exclaims that the merchant itself is broken, and tells the user to contact support. despite, you know, the PrintQueue showing that everything worked perfectly. In fact, that merchant's printer will be happily printing away in the background.
All because type checking is this guy's preferred method of detecting errors. (Raise? what's that? OOP? Nah, let's do diverging splintered-monolithic with some Ruby objects thrown in.)
what the crap.
people should keep their mental diarrhea away from their keyboards.
Anyway. the summary of this long-winded, exhaustion-fueled tirade is that our second-most-loved feature doesn't work on our second-most-common merchant type.
and ofc that was the type of merchant i've been testing on. for days. while having both a [semi] coworker and my boss growing increasingly angry at me for my lack of progress.
It's also a huge feature, and the boss doesn't understand that. (can't or won't, idk)
that's been my week.
...... WHAT A FUCKING BUFFOON!3
Among my fellow developers at work, there is one guy who stands out because he actually strives to write modular, reusable and readable code. He literally saved me weeks of development by making his code modular enough that I can simply use it almost like a mixin where I only need to provide an alternative template. Note that the feature I'm talking about is for a pretty much sophisticated business process related to handling credit card data. Others in my workplace would just couple their logic tightly with their feature/scope's views.
I really wanna hug him and be his BFF now. #nohomo tho.10
What's so wrong with having no name for my position?
I mean, it's only me in this startup.
I AM THE STARTUP, DAMMIT.
Do I really have to start calling myself a CEO just to appear trustworthy?
But how does one become a Chief if there's nobody to supervise?
Hustler? Rockstar? Too 'startup'ish and just sad.
Entrepreneur? Founder? Sounds like something a scammer would use.
I'll just stick to leaving my position blank on my business card, thank you.20
I can't get a job because I don't have experience because I can't get a job because I don't have experience because I can't get a job because THEY WANNA HIRE A JUNIOR ROCKSTAR CODER WITH 10 YEARS EXPERIENCE IN ANGULAR9
FUCK OFF, YOU FUCKING USELESS PILES OF CRAP
WHY THE FUCK CAN'T COMPANIES JUST TEST THEIR FUCKING APPS FOR ONCE?!?
LINKEDIN GOES INTO A FUCKING CAPTCHA LOOP
SNAPCHAT/INSTAGRAM ARE AS SLOW AND ATTRACTIVE AS A SLIGHTLY RUNNY SHIT
ROCKSTAR IS FULL OF MONGS WHO DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE A WORKING FUCKING GAME
GOOGLE IS FULL OF PERVERTED FUCKERS WHO TRACK YOU EVERYTIME YOU LOOK UP A FUCKING RECIPE.
FUCK THIS WORLD, WHY THE FUCK CAN'T BIG COMPANIES JUST MAKE SOFTWARE WITH THE USERS IN FUCKING MIND?!?!?
FUCK ME, I'M ANGRY10
What the fuck is up with interviewers asking about my goddamn hobbies now? My hobby is slowly going blind while frustratedly talking to myself through an anthropomorphized rubber duck you fucking idiot, that's why I'm here in the first place. "Well we want a well rounded person". I'll give you a well-rounded asshole. It used to be, "well do you write code in your spare time too"? What the fuck do they want from us? Next time I'm answering this new "hobby" question as follows:
I DO COKE AND FUCK STRIPPERS! I'M THE ROCKSTAR DEVELOPER YOU'RE ALWAYS JERKING OFF TO, CAN YOU EVEN HANDLE THAT YOU ASTONISHING PUSSY?17
Uncle Bob says:
Software Craftsmanship is not about glory and rockstar status. It’s not about being the overtime hero, or the last minute cowboy. Rather it is about discipline, professionalism, and the desire to constantly improve.3
If programmers became musicians we would see
- Wake me up when my build ends, 21 cores, Boulevard of broken CI pipelines by Blue Screen Day
- Smoke from my cabinet by Deep For-Loop
- This is how you debug me by Loopback
- Post-release rhapsody by debug queen
- Another bug in the code by Programmer Floyd
- Smells like bad code by Coders from Botswana
- A place for my code, Cure for the bug by Likin to code at dark
not really a rant, but but i am intrigued...
got an email that my rockstar account (gta) email was changed.
changed the email and password and noticed that all the details were changed (nickname, date of birth etc) and the guy even posted on support asking to remove steam link (probably could not login). But rockstar requires a screenshot of user logged in to steam (as if that is hard to fabricate...), so he gave up :D
i'm not even mad, i'm wondering what's the guy's story. Probly bought a stolen account for cheap, hoping to play :(
Maybe i should just let him play the game, since i'm not...
The 5 stages of project management:
1 - the Mission:
Receive a project
2 - the Vision:
Over confidence and optimistic time estimation. Tell people how quick you can finish it.
3 - the Climax:
Adding unnecessary features. Try to be innovative. Think different. Feeling like a Rockstar.
4 - the Bargain:
Does not aware deadline is not far away. Reverse all unnecessary or impractical moomshot features. A bit stressed
5 - the Embarrassment:
Unpredicted obstacles or incidents. Late delivery or fail. Feel like a loser.1
When residual +1's trickle in from an old rant of mine, I feel like a rockstar from the 80's who still gets royalty checks from that one hit they recorded...1
Do recruiters realize how ridiculous they sound saying they're looking for a "rockstar/ninja/big mover?"
give me an actual job title.
Coding has actually made my life more social.
Because I taught myself programming, I became a consultant.
I got to meet nice colleagues, customers and managed to become good friends with some of them.
Because of programming, I moved to a big city and I have lived like a f*cking rockstar!2
Just going to join in on the new Linux CoC with a small opinion, Linus shouldn't have stepped aside, development doesn't need to be 100% serious...
Remember when the term rockstar developer existed?
We got DOOM, quake and Wolfenstein, changing the face of gaming for the better, sure some things were of questionable standings with attitude but if all of us have to be polite and 100% by the book we will just end up with more programmers in suits and more EA like companies...
Now before the hate, this is an opinion and unfortunately the way devrant is at the moment that probably means fuck all and I'm just pissing in the wind ¯\_(ツ)_/¯3
“Lots of CS undergrad folks imagine their careers are going to be sort of a rockstar/ninja/superhero experience. ‘Just wait ’till the world can see what I can do!’. It has to be this way because, well, ‘I’m above average’, right? You expect long hours of designing and implementing complex algorithms (at least I did). Then you get your first job and WHAM! You get ‘schlonged’ with 20 years old code that appears to be the result of experimenting with hard drugs.”
—Krzysztof Szatan, “Why would you learn C++ in 2016?”, retrieved from http://itscompiling.eu/2016/03/...3
when you're at a job interview, the interviewer shows you some code to give you a taste and the first thing that comes to mind is, "how long is it gonna take to refactor and is it worth it..."
then proceeds on to show a database diagram and its an unholy cluttered spaghetti soup that even a purple octopus would feel a cold shiver from..
then the interviewer mentions the previous dev left suddenly and the deadline is very soon(TM?)..3
Would you work 100 hour weeks?
I just read that some developers of game company Rockstar had to work 100 hour weeks because of a deadline for Red Dead Redemption 2.
“We were working 100-hour weeks [several times in 2018],” lead writer Dan Houser explained.
So... would you accept or refuse?18
It's interesting that AAA games are becoming analogous to pop music, as they relate to the medium of which they are part. E3 is just a bunch of trailers for rushed sequels to existing, played-out franchises. The big price tags are almost universally not worth it, as these games typically release with major bugs, and often rely on grind-enforced microtransactions.
Meanwhile, indie games keep getting better, more innovative, and remain reasonably priced. Ubisoft, EA, Bethesda, Rockstar, and the rest of the big-budget studios can eat my ass.21
Recently I receive a ton of mails from cool/hip/rockstar startups. They all run like this:
"We are a innovative Startup based on a [insert some random stuff or buzzword] blockchain! If you're a student with skills and experience in blockchain, machine learning and AI willing to change the world with our sick technology and make it a better place..."
The best thing about this: since they are a innovative Startup they expect you to work for free.
But who am I to judge something so brand-new and innovative. I contacted them to find out what these dank innovations are about.
They can't even explain what a blockchain is or the basics of ML and AI, they basically just want someone do it for free...
It's still ok since no one is gonna fall for this bait... this morning a friend of mine told me he got a new job... and he even can work from home...
I'm not even mad, I just feel sadness and sorrow specially for him, because he is a good dev and accepts big times underpay and now free work, because he thinks a day off in his CV will lead him to be unemployed 😭
Fucking hate it how people successfuly manipulate kids and youth to them to work 24/7 for minimum wage or even for free and some other douchebags trying to take advantage of this 😡1
I was looking at the lowest-valued company in the stock market for kicks and found their candidate description for a web dev. Says it all... https://t.co/JFNdjFTsjo
From Twitter: https://twitter.com/jmeaspls/...4
I just met one of my rockstar machine learning researchers from the Google Brain team and she said she liked what i am working on to use graph machine learning models for alternative credit scoring.
My ego is offff the roof today!!
isRant = true
Am I the only one who has to deal with an annoying coworker who has the urge to take every conversation into an argument to prove himself smarter than everyone in the team? A person who has to contradict every time with rest of the people just to prove himself smarter and different.
Gets so annoying sometimes that I stop answering him right away.
To add to this he is the person from our dev team who has to prove that he codes the fastest and want to get it deployed ASAP. Does not follows best practices and disregards and design patterns. Would argue for hours on his code with the peer reviewer.
Every one hates him for this and he things he is the dev rockstar2
Next time onwards... Please try to solve the problem yourself before writing a bad review... Or you'll get trolled like this guy xD... He didn't know how to disable vibration lol...2
I just had to delete 60GB of files, just to install all of them again from 7 DVDs* because Rockstar can't be bothered to fix their download client.2
I see all kinds of rants here about how coworkers and bosses know nothing about programming. And I'm over here like, how'd they get a job? I feel like every company wants you to be a code ninja rockstar badass, and they're constantly telling me they're pursuing these other unicorns, not me. What gives? I don't know everything, but I know more than done ranters coworkers and bosses. Fuck.
Figured out a heisenbug in the app that my coworker (a rockstar 10X dev who I look upto to) couldn't pinpoint at. And then we both sat together and fixed it :)
Those Rockstar lazyfucks developers! I just spend all Franklin's money on stock market and my portfolio got empty! Lost $200k of game money that took days to get and searching on the web I found that this shitty glitch happens since 2014 and thousands are affected! Go fuck yourselves trying to make me buy game money with real money by making me lose everything you fucking useless devs
How was I able to fix this bullshit report generator task?
Simple bitch. I am that fucking good. Matter of fact. I am more than good. Sit the fuck down and listen.
That fucktard you have over there acting as a faculty member teaching kids about code and security? Blame that bitch for the horrible code that was NOT working since he wrote that with absolute disdain for software engineering and without taste or finesse.
Yeah I was able to troubleshoot his monster of an app. His ass is the reason why people hate php, giving the lang and community a bad name and shit.
Pleased to meet you btw.
I am Alex. Your new rockstar.
To my manager: i got it babe don't worry. I'll be your huckleberry.
I am out.1
Saw the Tesla self-driving capabilities? When Elon said he was looking for rockstar software engineers, he wasn't kidding.4
I can't decide what to do. I don't like my job. At all. I keep looking for new jobs in my area but there are none (just missed an opportunity with Rockstar 😞). I've had an offer to work with a platform that I really, really don't like and requires travel all over the country, but for almost double the money I'm on now. Should I stick with my current job til I find something better? Take this new offer for the money? Completely resign and become a hermit in the wild?4
Before I left my other company I was in the midst of finishing one project and I was ansious to finish everything to leave as a rockstar. Now, one of my js scripts brought a huge and long json response that had many nested items and arrays and whatnot. Instead of properly destructuring or finding a particular piece that went similarly to "status": "Verify input"(that was nested unser a shitload of items) i did the unspeakable......i stringified the whole object and just used indexOf.
I still feel guilty over it...but it works :P thing is, if it returns that it means that the user entered an invalid status into the app (it was an inventory application) but it works :P
Oh well. Mind you they thought it was going to take months and I finished in 1 week so yay.
I have just found this https://github.com/dylanbeattie/...
As soon as I can I will try to compile some songs 😂.1
Has anyone noticed that the members of Simple Plan and Blink-182 match recruiters' "rockstar with 5-10+ years experience" requirement?1