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My worst developer sin is probably me talking sh*t about programs I could never have done better myself.
"Omg, this is so inefficent!"
"Omg, the ui is so confusing!"
"What kind of idiot would do that?"
...I'm not the only one who does that, am I?10 -
The devRant Podcast is finally here!! We're happy to announce the release of episode #0 - featuring Andy Hunt (known for The Pragmatic Programmer, rubber duck debugging, DRY, and much more). We can't thank Andy enough for agreeing to be on our first podcast episode and it was so enjoyable to interview him.
We also want to give a huge thanks to our two devRant users who helped us out and came on to talk about their rants - @silhoutte and @sway. We also greatly appreciate all of the questions that were submitted by community members. We really wanted to ask all of them since there were a lot of good ones, but we had to narrow it down a little as Andy was already kind enough to go over the 20 minutes we had originally asked for. This episode features questions from @casanovanoir, @fatlard1993, and @3K-Vengeance.
You can get all the links to the podcast here: https://devrant.io/podcasts/... (available on iTunes, Google Play, and we've provided the raw mp3).
If you'd like to see it on any other platforms in the future, please let us know. And like always, feedback is appreciated since we're new to this and still learning our way when it comes to podcasting. If you enjoy the show, please rate it to help us out :)
Thanks everyone!
31 -
Breaking devRant news: we are extremely excited to announce the featured guest for the first episode of our podcast. He co-authored possibly the most famous software development book of all-time - "The Pragmatic Programmer" and is well-known for many other titles including "Practices of an Agile Developer." For the devRant community, one of his coolest/fun claims-to-fame might be that he is the inventor of rubber duck debugging, a frequent topic of discusson here on devRant. Beyond this, he is also one of the founders of the agile development movement. Our first featured guest is Andy Hunt (http://www.toolshed.com/about.html)!
As you can probably imagine, we're very excited to have Andy on the first episode of the devRant podcast and there's so many things we want to ask him. We want to give the devRant community a chance to submit questions too because we know devRanters will come up with fun questions. So feel free to just submit any questions you'd like us to ask on your behalf as comments on this rant, and we'll pick the best ones. Thanks!
25 -
A friend of mine is heavily into java. Like seriously... programming teachers at our school ask him for help.
Everytime he gets drunk he starts saying the weirdest things like "DUDE what's your alpha value I can hardly see you".
He greets me with "What's up socket boy" and after throwing up he thinks about the best ways to sort the data. (his vomit)
Has anyone else had such experiences? I want to hear some funny stories! :D12 -
Exp. that made me doubt my skills?
My non programming sister managed to find a bug I was looking for...
I couldn't find the problem for hours and she just looks at the screen and goes "That looks odd!"8 -
Windows: I need to update
Me: Fuck off I'm doing an assignment
Windows: Nah mate I need to update like right fucking now
Me: For fucks sake, go on then, but if you take longer than 30mins I'll delete you again
Windows: *Updating 25% done*
Windows: *Reboots*
*Grub rescue screen*
Me: Hello?
Windows: ...
Me: ...
Me: You fucking cunt
21 -
My freelancing horror story?
I remember like it was yesterday. It was late at night and I was doing some freelancing. (You know... the good stuff...)
All of a sudden the light began flickering, it got really cold and I felt like something was watching me!
OMG! SOMETHING JUST TOUCHED MY SHOULDER! I TURN AROUND AND...
...nothing. Nobody was there.
"I really need some sleep", I think to myself and turn back to my monitor.
Wait a second, what's that?
"10%..."
"20%..."
"60%..."
Oh my god...
How could this happen to me?
Those bastards got me after all!
I just witnessed...
A WINDOWS UPDATE!!!
The end~
______________________________
I don't feel responsible for pants that need to be washed now.25 -
At the end of our first podcast (https://devrant.io/podcasts/...) we gave a hint about the featured guest on our second episode. Now, it's time to announce this guest!
For the next episode of The devRant Podcast, we're fortunate enough to welcome David Heinemeier Hansson, also commonly known as DHH!! (http://david.heinemeierhansson.com/) David is the creator of Ruby on Rails and founder/CTO of Basecamp/37signals (project management tool), and a best-selling author know for titles like "Rework." He also drives race cars. We're extremely excited that we'll have the change to interview him as our second featured guest.
Like last time, it's time to take questions from the devRant community! If you have a question you'd like us to ask David, please add it as a comment on this rant or you can email me (david@devrant.io). Thanks everyone!
6 -
In the bottom left corner of the picture there is a devRant guy with a 3 monitor setup...
However 2 monitors are the biggest multi monitor setup you can select...
*puts tinfoil hat on*
Have I just leaked the next big devRant update?
53 -
How to talk as a dev to a dev:
1.) Talk normally
2.) Start shouting
3.) Slow down but say it more aggressively
4.) Realise you made a mistake and/or misunderstood something
5.) Explain why it's not your fault
6.) Explain why it's someone elses fault
7.) Repeat2 -
Fuck my life...
Okay, so I’m working on a web app with a small group... the app is basically a lead generator for new business in another country. We just need contact details cause they’re a fucker to buy.
Step 1: prototype to the investors, working with the ceo to make this thing look shiny AF.
Goes well as fuck.
CEO: “when can we get this out?”
Me: “it’s basically done mate, get your guys to look at it and we can talk about marketing”
Que a shower of 10 or so bellends with senior in their title going into a room and coming out with:
Bellends: “so on this page we want the user to confirm and accept the contract”
Me: “cool, makes some sense, that’s what it’s already doing.”
Bellends: “afterwards we want to show them the price and have them put in their banking details.”
Me: “Wait, you what when?”
Bellends: “Yeah, well Jenny says we should have as few clicks as possible to get to the final stage and have the customer accept.”
Me: “Jenny’s on fucking crack, moving the contract formation phase to after the contract acceptance stage is not an option”
Bellends: “Oh it’s okay, Andy in legal said that would be okay”
Me: “Andy’s a fucking moron, tell him that online contract formation laws were updated 2014/2015 and you can’t do that anymore”
Bellends: “No, andy’s legal, surely he knows”
Bellends: “We want all of this above the fold”
Me: “OH FUCKING SUCK A DICK YOU ABSOLUTE BAND OF FUCKWADS... which one of you, which one hasn’t looked at a website this millennia!?”
Needless to say I ignored all their shit, got the lead generator out and told the CEO those ten people are certifiably fucking useless.
Bonus round; recent, but “it has to be on internal infrastructure”
“Why? It’s a mobile app sending rest calls to a third party saas.”
“It just has to, we have this thing called the private cloud and w”
“Wait... you what son, priv 🤦🏼♂️ private what mate?”
“Private cloud”
“You... you mean a server rack?”
“Nah we spent £2mn on it, it’s brilliant”
“Hahahaha you fucking dick, you blew £2mn on server infra with fuckall to put on it!?”
“No, no it’s the private cloud”
“Fucking idiot, aye son, where’s the fucking bean stalk you prick!?”
“It has to go on internal infr”
“Shut up, that won’t work”9 -
It was a cold monday evening.
I was alone in my room.
Many hours of coding had passed.
Windows offered me two options:
"Shutdown"
"Shutdown with update"
Anoyed by the update but thankful for the first option i decided to go with number one.
Windows started its shuting down process when all of a sudden...
"Please don't turn off your machine! Your updates are being konfigured!
It was that evening...
That one speciall evening...
I decided...
To finally...
Do nothing about this problem and cry myself to sleep...16 -
Non-dev activity that made me a better dev?
That's an easy one.
Playing the piano. Or better: learning to play the piano.
(With the help of my teacher) I developed many skills that help me learn faster and I learned how to properly use and organize my time.5 -
Most expensive and best rated school form in my country
Most polite, educated and responsible students
...and this is how they look like one minute before class starts
8 -
So my classmate just decided to write "printf("Suck my balls I dont remember how to do this);" in a programming exam and forgot to delete it before handing it in.
Well... after saying "sorry" like a hundred times the teacher accepted his apology.8 -
Guys i got 1000++!!!
It's not that i'm special now.
Just more special than others.
Oh I remember the old times when devRant veterans like @linuxxx or @Alice posted their first rants and I welcomed them!
I even remember that night I gave @dfox the idea of creating this app! "That's stupid.", he said. "If this app should be succesful I owe you some special kind of duck we will produce for some reasons I don't know yet!", he said.
But for real now: Thanks everybody for being a part of this and for bringing me so much joy!8 -
My friend who is new to Android App Dev was trying to make a simple app that programmatically takes a pic then sends it as an MMS. He opened Stack Overflow, copied code and i heard him murmur "hmm this is simple". Knowing the future, and the wrath of Android Studio, i leaned into my seat and waited. 2 hours later i knew Andy Studio had pissed all over him and it was written all over his face. I walked past him as if to go to the toilet then back again, his screen was blood red with errors and my heart danced and sang.
3 hours later i was out of the room and he sent me a text saying "I give up". I replied, "well tbh, im suprised it took you that long"
Thank you Android Studio for showing all those who think all we do is copy and paste code that they are freakin retards.4 -
Useless feature I've built?
Too many to mention. Here's #25.
Modified an existing "Are you sure..?" dialog pop-up (Yes/No buttons) to Yes/No/Cancel. Why? Managers claimed users were "accidentally" clicking 'Yes' when they should have clicked 'No' and causing all kinds of chaos, costing the company money, etc. Managers believed giving the user two chances instead of one would make it easier to avoid the problems they caused.
The meeting:
Me: "Users can click 'No', hit the 'Esc' key, or click the close 'X' button on the window, how will an extra button make it more foolproof?"
Mgr1: "It just will. Andy accidentally deleted inventory and when I asked him if an extra button would have saved them a days worth of re-counts, he said yes."
Mgr2: "Barb accidentally credited a customer $1,500. She promised me she clicked 'No', but the system credited the account anyway. An extra button would have saved us thousands of dollars!"
Me: "Um...these sound like training issues, not an extra button issue."
MyMgr: "PaperTrail, how hard is it to add an extra button?"
Dev1: "Oh yea, adding buttons is easy."
Dev2: "I can do it 5 minutes"
Dev3: "We'll save the company thousands and thousands of dollars!"
<lots of head-knodding and smiles>
MyMgr: "That settles it. PaperTrail, add the extra button!"
Users still screwed things up, but at least they couldn't blame it on not having an extra button.24 -
I wish I could type into my brain:"dd if=/dev/zero of=/dev/sda bs=512 count=1337"
To delete everything of my ex gf memories...
She just wrote a message, again...22 -
Whenever a friend is raging over some bug i'm like:
Calm down... relax... write a rant... get schwifty...5 -
Earlier this day i reached 1000++. Nice, isn't it?
Suddenly an idea comes to my mind.
Why not make a rant and thank everybody? And now comes the important part:
Why not make up a funny story telling how i met @dfox and welcomed @linuxxx and @alice on devRant?
Because somehow the story isn't funny at all because nobody got that it was a joke...
Went great...
People think i'm really old (19 btw.)
People think I know @dfox personally
@linuxxx can't even remember how I never welcomed him
So... sry... I guess? But thanks for the really nice comments!9 -
So i look at my phone checking how late it is...
I put my phone back into my pocket...
My brain is like "time = null;"1 -
Spending a lot of time in 'recent' I greet many people with "Welcome to devRant" every day.
The funny part: half of them used devRant before I even knew it existed but they just now decided to write their first rant8 -
Where do most devRant users come from?
Please add your country in the comments or ++ if already existing!
Dont ++ this question though. I ask out of curiosity and not for the ++.65 -
“Good comments explain why, not what,” says Andy Marks. “Do more of the former and none of the latter. A well named method or variable will beat a well-written comment every day.”2
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Had no internet for hours.
Called the support.
"We will fix it!" they said and they actually did. So maybe there are competent people working there as well???
No. Of course not.
Two hours later I receive a call from them. "It was not our fault. There was an update so we had to plug the cables back into the right ports."
Software update
Physical connections
Wat5 -
If you guess the product then you will get signed version of that product! By Andy Rubin (Twitter)
4 -
I know... I know... We're not kids anymore...
But come on there just has to be a group of Harry Potter lovers in this "geeky" community.
So which house do you see yourself in?
Me, myself and I = Ravenclaw all the way
*this post was shamefully inspired by the description of @theNox*32 -
Shit Developers say:
Fuck you Jasmine and your camelCase
I’ve been wrestling cucumbers all day
Oh no all the cucumbers are broken
In a fit of refactoring madness I have gone and changed a lot
Did you seriously just give ME nil?... No!
If the shit sticks, then we put nice paint on it
Fucking red dot motherfucker (Ben and his failing specs)
You know what we don’t do often..kill each others builds. Kill them and reschedule for later. Mwahaha ha ha.
This build is going to be so rad...(5mins later)...Ok this is not going to pass..I can feel it in my waters!
Can i do that in a digital way or do i have to move my meaty body downstairs to find him?
All the donkeys have be out the gate by sundown
God, imagine if you could patent mathematical solutions
actually, I wouldn't be surprised if you can in the states "no, you can't use a laplace transform, you haven't got the rights, you have to use a less accurate transform on your matrices"
ooooo a boolean that's phrased in the negative, my favourite for code review destruction!
Fuck the police i'll call the object here
Web RTC - its super easy, all you have to do is..probably some hard stuff
I want to go to that conference so I can start arguments with dickheads about semicolons. Just for fun.
This this is not the same as that this.
Can’t come to work I can’t find any clothes. It’s best for everyone if I just don’t come in. ...2 hours later... Yeah my clothes were just in the other room and i couldn’t be fucked moving
(OH about bad bug reports) - you know when they are all like oh joogly joogly doesn’t doodle doodle and it should wobbly doodle you know? and im all like fuck i don’t know any of that shit you are talking about.
Him: "I don’t like it, it’s against REST convention its so 2006 that my eyes are bleeding. As a privileged white male i feel entitled to complain about this." Me: "you. were. eleven in 2006
Source: Kellective Github2 -
The feeling when someone ++ one of your old rants/comments you have totally forgotten about so you read it and start laughing because let's be honest you must be like the funniest person ever?!1
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Founder of world two most hated companies/product ( Apple/iPhone, microsoft/windows vista/windows8/windows10/lumia/ ) are amongst richest person in the world.
Meanwhile creator of worlds most loved/less hated products are hardly know to people (Android/Andy, linux/Trovalds)10 -
I felt inspired by programming when I wrote my first C code.
Up until then the machine would talk and I would listen.
Now all of a sudden I was able to tell it to do whatever I want it to do. -
First of all I want to say that I like how much this group rant is inspired by people complaining about their parents last week. (there were a lot)
Whenever I wanted to proudly present my family something I programmed they just answered (and that really infuriated me) "Just don't do anything illegal, ok?".
These words held so little appreciaten for what I would invest so many hours into because I love it so much...1 -
Ctrl and S will definitely be the first keys I have to replace...
Hitting them after every keystroke I make.
Safety first kids!2 -
Apparently "in" and "out" are the new "varying" and "attribute" in OpenGL's shader language...
Even buying a new graphics card can f*ck up your whole day! 😥2 -
I really love Mr Robot.
The show though... not the guy...
But there's one thing that bugs me since the beginning:
For security reasons Elliot destroys all his drives and puts his RAM into the microwave which of course is effective but why would you even consider frying volatile memory?
Sure... the data can remain for some time but not that long that he would risk anything...
Any ideas?
Oh and btw... SEASON 3 IS NOT THE END??? LIKE WHAAAAAT?4 -
Worst dev experience:
"Learning" vhdl
Best dev experience:
Actually learning because of a new, more competent professor2 -
In two weeks of christmas holidays my brain had enough time to fire the guy that was in charge of my sleep pattern and to hire a new guy with less experience that is really trying hard to fix the mess that has been left for him.
Went to bed at 5am...
Woke up at 9am...
I'm getting there!4 -
8 hours of networking/static routing exercises...
Result?
Windows bug: system provides two standardgateways
Let me write that again:
Two STANDARDgateways
Neither me nor my teacher found out how this happened -
Don't get me wrong I love the weekly rants!
...but on mondays I just genuinely don't use devRant because reading about the same topic over and over again becomes boring so quickly.1 -
My biggest regret is underestimating what my school's server would log and what my teachers could see me do.
SSH is just way to powerful...4 -
Hey @dfox and @trogus, I finally listened to your podthing today, and it was great. Andy Hunt is such an entertaining speaker and you both kept up well as hosts. I'm loving the quick fire questions; I feel like you can learn a lot about a person by how they answer those! Looking forward to S01E02.3
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Just finished listening to devRant's new podcast. In fact, I listened twice! So good, so much info and so much fun. Special guest Andy Hunt, surprise devRant community members and more. Each segment was a blast.
Thanks @trogus and @dfox for a great inaugural podcast. Can't wait for the next episode.
I hope everyone has an opportunity to enjoy it. https://devrant.io/podcasts/... -
You know you could buy any game whenever you want but they are just way too expensive...
But now you got a paysafecard for christmas... now you have to buy a game... I mean... the money was dedicated for games... it would be wrong not to buy a game...
BEST PRESENT EVER2 -
Two friends of mine (one of which actually introduced me to devRant) refuse to post on here.
...there's no need to explain that I want them to enjoy devRant (at it's full potential) with me but they don't see a point in writing.
Would you be so kind and give them some motivation/reasons in the comments? What's the point of dev-ranting?9 -
I am really curious... who of you actually uses snapchat and why?
In my opinion it's one of the most useless apps out there and one of the best concepts to share all your private information with other people and of course the developers.
Also I'd like to believe that rather intelligent people don't use it or if they use it then just for the sake of not being excluded. Since this is a community of programmers I'd like to hear your opinions.7 -
My first exposure to computers?
My father had bought this new machine (windows 98 "new" of course) and we put it in a very moist place (some kind of halfway balcony) in our old flat.
...which was pretty stupid.
One day it made a loud nois, started smoking and stopped responding.
I loved the animated paperclip though! -
When your company ask to put your views on Glassdoor and you don't have any good to say.
#vicious cycle .
Life is hell6 -
Finally friday! Only a few hours left in it school and I can start programming again and catch up with all the sleep i'm missing by not getting up till 5pm...1
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When you learn to work with unix but you forget what "man" stands for because english is not your native language so you man man...
Its "manual" btw... -
Since early 2016 a LinuxDev at my work, pushed me (windows admin) right in the CentOS world. With some practise I had to build a infrastructure to deploy Ubuntu to development clients (laptops with stuff without windows) In perspective I had to migrate this infrastructure to my team (windows admins) and run it there as were this all the time our business. I loved powershell but for some reason I have had to learn Ruby, bash etc.. Now I am the first Admin with some pretty skills in Linux, my workplace comes without any version of Windows. I am flying with Debian, Ubuntu, redhat and CentOS. The finished work from past enabled my team and me to drop fully automated Linux Clients for our developers.
Well last weekend Windows 10 fuc*** up with the creators update and destroyed even my USB3 ports... I didn't even spend lot of my time playing with this machine... So my desk is now running arch.
That day my colleague thought, windows isn't my passion is thanked every week once for directing me in this pretty good world.
Today I am still the first Linux DevOps in my team, but still happy.1 -
rant or !rant
Hey ranters have you checked podcast of devRant on Youtube. It's great.
All dev of this great community please subscribe to devRantApp on YouTube and increase it's views. While I'm ranting about it has only 1.2k views and 51 likes. Please check that out.
@dfox and @trogus Just listened to a podcast of devRant featuring Andy Hunt "Author of the Pragmatic Programmer".
My favorite line he said is " In effort to evaluate betn mediocre programmer from great programmer certification available is pathetic, this is why Alien don't come to visit us anymore".
He also talks about RubberDuck and many more. -
"Always program as if someone who has to work with your code is a violent psychopath who knows where you live."
-
Let me just say that I've been playing whack a mole with a new feature for while now. And it's becoming very tiring.
TLDR; CTO is changing the way we're going to implement this, every other day.
June 1st,
CEO: let's implement feature AAA,
CTO: we're going to have a call with Andy to tell us all about his product that will make this super easy, call will be June 4th.
Days before June 4th,
Me: Researchs product X, makes demo works flawlessly.
June 4th,
Call all good, few tips from Andy. We come to the pricing section of Product X
CTO: this will not work, pricing doesn't fit on our budget, fair enough.
June 7th -11th
Me: research altenative approach. Makes second demo.
CTO: Works good, seems to have too many moving parts, let's have call with Bob to check Product Y. It should make our lifes easier.
ME: Geee, ok let's check it out.
June 14th,
Call with Bob, all good, product has a fair price, stuff is experimental.
CTO: let's use Product Y, and just use what we get from their api now, and worry about changes later.
Me: Hmmm, that's a bit risky, but ok, you the boss, right?, starts again new demo. API doesn't work as documented.
Lots of trial and error to figure out how the api is working now, finally demo works well,
June 17th,
API changed, now it works as documented, (expected as it is experimental), previous demo doesn't work anymore.
June 18th,
Redoing research. inputs are completely different from Product Y now, need to redo all that is working and do and a lot more of research.
Go live is scheduled for end of next week, I hope that the API is stable now, and that I get to go live on schedule.
It is funny to see, that it would probably been the same if we just waited on the API to stabilize, and check the pricing section before choosing a product? Who knows.
Anyways, I actually feel happy that over the years I developed the patience to work with ever changing situations like this one.4 -
Ever experienced that moment when you spend hours debugging a complex issue, only to realize it was caused by a single missing semicolon? It's like searching for a needle in a haystack, only to find out the needle was hiding in plain sight! I guess we should add 'semicolon detective' to our resumes. Who knew such a tiny character could wreak such havoc? Let's all take a moment to appreciate the power of the semicolon and the bittersweet triumph of finding it missing!4
-
How good is "The Pragmatic Programmer - by Andy Hunt and Dave Thomas"?
Any positives, to motivate me.2 -
When you comment on a comment and want to read again what exactly the writer meant and you tap on comment again after reading it adds the username again at the end of your text which is not really a bug but somewhat poorly handled...1
-
They added Fail Mode to Super Mario Odyssey — a set of ridiculously hard maps where you’re expected to fall down, but your gameplay is recorded, and in-game NPCs laugh at you. But, if you jump really far using boosters from Mario Kart, you can end up in rock climbing mode. When you reach the end, you get to a half-oasis, half-purgatory where there is a poker table, and other NPCs greet you.
There are a lot of chips, but they mean nothing — you got to invent your own rules. Among those chips, I found a surf green-colored micro SD card. I put it into my Switch, and the whole new game opened: a hybrid of Mario and Subway Surfers where I’m being chased by half-Peach, half-Thomas the Tank Engine.
When we reached the end, we lost our furry friend. But he was hiding in a dresser drawer, with a sex doll. Not an inflatable one, mind you, and not a silicone one either: the material resembled that of Barbie dolls.
She was a human-size, pretty Caucasian girl. I talked to her. Yes, she could talk, and the voice wasn’t robotic — she was definitely alive. Despite being a completely empty shell, she was conscious, albeit very dumb.
Her name was Near. This is the joke she told me:
— Knock-knock.
— Who’s there?
— Andy.
— Andy who?
— Andy who was imprisoned for sexual assault five years ago, duh! -
"Can you do the job without this colleague?"
"No! It is system-relevant."
"why?!"
"cause, he is cooking coffee..."1 -
Andy Hunt was a great devRant podcast guest. His advice on successfully implementing agile and client psychology already has helped me.
Who do you think would make a great guest and optionally why? Maybe @trogus and @dfox could tally our ideas and try to book them as future guests. -
got rejected for the job again, no idea why. the HR went well, i aced the technical. Its heartbreaking. How do you guys deal with rejection.5
-
While shopping with my mom when I was 10 (that was 10 years ago…) I found a book called 'Andy\'s HTML'. That book got me started.
Followed by Wordpress later, couldn't stand that for long and quickly went over to real PHP projects. Eventually landed on Android because of school.
Good ol' times. -
Class cleanBullshit() {
Function invokeAction(attr) {
If(attr==='sarahah' ) friend.remove();
}
}
Class private mylife() {
var per = new cleanBullshit();
per.invokeAction('sarahah');
} -
I have an idea I need to get out of my head but am not sure where to start. I want to figure out a good way to learn about real-time water simulation. I’m looking at either OpenGL, or Openframeworks, or Cinder. I have basic experience with c++ and a bit less with OpenGL but am not worried about learning. Could someone point me in the right direction? Andy good resources to learn or just general advice would be greatly appreciated.4
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