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When a customer gets pissed because something doesn't work and you give a bullshit suggestion because you want to reply something at least and you get a reply like 'oh thanks it works now!'
o_O3 -
When I was an intern, I wrote a very heavy MySQL query with multiple joins. Quite frustrated, I asked for some help from one of my seniors.
He came by on my desk and told me, "Explain your query!".
I was completely blank-faced O_O.
After a few moments, the senior grabbed this hopeless bastard's keyboard and typed "EXPLAIN" in the beginning of the query; and then ran it.
I thought he was being hard to me.7 -
Client: Can you make a feature wherein users can blah blah blah blah blah
Client: and blah blah blah blah blah blah
Client: and also if possible blah blah blah blah
Me: okay.
Client: in 2 days?
Me: O_O10 -
One of the linux engineers gets up with: 'I'm sorry, I just pushed a windows server sale to the sales guy :/'
Linux engineer 1: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE D:
Linux engineer 2: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT @_@
Linux engineer 3: Why the FUCK would we want to manage yet another piece of problems?!
Engineer who said it: 'But it's still a sale guys....'
All engineers: THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE O_o
😆35 -
This happened when I was on third semester of the career at university. I had my first boyfriend, the "Python" guy. He has that nickname because he used Python as his main programming language and nobody on the classroom used it.
In a few words, he was a... horrible human being. He talked down to me almost all the time, saying to me that my country was sh*t (he is from United States, and for a reason he never wanted to told me, he cannot go back to his country), that my university was sh*t and he said "you're will be lucky if you rot programming in a chair".
As you might wondering, yes, unfortunately it was a toxic relationship. Once he said he wanted to kill the teacher because he though that he hacked his laptop D:
He claimed that he was going to teach me python and security stuff, bla bla bla, but nothing. I learned python by my own.
I almost lost my faith in dev future because I though that the only ones that could have a real future in programming where people without ethics and only if they have a friend or a relative on a company.
The saddest part was that I dated him because I love smart boys, but he was just an idiot that, furthermore, wanted to change me (he pressured me to have tattoos, dye my hair and have sex, things that, of course, I didn't do).
I found courage to break up with him. I waited until the semester ends (in order not to lose my programming final projects) and, the day after the last day of class, I broke up with him.
I recovered my faith on programming when, next semester, one of the teachers invited me to give a python programming workshop :D and I gave two python workshops, and two of mobile development.
Now I'm working as a junior .NET developer. Thank God I broke up with him before the relationship became even worse. "Python" wanted to marry me after a year! O_O11 -
Last half hour of last Friday my Cinnamon desktop started fucking up every time I booted after like 20 seconds of uptime.
Logs said something about xorg errors but after like 15 reboots I said fuck it.
Was quite nervous this morning because of that issue and possibly not being able to open a terminal for installing a different DE before everything started to get screwed again.
Booted up. No freezes. No errors. It just works.
I guess my computer needed weekend too 😋13 -
# Day 0:
Me: "Hey boss, I want to let you know that I need this kind of information from the customer for these features, otherwise I cannot finish the project's milestone in two weeks."
Boss: "OK, just continue as far as you can get. We have to get this finished."
Me: "Well, I cannot go any further for these tickets. I need that input. Shall we leave them in todo?"
Boss: "OK."
# Day 7:
Boss: "Whe didn't you start on these tickets in todo?
Me: "As I have told you, I need some information."
Boss: "We gotta get this out of the door!"
Me: "Yes, if we want to meet the deadline, we should. Yet I cannot guess the feature. Also, let me create a column: `to clarify` and move that ticket there. As I have said: I need that information. You have to contact the customer about it and get their feedback.
Boss: "OK."
# Day 13:
Boss: "Why isn't this project finished? There are still tickets open."
Me: "You never provided the information I asked you about."
Boss: "I want an explanation not an excuses."
Me o_O: "This is the explanation. I was asking you on multiple occasions about the required feedback. You never provided it. See the columns name? It's called `to clarify`. We created it last time together. That clarification never happened even though I told you that I need it. I cannot do magic. I can only implement features, and while I can sometimes make intelligent guesses to their use cases, I rather implement their actual ones than my fictional ones.
Boss: "You should have told me."
Me: ಠ_ಠ9 -
I've been wanting a thing where you can upload a file through a post request (api style), get a download link which allows for one download only (after the file gets downloaded it is removed) and be done.
Couldn't find one so quicky, decided to write one myself.
Two hours later I've got a functioning first version, this is the first time ever where I genuinely wrote a system I needed quickly within a few fucking hours and it actually works O_o10 -
'Incorrect password.'
"I must've forgotten the password. Let me change it".
'Old and new passwords cannot be same'
o_O
14 -
After a few hours, I think I just got mysql based openvpn authentication working O_o
Fucking yay! Now let's implement a maximum amount of connections per user.
Yes, rants can be happy too.12 -
Finally got my new VPS details.
It's very funny to login to your vps from your phone and install a firewall instead of doing it from a bigger screen!
Also the time just went scarily fast while doing that O_o43 -
On my linkedin profile it is clearly mentioned that I am a Java developer.
Recruiter: Hey, I want to offer you a super cool PHP job position.
Me: But I haven’t mentioned anywhere that I am familiar with PHP.
Recruiter: Yeah, I know, but I thought you may want to switch to PHP for a while.
Me: o_O. Fuck you, miss. I do not switch programming languages like I change my socks. Who the fuck teaches you these approaches?11 -
"Don't bother spending time learning MVC. We'll never use it here."
o_O
Well, that was 4 years ago, I'm still working here, they're not, we're using MVC.5 -
Juste before the smartphone explosion (~2008), I was working on a virtual machine for Windows Mobile, Symbian, Android 1.0, and basically every feature-phone of the time.
The VM (coded on good ol' C) would interpret a bunch of HTML, JS, CSS files (more or less like a browser) to run some tiny widgets above the phone's UI, basically allowing us to make multi-platform, custom UIs for low-end phones.
Everything was coded from scratch (except the JS engine which was a fork of SpiderMonkey), the VM could run multiple instances of itself, took around ~2MB of RAM to run (the exe contained everything in 1MB).
Oh, and we were a team of 3 beginner developers.
Fun times, no sleep times ❤️
EDIT: wow, the website is still alive O_o http://viamobility.com/5 -
I like how I transitioned from learning Java to Javascript because I thought they were related in sone way.
When my teacher first introduced Javascript, he told us this is NOT your grandfather's javascript. Next thing he told us was 'What is this?' My seatmate and I looked at each other perplexed. My teacher once again said 'What IS this?'. It turns out we needed to first learn about the context of 'this' -_-
That moment when you discover Java was a lie o_o3 -
At work:
** fast typing from lead and me fx**
** lead stops typing, scratch record sound and headhphones being taken off fx**
Lead Devel: Yo Al
*still typing fx**
Me: whats good gansgtah
L.D: remember how we talked about bringing in a version manager into that <huge_pilo_shit> program? But we haven't done it cuz we some lazy mofockas?
** now I stop typing **
Me: .....yes......fuck
Him: yes...fuck
O_o fuck....that bitch is huge man.......2 -
I noticed my co-worker has been using Atom editor for everything (we do Java/Scala). I asked, "So are you using the new language servers? How are you doing code completion?"
"I don't use code completion. I turn it off."
O_o "Do you not use screwdrivers? Like do you tighten screws in by hand?"
I've know people who code Java/Scala in emacs and vim, but they still had completion, type-lookups, etc. They was a higher learning curve in knowing all the keyboard commands, but all the tools were still there. I don't get people who refuse to use tools. It's reflected in this guys works too when looking at the code reviews.
When all you have is a hammer, everything is going to look like a nail.4 -
Took a job during the summer vacation and was expected to sit through excel and click products and fill in info (mundane tasks). Overheard the boss talking to the coworkers "We need to translate 77,000 urls into images, how do we split this work up?" I jumped in and said "I can write that in code so you don't have to do it" They all looked at me like I was some sort of magician O_O. Had the program running during the weekend on three computers and all of the 77,000 urls are now a beautiful mess of pdfs and jpgs. Do you have a story that made you feel like a wizard?7
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After getting a fund for my startup company as a PHP Developer, they changed the app to Django and fired all the Technology team. (O_o)7
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I spend this weekend working on this Game. It was a lot of frustration, but I learned a lot from it too.
I hope you like it.
https://play.google.com/store/apps/...
But now I’m ready to make something bigger, better, funnier (O_o)
13 -
It's Christmas! Microsoft open sources it's WPF, Windows Forms and WinUI! O_O
https://blogs.windows.com/buildinga...1 -
Successfully wasted 4 hours then realised jQuery was not inserted..
jQuery inserted..
Bug Fixed.. o_O8 -
Don't you just love it when backend/website team does changes and no one notifies anyone about it :)
Google rejected two updates claiming app is has the ability to play youtube videos in the background, but the app is more of a dashboard just to let admins view their data O_O
After digging around, it turned out those dudes changed a webpage we were viewing in the app, and included a youtube button, now when you play that video it stays running in the background.
Took me four days to find out that, and only after Google sent us what exactly was violating their policies.
FML :) -
La me working on a new chrome extension:
- ok, this page has some hidden divs, I need to tell the extension to make windows scroll to the bottom while there are still elements with a hidden class
- creates a while(1) loop with a condition inside it to break if no elements with hidden class are longer there.
- happy with the code
- uploads the extension
- goes to page
- brings out developer tools
- goes to console
- clicks on extension on chrome
- right clicks the extension and then inspect
- ok here we go: la me click on button inside extension popup
- console shows some logs
- nice it's still looking.
.
.
.
- wait! Why is the page not scrolling ???
- looks at logs, WTF nothing changes in logs .....
- OMMMMG a infinite loop .... infinite loop inside chrome ....
- OMMMMMG my pc's gonna crash .
-stop please stop stop.
- wait! how do I stop this?
- tries CTRL+C ... nothing
- tries CTRL+Z ... nothing ...
.
.
.
.
Abort abort Aboooooort.
.
.
.
- Deletes extension from chrome.
-..... loop still running
- clicks on X to close Chrome.....
- not closing O_o
- Oh God, i need to do something before Chrome sucks all the RAM left.
- remembers the savior...
.
.
.
- Task Manager heeeelp me.
- opens Task manager
- chrome is consuming ~ 2 GB of RAM.
- WTF! Kills chrome.
Thanks for reading my lil adventure 😅5 -
The amount of attempts to access my website is just too much O_O
Anyway in nginx to block access if login attempt failed after 3 times?
14 -
When a two programmers meet in public and they start to talk loud
Then.....
You notice people look like (o_o) and watching
And a sound from the back saying "what are you saying?"3 -
That moment after you finish coding a site and the client comes back with a request for weekly analytics reports, on top of all the data from GA, New Relic, etc... in Excel documents. O_O2
-
anyone having the same problem of mine? I was asked to give an estimation but I suck at giving estimations!
I once gave my boss an estimation of three weeks, and completed in 1.5 weeks + including unit tests for my work O_O4 -
Colleague: I cant install windows on our playcomputer. you broke it.
<Me walks to the computer, he looks away>
<silently deletes the debian entry in the nvram>
<installs windows, without an problems>
Me: So, where is the Problem?
Colleague<slightly angry>: I made it exact like you!
Me: o_O1 -
Web class(html)
1.how to create table
2.how to use Colspan
3.how to use Rowspan
4.Col+row
5.(O_O)
*cant use css*annoying but at the same time awesome..next class gonna be javascript cant wait 👌🏻👌🏻
#Student #Html #webprogramming5 -
PM keeps asking me for a report on page hits. I've given him page hits, page views, page visits and his reply is always the same...
"No, this means nothing to me. I want page hits/visits. Google analytics!"
I'm like O_o ...3 -
I have no words to describe the look and feel of this website. Did the puppies at this place design their website? O_o
http://www.tripleabcpups.com/
16 -
Me in teacher office : for this course i want create awesome project.
Teacher : ok. I suggest you build something like uber.
Me : o_O
Teacher :I believe you.
you can totally handle it
Me : plzzz...as you lift me up, my fall will become more painful
I don't build it
[Unfortunately, that project was imposed on me and whenever I think of the scale of the project i look like this: ]
4 -
- Did you know Google is who manages Android.
- It's a simple fact.
- so you know Visual Studio is not designed for Android? Then why it's easier to build a hello world app in visual studio but Android studio which Google build it?
- O_o22 -
Boss : "Hey everyone is so busy/too good to work on that project but it's really complicated af and you'll be alone. Good luck ! Oh and we are ok to hire you next year after your apprenticeship, work well and without pressure !"
Me : O_o "Ok I'll do my best, shoudn't be that complicated"
Me (1 month after) : demotivated, sick of that mission, tired, algorithm not working, I wanna die I'm a parasite for that company. Thanks giving me that work to do.1 -
Client be like:
Hello,
could you please restore our database from today's backup?
At a first glance - nothing out of the ordinary. Daily backups are standard...
Until we get the backed up snapshot running.
MySQLDump is somehow... Stuck. It... Doesn't seem to be doing... Like, anything. For ages. Wtf.
So we check the database. Connect, change scheme and... The commandline tool gets stuck, too. Weird.
So a layer lower, we check the datadir and... ls... After also getting stuck for a bit, lists about 500k files O_o
Yea, dumping a database with roughly ~250k tables is not fun. No wonder it takes ages.8 -
Co-worker put up a pull-request for his work, with no build file, no readme, no gitignore, and shell scripts for running the app (but not compiling it). O_o
The guy has been using atom editor even though we have license for Intellij for everyone, which .. whatever .. if it works for you...
In our daily stand, people offered to help him add the build files and he was like, "No, I know how to do it, I was just trying to avoid using Gradle until I had to."
It just made me think, "Yea I know you have all these nice screw drivers and hammers, but I'm going to keep using my hands and this stick so I can avoid using tools until I have to." -
ISP technicians came over to switch the router. The old one kept disconnecting. This is how they connected the LAN cables.
I'm like "Really...?" O_o
4 -
As much as I like Windows (now) the scaling on high res display is sooo awful, so now I am using a resolution of 1440 x 900 on my 2560x1600 retina display o_O1
-
Me: What if I use navigation props in EF Core, what might go wrong?
*tests API call*
*120 seconds later finally got result*
Me: I better undo my changes and stick with 2 seconds response time O_O -
So I’ve asked one hipster js developer what does he think about golang. His answer was:
- it’s the same as nodejs, but difference is that go has pointers
O_o7 -
So, funny story with a bit of self promotion at the end.
I was recently checking out some apps on playstore and found that my first ever , "launched just to experiment" app (released 1.5 years ago) has received more than 5k downloads . I was very happy about that so posted a small message on LinkedIn .
Now , my LinkedIn profile consists of 98% people who are totally strangers and never met me ( is it just me or do you also get a lot of stranger connect requests there?). So my usual post rarely ever goes beyond 5 or 6 likes.
Bit idk how there too my post got 35+ likes and now i was on cloud9.
So i finally decided to kick my ass and release some update to that app ( it had around 70% pity comments like "nice first app,but it should have this x feature",. "overall nice but it could use an x feature " etc.
And boy what my journey was in the last 72hours.
Firstly my madhead laptop started killing me with the battery failures and constant hang.
Then my past asshole self tried to give me a middle finger. So i have this whole partition in my memory where i keep my Android stuff and apps. It has a special folder named published zone and i keep all my published app codes and related files there.
I was fairly certain that this app's code eill be also there,so i opened it, found the code and tried running it.
Turns out my asshole self had tried to mess around the code so much that all the db layer WAS fucked up, all the ui WAS changed and no code was working.
"Not to worry", i thought. I always use git and there would be a correct version some commits before. WRONG. I HAD CHANGED THE WHOLE FUCKING WORKING PRODUCTION CODE AND DIDN'T MAINTAIN A VCS!
Also this was the verbose and shitty java code my 1.5 year before self so loved to write, so it was taking me way more time to figure out what's happening in an already fucked up code.
So i tried a couple of ways to get back my working code :
- I tried looking for a google recommended solution. Those guys take my whole app code build and distribute via playstore, but they provide no means to retrieve back the original code.
- i checked my (occasionally) back up hard disk but no. My hard disk would have 100s of movies from 2016 , but not a useful piece of fuckin code.
- i also tried to get my apk and decompile it via some online decompiler. Here the google again fucks up and don't allow me to get my apk directly. Meanwhile i found a ton of shady websites which are hosting an apk of my app without my knowledge O_o . I tried to decompile on of them but code was even more non understandable than my fuck up code.
So i ended up looking at both the mess up code and decompiled code and coded the whole app from scratch ( well not scratch, i extracted the resources and some undamaged activities from the mess up code . Also github was down for more than 3 hours yesterday , at the same time when i was trying to look onto some repositories)
Lessons learned:
- DON'T FUCK UP WITH THE PRODUCTION CODE
- MAINTAIN VCS
- Your laptop is shit reliable, github is also shit reliable , so save code at multiple places.
- there are way more copies of your code lying on the internet than you think.
Checkout my app here :https://play.google.com/store/apps/...3 -
I never thought I'd reach a point where I use High Contrast theme for development O_O
Was always a user of dark theme, but now VS Code is on High Contrast and it is comfortable af but ugly af also :\6 -
I recently bought 2 google home. 1 placed in living room, and 1 in our bedroom.
That weird feeling of being spied makes me can't have sex like normal again o_O, sometimes i like to cover her face with pillows 🤣19 -
This is a true story when I was working as a application technician a couple of years ago!
Before I started working there, they had a couple of incidents with ppl with less knowledge accidently deleted stuffs in prod databases, and only a handfull of ppl get the full access to them. I started working in this team, and one day I was asked to run a snippet in one of the prod databases from a co-worker with less privilege.
Loged in, run the snippet and the server STALLED for a couple of minutes! When the snippet was finished I looked at the screen and saw the output "1724217 rows deleted". The fun part here, was that we went to a coffee break right after this, and after a couple of minutes we started to hear ppl mumbling that the network was slow as f*ck, servers didn't respond etc etc.
Well, I responded that I got a snippet that deleted 1724217 row in a table and we ran back to our computers and started to work backwards to solve this.
The best part in this story is that:
* Was not my fault! Even thou I was the one that executed it.
* The tables was deleted from a live prod server that was not heavily used!
* I asked for a life line for us in this team, that we needed a prevented output so we can "match" the actual output after we ran it in prod from the ones from the developers!
Even thou it was not my fault, this is the worst mess up I have done working in IT over 10 years. O_o
8 -
Me: Why can't we use WCF according to standards (even though my team has been using it anyway?
Him: Because we could not figure out how to implement it. o_O
Help me please! -
I only found out what rubber duck debugging is just now, and subsequently realized that I used to use my mom as a rubber duck.. O_o
-
"Who are you?"
(People from the communication and marketing interviewing a techy guy) o_O
What do you think, best or worst? -
That awkward moment when I spend two days configuring my proxy server and nothing works, I just try calling my server base url and that shit works O_O
That's a good start for a monday10 -
Android: Gboard has stopped
Close app
Send feedback
(ok, try again, same thing)
presses "send feedback" - O_o and how exactly do I type now?4 -
Should I try?
Some obscure dating app would come out I guess o_o (considering I get depressive when drunk :D) -
So I have replaced npm with yarn due to performance boost and the lockfile.
Never will there be problems with unexpected versions of dependencies!
Wait.
Why is my build writing a yarn.lock?
It turns out, if you want yarn to exit with an error code if it's out of sync with the package.json, you have to run it with:
$ yarn install --frozen-lockfile
Only then it will produce an error.
The default for it is to notice, oh, there is some new dependencies, let resolve this to the most current version I can fetch, and use that one, and write a new lockfile. Meaning you will get unknown futures of a depdency. O_o
That's totally going besides the purpose of having a lockfile in the first place. Why would anyone want this?
Action I do expect to touch the lockfile:
add / remove / upgrade
Action I do NOT expect to touch the lockfile:
install
Install should just install whatever is in there, and if it realizes it is out of sync, die with an error.
But that would make sense!
Who needs sensible defaults anyway!?5 -
Python again
So if I use json.dumps or jsonpickle with request.post(json=json.dumps())
OR
request.post(json=jsonpickle.encode)
Body is received cannot be understood by the service (NodeJs)
BUT
if I do: myObject.__dict__
all is good O_O
Can anyone please explain to the noob me why that happened? -
Not so tech savvy family member just asked for the router password to set up a network printer. I just hope they don't fuck up my settings (ip's and port forwarding and such) o_O
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