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Church proyect...
Client: we want our logo in our new website
Me: ok no problem just give me the....
Client: but we dont want ppl to be able to download it.
Me: excuse me but that is not posible cuz...
Client: where is your faith! Nothing is imposible.
Me: proceed to stare in disbelief....26 -
>we increased new releases to once a day
> wow, how'd you do that?
> fired the QA team
Credit - @iamdevloper✓3 -
Clients who keep calling in.
I'm a first liner and sysadmin, both (official title is Linux support engineer) so I do tickets+calls+server engineering.
It's highly annoying when you've got a busy day with loads of calls and I'm the first first-liner and I'm working on an important/high-prio ticket and PEOPLE KEEP CALLING.
Every time I can write like a few more words and then the fucking phone rings again aaaand so fucking on.
Your concentration is gone, workflow interrupted and my short term memory is shit so I entirely forget what I was debugging.
But, phone comes first 😞5 -
Code archaeology.
Almost everything I fix/update/build requires a ridiculous amount of digging through and carefully studying the mountains of neglected, decaying, and shoddy code that make up these projects.
I spend maybe 10% of my time (and likely closer to 5%) actually writing code now. I miss it so much.7 -
> *makes literally one change in the code*
> welp! Calling that a day!
> *proceeds to play GTA Online*2 -
Having to argue with team members inside my head.
I have a one-man startup, so I have all these imaginary team members who specialise in different things so that I can concentrate on whatever I am doing for that day.
But it seems my developer side of me hates the manager and UX designer these days for making changes half way through the project.
Oh yeah, and my accountant side thinks I'm spending too much. Fuck you, I needed that money.4 -
Have you seen that movie Up? The one with the dog that's easily distracted? Yea I'm that dog.
I'll work for about 15-20 or until I fix something the way iike it, and then I end up getting distracted for another 5-10 minutes.2 -
Admin work, because its all manual:
- Each new project has to fill out an Excel tab in a workbook, with a list of all the major tasks and who is responsible. This then needs to be used to create a Gantt chart, manually, in the same tab, showing in what month a task starts and ends.
- Every month we have to manually enter status updates into a powerpoint slide on a shared deck. Which has a collision at least once per month.
- Once a quarter we need to do something similar as the powerpoint slides, but into a word doc instead.
- Once a week we need to track our time on projects in a tool that can't be integrated with (no API or anything). Meaning we can't link up a ticket tracking system to it, so again, all manual.
- Once every 6 months a new round of research funding opens up and we write proposals. The status for which are tracked in another Excel spreadsheet, manually, once a week until the deadline.
- The instructions for what to do with the proposals are so vague and badly documented that there is an unwritten rule, that for the first time you will have to ask a bunch of questions to the project manager. This is accepted by everyone and its just the done thing.
- Everything is stored in a dropbox style system, which has become so cluttered I can only find resources by saving the links sent out previously.
- Some of these updates / reports also get a 1 hour meeting for everyone to stand up and read out what they've entered.
- From time to time random things will need to be reported on to the higher ups (how many publications, research papers, patents, times and dates etc.). Again rather than a tool, a new Excel spreadsheet is whipped up and emailed to everyone on the team. Whoever sent it out, then has to merge the 20+ copies into 1 doc.
- Some of the staff (mostly the devs), use a ticket tracking system to keep track of everything. Management refuse to use it to track the things they need. Instead we have to copy paste from it into the word docs, powerpoint, excel etc.
- By far the most annoying. Management force all the above as they need the info for finance, accounting, legal etc etc. So we have to do it, but whenever there is a question from legal, management send the question to us. So despite having documented every facet of everything imaginable, it all gets ignored in favour of endless emails.
I once tried to to put an end to all of this madness by proposing the use of a ticket tracking system, and then building reporting tools on top of it.
... I was told that it "wasn't appropriate". Still don't know what that means.9 -
6 hours of weekly progress report meeting in client’s office EVERY FUCKING FRIDAY.
Yes it’s a progress report meeting that can be done via email or skype
Yes it takes 6 hours
When we go to the meeting, we have
1. The boss
2. The 1% PM + 99% sales guy
3. The secretary who document everything in that meeting
4. Me as a dev
The only thing i do is to answer “yes, that’s technicaly possible” or “no, that’s stupid” when the client ask for some features or changes.
Sometimes i’m just being an accessory in that meeting.
It was years ago before i quit and become a designer 👌🏼5 -
There are three things in my workflow that I don't like:
1. Feature requests appearing out of thin air.
It's common to be handled work at 2pm that needs to be deployed by the end of day. Usually it's bug fixes, and that's ok I guess, but sometimes it's brand new features. How the fuck am I supposed to do a good job in such a short time? I don't even have time to wrap my head around the details and I'm expected to implement it, test it, make sure it doesn't break anything and make it pass through code review? With still time to deploy and make sure it's ok? In a few hours? I'm not fucking superman!
2. Not being asked about estimates.
Everything is handed to me with a fixed deadline, usually pulled off my PM's ass, who has no frontend experience. "You have two weeks to make this website." "You must have this done this by tomorrow morning." The result, of course, is rushed code that was barely tested (by hand, no time for unit or integration tests).
3. Being the last part of the product development process.
Being the last part means that our deadlines are the most strict. If we don't meet the deadline, the client will be pissed. The thing is, the design part is usually the one that exceeds its time (because clients keep asking for changes). So when the project lands on our desks it's already delayed and we have to rush it.
This all sounds too much like bad planning to me. I guess it's the result of not doing scrum. There are no sprints, no planning meetings, only weekly status update meetings. Are your jobs similar? Is it just usual "agency work"?
I'm so tired of the constant pressure and having to rush my work. Oh, and the worst part is we don't have time for anything else. We're still stuck with webpack 2 because we never have time to update it ffs.6 -
Pressing that “deploy to production” button when it usually consists of multiple projects and databases updating at once.
Maybe I should look at separating them one year. -
The ammount of digging I have to do in order to fix something or building the mindset to do something i don't want to.
I have a mental block regarding people telling me what to do. I consider myself a pretty chill dude, but when someone says "do this" my mind automatically goes into "oh fuck that" mode.
I hate being this way, wish I could just switch that shit off and work on what i am told and be done with it.
I can spend all weekend fucking around with php. But the moment someone tells me to do something at work with it I start dreading it
This applies to damn near everything in life except for anything that has to do with my children.
My dad was neglectful as fuck, that itself makes me overly paranoid of making my children feel the same way I did growing up. Just wanted to throw that out.
It seems I did some progress today! Thanks Dr Devrant!
Dr Devrant: tell me about your father
Me: motherfucker sucks camel balls2 -
We use scrum in our company.
And with scrum I mean we don't have a scrum master, our senior developer is the project owner, we estimate in hours and the estimate is binding, so you are not allowed to work longer on a task than the estimate.
So yeah.. "scrum"4 -
Setting up CI.
Right now it took me AT LEAST A FULL DAY TO GET IT RIGHT.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
*dies*5 -
Definetly signing in and out of my companies time tracking system.
It only works in internet explorer 8 and is a real pain -.-5 -
Meetings. I don't know how management people get anything done, but the time I spend in meetings counts completely opposite, in terms of productivity.
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Clients expecting quotes before explaining the full extent of the work and then getting mad when I change it after they add a billion more features.
Also, cross-browser testing 😫🔫1 -
Part? The whole damn thing.
We are supposed to be practicing agile, but I haven't seen a single sprint plan till date. All we do is solve issues that are reported from production/QA.
Nobody follows proper documentation, no reviews, no proper version control... Can't wait to finish my contract here and get the hell out.1 -
Using JavaScript... (we combine JS and c++ and I love c++ ... definitely not JS)
It is such a mess to maintain and work with and I never had any propensity or interest towards web development.. especially JS10 -
1. Exporting fat jar
2. Transferring to cluster using WinSCP
3. Running it in the cluster.
4. Find a small bug.
5. Repeat
I HATE IT1 -
/* Spending time writing comments in code because if everything else fails, at least I can write a novel depicting a deteriorating struggle to make up my mind from them */
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My team is full of unexperienced coworkers. Some are students (not computer science), some just finished their bachelor but again not in computer science or something related. It is absolutely ok if there are unexperienced coworkers, but that's too many and all I do is teaching the basics of programming.3
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Mornings. Not just the run of the mill “I’m not a morning person” but I legitimately would be more productive if I could work night shift. It’s easier to think at night, and easier to sleep during the day. Not just a night owl, but it’s hard to breathe laying down at night sometimes. Sometimes I randomly can’t sleep. I’ve never had this trouble during the day during the occasions I get to sleep for long periods during the day. The morning is prime sleeping time IMO. Not wanting to wake up is one reason, but the changing weather helps and it just feels right.
I also don’t feel awake til the afternoon usually. Even if I get enough sleep and coffee. Code churns slow in the a.m.
I dream of night time being work time with long, restful naps durning the day. I feel more creative at night, and it’s easier to focus. There’s less thought of “oh it’s a nice day I should do x”
Just sucks that it’s not largely accepted and there’s not enough other night hawks to hang out with on my off days. And my work won’t let me do such a schedule. Everyone is an insufferable morning person.
Early to bed early to rise is a load of shit. We should be allowed to sleep at times it makes us happy.3 -
I gotta say I hate and I love the part where I have no idea what I'm doing.
Sometimes it's the last time for that action -
I typically get constantly interrupted. It’s become part of my workflow. I wish I could work in silence a lot of the time.1
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Finding new songs while working, and then focusing on the lyrics too much, and losing concentration for coding.2
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MEETINGS
Daily stand up
Weekly status
Fortnightly update
Monthly planning
Life would be so much simpler without meetings. Just chat, why fuss over "meeting"?
As it is most of the things don't go as per what's planned in the monthly planning meeting.
Neither is there much of an update in the fortnightly update meeting. Only update is what we planned, isn't the right direction.
This will obviously screw up the weekly status. Screwed up planning is dishevelled implementation.
Daily stand up is just very sleep deprived developers, who don't wanna talk.
Make it my time's worth; say no more meetings. -
Logging work in Jira, because it goes against the whole ethos of trusting people to get the work done when they have to log exactly how much time they spent on each individual story. It also doesnt account for pair programming. so 2 people log the same time and it looks like the story took twice as long. I’ll stop now because I’m precariously close to opening the “time based estimates” can of worms and thats for another rant.4
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Starting.
Because you build the same boilerplate over and over again.
People recommending me shit I didn't ask for in 3...2...1... -
Definitely the meetings. Not sure if the "Meeting to prepare for the Sprint Planning" or the "Planning meeting to prepare for the Meeting to prepare for Sprint Planning".
I know it sounds like I'm joking, but it actually happened 2 months ago.1 -
What I absolutely hate the most of my workflow is to hand over my code for review to other developers.
I know it is important to prevent errors and to get feedback from them to improve, but I'm far from being self-confident and I'm afraid of showing others my work, regardless of the fact that nobody said anything mean about my work.3 -
Dealing with people. They take forever to respond on the simplest things...
Today I fixed a big problem. It took me 2wks or more.
If only they let me have admin on all systems needed, it prolly take a few days...
It's sorta ironic I wrote this then saw the weekly rant... -
I and my team mate are assigned a task and if we find 2 or more probable approaches to it we naturally ask our supervisor how would he like us to proceed, with which design and approach.
He downright answers, "I don't care how you do it, just do it and finish it by xyz date".
I mean WTF? What are you our supervisor for?!?! This is also a part of your job dude!!7 -
I work really well under pressure.
Sometimes I'll be really lazy on a project until the deadlines get tight and I need to go into overdrive.1 -
At my previous company, we used tools from all over the place. We switched between tools at will. Sometimes, some team would decide to use some tool while the rest of the company would use something else. The worst part was that there was no Single-Sign-On (SSO) either. Everyone would need to have an account on all of these said tools. It was chaos.
I realized that being integrated into one environment (even though would have the cost of a vendor-lock-in) was the best option to have because in that case, we wouldn't have to deal with operational hurdles like having integration from one tool to another. They would just come baked-in with the whole environment. That's how GSuite (formerly Google Apps for Work), Atlassian and other players succeeded - they gave a complete suite of services / software that integrated well with each other. You could jump back and forth between services without having to bother about integration with other tools. They'd all be there wherever you wanted them to be. Even cloud providers so that opportunity and built on it - Amazon Web Services (AWS), Google Cloud Platform (GCP), Kubernetes (in itself).
Another example is a company that used Jira, Confluence and Hipchat but for some dumb reason used Gerrit for their code review / hosting. Eventually, they realized that managing the integration with the Atlassian tools was far more expensive than getting bitbucket and migrating completely into the Atlassian environment.
It's always the integration that matters. Everything else is secondary. -
Starting to code before making the wireframe or the design.
So i am basically blind coding
Wherever the wind takes me! -
JBoss deployments, because nothing ever works if you dont completely restructure your project for every single version and my company cant decide on which version to use.
This is pretty much the main reason I dislike backend developement. -
Estimates.. First, part of the team makes "high-level" estimates which are based on informal, incomplete, still-evolving specs and an unstable back-end. The project people report the estimates to the client and elevate the status of these inaccurate estimates to that of commitments.
Then, before the "sprint", we review our initial estimates *ahum commitments* in greater (technical) detail. Because there are still a lot of unknowns, we tend to estimate more buffer here (back-end is often not ready, always ping-pong between project people and dev-team about unclear specs, more work than originally expected, and often late modifications to the original spec).
When an estimate becomes more than 50% extra time at the "refinement", we are told: "sorry, we gotta do it in less" and when it doesn't work out, we're kindly asked to spend part of our weekend catching up at 100% pay rate (legally it's 150-200%).
FUCK THIS SHIT
*quotes used abundantly because these terms belong to "agile/scrum" terminology but we're only pretending -
!rant
I work mostly as freelance, so I really dislike having to explain how am I doing thing to a client.
Some ask me to explain what is my logic, and when they don't understand(most of the time) I have that 'sigh' moment where you just want to work on a company where you are tasked with something and does not have to educate people about your method of development (at least not much)2 -
Having code review with static code analysis and running unit tests on every commit is super useful. Except when you are commiting stuff in a biggest repo in company that goes through CI in ~20min+ and if you try to additionally deploy it to dev server... you'd better brace yourself...1
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My Tabmanagment, or the lack of it.
When I'm in problem solving mode I have easily 40tabs+ open, because I might need some which are already open. I distinguish them by the favicon of the Google tab. Each Google tab and the following tabs are separate problems/tasks so I kinda have a timeline "the one in the middle was the problem I had 30mins ago".
I also have no bookmarks, I start always with min. 5 Tabs. I guess I don't know how to browser :|2 -
Having to work with my colleagues you doesn't believe on Dino's, satellites and big time believer in the flat earth (even hung up a map of it and stuff..) aaaaand.. him not understand a single proton-sized amount about IT but ignores my advice when he gets issues with his computer...
Ps. And yes, he has smelled alcohol as well, after a talk with the boss nothing has happened..
Pps.. FFS..NO not every thing is fake you stupid excuse of a human being with flattened peanut brain.. this is not the bloody Truman show (although good movie)
Ppps. Forgot the why.. why.. why?! Well.. isn't that the question with this guy.. (╯°□°）╯︵( .o.) -
My most disliked part about my job is one recurring event that happens way too often: waiting for other teams to do their fucking jobs so that I can do mine.1
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The fucking release process. We release weekly which is stressful for both Devs and QA’s. Everything should be committed/promoted in our DVCS by Thursday and should be verified beforehand. The problem is, QA’s doesn’t take development builds, they only want to take whats fucking next in release. In other words WE. FUCKING. RELEASE. UNTESTED. SOFTWARE.
Man, BA’s have it easy on our team.1 -
Making a 30 second change and then waiting 20 minutes to test it... <F5 Refresh, Maven Update, Project Clean, Republish>
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Having to sort out the domain and hosting arrangements and dns management as the client has no clue where anything is or who owns what, and the previous web developer is intentionally not giving a fuck.1
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Building. Building C++ takes so damn long. Accidentally checked out a wrong branch? Well there goes 20 mins.
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Lodging a ticket in system A...
Citing the ticket number from A to access the password in system B...
Using the password from B to log into database C...
Then doing our work in C, in which all our DDL and DML permissions have been revoked. -
from rant import workflow
Tl;dr - I have a share of the product's backend, everyone expects it to work, no one cares how and i can spare with i, me, and myself getting there.
CTO: We need this solution, what do you need for data?
ME: Okay, thing0, thing1, thing2, preferably a ton of samples.
C: Here, also, there's a new full-timer who will help you. And you can do some sparing with.
M: Cool, i have several approaches to discuss.
*new full-timer attends fewer times than me as a part-timer*
*standup meetings talks about status, problems - yeah, whatever reactions*
*full-timer doesn't attend still, gets a "quick" (in case of consistently showing up) task to fix something in another backend part*
Me @ a standup lately: So, approach 4 worked, polishing it, but I soon-ish need to know a few things so I can finish up and fully integrate it.
CTO: Okay, when *full-timer* gets in so she's included.
*waiting for X days (x>8)* -
When I forget how to do something simple and I have to look at past projects or look online.
Makes me feel disappointed in myself.1 -
Having to deal with my own stupidity.
Refactoring sometimes is as hard as remembering the date of birth of a douchebag2 -
I get really motivated and sit to write a lot of code and be very very productive, but then I get demotivated for twice as much time as I were coding.
I just can't write code if not super motivated. This is a very bad habit.1 -
Translating the instructions for Eclipse Java EE development into Intellij because I refuse to work with Eclipse.4
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Having to implement my asset management systems in everything I build, it's a cunt to implement at the moment1
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I guess asking my friends for their opinion is part of my workflow and I really shouldn't do, because their reactions tend to be demotivating and frustrating all the time. As if I don't have enough to worry about already.
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Having to sit through a debate between my lead and boss about how to implement something trivial like front end validation in a non-public facing part of our system. Or worse, working on something as per my lead's instructions only to have my boss tell me its all fucking wrong and to start over.
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Yarn install. It’s simple enough and I understand why it’s used but it’s just annoying having to install 150MB of stuff to be able to produce a 200KB output is file. There must be a better way?1
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Give management report of how many hours exactly I've spent on stuff daily. (In Excel sheet).
Why? I think it's obvious that no one can tell exactly how much you've spent on particular stuff.
NOTE: I know it's not that bad but still, meh..... -
Having to keep track of my paid work time in different platforms through manual input, all of which serve the same intent and purpose.
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Id say my least favourite part of my workflow right now is the selenium automation I have to run locally for dev testing.
The stuff I have to run for my current story takes about an hour to reach the point I am interested in. Then if it throws an exception or doesnt work properly, I have to make my fix and run it all again.
And theres not much else I can do while its running either, if I make any other code changes Gradle will recompile everything. So I basically have to sit and watch it, or go watch a clean coders video in another window while it runs. -
Installing the entire system on new machines. Too many configuration files and too much manual work. (New workplace, haven’t automated it yet)
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The only part of my workflow I hate is where I have to speak to my clients. End of the story, goodbye.
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I just got hired at a small MSP and I’m just utterly fucking frustrated by the shitty tools and complete lack of client documentation. I want to implement tons of FOSS tools for these newbhats but they seem to like spending money on tools that only work half-assedly at best... looking at you LogMeIn!
I’ve setup Apache Guacamole a few times before and want to get each client a guac-srv setup for client’s server mgmt. or PowerShell Web Access for clients.
I want to build AWS infrastructure for clients cause we can use cloudformation or terraform to build infrastructure. But these skunk-taint licking dipsticks would rather support physical 2003 servers. If I didn’t need this job to pay my bills right now I’d be fucking gone.
But... they are very nice people.
Just technologically speaking, they eat lead paint chips for breakfast and like to piss on electric fences for the funsies. -
Reunions!
I'm a research fellow, so I have 2 teachers that are orientors.
We never have good reunions. They asks me every week to send a report of work done, but they never give me feedback. I ask what I can do next, sometimes they answer, sometimes they don't. So, some weeks I don't know what to do.
Almost everytime, they go to my room with somebody and ask to show the application. And with that,I need to interrupt my workflow, change one boolean variable (because we have a machine learning that is very slow, I have a if to throw the result I pre-calculated). After all this trouble, I need to speak (as he asked), but he starts interrupt while I'm speaking. -
Waking up in the morning.
It's been since 1998 that I wake up in the morning for school and then work and I am not used to it. -
That part where some business people walk to your office expect you to listen them at once despite being really focussed.
And once you makeneye contact they drag you into a meeting room to discuss new stories which are not even close to be clear or ready.
End of the meeting your day has ended and you still didnt finish what you wanted that day. -
The existence of my pm. He is extremely good at lose, unrealistic commitments and not giving a shit about the devs.
Here's hoping the interview goes well and I get to resign with grievance. -
Dashlane password manager is my workflow nemesis. I have dozens of sites to manage and my only way into them is through this buggy and unreliable crap software. So much time is lost having to delete an entry that inexplicably stopped working, then waiting for someone with share permissions to reshare it, only to find that it still isn’t working, another reshare and then it suddenly does work. But then the Chrome extension won’t sync unless I log out and log back in. And then I have multiple entries for the same site with no clear indicator of why nor which one is the real one that actually works.
Can’t get rid of it because the company has standardized on it. Not my decision to make.5 -
when we started this project for a customer we are working on we had a training about how their BE and FE is working, their coding style and so on. FE is in Angular 4 btw. During this training for FE we were about to create our first component. The trainer: "Ok, let's generate this component." He opened some very basic project that they have as a starting point, selected a directory, crtl+c ctrl+v, manually renamed everything. "There you have it. We successfully generated a new component!" 😳😵
We are still generating them like that 😅 -
Submodules in git.... every time you switch a branch on the main git repo the submodules end up going haywire2
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Meetings...so many meetings! Things that suck the very soul from my body and break me out of the zone I worked so hard to get into. Things that could just be an email, or a chat, or a go-fuck-yourself. 😣😭
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My workflow pet peeve is the length of time my PRs get merged into master
I have to create new features, but sometimes I have to work off current HEAD, which is technically old since I need stuff off a new branch.
Ideally we merge into master, then create a new branch off that. It's nothing major and there's loads of ways to get around it, but I'm used to the flow! -
The part with those goddamn change requests on top of the requirements that were never fucking stated correctly in the first place.
Hate that part, because the customer is always right!
Always right, my ass. Fucking asshole dickheads. -
The fact that it is mostly for school lately and also most of the time it's just been documentation the past 2 weeks, one week of just documentation to go...
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I hate how sales guy believe that they can not only products which are not yet completed, but with features which have never even been discussed. "We gotta do this to get more clients, which means more money! We all have to keep running forward!". Well, guess what? *You* are the one running forward, while *we* have to build the goddamn floor so you can run freely as you like. But I guarantee you, with this metodology and pace you'll soon be playing pitfall instead of running.2
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Sending a link to a client with a shitty interface and asking him if the "fadein/fadeout" transition is okay for him, while I should have done this months ago, and while most of the backend job is done but I didn't link anything to the front-end yet.
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Starting to work on a task, confining to a given tech stack, and realising midway that there is another tech that can do the task more easily and elegantly.
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The constant re-explanation of how stuff should be done, whether it's business logic or even in simple programming itself. When it comes to developers, I find myself repeating myself a lot simply because they can't be bothered to understand what business rules are needed as all they want to do is just code a solution and get it over and done with.
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When we take user stories in sprints but dependencies are not resolved. I have to wait till n-1 the day for the upstream team to go to UAT and then push half my tasks to next sprint for testing \ prod . Fuck the planners - _-|-_-¦
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How nothing in our ever changing workflow is ever documented, we’re just out in the wild Wild West figuring it out as we go.
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Betting available to have to answer support calls at any moment that distracts me for the next 2 hours
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