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"hey there is this bug, could you fix it?"
me: sure whats the bug?
*explains the bug*
me:... thats.... thats your feature request from last week8 -
Knock.
Knock.
Knock knock.
Knock knock knock.
Knock knock knock knock knock.
Who's there?
Fibonacci.5 -
1 minute of Thread.sleep() for Tum, the best cat ever. Rest in peace, your memory will live on in my devrant avatar.
17 -
So im colorblind and i just recently found out that most IDEs use color syntax and it sounds like such a good idea.16
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You know what?
Young cocky React devs can suck my old fuckin LAMP and Objective-C balls.
Got a new freelance job and got brought in to triage a React Native iOS/Android app. Lead dev's first comment to me is: "Bro, have you ever used React Native".
To which I had to reply to save my honor publicly, "No, but I have like 8 years with Objective-C and 3 years with Swift, and 3 years with Node, so I maybe I'll still be able help. Sometimes it just helps to have a fresh set of eyes."
"Well, nobody but me can work on this code."
And that, as it turned out was almost true.
After going back and forth with our PM and this dev I finally get his code base.
"Just run "npm install" he says".
Like no fuckin shit junior... lets see if that will actually work.
Node 14... nope whole project dies.
Node 12 LTS... nope whole project dies.
Install all of react native globally because fuck it, try again... still dies.
Node 10 LTS... project installs but still won't run or build complaining about some conflict with React Native libraries and Cocoa pods.
Go back to my PM... "Um, this project won't work on any version of Node newer than about 5 years old... and even if it did it still won't build, and even if it would build it still runs like shit. And even if we fix all of that Apple might still tell us to fuck off because it's React Native.
Spend like a week in npm and node hell just trying to fucking hand install enough dependencies to unfuck this turds project.
All the while the original dev is still trying TO FIX HIS OWN FUCKING CODE while also being a cocky ass the entire time. Now, I can appreciate a cocky dev... I was horrendously cocky in my younger days and have only gotten marginally better with age. But if you're gonna be cocky, you also have to be good at it. And this guy was not.
Lo, we're not done. OG Dev comes down with "Corona Virus"... I put this in quotes because the dude ends up drawing out his "virus" for over 4 months before finally putting us in touch with "another dev team he sometimes uses".
Next, me and my PM get on a MS Teams call with this Indian house. No problems there, I've worked with the Indians before... but... these are guys are not good. They're talking about how they've already built the iOS build... but then I ask them what they did to sort out the ReactNative/Cocoa Pods conflict and they have no idea what I'm talking about.
Why?
Well, one of these suckers sends a link to some repo and I find out why. When he sends the link it exposes his email...
This Indian dude's emails was our-devs-name@gmail.com...
We'd been played.
Company sued the shit out of the OG dev and the Indian company he was selling off his work to.
I rewrote the app in Swift.
So, lets review... the React dev fucked up his own project so bad even he couldn't fix it... had to get a team of Indians to help who also couldn't fix it... was still a dickhead to me when I couldn't fix it... and in the end it was all so broken we had to just do a rewrite.
None of you get npm. None of you get React. None of you get that doing the web the way Mark Zucherberg does it just makes you a choad locked into that ecosystem. None of you can fix your own damn projects when one of the 6,000 dependency developers pushes breaking changes. None of you ever even bother with "npm audit fix" because if security was a concern you'd be using a server side language for fucking server side programming like a grown up.
So, next time a senior dev with 20 years exp. gets brought in to help triage a project that you yourself fucked up... Remember that the new thing you know and think makes you cool? It's not new and it's not cool. It's just JavaScript on the server so you script kiddies never have to learn anything but JavaScript... which makes you inarguably worse programmers.
And, MF, I was literally writing javascript while you were sucking your mommas titties so just chill... this shit ain't new and I've got a dozen of my own Node daemons running right now... difference is?
Mine are still working.34 -
Was originally hired for 3 months.
Just finished the project 2 weeks ago, after 1.5 years.
I fucking hate data science now.8 -
Dear people of Subway, just because i am using cmd, it doesnt mean i am
"Hacking your wifi network" and asking me to stop is rather unneccessary25 -
My linkedin: "please dont contact me about javascript work"
Every recruiter on linkedin: "hold my beer"8 -
B: you are not even a real developer
Me: ??
B: you are using windows
Me:
Me: what the fucking fuck did you just fucking say you little fuck? Ill have you know i have written at least 4 lines of code, commented once and have a stackoverlfow reputation of -7. I have completed every beginner level udemy course on applied brainfuck mathematics and have worked as a distributed data analyst with excel 03. You are nothing to me, every piece of code i write runs on exactly 3 billion devices and i have an unsuccessful facebook meme page. Bitch.5 -
Fuck the cookie warnings on websites!
They don't do anything helpful and are just fucking annoying. Especially on some websites where they take up half og the fucking screen.15 -
Just got an email that i dodnt get a job.
But guys... Your 'selection process' took a month. A literal month. I already got an other job 2 weeks ago.4 -
Oh no microsoft is gonna buy github!
Just like they bought xamarin and turned it from a buggy piece of shit into something borderline useful?
Just like they funded canonical so ubuntu could become a distro what any person can use as easily as windows because they had money to actually hire people?
Just like they bought mojang and invested billions in an education platform?
Oh boy whatever will we do...15 -
There is a group of ladies who work in the accounting department at my job who have made it their mission to decorate the cubicle of whoever has a birthday on a given day. They come in at 6 am on someones birthday and decorate, leaving a mess of balloons and streamers, which is a nice surprise the first time it happens (they do it every year). Well, we in the IT office decided it would be fun to booby trap one of our cubicles so that when our birthday rolled in, they would receive a surprise of their own. So we set up a webcam as a motion detector, and had the computer speakers turned up as loud as possible, so that when motion was detected, the honorable Admiral Akbar would yell "It's A Trap!". We succeeded in scaring the pants off of them, and also annoying them because the sound did not stop until the program was exited, so they had to listen to it the entire time they did their setup. It was priceless xD4
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me, sitting @ college, soldering together a charging cable
someone: oh wow you can do this stuff? i thought you were a computer scientist, not an engineer
me:...
me: yeah i need an engineering degree to wrap duct tape around cables7 -
>me on stackoverflow
>a nice question
>i provide a 3 line code with explanation
>comment: 'doesnt work, throws exception'
>i run the code and provide a screenshot that it works
>'doesnt work for me'
>19 line code gets accepted
10/10, would answer again5 -
"Java is slow"
If that is the only reason you can come up with when i ask you why dou you think java is bad, im going to assume youre either a fucking shit programmer or live in the 90s.46 -
In a nutshell, i severely underestimated myself, applied to a bunch of places and now they all want to hire me. Oh well.11
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Me: cool, i organized all my exams to be the most effective, if i study now, i can relax for a few weeks before i have to move.
Interesting side project: hi3 -
Interesting thing I did yesterday:
This is a program which loops over every word in the wamerican word database and checks if the username is available on the Mojang servers, thus, this is a Minecraft OG username finder, and it works beautifully.
I'm checking 72,000 words, the only thing is I can only check one per second, so the entire process takes about 20 hours. Any usernames which are available are sent into a text file for later viewing, and it remembers which word it looked at last if you can't have your computer on for 20 hours straight.
Very happy! Found quite a few good names so far!
14 -
New years eve plans:
Partying with friends ✖
Getting wasted ✖
Shooting fireworks ✖
Reading godot documentation ✔7 -
open telegram
'hey guys i have a cool idea for a project'
"yeah thats a neat idea lets do it"
we get drunk on the first meeting and completely forget about the project5 -
Please learn the fucking difference between a text editor and an IDE. I dont give a shit aboyt your super duper complex vim package manager supreme deluxe edition ITS STILL A DAMN TEXT EDITOR YOU FUCK.15
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So there is this thing @ the office that everyone has to bake 50 pancakes once.
Its 2 am, i just got done, i cant cook to save my life.
Guess what.
Its 49.8 -
Oh hey i should go to sleep early and work out in the morning.
Or i could implement those new features for my library ive been thinking about.
Or i could polish up some of my older sites.
....or i could stay up till 3am, reading subtly gay korean comics.4 -
can you put this on the right side when someone scrolls?
*sends a gif of a caterpillar running at 3 fps with sparkles everywhere*5 -
"Your every second word is 'fuck', you really should watch out for that."
Fucking give me a fucking client who doesnt fucking call me at 6am fucking saturday and ill fucking stop swearing.4 -
I will disregard the fact that our target platform is windows, so sure, newly hired intern, go ahead and use linux if you want, it doesnt really matter.
After that he accomplished 1 day's work in a week because he was googling how to set up linux environments
CHOOSE THE TOOL FOR THE FUCKING JOB YOU DIMWIT9 -
When you are working on a feature and someone else is working on the same thing and you commit at the same time and now you have to resolve conflicts but both versions work
2 -
Ooh this is good.
At my first job, i was hired as a c++ developer. The task seemed easy enough, it was a research and the previous developer died, leaving behind a lot of documentation and some legacy fortran code. Now you might not know, but fortran can be really easily converted to c, and then refactored to c++.
Fine, time to read the docs. The research was on pollen levels, cant really tell more. Mostly advanced maths. I dug through 500+ pages of algebra just to realize, theres no way this would ever work. Okay dont panic, im a data analyst, i can handle this.
Lets take a look at the fortran code, maybe that makes more sense. Turns out it had nothing to do with the task. It looped through some external data i couldnt find anywhere and thats it. Yay.
So i exported everything we had to a csv file, wrote a java program to apply linefit with linear regression and filter out the bad records. After that i spent 2 days in a hot server room, hoping that the old intel xeon wouldnt break down from sending java outputs directly to haskell, but it held on its own.1 -
The number of tabs opened in the browser is directly proportional to the completely of the problem! :p9
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me: yo, im kinda low on cash right now, i should save some money and not do any iot projects this month
also me: yo, look at those nfc chips, i got an idea1 -
if you ever feel bad or useless about your ability as a programmer, just remember that this is the kinda code i write when im tired
13 -
TL;DR Setup computer for new guy @ office, he got mad about software he was missing that we weren't told he needed, so he complained to the director above our department and got us in trouble.
I work for a small company, in which the I.S. Department is 8 people (Manager Included). We do everything from setting up computers and fixing printer problems to writing custom software for in-house use. Kind of a "Renaissance Department" if you will.
So a few weeks ago we were asked to set up a computer for a brand new user, meaning he would need email setup, a domain account, etc. We were also given a (very) small list of programs he would need to do his job. No problemo, took me 30 minutes, and he was good to go.
Last week I met the guy because he was training at the general office and his training computer lacked a few tools. Since I was called to remedy that situation, I introduced myself, told him if he ever had any problems to let me know and I would get him fixed up.
Now today, 5/5/2017, 15 seconds after walking into the door of the department, I am pulled aside by my boss and asked if I setup up the new guys desktop, to which I proudly replied yes. Come to find out the (very) small list of tools we were told he needed was incomplete, so he was missing stuff (how the fuck were we supposed to know that). So what does the new fuck do? HE COMPLAINS TO A DIRECTOR ABOVE OUR DEPARTMENT SAYING THE IT GUYS DIDN'T SETUP HIS COMPUTER PROPERLY! Like holy shit dude, why not send me a fucking email like you did before telling me you needed stuff? I would have GLADLY fucking helped. Now I hope your computer catches on fire. Or you get fired. I'll take either one.2 -
Me, going on a vacation
"Fuck yeah, finally a break, beach, grill, nice. Im not bringing my laptop, theres no way im touching any code."
Me, 10 minutes after i got on the bus
"Oh, i figured out whys that one thing not working, let me just get my lapt...shit"6 -
Lets assume my name is Levi Secondname (half of it is correct)
at my last workplace there was a guy with the same name, in the same office, except he was an ios dev, so when i ordered food i always put 'Android Levi' as the name, otherwise it would get mixed up3 -
you might think that windows updates are painful but this piece of shit has been like this for an hour JUST LET ME FUCKING DEPLOY
12 -
full stack web development in 2017: mvvm model, api for backend, parsing on frontend
me: <?php echo "<div>hello".$name."</div>" ?>9 -
Dude from old job who treated me like shit messaged me to implement 2 new features. I quit like half a year ago now. Ok i guess.6
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Okay so
Client asks for a bunch of data what can be easily calculated with excel. I think to myself, yeah, ill not fuck around adding numbers 1by1, ill just use excel.
Client wants a program, says he likes having a program do stuff. Mind you, this isnt an universal program at all, it just has to work for this specific input file.
Me: packages the original excel file into a jar and makes it unpackage when run.
Client: is happy
Me: ??? -
Insomnia: yeah, nice cors header
Postman: neat cors header mate
Fetch in browser: where the FUCK is the cors header you retard6 -
Me, whenever i work with something other than java: "Wow, this could be done so much easier with java"17
-
"Server deployment is automated from git, so dont merge things into the master branch without permission"
Oh ok
>i create new branch
>push unfinished code because i gotta hurry
>server breaks
Well golly gee seems like you did a shit job at automating7 -
a missing semi colon is overated, the white space character at the end of a string is the real OG. Been hunting a bug for three days because of it!!15
-
Sitting at home, looking at my facebook friends. Im noticing a trend that all the people getting diplomas are the ones who dont even have a github account.7
-
I think im sick. Not because my whole body hurts, my nose is running and i cant even move, but because i just had the idea that i should unit test my personal project.4
-
Hey, i took a look at your code and heres how you could improve your performance!
"No thanks lol it works this way too"
Okay you fucking idiot, thats not how you do normal distribution
"Why are you so mean"1 -
We were having a conversation with a bunch of friends and somehow i came up with this
Ps, the data is valid
12 -
Psa: i dont give a shit if you use php but dont you fucking dare echo your shit out to the dom or i will fucking gut you you degenerate16
-
If some yampy bloke ask me bout the origin of my username again imma shove a can of ice cold monster™ energy drink up em ass (: Is it hard to look it up?? (Dont look it up tho, it porn)
So it a funky ass breakbeat/chiptune kinda album. Sod off.
16 -
Its been a few hours, and i was busy with meetings but
THANK Y'ALL FOR 10K ++
I remember wk20something, when i joined devrant. I was just starting a job as a data analyst, and the wk at that time spoke to me on a personal level, so i wrote a quick rant and didnt give it much thought. The next day i opened devrant and had like 100++s and a bunch of comments. Since then ive met a lot of awesome people here and im happy i clicked the install button back then. Thanks cfox and brogus for the opportunity, love ya.
Already got a longboard as a 10k-day gift :^)2 -
I was talking with a guy who is making an android app for his thesis but hes "shitdamn awful in java". I offered to help because im so fucking nice.
"oh but i dont have facebook, is it a problem?"
Nah sure i dont use facebook anyways, got telegram?
"No"
Riot? Irc?
"Nope"
Then what do you use???
"Skype"
?!!?!??!??!!???!??!7 -
The myth about the missing semicolon. I don't get it, if your editor doesn't pick it up, the compiler og interpreter will. How is this a common problem?4
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Connect a pen drive, format it successfully. Connect to a new machine to copy data and see the data exists.
Crap! which drive did I formatted :(1 -
Aye so i got a new job, and its android. I thought "yeah sure, ive been a java dev my whole life, it will be easy".
And it is easy.
But its like a fleshed out java, with a trillion built in classes and xml (seroiusly, fuck xml), and also the studio eats away my ram.5 -
Well im slowly getting there, but i still dont understand why does my wife want me to make her cam...
8 -
So there is this programming competition i regularly enter. I dont give a shit about the competition part, its just fun to make something in a limited time. This year, i was kinda hyped that i threw together a modern stack, with Java Spark and VueJS, that would be really cool to use.
Today we got the requirements.
Php and jquery.
Well fuck me for living in 2017 apparently.1 -
Hey im a fullstack DEVELOPER, not a fullstack DESIGNER, so dont fucking ask a colorblind person to 'just throw a simple design together, it shouldnt take more than 10 minutes'3
-
hey buddy mate pal friend bro nacho
IF YOU FINISH A TASK NOT ASSIGNED TO YOU THEN FUCKING ASSIGN IT TO YOURSELF SO WE DONT WAIT FOR SOMEONE TO DO WHAT YOUVE ALREADY DONE6 -
I just had another shitty idea, yall know cards against humanity. I wanna make a hearthstone-yugioh-CAH -esque game where the cards are all dev-related. Like say [c++] {onSummon: 'shuffle 2 pointer cards into your deck'}. Ill probs start a collab here, dunno, if ya steal my idea then dont be a bitch about it and say so in the comments.3
-
I really wish i was a good designer. Id love to put together attractive frontends with cool and unique ideas.
I also wish i wasnt colorblind.3 -
Xamarin.forms. True multiplatform* by Microsoft.
*you just have to make sure not to use any of the platform specific features, or write 3 completely different codes10 -
We were once tasked to create a 3-part Flash game to advertise the upcoming release of an album by a very famous band. Every part used a different gaming engine which we had to build from scratch (one of which was like a simplified version of the OG GTA game - top down driving with zooming in etc). On top of this we had to deal with user registration and score submission.
We had 4 weeks to do it in. We were 3 people.
We did an illegal number of hours to get as much done as we could, and we still didn't manage it in time because, frankly it was impossible.
Pretty good game though.1 -
I lurk here on occasion. Quite frequently in fact. It's honesty been years and I've grown up with the community. I'm glad to still see old faces here but many of the ones that I used to see are long gone. Man - it's so different.
It's not the same anymore. There's no longer any gangs or clans or anything. It was really fun.
Another thing I specifically miss when @dfox was actually around. Actually replying to people most of the time. Lately, there just hasn't been any trace of him that I've seen. He comments on averages 2-3 times a month lately, and he used to comment a lot more on average years ago. But I don't blame him. I'm the same.
Everything about this feels wrong and off. I used to love this but now i just don't.
I'm going to formally say goodbye to everyone here. And to the OG peeps, I love ya all, you know who you are.
Byes.13 -
Friend: 'im really anxious, i need a job this summer and i dont know if i can find one with my stack'
Me:'why, whats your stack?'
Friend:'php, mysql, javascript'
Me:'...DUDE'6 -
Everytime i see someone listing a shitload of languages, i safely assume that they speak around 2-3 of them fluently. I did some c++ and can write a site in php but they are nowhere near my java knowledge, so i only list them as something i played around with. There is just no way you are fluent in c++, java and javascript because they take half a lifetime to master individually7
-
Me, 2 months ago: "This stack is such an overhead and unneccesarily complicated. The app could be made in like a week with jsp and jquery."
Other guy, 2 months ago: "No, we use Spring and angular2, and these 7 test/automation tools"
Other guy now: "We are nowhere, we havent even completed sprint1"
Me:
3 -
"best [distro/ide/laptop/buttplug] for web development?"
So you are.... You are basically asking whats the best for editing text files?10 -
I just got a bugreport for an ages old release of a software which was assumed finished. Problem is, i couldnt find the source anywhere.
"hey, could you send me the file so i can check the bug?"
*sends jar file*
"yay im saved"
thanks java, for being easily disassembled 👌😍1 -
*reverts a layout file to the one in git*
*gradle fails, no components found, electricity goes off, office catches fire, the world ends*4 -
Bind learning c++ chapter 3
Fuck whoever says that java is easier than c++. If i populate memory i can just fucking clean it out. I have access to the literal fucking stack my code runs on. I can integrate assembly. I can fucking make my program run in -3 seconds for fucks sake, this is so much easier than java where i have to fuck around with scopes to nudge the gc to start cleaning up and i need a separate engine to access jasm code.9 -
I pressed "update" on windows 10 and its been runn..
Wait nevermind, it finished in about 5 minutes on my old dual core laptop with a 5400rpm hard drive.3 -
Wanted to do a 1 hour coding challenge. Thought "hey why not use js this time". 3 hours later, my blood pressure is skyrocketing and i am really bothered by js threading.2
-
[wk200]
Ordered a set of copic markers, they should be here tomorrow. At least this quarantine crap gives me time to draw again after 5 years.4 -
I was tricky this time and sent a separate email for the client and my boss about the new release.
Client response: "Its very good, runs flawlessly, could you check x if you have the time? It gives errors simetimes"
Boss response: "[...] urgent fix get working on it right now [...]"
Seems like my boss has been the fucking piece of shit all this time :)1 -
Sent a cv to a company because facebook threw their ad at my face and i said why not. They emailed me that they would call me today. I dont have a phone. Its not fucking 2007. Call me on matrix or telegram or even skype ffs.19
-
Few days ago i niticed one of my (site) accounts was deleted for inactivity. I thought fuck it, ion use that site, lets have fun. I wrote an email to get it restored:
"Sorry i got ass cancer and it took dr lil pump 2 years to cure me and couldnt use the site from the hospital"
Today, i got an email that i got my account back.4 -
Hey, my team is attending a hackathon kind of thing tonight. Can you recommend us some interesting php+js stacks?19
-
Just realized, that after a few months of running my crypto trading algo, i have around 0.1 bitcoin. Started by mining monero in like february, and just traded back and forth afterwards.6
-
.net 1.1 had the best documentation ever written. Microsoft spent an enormous amount of money and a dedicated team of skilled engineers just to write them. It was kind of a great time to be a developer, even though the technology is much better now. The current reliance on community docs doesn't hold up as well.2
-
I got an interview on monday but i completely forgot i even applied. They said its java AND c#, so i can guarantee a 50% score i guess.
Can someone explain what the fuck is a namespace while we r at it?5 -
I should be studying but i started working on my last idea (read the rant), will probs post it as a collab once i got something that actually works
3 -
Imma be real with youse, i havent been posting shit cause i have a great job with great teammates and great management. Like it a rant that i cant rant but thats a good thig i guess. But ion wanna see devrant community goin down the gutter cause old members r leavin so imma stick around and post stupid shit in the comments as usual. So youse can stop bothering me bout bein inactive hmmm3
-
The past few days ive been looking into angular.
Its a bloated piece of crap. It makes your page twice the fucking size and adds tons of unneccessary code with shit syntax. Whatever you do in angular can be done in a normal language, even fucking vanilla javascript. Stop fucking making unneccessary frameworks for js developers who are too lazy to learn a proper language.3 -
Aint a rant, but pulsar player has the best fucking implementation of the material design ive ever seen, everything is perfectly flat and still alive aaah
4 -
[corona wk]
Not at all, but i bought an electric scooter so i dont have to take public transport.
Also instead of "bless you" we now say "corona".1 -
It doesnt matter that i turned auto-update off, if devrant gets a new version i WILL hear about it. We all will hear about it.
-
[worst hypothetical dev job]
You know how theres a dedicated person in porn whos job is blowing the actors so they are hard? That, but with writing all the boilerplate code and nothing else.1 -
just got a linkedin msg
"Hello, im from a headhunter company, looking for..."
THEY ARENT EVEN TRYING ANYMORE2 -
Can anyone tell me why is it good to use some crap language that transpiles to javascript? Yes i hate js too but 90% of my time using reason/ts/elm is just
>ddg how to do x in y
>no answer
>Js.unsafe.eval "js code"
Like???? None of them is a 100% complete wrapper???6 -
All my respect goes to sysadmins, ive been trying to hack together a cronjob for tha past 2 hours and its still not working.4
-
Moving to a new office this week. The only chinese restaurant nearby is one of those where you get 5 times the amount of rice compared to the meat. Fuck.5
-
Dear rust,
I swear im not going to modify that string, i fucking swear on my life pinky promise, just plEASE LET ME USE IT WITHOUT HAVING TO CLONE.
Sincerely, a functional programmer6 -
Im slowly going from emails like "looking for developers" to "hi, when can you start" and i dont know if i should be happy or worried.
-
Just wrote an angry email about the unrealistic demands towards my team. Got a call an hour later from [product owner] where he had the most worried voice i ever heard because we are the only data scientists in the research. I expected an email reply in 2 weeks, seems like we are somewhat important here.2
-
me: fuck yeah i love java
java: JFormattedTextField tf = ((JSpinner.DefaultEditor) columns.getEditor).getTextField();
me: ...
me: punish me more mommy3 -
Jmonkey 3 is so damn fast wow, why dont they use this wonder instead of unity?
*angry js fanboys in the distance*
Oh yeah thats why1 -
The feeling when your pc runs out of usb ports because of all the different android devices hooked up to it.1
-
After catching up on the mcu movies, i finna watch infinity war, but honestly, am i the only one who thinks they need to start working on other things than the origin story of every damn being in the unuverse?5
-
1. i'm drunk.
2. please do me a sanity check
3:
this video, at this timestamp, watch the following about 5 minutes or so:
https://youtu.be/oG-6Ltp1_yE?t=1129
4. tell me (and possibly him in comment) if i'm wrong in the (point) of the following comment i wrote under that video:
20:53 ARE YOU FUCKIN KIDDING ME YOU ABSOLUTE MORON?!
yes, US has an altitude software written in fuckin VBA with an explicit statement to ignore errors, and there's not about 10x more automated testing code for a critical piece of functionality, than there is of the code that handles the actual functionality, and it's not been tested off-line (in simulated environment) as well as on-line (IRL) for at least years in all conditions, before it was deployed, YOU ABSOLUTE FUCKING MORON.
CAN YOU JUST PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT'S HOLY STICK TO WHAT YOU ACTUALLY PROPERLY UNDERSTAND?!
HOLY FUCK THE LEVEL OF ARROGANCE IN YOU IN ASSUMING THAT JUST BECAUSE YOU KNOW VBA YOU KNOW HOW PROPER SOFTWARE DEVELOPMENT IS DONE, HOLY FUCKING SHIT.
I've worked in companies of 1k employees and less, on absolutely non-critical stuff, that has DevOps and QA processes and infrastructure that would make your script kiddie head spin for WEEKS, LET ALONE FUCKIN MILITARY SW DRIVING MILITARY EQUIPMENT YOU ARROGANT KNOWITALL FUCK.
Please, just please, FOCUS ON FUCKING DOING VIDEOS ABOUT STUFF YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND, instead of stuff your ego overinflated from years of debunking dunning-krugers tells you that you're an expert in despite never actually having worked even near those fields. PLEASE. You are amazing when doing those, but this bullshit is just fucking rage-inducing. Don't ever talk about software again, because that's obviously YOUR dunning-kruger area, you fuckin bigheaded script kiddie.12 -
Hey buddy pal mate, yeah, i get it, you a good frontend dude but if your page lags on my phone, im gonna just close it and never open it again, so dont you fucking use every possible overhead framework known to man.
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So i left my job as an android dev earlier (nothing big, just didnt wanna juggle school and work) and as the year started i noticed that somehow i ended up working as an android dev again but this time in c#. There's no escape.9
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Oh i cant wait to fail my exam in 6 hours because i forgot that i even have one and when i tried to study yesterday i realized that 90% of the papers is just fucking equations we have to memorize. Yay for quality education with most of the curriculum being fucking useless. I want to either quit this shithole or kill myself but both would make my mom upset.7
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I dont really have a story here, i just want to thank every college teacher/assistant teacher who has real world experience and decides to pass it on to students instead of picking from the billions of job offerings.3
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Right now i want to put together a system to automatically water/warm/whatever my chilli peppers, but on the long run i want to embed some microcontrollers into my body.4
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Right now what i want to do is just quit everything, move somewhere else, get a job and never fucking look back. Im sick of all these projects college dumps on me, the idiots im surronded with, my job, people who think im interested in their fucking research. I just want a 8 to 5 job and after 5 im fucking done and nobody calls me about how long will the next release take for projects i dont give a shit about.
In other news i just started my thesis yay.1 -
@RazorSh4rk -> @BindView for personal security reasons, also now u can quickly set behavior to your replies :^)6
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The past few months i got a bunch of emails and calls from my previous "boss" (hes the head of the research), that he would be grateful if i helped them out. I got a few friends still working on that piece of shit project so i said yeah, i can help.
Now this whole thing is a research involving most of the big universities, lots of math phds, and is kinda secret. They couldnt find anyone to sketch up a few stupid algorithms for them so i did just that.
Yesterday i got the specifications for the task. Its the core functioning algo, the one i made from fucking discrete integer data, it took me 3 fucking months to correct their mistakes, and now they want me to create 2 similar patterns for 2 completely different...things. Yeeeah no.3 -
I made a speedcoding video and its really fun to see just how fast can you make yourself code something that works.
https://youtube.com/watch/...
Here, ill probably make more later.9 -
how to php, an infographic by Bind (that me)
0) assert your goal, in this example let it be sending an email from the server
1) search for implemented methods
2) all you can find is either outdated or not helping at all
3) think of solution in any other language (eg c# or node)
4) implement 3)
5) iterate until you have something that works but you have no idea why
6) after 1 week, realize that there is a built in method, but its called userData_registration_sEnder0(adress, header, egg, pinNumbe_r, message)
7) cry5 -
Why the fuck does android studio freeze on every 7th deploy. I just want a world where jetbrains can actually create useful IDEs please.4
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Does anyone keep a journal as they develop code? Something to keep track of ones thought process so that you understand what you were thinking when you come back to it? I know most people just use comments, but does anyone use something different?16
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Tldr: what are some tips you wish you got when you started programming?
Hey so. I got added to a facebook group with absolute beginners to programming. Been tryna answer their questions but its getting overwhelming and i thought id make a definitive guide to beginners or something like that. I have a buncha topics and tips but the more the better, so please if you got some advice you wish you got x years ago, post it down here.5 -
me: what a nice day
someone: hey, wanna join our project? its a university thing
me: yeah sure
someone: oh, you r the PM
me: AAAAA -
My boss is one of those og compsci guys that’s in his sixties writing code since his 20s. He’s usually highly competent... which is why I almost fell out of my chair laughing when he force killed the integration testing instance with all the clients connected thinking he was in the simulated environment1
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I don’t really have just one.
Ada Lovelace, she is the reason we have everything and she is the OG
Margaret Hamilton is badass and got Apolo 11 to the moon
Steve Wozniak, the real brains behind OG Apple. And his tech revolutionized computers. Plus have you ever just watched a video of him he’s so fucking pure and innocent. Like holy fuck he’s awesome and just hella intelligent.
John Romero + John Carmack. Two of the programmers on the original DOOM dev team. The team revolutionized the gaming industry and
Katie Bouman, just got added to the list for the black hole picture -
So, you all may remember my rant about my visual impairment. This dude applied the UNIX philosophy to glasses: They do one thing, and one thing well. He actually calls them "task-specific glasses" but come on now, that's the OG UNIX concept!
No, I will not have to have surgery - supposedly. The glasses he builds are ~$25,000. He said that when we go over spring break, he'll determine if we can go from 98% to 100% positive. If this can be pulled off, my life could be forever changed, for the better, hopefully...3 -
Worst: Spending a week in npm, node, react hell trying to triage a ReactNative iOS/Android app that even the OG dev couldn't fix and FAILING.
This is the only code in like 20 fuckin years that beat me.
Best: Watching the fall of western democracy with a giant shit eating "I told you so" grin.6 -
Yes, i can surely calculate the distribution of datasets when they look like
9 x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x 1
That will be SO accurate2 -
When it is Friday and you want to be productive, but you have spent the entire time since sitting down at work fixing Visual Studio and its bullshit.1
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I wanted to rant like 10 times today but was on a tight schedule (yes its fucking sunday), so here is everything:
*********
Fuck you, i dont give a shit that you need to present data tomorrow, its weekend, you cant just fucking call me to get things done asap. Im working from the code of a dead guy do you know how fucking hard it is to ask a dead person whats their code do?
*********
I really wish devrant had some kinda longboard/skateboard in the profile pic
*********
Im still not a fucking designer i can make like does-not-make-you-barf tier designs, JUST TELL ME WHAT TO FUCKING CODE JESUS
*********
whys the new rick n morty episode not out yet wtf
*********
Yo i love linux but set the fucking privileges right you dipshit, i cant exrcute my damn code on your crappy ass 2008 xeon server fuck you3 -
I was a Windows user from the start had an old windows pc og and ever since that computer and my first HTML book I've wanted to code and design as a passion hobby and now work
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The thing I really wish for is devrant posts not to be visible when i look up things on ddg, because i wanna rant about stuff but they are so exact that it would take 2 nanoseconds to find my user here.4
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So, apparently, in 2015 our webhost (ixwebhosting) was purchased by Site5... This week, they finally migrated us to Site5 servers without warning, taking my email down in the process...
Today, after following the instructions in their own KB article (that tells you to click an icon that doesn't exist,) and chatting with support for over an hour, I was told that the new system they migrated us to doesn't support catch-all email accounts... At all... It's simply not possible to receive an email that was sent to your domain, unless the email address exists in the system somewhere... Despite the fact that it's a standard cPanel feature, that the old and new systems both use cPanel, that every other webhost I have ever seen that uses cPanel has this feature available, AND the fact that this is an important feature for a lot of websites, because they pipe all of their emails to a script for processing... It's simply not possible... They won't be providing that feature anymore. Nor for that matter is it possible to be migrated back...
They migrated accounts to a system that has a basic email function intentionally disabled, without warning... And we can't afford to open an account with someone else ATM... So I can't get any email until we get migrated... FML9 -
2 week "conference" "meeting" in greece. Thought would also be a nice chance for a vacation. Except the cell network is absolute horseshit here, who the fuck uses 3g anymore??1
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i really love using linux with terminal only up to the point when i need to check a command and realize that i havent even installed a browser on my pi4
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Currently rewriting a python library because the author clearly doesnt understand what crossplatform means, and this language is fucking terrible.2
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Anybody entering ludum dare on the 29th? I wanna try my luck at making a game, never succeeded before :')3
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1) clicking on the wk141 tag wouldnt show the wk140 rants
2) big titty mafia mommy gf
3) when i buy something i always have the exact price on my bank account -
Me: okay lets test this website i made for my iot projects
Apache2: nah nope i aint loading shell stuff
Me: hm seems like a php bug, lets debug locally
Me:
Me: fucking
1 -
I really liked the Mojang API. I've told this story before but my first real project was a Python script that ran through all of the words in the dictionary looking for "OG" names that were available
-
I've been infcted with writing awful, sinful, obscure code, so others can't read or change it.
Recently i got my first full time job as a programmer (yay). It's with a company with 15+ year old system and they are currently upgrading it. But it's driving me crazy with the massive mess of old and new code. However it only gets worse! Instead of making it simple and nice to read, they want it over complex, just to get something from the database i have create at least 5 fucking classes and endless SQL code, the old system didn't requier any SQL or the creation og new classes, WTF. I've become a sinner, of corse i use the old system, but i do it secretly, and i obscurify my code so others can't understand. It's shameful, but i'm afraid to confront the older programmers, they've spend too much time in the system and they've been in the business for a lot longer than me.3 -
Everyones like "python is pseudocode" but honestly i dont see it, after sql, python is the least intuitive syntax i ever worked with, and i frequently use haskell so4
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How come that im absolute shit when it comes to designing a webpage but i can make really fucking cool looking android apps, when they are essentially the same thing1
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This is !dev as fuck but does anyone know something like a book recommendation engine? There are a ton for movies and anime, but couldnt find a good one for books. The best would be one where i input some books and fonds me similar ones.
Alternatively, im looking for dark fantasy books where magic is negligible and potentially has assassins in it, if anyone knows good ones.10 -
My best review was when i changed the code that someone suggested in another PR, which was highly critiqued by the OG devs. One pull to the latest commit and PR to his fork later, the OG dev comments "that looks good" and merges it.
Celebrated for sure that night. I've been hooked on contributions to open source ever since.2 -
Yo, i have a course where i have to build an android app, and we can make what the fuckever we want. Can you give me some interesting APIs, that are publicly available? It doesnt have to make sense, everything is better than using the anidb api, and thats the only thing that comes to mind.2
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There is a job fair coming up next week and while i dont really want to find a new job, i thought this would be a good excuse to update my cv a bit.
My question is, do you have any templates/frameworks/anything you usually use for stuff like this? I always throw together some bootstrap page but i want to learn something new.1 -
Hi fellow devranters,
Just started working for a small engineering company ~10 employees. They have a single guy that have done most og the development work and version control management. Turns out everything was stored om his personal harddrive with a backup on an USB drive. I'm doing the "dirty work" on porting the version control to a network drive. Not ideal, but the boss was insisting on doing it this way. Have anybody encountered anything like this?
2 -
A question for all you grey beards and other more knowledgeable devs:
I work for a small grocery retail company. Work primarily as a dev, but also spend time doing I.T./HelpDesk stuff. My wife is a nursing student, and when she graduates in May 2018 she is wanting to move to a different location to work at a specific hospital, which would require me to change jobs. No problem, I'm fine with that.
Here is what I am wondering: I currently make a modest salary (for 23 years old I feel like I'm doing pretty good), but we are expecting our first child in April and I would like to be making more. Would persuing a different job for extra $$$ that I could potentially only be working at for around 8-ish months be a bad idea? Should I just stick where I am at until I actual HAVE to move?
Thanks in advance for any advice :D2 -
I cant really contribute much to this wk because im mostly doing dev stuff in my free time.
But league and, well, strategy games in general taught me a lot about micromanaging stuff and thinking ahead. My advice is, if you wanna get better at most mental tasks, go download lol or grab a copy of cities or eu4 and play for half an hour every day.9 -
Ah yes i also love when you have so much shit to do for college where you are supposed to be studying developer stuff, that you havent written a single line of code in the past week because you dont have time.1
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!dev
>Be my friend
>Buy a tdi
>Upshift at 1300rpm
>Get up to speed in like a minute
Ffs the turbo never even turned on what the fuck.1 -
Elon permanently suspended me cos I called him out… he claims to have suspended spam accounts. But most users he’s suspending are legit OG accounts.8
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So I had this conversation yesterday while fixing yet another Windows laptop for someone else.
Other Guy = OG
Me = Me (Duh)
OG: So what are your plans after your apprenticeship?
Me: Uh, I'll probably start somewhere that's e-commerce related, kinda like my current company but somewhere else.
OG: Uh have you thought about being your own boss?
Me: Well yeah, but I wouldn't know how to attract customers and shit
-- This is the moment shit gets real
OG: OH BTW I heard that Germany is lacking AI developers, you should do that! It earns you shitloads of cash!
Me: Uhm.. well, that might be true b-
OG: There's no but dude, it's free money, you're smart.. I mean you can fix any computer, right? AI will be just as easy
Me: It's not like-
OG: Duh, don't make yourself look so bad I know you can do it!
Me: B..But I'm not interested in it at all
*silence for 5 seconds*
OG: Well.. I guess you do you then
After that we continued to have random chit-chat about his job and experience (He's a mechanic)
God I hate when people throw buzzwords around and try to convince other people to do what *they* want.
No, I don't want to develop a structure of 1000 ifs/elses, I'd rather keep doing what I'm doing, thanks!6 -
Coming back to devRant after a couple of years and going back to reading my OG posts.
Nice feeling to be back here. :)2 -
!rant/story:
Aaayoo issya boi the OG rapper straight outta Compton, wassup?!
Nah, for real, though.: How are y'all doing? It has been a long time. I hope y'all are having a great time (can sense some peoples' incoming negative comments due to corona).
I built my completely new first gaming rig like a few weeks ago after my school laptop stopped showing any signals.
The specifications are the following.:
- Mobo: MSI B450 TOMAHAWK MAX
- CPU: AMD Ryzen 5 3600 (no iGPU)
- dGPU: KFA2 RTX 2070 SUPER OC
- 2nd dGPU: GTX 550 TI (this one gets a new rant/post)
- RAM: 2x G.SKILL Ripjaws V 8 GB 3600 MHz
- PSU: Be quiet 650 W (It was the platinum edition afaik. I originally bought the 600 Watt Gold edition, but somehow they sent me the 650 Watt for no additional charge... which is great for me haha)
- HDD: 2x 4TB NAS HDD in RAID1 configuration (to load all of my games around 2 TB right now. Got the two HDDs for 110 Euro including the SATA Data cables)
- SSD: One Intenso 240 GB SSD and a reused Samsung 256 GB SSD from my old broken Lenovo laptop
- Case: Be quiet Pure Base 500 black with a glass panel on the side
While building my first PC, it was one hell of a challenge. I knew how it all was working in theory, but to put it all together, practically, was a bit of a challenge, but it was a nice challenge. I learned a lot and have a performance gain I could only ever dream of.
I used to play my games first on a Toshiba satellite l750d laptop (around 40 fps in cs:go with the lowest gfx settings) and then on a Lenovo e51-80 laptop (around 30 fps max minecraft with no shaders and texture packs).
Now I play cs:go on Kubuntu with 400 fps at peak with ultra high graphics. It is unbelievable.
I couldn't trust the system when I turned on the fps display the first time I saw it.
6 -
if(!rant)
{
cout<<"Anyone here ever play the game Screeps? If not, you should really consider checking it out! The point of the game is to write scripts to automate the tasks carried out by your "creeps". Scripts are all in Javascript. Its fun!"<<endl;
}
else
{
cout<<"I hate mondays."<<endl;
}4 -
http://tasks.io/
Stumbled upon an interesting site yesterday.
"I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate"4 -
i feel like all the automated things, supposed to make development easier, just severely slow everything down3
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DevRant is fun for me these days, more now than ever.
People create bot accounts, post content off of ChatGPT/post OG rants which we all shit on, except one guy. You know who that is.
Some try to force their projects on us, while being homophobic, racist and 10 other things. One of them grew on me, ngl.
Some are talking about me everyday but too scared to tag me, cuz they know I will blast their ass, and have, in the past.
Some people I had beef with, one of them is now a friend of mine. The others, not so much.
Finally.6 -
So apparently the variable names foo and bar come from an old military term FUBAR which means f-ed up beyond all recognition.... Those OG UNIX guys hid their memes really well
-
I was about to implement a new feature (which I will call feature X), but I was not sure which branch feature X should be implemented on. Because of different products, there are a lot og branches around.
I was going to implement feature X on branch A, but that branch was currently not working, and someone was working on fixing it.
I was told by my boss to branch out from branch B as feature X would be merged in there later anyways.
And so I did.
After I am nearly finished with feature X I discover I need feature Y from branch A. Feature Y is not yet on branch B, but is scheduled to be merged in some time soon.
So I can't really finish feature X before that point, and I am told by colleague 1 I should have implemented feature X on branch C, because feature Y is there and branch C will be merged into branch B soon.
However, I found out that this has happened before.
First, colleague 1 was told to implement feature Y on branch A. This is the real implementation, the one I need. After he had spent a week implementing feature Y, he was told by colleague 2 that the feature should be implemented on branch C, which is branched off from branch B (I think). So he had to spend a day or two to move feature Y to branch C, but he still kept feature Y on branch A, because all branches will eventually be merged into branch A.
After a week or so, colleague 3 asks about feature Y and is told that the feature is on branch C. But colleague 3 need the feature on branch D, which is branched off branch B for some weeks ago.
I don't know all the details here, but colleague 3 ends up implementing a version of feature Y on branch D and he is happy.
I don't know how much time was wasted because of wrong information from management, but I have no intentions of wasting more time. I'll wait for the merge of branch C into branch B.
If this rant makes no sense, that's just my reflection of management some times.
I love management.4 -
Every profession has people who have done some real shit. You have doctors, lawers, scientists, architects.
I want to be one of those developers who did some real shit. I'm just saying.....6 -
My lead developer requires object sorting, so {url, extraParams = { id = '1', hobby = 'code' }} HAVE TO be {extraParams = {hobby = 'code', id = '1'}, url}. Is that normal?4
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Has anyone used the new Visual Studio with Xamarin studio built in to build mobile apps? I was doing some research for my senior (we are thinking of going mobile), and wanted to see what the community thought of it. What do you guys think?1
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In those learning days the universal solution to all systems issues -
'restart and see if that fixes' -
Bahahahaha
If you remove the compressibility aspect of oxygen as a gas by converting it into a liquid can you pack more molecules into the same volume anyway ? Or could you always get the more moles with pressurized gas ?
Oh and fuck them for leading me to finding the same neat shit
https://youtu.be/bs1HC3Q3nJ8
For surt må det være en stor mengde materialer til flashpulver som er hyllestabil og består av aluminiumskombinasjonen for forstyrrelser og sjokk
https://youtu.be/bs1HC3Q3nJ8
Do something interesting for once and help a good cause
14 -
Damn you, Excel. In the past I've had the notion, that you are the OG perfect sheet editor. Now, that I actually have to use you, all I have to say is to go, bow before Google Sheets!6
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!rant
Just started a new internal project today. The best thing? The meeting I just got out of, in which we were discussing the details, was with someone with technical knowledge and experience, and who had realistic expectations. Never have I been so happy after a meeting! :D -
!Rant
Question for all you wise neck beards:
I was talking with my boss in his office (I'm an intern), and he was saying one thing I need to work on is making more accurate estimates for when a project will be done. He asked if it was just an attempt to "paint a rosey picture" and asked if I was just afraid to be honest, to which I answered definitely not, I just didn't realize I was being that inaccurate. Any suggestions on how I can correct this? I feel like if I just overestimate by a lot i'm just going to give off a lack of confidence, but I also don't want my boss to think I am just lazing around and not working as hard as I could. Feel like I am in a pickle here.
Also, what are some tips you guys have for staying Focused/Productive? I do a pretty good job as it is, but any more advice would be handy :D
Happy Tuesday Everyone!7 -
Kinda wish when writing a comment this app didn't take the whole screen, sometimes would like to read OG post as I type4
-
2020 goal
Shid and fard
Also some form of a biohack that makes sens in a day to day life, looking at the new spider man movie glasses rn1
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