Happened a few weeks ago but still awesome.

Me and a good friend have a website together but we don't monitor it too much.
He studied with me in the same class but went towards frontend/apps where I chose backend/servers/security. He knows how to do basic Linux stuff but that's about it.

We were at a party when he noticed that our site was offline. Walked over to me (because I manage the server) to notify me so I could look into it said I'd look into it (phone):
*visits site: nothing*
*online dig tool: got the server ip*
*remembered this one didn't have pubkey authentication - after three passwords attempts I'm in*

"service apache2 status"
*service doesn't exist*
*right, migrated this one from Apache to nginx....*
"history"
*ah, an nginx restart probably suffices...*
"service nginx restart"

BAM, site is reachable again.

*god damnit, lets encrypt cert expired...*
"history"
*sees command with certbot and our domain both in one*
"!892"
*20 seconds later: success message*
*service nginx reload*

BAM, site works securely again.

"Yo mate, check the site again"

Mate: 😶 w-w-what? *checks site and his watch* you started less than two minutes ago...?
Me: yeah..?
Mate: 😶 now this is why YOU manage our server and I don't 😐

His face was fucking gold. It wasn't that difficult for me (I do this daily) but to him, I was a God at that moment.

Awesome moment 😊

toxic workplace; leaving

I haven't wanted to write this rant. I haven't even wanted to talk to anyone (save my gf, ofc). I've just been silently fuming.

I wrote a much longer rant going into far too much detail, but none of that is relevant, so I deleted it and wrote this shorter (believe it or not) version instead. And then added in more details because details.

------

On Tuesday, as every Tuesday, I had a conference call with the rest of the company. For various, mostly stupid reasons, the boss yelled at and insulted me for twenty minutes straight in front of everyone, telling me how i'm disorganized, forgetful, how can't manage my time, can't manage myself let alone others, how I don't have my priorities straight, etc. He told the sales team to get off the call, and then proceeded to yell and chew at me for another twenty minutes in front of the frontend contractor about basically the same things. The call was 53 minutes, and he spent 40 minutes of it telling me how terrible I've been. No exaggeration, no spin. The issues? I didn't respond to an email (it got lost in my ever-filling inbox), and I didn't push a very minor update last week (untested and straight to prod, ofc). (Side note: he's yelled at me for ~15 minutes before for being horribly disorganized and unable to keep up on Trello -- because I had a single card in the wrong column. One card, out of 60+ over two boards. Never mind that most have time estimates, project tags, details, linked to cards on his boards, columns for project/qa/released, labels for deferred, released to / rejected from qa, finished, in production, are ordered by priority, .... Yep. I'm totes disorganized.)

Anyway, I spent most of conference call writing "Go fuck yourself," "Choke on a cat and die asshole," "Shit code, low pay, and broken promises. what a prize position," etc. or flipping him off under the camera on our conference-turn-video-call (switched due to connection issues, because ofc video is more stable than audio-only in his mind).

I'm just.
so, so done.

I did nothing the rest of the day on Tuesday, and basically just played games on Wednesday. I did one small ticket -- a cert replacement since that was to expire the next day -- but the rest was just playing CrossCode. (fun game, fyi; totally recommend.)

Today? It's 3:30pm and I can't be bothered to do anything. I have an "urgent" project to finish by Monday, literally "to give [random third party sales guy] a small win". Total actual wording. I was to drop all other tasks (even the expiring cert lol) and give this guy his small win. fucking whatever. But the project deals with decent code -- it's a minor extension to the first project I did for the company (see my much earlier rants), back when I was actually applying myself and learning something (everything) new, enjoying myself, and architecting+writing my own code. So I might actually do the project, but It's been two days and I haven't even opened single file yet.

But yeah. This place is total and complete shit. Dealing with the asshole reminds me of dealing with my parents while growing up, and that's a subject I don't want to broach -- far too many toxic memories.

So, I'm quitting as soon as I find something new.
and with luck, this will be before assface hires my replacement-to-be, and who will hopefully quit as soon as s/he sees the abysmal codebase. With even more luck, the asshole king himself will get to watch his company die due to horrible mismanagement. (though ofc he'll never attribute it to himself. whatever.)

I just never want to see or think about him again.
(nor this fetid landfill of a codebase. bleh.)

With luck, this will be one of my last rants about this toxic waste dump and its king of the pile.
Fourty fucking minutes, what the fuck.

I haven't told anyone I know yet but yesterday I got a call from a user and she asked me if I could come down and take a look at some software I support. I did and fixed the issue.
She then asked if I could take a look at her computer because help desk and PC team had tried to fix and couldn't.

5 minutes later I fixed it (every site she went to gave cert error in both chrome and ie). I stood up and there was a couple seconds of me and her just facing each other not saying anything. She was smiling ear to ear the whole time. (This issue was weeks old I think). Then she walks towards me......

And hugs me.

When you see a someone write this
if(condition){
return true;
} else {
return false;
}

Motherfucker. It's two thousand fucking seventeen. You can get a free ssl certificate for any website.

Then WHY are there still some fucking websites which contain login portals, sensitive information or anything that SHOULD be protected in transit WITHOUT FUCKING SSL?!

I hope that the people who manage those sites and are AWARE that they can get a free cert but don't do that die in agonising pain.

This really fucking pisses me off.

On another note, EVERY site should have SSL, it's free anyways and protects your visitors from a range of threats.-

When you write scripts to automate stuff because you're lazy, but you spend so much time writing them it makes you doubt your own laziness

(The PM is pretty technical)
One day:
Me: Could you create this subdomain?
PM: Sure, just a sec.
Me: Ohh and could you add a letsencrypt cert? (one click thingy)
PM: Why would you need that on this kinda site...
Me: Well in general for security...
PM: Nahh.
*walks away*

Next day:
(referring to my internship manager/guider as Bob)
Bob: Hey... we have a new subdomain!
Me: Yup!
Bob: Wait why is there no letsencrypt certificate installed...?!?
Me: Well, the PM didn't find that neccesary...
Bob: (Oo) of course it is... are we going for security by default or what?
Me: Yup agreed.
Bob: *creates cert and sets everything up in under a minute*

It wasn't a high profile site (tiny side project) but why not add SSL when you can for free?

Buddy from dept I was in 4 years ago: Check your email.
Me: OK
10 mins later
Buddy: Can you join a webex now?
Me: No
Buddy: OK, I'll forward the details, join when you can.
Me: Could you give me a little context?
Buddy: You helped them pull a cert off a USB stick in Switzerland last year (I'm in US).
Me: Don't think I did.

When I get a chance to read email chain, half of it is in German (I don't read it). Have not idea what this is about, but there seems to be a newer one that says it was resolved.

Me to Buddy: Looks like it was resolved.
Buddy: Yes, but they're still mad at you.
Me: Why?
Buddy: Because you wrote that app and it's hard to update the certs.
Me: I wrote that app as a favor, the dev they hired spent 6 months rewriting 3 SQL queries before being fired.
Buddy: LOL, well I guess they don't like the cert part.
Me: OK, but when I turned it over to them it didn't have a cert at all, I have no idea what the feature is.
Buddy: They said you help them last year.
Me: I didn't.
Buddy: Well they still think it's all your fault.

1 fix my crappy sleep schedule.
2 organise my time better.
3 stop being a glutton.
4 earn a aws cert.
5 build a portfolio site.
6 build projects to go on portfolio site.
7 find a new job?
8 do some machine learning.
9 find love?
10 continue automating people out their job at their request.

So I did a rookie mistake this week. Connected a webapp for a client using Nginx and installed the SSL cert for the site. I decided to activate the firewall of the server because hey security. All was well. Went home feeling like I am the shit.

Next day I find out I can't log in to the server over ssh. Only to find out that I had forgotten to allow SSH through the firewall.

I had basically locked myself out of the server. 😞

You're a flippin bank, and your public website has an invalid cert!? WTF. No, I'm done, and I don't trust you with my money either.

Eh ehe hehe he eh ehehe

On top of burnout, codebase issues, spec issues, burnout, the product butt that keeps on crapping, burnout, burnout, loathing for my employer... My local Apple SSL cert expired. I can’t finish this and push it anywhere for testing. I can’t even run my own specs anymore. And I don’t have permissions to make a new one. I can’t do anything at all.

Ehe he hehe

Deadline is in two days, and I’m just sitting here laughing quietly to myself. I might finally be going crazy

I found a loose bit of tangle, started to pull, and the world decided it was time to fall apart. Reality said it’s time to go. And I wasn’t even a good screwdriver dev. Byeee ~

I am about to fire this client.

I can't take any more of this abject fucking stupidity.

I can't take any more sentence fragment responses to detailed questions and thorough responses.

I can't take any more expectations that I deliver consistent metadata and hundreds of pages of documentation, yet no one else has to do the same

I can't take any more rules only applying to/hamstringing me and my team

I can't take any more fucking gross incompetence and grossly undereducated shitfucks that get to send ridiculous bills and have 0 accountability while playing developer

I can't take any more obviously nepotistic and racist hiring that walks back every step of progress we've made in the last 50 years

I can't take not being able to call a spade a spade and being the villain when there's obvious graft occuring at every level

I can't take these old fucks padding their retirements while rendering everyone else contractors and cutting off opportunity for future generations

I can't take how absurdly, blisteringly stupid the business people are, or the fact that one average project managers with a recent PMI cert somehow bills what I do

I'm 100% going to drop dime on these fucks to every regulatory body they are beholden to, their investors, their corporate owners and USCIS, since I've already doxxed the shit out of all of my coworkers that don't remotely qualify for the positions they occupy.

I'm not sure if this entirely qualifies and I might have ranted about it a few years ago but fuck it.

My last internship. Company was awesome and my mentor/technical manager got along very well with me to the point that he often asked me to help out with Linux based stuff (he preferred Linux but was a C# guy and wasn't as familiar with it as me (Linux)).

We had to build an internal site thingy (don't remember what it was) and we delivered (me and some interns) and then the publishing moment came so I went to out project manager (a not-as-technical one) and asked if he could install a LetsEncrypt certificate on the site (he knew how and was one of the only ones who had direct access to the server).

He just stared at us and asked why the fuck we needed that since it was an internal thing anyways.
I kindly told that since it's free and can secure the connection, I preferred that and since its more secure, why the fuck not?
He wasn't convinced so it was off.

Next day I came in early and asked my mentor if he could do the SSL since he usually had access to that stuff. He stared at me with "what?" eyes and I explained what the PM said.

Then he immediately ssh'd in and got the damn cert with "we're going to go secure by default, of course!"

A minute later it was all set.

TIL that TI has no goddamn chill

Texas Instruments released the TI-83+ calculator model in 1996. The Z80 was not at all stock and has the following features:

- 3 access levels (priveleged kernel, kernel, user)
- Locking Flash (R/O when locked for most pages, some pages protected and unreadable as well, only unlockable from protected Flash pages by reading a certain order of bits then setting a port)
- Locking hardware ports (lock state always the same as flash)
- Customizable execution whitelist range (via locked ports)
- Configurable hardware (Flash/RAM size changeable in software via locked ports, max RAM is 8MB which is fucking mental compared to the 64k in the thing)
- Userland virtualization (always-on)
- Reset on violation of security model
- Multithreading
- Software-overclockable CPU
- Hardware MD5 and cert handling

TI made a calculator in 1996 with security features PCs wouldn't see until like 2010 what the *actual* fuck

Me: ssl conn cannot be esrablished. Cert is not signed

Sr. Dev/architect: what url are you calling?

Me: dns_name:port

sd/a: yeah, I know that. But what is the url?

Me: *how the f... Did you get 'sr' and 'arch' titles, man???*
Me: why does it matter?

Sd/a: certificates depend on a url. Our LB selects a cert according to a request url

me: *buddy, I like you but I no longer look at you with respect like I used to before today...*

So we send a quote out to a client to update his website to make it compliant with the new privacy guidelines: SSL encryption, removing external libraries, removing Facebook Plug-ins, all that stuff. We didn't get a response.

On Monday, he called in a panic. "The website does not work, fix immediately!"

I check out the server, what do I see? An SSL cert installed the Friday before... Client decided to do it himself, on a Friday, without testing. He broke something, but cannot tell me exactly what he did.

And somehow he thinks all that is my fault :D

Sad story:
User : Hey , this interface seems quite nice
Me : Yeah, well I’m still working on it ; I still haven’t managed to workaround the data limit of the views so for the time limit I’ve set it to a couple of days

Few moments later

User : Why does it give me that it can’t connect to the data?
Me : what did you do ?
User : I tried viewing the last year of entries and compare it with this one

Few comas later

100476 errors generated
False cert authorization
Port closed
Server down
DDOS on its way

Really long SSL cert name

About browsers and whole SSL CERT thing...

Most likely everyone here noticed, that https site with broken certificate will throw these big red warnings, in your face and there is so much wording like "ITS NOT SECUREEEE" or "ITS HACKEDDD" almost like it was written by passionate fanatic.

But when you are on plaintext http browsers reaction is like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Even if you have plaintext with password, it will for example in chromium put small little red thingy that almost no one notices.

I believe that broken cert with some error like invalid date is MORE secure than plaintext password, yet still there is this hypocracy with browsers...

I dont say that broken SSL cert is good, or something, Im just pointing out contrast of "broken" https vs plain http.... One looks for casual Joe like end of the world is coming and second is bearly noticable. Da fuck?

I disagree with this approach

Not dev related but still a rant:

My company decided that all the network traffic should go throu a virus scanner. But they don't know what the fuck they are doing, so now EVERY valid SSL cert gets rejected by our browsers because the virus-scanner breaks the SSL encryption.

Anyone open for a pishing attack?

My apprentice is driving me nuts with his failed attempts on gold-plating.
The task "Get the data and export it to a file" becomes ""After many attempts to get the data via a different query than we worked out together I now finally got it and it makes sense if it was displayed but only one set of data at a time and it should also be selected what data should be exported and I have no idea how to do that so Cero, can you help me?".
Dang it dude, just show me for once that you can do 1 clearly decribed task, where you have many examples to work with, and NOT try to add any extras!

I am now working on how to tell him this in a nicer way...

When someone writes this
if(condition == true) {
//...
}

I was called back into work last night at 4 a.m.

(L)user - *anony* I’m sorry to wake you but I’m needing on the internet and I can’t get out.

**Just installed a new firewall and I haven’t had time to get a trusted cert pushed through**

Me - alright I’ll be there in a second.

After rolling my sweet ass out of bed and getting here, I get her through and leave. When I get back to my house I realize I’d forgot my fucking keys... I come back and the bitch has her computer shut down reading a book and isn’t even using the internet...

Me - I thought you needed on the internet, whys your computer shut down...?

Her - Oh, I don’t need it right now, I was just having trouble getting on is all.

FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING FUCK! This is the SAME fucking (l)user that somehow managed to get the fucking toner stuck backwards in a printer. It’s the same girl that has called me in the past at late hours and requested that I move a chair from one patient room to the other. A fucking chair. I’m not in the maintenance department... so first, you’re calling the wrong department and second; the time it took you to call me you yourself could have fucking done it. She didn’t like the way that call ended.

Although partially my fault, if I would have finished everything I wouldn’t have had to get up but shit... this fuck still deserves a chair to the fucking face.

I am an insecure person. Coding gave me a much needed boost in confidence in my skills.

How to know if a user was born before 1990: they write their smileys with noses :-)

I don't like noob techies who are into IT for the money.

My friend is jealous of me and he wants to get to my level. I told him that he should take Oracle certifications if he wants a good chance to a raise or a promotion (at least, it's a well-respected series of certs and everyone I know who took them got serious salary increases and respect from their managers).
For example, I studied for 12 weeks, for 12 hours per day for the OCA. He thinks he can just quickly cram a cert in three days and get big money. Nope.

This guy failed Network+ countless times. I remember he wanted to quickly get his CCNA when he barely understands how folders work.

The level of foolishness is amazing..
Yeah, anyway..

A year ago it took me hours to get SSL working on my Digital Ocean droplet I was using to host my website. I had no idea what I was doing and even though I 'knew' how to use the terminal and do most things, I wasn't confident or competent to only rely on the CLI.

About a year later (today) I get an email that my SSL is about to expire and needs renewed. Done and taken care of within 20 minutes, (with a 2 hour gap due to waiting for the cert authority to send me the zip of files)

All that time using i3 and moving to Linux is paying off. Maybe by the time I can afford to build my next desktop I can make my main OS linux

I just spent almost a semester's worth of money on a certification course. I know it'll help me make more in the long-run and get me out of the job that has started to cause me to become actually depressed, but this price-tag is depressing me. Why are certs so damn pricey???

What's with all this micro-certification nonsense that seems to plague the industry? Does anyone actually give a shit that I may have passed some vendor's five day bootcamp?

Apparently I can now have a trophy (virtual, of course) if I complete X online MS courses.

Some of these courses seem to focus on stuff that has no use in day-to-day work.

And I have to actually pay because I learned your product and then pay to maintain the cert in some cases. WTF?!

I can see why the vendors do it---I like free money too---but why have we even let this become a thing.

It's like collecting baseball cards.

I despair of what our industry has become...I really do.

Oh my gosh I hate SSL so much. A cert expired this morning, and with it, 29 digital signs are now offline. Shoot me now.

>Asks client if the proxy can use self-signed cert
>Client agrees, no problem
>Deploys
>Client complains about "an error they're getting"
>The error: "Error in connection establishment: net::ERR_CERT_AUTHORITY_INVALID"

:|
Am I a joke to you? Or am I just talking to a brick wall over there?

AWS cert 😎

My coleague's story

- before leaving after long day at the office final look at support cases (after official support hours)
- sev1 ticket logged an hour ago, noone called us (although should have; after support hours)
- angry manager calls and demands to get in touch with the client immediately (we're already after support hours, FTS should pick the case, not us)
- we reach out. Customer has business-impacting case
- after initial info gathering: some cert got expired, they got a new one and placed it in the app's directory. The app still does not work
- the first question we ask: "are you sure you have placed it in the right directory?"
- "yes, we are sure. No problems there" - answers a voice with indian accent
- noone finds the root cause for hours.
- It's already 1am
- someone from client's specialists comes up with an idea: "are we sure the cert is in the right place? Let's try to move it to the same directory the old one was in the first place"
- .................................................
- production is working again
- "Why didn't anyone from support suggest this?!?!"
- .................................................
- 2am. Case solved, manager is informed everything's allright now.
- In the morning we get yelled at by the manager bcz we supposedly missed a sev1 ticket and were incompetent during the conf. call

This reminds me why I stay away from support. And why I started hating people. And why I do not work with indians (our ways are too different for me to stay sane and not to kill anyone).

Boss: Hey! I know you just got everything working on that new project. But good news: I have a repo you can clone and we can work together. So just clone that and look at my changes, find something that’s broken, and work away. Oh, I also modified everything to use HTTPS locally. HTTP won’t work anymore. Alright, I’m off on vacation! Ciao!

… and that’s the story of how I spent a day and a half fighting with NPM, Brew, setting up a new CA and self-signed cert, and getting passenger to work with it. The good news is that I can connect locally via 443. The bad news is all assets use http and are thus blocked for being mixed-content. And idk how to fix it. Joy!

Not mentioned: npx removing a required package every time I run it, version mismatches, and the usual NPM problems.

So my Xcode was taking forever to archive and export builds. I opened keychain access and deleted all certificates and keys except the one distribution cert. there weren't many, must have been around 14, but that reduced archive time from 15 to 5 mins, and export time from 1.5 hours to 10 minutes! Yay!! :)

Scrum CSM course: it's good to accept that we can't be perfect.

Also CSM course (1): if it's not followed perfectly it's not scrum

Also CSM course (2): scrum won't work in your team unless the whole organization adopts it

CSM course provider after cert: $1k CSM cert isn't enough to practice Scrum responsibly

Historically I've done Java but have recently moved to C# and got the book to do a cert.

Who thought it would be a good idea to start chapter 1 with threads, concurrency, asynchronous calls and PLINQ, then covering boolean expressions, if statements and loops in the section after??

when I hear clients says they spent a fortune on SSL cert. I Wonder for that poor soul, you know what I mean.

Day 0: thank you for being an Amazon Customer, your database is about to be upgrade in the near future with or without your consent! Tough titties motherfucker!

Day 16: ok, every upgraded by hand in the test environment, everything seems stable, let's go make preparations for production!

Day 16.5: ssh user@<prod_bastion_ip> --yada --yada
Unable to connect

Oooook, let's try again,
Unable to connect

Day 16.5.1: WHY THE FUCK NOT, the IP is fucking right, the cert is right, the user is right, the..... fucking.... EC2 instance has been......... terminated.....

FML!
---

Why! why can't people leave things alone.

Excuse me while I hit the bourbon 🥃

First off murphy is a bitch. Week started off good, nothing bad happening then friday night came and i get an email about a site being down. Ok check it out real quick, cert is expired. No real big deal just a 20 minute fix, didn't bother me that i didn't get an expiry alert. Now is where murphy decided to be the biggest fucking bucktoothed cocksucker, generate a csr for a wildcard domain using an existing key and sent it off when i get it back the private key doesn't match the cert. Again ok maybe i fucked up, generate a selfsigned cert no fucking problem. Contact support to see if they have an idea. Oh now is when it gets fun, the fucking dumbass preceded to tell me how i didn't know what i was doing and how i just had to generate a csr and private key at the same time after i explained to the bastard that I've already tested it with a selfsigned cert. (How does this fucker have a job) By now apparently i was pissed off enough to scare murphy's pansy ass away cause i told the fucker to refund my money, got a list of 30 subdomains and setup letsencrypt on it. Now the part on this that is fucking hilarious is that it took me damn near 24 hours to be called a fucking idiot from a guy that doesn't know his ass between a hole in the fucking ground and 30 minutes of being pissed off more than i have been since i took anger management classes in the 9th grade to say fuck it and switch.

1.Get my SOLIDWORKS cert
2. Microsoft Certs
3. Microsoft Python Cert
4. Buy a 9 string
5. Have my album ready for August
... Any other suggestions for a somewhat beginner Python Dev

Decrypt api responses in an iOS app which my “senior” dev thinks it is more secure to encrypt responses in stead of setting up a proper SSL cert (they use plain http to save money 🙄)

They disable the encryption since it does not function as we wanted and set up SSL instead🙄

Conclusion of the Day:
Fuck Apple and its provisioning messes.

The End.

Hi.
Forgot to renew my expiring ssl cert of my smtp/imaps/pop3s on 12/31. Set that date to self-harm me for bad monitoring.

F**K F**K F**K F**K...

Why do I do that?
F******K!

Meh.

You shall have a happy new year... i will regen certs :D

New twist on an old favorite.

Background:
- TeamA provides a service internal to the company.
- That service is made accessible to a cloud environment, also has a requirement to be made available to machines on the local network so you can develop against it.
- Company is too cheap/stupid to get a s2s vpn to their cloud provider.
- Company also only hosts production in the cloud, so all other dev is done locally, or on production non-similar infra, local dev is podman.
- They accomplish service connectivity by use of an inordinately complicated edge gateway/router/firewall/message translator/ouija board/julienne fry maker, also controlled by said service team.

Scenario:
Me: "Hey, we're cool with signing requests using an x509 cert. That said, doing so requires different code than connecting to an unsecured endpoint. Please make this service accessible to developer machines and lower environments on the internal network so we can, you know, develop."
TeamA: "The service should be accessible to [cloud ip range]"
Me: "Yes, that's a production range. We need to be able to test the signing code without testing in production"
TeamA: "Can you mock the data?"
Me: "The code we are testing is relating to auth, not business logic"
TeamA: "What are you trying to do?"
Me: "We are trying to test the code that uses the x509 you provide to connect to the service"
TeamA: "Can you deploy to the cloud"
Me: "Again, no, the cloud is only production per policy, all lower environments are in the local data center"
TeamA: "can you try connecting to the gateway?"
Me: "Yes, we have, it's not accessible, it only has public DNS, and only allows [cloud ip range]"
TeamA: "it work when we try it"
Me: "Can you please supply repro steps so we can adjust our process"
TeamA: "Yes, log into the gateway and try issuing the call from there"
Me: (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

tl;dr: Works on my server

* Developing a new "My pages" NBV offer/order solution for customer
_Thursday
Customer: Are we ready for testing?
Me: Almost, we need to receive the SSL cert and then do a full test run to see if your sales services get the orders correctly. At this point, all orders made via this flow are tagged so they will not be sent to the Sales services. We also still need to implement the tracking to see who has been exposed to what in My Pages.
Customer: Ok, great!

_Friday
Customer: My web team needs these customers to have fake offers on them, to validate the layout and content
Me: Ok, my colleague can fix this by Tuesday - he has all the other things with higher prio from you to complete first
Customer: Ok! Good!

_Sunday
Me: Good news, got the SSL cert installed and have verified the flow from my side. Now you need to verify the full flow from your side.
Customer: Ok! Great! Will do.

_Monday
*quiet*

_Tuesday
Customer: Can you see how things are going? Any good news?
Me: ???
*looks into the system*
WTF!?!
- Have you set this into production on your side? We are not finished with the implementation on our side!
Customer: Oh, sorry - well, it looked fine when we tested with the test links you sent (3 weeks ago)
Me: But did you make a complete test run, and make sure that Sales services got the order?
Customer: Oh, no they didn't receive anything - but we thought that was just because of it being a test link
Me: Seriously - you didn't read what i wrote last Thursday?
Customer: ...
Me: Ok, so what happens if something goes wrong - who get's blamed?
Customer: ...
Me: FML!!!

How would you explain SSL, certificates, and CAs to a layman?

I just spent 30mins trying to explain it to them in a chat (related to Mpngo driver configs and the sslValidatrle flag), they sorta went silent on me so not sure if I explained it or understood the roles/purposes correctly...

One example I used was it prevents a man in the middle attack where your connection gets rerouted to another server. If the CA didn't recognize the cert the new server replies with then it rejects it and prevents the attack.

I dug up my old ledger web app that I wrote when I was in my late twenties, as I realized with a tight budget toward the end of this year, I need to get a good view of future balances. The data was encrypted in gpg text files, but the site itself was unencrypted, with simple httpasswd auth. I dove into the code this week, and fixed a lot of crap that was all terrible practice, but all I knew when I wrote it in the mid-2000s. I grabbed a letsencrypt cert, and implemented cookies and session handling. I moved from the code opening and parsing a large gpg file to storing and retrieving all the data in a Redis backend, for a massive performance gain. Finally, I switched the UI from white to dark. It looks and works great, and most importantly, I have that future view that I needed.

For my local dev, set up my own root CA, added to trusted root CA in my machine, generated a cert for my local domain, signed by my own root CA, but the behavior is different across browsers:

Can someone help in making Google Chrome padlock green or grey (not red)?

Me: Ok, we'll implement that message tech. But since the clients are servers in that architecture and can't speak IPv6 we've to use a dedicated VPN so the endpoint is able to connect to the servers (clients). Since we have limited network resources we should use VPN cert-encryption and send the actual data plain to save at least some overhead.

Boss: Ok! Let's do it!

Next day.

Boss: Hey! I talked to a guy from that message tech. Their encryption is certified. We should use that instead and get rid of the VPN to save the overhead!

Me: *unable to say a word*

What in "VPN in that architecture is mandatory" is unclear?

Well, I assume we'll kill the architecture then... Fun Time!

I got into development only a short time ago.

My mother paired up with a partner who was a dev making some serious cheddar when I was just barely not a teenager anymore, while I was working shitty low-wage customer service gigs.

Honestly, the only reason either of them could give me for doing it was the money.

A couple years went by, I was extremely fortunate: found a job within 6 weeks of finishing a year-long program at the local technical college which only yielded me a basic cert. By that time, my mother's partner had long lost their job, and I had paid their rent (twice my own) on two separate occasions. I went from usually having about a hundred dollars after bills to last me until next paycheck to five times that.

A couple more years go by, I'm doing pretty well supporting my own family now (my wife and child, not anyone else) and somehow doing way better now than the people who spurred me ever did. I no longer have a reason to compulsively check my bank account out of worry that I'm overdrawn.

Now I'm locked in an endless battle in my mind to find a correction for every flaw in my life, or at the very least a workaround. I go to bed and wake up thinking about the same things: my work. Buuuutttt.... My family has everything they could ever need and more.

So I guess I could say the support I got from my family was:
* an initial nudge in the "right" direction
* a reality check on what the industry can be like
* a sentence to eternal damnation by changing my paradigm on everything

Get a cloud cert and move away from team managing and back to coding - as a freelancer if that’s what it takes

We have been strongly adviced to be working from home until further notice. Schools are closed, so if employees have have who are now to stay at home rather than at school AND if WFH is going to be too much of a trouble, these employees can either take vacation days OR get a med cert from a doctor and stay at home w/o having to work (yes, considering the situation our govmt allows legal slacking for parents).

Normally I'd be excited to be told to WFH. But nowdays it just feels so.. normal... everyone's got that privilege.

About to the Java SE 7 Cert Test next week. Devrant lords please pray for me. @Alice, @dfox

So I work at a big IT company. Keep in mind you could say I'm lucky to be here my last job was as a mechanic. So they put me on this team filled with the most draining kunts I've ever seen.

I have been here for about a year and I am yet to be put on a project, so im just training. They asked me to get certified to be on a project which is complete bullshit because every other fuckwit is on a project and noone is certified.

ONTOP of this, there's no work to be done anyway, yet they keep hiring fucking Grads. LIKE FUCK OFF, get work for the rest of us first you fucking IDIOTS.

Anyway, the cert is the driest fucking content, like kill me now, I try to read about it and I just want to blow my fucking brains out.

Like is IT all like this? I used to work at a web design company and that shit was fucking fun, but paid like $2 an hour the cheap fucks.

Anyway that's my rant, I'm sitting my exam tomorrow for this cert and honestly, I don't even know why. I literally know ZERO. fucking going in to guess this shit. would rather go down to bunnings buy the coarsest piece of rope and just dangle like a fat dick.

Anyway cheers lads. have a great day

Fucking linux foundation, bought the CKA exam last year and now they tell you if you take the exam after first of April the cert will only last 2 years instead of 3, wtf is this shit?

God certs are such a fucking scam! yet they are quite valuable if you have them on your cv so you just have to suffer in silence.

Just had a so called "cyber security" seminar in college today.
The guy who claimed to be a trainer or somewhat network security guy or something behaved enigmatically with utter consistency. He obviously claimed to know facebook hax0ring though.
They were basically there to advertise their complete crap: csksrc.org
(Ethical Hax0ring Course) (also claimed their site to be 99.9% secured - GREAT!)
After obtaining a ISO*** standard cert or after taking multiple sessions on "advanced ethical hacking" if you go about telling peeps in colleges that: "The single way to hax0r a facebook account is CSRF!" "Will hack your facebook account by MITM through malicious WiFi Ap." Then, NO neither I want your shitty cert nor do I want to be in your team and create the next level of "advanced ethical hax0ring - CEH course". Reason why I get cringed when peeps start about their certs and the ISO*** value it contains. What ISO value does your brain cells contain though?

Spent entire fucking day trying to get gradle to download library from internal artifactory because java didnt recognize the ca root cert i placed in java jre cacerts file. Goddamnit

My job is paying a consultant to do some Node.js training for a few days. In our downtime the guy was telling us about his daughter whom he’s been teaching computer type shit at home for years. He says she’s got every cert offered by CompTIA. She’s 16 years old. That’s demoralizing af. I’ve got zero certifications. I’ve gotta get on top of this shit...

GoDaddy. Is. The. Worst.

I'm working on an SSL cert domain verification for a client. The chat support tech at GoDaddy has no freaking clue what she's doing. She keeps telling me to follow the same help article I already knew about the first second I heard I needed to do this job. It didn't work. But she keeps going back to it, sure that I'm just a complete and utter moron who doesn't read. Never mind that I have screenshots to prove everything she's telling me is 100% wrong according to every error message this process is generating.

Now she's checking with the "SSL team". Which is code for "I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing and I'm frantically searching the FAQ database to figure out what this SSL thing even is."

That's what the last hour of my life has been. And 20 minutes of that was waiting in the chat queue.

Who around here is saying the looovveeeee mobile development? EVERYTIME i come back to it, it's just cert nightmare - you need a provisioning profile this, distribution cert that, your profile has to INCLUDE the cert, on and on and on. god i hate it

Wanna know how I do it with web?

git push

Currently studying for a cert. All the information is through videos, which I like. However it's through flash player, so no possibility of speeding up the videos....

Taking the AWS certification is on my to-do list this year. I still have a few niggling doubts about the cert tho'.

Has the certification created career options for anyone reading this?

!help

Does anyone know how to use certbot on a Debian stretch azure web service app to generate an SSL cert?

I've got the cert generated and Apache to serve it but it's giving me errors.

I need to bind it in azure somehow but I can't figure out how to export the cert.

Dear facebook/instagram

When in sandbox mode, please dont require https redirects, my localhost server has no concept of what an SSL cert is, its sandbox for a reason.

!rant
Doing the Professional Scrum Developer Cert today. I feel terrified by the thought I might be throwing 200$ out of the window.

┌( ಠ_ಠ)┘ 彡[$̲̅(̲̅200)̲̅$̲̅] ロ

Any tips highly appreciated.

How stupid am i?

1. I tried to learn programming language.
- It just so freaking hard for me to understand. Failed at logic.

2. Tried to learn aws.
- Technically know how it works but often forgot the services name. (Was thinking to get aws cert).

3. Tried to learn OpenSource DB.
- Can do up to db setup only. Else i didnt understand sh*t.

4. Tried to learn cybersecurity.
- Ended up bunch of unwanted process in my vm.

I was envy that some of my friend only read documentation once & he is like know what to do.

Guys, any pro tips for poor man here?
I want to code, but somehow i stuck.

I feel dumb...

Since you started your job, how many programming books have you read to get ahead in your job?

Examples:
- You're a Java programmer, so you read the OCP for Java 11 and then you get your OCP cert
- You're a .NET consultant, so you read another .NET book

So did everyone here study in college or university to land their first job?

Ok can someone explain this to me, i cant get it to function properly on chrome. Others are fine...

Ok, so i got this new machine and whilst migrating I want to stay online with certain services. So atm there is x.web.nl and y.web.nl both have ssl and one runs on server x and the other on server y. Now is the question how the heck do i forward that ssl file??? I figured i have to do something with my nginx server block. Because that is terminating the cert. Can someone help me out??

Finish reading Speaking JavaScript and intro to algo by clrs.
Get Google Certified Mobile Web Specialist cert.
Start my part time degree in Computer Science.

Anyone Dell certified? Is it worth it? Can I get he cert with little hardware experience? Got offered to get the cert paid for by my employer.

I have a weird problem ...

There’s an existing swift app, with Apple sign in implemented and working.

When I took over I had to revoke app certificates and create new one. Since then the Apple sign in stopped working.

I’ve tried clean rebuild etc , even tried renewing old profiles with the new cert but nothing is working.

When u do Apple sign in it says “sign up not completed” with no error msg.

Old dev says it happened last time when cert/profile was changed but fixed on proper rebuild. Not fixing for me.

Anybody else faced this?

When the client

/*
No Rant
*/
anyone here with a cyber security cert? i kinda want to go that route of cyber securty. so im curious if its worth it.

Code with no clear architecture, no documentation, no coding standards, no tests, many security-issues, a lot of hardcoded stuff, written by people forced to use a completely new technology stack and messing up, of course.

But we are not allowed to change anything, of course.

We have to keep coding in that style and with the tools present in the project. For uniformity, of course.

I managed to work on that code for 2 years... Recently it dawned on me that I don't give a crap anymore.
I quit, of course.

App of a little social network I'm member of didn't connect to the server anymore, since the social network changed their SSL-certification and my smartphone is too dumb to accept the new one.

So, I pulled the source code of the app from GitHub and added some code dealing with SSL-connection-exception-handling.
A warning appears, that there were some errors with the SSL-cert with the question how to proceed and three options:
Quit, Ignore for now, Ignore and don't ask me again.
The code to ignore ssl-errors is just for debug-/develop-purposes, but hey, app with that little "hack" is running only on my phone x)
Now, the app is working again at my smartphone \o/

What is the use of https in local host? Do I really need to enforce it in local server even tho I'll add ssl cert after it gets deployed anyway! For example an express server in localhost .Does it need ssl in local server?

I'm watching the Cybrary Linux+ Cert course and all throughout the lessons the instructor keeps referring to MacOS and Apple related software as being based on Linux. I thought MacOS was built on BSD and Apple software was mostly proprietary but at its core based on open source projects like Bonjour. I'm cringing because I *think* what he means is "Unix-like systems" and I'm a little disturbed that he might not know the difference between BSD and Linux. Maybe it's just for simplicity's sake though... I hope.

Do you guys think that lets encrypt is fine or should I buy a Comodo cert for my personal website?

Ok, you've got some free time and a folder full of bookmarks to get through the subjects you need for that cert....

....but it has been busy these past few months. One day out of your holiday just to chill and do nothing, then you can get to work....

....you have 9 days. 2 out of the 9 is ok just to relax, it is a holiday after all....

....ok, your going back to work in 2 days and the most you've done is read some semi-related articles that were shared on Twitter. Sort it out....

....24 hours to go, you've essentially done nothing productive. I guess I'll go back to fitting it in at work or convincing myself I'll do it when I get home after a long day.

Anyone else struggle with this? Not just for certs in particular, but just learning in general.

macOS - just nothing makes sense.

You try to go away from the deprecated stuff, use the new shinier API to stop and start services with launchctl (bootstrap/bootout vs. load/unload). And how does this stellar OS thank you for that? By crashing your service. Thanks for nothing.

From developer perspective this whole OS is just such a nightmarish clusterfuck. If you want to set up code signing with some special entitlements and you try to use the provisioning profiles as advertised, it's like pulling the one-armed bandit. It will plunder your coins and sanity. You try to compile it, it fails or the executable will be killed - you enable and disable the automatic codesigning in Xcode, or delete and download you old code signing cert and suddenly it works. It's just random - and you have to perform random walks on the Xcode project settings to make it run. So Apple turned us into Xcode clicking monkeys...

Why are so many websites' TLS certs broken? This month I've come across at least four different websites with cert errors that I've tried to email the webmasters about. "Tried" - the fourth has only twitter as a contact point and "can't be messaged". None of the other three have been corrected, although I received responses from two claiming they'd look into it.

And that's not even counting the ones I've seen that I didn't care about enough to contact the webmaster.

Spent the last 4 hours trying to figureout how to A) buy a ssl cert that supports wildcards and B) install that bitch on a ubuntu box with nginx... now github is complaining about the cert chain... :l

SSL cert problems

realize new pem file has a different name so now after going down a debug rabbit hole I'm updating the places that used the old file name with the new file name

i guess could've just changed the file name, but at this point im committed (might as well leave the file name alone so i can hope to be less confused next year if the new file's name changes again) and just hoping i can fix the fucking config

i just want shit to work

I fucking hate our chairperson in our university

She always gloats that our university js the best in our country like wtf ever since the university got ISO accreditation they went batshit crazy with the students

They cant even land ABET-CAC. Honestly fuck them!! They even want me to shift to another course because i failed to attend 2 months of classes, I was treated for heart problem with proper med cert and all, but they still said that im not good enough that i cant survive in the field that i cant be part of the department because they want people who graduate from the university as top notch people. She even gloated that students in our department have freelance jobs before graduating. FUCK THEM!! Our profs doesnt even know how to properly be a thesis advisor, one of our profs teaching database file org. Doesnt even know hoe to code or even to query like wtf! One of our profs teaches ONLY 5 times in a semester

FUCK THEM THE CHAIRPERSON HERSELF CANT EVEN TEACH AND SHE IS STUCK IN THAT JOB FOR YEARS

Honestly this is why students are degraded! How can someone reach their potential with this how can a country prosper.

The throw that shit at me but i am a founder and president of a tech company running for atleast 2 years now (i dont let the department know of this) im doing shit just to make sure i get a diploma and support myself and the whole team but fuck then they cant even set uo a proper curriculum

Was watching OITNB at home when boss called sounded urgent about SSL not working on one of our subdomains. We use a paid cloud app for some of our reports which. So the subdomain is a CNAME to the providers app subdomain. Recently there was an upgrade at our hosting but it shouldn't be related.

Boss: Hey, there is an error prompt when I visit our reporting site with https
Me: That's cos we never installed any SSL cert for that subdomain.
Boss: Well it worked before and you will need to get it fixed.
Me: Wait.. It worked before? How is that possible? We've never set it up and the subdomain is a CNAME pointing to another site which we don't own. The cert will have to load from their server and we have not done any setup with them.
Boss: I'm very sure it worked before the hosting upgrades. All along our customers has been accessing with https.
Me: Okay.... That's something new because and I am pretty SURE the last I checked, the app provider doesn't allow that yet.
* meanwhile I when to search the app provider docs and it says not able to support multiple SSL yet for CNAME
Me: Look, it says so here in the docs.
Boss: Ok, can you try to fix it as its important for the users to not see that error. It has been working all along.
Me: Hmmmm... I'll get back to you.

How do I fix something that didn't exist / broken?? How did it work before??

I know it can be possible to install the cert on the cloud provider end but we haven't done this before. And their support docs says feature not available yet.

Was it magic?? Am I missing something?? Anyway, I've sent an email to the provider's support team and telling them "it worked before"

Anyone able to recommend the best place to get courses from for working towards an Azure dev cert (or possibly AWS) ?

I’m thinking udemy etc but only ones I’ve ever used are Linkedin Learning and Pluralsight.

I’m going to be paying for these personally so hopefully not too expensive but quality comes before price.

On Linux I want to scp a file from Machine B to my machine A.

Assuming B allows all connections is any key/cert file exchange needed?

I recall whenever I SSH to a new machine I need to accept a key on the first connect.

Guess general question is what is the connection process between 2 Linux machines for sftp purposes?

How long does it take to get your CCIE?

Fuck me Amazon cert manager is so fucking complicated. Just do it all for me; why do i have to providing a route 53 entry (TECHNICALLY 2 IF I WANT MY NAME CORRECT) BEFORE I set up my load balancer??!! I should be able to test a load balancer first and then add on tls, not have to get a cert all set up and then sit on my fucking ass when the load balancer shits itself

working postman request with SSL , pfx cert against microservice

go to do the same thing against different microservice , SSL error , review config, looks like im supplying same certs, etc

FML

Disclaimer: I love open source and I adore the owasp for what they do.

BUT owasp zap has to be the most overly complicated, badly documented tool in existence. As long as one stays within its most basic functions everything is fine, setting it up as a proxy and even issuing a root cert for our test devices worked wonderfully simple.

Then I made the mistake to try to actually do anything with the data we pulled and had to dive into the scripting console.

The documentation basically consists only of "This thing exists", it provides a msg object with no information what it contains or how it's structured, has no code completion and, here comes the kicker, if the script is run and has an error it gets flagged and can't be reenabled after the error is fixed. So I'm currently at forwarder48.groovy trying to simply store the request on a database for possible diagnostics.

So right now I already know that I'll spend most of my vacation next week trying to decipher the source, document it, fix that damn "flagged as error" bullshit and jump through a billion hoops trying to get a pull request through.

Now to figure out how the fuck JASM works so i can rewrite a routine in someone else's APK in Python. Also how the fuck does ECDSA work? Also what format is this fucking cert it's applying in?

kill me