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Search - "m&s"
A scammer called me today. They were saying that harmful files were moved to my computer and they needed to remove them. I don't think they are ever going to call me again.
S = scammer; M = me;
S: this is tech support we need access to your computer because we detected harmful files and need to remove them.
M: oh my! Hold on, let me go to my computer now. How can you access it?
S: we can just use RDP and delete the files. They are in a hidden folder that is encrypted so this Is the only way.
M: oh ok I believe you. Hm... it looks like my son only allows certain IP addresses to access our computers.. I don't know how to disable this so can you just email me your IP address?
He then sends me his actual IP address... it doesn't even look like a proxy or VPN.
M: oh my I forgot that you need my password to login. It's really long and complicated... can I just email it to you?
I then tell him to hold on I have to find it that my "son" stored it somewhere.
At this time I'm taking a photo of my bare ass and attaching it to the email. I then say in the email "Please note what my job title is in my signature.. I just sent the FBI your name, phone number, email, and IP address. Please enjoy my bare ass, you'll see a lot of it in prison."26
A new way of making bad commits:
alias fuckit='git commit -m "$(curl -s whatthecommit.com/index.txt)"'
Its like Russian roulette with commit messages!25
School principal : P / Me : M / Interviewer over Skype : S
P. I recently heard you run a software club in our school.
M. Yes. (started from March)
P. Well, one software community seems that he found you somewhere, and asked me if we can do a quick interview.
M. Sure. What is it?
P. So he will connect to skype.
M. Let's start then...
*A few moments later...*
P. Calm down! What's the problem?
M. How can I have more than 5 years of android development?
S. Ok. Recorded. Next question.
*A few moments later...*
M. What? Why in the heck do I use subversion?........
Yes... Ah... Ummm....
No! Why should i make a gui client for subversion?
*A few moments later...*
S. Do you have hacking experience?
M. Of what? I know hacking is illegal here..
S. Like... Anything!
M. Do YOU have an experience?
S. (silence) Ok. Let's move on.
M. (wtf is this guy)
*A few moments later...*
S. Okay. We were about to hire you but you didnt met our job requirements.
M. ......What? What was the job?
S. Web developer Intern
M. I got no questions regarding "web".
S. I know devs should be great at all things.
M. Shut the hell up. What company are you?
S. (says something)
M. (Searches in google) Doesnt come in search results.
S. Where did you searched it? (trembling voice)
M. (Searches in naver, search engine of korea) Nothing. Are you sure you are a company?
S. (ends call)
Hate these fake interviews. And i have no idea how they found my school
I never wrote my school anywhere.13
After twenty minutes on hold while on the so-called service line of a big, shitty cheap hoster (translated by me):
M = Me
S = Service person
S: "Hello, how can I help you?"
M: "Hello, I'm calling on behalf of my client ..." *customer ID, etc.* I've set up their WordPres page a while ago, everything worked fine, but now I'm getting an error that tells me the PHP Curl module is not working anymore. I've checked and it's true. Please reinstall it or switch it back on so my client's website will work again."
S (smug and cunty as fuck): "Well, if curling(!) is not on, then it's probably not meant to be on."
M (supressing laughter): "First of all, it's not 'curling' it's Curl, a PHP module. It was on, otherwise the website wouldn't have worked, now it's not. Switch it back on, please. If you cannot do it, get me someone on the phobe who can, please."
S (slightly intimidated, but now spiteful): "I can't do that, if it's not on, it's probably not covered by your contract and ..."
M (annoyed): "That's nonsense. A minute ago you didn't even know what Curl was, so you're obviously imcompetent in this area, and I neither have the patience nor the time to explain your job to you. Please get me to your supervisor or somebody who isn't as useless and rude as you."
S: *hangs up*
M: *now fucking pissed off, feeling the vein on my forehead pulsing, on the verge of calling back*
*my phone rings, I take the call, it's a guy from the company, who also sounds like a service guy, he starts taking as if nothing had happened*
S: "We've reloaded the Apache configuration and Curl should now be working correctly."
M: (not saying anything, instead reloading the phpinfo script and seeing it finally works)
S: "Hello? Are you still there?"
M: *hangs up*
What the fuck kind of service is this? Fucking assholes.9
This is not just an obligatory 'stickers have arrived' post...
...this is a farm assured, oak smoked, northern tale of sticker arrival, infused with succulent, Instagram filtered, bengal pet photo...
This is not just any rant... this is an M&S devRant.7
Typical TSA (Airport Security)
Security: Please put all of your handheld objects and your outer clothes in this basket.
Me: (puts my bag, in flight luggage, and takes out laptop, bluetooth speaker, bluetooth mouse, bluetooth keyboard, tablet, android phone, dongle bag, and windows phone)
S: (stares at me as if I am a rich kid)
M: May I go through?
M: (smirks, and goes through metal detector)
M: (oh shit.)
Scanning Officer: Raise your hand!
S: (Hovers the detection stick around my body, but it doesn't ring, tells me to pass through the detector again. Still rings. Super confused. Asks me to do this 2-3 times more. Still same.)
M: Aha! I have my bluetooth earphones here! Sorry!
S: (stares at me, as if he is saying what a f****** weirdo)
My stuff comes out. I put my devices in the bag. The scanning officer stares at me.
To be continued....12
Hey, why isn't X working?
Well, whats it doing
It doesn't work
That doesn't help
OMG it blue screened
What did the blue screen say?
How do you fix it?
T e l l M e W h a t I t S a i d S o I C a n H e l p Y o u
I'm factory resetting it now1
- git commit -m "well described comment explaining addition"
oh crap forgot to take out this one thing
- git commit -m "ahskdbejjeebdosjeb"2
The GashlyCode Tinies
A is for Amy whose malloc was one byte short
B is for Basil who used a quadratic sort
C is for Chuck who checked floats for equality
D is for Desmond who double-freed memory
E is for Ed whose exceptions weren’t handled
F is for Franny whose stack pointers dangled
G is for Glenda whose reads and writes raced
H is for Hans who forgot the base case
I is for Ivan who did not initialize
J is for Jenny who did not know Least Surprise
K is for Kate whose inheritance depth might shock
L is for Larry who never released a lock
M is for Meg who used negatives as unsigned
N is for Ned with behavior left undefined
O is for Olive whose index was off by one
P is for Pat who ignored buffer overrun
Q is for Quentin whose numbers had overflows
R is for Rhoda whose code made the rep exposed
S is for Sam who skipped retesting after wait()
T is for Tom who lacked TCP_NODELAY
U is for Una whose functions were most verbose
V is for Vic who subtracted when floats were close
W is for Winnie who aliased arguments
X is for Xerxes who thought type casts made good sense
Y is for Yorick whose interface was too wide
Z is for Zack in whose code nulls were often spied
- Andrew Myers6
After spending almost the whole day to get a project to usable state (VM/git setup etc.) I think that I´m finally getting done, and then it hits me.
I STILL NEED TO CHANGE MY IDE´S THEME TO DARK. PREFERABLY AS DARK AS MY SOUL TORMENTED BY THIS VERY PROJECT.
And I also need to copy my code templates from another project.1
So somebody decided that instead of simply escaping apostrophes it would be best to just delete them altogether. I m pretty sure you ll understand why that s a problem.9
I'm a contractor at a product company and today I had the pleasure of working with some jQuery.
A function needed to be called before another function, hard work right?
So I moved the call to the function 3 rows higher, checked it in, set the task as ready for test and started to look for other tasks.
Within a couple of minutes I get a direct message from another dev, let's call him Steve.
Steve wanted me to set the task to ready for code review instead of test, so I did just that and tried to move on.
Some minute or two later Steve contacts me again:
"It would be great if you'd move the comment so it'd be over the call to the function"
Well, I'm not one of those who likes comments... If you need a comment, it's probably not good/readable code. In some cases sure, it might be a complex block coming up.
Sorry, lost my train of thought.
I answered Steve : "Are you sure, I could just remove it instead?"
(for readability S will be Steve and M will be me)
S: Well, it's always good to have comments
M: In this case I think it will be alright.
S: But it's nice to see what the function is doing.
M: I'll do it if you really want me to.
S: It's better to have the comment than to not have it and needing it.
M: Okay then
The name of the function : LoadOrganizationTree()
And this is the comment :
//Load organization tree9
I had the ”pleasure” of being a manager for former SYSDB Administrator in his mid 50’s. He had been moved to a new team and role, managing critical incidents which was the team I was hired to managed. One day I ask him to send a mail with some logs to one of our vendors. Later the same day he informs that the email address I had provided was not working. It was a fairly easy address (something like email@example.com), but once again he informed that the email address was invalid. I went to his station to ensure that he typed in the right alias. Just to make sure, I spelled it out for him “A-L-I-A-S”, so far so good, “@”, still good, “A-C-C-E-N-T-U-R-E”, almost there, “DOT C-O-M”. He now tabbed to a text document he had open, and found a line that contained a DOT (.), but not only did it contain the DOT, but also a space before and after the DOT, so he copied (space)(DOT)(space) and pasted it into the email address so it became alias@accenture . com. I pointed out the issue and asked him why he did not use the DOT key on the keyboard. He told me that he did not know which one it was and he had always done it like this. I was in chock.
2 months later I had to let him go because our customer complained so much over his general skills that they would no longer interact with him.5
Everyone argues about the perfect date, so I searched and found it using complex machine learning, a lot of trial and error, and too much alcohol:
- %Y stands for one number of the last year
- %M stands for one number of the following month
- %D stands for one number (09 are two numbers for example) of SQRT((CURRENT_DAY^7)/3)
- %h stands for one number of the hour next evening(12h system)
- %% stands for either 7 or 3, 7 means that the hour(%h) is a.m., 3 means that the hour is p.m.
- %m stands for the minute the next solar eclipse will happen
- %s stands for one number of the second you will hate yourself to have this system implemented.
How to use it im 3 simple steps:
1. Implement it using ???
G!>CS/J d- s:- a--- C+++ UL P+ L+++ E! W+++ N? o? K- w-- O? M? V? PS+ PE Y+ PGP+ t 5? X? R? tv+ b+ DI? D G@>+++ e-> h! !r !y2
I`m new to coding. So i`m also new at ranting.
I know i have something to rant about. But my nerd culture is just not yet at the level.
So i have to speak to this client whose previous IT provider was gonna code his thing with ASP and visual studio!!!
Right?! WTF?!!! But that`s all i got!!!!
Im pretty sure its a wtf?! But i don`t have the rock solid reasons why.
Please ranters help me become better at rantong and tell me i`m not wrong and why ;)9
Lets see If I can mess up the character cutoff limit 😜4
@11.30 pm -->BF: "Comm'on now...what Ya still doing there..aren t Ya comeing??? O.o already..."
ME: "Soon hun, i m learning some snake handeling here..hold on now!"
BF: "Yeeahp..Ya are handeling it all right already, you need to put it in the practice too. Come now. !" <<<--grinns.
ME: <<--lifting my glasses up to my head slowly: " I am writing...handwriting...the code!! Python!...?"
BF: "Yeah, i know...i saw yar test -B+.
If ya had done the finances calculus program for our maintance..my building checks, our food, your clothes...you would have more practice to put it into use...and you would have got an A probably..." He s freaking smirks and i went
qwaaak qwaaak qwaak- squachhh
I am so putting it into Rant )
..and i am so keeping him...