My classmates are such hypocrites. They pretend to be programmers, but they can't fool me.

"Oh sorry. I can't show you the result of my html code. I have to compile it first, but there's no WiFi."

There's so many things wrong with that.

I found such a treasure today in the production code.

That moment when you make your code such that even dummies can understand it, implement smart ass algos, do all those comment line things for definitions. Then you show your project to your teacher who has this to say :
"Why are you showing me copied code?"
I am like

C'mon guys! 80 hours, 70 hours, 40 hours... Are you humans or fucking robots?
Once I stayed awake 36 hours helped by energy drinks and I could barely remember my name.
I can't really imagine how somebody could write useful code with such a huge sleep deprivation.

such code
much wow

So this other senior dev got seriously ill a couple of weeks ago and the project he was working on was assigned to me. His code was so aesthetic, loved his work, the structured code helped me a lot in meeting the deadlines. He returned a few days back and now the company has given him two weeks notice because "his pace is slow". I am frustrated, PM is frustrated. The guy is such a gem that he is still helping with all the new requirements client is throwing at us.

I'm a new developer. Here is the top advice I've received:

0. Think like a programmer, outside of work too.

1. Programming is tough. It takes a certain kind of mindset to sit in front of a monitor and think it through a problem till the end. Develop that mindset.

2. Handwork pays.

3. Do it for fun. Be exceptional. Money will follow.

4. Care about the craft you build. Write such a beautiful code that your fellow devs would think about your code and have a nerdgasm.

5. Simple is beautiful. Anybody can make things complex. It takes a stroke of genius to make things simple.

6. Write modular code. It makes your code reusable and easy to maintain. Future developers who will work on your piece of code will appreciate it.

7. Share your knowledge. Unlike materialistic things, knowledge grows when you share it.

8. Add comments. You think you'll remember why you wrote that piece of code that way or a clever hack you created but trust me, you won't.

9. Be humble. You'll never know everything. Don't hesitate to ask for help.

10. Writing code is exciting! Of course there will be some frustrating moments. But don't give up! You'll miss a lot of fun.

Whenever I feel bad, I go and help random people with their code.

I also randomly offer to help teach people Java so that they can learn best practice and perhaps not make the same small mistakes.

Such is life. My method of coping with sadness.

People on Stack Overflow are SUCH FUCKING ASSHOLES

"You didn't show us where you declared this unimportant array, please review this article for how to ask questions"

My question doesn't concern the array, my question concerns how the system works, all code I provided was only for clarity. Read my fucking question you arrogant asshole. You have lots of points, fine, go tell your mother, but you assume I don't know how to ask a question which you clearly did not read.

Me: Why is there such a delay between the app and the hardware device?

Colleague: Ah, same old same old, TCP is just an inefficient protocol. We should stop development and build our own replacement to TCP.

(PS. The actual problem was his code)

IF LIVES DEPEND ON A SYSTEM

1. Code review, collaboration, and knowledge sharing (each hour of code review saves 33 hours of maintenance)

2. TDD (40% — 80% reduction in production bug density)

3. Daily continuous integration (large code merges are a major source of bugs)

4. Minimize developer interruptions (an interrupted task takes twice as long and contains twice as many defects)

5. Linting (catches many typo and undefined variable bugs that static types could catch, as well as a host of stylistic issues that correlate with bug creation, such as accidentally assigning when you meant to compare)

6. Reduce complexity & improve modularity  -- complex code is harder to understand, test, and maintain

-Eric Elliott

A few weeks ago at infosec lab in college

Me: so I wrote the RSA code but it's in python I hope that's ok (prof usually gets butthurt if he feels students know something more than him)

Prof: yeah, that's fine. Is it working?

Me: yeah, *shows him the code and then runs it* here

Prof: why is it generating such big ciphertext?

Me: because I'm using big prime numbers...?

Prof: why are you using big prime numbers? I asked you to use 11, 13 or 17

Me: but that's when we're solving and calculating this manually, over here we can supply proper prime numbers...

Prof: no this is not good, it shouldn't create such big ciphertext

Me: *what in the shitting hell?* Ok....but the plaintext is also kinda big (plaintext:"this is a msg")

Prof: still, ciphertext shows more characters!

Me: *yeah no fucking shit, this isn't some mono/poly-alphabetic algorithm* ok...but I do not control the length of the ciphertext...? I only supply the prime numbers and this is what it gives me...? Also the code is working fine, i don't think there's any issue with the code but you can check it if there are any logic errors...

Prof: *stares at the screen like it just smacked his mom's ass* fine

Me: *FML*

At least, it was honest comment by developer........
Have you ever encountered such funny statement/code ?

This ist basically my daily work. I have to write Java code in excel files which then are being converted into a DSL and then again being converted into Java code. On top of that many wrappers were built which abstract all this things away..

We have about 30 such excel files which contain about 50000 business rules.
There is no version control for this tables and 5 different team are working on the same tables parallel.

The name of this framework is Drools or as I call it: HELL 😡

“Our code is our documentation - it’s produced in such a way as to be explanatory, logical and clear, and annotated if/where needed”

Really?? That's the reply you give me when I asking API documentation for handover ?

Me to a lead dev: hey, I noticed that junior guy pushed this bad code to prod that you approved.

Him: oh really that’s wrong? Ok we can fix it.

Me (cursing under my breath): no asshole, that’s not the fucking point. You should know enough to not approve such pull requests.

I'm just beggining to learn to code, and I found this awesome community where people rant ..
Such a motivation,, 😁

One of my colleagues at work has cooked up this amazing amazing method.. and guys brace yourself.. This code is on production..

Seniors: Welcome to the team. Feel free to ask anything if you need help. There is no such thing as stupid questions.

New Dev: Sure. Thanks.

*a few minutes later*

New Dev: How to comment a code?

Seniors: Google it....and please don't ask stupid questions.

Removing sleep() from legacy code. 1000x improvement.

Much optimization. Such wow.

Sometimes I have such little idea what I'm to do or doing that I print code to 'analyze' it fully...

Rant Init...

That moment you write some magnificent code and everyone is sleeping so you can't share it with anyone but you feel like the room should turn into an exciting musical where you win an award. (Best code can ONLY be written between the hours of 12am and 6am)

The next day, you try to explain to your significant other (user) how amazing this new genius way of doing that "thing" was, in hopes of sharing your excitement but all you get is a "you're such a dork" instead.

You may even try to share it with a coworker or fellow programmer but somehow they just don't see how exciting it is for you.

Rant completed...

Visual Studio Code. I went in expecting to hate it, but gave it a chance due to good reviews. Been hooked for months now.

Surprised to see Microsoft create such a slick Dev tool.

Screaming at a coworker?
The INTJ in me has prevented that pretty well in almost every critical devSituation.
BUT one time in the past, I was really close to a level 9001 scream:
This fucker, despite having been told about code formatting guidelines and DRY/KISS multiple times, had the balls to commit such utterly crappy and unreadable code that I almost bursted.
He quickly realized his mistake after I reset the repo to before his push, disabled his Gitlab account and wrote him a simple email containing the text:
"IF YOU EVER COMMIT SUCH SHIT AGAIN, THERE WILL BE UNFORESEEN CONSEQUENCES. GFYS."
After a peaceful coffee and a croissant I decided to re-enable his account. He did good after that.

Everytime I look at an open source project code, I realize how bad I am and that I must work harder in order to take part in such amazing projects.

In our morning stand up, dev was bragging about how much code he was refactoring (like over-the-top bragging) and how much the changes will improve readability (WTF does that mean?), performance, blah blah blah. Boss was very impressed, I wasn't. This morning I looked at the change history and yes, he spent nearly two solid days changing code. What code? A service that is over 10 years old, hasn't been used in over 5, mostly auto-generated code (various data contracts from third party systems). He "re-wrote" the auto-generated code, "fixed" various IDisposable implementations and other complete wastes of time. How –bleep-ing needy are people for praise and how –bleep-ing stupid are people for believing such bull-bleep? I think I should get a t-shirt made with a picture of a BS-Meter and when he starts talking, “Wait a sec, I gotta change my shirt. OK…you were saying?”

I saw one guy in Office writing unit test cases and documentation for his code .
Such a psychopath!!!

A friend sent me this in the morning:

“By convention, type names such as String or Int (or Dog or Cat) start with a capital letter; variable names start with a small letter. Do not violate this convention. If you do, your code might still compile and run just fine, but I will personally send agents to your house to remove your kneecaps in the dead of night.”

Excerpt From: Matt Neuburg. “iOS 10 Programming Fundamentals with Swift.” iBooks.

World would had been such a lovely place, if every body have source code of their life ;)

There is no such thing as an 'idea' person.

Learn to art, learn to code, or learn to FUCK OFF!

Talented people can take bad ideas and make gold.

Without skill the best idea will turn out garbage.

Let's see the coder in you.
If I give input: 1 output: 2
If I give input: 2 output:1
Only these two test cases needed.
You should not use control structures such as if,else,for,while,switch etc. (The answer is simple) (Don't cheat)

int number;
cin>>number; //get number
cout<<??????; //Your code

I learnt programming by making cheats for games and reverse engineering them. It was a fun experience as it wasn't always easy to start with C++ and assembly but it was definitely worth it. Though when you come from a low level language such as C++, looking at highly abstract languages such as Javascript makes everything feel wrong in Javascript, especially when it comes to types and how you can just switch types in the middle of the code :D. But it also gives you an understanding of how Javascript could be implemented, what the engine is doing in the background when you create an object etc..

I spent 10 years of my life to learn how to code when I could make big money without coding. I'm such an idiot

When you about to start a project by doing a small module, but as you code, you keep thinking about scalability, security dependencies and such....

....three hours later, you still haven't written code

Damn fuck it. I am making a program with
#include <windows.h>

Accessing the Win32 API in c is such a pain. Just made a simple window with 70 lines of c code. And I have to edit it in turbo c but run it in some other compiler. Our teacher is a .... uhhh
Hate projects.

Sorry if the rant doesn't make sense. I am too tired.

Is it just me that is addicted to the feeling when you solved a big problem with the code and everything just works afterwards? Its such a nice feeling!!

I always wonder why people complain about php being horrible, then I actually see the code they write.

It's like complaining "I can't believe I have to use such a horrible desk" when it's littered with empty coffee cups and yesterday's lunch.

You wanna know why PHP has such a poor reputation?
It's because of imbeciles who code like this:

Anyone who really uses UML to Illustrate or understand code?
I pretty much always just get more confused when I see such a diagram.

Hahaha guys I got the HTTP response codes tattooed on my arm so I don't forget them! Aren't I fun and quirky? I'm such a code nerd, oh thanks for the likes, Twitter! Wowowowow i am just SO FUN. Look at my nerdy tattoo!!

CODING CODING CODING HAHAHA I LOVE PROGRAMMING BEING A LITTLE CODE SLUT. I LOVE SILICON VALLEY IM SUCH A QUIRKED UP LITTLE CODE SHAWTY LOOKING FOR SOME ALGOASS 🍆💦😩.

“Slams fists on keyboard”

I LOVE BEING A CUTE SCREEN TWINK, IMPRESSING PAPI CEO WITH MY FINGER COMBINATIONS. I LOVE PLEASING EXECUDADDY. 🍑😏🫦

“Takes keyboard in hand and slams it against desk until keyboard keys explode everywhere”

I LOVE WATCHING THE AMERICAN GOVERNMENT AND CORPORATE AMERICA FUCK MY ASS IN RETURN FOR PERSONAL PROFITS. 🤑☔️

*digs fingernails into the wall and claws off paint and then snorts it”
*pees and shits pants*
*cries in corner with extra agony*

When reading your old code, there are two feelings you may have:
1. I was such a dumbass back then
2. I was so thoughtful back then

If its #2, seek a position outside development, like product management, your coding career is probably over.

That feeling when you're supposed to debug code someone else wrote a decade ago but it's such a horrible mess that your brain just gives up and you end up staring at your monitor for an hour in confusion 😵

I'm task to amend the code smell in the project. I literally can cry a river.
I see such thing as i = i++; - It's flag out as a bug.

I have also seen check in classes. With un-used variables. I literally cried.

In the past, i ask why do i got to care about code quality. I actually start to get angry like the team leads in my project.

Worst advice about programming...
My discussion with my company sistem admin :
Me : you must always think that users are dumb and will make mistakes (like putting letters when db saves as number)
He : users must learn, if they make such mistakes its their fault.

My claim: I learned early in school to always assume that users are stupid and will always find bugs and exploits by coincidence. So protect your code from bad imput

I'm forced to open-source all code from my masters thesis as my professor was planning on stealing everything to use as his own.

Anyone ever done such a thing before? anything to bear in mind?

Learning to code in Visual Studio with such lame examples that I literally have to minimize my screen so that no one mocks me. #beginnerproblems

1. Identify the problem
2. Come up with a clever solution
3. Refactor half of your code
4. Watch it fail horribly because you're such an idiot it's a bloody miracle you keep breathing on your own
5. Repeat

Rant!!

Fuuuuuuuuuuccccccckk this new dev hired is such a dick he keeps on not testing his own code for simple things and expects everyone else to test it on local and tell him his bugs.

Hired a designer below me.. guy never wrote a full back nor frontend... Used npm shit for all his solutions and worked his way above me just by kissing ass and polluting the codebase in such a way 70% would be open source shitty plugins for shit he could not do by himself code wise...

At some point he assigned some of his tasks to me and I couldn't work with his patchy framework that was non existent within the codebase I worked on ...

At some point between npm installed tantrums I got pulled up to HR because my code quality dropped... And it was this fucktart that accused me of this saying I could not do modern development...

In the end I either had to butkiss after his butts or just quit, so I did the latter... I told him and HR I owned alot more code quality than this asshat but just not his way of working and therefor it was more an issue of code equality I was never aware of ...

A month after that the company got overtaken by some silicon valley bullshit company buying up competition, and he is still working within that shithole dealing with 90's tech...

Was the best thing that happened to me, after that I grew alot in skillset and such by investments from other jobs and projects... If I would still work there today I would consider myself a caveman

I briefly worked for a fucked up company that had been bought by a coupon company that had outsourced a project to India

The code contained such gems as

If (Booleanvar ==true)

Among many other little things and some really big ones and was a web project written in vb

I recently came across my old interview assignment code which I had written while I was still in college. Oh my God, it was cringy! It was such crappy code 😂

My coworker (who had interviewed me) saw it too. He was surprisingly very chill about it, saying that the code is not bad, it just shows a lack of experience. I think I will choose to believe him 🙃

All the noob jokes about "tee hee I write such bad code exdee" fucking drive me nuts.

There are absolutely such things as good codebases, in any language. By posting "tee hee funny relatable" "memes" about your shitass code you just make yourself look like a fucking idiot who excuses poor quality with "haha so relatable!" bullshit excuses.

Thank you for being the literal cancer of the industry, oversaturating the markets and making all of our managers think we're fucking idiot babies that have to be wrangled like cats in order to get a single feature out the door, devoid of rational thought or a modicum of expertise.

Fuck you. You're the problem. Be better or find another profession where slacking off is acceptable.

Look honey! I optimized the code in such a way only a few lines are needed, I'm so happy with this efficiency. Her reply: "Ooooh, that's nice!! <blankstare>". Yeah, uh, we'll talk later.

PM: You can cut corners it it's necessary.
Me: Thanks for giving me permission to move faster.
*But as you know, I wouldn't be in this position if you hadn't made us agree to such an unrealistic deadline.*
..
...
*after completion*
.
.
PM: There are bugs in the code.
ME: There are bugs, because you asked me to cut corners. *fu#k you* *wtf moment*

Recently for a project I needed to read/write ID3 tags from MP3 files. And after a long search, I found this bloated, monolithic but quite stable library, "getID3".

So, I was looking through the code-base and I found this. This guy literally storing the key value based data embedded as comments within the class file. Then wrote a method to parse the data and even used caching to ensure maximum speed! And such usage is repeated all over the code-base.

So, this is what people used do before arrays were invented :3

Can't say I am a religious type, not really into discovering/discussing religions and comparing them either... BUT I do hope there is someplace (like hell on steroids!!) for developers who don't test their code before checking it in and/or puting it on production..
Also another question, can I plead not guilty due to insanity when killing such devs?!? O.o FUuuuuuuuu!!!!

"Potimized imports and remopved temp code"

Can't help but wonder what's the code quality like from an author of such a carefully written commit message 🤔

Common Lisp's format function.

Because it supports some crazy convenient formatting directives, such as: writing numbers as words, writing numbers as Roman numerals, correctly writing plurals, etc

The code in the image will print:
one cat
two cats
three cats
...
seven cats

Do you all get the mood when you don't wish to code anything because you like to Google new technologies and platforms all day?

I'm having such a mood today.

You know your expertise is increasing when you're working on your side project for over a year, and you thought the code you wrote in the beginning was so awesome and such a master piece. Now, one year later you realize it's shit.

!rant

I got Clean Code for Christmas, it is such a good book. I can't recommend it more.

I have no idea how this code that I wrote last year work and there's obviously no documentation but thankfully I gave my classes very useful names such as "YuDoDis", "Texter467", "TheHolyButton", "GARBAGE", etc. Fucking hate myself sometimes.

Coffeescript is such a pain in the ass. If I wanted to code in Python, I'll code in Python. Why do you have to add pythonicness to JS! Eat a bag of dicks!

I'm having such a blast writing code in TypeScript. Once you learn it you cannot go back to regular JavaScript.

Having to deal with shit code as a new employee so you don't step on any toes...

Who knew developers had such egos. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The code I'm working on is such a mess that I decided to print it, and rewrite it from scratch 😂

Stuff like this on Friday mornings on the day of code freeze makes you ....

"Fucking throw a monitor at people with such attitudes"😡

Ya'll know what... If humans weren't such annoying vulnerability-searching little shits then we wouldn't have had to implement any protection against them and think of all the performance that would be saved on that. Take branch prediction vulnerability mitigation in the Linux kernel for example, that's got to make a performance hit of least 10% on basically everything.

Alas, I do get why security is important and why we keep such vulnerability mitigation running despite the performance hit. I get why safe code is necessary but still... if these people weren't such annoying little bastards.

Yeah, I was just kind of set off by the above. So much would be faster and easier if only the programmers wouldn't have to plan for people exploiting their software. Software would be written much faster and humans would progress to stuff that actually matters like innovation.

“I started learning to code today while I was in the toilet. Let me tell you about the best app to learning coding for beginners.”

How does this person have such blind confidence in their first though?

Code freeze is such an idiotic concept. What year do we have? Just make a goddamn release branch and do your codefreezy things there. Why the fuck would we stop the entire development just because you can't figure out git?

I love tools such as IntelliSense or Copilot, don't get me wrong!

But i still have a deep rooted fear that one day, developers will become so dependent on those luxuries, that we will become practically unable to write code on our own, without our cloud overlords blessings.

Until, you know.. the server for such a service will crash and no one will know how to fix it without its own help. *see Palpatine meme reference*

as a C# dev every time i have to code something in JS i'm just ranting because

- no types
- no fucking errors

i tried to move a Oval in an HTML5 canvas via Drag and Drop and after one hour I gave up...

such a fucking creepy broke language..
as a proof, if js wouldnt be that fucked up why is there typeScript, CoffeeScript, Brython, ... ?

Cant wait to finally use WebAssember...(really)

I ONLY WANT TO WRITE MY OWN CODE

TODAY I FOUND OUT I HATE DOING PR REVIEWS AND HAVING TO GO BACK AND FORTH WITH PEOPLE ABOUT WHAT THEY DID IN THEIR CODE

I'm sure it's beneficial, but it FEELS like such a waste of time

I guess this happens to everyone but damn, hate it when dreaming about code, and not just any code, but the code your enthusiastic about, somehow everything seems to work, so that when you wake up and sit in front of the computer you just go blank... what was that code again, it was so sleek, so simple, yet so robust...

12 hours later dream about it again to wake up realizing you wont ever be able to wake up remembering the code in the detail...

Sticker game:

A friend finds me coding and busy on my code then asks.

Her:Can I have a minute.
Me:Sure,how can I be of help

Her:What's up with all this devrant cartoons on your machine.
Me:Sounding excited,you like my sticker game can ship some for you?

Her:Nah sticker game since when is there such one looks childish and why ship stickers.
Me:It's our techy culture respect it let me finalize on my work.

She messed up my evening human bug.

I’ve started at a new place - the team use Trello to share code 😳They are happy to zip a folder, upload and download each time a project is updated.

I’ve tried to sell the benefits of Git however some have such conviction that it would be worse. FML.

Went for a job interview today, and learned something very important about myself...

...that I should be permanently banned from writing code on whiteboards, for any reason. I have never seen such ugly code in my entire life. Ugh...

!Rant

I'm going to be teaching my roommate how to "code" soon. Or rather, I'll be teaching her how to use Scratch, so she can have a leg up when she applies to work at a children's code academy that uses a Scratch-like environment. Should be fun!

I love that Scratch exists. Such an accessible way to teach basic concepts like loops, conditional statements, etc, with results that are way more fun than "oh look I output the fibinacci sequence"

Git is distributed. What's on gitlab it's also on my 3 different machines. So I have 3 backups for the code. Not such a big deal except issues and PRs.

!rant
Arduino CNC
Hey guys.
Since I mostly see frameworks to use with G-Code in Arduino CNCs I'm gonna make my own framework, where you don't need to know G-Code and the code is executed by Arduino code.
The code would include a template to define steppers steps and such.
Would include a library to work with different stepper shields.
Would this interest to anyone?

I'll provide a full example with stuff to learn for any amateur working with CNCs or that want to work with one. If you're not interested, thank you for reading, you can stop here.

Ex:
X(10);
Y(-5.5);
XY(6,7.5);
Z(-10);
This framework would only use incremental coordinates and will work for basic forms, drilling and such.

<Tutorial>
Coordinates.
Coordinates can be relative/incremental or absolute.
Lets say you have a square with 10mm, (top coordinates: (X=0,Y=0) to (X=10,Y=10).
think your drawing this square.
First line:
X0, Y0
Absolute: x10,y0
Relative: X+10
Second line:
A: x10,y10
R: Y+10
Third Line (...)
Absolute is a fixed point (coordinate)
Relative is a distance to move (not a coordinate but the distance and direction)
</Tutorial>

So, to cut a square with a TR10 (end mill with radius=5, diameter=10)

<code>
// You don't place + in positive values
// The tool always cut in the direction of the tool rotation, meaning on the left of the material.
Z(10); // Security Distance
XY(-5,0); //Compensate the diameter of the tool in radius
Z(-1); // Z=0 is the top of the block to mill, in this case. Z=0 can also be in the bottom
Y(15); //Second Point
X(15); // Third Point
Y(-15); // Forth point
X-15; // Fifth Point
(repeat)
</code>
Now we have a block with 1mm depth. If you use a while or for you can repeat the sequence for x=n passages, change the value to Z for the depth and your done.

Spent 5 hours working on a solution for a hash difficulty comparison/scaling algorithm. after a bunch of different iterations and approaches, I find that my problem can be solved by the attached equation. Its such a simple answer but no way in hell would you be able to discern the amount of time and brainpower that was put into it. The git commit is literally 10 lines of code total, but I guess its not about the amount of code, but the time spent thinking about it thay counts?

Do you ever just think of a feature you want to implement in your program, thinking it's going to be a challenge and then you realize "oh, my program is set up in such a way that makes adding this feature literally one additional line and one modified line of code, without making the code messy"?

Typescript seems like such overkill, but then you need to refactor your code and hit a bunch of issues in production. I don't think I'll ever go without typescript again. Fuck dynamic typing, it doesn't scale

So normally I go with a super-conservative error handler that logs errors, and exit the process on even the tinyest/smallest error.
Regardless or project/cms/framework I always to this to prevent myself from installing spaghetti plugins or writing unstable code.
Also because I don't want any code to just soldier on if a variable wasn't defined properly, or likewise.

But today I had to write this little fucker into my error handler, to support the error surpressing operator '@'

Appearently prestashop was developed by a group of senseless moronic fuckwits,
and hteir piece of horseshit software doesn't even work if it isn't allowed to surpress errors.

What was the fucking imbeciles thinking when requiring such lunatic behaviour...

I contacted the creators of Nova Launcher because I want the full version. They have both an google play upgrade as an input code upgrade.

Since I dont have any google service anywhere I contacted them to ask how to get such a code because I dont have any google service. This was their reply:
"You would need to purchase the app via the Google Play Store, then once you have, email us a copy of the receipt and the email you used to purchase the app with, then we can give you a Direct License to use since you don't have Google Play Services."

How do I buy it if I dont have any fucking google service?

I wish I could read my code on other people's screens. I wouldn't sound like such an idiot whenever I leave my desk. *sigh*

From a Dev at my old place: Don't use git for such a small project, I think we should use email to send our code to each other.
Turned out that this "small project" was a piece for a larger project.

Also turns out there's such a thing as merge conflicts outside of git.
Our code was broken for 3 days once because of his shitty advice.

Fairly new to Linux, read that vim is a neat editor but hard to learn, good for script editing and such, but why use it over a language specific editor or something like VS Code?

Firebase is pure fucking assrape!
How can these spoiled cunts of Google "develop" such a stinking pile of rotten placenta?
No, one fucking Promise is not enough... you have to return Promises for every single smegma function!
I want to just blow up this ugly afterbirth!!

It seems that Google devs are just spoiled MacCunt Pro brats who copy-paste code around until something "kind of works".

Don't know why but web sockets are such a turn on for me when I code :D
#NeedToBeSocial

Last year I had to program most of my projects in Python. I like the language, don't get me wrong. But man oh man if you indent your line of code one too many fucking times, it can be such a pain in the ass to find your error...

Even if it may clutter your code (not in my opinion), that's why I love them curly brackets and languages which use them <3

Such variable names
much helpful
very wow!

Either I need to download sdk source code for var names to show up correctly or I need to memorize which is for what :\

I dislike the damage web development tools have done to my programming habits.

The rapid feedback provided from the development environment (e.g. hot-reloads) encourages me to constantly bang out code with very little consideration for its side-effects.

This tendency has become a handicap when I write instructions for hardware with much less resources, such as a microcontroller.

How to deal with legacy code when you see such thing:

if function() == !!!false

1. Ctrl+A
2. Del
3. rm -rfv /

I am going to create a define in my code:
#define BIT_CH CHAR_BIT

Then do search replace of CHAR_BIT to "update" the code. Probably need to wait for a refactor. No idea if CHAR_BIT is even used in our code base. I just want to be a BIT_CH.

I was sitting here thinking what a valid use for an object called BitCh or BitChar. Still trying to come up with some valid reason to create such an object.

And people say programming as an art is dead.

There are comments in prod code which say "need to change after POC" or something similar in multiple places.

Also, something that was designed to check something, but the call is made in such a way that it always returns true.

Best part, all the original authors left the company before I joined this team.

Never ever directly edit the source code of libraries.
Not to the smallest bit.

I just did that and forgot about it, then I wondered how a decent library like I used can produce such gobshite as it did. Several hours (!) later I discover my little "debug output" line in the library's source.
Goddammit I must have a well built table. And a well built head.

They say 'code drunk, refactor sober' but they fail to mention the sober refactoring dude won't have a CLUE what the drunk coder was even thinking.

Such is my life.

Why the fuck does a company put such crappy antivirus software on your PC you can't even compile code.

Best part of working in Company:
Getting learning sessions from Seniors and sharing design aspects and their pros and cons.
Had an awesome session on how to focus on making a code testable.
With hands on coding too.
Never expected to have such a great experience.

Code review:
i ? plus.push(i) : --i ? neg.push(i) : zeros.push(i) || printThis() || checkAge() || !!window.MediaSource...

F***ing such a brilliant programmer, spent 4 hours to write it in 1 line, and will take your the guy who replaces you 4 hours to decipher, why are you so adverse to writing #readablecode?!!!

\n is cheap, if(){} is too

This isn't math class where a 3 line proof gets you kudos, stop wasting my time with your genius.

Why do big companies hire such loser engineers ??? I mean what the hell man. When you are hiring a fresher to code they should at least know how to apply/write a for loop. I once had a colleague who assigned each array element individually instead of writing a for loop and asked me why I refused to approve his stupid code. What do I reply to this ? It was so dumb, I could not articulate an answer.

Yay ...
No more !important in SCSS...
All colors pulled from variables...
Such code ... Very clean 😂

Lately I needed to write some swift code and I‘ve never used it before. But acutually I find such a beautiful langange, maybe the one with the best type system ever.

Swift for the win!

Some things should be prohibited! Such as trying to look smart luring geeks with PHP code. That does not do what you wanted to do in the first place. Idiots!

Wrap anything more than two lines into another function. Reading such code makes your brain stack overflow.

I’ve met several...

A conversation between an offshore developer and his manager at a fortune 500:

I'm a software developer and the company I work for is a vendor for $manager's and $offshore_dev's company. They provide endless hours of entertainment/terror. Recently, we've been trying to convince them that they need to stop sending sensitive information plaintext over HTTP and set up TLS/HTTPS which has led to tons of fun conversations such as this one they had during a conference call:

* $manager: "Did $offshore_dev implement TLS1.2?"
* $offshore_dev: "Yes, we enabled a parameter in the code to enable TLS1.2 in the code but according to $me's email, this requires HTTPS in order to work."
* $manager: "No this works, we're using TLS in $other_application right now."
* $offshore_dev: "Well, $manager, it's implemented but it currently doesn't encrypt anything as such."
* $manager: "Okay, HTTPS is in the roadmap in the next quarter, we can move forward without this for now."

Whenever I get to switch from vs code to a jetbrains IDE, I remember what the difference between a text editor on crack and an actual IDE is. Jetbrains IDEs are just such a blessing.

Visual Studio is still a piece of shit though :)

Protip: proposing a "simple yet beautiful" login form on Bootsnip with absolutely no knowledge of Bootstrap whatsoever, making it not responsive and centering it with hardwritten margins (such as: 'margin-left: 170px'), AND THEN proudly display "theme developed by WhoGives AShit" at the bottom won't make you any publicity at best. At worst, I'm gonna travel to India and won't leave before I erased the code you wrote by smashing your face on the "erase" key.

So I'm at a hospital (everything is fine as long as I'm concerned) and there's this pregnancy sign... But it just hit me (not sure how to start this idea) sex is this amazing interaction between softwares so good and well coded that we already know what can create, not only that but the hardware (with some flaws here and there) makes such great UX! Seriously, the join of code (one of the hardest code I know) to make a better code and the interaction thanks to the hardware is great! Thoughts?

I want to pass along some unsolicited advice to junior developers either because I grew through it, or I've had to deal with developers who behaved poorly.
Your ego will hurt you FAR more than your junior coding skills. Nobody expects you to be the best early in your career, so don't act like you are.
Working independently is a must. It's okay to ask questions, but ask sparingly.
Working code != good code. You are an author. Write your code so that it can be read. Accept criticism that may seem trivial such as renaming a variable or method. If someone is suggesting it, it's because they didn't know what it did without further investigation.
These are just a few quick tips from my experience. Others may chime in with theirs, and some may dispute mine. I wish you all fruitful careers!

Our teacher is forcing us to code in an outdated version of a really bad IDE to write basic C, we can't use anything else!
The IDE is bad and crashes often, and I can't even do anything about it!
I suggested various IDE such as visual studios but nope!

I have a new personal project that I hope I'll share with you guys one day. It just came to me. A fog simulation for a window manager such that it has fog behind the transparent console while you code and the fog goes in front when the terminal is locked. How about it?

Why doesn't Twitter have a public API without authentication for simple stuff, such as reading tweets. One can do that without logging in on the website, why shouldn't code be able to do it.

They call Python, C, Java, Ruby, and stuff like that programming 'LANGUAGES' for a reason. I just wrote a Python dictionary literal in my C# code and was clueless as to why it was failing to compile for five minutes straight. Maybe that was because I was working with Python like 30 minutes ago.
It's like I have to have one 'brain' per one language and need to switch between such 'brains' to write code in another language. And such switches take time.

I’m excited because VM based languages such as Java are no longer in their prime on desktop and server and languages which compile directly to machine code (Go, Rust, Swift…) are finding a broader audience

Some of the worst code reviews I had were at my 1st proper workplace which incidentally was the strictest one! I was such a lazy oaf and hated those.

Still don't like code reviews but I do admit those first ones did me a tom of good.

Nowadays when I am the one co ducting them I tend to be more relaxed and chill and not be a nazi coz I still remember the repulsion of my first ones ^^'

When you look into the code of old developers with nice comments such as "What a fucking retard he is trying to book in the past". Just laught .

The reason why I like to code alone in the dark is so that people cannot see my dumb mistakes such as 'forgetting to hit run after compile and wasting 10 min wondering why my code didn't show on the console'.

: /

Did not understand why people posted so much on here till I had to argue with my "partner" product manager that SVG icons are better than pure CSS icons, and yes there is such thing as animated SVG, and no I'm not a designer to create fancy icons for you just because they "are actually code" you twat

I spent the whole day coding in python (usually I code in php or perl) and this language is a fucking joke. C'mon, why everything have to be done in such a weird way? And don't say it's python way because it's bullshit way. Want some examples?

", ". join(str(x) for x in array)
to join array of integers. wtf is that?

True|False
why in hell you need the first letter to be uppercase when your own fucking standard says to use lowercase letters in eg. var names and method names. why?

math.isnan(float(x))
to check if a variable (expected to be integer) is NaN. I won't fucking comment that...

Even prolog don't have such stupid things

Coding for me has been such a heartache and a relief at the same time. Having an outlet for my brain activities has improved my mental and emotional health significantly.

It also thought me a couple of valuable lessons:

1. With enough efford you can accomplish pretty much anything

2. You're not the only one struggling with issues, life or code related.

3. Moronic people can be found everywhere you look.

4. Patience is key to grow as a human being.

My god i hate so much reactjs... And will never understand how a normal brain could write such a russian doll code.
But then, i met flutter, god i will puke.

I've been writing Java the last few days. Really makes me remember why I enjoy writing objective c / swift so much. It's not necessarily the crazy syntax of objective c. It's the conventions behind the languages. It's very easy to make your code read like prose. Which when you become used to this it's very hard to jump back into spaghetti code with abbreviated variable names and such.

Today was a bad dev day working on a shitty React project. Not that React in itself is bad, but it can be hell to work with when the code is a big pile a crap full of anti pattern code. I spent the day refactoring to try to fix a bug, but to no avail. It would take days if not weeks to put some order in this mess and to prevent such bugs.

Refactoring/cleaning old code.. Found this gem:

$hour = substr($obj->hour, 0, - 3);

Turns out, hour was saved in the database as a TIME field(DATE was saved in another column) , and the previous genius dev was trying to output time in a H:i format...

No wonder php has such a bad reputation...

Sometimes it's a challenge to show how much work I've accomplished to a non-techie (<- any good nicknames for such people?).

I mean yes it looks like it's pretty simple but there were like ~5000 new lines of code and 2 weeks of work put into getting this thing working perfectly, looking sexy, and moving efficiently all while making sure it protects our infra from idiots like you!

Code in such a way that it solves family of problems! Not just one 🙌🏼

Scrum is such bullshit. You are made to report to idiot product owners who were promoted from customer service reps.(that is who they were in my previous job). A few years answering phones and all of a sudden programmers are made to report to them who don't know jack about coding...Made to work in high pressure projects by setting 2 week deadlines. Then when there are bugs in code, you are penalized for bad code.

Just downloading the CM Source code right now. I'm really excited and nervous because I never tackled such a big project on my own.
Wish me Luck guys! :)

Such glorious Wednesday...

#1: Friend needs me to keep her cats, hasn't called yet to give me keys (and she's leaving tonight).

#2: Got an e-mail from a job I applied, rejected cause I flunked the impromptu technical interview (with the usual pretty wording).

#3: Helping a friend with his dissertation code in Java. Just a marvellous spaghetti code with minimal semblance of a structure and a hodgepodge of various solutions found on the Internet. 2H 40M and still nothing... At least I have my stress ball to save me from mental breakdown...

R.
The statistical "scene" (if there is such thing) grew so much in recent years, because now there is a single language that everyone can use and easily share code via packages.
Before everyone used a different propietary and paid statistical software, and could not share code.

I think I might actually have an addiction to code :S. I can't go a day without writing something just get a feeling niggling at me to write even if I don't know what to. I just opened a terminal on the nearest computer to write 'ls' and had such a relieving feeling, this can't be healthy.

WOW Xcode is such a trash fucking application, I am so pissed at how much I have to fight this damn piece of shit program to get my work done

The time it takes to index my code is disgustingly long, I sit and sit and wait for it to FINALLY recognize I've added a new variable to the header file before it can begin to suggest autocompletions, but wait??? Why is it telling me there's errors about another variable? On a line of code that doesn't even fucking mention that variable??? BETTER WAIT IT OUT FOR IT TO INDEX SOME MORE, NO XCODE MY CODE ISN'T ERRONEOUS, YOU ARE YOU CRAP SHOOT!!

AND WHY WON'T YOU LET ME SPLIT VIEW YOU WITH ANOTHER APP??

Thomas had never seen such bullshit before (Insert name of that guy, who thinks Apple is hyped, and needs better password resets).

Honestly, when people say Indians are shit devs and write shit code, I could not really relate to that. I am an Indian, and I see pretty well educated, telented devs around.

Now I know why everyone else feels so.

I am sorry for his doings, people like him are the reason everybody hates us

!rant

Today I got access to the code for the new contract I’m working on.

It all built first time from source.

I’ve never wept such joyful tears.

How hard can it be to refactor this 170 lines file?

- a single “data” variable used to store everything
- arrays inside arrays inside arrays (see prev point)
- operations with a lot of obscure sideEffects
- $data[] = something (which in magic php land means $data.enqueue()

Why is such… biological matter… even allowed to code? Fucker’s pretending they are a senior for four years: how in hell didn’t they learn to code in this timeframe?

During an interview, how to detect if a company has a dysfunctional flow of development? What good questions to ask?

Like things are scattered all over and there's no standard being followed, no architecture, no code reviews, everything is a patchy magic, no testing, and everything is just on fire! How to avoid such companies?

I love how our industry has invented such important sounding yet meaningless job titles...

Developer, software engineer, software architect, developer evangelist, dev ops engineer, systems analyst, quality assurance engineer, code monkey...

My idiotic teacher doesn't know the difference between Java and JavaScript , asked us to use a old version of Code::Blocks(some c/c++ IDE) just because she thinks that a update would modify compiler in such a way that basic code would never give the same output , she blames the compiler just because she isn't capable to see her mistakes and gives me bad grades just because she walked through college and I didn't.

Optimizing JS is such a pain. like, the total runtime of the rest of the code is not measurable compared to DOM operations, so the goal would be to optimize DOM access, but there are zero resources online on the relative cost of certain operations, and I get the feeling that they don't have much in common across browsers.

I used to watch my brother code in Turbo C++, creating console games and doing university assignments. Writing something on the computer which transformed into something animated was such a wonderful revelation to me and that's when I started to learn bits and pieces of programming. Now, I'm a fill stack developer :)

I just love it when the management/project office make decisions regarding code language and frameworks and such... just ignore the devs with actual experience...

I broke my code,
got distracted fixing it,
annnnd accidentally flaked on my friend

fuck
why am I like this
I have such regrets

I think that the idea of IIFE in JavaScript is a good example of how shitcoding can be built into the core of the language.
How can I make my code clean if the language itself forces me to make such an ugly constructions?
What do you guys think about it?

Is there such a tool as "online/offline code editor" that can open folder/files on linux server?

My dad was using notepad to edit some HTML for his website. I downloaded Visual Studio Code and he likes it SO MUCH MORE. (I wonder why....).

Kinda happy I could help him with it. He is pretty good at coding but just hasn't done it in a while (not his trade) so he doesn't know all the new tools and such.

someone on discord asked me "why do you code for such shit computers? they can't even play games and you can only do one thing at a time, just program for new computers"

because if i'm gonna suffer in the name of curiosity i'm gonna make shit for other people to look at thx

back to suffering from a 1KB RAM limit

I was at work today, coding and such. A girl walked in, so pretty and smart looking, beautiful eyes and all.. and asked if she can use my computer for a moment. That's it. C'mon what did you expect! We code!

Why is it such a hassle to get Android Studio to work? Spending several hours filled with with installs, reinstalls, downloads, googling, troubleshooting, more failures, suicidal thoughts, env variable tinkering, crashes, total apathy - before I can finally start writing some fucking code is fucked up.

So in our last retros some of my colleagues suggested to (forced) limit the number of lines per method in order to "maximize our code quality".

In the one hand I can see the benefits of this, such as easier testability when having more sperate testable blocks of logic.

But on the other side their code contains lots of such one or two lines private methods which get most of the cases not more than one time called. (And which I then can't even test separately)

I don't understand how this should help...
Is this really a thing? Am I just not "clean" enough?
(it's c# btw)

I wanted to update my previous rant in the comment but what happened is such a fucking nonsense I think it deserves its own.

For those who don't want to look what it is, just another C++ noob (aka me) complaining about how the language was a bitch to him by throwing a random SEGFAULT on release while it didn't show up on debug. Welp.

Half an hour and a ton of std::cout later (thought I would try to read a disassembly ? Think again) I figured out what was the problematic section of code. And guess what ? It was a section I didn't even modify and I never had problems with. Something completely unrelated to what I was rightly imagining causing the issue.

To identify which exact subsection was throwing the error to my face I added more tag code.
Rubbing my hands and ready to fix the fuck out of this damn shit, I built it, launched it…

And all of a sudden the code worked.

All I did. Was to add more cout to know which line fucked up. And now it works.

So. Serious question now: is it a clear sign from heaven I should stop working with such languages and should go back in my shitty high level languages kindergarten ?

There are too many people that consider software engineering a "job". Anyone else here love the process, people and programming? How do people end up at these bad companies and WHY DO THEY STAY??!?!?! There is so much demand for programmers, designers, software engineers, et al. Such that I do not understand how people stay at these companies that hire people who want to make money instead of code.

Who else is fed up of memes on Facebook like 'She was upset because I didn't talk to her. She didn't know that it was because I missed a semicolon in my code'

Really?? WTF compiler do you use dude? Because of such shitty memes, couple of my non-dev friends asked me how frequently I miss the semicolon in my code?! I said never because:
1. I am not a dumb coder to compile my programs with any syntax errors.
2. Even if I do, I fix it in a minute.

:| WTF really! These dumbheads don't make memes on bugs.

Learning git isn't time wasted. It's such a bad to email the code after each edit

I am working in a cool company where during our coding principles conversation , I was giving a walkthrough of my code. I accepted some valid criticism. Shit hit the fan, when my I tried to explain it to them why I have written modules and the necessity of them in this application. So instead of writing several functions , I have created a common module for handling these tasks . After a lengthy argument , I am told that I should write understandable and lengthy code instead of complex and small one. This is what I think so too, that code should be readable by human but at some point , one also has to look decide if this practice is suitable for every carse or not. Man this is fucking killin me. Then I am also told that to rewrite the code and write it in such a way that's naive and easy to understand

There will always be times when you will need to understand/modify horribly written code, or have to work with a fellow "programmer" who is clueless about what programming actually is.

In such situations, not losing your cool is a necessary evil.

Gitlab fucking sucks why can't you search fucking code in the fucking search bar. I'd rather sell my ass to microsoft than being such a dumb motherfucker using gitlab

Been looking at a new hires code and hes decided to strip all of the whitespace out of a file as well as changing variable names to things such as date and date2.....

I hate being invited to a party!
Specifically when I have no chance to refuse (family parties mostly)
Though I'm still able to code or read a book with my phone but WHY SHOULD I??

Grrrrr !!
Idk ... what do you do in such complicated situations?

Writing documentation is one of those tasks that most developers don't like doing. Especially when it comes to writing in say a Word/PDF file, an online wiki, or Confluence. It's time consuming and a pain in the ass.

But even if you don't like it, at least write comments in your source code! I hate having to keep writing "Write the PHPDocs for this class/function" in every pull request that I review. It's wasting my time writing such comments when it's such a basic thing to do when writing source code.

RAD (Rapid Application Development, such as Oracle's colossal frameworks) frameworks aren't rad at all. They promise to let you focus on your business code, but instead what they do is bring you additional problems to have gray hairs over.

Thoughts?

Am I the only one who very often creates a new project folder and copies all the code because it's easier than cleaning dependencies and such?

Web code editors are shit for interviews!!

I was given a timed interview test to code on a hackerearth’s code editor. First of all I have never used hackerearth’s code editor because they suck. The problem was very simple and I cleared the round anyways when an actual human saw my code. But my point is why are programmers creating shit editors for other programmers in a timed environment. I couldn’t figure out for the life of me how the fuck I should take an input and output that in this shit editor. The code logic was ready but the test cases failed.

So Should I be learning about hackerearth’s shit code editor in an interview with a timer or should I be judged on the code logic in the specified time?

I seriously find these web code editors most of them annoying. Cause they aint good enough. You need time figuring out the tools first and then code the logic.

Usually in your job you’re gonna use the editor of your choice. Not a fucking shit fucked half arsed hackerearth code editor. My rant is for those of you if you’re taking interviews on such platforms, be there. Don’t rely on those platforms. This automated crap is still crap.

React native is such a pain to get started with! I feel like Ive wasted way too much time just trying to set up a functioning example. I'm too stubborn to give in. I'm about to rage code right now lol

Yanno, when I pay $60 for a theme, I get what I get. That's fine. Invariably I end up having to mess with the css. That's fine too.

However, theme makers? Please don't mix hyphens and underscores in your selectors. Decide on a case style. Avoid div-itus.

And for the love of all a selector such as #Top_bar .logo #logo a.logo makes code a pain in the ass to test

I must admit sometimes agile methodology zealots annoy me but I just quit a shop with no process, no source code repository, and no testing. I worked there a month and had no idea such places still exist. I knew it was a bad idea but I needed remote work. I tried to evangelize to them but they blamed me for everything after they fired the project manager.

@college project submission
Teacher:once done print all your codebase and come with to class
Me:But sir there are better ways of submitting our code.
Teacher :what do you suggest
Me:we can a repo such as bitbucket or github
Teacher:I got no idea of that you send the code using Gmail or just print the code for your grading.

Me:for Christ sake how will I send all my android files through Gmail.

Decided to reset my Windows OS after 1.5 years. Such things happen when you're not in the mood to code.

Not sure if other programming languages class a Boolean as an integer value buuuuuuut...

The amount of times I've seen people do code such as...

if(value == true) {
variable = "blah blah";
} else if(value == false) {
variable = "blah";
}

Instead of doing a simple 1D array and going...

variable = strings[value];

It drives me crazy, such a small thing that has no real benefit but... Ugh... Whyyyyyyy

As an emerging Android developer, I must say I HATE SQLITE AND CONTENT PROVIDERS!! So much code for such little functionality! Pro Android devs, does the process get any less tedious down the road with more experience?

Before my first year of college/university I started looking at various online resources such as Code academy as well as watching many YouTube videos that would help me understand the basic underlying concepts of programming

just found this
// ...A shed load of voodoo is then executed...
// .. removing the need for this would have involved messing around with the existing code which is such a rat's nest that I would rather avoid it

How do i handle code review as a junior developer?
I understand its need and I don't want to skip it.
But I feel under confident after code review when my mistakes are pointed out. They always seem so trivial and wonder how did I even miss them. How should I handle such situations? And how do I improve from here?

Is it just me or have you all be noticing a significant increase in the number of posts on devRant asking for simple technical assistance with code and packages?

I've always had the opinion that asking for personal advice here is fine but technical stuff should be kept for StackOverflow and other such forums. What is your opinion about that?

!rant
I finally published my first open source project. A package for calculation a geohash of a geolocation for pharo smalltalk.
I know that most of the users don't know smalltalk but it's the best OOP you can code with. And geohash is such a great algorithm. Lovely combination

My first game jam,
I was first excited about coding but when I started, I was caring about making my code clean, and I lost too much time focusing on this... You should see the end, such a mess ! Spaghetti code, pointers everywhere but hey, it worked 😊

While changing a pathetically written code, a thought came to my mind that like doctors we should also have a licence system for software engineers... And all the engineers who wrote such shitty code should be banned from the profession for life.,👾

What do people think of automated code generator frameworks such as Yeoman and Plop? Any experiences to share using those or similar frameworks?

I like the idea of automation, it means code will be consistent (especially across teams), and it means less boilerplate writing that potentially breaks thought processes.

But then does it just waste time? It's something extra to develop, test and debug. Further most of dev time is reading, thinking and modifying.

I'm not sure I have a "favourite" per-se, but Grace Hopper certainly features high up on the list. We might not still all be writing in machine code had she not existed, but such "higher level" languages would certainly have been many years behind where they are now.