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Joker: If you are good at something don’t do it for free
Me: (thinking) How much shall I charge to introduce bugs into someone’s code? 🤣3 -
Being a student this was how my colleagues felt about my code and SQL procedures. They didn’t even let me create a change ticket to present to CAB 😂
11 -
When I hear sales guy using technical terms in the wrong context while doing his sales pitch to a client...
2 -
Went to an interview for the position ‘PHP Web Developer’. Interviewer scans through my CV for 2mins and then starts the interview.
Interviewer: Do you know Java?
Me: I know Java but I don’t have any professional experience
Interviewer: Do you know Hadoop?
Me: No. I’ve never worked on it
Interviewer: Our company works on Hadoop hence you should be able to work on that after joining.
Me: I thought this is a PHP web dev position.
Interviewer: Of course. But you will have work on various other things too!
Me: I don’t think I want to become jack of all trades. Thanks for the opportunity!
I got up and left the interview...7 -
Data scientist: we need to whitelist a pod to connect to a database
Me: Whitelist? We don't use whitelists on private databases
DS: It's the new data warehouse database
Me: is it on <X> VPC?
DS: I'm not sure what that means but its ip is <real world ipv4>
Me: Are you hosting a publicly accessible database with all our end users information?!
DS: ...
Me: There goes our SOC2 audit controls...
DS: how long until you can white list it?
Me: I won't be whitelisting it. You need to put it on a private VPC and peer with the cluster, you'll have to rebuild all the Terraform and redeploy
DS: We didn't use Terraform because it takes too long, just white list the pods IP.
Me: No. I'm contacting the CISO and CTO...21 -
Client: We need video chatting facility in our website
Me: Ok. But it will take more time and effort. It will cost you more too!
Client: Don't build from scratch. We use Skype in our company. Just embed in our website too!
Me: **facepalm**5 -
>Deploys new image at OpenShift Online
> 3 seconds passed
> "your pod is stuck for more than 5 minutes"
excuse me wtf1 -
I was given a work to refactor one of my colleagues code and found that there was a variable named 'anal'. I was quite surprised seeing it as the colleague was a soft spoken and well behaved guy in office. After scratching my head for 15mins I came to know that he was storing analytics data in that variable. Hence the name! :-D8
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Found out that the company I'm currently working, gave me only 6 mandatory holidays for this calendar year. When I asked my boss why is it too low, he got so furious as if I asked him to donate his kidney!10
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Testing demands a “bug” fixed. It isn’t a bug. It is a limit where as the amount of records updated in a single request overloads the RAM on the pod overloads and the request fails. I say, “That isn’t a bug, it fits within the engineering spec, is known and accepted by the PO, and the service sending requests never has a case for that scale. We can make an improvement ticket and let the PO prioritize the work.
Testing says, “IF IT BREAKS IT BUG. END STORY”
Your hubcaps stay on your car at 100km/h? Have you tried them at 500km/h? Did something else fail before you got to 500km/h? Operating specs are not bugs.16 -
If programmers became musicians we would see
- Wake me up when my build ends, 21 cores, Boulevard of broken CI pipelines by Blue Screen Day
- Smoke from my cabinet by Deep For-Loop
- This is how you debug me by Loopback
- Post-release rhapsody by debug queen
- Another bug in the code by Programmer Floyd
- Smells like bad code by Coders from Botswana
- A place for my code, Cure for the bug by Likin to code at dark
etc etc..5 -
What to do with a web development intern who doesn't understand the concept of git even after 3 weeks of joining?
PS: Can't fire her20 -
When you push seemingly harmless untested code to production server which breaks the whole application...
2 -
Programming commandment: Thou shall, from time to time look at your old code, introspect and improve!
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Within 20 minutes of posting a question on stack overflow it was down voted - with no explanation. Fucking hate that site4
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Why are all the feminists silent who support equality between genders regarding the Jeff Bezos case? They should suggest her to be independent and not take her husbands assets right? 🤔🤔20
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This happened 3 years ago in my previous company. It was a small start up company and we worked on PHP stack. One of the its ex-founders had written Windows Mobile App which now had to be upgraded with new features. So we hired this new dot net guy. I always thought dot net guys were ELITE coders and was excited to see how they work.
While I played Xbox and had fun, our dot net guy stuck to his workstation furiously working. My boss who was casually strolling out of his office for a stretch saw dot net guy working hard and suggested we all developers should take him as an example.
20 days went by and each day the dot net guy did the same. He came, he silently worked on his workstation, he left in the evening. In those 20 days my boss asked twice to the dot net guy if he has finished features he was assigned but he said he did not. After a month when he said the same negative answer and had nothing to show for the work he has done he was fired.
I was so curious to see what code that ELITE coder had written for a month but could not deliver a feature(Maybe some error he could not fix?). So I open the code repo on which he worked and I see 30 commits from that guy to it. He had made a single commit each day(Fair enough he wants to commit everday before leaving). It was time to check his commit diffs to see his ELITE code. What do I find? In every fucking commit he either added a blank line to the DocBlock or removed the same. Nothing less nothing more! So much for the hyped not-so-ELITE dot net guy...1 -
I have COVID. I started getting symptoms last Sunday.
I close on the house on the 5th of July.
We have a moving pod scheduled to arrive at our apartment on the 5th and were planning on leaving to start making the move the 7th.
I have no energy.
This timing sucks.17 -
Programming commandment: Thou shall not commit code snippet copied from StackOverflow without adding a comment to help future coder brethren!
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about 6 years ago I was working for a large consulting company on a government project. I put in a change for a stored procedure that hard coded the partition to 0, except 0 didn't exist on production, just on test. several thousand government employees couldn't access it for a day. 😞
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watched first two episodes of mr. robot and it seems pretty good so far. does it go like other hacker shows/movies or does it stay good?10
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These days programming has boiled down to how optimally can you find solution to your problem using search tools!2
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Programming commandment: Thou shall blame all bad code on thy comrade who has bequeathed your company!2
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Colleague: We need to deliver it today so let's hardcode some values in the code to make it work
Me: Ok you do it. I don't even want to see it!
3 -
I tried so hard and debugged so far
But in the end it didn't even matter
As I rewrote function call to loose it all!1 -
swag link says you need 20 +1's for stickers and 175 +1's for ball from each post. clicking on Learn More it then says you need 15 +1's for stickers and 150 +1's for ball from each post.
How about some stickers for spotting a content issue?1 -
Today was a SHIT day!
Working as ops for my customer, we are maintaining several tools in different environments. Today was the day my fucking Kubernetes Cluster made me rage quit, AGAIN!
We have a MongoDB running on Kubernetes with daily backups, the main node crashed due a full PVC on the cluster.
Full PVC => Pod doesn't start
Pod doesn't start => You can't get the live data
No live data? => Need Backup
Backup is in S3 => No Credentials
Got Backup from coworker
Restore Backup? => No connection to new MongoDB
3 FUCKING HOURS WASTED FOR NOTHING
Got it working at the end... Now we need to make an incident in the incident management software. Tbh that's the worst part.
And the team responsible for the cluster said monitoring wont be supported because it's unnecessary....3 -
A coder and a non-coder were travelling on a boat together. Due to some reason there was a hole in that boat and it started to drown. Non-coder survived but coder didn't. Why? Coder thought it was just another loop hole which he could fix using his laptop. So much for his confidence!3
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had an interview at a place that went good at the technical part but I didn't do great at their 'abstract' questions. the guys interviewing were complete stone faced as well, no personality, pretty sure I wouldn't have liked working there anyways. a few years later and they are still looking for people. the recruiter rings up and I said I wouldn't want to re-interview unless the process had changed. he guaranteed me it had. so I went back in and it was exactly the same. exactly the same technical questions, followed by more abstract questions. different guys but same no-personalities. never going back
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Devrant freezes when switching to different app then back again. A bit random though, has happened a couple of times but can't reproduce it.3
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Worst interview was when I attended interview for the position of PHP and the interviewer started grinding me with C++ questions starting with STLs. Could not answer most of them, interviewer said to get my act together and try again after 3 months. Nope not gonna happen!
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!rant
Birthday today, got a dolce gusto pod coffee maker. Just trying the different flavours before i settle on one and put in an order for a couple thousand. Not bad so far.3 -
I was an introvert while growing up hence I found interacting with non-living things easier. When I was 11 i.e. like 17 years I told my parents to enroll me into computer classes. They didn't see much of a future in it so they refused. I fought hard and finally they agreed. Hence started my journey with computers.
First week all students were allowed to explore the computer we were assigned and also were taught to play basic Windows 95 default games to make it interesting. It was all fun. Next week the teacher said he would be teaching us how to tell computer to do what we want i.e. programming. Hearing that I could make my computer do what I want excited me a lot. I felt I could finally communicate to a computer. This is how I learnt BASIC. I was so amazed I could do so many things like take input and do calculations etc. I decided I would do this kind of job in the future if it exists.
So now I am actually doing what I wanted to do when I started programming i.e. coding job!1 -
At what point do you leave?
I totally get Amazon's principle of 'disagree and commit' but how many disagreements with your COO, CEO, does it take to make you say:
Fuck this, I'm out of here6 -
You know your day is gonna be bad when it's Monday and you are told to work on a badly written legacy flash application!
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When an intern gives me suggestions on technology stack to use for the new application I'm building...
4 -
jenkins tests passing but travis failing. now travis passing but jenkins failing, aargh!
more beer needed... -
15 years back when I was in my highschool I was taught HTML. I created a 3x3 table of images with border without using any CSS while other kids were looking around confused what to do. Opened the same in IE and felt I was a professional web developer. Simpler times!1
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"Whenever there is a decline in quality of code and rise of bugs and errors oh dear coder, I manifest to show the path of bug and error free coding" said code-god
- Chapter 1 Verse 1, Code Gita -
when github autocorrects my pull request message that contains the word splunk.
(or when devrant also decides to) -
in the hospital with surgery and our deployment goes wrong, so glad I work with really good people!3
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In a conversation about which editor to use to edit pod file, this guy said nano.
I thought what a great idea to piss off both vim and emacs people in a single shot 😂2 -
Having fun looking at android developer struggling to replicate 'str_split()' function from PHP in Java :-D3
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do you know: victoria's secret higher ranking executive from scranton, pa was a lesbian who humped women prostitutes and since has been replaced by one of your pod people.
but the song from this time period about victoria's secret, is kind of funny, since one of the higher level executives was a woman and apparently enjoyed young women in lingerie as much as men do :P4 -
Our Swift teacher at college manually creates a Podfile for every project and copies and pastes the basic initialization from an existing project, pastes the cocoapod dependencies and then installs them using terminal instead of just doing a pod init and then using nano or vim to paste the dependencies right inside the terminal. These are the times I genuinely feel sad for the way Indian education system is and the way we're taught coding in colleges here.11
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When commenting it would be nice to see the comment you are commenting against. Often they are long with several points and you can't refer back to it8
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Update about my boss:
I was early too judge. Maybe still early to form an opinion.
But dude seems pretty level headed. Yes, he is agressive. Yes, he has weird way of complicating things.
But I got to learn things from him. I earned his trust, just like I did in the past with other managers. He is confident about my performance now. He gave me space to ramp up and pushed me to limits.
But now, Floyd is settled. Maybe with time, I might get occasional unpleasant interactions, but those are part of every job.
However, we as a society decided to be in agile mode. Fix a problem and the solution gives rise to another one.
The business head of my pod is going crazy over the deliverables.
They were surviving for years with a product manager. Everything was driven by tech without any research.
And now when I am in, they want everything to be done yesterday.
We spent some decent amount of time on strategy and it turned out to be good. Now they are questioning that why ain't I delivering?!
It's been a week we finalised the strategy, let me get some space and time to structure and plan the execution.
Business heads are pretty nice and level headed people. Just that I don't understand the sense of urgency. I get it that my pod often has to deal with fire fighting given the nature of the business, but holy fuck! Stop pressurising to deliver everything together on a war foot.
They are like, we'll ask for more resources. But whose gonna tell them that 9 women cannot deliver a baby in 1 month.
I need time for discovery and research. Without that, don't expect impact.
As the only PM space, leading the entire vertical, how can I even focus on multiple initiatives?
I really miss my previous life of my first company. It's exactly an year when I left them and I changed two companies since then.
My learning and earnings sky rocketed, but WLB took a toll.
I miss the time when I could finish my work in an hour and did whatever the fuck I want while at work like browsing new topics to learn, exploring places, attending events, connecting with people, making social posts to learn, finance as a hobby, yada yada..
These days, I feel too burned out. Not that I am worried about job stability, because I trust my skills.
But more due to the fact that I have to constantly focus on work for the time I am in office. No free space or time to collect myself together, process things, and focus.
This leads me to thinking about work (read processing office discussions), at home too.
I cannot enjoy music. Feels like a load.
I no longer attend events or meet people after work. No more wasting time on the internet.
And most importantly, I am not bored anymore. I miss being bored. I miss living a boring, mediocre lifestyle.
I miss doing my side projects and polishing my portfolio site ten times a day, because I got nothing better to do.
I used to spend time learning right grammar and why American and English words are different and which to use where.
I miss spending time of Google Maps exploring borders and remote regions.
Weekends fly by. No hobby to pursue. No free time.
I miss the days when I had nothing to do and I was bored and I could do anything.
I used to be always happy. Because no responsibilities. I used to be always up for a meetup. I used to be available for a phone call.
Now it's nothing but work which is surely exciting and some foundational learning with good enough money, but I miss my time when I used to get bored because I had nothing to do.5 -
A junior Dev was assigned a particular task where he is expected to come up with the command to run inside the system. He came up with the commands. I being a senior Dev and who has access to run the command on the pod did it after verifying it. I ran the command with screen sharing it to the junior Dev for him to learn. Now manager asked him to document the steps. I found that the doc contains screenshots from our call. My screens exactly.
Now my question is, I'm feeling that he should have asked or informed before taking a screenshot of my screen? Is this feeling normal?7 -
If you're always too busy doing the wrong things the wrong way, you will never have time time to do things right
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is being a tech/dev person, a dead end job?
i have been thinking about this for sometime. as a dev, we can progress into senior dev, then tech lead, then staff engineer probably. but that is that. for a tech person :
1. their salary levels are defined. for eg, a junior may earn $10k pm , and the highest tech guy (say staff engineer) will earn $100k pm, but everyone's salary will be spread over this range only, in different slots.
2. some companies give stocks and bonuses , but most of the time that too is fixed to say 30% of the annual salary at max.
3. its a low risk job as a min of x number of tech folks are always required for their tech product to work properly. plus these folks are majorly with similar skills, so 2 react guys can be reduced to 1 but not because of incompetency .
4. even if people are incompetent, our domain is friendly and more like a community learning stuff. we share our knowledge in public domain and try to make things easy to learn for other folks inside and outside the office. this is probably a bad thing too
compare this to businesses , management and sales they have different:
1. thier career progression : saleman > sales team manager> branch manager > multiple branch manager(director) > multiple zones/state manager (president) > multiple countries/ company manager (cxo)
2. their salaries are comission based. they get a commission in the number of sales they get, later theybget comission in the sales of their team> their branch > their zone and finally in company's total revenue. this leads to very meagre number in salaries, but a very major and mostly consistent and handsome number in commission. that is why their salaries ranges from $2k pm to $2-$3millions per month.
3. in sales/management , their is a always a room for optimisation . if a guy is selling less products, than another guy, he could be fired and leads could be given to other/new person. managers can optimise the cost/expenses chain and help company generate wider profits. overall everyone is running for (a) to get an incentive and (b) to dodge their boss's axe.
4. this makes it a cut-throat and a network-first domain. people are arrogant and selfish, and have their own special tricks and tactics to ensure their value.
as a manager , you don't go around sharing the stories on how you got apple to partner with foxconn for every iphone manufacturing, you just enjoy the big fat bonus check and awe of inspiration that your junior interns make.
this sound a little bad , but on the contrary , this involves being a people person and a social animal. i remember one example from the office web series, where different sales people would have different strategies for getting a business: Michael would go wild, Stanley would connect with people of his race, and Phyllis would dress up like a client's wife.
in real life too, i have seen people using various social cues to get business. the guy from whom we bought our car, he was so friendly with my dad, i once thought that they are some long lost brothers.
this makes me wonder : are sales/mgmt people being better at being entrepreneur and human beings than we devs?
in terms of ethics, i don't think that people who are defining their life around comissions and cut throat races to be friendly or supportive beings. but at the same time, they would be connecting with people and their real problems, so they might become more helpful than their friends/relatives and other "good people" ?
Additionally, the skills of sales/mgmt translate directly to entrepreneurship, so every good salesman/manager is a billionaire in making. whereas we devs are just being peas in a pod , debating on next big npm package and trying to manage taxes on our already meagre , "consistent" income :/
mann i want some people skills like these guys10 -
Kong API Gateway in Kubernetes is a load of balls. Spent half a day trying to stabilise the deployment after I bumped its pod resource requests.1
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Anybody else get shouted at by partner when you put all heavy stuff at front of conveyer when shopping, or rearrange dishwasher so more things will fit, etc. I thought I was just being logical about these things...1
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Mobile Dev...
What I wish I did: Writing a new pod to allow connectivity with your smart glasses to profile dangers while driving.
What my PM wants: Update the color on the sign in button
What I really do: Take three hours to install pods and build the testflight for the client -
!rant
Any links to start learning game server programming using C++? I know network programming using C# currently and built a game server emulator also. I want to start C++ network programming for windows now...8 -
Suggestions for UK conferences please, already going to devoxx, anything devvy would be good, or architecture or web related
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I found myself tonight imagining what a conversation between Cheech and Chong about serverless would be.
Maybe the basis for a new talk?
Suggestions please1 -
Today we picked an old (6 months old) iOS project back to add some features. We clone repo and run `pod install` to pull the dependencies.
There seems to be a bug with FBSDKCoreKit (facebook SDK) and the only solution is to delete the Podfile.lock
if we do this, it will pull the new version of every dependency, and the public API of each dependency is broken. Meaning we have to spend about 18 hours+ just to make this shit compile.
Fuck this shit!! -
I was trying to build this AWESOME react native application.
1. install npm and react native [3 min]
- oh wait install yarn [about 10 min]
- how about expo 1 min
- and install expo on my phone [ 1min]
2. create a react native app
umm install pod [10 min]
run npm ... figure failures and stuff [20 min]
it's been almost 1 hour now and I forgot what I was building.2 -
Opinions please. When end user is not paying for service, who is my customer? For example public facing government project2
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When a junior developer forks new feature branch from his old feature branch and not from develop branch causing merge conflicts later!1
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In client terms, a “3rd party” is akin to Angelina Jolie. Despite the promise that you’ll be able to have an enlightening conversation over a nice meal and hopefully hook up afterwards ... sorry, it ain’t happenin’. You’re just gonna have to fantasize about it while you take care of business yourself.
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Manual EC2 instances + Elastic load balancer or Elastic beanstalk for a PHP 7 application? I might have some cron jobs to be run too...
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@dfox Quick feature request. Checking for duplicate comment or rant and hiding them. On erratic connections impatient coders like me press submit button multiple times making duplicate posts!10
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does anybody here use diaspora*? for those who don't, it's a free (as in freedom) social network and protocol thereof, and it employs a decentralized, distributed approach. you can choose a "pod" to store your data, and search for people and content inter-podly. as a decentralization/distribution/foss enthusiast, i love the project and check regularly, but sometimes i get the feeling that i'm all by myself there, as i have no friends yet and all the content i see is just my followed keywords. (so befriend me, maybe? :D)5
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Work has set us a challenge to build a rock/paper/scissors/dynamite/waterbomb api. We have the spec for what json is expected incoming and outgoing. We are allowed to implement any way we want and with any language we want. We are considering using Clojure but we have no experience with it, hence we will hopefully be learning as we go. Would you recommend using a framework like Pedestal, Hoplon, Luminus, or just use Leiningren or something else?
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Feature request: please allow the app to work in landscape and rotate. I can't get to the hamburger menu in bottom right due to broken screen3
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I'm starting to look at how to get devices to send data to an endpoint for storage and analysis. I'm looking at AWS iot stuff like core and green grass but then I'm thinking that a REST API could also do the job. I don't need to connect devices to each other (in first iteration). Dont think I need any edge stuff either. Anybody have any experience with this?3
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You know what? You can all go plug your heads into each other's arseholes, Cocoapods people, just like the human centipede. I've had enough with you.
I have several libraries that were created back in version 0.38 or something. All of the sudden, you jump to v1.0 and call it ready for prime time. Except the pod doesn't build anymore and I can't publish to the trunk.
When running pod install on them, I get a hopeful message saying it's "re-creating CocoaPods due to major version update", but 2ms later the humongous pile of dog poo crashes, because it was expecting some file to be somewhere. Still not happy, it messes up the remote URL on git.
So I deleted everything and created a new project using v1.0 and populated it with my library, only to find out that now the project won't build because it's fucking Xcode with your shitty piece of software on top of it.
It's already too much of a pain to deal with Xcode's tantrums, but deliberately having to put up with Cocoapods' horseshit on top of that is just torture.
Hope you lose all internet connectivity for three hours today, right in the middle of something important. Because that's how much of my life you've stolen from me. -
It took me 48 hours ( not continuously) to fix a bug by going through a cluster fuck code of multiple modules. Tracing the error through 5 or 6 layers. And u dont get error logs right away. You need to recreate that error and see the logs on a kubernetes pod. Just to find out the bug was a duplicate.
Yes jokes are on me. I fucked up by not checking for duplicate. I steered right away on that shit dipped bug like a hungry/zombie hound. Fuck me. -
methinks that a choice of surroundings is really a question of how crass or sophisticated the bullshit people spout sounds.
'we the connoiseurs of the poser pod people, demand a more finely grained variety of bullshit'
its like listening to someone trying to sell you a really bad tech device. -
Anyone else having trouble with apt-get install in EC2 instance of region US-East-1? Seems it's too slow currently!
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Need recommendation on which server side language/framework to use along with my new react native app.
Thanks3 -
If A.I steals all dev jobs then I will become physicist and build time machine like in terminator movie ;-)
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New to the the electronics stuff and I'm building a word clock. Recommendations for a microcontroller that has at least 22 outputs (22 words to light up). Something from Arduino? Also need to plug in for power and use an RTC.5
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Any upto date and maintained swift library (pod) that enables easy integration with fontawesome or material icons ?
The ones from thii, fail for buttons icons. The others are not maintained projetcs.
Any suggestions ?
On android i use the mikepenz amazing library, but cannot find anything similar for ios.
Haaaalp1 -
What's a good inexpensive android phone for development. Something 14 year olds could use without breaking6
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If (true) {
// do else action instead
} else {
// fallback code
}
...no one else is in the pod, I "could" open a bottle, but I also have a deadline. X-o -
If one of you pod people would like to pick me up and bone me before cloning me I’d be open to that as long as you recognize it’s not for some kind of awful pay
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k8s is so good orchestrating its shit, yet it can't handle a node rolling update with deployments having one replica and a PDB of unavailable=0,
Dude... make a gooddamn exception, surge a damn pod for draining the node. -
Used cocoapods to install VideoCore on demo. Everything's working. Nice!
Transferred to actual project - pod file has 'use_frameworks!' in it, fucked up the headers, project broke. Spent whole Saturday trying to solve it cos i suck!
..I thought I would be done in an hour.. -
Spent two hours trying to work out why a Kubernetes pod wouldn't apply it's database migration when it works in every other environment. Turns out the database instance was powered off. Piss biscuits.
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Sometimes I wonder if we’re not all trained models that are self teaching and pivoting around so that some mindless clone can mimic us until they actually understand what the hell we thought and felt but more quickly
Like doing math problems but saturated in trauma and unhappiness or more trauma and unhappiness lol but the repetition is linked to more complex activity and then quickly forgotten since this isn’t life
Just being exposed to ideas that interested me as a kid made profound changes in what I talked about and how I thought
Are we sacrificing humans so subhumans can think like us in the future ?
Fucking pod people3
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