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Agency: " Sir, we found 3 candidates as per your requirements, now how do you want their placements sir?"
M.D: "Put about 100 bricks in a closed room. Then send the candidates into the room & close the door, leave them alone & come back after a few hours and analyse the situation:-
1) If they are counting the bricks, Put them in Accounts deptt.
2) If they are re-counting the bricks, Put them in Auditing.
3) If they have messed up the whole room with the bricks, Put them in Engineering.
4) If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order, Put them in Planning.
5) If they are throwing the bricks at each other, Put them in Operations.
6) If they are sleeping, Put them in Security.
7) If they have broken the bricks into pieces, Put them in Information Technology.
8) If they are sitting idle, Put them in Human Resources.
9) If they say they have tried different combinations yet not a single brick has been moved, Put them in Sales.
10) If they have already left for the day, Put them in Marketing.
11) If they are staring out of the window, Put them in Strategic Planning.
And.......
12) If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been touched, Congratulate them and put them in Top Management.
😂🤣😃😁😅😜6 -
" If you can put an axe through it, it's hardware; if you want to put an axe through it, it's software. " -- Unknown7
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Design team: "Is it okay if I put this here?"
Me: "No, it's not okay if you put that there."
Design team: "Are you sure? It'd be really cool if I could put that there."
Me: "No, I will need to fuck with a lot of things if you put that there, just put it in the bootstrap columns."
Design team: "Hold on, lemme see if it's okay to put that there."
Lead-dev: "He's right, you shouldn't put that there."
Company: "We should have a meeting to discuss where the design team can and can't put things."
Lead-dev: "Just put the things in the middle and devide them in these twelve columns on seperate rows, 'kay?"
Company: "Okay, the design team will now put the thing in those things, right design team?"
Design team: "Yes, we agree to putting the thing where we should put the thing."
Me: "So where do you want the thing now?"
Design team: "I want it all the way to the right, outside of the container, that'd look cool."
Me: "Fuck you."22 -
Omfg this fucking guy!!!!
Context:
We are going through a major refactor of some of our backend components. I was tasked with cleaning up our ML code while another guy was tasked with cleaning up the general CRUD side of the backend, let's call him DA for "dumb ass".
** At 11pm
DA: I am getting a strange error from your backend. Look:
"Invalid call: method=PUT expected=[POST]"
Me: you need to send a post request not a put request
DM: no, it's not that. I am sending the right thing
Me: ... Let me see...
* 15min ish of testing *
No, it works fine on my version, 1.1.0 what's your version?
DM: I'm on 1.1.0.
Me: send me code?
DM: *send
"request.put(..."
Me: you are sending a PUT... It's literally in the screenshot. Send a Post
DM: I am
Me: no, send a Post
DM: I don't understand, I am sending the request
Me: it's a post not a put
DM: but...
Me: it's a post not a put
Me: good night!!!!!!12 -
So I like to put on some music while I shower.
For some godforsaken reason I put YouTube on autoplay.
Ended up listening to a 5 minute ad instead.16 -
!dev
I find it funny to see how people very often go into defense mode (of those companies) when I call them (a select amount of companies) mass surveillance companies.
I mean, when you search for the definition of a surveillance compatible (or, surveillance) and see what those companies (Google, Microsoft, Facebook, Twitter, AOL, Yahoo, Paltalk), it outright matches that of (a) surveillance company/companies.
Then, when you look at the scale they perform this at (mass scale, mass amount of people/users), it fits the definition of a mass surveillance company...
No matter how you turn it, those companies are, per definition, (mass) surveillance companies (apart from the fact that they're integrated within worlds biggest created government powered mass surveillance program ever).3 -
YoU nEEd tO tHInK MorE LiKe oUr nOn tEcHnICal UsErs
That's your fucking job you powerpoint monkey, I'm writing code since age of 14, I distrust everything that doesn't spit out logs of what it's extacly doing to my console including you, my gf says sudo to get my attention, how the hell am I supposed to know how normies think16 -
"Quality CSS" is much a fucking misnomer. As someone whose been writing this shit at scale for 15+ years I can tell you all CSS code is garbage. The only thing you should do is make sure you don't have name collisions. Classes/components are self contained. And use variables when possible. DRY makes sense usually, but if you're dogmatic about it you shoot yourself in the foot.9
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Why do people put their "TL;DR" at the end of the freaking long text. Put it on top for God's sake.5
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Once worked for a guy who lectured me in front of the whole office because I didn't continued work at home after I stayed 3h unpaid overtime at the office.
I quit soon after that.3 -
Just saw an upwork offer.
The client wants the dev to put all pages into one page.
"That sounds easy" I thought.
But it turns out that the total amount of pages to put into a single page is 904625697166532776746648320380374280100293470930272690489102837043110636675.
HOLY CRAP! EVEN IF I PUT THAT MASSIVE BLOCK INTO A SINGLE PAGE, YOU WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO OPEN IT! THERE IS NO SUCH POWERFUL MACHINE OR EVEN A SOFTWARE THAT CAN MANAGE TO OPEN IT!
14 -
I enjoy listening to Metalcore while coding. It really helps me calm down and focus/concentrate (the irony of that whilst having someone scream right into my ears 😂). It also helps me chill and regulate my emotions better. Am I weird? What helps you focus and code better?31
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I lost a bet today 😥 ... My surname is inman
I have to name my first born child
put-it
The bet? That apple wouldn't reject the app I submitted ... Fuck apple11 -
"Please put you cameras on"
put photo of me as background, closed privacy slide
Hope no one notices I'm not blinking5 -
Writing a new service. (Will be free for now)
Writing up an Ajax PUT request and when it executes, I see an options request firing, that's good.
But no fucking PUT request afterwards!?
WHAT WHY FUCK ME HELP 😢18 -
Whoever thought setting up SQL database connections through XML was a good idea needs to be put on trial. And then exiled to a deserted island so they can think about all the pain they put me through.
5 -
DO !!!NOT!!!!! USE 'X' AND 'P' TO 'CUT AND PASTE' A LOT OF LINES ACROSS FILES IN VIM!!! HOLY SHIT I JUST PWNED MYSELF SO HARD I LOST SO MUCH CODE HOLY FUCK IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY! WHERE DID AT ALL GO YOU ASK, WHY THE FUCKING REGISTER, OK LET'S CHECK THE REGISTER, COOL THERE IT IS, BUT WAIT, THERE'S ONLY LIKE 20% OF IT BECAUSE WE CUT A SHIT LOAD OF LINES AT ONCE, AND THE REGISTER OVERFILLED.... Ok let's calm down, doesn't Vim have a recovery option? Yes it does, but WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE, MY CHANGES ARE NOT IN THE SWAP FILE BECAUSE IT'S NOT LIKE VIM CRASHED OR ANYTHING, MY DUMB-FUCK-ASS WILLFULLY WROTE THE CHANGES WHEN I SWITCHED OVER TO THE NEW FILE, AND NOW, WELL THAT'S IT, YOU'RE DEAD KIDDO, YOU WROTE THE CHANGES TO DISK, NOTHING YOU CAN DO, AND I AM SO SCREWED I SPECIFICALLY MADE A DEVRANT ACCOUNT TO MAKE SURE NO ONE ELSE PWNS HIMSELF AS HARD AS I JUST DID HOLY FUCK16
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A customer who frequently calls me for help just called and let me know that I was on speaker for a room full of people who had questions. Nothing like being put on the spot with zero warning....jeez. And I'm sick today, so I bet my sniffles made me sound awesome. But we went through everyone's questions and all is now good.1
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A teacher just gave us a complete course on JS, which already is my main language, and didn't. Put. A. Single. Semicolon.
Am I the only one to compulsorily put semicolons even of the language doesn't require you to do so? Please?8 -
I'm currently working in call center. Making them a management system for agents. I'm the only developer there. No one asks about the progress even the owner doesn't know a thing about softwares. This gives me a freedom to do work when I want and how fast I want. But because of this I don't care anymore about the little things. and I have adopted some bad programming habits during my stay. Should I quit or what?6
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idk how to put my stress into words so
ahem
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHIHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH1 -
Put me under pressure and I’ll produce the best code I’ve ever written.
Put me under a microscope and I won’t produce jack shit 😂😬5 -
Some programmer forget to put ; at the end of their commands,
My problem is that i forget not to put ; while coding in python :/4 -
"Did you really buy a macbook to put ubuntu on it?"
"Wow why would you use such an overpriced piece of garbage just to put linux on it?'
"You made the worst choice of hardware to put ubuntu on"
Maybe, just maybe, I didn't fucking buy it myself and I got it from work? Maybe I didn't fucking pay a dime to get a laptop to put ubuntu on it? Ever considered that I got it for fucking free and have the privilege to do what I want with it?
Go fuck yourself if your first assumption is that I would actually buy a macbook just to erase MacOS from it12 -
about 6 years ago I was working for a large consulting company on a government project. I put in a change for a stored procedure that hard coded the partition to 0, except 0 didn't exist on production, just on test. several thousand government employees couldn't access it for a day. 😞
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Never put a thing on your CV that you don't actually know. I've seen many people put a lot of languages that they don't really know, just to impress the interviewer and get rejected.
Also, be confident..... even when you are bluffing.4 -
oh microsoft...
you used to put the artifacts in
bin/Release/net6.0/publish
now you just put them in
bin/Release/net6.0
fucking garbage thanks for the heads up
it's golang from here on out
go run main.go && echo 'byebye fucksticks'4 -
God I miss Stack Overflow Jobs. Put tech you want to work with, put tech you don't want to work with, get relevant results. Now? Search "frontend" in LinkedIn and you're getting "sugar production quality assurance". Fuck that noise.4
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Thank you devrant for the awesome stickers i put one on my laptop and one on my on my desktop the last one i may put on my car.
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I carry a mac M2.
My brother has a similar bag to mine.
He put his bag in place where I used to put mine.
I went and opened bag.
There was NO Mac M2.
My heart nearly skipped a beat.8 -
How to NOT handle dates!
Do not put the date to "mdy" format, today would be 050217.
Working on an intranet for some multi-billion corporation, and was wondering why events from last year were showing.
Last year's events were 28th of October, 2016, and was showing as upcoming events :)
Checked the code, and saw this. Quick fix, turned dates to UNIX timestamp, and it worked.
2 -
Facebook be like
We put react-dom in your react so you can dom while you react and we also put react-native in your react so you can native while you react but we also put react-native-web in your react so you can dom while you native while you react
3 -
My FIRST robotics team 5024 is ordering sweaters and I can put anything I want on the back as my code name sortof thing. What is witty that I can put on it?4
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Writing code to put me to sleep.
try{
me.sleep();
} catch (InterruptedException e) {
throw Pillow.atInterruption(e);
} -
If you put “up to” in front of “proposed salary”, which ofc is a very high number, I put your job offer in the trash. Just put the range or fuck off.
I will never understand how the little brain of recruiters works.
They write shit like we weren’t smart enough to see it.5 -
Fuck you apache server...
Why did your dumb ass developers decide it was a good idea to not support "expect 100 continue headers". I seriously suspect that the devs were high smoking dragon dildo ashes like they were getting ready to get a whole chair shoved up their asses.
I wasted alot of time thinking i was getting a 417 http code because i fucked up my API implementation... No, it was the dumb apache server that decided to give me the finger.
Also, whoever built the HttpClient for .net framework 4... Fuck you too for automatically adding that dumb header to PUT requests and not properly documenting this or allowing for it to be disabled in a non hacky way.
I appreciate and enjoy solving coding problems... I, however, can't stand dumb decisions like the two above. -
At my incubation place they put up these new, shinny tables and cupboards.
I was hoping maybe they will put a coffee machine. Instead they shifted the printers.
Talk about aesthetics.
2 -
you can be a very good developer and still be a shitty person. Same energy you put in to become good as a software engineer, also put in same energy to become less of a shitty person.4
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Designer said to put app title below app bar on every screen. I suggested to put title on app bar. He said no. We released the app. Now he says, please could you change the titles to the app bar. What a waste of time.
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Fuck who ever put the `hosts` file in that path WHICH IS IMPOSSIBLE TO REMEMBER!
and then fuck who put the httpd-vhosts.conf in a totally different path that is impossible to remember!8 -
I just road about 400km in a 150cc motorbike between yesterday and today to pick my notebook from the assistance shop. Oh my god, feels good to be home. Now with my baby boy recovered :)2
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Our informatics practical instructor's logic:
Put everything inside functions :D
Sure that'll help xD1 -
If you dont know what to put in a oracle TNS string ... Its ok ... Nobody know what to put in this shit
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"hey, so we want to put our app inside another app, but don't give them the source code. so can you make an apk that they can just put inside theirs, by EOD?"
Took me > 2 weeks to convert it into a library project ( :ﾟ皿ﾟ) -
Anybody else get shouted at by partner when you put all heavy stuff at front of conveyer when shopping, or rearrange dishwasher so more things will fit, etc. I thought I was just being logical about these things...1
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So, I was building a new pc for gaming and dev, but I can't choose which cpu to put in.
So I thought let's put it here: i7-7700k or Ryzen 1700X?
Your thoughts?3 -
In my company we have some awards that are given to people doing some things for customers and doing it good. There are nominations and so on, this year my friend got one for having good relations with customers, being calm and helping them how he can best. Of course there was written something about his calm, helping others, being patitent (...). But nobody from people that he is helping ever saw him screaming like today before he knew that he will be awarded:
“HOW THE FUCK THOSE IDIOTS CAN BREAK THINGS LIKE THAT, THERE IS NO FUCKING WAY”
And he got award for being calm and patient :D4 -
"How about we don't do it this way because I have undone what you did and have redone it in a stupid way and if we have to do it the correct way we'll have to undo MY work, so let's just keep it like it is, ok?"
Really? And one of your arguments is "because it's working now", bitch it was working before, you just didn't read my code.
I'll give you the benefit of the doubt though, I don't think you did this on purpose, you were tired yesterday, I get it. But still, could've talked to me before deleting all my code.
I'm not that mad though, I got paid the same and still found a nice pattern I can use on my own future projects, it just won't be used at work. -
We're doing refactoring and deciding on which class to go into which module. A colleague said, "garbage put in core, shit put in common".
Me:
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I need to put a coffee maker in my office. I am tired of having to put my shoes back on to walk down the hall.1
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why does every other culture get a horrific holiday entity that strikes fear in the hearts of children? all we have in america is a fat guy invented by corporations.
it’s not fair :(5 -
Happened today on the way home
---
*Doesn't feel keys in usual pocket*
Shit, where are my keys?
*Checks other pockets*
Oh, I put them where I usually put my wallet.
...
Shit, where is my wallet? (I forgot it on my desk 🤦♂️) -
Do people put their OSS projects on their CV? I'm trying to put together a decent graduate CV and the non-tech people around me insist that I should put "the research projects I spend so much time on" on it, but I'm pretty sure that as long as there's a Github link the rows full of jargon combined with meaningless names that would be a project list do more harm than good.3
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Help, please.
I have an only HTML(CSS and JS) app. I want to put it in Play Store. How?
I saw somewhere Phonegap can convert HTML to apk, but if I do it, will it work well?
I mean, if I want to put google ads or any other ads can I choose where to put them?9 -
Well, the time has finally come to tackle Typescript! So far it's not too rough-so I think I might put some effort into levelling up my redux skills too so I can put them together...maybe!1
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PUT method works in dev but not in prod for code ignitor. Stuck on this one from a week. Someone HELP 🥲
(Checked htaccess and PUT is enabled)12 -
Just to make sure, a post (such as this one) needs to reach a certain amount of likes (++s) to get a stress ball, not total likes across all posts?1
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What are some cool titles/position I can put on a my business card? It's kinda lame if I just put Software Engineer there. Lol10
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