Huge congrats to @linuxxx for being the first ever member of the devRant community to reach 100,000++

This is an awesome accomplishment and @linuxxx earned all of his ++ with awesome stories and has represented everything the devRant community is about while getting there.

So once again, congrats @linuxxx, and thanks for everything you have contributed to devRant!

!rant

Customer: What's the difference between an antivirus and an antimalware?

Me: *thinks for a second* So an antimalware program is like if you're on a beach with a metal detector. You're looking around for metal that's already buried in the sand. An antivirus is like actively watching people for if they drop metal on the ground.

Customer: That's an interesting analogy.

Coworker: *quietly* That's a actually a really good analogy...

Some love stories are immortal.

We just launched our new stories feature! If you go to the "stories" section, you'll see only rants that are over 70 words and you'll be able to easily enjoy the best long-form rants on devRant!

Just to clarify - all functionality is remaining the same. The main feed will still show all rants. Stories just makes it easier to find fun rants that involve more detailed stories/ranting and helps give them some more exposure.

We hope you enjoy! Feel free to comment here if you have any questions/suggestions about this.

Oh fuck off Google.

YouTube has stories now.

Brb going to throw up in a trash can. The most fucking stupid feature for YouTube.

Two types of Developers:

1. Good Developers
2. Instagram Vloggers/Influencers

Inside Apple Stories

There was a previous developer who my managers has told us was terrible and toxic. Yet due to terrible planning, he had everyone work for over 13 hours last Sunday.

I contacted this previous developer to learn his side of the story and learned a lot. I realize between their two narratives is the truth, but I see all the ways we've been lied, the ways this other dev was scapegoated and all the additional work that's sure to come.

I refuse to work weekends again. I refuse to work over 40 hours. I wish I could convince everyone else to do the same. No amount of money is worth making up for bad planning and management.

Can't wait to read a bunch of stories about myself on this weeks rant.

Hello. I joined devRant today. I am from Japan and my English is not very good. I like the idea of devRant and decided to be part of it.

I like the Stories and Collabs areas. Can't wait to get started.

Please give me tips on how to best use this platform. Is there anyone from Tokyo here?

Just broke 3000++ but no stress ball because my stories aren't as funny as my comments. :(

A method that contains over 9000 lines of code.....
Are there really production codebases out there with stuff like that? If yes I am scared as hell because I don't want to work with that kind of code once I graduate
Tell your stories!

Snapchat: You can't just copy all of my concepts and sell them as yours.

Facebook: Watch me.

I open up facebook to look at fake news stories. I unfollowed everyone on my friends list.

I open up devRant to be a part of a community. A group of people that share the same interests.

Shouldn't be necessary if you just write understandable code xD..... Some people just write stories in between 2 lines of code....

First ever job interview (in my field) went well and I got the job two days later! (my current one).

I'm getting scared from the other stories though 😅

New to devRant and after reading a few stories, I knew that this is where I belong😁

Snapchat, then Instagram, then WhatsApp, then effin FB messenger...
devRant please DO NOT GET THAT SHITTY 'STORIES UPDATE' NOW...

in an alternate universe there exists a clientRant, where clients come together and share their horror stories of dealing with devs.

Ummm ..
I'm a PHP dev.
I still accept WordPress Websites.
I usually use bootstrap but haven't tried 4.0 yet.
I occasionally touch jQuery.

:3 still wanna hear my disappointment stories?

***Interviewing potential sys admins so us devs don't have to build everything and run everything***

Coworker: Do you know how to use cron and cron jobs?

Candidate: Yes I'm familiar with setting up users and permissions.

Me: 😳

Coworker: 😳

Boss: We will give you a call have a good day.

If you had just admitted you didn't know but we thought you could learn we might have been open to teaching you but brazenly acting like you know something when you don't is dangerous if you're running a multi thousand user production system.

All good stories start with "when I pushed to production on a Friday..."

There should be a name for rants about fake stories. Like the ones you read and can smell some bs going on. I suggest frants.

Anyone else feels this way?

Any good stories to share about that as well?

Scary stories in 5 words:
"Bash: ls: command not found"

There are people in my workplace who ask "why did you set your IDE to dark theme?". How do I convince them that turning off the lights above my cubicle, lowering the screen brightness and having a dark theme is the best thing ever to concentrate?

Not to mention earbuds and a hoodie.

How do I convince them that once you turn to the Dark Side, there's no coming back?

'coz you know ...

My favorite IT story (not mine) is that the server needed to be rebooted whenever it froze completely. The best solution? Get an old PC that had a CD drive, and every time it loses connection to the server, eject the CD tray which had a poking stick attached that hits the reset button.

Dev: we have two days until go live. We got 20 bugs, 5 stories and two people on holiday.

PM: ok so could we get these 3 stories squeezed in as well?

I need someone to back this up and tell more stories of the olden days 😂

Hi everyone. I'm new to this. Been lurking for a quiet some time. Best community ever IMHO ☺ Started my first programming language as c++ now somehow ended as web developer as hobby. Big shout out for you guys love your all stories ♥

Story time:

Ok so I'm in school and I'm on the computers we have to do a project on them the with rest of the class and I'm sitting beside this guy let's call him Bob (not his real name) anyways so Bob is working away on his computer and I'm trying to move documents and i decided to use cmd for it so opened it and then bob saw the cmd window and yelled "TEACHER HE'S TRYING TO HACK THE SCHOOL" then my teacher came over who has no idea how to operate computer like the rest of the class im surprised they can even turn the computer on anyways my teacher comes over and yells "PRINCIPALS OFFICE RIGHT NOW" and I'm like WTF?! anyways I have to explain to the principal what I was doing but she didn't understand so I go detention that day. Thanks a lot BOB!

Personally, the best way of getting through tough dev days is by reading books or writing stories and poems.

I'll keep it short:
My nastiest freelancing horror stories contain shitty clients who dont pay, the nastiest fucking legacy code you can imagine, and expectations as high as trump thinks of himself.

The lesson is simple: Choose your freelancing clients wisely and always expect partial payment in advance. Even from family or firends!

1. Decide to learn optimisation algorithms
2. Realise that you have forgotten calculus
3. Decide to learn from the beginning
4. Search for tutorials
5. Go through the introduction parts
6. You know that you can't complete
7. You watch other entertainment things on YouTube.

Stories of a lazy programmer...

I've found and fixed any kind of "bad bug" I can think of over my career from allowing negative financial transfers to weird platform specific behaviour, here are a few of the more interesting ones that come to mind...

#1 - Most expensive lesson learned

Almost 10 years ago (while learning to code) I wrote a loyalty card system that ended up going national. Fast forward 2 years and by some miracle the system still worked and had services running on 500+ POS servers in large retail stores uploading thousands of transactions each second - due to this increased traffic to stay ahead of any trouble we decided to add a loadbalancer to our backend.

This was simply a matter of re-assigning the IP and would cause 10-15 minutes of downtime (for the first time ever), we made the switch and everything seemed perfect. Too perfect...

After 10 minutes every phone in the office started going beserk - calls where coming in about store servers irreparably crashing all over the country taking all the tills offline and forcing them to close doors midday. It was bad and we couldn't conceive how it could possibly be us or our software to blame.

Turns out we made the local service write any web service errors to a log file upon failure for debugging purposes before retrying - a perfectly sensible thing to do if I hadn't forgotten to check the size of or clear the log file. In about 15 minutes of downtime each stores error log proceeded to grow and consume every available byte of HD space before crashing windows.

#2 - Hardest to find

This was a true "Nessie" bug.. We had a single codebase powering a few hundred sites. Every now and then at some point the web server would spontaneously die and vommit a bunch of sql statements and sensitive data back to the user causing huge concern but I could never remotely replicate the behaviour - until 4 years later it happened to one of our support staff and I could pull out their network & session info.

Turns out years back when the server was first setup each domain was added as an individual "Site" on IIS but shared the same root directory and hence the same session path. It would have remained unnoticed if we had not grown but as our traffic increased ever so often 2 users of different sites would end up sharing a session id causing the server to promptly implode on itself.

#3 - Most elegant fix

Same bastard IIS server as #2. Codebase was the most unsecure unstable travesty I've ever worked with - sql injection vuns in EVERY URL, sql statements stored in COOKIES... this thing was irreparably fucked up but had to stay online until it could be replaced. Basically every other day it got hit by bots ended up sending bluepill spam or mining shitcoin and I would simply delete the instance and recreate it in a semi un-compromised state which was an acceptable solution for the business for uptime... until we we're DDOS'ed for 5 days straight.

My hands were tied and there was no way to mitigate it except for stopping individual sites as they came under attack and starting them after it subsided... (for some reason they seemed to be targeting by domain instead of ip). After 3 days of doing this manually I was given the go ahead to use any resources necessary to make it stop and especially since it was IIS6 I had no fucking clue where to start.

So I stuck to what I knew and deployed a $5 vm running an Nginx reverse proxy with heavy caching and rate limiting linked to a custom fail2ban plugin in in front of the insecure server. The attacks died instantly, the server sped up 10x and was never compromised by bots again (presumably since they got back a linux user agent). To this day I marvel at this miracle $5 fix.

Programmer one-line horror stories? A few off the top of my head:

Segmentation fault (core dumped)

'Undefined' is not a function

Unit test failed: expected '0' but got '-1'

Connection to 'localhost:8080' has been lost

Malformed JSON string at col: 46,372. Expected '}'

People uploading each and every second of their lives in social media makes me sickk!!

!rant

Soon I'll get you, cute little dog. But it's still a long way writing stories of me screaming and complaining about everyone and everything.

After completing my sprint and some lingering stuff in the backlog

Me: Hey, there's this tiny feature people have really requested, I'll go build it since I got nothing else to do at the moment. It'll only take like 1h

PO: Hmm ok. Don't work on that yet, we need to check with business people and agree on the user stories and bla bla bla

Me: Ok, well there's these bugs I can take care of then, I'll get them fixed, won't be long.

PO: Hmmm, we need to measure the impact first. Let me get back to you on that a bit later

Me: Meh, oh. I'll refactor this bad component meanwhile then.

PO: Have you created a story for that in JIRA? Create the story first and then we'll groom it and take it in when we've time

Me in my head: Dafuq! Im trying to work on your fucking project but you keep throwing all that business bueraucracy shit at me. What am I supposed to do then? Sip coffee in the kitchen and talk about the other fucking billion failed "new business opportunities" with my peers? Fuck this circle jerk of a billion management people all trying to make themselves important. Nothing. Ever. Gets. Fucking. Done!!!

Me: Ah right, I'll do that *proceeds to the water cooler*

Short horror stories

Backend stories

Fuck , fuck y'all who use hashtags where it doesn't work. Idiots adding hashtags to stories on WhatsApp, Snapchat. It hurts. Stop.
Join me in this revolutionary movement to stop hashtag abuse.

My grandmother used to tell me stories about the old days, a time of peace when the Programmer kept balance between Encapsulation, Polymorphism, Abstraction, and Inheritance. But that all changed when the functional programmers attacked.

Listening to professor tell stories about when he used to develop, is like listening old war stories.

Back when I was in university, this teacher would tell us different stories about his days as a developer. This was one of the last ones, and I think it has not changed much since then.

*Phone rings*
Professor: Hello?

Client: I don't know what the fuck you take me for!

Professor: Oh, hello Client_Name. What seems to be the problem.

Client: This doesn't work! There's nothing here!

Professor: Ok, do you see the program file?

Client: No. I just said that there's nothing here.

They proceed to go over the issue and how to get the program to run. Or at least show up on the PC. This goes on for about 30 minutes.

Suddenly my professor has a thought.

Professor: Have you tried inserting the Floppy disk from the other side? Try flipping it.

Client: ...

THX for 500++ !!! I'm so happy I found devRant by exident. I love reading rants and sometimes post my own stories.
PS: Now I can wear my JS Shirt and drink Red bull like in rl 😂 Thx again!

I bet there's a lot of stories here in DevRant

Manager: With all the horror stories why are we even developers?

Me: Because once we get part the horror, we become geniuses.

Manager: So what you're saying is that being a developer is like taking a crap after being constipated for three weeks?

Yeah boss, lets study Scrum extensively so you can:

- Create variable length sprints
- User stories that are meaningless like 'fixes'
- Tasks that should be User Stories
- Duplicated tasks/stories that are on the fucking backlog already
- Cross sprints on projects
- No meetings at fucking all to determine who will do what
- Assign people on vacation to current sprints

The list goes on...

An when I point things like that out lets just look at the guy who spent 6 months studying this shit, taught you ( at least tried... ) as if he is saying nonsense while our projects get delayed and our code spaghettifies because we are always in a hurry for lack of time to plan anything :)

Stories from Cape Town Metrofail, Volume 30:

This screen has been operational for less than a week and it's already broken.

!rant && <3
Dudes! I've been enjoying your rants for a while now, lurking in shadows., I've been relating to your stories especially on domestics fligjts, during commutes or when I'm just fucking bored, even over Netflix. Please show me some love so I'm able to show my face as an avatar :)

Customer writing User stories

Is it normal for every stupid, arrogant, selfish person to talk all kinds of bad stuff about my app and attack me personally on the play store? It's just a soundboard and it's free you pricks, be grateful for once and don't mind the god damn ads so much. I can't believe that shit.

I was barely alive when Y2K was a thing, but anyone here have stories about it?

Teacher requests help with projector. I go to the classroom.

Me: What seems to be the problem?
Teacher: Yes, I just can’t get this projector to show image from the computer! I’ve hit every single button on the remote!
Me: .. The computer isn’t on?
Teacher: Huh?
Me: There is no power on the computer? Have you turned it on?
Teacher: .. What?

I thought maybe she had accidentally shutdown the PC, but no. She had just walked to the classroom and just turned on the projector.. Didn’t even touch the computer..

Heard the students snickering when I left the classroom.

Can one of the dev-senpais tell me stories of what using this was like?

You ever read up an old post on devrant and you see users replying back to comments that no longer exist?

@s without an underline, half baked stories without a context.

Amusing.
Confusing.
Voids in a crowd.

Me:. "Because of x, y, and z tasks this week, I was not able to complete a, b, c stories. I will need two days to complete those next week."

Boss:. "you have Saturday and Sunday"

Me: .........

Sometimes I get frustrated so I grab a decommissioned computer and take it to the roof, then I watch it plummet 4 stories to it's death.

Who has a DDOS attack story they want to share ? Dyn put up the good fight today... DDOS attacks can be incredibly difficult to deal with ... Internet of Things devices makes this an even more complicated situation. Outside of calling Prolexic, any vets have some good stories ?

Instagram has stories, WhatsApp has stories, Facebook and Messenger is testing out stories.
This is the future.

What made you get into coding? :) I'd love to read your stories!

Now even messenger has stories! :-(
When will this end!? And why the hell does Facebook need three versions of stories, in three different apps!?

“Linting” and “Cleaning” my project’s code while playing monster hunter stories,

I clocked my first 24 hours in 3 days,

There are numerous horror stories about Windows updates, but Mac updates aren't better. Yesterday I updated to Catalina (reluctantly), and when the computer restarted I was silently praying "Please don't fuck up my VMs".
Naturally, it fucked up VMware...

Being 25 and just now getting employable dev etc skills is really quite daunting when you learn of the old geniuses like Bill Joy, Linus, Wozniak and then hear daily stories of 16 year olds doing amazing things.
Inexperience in a field where everyone demands experience is scary. Still excited to see where I Can l can get though.

New role at Facebook: Stories Engineer.

The new version of the (unofficial) client (now UWP and with "Stories") for Windows 10 is here... but I can't release it due to a Microsoft Store bug... 😢

Hope to see a Microsoft fix soon, because I can't wait to share it with you! 😝

Stories from a Startup #1

CEO walks into co-worker's office, staring longingly out of the window at the lake below.

After a brief moment of silence, the CEO speaks...

"I wonder if that swan ever thinks... about me?"

Amazing API's and SEX!

Alright people, now that I've got your attention, I'm getting to the point where I need to plan and roll out a solid API for a project. So after reading a lot of the horror stories written here, What are the finer points of what makes an amazing API experience to use and integrate with over a poor one?
And don't say documentation (If you do explain why) 😁

Today I officially ditched PHP for Golang. I left my job where we were doing modern software with templating language for new and shiny Golang job. Was telling stories about how cool Golang is, and how PHP sucks. Felt good man... Wanted to do it for so long...

Coworker bugs me by telling her dog stories, now I hate dogs.

The best stories of "a coleague left his desktop unlocked and walked away for some time".

GO!

I'm pretty fucking sure that if I were to quit my job, I'd have to gather the fucking requirements, create the fucking user stories, and then JIRA the ever-living fuck out of it before I could submit my fucking resignation.

I just want to write fucking code.

"Great stories happen to people who can tell them. " - Ira Glass

Reads horrible code
Opens DevRant to rant about it
Reads some stories
Ok, better mood, I can continue working now.
What was my planned rant about again? Ah, it can't be that bad.
Goes back to the code: Oh no, it is that bad...

I’ll quit swearing when you stop moving user-stories in and out of the sprint DURING THE FUCKING SPRINT.

Waterfall Project Stages:
Requirements, Analysis, Design, Coding, Testing, Operations

When you promote project managers to program managers and tell them to switch to Agile, you get the Agilefall project stages:
Best guess, Timeline, User stories, Execution, Blame the devs when the project plan trends late.

I want to beat them with a copy of the PMBOK wrapped in lead.

made a Facebook app once that allowed users to submit their stories for a competition to win a tablet. The HTML form had no limit on length but ORM defaulted to 1000 characters in database, imagine the sourprise when we exported the data for the client at the end...

Any one else out there self-taught and employed? I taught myself to code starting when I was in middle school and my code shows it lol. But I've finally found a job where I can ise my knowledge even though i lack a degree. Anyone else out there with similar stories?

Each sprint lasts for 2 weeks. But I get the basic info to start working on my stories only when 3/4th of the sprint is completed....

So yeah....no one gives shit about estimation at least in my case.

Devrant Stories are here finally😄

Is this real life? Top two stories are bonkers.

Again I ended working for a company where people love to pride themselves because they're 'agile'.
Basically they bought A JIRA license, that's all.

The CTO decides the estimates privately.
He assign the stories.
No idea what's a retrospective.
The sprint ends whenever he wants.
No CI.
New stories continuosly added to the active sprint.

That's the risk of agile, unchecked power.

Why is everyone copying Snapchat? First Instagram stories and now the whole FB Messenger is basically a cheap clone.

Do they actually think they can steal the brand-loving sheep that are Snapchat's target demographic?

A rant partially inspired by our favorite angry German.

Are you fucking serious? Why the fuck even publish the stories to your fucking website if you're just going to beg me to download your shitty app?

Why don't you download yourself getting fucked by a chainsaw? Now THAT I'd download you fucking assholes.

How about you started off with programming?

I'll start with a veery old picture of my first Java-Code I've written (if you can call it eben that). At that time I tried to code using a JS-Designer. Just hilarious. 😂😂😂

What I do in college class... 😄😄🤗🤗

While I was working on a university project with my team, a teammate asked me why the window of the program in my screen was bigger than in his. I simply answered him that his screen was a FullHD one that had a 1920x1080 resolution, while mine had a lower resolution, and he was like "Noo! This isn't a fullhd screen, it's not so sharp".
So I showed him the "1920x1080" sticker right below his screen, and him again "Yeah, it could have this resolution but definitely it's not a FullHD screen".
- Ok, as you say...

The same guy two days ago was talking about creating a GUI in C.
I told him that C was the wrong language to build programs with a GUI, although there's some very old libs that allow you to do that in 16bit.
And him again: "Ok but Linux (distros) do that and the UIs are great!"
- Do you think that all the fucking Ubuntu/Mint/any distro code is written in C??

The funny thing is the arrogance with which he says all these bullshits.

P. S. We are attending the 3rd year of Computer Engineering.

> 1 hr meeting
> 30 min free
> 30 min meeting
> 3 hour meeting
> 30 min free
> 15 min "check point"
> How hard is concrete from 20 stories?!

What would the stories function be in Visual Studio? Just think about it.

So we decided to adopt Scrum where in manager(scrum master) picks the stories for dev, changes them during sprint and also decides the complexity of task. so much for a servant leader!!

Any Covid-19 virus stories to share on how it affected your dev work live?

Microsoft fucking Sharepoint.

How can software so shitty exist?

To upload an image, I need to F12 and increase the dimensions on an iframe so I can click the save button.

Have any Sharepoint horror stories to share?

LinkedIn, now with stories.
Twitter, now with stories.
Stackoverflow, now with stories.
Slack, now with stories.
Devrant, stories coming May 2017

Everything Facebook related is having stories. At this rate other companies gonna have their apps feature stories. Just watch.

Forgive me for I have sinned.

I feel like I need a bleach shower after having had to write these methods in my Dart codebase

In "Sprint Planning", the team is supposed to come up with stories, break those down into tasks, estimate those tasks as a team, then let devs choose what tasks they want to work on based on the stories pulled into that particular sprint.

Instead, our manager creates the stories. He assigns the stories to each developer and then has that developer announce his theoretical tasks (without any research on feature's or project's requirements!) in front of the entire team. So, when I say, "I think it will take me 6 hours to implement this feature", he says, "6 hours? I think it will take 3." and then types the estimate as 3. I have so much rage when that happens. Then we continue to sit in the room for 2.5 hours where we go through this long data entry mess of him typing out tasks and second guessing estimates. There is no team deliberation or collaboration, its whatever the manager says.

While there are many issues I take with this approach, my pet peeve would be the second guessing of the estimates. It would make sense for teams members to second guess estimates as long as they are the same teammates who have the ability and possibility to take on the tasks themselves.

But I disagree with a manager seconding guessing an implementation feature that "I" definitely have to do alone, and they do not possess the immediate knowledge to implement it themselves.

The new devRant long story feature is great! Very nice to have them in one place. Thanks devRant team!

Random boring stories about some coworker's kids.

Ok anyone used code to get girls? Let the funny stories commence.

Sitting at work. Just had a convo about older versions of Visual Studio. I was like "you youngins with you intellisense and backwards compatibility. In VS2005 we had to climb 15 miles in the snow. Uphill. And when we only had 200 compatibility issues with VS2008 we thanked Microsoft for the privilege. What Linux? You think my school provided Linux? Linux is for earners. Top sellers. Leaders of men. Cross-platform compatibility meant that it worked on a Dell with Windows and a Gateway with Windows. I tell you those were dark times."

Not entirely sure whether I should be annoyed about WP because of the crazy situations at work that seem to happen at random moments, keeping me from focusing on important stuff, or whether I should be glad for it that those sites at least make for good stories for DevRant and keep me entertained. 😐🤔

True Story for our User Stories... 😂😂

In these GOT times,
managers will suffer,
PRs will not be merged,
Pivotal Tracker/Jira stories will not be attended to.
Stand-up meetings will be ditched.

Winter is here.

How did you come to know about devRant?

I was shopping stickers online, and the owner of that site referred me to devRant (personaly, we were having a chat via that contact us chatbox).

Share your stories, because I don't see any ads of devRant, so everything must be organic here...

Who else is waiting for devRant live-stories feature 😂

My boss is never gonna fucking understand scrum...

Even though I have explained him countless times he still creates user stories named "fixes" and puts all tasks in it...

Dude, are you having a seizure?

Web version of whatsapp requires your phone to work, my phone is dead, fuck me.

They should spend money to make the web version better instead of dat stories shit that no one use

Anyone that ever experienced that a personal/hobby project (side to work/school) became successful?
How successful? Did it beco.e your main job?
Was it mostly luck or a lot of hard work?
Curious to hear peoples stories and how common it is.

Boy oh boy.. Reminds me of good ol college days. I was in my final sem when Amazon came to our university for campus hiring. I was very confident that I will get selected. Funnily enough I went till the final round and I had a feeling that it went well if not excellent. It was a Friday night and we had to wait two excruciating days for the final shortlisted result to come. On the evening of Monday my friend T called me and told me my name is not on the list. I was heartbroken. I asked him who all got selected and he said our friend A did. A was, and still is a good friend of ours and I was happy for him. That night we sat down for drinks and as the night progressed I anguished over my selection. I still remember solving a binary tree problem holding a glass of whiskey in my one hand. The next morning I woke up at 6, detoxed myself with fruit juices and sat in front of my laptop feeling full rage from last night. I sat till lunch and hacked a chrome extension in one sitting. Mind you I had no existing knowledge of extensions at that point of time. I sometimes look how my life has turned since that time and now I am one of the devs in a team which work on a product that itself is a browser extension. :)

As I am now in a leading position in the middle of a agile transition:

has anyone got a source for a project done completely with user stories?

I am searching a real life example with already finished stories an active backlog and a documentation.

I just can't wrap my head around it. When and what do you document? In which Form do you document? How are you writing user stories with more content like diagrams and such?

(we use jira and confluence but just started with stories)

I read some articles on the topic and watched some talks but sill don't get the picture.

The feeling when you're in the zone for some important tasks and your coworkers just come and seat besides your table, start bullshitting each other with their flights delay stories. I wish there is a dismiss button for this kind of occasions.

Question from curiosity:

Does anyone know of interesting things to try on unused electronics, like phones or game consoles? Does Anyone have any stories of such or something? Software and hardware wise?

Did I just see stories on Facebook too now?

What do they want?!

Not a rant, just another story about me and the man I'm gonna wife.

We both have an upcoming job interview, and I was just talking about how at our previous internship I was using python to automate some tedious tasks for me.
Me: it's like a general thing, right, to just automate things you don't really want to do
...
Me: like breathing, and waking up, ya know? I don't wanna do that shit
Him: it kind of already is automated.
Me: *three years of wasted time at med school come tumbling back in to my brain, suddenly recalling the brainstem*
Me: oh, yeah.

Seems like most of the teacher stories are Linux teachers.

- have a look at the project
- brake it down into smaller stories
- estimate the time
- multipy it with 1.5
- add 1-3 days of testing
- add 15% project management
- add a 2 days buffer

= be happy with being done in 2 weeks, present it in 4

Bed-Time

Reading : bed time stories.
I.e.Stories on dev rant

"Smart people are attracted to stories, not feature lists." - Johnnie Manzari

Browsing Reddit for weird porn back stories and you stumble upon the efficiency regarding loops
P.S. - the comments has more

Stories from a Startup #1.1

Picture of the swan in question. 😉 We were going to give it to him as a gag gift on our last day, but opted-out.

I wanna rant about a freelance job but I can't. Tell me your freelancing horror stories instead :D

When I look at textfiles.com, it's pretty amazing to see what the internet was like back in the old days. I wonder if anyone here could share their stories? ☺

I don't have much to rant about mostly because my stories aren't very interesting but also mostly because I'm kinda unaware of people's anger.

Funniest recruiter stories. This is an unused gold mine I'm still waiting for. I believe even a separate tag was requested for it before.

Boss while working at a computer repair shop, he was a chill guy and great guy to talk to. Didn't mind if I came in a little late and regularly let me leave early.

Regularly got fun stories like how someone's cd drive broke because they thought it was a bagle holder.

I only have stories of dating affecting my code, relationships are so energy consuming... So much easier to be alone and deal with it.

Best part of being a dev is that you get to be part of an amazing community like devRant.

Also the kind of jokes and stories devs get to share and laugh about is beyond anything. 😍

So this happened a few days ago
I was working on a module assigned by my senior, and was the sole developer on that module. Just when I was breaking my head to get a bash script correct (was writing a bash script for first time), my senior comes and looks at my messy script and goes "No, no, no, no that's not how you do it. "
Takes the keyboard and starts editing my script opened in vim.
Did some cool restructuring, taught me a few things about bash and while talking to me kept the keyboard back at its place.
I keep my hands on keyboard while talking to him and press
[Escape] :q!
And as I pressed Enter my face went purple/blue thinking this is not good. 😨
(I have a habit to quit as I had almost never edited and saved a vim file before)
And he sees that face and says
what happened?
No nothing. Everything's cool.

Me: Open Jira. See 8 point story skip QA column and move into Done.
Ask dev why it didn’t go through QA.

Teammate: Oh, did they want to test this?

Commence argument that **all** stories need to go through QA.

Any U.S. Americans here who can confirm the stories about "U.S. Americans beginning to stock Up on guns and ammo"?
I mean it sounds plausible but it's surely mostly overblown by the media, right? RIGHT?!

At my school library there is this system, made in php, to make monthly reports on student access, since everyone goes to the library everyone knows it and the guys who did it were considered the best of the school. So since I used to work on the library the director asked me to add some features to it, and I was like "Sure, cool I get to work on a real system", what I didn't know was that the system had no head or tail, the core were two files "load.php" and "db.php", everything was in those two files, no design patterns, no oops, safly that wasn't even the worst part, the modules were loaded through Ajax, which called files with lines like

`echo "<td>Student</td>";`

Literally most of the damn HTML was "echoed" WTH,

Seriously, when will DevRant have "stories"?

Bossman has a birthday today,

Everyone wishes him with exclamations on company's whatsapp group,

Acts total stranger when he actually enters the office, lol

What kind of Teletubbies land have I arrived into

I have dabbled with Linux quite a few times in the past (dual booting with Windows) and I'm looking to get into it again. Any recommendations? Any horror stories?

So far I've daily driven Ubuntu, Mint, Manjaro, and CrunchBang. KDE and Gnome are my go-to DEs.

I am not developing for any client (yet). But reading all these stories and rants at devrant I think I am well prepared.

Went in for an interview today and left my brain at home. Never been so tongue tied. And as it were I was the only remaining candidate. FML!

Whoa. Now i can write all my dirty and arduous stories with my codes here

Let's have a thread for embarrassing new years stories!

When i was a kid i used to rage a lot. Past years i stopped and i became a very calm person. Even if i have to deal with jerks, i just ignore them and don’t get angry. And that’s the reason I can’t write rage stories 😒

Doesn’t everybody use Fibonacci story dev points to estimate stories?

Doesn’t.. everybody..? 😞

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I need to see more Android dev rants/stories nooow!!!!!!!!

(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

Google recommending stories about Firefox? To bad I already switched

The two (unrelated) stories back-to-back on Slashdot this evening.

Found an issue on Medium.com as I was not able to comment on some stories.. after some followups I found that it is because of CORS... they stopped responding after I responded with the reason. :(

i could tell you some stories but the truth is, it‘s actually Porn

Deploying to production on a Friday evening. What can go wrong? I hope I don't need to put out fires during the weekend.

Share your stories of ruined weekends and disasters!

I read so many (amazing) sysadmin/ops stories, does that make this place devOpsRant? 😜

story:
reading thru devRant.
see lots of #fml stories.
think: these are fml-worthy?
fml.

When you have assigned stories that are blocked by other dependencies being developed in the same Sprint... Oh boy, someone is not going to finish on time u.u

What is your best stories while installing OS ?

Only after seeing horror stories on devrant do you think twice before rm -rf'ing something

Um, when are holiday party stories not awkward?

Like seriously, it's as if murphy's law intensifies ten-fold anytime there's a tangible reference point for everyone and their mama to remember it by 🙄

Reading all these hacking stories has made me nervous that my server isn't protected enough.

I've disabled password login and setup SSH keys which as far as I know is a big step in the right direction.

Is it enough? What more should I do?

In case you can't tell, I'm no expert in server adminy stuff 😛

My boss (who's in a different country) just joined our internal Skype group where most of our daily information is spread. She honestly thinks we work faster when she's asking questions about progression on stories via Skype.

Why doesn't some managers trust developers? >.<

As someone from the clothing/retail industry, I could never imagen a life within Tech.

I had a shop, it went very well. I had my ups and downs like most shop owners. Since the shop was on not on your typical shopping street, I had to make good relationships with my customers.

I enjoy talking to people, listen to peoples opinions, their day to day activities etc. After some years I really needed some much needed improvement to the administration and overall solutions. Checking around the internet I found some tools but expensive, or tools without those stuff I really needed.

As a can-do:er I am, I thought I would hook some tech people up and sell my idea, so they could make the product while I design it. They started build it, I watch. But they were busy all the time, no time to build something else. They taught me some code and suddenly, I was back at school learning to code.

And now, I'm a system developer. Really enjoying programming and the amazing world of technology. Even when I mostly talk to people over the web :')

Talking about stupidity, my friend on whatsapp even share his bank online transaction on his stories, I told him to be careful with those sensitive information, but he's ignoring it.
I think he more care to show off his "bulge-wallet" than protect his own money.
Find anything stupid than that?

Your best friend your colleague a developer you trust the most, your best buddy in the office can be a savage asshole sometimes.

Just sayin.

What are your "got backstabbed stories"

I'm starting to think that I could listen to some podcasts while I work, to learn things in the background.

Would you recommend good podcasts?

I'd like to listen to software dev good practices, or real life dev stories to learn from. Also videogame dev related would be good too.

Doing a physical scan of PC's in my network for anything that shouldn't be there. Find a Filezilla open for a "Roblox Generator"

Spent rest of day making a bot in Python to spam the registration with fake accounts.
Not on my network you don't!

Anybody else got stories like this?

Gonna be applying for college. Gonna major in programming.. I've always read the horror stories.. I hope my teachers arent retarded and dont make me use shit software..

Any advice?..

So today we had a pre-sprint-planning meeting where the POs told us about the stories currently in the backlog. They went ahead and "roughly prioritised" some of them. Their priorities were:
- normal (but asap please)
- has to be done this sprint, because the feature has to be in the next release (code freeze after this sprint)
- top priority, because this has to be in the previous release (which was released last friday)

The non-normal stories alone are about twice our normal velocity. Good job guys. Good job.

Last night I had a dream that knowing how to use Kali Linux was one of the requirements for a job I was looking at applying for.

So I was thinking to myself "hey, I know Kali, I should put that on my resume," but I was too lazy to do it right away, and when I did try to add it, my resume wouldn't compile (LaTeX) because one of the brackets was missing, but I couldn't find where the missing bracket was.

It was weird...

Here's a few:

What could be improved about devRant?
Best dev insults?
Your dev machine setup (from office space, hardware, to OS stack etc)?
Dream setup of the above?

Or we could go back to previous topics and do them again, since there are new members on devRant and new stories from old members. I particularly want to do wk30 (Best prank) again

I wish I could give an interesting story, but because I'm not in the workplace yet, I don't have stories yet (I probably will one day!!)

I'm a CS student. I'm a little bit sad because I no longer have time for the personal projects I used to have time for in highschool.

I've been given a huge stack of paper, some users stories and loose specs. Was tasked with engineering the specific requirements, then the models and finally the database. Then I need to build an API on top of that.
Stuff I'll use is Go and Postgresql. Small issue is, I've never done DBs, so I've no idea what to do or where to start.

Does anyone have any resources to help kick-start myself in this field? I've been reading on SQL, but that doesn't really tell me anything about data structures and how to transform those user stories into product requirements.

I'm tired of our daily support meeting. That's almost one hour i lost everyday in which i could ne productive in my project🙄

Everyday the god damn same stories about our dumb customers and at the end nothing change...

Maybe i'll start draw all my colleagues, while i sit there😄

Coworkers at the office kitchen always act so surprised when they find out that I like coffee even though I rarely drink some. Well, I just don't need caffeine to function properly. Simple as that.

I'm at this magnificent company, working scrum, doing continuous integration which is really very cool. But although the features we develop are really nice it is sooooooo boring.

One of our team members emphasized that we should not pick up new stories if we haven't finished previous stories yet. I agree to some extent but think it is ok to pick up new stories if you have nothing to do. But we may not.

So, here I am now. Literally waiting for the day to pass. This sucks sooooo much!

I'm a hard worker and perform at my best under pressure with many things to do. Now, I just deployed one tiny little story today. I can do much much more. I feel so useless and cannot believe that my client pays so much just for me being at the office. And occasionally clicking a button and writing a line of code. This is so fucked up.

Considering moving to a new city for a job. Don't know many people in the new city besides a couple family members.

Thoughts? Stories of moving for a job? Funny jokes?

Do you think Facebook developed different " stories" for each platform . Or just copy paste the code !?
U know .. WhatsApp , Instagram, messenger, FB .

All the stories I see about shitty clients makes me want to try freelancing 😶

Making a video about bad open source issues, any stories you want to tell?

oh god, my Google Launcher/Google Now or whatever it is called "Stories to read" is filled with April Fool's Day articles... 😑

This is why I sometimes hate freelance work. You do the stuff and when it's time to pay, ducking clients come up with stories

Those horrible stories of windows drivers!

so.. I took a drink tonight, and finished watching some devRant posts about alcohol and some funny stories..
whats wrong with u guys 😂

Not really a rant im new to the app love the community super nice people and great stories and informations

Devs: We've spent some time estimating the stories, and found that we will finish a month too late. Which stories should be removed?
PM: None
Devs: Which are less important?
PM: All are vital. (read: Work harder)

So time for some stories!
DevRant Masters, what did you find the most Challenging when starting out as a dev?

For me it wasnt actually writing good code, it was more about finding out WHERE to write it, in this clusterfuck of shared projects inside projects.

"I'd prefer a team that commits to solving real customer problems over a team that just commits to finishing user stories." ~@davidjbland

I got tired of the tedium of navigating dropdowns and required fields to open and close user stories, so I wrote a script with the following syntax:

./ticket open TICKET TITLE GOES HERE
./ticket close <TICKET #>

Hey I recently started working and had a few questions regarding fulfillment and sideprojects.

Although I am a game programmer now, the game we are making is not at all something I find interesting. I find myself wanting to work on some side Projects at home but its difficult to manage my time (obviously) and I cant really relax.

I do enjoy the work making the game, like, I like making the systems, I enjoy programming it, but I dislike the gameplay and the games thematics, so its a mixed bag.

I only worked there for 2 months and the game takes at least all of next year to be made. I dont want to quit, because its my first job and all and it would be stupid I dont really habe a reason to quit.

I guess I just want to hear how others are handling a situation like this