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My friend said this,
Roses are red,
The screen turned blue,
I'm not a programmer,
What the fuck do I do.26 -
Stop f*cking calling me minority or part of a underrepresented group. Yeah I noticed I am one of the only women on a conference. I DONT CARE, I AM A PROGRAMMER NOT A SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE. Hire me for my work, not because you want you company to be more diverse.51
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Friend: Man you're a programmer why aren't you a billionaire already like the others??
Me: It's not that easy believe me.
Friend: I have a great idea for an app something like facebook...can be that hard?
Me: :/
Friend: you could do that instead of your no pay opensource shit...
Me: FUCK YOU AND YOUR STUPID BULLLLLSHIT GO FUCKING DIE YOU PIECE OF SHIT !!!! YOU HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE ..STUPID SON OF A BITCH.33 -
Not a coding test, but:
Them: So you are interviewing for a programmer opening. Do you like programming?
Me: yes.
Them: do you make logos?
Me: ...I can...?
Them: good because you won't always be writing code here.
Me: I'm out.8 -
A young Programmer and his Project Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother. After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young programmer are interested in each other, because they are giving each other looks. Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word. The grandmother is thinking to herself, "It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I'm glad she slapped him." The Project manager is sitting there thinking, "I didn't know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn't missed him when she slapped me!" The young woman was sitting and thinking, "I'm glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!" The young programmer sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself, "Life is good. How often does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his Project manager all at the same time!"3
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Three male programmers were in the bathroom standing at the urinals.
The first programmer finishes, walks over to the sink to wash his hands. He then proceeds to dry his hands very carefully. He uses paper towel after paper towel and ensures that every single spot of water on his hands is dried.
Turning to the other two, he says, "At Windows, we are trained to be extremely thorough."
The second programmer finishes his task at the urinal and he proceeds to wash his hands. He uses a single paper towel and makes sure that he dries his hands using every available portion of the paper towel.
He turns and says, "At Macintosh not only are we trained to be extremely thorough but we are also trained to be extremely efficient."
The third programmer finished and walks straight for the door, shouting over his shoulder.
"At RedHat, we don`t PISS on our hands."11 -
Back in the days...
Parents: get off that computer it will get you nowhere in life!
Me:But im programming not playing games..I want to become a programmer...
Parents:programming or games it's all the same! Take an example of your sister who actually achieved something with her studies (she's a doctor)
Me today asa computer engineer...receiving paycheck higher than my sister who is a doctor and not to mention I got a car of the company and living very comfortably.
Parents can't believe it.
#rekt
Moral of the story: never let anyone tell you what to do. Keep doing what you truly love and get real good at it!😉13 -
Testivus On Test Coverage
Early one morning, a programmer asked the great master:
“I am ready to write some unit tests. What code coverage should I aim for?”
The great master replied:
“Don’t worry about coverage, just write some good tests.”
The programmer smiled, bowed, and left.
...
Later that day, a second programmer asked the same question.
The great master pointed at a pot of boiling water and said:
“How many grains of rice should I put in that pot?”
The programmer, looking puzzled, replied:
“How can I possibly tell you? It depends on how many people you need to feed, how hungry they are, what other food you are serving, how much rice you have available, and so on.”
“Exactly,” said the great master.
The second programmer smiled, bowed, and left.
...
Toward the end of the day, a third programmer came and asked the same question about code coverage.
“Eighty percent and no less!” Replied the master in a stern voice, pounding his fist on the table.
The third programmer smiled, bowed, and left.
...
After this last reply, a young apprentice approached the great master:
“Great master, today I overheard you answer the same question about code coverage with three different answers. Why?”
The great master stood up from his chair:
“Come get some fresh tea with me and let’s talk about it.”
After they filled their cups with smoking hot green tea, the great master began to answer:
“The first programmer is new and just getting started with testing. Right now he has a lot of code and no tests. He has a long way to go; focusing on code coverage at this time would be depressing and quite useless. He’s better off just getting used to writing and running some tests. He can worry about coverage later.”
“The second programmer, on the other hand, is quite experience both at programming and testing. When I replied by asking her how many grains of rice I should put in a pot, I helped her realize that the amount of testing necessary depends on a number of factors, and she knows those factors better than I do – it’s her code after all. There is no single, simple, answer, and she’s smart enough to handle the truth and work with that.”
“I see,” said the young apprentice, “but if there is no single simple answer, then why did you answer the third programmer ‘Eighty percent and no less’?”
The great master laughed so hard and loud that his belly, evidence that he drank more than just green tea, flopped up and down.
“The third programmer wants only simple answers – even when there are no simple answers … and then does not follow them anyway.”
The young apprentice and the grizzled great master finished drinking their tea in contemplative silence.
Found on stack overflow https://stackoverflow.com/questions...8 -
The programmer who killed people: Not so talented programmer named John, made a mistake in his code. because of this mistake the program users spent 15 minutes to do a workaround. this program had 10 million users. In general the users spent 150 million minutes because of john's mistake, which is 2.5 million hours. if a person sleeps about 8 hours a day, he have 16 active hours. which means john wasted 156,250 human days that equals to 427.8 human years. people leave approx. until the age of 64, that means John just killed 6.68 people because of his bug. So john, how do you sleep at night?10
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1. I'm a programmer, that does not mean I know every possible programming language. Yes, I can build Android apps, standalone softwares, serverside frameworks. No, I do not know how to build frigging websites!
2. "You can build a website in 2 days, you're a programmer". Tell a single mechanic to build an entire car in 2 days or tell a civil engineer to build an entire building in 2 days and I'll build your website in 2 days.
AAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!
Why does your family think that being a programmer means being a magician who can just pull any kind of software, hardware, app, website out of their hat?17 -
I'm creating a website and I'm thinking: Wow, I use html, css, javacript and python, I'm awesome! Then I see what other people know: shit, I'm not awesome...
Programmer: the more you know, the more modest you become...8 -
For years I worried I was not a good programmer because of bugs, issues and not giving accurate timescales.
Then I discovered devRant and realised that there’s thousands of us that have the same issues.19 -
Being a programmer:
If you ain't questing your life from time to time, you are not doing it right.4 -
So today , a company phoned me for a job I applied in Jobstreet. So the conversation goes like this.
Com " Do you have any experience in Android studio? "
Me : " Yes . I develop android application, it is compulsory to know actually."
Com :" ok... Do you have experience android SDK?"
Me : " I believe you are referring to the Android studio, yes."
Com :" do you have experience in Android programming"?
Me :" Yes. I do android application for both native and hybrid. As for hybrid, I use flutter."
Com :" Ok...but I was asking about android."
Me :*explaining what I just said *
Com: " you no understand! We need android programmer! Not native or flutter programmer!"
Me *explaining what native and hybrid is (in simple terms)
Com : " it is ok then.. our company prefer those who can develop android app , not native programmer or anything flutter programmer.
"
(Btw , I transcript how exactly that person talk to me)
My question to this person is.... WHAT THE F*** IS THIS? WANT AN ANDROID DEVELOPER BUT NOT NATIVE OR "FLUTTER"? WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN ? IF ANDROID IS NOT WRITTEN IN NATIVE OR HYBRID THEN WHAT YOU EXPECT ME TO USE THEN? USING ASSEMBLY X64?14 -
What the fuck, I just discovered that my father knows vi.
He's not a programmer.
Why, God, why I'm only able to use nano... What did I do wrong...11 -
5 Types Of Programmers
1.The duct tape programmer
The code may not be pretty, but damnit, it works!
This guy is the foundation of your company. When something goes wrong he will fix it fast and in a way that won’t break again. Of course he doesn’t care about how it looks, ease of use, or any of those other trivial concerns, but he will make it happen, without a bunch of talk or time-wasting nonsense. The best way to use this person is to point at a problem and walk away.
2.The OCD perfectionist programmer
You want to do what to my code?
This guy doesn’t care about your deadlines or budgets, those are insignificant when compared to the art form that is programming. When you do finally receive the finished product you will have no option but submit to the stunning glory and radiant beauty of perfectly formatted, no, perfectly beautiful code, that is so efficient that anything you would want to do to it would do nothing but defame a masterpiece. He is the only one qualified to work on his code.
3.The anti-programming programmer
I’m a programmer, damnit. I don’t write code.
His world has one simple truth; writing code is bad. If you have to write something then you’re doing it wrong. Someone else has already done the work so just use their code. He will tell you how much faster this development practice is, even though he takes as long or longer than the other programmers. But when you get the project it will only be 20 lines of actual code and will be very easy to read. It may not be very fast, efficient, or forward-compatible, but it will be done with the least effort required.
4.The half-assed programmer
What do you want? It works doesn’t it?
The guy who couldn’t care less about quality, that’s someone elses job. He accomplishes the tasks that he’s asked to do, quickly. You may not like his work, the other programmers hate it, but management and the clients love it. As much pain as he will cause you in the future, he is single-handedly keeping your deadlines so you can’t scoff at it (no matter how much you want to).
5.The theoretical programmer
Well, that’s a possibility, but in practice this might be a better alternative.
This guy is more interested the options than what should be done. He will spend 80% of his time staring blankly at his computer thinking up ways to accomplish a task, 15% of his time complaining about unreasonable deadlines, 4% of his time refining the options, and 1% of his time writing code. When you receive the final work it will always be accompanied by the phrase “if I had more time I could have done this the right way”.
What type of programmer are you?
Source: www.stevebenner.com16 -
My father just told me that I'm not a good programmer, because there are kids out there, who are younger than me and know more programming languages.
Besides the fact that the number of programming languages one knows has nothing to do with programming skills, I just said: "I wanna see that kid.", because I already knew his answer.
"Well, I never said there are many of these kids."
*facepalm*9 -
I wanted to go on a cruise with my programmer boyfriend.
His response?
"I can't be away from work that long."
Not because he'll get into trouble or anything. Oh no. He just loves writing code *that* much. 🙄5 -
He: are you are programmer?
Me:yes.
He:can you hack Instagram and Facebook.
Me:no.
He:then you are not a good programmer.
This happens each and every time.6 -
"You're a programmer right? Can you fix my laptop?"
"Sure, lemme take a look but can't guarantee much since I'm not that familiar with windows"
"But you said you were a programmer?!"
Seriously, I haven't worked with windows properly in like seven FUCKING years!?! Being a programmer doesn't automatically mean that you know all operating systems 😡3 -
If you couldn't work any more as a coder / programmer / hacker / it-master-guru, what would your profession be?
Like, not your ideal profession, but the most likely thing that you would end up doing outside of the dev world.33 -
Just like basketball player need good shoes, programmer deserve a better keyboard.
Definitely not show off. Just wanna say I'm a big fun of Cherry MX mechanical keyboard.
17 -
If you are not wasting your 10hours to automate your half hour work then you are not a real programmer.6
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[SO] Can you unload the dishwasher?
[Me] Of course.
*5 hours later*
[SO] Why is the dishwasher still not done ?
[Me] Why would it be ?
[SO] I asked you to unload it ....
[Me] No, you asked if I CAN do it, and I am able to do it, you didn't ask me to actually do it.
[SO thinking] God, why did I marry a fucking programmer.....12 -
A major bank had a bug in their system that triggered multiple postings of transactions in all of their clients' accounts. When they found out the root cause, they just had to mention that the programmer was a female. Like that was any bearing to the problem. It's not like they have like a whole fucking team of QA testers that should have checked that shit before it went to production.14
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The Absolutely True Story of a Real Programmer Who Never Learned C.
I have a young friend named Sam who is quite a programming prodigy. Sam does know C! I need to make this clear: he’s not the titular programmer.
But a couple years ago Sam told me a story about a different programmer who never learned C, and I liked it so much that right on the spot I asked his permission to repeat it. (I could never just steal such a tale.)
Sam wasn’t always a programmer—actually he started in his later teens, in part because he was more of a jock, and in part because he was related to programmers and wanted to do his own thing. But, like all great programmers, once he was bitten by the bug he immersed himself completely in it.
One day Sam happened to be talking programming with his uncle, who was also a programmer but from way, way back.
“Hey,” said Sam, “I’m learning this language called C. You must know a lot of languages, did you ever study C?”
“No,” said the uncle, to Sam’s surprise. “I am one of the very few programmers who never had to learn C.”
“Because I wrote it.”
Oh, Sam’s last name is Ritchie.
What I love about this story is the idea of Dennis waiting Sam’s entire life to deliver this zinger. Just imagine sitting on a line that good, watching your nephew grow up and waiting, waiting until the one day he finally starts learning to code. Did he work on the line in his head at night? Like, “Hmm, how should I word it so I can deliver the punch line perfectly? Should I say ‘I never took a class on C?’ Nah, too awkward…”
The great thing about geniuses is how much effort they put into everything.
Courtesy : Wil Shiply.5 -
Made a website respecting ALL OF THE THINGS my client wanted to have.
Client sees result :
- "I don't like it, it's not a good idea."
- "But that's what you wanted me to do."
- "Yes, but you're the programmer, you should have known it wouldn't be good."
I had told him it's not a good idea a week ago. Fml.6 -
Friend brings over a Windows 8 all in one laptop.
Friend: Can you fix my laptop
Me: I'm a programmer
Friend: I thought you worked with computers.
Me: I do... but I'm not tech support
Friend: Please?
Me: (reluctantly) Fine.
*many hours later after attempting to get the PC to boot from a USB. WHY DOES THIS PC NOT HAVE A KEY TO ENTER THE GOD DAMNED BOOT MENU AND HAS NO BOOT ORDER SELECTION?????!*
Friend: Have you fixed it?
Me: No
Friend: You suck at computers
Me: ....
Never spoke to him again.8 -
ok people where is the gender equality??? why do people assume that im studying tourism when its so clear that i am not
cant a girl be a programmer and not the girly ground stewardess checking-in the baggages at the airport?
programming isnt only for men. women can also be great developers because we can be as capable as men. people need to stop the stereotypes jeez33 -
Boss: agrees to unreasonable deadlines.
Team: misses deadlines because they're unreasonable.
Boss: "you just don't understand how important the deadline is"
He legit thinks the only reason we fall behind, is because we dont care. Not because we're doing stuff that hasn't been done before, and need to tech ourselves everything as we go.
Also, he's not a programmer, he's a salesman... and he runs the company like one too.
Anyone looking to hire a VR/AR developer?5 -
I'm a self taught "code enthusiast" (don't think of myself as a programmer just yet). I love to play around with simple code, but I could never get into a "serious" project cause in my mind, to be a programmer you need to know every single line of code and not rely on the internet.
The fact that I got into programming at 23 doesn't help cause I also feel like a parent learning to use a piece of modern technology(even tho I'm tech savvy).
Anyone got any advice?22 -
> Last year of study
> I see a new face
> Maybe new friend?
> He asked me what am I doing in live
> Front-end my friend :)
> So you are not real programmer :O
> Wtf with these people
> Should I kill him?8 -
May not be much but this is my first desk as a programmer; no more awkwardly hopping from couch to couch or from Starbucks to Starbucks. Outlook for future productivity is looking good y'all.
5 -
Me: I develop Applications.
Stranger: Oh so you are a programmer.
Me: Yup 😎
Stranger: Please hack my ex's insta.
Me: I am not a hacker nor am I intrested in learning to hack. I develop stuff from scratch. Innovate and contribute something to society.
Stranger: Oh, what a disappointment. Why did you say you are a programmer then.
Me: I...~am 😶
For some, hacking is the only programming thing for them. I get message at least once a month from someone requesting to hack someones fb,insta or some account.
Thinking of creating a bot which finds such keywords in my messages and automatically replies to them explaining what I really do. Or just f***ing block them.7 -
How to take being a programmer
"Haha Windows is bad"
"Php more like phpepsi"
"When you were 12 I was coding in basic"
"I'm not like other programmers"
"Stack overflow comes to me for help"
"I don't use an ide because word 2007 has all the functionality I need"6 -
You know you're passionate when you won't sleep until it works. Then after it worked, you're not satisfied. You still want to make it robust and then...
"Is that the sun?"
Being a programmer is such a roller coaster feeling. Sometimes, you extremely hate what you're doing. But you still persevere and that's just wonderful.
!!!rant -
I'm a shit programmer
I'm 29 and I assumed that by this point I'd be successful some way or another, either by being financially abundant or technically complex.
I am not, just mildly accomplished instead.
Here'a list of thing I consider challenges that I have:
* I tend to tunnel vision ideas that are terrible or execute them poorly because of said tunnel vision.
* I don't hone my skills, I usually consider my potentials the same as my actuals, as if I achieved everything already, probably product of ny huge ego.
* I communicate poorly with my boss, I sidetrack into thing he didn't ask
* I'm a mess when it comes to reading documentation online, I have the attention span of a fucking fish.
* I work alone, I have 0 networking status or skills.
* I take huge amounts of time to finish my side projects
* Of all the side projects I started I only finished one, the ones that I couldn't finish usually bevame insabely stressful things, so much and so many that I questioned myself many times if I should be a programmer or not.
* I have little discipline or organization, if I work in more than one thing at a time, i get really anxious and stressed.
I am not saying I'm not competent, I think I am (I'm looking at you imaginary scary recruiter googling this online), I'm just not really proud of myself26 -
Job title :
"PHP and MySQL Programmer"
Job description :
"We are looking for a Flash Developer with a high level of proficiency developing ActionScript solutions.... bla bla Development in a 2D and 3D environment"
doesnt say ANYWHERE what is require to know in php nor mysql
EDIT: actually it does but why would they put php and mysql programmer if thats not the main things they are looking for6 -
I'm been hacking together software for the last year or so now and I've never considered myself to be a good programmer.
Today however I had to implement an A* search from scratch and with only the knowledge of how the algorithm should function I put together some code that looked correct.
I went to run my code expecting one of the typical "Index out of bound", "null reference", "something has not be initialised" BUT I was shocked to find that the code worked flawlessly.
I went into a weird state of shock and disbelief. I'm not naturally gifted at this stuff, so it was just really hard for me to accept that I might actually be getting better to the point where I might be able to say "I am a programmer"
Does anyone else get bad imposter syndrome?6 -
My startup boss took away our teams chat because we needed to "let everyone see our conversations for context". i said that's more like paranoia. then he told us we had to use company portraits and logos on LinkedIn and Social Media. and to post company ads and links on social media at least once a day. im not a social media manager, im a programmer MF'r. is this normal?????12
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"Hey I am a programmer too! I can code anything, I bet I'm better than you!"
-
"Huh, that sounds cool! What languages do you like to write your programs in?"
-
............ "English"
🤦🏻♂🤦🏻♂
True story by the way, some guy I just met did this. I was not sure how to react. Should I laugh? Should I cry? Should I kill myself? Should I kill him?10 -
Am I only one thinking that Linux is kind ok cliche among programmers. Some of them brag about using Ubuntu over Windows like it makes you a better programmer. I have seen brilliant Windows developers and shitty Linux developers. My point is not that Windows is better, just stop bragging that you are using Ubuntu, it does not make you smart or better than others.20
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Found a post by G.R. on Linkedln:
"A lazy programmer is also often a good programmer:
- Writes little code to achieve the goal
- Automates all boring jobs
- He does not develop things he does not know yet
- Sleeps at night, then make sure that if the shutdown occurs, the system will restart
- He knows he forgets things, then writes readable and not cryptic code
- Try to reuse what he did
- He does not like copy-paste (too boring to keep)
It takes training to be lazy"
Love this quote11 -
Everyone in family and friends allways ask me "You're a programmer and know a lot about computer, so why you're not in Facebook/Twitter/Instagram?"
My answer: We create these services for you (average people) we don't use them ourselves. It's a security hole to put your information in public.7 -
I just saw this picture on the product page of a Thunderbolt dock. I'm not sure what this guy is doing, but no programmer of the world would mirror his laptop screen on two full size screens. Just no!
11 -
An architect, a hooker and a programmer were talking one evening, and somehow, the discussion turned to which profession was the oldest."Come on, you guys! Everyone knows mine is the oldest profession," said the hooker."Ah," said the architect, "but before your profession existed, there had to be people, and who was there before people?" "What are you getting at, God?" The hooker asked.
"And was He not the divine architect of the universe?" The architect asked, looking smug.
The programmer had been silent, but now he spoke up. "And before God took on himself the role of an architect, what was there?"
"Darkness and chaos," the hooker said.
"And who do you think created chaos?" the programmer said.1 -
When you finally accept that in order to write a game engine all your self, you not only have to be a programmer but a mathematician.
Alright. Time to hit the math books for a while.4 -
My previous manager always complained about the programmer that used to be there before me was utterly incompetent and unable to work.
One day checking a legacy app that needed a minor update I was looking at the code and said: “It is true the previous programmer didn’t even know how to put together 2 lines of code, this is literally the shittiest thing I have ever seen, thank God he is not around anymore!”
…
Manager: “Actually I wrote this myself”
…
…5 -
Friend: hey can you make me a website?
Me: sure, what is it for?
Friend: 'whatever the site is for'
Me: Ok, what are the different tabs you want for the navigation bar?
Friend: Ummm... Idk yet
Me: Ok... So do you have an idea what you want the website to look like?
Friend: Ummm just make it look pretty
Me:
2 -
So apparently I am not a programmer because I turn tea into software. :(
Anyone else feeling discriminated by this definition? :D
11 -
Programmer one-line horror stories? A few off the top of my head:
Segmentation fault (core dumped)
'Undefined' is not a function
Unit test failed: expected '0' but got '-1'
Connection to 'localhost:8080' has been lost
Malformed JSON string at col: 46,372. Expected '}'7 -
Why is it so important to some people to claim that "HTML and CSS are not programming languages"? I get it, you're a REAL programmer working with arrays, maybe tuples, objects and possibly direct memory management. Who the fuck has a right to call themselves a programmer for writing some brain dead markup or poorly designed selectors, right? Who fucking cares for semantic tags or nested selectors?
Just think for a few seconds about when you were taking your first baby steps to becoming the GOD ROCKING MEMORY HANDLER THAT WRITES _REAL_ CODE that you are today, and how good it felt to be able to create something that appeared on your screen. It felt pretty awesome, yeah?
Now imagine if someone much more experienced than you told you "You're not a real programmer, that is not real programming. You should see what I do, I do real programming".
I think you get it. Why spend your energy spreading bad vibes when you could spend it on something more productive. Like reading up on the new CSS4 specs ;)18 -
Indian Programmer Woes 1:
Random Guy: hey you're a CS engineer right?
Me: yeah.....
RG: then can you hack the Facebook profile of my crush?
Me: ughhh.....No....
RG: then you're not a CS engineer.
Me: :/7 -
Do you guys know the feeling you get, when you have to explain your work to a non programmer? An example could be your boss.
It's not always that easy.3 -
Junior coder says validation is not needed on asp.net mvc form pages because it is not in the requirements or part of the definition of done. Wants to argue about it. Refuses to do it. Says I am over optimizing or some shit like that. Good luck with that. If you can't figure that one out or listen to feedback perhaps you should become a project manager not a programmer.11
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After one year of learning to code I am still not sure if I am an adequate programmer or a really effective Google user...5
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Well, i have a few stories i would like to share with you :)
My neighbour asked me to fix her webcam.
I told her: But I am a programmer, not a repair service .
Next time my neighbour forgot her Skype password. Se asked me to hack it for her.
I told her: But I am a programmer, not a hacker.
My sister asked me to help her out in her program, because of some bug. Well, she is in the other part of the Country. But, i said, lets give it a try.
Well, it turned out to be some kind of mechanical remote scanner, with needed that exact same remote locally.
I told her: But I am a programmer, not a fictional remote signal scanner repairer.
My grandpa asked me, to copy his old gmail emails into his new laptop.
Well, i told him to log in. He logged in. Than i told him: It is done :D
Thanks for reading it :)4 -
Seeing all devrant posts actually give me a feeling of not being alone with my everyday work-related issues. It's good to be a programmer and even better to be a part of a global community.1
-
I have noticed on here, there is a direct correlation between the number of swear words in a post and that posts ++ count. As a programmer who doesn't swear (I know, "just give it a few years" or "YOUR NOT A REAL PROGRAMMER!!" [side note, I also don't drink coffee]), I guess my ++ counter will only ever be allocated 1 byte...10
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Whenever I see a programmer or hacker coding in a movie, I pause the movie and see if I can understand what the code is trying to do. If I can't understand it, I feel sad the rest of the day thinking I'm not a good enough programmer.7
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When a programmer is in love,
He doesn't care about the UI, but cares about the algorithm and functionality.
In real life, he care about what is inside, not the physical appearance. :)5 -
I honestly don't get too mad when people aks me to do things like install programs for them. This is not my dayjob, but when you think of it, they're right when they say "you are a programmer so you must know how to do that". We do know how to do that. When you have a question about plants and you know a farmer, you are going to ask the farmer, even though he is not a gardener. He will know. Just as we know how to use computers very well.2
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So I came back to my hometown for Chinese New Year (or Lunar New Year), the first thing I was asked by my parents was "Can you fix the landline?" 🙃🙃🙃3
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"Eww that is not Dev-related!"
Shut the fuck up. For me, devRant is a social media for developers and not a social media about only dev-related shit.
"devRant is a fun community for developers to share and bond over their successes and frustrations with code, tech, and life as a programmer!"
You see?
"for developers"
"about code, tech and *life*"
For fucks sake... Stop crying around and just dislike it if you don't want it.7 -
Friends' Boss: You're one of the programmers, right?
Friend: Yes sir.
Boss: I need you to fix this layout problem for me.
Friend: But sir, I'm a back end programmer, I hardly know anything about style stuff...
Boss: You're a programmer, you'll figure it out.
That's not how it works, that's not how any of this works.1 -
Hahahahahahahahahha I'm not going to do anymore of your "quick" projects that result in shit pay and drain me out. I got actual fulfilling projects I enjoy working on hahahahah not again "friend". The audacity of this guy to ask me to handle a big project alone while he sits on his ass and gets a 50% cut. He should have paid attention in school if he wanted to be a programmer. All he does is lie to clients that he can code yet runs to me to do all the work. Hahahah let's see how he gets out of this one. Not gonna help you today "friend".5
-
I am in programmer hell today.
Oh great programmers of the universe, lend me your strength so that I do not leave work a shattered soul on this day!5 -
I've seen a job vacancy that asks for the following characteristics in a developer:
- extraverted, do'er (as opposed to thinker), out-of-the-box, curious, sees solutions and not problems, structural thinking vs. theoretical thinking, loves change, acts immediately, makes choices under stress, critically questions themselves if things go wrong
What the [censored] kind of programmer is that? Sounds more like a wannabe brogrammer type.
A typical, real programmer is introverted (for he is introspective, detail-minded and is therefore good at inspecting problems and finding solutions for them).
Seeing problems is not a bad thing, it's in fact necessary to be able to identify issues and not act like your typical manager who only wants to rush to solutions. He thinks deeply and theoretically before he takes action. Theory is the foundation of identifying a problem.
What programmer is stress-resistant? It's not normal for the human brain to be able to deal with stress; this is why switch-tasking is so hard.
Question yourself if things go wrong? Perhaps, but this sounds more like trying to shove the blame around.
Since we live in a rigid computer world with rigidly-defined protocols (say, HTTP), it is often useful to think in a conventional way. Out-of-the-box? Sure, if you're being innovative, or sure, as a tangential characteristic.
In my professional opinion, this vacancy reeks of bad corporate culture.. and the biggest alarm bell I find is: "There is free beer!" Err.. yeah. Anyway.17 -
I guess I'm not the only one who sometimes code in my dreams while sleeping. Maybe it's because working as a programmer is like a dream come true.4
-
Had a bad dream about python, woke up screaming "THERES A PYTHON ON THE FLOOR"
My girlfriend was so confused because she's not a programmer4 -
The joy of being a junior programmer in a marketing company...
Lately it's been 25% programming, 5% fixing other people computer, 70% doing stuff not related to my job2 -
Since my first high salary dev job in 2018 and until 2021, despite all my attempts to explain, my mom thought that I’m not actually a programmer but rather a scammer that just makes companies pay me salary for nothing. The argument that being a legit programmer is way easier than being a scammer mastermind fell on deaf ears.
Do you know why I said she thought so until 2021? Because I stopped talking to her in 2021 when she said that “being bisexual is a sin” and “I want to stop treating my cancer to die as soon as possible just to not see you anymore” after my coming out.4 -
You're a programmer, why are you not rich? I guess we are a forum with people who are suppose to be rich huh?8
-
A programmer was smoking.
A lady standing near by asked him can't you see the warning? smoking is injurious for health!!
He replied, "We are bothered only about errors NOT warnings"....2 -
Oh yeah that shouldn't take too long right? I mean it's just the front end.
No shut your fucking dumb ass mouth up. It will take long. The front end is very complicated, and your stupid fucking ass who couldn't learn to code is in no position to estimate how long it will take. Do us all a favor and stick to the "business" side. Fucking incompetent idiot.
If you're not a programmer, when it comes to estimating how long a task will take. Just shut the fuck up. Just cause you work in this industry does not qualify you to estimate a task. Just shut the fuck up.1 -
Our story start like this.
Boss: Hey programmer A, Can you implement {feature X} on this application?
Programmer A: I suggest not implement {feature X} because {negative impact of feature X}
Boss: Ok
Boss asks Programmer B.
Boss: Hey programmer B, Can you implement {feature X} on this application?
Programmer B: Of course, no problem
Programmer B asks Programmer A.
Programmer B: Hey Programmer A, Do you know how to implement {feature X} on this application? I have no idea.
Programmer A: WHAT!!! do you know that {feature X}, Will negatively impact our application?
Programmer B: Well that's our boss want, I can't say no.
Programmer A: (F**k I hate this guy)4 -
Hope this is not a repost
A guy is standing on the corner of the street smoking one cigarette after another. A lady walking by notices him and says
"Hey, don't you know that those things can kill you? I mean, didn't you see the giant warning on the box?!"
"That's OK" says the guy, puffing casually "I'm a computer programmer"
"So? What's that got to do with anything?"
"We don't care about warnings. We only care about errors."
😂😂😂😂😂4 -
Was fired after 3 months. My boss said "how did you even pass engineering school?!"
I'm not a skilled programmer... and never will be!6 -
Programmer: We really have to refactor the codebase!
Director: That's not important. Do you think our customer would care what it looks like under the hood if we are selling cars?
One year after...
VP: We need to build a new platform for flexibility!
Director: Let's rewrite!1 -
Ok Now I am getting fed up of
"I am programmer , someone gave me printer/mobile/tv to repair" jokes/rants/memes.
Once or twice is fine. Now they are just reposts with slightly different content. Not funny anymore. Just irritating.
Why do people have to follow a trend here. Have some ingenuity guys.9 -
Not exactly wrong there. I got started at 10 with odds and ends for fun.
Took a semester of it in college before switching because the compiler and I didn't get along.
Only to pick it back up via self-study 10 years later because the programmer who came on board for a side project never showed up and I wanted to keep things moving.
10 years later still, I'm now running a web design shop full time.
-
Client: I don't know programming. But I think you should make the button more fancy?
Me: ... I am not Harry Potter, don't imagine programming like magic. And you ain't even a programmer...
Daily conversation with our precious client2 -
Being an apprentice programmer in a Ludum Dare (Create a game in 72h) that knows more than the official programmer, and have an artist in the group who makes THIS PIECES OF ART!
She didn't even had a computer to work with it, neither she asked for one to the event, so eventually she used mine... And I could not do my work.
Did I mentioned that she used PAINT to color the images?
This is a long, looong story, I'll do the complete version soon...
God.
12 -
I met a programmer in an online dating app some months ago. She worked with golang, and things were going nicely with us talking a bit.
Then I mentioned that I currently work with Typescript and NodeJS and she stopped responding 😞
Should have posted this as story, since this is not actually a joke.12 -
Sometimes I feel like a Jedi:
My boss says: Look the app is not sending any notifications.
I just have a feeling that he deactivated notifications in the app settings.
I check that and it was deactivated
Does that count as Jedi skills ? Or just programmer intuition5 -
story time
I'm a C++ programmer and they have given me CSS, Javascript, Java, PHP and C# vacancies.. because I'm a programmer and they think I can do the rest.. YES I can.. NO i don't want to
One day I was invited at the recruitment office. had a talk for like 30 minutes.. where after they said yeah we have a game dev company for you.. then they said which one... Yes that Is indeed in this city... their SALES division not their DEV devision!
One day I came to a recruitment office 30min travel time.. and in the conversation it was me who talked about 30 minutes that recruiters don't understand the difference between javascript and C++. .. they asked me If I knew MySql.. for a backend job..
How can recruiters be THIS stupid.1 -
Yes, i'm a programmer
No, I do not install windows and drivers
No, I don't know what is the best laptop for you
No, I don't know why your internet is lagy
I'm sorry, I'm just a programmer6 -
- Master C# and contribute to osu!lazer
- Get a girlfriend (preferably programmer as well)
- Own a gaming rig
- Get a cat
- Survive National Graduation/University Admission Test (not China, Vietnam)
- Go to GER to hug my friend
- Break through my depression and suicidal tendency (not a joke)
- Get a part-time job at a tea house near school6 -
That moment when the other programmer left you a great groundwork, and you just feel like a freerider and not satisfied with whatever you did on it... :(2
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This kid on the tape is me. I'm not even two years old there and I'm already messing around with wires.
Five minutes later on that tape I figured out how to turn the vacuum cleaner on and tried to tie it to the cassette deck.
No wonder why I'm a programmer now 😂
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Fuck this shit.. I don't fucking know shit about using Facebook or Google+... I'm a fucking programmer, just because I work with computers I don't have to know how you're supposed to go about making your fucking Facebook page...damn this gets on my nerves.1
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Not a C programmer. Recently I did some things in C again recently and now I finally figured out something that bothered me for nearly a decade now.
-Wall has nothing to do with walls. It enables all warnings.2 -
I'm not yet a programmer, I'm still learning. But is it normal to get so frustrated when I can't find a solution to something and start feeling totally useless?
It's funny because after a sleep I sit down again and usually fix the problem10 -
!rant
Is a bachelor's degree worth it?
Context:
Up until yesterday, I was planning on not getting a Bacherlor's degree related to programming. I'm currently an intern and I believe that they'll want to keep me afterwards. Even it they don't, my old boss has a junior developer position opening soon and he asked me if I was interested.
I think I'm a good programmer, but I'm not here to boast, but rather, I want to know your opinion:
Is getting a bachelor's degree in software engineering worth it?
I know this topic is not new and has been asked in many forums, but I noticed a repetitive trend: people who have the degree say it's worth it and people who don't say it's not.
TL;DR:
Is getting a bachelor's degree in software engineering worth it? Why?16 -
Friend: Is this Nvidia GTX 440 a good graphics card?
Me: idk
Friend: if i get it how do i put it in my computer
Me: idk
Friend: but you are a programmer
Me: exactly, i am not an engineer9 -
Not really a rant and I'm only a beginner/hobbyist, but for a few months I've been active in a local gamedev club where I recently managed the courage to approach a much more experienced (5+ years) programmer.
We managed to have a good 30 minute chat (despite not using the same programming languages) and he told me "I really appreciate talking to someone who actually understands programming and what they're talking about!"
It felt like a pretty big milestone on my path to game development, at least it feels like I know more than I care to admit to myself.1 -
Boss: oh so you are working on that unrealistic 3week project ? Let me also assign you some completely unrelated office work.
Me: But I'm a programmer, researching other companies and contacting them looking for new projects is not part of my job descrip...
Boss: oh don't worry I'm sure you'll do great!
Me: that's not what I'm sayi...
Boss: ok I have to go now, have it ready by tomorrow!
Me:(crying internally)...ok.6 -
Now I feel bad for calling myself a programmer as a highschooler after seeing so many people shitting on the younger people. Goddammit I picked up programming because I thought it was cool and fun not because I want money or shit. I'm not the retard kiddies that overstate my ability. I like coding, I just like coding.
Now I wanna quit.7 -
In the future, when someone asks me what I do for a living, I'll answer
-"I'm a programmer" [1 sec pause] "I'm not a printer mechanic".3 -
This is a follow up to my previous rant where I complained about Lenovo firmware update failing and bricking a relative’s computer.
We bought a chip programmer, got the bios from some forum and the thing fucking worked. I’m actually surprised it did, I’m not used to doing shit like this. I was pretty fucking scared of burning something.
The programmer also came with a clamp so we could hook it to the chip without desoldering it. Thank god.
I’m terribly depressed so good timing with that I guess.1 -
If Batman was a full time programmer in Dark Knight, "Bugs are not complicated, Alfred. Just need to figure out why they're after" 😂
-
Yeah.... I want to confess i like light themes better. Anyways the colour/theme of your editor does not make you a good programmer.11
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When your non-programmer boss asks how exactly some code/bug was fixed.
"You sure? I mean, alright... "
It's not like every time something doesn't work right, this will be the fix. We're not going to have a conversation in the future where you help me troubleshoot something by remembering parts of this conversation.1 -
Apple please... I just love physical keys, and you just make a pointless touchbar...
I really don't know the position of a macbook pro. I guess mainly graphic designer or programmer will buy macbook pro, and the touch bar feature is a completely pointless to us.
Not to mention that you replace all the USB port to a really "popular type C USB"
5 -
I live in a small town and work remotely. When I tell people, (even young ones) I'm a programmer/web developer they think I install programs or make simple sites. I try to explain to them that I make the things but it perplexes them. Maybe because they think all apps are made by hi tech wizards and not average joes like myself working for average companies. Any of you other countryfolk have similar experiences?2
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So I decided to help my Mom's Mom setup an Amazon Fire TV. Now I've been here for about 3 - 4 hours and I'm setting up 2 Fire Tv's, A Router, Writting down passwords, setting up an Amazon account with Prime and fixing her computer.. 😤😢3
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So I'm not one to show off something buuuuuuut, I'm a programmer and can barely draw a straight line let alone do pixel art, but I decided fuck it; let's try again and considering the left figure was the first compared to the right being the 10th, I'd say that's not to fucking bad :-D
4 -
Just wanted to take a moment to say that I'm really impressed with devrant. I'm not the most talented programmer, and it just blows my mind how one/two devs can build this entire platform from scratch on their free time. I wouldn't even know where to start.3
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I used to have a friend who swore that his dad worked with a gubernamental hacking agency. One day we started talking about my personal programming projects and he asked why I wouldn't say that I was a hacker and not a programmer, he believed that calling yourself a hacker was better. I explained to him that a hacker was not the same as a programmer or as a developer. We got into an argument and then I realized that if his dad truly worked in a hacking agency, he would know the difference *facepalm*9
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!rant && Thanksgivings++
I am truly thankful to be a programmer for it is the only job on Earth where doing mistakes is the profession itself.
Think about it. We make more mistakes than other professions on DAILY basis. If a doctor miss a step during a diagnosis or an operation, a fucking human being might die. Engineers, lawyers, teachers you name it. They are not allowed to make mistakes.
Us? We are earning money from other people for all the hours we spent fixing the mistakes which we made in the first place.4 -
So my boss is telling me they plan on moving away from Qt. The value proposition is just not there anymore. Maybe I will learn to be a C++ programmer again, and not a Qt programmer. This will be interesting the next few months.
Unlearn what you have learned.6 -
A failed programmer!
Back in school the computer screen was my canvas, the keyboard was my brush and i filled it in with the colors of a language. Helping my fellow students debug and find the solution to their codes. Loved to do that its been 10 years thats i have programmed anything I am trying to figure out where is lost it all. Never got into a job working as programmer as in all the interviews I was asked of definition of things I could never remember but give a something to build or debug I could work it as a charm. Even though didn’t work a programmer kept on programming at home making free programs for friends or helping debug codes. But then I stopped and don’t know why and I really wanna get back into it not for others but for myself to see if i still have it, but its been so long new languages new platform and don’t know where to start. Or should I accept myself as a failed programmer!12 -
Wondering how many of you have ADD/ADHD, diagnosed or not. I've heard people say that many programmers have ADD or ADHD and that it generally makes them a better programmer. I myself have ADD and I feel like it makes me a better programmer, but I have to work harder at paying attention to my wife/social life.24
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Fuck these super social media instagram influencer developers telling everyone watching their story that "everyone can be a programmer.". You can't. It's not only about syntax and a run button.16
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I want to say I would not have been the programmer I am now, if it hadn't been for all of my mentors in my past and current job who took a chance on me.
I am socially awkward, am nervous and stutter around new people, cannot sustain conversation, and as a consequence come out rather poorly in most kinds of interviews.
But there has been 3 mentors/leads in my life so far who saw through the nervous wreck I was in the few hours of the interview and took, what felt like to me, a gamble by hiring me. My current mentor even taught me everything I know on my job and has vastly shaped the programmer I am.
A humble thank you to all the amazing mentors out there, who inspire and enable the now green engineers, who will later be the mentors of the future generation!1 -
I know it's not recommended to write git commit messages in past tense, but it makes more sense to me to use it. Maybe I'll change as I grow and learn more in the programmer world, but as for now, I'm going to be a rebel and ignore convention😎5
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You know, one of my worst fears as a programmer isn’t a bug, or shitty clients, it’s not even happening on my computer.
It’s when I can’t find a good playlist to listen to because the good ones I listen to way to much and I get sick of them so I get stuck with nothing and my Brain simply can’t function without a butt shaking toon!1 -
Date a programmer;
We break keyboards;
Not hearts;
Seriously? is this fucking true? I guess not 😔😂5 -
A young Programmer and his Project Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother. After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young programmer are interested in each other, because they are giving each other looks. Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap.
When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word. The grandmother is thinking to herself, “It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I’m glad she slapped him.”
The Project manager is sitting there thinking, “I didn’t know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn’t missed him when she slapped me!”
The young woman was sitting and thinking, “I’m glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!”
The young programmer sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself, “Life is good. How often does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his Project manager all at the same time!” -
Two states of a developer every day:
• Fuck this job. I hate everyone and everything. My code sucks. It's not working. Why did I choose this career?! I am so miserable.
• It works! I'm a programmer god. Oh my goodness I'm smarter than everybody.
4 -
do not use the word coder please.
if you write code, you're a programmer. if you call yourself a coder, you're either a sixth grader who just learned about the terminal, or an idiot.14 -
My friend was a really good programmer he had an awesome working environment and amazing colleagues but still he was not satisfied and left the job he said he couldn’t get arrays
-
Dear rust,
I swear im not going to modify that string, i fucking swear on my life pinky promise, just plEASE LET ME USE IT WITHOUT HAVING TO CLONE.
Sincerely, a functional programmer6 -
I feel compelled to share this - I think every programmer needs to read this.
I know I'm right but I'm not in the mood to validate my argument, that is a privilege I reserve exclusively for real arguments - usually containing foreign user input in dire need of sanitization -which kinda sucks...
so instead here is a morsel and a link, enjoy the read.
https://medium.com/@caspervonb/...
3 -
A medical doctor, a lawyer and a programmer debate whether it's best to have a wife or a girlfriend.
"Easy", the lawyer starts, "a girlfriend comes without any legal obligation, you can have a lot of fun together but when you get enough of her, you can just leave her without any trouble"
The physician objects: "That can only come from a man who never truly loved a woman. Your wife is not just someone who you have fun with, she is you bastion of calm, your ever-loyal partner, the completition yourself. Clearly, having a wife is better"
Both now look at the programmer who remained silent throughout the debate.
He cleans his throat and than says: "Both. You need both. You can tell you wife you're with your girlfriend and you can tell your girlfriend you are with your wife. And then, you can finally code in peace.2 -
Three male programmers were in the bathroom standing at the urinals.
The first programmer finishes, walks over to the sink to wash his hands. He then proceeds to dry his hands very carefully. He uses paper towel after paper towel and ensures that every single spot of water on his hands is dried.
Turning to the other two, he says, "At Windows, we are trained to be extremely thorough."
The second programmer finishes his task at the urinal and he proceeds to wash his hands. He uses a single paper towel and makes sure that he dries his hands using every available portion of the paper towel.
He turns and says, "At Macintosh not only are we trained to be extremely thorough but we are also trained to be extremely efficient."
The third programmer finished and walks straight for the door, shouting over his shoulder.
"At RedHat, we don`t PISS on our hands."1 -
Can a front end developer themselves a software engineer? I am really confused with these terms. Or a programmer? Or a computer scientist? I didn't go to a school, so I am not sure what are the differences..8
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As of today, 12:11 CEST, my days as a student who hates school are over. In one month, i will be a programmer. Feels fucking great.
I may go back in the future, but not right now.
Also, in my new job i have to go to school to, but only 1/3 of the time, and i am getting paid for it.2 -
The traits that compile to form a programmer
-Not good at naming things
-People started asking for you to fix electronics regardless of what you tell them You’re actually studying/good at
-Procrastination through the roof
-Lives off of Coffee, POP, Energy drinks, or what ever source of caffeine.13 -
I would consider myself in the topper half of c++. I build compilers, i contributed 1000 linus to the linux kernel... But still: I am (only) 14 and lack experience... Could you please share some tipps for a young programmer... Not only for jobs, but also to improve more...10
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Damn life.
Life is very hard.
Social relationships are very difficult.
I am so lonely.
Not friendship.
Not a girlfriend.
All I have is my laptop.
My only companion is a laptop.
The only person sitting on my feet is my laptop.
Well, I'm a programmer, so what?
What kind of person am I?
What is the purpose of my creation?14 -
@allBeginners:
It's not about which language to pick or which problem to solve. It starts with thinking like a programmer.
I think that this guy educates quite well: https://youtu.be/azcrPFhaY9k
TLDW: Write your problem in English first and then translate that into simple code, not the other way around. If it does not work, you told the wrong things to the computer; its not the computer failing.4 -
For me it is not difficult to explain other people what I am doing as a programmer, but what company I am working for. We write software for the administration of cemeteries. People often look at me like I am joking. So I was wondering: What was your weirdest project/Job as a developer?1
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I present to you a php framework with an "orm" that doesnt support table joins. Yes, you heard it right.
I just want to say few things to the developers community -
If you are a bad programmer, please spend your time at improving rather than writing frameworks, or making the stupid decision on using SUCH SHIT FRAMEWORK AT A CORPORATE COMPANY!
Also if you are not sure if you are a good programmer or not, chances are you aren't. That's just how it is.
6 -
Sanity check.
Guys and Gals... Is this normal to hear from your co-worker things like (will try to translate to English):
"I don't know about your sex life, but could you stop fucking around with this website and move to the shop site?"
and
"Don't fuck around and just do it"
I hear this from a guy who is not a programmer.11 -
Tl;dr: I'm a shitty PHP programmer, but even a shittier JS programmer.
I made a whole image upload system which has an elaborate login/sign up facility, checks the dimensions of an image, it's size, checks if it's broken, compares it to previous uploads to prevent duplicates, take comments, sorts them per user and stores it efficiently in a db and accesses it using PDO, not mySQL, displays it as a gallery, and even lets the users transfer images amongst them.
But I can't make a simple shopping cart in js.
Why? Just, why?3 -
Some people just don't get it. When you meet friends who are either non technical or very new to programming, all they ask you is what language do you use.
The language is important but not everything. It's what you do with it that matters. Just because you know python, doesn't mean that you can do machine learning. Even simply asking what do I do is better than that!
The language is just a tool! Learn to be language agnostic please. Be a programmer, not a code monkey2 -
So it turns out when you tell normal people that your a software developer, they don't know what that is which explains why they don't ask you to fix anything hardware related2
-
I AM ABOUT TO KICK SOME PROFESSORS ASSES!!!!!!!!!!
THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS ARE MAKING GO MAD BEYOND MY BOUNDS WITH THERE MOTHERFUCKING STUPIDITY AND SELF RIGHTEOUSNESS.
LISTEN YOU FUCKS I WORK AS A PROGRAMMER TO PAY FOR MY FUCKING TUITION. NO IT IS NOT A PART-TIME JOB. I FUCK UP MY SCHEDULE SO I CAN CAME HERE TO THIS SHIT LEARNING SOMETHING BECAUSE YOU FUCKERS DO NOT HAVE A LECTURE AFTER HOURS.
SO WE I SAID THAT I CAN ONLY CAME TO THIS CLASS AT THIS TIME AND DAY OF THE WEEK I AM NOT BULLSHITING YOU.
SO DO US A FAVOR AND STOP BEING SO FUCKING STUPID AND GIVING ME THAT CYNICAL SMILE YOU PIECE OF SHIT.
FUCK YOU FUCKER AND YOUR PIECE OF SHIT CLASS.2 -
One of my favorites from The Tao of Programming:
A Master Programmer passed a novice programmer one day.
The Master noted the novice's preoccupation with a hand-held computer game.
"Excuse me," he said, "may I examine it?"
The novice bolted to attention and handed the device to the Master. "I see that the device claims to have three levels of play: Easy, Medium, and Hard," said the Master. "Yet every such device has another level of play, where the device seeks not to conquer the human, nor to be conquered by the human."
"Pray, Great Master," implored the novice, "how does one find this mysterious setting?"
The Master dropped the device to the ground and crushed it with his heel. Suddenly the novice was enlightened.
http://www.mit.edu/~xela/tao.html1 -
I'm not exactly a programmer right now but I'm trying my best to become one ASAP. Hats off to you guys. The toughest part is finding motivation and time.5
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There was a lesson in HTML during high school... had to learn C++ in Uni because it is part of my curriculum in my business major. They all mattered when I got into programming 2 years ago because my current boss thought I can be a good programmer despite being not an IT graduate... so he told me to self-study
-
You guys ever have to explain whole project to another employee because you are the only one that know and worked on this project.
Worst thing is that guy is not even a programmer and I have to teach him c# first 😤 I'm soo angry2 -
If there is anything worse than a bad, not willing to learn programmer is a so called plugin programmer.
Who only knows how to install plugin over plugin to do a simple task.
Just had to fix something on one websites (wp site, I know, just kill me) where the guy had like 25-30 plugins (some where disabled). And most of them were for adding new widget positions.3 -
The moment of truth on wanting to be a programmer or not... Is when you learn about pointers in c language.2
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Honestly so scared about starting work, I definitely know I'm not that great of a programmer despite doing alright in university :(10
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Hey, a bit of a dumb question.
When can someone call themselves a "real" programmer? I'm not one to gatekeep and say dumb shit like "iF yOu OnLy KnOw PyThOn Ur NoT a PrOgRaMmEr!", but I guess I want to know when I can call myself one. All I've done so far is make unpolished games in Unity for school that are created only to meet some requirements. I've also worked in my class' team for collaborative Unreal games, which has been painful to say the least. So, when I can stop gatekeeping myself over it? What sorts of experiences should I have? I understand that it's not a list of requirements like my projects are, but I'd like a general idea of when I can call myself a real developer.7 -
I really like that a lot of people in construction work just dont take anyones bullshit. If someone fucks up, it gets fixed. Sometimes with a lot of cussing.
Meanwhile as a programmer if you call out anyone or anything for doing something wrong, you get immediate backlash cause of it. Its a lot like that you are the problem for calling it out and not the one who caused the problem in the first place.6 -
I *hate* it when a senior asks me to write a functional test report. Like I thought we hired functional testers to do that sort of stuff? I'm a programmer, I only write 3 things: code, documentation, and more code. Not freaking reports about how something did not work before, and after this 1-line fix does work. Oh and don't forget to include screenshots and a description of the issue. Arghhh4
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That moment when you're on a bus and have idle thoughts just to pass time and catch yourself thinking "I could never imagine <person> ever hurting anyone, it's just not within their scope."
It's happening, the transformation is happening... I'm turning into... a PROGRAMMER! 😱😱 -
Why must coming up with ideas be so fucking difficult, trying to work out names for variables and working out a file structure that makes sense for the SDK I'm working on is literally the only thing holding me back at this stage...
Ugh being a perfectionist and programmer is not a good mix .-.
EDIT: also just remembered of 2 YouTube series I want to make but can't think of a title so I haven't done them... Fantastic1 -
http://www.phpthewrongway.com
I am not a php dev but I really like the following statement:
In the software industry you can compare a pre-built house to a general purpose framework. Building software using general purpose frameworks doesn’t make you a coder or a programmer any more than putting together a pre-built house makes you a carpenter.14 -
I started a company a while back that builds really simple wordpress sites and design for small businesses. I took a client on that needed things that were well above my skill level as a "programmer" and it's been equally frustrating and satisfying to consistently have the shit kicked out of me while spending hours trying to solve problem after problem. I've never worked for a company as a coder and one of the things I'm starting to wonder about is whether or not I'm "cut out" to be a programmer. I like doing it, but from a business owner perspective I don't know that I would actually want myself as an employee. My question is: does everyone feel like a ducking retard everyday they go at it with their job as a programmer?5
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The sentence we all dread:
"My stereo (insert any other piece of home tech...) is acting up, call ______ he works with computer's he'll know what to do"
ME: "Take it to the service shop, I'm a programmer not an electrical engineer"
After that you can't help but think they're thinking you just suck at your job... "pff he know's nothing" -
i'm just going to let myself rant here !!!! arghhhhhh why do i have to be one of those people that is pretty smart and good programmer but not under interview pressure when theres other stuck up lazy devs that do amazing in interviews and end up with higher salary while doing a worse job than u(slower)!!! arghhhhhhgggg8
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Was looking to do a game collaboration as I can't build most of the ideas I have on my own and as always get stuck with people not being as knowledgeable and not making anything of people who are knowledgeable but look at other devs like scum, and then artists are never just willing to jump on board to make a game with 1 programmer... UGH!
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I need to create a couple of websites real quick, mostly brochure style...
I don't normally do this, but, in this case, I have to.
I'm a programmer though, not a designer
What would you recommend for someone like me, that's fast, but reilable
All I can think of, is wordpress but that's a dirty word around here (for seeminglyg ood reason)
anything else?10 -
My game design & dev teacher. He was a level designer for an old german game company so he wasn't actually a proper programmer.
What made him a good teacher was he knew what he could teach and what was beyond his skills, and encouraged self study in those areas.
Not that many did, but those who did are all decent devs now. -
Hi I just joined this great Community and here is my thoughts about programming tap "++" if you agree if not then change your mind.
For me programming is like becoming wizard of next generation. Like wizard you can control or create anything because in future you will find electronics containing programs written by a wizard (programmer). We are not people who can repair computer but greater then that because a pc is just a box without programs (software)
You are reading this article because you loves challenges and you are hard working too.1 -
*phases of learning to program*
Phase 1:
Yeah its so easy i love programming i'm gonna be a top programmer.
Phase 2:
Uuuhg.. programming sucks,i think i'm not meant for it,should i give up do something else maybe...
#programming #100DaysOfCode #mumbai #love #indian #gujarati #vadodarabarodacity #instagram #vadodaradiary #msubaroda #aapduvadodara #vadodaranews #vadodarawomen #officialvadodara #vadodaracity #barodarocks #barodagoogle #vadodarafashion #vadodara_lover #barodadiaries #barodamirror #india #vadodarabaroda #geek #developerslife #webdev #php #design #css #java #developers #html #softwarehouse #softwares #softwaredevelopment #technology #coderlife #designer #softwareengineer #webdesigner #codingisfun #programmerproblems #programmerjokes #programmerlifestyle #programmergirl #webdevelopment #developerlife #devlife #webdesign #programmersday #softwareengineering #programmering #programmerhumor #development #dev #programmerlife #programmer #developer #vadodara #coding #software #baroda #programming #vadodaradiaries #vadodara_baroda #coder #webdeveloper #gujarat #programmerslife #javascript #vadodara_igers #codinglife #barodacity #code #vadodarablogger #programmers #softwaredeveloper #ourvadodara #goals #beyourself #happy #smile #lifeisgood #socialmedia #success #friday2 -
On the one hand, as an avid programmer having a non-programmer partner, we (I) once wanted to mod some Gameboy Pokémon games (Crystal), but the games were written in Assembly and I was definitely not getting myself into that. My partner was rather sad, as this was quite a big project for the both of us, but it was never finished, and it was still complicated to explain to him why Assembly is such a bitch. Nevertheless, we found other projects to have fun with (simplest of them: random movie picker that chooses a movie based on title/genre/etc. from our own movie list file).
On the other hand, explaining and making programming exciting for people who are not into it, so you still seem like an interesting person for new dates (poly relationship), is really hard. But I would also blame my introverted self and not only programming for unsuccessful dating :D -
It is sign of great programmer if he can solve complex problem in a simple way. Solving simple problem in complex way is sign of being jerk, not a goob programmer.
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Being a programmer it is not easy.
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Because you always have null pointer expression!!4 -
Thinking about freelancing, any freelancers here who can help me get started?
I have a bit of experience freelancing being a designer but not yet as a programmer. Im currently a student but have made a few programs.
What do you guys think?5 -
There will always be times when you will need to understand/modify horribly written code, or have to work with a fellow "programmer" who is clueless about what programming actually is.
In such situations, not losing your cool is a necessary evil. -
what am i going to do today? whatever the fuck the SYSTEM throws at me... or what my manager wants me to waste time on... ah , programmer life when one has a conundrum of doing what you like to do but not end up doing that because there are other mountains to climb with squirrels eating your nuts...1
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It's not my intention to start a web technology war so be nice do not do that 😁
Short Info: I'm "desktop programmer" (if that word exists) in either C # or Java 😎
question: I would like to create my own website, just simple to start with and maybe expand it later with eg. Arduino temperature meter
I have a look at 2 programming languages that I can build it in, Js or PHP. I just do not know which one to choose, I'm probably the most to Js, but what are the pros and cons of these 2 and / or is there a completely different programming language I have to take a look at?16 -
High school robotics team. Total of three programmers and one coach who understands programming concepts, but not syntax or anything. One programmer, putting it bluntly, is incompetent and doesn't even bother to learn anything. The other one that isn't me is apparently fucking lead programmer and team leader (IM A SENIOR. SHES A FUCKING SOPHOMORE. WTF.) and she has done about 5% of the programming this year. I've done the rest with the help of a programmer from Ford whom we bring in. All she does is tell you to do shit for her, and if you don't, she pulls the authority card on you.
And I have maybe three days, after a full day of school mind you, until I need almost every part working on the robot code. Fuck me.1 -
It's a challenge working with people that aren't as competent as yourself. Having another programmer misunderstand some system's design and throw copypasta around; or an artist who wants to chime in on low-level system design. It's hard to communicate not only how things work, but that a person should stick to their designated role and competency - without bruising egos.3
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Ok so I love being a programmer, but I've been programming for about 6-7 years now and to this day, have nothing to show for it.
I hate that I'm a no compromise sort of person but it means I just can't settle for something, I want to deliver a flawless and engaging product with plenty of polished features, but I'm 1 person trying to do what teams of devs do.
I even have a couple programmer friends that a couple years ago were begging to collaborate with me for there project but as soon as I ask them about collaborating they suddenly have a different view -,-
What do you guys do when motivation and moral starts wearing thin? :-/
Not having anything get completed is really bringing me down!2 -
hi guys I've got a question for you
what if your manager asks for a programmer of a certain programming language (that you know but is not a master of it) for a certain project and there are only few people you know who would volunteer and they might hire other people if they don't find people inside, would you volunteer yourself given that you don't have any project with you right now or no?
thanks for those who will answer! :)
PS background abt me: univ. student, no experience in the industry yet4 -
Actually not a rant, I just want to share my happiness with you guys. Finally I broke out of a startup, and got accepted to an international big company. Cannot wait for the things I’ll learn there, it’s so exciting! (Yep, this is a very big milestone for me as an autodidact programmer.)
Any advice you can give to me? What was your biggest achievement so far in your carreer?6 -
Is it weird that I'm doing Electrical and Electronic Engineering but I HATE it and love programming? I know I should find a balance between the two but I just can't seem to. The worst part is that the syllabus hasn't been updated for eons so we are learning about outdated technologies. Ooh, and you can't declare majors until like the final year, I think. I could quit but it would break my parents' hearts, and we are not rich enough to afford a self-sponsored CS course. The worst part is that I'm not even a good programmer, I'm trying so hard to balance the two that I end up not being good at any.5
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Are here Vim users using the dvorak layout?
I am thinking of learning (programmer) dvorak but I am way to comfortable with Vim. I think Vim itself would not even be my primary concern since one should not use HJKL anyway. But I also have these bindings for switching tmux panes, vim splits and windows in i3, etc .
I think Dvorak would be a great opportunity to finally learn touch typing but I fear that Vim is not compatible with it.
So what is your experience with these two? Does it work? Is it worth it?2 -
After waiting a while for another programmer on another team to provide a web service that I needed to call from a client side web form, I received word that it was ready. I could not get it to work because CORS headings were not being set correctly. After contacting them and letting them know, I got an email update to the team letting everyone know that they were waiting on me. After explaining that CORS headings were not there, I just built a PHP page to proxy the request, results and set the headers correctly so I can move on. I will remove it when they get their side fixed... if they ever do.
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If Amazon offered you to work as a programmer at their HQ in Luxemburg (not your country), what would you do? 😶
And also how many developers are lacking there to reach someone outside? O.o3 -
When you realize you were born when it was 4:04 AM on the clock...
I think I was born to be a programmer... Or maybe not? Am I an error?6 -
The worst project I worked on so far was a bash script of over 2000 lines written by two different people who both script differently. I was supposed to understand the script and "fix a few things".
Names of functions were as confusing as possible.
Up to this day I'm still forced to use it.3 -
Is it odd, as a primarily Web developer, I don't like to be called programmer?
It's not what I see myself as, but colleagues do1 -
Not a rant!
But I want to know how much do programmer make? (Money wise) and would it be better to be a freelancer or to work for a company? What are some pros and cons for working in a company and for being a freelancer.5 -
Not a real programmer, ( fictional from the movies) but the funny reason i got into this field in the first place. Dr Stephen Falken fictional character from the movie "War Games" 1983 I was 12 and thought "Dam I want to do that" he really was not event the star, but made WOPR (War Operation Plan Response) Also that is my username here :)
link https://youtube.com/watch/... -
#Smoke_and_Coffee
Why everyone I told that I have an addition on Coffee said so you are a smoker
Ooh God no I'm not a smoker, I'm just a programmer that write 2 lines on code and drink a cup of coffee.4 -
Probably my language and communication skills.
I tend to think of programming as a conversation between the programmer and the machine.
Similar to being an effective communicator, the key to being a good programmer is knowing what to say when (deciding how to do a particular task, such as reading a file from disk) and not about simply knowing the different ways of saying the same thing (different ways of doing that task in your code). -
Found a very good description of programmers. We do not know each other yet we help each other. There is always someone who is there to help you. Proud to be a programmer.
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Was having a look on some videos about Vim and discovered the tmux+vim IDE like workflow. Why isnt this more popular? I find it insanely awesome. Especially the pair programming part. Drivez me crazy for not having programmer friends.6
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Why the carrot did people keep asking me about their hacked account? I'm only a programmer, not a social media expert.4
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How I fucking hate those programmers who say they only can do backend stuff because they don't like front-end work... You godamn pussies, as a programmer you have to be able to adapt to a given projects requirements. If you are not able to do that you are not a real developer in my eyes. So grow a pair and the next time you have the chance to do some frontend work take it, maybe there is someone who in return would like to dable in some backend work for once.13
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My dad taught me basic algebra when I was a kid (I think 7-8). Then he taught me BASIC and within a month I decided I was going to be a game programmer when I grew up. Not quite where I ended up, but that's how the journey started.
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One of top clients, a Designing firm started asking for non-programmer jobs like office templates.
Client sends in .indd and .ai files.
Me: Requests for psd version as I lack tools for .indd and .ai
Cient replied: "I am not used to being asked for png’s to be made when I provided you with an AI file for all logos. I do expect you guys to use a little bit of nouse / imagination and work out that you can create the png yourself from the a.i. file provided. This is something no other programmer asks me to do."
Me: U for real? Why would a developer like me have Adobe Indesign installed in my machine?
pfft.1 -
Does anyone else run to their desk to just put their headphones/AirPods on?
…I’m not a morning person. -
So I heard to get a job as a programmer you need a degree in computer science. I looked it up and apparently computer science includes alot of math courses. I'm not good at math and as far as I can see complex math is not needed to be a programmer. Is there any other degree I can take to get a job as a programmer that doesn't require as much math as a computer science degree does?14
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That moment when you fcked up in a technical interview and realize oh I need to sharpen my skills, I need to improve my skills! I am not a worthy programmer now 💔
Then you go to work next day and have a busy day working as a project manager!
Now I know why my skills got rusty, and am not able to code as I used to be 😭😭😢2 -
Idea for future week question, maybe not a rant 'per se', but interesting endeed: 'Describe the moment when you knew you wanted to be a programmer/developer/DBA..."
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My dad bought me a book on QBASIC when I was around 7 or 8 years old, and within a month I decided I was going to be a game programmer when I grew up. That's not where I ended up, but that's how the journey started. My parents were both pretty supportive of that decision.
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so i did this nice tool with data structures, dynamic ui composing, input sanitizing, modularity and scalability with tidy and efficient javascript and useful css.
showing it to my boss: "cool what you can do with html". WAT?
(he is not a programmer but knows i´m into web-programming) -
My new job is giving me a budget for getting a new laptop, looking for some recommendations on good programmer brands, somewhere in the neighborhood of $1800-$2000 USD (not including tax/shipping). I'm looking at the Dell XPS 15, beautiful screen but poor quality reviews. Also, looking at ASUS Zenbook line. Any thoughts on those brands? Any other brands I should look at? I need to run Windows natively, so MBP is out.14
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When you're a better programmer then your tech teacher (he studied video editing in college so he gets a break) so you're expected to resolve everyone's tech issues while you don't know much yourself so you have to cheat your way through. 😩😩
Good thing I'm the only one not using graphical view in dream weaver. Lol1 -
Bugs: These are not bed bugs. For programmer they are a nightmare, to customer we introduce them as a new feature and say, “My software has no bug. It just develops random features.”
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Say, you have a huge system with tight memory constraints. Almost every programmer who's created an instance of any object now has that instance in contention for resources on this system. The free memory is going lesser and lesser and other resources are also facing the heat. The garbage collector is not very effective (as garbage collectors we know are). There is a very large pool of objects that do not have any reference and are left to their own. Now instead of instantiating your own objects, you can simply request one off the pool and work with it however you like (regardless of what type the object was) and change its type to the type you want it to (coz they're all after all instances of the same base class).
Now the question is, would you still instantiate your own object or just request from the pool? If it were a fact that once this system is down, you'll never be able to develop and deploy a single program ever again, would you still not care for it?
If only my mom was a programmer, I could have easily explained why I want to adopt a kid and not make my own. :/ -
I don't think that "code" should be used as a verb. A programmer 'writes' code or 'programs' something. I'd rather not be called a "coder." Unless it's Halloween and I'm dressed up as a brogrammer.3
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If you haven't downloaded 323232 programming ebooks to read god knows when then you are not a programmer..
3 -
Anyone had the reverse of the classic, I've got a programmer that compiled on two of my VMs but not the third
They're each clones of an original. What, since when was this a thing?1 -
Not a rant but a piece of advice.
Try drink coke (Coca-Cola) instead of coffee. Besides waking you up, it will give food from your brain.
It helped me a lot as a programmer when coffee couldn't do it7 -
Reading the source of a message queue system I'm planning on extending.
I don't see myself as a rockstar programmer or anything but the construction of arrays from hash tables, sorting those arrays and then a nested for loop to find matches really irks me. Luckily not on the critical message processing path but the stats collection thread. There are mutexes in play though that would probably delay processing a little bit when stats are collected. -
Programmer at an interview:
interviewer: introduce yourself
programmer: Hi, my name is ______, and am a programmer,
you can actually call me a programmer because from the top I look good, but from the bottom I am naked.
comment below whether you will be hiring this programmer on not.7 -
I made the mistake my first year as a programmer to start sim racing. It was a disaster. I was continuing staring at a screen. The next step was buing woods and knifes for woodcarving. Still a disaster. It was demanding the same concentrations in very small pieces for my eyes, just like code. Now, i learned. I get a motorcycle and i hope riding soon. I believe it is the ultimate anti-stress activity. Nothing to do with high speeds, just the feeling of riding, and doing something not mentally2
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As a machine (plc) programmer I regularly have to get my 17mm laptop out to fix mechanical problems.
It really winds me up when mechanical or electrical bods can't find the faults so they blame software, I prove to them that it's not software by using hand tools and doing their job for them.
Bone idle people! -
My biggest regret is not becoming a programmer sooner in life. Ever since I saw the computer wore tennis shoes when I was 5 I wanted to be a computer programmer. But my brother discouraged me saying it was so difficult but no one did it. So I thought I guess if no one is doing it.... Then in both Junior High and High School they have computer classes but you had to be friends with the teacher to even know it existed in the first place. I was not on good terms with him.
Thanks to a very encouraging Teacher at Art School I finally I was able to pursue my lifelong interest in computers. -
What was the most silliest mistake you have ever made just before you were unable to focus for some reason as a developer / programmer ?
Mine was to put || instead of && and wondering why some html is not rendering on my html page.5 -
What if some one very cruel programmer programmed a programmer and designer AI that can generate code 700X faster, generate flawless and reliable code / design in any and Every programming language that could replace 100% of the programmers in the world?
What if he give it for free?
And companies started to fire all programmers and designers to download the free AI and use it and it was better than every programmer in the world?
What if the AI was able to code a whole Office suit and all Adobe products in just 3 seconds?
What if it was very intelligent that no one needs to hire a programmer ?
What if any one started to create their own app using it and replace programmers like car replaced horse?
What do you feel about it?
Do you wish if it happen?
Or not?
Is it your dream?
Or nightmare?17 -
How do you train someone to be a programmer fast? (No not like a 'learn to code in a weekend' thing.) Books? Throw them in the deep end? Work with them side by side for a while?
We will be hiring a guy as a programmer. He is very tech/computer savvy, but literally 0 school or work experience programming. I've known him for a little while and honestly trust he'll try to learn but I feel with as little as he knows he is going to get overwhelmed fast. He is not technically under me but it's going to be my responsibility to train him.
I'm worried he's going to get completely overwhelmed and burn out quickly.16 -
I'm not sure. Was considering becoming a pharmacist when I was in high school. Also was considering becoming a graphic designer. If I had enough money to just quit being a programmer today and couldn't go back to programming, maybe teaching computer science or being an artist.
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!rant
Reading The Pragmatic Programmer and Clean Code.
Any other suggestions on books thats not specified to a specific programming language that is worth reading?2 -
Any tips on staying focused and not being distracted for a quasi-intermediate programmer? I keep getting distracted by steam games. Even weird shit like installing gitlab community on a VM, thus loosing an hour of time.1
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I'm not a programmer, I just know how to put one stupid meaningless cryptic character after another.
fac←{×/⍳⍵} -
I'm not doing this for money but what's the average salary of a front-end web developper or a programmer ?
(How much do you earn ?)1 -
Honestly speaking, I don't understand all these homes about Java programmers not being able to C#.
I'm mainly a Java programmer and about 9 months ago, my team inherited a huge scope of applications developed in C#. I was forced to learn C# in order to support those applications and I have to say I didn't find the language that difficult...1 -
So funny when who people try and jump in IT related conversations saying “Ah yeah, ....xyz... I’m a programmer” do not know what Git is :)3
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I am now working on some pdf generating, trying to create pdf/a conforming documents and oh boy, what an ugly world that is.. not only there are some nontrivial requirements for the documents, but the only suitable (and expensive) library we could find so far for this is poorly documented, has horrible interface (for a simple programmer who "just wants to create a pdf, man") and even the stackoverflow cannot help with some issues.. fml3
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Well, this eleventh hour, during-the-holidays change to buggy code to make it do something it's not designed to do is going like just about every other project like it has ever gone. Still not done. None of the programmer talent is available to work on it because it's at a time when everyone is traveling. And the third-party data provider is unreachable.
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worst sin? 🤔
I guess not following any best practices, really bad formating, no comments, simply puting all code together just to make it work. I cry everytime I have to dig through my old codes 😫 such a shitty code, such a shitty programmer I was (am) 😔😓 -
Its hard to manage people in a development team if someone is behind and not willing to learn and being a happy go lucky programmer with someone helping cleaning up his codes 😭 better solution is to rolloff this resource 😈
2 -
I know this is not a de devrant, but I had a girlfriend for about a year. And today I found out she cheated on me twice the last few weeks.
How should a programmer deal with this?5 -
Lost my voice... Not needed in a programmer 😅 people keep telling me ... I feel we are the most vocal kinds of people... Passionate to a fault
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Hey!
Would you recommend React Native, or Electron for a not really experienced programmer?
I am just starting with JavaScript, and these two tools are the most fascinating to me. :)
I have been learning C# in school, but mostly had to teach myself in the past year.
Anyway, thank you, if you answer, it is really nice on devRant, and it's my first developer community to be part of! :D
Sorry for the broken english - not my primary language.6 -
As a front end programmer and UI designer, what really annoyed me is that the color on my notebook screen is not what it shown on my phone...1
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Girlfriend complains about how I'm always on my laptop, coding, and how I'm not spending enough time with her.
I tell her that my laptop is not the NUMBER ONE thing in my life, but She is.
Little does she know that as a programmer, I start counting from zero6 -
Not a programmer just a CS student. Since I'm not appearing in my online classes I'm way far from my syllabus. I want to learn C# from 0. Suggest tutorials 😔14
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