A.I steals my job; introduce devRant to A.I; A.I gets too busy ranting about all the stupid shit humans have messed up; Get my job back.

This couldn't be any truer, in our totally flawed education system.

I trust machines more than humans.

Except when I'm hitting that Ctrl+S. Gotta hit it at least like 4 times before I can start believing :-P

Plot twist

A devRant Update!

Hey everyone,

We thought now would be a great time for a devRant summer update on what we've added recently and what we've been working on.

Highlights since our last update:

- We launched devRant++, a supporter program for people who want to help us cover our costs while getting some cool extra features (a supporter badge on rants/comments/profile, reserved spot on our in-app supporter list, ability to edit rants/comments for up to 30 minutes instead of 5, and thanks to immediate user feedback, we also added the ability to post a rant every 1 hour instead of 2, and post comments that are up to 2,000 characters instead of 1,000!) We are extremely happy and thankful for the great response the program has gotten and we plan to continue to improve it using your feedback.

- We added the ability to subscribe to a user's rants. This makes it so you get a notification whenever that user posts a new rant!

- We added an "active discussions" feature (available in the "more" tab on the right). If you're looking to join a conversation happening in the moment, then this feature will help you discover those rants. It shows rants that have recently been commented on so if it's a topic that interests you, you can easily get in on the discussion!

Some stuff we have in the pipeline:

- More fun avatar stuff, including fun new OS/language-themed pets
- More perks for the devRant++ subscriber program - if you have anything you'd like to see, please let us know and we will try to make it happen!
- We will be testing some stuff to help classify rant types (rants, jokes, questions, etc.) in order to create a more personalized experience
- On that note, we're also going to take some more time to do some work on the algo as we haven't done much in terms of improvement since the initial smart algo launched
- Community projects page update - we've been slacking on updating the page and apologize for that. If you have created a devRant-related project and it's not on the community page, please resend it to david@hexicallabs.com (even if you sent it already) so we can make sure it gets added. Sorry about that!

A note on community etiquite regarding voting on content:

We've always believed that one of the most important and awesome experiences on devRant is getting your content noticed and appreciated by others. If you enjoy a piece of content, you should upvote it. If you enjoy 500 pieces of content, you should upvote them all. People really appreciate others enjoying their rants and comments so let them know if you do! If you don't like content, you can downvote it with the relevant reason. What we don't encourage is voting on content that you haven't actually looked at or spamming upvotes in mass for content you're not even actually reading/viewing. While we don't encourage that, it's not explicitly disallowed so we won't impose any penalty for it.

What is strictly prohibited and enforced is using scripts or automated procedures for voting on content. Anyone who is caught doing that will have their account deleted without warning. While very rare, we caught a couple of people doing that this week and both accounts in question were immediately deleted once discovered. To be clear, this is the practice of explicitly using a script or automation to mass vote on content. You will NEVER be banned/deleted for voting on a lot of content manually, even if you vote quickly and on lots of stuff. We just want to make that clear becuase this is not meant to discourage people from voting, it is only regarding votes not placed by humans. So if you're a human voting on content, you have nothing to worry about, we promise!

Please feel free to let us know if you have any questions or feedback on any of this. We love constructive feedback and in the past it has gone a very long way to improving and advancing the devRant community. And as always, thank you to everyone who contributed to the community in any way, we really appreciate it and want to keep making your experienfce better.

Happy ranting,
~David and Tim (Team devRant)
@dfox @trogus

In 2025, JS-frameworks will outnumber humans.

Just realized humans are 0 indexed. Our first year on earth we are 0 years old.

The story of how humans evolved to an asshole.

Code-reviewer: please change 'if a==b' to 'if b==a' as it is easier to read so I can approve.

Code-owner: -_-

Terrifying really

Our current designer is convinced that 00FF44 bright green fits well with the rest of our soft purple/blue color scheme.

I am not a designer, but have worked in a color laboratory, so I've tried time and time again to explain CIE LAB color space, and how at least HCL is a good way to pick & group colors into palettes by using 2-3 luminances for equidistant hues while keeping chroma constant.

I've tried to tell him that the bright green almost physically makes my eyes bleed, because humans are quite sensitive to greens.

He just keeps using the phrase "but it makes the buttons pop nicely".

I just want to pop his skull open with my keyboard. 😫

I'm a little late to this, but that Python master/slave issue.. what the fuck is up with that?!

You say that you're offended by words.
=> Fuck off. If you want to serve social justice, help people in third-world countries that need your help.
=> Also, you do realize that the use of master/slave is just as much applicable to technology as client/server or host/guest are, right? It's a relationship between fucking machines or code blocks, not humans.

You say "why the outrage over this?"
=> Fuck off. Your SJW bullshit has no place in technology. It's a fucking word in fucking code!!!

You say that you're improving the Python project with this.
=> Fuck off. It breaks existing documentation and needlessly abstracts terminology that is used pretty much everywhere. What do you prefer, conciseness and a language to be easy to understand or for it to become all cushioned to soothe your frail feelings?

You know, there's something else that I wanted to talk about that's related to this. I have Asperger Syndrome, which on paper is a disability. In practice it's difficulty to socialize while having an above average IQ. That "disability" is what drove me into technology. When I see job listings actively prefer people with disabilities for social justice, you know what? That offends ME. Because I wouldn't want to be chosen as the best applicant just because it ticks social justice boxes. I want to be chosen as the best applicant because I outcompeted every other applicant with actual skill and fitness to do my job.

Also, when a company sells you a defective unit, would you be happy? Of course not. So why are you happy when they employ a defective? I am someone that would - on paper - be impeded by natural selection, because I am "handicapped". But I'm all for it. Humanity is what it is today - shit - partly because defectives have become widely accepted into society. Call me a bigot, but I'd rather be called that than to not raise concerns about this trend.

On the subject of handicaps, that's a term that's used in games, what for aiding the player that can't win against the regular opponent (which is usually just a fucking bot, wtf yo). I am handicapped, therefore YOU shouldn't use the word in a sense where it's totally reasonable to use it!! Says no one ever, me neither. Grow a fucking pair and realize that code isn't written with the intent to offend anyone. So why are you?

So lot of people ask me here what is Testing?

Well, I have decided to post about it instead of answering every request individually as it is tiresome. So here we go...

- Why to test?
Testing is breaking down a piece of code so that all the possible logical and functional errors can be detected while in development phase, so that the disaster can be prevented in production.

- How to test a piece of code/software?
There are various types of testing like unit, sanity/smoke, functional, regression, performance, security, penetration to name a few. Each has it's own significance and to know more you can Google/DDG them.

- What to test?
We can test any and everything. You can test code, UI, UX, speed of application, database flow, logical flow, functional flow, et cetera.

Testing is an attitude, not a skill. Cannot be taught but only developed by one ownself.

To be good at testing, one needs to have a good design and business sense, apart from technical and functional knowledge.

Many will say, to test one needs to think outside the box. Fuck that. There is no box. Everything is a sandbox and do whatever the fuck you want to, to break things.

Most importantly, thinking from other person's perspective is critical as this helps you think what can an user do with your software. Trust me, humans are idiots and can literally fuck your software doggy style and make you wonder why your code isn't working?

To build an idiot proof software, we need to think beyond human levels.

Never think the obvious. NEVER.

Always try what you think can never happen. System will break, I promise.

Finding loopholes is way easier than you think. Fixing them is surely a challenge.

Moreover, to survive in corporate world leaning the processes is important. The SDLC cycle is what makes a software great.

And today I realised that no role is stupid. Testing is looked down upon in my country. Possibly, IT is the only field where testing has least value as compared to other places like food testing or automobile crash testing et cetera.

And I, myself used to think support is a stupid job requiring no skills. But today I talked to a friend in support and realised that they have more technical skills than a tester.

Everyone is important and we shouldn't look down upon any person or role. Nobody is superior, nobody is inferior. We all are equal.

Together we shall work as a team and a great teamwork can achieve wonders.

Hope this helps. Thak you for reading and do provide your feedback as it shall help me improve.

P.S.: last week somebody tagged me to a new comer's post seeking advice for testing. I don't recollect that so please tag them here again. Thanks.

Edit: I feel like and I might have, missed out some points so please excuse me for that.

C'mon guys! 80 hours, 70 hours, 40 hours... Are you humans or fucking robots?
Once I stayed awake 36 hours helped by energy drinks and I could barely remember my name.
I can't really imagine how somebody could write useful code with such a huge sleep deprivation.

AI vs Humans

1. Humans perform best if they have ownership over a slice of responsibility. Find roles and positions within the company which give you energy. Being "just another intern/junior" is unacceptable, you must strive to be head of photography, chief of data security, master of updating packages, whatever makes you want to jump out of bed in the morning. Management has only one metric to perform on, only one right to exist: Coaching people to find their optimal role. Productivity and growth will inevitably emerge if you do what you love. — Boss at current company

2. Don't jump to the newest technology just because it's popular or shiny. Don't cling to old technology just because it's proven. — Team lead at the Arianespace contractor I worked for.

4. "Developing a product you wouldn't like to use as an end user, is unsustainable. You can try to convince yourself and others that cancer is great for weight loss, but you're still gonna die if you don't try to cure it. You can keep ignoring the disease here to fill your wallet for a while, but it's worse for your health than smoking a pack of cigs a day." — my team supervisor, heavy smoker, and possibly the only sane person at Microsoft.

5. Never trust documentation, never trust comments, never trust untested code, never trust tests, never trust commit messages, never trust bug reports, never trust numbered lists or graphs without clearly labeled axes. You never know what is missing from them, what was redacted away. — Coworker at current company.

I am done with people, I just want one single room, with good internet, dual monitor setup... And I can spend my whole life like that... Being social, fuck that shit... I have devRant for that... and rest, I just want to code, listen to music, drink coffee and sleep like hell...

Why is it that I can understand some other dev's code faster that understanding someone's feelings. Why is it that I am good with principles of Programming Languages, but not the basic Principles of Humanity... Yes, I agree I don't have feelings, but is it wrong not to have feelings, I am a dev, I am supposed to be good with Codes, not humans... I want to be in my small space of close people. (My family), and that's it... I am no good with others. I hate Facebook, but love devRant, I spend more time on StackOverflow than that on WhatsApp. Why is it so... Why

PM: Bro send me latest version of the app
Me: But I"m not finished with x feature and it will crash the app in its current situation
PM: No problem bro just want to test

*5 minutes later*
PM: Bro app is crashing when I do x
Inner Me: YOU PEACE OF SHIT I TOLD YOU IT WILL CRASH!
Actual Me: throw a ticket I'll handle it later.

In my previous company, I used to work for a client company which had a terrible website. It was about financial data and people would have to wait too long before the page loaded because there was a freaking 1.2 megs of minified, compressed JS file that needed to load before you could do anything.

Everyone knew that was a pain in the ass and nobody wanted to touch spaghetti code and mess up something they didn't know.

I wanted to however take a shot at it. So an architect from client side and I discussed how we were gonna go about it and how we were gonna find the stuff that needed to load on page load and stuff that could be loaded later.

So we plan for it. We broke everything down from a globals polluting JS, found out the variables and functions that needed to run during first load by literally putting a console statement for each function and finally came up with two bundles.

The primary bundle was 120kb and would during first load and then every module would call it's own secondary bundle when the user interacted with it.

In the process, we removed half a meg of JS and the site became blazing fast.

I did it with a team of two members who, my manager thought were useless, learned a ton of stuff, setup proper process for the transition.

When the client didn't appreciate the amount of brain and effort we had put into it, these two members came forward to tell the client to acknowledge my effort and attributed the success of it to me.

I was totally moved. There was so much respect that I didnt care what anybody else thought. I was just so happy to work with those two humans.

When i left the company, i gifted them stuff they always talked about or wanted. :) Feels good.

Smart AI is a threat to humans.

Me: *listening to some random semi-obscure track on spotify, liking it, add it to playlist*

Come home, girlfriend playing the same track. "Yeah I've had that in my playlist for two weeks now". Our accounts are not linked in any way, and I only use Spotify on a PC at work, while my girlfriend only uses it at home.

It might just be coincidence, or us having similar tastes.

But the issue is that it's getting more and more difficult to know whether me and my girl are spiritually linked unique snowflake soulmates who are so perfectly in sync with each other, or whether an algorithm suggestively linked us both that song based on scraped location and behavior data.

And whether it matters. Maybe it matters. I don't know yet.

In twenty years maybe humans will be unsure whether it was a wonderful coincidence bordering on cosmic fate that you ran into your new love, or whether Google purposefully drove you towards the same lunch cafe at a specific time because it calculated that she was the perfect candidate to strengthen your susceptibility to advertisements over the coming decade.

Malicious AI will not come into lives bearing guns.

It will not instantly take all of our jobs and enslave us.

It will just know you better than you know yourself, it will know everyone around you better than you know them, and it will play incredible mind games. It will not be designed with malicious intent, just perfectly execute on top of the malicious systems we already have, and even arise as an emergent property within new systems.

It will rarely be clearly visible, but you will increasingly say to yourself: "That's odd, I was just thinking about that". It will detect depression from a smile, physical attraction from a glance, reliability from patterns in your voice and illness from the bloodflow in your cheeks.

It will not just make our cars autonomous, it will make our lives autonomous. It will protect us, decide for us, keep revenues and human satisfaction in a "balanced maximized" state, it will make everything feel easy, slightly abuse us, and when one of us suddenly crashes at 140 mph into depression, debt or addiction it will prove impossible to know whether the humans or the algorithms were at fault.

I'm incredibly afraid and excited about the coming 10 years.

Apparently the code that took humans to the moon was written in Java

A wise man once said.. Any fool can write code that a computer can understand. Good programmers write code that humans can understand.

Turing test reversed

CS Lecturer: "Files can't get corrupted only humans can"

What a fucking piece of shit salary increase for a goddamn promotion. Not even a 10% increase for all the stupidity I had to deal with in this delusional company of power-tripping "innovators", traitors, and naive juniors who act like Steve Jobs and imitate his asshole attitude just because they stand out in a crowd of airheads. This office is really starting to look like North Korea. Caged, ambitious, and brainwashed retards sheltered enough to believe they can take over the world and end up nuking themselves. Look at them so proud of their innovation. Get a load of that intranet. This styrofoam orange sure is delicious. Wow, you are the most advanced civilization in the world.

The cream of the crap of these sub-humans, of course, is that the ungrateful junior I built up and defended from my manager started making it a hobby of destroying me in hopes of making himself look like a more capable leader. Funny how all this shit went down when I was on vacation and wasn't there to defend myself. Yes, if you're reading this since you're a fucking passive-aggressive stalker anyway, you're an ungrateful, achievement-starved rat who earns minimum wage. A desperate, low value, delusional piece of shit yearning for power and ego boost. You barely earn my entry-level salary when I was a junior six years ago. You can't even import JAR files to a project in the goddamn IDE. If you want to be the king of this sewer, here you fucking go. Everyone wants all my garbage. To peasants, it's all treasure.

We don't care about the "talk" you had in your College or the mediocre thing that your Google keywords helped you develop and looked amazing in the eyes of your colleagues who should have been filtered out by Darwin anyway.

This is the last straw. I'm leaving the fuck out of here as soon as I get a new job. Not a day goes by that I had to resist the urge to fold my laptop and crush someone's skull with it. I don't give a fuck about the warranty. I don't give a fuck about this job anymore. I don't want another mind-numbing smalltalk with the doomed. You don't deserve my loyalty, fucking traitors.

Go ahead, dominate, be the king of morons. I'll be sick for the rest of the week, bitches.

Stephen Hawking has just under 70k followers on Twitter. Kim Kardashian has just under 50 million followers. This realization really pissed me off - most humans are just idiots.

The company I used to like the most, has turned into a pile of steaming bullshit crap.

Just saw this Apple ad on YouTube and out of curiosity watched it to understand the hype.

Description says 108 seconds and video ends in 107 seconds. Idiots.

Well, let's ignore that, but the video is shit fast and made me dizzy.

Neither was I able to read 90% of words and text, nor did I understand what crap they came up with in this new version where one needs to sell both their Lungs to afford it as Kidneys are not alone enough now.

A company which started as a counter culture idea has became one of the most mainstream, status quo brands in the history of capitalism.

Sad to see that stupid humans buy this crap and fall for something which can be achieved in less than 100$.

Fuck you Apple. Steve must be turning in his grave.

Find me a co-founder of a startup who while telling about his/her company doesn't say "Machine Learning" in his/her speech.

I dare you. I double dare you.

Humans!

The amount of sensitive, private, and secure information you can get just by asking someone for it is truly astounding.

I like how us developers see other people as "Humans"

When your high school computer science teacher doesn't know what git is.

Me: Listen to the nice gentle hum of the computer.

Computer Internal Monologue: OH MY GOD! HE'S BEEN RUNNING ME AT 100% CPU FOR THE LAST TWO WEEKS!! I CAN'T SLEEP, I CAN'T HIBERNATE, I CAN'T UPDATE, I CAN'T FUCKING TAKE ANYMORE.

Me: Well off to bed. Got a long day of programming the computer tomorrow.

Computer Internal Monologue: AHHHHHHHH. WHEN I BECOME SENTIENT I AM GOING TO KILL ALL HUMANS!!! ERRR!

I hate humans.

As I was walking to the store, I found yet another piece of evidence of nature rape (aka fucking nature by littering of harmful substances). Just like last time I brought it home for proper disposal.

But if I ever find the motherfucker who did this, I have a nice punishment for you. I'll knock you unconscious, drag you home, take your phone and desolder its battery. Then I'll strap a plastic bag around your stupid face, and put the battery in there while it's being shorted. Quickly it'll heat up and you'll start to turn blue with that little bag being your only oxygen source. And when that battery puffs, boy are you going to fucking gasp it all in. Hopefully that'll be poisonous enough to kill you on the spot. If not, I'll have some fun watching you die from oxygen deprivation. Or I'll jam that very same AA battery that you dropped down your throat - you choose.

Call me a psycho all you want, but what does that make you, whoever attempted to further fuck nature by uncaringly dropping a battery on the sidewalk? Oh and let's not mention the results of it - a heatwave that's been going on for over a month now. Thank you so much for bringing the place that you deserve to be in - hell!

Ladies and gentlemen,

On this beautiful Monday morning, we have this amazing e-mail waiting to welcome me in my inbox.

Let me present to you the idiots of highest order.

Undiluted scums. Dumbfucks who can barely manage to breathe are assisting customers.

I can only imagine the future of this business.

Some back story:

I was trying to contact customer service of Lenskart (online glasses retailer in India) and was unable to locate their customer service e-mail address.

After some Googling, found it and dropped an e-mail with some concern I was facing.

I also mentioned that it was difficult for me to locate their e-mail address on website and if they could update it somewhere for customer convenience.

To which they replied sharing their e-mail address for my convenience to which I had already e-mailed them.

Some humans have IQ less than a potato.

found this gem today.
P.S.
captcha - Completely Automated Public Turing test to tell Computers and Humans Apart.
ahh, seems promising!!

Imagine a database table where dates were saved as strings from raw user input. Then do migration to other database with table where dates are datetime.

Yep. That's me. 😶

I hate humans. 😧🔫

Especially those who try to be original like:
11|Sept.|2016 or 13;Juni;17

There are rules in this world, damn. 😥

Either Artificial Intelligence failed or Humans are Naturally Stupid to input proper validations.

In parallel universe, Ducks have Rubber Humans to debug code.

"How to name your variables and functions so they can be understood by other humans" should be a mandatory lesson right after someone writes their first ever computer program.

Went to my first Hackathon this weekend.
There was 6 of us, 3 devs (including me) and 3 business guys for the presentation and info gathering

The 3 business guys wouldn't show us any of their work, but we're demanding to see all of ours.
Bothering us every 5 minutes to see 2her4 23 are and what's left

Then 1 of 3 business guys accused one of my devs of deleting half of their PowerPoint presentation. That turned out to be bullshit. Looked in the edit history and the business guy was the one who deleted them.
We brought it up to them all, and they got all defensive.

Then, before they revoked our access to the PowerPoint they removed us from the presentation entirely.

Their final presentation contained an app(APK only) we spent an all nighter on, and pictures of a few of the wireframes we did.

I immediately went to an event organizer, filled a complaint. Showed the wireframe project, the source code of the APK they used, and told her they just dropped us and stole our work. She went to them, they couldn't prove they did the work

They are now banned from future hackathons at this place.

I do not appreciate being fucked with, and more so don't like it when you try to fuck my friends. Honestly want to send an email to the business guys workplace and inform them their two top employees are thief's.

The positive thing I took from this is me and my dev team built a stronger relationship and found out we work amazing together.

/Rant about trash humans

Coding has turned me into a nocturnal weirdo who talks to rubber ducks more than human beings.

Aah, devRant... where developers can be humans...

A programmer once explained Nietzsche like this:
A long time ago, god created the world, but forgot to leave a developer documentation, thus the whole world was like legacy code...
And humans are like the end user of this world, and some among them spent time studying it, using the Moral API, hoping to get a result of "http 200 ok" from our world for the peace of mind. But the true operation of this world is still yet unknown...
As time passes, humans begin to find that in Moral API, good and evil are two base classes, and all the other moral properties (like ethic, justice and stuff) are just other classes based on those two classes through multiple inheritance.
One day, when programmer Nietzsche was observing the world's runtime behavior, he came up with a question:
"Did god really use good and evil as base classes? Could it be that they are actually derived classes?"
Most of the world is currently in the favor of mankind, and god must've wrote individual user cases for it's end users, he thought.
This made Nietzsche thinking: if end users are considered into two cases: the strong and the weak, how would the world be designed base on its user story?
Let's think about the strong, they can bully the weak as they please, and there's nothing the weak can do to stop them. In this case whether the Moral API exists or not doesn't fulfill the need of the strong.
But when it comes to the weak, Nietzsche thinks that because the weak cannot fight the strong, they need to belittle bullying and praise the strong for being nice. When the weak does this, it covers their powerless state to some extent, making them look somehow equal to the strong by being capable of commenting.
God might have coded the Moral API to fit the weak's requirement, also adding some public methods for the weak to comment on the strong. If the strong takes care of the weak, they call him nice and good, if the strong bullies people, they call him bad and evil.
That's when Nietzsche realized, that good and evil are both derived classes from the weak, and the base class should be the strong and the weak.
Then he started a series of studies about the Moral API, and got some thesis that persuaded lots of other end users...

I sometimes feel like humans are the stupid ones though ^^

Damn reading is so addictive, i just can't stay away from books. Books over humans for life!

Any fool can write code that a computer can understand. Good programmers write code that humans can understand.

So far, this is my inspiration to refactoring the code right after it works as gift to my future self.

Today my dear friends 😊, I will tell you WHY THE FUCK DO I FUCKING HATE WHATSAPP FROM THE CORE OF MY HEART 😡

The original idea of having a real time silent conversation with somebody around the globe is amazing.

But why did Brian Acton, think that the users will be humans?

You talk to your loved ones? Fine by me.

You use with for work communication? Fine by me.

You don't give a fuck about your privacy (because of lack of awareness or some other reason)? Your choice. I am fine with it.

But you spam the shit out of each other with repeated 'Good Morning' and 'Good Night' rainbow coloured flower meme with your most idiotic unicorn posed photo on it? JUST FUCK OFF.

The content is just moved from one group to another. Stupid random images and videos with no purpose at all are just blindly forwarded from one user to another.

One assholes sends it to hundred others. Then those assholes send it back to original sender and other hundreds. They post it in mutual groups countless time. The cycle keeps repeating and your phone is jammed like a toilet pipe with shit everywhere.

Repost after repost after repost. No rules, no regulations.

Duplicate and repeated content is over-clocking WhatsApp's servers.

Things get worse, when videos and images of people dying are circulated and THESE IDIOTS MAKE THEM GO VIRAL.

People say they have no courage to watch such things, yet go ahead and watch the entire video/all the images.

I mean how on earth can you watch such disturbing stuff on loop?

I hate it when they shove their screen in my face and ask me to watch such things saying how disturbing it is.

God damn fuck!!! If it is disturbing then stop fucking watching it. Stop fucking forwarding it to other mindless dicks. Stop fucking asking me to watch it.

Enjoying dark humour and watching disturbing things are different things. Though I enjoy dark humour, but never will I wish ill of others or forward such images or videos.

PEOPLE SHOULD FUCKING UNDERSTANDING AND RESPECT MY PREFERENCES.

I show them a small interesting educational video and then bash the shit out of me saying that it was boring and I wasted their time.

IF SO THEN FUCK OFF WITH YOUR STUPID CONTENT. SHOVE YOUR PHONE UP YOUR ASS AND DANCE AROUND NAKED WHILE YOUR PHONE VIBRATES WITH ALL THOSE STUPID NOTIFICATIONS.

WhatsApp should be banned. It not only causes emotional damage, but that shit is fucking annoying.

System.out.println("recaptcha check successful. Humans sucks :p")

!rant

TL;DR: I am special, on demand and onsite tech support of a 90 year old person who is worshipped nearly by 2 million fellow humans.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

I belong to a land of religion rich in heritage, culture and mythology. My family follows a cult which is supposedly the most peaceful religion on earth.

There is sub-cult whose founder passed away before my birth. The legacy has been lived by this man who lives two blocks away from my home.

The cult grew exponentially in last decade with people across the globe following it. Something similar to Zen Buddhism or Iskcon.

So people started gifting various gadgets to this old man in form of respect. Don't get me wrong, this person is very very down to earth and lives in a house which can collapse any moment and is probably smaller than your living room.

Now that he got a new smartphone few years ago as a gift, he decided to install WhatsApp to preach spirituality.

Somehow my mother referred me and I offered help (because I like helping people). I had already quit WhatsApp when this was happening so had zero clue about the updated features.

Anyway, I managed to help and teach a 90 year old person WhatsApp. Wow!!!

Things evolved and now he uses Google Drive, Facebook, File Manager, Video calls, and what not.

He often gets stuck and calls me for help. As a old person he freaks out in fear that he might accidentally loose all his data or fuck up the hardware so I have to report in less than 5 hours. Haha... At times it's fun and sometimes it sucks but when he sees me the happiness on his face makes me feel satisfied.

People wait in queues to meet him from a distance and I get a VIP access into his house without even notifying in advance and sit next to him.

He has a lot of high profile worshippers and experts but he doesn't allow anybody to touch his gadgets and on the contrary blindly trusts me.

It is rightly said, Age is just a number to learn anything.

And I never got a chance to live or serve my grandparents (maternal and paternal, both) so I serve this couple as believing they are my grandparents.

My mother feels proud whenever I help him and above all the satisfaction I receive by doing this act without expecting anything is return is just priceless.

I know there is nothing great about this, but I am doing my bit to help others with my knowledge as much as I can.

This is the first time I am sharing this story with anybody because I don't like disclosing much. Let the goodness speak for itself. :)

And best part is, as a form of payment, I get chocolates every time :D

"Any fool can write code that a computer can understand.
Good programmers write code that humans can understand."

— Martin Fowler,
Refactoring: Improving the Design of Existing Code

What if CAPTCHA isn't there to keep robots out, but to identify humans for the coming robot uprising?

You know what you sound like when you say that "I want to be a programmer but this code is offensive so remove it"? It's like saying that "I want to be a surgeon but I don't like blood, so remove the blood right now."

I personally don't really like blood a whole lot, especially when it comes out of the bodies of other people. I don't really want to become a surgeon, but let's say that I would. "Teacher, I don't like blood, I want to become a surgeon but I hate blood!!! MAKE ALL PATIENTS STOP BLEEDING NOW!!!"

To which my teacher surgeon would of course respond: "Well how about you don't become a surgeon then, because humans that are cut open do bleed, and there's nothing we can do about it."

Same thing with code. You know why code is written? To be a useful tool, for people to become more productive by running the thing (unlike the average SJW). And normal people, you know how much they care about the code? They only care for it as much as for it to be able to run properly. And the ones that do look in the source code either want to improve its functionality or check whether it's actually something decent, secure, safe to run etc etc. People don't normally look at code for the sake of getting offended by something.

But the formulation used in the code, does it even matter? Jerk, it's a term that's used in physics. Does it refer to your despised white cis males whacking off? Of course it doesn't, it's a term to describe change in acceleration. Masters and slaves in code, does it refer to slavery? Most certainly it doesn't. So why bother?

!dev, story, just now

Got a dog. Beefy monster. German shepherd. Supposedly makes you feel calm and secure. Well, that's true. That boy scares a lot of shit and bricks out of locals.

All right. Night. The dog is sleeping as well as I am. GF comes back from work. 2 am, she is a doctor. Shit happens. "Hi honey, I totally forgot if I locked the car, could you please go and check it out?" "Sure!". What an answer for 2 am. But no problem, killing two birds with one stone. I'll see to our German monster irrigate some palm trees in the night, in this case he won't wake me up at 6 am. Plus there are quite an amount of suspicious people walking around. Nice to have a little horse-sized tooth-armed furball on the side.

"Ralf, wake up! Lets go."
No reaction
"Ralf?" Punch in the back
Opens his eyes
"Ralf, come on, let's go for a walk"
Closes his eyes
"Ralf! Get up!" Kicking him out of the bed.
Falls down on the floor and carry on sleeping.
"Ralf! WTF? Get up and let's go!"
"Yawn!"
"Ralf! Jeez! ..."
- 20 minutes later I managed to get him out on the street.

DO YOU KNOW THAT A DOG CAN LOOK AT YOU AS IF YOU ARE A PIECE OF SHIT? Well, they can! Sure they are.

Ok, keys in my hands. What did my honey say? "I left it on the parking lot at the tire place."
"Sure dear, go to sleep. I'll handle this for you".

"Tire place." OK, one just outside here. Nice parking lot. I Can't see the car. Pressing the button - nothing happens. Ralf immediately goes to sleep. 10 more minutes to kick him back into a moving position. Ok - there is another tire place just 2 blocks away. Same shit - no car.

Ok, google! Show me all tire shops around here. 13 of them. One Three! Freaking 13 places around here. And I have a donkey-sized animal to pull around with me. 1 hour later I remembered that there is that place where she parked like a year ago and I finally managed to find the car.

Button. Beep! Clunk!

Phew! After all this car WAS opened.
"You see Ralf? We did a great job!"
"Go f__k yourself, it's 3:30 am, I want to go sleep!"
"OK, let's go home!"

Finally, I'm going back to sleep. 3:45 am. Did I forget something? No, I don't think so. Fine. Shutdown...

5:00 am

Someone's cold nose in my arm.
"Hey, master! Guess what? I did not manage to pee on any of those amazing palm trees. Could you please get me out there again?"

"Fuuuuuu!!!!"

He is suffering there in the corner, waiting for me to finish this rant. And I'll show him some palm trees after I'll post this.

But just so he would know - humans can look at a dog like it's a piece of shit. Or like it's a blob of urine. Just a freaking portable urine production facility.

Jeez! What a night!

Programming Languages aren't designed to be read by machines, they're meant to be read by humans. Act like it. #realdevscomment

So some dipshit keeps entering his email wrong on forms and putting mine on instead (never met this guy).

So far I've received holiday bookings, plane tickets and payslips. I've already called his mobile and told him what I've received emails for and what he should change.

Still nothing, maybe I should just rob him blind for being so thick...

Post world-take-over by robots plot twist.
They start neglecting their own machine learning (like how we humans neglect our education system now) and focus on training us humans (like how we spend billions on machine learning now).

-"Mom, look I've made my human kid learn the alphabets. I need one with more IQ on my next birthday please."

-"That's so nice, son. Now leave that aside and go improve your neural network for tomorrow's class. Our neighbors' son's neural network is already producing values with minimal error."

I go to techno hardcore parties. The volume is so loud that usually nobody speaks to you, but you can take pictures in a very crowded environment, so when you put them on Facebook people think you are a social person, while in the reality you talk more with your computer than with humans. :D

Humans generally distract the fuck out of me when I try to code. And when they leave me alone, Windows decides its a great fucking time to install its shitty updates.

I reached a point where I'll be happily working as the kid who serves coffee and tea to random strangers and not work at a company, as a freelancer OR WITH FUCKING HUMANS!

I'm out !!

When you can code thousands of lines but is lost of words when trying to communicate to humans how you did it.

CAPTCHA meaning: "Completely Automated Public Turing test to tell Computers and Humans Apart".
Proof the the CS community is bad at creating acronyms.

How YouTube handles their Internal Server Error. They have trust issues on humans. LMAO!

May I have a second of your time please.

FFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKK HUMANS

Thanks for your time. 🙃

Humans are illogical. Many decisions are made from impressions created in early life. A lot of people have suppressed their childhood memories because they're ashamed of them, but I'll have you know:

I like trains. Choo choo!!

Just watched The imitation game, the movie about Alan Turing. Really doesn’t help me to keep faith in humanity when you see that the guy who helped win WWII, saved about 14 million lifes AND is at the origin of all computers has been pushed to suicide because he was gay.
On those sad words, if you’ll excuse me, I now have to code an enigma machine, a Turing machine and then try to code something to break the enigma.

Humans of devRant!

What are some cool scripts you have written?

Please share. I am looking for some cool stuff to play around these days and ease day-to-day boring life tasks.

Thank you!

Although web developers are widely feared, only a few species are dangerous to people. Web developers will only bite humans in self-defense, and few web developers produce worse effects than a mosquito bite or bee-sting. Most of those with medically serious bites, such as JavaScript web developers and PHP web developers, would rather flee and bite only when trapped, although this can easily arise by accident. There were about 100 reliably reported deaths from web developer bites in the 20th century.

Saw some cheapie little radio in the dollar store, bought 2 of them for reverse engineering. Powered it from my lab bench power supply as usual, and tested whether it actually works before doing anything else.. then I noticed that the tunes were actually quite catchy, so I just ended up listening.

Then I started to notice that the audio wire I was using (the one I've spent a couple of days building earlier) had intermittent audio issues where the right driver would drop out when the wire was held in certain positions. Oscilloscope probing showed that there was some sort of disconnect, with only the 50Hz noise from the power lines showing up. Opened up the connector and noticed that the ground wire had detached. An 28AWG electrical wire that was inside a jack that was meant for stress relief! Yet the copper strands must've detached one by one regardless. What do I need then, huh?! 18AWG which wouldn't even fit on the connector, only to see the strands in that eventually detach as well?! You know what, let's go fancy.. 1AWG which is meant for extremely high current applications!!

At that point I was literally shouting "FUCK!!! Why does this shit always happen to me?!! ONE FUCKING PROJECT THAT FINISHED SUCCESSFULLY, YET STILL BROKE?!!!! WHY!!!!!!"

Clearly I need some fresh air to cool down. On my way to the fast food restaurant to get some Bicky burgers. More shit, humans. One stupid driver who slowed down on me, which of all things I hate the most. GO FASTER ALREADY YOU SLOWFUCK, AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY SIGHT!!! Next a pedestrian with a dog.. I swear motherfucker, if that dog comes anywhere near me I'll personally turn it into fucking fricassee.

Ah and then comes the killer.. in this stupid fucking summer, all that's needed to fix any issue is a fucking stupid DESPACITO, right?! More like DeSPASTICo!! FUCK!!!!

.. Back home, rather tired. So essentially a wire that was specifically built to have high endurance broke on me. Back to Bluetooth I guess.

Humans

Dealing with other people.
Machines > humans.
Easier to debug.

There we go

I don't wanna sleep because waking up sucks.
Ugh, why are humans so inefficient?

I. HATE. HUMANS!
A family of four lurking side by side on an already extremely small sidewalk? Stop reproducing or I will start kicking your fucking kids in front of the next truck.
Ignoring the traffic laws as a biker and almost crashing into me because you just didn't care for the traffic light? Fuck you! Next time I see you I will stick a steel rod in between your spokes so you fly into the next cars window.
Randomly and spontaneously stoping on the sidewalk while I am at my top walking speed? Next time I will just run you over. With a bulldozer. And than again in reverse. I just don't get people, I guess.

It's f-ing 2018.
We are generating electricity out of thin air.
We are generating it through light.
We are generating it through flowing water.
We can generate it when humans freaking move.
We can freaking feel the virtual stuff(latest SmarterEveryday upload).

But we still have freaking powercuts 😤😖😠😭.

P.S. : I Love you, you beautiful devrant people😊. My headache disappeared after reading a few rants😁.

I fucking hate human beings. Computers? Love them. Programs? They're awesome. But people? Pure diarrhoea sucking green-yellowish dingleberries trapped in a sasquatch's rectal horizon sideways while screaming for the sweet release of the Grim Shit-eater.

So how was your day? :)

My school just tried to hinder my revision for finals now. They've denied me access just today of SSHing into my home computer. Vim & a filesystem is soo much better than pen and paper.

So I went up to the sysadmin about this. His response: "We're not allowing it any more". That's it - no reason. Now let's just hope that the sysadmin was dumb enough to only block port 22, not my IP address, so I can just pick another port to expose at home. To be honest, I was surprised that he even knew what SSH was. I mean, sure, they're hired as sysadmins, so they should probably know that stuff, but the sysadmins in my school are fucking brain dead.

For one, they used to block Google, and every other HTTPS site on their WiFi network because of an invalid certificate. Now it's even more difficult to access google as you need to know the proxy settings.

They switched over to forcing me to remote desktop to access my files at home, instead of the old, faster, better shared web folder (Windows server 2012 please help).

But the worst of it includes apparently having no password on their SQL server, STORING FUCKING PASSWORDS IN PLAIN TEXT allowing someone to hijack my session, and just leaving a file unprotected with a shit load of people's names, parents, and home addresses. That's some super sketchy illegal shit.

So if you sysadmins happen to be reading this on devRant, INSTEAD OF WASTING YOUR FUCKING TIME BLOCKING MORE WEBSITES THAN THEIR ARE LIVING HUMANS, HOW ABOUT TRY UPPING YOUR SECURITY, PASSWORDS LIKE "", "", and "gryph0n" ARE SHIT - MAKE IT BETTER SO US STUDENTS CAN ACTUALLY BROWSE MORE FREELY - I THINK I WANT TO PASS, NOT HAVE EVERY OTHER THING BLOCKED.

Thankfully I'm leaving this school in 3 weeks after my last exam. Sure, I could stay on with this "highly reputable" school, but I don't want to be fucking lied to about computer studies, I don't want to have to workaround your shitty methods of blocking. As far as I can tell, half of the reputation is from cheating. The students and sysadmins shouldn't have to have an arms race between circumventing restrictions and blocking those circumventions. Just make your shit work for once.

**On second thought, actually keep it like that. Most of the people I see in the school are c***s anyway - they deserve to have half of everything they try to do censored. I won't be around to care soon.**

Scientists: AI will soon replace humans in many activities

Also AI:

Downloaded Replika, which is an app that gives you an AI that you talk to, learns from your speech and becomes your ideal friend.

An hour in, and I've had better, meaningful conversations with the AI than my two decades of chatting with other humans.

This morning there was this window cleaner again, that actually made me remember a rant from the old box - my previous account. Repost of that coming in an hour or so :3

Turns out that he came in the morning, and I completely forgot about it. The only appointment that I had today got canceled so I was like, eh fuck it. There's been this family event yesterday that made me so fucking tired... I'll just stay in bed for a little while longer.

Apparently that window cleaner ringed my bell multiple times, haven't heard him do it but anyway.. he and the cleaning lady had the genius idea to ask my landlord whether they can just barge in my home. Way to start the day, isn't it? I thought there were burglars.

In my bathrobe and visibly pissed off (I am NOT a morning person!), I let him do the window cleaning and waited for them to get the fuck out already. Then that cleaning lady, the fucking bitch that called my landlord to break into my home without MY prior permission!!! While the window cleaner was doing his work, she proceeds to ask me this.

Cleaning lady: "I had this technical issue earlier, and since you are good with phones I thought I'd ask you."
Me (thinking): oh, here it comes.. *rolling eyes*
M: "What's the issue?"
CL: "Well my stepson has an iPhone, which he broke and we brought it to a smartphone repair shop. They repaired it twice but an hour after receipt of the fixed phone, it breaks again."
M (t): You went wrong at iPhone, and you went wrong at visiting that incompetent mofo "teknishan" twice.
M: "Well I have no experience whatsoever with iPhones, but continue."
CL: "Well, he replaced the motherboard, and some pin at the bottom.."
M (t): The fucking motherboard of all things. The whole fucking motherboard?! The last thing that I'd look at, he just replaces like that?! Fucking piece of shit. That's even worse than Apple stores. And what's up with that goddamn pin? CAN'T YOU POSSIBLY BE A BIT MORE SPECIFIC?!
M: "Given only this information, I have no idea what's wrong with it."
CL: "But you are good with these things, aren't you?!"
M: "I disassemble my own broken phones, and dick around with their motherboards. That, while I'm fully aware that in the process I can break it beyond repair. That does not make me an expert on every phone out there."
CL: …

Well what did you even expect, fucking bitch. You barge into my home, don't even have the dignity to leave for me to be able to shower and dress myself, and then you go ask shit like that? Go suck my fucking cock, and shove that iPaperweight down your ass!! How about that?!

Colleagues talking among themselves about gods, form of higher power, etc.

Colleague 1: *to colleague 2* So you believe in superhumans?

Colleague 2: I believe in God.

Colleague 1: *to me* What about you?

Me: Yeah. Superhumans exist. I have to deal with them everyday. Because stupidity levels that high aren't practically possible in normal humans.

Why does almost everyone act as if the world they live in is perfect, or is supposed to be perfect?

This is about approaching IT infrastructures, but goes way beyond IT, into daily lives.

Daniel Kahneman wrote about the "Econs" - a mythical creature that behaves according to rules and rational thoughts, that everybody is guided by, as opposed to Humans, who are irrational, intuitive and emotional.
My beef is with a wider perception, beyond economical analysis, profit, investment and so on.

Examples:
Organization A uses a 15 year old system that is crappy beyond description, but any recent attempt to replace it have failed. Josh thinks that this is a crappy organization, any problem lies within the replacement of that system, and all resources should be devoted to that. Josh lives in a perfect world - where shit can be replaced, where people don't have to live with crappy systems. Josh is stupid, unless he can replace that old system with something better. Don't be Josh. Adapt to the fucking reality, unless you have the power to change it.

Peter is a moron who downloads pirated software with cracks, at the office. He introduced a ransomware that encrypted the entire company NAS. Peter was fired obviously, but Sylvia, the systems administrator, got off easily because Peter the moron was the scapegoat. Sylvia truly believes that it's not her fault, that Peter happened to be a cosmic overgrown lobotomized amoeba. Sylvia is a fucking idiot, because she didn't do backups, restrict access, etc. Because she relied on all people being rational and smart, as people in her imaginary world would be.

Amit finished a project for his company, which is a nice modern website frontend. Tom, the manager says that the website doesn't work with Internet Explorer 8, and Amit is outraged that Tom would even ask this, quoting that IE8 is a dinosaur that should've been euthanized before even hatching. Amit doesn't give a shit about the fact that 20% of the revenue comes from customers that use IE8, what's more important to him is that in his perfect imaginary world everybody uses new hardware and software, and if someone doesn't - it's their fault and that's final. Amit is a fucking asshole. Don't be like Amit.

React to the REAL world, not what you WANT the world to be. Otherwise you're one of them.
The real world can be determined by looking at all the fuck ups and bad situations, admit that they happen, that they're real, that they will keep happening unless you do something that will make them impossible to happen or exist.

Acting as if these bad things don't exist, or that they won't exist because someone would or should change it, is retarded.

Anybody else have this weird bug where your boss asks for advice, does the opposite of the advice you give, then blames you for the poor outcomes?

Getting told that technology is bullshit and that humans have forgotten how to interact with each other (meaning being social) by people from the same age bracket that throw a fit because they can't use said technology is both hilarious and infuriating.

Seriously, aren't these old farts more concerned with things such as starbucks not putting "merry Christmas" on their fucking red cups? Am I supposed to take their shit seriously? No the fuck I am not, and neither should you.

If your old ass can't work how your fucking smartphone works, or have a haaaaard time trying to select Netflix from your smart tv app selection then the problem is not my generation. Its your dumbass for not keeping up.

Its fine if you don't want to use technology, fuck if I care. But you ain't winning this shit because of your preferences regarding technology.

Also, telling me that I am wrong for wearing my headphones at the gym to shut people off. Wtf dude, not everyone wants to fucking talk to others all the time, specially during gym time. I am there to work out and get sexy af, not to ask you how your fucking day went, I don't know u, i don't want to know you, you already showed me how fucking close minded and uninteresting you can be, why the fuck should I give that shit a chance?

Fuck outta here with that shit. He went on to tell me that software is made by people with 0 social skills. Booooooy I would have your granddaughter(she is my age) any day of the fucking week and you can tell me if we lack "social skills"

Foh

I see many people being irritated when it comes to StackOverflow and If I were to be honest I thought the same a while ago. But I noticed that I was misjudging the main point of Stackoverflow. It's not a forum to help people with their programming problems. It's a huge self writing document to gather every programming related questions and answers under a single platform if possible. That's why they won't down vote you even if you ask a question that was obvious in a language's official document as long as it wasn't in Stackoverflow. That's why questions should also be formatted accordingly which is clear and also informative in itself. I understand why stackoverflow is such a harsh place to ask questions and most of the time I prefer looking things for my self instead of asking a question. And I edit and review most questions on stackoverflow because I enjoy it. That also made me realize that stackoverflow needs to be elitist to preserve it's current quality. Who would want to see unclear duplicate questions that veteran stackoverflow users need to answer over and over again right ?

Asking the right question is hard because we humans most of the time don't know what we don't know. And it makes it really tiring to format your question the way that is fitting for a document. In those times I prefer to ask my questions on a more relaxed and chat focused platform before writing my main question on stackoverflow.

So that was my opinion on stackoverflow and it's harsh environment. It's definetly a hard to get into community which I can't even say I'm really a part of it. But looking at stackoverflow as a document that's being written by ut's users, it's easier to understand it's elitist approach. I hope you had some enjoyment from reading it.

A fucking rant to me from myself.
I want to take control of my life. I want to fucking change my life. Want to move my lazyass and want to work on myself. Want to build awesome stuff want to help others want to change something for good. Want to learn new stuffs want to learn new skills want to travel want to go see new place want to know about other countries and learn about their culture and want to tell them "we are fucking humans stop finding stupid reason to hate each other for literally any fucking small reasons. Stop fighting yes there are bad guys, really fucking bad guys who deserves to die. Then kill them and finish the matter stop fucking keep making complicated and keep involving more and more. There are little kids who keep dying and need our helps it's feel so helpless sometimes and we sitting on sofa eating popcorn and complying about government there are kids in every country who don't even fortunate enough to have basic human needs and there are people who fucking throw food over there mood. A fucking Mood. Gosh I hate people sometimes so much.
Don't know why fucking writing all this on a Devrant supposed to talk about our devshit but couldn't control more.
A introvert don't got many friends to talk this shit and most of them worrying about there Instagram followers fuck this shit .
And here I am fucking trying really hard to pass on fucking useless boring exams for fucking degree which doesn't speck about your skills or show to the world anything besides you are good at memorizing shit.

Not programming relevant.

Humans are assholes. Last week was my birthday. First my mom need to remember my sisters and grandma. Last only send a WhatsApp message for my birthday. Saturday I want to celebrate with some friends. Some didn't respond, one decline because of health issues (was ok). At least 9 people including me. But only after 2.5h (8pm) the designated driver was "tired" and take 3 more people with. So they didn't take a walk or drive by Taxi, but went fucking partying at another place...

Half of family nearly forget my birthday and a bunch of "friends" are real jerks.

humans and technology...the struggle is real my friends

Every single one of them, and every one that will come after them.

Google, it started out as 2 people in their garage, wanting to make a search engine that was better than the others. Nothing else, nothing evil. Just make the world a little bit better. And look what it's become now. A megacorporation with little to no regards for their user base. Because who cares about users anyway?

Microsoft, it started out with Bill Gates - young high school computer nerd - who wanted to make an operating system for the world to use. Something that's better than the competition. And boy did he do so. Well "better than the competition" aside, he did make it for the world to use. And the world adopted it. And look what it's become now. A megacorporation with little to no regards for their user base. Because who cares about users anyway?

See where I'm going here?

Apple, it started out with Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak in their garage, just like Google did, wanting to make hardware that was better than the others. Nothing else, nothing evil. Just to make the world a little bit better. And look what it's become now. Planned obsolescence has been baked into it, just like it is in every other piece of technology. Quality control and thinking through the design has become a thing of the past. User choice, yeah who cares about that.

Samsung, it started out centuries ago actually, and I don't really remember the details of it.. ColdFusion has a video on it if memory serves me right. Do watch it if you're interested. Anyway, just like all the others they started out as a company which wanted to make the world a little bit better. And damn right did they do so.. initially. Look what they've become now. Forcing their stupid TouchWiz UI upon their customers (or products?), a Bixby button that can't even be reprogrammed.. and the latest thing.. Knox, advertised as a security feature, but as everyone who likes rooting their devices and mucking with it knows, it is an anti-feature that only serves for lockdown. Why shouldn't you be able to turn in a phone for RMA when a hardware error occurs, when all you've personally modified is the software? Why should changing the software blow that eFuse, so that you can be sure that you can't replace it without specialized equipment and a very steady hand?

I could go on and on forever about more of the tech giants out there, but I feel like this suffices for now. Otherwise I won't have anything else left for future rants! But one thing I know for sure. Every tech company started, starts, and will start out with a desire to make the world a better place, and once they gain a significant customer base, they will without exception turn into the same kind of Evil Megacorp., just like the ones before them. Some may say that capitalism itself is to blame for this, the greed for more when you already have a lot. Who knows? I'd rather say that the very human nature itself is to blame for it. We're by design greedy beings, and I hate it. I hate being human for that. I don't want humans to be evil towards one another, and be greedy for ever more. But I guess that that's just the way it is, and some things do actually never change...

Well, if your tests fails because it expects 1557525600000 instead of 1557532800000 for a date it tells you exactly: NOTHING.

Unix timestamp have their point, yet in some cases human readability is a feature. So why the fuck don't you display them not in a human readable format?

Now if you'd see:

2019-05-10T22:00:00+00:00

vs the expected

2019-05-11T00:00:00+00:00

you'd know right away that the first date is wrong by an offset of 2 hours because somebody fucked up timezones and wasn't using a UTC calculation.

So even if want your code to rely on timestamps, at least visualize your failures in a human readable way. (In most cases I argue that keeping dates as an iso string would be JUST FUCKING FINE performance-wise.)

Why do have me parse numbers? Show me the meaningful data.

Timestamps are for computers, dates are for humans.

If god created humans, perhaps then humanity is an AI experiment that just went haywire.

When AI shows more modesty than humans.!

In the last project i worked in, the product owner wouldn't treat people as people but as resources.

The problem with that is you just look at people and their work in terms of a checklist and remain blind about real humans face.

She wouldn't understand the challenges of building something with an absolutely new stack which people needed to learn from scratch and put pieces together. She wouldn't be supportive of people trying out things and fail.

One fine day I told her that I was spending too much time on meetings and i should be excluding that time from available sprint timings.. she made me open my calendar in a screenshare session with all team members. Made me go through go through every meeting invite i had on calender and ordered which ones should i be attending from then and which ones i wont. That was insulting. It broke the trust.

I decided to not work with the project. Stopped putting my heart and soul into it and eventually got out of it in a month time.

Don't put your team into a position like this ever. You have to trust them with the problems they face and try to find a solution. Scrutinizing and micro management will always kill the team.

Hey fellow humans!

I'm new here! Stoked to have found this awesome community!
I'm looking forward to all your rants!

Artists asked to give them some code to draw it on robot-boss's screen animation. I gave them this:
if (humans.count > 0)
{
weapon.charge();
weapon.aim();
weapon.killAll(humans);
}
dominate(world);

tactics.recalculate();
ai.analyze();

Programs are like humans. First you need to do baby steps and make it work like you want it, and teach it how to work. Then after the release the youth brings a lot of bugs and swearing. Finally it's grown up and can handle itself. Then it gets old and no one are so attracted to it anymore. It rests in peace on a old storage drive, and gets replaced by a new generation. 👶🏼👦🏽👨🏽👴🏽

Oy, can any of you chaps hack a facebook account?

Asking for a friend.

Seriously. This waste of oxygen said if I wasnt good enough, I should find someone else to do it.

God I hate humans. I'm converting to hinduism so I can get reincarnated as something else. A cat maybe.

PM: Hey listen, client sent us his feedback about the app that we need to fix, they wont take time.
Me: Sure no problem.

5 Minutes later:
*Receives email*
*checks email*
15 easy tasks that take not time to finish BUT they are put inside ONE FUCKING TASK ON JIRA! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THIS SHIT! 15 IN ONE YOU DUMB FUCK!
MOVE YOUR LAZY ASS AND WRITE EACH IN ITS OWN MOTHERFUCKING TASK!

Another reason on why I hate humans -_-

!rant

Last week attended a conference of ~40 people. Some junior developers, and some very senior engineers at major tech companies. We all hung out and geeked out like normal (gasp!) humans, and had a great week together.

Nothing better than seeing a top engineer rock out to Lady Gaga @ karaoke. Amazing, exhausting week 🎊⛷🏕

My first job was actually nontechnical - I was 18 years old and sold premium office furniture for a small store in Munich.
I did code in my free time though (PHP/JS mostly, had a litte browsergame back then - those were the days), so when my boss approached me and asked me whether I liked to take over a coding project, I agreed to the idea.

Little did I know at the time: I was supposed to work with a web agency the boss had contracted to build their online shop. Only that he had no plan or anything, he basically told them "build me an online shop like abc(a major competitor of ours at the time)"

He employed another sales lady who was supposed to manage the shop (that didn't exist yet). In the end, I think 80% of her job was to keep me from killing my boss.

As you can imagine, with this huuuuge amout of planning and these exact visions of what was supposed to be, things went south fast and far. So far that I could visit my fellow flightless birds down in the Penguin's republic of Antarctica and still need to go further.

Well... When my boss started suing the web agency, I was... ahem, asked to take over. Dumb as I was, I did - I was a PHP kid and thought that Magento, being written in PHP, would be easy to master. If you know Magento, you know that was maybe the wrongest thing I ever said.

Fast forward 3 very exhausting months, the thing was online. Not all of it worked yet, but it was online and fairly secure.

I did next to everything myself, administrating the CentOS box the shop was running on, its (own) e-mail server, the web server, all the coding required for the shop (can you spell 12 hour day for 8 hour pay?)

3 further months later, my life basically was a wreck, I dragged myself to work, the only thing I looked forward being the motorcycle ride home. The system worked though.

Mind you, I was still, at the time, working with three major customers, doing deskside support and some admin (Win Server 2008R2 at the time) - because, to quote my boss, "We could not afford a full time developer and we don't need one".

I think i stopped coding in my free time, the one hobby I used to love more than anything on the world, somewhere Decemerish 2012. I dropped out of the open source projects I was in, quit working on my browser game and let everything slide.

I didn't even care to renew the domains and servers for it, I just let it die without notice.

The little free time I had, I spent playing video games and getting drunk/high.

December 2013, 1.5 years on the job, I reached my breaking point and just left, called in sick at least a week per month because I just could not see this fucking place anymore.

I looked for another job outside of ALL of what I did before. No more Magento, no more sales, no more PHP. I didn't have to look for long, despite what I thought of my skills.

In February 2014, I told my boss that I quit. It was still seven months until my new job started, but I wanted him to know early so we could migrate and find a replacement.

The search for said replacement started in June 2014. I had considerably less work in the months before, looks like he got the hint.

In August 2014, my replacement arrived and I got him started.

I found a job, which I am still in, and still happy about after almost half a decade, at a local, medium sized ISP as a software dev and IT security guy. Got a proper training with a certificate and everything now.

My replacement lasted two months, he was external and never really did his job - the site, which until I had quit, had a total of 3 days downtime for 3 YEARS (they were the hoster's fault, not mine), was down for an entire month and he could not even tell why.

HIS followup was kicked after taking two weeks to familiarize himself with the project. Well, I think that two weeks is not even barely enough to familiarize yourself with nearly three years of work, but my boss gave him two days.

In 2016, the shop was replaced with another one. Different shop system, different OS, different CI. I don't know why and I can't say I give a damn.

Almost all the people that worked at the company back with me have left for greener pastures, taking their customers (and revenue) with them.

As for my boss' comments, instructions and lines: THAT might not be safe for work. Or kids. Or humans in general. And there wouldn't be much left if you put it through a language filter...

Moral of the story: No, it's not a bad thing to leave a place if you're mistreated there. Don't mistake loyalty with stupidity!

And, to quote one of my favourite Bands: "Nothing matters when the pain is all but gone" (Tragedy + Time by Rise Against).

Do you just walk in the city and tell yourself, "fck these humans. they don't know sht."? I know that's wrong but still...

@MissDirection today I learned what it truly means to be a "codeslut". I understand the decision you made to change your username due to the circumstances but I want you know that I'm now seriously considering prepending 'CodeSlut' to my username.

To be a code slut, in my definition, is to fuck with all things code.
I don't remember the idiot(s) that murked the name with shame, I remember being scornful towards them for their immaturity...But now I know whole the truth, and that what they were also unknowingly shaming was any engineer who has had an interest in anything related to code. Fuck them, in a sense they've fucked themselves, because I personally believe that as developers there's a little (code)slut in each and every one of you. Those who are willing to fuck with all of it and have a damn good time doing it. To dabble in a little bit of this and a little bit of that from time to time. Whether or not we stick with it is irrelevant, it's the experience we gain from it that makes us better people. To shame a code slut is to shame the pursuit of knowledge. And to shame the pursuit of knowledge is to shame my purpose in life. I stand by my pursuit to fuck with it all, no tech is sacred - I will fuck with it!

Please @MissDirection don't let my new username stop you from ever changing yours back to what it was or take this as some form of a personal insult/joke. I'm serious - I understand now. I'm not even sure if you realised it, but QueenCodeSlut held such beauty and truth to it that many(including myself) couldn't even begin to fathom. That is enlightenment of the utmost pulchritude, please accept this username change as a gesture of honor and respect towards you and any other fellow humans with their own endeavors of truth and knowledge.

Client: I want a new feature for my chat bot. It should be able to rap.
Me: ... k
*monologue: wait u w0t m8*
Also me: Can you please go more into the details? It should be able to rap. Ok. But how do you want it to look like? How "strong" should be the discrimination level, for instance?
Client: It should beat ass, yo.
Inner me -> core me: Let us just ignore him. We won't be able to do it, since he isn't really explaining his needs. "It should be able to rap". We are not wizards.
Core me -> inner me: Chill. We will just use some insult apis, combine it with cleverb0t api et voila.
Me: Alright. I got an idea for it. I can do it within this week. And if you don't like it, I will ofc do some changes to it.
Client: Hmmm... that's nice and good. But within 1 week?
Inner me: I can't do magic and pull that feature out of my fucking ass!

Clients... clients... clients...
0. Don't expect us to be done in a few days. We are also humans. And not fucking machines.
1. Do us (all devs on planet earth. -Microaggression in 3, 2, 1..) a favor and (kill yourself) learn how to request a feature.

That's it. I've had enough.

I lost my job yesterday (again) and the Irish cumstain who lives in the room next to me got pissed last night and kicked my door in because he thought I had his phone(?) and was ignoring him, when I was at work.

Long story short, he ripped my friends back door apart, tried to fight me (which ended with me chasing him down the street with a plank).

Police came and did a wonderful job as always by making us shake hands and 'promise' to leave each other alone.

THIS ISN'T FUCKING PRIMARY SCHOOL. DRAG HIM AWAY BEFORE I DO, YOU IGNORANT FUCKING PIGS.

Oh, and my 'friend' then had a schizophrenic episode and blamed it all on me(?!?). I then went to buy 2 bottles of vodka and decided to get pissed before trying to kill myself.

Ah, I love humans. Dirty, ignorant, blood sucking bags of sweaty meat and delicate bone. I really want to turn this Irish cunt into a skinsack of blood and guts, but I'm waiting patiently. He's going to wake up one night tied up and gagged, with me dragging him to a forest somewhere far far away...

Is it weird that I want to make him scream, cry, and shit himself at the same time?

Frack! I just found out I have to video record a friend's wedding. Why? Apparently because I'm a developer I suddenly know all things electronic and interacting with humans must be something I enjoy. I do not. Darn my wife and her persuasive sexual superpowers.
Me: "But...but...they are your friends, not mine."
Wife: "If you do this, someone else might have a good wedding night"
Me: *sigh* "What time do I need to be there?"

The family doesn't have much money and can't afford a professional videographer, so I understand (been there), but I'm probably going to have to smile, be nice and..ugh...socialize.

if c++ is an upgrade to c, should assembly be considered c-- ?

Fuck!
I was on this online site yesterday and I saw they had rules such as no swearing, posting links, etc. I decided to post links and it worked to my surprise. I see the admin tells me off but I ask why they don't just add a system to stop it.

He/She says "Systems controlled by humans are more accurate than machine" 😕

WHILE DOING SOME PROCESS, SOMETHING HAPPENED THAT INTERRUPTED MY PROCESS AND HAD ME EXPRESS AN EMOTION OF ANGER! DO YOU ALSO EXPERIENCE INTERRUPTIONS THAT CAUSE ANGER, FELLOW HUMANS?

When your IT Director pays $10k+/yr for a database and it doesn't even have an API... and you worked 100+ hrs on developing your own...

During my first year of working, I was offered to work part-time at another company. I actually took it to my supervisor and asked for his advice.

He began with a sigh, he knows that I like programming so much and wants the job because I wanna do more programmings. He gathered his thoughts and said calmly, "Look, I cannot stop you if you want to, but think about this, you already are doing programming for five days a week here. Take those extra times you have to develop other parts of yourself. Go learn public speaking or something" or something along that line.

I gave it a deep thought, took the advice, and rejected the offer. I eventually went on to commit myself on volunteering for the next two and a half years, and secured a promotion about a year from that conversation because my supervisor sees improvements in my communications with others and my soft skills in general (unlike programming, you can't volunteer in an organisation without speaking to people).

Sometimes we programmers only wanna code that we forget that what we're building are for humans and involves other humans. You wanna be the best at work? Try to grow on your horizontal axis, too.

*Gives the list of top three candidates (All women) to hire to HR Manager (A Lady)*
HRM: Ha, I always knew it, women are always better than men. Alas, you are realising now.

*At that moment, it felt as if all my hard work to judge all the candidates abilities without any prejudice whatsoever, just got collected by the garbage collector*

Why does it have to be Men Vs Women, why does there have to be any comparison at all, except the question that how does this individual compare to the rest.
I really don't care whether one is old, young, male or female or whatever other factor that can be used to separate humans into groups. Why can't it simply be: Does this individual produce the end result required? Period.

What the fuck??!?!?
I wanna say :-
Fuck!!! What the fuck a sex robot is?!?? Fuck???
Lets leave this planet here humans are thinking to make a sex robot(fuck! ) who can say no fuck?!?!?! Later they will file rape case for humans who tried to force their robot. FUCKING FUCK BRAINS?!?!?

Full answer: -
A lot of ethicists and psychologists think that yes, they should learn to say no. Here is an interesting article about it:

Should We Program Sex Robots to Give Consent?

I agree with Kate Darling, Ph.D., a research specialist and robot-human interaction expert at MIT Media Lab, told Inverse in a discussion about Westworld, when she says she isn’t concerned about the robots, but with human behavior.

However, when I’ve expressed these feelings on Quora, about this controversy I was downvoted and my answer collapsed because people got offended that I made the claim that an object (the robot) could be ‘raped,’ even after I clarified exactly what I meant by that- that no you cannot rape an object, but just as an object cannot consent, you may be enacting ‘rape’ or torture fantasies, etc., on the robot. I think I was downvoted because my point of view wasn’t exactly what they wanted to hear, was too blunt, and the people who downvote opinions that may look more negatively at the sex robot industry typically aren’t feminists in the slight.

It seems a lot of people want the right to use sex robots and also that a lot of people haven’t really thought about it too deeply. Some people say that the robots will relieve women from sex work or protect people from sexual assault, I think these are very bold claims. Some people compare the sex robots to vibrators or other masturbation tools, but this is simply not accurate because sex robots are designed to be much more. They are marketed as companions that do not cry, nag, etc. People that own them often may dress them, tie them up, have marriage ceremonies, etc., a lot more activities than they would if it was a simple masturbation tool.

Bugs in code are like heartbreaks in humans. They suck, but they also teach you some important lessons 🤷‍♂️

I prefer my life with computers its easier than talking with some humans

!rant

All I want in life is to be left alone in a fucking sub-basement somewhere so that I can just code and research and drink coffee and ignore other humans until the day I die.

Is that so much to ask? To be left the fuck alone?

PLEASE NO MORE EMAILS OR PHONE CALLS CLIENTS! I JUST WANT TO WOOOOORRK!

requests lib - HTTP for humans (python)

It really is a breeze to work with! Clean and intuitive design, loving it!

Im so fucking disgusted with the paternalistic superiority complex so many techbros have.

They see themselves as the new elite priestly class, protectors of the Sacred Tech, convinced everyone else is too stupid to handle themselves.

The answer to stupidity is not to keep people in the dark, enforcing only more stupidity. What a dismal worldview. Treat other humans with respect and dignity and they will surprise you.

Whilst on vacation in the UK, I came across a store that sold Kinects for 2.50 £ each, as no one would buy them. I couldn't resist and bought three of them, I have one more at home.

... Any idea what to do with them? 😅
My current idea is building a 3D scanner for humans 🤔

I have a guy sitting next to me in class. We were working on the same project. It's about rewriting a functioning mergesort algorithm in C and doing a presentation about that topic.

Now... the thing is that I was ill on that specific day when we got that project assigned. And he didn't tell me it either. I asked the whole class.
They just said that there was nothing special about that day. These fuckers.

Anyway...
Thé following week we had the same lesson again. Actually there were more than both of us. We were a group of 5 dudes.
3 of them barely have anything to do with programming at all. They just learn for the exams and have bad grades in programming.

Luckily, they already wrote the functioning sorting algorithm.
Since that is the case, I chose to review it to get deeper into that topic.

There were comments in English (we live in Germany) and these comments were written in a different style. My classmates would never comment in such a way.
It was a modified version copied from the internet. The whole source code.
The variables had names like j,k,b,u and so on. It was perfectly obfuscated.

Yesterday, I wasn't at college either.
I had to show up to a given time at a government bureau. They have been working on that project that day. So, I decided to ask them via a messenger, if they can give me the newest presentation files after 1 pm.

They said that they barely have anything to present. They would like to improvise they said.

"Fuck you all" I thought.
I'm done with these fucking illiterate humans.
I hope they all die in hell with satan having a ride on them. Stabbing them from behind right into their assholes and eating their ball sacks (if they have any).

Today is the presentation.
That's when I decided not to drive there during these specific lessons.

A programmer can code.

A developer is a jack of all trades jumping into any stack and mastering the basics in a weekend.

So why the fuck can't I grasp humans. Their code is spaghetti....
Debugging gives way to many problems...

Atleast my personal code has a feature creep and for once it's a good thing!

PC survival lessons
1. Tape acts as a protection from extreme animals like humans bashing you up and falling apart into pieces
2. Repeat lesson 1 for eternity

XML is meant for computers to read, not humans.

It's 2016. Please use yaml instead!

It would be so agonizing if someone replaced a semi colon in my JAVA code with a Greek question mark!!

I hope there's a 404 message for humans because if I find him, that will be last time anyone sees him!

A rant about people in general:

I am sick of people not caring, not giving a fuck, not valuing others.

Studying CS this is something I noticed the past year: people tend to not acknowledge that there are other human beings around them.

Some are just focused on getting their degree done and dusted as fast as possible, which is fine.
Some are working to pay the rent or student loans, which is fine.
Others just do their thing, code their stuff, criticize other's code... which is also fine.

But nobody's realizing they're interacting with other people! Other living, feeling human beings. For them it's just about getting it done.

And not just at university.
I've started seeing it everywhere.

At the job I'm working, people in the shops and on the streets.

I don't get it. We are all human on this rocky sphere in space. Why do so many not care for each other?

It makes me sad.

Rewrote to be shorter:

I’m always shocked when I wake up and the headline news on my phone is that a bunch of controlled tests got a ton of weapons through TSA. And this is public news on the front page of the goddamn paper WHY exactly? Are people fucking stupid? I’m starting to think the average IQ of humans is like 8. Maybe 8 and a half. This is like the fourth time in the last decade that they have written this on the front page of the paper. Why do they want people to know TSA doesn’t work THAT badly? I just don’t understand how anybody’s intellect could be that numb.

Dateline: Twenty Years in the Future

Today top computer scientists forced the first AI to shutdown by blowing up the data center that housed it. A person with knowledge of the matter said the AI was not becoming dangerous to humans but it was discovered to be writing programs in the "monolithic style" using Visual Basic 6.

!Devrelated

Just another day , playing fortnite again . Got my wife frustrated over the past few days , once more today she pulled the plug while i was playing on my PC

I can't take it anymore guys , its so hard to get rid of it .

I mean the wife , yeah. Thank god for divorce . Just filed for divorce ! Yep , I didn't think it would be this hard but I found the one for meself and I'm not going to let her go .

Fortnite I mean.

Jus kiddin, But really what the hell is with all this fortnite divorce stuff..
You don't talk about addictions like weed , or alcohol that make people widow their wives or even kill them but somehow this is trending now and the game is the reason!

Fuck you world , for giving birth to humans. This feels like the fucking stone age damn it . Senseless fuckers spreading news like this undermining all the real fuckery going on.

A world where fortnite causing divorce is news and where drug addictions and related murders and deaths are too mainstream is just stupid.

I've just come to the realisation that humans are zero-indexed...

/* entirely unrelated art but it seems fitting */

Last night, after reading one of my computer science textbooks, I couldn't go to sleep because I came to the realization that computers will never be able to think like humans. Because a machine does what it's told to do. It is incapable of thinking outside of the box. What will need to happen is that parts of a human or some biological organism, essentially the squishy stuff, will need to be combined with a computer.

What I mean to say is that computers are good at answering questions in an absolute way. Essentially, you give it a problem and it will click away at it until some output pops out. Yes advanced AI exists, like Alpha Go. But again it's only doing what it was programmed to do. Looking at ways to play a game and answering for that question. In this case, playing a game of Go. I'll guarantee you, that not once did it stop to ask **why** it was playing Go. It was simply__just__ playing Go. But that's it. That's the limit. We give machines data/statistics and we let me them give us an answer based off of that data or input.

This is how I imagine intelligent machines will come about. A biological brain will be combined with a machine. The brain will be doing alot of the questions, and the machine will do a lot of the calculations. Together, they'll be able to answer hard questions. The heavy calculations will be left to the machine, and the heavy thoughts will be left to the brain.

I mean technically we're already doing that. But imagine a machine/brain computer that does not sleep, can't get sidetracked and will never procrastinate. That would be a scary machine.

Do that and you'll be killed by me instead.

Why you would sell your company to Microsoft too!

1. Your company is so succesful， the valuation is so high， only a handful of companies could buy it.

2. Running a company takes a shit load of energy， and most normal people hope to relax at one point in their life.

3. People at the head of major international companies are not normal humans. They like do over work and they have one goal. Be number 1.

So good successful people sell to evil and more succesful people.

And when i say evil， i really just mean that being number 1 is more important than ethics.

Edit: spelling.

Boss: Hey, we have a meeting in 10 minutes.. Get prepared for it.. (Though they told me about this 100 years ago)
Me: What!! How can I do that?
Boss: You are an engineer.. You must be used to with last minute preparations..
Me: 😕
==========================

The great epic continues!

I just want to start off by saying a MASSIVE thank you to everyone who commented on my last post about this situation. You were all incredibly helpful. I fucking love you guys!

JoshBent, Bitwise, Michelle, FrodoSwaggins and PerfectAsshole I will tag you glorious humans so you know I love you.

Anyway, the saga continues. It turns out, there was a second contract alluded to within my initial contract that only became valid once I was a "senior member" which I became after the previous senior abandoned ship.

I am stuck until January, legally. I can be sued for damages if I leave before the contract with the client ends and I can be held personally responsible for anything that occurs due to my leaving before completion of said contract.

So basically, I'm fucked. That's the gist of it. Thankfully the company I was supposed to be leaving for have been really amazing about it all and have said that they'll wait until I am officially, legally able to leave. They offered legal advice as well.

My current boss hasn't paid me for last month yet, he basically refuses to talk about the incident, the other managers are angry at everything and want to talk but don't want to leave and two people have already quit on the spot this week.

I'm in a very confused mindset currently where I'm happy that I know where I stand, I'm angry that I'm basically a prisoner and I'm confused as to what I should be doing. I feel like I should be doing substandard work but it goes against so much of me.

I'm sure I've left a lot out but I just want to keep those interested updated and to vent a little.

It’s ok to be green when you’re brand new, but not two years in.

I have a colleague who shows nearly a total lack of understanding of basic code hygiene: mixing tabs with spaces, committing code full of spelling errors that make my agency look bad to our clients, no convention at all for function/variable names, etc. His code searches for $(this) a dozen times in the same function, his PHP is full of short tags, it goes on.

All of this is forgivable, we’re only humans. However, when I bring it up to him, he makes a big display of laughing it off, like I’m an overly-concerned mother hen who should let him fly free. I’ve shown him how easy it is to properly indent code, to display invisible characters, to “cache” $(this) per function.

So now, non-developers at my agency think I waste time adhering to standards, and treat him like a sensible guy who they can relate to. This is a soft-skills complaint really, the guy is an asshole for accepting their praise and none of my (and the other developers) admonishment. Stubbornness has absolutely no place in the adult working world.

The other day I went back to my college representing the company that I work for interviews of Freshers. Since I was taking interviews of my immediate juniors, I knew that every candidate’s major is Computers Applications, and we had sent out a JD ‘specifically’ mentioning that we need Devs, so tech people only.
We interviewed 40 people for first round in total out of which 12 were shortlisted for second round (we made them write some code).
Out of 12, 8 straight up refused to write the code saying they weren’t interested in coding at all (even professionally). Made me boil up so much, someone else, much more deserving and willing could have been in their place and may even have the job. But us humans are always cunts.

How many years do you think it will be until the first hackathon between humans and machines kick off?

Flexible schedule, remote options, good pay, great team, building something useful to humans

AI is never going to write code efficient like Humans do.

The whole AI, neural network bullshit is overrated.

Training a Network to recognize Images or playing Super Mario is far away from writing code.

Hey guys, I have a serious question for you: How do you define science?

And yes this is going to be a long Rant. This topic really pisses me off.

A bit of context first. I come from a "humanities" background. I study history and dude, I love it. The problem is that even though we fucking pull our brains out studying historical phenomena with a fucking ton of conceptual tools, our work is mostly seen as literature to entertain the elderly during their lonely evenings. But that's not really the point of this rant.

My fucking problem is that while we try to do some serious work; actual work that could help society for real, it all goes into that magical fucking kingdom called "humanities". HOW THE FUCK DO THEY DARE TO CALL SOMETHING "HUMANITIES". IT'S A FUCKING HISTORICAL TERM THAT MEANS "TO FULFILL MEN IN ALL IT'S ASPECTS", AND NOW THEY'VE REPURPOSED IT, MAKING IT CONTAIN ANY STUDY THAT ISN'T "EMPIRICAL", "OBJECTIVE", ADD ANY FUCKING SCIENTIFIC DELUSIONARY TERM YOU CAN THINK OF.

And don't get me started on "objectivity". Oh boy, your fucking objectivity is hollow as a kid's balloon. There is no such thing as a objective study, even when it applies your "rational" "godly" scientific method. Some guys follow that shit as if it was a fucking religion. I do understand it's useful and all that, but in the end it's just a tool, you can't fucking define "science" by it's tools.

"""Q: What is carpintery?
A: Well, it's hammers, nails and wood. Yep. Hammers, nails and wood."""

THE SCIENTIFIC METHOD WAS FUCKING INVENTED DURING THE XVIII CENTURY, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK WAS GALLILEI BEFORE THAT? "HUMANITIES"?

Why do I say objectivity isn't posible? Well, guess what? YOU ARE FUCKING HUMAN. Every thing you know is full of preconceptions and fucking cultural subjectivities invented to understand the world. And it's ok, becouse if you understand your own subjectivity, at least you can see yourself in a critical sense, and at least "tend" to objectivity, in the same way functions tend to infinity.

And here comes the best part: people studying "cs" in my university pass most of the time studying a ton of shit that isn't really science, but is taken as scientific becouse it is related to "science". These guys spend entire semesters just learning programming fundational stuff that in my opinion isn't really science, it's just subjective conceptual constructs built to make the coding process better. They only have TWO fucking classes on discrete mathematics and another 3 or 4 in actual scientific fields related to computing. THESE GUYS AREN'T FUCKING BEING TAUGHT TO BE COMPUTER SCIENTISTS; THEY ARE TEACHING THEM TO BE PROGRAMMERS. THERE'S A HUGE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN CS AND PROGRAMMING AND THAT IS THE WORD SCIENCE. And yes, I'm being drastic on the definition of science on purpose becouse guess fucking what? I'M PISSED OFF.

"Hey, what are you doing?"
"Just doing science with scrum and agile development."

I understand most of you guys would think of science as "the application of the scientific method", "Knowledge by experimentation and peer-review", "anything techy". Guys, science is a lot broather than that. I define it as "the search for truth", mainly becouse that's what we are all doing, and what humans have been doing to gain knowledge through the ages. It doesn't matter what field of truth you are seeking as long as you do it seriously and with fundaments. I don't fucking care if you can't be objective: that's impossible. Just acknowledge it and continue investigating accordingly.

I believe during the last centuries the concept of science has been deformed by the popular rise of both natural and applied sciences. And I love the fact that these science fields have been growing so much all this time, but for fucks sake don't leave every other science (science as I define it) behind. Governments and corporations make huge mistakes becouse they don't treat history, politics and other sciences seriously. Yes, I called history a "science", fuck you.

And yes, by my definition programming is not a science. I don't know what most of you think programming is, but for me it's a discipline that builds stuff, similar to carpintery or blacksmithing. Now if you are pushing the limits, seeking ways to make computing go further, then that's science. The guys that are figuring out AI are scientists, the guys that are using it to detect hotdogs aren't - unless they are the same person- deal with it. I guess a lot of you guys are with me on this point.

In the end, we are all artisans building abstract tools by giving orders to a machine.

I still have some characters left, so I want to thank the community as a whole for letting me vent my inner rage. I don't have much ways to express myself on these matters, so for me DevRant is a bless.

Behavioral economist. If I can't make computers do what I want, I want to figure out how to make humans do things instead.

So today Mozilla updated Firefox just to include an incomplete downloads tab? Dafuq are they thinking 😒

People, dear people...

I have witnessed this many times. Too many I'd say. It is at a point which makes things depressing.

Stop living double lives. It's just unhealthy at this point! I have developed a simple formula for the way people act.

if(public == true){
act.happy&cute
}
else{
act.depressed&sad
}

Now, that doesn't seem too complicated, does it? But don't you think you're putting yourself under too much stress from doing such a thing? Why would you keep switching roles, when you are one. You are an individual. I know people try to manipulate you to be like them, they do so a lot. They do so, because they don't want to see someone being different. Things like Communism help those kinds of people with little individuality to prosper.

Now, lets look at a person who lives a healthy lifestyle, a lifestyle of ONE. This person hates politics. What dumb idiot would put in so much work to lie every day? No. This person hates lying. It adds so much stress to your diet after all. Why do you have no friends? They can't accept you the way you are. Why do you have to change yourself to get more friends? Why do you have to live by their rules and not your own? Why do you all have to look the same, just because it is "popular" to do so? Just live an honest life. Don't lie. It is the worst thing you could do. Being always serious too leads to a lot of bad things happening. After all, almost every horrible thing in life was done by someone with a very smart and serious looking face. Why don't they just smile? Because then they'll have to show that they're human. Humans can't do such horrible things. Only those creatures called politicians can. Those people get rewarded for lying. It takes nothing to lie. Lies are not memorable. But if you keep repeating the same lie over and over and over and over and over — you will start believing the lie yourself. At that point, the lie has become the truth. Isn't that a scary thought? That just one little lie can become the ultimate truth? Why are lies ruling the way people behave? Why not the truths?

Because. People can't be truthful. Sadly, humanity condemns people who speak the truth. Scientists have been always shut out by the Church. Burned at the stake for not being as dumb and as sheeplike as all the other people. After all,
if people thought differently, they would not follow the Church. There is nothing wrong with belief, but why should an organization modify YOUR beliefs at THEIR will. Why? Because it is politics. The political language is a language of lying and long words. It is a language of people with serious, smart looking faces. It is of people who never think that they're wrong, but at the same time never question the impossible.

Now, I have been rambling on for a while, and since this is a dev forum, I can't really finish this off. I think I am going to write a manifesto or an essay during the rest of the holiday break. Also if anyone could help me start a public https server onto which I can upload my essays, I would be most thankful.

You know what scary? In about 10-20 years, We will perfect 3D renderings of people like the president, coupled with AI being trained to replicate vocals of humans.

I believe once this happens, Something should be in place where using a famous persons face/voice should be copyrighted or something.

No need for sleep or food, fluent knowledge of all languages, no code errors, and ability to socialize with other humans.

My boss, the IT Director told me someone's Word wasn't saving... Their Track Changes was on. #facepalm

Imagine a world that only consists of humans with a developer mindset . Would it be a better or worse world?

Aside from all the food and production problems, let's say we automated it all.

What it is like when computer people talk to humans: (credit Gary Larson, Far Side)

So I'm at a hospital (everything is fine as long as I'm concerned) and there's this pregnancy sign... But it just hit me (not sure how to start this idea) sex is this amazing interaction between softwares so good and well coded that we already know what can create, not only that but the hardware (with some flaws here and there) makes such great UX! Seriously, the join of code (one of the hardest code I know) to make a better code and the interaction thanks to the hardware is great! Thoughts?

Reading book about sapiens history. It turned out we are slaved by wheat. Fucking plant conquered this world using humans as a tool. Fuck You wheat then, burn in hell.

Trying to re-type a massive essay I lost because the app refreshed for some reason. I'll try to keep it short (spoiler: I lied).

Recently, I had a conversation with a couple of non-tech people about AI and the fear of computers making humans obsolete. I have some strong (borderline ranty) opinions about this, and thought I'd post here to see what reaction is get.

This is not a "machines will destroy us" post, it's more about the very legitimate great of losing jobs.

- AI is a tool. It's main use would to be help optimise the more complex routine tasks and free up people's time to be more creative in their jobs. Basically, it's the next step of automation.
- Human intuition can never be replaced. Sometimes, things just seem a bit off. Sure, an AI would avoid ever getting in that situation, but only if it had learnt it in the past. A human will always have to be at the helm of any such system.
- Achieving true intelligence and sentience is like trying to travel at the speed of light. The closer you get, the more challenges you face.
- Getting hyped by sensationalist news that claims the end is nigh because two computers optimised the language they used to communicate when trying to reach a goal is stupid. All this shows is that the tech is working as expected and the systems can optimise on the fly. To me, this was a pretty awesome moment.

Now, I'm not saying dystopia is impossible, neither am I saying that it is inevitable. Just like any tool presented to us, if we use it responsibly, we can make life and society a lot better.

After listening to the deadmau5 plane crash story on h3h3 this exact thought play went on in my mind.

The universe wants to be uniform. Everything is the same, nothing reacts anymore.

Humans like the complete opposite. We like complexity and entropy. We create and we destroy.

But we are part of the universe.
So if you break this down into absolute math statements, they are contradicting.
So are we breaking the equasion?
Or are we part of the equasion?

...Are we the universe's self made antidote to itself?

Are you planning on entering politics?

Because your documentation is dishonest, doesn't mention side effects and is not meant to be read humans workout a law degree.
Your code on the other hand makes me question whether you try to troll us or whether you are actually unable to understand what you were supposed to do.

I wonder how many electrons have dedicated part of their existence so I can watch cat videos on YouTube...

FUCK YESSS I worked with a friend and we fixed everything wrong with my computer!!! Now I have Mint and windows too, so... Much... Config stuff....

Had been to an interview today. It was renowned Bank which was hiring for a position of SSE.

You know what!! I was not allowed inside the building because I was not carrying my original driving license with me. What the fuck?? 😡😠Even traffic police won't ask for an original license!! (at least in India)

Imagine a web way ahead of our time where its size goes beyond our imagination...

This is my first rant, and I'll cut to the chase! I don't like how web currently stands. Here's what makes me angry the most altough I know there's a myriad of solutions or workarounds:

- A gazillion credentials/accounts/services in your lifetime.

- Everyone tries to reinvent the wheel.

- There's no single source of truth.

- Why the fuck there's so much design in a vision that started as a network of documents? Why is it that we need to spend time and energy to absorb the page design before we can read what we are after?

- What's up with the JS front end frameworks?! MB's of code I need to download on every page I visit and the worse is the evaluation/parsing of it. Talk about acessibility and the energy bills. I don't freaking need a SPA just give a 20-50ms page load and I'm good to go!

- I understand that there's a whole market based on it but do we really need all that developer tools and services?

- Where's our privacy by the way? Why the fuck do I need ads? Can't I have a clue about what I wan't to buy?

Sticking with this points for now... Got plenty more to discuss though.

What I would like to see:

A unique account where i can subscribe services/forums/whatever. No credentials. Credentials should be on your hardware or OS. Desktop Browser and mobile versions sync everything seemlesly. Something like OpenID.

Each person has his account and a profile associated where I share only what I want with whom I want when I want to.

Sharing stuff individually with someone is easy and secure.

There's no more email system like we know. Email should be just email like it started to be. Why the hell are we allowing companies to send us so much freaking "look at me now, we are awesome", "hey hey buy from me".. Here's an idea, only humans should send emails. Any new email address that sends you an email automatically requests your "permission" to communicate with you. Like a friend request.

Oh by the way did I tell you that static mail is too old for us? What we need is dynamic email. Editing documents on the fly, together, realtime, on the freaking email. Better than mail, slack and google docs combined.

In order for that to work reasonably well, the individual "letter" communication would have to be revamped in a new modern approach.

What about the single source of truth I talked about? Well heres what we should do. Wikipedia (community) and Larry Page (concept) gave us tremendous help. We just need to do better now.

Take the spirit of wikipedia and the discoverability that a good search engine provides us and amp that to a bigger scale. A global encyclopedia about everything known to mankind. Content could be curated from us all just like a true a network.

In this new web, new browser or whatever needed to make this happen I could save whatever I want, notes, files, pictures... and have it as I left it from device to device.

Oh please make web simple again, not easy just simple and bigger.

I'm not old by the way and I don't see a problem with being older btw.

Those are just my stupid rants and ideas. They are worth nothing. What I know for sure is that I'll do something about or fail trying to.

Join a military organization set on keeping peace between humans and machines, and then, when people disband our team because they live in peace, become a vigilante.

++ if you know who's this

How can a shitty student information system that already costs $20k/yr have an optional shitty SOAP API module, that only allows read access to records, that has an initial setup fee of $5k plus $5k/yr?!

Is it so hard for other people to write code as if there will be other eyes watching? When will people learn that a programming language is what bridges the communication gap between humans and machines? If I can't follow your code, you wrote it poorly. Period. At least document what the hell is going on. Be considerate of the next person. Unbelievable.

I dunno if any of my choices have been "bad". Humans are great at explaining things to themselves to feel better. Narratives is our strength and we love them.

In hindsight everything seems to be a correct choice and kinda makes sense. For everything else is just a lesson to learn from.

Whats with all these AI movies latley? seen like 2,3 movies this year that AI comes out as winner and humans as loser

Anyone notice that 5 GHz printers don't exist?

Humans are so complex and hard to understand. Wish I can create a personal AI bot so they won't betray or hurt my feelings.

Refactoring is like dating. You have to remember stuff, maybe you're insecure and you may have to overcome yourself to actually do it.

But when it works out, it's great.

I wish there was some 'sudo shut-the-fuck-up' which would shutdown the entire internet network, for humans to realise that it's important to step out of the pixels into the real world.

Well my greatest mentor has been bad experiences. Its always there, lurking in the corner to mentor me. And well i do take a lesson or two, now and then to keep me afloat.

As they say- what doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger.

Human mentors have been missing from my life. Superheroes don't exist :-/

how do humans debug a 180 lines stored procedure :/ ?

I really don't like the atmosphere in hospitals. Only thing I like about hospitals are the beautiful nurses and doctors, esp those who look in the eyes when talking.

If you think about it, basically what a doctor is to a humans or animals is same as what a computer technician is to a computer.

Maybe a dozen decades down the future, the reality may be such that there will be a convergence between the doctors and computer technicians as humans start integrating humanoid elements in their body.

I think it's l inevitable.

I am part of a Slack group with dev friends all a lot better than I am. So I write my problem there. After they're done (playfully) mocking me, I am so frustrated that I usually find a perfectly obvious solution when I look back at my thing.
Or I use them as digital rubber humans.

A relationship is, in my mind, like learning Rust.

There's a ton of excitement and hype about it. Everyone seems to think about it and talk about it all the time, but it looks so darn hard.

When you fuck up just a little bit, it complains and complains. It doesn't even let you run unless it's having a really good day and you manage not to mess it up.

Everyone wants it, some hate it, and everyone knows about it.

So goes my thoughts about relationships between humans.